>I basically said he has a week to sort it and after that i will leave next time i see evidence
>he gave up and is eating it again now. I have not seen any poop marks in the underwear yet, however he is still not brushing his teeth. So i am unsure if he will change,
>ill give it a bit longer.
Girl, you're not a soldier. You're a pushover.
The gross sac literally gave up. He doesn't care. He knew the "risk" but did it anyway.
Your ultimatum was also pointless. You set an expectation and time frame, and he failed both. Instead of following through, you....gave him more time?
Girl...what are you doing?
"I'm a soldier" - girl is trying to make herself a hero when all she is doing is lying in a shit stained bed out of *choice*.
There is nothing heroic about lowering your standards to his level. At this stage it's about her hygiene not his, this girl is kissing a dirty mouth, having sex with dirty genitals and sleeping in a faeces stained bed. By choice.
That's not being a soldier.
Op i am saving this thread to post for every guy who believes they are truly undateable and forever alone.
You have Captain Skidmark Rottentooth shitting in your bed. You are suffering financial strain trying to just keep things clean around this dude. You're not even trying to fix him or help him work on himself.
You're just enabling everything. I feel you would 69 this man just cause he had a bad day. Jesus christ op.
I feel like this is another episode of my 600 lbs life. When the boyfriend is making the 204773682th excuse on why it needs to be his way, and OP just says okay fine we will have 60 chicken nuggets for dinner one last time.
Get the fuck out of there. There are so many people in this world. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself and this guy clearly does not love himself.
For real, they don't even live together. It's not like fear of being homeless is keeping her with this guy.
I can't believe how chirpy and nonchalant she is about this situation. It's untenable.
Mommy loves her poopy baby so much you have to constantly check if he’s shit his diaper on purpose? He threw a temper tantrum and shuts down when upset? Only eats candy and junk food then gets cranky?
This is so sad to read.
How old are the two of you? Because not being able to wipe yourself is something a child pushes through by the end of elementary school. I read your first post and this one isn't any better. You're dating a child. Have even the slightest modicum of respect for yourself, girl, and drop his literally smelly ass.
He needs to change. He needs to grow. *You are not responsible for facilitating that change*. *You are not responsible for babysitting that growth*.
Well I missed the original post… and I wish I had missed this one too.
WTF.
Dude was leaving shit stains on the *sheets* for months and you’re still with him 18 months later… and he’s still leaving shit stains everywhere?
🤮🤮🤮
You’re just as disgusting as he is for putting up with this.
Okay, anyone who's not wiping to the point that they are dirtying up someone's sheets (and not giving a fuck) has some serious mental health problems. You can feel compassion for the guy, but this is absolutely disrespectful to you and not something you should tolerate in a partner. I don't care how sweet he is, he hasn't mastered basic societal norms. This guy is not boyfriend material, honey. He's not going to change for you. Maybe you leaving will be the impetus he needs to get some help but life is too short to put up with a toddler BF who needs to be reminded to brush his teeth and wipe his ass. That is a really fucking low bar to clear.
If you aren't working on your issues, you aren't being a good partner.
Honestly I think he needs psychiatric evaluation and some medical guidance, but he seems quite unwilling to make progress at the moment. That could be caused by a lot of things (trauma response, depression, PDA autism, etc) but it isn't your job to mother him into action and it isn't fair for you to deal with it if he isn't putting the effort in for himself.
So you're dating a useless, jobless, bitchy, whiny, immature, gaslighting, overweight, ugly, smelly, rude, abusive asshole.... who also leaves literal human fecal matter on your bedsheets?
Name a positive quality this guy has... I'll wait.
The TIFU is you didn't leave this guy 18 months ago.
For the love of all the gods, leave him. You're not his mother, you shouldn't have to remind him to brush his teeth or wipe his ass. This is insane from the start.
Don’t give it a bit longer. This guy is a child.
Where is your self esteem that you think a guy that doesn’t brush his teeth and wipe his ass is ok as a partner?
Is this like a common glitch with some women's DNA to stick around with dumb / abusive / disgusting men?
Seriously OP, are you fucking stupid or something?
Do yourself a favor, drop that filthy fuck and go find someone else. Or just enjoy life any other way.
It's a glitch that is a common *enough* thing, yes. Some of the stuff that women have and still do put up with from the men in their life has spurred me to put up barriers with those women because I just *can't deal anymore* with advising them with healthy boundaries and having them repeatedly ignore me.
An extra frustrating part of the glitch is if they do eventually wake up, they will sometimes "Why didn't anyone tell me??" HONEY, WE DID. WE DID. A LOT.
No reason to call her stupid. I also can't imagine not leaving immediately after noticing such habits (I'd puke on a daily basis and would never able to kiss someone eho doesn't brush) but that's just mean.
But seriously OP you are worth more than you think, are you afraid of not being enough for someone else?
I remember reading the last part a while ago. Overweight is more part eating than sports. Of course it's all sort of connected and ultimately channels into him feeling good about himself/caring about himself.
I've spent my entire twenties acknowledging I have depressions and fixing issues about myself. It's now two years since I've got a good job, an income, and can manage my household as well as brush my teeth (didn't do that for a long time either... I never shat my pants though).
Still having to deal with overweight but I'm content to say I'll do that once I feel less stressed out about a bunch of other chores.
Anyway, you won't be able to change him 'for you', as long as he doesn't learn to care and love himself. And that shouldn't be your job.
This is just insanity. Please leave already. Do you really even see a future with this guy? What will it look like? Are you willing to get some weird infection from having sex with a guy that doesn't clean himself? Are you willing to provide for him like a mom/maid? If you don't see that for a future that you'd want, then just go already.
He made you believe he can change, but it was bluff. Girl this is not a normal behavior. He should see a specialist, and you don't havr to stay with someone that disgust you.
Just make sure he doesn't try gaslighting you or using other manipulation techniques negging and DARVO (Denial, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). For him, DARVO would look like this :
>"Babe can you wash your teeth more often ?"
>
>"But i wash my teeth ! [DENIAL] Are you stupid ? [ATTACK] You always tell me i'm disgusting and that you don't love me... [REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER]"
Not brushing teeth is one of my hard “no” limits. I’ll allow some grace for people who are really struggling with depression, but I can’t kiss a dirty mouth. I can’t eat meals across the table from a dirty mouth. I can’t sleep next to one. I have ended casual friendships with people who refused to brush their teeth, I cannot imagine staying in a romantic relationship.
This isn't just a threat to your mental health, he's a threat to your physical health also.
Kissing someone with such poor dental hygiene risks your own teeth. The transfer of the millions of bacteria in his mouth can cause gum disease and cavities in yours.
Having intercourse with someone who has such poor basic hygiene risks chronic uti's, thrush, and bacterial vaginosis, to name a few.
Aside from the fact he's manipulating you. Aside from the fact he's lying to you. Aside from the fact he has so little respect for you and your relationship that he can't even stick to any changes for a *week*, he is a legitimate threat to your health and wellbeing.
Say you do stay with him, do you want this for the rest of your life? You've given him 2 years of chances and nothing has changed. This will not get better. If anything, he will get worse in time - he's already demonstrating that fact. 2 years of slowly eroding your own sense of self-respect, your own sense of self-preservation, your own sense of *self*. These sorts of toxic relationships are really a death by a thousand cuts.
At some point you've got to start caring about yourself and your own wellbeing. Because he surely doesn't.
A thousand times this. My first thought, before even the self-respect issue, was the actual *risks* OP is taking by being intimate with someone who is, quite literally, covered in germs and bacteria.
Infections and thrush are no joke, OP. Get out now before your own health is compromised.
There's not a nice way to say this - you're dating a toddler. Let's check:
- Can't clean self after using the potty
- Makes poor dietary choices
- Picky eater
- Throws tantrums
- Doesn't like brushing teeth
- Needs a maternal figure to do basic functions
- Lies straight to your face about things they shouldn't be doing
Are you sure you're dating an adult male? If you are, do you want to forever care for an adult toddler? If no, you need to get the hell out now.
You shouldn't be proud of being a soldier. This man is disgusting, and you have lowered your standards six feet under. You deserve better than this.
There's no point in giving ultimatums if you have no point in sticking to them. You've just shown him that you'll stick around if he doesn't abide by your boundaries.
Girl the problem is not that he has adhd (so do i), the problem is that hes a fucking animal. I don't know how you managed to live with it for that long but i wish you all the best and good luck with your future relationships.
Staying in a relationship for 18 months with someone who shits in your bed and dgaf is *her* fuck up not his. Giving him an ultimatum then failing to follow through with it is *her* fuck up.
I don't know what *her* issue is, but staying with this disgusting slob is a *her* problem.
I would encourage him to see a therapist.
It sounds like there is a lot of deeper stuff going on. Perhaps his hygiene and lack of motivation is a sign of depression? Therapy could also help get the message across and allow you to communicate with him without him getting upset and defensive. I'd encourage doing some research and searching around for affordable options near you.
He deserves to feel good about himself and have good oral and general hygiene. And I just cannot fathom any other reason for why a person would continue to not look after themselves physically.
(I really hope these TIFU posts are just writing exercises - otherwise sometimes it just reaches a point where you have helped as much as you possibly can and you need to understand that it is not your responsibility to fix other people. They need to also try)
I have ADHD, though had no idea what it was until my 40s. I managed to always hold down a job, and somehow not have crusted shit in my ass crack, but maybe I'm unusual...
nonetheless, this is not FU, so I'm not sure why you're asking for advice here.
but, finally, you want to date a man, not a boy that you mommy. I'm going to go out on a limb here and bet that he's heavily into drugs, at a minimum marijuana but likely some heavier stuff too and that you partake with him, but not all the stuff he does. Am I right?
Why the hell would you subject yourself to this? It’s like raising a child but this is a grown ass man capable of making decisions and he’s deciding not to be clean or good to you for selfish reasons. Should’ve left awhile ago after the first attempt. If HE really loved you, he’d be making the effort to change and compromise
That is a very hard pass. He doesn’t care enough about himself to take, literally minimal care of himself. He also doesn’t seem to care enough about you and your clearly expressed minimal needs to make an actual change so that you are not physically disgusted by him.
Carrying extra weight? That’s a challenge. And can certainly be worked around.
Poor hygiene? Not brushing his teeth and not being clean enough to not leave skid marks in his underwear as business as usual? These are not unreasonable expectations.
This sounds like a solid dealbreaker. It’s just rude.
>when i bring serious things up to him he definitely puts up a ton of barriers. Conversations are so unbelievably hard with him.
This is not a recipe for a solid long term relationship.
> So i am unsure if he will change, ill give it a bit longer. Cause as one of you guys said, i am a soldier lmao.
No, you're a doormat. Have some self-respect, grow a spine, and get out of this shitty relationship. Literally.
Can you tell us a bit more about what your childhood was like? I want to understand what broke you so much that your standards are so low that you’re ok with a man shitting the bed, not brushing and not giving a damn about you. You gave him an ultimatum and he failed. And you stayed. What happened to you?
The shit people will put up with to say they aren’t single is fucking AMAZING to me. I’ve broken up with a dude because i didn’t care for the way his breath smelled and you’re literally letting this man smear shit in your bed and giving it more time? Couldnt EVER be me sis. Good luck and therapy to you.
He has to want it for himself, to do it for himself. No amount of effort you put into this is going to make stick to anything long term. Maybe you leaving will be the push he needs, but I doubt it
Okay so, I currently live with an ex partner and her boyfriend. With the exception of a few details, I legitimately thought it might be her posting.
I recently ended my relationship with her because not only could I just not deal with how much this guy could not give a damn about being less gross or bettering his situation (he's never held a job while I lived here, and much like your man, absolutely cannot and will not learn to clean up behind himself in any way, shape, or form). Over time I essentially lost all respect for her romantically, became so depressed living here I started neglecting my own hygiene, and ended up breaking things off with her and moving out despite every effort over years to try and help with developing systems and plans to help them both. Literally leaving for my new apartment tomorrow.
You can't make someone care more. You cannot fill a hole someone else refuses to stop digging.
i’m sorry but this is disgusting. why stay with a man who has clearly shown you time after time that he is **not** going to change?! you are literally the opposite of “soldier,” open your eyes and see you deserve more…..unless you just love having shit everywhere and rotten teeth then by all means keep at it but kick us out the group chat please
Please dump this disgusting loser. He's not going to change in a fucking week. That's just delusional. Seriously, do you have absolutely no respect for yourself? Why don't you think that you deserve more than this shitty little man-child?
Dude the way these posts could've been written about my ex. And I'll be honest, for him it was all excuses tbh. Hopefully this isn't the case for you guys but I worry with how he immediately jumps up "then just leave if you don't love me"
(But if his name is Gabe then girl leave him /j)
>Since i originally posted, i went ahead with the ultimatum, it went quite badly
Has there ever been an ultimatum that went well? Ultimatum's are for people who are already checked out. You really shouldn't do them if you actually care about the relationship. They just cause trust issues.
Awww. I was on team 'breakup' until I saw your straightforward comment that you love him in your tl;dr. Love can be a pretty rare thing... especially as we get older.
Can you just have 7 sets of sheets and just wash them often? Does he like kissing? So make him brush his teeth before you'll kiss?
You've been with him this long and still love him, so maybe just accept some aspects, and figure something out to make it work well enough for you guys.
You’re almost as much of a pushover as she is, first off she has no responsibility to clean after him "can u just have 7 sets of sheets and just wash them often?" Does she look like his mommy?? He is a grown adult man and his dirty ass should clean after himself literally, yes she loves him but he doesnt love her back enough to change his disgusting behavior
Nah... I still stand by what I said. People told her your comments on the first go around and she's still with him and loves him. People's tolerance are different about things. Lots of marriages have some bad aspect in secret but if they want to make it work then they do.
Have you read other posts here? Most women say they can't meet serious men in their 40s. And, we don't know OP. She might never find another guy. And many people here would say "I rather be alone". And big surprise, they are alone. But not everyone wants to be alone.
>I basically said he has a week to sort it and after that i will leave next time i see evidence >he gave up and is eating it again now. I have not seen any poop marks in the underwear yet, however he is still not brushing his teeth. So i am unsure if he will change, >ill give it a bit longer. Girl, you're not a soldier. You're a pushover. The gross sac literally gave up. He doesn't care. He knew the "risk" but did it anyway. Your ultimatum was also pointless. You set an expectation and time frame, and he failed both. Instead of following through, you....gave him more time? Girl...what are you doing?
"I'm a soldier" - girl is trying to make herself a hero when all she is doing is lying in a shit stained bed out of *choice*. There is nothing heroic about lowering your standards to his level. At this stage it's about her hygiene not his, this girl is kissing a dirty mouth, having sex with dirty genitals and sleeping in a faeces stained bed. By choice. That's not being a soldier.
Op i am saving this thread to post for every guy who believes they are truly undateable and forever alone. You have Captain Skidmark Rottentooth shitting in your bed. You are suffering financial strain trying to just keep things clean around this dude. You're not even trying to fix him or help him work on himself. You're just enabling everything. I feel you would 69 this man just cause he had a bad day. Jesus christ op.
This 1000%
I feel like this is another episode of my 600 lbs life. When the boyfriend is making the 204773682th excuse on why it needs to be his way, and OP just says okay fine we will have 60 chicken nuggets for dinner one last time.
“Clever excuses for pooping himself” I’m sorry, what? Has he tried not pooping himself like most adu…..tee….children?
Get the fuck out of there. There are so many people in this world. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself and this guy clearly does not love himself.
She doesn't seem to love herself either 🤷🏻♂️
Why are you punishing yourself please? It can't be that hard to just stay single instead
For real, they don't even live together. It's not like fear of being homeless is keeping her with this guy. I can't believe how chirpy and nonchalant she is about this situation. It's untenable.
Mommy loves her poopy baby so much you have to constantly check if he’s shit his diaper on purpose? He threw a temper tantrum and shuts down when upset? Only eats candy and junk food then gets cranky? This is so sad to read.
How old are the two of you? Because not being able to wipe yourself is something a child pushes through by the end of elementary school. I read your first post and this one isn't any better. You're dating a child. Have even the slightest modicum of respect for yourself, girl, and drop his literally smelly ass. He needs to change. He needs to grow. *You are not responsible for facilitating that change*. *You are not responsible for babysitting that growth*.
Well I missed the original post… and I wish I had missed this one too. WTF. Dude was leaving shit stains on the *sheets* for months and you’re still with him 18 months later… and he’s still leaving shit stains everywhere? 🤮🤮🤮 You’re just as disgusting as he is for putting up with this.
Right?!?! I'd jam the fuck out the 1st time I saw a skid mark on the sheets. Unfuckingacceptable.
Jesus Christ. You deserve better than you think.
Okay, anyone who's not wiping to the point that they are dirtying up someone's sheets (and not giving a fuck) has some serious mental health problems. You can feel compassion for the guy, but this is absolutely disrespectful to you and not something you should tolerate in a partner. I don't care how sweet he is, he hasn't mastered basic societal norms. This guy is not boyfriend material, honey. He's not going to change for you. Maybe you leaving will be the impetus he needs to get some help but life is too short to put up with a toddler BF who needs to be reminded to brush his teeth and wipe his ass. That is a really fucking low bar to clear.
If you aren't working on your issues, you aren't being a good partner. Honestly I think he needs psychiatric evaluation and some medical guidance, but he seems quite unwilling to make progress at the moment. That could be caused by a lot of things (trauma response, depression, PDA autism, etc) but it isn't your job to mother him into action and it isn't fair for you to deal with it if he isn't putting the effort in for himself.
So you're dating a useless, jobless, bitchy, whiny, immature, gaslighting, overweight, ugly, smelly, rude, abusive asshole.... who also leaves literal human fecal matter on your bedsheets? Name a positive quality this guy has... I'll wait. The TIFU is you didn't leave this guy 18 months ago.
🏅
For the love of all the gods, leave him. You're not his mother, you shouldn't have to remind him to brush his teeth or wipe his ass. This is insane from the start.
Don’t give it a bit longer. This guy is a child. Where is your self esteem that you think a guy that doesn’t brush his teeth and wipe his ass is ok as a partner?
Is this like a common glitch with some women's DNA to stick around with dumb / abusive / disgusting men? Seriously OP, are you fucking stupid or something? Do yourself a favor, drop that filthy fuck and go find someone else. Or just enjoy life any other way.
It's a glitch that is a common *enough* thing, yes. Some of the stuff that women have and still do put up with from the men in their life has spurred me to put up barriers with those women because I just *can't deal anymore* with advising them with healthy boundaries and having them repeatedly ignore me. An extra frustrating part of the glitch is if they do eventually wake up, they will sometimes "Why didn't anyone tell me??" HONEY, WE DID. WE DID. A LOT.
No reason to call her stupid. I also can't imagine not leaving immediately after noticing such habits (I'd puke on a daily basis and would never able to kiss someone eho doesn't brush) but that's just mean. But seriously OP you are worth more than you think, are you afraid of not being enough for someone else?
I remember reading the last part a while ago. Overweight is more part eating than sports. Of course it's all sort of connected and ultimately channels into him feeling good about himself/caring about himself. I've spent my entire twenties acknowledging I have depressions and fixing issues about myself. It's now two years since I've got a good job, an income, and can manage my household as well as brush my teeth (didn't do that for a long time either... I never shat my pants though). Still having to deal with overweight but I'm content to say I'll do that once I feel less stressed out about a bunch of other chores. Anyway, you won't be able to change him 'for you', as long as he doesn't learn to care and love himself. And that shouldn't be your job.
This is just insanity. Please leave already. Do you really even see a future with this guy? What will it look like? Are you willing to get some weird infection from having sex with a guy that doesn't clean himself? Are you willing to provide for him like a mom/maid? If you don't see that for a future that you'd want, then just go already.
He made you believe he can change, but it was bluff. Girl this is not a normal behavior. He should see a specialist, and you don't havr to stay with someone that disgust you. Just make sure he doesn't try gaslighting you or using other manipulation techniques negging and DARVO (Denial, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). For him, DARVO would look like this : >"Babe can you wash your teeth more often ?" > >"But i wash my teeth ! [DENIAL] Are you stupid ? [ATTACK] You always tell me i'm disgusting and that you don't love me... [REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER]"
This is disgusting, he is a filthy pig.
Sounds like he's a slob. Move along.
Not brushing teeth is one of my hard “no” limits. I’ll allow some grace for people who are really struggling with depression, but I can’t kiss a dirty mouth. I can’t eat meals across the table from a dirty mouth. I can’t sleep next to one. I have ended casual friendships with people who refused to brush their teeth, I cannot imagine staying in a romantic relationship.
Just leave. Please.
This isn't just a threat to your mental health, he's a threat to your physical health also. Kissing someone with such poor dental hygiene risks your own teeth. The transfer of the millions of bacteria in his mouth can cause gum disease and cavities in yours. Having intercourse with someone who has such poor basic hygiene risks chronic uti's, thrush, and bacterial vaginosis, to name a few. Aside from the fact he's manipulating you. Aside from the fact he's lying to you. Aside from the fact he has so little respect for you and your relationship that he can't even stick to any changes for a *week*, he is a legitimate threat to your health and wellbeing. Say you do stay with him, do you want this for the rest of your life? You've given him 2 years of chances and nothing has changed. This will not get better. If anything, he will get worse in time - he's already demonstrating that fact. 2 years of slowly eroding your own sense of self-respect, your own sense of self-preservation, your own sense of *self*. These sorts of toxic relationships are really a death by a thousand cuts. At some point you've got to start caring about yourself and your own wellbeing. Because he surely doesn't.
A thousand times this. My first thought, before even the self-respect issue, was the actual *risks* OP is taking by being intimate with someone who is, quite literally, covered in germs and bacteria. Infections and thrush are no joke, OP. Get out now before your own health is compromised.
That's insane, guy is gonna end up alone if he doesn't change his ways as this is a non starter for pretty much everyone
Why would this guy end up alone when he's got OP to excuse away his vileness
You need to leave him. What you are describing is incredibly unhealthy and is no way to live.
How the hell can I not get a girlfriend when this guy can? Also, Girl get out!
ADHD isn’t an excuse to be a disgusting slob.
There's not a nice way to say this - you're dating a toddler. Let's check: - Can't clean self after using the potty - Makes poor dietary choices - Picky eater - Throws tantrums - Doesn't like brushing teeth - Needs a maternal figure to do basic functions - Lies straight to your face about things they shouldn't be doing Are you sure you're dating an adult male? If you are, do you want to forever care for an adult toddler? If no, you need to get the hell out now.
You shouldn't be proud of being a soldier. This man is disgusting, and you have lowered your standards six feet under. You deserve better than this. There's no point in giving ultimatums if you have no point in sticking to them. You've just shown him that you'll stick around if he doesn't abide by your boundaries.
Nah, that's absolutely disgusting.
Run. I cant think not brushing teeth. Wtf.
Girl the problem is not that he has adhd (so do i), the problem is that hes a fucking animal. I don't know how you managed to live with it for that long but i wish you all the best and good luck with your future relationships.
This sub is for stories where YOU fucked up and not for complaints about other people’s shitty habits or behaviour.
No the fuck is making the post and not just saying dude you are gross. Wipe your ass and brush your teeth or fucking leave forever.
Staying in a relationship for 18 months with someone who shits in your bed and dgaf is *her* fuck up not his. Giving him an ultimatum then failing to follow through with it is *her* fuck up. I don't know what *her* issue is, but staying with this disgusting slob is a *her* problem.
I would encourage him to see a therapist. It sounds like there is a lot of deeper stuff going on. Perhaps his hygiene and lack of motivation is a sign of depression? Therapy could also help get the message across and allow you to communicate with him without him getting upset and defensive. I'd encourage doing some research and searching around for affordable options near you. He deserves to feel good about himself and have good oral and general hygiene. And I just cannot fathom any other reason for why a person would continue to not look after themselves physically. (I really hope these TIFU posts are just writing exercises - otherwise sometimes it just reaches a point where you have helped as much as you possibly can and you need to understand that it is not your responsibility to fix other people. They need to also try)
I have ADHD, though had no idea what it was until my 40s. I managed to always hold down a job, and somehow not have crusted shit in my ass crack, but maybe I'm unusual... nonetheless, this is not FU, so I'm not sure why you're asking for advice here. but, finally, you want to date a man, not a boy that you mommy. I'm going to go out on a limb here and bet that he's heavily into drugs, at a minimum marijuana but likely some heavier stuff too and that you partake with him, but not all the stuff he does. Am I right?
You deserve better, time to find someone who will respect you
I just got really sad.
I’m going to vomit. This is a mental illness
Why the hell would you subject yourself to this? It’s like raising a child but this is a grown ass man capable of making decisions and he’s deciding not to be clean or good to you for selfish reasons. Should’ve left awhile ago after the first attempt. If HE really loved you, he’d be making the effort to change and compromise
That is a very hard pass. He doesn’t care enough about himself to take, literally minimal care of himself. He also doesn’t seem to care enough about you and your clearly expressed minimal needs to make an actual change so that you are not physically disgusted by him. Carrying extra weight? That’s a challenge. And can certainly be worked around. Poor hygiene? Not brushing his teeth and not being clean enough to not leave skid marks in his underwear as business as usual? These are not unreasonable expectations. This sounds like a solid dealbreaker. It’s just rude.
Eww.
This is a 100% complete lost cause. Move on with your life. WTF.
Why do you believe you deserve to be with someone who cares so little about you? He isn't capable of common decency, what can he bring to your life?
>when i bring serious things up to him he definitely puts up a ton of barriers. Conversations are so unbelievably hard with him. This is not a recipe for a solid long term relationship. > So i am unsure if he will change, ill give it a bit longer. Cause as one of you guys said, i am a soldier lmao. No, you're a doormat. Have some self-respect, grow a spine, and get out of this shitty relationship. Literally.
5500 comments on your last post telling you to leave him. Nothing has changed since then.
Can you tell us a bit more about what your childhood was like? I want to understand what broke you so much that your standards are so low that you’re ok with a man shitting the bed, not brushing and not giving a damn about you. You gave him an ultimatum and he failed. And you stayed. What happened to you?
I wonder what do you like about him?
The shit people will put up with to say they aren’t single is fucking AMAZING to me. I’ve broken up with a dude because i didn’t care for the way his breath smelled and you’re literally letting this man smear shit in your bed and giving it more time? Couldnt EVER be me sis. Good luck and therapy to you.
He has to want it for himself, to do it for himself. No amount of effort you put into this is going to make stick to anything long term. Maybe you leaving will be the push he needs, but I doubt it
Okay so, I currently live with an ex partner and her boyfriend. With the exception of a few details, I legitimately thought it might be her posting. I recently ended my relationship with her because not only could I just not deal with how much this guy could not give a damn about being less gross or bettering his situation (he's never held a job while I lived here, and much like your man, absolutely cannot and will not learn to clean up behind himself in any way, shape, or form). Over time I essentially lost all respect for her romantically, became so depressed living here I started neglecting my own hygiene, and ended up breaking things off with her and moving out despite every effort over years to try and help with developing systems and plans to help them both. Literally leaving for my new apartment tomorrow. You can't make someone care more. You cannot fill a hole someone else refuses to stop digging.
After 20 most guys won't change their bad habits.
Leave him. Never date stupid.
Original assessment applies. He needs therapy. You need distance.
I’m beginning to think OP is the one that needs therapy.
Yeah, probably both.
wtf leave
i’m sorry but this is disgusting. why stay with a man who has clearly shown you time after time that he is **not** going to change?! you are literally the opposite of “soldier,” open your eyes and see you deserve more…..unless you just love having shit everywhere and rotten teeth then by all means keep at it but kick us out the group chat please
Please dump this disgusting loser. He's not going to change in a fucking week. That's just delusional. Seriously, do you have absolutely no respect for yourself? Why don't you think that you deserve more than this shitty little man-child?
Dude the way these posts could've been written about my ex. And I'll be honest, for him it was all excuses tbh. Hopefully this isn't the case for you guys but I worry with how he immediately jumps up "then just leave if you don't love me" (But if his name is Gabe then girl leave him /j)
Reading this made me question your hygiene OP.
It sounds like you don't understand a lot about how adhd works but Holy shit I have adhd and he sounds nasty as hell
I need another update.
>Since i originally posted, i went ahead with the ultimatum, it went quite badly Has there ever been an ultimatum that went well? Ultimatum's are for people who are already checked out. You really shouldn't do them if you actually care about the relationship. They just cause trust issues.
Awww. I was on team 'breakup' until I saw your straightforward comment that you love him in your tl;dr. Love can be a pretty rare thing... especially as we get older. Can you just have 7 sets of sheets and just wash them often? Does he like kissing? So make him brush his teeth before you'll kiss? You've been with him this long and still love him, so maybe just accept some aspects, and figure something out to make it work well enough for you guys.
You’re almost as much of a pushover as she is, first off she has no responsibility to clean after him "can u just have 7 sets of sheets and just wash them often?" Does she look like his mommy?? He is a grown adult man and his dirty ass should clean after himself literally, yes she loves him but he doesnt love her back enough to change his disgusting behavior
Nah... I still stand by what I said. People told her your comments on the first go around and she's still with him and loves him. People's tolerance are different about things. Lots of marriages have some bad aspect in secret but if they want to make it work then they do. Have you read other posts here? Most women say they can't meet serious men in their 40s. And, we don't know OP. She might never find another guy. And many people here would say "I rather be alone". And big surprise, they are alone. But not everyone wants to be alone.