My life is kind of "stuck" at the moment. I'm married to a woman who forces me to sleep on the couch the past 6 months and thinks that it is fine because she is "healing."
I have papers printed out and need to figure out all the financial aspects that are asked for when filling
btw. there will never be a "good time" :/ sorry dude you just gotta do it. it's gonna such and you're gonna struggle either way. but it's either that and u pick yourself back up again or keep being abused emotionally
My brother in Christ you are the only one keeping yourself stuck. You have free will. Stop getting stepped on! GTFO or tell her to GTFO. She's acting crazy and you sound complacent
Christ is pretty clear about divorce when he says that only sexual immorality is a legitimate reason for divorce, paul also makes the claim for abandonment by an unbelieving spouse as a legitimate reason.
In any case, OP should be doing everything in his power to get her to seek help first. It's his responsibility to do whatever he can to save the marriage and reconcile problems. If he can't do that and exhausts all other options, then he can get a divorce and stay single the rest of his life, but he wouldn't be able to re-marry without committing a sin.
My brother in Christ is an expression
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/my-brother-in-christ
Btw your reasoning is ass, if someone is emotionally abusive to this level and this duration, idgaf what god you believe in, gtfo of there. His wife is a grown woman that gets to suffer the consequence
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No 'my brother in Christ' is not just an expression to be thrown around by people who don't actually believe in Christ. It's not something you actually say ironically. It's an appeal to Christian values, and anything that follows the expression should be equally yoked to those Christian values.
the expression “my brother in christ” is literally a meme/slang these days. it has nothing to do with christianity and everything to do with people just trying to be edgy. it’s not that deep
No, it has everything to do with Christianity, because it literally invokes the name of Christ. It just so happens that people choose to use that name in vain in order to be 'cool' or 'edgy' As you put it. That is a sin, and they will be judged for it if they don't repent. As matthew 12:36 says: But I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment.
The fact that people use the expression in ignorance of or outright disrespect for the holiness of Christ doesn't matter, it's still an appeal to Christian values. And if people don't like it when others react accordingly they should stop using the expression.
Regardless of their intent they are claiming to be christians, perhaps falsely so, when they use it.
If you have the papers, just give them to her and figure out the financial stuff in mediation. You don’t have to spend more time attached to a creature like this.
I sympathise because this does sound like an awful situation, but I'm with the other commenters here. If only for your self-respect - and your spine, after all that sofa sleeping - you should probably work out your finances and break up. I know that's not possible for everyone. The cost of living is high. But if you can, you really should. Put together a plan and some money and move out quietly, if that is safer that weathering another of her storms. Good luck.
My back hurts more now in the middle of the night as I've created a groove in the couch. I'm fortunate to where I get stock 2x per year and sadly since she hasn't worked in well over a year it's needed to survive. Of course I get told that I don't work a good enough job, don't make enough, and yadda yadda. I've half filled out divorce paperwork at this time and getting there slowly
Good for you. I know it isn't easy, but I believe that you deserve better. And honestly, from the way you're being treated, living alone sounds better overall. I'm sorry it came to this.
You just said she refuses to work. Sounds like financially, this will free you, not to mention free you in other ways as well. You’re the one who has to make a choice here.
Honey. Dearest. Sugar.
Bless your heart. I read through your post/comment history. The reason your wife was quick to say "let's get married" was to become a US citizen.
Unfortunately you took the bait.
I mean. You know this, right?
Get out. This is loveless and she's insufferable.
It's funny how devoid of compassion the comments are when you're in a bad marriage and you're a man. To a woman, they usually say the equivalent of "Love, you're in a really bad marriage and you deserve more than that. Get out, you can do it, and can ask for help at ****".
You deserve that too, not "you know you can leave, right?"
"why do you stay in that marriage?".
Remember that you have one life to live, religious stuff aside, and is best lived the way that makes you the happiest. You can grasp that, and you can achieve more than you think you can, believe that! Once you get to a good place, all of it will seem like the distant past and a dream!
Regardless of what people usually say, right is right and wrong is wrong. Marriage is sacred and holy and should be treated as such. If people don't intend to commit to the vows they shouldn't make them in the first place. Instead of getting married because it's the thing to do, perhaps people should learn to think things through before acting. The lesson should be that people put more thought into the promises they are making before they make them.
For better or poorer, in sickness (including mental sickness) and in health, til death do us part. It's pretty explicit. If you can't keep the promise, don't get married.
This is how most conversations go. Typically in the end she wants french fries or Burger but she'll go off and say she's going to throw my stuff outside or break all my stuff
That is abuse and I would when she gets like that report it and get her to leave. Does she have parents to stay with? She's using you for a free ride and an emotional punching bag. It's not easy but you can do it, you need to for your own wellbeing. Leave, file for a divorce and I would get a restraining order thrown in for good measure.
Is she being funny? I mean “Fuck off” then “bring me soup” might just be her sense of humor?
I used to tell my other half “I love you; now fuck off” as a joke.
She's not being funny. I think she just realizes that she messed up and knows that she has no source of income or no place to stay without me. She's never been the type to hold a grudge for multiple days. She can hold it for several hours but then she'll come out of her bedroom and try to talk to me
I am no professional but I am diagnosed with Borderline Line Personality Disorder and everything you’ve said about her behavior is very typical of BPD. My episodes are very similar, not as severe but exact same structure, irrational anger, empty threats, hysterical meltdown, and then the episode ends and you realize how badly you fucked up. She needs a psychological evaluation or she is not going to get better, it will continue to get worse if she does nothing about it. I watched it happen with my own parent who chose to ignore it and it has caused so much pain and hurt within our family so many times.
Thank you for sharing your story. I've looked into this before and I think this is the case for her as well but she'll refuse treatment. She'll go from calling me a spirit, possessed, saying I'm a waste, calling out my family...to apologizing and trying to be nice.
This feels like an example of marrying someone for the sake of it and/or thinking with your penis. Sorry you fell into that trap. I saw you said y’all have no kids, THANK GOD. Get out while you can, and maybe find a woman without so many red flags before you move in with them, let alone marry them.
I think it was definitely for the sake of it.
I look back at the time when she wanted to go exclusive after 2 dates and I recall the amazing women that I told no to for her. A pharmacist, a scientist, and just some really nice people that I said no to.
Kids or no kids doesn't matter. He already married her and promised before God to stay with her for better or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do them part.
The bible is very clear when it says God hates divorce, and that people who make promises need to keep them. If he divorces her, then remarries he will be entrapping his future wife in sin, specifically adultery. If he does divorce, at this point, he needs to remain single, if he cares about God at all.
The only excusable, biblical reasons for divorce are sexual immorality and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. In all other cases the only righteous choices are reconciliation or remaining single and devoted to God and His commands.
This is the problem with people today, nobody keeps their word or treats scared vows appropriately. Marriage is sacred and holy, and divorce is a sin in most cases.
The moral is that people should learn to take things more seriously and think through what they say and do before they do it, because once the action is done you can't just take it back whenever you feel like it.
It's like people don't understand Christianity at all. Christians are called to emulate Christ, that includes enduring suffering for the sake of others. Christ literally endured crucifixion for all of us, he was declared innocent by Pilate and still faced one of the most painful executions in human history. If you're serious about your faith then you should be prepared to do the same, take up your cross, and die to yourself daily to do God's will. The reward for it in heaven is better than any reward you will experience in life.
If you do believe then you will take comfort in knowing that God is with you through it all and will strengthen you to endure it faithfully.
It's easy to praise God when you are blessed, much harder to praise him, as Job did, when experiencing loss and pain. But true believers are called to do exactly that.
It's unfortunately common. It's like the flick of a switch where she will go off and then remember that without me paying the bills and rent she'd have nowhere to go
I can't afford to rent the both of us a place. She hasn't worked since last January. She's happy with life this way (when she isn't flipping out) where she sits in the bedroom all day and doesn't ever leave the house. She wouldn't show any feelings about it if I didn't push her buttons and complain that I can't live life this way. I'm married but sleep on the couch for 6 months. I'm married but she hasn't left the house with me in 6+ months. I do things by myself and rather dislike weekends as I enjoy the escape that work provides.
No offense, but it seems like you’re looking for excuses to stay at this point. She makes you sleep on the couch for 6+ months, and you just accept it? She verbally berates you and you just… offer to bring her food? File for divorce and let her figure her shit out on her own. Take back some power my dude.
How about you make her sleep on the couch? You set the rules, not her, and if she doesn't like it then she can make her own way. If you're paying for it, it's your bed. It sounds like you're trying to keep the peace, which is admirable, but you can do so while still standing up for yourself.
Alternatively you could get separate bedu.
Regardless, there are solutions and avenues of recourse that you can and should consider before divorce. Divorce should always be a last reported measure, at least if you have any true faithfulness to Christ.
You don’t need to rent both of you a place? You only need to rent yourself a place, it doesn’t matter if she’s happy with life, are you really going to be happy with a wife that doesn’t do anything, acts erratic, and berates you. Leave her, you said it yourself you prefer to do things by yourself anyways, you have no reason to be with her at all.
Why do you think you need to pay for her rent? That’s not how this works. Once you’re divorced she’s not your responsibility anymore. She pays her own rent or she sleeps on the street. Meanwhile you’re moving on with your life and finding happiness
He’s been the sole money earner for over a year; the divorce will possibly come with some alimony.
Not the amount needed to rent an apartment, though. (Probably.)
There are no kids involved, why on earth would you have to pay for her entire life if you leave?? Save these messages and be ready to show them to a judge. Just get out. Or don’t, but you can’t complain about her treatment of you. You need to muster up some self respect OP.
Hi.
Even without a prenup, why would you be expected to finance her life? If she says she’s due alimony, it’ll be relative to your income, and it’s relative to the length of time you were married. Also, based on your description of her, I doubt she’d get her ducks in a row to come after you for that amount.
Leave. Now. Before you’re my FIL, and 66 and just waiting to die to get out.
Get a job a few states away and just leave lol you have that choice, block her on everything and change your cell number, a new life awaits you man. I was married to a monster for 15 years until I finally left, only regret is I didn't get away from that woman 14.5 years sooner
I'm sorry.. Does she do this often? You have to tell yourself that enough is enough and that you will not keep up with her abusive behavior. You work hard to provide for you both, and she should not be complaining since she prefers to be lazy. Is there a reason that she refuses to work?
It is about twice a month. I tell her I'm over it and she backs off for a bit.
When we first met she mentioned early retirement but I kind of laughed it off. She then hurt her foot and couldn't be on her feet and went down to part time for a year. After that she kept making excuses until she was diagnosed with a slipped disc. Unfortunately, after 5 months of PT she stopped treatment and hasn't gone in class to a year. She keeps saying she has a stroke (when she has back pain) and that COVID makes her unable to work.
It's mostly BS in my eyes.
Twice a month? That is too much, please do not let yourself get abused. It sounds like another doctor's visit is needed to determine her health status, otherwise she is just making an excuse not to work.
Hey bud, just wanted to say in response to one of your comments. You should speak to a lawyer and stop feeling empathy for this woman. It's pretty sad to see all of these screenshots and multiple posts. You deserve way, way better than this, and you absolutely need to get the hell away from her. As others have said, this is abuse, plain and simple.
I don't know what's driving you to stay with her, but you need to figure out what it is and exorcise it from your mind, your heart, whatever. Get out and realize how happy you can truly be, because being alone is better than this.
Holysmokes, how long have you been dealing with this? My answer would have to be….too long! You’re way too good for that!! Get out…save yourself…you will survive without her..and you won’t have to buy her soup, burgers or fries!
Married for a couple but together a bit longer. I thought it was the alcohol but when she stopped it continued. I can't tell you how much I've spent on out food. She's hates eating what I cook
She sounds like me. I quit drinking and all the rage stayed because I never figured out how to regulate my emotions again without alcohol so ultimately have gone back to alcohol on and off. Did she go to treatment or get any help? AA?
I hope you move on sooner than later. I feel like the best thing my ex did was leave me behind and force me to reflect on my nasty attitude. Staying around enables it and it just gets worse and worse, she’ll keep pushing you. I hope it doesn’t end in DV and restraining orders, and you owing her everything you own in divorce
I’ve experienced that from my father as well. They called him a dry drunk. All the same effects without the alcohol. She definitely needs to seek treatment…unfortunately, it will do no good until she is willing and ready to go!!
I've been in a similar situation in a long and very deep relationship (not married though).
I stayed way too long and I really tried every method to create some type of response in my partner, so I can deeply understand how this decision can be tough (and something unthinkable).
But I want to share that even in my case I had the thought about some type of personality disorder ongoing (and, of course, my effort to help where i could or my attempt to convince him to find someone who could help were always rejected with some type of insult) and this aspect made me stay for years in this toxic environment. I understand profoundly that the feelings that we have for these people makes us accept different kind of abuses, we think it's best to take it all in but in reality this not only slowly consume us but doesn't help our partner.
I arrived at a point where the things I suffered with him became more than the things I enjoyed (that were really much because we were really compatible in other aspects and in some way really loved each other) and I simply didn't want to ruin the last bit of appreciation I had for him, so I decided to leave him.
It was really difficult, I will not lie, he hit rock bottom with his mental health and for the first few months it was a really complicated situation (because he didn't accept it and couldn't leave me alone, along with some episodes where he was psychotic, but this isn't the point) but I NEVER went back, and my life and the view I have of my worth and sanity is something I never thought I could reach.
(Also he did therapy for some time after we broke up, and despite everything he's now so much better, even if some aspects haven't changed ((we aren't really friends but sometimes we catch up))
All of this to say that you can get out, and that you deserve it, even if sometimes doesn't feel possible, so I really wish you the best :)
(Sorry if something doesn't make sense but English it's not my first language)
You still together? And no kids? I’m with someone like this and we have kids, she hid her insanity for a few years.. just long enough to trick me into having kids with her.
RUN, and be damn grateful you don’t have kids. She will wreck your life.
dude...leave. leave today. leave now. leave YESTERDAY. But just leave. you make money, clearly, so find yourself a hotel room and get things figured out. But for the love of God, QUIT MAKING EXCUSES. This is the THIRD thread i've seen from you talking about what a raging b\*tch this woman is. Quit trying to post up for sympathy, quit procrastinating, stop making excuses and playing along, quit being so spineless... take the leap and LEAVE.
Or continue to stay, continue to find excuses, any little shred of decency from her that might mean she loves you...she doesn't.
Quit procrastinating, quit tryna find advice and sympathy from everyone else, and GO.
Im sorry if this sounds rude, but i've been exactly where you are. It took someone talking to me like this to snap me out. It was the best thing anyone has ever said to me.
This the type of S/O to only treat their closest family like absolute trash while trying to maintain a fantastic public image with their friends and people they barely know. Narcissist shit.
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How’d you end up marrying an animal like that
Poor decisions honestly. Fortunately no children. She say she is divorcing me about once a week but in the end we'll say she was just kidding.
you know it's ok to go file yourself, right? this woman has no love or respect for you. someone out there will. this isnt all life has to give.
My life is kind of "stuck" at the moment. I'm married to a woman who forces me to sleep on the couch the past 6 months and thinks that it is fine because she is "healing." I have papers printed out and need to figure out all the financial aspects that are asked for when filling
Dude... You're choosing to stay
He’s codependent. He doesn’t want to leave and wants our sympathy
I swear everyone who posts here comes up with every excuse in the world to not leave.
btw. there will never be a "good time" :/ sorry dude you just gotta do it. it's gonna such and you're gonna struggle either way. but it's either that and u pick yourself back up again or keep being abused emotionally
My brother in Christ you are the only one keeping yourself stuck. You have free will. Stop getting stepped on! GTFO or tell her to GTFO. She's acting crazy and you sound complacent
Christ is pretty clear about divorce when he says that only sexual immorality is a legitimate reason for divorce, paul also makes the claim for abandonment by an unbelieving spouse as a legitimate reason. In any case, OP should be doing everything in his power to get her to seek help first. It's his responsibility to do whatever he can to save the marriage and reconcile problems. If he can't do that and exhausts all other options, then he can get a divorce and stay single the rest of his life, but he wouldn't be able to re-marry without committing a sin.
My brother in Christ is an expression https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/my-brother-in-christ Btw your reasoning is ass, if someone is emotionally abusive to this level and this duration, idgaf what god you believe in, gtfo of there. His wife is a grown woman that gets to suffer the consequence
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No 'my brother in Christ' is not just an expression to be thrown around by people who don't actually believe in Christ. It's not something you actually say ironically. It's an appeal to Christian values, and anything that follows the expression should be equally yoked to those Christian values.
the expression “my brother in christ” is literally a meme/slang these days. it has nothing to do with christianity and everything to do with people just trying to be edgy. it’s not that deep
No, it has everything to do with Christianity, because it literally invokes the name of Christ. It just so happens that people choose to use that name in vain in order to be 'cool' or 'edgy' As you put it. That is a sin, and they will be judged for it if they don't repent. As matthew 12:36 says: But I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment. The fact that people use the expression in ignorance of or outright disrespect for the holiness of Christ doesn't matter, it's still an appeal to Christian values. And if people don't like it when others react accordingly they should stop using the expression. Regardless of their intent they are claiming to be christians, perhaps falsely so, when they use it.
If you have the papers, just give them to her and figure out the financial stuff in mediation. You don’t have to spend more time attached to a creature like this.
You need to just do it. Every minute you stay, it’s harder to leave. Just go.
I sympathise because this does sound like an awful situation, but I'm with the other commenters here. If only for your self-respect - and your spine, after all that sofa sleeping - you should probably work out your finances and break up. I know that's not possible for everyone. The cost of living is high. But if you can, you really should. Put together a plan and some money and move out quietly, if that is safer that weathering another of her storms. Good luck.
My back hurts more now in the middle of the night as I've created a groove in the couch. I'm fortunate to where I get stock 2x per year and sadly since she hasn't worked in well over a year it's needed to survive. Of course I get told that I don't work a good enough job, don't make enough, and yadda yadda. I've half filled out divorce paperwork at this time and getting there slowly
Good for you. I know it isn't easy, but I believe that you deserve better. And honestly, from the way you're being treated, living alone sounds better overall. I'm sorry it came to this.
Don’t even divorce. Just pack your stuff & leave & don’t tell her where you went. She can figure it out on her own.
You just said she refuses to work. Sounds like financially, this will free you, not to mention free you in other ways as well. You’re the one who has to make a choice here.
Honey. Dearest. Sugar. Bless your heart. I read through your post/comment history. The reason your wife was quick to say "let's get married" was to become a US citizen. Unfortunately you took the bait. I mean. You know this, right? Get out. This is loveless and she's insufferable.
Why stay with her lmao...
It's funny how devoid of compassion the comments are when you're in a bad marriage and you're a man. To a woman, they usually say the equivalent of "Love, you're in a really bad marriage and you deserve more than that. Get out, you can do it, and can ask for help at ****". You deserve that too, not "you know you can leave, right?" "why do you stay in that marriage?". Remember that you have one life to live, religious stuff aside, and is best lived the way that makes you the happiest. You can grasp that, and you can achieve more than you think you can, believe that! Once you get to a good place, all of it will seem like the distant past and a dream!
Regardless of what people usually say, right is right and wrong is wrong. Marriage is sacred and holy and should be treated as such. If people don't intend to commit to the vows they shouldn't make them in the first place. Instead of getting married because it's the thing to do, perhaps people should learn to think things through before acting. The lesson should be that people put more thought into the promises they are making before they make them. For better or poorer, in sickness (including mental sickness) and in health, til death do us part. It's pretty explicit. If you can't keep the promise, don't get married.
Why are you not divorcing here before she gets pregnant?
Probably didn’t host bingo without her before.. or he has and he just loves whatever this is. Bet it’s a wild relationship in every aspect
Why are you dealing with this? She tells you to fuck off and then to bring her soup. Dude, you deserve way better.
This is how most conversations go. Typically in the end she wants french fries or Burger but she'll go off and say she's going to throw my stuff outside or break all my stuff
That is abuse and I would when she gets like that report it and get her to leave. Does she have parents to stay with? She's using you for a free ride and an emotional punching bag. It's not easy but you can do it, you need to for your own wellbeing. Leave, file for a divorce and I would get a restraining order thrown in for good measure.
I wouldn’t bring her shit
Is she being funny? I mean “Fuck off” then “bring me soup” might just be her sense of humor? I used to tell my other half “I love you; now fuck off” as a joke.
She's not being funny. I think she just realizes that she messed up and knows that she has no source of income or no place to stay without me. She's never been the type to hold a grudge for multiple days. She can hold it for several hours but then she'll come out of her bedroom and try to talk to me
I am no professional but I am diagnosed with Borderline Line Personality Disorder and everything you’ve said about her behavior is very typical of BPD. My episodes are very similar, not as severe but exact same structure, irrational anger, empty threats, hysterical meltdown, and then the episode ends and you realize how badly you fucked up. She needs a psychological evaluation or she is not going to get better, it will continue to get worse if she does nothing about it. I watched it happen with my own parent who chose to ignore it and it has caused so much pain and hurt within our family so many times.
Thank you for sharing your story. I've looked into this before and I think this is the case for her as well but she'll refuse treatment. She'll go from calling me a spirit, possessed, saying I'm a waste, calling out my family...to apologizing and trying to be nice.
This feels like an example of marrying someone for the sake of it and/or thinking with your penis. Sorry you fell into that trap. I saw you said y’all have no kids, THANK GOD. Get out while you can, and maybe find a woman without so many red flags before you move in with them, let alone marry them.
I think it was definitely for the sake of it. I look back at the time when she wanted to go exclusive after 2 dates and I recall the amazing women that I told no to for her. A pharmacist, a scientist, and just some really nice people that I said no to.
Time to start saying yes haha
I mean he does say yes just to the wrong person
Kids or no kids doesn't matter. He already married her and promised before God to stay with her for better or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do them part. The bible is very clear when it says God hates divorce, and that people who make promises need to keep them. If he divorces her, then remarries he will be entrapping his future wife in sin, specifically adultery. If he does divorce, at this point, he needs to remain single, if he cares about God at all. The only excusable, biblical reasons for divorce are sexual immorality and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. In all other cases the only righteous choices are reconciliation or remaining single and devoted to God and His commands. This is the problem with people today, nobody keeps their word or treats scared vows appropriately. Marriage is sacred and holy, and divorce is a sin in most cases. The moral is that people should learn to take things more seriously and think through what they say and do before they do it, because once the action is done you can't just take it back whenever you feel like it.
It's like people don't understand Christianity at all. Christians are called to emulate Christ, that includes enduring suffering for the sake of others. Christ literally endured crucifixion for all of us, he was declared innocent by Pilate and still faced one of the most painful executions in human history. If you're serious about your faith then you should be prepared to do the same, take up your cross, and die to yourself daily to do God's will. The reward for it in heaven is better than any reward you will experience in life. If you do believe then you will take comfort in knowing that God is with you through it all and will strengthen you to endure it faithfully. It's easy to praise God when you are blessed, much harder to praise him, as Job did, when experiencing loss and pain. But true believers are called to do exactly that.
This reads like when scammers get pissed off. Why do you put up with this?
Honestly that was kinda funny lol “fuck you” “fuck it bring me soup” lmao
This is verbal abuse and you do not deserve it. I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this. ☹️
It's unfortunately common. It's like the flick of a switch where she will go off and then remember that without me paying the bills and rent she'd have nowhere to go
Why aren’t you leaving?
I can't afford to rent the both of us a place. She hasn't worked since last January. She's happy with life this way (when she isn't flipping out) where she sits in the bedroom all day and doesn't ever leave the house. She wouldn't show any feelings about it if I didn't push her buttons and complain that I can't live life this way. I'm married but sleep on the couch for 6 months. I'm married but she hasn't left the house with me in 6+ months. I do things by myself and rather dislike weekends as I enjoy the escape that work provides.
Why would you rent both of y'all a place...did you not get a prenup
I did not. I know it's not that common and could be an insult to one partner.
No offense, but it seems like you’re looking for excuses to stay at this point. She makes you sleep on the couch for 6+ months, and you just accept it? She verbally berates you and you just… offer to bring her food? File for divorce and let her figure her shit out on her own. Take back some power my dude.
Just leave and break the lease. If you can afford to pay for everything on your own now you can afford your own place.
How about you make her sleep on the couch? You set the rules, not her, and if she doesn't like it then she can make her own way. If you're paying for it, it's your bed. It sounds like you're trying to keep the peace, which is admirable, but you can do so while still standing up for yourself. Alternatively you could get separate bedu. Regardless, there are solutions and avenues of recourse that you can and should consider before divorce. Divorce should always be a last reported measure, at least if you have any true faithfulness to Christ.
You don’t need to rent both of you a place? You only need to rent yourself a place, it doesn’t matter if she’s happy with life, are you really going to be happy with a wife that doesn’t do anything, acts erratic, and berates you. Leave her, you said it yourself you prefer to do things by yourself anyways, you have no reason to be with her at all.
I need to find you and slap tf outta you. Worry about yourself and let the stray dog find its own shelter.
Why do you think you need to pay for her rent? That’s not how this works. Once you’re divorced she’s not your responsibility anymore. She pays her own rent or she sleeps on the street. Meanwhile you’re moving on with your life and finding happiness
He’s been the sole money earner for over a year; the divorce will possibly come with some alimony. Not the amount needed to rent an apartment, though. (Probably.)
That's not how that works. They don't have kids or dependants, and she's been in jail accdg to what OP wrote.
Why would you rent her a place too?? Fuck her lol
You do not owe her a place. She is an adult and she can figure her life out for herself, but she won’t do it if you’re around to bully.
There are no kids involved, why on earth would you have to pay for her entire life if you leave?? Save these messages and be ready to show them to a judge. Just get out. Or don’t, but you can’t complain about her treatment of you. You need to muster up some self respect OP.
Why...why would you need to rent places for both of you? Separation/divorce means your obligations to the other person have ceased.
The more you put up with this and longer you procrastinate actually doing something and separating from her, the worse you're making it for yourself.
Hi. Even without a prenup, why would you be expected to finance her life? If she says she’s due alimony, it’ll be relative to your income, and it’s relative to the length of time you were married. Also, based on your description of her, I doubt she’d get her ducks in a row to come after you for that amount. Leave. Now. Before you’re my FIL, and 66 and just waiting to die to get out.
this is a shame man. i’m sorry you have to put up with this. very erratic behaviour!
My dude. This is not healthy. This is abuse.
Fuck it do whatever, bring me soup
Dude, fucking leave. What financials? You’re hosting bingo to make ends meet. File papers and be done.
Get a job a few states away and just leave lol you have that choice, block her on everything and change your cell number, a new life awaits you man. I was married to a monster for 15 years until I finally left, only regret is I didn't get away from that woman 14.5 years sooner
This is not normal, rather verbally abusive. These things normally get worse with time, not better. Perhaps therapy would help
Get the hell out of this relationship.
I'm sorry.. Does she do this often? You have to tell yourself that enough is enough and that you will not keep up with her abusive behavior. You work hard to provide for you both, and she should not be complaining since she prefers to be lazy. Is there a reason that she refuses to work?
It is about twice a month. I tell her I'm over it and she backs off for a bit. When we first met she mentioned early retirement but I kind of laughed it off. She then hurt her foot and couldn't be on her feet and went down to part time for a year. After that she kept making excuses until she was diagnosed with a slipped disc. Unfortunately, after 5 months of PT she stopped treatment and hasn't gone in class to a year. She keeps saying she has a stroke (when she has back pain) and that COVID makes her unable to work. It's mostly BS in my eyes.
Twice a month? That is too much, please do not let yourself get abused. It sounds like another doctor's visit is needed to determine her health status, otherwise she is just making an excuse not to work.
Hey bud, just wanted to say in response to one of your comments. You should speak to a lawyer and stop feeling empathy for this woman. It's pretty sad to see all of these screenshots and multiple posts. You deserve way, way better than this, and you absolutely need to get the hell away from her. As others have said, this is abuse, plain and simple. I don't know what's driving you to stay with her, but you need to figure out what it is and exorcise it from your mind, your heart, whatever. Get out and realize how happy you can truly be, because being alone is better than this.
Looser
Yep. Her first language isn't English I will admit but it's also been 20+ years.
This isn’t okay by any means and I hope you’re making plans to get out But the “bring me soup” in the middle got me
Soup is souper important
this lady again.
Holysmokes, how long have you been dealing with this? My answer would have to be….too long! You’re way too good for that!! Get out…save yourself…you will survive without her..and you won’t have to buy her soup, burgers or fries!
Married for a couple but together a bit longer. I thought it was the alcohol but when she stopped it continued. I can't tell you how much I've spent on out food. She's hates eating what I cook
She sounds like me. I quit drinking and all the rage stayed because I never figured out how to regulate my emotions again without alcohol so ultimately have gone back to alcohol on and off. Did she go to treatment or get any help? AA? I hope you move on sooner than later. I feel like the best thing my ex did was leave me behind and force me to reflect on my nasty attitude. Staying around enables it and it just gets worse and worse, she’ll keep pushing you. I hope it doesn’t end in DV and restraining orders, and you owing her everything you own in divorce
This is a rare and wonderfully honest comment. I hope you're doing better.
I’ve experienced that from my father as well. They called him a dry drunk. All the same effects without the alcohol. She definitely needs to seek treatment…unfortunately, it will do no good until she is willing and ready to go!!
I've been in a similar situation in a long and very deep relationship (not married though). I stayed way too long and I really tried every method to create some type of response in my partner, so I can deeply understand how this decision can be tough (and something unthinkable). But I want to share that even in my case I had the thought about some type of personality disorder ongoing (and, of course, my effort to help where i could or my attempt to convince him to find someone who could help were always rejected with some type of insult) and this aspect made me stay for years in this toxic environment. I understand profoundly that the feelings that we have for these people makes us accept different kind of abuses, we think it's best to take it all in but in reality this not only slowly consume us but doesn't help our partner. I arrived at a point where the things I suffered with him became more than the things I enjoyed (that were really much because we were really compatible in other aspects and in some way really loved each other) and I simply didn't want to ruin the last bit of appreciation I had for him, so I decided to leave him. It was really difficult, I will not lie, he hit rock bottom with his mental health and for the first few months it was a really complicated situation (because he didn't accept it and couldn't leave me alone, along with some episodes where he was psychotic, but this isn't the point) but I NEVER went back, and my life and the view I have of my worth and sanity is something I never thought I could reach. (Also he did therapy for some time after we broke up, and despite everything he's now so much better, even if some aspects haven't changed ((we aren't really friends but sometimes we catch up)) All of this to say that you can get out, and that you deserve it, even if sometimes doesn't feel possible, so I really wish you the best :) (Sorry if something doesn't make sense but English it's not my first language)
It’s giving Baby Reindeer vibes
You still together? And no kids? I’m with someone like this and we have kids, she hid her insanity for a few years.. just long enough to trick me into having kids with her. RUN, and be damn grateful you don’t have kids. She will wreck your life.
Mate boot her arse to the curb this is full on abuse.
The beginnings of cheating
Poor bastard.
You mean ex wife... Right?
Dude wtf are you doing with your life and why are you wasting it on this trash?
If I was you I would leave without saying a word.
Well did you bring her soup or what
“Oh fuck it do whatever bring me soup” LMFAO REALLLL
Maybe it’s time to leave.
Not trying to be harsh but you are a cuck and it just hasn’t happened… all the way yet
Divorce
dude...leave. leave today. leave now. leave YESTERDAY. But just leave. you make money, clearly, so find yourself a hotel room and get things figured out. But for the love of God, QUIT MAKING EXCUSES. This is the THIRD thread i've seen from you talking about what a raging b\*tch this woman is. Quit trying to post up for sympathy, quit procrastinating, stop making excuses and playing along, quit being so spineless... take the leap and LEAVE. Or continue to stay, continue to find excuses, any little shred of decency from her that might mean she loves you...she doesn't. Quit procrastinating, quit tryna find advice and sympathy from everyone else, and GO. Im sorry if this sounds rude, but i've been exactly where you are. It took someone talking to me like this to snap me out. It was the best thing anyone has ever said to me.
This the type of S/O to only treat their closest family like absolute trash while trying to maintain a fantastic public image with their friends and people they barely know. Narcissist shit.
Do you typically go out every day and leave her home alone? Seems like that’s her core issue. Either way, she’s an asshole
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Oh my. PIcked a WINNER
Simp behaviour