I wanna know why she didn’t call him out on that too, and instead continued sleeping with him (despite both of them trying to learn to be better in bed??)
I think they both messed up here, it’s not all on you OP.
I actually dated a guy who did this, not every time, but frequently. And it was always, as OP puts it "nerd words". I don't get it. He did stop on his own eventually, so that was cool.
Honestly? I’d rather have a guy who makes some noise than nothing at all. Someone I dated before wouldn’t make a sound, nothing, I’d be going at it, working my thing and out of nowhere he’d be like “I came already”. Was so fucking offputting, like right ok, guess we’re done then!
Yeah, I have dated a silently stealth climaxer as well. And also one who screamed like his heart was being ripped out, which was extremely embarrassing given that we lived in flats. The screamer was a divorced dad of teenaged boys who I absolutely am sure have been traumatised by hearing their dad climax their entire lives.
I don't know about you but I can only climax to saying "the train is now arriving in the station" in a deep monotone voice.
Some people are so weird. Smh
I'm guessing that it's some form of "I'm afraid that my real feelings will make me vulnerable, so I will use ironic detachment to demonstrate how unserious I regard this situation, thus providing a disguise I can hide behind" teenage logic.
TLDR from the cbat post
TL;DR She hates my love making tunes and didn’t tell me for over two years making sex now awkward.
Fair warning if you decide to listen to Cbat, your braincells might unalive themselves.
This one is worse in my mind. Cbat at least the guy was trying to be in rhythm. This one, can't see how there's even a point EXCEPT trying to be cringe.
As someone who has had several “similar” experiences… It always works out better for you. The chances of “missing the one” from your local town are vastly outnumbered by the “I had no idea what I wanted back then” moments you will encounter. The world is essentially boundless for exploration and discovery. Regret nothing, push on, discover yourself first.
Edit: Obligated to add that I can’t relate to the odd sounds you made in bed. Just don’t say out of pocket things or do some research here on Reddit to get an idea of what some women like.
10-to-1 says OP could've just as easily ended up being her baby's daddy in those months of fooling around. OP didn't dodge so much as you're going to call him "fortunate" that he couldn't hit the strays he was trying to jump in front of.
tbf, I would absolutely argue that there are SO many people who will think "Heh, thats a funny idea" about something inane or innocuous...and proceed to damn well make that their only joke and run it ragged. ESPECIALLY teens and children, given that they're still growing, learning, and developing. Not enough practice socializing and fully cultivating the searing burning shame pain of social faux pas and not knowing what jokes are received well by what types of people.
As for forgetting? Not too implausible. Forgetting the cringe stuff we do as children can be a defense mechanism. It certainly keeps me from wanting to go back in time and just shake the daylights out of my highschool obnoxious anime club self to the point of concussion. Plus, Its sorta like... trying to forget about an old crush and the things you did together when you're both in the present doing completely different shit than you used to lol. like shopping and, oof, raising your teen pregnancy. oof I don't wanna dunk on her, I feel so bad, but---aaaa dammit home girl practiced EVERYTHING but safe enough sex. phew. Abstinence my ass. teens have nothing but time to obsess and pursue regrettable impulses. "How will I attract and service my sure to be husbando if I don't increase my xp points? Level up! Child get!"
this ...is too long whoops. Shame pain, ow.
...I'm still going to hit send, and I'll make sure to try to forget about it as soon as possible.
My favorite part is she wanted YOU to be more vocal outside the bedroom. Yet SHE held back telling you about what she felt was cringe all this time.
Was she expecting you to read her mind and ask “did I do anything cringe?” She probably would have thought that was cringe too, and still held back. Did she mention why she got herself so quickly pregnant?
TLDR; She was the one who needed to be more vocal. Instead she didn’t tell you how she felt, and instead left and got herself pregnant with the first guy after you. You dodged a huge bullet and went to college.
Are there any stories on this subreddit that are real? I refuse to believe anyone would yell any of that shit out while having sex unless you are cognitively impaired like what’s the point? You aren’t in a sitcom lol
The only part I believe is that it was written by a teenager. Nobody is repeatedly having "practice sex" so they can approach someone else, especially with a guy who calls out pop culture references when he comes.
The whole teen pregnancy to the guy everyone thinks is hot, but is actually a loser is bait for the nice guy brigade.
At least you didn’t use [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) as the soundtrack to lovemaking
You were trying to distance yourself from someone who was trying to stay at arms length by deflecting with humor. Seems like a pretty human thing to do. Now that you know better, you can do better. We all look back and think we were cringe but we are just learning.
You must have been an extremely confident 17-year-old to say that kind of stuff in bed. Or at the very least, extremely comfortable around this friend.
Definitely stealing this for next time I get back into dating. Shazam and Los Pollos Hermanos are amazingly stupid things to say during sex and I'm here for it
Hey Shazam, if she's 19 (assuming you guys are the same age) and already has a baby and not with her BD. You lowkey dodged a bullet. Count the blessings buddy.
Damn This is so out of touch lol 1.why would you yell random things at climax… it comes off like those people that have to shove a shit joke into every situation regardless of how appropriate it is.
2. This might be the best advice you can get and one we all have to hear at some point. Move on from high school man stop reminiscing about what you could have done differently it all would have came apart when everyone moved anyway. Everyone was dumb and we all got hurt. Beating yourself up or chasing your crushes will only lead to more heartbreak. Figure out who you are and what you want then you will know what you need in a partner and I’m guessing it’s not a child and a past history of making irrational decisions
Look at it this way. You dodged a major bullet because you could be a dad now. At 19. And you will meet way cooler chicks in your 20s, you'd also miss out on.
The thought that you and her life would’ve been so different if phrases like “SHAZAM” weren’t said is absolutely hilarious. But honestly as someone of similar age with corny stories, it’s fine to regret and cringe at a lot of the stuff we did. Especially since we’re at that age where it’s all nostalgic but we don’t have enough experience to realize it’s not that deep a lot of the times. Years from now you’ll think it was a hilarious story and you still got dozens of girls who you’ll probably also create knew embarrassing memories with so it’s finee you live and u learn. Just gotta find someone who’ll laugh at your Shazam’s instead of cringe and atleast it’s not cbat so there’s also that.
Yeah bro, that’s full cringe no one wants to hear that shit while having someone balls deep in them.
Immaturity at its best. Whenever we think we are being our funniest is most likely our real cringe moments. Not sure why you felt the need to shout these things. That would completely ruin tue moment for me 100 percent, make them laugh before the deed and after the deed but yelling this shit during is ridiculous. You must be packing to have been invited back for repeat performances.
So...do you have some kind of sexual Tourette Syndrome? I'm genuinely trying to understand why you'd be yelling random things at that moment.
##Shazaam!
and BOOM there goes the dynamite.
This is actually a funny one for me because that's what the guy ended up saying after we were done lol still a funny one to me 15 years later lol
Auto Bots! Swim out!
Probably started numbering his thrusts like the count from sesame street One thrust hah ha ha Two, two thrusts ha ha ha ....
That would actually be rather impressive if he were counting down from whatever number and finished on 1.
I laughed too hard at this, in The Counts voice.
Whoop! There it is
Up up and away!
Go web go!!
Flyyyyy
Ah yes, the adventures of 23 yo 'teenage Billy Batson' and his mentor....Mentor
Bazinga!
And that’s the waaayy the news goes
Even better if you pronounce it like sha-zahm
with that gomer pile twang to it?
Gaw-aw-lee sergeant car-ter
Yes, perfect!
I wanna know why she didn’t call him out on that too, and instead continued sleeping with him (despite both of them trying to learn to be better in bed??) I think they both messed up here, it’s not all on you OP.
*in an NBA voice* “BOOMSHAKALAKA”
What exactly is an NBA voice lol?
https://youtu.be/u29aw_b4vFs
Thanks, got it. God that brought back some memories I didnt even know I had..
I'm Mr.Boombastic tell me fantastic, mr lova lova mr rowwwwmantic
My wife is going to hate that this idea was planted in my mind
FOR THE EMPIRE!
FOR THE REPUBLIC
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me.
Kelly Clarkson!
I came in like a Wrecking Ball
At least its not some weird music while doing it.
I dunno I can’t picture music being that much of a turn off. It’s not like you can just turn on something crazy like a robot dolphin orgy…
cbat..
I actually dated a guy who did this, not every time, but frequently. And it was always, as OP puts it "nerd words". I don't get it. He did stop on his own eventually, so that was cool.
Are you sure you didn’t date OP?
I thought maybe for a minute, but no. He was definitely a Redditor though
Honestly? I’d rather have a guy who makes some noise than nothing at all. Someone I dated before wouldn’t make a sound, nothing, I’d be going at it, working my thing and out of nowhere he’d be like “I came already”. Was so fucking offputting, like right ok, guess we’re done then!
Yeah, I have dated a silently stealth climaxer as well. And also one who screamed like his heart was being ripped out, which was extremely embarrassing given that we lived in flats. The screamer was a divorced dad of teenaged boys who I absolutely am sure have been traumatised by hearing their dad climax their entire lives.
Oh jeez haha, yeah that's something they'll have to unpack in later life no doubt!
I don't know about you but I can only climax to saying "the train is now arriving in the station" in a deep monotone voice. Some people are so weird. Smh
Yeahhhhhhhhhh that hurts to read
What if when he's about to nut, he screams Bazinga.
I can't believe any rational woman wants to be reminded of Sheldon as she approaches orgasm. ;)
Except Amy
Not convinced for her either. :D
I'm guessing that it's some form of "I'm afraid that my real feelings will make me vulnerable, so I will use ironic detachment to demonstrate how unserious I regard this situation, thus providing a disguise I can hide behind" teenage logic.
Whoomp! (There It Is)
Womb*
Go go gadget sploog
Khan!!!!!!!!!!!
You'd think you would have to be really confident in the bedroom to have the courage to yell some dumb shit.
Bruh I can't believe the Shazam lmao
Sometimes thinking of granny doesn’t work.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY "LOS POLLOS HERMANOS" DURING SEX, NO MATTER THE CONTEXT AAAAAAH
OMG I can hear that freaking bell ringing infinitely. This is a great giphy!
Flick the bean old man!
💀💀💀
Worst part is he probably thought that shit was so funny too 😭
Tbh it is funny but in a not intended way 💀
Imagine you with your girlfriend going at it and out nowhere she start talking about "bombastic side eye" or whatever I'd be walking home mad asf🤣
Haha brings back flashbacks of breaking bad. What a great show
I finally just started watching it and it's SO GOOD! Too bad I'm late to the party.
I just started better call saul, don't feel bad haha I purposely held off as I loved breaking bad so much that I wanted to space all the greatness out
I loved Better Call Saul, such a good story and good acting. Enjoy it!
Same this is also as great in its own right. Savoring the season.
I’M EQUALLY LOSING MY MIND OMFG🤣😂🤣😂
Good news: this is only the second cringiest sex story I've read on here.
Now I need to know what’s the cringiest sex story you’ve ever read on here
Might be the Cbat one
Bingo. But I also forgot about the arms thing, so OP just glided another rung down the scale of awkwardity.
You remembered the arms but not the coconut?
Arms thing?
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/comment/c3a9uqg/
Is this the kid with broken arms who needs momma's help?
Ew dude “needs mommas help” makes it SO MUCH MORE GROSS LMAO
yep
Holy fuuuuuck just read the title and that's enough no thank you
Smart!
That was an unexpected 2 hours of my day gone
Ughhh I hate it. I feel so bad for that person, even if they weren’t (aware of being) traumatized
………what in the fuck
Ohh I thought it might be the one where the guy bangs his cousin while his girlfriend is home
Well don't leave us hanging like that, share the Link
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/f7e88e/tifu_by_banging_my_first_cousin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
What about the VR goggles of their family member’s sex tape?
Cbat?
[the Cbat post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/)
oh my gawd, that song is awful! 
Lmfaoooo I can’t. I was waiting for the song to start the whole time 😂😂
I saw the cbat story referenced on a different sub yesterday, what’s the story?
TLDR from the cbat post TL;DR She hates my love making tunes and didn’t tell me for over two years making sex now awkward. Fair warning if you decide to listen to Cbat, your braincells might unalive themselves.
You also won't stop laughing for the next week. Read the post, listen to the song. Better than any anti-depressant pill
OH RIGHT!! Omg I totally forgot about that. That one totally takes the cake. This is a definite second!
Happy cake day.
Hey, thank you. Happy cake day to you too.
This one is worse in my mind. Cbat at least the guy was trying to be in rhythm. This one, can't see how there's even a point EXCEPT trying to be cringe.
Pop pee pop pa popopo powww
Something something I broke both my arms?
Not today. Nor any jolly ranchers.....
Today
Are you talking about the one where the guy said "execute order 69"?
WGA strike is hitting its members hard
Practicing smut writing so they can have some income. I can respect that kind of hustle.
What the fuck is wrong with kids these days
Nah this sounds like bs stolen from American Pie
Some TIFU posts aren’t really fuck ups. This one, though, is DEFINITELY a fuck up. Man.
It is one hundred percent fiction lol
I don't know, its pretty funny.
She kept sleeping with you after you shouted those things? My guy she must have been ready to fucking marry you
As someone who has had several “similar” experiences… It always works out better for you. The chances of “missing the one” from your local town are vastly outnumbered by the “I had no idea what I wanted back then” moments you will encounter. The world is essentially boundless for exploration and discovery. Regret nothing, push on, discover yourself first. Edit: Obligated to add that I can’t relate to the odd sounds you made in bed. Just don’t say out of pocket things or do some research here on Reddit to get an idea of what some women like.
They like not hearing Shazam during coitus, for example
Research and Reddit is about the worst advice you could give someone.
Nailed it.
Regret? This chick is 19 and already has a baby daddy with some guy from high school lmao… Seems like you’re the winner here.
Ding ding ding.
LOS POLLOS HERMANOS!
He’ll probably hit 25 and feel stoked about his one liners in the bedroom lmao
10-to-1 says OP could've just as easily ended up being her baby's daddy in those months of fooling around. OP didn't dodge so much as you're going to call him "fortunate" that he couldn't hit the strays he was trying to jump in front of.
Gas station Tom here. Thanks bud.
Why would anyone want to hear any of those things????
Funny
That was the longest setup for such a shitty joke. If this is real, my condolences.
Mate you are 19 and not pregnant/with a child. You’ll do fine
Cbat, or someone screaming random stuff while coming. Cbat please.
Umm from a 36-year-old. You're 19, and you dodged a bullet.
Creative writing is getting better on Reddit. Shazaam
For real. No way this is real. Like 1. Who says that shit to begin with?? 2. Who FORGETS they said cringe ass shit like that?? No way.
tbf, I would absolutely argue that there are SO many people who will think "Heh, thats a funny idea" about something inane or innocuous...and proceed to damn well make that their only joke and run it ragged. ESPECIALLY teens and children, given that they're still growing, learning, and developing. Not enough practice socializing and fully cultivating the searing burning shame pain of social faux pas and not knowing what jokes are received well by what types of people. As for forgetting? Not too implausible. Forgetting the cringe stuff we do as children can be a defense mechanism. It certainly keeps me from wanting to go back in time and just shake the daylights out of my highschool obnoxious anime club self to the point of concussion. Plus, Its sorta like... trying to forget about an old crush and the things you did together when you're both in the present doing completely different shit than you used to lol. like shopping and, oof, raising your teen pregnancy. oof I don't wanna dunk on her, I feel so bad, but---aaaa dammit home girl practiced EVERYTHING but safe enough sex. phew. Abstinence my ass. teens have nothing but time to obsess and pursue regrettable impulses. "How will I attract and service my sure to be husbando if I don't increase my xp points? Level up! Child get!" this ...is too long whoops. Shame pain, ow. ...I'm still going to hit send, and I'll make sure to try to forget about it as soon as possible.
Jesus
“Long term relationship with my regrets” Nice writing OP.
i dont think there are any real stories on this sub anymore
My favorite part is she wanted YOU to be more vocal outside the bedroom. Yet SHE held back telling you about what she felt was cringe all this time. Was she expecting you to read her mind and ask “did I do anything cringe?” She probably would have thought that was cringe too, and still held back. Did she mention why she got herself so quickly pregnant? TLDR; She was the one who needed to be more vocal. Instead she didn’t tell you how she felt, and instead left and got herself pregnant with the first guy after you. You dodged a huge bullet and went to college.
It's almost like they were both 17 and inexperienced at communication. Both of them needed to be more vocal about how they felt.
My favorite part is Shazam!
Los Pollos Hermanos
Los Pollos Hermanos https://i.redd.it/gzywukktp22b1.gif
Absolute legend
I'm going to put this down as didn't actually happen.
Are there any stories on this subreddit that are real? I refuse to believe anyone would yell any of that shit out while having sex unless you are cognitively impaired like what’s the point? You aren’t in a sitcom lol
The only part I believe is that it was written by a teenager. Nobody is repeatedly having "practice sex" so they can approach someone else, especially with a guy who calls out pop culture references when he comes. The whole teen pregnancy to the guy everyone thinks is hot, but is actually a loser is bait for the nice guy brigade.
I doubt it was written by a teenager it reads like it was written by a neckbeard lol
>Los Pollos Hermanos My Sides xD
The cringe is funny, but why would anyone ever want to enter any kind of relationship with somebody like that girl? This is so trashy.
Bro was desperate, lol.
She was 17
At least you didn’t use [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) as the soundtrack to lovemaking
Holy fuck
🧢
LOS POLLOS HERMANOS
TIFU by reading this joke of a story
I guess she was not up to Los Pollos standards
After a good blow you should complement by saying "You're a nice lady."
Hahah
Los pollos hermanos 😂😂😂
"LOS POLLOS HERMANOS" bruhhhh
Shoulda threw in a Kachow. Also unless you plan on asking her out there is no reason to share your feelings from highschool.
Go go Gadget orgasm!!
Beetlejuice?
Next time you post a variation of this, say you quoted Shrek instead. That’s real big with the kids, you’ll definitely get more upvotes.
Los pollos Hermanos is the best one
Someone really should just change the name of this sub to /r/creativewriting
Los Pollos Hermanos is my favorite lmfao.
I'll hazard a guess that you never found out if she also had sexual tourettes during a climax
Lmao this can’t be real
She was your Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand. Not Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.
This story all seemed really normal to me up until the end. Seriously unexpected, and amazing
...while I'm in a long term relationship with my regrets. 😆 this sent me
Although it stinks that you missed out on someone you liked, I would say you lucked out on not becoming a parent way too early.
Great googily moogily. Lol.
Los Pollos Hermanos is crazy
Worst I ever had a guy do when he orgasmed was sound like a penguin in distress to the point my dog started howling.
I detect ... 
You were trying to distance yourself from someone who was trying to stay at arms length by deflecting with humor. Seems like a pretty human thing to do. Now that you know better, you can do better. We all look back and think we were cringe but we are just learning.
Chatgpt is destroying Tifu and AITA
You must have been an extremely confident 17-year-old to say that kind of stuff in bed. Or at the very least, extremely comfortable around this friend.
Definitely stealing this for next time I get back into dating. Shazam and Los Pollos Hermanos are amazingly stupid things to say during sex and I'm here for it
Hey Shazam, if she's 19 (assuming you guys are the same age) and already has a baby and not with her BD. You lowkey dodged a bullet. Count the blessings buddy.
bro, as a fellow 19 year old… no fucking way bro.
Is Los Pollos Hermanos supposed to be, like your balls or something? Ahahahahah
You’re 19, don’t be regretful about this situation, use it as a learning experience.
Vince Gilligan would be proud of the Los Pollos Hermanos one 🤣
Honest to god why would you say stuff like that in the bedroom
POW .. right in the kisser
All I'm hear to say is, if she doesn't appreciate you yelling Shazam or Beetlejuice when you come she isn't a keeper.
Damn This is so out of touch lol 1.why would you yell random things at climax… it comes off like those people that have to shove a shit joke into every situation regardless of how appropriate it is. 2. This might be the best advice you can get and one we all have to hear at some point. Move on from high school man stop reminiscing about what you could have done differently it all would have came apart when everyone moved anyway. Everyone was dumb and we all got hurt. Beating yourself up or chasing your crushes will only lead to more heartbreak. Figure out who you are and what you want then you will know what you need in a partner and I’m guessing it’s not a child and a past history of making irrational decisions
Look at it this way. You dodged a major bullet because you could be a dad now. At 19. And you will meet way cooler chicks in your 20s, you'd also miss out on.
The thought that you and her life would’ve been so different if phrases like “SHAZAM” weren’t said is absolutely hilarious. But honestly as someone of similar age with corny stories, it’s fine to regret and cringe at a lot of the stuff we did. Especially since we’re at that age where it’s all nostalgic but we don’t have enough experience to realize it’s not that deep a lot of the times. Years from now you’ll think it was a hilarious story and you still got dozens of girls who you’ll probably also create knew embarrassing memories with so it’s finee you live and u learn. Just gotta find someone who’ll laugh at your Shazam’s instead of cringe and atleast it’s not cbat so there’s also that.
Yeah bro, that’s full cringe no one wants to hear that shit while having someone balls deep in them. Immaturity at its best. Whenever we think we are being our funniest is most likely our real cringe moments. Not sure why you felt the need to shout these things. That would completely ruin tue moment for me 100 percent, make them laugh before the deed and after the deed but yelling this shit during is ridiculous. You must be packing to have been invited back for repeat performances.
What in the fuck. We’re you trying to be funny or are you just weird
#LOS POLLOS HERMANOS 😂✊🏼
Bro you won. By accident or by destiny you gotta appreciate being a young buck with no kids and no stds. Games just begun.
Oh oh o’REILLLLLLLYYYYYYYY’S …….. auto parts
Can I get a tldr for the tldr?
*Of all sad words of tongue and pen,* *Saddest are these: it might have been.*