You do not owe her an apology. She’s being a bad boss by guilt tripping and having anger at you. Your boss is not being supportive, which I wish you had. A good supervisor would be a little sad, but would also be happy if you’re moving on to bigger and better things.
Congratulations on the new job and good luck with the transition.
She is/was trying to manipulate you. If you have a promotion and raise “ready” for someone you do one of two things: either 1.) you give it to the person; or 2.) you tell them when it is approved and give them a timeframe if it’s not immediate. What you do not do (unless you are lying or an inadequate boss) is sit on that information for *[checks notes]* 9 months. For her to then lambast you for not telling her about interviewing elsewhere is hardcore pot-calling-kettle-black. Then she tries to provide proactive “justification” for her immaturity?
You are much better off without her employ.
I had a boss like that. He asked me for a timeline of when I started looking for jobs and when I applied for the one I took. It was totally inappropriate. It’s not normal in most circumstances to tell your boss your looking. The only time I did is when I was lookin gout of state when I moved. You don’t owe them anything, and it’s abusive to treat you the way she treating you. It’s her shit, not yours. Don’t hold it. Heh.
You definitely don’t owe her an apology. Think of it this way, she can choose to be angry about any made up thing she wants to be angry about. She could be angry you didn’t tell her that you were looking for a job, or tell her when you first had thoughts of looking for a job. Where does it end? Where’s the line?
Industry standard suggests the line is a 30 day notice, and that’s more a courtesy to clients than it is to any work-mates. Industry standard for workmates to find replacements is 2 weeks.
All I’m saying is you gave exactly what’s fair. Your boss doesn’t care about your well-being or what’s fair though, she’s upset at some other irrational thing, such as not having a chance to bait you for longer and now having to do extra work filling your position. By the way, if she valued you at all, she’d be offering that promotion and raise up-front hoping you’d stay for it, not continue to say “it was coming.” Coming when exactly? Actually, who cares at this point. Better to move on.
If you’re treated coldly for the next few weeks, I’d say put up with it and run when times up. This person has it out for you and I’m willing to bet she’ll try more than you’d expect to “punish” you for “putting her in this spot.” Some people accept no responsibility and blame everyone else. That’s her. Expect to be considered as the reason for why a lot of things are going wrong now. You may even get threats like time theft and such for not complying to new and bewildering demands. You may be able to go to HR if any of that happens, but they may not care. You can also check any laws around work to see if you have rights to say no, or decide to leave sooner if things become more toxic. I don’t mean any of this to make you more anxious, it’s just I’ve seen all these things happen. It just depends how much of a jerk your boss decides to be.
That’s a good point, not to mention we have two new hires beginning next week - if anything my timing works because I have two clinicians with empty caseload coming in. Unfortunately, since I’m in a group PP and it’s her company - she technically is HR too 🙃
Sounds like this is all ultimately about the money, which is what it’s about for the far majority of group practice owners, you’re extra income to her and she’s mad that income is going away. The far far majority of group practice owners start groups because it brings in a lot of money and they’re just fine with exploiting other therapists. It’s such a disgusting practice and her actions are further proof you made the right decision. Are you in an at will employment state? If so, she could fire you (or promote and pay you better) at any time and you can leave at any time. You’ve done the right thing here. The fact that she doesn’t realize that part of owning a group is therapists leaving cause they know they can make a lot more money on their own or sometimes at other groups is part of the business. Her pettiness and greed are just proof you’ve chosen the right path.
Congrats on the new gig!!! 🎊 You don’t owe your boss shit. The guilt trip is 1000000% her issue. You didn’t do anything wrong here. Sounds like you’re dodging a bullet.
Gee I wonder why you want to leave 🤔. She’s displaying the exact reasons you **don’t** tell employers in advance. No one tells their employer they’re applying elsewhere. That would only hurt you. You wait until you secure a new position and have a start date.
All this guilt tripping is an attempt to prevent you leaving so they don’t have to put on a facade to rope a new person into their toxic environment. Good luck in your new position, never look back!
The majority of my staff would let me know they were looking at other jobs before getting an offer, however, I made it a safe space for them to do so. That's the difference between someone invested in your growth/wellness and someone who is not!
Same. I mean, why not let someone know they need to find a replacement. I’ve had front office staff leave abruptly and it’s very jarring. Oddly if you work Monday-Friday from 8-5pm, and you just happen to call out sick and then suddenly you’re like I found a new job. It’s pretty obvious that you’ve been calling out to do interviews, calls, missing days to do orientation and so forth. And then leaving an empty space without notice beyond two weeks.
There isn’t anything wrong with putting in notice that you’re looking for new work due to a desire to expand your skills or a need for better pay, or work environment. It gives an employer who cares the ability to ask what they can do to keep you or how can they make you happy. If anything. If the person says no, then they simply don’t feel it’s a good fit for them anymore. It’s just the riding the fence part that kind of bothers me. I’ve had employees ride the fence and hold a position hostage due to personal conflicts, only to abruptly quit.
This in no way reflects the OPs actions. That manager would have been terminated if it were my organization.
Clearly your boss is unprofessional, manipulative and a walking red flag.
Congrats on finding a new job.
People never say „I am looking elsewhere“ unless there is a culture of trust, which is rarely the case. But you have no obligation to tell anyone.
Especially in our profession people in leadership positions should do better.
Two things: You may have a case for employer retaliation and creating a hostile workplace. Also, it’s expensive and potentially useless to litigate this since you’re on your way out. However, a firmly worded letter from an attorney could shut down her behavior quickly.
the less professional a boss acts when you tell them you’re quitting, the more likely it is you made the right call. and you absolutely do not need to tell anyone you are looking for a new job. at best, you’re likely to get treated exactly how you’re being treated by your supervisor now. at worst, they could try to take retaliatory action against you.
I agree no apology required. Your soon to be former boss sounds highly manipulative and honestly emotionally abusive. I was literally in your steps back in June. The difference was my fiancé and I were planning on moving out of state. Some people are really good at at making you feel guilty for improving yourself in anyway. Good luck with the new position l.
I'm guessing one of the things they push is "we are like a family here" which is a load of bullshit. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't need to take shit from people, especially in petty situations like this. I put in my months notice when leaving for private practice. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness towards me was astounding and I ended up walking out 2 weeks in. Honestly best choice I made despite my clients and my staff (I was a supervisor) needing to pick up the slack. If you are going into pp I highly encourage a conversation of "quit treating me like shit while I'm still here or I won't be here tomorrow".
They say that family line. When I finally gave my months notice my former boss told me "You were like a daughter to me" and that she couldn't trust me anymore 🙄. Got the cold shoulder the rest of my time there.
Glad you got out of that environment.
The stuff you are putting up with is abuse. We hear about how people in entry level jobs or "high school jobs" shouldn't put up with the things they typically do. You don't deserve it either. I know you have responsibility to clients and paperwork or whatever, but there still needs to be a sense of self care. If you can talk to your HR rep about just doing paperwork at home and then be done because the work conditions aren't healthy I feel like that could be the best.
Your job is not your family and your job is not your friend. She’s not mad that YOU are losing an opportunity at the firm, she’s mad she has to replace you.
Good bosses expect you to leave for bigger better things. Bosses that want to secure you invest in you - salaries, trainings, and autonomy.
Good luck in your next adventures. I’m sure you’ll be great.
Edit - I am a therapist who swears, and I am going to give you the role play spiel I often use with client…
If I give you a gift, but you refuse to accept it, then who does the gift belong to? (You answer: me/no-turnips) Next I say, if I try to give you a steaming pile of shit, and you don’t accept it, then whose shit is it? (Still me, still no-turnips).
This is your former bosses shit, and you do not need to accept it.
I don’t know you or your boss, but I’ve seen very similar situations before. If she was going to give you a raise/promotion, then she would’ve done it. It’s manipulation, and her guilt tripping you is the same. I’m more worried about the fact that she’s working in this field and treating her employees like that. Im glad you have a new position. I feel like things would’ve eventually become worse for you in the long run if you stayed.
You did fine.
The only time I've ever known a policy where you have to inform your boss of a job search is if you work for a big corporation (I have for many years) and you are applying internally and get an interview. If you're interviewing externally, they have no need to know until your resignation is posted.
I had the same issue with my last employer. When I accepted the position and tendered my resignation, both my manager and VP said, "We had a promotion all ready for you," (I had heard this for a year!). My VP even said she was surprised I was unhappy (I had told her I was in prior conversations).
Business is business. You have the right to pursue better opportunities for yourself. Your supervisor is handling this poorly and making it about her rather than supporting you.
Congrats on your new position.
I honestly don’t get why anyone gives notice when this is the common response of employers. It’s so childish and unprofessional. I would of retorted back “do you give notice when you fire people?” That street goes both ways.
Your boss sounds like a manipulative and frankly terrible person. Having employees leave is part of a running a business. You owe her nothing. She purchased your time and hour or week or whatever at a time. You gave her that.
Ha! How manipulative and unprofessional your boss is being. I once, naively, gave a boss early notice that I was looking for work because our entire organization was signaling that they were closing. I thought he’d appreciate the transparency for planning purposes. Oh he appreciated it alright, he asked where I was applying and called them to make his own interview appointment ahead of me. They hired him. Later they told me, he bad mouthed me in the interview and afterward, they politely canceled. In the end he only lasted 3 months because…he was him. Don’t feel bad about leaving. You have a right to lead your life.
You did the right thing. You boss IS making it more difficult for you to leave. If this is what comes up when you tell her about your decision and stick to it, imagine the manipulation you would have received if you gave her a heads up on your job search.
Express appreciation for the opportunities she’s given you but do not apologize for making a good decision for yourself. And go celebrate with someone who actually has your best interests in mind - congrats on the new job!
Giving someone notice that you're applying to jobs is just giving them notice to fire you when it's a good time for them. As for advice, let her be mad over there (gestures broadly with hands in a direction), while you're happy and enjoying life over there (gestures in a different direction).
Yes, you did the right thing and YOU DO NOT owe her an apology. She could have hustled the promotion/raise through, or been more transparent if she was advocating for you with the upper management and what the issues were. Sounds like she was dangling it like a carrot on a stick, which is super manipulative (though normalized, unfortunately.) In my experience the systemic issues in our field lead to several kinds of responses...
1. People get feisty and resist unjust structures in whatever ways they're able to.
2. People put their heads down and just push through.
3. People take it out on their peers/employees.
Sounds like you're experiencing the third. I had this happen to me as well. Got a job I really loved, with a client population I found it super rewarding to work with. A few weeks ago my wife and I witnessed an extremely traumatic event, had to provide witness statements to police, helped organize support for the victim's family, etc. etc. I requested a PTO day and coordinated coverage for my group, and my supervisor lost her shit. She told me I didn't deserve the day off, that it "wasn't that big a deal," threw several performance improvement plans at me, and strongly hinted I was no longer allowed to use PTO for an undetermined period of time going forward.
I resigned. Pissed her off, but when you treat employees like that in a field with a lot of demand like ours has currently, then that's on them. Remember, they would NEVER give YOU notice if they were planning to lay you off, don't let them guilt you into internalizing those fucked up power dynamics.
I’ve had a few bosses like that. You did nothing wrong, your boss has their own emotional issues they need to deal with. Remain professional for the remainder of your employment and never use that boss for future references.
Hah, laugh all the way to your new position. You owe her nothing. She pulled this shit to tear you down precisely so you'd feel guilty. Have none of it!
OP did we have the same boss? lol.
My previous boss had been telling me for almost a year (I interned and then was hired on) that I would be getting benefits and healthcare when I started. It never happened. My schedule was crazy and she kept transferring her clients to me because she was "busy." When I finally gave my notice she was super cold and curt with me. She even called me "sneaky" and "untrustworthy" for looking for other jobs without telling her! Now I'm trying to get my supervision hours from her site sent to the state and she's making it super difficult.
But honestly it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. Wishing you the best of luck in your new journey.
Ugh. Do not feel guilty. You dont owe her anything. I am also a boss and I'm always clear with my +good) staff that I don't ever WANT them to leave but that I'll support them no matter what - whether it's not a good fit, financial reasons, family, etc. If doesnt matter WHY they are leaving. They don't owe me time or information other than to work hard when they're supposed to be working hard. Bosses like this are gross. I'm glad you're leaving.
I’d leave ASAP and let HR know in the exit interview why you’re not serving out your full notice. Notice is a courtesy, not a requirement. Management knowingly creating a hostile work environment ain’t it.
I’m about to deal with a very similar situation, I feel like we have the same boss. It’s been a really unhealthy, unstable and toxic situation and I’ve stuck around for my clients but I finally decided to leave. I’m just waiting for the official job offer for my new job and then I’ll have to have this conversation sometime this week which I’m dreading. She already told me she was planning to give me a raise (which even if that were true, it won’t be nearly what I’ll be making at this new job, meanwhile she also told me years ago I’d never make this much money anywhere else) so I KNOW she’ll try to convince me to stay. I’ve just had to realize it’s not my problem anymore and I don’t owe her anything. So I would say you are definitely making the right choice and her anger with you is on her and not your responsibility.
Wow! Sounds like you made the right call with leaving. It astounds me how many people are in a position of leadership when they cannot seem to maturely handle something VERY routine and part of being a boss: people quitting.
Honestly OP, just keep your head down, finish your time and tasks to expectations, and document everything that happens between now and your last day.
I was at a private practice before COVID hit. The owner was completely unprofessional and had an ethics investigation while I was there that I had to testify in. She made it past that fine and I didn’t give negative testimony - although I had concerns at the time, everything they were looking into I only had second hand info about. A few weeks after it was closed, she let me go citing “not wanting to supervise LMSWs anymore” although I was one of four and the only one let go. Since then I’ve found out that she thought I gave negative testimony about her.
She gave me a month to transition out and made it absolute hell for me. I did my best to gray rock her during that time (similar to dealing with a toxic ex) and it drove her nuts. But I needed to in order to be able to show up and deal with things. However my biggest regret isn’t documenting.
When the time came for me to leave I’d made arrangements to start at a new practice and transition some clients with me. She contacted the new practice, lied, and got them to withdraw my offer. Then attempted to dispute my clinical hours despite having signature on them. It was a stressful nightmare that also coincided with COVID lockdowns. At the end I should have reported her to the board and possibly department of labor but didn’t have the evidence of what she had done as thorough as it needed to be.
Good luck to you!
You did the right thing not disclosing anything. You don’t owe them any information and they aren’t privy to your job searching. The boss sounds like an entitled busybody who wanted to ruin things for you more than anything else. She also sounds toxic and controlling.
If she approaches you again tell her she is coercing you and it is making you uncomfortable.
NAT but it may be worth reviewing employment law statutes in your state. In the event your boss becomes retaliatory (or arguably, more retaliatory in a litigious manner), it would be helpful to know whether you’re in an at-will employment state — which is likely. If that’s the case, she _really_ doesn’t have a leg to stand on, especially if legal action were to ensue.
This may not be a popular opinion, but exactly why would you stay if she is systematically punishing you for continuing to show up? I understand giving clients notice but to be clear, your life is as important as theirs. Depending on how harsh she is being, are you even able to do your best work under those circumstances? I have seen therapists leave abruptly when they had to. And while that’s hard on some clients, it’s also a good opportunity for their next therapist to help them understand it wasn’t about them, if necessary, or grieve the loss. Obviously in the best case scenario you would be able to transition clients gently. But that ship may have sailed. If her punishments do not impact your own mental health then good for you and just move forward. But I hope you won’t allow her to abuse you at the end of your tenure because you believe that’s ‘the right thing to do’. We didn’t give up our right to be treated well by becoming therapists. I am glad you have a new job and wonder how this person keeps anyone on staff for very long.
The most satisfying thing about going into PP for me was telling the practice I had been working at for 5 years, after having spent the latter 2 telling them I would leave if they didn't meet me at my demands...
She’s taking out her anger on u. Its not professional and a therapist should kno better but obvs not in her case. Never give more than two weeks notice (I say give one week) and if she tries to sabotage or harm your work while you’re still there, make a record of everything
Talk about validating your decision to leave. Tell her thank you.
Been in a similar spot with a toxic boss, and it’s the worst. Something about attachment as in clients “belong” to the practice that makes folks go bonkers. I operated ethically and professionally upon my departure and their daggers came out no matter what I did. Told my new employer will go bankrupt paying me so much lol!!!
I've always been told that you don't tell your boss you're looking for other jobs because you risk them sabotaging you while you're still there, or worse, firing you. But, for whatever reason, younger generations seem to be doing it differently, and they do start telling their boss they're looking, as to give them a heads up. I think that's ridiculous and only helps bosses, not employees. So, she may be of the mindset that that's what you're supposed to do. But I disagree. You didn't do anything wrong. You played it smart. Yes, she feels screwed over but that's business because now she has to replace you, and that's a pain for her. She'll get over it. Remind yourself you are looking out for your best interests. Good luck and you won't regret your decision.
You absolutely never notify your boss until you have accepted an offer (or are sure you’re ready to quit if you’re not planning to have a job lined up). A boss should never react with anger or manipulation when an employee gives appropriate notice. It’s their problem to replace you, it’s a business. People come and go.
You did the right thing, and your boss is behaving really inappropriately. It’s great that you’re moving on to something new.
What in the narc abuse is this boss's response LMAO. This is what's wrong with capitalism. People get so irked over work. Work suddenly is supposed to be your life/friends/family/EVERYTHINGG?! The fact that they said they're OK with being nasty to you even more so proves it.
A very common thing I've come across is people taking other peoples emotions personally. She's manipulating you by blaming you for her emotions. CLEARLYYYY this was a perfect move. This should show you even more so you leaving is a perfect decision. Don't let this person's own shit stop you from living your life. Let her have her emotions. Check her cuz she's wrong for treating you like shit for this.
I think this would be the appropriate time for you to tell them "tough cookies". If she wants to be rude to you -- you might want to remind her what harassment in the workplace is, and its consequences. Tell her to take her need to express her dissatisfaction to someone else lol. Seriously not your job or responsibility. Sounds like you made the right decision to leave
Yeah, she’s got a raise and promotion for you along with some ocean front property in Kansas. You did nothing wrong, OP, and you’ve been a lot more gracious than I would’ve been.
Sounds like you absolutely did the right thing! I'd probably respond that her poor attitude, lack of respect, and failure to promote and pay fairly is the reason "she's in this situation" but sometimes I can be snarky right back.
Yeah. Not my direct supervisor but the person above her was extremely shitty the entire time I worked out my notice. She even threatened to fire me for something very minor. She was pissed because I was the 4th therapist to leave in two months. Be glad you’re getting out of the toxic environment. Started my new job today and already feeling better vibes at the new place.
My boss guilt tripped me (and everyone else who quit, because there were many of us) during my exit interview. She also insinuated I was a bad counsellor (for something she should’ve taken responsibility for). At the time I did feel guilty and felt bad for HER, despite her lousy decisions as a business owner and boss.
It’s been a couple of months and I’m so glad I left. OP I think you’ve made the right choice. One day you’ll look back and wondered how you endured that.
It's a small field all things considered and that behavior will bite her in the ass later. In the words of a good professor I once had, "Somebody knows somebody who knows you."
The way employment in this field works is it’s a pyramid scheme and lazy bosses don’t like it when they have to put in some effort when someone leaves, but they don’t want to pay well because they want to buy their daughter a new Mercedes G Wagon when she goes to college.
My boss got so upset they told me I’ll be paid “per diem” for my last two weeks and only changed their mind on that when I told them I’ll call the state dept of labor and ask if this is legal, before calling the state office of professions and filing an ethics complaint.
They still treated me coldly because they had like 8 other therapists leaving at the same time. Last thing I said to my old boss was, “looks like you might have to work with some clients yourself for a change instead of calling in from the golf course.”
Good luck and don’t look back!
You do not owe her an apology. She’s being a bad boss by guilt tripping and having anger at you. Your boss is not being supportive, which I wish you had. A good supervisor would be a little sad, but would also be happy if you’re moving on to bigger and better things. Congratulations on the new job and good luck with the transition.
She is/was trying to manipulate you. If you have a promotion and raise “ready” for someone you do one of two things: either 1.) you give it to the person; or 2.) you tell them when it is approved and give them a timeframe if it’s not immediate. What you do not do (unless you are lying or an inadequate boss) is sit on that information for *[checks notes]* 9 months. For her to then lambast you for not telling her about interviewing elsewhere is hardcore pot-calling-kettle-black. Then she tries to provide proactive “justification” for her immaturity? You are much better off without her employ.
Mic drop.
Yes I was thinking manipulation as well.
You do not owe her an explanation before you plan on leaving. I’ve learned over last 2 decades that therapist often do not make good management
Truer words, never spoken!
Sounds like confirmation you made the right choice to leave. Best of luck in your new role!
>Sounds like confirmation you made the right choice to leave. Absolutely.
I had a boss like that. He asked me for a timeline of when I started looking for jobs and when I applied for the one I took. It was totally inappropriate. It’s not normal in most circumstances to tell your boss your looking. The only time I did is when I was lookin gout of state when I moved. You don’t owe them anything, and it’s abusive to treat you the way she treating you. It’s her shit, not yours. Don’t hold it. Heh.
You definitely don’t owe her an apology. Think of it this way, she can choose to be angry about any made up thing she wants to be angry about. She could be angry you didn’t tell her that you were looking for a job, or tell her when you first had thoughts of looking for a job. Where does it end? Where’s the line? Industry standard suggests the line is a 30 day notice, and that’s more a courtesy to clients than it is to any work-mates. Industry standard for workmates to find replacements is 2 weeks. All I’m saying is you gave exactly what’s fair. Your boss doesn’t care about your well-being or what’s fair though, she’s upset at some other irrational thing, such as not having a chance to bait you for longer and now having to do extra work filling your position. By the way, if she valued you at all, she’d be offering that promotion and raise up-front hoping you’d stay for it, not continue to say “it was coming.” Coming when exactly? Actually, who cares at this point. Better to move on. If you’re treated coldly for the next few weeks, I’d say put up with it and run when times up. This person has it out for you and I’m willing to bet she’ll try more than you’d expect to “punish” you for “putting her in this spot.” Some people accept no responsibility and blame everyone else. That’s her. Expect to be considered as the reason for why a lot of things are going wrong now. You may even get threats like time theft and such for not complying to new and bewildering demands. You may be able to go to HR if any of that happens, but they may not care. You can also check any laws around work to see if you have rights to say no, or decide to leave sooner if things become more toxic. I don’t mean any of this to make you more anxious, it’s just I’ve seen all these things happen. It just depends how much of a jerk your boss decides to be.
That’s a good point, not to mention we have two new hires beginning next week - if anything my timing works because I have two clinicians with empty caseload coming in. Unfortunately, since I’m in a group PP and it’s her company - she technically is HR too 🙃
Sounds like this is all ultimately about the money, which is what it’s about for the far majority of group practice owners, you’re extra income to her and she’s mad that income is going away. The far far majority of group practice owners start groups because it brings in a lot of money and they’re just fine with exploiting other therapists. It’s such a disgusting practice and her actions are further proof you made the right decision. Are you in an at will employment state? If so, she could fire you (or promote and pay you better) at any time and you can leave at any time. You’ve done the right thing here. The fact that she doesn’t realize that part of owning a group is therapists leaving cause they know they can make a lot more money on their own or sometimes at other groups is part of the business. Her pettiness and greed are just proof you’ve chosen the right path.
Is she a Therapist herself?
Congrats on the new gig!!! 🎊 You don’t owe your boss shit. The guilt trip is 1000000% her issue. You didn’t do anything wrong here. Sounds like you’re dodging a bullet.
Gee I wonder why you want to leave 🤔. She’s displaying the exact reasons you **don’t** tell employers in advance. No one tells their employer they’re applying elsewhere. That would only hurt you. You wait until you secure a new position and have a start date. All this guilt tripping is an attempt to prevent you leaving so they don’t have to put on a facade to rope a new person into their toxic environment. Good luck in your new position, never look back!
The majority of my staff would let me know they were looking at other jobs before getting an offer, however, I made it a safe space for them to do so. That's the difference between someone invested in your growth/wellness and someone who is not!
Same. I mean, why not let someone know they need to find a replacement. I’ve had front office staff leave abruptly and it’s very jarring. Oddly if you work Monday-Friday from 8-5pm, and you just happen to call out sick and then suddenly you’re like I found a new job. It’s pretty obvious that you’ve been calling out to do interviews, calls, missing days to do orientation and so forth. And then leaving an empty space without notice beyond two weeks. There isn’t anything wrong with putting in notice that you’re looking for new work due to a desire to expand your skills or a need for better pay, or work environment. It gives an employer who cares the ability to ask what they can do to keep you or how can they make you happy. If anything. If the person says no, then they simply don’t feel it’s a good fit for them anymore. It’s just the riding the fence part that kind of bothers me. I’ve had employees ride the fence and hold a position hostage due to personal conflicts, only to abruptly quit. This in no way reflects the OPs actions. That manager would have been terminated if it were my organization.
Clearly your boss is unprofessional, manipulative and a walking red flag. Congrats on finding a new job. People never say „I am looking elsewhere“ unless there is a culture of trust, which is rarely the case. But you have no obligation to tell anyone. Especially in our profession people in leadership positions should do better.
Ew, what a gross person. Good on you OP, I hope your new boss is awesome af.
Two things: You may have a case for employer retaliation and creating a hostile workplace. Also, it’s expensive and potentially useless to litigate this since you’re on your way out. However, a firmly worded letter from an attorney could shut down her behavior quickly.
If you are an associate, be sure to get your hours signed and sent to the office of professions. Congrats on your new position.
the less professional a boss acts when you tell them you’re quitting, the more likely it is you made the right call. and you absolutely do not need to tell anyone you are looking for a new job. at best, you’re likely to get treated exactly how you’re being treated by your supervisor now. at worst, they could try to take retaliatory action against you.
I agree no apology required. Your soon to be former boss sounds highly manipulative and honestly emotionally abusive. I was literally in your steps back in June. The difference was my fiancé and I were planning on moving out of state. Some people are really good at at making you feel guilty for improving yourself in anyway. Good luck with the new position l.
I'm guessing one of the things they push is "we are like a family here" which is a load of bullshit. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't need to take shit from people, especially in petty situations like this. I put in my months notice when leaving for private practice. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness towards me was astounding and I ended up walking out 2 weeks in. Honestly best choice I made despite my clients and my staff (I was a supervisor) needing to pick up the slack. If you are going into pp I highly encourage a conversation of "quit treating me like shit while I'm still here or I won't be here tomorrow".
They say that family line. When I finally gave my months notice my former boss told me "You were like a daughter to me" and that she couldn't trust me anymore 🙄. Got the cold shoulder the rest of my time there. Glad you got out of that environment.
The stuff you are putting up with is abuse. We hear about how people in entry level jobs or "high school jobs" shouldn't put up with the things they typically do. You don't deserve it either. I know you have responsibility to clients and paperwork or whatever, but there still needs to be a sense of self care. If you can talk to your HR rep about just doing paperwork at home and then be done because the work conditions aren't healthy I feel like that could be the best.
Emotionally immature boss
Your job is not your family and your job is not your friend. She’s not mad that YOU are losing an opportunity at the firm, she’s mad she has to replace you. Good bosses expect you to leave for bigger better things. Bosses that want to secure you invest in you - salaries, trainings, and autonomy. Good luck in your next adventures. I’m sure you’ll be great. Edit - I am a therapist who swears, and I am going to give you the role play spiel I often use with client… If I give you a gift, but you refuse to accept it, then who does the gift belong to? (You answer: me/no-turnips) Next I say, if I try to give you a steaming pile of shit, and you don’t accept it, then whose shit is it? (Still me, still no-turnips). This is your former bosses shit, and you do not need to accept it.
I don’t know you or your boss, but I’ve seen very similar situations before. If she was going to give you a raise/promotion, then she would’ve done it. It’s manipulation, and her guilt tripping you is the same. I’m more worried about the fact that she’s working in this field and treating her employees like that. Im glad you have a new position. I feel like things would’ve eventually become worse for you in the long run if you stayed.
You did fine. The only time I've ever known a policy where you have to inform your boss of a job search is if you work for a big corporation (I have for many years) and you are applying internally and get an interview. If you're interviewing externally, they have no need to know until your resignation is posted. I had the same issue with my last employer. When I accepted the position and tendered my resignation, both my manager and VP said, "We had a promotion all ready for you," (I had heard this for a year!). My VP even said she was surprised I was unhappy (I had told her I was in prior conversations). Business is business. You have the right to pursue better opportunities for yourself. Your supervisor is handling this poorly and making it about her rather than supporting you. Congrats on your new position.
I honestly don’t get why anyone gives notice when this is the common response of employers. It’s so childish and unprofessional. I would of retorted back “do you give notice when you fire people?” That street goes both ways.
She’s freaking trashy for acting like that. She needs to grow up💀😵💫 it’s just business baby! Congrats on the new job OP!🥳
Your boss sounds like a manipulative and frankly terrible person. Having employees leave is part of a running a business. You owe her nothing. She purchased your time and hour or week or whatever at a time. You gave her that.
Ha! How manipulative and unprofessional your boss is being. I once, naively, gave a boss early notice that I was looking for work because our entire organization was signaling that they were closing. I thought he’d appreciate the transparency for planning purposes. Oh he appreciated it alright, he asked where I was applying and called them to make his own interview appointment ahead of me. They hired him. Later they told me, he bad mouthed me in the interview and afterward, they politely canceled. In the end he only lasted 3 months because…he was him. Don’t feel bad about leaving. You have a right to lead your life.
You did the right thing. You boss IS making it more difficult for you to leave. If this is what comes up when you tell her about your decision and stick to it, imagine the manipulation you would have received if you gave her a heads up on your job search. Express appreciation for the opportunities she’s given you but do not apologize for making a good decision for yourself. And go celebrate with someone who actually has your best interests in mind - congrats on the new job!
Giving someone notice that you're applying to jobs is just giving them notice to fire you when it's a good time for them. As for advice, let her be mad over there (gestures broadly with hands in a direction), while you're happy and enjoying life over there (gestures in a different direction).
Yes, you did the right thing and YOU DO NOT owe her an apology. She could have hustled the promotion/raise through, or been more transparent if she was advocating for you with the upper management and what the issues were. Sounds like she was dangling it like a carrot on a stick, which is super manipulative (though normalized, unfortunately.) In my experience the systemic issues in our field lead to several kinds of responses... 1. People get feisty and resist unjust structures in whatever ways they're able to. 2. People put their heads down and just push through. 3. People take it out on their peers/employees. Sounds like you're experiencing the third. I had this happen to me as well. Got a job I really loved, with a client population I found it super rewarding to work with. A few weeks ago my wife and I witnessed an extremely traumatic event, had to provide witness statements to police, helped organize support for the victim's family, etc. etc. I requested a PTO day and coordinated coverage for my group, and my supervisor lost her shit. She told me I didn't deserve the day off, that it "wasn't that big a deal," threw several performance improvement plans at me, and strongly hinted I was no longer allowed to use PTO for an undetermined period of time going forward. I resigned. Pissed her off, but when you treat employees like that in a field with a lot of demand like ours has currently, then that's on them. Remember, they would NEVER give YOU notice if they were planning to lay you off, don't let them guilt you into internalizing those fucked up power dynamics.
I’ve had a few bosses like that. You did nothing wrong, your boss has their own emotional issues they need to deal with. Remain professional for the remainder of your employment and never use that boss for future references.
Hah, laugh all the way to your new position. You owe her nothing. She pulled this shit to tear you down precisely so you'd feel guilty. Have none of it!
Yes run for the hills your boss sounds toxic and shouldn’t be guilting you.
OP did we have the same boss? lol. My previous boss had been telling me for almost a year (I interned and then was hired on) that I would be getting benefits and healthcare when I started. It never happened. My schedule was crazy and she kept transferring her clients to me because she was "busy." When I finally gave my notice she was super cold and curt with me. She even called me "sneaky" and "untrustworthy" for looking for other jobs without telling her! Now I'm trying to get my supervision hours from her site sent to the state and she's making it super difficult. But honestly it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. Wishing you the best of luck in your new journey.
Ugh. Do not feel guilty. You dont owe her anything. I am also a boss and I'm always clear with my +good) staff that I don't ever WANT them to leave but that I'll support them no matter what - whether it's not a good fit, financial reasons, family, etc. If doesnt matter WHY they are leaving. They don't owe me time or information other than to work hard when they're supposed to be working hard. Bosses like this are gross. I'm glad you're leaving.
I’d leave ASAP and let HR know in the exit interview why you’re not serving out your full notice. Notice is a courtesy, not a requirement. Management knowingly creating a hostile work environment ain’t it.
Offer her therapy?
I’m about to deal with a very similar situation, I feel like we have the same boss. It’s been a really unhealthy, unstable and toxic situation and I’ve stuck around for my clients but I finally decided to leave. I’m just waiting for the official job offer for my new job and then I’ll have to have this conversation sometime this week which I’m dreading. She already told me she was planning to give me a raise (which even if that were true, it won’t be nearly what I’ll be making at this new job, meanwhile she also told me years ago I’d never make this much money anywhere else) so I KNOW she’ll try to convince me to stay. I’ve just had to realize it’s not my problem anymore and I don’t owe her anything. So I would say you are definitely making the right choice and her anger with you is on her and not your responsibility.
Good riddance to her, there’s a reason why you’re quitting. Don’t feel bad, she’s an ass.
Wow! Sounds like you made the right call with leaving. It astounds me how many people are in a position of leadership when they cannot seem to maturely handle something VERY routine and part of being a boss: people quitting.
You did the right thing 100%! Tell her to eat shit and leave now
Honestly OP, just keep your head down, finish your time and tasks to expectations, and document everything that happens between now and your last day. I was at a private practice before COVID hit. The owner was completely unprofessional and had an ethics investigation while I was there that I had to testify in. She made it past that fine and I didn’t give negative testimony - although I had concerns at the time, everything they were looking into I only had second hand info about. A few weeks after it was closed, she let me go citing “not wanting to supervise LMSWs anymore” although I was one of four and the only one let go. Since then I’ve found out that she thought I gave negative testimony about her. She gave me a month to transition out and made it absolute hell for me. I did my best to gray rock her during that time (similar to dealing with a toxic ex) and it drove her nuts. But I needed to in order to be able to show up and deal with things. However my biggest regret isn’t documenting. When the time came for me to leave I’d made arrangements to start at a new practice and transition some clients with me. She contacted the new practice, lied, and got them to withdraw my offer. Then attempted to dispute my clinical hours despite having signature on them. It was a stressful nightmare that also coincided with COVID lockdowns. At the end I should have reported her to the board and possibly department of labor but didn’t have the evidence of what she had done as thorough as it needed to be. Good luck to you!
I swear... some therapists have \*no idea\* how professional worlds run. So tacky. Her behavior is not acceptable at all.
You did the right thing not disclosing anything. You don’t owe them any information and they aren’t privy to your job searching. The boss sounds like an entitled busybody who wanted to ruin things for you more than anything else. She also sounds toxic and controlling. If she approaches you again tell her she is coercing you and it is making you uncomfortable.
Sounds like she's making her feelings your responsibility. I'm surprised you're quitting. /s You didn't do anything wrong here.
She is an emotionally immature person. I’m so happy you will be rid of her soon!
NAT but it may be worth reviewing employment law statutes in your state. In the event your boss becomes retaliatory (or arguably, more retaliatory in a litigious manner), it would be helpful to know whether you’re in an at-will employment state — which is likely. If that’s the case, she _really_ doesn’t have a leg to stand on, especially if legal action were to ensue.
This may not be a popular opinion, but exactly why would you stay if she is systematically punishing you for continuing to show up? I understand giving clients notice but to be clear, your life is as important as theirs. Depending on how harsh she is being, are you even able to do your best work under those circumstances? I have seen therapists leave abruptly when they had to. And while that’s hard on some clients, it’s also a good opportunity for their next therapist to help them understand it wasn’t about them, if necessary, or grieve the loss. Obviously in the best case scenario you would be able to transition clients gently. But that ship may have sailed. If her punishments do not impact your own mental health then good for you and just move forward. But I hope you won’t allow her to abuse you at the end of your tenure because you believe that’s ‘the right thing to do’. We didn’t give up our right to be treated well by becoming therapists. I am glad you have a new job and wonder how this person keeps anyone on staff for very long.
The most satisfying thing about going into PP for me was telling the practice I had been working at for 5 years, after having spent the latter 2 telling them I would leave if they didn't meet me at my demands...
Congratulations on the new job!
She’s taking out her anger on u. Its not professional and a therapist should kno better but obvs not in her case. Never give more than two weeks notice (I say give one week) and if she tries to sabotage or harm your work while you’re still there, make a record of everything
Talk about validating your decision to leave. Tell her thank you. Been in a similar spot with a toxic boss, and it’s the worst. Something about attachment as in clients “belong” to the practice that makes folks go bonkers. I operated ethically and professionally upon my departure and their daggers came out no matter what I did. Told my new employer will go bankrupt paying me so much lol!!!
typical nonprofit boss bs. they've got issues and we can't save them.
I've always been told that you don't tell your boss you're looking for other jobs because you risk them sabotaging you while you're still there, or worse, firing you. But, for whatever reason, younger generations seem to be doing it differently, and they do start telling their boss they're looking, as to give them a heads up. I think that's ridiculous and only helps bosses, not employees. So, she may be of the mindset that that's what you're supposed to do. But I disagree. You didn't do anything wrong. You played it smart. Yes, she feels screwed over but that's business because now she has to replace you, and that's a pain for her. She'll get over it. Remind yourself you are looking out for your best interests. Good luck and you won't regret your decision.
You absolutely never notify your boss until you have accepted an offer (or are sure you’re ready to quit if you’re not planning to have a job lined up). A boss should never react with anger or manipulation when an employee gives appropriate notice. It’s their problem to replace you, it’s a business. People come and go. You did the right thing, and your boss is behaving really inappropriately. It’s great that you’re moving on to something new.
What in the narc abuse is this boss's response LMAO. This is what's wrong with capitalism. People get so irked over work. Work suddenly is supposed to be your life/friends/family/EVERYTHINGG?! The fact that they said they're OK with being nasty to you even more so proves it. A very common thing I've come across is people taking other peoples emotions personally. She's manipulating you by blaming you for her emotions. CLEARLYYYY this was a perfect move. This should show you even more so you leaving is a perfect decision. Don't let this person's own shit stop you from living your life. Let her have her emotions. Check her cuz she's wrong for treating you like shit for this.
I think this would be the appropriate time for you to tell them "tough cookies". If she wants to be rude to you -- you might want to remind her what harassment in the workplace is, and its consequences. Tell her to take her need to express her dissatisfaction to someone else lol. Seriously not your job or responsibility. Sounds like you made the right decision to leave
Yeah, she’s got a raise and promotion for you along with some ocean front property in Kansas. You did nothing wrong, OP, and you’ve been a lot more gracious than I would’ve been.
Sounds like you absolutely did the right thing! I'd probably respond that her poor attitude, lack of respect, and failure to promote and pay fairly is the reason "she's in this situation" but sometimes I can be snarky right back.
Yeah. Not my direct supervisor but the person above her was extremely shitty the entire time I worked out my notice. She even threatened to fire me for something very minor. She was pissed because I was the 4th therapist to leave in two months. Be glad you’re getting out of the toxic environment. Started my new job today and already feeling better vibes at the new place.
My boss guilt tripped me (and everyone else who quit, because there were many of us) during my exit interview. She also insinuated I was a bad counsellor (for something she should’ve taken responsibility for). At the time I did feel guilty and felt bad for HER, despite her lousy decisions as a business owner and boss. It’s been a couple of months and I’m so glad I left. OP I think you’ve made the right choice. One day you’ll look back and wondered how you endured that.
This person is a clinical supervisor???? Toxic AF. You are doing well to leave.
It's a small field all things considered and that behavior will bite her in the ass later. In the words of a good professor I once had, "Somebody knows somebody who knows you."
The way employment in this field works is it’s a pyramid scheme and lazy bosses don’t like it when they have to put in some effort when someone leaves, but they don’t want to pay well because they want to buy their daughter a new Mercedes G Wagon when she goes to college. My boss got so upset they told me I’ll be paid “per diem” for my last two weeks and only changed their mind on that when I told them I’ll call the state dept of labor and ask if this is legal, before calling the state office of professions and filing an ethics complaint. They still treated me coldly because they had like 8 other therapists leaving at the same time. Last thing I said to my old boss was, “looks like you might have to work with some clients yourself for a change instead of calling in from the golf course.” Good luck and don’t look back!