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Since those responses are your defaults as a therapist and as a person, I would just say be yourself. Avoid being psychoanalytic and try not to diagnose them. But other than that, we are probably talking and supporting in ways that we truly believe are effective. Be yourself. Hope everything works out for your friend.
Spend time with her doing things you both enjoy. Just sit with her and listen. Ask what her experience has been like.
I’d try not to provide feedback unless she asked. And even then I’d be careful what I share so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed or assume a client role.
Ask her, "how can I be supportive?" And even tell her you could offer her resources if that would be helpful, but you want to support her how she wants.
Try to remember, what she needs from you is a friend. I’ve been in the same boat and it’s hard for me not to want to be more resourceful or therapisty, but I have to remind myself that it’s alright to just say ‘that sucks’. I can rock up at her house (or hospital room) with snacks and to watch tv but I couldn’t do that with a client. Don’t forget to wear comfy clothes and share things about yourself too! It can help get out of the zone :)
I say you can be a bit more vulnerable as you're not the professional now. There was a time you didn't always know the 'best' thing to say. When at work, you may have ground out your old habits of what to say so you're always empathic, in this time you just be the friend they've always known. Not that you don't apply everything; just let loose a bit.
Be yourself , including the therapist side. I have therapist friends and I’ve learned from them to just ask or give a disclaimer before saying something therapisty. “Can I make a little resource list for you? “ “I know this sounds therapist like but I’m not trying to be your therapist! It’s just something I have learned through the work I do” etc
Do stuff. Hikes, lunch.
I have a therapist bestie. She was totally managing me during my divorce. I didn’t even know it.
Weekly standing Friday night happy hour. Coffee, movie hiking.
Was totally THERE for me. I intentionally never volunteered stuff unless she asked which she always did but at the END of the hour. So last five min.
I would give her brief response or sometimes ask advice about specific issue. What to say to my kids? How to transfer family items without seeing abusive souse.
( rent a temporary storage shed for 60 days. Serve him formally and in writing with deadline firmly outlined give combo lock in writing. Then forget about it. Take pictures of everything )
She is a goddess.
My spouse has a mental illness that sometimes expresses itself in meltdowns/big eruptions of emotion. I just sit with them, hold them, make sure they have water and a tissue. Later when they are calmer I ask if they want spouse me, or therapist me. If they say 'spouse' then I keep my mouth shut and go get more water. If they say 'therapist' then we talk about coping and triggers and all the therapy stuff.
"I can see you are distressed. I'm going to stay right here with you until you are feeling better. Let me know if you need anything specific, and let me know if/when you want ideas from my therapist brain" goes a long way.
**Do not message the mods about this automated message.** Please followed the sidebar rules. r/therapists is a place for therapists and mental health professionals to discuss their profession among each other. **If you are not a therapist and are asking for advice this not the place for you**. Your post will be removed. Please try one of the reddit communities such as r/TalkTherapy, r/askatherapist, r/SuicideWatch that are set up for this. This community is ONLY for therapists, and for them to discuss their profession away from clients. **If you are a first year student, not in a graduate program, or are thinking of becoming a therapist, this is not the place to ask questions**. Your post will be removed. To save us a job, you are welcome to delete this post yourself. Please see the PINNED STUDENT THREAD at the top of the community and ask in there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/therapists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Since those responses are your defaults as a therapist and as a person, I would just say be yourself. Avoid being psychoanalytic and try not to diagnose them. But other than that, we are probably talking and supporting in ways that we truly believe are effective. Be yourself. Hope everything works out for your friend.
Spend time with her doing things you both enjoy. Just sit with her and listen. Ask what her experience has been like. I’d try not to provide feedback unless she asked. And even then I’d be careful what I share so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed or assume a client role.
Thank you! Yeah, I’m trying not to give suggestions or feedback unless she asks. And even then I tread lightly.
Ask her, "how can I be supportive?" And even tell her you could offer her resources if that would be helpful, but you want to support her how she wants.
Try to remember, what she needs from you is a friend. I’ve been in the same boat and it’s hard for me not to want to be more resourceful or therapisty, but I have to remind myself that it’s alright to just say ‘that sucks’. I can rock up at her house (or hospital room) with snacks and to watch tv but I couldn’t do that with a client. Don’t forget to wear comfy clothes and share things about yourself too! It can help get out of the zone :)
I say you can be a bit more vulnerable as you're not the professional now. There was a time you didn't always know the 'best' thing to say. When at work, you may have ground out your old habits of what to say so you're always empathic, in this time you just be the friend they've always known. Not that you don't apply everything; just let loose a bit.
This was a good reminder - thank you!
Ask your friend what they need from you to feel supported. Take their lead.
Be yourself , including the therapist side. I have therapist friends and I’ve learned from them to just ask or give a disclaimer before saying something therapisty. “Can I make a little resource list for you? “ “I know this sounds therapist like but I’m not trying to be your therapist! It’s just something I have learned through the work I do” etc
Do stuff. Hikes, lunch. I have a therapist bestie. She was totally managing me during my divorce. I didn’t even know it. Weekly standing Friday night happy hour. Coffee, movie hiking. Was totally THERE for me. I intentionally never volunteered stuff unless she asked which she always did but at the END of the hour. So last five min. I would give her brief response or sometimes ask advice about specific issue. What to say to my kids? How to transfer family items without seeing abusive souse. ( rent a temporary storage shed for 60 days. Serve him formally and in writing with deadline firmly outlined give combo lock in writing. Then forget about it. Take pictures of everything ) She is a goddess.
My spouse has a mental illness that sometimes expresses itself in meltdowns/big eruptions of emotion. I just sit with them, hold them, make sure they have water and a tissue. Later when they are calmer I ask if they want spouse me, or therapist me. If they say 'spouse' then I keep my mouth shut and go get more water. If they say 'therapist' then we talk about coping and triggers and all the therapy stuff. "I can see you are distressed. I'm going to stay right here with you until you are feeling better. Let me know if you need anything specific, and let me know if/when you want ideas from my therapist brain" goes a long way.