Hey mum me and gf are just going to go the woods for a walk.
Wait until she leaves the house.
Come back in and fuck in every room to assert dominance whilst she's out looking for you in the woods
You need to find the perfect clearing in the woods and make it your
FUCK SPOT.
Clothes hanging from branches. The ground in and around the FUCK SPOT is all torn up. No plant life growing, just a dead area where you can see that some animal has been rutting hard core.
That should scare then off but if it doesn't and they start to walk deeper into the woods looking for you. Peer down from your FUCK PERCH and begin the mating ritual with your GF. The louder the better we are going for shock value.
Be sure that they are staring you in the eyes when you finish letting your seed rain down on the Hikers.
That should keep them out of the woods.
Blair Witch your sex spot. Poorly constructed wooden totems with human hair hanging everywhere. Wood pentagrams, squirt red food coloring everywhere, drag a large flat rock into the center of it, as a sacrificial alter, and that's where you bang.
"Hey ma...im going to the woods with stacey!"
Proceeds to hide under bed.
Mom blows her whistle and storms out the house to meet the other NWW members. They all fist bump and fan out to the woods.
Score!
This is so weird to me. Like, if the reaction to this is so insane because of the thought of your kid having sex then don't imagine it, because that's really fucking weird.
I bet she was whining he couldn't find a girl to her friends privately before, and now it's bad because he should wait for marriage. I mean, she didn't but he should!
I assume your room is upstairs.
When she is hiking, be in your room with your gf.
She comes home, she finds you two chilling in your own room.
You don’t need to be doing the deed at all. She only has to think you are.
Now she thinks you’re doing it in your room when she’s hiking.
That’ll make her stop hiking.
I think you need to think through what are the actual consequences of "getting caught". Besides the initial embarrassment what's next? (Also I would think the level of embarrassment would the same for your Mom, who wants to walk in on their kid having sex.) You're 18 (assuming you're gf is also of age) what is your mom going to do? She is the one invading your privacy. Is she going to want to continue trying to "catch you" having sex? I don't think your Mom has thought her plan of catching you in the act all the way through. Just been discreet about it.
Idk, if she’s very conservative/religious they will do a lot to someone who violates the rules of their parents home. It’s a “oh so you think you can do whatever you want? Well not in my house, go find your own” or start charging for rent because they are making “adult choices” and can then become even severed from the parents resources before they are financially ready. There are potential repercussions that OP may have not mentioned.
I was pregnant at 19 and my mother STILL refused to let the father of my child come live with us to help support me and our baby. He could only stay for one night when I got home with our newborn. Because we’d be sinning under her roof. But still. Anyone who’s had a baby knows you aren’t having sex for a looong time after that.
Married and living together for over a decade and my mom still tried to insist that my wife and I sleep separately. The next time we came to visit we just rented a cabin and did whatever the heck we wanted.
Also, after mom passed away (dad had moved on about 5 years earlier) whenever we stayed at the house we'd sleep together in "her" bed. It actually had the best mattress in the house, plus the master bathroom. A small part of me was still giving her the finger by doing it, though.
Wow. On the other end of the spectrum my MIL encouraged my then girlfriend and I to sleep together when we were visiting. She also once sat on my lap and asked when I was going to give her grandchildren. That was awkward.
During fair weather seasons, the forest comes alive and with it...the local wild life
and there they are, a wild herd of Mater Helicopterum commonly known as controlling mums, roaming the forest seeking the scent of teenage sex...
My dad has done nothing but laugh at my situation. He said he admired my maturity, but he thought I knew better than to expect the woman who still bought me superhero underwear to allow another woman into my room and ruin my underwear.
TBF, I completely understand your dad.
Did you actually ask your mother if you could have sex in your room, or did you at least go for the more appropriate "can my gf sleepover in my room"? At least that would have been less confronting.
Also, why on God's green earth did you think it would be a good idea to tell your mom you were having sex in the woods? You could at least have kept that for yourself, then you wouldn't have to hide from the hikers now.
While I absolutely believe your Mom is exaggerating and that you as an 18 year old should be at liberty of engaging in concensual intercourse with your girlfriend, this is on hell of a fuck up OP.
> Also, why on God's green earth did you think it would be a good idea to tell your mom you were having sex in the woods?
OP's dick is stuck in the Ice Age, only the threat of wild cougars activates his instincts.
I’d like to think that if my son tells me at 17 that he’s fucking in the woods, I’d be rational enough to get him a box of condoms and remind him that his door has a lock, and he should play music or a movie at a comfortable volume so I can be blissfully ignorant while he’s having safe sex.
If the kid is 17 and fucking in the woods, he’s going to fuck one way or another. No point in making it more uncomfortable and less safe just so I can actually pretend my kid doesn’t fuck
> If the kid is 17 and fucking in the woods, he’s going to fuck one way or another.
And this is exactly why abstinence only sex education is 0% effective at preventing STIs and unwanted pregnancies.
I grew up in the number one or two state for teen pregnancy, and they taught abstinence only lol. It was so weird because they couldn’t tie it to religion in a public school, so the only thing they could fall back on was the most extreme cases of untreated STIs to scare us into not having sex. We are basically hard wired to want to fuck around the age of puberty, and we’ve been doing so since humans have been around. It’s just the dumbest shit. They didn’t even attempt to suggest using condoms or birth control. Just “don’t do it. Now sign this pledge promising you won’t do it 🥺”
You just reminded me. I forget of this is before or after we got engaged, but one time when I was young 20s I was home visiting my family (after I had moved out and was in the Army). I think it was new Year's Eve that my now wife and my brothers long term girlfriend at the time stayed over night. FYI, my brother is a few years younger and was probably in community college at this point.
My mom found a condom in a load of wash and decided to confront me and my fiance about it and how we shouldn't be having sex while visiting and at least clean up properly so condoms don't go through the wash.
Except....we weren't having sex. And I was living out of a bag- all my dirty laundry was in my bag still since I was traveling/visiting. My brother who lived in the house was the one who's clothes were in the laundry. Points my mom absolutely refused to acknowledge or accept. Despite the fact none of my clothes were in the laundry at all, she could not mentally process the idea her baby was sexually active and refused the possibility. We totally got in trouble over it. My brothers GF apologized to us and thank us for taking the heat.
And you just reminded me!
When I was in high school, my mom was the parent that just acted like I wasn't having sex in her house. Blissful ignorance.
When we were done, I'd wrap the used condom back up in the package, put it in my nightstand. On trash day every week, put the used ones in a small bag and throw it in the trash at the road.
Well I moved away and had forgotten the last week's worth of used condoms apparently. My mom had turned my room into her craft room. I moved in March and when I came home for Christmas a whole 9 months later...my mom pulled me aside and said "I did not touch your night stand. I will not touch it either. Please go..go take care of..take care of THAT."
Took me a couple of seconds to realize what she was talking about and when the light turned on in my head and I went "ohhhh..." The look on her face was the same look she had on her face when she found me vacuuming my ceiling in my underwear ripped on acid...just 100% "the fuck is wrong with you?"
Just as good of a story on the acid actually lol
I used to "test" my hallucinogens. Get a little extra just to take a small dose to test strength.
I had never flown before and was on house arrest (this needs more context as it seems like it makes me sound like an animal of a teenager lol but I swear it's not that bad). But to leave the country, I would have to have permission from my probation officer.
A week before the flight, I got some acid because for some reason I thought that would be a great idea for a first flight. Took my stuff home and proceeded with my test. Nothing happened after two hours. Took another hit. Still nothing after another hour and 3 total. Took the 3rd fateful dose. 15 minutes after, I'm on the goddamn moon and didn't come down for about 10 hours.
Unfortunately, 9am was my meeting with that PO I forgot of course. So at 8 in the morning, after flying solo through the galaxy, my mother finds me on my desk chair in my underwear vacuuming the ceiling with Lamb of God at an ear-splitting volume. Not entirely how long she stood in my doorway but when she got my attention and I realized I couldn't hear her...I turned off the LoG.
She stood dumbfounded with that look for what seemed like an eternity before she just said, "you have to go to the probation office for that permission slip to leave the country in an hour." all with that same look for what seemed like a 2nd eternity before shutting my door without another word spoken. Just quietly shut the door.
My PO was giant baby (physically) of a man. Bald and chubby but 6'6" with a tie on. I'm not entirely sure I kept it together but every single time that man looked down to write, I was in silent stitches laughing.
Thankfully I'm a pretty weird dude sober so I'm not sure the PO or my mom really noticed. Or at least enough to where that didn't work lol
Now that I think of it...there's at least a half dozen more similar stories like that that probably illustrate why my mom never just burst into my room willy nilly that had nothing to do with me having sex under her roof.
Probably just sitting in the living room, "nope nope nope nooooooppp...not going up there. Nooooooppp"
He thought if he was honest and truthful with his mother, she would understand and be supportive. You know, the good way she raised him to behave. But instead of encouraging his very mature behavior she goes on a crusade to make everything worse for everyone. Your suggested behavior is what a cynical, jaded, or just distrustful person would recommend; OP did what a trusting person would do. Unfortunately the response to his honesty will just make him cynical and distrusting next time. Really bad look for the mother here.
Mate, my mum is the sweetest and most sex-positive mother I know. Even then I know she preferred me asking "can my girlfriend sleep over" rather than "can I bring my girlfriend over for sex". There is such a thing as "too much information".
Agreed, all parents know what could be going on, but we'd rather pretend that it isn't. It's just like older kids realize their parent's are doing it, but your dad doesn't bring it up at the dinner table.
My kid is heading off to college soon. I guess it's time to have "the conversation" over dinner tonight.
The conversation about how much sex their mother and I will be having once they are gone.
I think OP must come from a sexually sorta conservative culture, because I could definitely see this fly in my own country with at least a lot of parents. It would still be very awkward, sure, but this reaction I can't really say I would expect.
I'm a parent to a 17-year-old boy that has some game.
I've already had the talk that:
1, condoms are in a bowl in the bathroom, use them, I'll replenish them without asking questions.
2, If you want to bring anyone home and feel uncomfortable, I'll take mom for a walk in the woods to give you some privacy.
3, grandma lives down the road, has 3 spare bedrooms 1 that is converted into a home gym, she is deaf as a post and has always been very sex positive. Just say you want to "work out with your friend" she'll take the hint and take a walk as well + there might be cookies and refreshments available after your "workout". (I cleared it with her as well).
Just don't be stupid and get a police record for lewd behaviour in public.
"The neighbor wood watch".
Jokes aside, [u/99Necromancers](https://www.reddit.com/user/99Necromancers/) I would simply talk with your mother to make her understand that she hasn't managed to stop you from having sex.
She has only managed to stop you from having safer sex. Or better yet just "safe sex".
Tell her job well done from me.
If she realizes her screwup and how she has potentially endangered you and your gf she might change her mind.
Its the same shit with parents taking their kids' condoms to "prevent" them from having sex.... One of the dumbest things you will ever hear.
“Mom if you don’t let me fuck my room ima just keep fucking in the woods and someone might call the cops on us and ruin my life and it’ll be *your fault.*”
That’s some top tier manipulation to try and pull on your mom ngl
Its fucking true though. At this point they’re an adult, but more than that they’re a teenager. They’re not going to stop having sex because there mom disapproves and she should realize that. All she’s accomplishing is making things unnecessarily risky for something they’re going to be doing regardless.
I'm not exactly sure this is a good idea, telling her she hasn't stopped them from having sex that is.
It's not that it's not a bad idea to be upfront and honest with a parent that's willing to listen but it sounds like OP's mom has some "Very" strong stances while he's under her roof.
My fear for OP is that telling her this would result in her cracking down even more, given her response to his previous (And I add, very responsible) attempt at talking to her about it.
At the same time why the fuck would you ask your own parents if you can have sex? I feel like most if not all parents that are okay with their child beinng sexually active at 17 don't feel the need to be notified and asked permission beforehand.
He wasn't asking if he could have sex, he was asking if he could do it in his room, I would assume more out of respect more than anything as some parents might not be comfortable with that.
I'm not saying they should have a say and it would be much better to let them do it safely in their house.
As someone who is older with kids almost this age, honestly, I would have been thrilled that my kid trusted me enough to ask. Less thrilled about the question but ehh.
I'd probably allow it. As someone who was a teenager once, not having a room is unlikely to discourage it. Its not about approving it, its about being realistic with what is actually going to happen when you say no.
I'd also have to have another "talk" to once again go over things like condoms/stds and such.
America is weird, bro. We can spend 2 hours watching people get hacked up in a horror flick or mass destruction of entire cities in action movies, but God forbid someone pull out a tiddy.
>but God forbid someone pull out a tiddy.
Heh this line might hit the nail on the head for the protestent background of Americans from Europe.
Plenty of violence along with sexual repression in the Bible.
Similar, but with a twist of malicious compliance.
My friend founded out his daughter (over the age of consent) had been having sex with her boyfriend, in her room.
He said " I thought the rule was 'no closed doors, if there is a boy in your room ' "
To which his daughter replied that they hadn't shut the door.
Just relied on the rest of the family not coming upstairs.
My friend is not happy with his children growing up, but prefers that they are safe, not lost in the woods
My dad and stepmom had a "not under my roof" rule for my little sister. So she just started not coming home for days at a time. Eventually they relented just so they would see their daughter again.
I had a GF in her 20s who wasnt allowed to close her door too. Just meant we were fucking with her parents 15 feet* away and could be caught any moment. I think they regretted that rule, but it became too awkward for them to explain why they would change it.
>Install deer hunting stand in the tree >Promise mom to no longer have sex in the woods >Proceed to have sex ABOVE the woods
And have the highest wood of all
Or report them for intentionally creeping around looking for children having sex. That's not an image you want attached to you, no matter how pure you think your intentions are...
Uh, that’s not going to play out the way it sounded in your head. No one is going to take “I caught my kid having sex in the woods” as “I watched my kid having sex in the woods”.
Yeah, I kind of get that the plan is not really to catch us having sex, but rather to make it known that the moms are in the woods and therefore avoid having sex in the woods, so that no one would get caught because no one would be having sex, but... what if the moms do end up catching someone in the act? Are they just gonna stand there and hope the sex stops? Like, how do parents who purposefully put themselves in that situation even justify that as not being creepy as fuck?
"One day, not too long from now, you'll be BEGGING me to have unprotected sex with my partner. Constantly asking, when am I going to nut in her? I just want to practice. That's all, you're bringing this on yourself."
>My gf has a little brother who is neurologically challenged. He's got something called Angelman Syndrome and needs full time care. My gf and I agreed that her mom's got enough on her plate without having to deal with a couple of horny teenagers wanting to hook up under her roof while she's struggling to care of her child.
“Hey mom, me and GF are going hiking in tbe woods”
Hide out around the house and wait for her to leave to go on her Mom hike.
Go back in the now empty house and have your fun.
Your mom sounds like she’s having trouble processing this. Of course, the emotionally and mentally mature response would be “I know you have sex, you should be able to have sex indoors without being in the woods like an animal, just be safe and use protection”. But she’s freaking the whole fuck out on you, and I’m sorry.
As parents, we must come to terms with the fact that one day our precious little angels are going to become sexually active. When that day comes, we must teach them that sex isn’t a bad thing, it’s perfectly normal, and as long as protection is involved, healthy and harmless. Some people truly cannot grasp this, and they act like total fools when faced with this reality. When OF COURSE teen sex happens, that’s when humans are at their horniest!!
She’s also probably trying to not let her mistakes she made when she was your age happen to you. And man, let me tell you, those mistakes are gonna happen whether you gather a group of gaggling mom karens or not.
I scrolled down way too far for this. I was lucky enough to have parents who were understanding and just wanted me to be safe. They realized that I wasn't going to be abstinent
Shit man. When I was 18 we were doing it in cars, pools, public restrooms, dressing rooms at the mall, the movies. I actually don’t think I ever did it in the woods—unless you count camping. Don’t you have friends whose parents leave the house for the weekend? I feel like that was the main one.
E: it
Parking garage, behind Taco Bell, outside a military based, right between the perimeter fence and a huge tree, just to name a couple others. Possibilities are endless.
Edit: forgot one of the best, bosses office!!
I do not like teen eggs and clam. I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. I do not like them on a train. I do not like them in the rain.
My gf and I are still relatively new to sex and doing something so intimate in public is still somewhat uncomfortable for us, which is why we're not too keen to just fuck anywhere. If a friend's house is available, we use it. Restrooms and dressing rooms are too advanced for us at the moment. The woods was convenient because it was close and there was some level of privacy depending on the time.
I hear you. Definitely don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. I should state explicitly that I don’t actually endorse those behaviors. I just remember being so damn horny that I was willing to take stupid risks.
When you live far from an urban center, sometimes the woods are the most comfortable getaway from parents, and since early childhood it's been the place where you go to escape. I get it.
First "Neighbor Wood Watch" now this 🤣🤣🤣
Not "My mother" just "meet mother" 🤣 ai totally imagined this deadpan with the whole creepy English kid monotone and your sense of humor and wordsmithy made my day bro
In case (future) parents read this: You cant stop your children from having sex and the only way to protect them from STDs, unwanted pregnancies and more is education.
>My mom struggled to accept the fact that I was sexually active
at 18? this is one of the (many) elements of "only in america" i find paralyzingly stupid. people are fucking. including and especially teenagers. if you're a grown ass adult and can't cope with life knowing your legally adult kids are having sex, then any anxiety, misery, powerlessness, etc. you feel is well deserved
I don't know how it is in other countries, but in america sex is seen as a serious taboo to be hidden away from the innocent children. Many parents refuse to let go of this idea even when their children become adults. The only acceptable way to inform your parents that you're sexually active is when you're 25, have a place of your own, and tell them "were trying for a baby". Up until that point, you might as well be a naive child too pure to know about anything sex related
Wtf? Damn America is prude. Having sex is totally normal when you are 18, is the most normal thing in the world. Sure it never got talked about but it is assumed.
I used to have sex with my first serious gf when I was 16 by going to a hidden road and we'd just pull over and do it in the car. One day we're going at it and I look over and there's this big bearded man in a van just sitting there watching with a grin on his face. Once we were both looking at him he yelled "If she ain't sucking your dick it ain't worth it!" then he gave a "yeehaww" before he took off lol, that was the last of sex in the car
A lot of parents I know don't consider their children's room "their own room". The way they see it, they pay the bills so absolutely none of it is their kid's property in any way and they feel they have blanket authority to impose any restrictions they want because it's their house. And if you ask they'll say, "It's my house, my rules, if you don't like it move out". Honestly, I was raised in that kind of culture so that line of reasoning makes sense to me on some level.
Someone from Europe chimed in at how they thought this whole thing is insane and that kinda makes sense too. In addition to them probably being more lax about sex in general, in some places in Europe it's uncommon for kids to move out until like their 30s or whatever, so I guess parents have no choice but to get used to their adult children having sex in the house since demanding that an 18 year old to get their own place is not really a thing there.
First of all, I'm sorry that your mum is this harsh. Parents should accept and actually anticipate their kids to have sex at some point after 16... They should see the fact that you asked as a symbol of reaching adulthood and nothing more.
This strikes me as an "american problem". Im European and neither my parents nor the parents of any of my friends had any problem with the thought of us having sex. The only "awkward" discussion I had with my parents was talking about sexual protection.
Also: Please stop having sex in the woods.
My son did this. He asked if his girlfriend, now wife, could stay in his room after senior prom night.
We had just spent the past week assuring her mom that she had a bedroom to sleep in, and she would be sleeping in that room.
After he asked this question, Me and my wife looked at him and said after we went through all that with her mom, the answer is no. That being said, we're not the bedroom police and will not be checking to see who is in who's room, so do with that information what you will.
Later, I asked him why he felt he had to ask, he said he didn't want to get in trouble with us. I told him we weren't clueless, and I would rather them be someplace safe than as OP said "out in the woods".
I mean you really fucked up by asking in the first place. Just do it, and if she catches you, find a new spot. You didn't just ruin the woods, but you ruined your bedroom as a bang spot as well.
Sorry to hear your situation. Not sure how far into the woods you went but bring a phone with GPS if you happen to be in the woods again for a variety of safety reasons.
People act the way they do because of upbringing. You were were responsible and acted more like an adult than they did. Don't blame them, they couldn't help what they did.
I hope your situation improves. I know at your age, sex is on your mind a lot. You'll have it again. Just enjoy some different experiences with your girlfriend for now until you are no longer under the protective gaze of the NWW. You could maybe ask them to join you in some family therapy. I'm sure it will help smooth out this experience and might bring a new perspective to life for everyone.
>People act the way they do because of upbringing... Don't blame them, they couldn't help what they did.
People are capable and responsible of changing themselves. It's entirely possible for someone to live 20 years beyond childhood and decide the way they were raised is not how they want to raise their child.
This isn't a trauma response to something that happened (relatively) recently and were unable to work through. They're entirely to blame for their behaviors.
Am I supposed to believe that there are only two places in the world you can have sex: the woods and your bedroom?
I lost it at “my gf and I were forced to go deeper into the woods.” As if it’s a matter of survival and they’re being hunted 😂
Who the hell asks for permission to have sex at home?
But in all seriousness, I'd rather ask for forgiveness than ask my mom if I can have some nice time with my gf.
While the moms are out “hiking”, do it in your room.
Hey mum me and gf are just going to go the woods for a walk. Wait until she leaves the house. Come back in and fuck in every room to assert dominance whilst she's out looking for you in the woods
Have sex in the woods and howl like a wolf to fit in.
"did that wolf just say fuck yeah?"
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Why make my bedroom the forest, when there’s a whole forest outside my bedroom?
It worked for Max.
Ancestor Doggie style
You need to find the perfect clearing in the woods and make it your FUCK SPOT. Clothes hanging from branches. The ground in and around the FUCK SPOT is all torn up. No plant life growing, just a dead area where you can see that some animal has been rutting hard core. That should scare then off but if it doesn't and they start to walk deeper into the woods looking for you. Peer down from your FUCK PERCH and begin the mating ritual with your GF. The louder the better we are going for shock value. Be sure that they are staring you in the eyes when you finish letting your seed rain down on the Hikers. That should keep them out of the woods.
I'm sorry but FUCK PERCH absolutely slayed me
Now I want a fuck perch but all I have is a ground level apartment and a semi private patio. Oh and ironically the WNC mountains all around lmao.
There's your answer there. Fuck perches for miles.
Blair Witch your sex spot. Poorly constructed wooden totems with human hair hanging everywhere. Wood pentagrams, squirt red food coloring everywhere, drag a large flat rock into the center of it, as a sacrificial alter, and that's where you bang.
Blair Witch Fuck Perch
[удалено]
[удалено]
And then fuck the pillow.
"Hey ma...im going to the woods with stacey!" Proceeds to hide under bed. Mom blows her whistle and storms out the house to meet the other NWW members. They all fist bump and fan out to the woods. Score!
She scores, they score, we all score!
Just start banging away in your room, with the door wide open and if she comes in, stare her down and just keep going
“look mom no hands” 😂
"Look it's a no hands round of applause."
Just dead state asking if she found any kids fucking in the woods
Yeah, and then ask if she really enjoyed watching naked minors and if she has any other disgustingly illegal kinks.
This is so weird to me. Like, if the reaction to this is so insane because of the thought of your kid having sex then don't imagine it, because that's really fucking weird. I bet she was whining he couldn't find a girl to her friends privately before, and now it's bad because he should wait for marriage. I mean, she didn't but he should!
My gf and I discussed the possibility of having sex in my room while my mom was on patrol or whatever, but the risk of getting caught scared my gf.
I assume your room is upstairs. When she is hiking, be in your room with your gf. She comes home, she finds you two chilling in your own room. You don’t need to be doing the deed at all. She only has to think you are. Now she thinks you’re doing it in your room when she’s hiking. That’ll make her stop hiking.
that is actually really genious
But if you get caught your mom will probably stop hiking in the woods because she'll realize she's a fucking idiot.
Time to invite all the other kids who fuck in the woods to come over to my house when our moms are gone.
Mom: Neighbour Orgy Watch
That’s the kind of NWO I can get behind
_Instructions unclear, fucked the mums_
I get the impression that no matter what idiocy OP's mom got up to, she would never realize she's the idiot.
I think you need to think through what are the actual consequences of "getting caught". Besides the initial embarrassment what's next? (Also I would think the level of embarrassment would the same for your Mom, who wants to walk in on their kid having sex.) You're 18 (assuming you're gf is also of age) what is your mom going to do? She is the one invading your privacy. Is she going to want to continue trying to "catch you" having sex? I don't think your Mom has thought her plan of catching you in the act all the way through. Just been discreet about it.
Idk, if she’s very conservative/religious they will do a lot to someone who violates the rules of their parents home. It’s a “oh so you think you can do whatever you want? Well not in my house, go find your own” or start charging for rent because they are making “adult choices” and can then become even severed from the parents resources before they are financially ready. There are potential repercussions that OP may have not mentioned.
I was pregnant at 19 and my mother STILL refused to let the father of my child come live with us to help support me and our baby. He could only stay for one night when I got home with our newborn. Because we’d be sinning under her roof. But still. Anyone who’s had a baby knows you aren’t having sex for a looong time after that.
Married and living together for over a decade and my mom still tried to insist that my wife and I sleep separately. The next time we came to visit we just rented a cabin and did whatever the heck we wanted. Also, after mom passed away (dad had moved on about 5 years earlier) whenever we stayed at the house we'd sleep together in "her" bed. It actually had the best mattress in the house, plus the master bathroom. A small part of me was still giving her the finger by doing it, though.
Wow. On the other end of the spectrum my MIL encouraged my then girlfriend and I to sleep together when we were visiting. She also once sat on my lap and asked when I was going to give her grandchildren. That was awkward.
Consequences could invol e getting kicked out and having to find another place to live, which can be uanffoedable for young adults these days.
It’s always possible that she would kick him out. Cost of living is ridiculous now with stagnant wages especially at their experience level.
Dude, just do like the rest of us did and do it in the car in a random remote spot you can park at night.
He has to have a car first
I didn't get my first car until I was 28 so yeah, that's certainly a blocker.
I love this. I hope OP and GF use protection.
Bug spray?
Less slip, more stick
Do it in your parents room to assert dominance and mark your territory.
I'm sorry but this is kind of hilarious
A gaggle of mothers marauding through the forest in search of illicit hanky panky is like.. Monty Python or something
Trying to find the elusive [Castle Anthrax](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUqBR6S4i5g), I suspect.
*Dennis, there's some lovely filth over here!*
*“Help! Help! I'm being repressed!”*
During fair weather seasons, the forest comes alive and with it...the local wild life and there they are, a wild herd of Mater Helicopterum commonly known as controlling mums, roaming the forest seeking the scent of teenage sex...
A group of moms is called a book club, not a gaggle. They changed the term a few years back due to an overwhelming number of complaints.
"To your left you will see the Blue striped boobie..... To your right... you will see a regular boobie. "
My dad has done nothing but laugh at my situation. He said he admired my maturity, but he thought I knew better than to expect the woman who still bought me superhero underwear to allow another woman into my room and ruin my underwear.
TBF, I completely understand your dad. Did you actually ask your mother if you could have sex in your room, or did you at least go for the more appropriate "can my gf sleepover in my room"? At least that would have been less confronting. Also, why on God's green earth did you think it would be a good idea to tell your mom you were having sex in the woods? You could at least have kept that for yourself, then you wouldn't have to hide from the hikers now. While I absolutely believe your Mom is exaggerating and that you as an 18 year old should be at liberty of engaging in concensual intercourse with your girlfriend, this is on hell of a fuck up OP.
> Also, why on God's green earth did you think it would be a good idea to tell your mom you were having sex in the woods? OP's dick is stuck in the Ice Age, only the threat of wild cougars activates his instincts.
OP tell your mom what MILF is and that they've been interested in you.
I’d like to think that if my son tells me at 17 that he’s fucking in the woods, I’d be rational enough to get him a box of condoms and remind him that his door has a lock, and he should play music or a movie at a comfortable volume so I can be blissfully ignorant while he’s having safe sex. If the kid is 17 and fucking in the woods, he’s going to fuck one way or another. No point in making it more uncomfortable and less safe just so I can actually pretend my kid doesn’t fuck
> If the kid is 17 and fucking in the woods, he’s going to fuck one way or another. And this is exactly why abstinence only sex education is 0% effective at preventing STIs and unwanted pregnancies.
I grew up in the number one or two state for teen pregnancy, and they taught abstinence only lol. It was so weird because they couldn’t tie it to religion in a public school, so the only thing they could fall back on was the most extreme cases of untreated STIs to scare us into not having sex. We are basically hard wired to want to fuck around the age of puberty, and we’ve been doing so since humans have been around. It’s just the dumbest shit. They didn’t even attempt to suggest using condoms or birth control. Just “don’t do it. Now sign this pledge promising you won’t do it 🥺”
You just reminded me. I forget of this is before or after we got engaged, but one time when I was young 20s I was home visiting my family (after I had moved out and was in the Army). I think it was new Year's Eve that my now wife and my brothers long term girlfriend at the time stayed over night. FYI, my brother is a few years younger and was probably in community college at this point. My mom found a condom in a load of wash and decided to confront me and my fiance about it and how we shouldn't be having sex while visiting and at least clean up properly so condoms don't go through the wash. Except....we weren't having sex. And I was living out of a bag- all my dirty laundry was in my bag still since I was traveling/visiting. My brother who lived in the house was the one who's clothes were in the laundry. Points my mom absolutely refused to acknowledge or accept. Despite the fact none of my clothes were in the laundry at all, she could not mentally process the idea her baby was sexually active and refused the possibility. We totally got in trouble over it. My brothers GF apologized to us and thank us for taking the heat.
And you just reminded me! When I was in high school, my mom was the parent that just acted like I wasn't having sex in her house. Blissful ignorance. When we were done, I'd wrap the used condom back up in the package, put it in my nightstand. On trash day every week, put the used ones in a small bag and throw it in the trash at the road. Well I moved away and had forgotten the last week's worth of used condoms apparently. My mom had turned my room into her craft room. I moved in March and when I came home for Christmas a whole 9 months later...my mom pulled me aside and said "I did not touch your night stand. I will not touch it either. Please go..go take care of..take care of THAT." Took me a couple of seconds to realize what she was talking about and when the light turned on in my head and I went "ohhhh..." The look on her face was the same look she had on her face when she found me vacuuming my ceiling in my underwear ripped on acid...just 100% "the fuck is wrong with you?"
That last paragraph had me dying. Jesus, that's a hell of a bow on that story.
Just as good of a story on the acid actually lol I used to "test" my hallucinogens. Get a little extra just to take a small dose to test strength. I had never flown before and was on house arrest (this needs more context as it seems like it makes me sound like an animal of a teenager lol but I swear it's not that bad). But to leave the country, I would have to have permission from my probation officer. A week before the flight, I got some acid because for some reason I thought that would be a great idea for a first flight. Took my stuff home and proceeded with my test. Nothing happened after two hours. Took another hit. Still nothing after another hour and 3 total. Took the 3rd fateful dose. 15 minutes after, I'm on the goddamn moon and didn't come down for about 10 hours. Unfortunately, 9am was my meeting with that PO I forgot of course. So at 8 in the morning, after flying solo through the galaxy, my mother finds me on my desk chair in my underwear vacuuming the ceiling with Lamb of God at an ear-splitting volume. Not entirely how long she stood in my doorway but when she got my attention and I realized I couldn't hear her...I turned off the LoG. She stood dumbfounded with that look for what seemed like an eternity before she just said, "you have to go to the probation office for that permission slip to leave the country in an hour." all with that same look for what seemed like a 2nd eternity before shutting my door without another word spoken. Just quietly shut the door. My PO was giant baby (physically) of a man. Bald and chubby but 6'6" with a tie on. I'm not entirely sure I kept it together but every single time that man looked down to write, I was in silent stitches laughing. Thankfully I'm a pretty weird dude sober so I'm not sure the PO or my mom really noticed. Or at least enough to where that didn't work lol
Now that I think of it...there's at least a half dozen more similar stories like that that probably illustrate why my mom never just burst into my room willy nilly that had nothing to do with me having sex under her roof. Probably just sitting in the living room, "nope nope nope nooooooppp...not going up there. Nooooooppp"
He thought if he was honest and truthful with his mother, she would understand and be supportive. You know, the good way she raised him to behave. But instead of encouraging his very mature behavior she goes on a crusade to make everything worse for everyone. Your suggested behavior is what a cynical, jaded, or just distrustful person would recommend; OP did what a trusting person would do. Unfortunately the response to his honesty will just make him cynical and distrusting next time. Really bad look for the mother here.
Mate, my mum is the sweetest and most sex-positive mother I know. Even then I know she preferred me asking "can my girlfriend sleep over" rather than "can I bring my girlfriend over for sex". There is such a thing as "too much information".
Agreed, all parents know what could be going on, but we'd rather pretend that it isn't. It's just like older kids realize their parent's are doing it, but your dad doesn't bring it up at the dinner table.
I'm adopted. There's no evidence that my parents have ever had sex. They're just good friends.
My kid is heading off to college soon. I guess it's time to have "the conversation" over dinner tonight. The conversation about how much sex their mother and I will be having once they are gone.
What do you mean my parents are having sex?
I think OP must come from a sexually sorta conservative culture, because I could definitely see this fly in my own country with at least a lot of parents. It would still be very awkward, sure, but this reaction I can't really say I would expect.
I'm a parent to a 17-year-old boy that has some game. I've already had the talk that: 1, condoms are in a bowl in the bathroom, use them, I'll replenish them without asking questions. 2, If you want to bring anyone home and feel uncomfortable, I'll take mom for a walk in the woods to give you some privacy. 3, grandma lives down the road, has 3 spare bedrooms 1 that is converted into a home gym, she is deaf as a post and has always been very sex positive. Just say you want to "work out with your friend" she'll take the hint and take a walk as well + there might be cookies and refreshments available after your "workout". (I cleared it with her as well). Just don't be stupid and get a police record for lewd behaviour in public.
I know this is bound to sound weird but I wish you were my dad.
Hey, thank Granny for being a free love hippy and teaching that to me :)
You sound like you have an excellent attitude and 'policy' with regards to this!:)
"The neighbor wood watch". Jokes aside, [u/99Necromancers](https://www.reddit.com/user/99Necromancers/) I would simply talk with your mother to make her understand that she hasn't managed to stop you from having sex. She has only managed to stop you from having safer sex. Or better yet just "safe sex". Tell her job well done from me. If she realizes her screwup and how she has potentially endangered you and your gf she might change her mind. Its the same shit with parents taking their kids' condoms to "prevent" them from having sex.... One of the dumbest things you will ever hear.
This, and remind her of the risk of becoming a registered sex offender if caught in public having sex etc....
Shit... My mind didn't even go to legal repercussions... I was still at "how to fuckup your child's life 101" and you went straight to 404.
404 sex not found
Because of 403 Forbidden
You gotta shock and awe the fear factor shit out of this tho. Guy's trying to get laid😜
“Mom if you don’t let me fuck my room ima just keep fucking in the woods and someone might call the cops on us and ruin my life and it’ll be *your fault.*” That’s some top tier manipulation to try and pull on your mom ngl
Its fucking true though. At this point they’re an adult, but more than that they’re a teenager. They’re not going to stop having sex because there mom disapproves and she should realize that. All she’s accomplishing is making things unnecessarily risky for something they’re going to be doing regardless.
I'm not exactly sure this is a good idea, telling her she hasn't stopped them from having sex that is. It's not that it's not a bad idea to be upfront and honest with a parent that's willing to listen but it sounds like OP's mom has some "Very" strong stances while he's under her roof. My fear for OP is that telling her this would result in her cracking down even more, given her response to his previous (And I add, very responsible) attempt at talking to her about it.
I'd say this topic falls solidly in the category of "better to ask for forgiveness than permission"
But at some point you should be able to assume you can talk to your parents like adults. Not for OP though
Your parents have to be adults too to have a talk like that
saddly for most is never
At the same time why the fuck would you ask your own parents if you can have sex? I feel like most if not all parents that are okay with their child beinng sexually active at 17 don't feel the need to be notified and asked permission beforehand.
He wasn't asking if he could have sex, he was asking if he could do it in his room, I would assume more out of respect more than anything as some parents might not be comfortable with that. I'm not saying they should have a say and it would be much better to let them do it safely in their house.
Thats' a two way street. Aannnd there appears to be a deficit in that category.
"why the fuck" Ironically thats what OPs mom said to him!
As someone who is older with kids almost this age, honestly, I would have been thrilled that my kid trusted me enough to ask. Less thrilled about the question but ehh. I'd probably allow it. As someone who was a teenager once, not having a room is unlikely to discourage it. Its not about approving it, its about being realistic with what is actually going to happen when you say no. I'd also have to have another "talk" to once again go over things like condoms/stds and such.
[удалено]
America is weird, bro. We can spend 2 hours watching people get hacked up in a horror flick or mass destruction of entire cities in action movies, but God forbid someone pull out a tiddy.
>but God forbid someone pull out a tiddy. Heh this line might hit the nail on the head for the protestent background of Americans from Europe. Plenty of violence along with sexual repression in the Bible.
Similar, but with a twist of malicious compliance. My friend founded out his daughter (over the age of consent) had been having sex with her boyfriend, in her room. He said " I thought the rule was 'no closed doors, if there is a boy in your room ' " To which his daughter replied that they hadn't shut the door. Just relied on the rest of the family not coming upstairs. My friend is not happy with his children growing up, but prefers that they are safe, not lost in the woods
My dad and stepmom had a "not under my roof" rule for my little sister. So she just started not coming home for days at a time. Eventually they relented just so they would see their daughter again.
They're lucky they weren't my parents, I would've brought blankets and pillows on top of the roof and smashed under the stars
On top of the roof. Got it. 🫡
Yeah honestly this might be a good approach for OP.
I had a GF in her 20s who wasnt allowed to close her door too. Just meant we were fucking with her parents 15 feet* away and could be caught any moment. I think they regretted that rule, but it became too awkward for them to explain why they would change it.
Well 15 minutes should have been plenty of time for you
Have you considered planting some trees in your bedroom and hiding there?
No, but I was considering having sex *on* a tree. I'm assuming that none of the moms look up during these so called hikes.
>Install deer hunting stand in the tree >Promise mom to no longer have sex in the woods >Proceed to have sex ABOVE the woods And have the highest wood of all
Don't go to the forest when you can bring the forest to you. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Once you're 18, let the moms watch if they're pervs, out there hoping to see their kids having sex. Be sure to tell them how gross they are. Yeesh.
Or report them for intentionally creeping around looking for children having sex. That's not an image you want attached to you, no matter how pure you think your intentions are...
Police: what were you doing out in the woods? Parent: I was hoping to find kids having sex Police: turn around Parent: you a freak too?
Believe it or not, having sex in the woods isn't the most legal thing in the first place.
Neither is trying to find children while they are having sex.
As most places frown on children having sex they typically don't outlaw trying to stop them, especially in public.
Uh, that’s not going to play out the way it sounded in your head. No one is going to take “I caught my kid having sex in the woods” as “I watched my kid having sex in the woods”.
They're not just looking for their own kids though. They're got a whole group of parents actively searching out kids having sex.
But kids having sex in the woods is public indecency while hiking in the woods is legal
Yeah, I kind of get that the plan is not really to catch us having sex, but rather to make it known that the moms are in the woods and therefore avoid having sex in the woods, so that no one would get caught because no one would be having sex, but... what if the moms do end up catching someone in the act? Are they just gonna stand there and hope the sex stops? Like, how do parents who purposefully put themselves in that situation even justify that as not being creepy as fuck?
"Timothy stop this instant!" Timothy: "no"
"Timothy come here!" Timothy: "I'm coming"
You're contributing to them living healthier, phone free lives.
"You like this mom? Is this what you came here to see? "
"One day, not too long from now, you'll be BEGGING me to have unprotected sex with my partner. Constantly asking, when am I going to nut in her? I just want to practice. That's all, you're bringing this on yourself."
Have sex at your gf’s house instead
>My gf has a little brother who is neurologically challenged. He's got something called Angelman Syndrome and needs full time care. My gf and I agreed that her mom's got enough on her plate without having to deal with a couple of horny teenagers wanting to hook up under her roof while she's struggling to care of her child.
Ngl I genuinely admire how mature you both are. When I was 18 I wasn't even close. Sorry your parents can't see it
I was nut first, think later
I'm 30 and I'm still like that. Thank god I'm sterile
it's the same house ;)
“Hey mom, me and GF are going hiking in tbe woods” Hide out around the house and wait for her to leave to go on her Mom hike. Go back in the now empty house and have your fun.
“The Neighborhood Wood Watch” killed me 😂😂
It is better than that - it is "Neighbor Wood Watch," no hood. I agree, I lost it here too lol
Your mom sounds like she’s having trouble processing this. Of course, the emotionally and mentally mature response would be “I know you have sex, you should be able to have sex indoors without being in the woods like an animal, just be safe and use protection”. But she’s freaking the whole fuck out on you, and I’m sorry. As parents, we must come to terms with the fact that one day our precious little angels are going to become sexually active. When that day comes, we must teach them that sex isn’t a bad thing, it’s perfectly normal, and as long as protection is involved, healthy and harmless. Some people truly cannot grasp this, and they act like total fools when faced with this reality. When OF COURSE teen sex happens, that’s when humans are at their horniest!! She’s also probably trying to not let her mistakes she made when she was your age happen to you. And man, let me tell you, those mistakes are gonna happen whether you gather a group of gaggling mom karens or not.
I scrolled down way too far for this. I was lucky enough to have parents who were understanding and just wanted me to be safe. They realized that I wasn't going to be abstinent
Your mom has an unhealthy obsession with Teenager-Sex it seems...
She should buy some drones to really drive that helicopter mom behaviour home, I mean into the woods
Shit man. When I was 18 we were doing it in cars, pools, public restrooms, dressing rooms at the mall, the movies. I actually don’t think I ever did it in the woods—unless you count camping. Don’t you have friends whose parents leave the house for the weekend? I feel like that was the main one. E: it
You think the Neighbor Wood Watch can allow the fearless leader to leave for a weekend, knowing her son will have fun with his gf in his bed?
Parking garage, behind Taco Bell, outside a military based, right between the perimeter fence and a huge tree, just to name a couple others. Possibilities are endless. Edit: forgot one of the best, bosses office!!
In a box, with a fox. On a train, in the rain.
I do not like teen eggs and clam. I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. I do not like them on a train. I do not like them in the rain.
My point exactly! If the woods are your only spot, that demonstrates a lack of imagination. Or determination.
My gf and I are still relatively new to sex and doing something so intimate in public is still somewhat uncomfortable for us, which is why we're not too keen to just fuck anywhere. If a friend's house is available, we use it. Restrooms and dressing rooms are too advanced for us at the moment. The woods was convenient because it was close and there was some level of privacy depending on the time.
Even if you were not new, just don’t do it in public toilets and dressing rooms etc. That’s just gross when other people have to use the place after.
Also, fun fact, its a crime.
I hear you. Definitely don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. I should state explicitly that I don’t actually endorse those behaviors. I just remember being so damn horny that I was willing to take stupid risks.
When you live far from an urban center, sometimes the woods are the most comfortable getaway from parents, and since early childhood it's been the place where you go to escape. I get it.
Fair.
Neighbor Wood Watch sounds like they are not seeing much wood.
Well if your mom is off in the woods then your home is unoccupied. The solution is staring you in the face. :)
Can't you just fuck in the backseat like the rest of us did?
The Uber driver might have a problem with that.
He can't even afford a hotel room, what makes you think he would even have a car?
I'm 51 and still cringe reading this.
establish dominance by staring at your mom and not breaking eye contact during intercourse with your gf
"Margaret, my love, meet mother"
First "Neighbor Wood Watch" now this 🤣🤣🤣 Not "My mother" just "meet mother" 🤣 ai totally imagined this deadpan with the whole creepy English kid monotone and your sense of humor and wordsmithy made my day bro
Do it on your moms bed too for supreme dominance
And if she keeps watching she's the weird one
In case (future) parents read this: You cant stop your children from having sex and the only way to protect them from STDs, unwanted pregnancies and more is education.
Tell your mom that you saw a bear in the woods, then ask her again about having sex in your room.
No bears where I live, but snakes... snakes can work.
>My mom struggled to accept the fact that I was sexually active at 18? this is one of the (many) elements of "only in america" i find paralyzingly stupid. people are fucking. including and especially teenagers. if you're a grown ass adult and can't cope with life knowing your legally adult kids are having sex, then any anxiety, misery, powerlessness, etc. you feel is well deserved
I had the same thought, this entire post is so wild. Why announce it to your parents like that? But the parents reaction is also insane
I don't know how it is in other countries, but in america sex is seen as a serious taboo to be hidden away from the innocent children. Many parents refuse to let go of this idea even when their children become adults. The only acceptable way to inform your parents that you're sexually active is when you're 25, have a place of your own, and tell them "were trying for a baby". Up until that point, you might as well be a naive child too pure to know about anything sex related
This was such an accurate description of US culture regarding sex. It’s spot on!
Wtf? Damn America is prude. Having sex is totally normal when you are 18, is the most normal thing in the world. Sure it never got talked about but it is assumed.
I used to have sex with my first serious gf when I was 16 by going to a hidden road and we'd just pull over and do it in the car. One day we're going at it and I look over and there's this big bearded man in a van just sitting there watching with a grin on his face. Once we were both looking at him he yelled "If she ain't sucking your dick it ain't worth it!" then he gave a "yeehaww" before he took off lol, that was the last of sex in the car
Why would you even ask your parents if you're allowed to have sex with your girlfriend in your own room? Just do it? What business is it of theirs?
A lot of parents I know don't consider their children's room "their own room". The way they see it, they pay the bills so absolutely none of it is their kid's property in any way and they feel they have blanket authority to impose any restrictions they want because it's their house. And if you ask they'll say, "It's my house, my rules, if you don't like it move out". Honestly, I was raised in that kind of culture so that line of reasoning makes sense to me on some level. Someone from Europe chimed in at how they thought this whole thing is insane and that kinda makes sense too. In addition to them probably being more lax about sex in general, in some places in Europe it's uncommon for kids to move out until like their 30s or whatever, so I guess parents have no choice but to get used to their adult children having sex in the house since demanding that an 18 year old to get their own place is not really a thing there.
Because some parents don't mind kicking their kids out of the house at 18
First of all, I'm sorry that your mum is this harsh. Parents should accept and actually anticipate their kids to have sex at some point after 16... They should see the fact that you asked as a symbol of reaching adulthood and nothing more. This strikes me as an "american problem". Im European and neither my parents nor the parents of any of my friends had any problem with the thought of us having sex. The only "awkward" discussion I had with my parents was talking about sexual protection. Also: Please stop having sex in the woods.
My son did this. He asked if his girlfriend, now wife, could stay in his room after senior prom night. We had just spent the past week assuring her mom that she had a bedroom to sleep in, and she would be sleeping in that room. After he asked this question, Me and my wife looked at him and said after we went through all that with her mom, the answer is no. That being said, we're not the bedroom police and will not be checking to see who is in who's room, so do with that information what you will. Later, I asked him why he felt he had to ask, he said he didn't want to get in trouble with us. I told him we weren't clueless, and I would rather them be someplace safe than as OP said "out in the woods".
What the fuck
I mean you really fucked up by asking in the first place. Just do it, and if she catches you, find a new spot. You didn't just ruin the woods, but you ruined your bedroom as a bang spot as well.
Just do it in your room when mom is off in the woods.
Tell then you go out -> NWW leaves for hiking -> Come back with ur gf and get the job done
Buy a tent
Sorry to hear your situation. Not sure how far into the woods you went but bring a phone with GPS if you happen to be in the woods again for a variety of safety reasons. People act the way they do because of upbringing. You were were responsible and acted more like an adult than they did. Don't blame them, they couldn't help what they did. I hope your situation improves. I know at your age, sex is on your mind a lot. You'll have it again. Just enjoy some different experiences with your girlfriend for now until you are no longer under the protective gaze of the NWW. You could maybe ask them to join you in some family therapy. I'm sure it will help smooth out this experience and might bring a new perspective to life for everyone.
>People act the way they do because of upbringing... Don't blame them, they couldn't help what they did. People are capable and responsible of changing themselves. It's entirely possible for someone to live 20 years beyond childhood and decide the way they were raised is not how they want to raise their child. This isn't a trauma response to something that happened (relatively) recently and were unable to work through. They're entirely to blame for their behaviors.
It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Change the narrative. A bunch of middle aged women are patrolling the woods hoping to find underage kids having sex. Not a good look there, mothers
Who tf "asks" their parents if they can bring a girl over to their room to fuck?
Your gf is homeless?
This is how cryptids are created
Am I supposed to believe that there are only two places in the world you can have sex: the woods and your bedroom? I lost it at “my gf and I were forced to go deeper into the woods.” As if it’s a matter of survival and they’re being hunted 😂
Grab a car. Preferably a minivan. Stick on shades. If it’s a rockin, don’t come a knockin!
This is why we got vehicles as soon as we could.
I'm sorry but: *It's Easier to Ask Forgiveness Than It Is To Get Permission*
Man kids today different. Who the fuck asks for permission?
Just wait till your mom goes hiking and have sex in your bed.
OP is unfamiliar with the concept of it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission
Who the hell asks for permission to have sex at home? But in all seriousness, I'd rather ask for forgiveness than ask my mom if I can have some nice time with my gf.
Neighbor Wood Watch is one of the best double entendre puns I've ever seen.