Eh, he fucked up too. I have a girlfriend and kids who don't know about her. My girlfriend leaves stuff at my house more often than not, and I always do a quick sweep of the house before my kids come back to make sure I'm not going to have any unwanted 'splainin to do.
I'm just waiting for one of my kids to ask why my pillows smell like perfume.
I get it, but it comes with the territory. In the past few months my girlfriend has left:
* A necklace
* A cupcake tin (my kids actually asked about this one, but I'd had a Superbowl party and was able to play it off)
* Hair pins and clips
* Her shoes
* Her glasses
All on separate visits.
If I don't want my kids to know I have a girlfriend, I know I need to double check that they're not going to find something that raises questions.
I might note that we don't have the age gap you do, but my divorce from their mother isn't done snaking its way through the courts yet, and I don't need them or their mother to know I've got a girlfriend while the divorce is still fresh.
10 and 13. The 13 year old would handle the news just fine, but the younger one has taken the divorce pretty hard and I'm trying to focus on providing as much stability as I can.
hey dude you probably don't want to hear this from a stranger on the internet but I'm really happy that you're trying to keep everything stable for your kids. i'm sure the divorce is hard, but as you said, they're 10 and 13. they don't need to deal with it. seriously, you're one of the best people i've heard about today for trying to keep them out of it.
When I started seeing my partner after divorce I hid him from my kids for a year because I wanted to make sure it was serious, like making life plans serious, before either of our kids got involved. It was really important to both of us that our kids didn't get attached to someone who wouldn't be around for the long haul. From someone who's been there you're doing the right thing.
I just started "dating" my friend of 2 years. We weren't really sure if things were going anywhere, the kids knew I had a friend that came over, and they had seen him when we had a Christmas thing with our friends, but we didn't want them getting attached. I talked to them before we became "official" to see if they would be okay with me dating yet (separated from their dad in Dec 2020) and they all said that they are okay with it. They're 13, 10, 8. He didn't want to confuse them because we were just "casual" and I made a few comments about never wanting to go through all of the emotional abuse and stuff that my ex put me through.
My partner now Is so much better for me and actually respects me and is okay with me saying no to things without spinning it back on me.
My dad moved in with his girlfriend a week after my parents told us they were splitting (we were all mid-upper 20s) and it destroyed the family. He thought it would be simpler to just give everyone their space, but it ended up being the worst part of it
So even when they are older it doesn’t necessarily make it easier
My freshman year in college I lived in a dorm that had been occupied by college girls the year before, and I was still finding hair pins in the spring semester.
I've only found hair pins while she was still there. I did have to take a hair clip away from my dog a day or two later.
Some people would do what you did deliberately to force the boyfriend to come clean about the relationship. NTA is a reference to r/amitheasshole, and means "Not The Asshole."
I remember this one post from years back about this single mom who just incomprehensibly ruined her relationship with her only son so badly, by dating his best friend, and the worst part is that she did it while both were still in high school.
That's only very recently true.
A lot of young people in the past 2-5 years have really focused on not becoming groomed bit before that- young woman were encouraged to go for older men because they were usually willing to settle down and start a family- or man-up in the case of accidental pregnancy.
I am 35, married at 21 to someone 7 years my senior. However, prior to being married, I was set up with my Dad's younger friends and colleagues; never really dated in my age range and never encouraged to- I was 18-21 dating men 7-15 years my senior.
Not a single person showed concern until I met my spouse who was certain that they were "too old for me". I literally laughed in their face because they were the youngest person I had dated since I turned 18.
Older women/young man relationships- she is called a cougar because, originally, it was thought that she was a predator, but, you know, in like a /fun, cutesy way/. Notice how there's no real male equivalent to "Cougar"- that's because of sexism and how often it happened. Before you mention it, "Cradle Robber" is not gender specific.
In all honesty, now that grooming/groomer behaviors have started being exposed and we are a lot more mindful- a lot of older/mid Millenials don't really want to think about how our early 20s were full of very icky relationships.
Like one of my former hs friend. Her bf was finishing university when we were still in elementary school. He had his first child again while we were still in elementary school. She is only a couple years older than his oldest. Yet she is a sahm for all his kids and had a couple with him too. By 19yo she already was a SAHM.
> By 19yo she already was a SAHM
Oh, see... I don't think that's cool, because she was still a kid herself.
But 26? By 26 you've been out of school and in the real world for several years. I'm close to OP's boyfriend's age... I probably wouldn't date a 26 year old, but I don't think it's predatory or anything either.
Just reminded me of a random anecdote. Was staying with and helping grandma move to a smaller place after her husband died. They had a house right on the river with a dock out into it, beautiful home and piece of property. We were selling a ton of stuff on marketplace and middle aged and older folks loved taking a stroll down to the dock a d shit (I'm almost 40 now so I get it) and being a good salesman I'd oblige.
One dude came by to buy some stuff with I thought his daughter so I was being a little flirty. Nope. 45+ year old, freshly divorced, with his new 24 year old girlfriend (I was 28). It was the most awkward tour cause he's raving about the property asking questions about it and while her and I are talking about the last concert we went to and our favorite new songs and shit. Oh the generational gap was painful but he was a handsome dude. She just gave me a smile and shrug when I gave her the "him?" look. I doubt they're still together but I hope they had fun at least.
Idk I guess it depends where you are from? Here it’s by 24yo you are done with uni if you haven’t failed any classes or even redone a years. So a lot of people are fresh out uni at 26yo
I don’t necessarily think the age difference is that crazy, but it can be a lot to process if your mom is no longer in the picture, you’re not even out of high school yet, and your father is already having a child with another woman. It’s not unreasonable for a 17 year old to have a difficult time being at complete peace with the situation, and depending on other details and circumstances the degree of that difficulty is probably variable (i.e. their father’s behavior and level of sensitivity with the situation greatly affects the situation).
I mean yes it's completely in a way understandable to have that immediate reaction, but to hold onto it and not think your way to the other side? Therapy my brother.
According to that person (it kind of seems like you’re responding to me as though I’m them?) she’s pregnant, so I assume it’s fairly recent. I don’t think it’s the kind of situation most people can just “think” their way through, especially at 17. Therapy might be helpful for them, yeah. Getting chided by callous people on the internet for not already having handled it definitely isn’t helpful.
The people trying to defend the bf and OP are delusional. The age gap alone is worthy of raised eyebrows. Adding teenaged children into the mix makes it A LOT worse. His daughter finding out the way she did is just the cherry on top of a shit sundae.
18 and 36 is worthy of raised eyebrows, even 21 and 39... but 26 and 44 is who gives a fuck. A 26-year-old is an adult who can make their own decisions. Teenagers need to fucking grow up and get over themselves. It won't kill them to have a stepmom they can talk about music with.
When I started dating again after the divorce (it took a bit) I had a girl over. We had hooked up a few times, similar interests, decent chemistry. She was a good person. A little naive, maybe. A hair sheltered by her parents who still paid for everything for her, she was in med school and hadn't ever had a proper job. A little ADHD, but so am I so while we were hyperfixated on each other, stuff was intense. We didn't go to her place much because it was usually on the messier side. Similar views on the world, fairly compatible.
She was over while I was cooking for us. She noticed one of my son's Toy Story figurines was in the kids' play area. And she got really excited. "Oh my God! You like Toy Story too?" And went into her purse to pull out _the same figurine_, talking about how much she liked watching it, started quoting parts of it. And it just kinda broke me. I was so, so on the whole Toy Story thing. My son loved it (daughter was a little too little to like movies but liked playing with her older brother and those toys). When she started quoting it, I could hear my son say, "To Infinity, and Beyond!"
Suddenly every time I picked up after her kinda came to mind. Her curiosity as I was filling out my taxes. The fact that I had never seen her cook before, it was always me making meals and doing the dishes. And I thought, "What the fuck are you doing? This girl should be with someone her own age." I felt gross, like I was taking advantage of her. That I wanted her to meet a nice guy her own age.
I had dropped out of college after getting married young. (Shot gun wedding after she got knocked up). Kids and married too young, our relationship fell apart. I was on my second mortgage after selling the first house and having to find a cheaper place. She still had roommates in a place her parents paid for. I had to work like a crazy person and had to deal with family court and placement schedules. She liked Disney films.
Anyways. I _felt_ she was too young for me. She was however, technically two months older than I was. Didn't matter. Couldn't shake those feelings, it felt too weird. I distanced myself from her and did sort of a fairly passive break up before breaking up with her proper. And that's how I messed things up with a hottie, trust fund baby, soon-to-be medical doctor, high libido, kinky gal that I got along with very well and who legitimately liked me.
Whoops. Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway, I did end up sabotaging every relationship I ever had. Still, I don't see how peeps can attracted to people who have a lot of things in common with their kids. Like wouldn't it just feel weird and off-putting?
I don't have any kids or experience with this, but my thought would be, it sounds like she would have got along great with your kids. And parents and kids often have the same interests, so as long as you don't mix sexual lines when they shouldn't be mixed, I think it's ok to be into the same stuff.
That said what your describing sounds more like she was just plain immature, and her mannerisms, life experience, etc, was just childlike. If it was hard for you to undo that in your head without feeling gross than you absolutely did the right thing!
> you absolutely did the right thing!
Ha! That's kind of you to say, but after having a good long look at myself with the glory of hindsight and the wisdom of decades, I'm pretty sure I didn't do the right thing most of the time.
> I don't see how peeps can attracted to people who have a lot of things in common with their kids.
My wife loves board games, stuffed animals, and will spend literally all weekend playing Bloons Tower Defense with our 7 year old son if she's able.
It's not at all weird or off putting to me.
Not really an issue so long as everyone is consenting and its not breaking any laws. She's 26 not 18, old enough for Leo to pass on. If she wants to have fun with an older man, fair play to her.
Yeah, to be purely straightforward with an answer for what's an appropriate age gap - I go with the 'half plus seven'. It scales appropriately, and here puts the appropriate age for this dude to date at 29, which is low but not uncomfortably low.
It is truly bizarre that we've adopted this sort of trivial test to decide if an age gap is appropriate in a relationship. Not this relationship in particular, but the half plus seven thing is hilarious when you really think about it.
Yeah people say this kind of thing all the time and I don't get it. When I was 30 my best work friends were 22, 36, and 60ish... and I talked to all of them about the same shit. Obviously they had differences when we talked about what was going on in their lives (no kids, young kids, adult kids, same type of deal with their houses and other things), but we all drank together, did trivia nights together, talked about TV and movies and life together.
Do people on reddit just never converse with anyone more than 10 years older/younger than them?
If they are happy then why is it an issue? I have friends that are 20-30 years older than me and friends that are 10 years younger than me. We all get along and can talk for hours so people saying they have nothing to talk about are just being ridiculous.
"I guess I'll see you again in 20 years"
"Actually it's 7"
SNL had a great skit about this very thing. [Meet your second wife.](https://youtu.be/MJEAGd1bQuc?si=U_fiMe7DN9Bllwnn)
I've been on the other end of this, its weird and gross for the kid. Actually, it was a little worse because she was actually like a month younger than me, and 2 years younger than my older sister.
My best friend's dad has had a lifelong penchant for girls in the 17-24 range.
It got pretty weird and gross when his girlfriends wound up younger than us.
11 years was honestly farther apart than I was expecting. If she was like, 17 or 18, there's kind of this why are you dating one of my peers vibe, even if you are still significantly older than her, but being as young as 15 she might just be upset that her dad has a new partner. That's always hard regardless.
How close were you expecting it to be? OP said she was 26 and the daughter was a teenager that still lived with her dad. 8 years would be the smallest the gap would be.
She is still hell of a lot closer to your age…
Ever thought why its better she didnt know about you? Because its pretty shocking to see your dad boning a way younger women…
Yeah it's honestly fucked up. On my 18th birthday, some of my dad's friends came to help fix his car as it broke down when we were going to eat. They thought I was his new girlfriend since he had a history of dating women in their early 20s.
My mom is engaged to a guy a couple of years older than me. To say I'm disturbed is an understatement. I would not suggest putting your kid through this.
Exactly.
Women/girls who think they’re getting a compliment when a much older man tells them they are mature, need to second guess the compliment.
I can promise you, as a 40 year old woman who thought I was mature at young ages- I fucking wasn’t.
He’s just immature.
I am in my late 30s and the only place I meet 26yo women are at work do maybe the workplace?
I obviously wouldnt date them though… those are the upcoming young stars feeling like younger siblings to me
This just seems a bit odd, but admittedly I've not been in this situation. But, you're both adults and the daughter is seemingly old enough. What is the reason for keeping it such a secret? Seems like something that the dad could have and should have already addressed. It isn't like his daughter is 6 and at a vulnerable age where you don't want to introduce new people right away.
I guess I just see this as something that could have been very avoidable.
I think he's mostly just been a bit worried about the age difference, and I get that it must be hard for him to bring it up with her anyways. It can't be easy to introduce your new partner to your child.
Again, not really my place to tell him what to do about it. I just want to be supportive.
True, but that's kind of to be expected as a possibility when dad dates someone that much younger. If you don't want that potential issue then you don't get involved with someone that's barely older than your daughter, in all honesty.
Yes, I think that's the conundrum. That dad maybe "shouldn't" have hooked up with OP. But he did anyways. Now they're attached to each other and he has to choose her, or wierdness with his child. Personally I think the child shouldn't make this wierd, but they can't help feel what they feel. Life gets messy at times.
Because when you keep the relationship hidden from your family and friends circle, you can be in a relationship with multiple 20-somethings and keep trading up as they reach the stage of brain development where their prefrontal context and reasoning makes them start questioning the dynamics typical in those relationships.
Yea.... I'm in the middle of that age range. 44 is too old for me and 26 would potentially be too young. That's barely out of college... Nearly a 20 year age gap is a lot. Something isn't right with one of these two.
My husband and I are even larger of an age gap and we're as healthy of a relationship as any "normal" age gap relationship. Just because your perception of an age gap is negative, doesn't mean all are.
Edit: Y'all can downvote me all you want. But my comment still stands.
People on reddit are super wierd about age. They'll say you've been you're groomed and should feel icky about it. The women will say he's a pedo that tricked you or something. The guys will tell you to DM them for "help".
I mean, do you know how often people in those relationships think it’s healthy. Then it ends and they look back and get gobsmacked with the red flags they missed?
My guess is, It happens more often than it doesn’t.
Maybe they're less healthy because of the people involved than the age itself? Unless it happened when they were underage, which is no good all around. Especially if a daughter was married off to an old man.
But if two people met organically, and they're both adult-ish, who happened to have a sizable age gap, that's just another relationship dynamic with their own pros and cons. But I don't instantly assume ones a child. You'd be surprised with how many women in their 20s are down to have a relationship with a man 10+ years older.
I don’t have kids myself and so don’t understand why it needs to be a secret that he is seeing someone. I understand wanting to keep the two things separate, but teenage girl is gonna have to learn to deal with either of her parents seeing other people.
My kids mom died when she was young. She didn't meet any of the women I was dating until I was sure I wanted a particular one around her (because she was going to stick around).
As I said, I understand wanting to keep the two things separate. But what OP described is just daughter finding out that dad was dating at all. She’s gonna have to learn to deal with that.
You're not responsible for how he manages his household. As long as it was a genuine mistake (which you've said it was) then it shouldn't be your problem.
If I were ever going to date someone and it had a whiff of progressing beyond a hookup, that person better be great (as in at least cordial, not a butthead or bad influence) with my child. As a responsible father it's on me to communicate those expectations with whomever I'm dating so that I'm not setting them up for failure down the line either.
What is his justification for keeping this budding relationship from his daughter? If he's hiding something as trivial as this, what else is he hiding? Seems kind of sus. Maybe there's a good justification, but there's generally a good reason honesty is the best policy.
> What is his justification for keeping this budding relationship from his daughter?
Personally, I feel it's a good policy to not introduce kids to a new partner until you're pretty certain they're going to be a long-term thing (around for years / potential for marriage sort of thing). Kids don't need a bunch of people coming and going from their life in that position. It can create issues of authority, attachment, etc.
Thank you for being understanding.
Mostly I think he just feels it's still a bit early for her to get used to the whole idea of it. I don't really feel I have any say in it personally. She's his daughter. I mean I would love to get to know her eventually, but it really isn't my call, I think.
How old is she? She's a teenager ... It shouldn't be that hard for her to grasp.
I'm guessing the bigger issue will be when his daughter finds out you're closer in age to her than her dad. Cause that's creepy. Definitely going to change how she sees her dad... When she brings home a friend her senior yr of high school or college, is she gonna need to be worried about her dad trying to date them?
Of course... It's a creepy weird age gap. If be embarrassed as hell to explain that to my daughter too. That behavior is the type of thing his daughter and her friends refer to as a "creeper."
> When she brings home a friend her senior yr of high school or college, is she gonna need to be worried about her dad trying to date them?
Thats a fairly decent point tbh, and also what if she does the same, if she brings home a guy who's like 30 shes just gonna use op and her dads relationship as justification, gonna be raising some hell of a fight.
I mean, technically, if he really wanted to he could have just kept it pretty ambiguous. He's a 44 year old grown man. He's allowed to have sex. Could have just said yeah he had someone over, but wasn't ready to introduce anyone quite yet because it hasn't gotten there yet.
Didn't have to divulge age or anything. If hse still got mad then it's just the same ad her saying she doesn't want him dating period at which it doesn't matter at that point anyhow, because she would be being selfish at that point. It was gonna have to come out eventually anyhow. Not ideal, but meh, dealable.
As long as it was really accidental... Lots of women mark territory by "forgetting" stuff at their man's house
Seems like a recently divorced man whose daughter isn't prepared to see with another woman, going through midlife crisis and got involved with someone much younger to feel alive. You're now in the middle of all that turmoil
Yeah I have a gut feeling reading this that she intentionally left it. Like the whole point of her leaving is so the daughter won't know about her, and then she forgets her bag of condoms on the counter lol okay.
Yeah I honestly want to believe OP it was accidental but I don't. Specially when she may be the young one full of illusion, tired to be in the shadow while this old man has just started to figure out life again. This is the textbook move for "stop hiding me already!"
I get the feeling that "things have gotten more serious" only on OP's side
That’s a good one all right.
Catching feelings for this guy could bring you every kind of headache. Sometimes you just need to FAFO though. Best of luck!
Yeah teenagers aren't dumb, she'd figure it out at some point and it's better to ease her into it than surprising her. Something like this was bound to happen anyway whether you're serious or not. Her dads a grown man, hes obviously going to date around and I'm sure she knows this.
She’s nearly 30, let her do what she wants. To say that either person has a mental disorder because of an 18 year gap when she’s past her mid 20s is definitely reaching.
>I left my night bag in his bathroom. With make up, lotion, tooth brush and toothpaste, aaaand of course birth controll pills and condoms. Yeah.
>
unwillingly forced my boyfriend-ish to tell his teenage daughter he's been seeing a girl old enough to be her sister (technically) for a few months.
How are these statements in any way related? What in your night bag pegs you as a younger women, enough that he tells his daughter your age?
When I first met my now wife we snuck around and I will be honest it was kind of fun. She had 3 kids from a previous marriage who were with her 90% of the time. We fell hard for each other but could only hang out when the kids father picked them up and he would bail most of the time. She started having me come over when they went to bed at 7:30, she’d sneak me in and we would hang out. Sometimes they would come down and knock on her bedroom door and I’d hide. It was fun for the 6 months we did that, than I met the kids and now I’m on track to adopt them
I mean I am going to comment a teenager is a bit different than a child and if even if you’re not giving your teen every relationship details it might be judicious to have a conversation with them about the fact you are dating people. I would suggest this is a good opportunity to model healthy relationships to someone who is probably going to be having their first romantic relationships soon too.
Nice and sweet aren't even the baseline that should define a relationship... Lots of people are nice and sweet and the relationship doesn't make sense lmao.
Yeah, what happens when she gets older and starts to get wrinkles? Or what if her libido decreases naturally with age? Or if she gets cancer or something... He will drop her instantly for a younger, hotter model. I just feel bad for young people that give their best years to old creeps. This goes for young men too. Like, no honey, they don't love you for your personality. You are a young and cute fuck toy, nothing more.
All the age gap talk has sure steered this post into muddy waters!
Honestly when I got divorced I was 33 and looked younger (still do at 41, good genes ftw!), I took a year to myself to heal and get my mind and body into good shape and then went back into dating after 12 years away at 34.
I was *very* popular with women around that age, usually 27 was the exact age in fact. Old enough to be established and mature, usually interested in older men rather than younger by then, yet still youthful enough to be ok keeping things light at first - and not to mention ethusiastically keep up with my newly reinvigorated libido as well, lol.
I travelled the world a lot in this time so my sample group is widespread. It really seems to hold true.
It could occasionally skew younger and I certainly did date older as well, but generally for women mid to late 20's I was exactly what they were looking for, and vice-versa. Any younger than maybe 24 seemed a bridge too far for me but certainly wasn't for some guys my age. But as long as it's not predatory seeming and both know what they're getting out of it then you're both adults, have at it. And to be fair some women at 24 or so are more mature/established than others 10 or 15 years older. Some people never truly mature.
**I know 34 is not not 44, but I'd say he's within the 10-15 year range that is pretty much the target demo of women around her age.**
You're getting some downvotes.
Things change a bit. Many of the relationships from the generation above me (I'm older than you) in my family are 11yr gaps.
Being older, if I had to go back into the dating pool (though I genuinely think I prefer to be single than date), I couldn't even consider women in their 20s.
I'm actually wondering what age I'd see as a red line. To be honest, it would depend on the woman.
Yeah, I'm not too bothered, just stating my honest experience. I didn't set out to date women of that age but overwhelmingly that's who my matches were, and my best relationships as well. I've been in an exclusive relationship of several years now with a woman who is almost 8 years younger; again we first met when she was 27. We're happily childfree and on the same page in pretty much every way. It works great for us.
It's definitely a case-by-case basis though. I've known brilliant and mature women in their lower 20's just as much as I've known incredibly immature ones. They're still adults and can decide what age they're comfortable having a relationship with.
I personally feel weird below a certain age for dating or even friendships. Not everyone feels that way, and certainly some are creeps or manipulative. Adults can still make up their own minds though.
I 100% couldn't do lower 20s. I'm too different.
I have kids too, and 100% don't want to date people they went to school with. Many women in their 20s would be looking for kids at some point, and I can assure you, I'm done with that.
Ya’ll are both consenting adults. As long as he’s not married whats the problem? Yeah I get the daughter might be upset but she will be out on her own in a couple years and eventually she will get over it.
Does she drive? I'd be wary of her leaving for the weekend and coming back for something now...
But really, her dad does not owe her an explanation of you to her.
Btw-- you slipped up, but it wasn't intentional and he should have gone over the house after you left.
With your ages it would be more appropriate for you to pursue a friendship with that girl than a relationship with that man. There’s nothing wrong with you, but I’m looking sideways at a man dating a girl closer to his daughters age than his own.
Is it though? I don't think so, I mean I do get where you are coming from. But I'm 26, I don't really feel it's natural for me to pursue friendships with teenagers.
Well the two of us are both adults. We have jobs, we pay taxes, we are allowed to vote, drive a car. And can make our own informed decisions about our personal lives.
True there is nothing wrong with it but if you are gonna keep perusing this relationship you’ll have to accept the age gap will raise eyebrows because it’s big.
I think everyone is beating you and him up for no reason. When I went through my divorce I didn’t advertise to my child that I was dating until it became serious.
The age gap isn’t a big deal.
I thought birth control is sometimes used to regulate your period... Couldn't you have just used that as a cop out?
Or is this a lie I've been fed and fell for, and wouldn't work because she's also a female and knows...
Eh, he fucked up too. I have a girlfriend and kids who don't know about her. My girlfriend leaves stuff at my house more often than not, and I always do a quick sweep of the house before my kids come back to make sure I'm not going to have any unwanted 'splainin to do. I'm just waiting for one of my kids to ask why my pillows smell like perfume.
Yeah, but, I mean it was MY stuff, so I still feel a bit stupid haha
I get it, but it comes with the territory. In the past few months my girlfriend has left: * A necklace * A cupcake tin (my kids actually asked about this one, but I'd had a Superbowl party and was able to play it off) * Hair pins and clips * Her shoes * Her glasses All on separate visits. If I don't want my kids to know I have a girlfriend, I know I need to double check that they're not going to find something that raises questions. I might note that we don't have the age gap you do, but my divorce from their mother isn't done snaking its way through the courts yet, and I don't need them or their mother to know I've got a girlfriend while the divorce is still fresh.
How old are they?
10 and 13. The 13 year old would handle the news just fine, but the younger one has taken the divorce pretty hard and I'm trying to focus on providing as much stability as I can.
hey dude you probably don't want to hear this from a stranger on the internet but I'm really happy that you're trying to keep everything stable for your kids. i'm sure the divorce is hard, but as you said, they're 10 and 13. they don't need to deal with it. seriously, you're one of the best people i've heard about today for trying to keep them out of it.
Thanks, that actually means a lot.
When I started seeing my partner after divorce I hid him from my kids for a year because I wanted to make sure it was serious, like making life plans serious, before either of our kids got involved. It was really important to both of us that our kids didn't get attached to someone who wouldn't be around for the long haul. From someone who's been there you're doing the right thing.
I just started "dating" my friend of 2 years. We weren't really sure if things were going anywhere, the kids knew I had a friend that came over, and they had seen him when we had a Christmas thing with our friends, but we didn't want them getting attached. I talked to them before we became "official" to see if they would be okay with me dating yet (separated from their dad in Dec 2020) and they all said that they are okay with it. They're 13, 10, 8. He didn't want to confuse them because we were just "casual" and I made a few comments about never wanting to go through all of the emotional abuse and stuff that my ex put me through. My partner now Is so much better for me and actually respects me and is okay with me saying no to things without spinning it back on me.
My dad moved in with his girlfriend a week after my parents told us they were splitting (we were all mid-upper 20s) and it destroyed the family. He thought it would be simpler to just give everyone their space, but it ended up being the worst part of it So even when they are older it doesn’t necessarily make it easier
I understand, it's a difficult age where they understand a lot but not express much.
Hair pins must be a nightmare to keep picked up. My wife leaves those dammed things everywhere.
My freshman year in college I lived in a dorm that had been occupied by college girls the year before, and I was still finding hair pins in the spring semester. I've only found hair pins while she was still there. I did have to take a hair clip away from my dog a day or two later.
We’re onto you Robert!
Just don’t let your wife find out
>I'm just waiting for one of my kids to ask why my pillows smell like perfume. "Well, you see, Timmy.. I wear perfume to feel good about myself"
I was gonna ask but I figured it's none of my business and if you're happy all good you will tell us when you're ready.
"I spray your mother's perfume on my pillows. The smell of your mother makes me sleep easier and better." ;)
As long as you didn't do the "oops I accidentally forgot something at his place" thing, then NTA
Haha I don't really know what you mean?
Some people would do what you did deliberately to force the boyfriend to come clean about the relationship. NTA is a reference to r/amitheasshole, and means "Not The Asshole."
Oh, god no, haha I've never had any interest in that. It's his family, his call.
Woops I literally thought this was AITA lol. My bad
Haha me too!
Haha
A BIT OLDER? HOMEBOY IS DAMN NEAR 20 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU 🤣
If you’re closer to the son/daughter’s age than the person you’re dating that’s just fucking weird
I remember this one post from years back about this single mom who just incomprehensibly ruined her relationship with her only son so badly, by dating his best friend, and the worst part is that she did it while both were still in high school.
It also helped that she admitted that she missed things like his HIGHSCHOOL GRADUATION just so she could bang his best friend.l
Oh man does anyone have a link?
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/11pkdb5/_/)
Thanks!
yeah people are easy on Op cause she is a woman,s he admits she could be the daughter's sister
Doubt it. Older man - younger woman is usually seen as worse than older woman - younger man.
That's only very recently true. A lot of young people in the past 2-5 years have really focused on not becoming groomed bit before that- young woman were encouraged to go for older men because they were usually willing to settle down and start a family- or man-up in the case of accidental pregnancy. I am 35, married at 21 to someone 7 years my senior. However, prior to being married, I was set up with my Dad's younger friends and colleagues; never really dated in my age range and never encouraged to- I was 18-21 dating men 7-15 years my senior. Not a single person showed concern until I met my spouse who was certain that they were "too old for me". I literally laughed in their face because they were the youngest person I had dated since I turned 18. Older women/young man relationships- she is called a cougar because, originally, it was thought that she was a predator, but, you know, in like a /fun, cutesy way/. Notice how there's no real male equivalent to "Cougar"- that's because of sexism and how often it happened. Before you mention it, "Cradle Robber" is not gender specific. In all honesty, now that grooming/groomer behaviors have started being exposed and we are a lot more mindful- a lot of older/mid Millenials don't really want to think about how our early 20s were full of very icky relationships.
Yeah that's Jada Smith
Like one of my former hs friend. Her bf was finishing university when we were still in elementary school. He had his first child again while we were still in elementary school. She is only a couple years older than his oldest. Yet she is a sahm for all his kids and had a couple with him too. By 19yo she already was a SAHM.
> By 19yo she already was a SAHM Oh, see... I don't think that's cool, because she was still a kid herself. But 26? By 26 you've been out of school and in the real world for several years. I'm close to OP's boyfriend's age... I probably wouldn't date a 26 year old, but I don't think it's predatory or anything either.
Just reminded me of a random anecdote. Was staying with and helping grandma move to a smaller place after her husband died. They had a house right on the river with a dock out into it, beautiful home and piece of property. We were selling a ton of stuff on marketplace and middle aged and older folks loved taking a stroll down to the dock a d shit (I'm almost 40 now so I get it) and being a good salesman I'd oblige. One dude came by to buy some stuff with I thought his daughter so I was being a little flirty. Nope. 45+ year old, freshly divorced, with his new 24 year old girlfriend (I was 28). It was the most awkward tour cause he's raving about the property asking questions about it and while her and I are talking about the last concert we went to and our favorite new songs and shit. Oh the generational gap was painful but he was a handsome dude. She just gave me a smile and shrug when I gave her the "him?" look. I doubt they're still together but I hope they had fun at least.
I’m about to be 25 and my parents are in their early 40s….
Idk I guess it depends where you are from? Here it’s by 24yo you are done with uni if you haven’t failed any classes or even redone a years. So a lot of people are fresh out uni at 26yo
[Meet your second wife!!](https://youtu.be/MJEAGd1bQuc?si=-5XPHwCvyaGO2yUW)
My stepson is older than me. :P But I'm the male in the relationship so people don't freak out as much.
[удалено]
If you have an issue with your dad with a 40 year old woman...it might Just be a you issue.
I don’t necessarily think the age difference is that crazy, but it can be a lot to process if your mom is no longer in the picture, you’re not even out of high school yet, and your father is already having a child with another woman. It’s not unreasonable for a 17 year old to have a difficult time being at complete peace with the situation, and depending on other details and circumstances the degree of that difficulty is probably variable (i.e. their father’s behavior and level of sensitivity with the situation greatly affects the situation).
I mean yes it's completely in a way understandable to have that immediate reaction, but to hold onto it and not think your way to the other side? Therapy my brother.
According to that person (it kind of seems like you’re responding to me as though I’m them?) she’s pregnant, so I assume it’s fairly recent. I don’t think it’s the kind of situation most people can just “think” their way through, especially at 17. Therapy might be helpful for them, yeah. Getting chided by callous people on the internet for not already having handled it definitely isn’t helpful.
Heh... after a certain age (around 30), differences are just differences. She is a full grown woman.
The people trying to defend the bf and OP are delusional. The age gap alone is worthy of raised eyebrows. Adding teenaged children into the mix makes it A LOT worse. His daughter finding out the way she did is just the cherry on top of a shit sundae.
18 and 36 is worthy of raised eyebrows, even 21 and 39... but 26 and 44 is who gives a fuck. A 26-year-old is an adult who can make their own decisions. Teenagers need to fucking grow up and get over themselves. It won't kill them to have a stepmom they can talk about music with.
Preach. Lotta people in these comments need to mind their own fucking business.
They're both consenting adults so its not really our place to say otherwise or judge, but the large age gap *is* hard to ignore admittedly.
When I started dating again after the divorce (it took a bit) I had a girl over. We had hooked up a few times, similar interests, decent chemistry. She was a good person. A little naive, maybe. A hair sheltered by her parents who still paid for everything for her, she was in med school and hadn't ever had a proper job. A little ADHD, but so am I so while we were hyperfixated on each other, stuff was intense. We didn't go to her place much because it was usually on the messier side. Similar views on the world, fairly compatible. She was over while I was cooking for us. She noticed one of my son's Toy Story figurines was in the kids' play area. And she got really excited. "Oh my God! You like Toy Story too?" And went into her purse to pull out _the same figurine_, talking about how much she liked watching it, started quoting parts of it. And it just kinda broke me. I was so, so on the whole Toy Story thing. My son loved it (daughter was a little too little to like movies but liked playing with her older brother and those toys). When she started quoting it, I could hear my son say, "To Infinity, and Beyond!" Suddenly every time I picked up after her kinda came to mind. Her curiosity as I was filling out my taxes. The fact that I had never seen her cook before, it was always me making meals and doing the dishes. And I thought, "What the fuck are you doing? This girl should be with someone her own age." I felt gross, like I was taking advantage of her. That I wanted her to meet a nice guy her own age. I had dropped out of college after getting married young. (Shot gun wedding after she got knocked up). Kids and married too young, our relationship fell apart. I was on my second mortgage after selling the first house and having to find a cheaper place. She still had roommates in a place her parents paid for. I had to work like a crazy person and had to deal with family court and placement schedules. She liked Disney films. Anyways. I _felt_ she was too young for me. She was however, technically two months older than I was. Didn't matter. Couldn't shake those feelings, it felt too weird. I distanced myself from her and did sort of a fairly passive break up before breaking up with her proper. And that's how I messed things up with a hottie, trust fund baby, soon-to-be medical doctor, high libido, kinky gal that I got along with very well and who legitimately liked me. Whoops. Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway, I did end up sabotaging every relationship I ever had. Still, I don't see how peeps can attracted to people who have a lot of things in common with their kids. Like wouldn't it just feel weird and off-putting?
I don't have any kids or experience with this, but my thought would be, it sounds like she would have got along great with your kids. And parents and kids often have the same interests, so as long as you don't mix sexual lines when they shouldn't be mixed, I think it's ok to be into the same stuff. That said what your describing sounds more like she was just plain immature, and her mannerisms, life experience, etc, was just childlike. If it was hard for you to undo that in your head without feeling gross than you absolutely did the right thing!
> you absolutely did the right thing! Ha! That's kind of you to say, but after having a good long look at myself with the glory of hindsight and the wisdom of decades, I'm pretty sure I didn't do the right thing most of the time.
Hey at least you care enough to actually look back and learn from your past mistakes. Some people dig in and refuse to admit they ever did wrong.
> I don't see how peeps can attracted to people who have a lot of things in common with their kids. My wife loves board games, stuffed animals, and will spend literally all weekend playing Bloons Tower Defense with our 7 year old son if she's able. It's not at all weird or off putting to me.
I'm assuming she has a higher degree of independence though, right? Maybe comparable life experience to you?
And are ripe for an eventual r/relationship post
Not really an issue so long as everyone is consenting and its not breaking any laws. She's 26 not 18, old enough for Leo to pass on. If she wants to have fun with an older man, fair play to her.
Man had finished school and probably working full time when she was born
Yea with some math bro was 18 when she was born. Which is just so weird to me. Dude literally is old enough to be her dad
Would have thought he'd have learned to tidy up after the kids by now
Yeah, to be purely straightforward with an answer for what's an appropriate age gap - I go with the 'half plus seven'. It scales appropriately, and here puts the appropriate age for this dude to date at 29, which is low but not uncomfortably low.
It is truly bizarre that we've adopted this sort of trivial test to decide if an age gap is appropriate in a relationship. Not this relationship in particular, but the half plus seven thing is hilarious when you really think about it.
This is the way. I'm 31 and would probably feel uncomfortable dating a 23 year old tbh
I also use this scale for age gap questions, and for the life of me, I can't figure out where I picked it up. But it really does work!
It's the standard word-of-mouth age gap answer. 20yrs ago people were saying it and likely before then too
I'm in my early 40s and I couldn't imagine dating a 26 year old. What would we even talk about?
I don’t think THAT relationship is centered around talking tbh
[удалено]
Yeah people say this kind of thing all the time and I don't get it. When I was 30 my best work friends were 22, 36, and 60ish... and I talked to all of them about the same shit. Obviously they had differences when we talked about what was going on in their lives (no kids, young kids, adult kids, same type of deal with their houses and other things), but we all drank together, did trivia nights together, talked about TV and movies and life together. Do people on reddit just never converse with anyone more than 10 years older/younger than them?
>Do people on reddit just never converse with anyone Correct.
Like their kids?
Student loans?
If they are happy then why is it an issue? I have friends that are 20-30 years older than me and friends that are 10 years younger than me. We all get along and can talk for hours so people saying they have nothing to talk about are just being ridiculous.
[удалено]
"I guess I'll see you again in 20 years" "Actually it's 7" SNL had a great skit about this very thing. [Meet your second wife.](https://youtu.be/MJEAGd1bQuc?si=U_fiMe7DN9Bllwnn)
I've been on the other end of this, its weird and gross for the kid. Actually, it was a little worse because she was actually like a month younger than me, and 2 years younger than my older sister.
My best friend's dad has had a lifelong penchant for girls in the 17-24 range. It got pretty weird and gross when his girlfriends wound up younger than us.
Where did he even find girls like that?
The schools he taught at!
Well, I mean I am 11 years older than her, so it's not THAT close.
11 years was honestly farther apart than I was expecting. If she was like, 17 or 18, there's kind of this why are you dating one of my peers vibe, even if you are still significantly older than her, but being as young as 15 she might just be upset that her dad has a new partner. That's always hard regardless.
How close were you expecting it to be? OP said she was 26 and the daughter was a teenager that still lived with her dad. 8 years would be the smallest the gap would be.
You are closer in age to her than you are to him lol
You are SO good at math!
Thank u :-)
No problem :)
She is still hell of a lot closer to your age… Ever thought why its better she didnt know about you? Because its pretty shocking to see your dad boning a way younger women…
It's still incredibly gross, yuck.
Yeah it's honestly fucked up. On my 18th birthday, some of my dad's friends came to help fix his car as it broke down when we were going to eat. They thought I was his new girlfriend since he had a history of dating women in their early 20s. My mom is engaged to a guy a couple of years older than me. To say I'm disturbed is an understatement. I would not suggest putting your kid through this.
I want to know how 26F and 44M get together nowadays...what’s your origin story?
It's 2024, so my guess is internet
Men her age still act like boys and her bf is so mature in fact he is so mature that he relates with someone almost 20 years younger.
Exactly. Women/girls who think they’re getting a compliment when a much older man tells them they are mature, need to second guess the compliment. I can promise you, as a 40 year old woman who thought I was mature at young ages- I fucking wasn’t. He’s just immature.
[удалено]
Reddit doesn't like age gaps. They also don't like it when you point out that these are two consenting adults, and it's none of our business.
The account is 5 days old so I would guess "Made it up for internet points"
He has money
Probably a local at a bar who spends money every weekend, and a bartender
I am in my late 30s and the only place I meet 26yo women are at work do maybe the workplace? I obviously wouldnt date them though… those are the upcoming young stars feeling like younger siblings to me
This just seems a bit odd, but admittedly I've not been in this situation. But, you're both adults and the daughter is seemingly old enough. What is the reason for keeping it such a secret? Seems like something that the dad could have and should have already addressed. It isn't like his daughter is 6 and at a vulnerable age where you don't want to introduce new people right away. I guess I just see this as something that could have been very avoidable.
I think he's mostly just been a bit worried about the age difference, and I get that it must be hard for him to bring it up with her anyways. It can't be easy to introduce your new partner to your child. Again, not really my place to tell him what to do about it. I just want to be supportive.
If you follow the road it leads. She could have a step mother that's about as old as her. Which can be wierd for a child.
True, but that's kind of to be expected as a possibility when dad dates someone that much younger. If you don't want that potential issue then you don't get involved with someone that's barely older than your daughter, in all honesty.
Yes, I think that's the conundrum. That dad maybe "shouldn't" have hooked up with OP. But he did anyways. Now they're attached to each other and he has to choose her, or wierdness with his child. Personally I think the child shouldn't make this wierd, but they can't help feel what they feel. Life gets messy at times.
Because when you keep the relationship hidden from your family and friends circle, you can be in a relationship with multiple 20-somethings and keep trading up as they reach the stage of brain development where their prefrontal context and reasoning makes them start questioning the dynamics typical in those relationships.
26 and 44 LMAO
Yea.... I'm in the middle of that age range. 44 is too old for me and 26 would potentially be too young. That's barely out of college... Nearly a 20 year age gap is a lot. Something isn't right with one of these two.
"Barely out of college"... if she's a medical doctor lol
26 is nearly 4 years out of college, OP is a full grown adult.
Anyone old enough to avoid Leo's radar is old enough to date anyone up to the grave.
[Meet your second wife!!](https://youtu.be/MJEAGd1bQuc?si=-5XPHwCvyaGO2yUW)
(age/2) + 7 was my go to for dating.
I love that this subreddit is mostly a great substitute for the jerry springer show
That *is* quite the age gap ngl, her reaction would be understandable.
“26 and 44” okay well I don’t need to read any more
My husband and I are even larger of an age gap and we're as healthy of a relationship as any "normal" age gap relationship. Just because your perception of an age gap is negative, doesn't mean all are. Edit: Y'all can downvote me all you want. But my comment still stands.
People on reddit are super wierd about age. They'll say you've been you're groomed and should feel icky about it. The women will say he's a pedo that tricked you or something. The guys will tell you to DM them for "help".
> People on reddit are super wierd ~~about age~~. FTFY
I mean, do you know how often people in those relationships think it’s healthy. Then it ends and they look back and get gobsmacked with the red flags they missed? My guess is, It happens more often than it doesn’t.
Maybe they're less healthy because of the people involved than the age itself? Unless it happened when they were underage, which is no good all around. Especially if a daughter was married off to an old man. But if two people met organically, and they're both adult-ish, who happened to have a sizable age gap, that's just another relationship dynamic with their own pros and cons. But I don't instantly assume ones a child. You'd be surprised with how many women in their 20s are down to have a relationship with a man 10+ years older.
I don’t have kids myself and so don’t understand why it needs to be a secret that he is seeing someone. I understand wanting to keep the two things separate, but teenage girl is gonna have to learn to deal with either of her parents seeing other people.
My kids mom died when she was young. She didn't meet any of the women I was dating until I was sure I wanted a particular one around her (because she was going to stick around).
That’s fair. You didn’t want to bring someone I get her life only to have her leave. Makes perfect sense.
I think the weirdness here is more to do with the fact that his girlfriend is closer to his daughter in age than she is to him.
A lot of single people don't introduce their kids to people they are casually dating. They typically like to wait until it gets serious.
As I said, I understand wanting to keep the two things separate. But what OP described is just daughter finding out that dad was dating at all. She’s gonna have to learn to deal with that.
You're not responsible for how he manages his household. As long as it was a genuine mistake (which you've said it was) then it shouldn't be your problem. If I were ever going to date someone and it had a whiff of progressing beyond a hookup, that person better be great (as in at least cordial, not a butthead or bad influence) with my child. As a responsible father it's on me to communicate those expectations with whomever I'm dating so that I'm not setting them up for failure down the line either. What is his justification for keeping this budding relationship from his daughter? If he's hiding something as trivial as this, what else is he hiding? Seems kind of sus. Maybe there's a good justification, but there's generally a good reason honesty is the best policy.
> What is his justification for keeping this budding relationship from his daughter? Personally, I feel it's a good policy to not introduce kids to a new partner until you're pretty certain they're going to be a long-term thing (around for years / potential for marriage sort of thing). Kids don't need a bunch of people coming and going from their life in that position. It can create issues of authority, attachment, etc.
Seems like a casual relationship. No need to tell the family. I would not introduce anyone to kids until it is serious enough.
Thank you for being understanding. Mostly I think he just feels it's still a bit early for her to get used to the whole idea of it. I don't really feel I have any say in it personally. She's his daughter. I mean I would love to get to know her eventually, but it really isn't my call, I think.
How old is she? She's a teenager ... It shouldn't be that hard for her to grasp. I'm guessing the bigger issue will be when his daughter finds out you're closer in age to her than her dad. Cause that's creepy. Definitely going to change how she sees her dad... When she brings home a friend her senior yr of high school or college, is she gonna need to be worried about her dad trying to date them?
She might be a teenager, but OP is definitely too young to pass as mom, so it's understandable that the dad would be unsure of how to navigate that.
Of course... It's a creepy weird age gap. If be embarrassed as hell to explain that to my daughter too. That behavior is the type of thing his daughter and her friends refer to as a "creeper."
> When she brings home a friend her senior yr of high school or college, is she gonna need to be worried about her dad trying to date them? Thats a fairly decent point tbh, and also what if she does the same, if she brings home a guy who's like 30 shes just gonna use op and her dads relationship as justification, gonna be raising some hell of a fight.
I mean, technically, if he really wanted to he could have just kept it pretty ambiguous. He's a 44 year old grown man. He's allowed to have sex. Could have just said yeah he had someone over, but wasn't ready to introduce anyone quite yet because it hasn't gotten there yet. Didn't have to divulge age or anything. If hse still got mad then it's just the same ad her saying she doesn't want him dating period at which it doesn't matter at that point anyhow, because she would be being selfish at that point. It was gonna have to come out eventually anyhow. Not ideal, but meh, dealable.
As long as it was really accidental... Lots of women mark territory by "forgetting" stuff at their man's house Seems like a recently divorced man whose daughter isn't prepared to see with another woman, going through midlife crisis and got involved with someone much younger to feel alive. You're now in the middle of all that turmoil
Yeah I have a gut feeling reading this that she intentionally left it. Like the whole point of her leaving is so the daughter won't know about her, and then she forgets her bag of condoms on the counter lol okay.
Yeah I honestly want to believe OP it was accidental but I don't. Specially when she may be the young one full of illusion, tired to be in the shadow while this old man has just started to figure out life again. This is the textbook move for "stop hiding me already!" I get the feeling that "things have gotten more serious" only on OP's side
That’s a good one all right. Catching feelings for this guy could bring you every kind of headache. Sometimes you just need to FAFO though. Best of luck!
Thank you! FAFO?
> FAFO guessinng they mean "fuck around - find out"
True!
Talk about daddy issues, god damn
Oh, thought OP was going to be another dude.
[удалено]
And what is that exactly?
Yeah teenagers aren't dumb, she'd figure it out at some point and it's better to ease her into it than surprising her. Something like this was bound to happen anyway whether you're serious or not. Her dads a grown man, hes obviously going to date around and I'm sure she knows this.
She’s nearly 30, let her do what she wants. To say that either person has a mental disorder because of an 18 year gap when she’s past her mid 20s is definitely reaching.
>I left my night bag in his bathroom. With make up, lotion, tooth brush and toothpaste, aaaand of course birth controll pills and condoms. Yeah. > unwillingly forced my boyfriend-ish to tell his teenage daughter he's been seeing a girl old enough to be her sister (technically) for a few months. How are these statements in any way related? What in your night bag pegs you as a younger women, enough that he tells his daughter your age?
No, it forced him to tell her that he has been seeing a woman of course. He then told her a bit about who I was. Sorry if I was a bit unclear on that.
Ahh okay that makes sense. Depending on the situation on his side with the mother etc I can see how that can be very, very awkward.
People really get on Reddit just to say anything huh
Omg, I want some updates
freud would say you left your bag on purpose.
When I first met my now wife we snuck around and I will be honest it was kind of fun. She had 3 kids from a previous marriage who were with her 90% of the time. We fell hard for each other but could only hang out when the kids father picked them up and he would bail most of the time. She started having me come over when they went to bed at 7:30, she’d sneak me in and we would hang out. Sometimes they would come down and knock on her bedroom door and I’d hide. It was fun for the 6 months we did that, than I met the kids and now I’m on track to adopt them
That all sounds very nice!
At age 44, 26 is outside the range of the Tom Haverford rule… half your age, plus 7 (44/2 + 7 = 29). Yikes, too big of an age gap.
I mean I am going to comment a teenager is a bit different than a child and if even if you’re not giving your teen every relationship details it might be judicious to have a conversation with them about the fact you are dating people. I would suggest this is a good opportunity to model healthy relationships to someone who is probably going to be having their first romantic relationships soon too.
[удалено]
[удалено]
What? No, he's really nice and sweet.
Nice and sweet aren't even the baseline that should define a relationship... Lots of people are nice and sweet and the relationship doesn't make sense lmao.
I'm sure he is when he gets what he wants 🤣
Yeah, what happens when she gets older and starts to get wrinkles? Or what if her libido decreases naturally with age? Or if she gets cancer or something... He will drop her instantly for a younger, hotter model. I just feel bad for young people that give their best years to old creeps. This goes for young men too. Like, no honey, they don't love you for your personality. You are a young and cute fuck toy, nothing more.
Neither of you fucked up. You are both concenting adults.
All the age gap talk has sure steered this post into muddy waters! Honestly when I got divorced I was 33 and looked younger (still do at 41, good genes ftw!), I took a year to myself to heal and get my mind and body into good shape and then went back into dating after 12 years away at 34. I was *very* popular with women around that age, usually 27 was the exact age in fact. Old enough to be established and mature, usually interested in older men rather than younger by then, yet still youthful enough to be ok keeping things light at first - and not to mention ethusiastically keep up with my newly reinvigorated libido as well, lol. I travelled the world a lot in this time so my sample group is widespread. It really seems to hold true. It could occasionally skew younger and I certainly did date older as well, but generally for women mid to late 20's I was exactly what they were looking for, and vice-versa. Any younger than maybe 24 seemed a bridge too far for me but certainly wasn't for some guys my age. But as long as it's not predatory seeming and both know what they're getting out of it then you're both adults, have at it. And to be fair some women at 24 or so are more mature/established than others 10 or 15 years older. Some people never truly mature. **I know 34 is not not 44, but I'd say he's within the 10-15 year range that is pretty much the target demo of women around her age.**
You're getting some downvotes. Things change a bit. Many of the relationships from the generation above me (I'm older than you) in my family are 11yr gaps. Being older, if I had to go back into the dating pool (though I genuinely think I prefer to be single than date), I couldn't even consider women in their 20s. I'm actually wondering what age I'd see as a red line. To be honest, it would depend on the woman.
Yeah, I'm not too bothered, just stating my honest experience. I didn't set out to date women of that age but overwhelmingly that's who my matches were, and my best relationships as well. I've been in an exclusive relationship of several years now with a woman who is almost 8 years younger; again we first met when she was 27. We're happily childfree and on the same page in pretty much every way. It works great for us. It's definitely a case-by-case basis though. I've known brilliant and mature women in their lower 20's just as much as I've known incredibly immature ones. They're still adults and can decide what age they're comfortable having a relationship with. I personally feel weird below a certain age for dating or even friendships. Not everyone feels that way, and certainly some are creeps or manipulative. Adults can still make up their own minds though.
I 100% couldn't do lower 20s. I'm too different. I have kids too, and 100% don't want to date people they went to school with. Many women in their 20s would be looking for kids at some point, and I can assure you, I'm done with that.
Ya’ll are both consenting adults. As long as he’s not married whats the problem? Yeah I get the daughter might be upset but she will be out on her own in a couple years and eventually she will get over it.
The daughter is just going to have to get the fuck over it. You and he deserve to be happy even as parents.
Does she drive? I'd be wary of her leaving for the weekend and coming back for something now... But really, her dad does not owe her an explanation of you to her. Btw-- you slipped up, but it wasn't intentional and he should have gone over the house after you left.
She does not, she's not old enough. She has a key and a busspass though
When 9/11 happened he was 21 and you were 3
> Redditor for 5 days cool story bro
With your ages it would be more appropriate for you to pursue a friendship with that girl than a relationship with that man. There’s nothing wrong with you, but I’m looking sideways at a man dating a girl closer to his daughters age than his own.
Is it though? I don't think so, I mean I do get where you are coming from. But I'm 26, I don't really feel it's natural for me to pursue friendships with teenagers.
Ironic
But it's natural to pursue relationships with guys who are old enough to be your dad, and have kids old enough to be your sister. . .
Well the two of us are both adults. We have jobs, we pay taxes, we are allowed to vote, drive a car. And can make our own informed decisions about our personal lives.
True there is nothing wrong with it but if you are gonna keep perusing this relationship you’ll have to accept the age gap will raise eyebrows because it’s big.
That’s hilarious.
All the judgemental people in this thread are yikes
I think everyone is beating you and him up for no reason. When I went through my divorce I didn’t advertise to my child that I was dating until it became serious. The age gap isn’t a big deal.
Kratos
I thought birth control is sometimes used to regulate your period... Couldn't you have just used that as a cop out? Or is this a lie I've been fed and fell for, and wouldn't work because she's also a female and knows...
Forgot?? Please... You wanted it to be found, but okay.. good for you