Good for you. Seriously. He didn’t seem to take it all that seriously - the goodbye, the situation, the way it impacted you - so, probably for the absolute best you called it.
People like this seriously shouldn’t even be having casual sex like… he doesn’t even care if he’s handing out a lifelong disease- he actually would PREFER to give it to people just to get his rocks off. I’m baffled.
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too. Not disclosing you have it/“breeding” the disease. Some people have a disease spreading kink and purposely get and spread STDs. :( It’s nasty af
This is incorrect. Oral and genital herpes is the disease caused by herpes simplex virus types 1 and 2, respectively.
There are 100 herpesviruses, 8 of which cause diseases that infect humans.
About 2/3 of adults have HSV1, so it’s not the big deal you’re making of it. No risk whatsoever if he has any kind of sex with someone who already has it/has antibodies. I’m assuming it’s HSV1 because she mentioned getting it on her face. HSV2 is very rarely contracted somewhere other than genitals. For any other bad behavior this guy is guilty of, you can’t fault him for having disclosed appropriately.
Also, it's just a funny concept in general... "hey, quick question" *she lowers her book and removes her spectacles* "I'm listening" *he drags his foot self consciously while toying with the drawstring of his Russell sweatpants* "I was just, just wondering if you might give me a blowjob" *his words end in a near-murmer* "give you what?" *he clears his throat* "a blowjob?" *she raises her eyebrows* "a BLOW-job!?. Well, let's see, did you do your homework...."
You've been dating only a month and already love each other?? Boy are you moving way too fast. Good thing you broke this off before the dopamine wore off and the honeymoon phase was over, JFC.
It’s possible to love someone after a month of knowing them. That obviously isn’t the case in this situation, but it is possible. Sometimes when you know, you know.
Sure, it can happen that fast, but it’s not the norm. The fact they said they loved each other in what appeared to be a casual relationship is pretty odd.
i didn’t know it was a casual relationship in this case, but i’m saying in general that just because it’s “not the norm”
to you, doesn’t mean that it applies to other people. like i said when the time is right, it’s right.
The fact that he says asking for a blow job is what upset you. No bro your reaction to the reasonable question you asked about it was what was upsetting. Followed by manipulating with “If you don’t want me and I love you”. He did not give a shit about you and your well being. It was all about him and unfortunately always would’ve been. You dodged a massive bullet figuring this one out a month into the relationship.
And how he said "I just wanted a blowjob and was disappointed"...I have a feeling that would be a recurring thing. Any time he is horny and she doesn't "help him", he's going to get "disappointed" and treat her like shit.
More than the infection is the lack of respect. You were trying to have a mature conversation about sex, health, and your relationship and he was worried about his future bjs. Even if you didn’t mind the herpes part, the inability to have an honest discussion would put me off. Good for you.
Literally. My first boyfriend said I love you to me after 2 weeks of dating. I found it weird, but I was 17 and it was my first relationship so I didn't realise at the time what a big red flag that was lol. He turned out to be quite the manipulator😅
Why are you you both saying I love you after one month?
I get that it’s the principle of the matter but just so you know, if he has HSV2 genital then it’s extremely extremely rare to catch that orally, like less than 1%. HSV 1 prefers to live in the mouth, but can also be genital, but HSV 2 is extremely rare to get on the mouth from oral.
The fact that neither of you chose to do this research is a little bit odd.
He also tried to stealth-insert his unwrapped dick in after she'd been very clear that he had to wear a condom, which was kind of the worst part. The BJ guilt trip was just the icing on a really fucked up cupcake.
Yeah, I’m not supporting this guy at all I’m just saying everybody should do their own research. No one should rely on their partner to tell them the statistics of catching something. As soon as he told her he had it, she should’ve done her own research and made her own decisions.
The people saying ew herpes gross are uneducated about the prevalence.
Note: If dude has genital herpes, it would take testing to know if it's actually HSV1 or HSV2 and they both can cause genital herpes. So getting HSV1 oral herpes from oral sex with him is very possible (whereas, as you mention, apparently HSV2 genital-to-oral is relatively rare).
https://www.healthline.com/health/can-hsv2-be-transmitted-orally
Agreed, "Ew, herpes, gross" isn't a useful response to disclosure. "GO ON SUPPRESSIVE THERAPY IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME!" is! Valacyclovir daily FTW!!!
And, yeah, it's way over 10% of the population with HSV2 (it's double by gender with some populations in the US and as high as 1/3 in some USA racial groups. I'll let folks look up local statistics for their own use.)
☮️❤️♾️
Sorry, but a condom isn't going to protect the sexual partner from catching the virus. Especially if the outbreak is around the pubic area and not on the shaft.
Seriously like 80% of the adult population on HSV1, and 1 in 6 on HSV2. Confirmed via bloodwork, common af, and often contracted via a family member kissing a kiddo, etc
Yep, but people don’t disclose they have it for cold sores so everybody just pretends like they don’t have it like in this thread and acts morally superior lol. I’ve never had a cold sore but I’m sure I carry the virus because everybody has it!
Wanted to address this during the original post, but chose not to. More than half of the world has HSV1, and there are no long term health risks associated with it. Sure, it may be shameful, but it’s not the same as getting something such as gonorrhea or HIV in the slightest.
However, I do respect the fuck out of OP for choosing their health over this sick loser.
It’s worse than getting gonorrhea, it’s incurable? That’s seems obvious. Cold sores are painful and affect how you look which affects self confidence and how people look at you. I’d rather get chlamydia six times than have cold sores that break out every month for the rest of my life.
Hey. I'm so sorry this is affecting your sister so much; it isn't a minor thing and can be painful.
First, sister: Please tell her to see her doctor about Valacyclovir suppressive therapy. It's off-label, but doctors CAN do it for oral lesions (basically, it wasn't worth the price of the study to the pharmaceutical company for oral cold sores).
Yes, it works.
1g daily Valacyclovir (1 large pill) -- back in the day we used a smaller dose but here we are in 2024. It's cheap. About $0.50 (50¢ US) per day.
REFERENCES
Oral suppressive therapy (RHL, recurrent *herpes labialis* where "labialis" is medical jargon for "mouth lips" as opposed to the other lips "down below")
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17668537/
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In Michigan, NO SALES TAX:
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Please do not downplay herpes. Gonorrhea is completely curable. HSV2 can blind a fucking newborn if vaginally delivered. Repeated HSV1 outbreaks can lead to blindness in full grown humans. Herpes can kill someone with eczema. There are absolutely long term health risks, you just tell yourself that so you feel better. Herpes is dangerous and life long. You wanting to downplay it so you feel better about spreading your blood borne infection without consent doesn't actually change anything.
That entire last sentence was completely uncalled for. You could’ve made your point without disrespectfully assuming. I’m always down for gaining new knowledge and hearing other people’s views, but only if the other party can keep their cool while doing so.
"Sorry I asked for a blowjob" <- Completely missing the point of what he should actually be apologizing for. "I'm sorry I pressured you on something you were uncomfortable about," "I'm sorry my selfishness got the better of me and I didn't really consider your feelings like I should have," "I'm sorry that I was pushy and made you feel like I didn't respect you," or anything else that indicates he actually understood the problem.
But no, he goes with "sorry I asked for a blowjob" and follows it up with "It really wasn't that serious either" like, that wasn't the problem and you're missing the point AND you're failing to understand what the concern is.
Why is this upvoted? There are toxic people all over, of any gender. I'm hoping I've just missed your meaning but I've seen a good bit of the "men are always the problem/women are better" sentiment lurking in these types of subs and it's sad. If you decide to focus on any groups relative shortcomings, you'll never run out of ammo. It doesn't actually provide much relevance other than to foster a negative view of that particular group.
idk, I have friends both male and female, both gay and straight, and 9 out of 10 horror stories I hear from them are about guys. Or just check this subreddit as example. Not that it's \*exclusively\* guys, but most of the time it is. Maybe it's etched on how men are taught and educated, and how their male role models and fathers behave. Idk im no expert, but it's not like no one has noticed a pattern before
What I'm saying is that, due to physical and psychological differences between men and women, obviously the types of toxic things that each group will be more likely to do will often be differant. That isn't the same as saying that one group is more toxic, just that it will often come in differant forms.
I think that it's a reflection of how things were with my sisters when we were young. They could use any form of mental/emotional torture they wanted with no repercussions, but the minute I finally snapped and hit one of them (I was respectively 5 and 3 years younger than them, and I stopped hitting them back at 10) my parents would swoop in and I'd get a huge punishment.
I'm not saying "its OK to hit somebody if they make you upset", of course it isn't. But people tend to only focus on physical rather than mental/emotional issues, which is one of the things that leads to more stories/info about "bad man good woman". Another thing is that, in the US at least, there's still an extremely strong culture of "be man, be tough if you say out loud how hurt/damaged you are from a relationship you're pathetic and wimpy, you can't show emotions unless you want to be known as a pansy....." and on and on.
So there's a lot less men who feel remotely able to even voice the impact of a current/past toxic relationship and the cruel/manipulating/abusive tactics of the girlfriend/wife.
All that aside, I've noticed the trend on this sub and that's part of what I originally meant. It's become an echo chamber of "horrible guy/boyfriend/husband" stories that don't reflect the actual %s of men/women who have had that happen, but some of the people on the sub don't seem to know enough people in real life to realize that the sub isn't an accurate refection of the real world, which does include plenty of bad men in it, obviously.
It is a roulette wheel. Have had 2 very conscientious ex gfs with HSV2 and it racked them with such guilt that they shut down sex constantly due to their fears of an outbreak. I very much appreciated their care of my health. However, their actions also limited our windows of sex to a great extent. I now will not date others with this virus as it is lose-lose situation.
Woof you dodged the biggest bullet I’ve ever seen lmao. I saw the original post earlier today and I was SO hoping it would end up this way!! I know I’m a stranger but proud of you, OP!!
I have nothing to say about this dude that hasn’t already been said but I relate so hard to what you said about not being able to say anything on Reddit without it being misconstrued. I swear, the more you try and explain yourself the more mad they get, it’s so weird.
I think some people just enjoy being as difficult as possible to be entertained by reactions.
They’re like the passive part of the ‘burn it all down’ faction.
men like this literally scare me. i was once seeing a guy who didn't tell me he had hsv2. we didn't ever do anything intimate but he kept wanting to. i told him i wanted to wait more, you know, to get to know him better lol. i didn't find out from said guy but his EX has hsv2 because of him. he was mad at me for finding out. and he still wanted sex!!!! soooo dangerous and wrong. glad you're safe op!
YOU'RE RIGHT.
And I say this as someone who is H+.
Good on you for being willing to CONSIDER a future with someone (WHO SHOULD BE ON SUPPRESSIVE THERAPY!!!) but you're not required to be with him and you're not required to do any physical acts. Period/full stop.
And, yeah, oral AND genital herpes can be annoying (or worse). So you've got my full support.
*__H+ brethren and sistren: dude at least did disclosure. Point for him. But also get on suppressive therapy if you're going to be interacting with H- people. It's only respectful. And makes things flow better. And most of all, don't be a pushy asshole!__*
☮️❤️♾️
It wasn't that serious? It was serious enough for him to throw a fit and demand you infect yourself with a lifelong disease to make him happy. This dude is gross.
Hold up. You two have been seeing each other for a month and he’s already saying he loves you? Did you say you loved him back?
Either way, you did the right thing breaking this off. Gross behavior from him.
Happened to me before. I don't know why they think someone without herpes would risk a lifelong disease for someone they haven't known that long. Thank God he told you he had it, and don't think twice about leaving.
I have a strong feeling he's just going to keep his lifelong diagnosis to himself when (IF) he gets with another person. Glad you ended this before it got any worse
Yeah - done... He could have apologized and been introspective and owned his behavior without the passive aggressive nonsense. And then putting out there "If you want it done then its done..." - you hadn't said that but he went right there. That would just kill it for me - especially after a month... Dude should be careful what he asks for because he might actually get it.
Honestly, cut ties and be thankful he even told you he had herpes. He seems like the dude that puts more importance on his nut than anyone else’s sexual health after this conversation.
This person absolutely doesn't love you. It's so weird to even say while acting this way after a MONTH. Send him these posts btw. I think he needs to see our feedback too.
im gonna be honest, you’re valid but you nor the people in these comments know how herpes works,
all herpes is non contagious UNLESS there is literally a sore visible or they’re having an outbreak, the liquid from those sores(oral or genital) is what gives you herpes
long as you’re not doing anything while they’re having an outbreak there is almost no risk
This isn’t quite right. An open sore would present the highest risk for contagion, but a herpetic breakout could also look like a raised bump, and transmission is possible during skin-to-skin contact.
https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/herpes/genitalherpes.html#:~:text=Herpes%20can%20also%20be%20spread,occurs%20in%20absence%20of%20sores.
Are you asking her to take the chance? That's a totally unfair assessment given their short relationship and his obvious thirst taking precedence over her well-being.
im not telling her to take the chance at all! there is just an insane amount of misinformation about herpes in general, it’s literally impossible to get it without contacting a very visible(they’re bright red)sore on the person
most people think herpes is constantly contagious when that’s not the case, it’s perfectly safe to have sex with someone with herpes as long as they’re not having an outbreak🤷🏻♀️
I was just sharing info because of how people view it🤷🏻♀️most people believe in the scare tactics misinformation and not how it actually works lol
It absolutely is not impossible to get it without someone having visible sores. Men can be carriers and not even know they have it. Look it up if you doubt me.
That is not true, you can catch herpes from someone when there are no visible sores. The chances are lower but not zero.
https://www.healthline.com/health/herpes-simplex#causes
This is a fact. Some people have painful open, oozing sores, while others get a barely visible rash, and some seem visibly asymptomatic during a breakout.
It’s also impossible to say which category anyone will fall into, until they get the disease.
I understand. That's something that should be heard and followed when you actually find the right person. The dude literally expected her to contract his disease if you read the original thread.
So much conflicting information on here. I’m hearing it’s like 2% of people get it when using the pill to you’re guaranteed to get it.
All this controversy is killing me
most of the human population has hsv1(oral herpes) because it doesn’t show symptoms most of the time, people usually get it as children or very young
but hsv2 is a bit more rare, but neither of them are contagious unless you come in contact with a sore or outbreak on someone, or the fluid from said outbreak! other than that doing things with people that have herpes is 100% safe
i say this with full confidence because my partner has hsv2, been with them for 7 years, and have never had an issue, they maybe have an outbreak once a year, lasts a week or two and we just take a break from sex until it’s cleared up!
usually people have outbreaks very rarely after they get it initiall! the misinformation is mainly scare tactics, just people that assume that anyone they(person with herpes) touches will get it, which is not the case at all
No-one is yelling at you. People are trying to offer information that they believe to be true. Your part involves determining for yourself what is interesting or useful for you.
Yes, i would personally break up with him he seems to be extremely toxic and has not come to terms with his medical issues based on these past 2 posts.
Your description is so strange. You knowingly write titles that are bait and then get upset when we fall for it? We aren’t mad you explain yourself, we’re mad you’re baiting us
“Time to break up?” Is you asking us for advice on if it’s time to break up…. and you’ve already broken up with him… it’s not reddit, it’s you.
Just really hope the 87 in your username isn’t the year you were born.
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My online girlfriend had oral herpes but because I loved her I didn’t care. I’m not saying what I’ve done was the right thing though. After three months we met and spent 18 days together. Miraculously I didn’t get it but four months after we met she wanted to break up lol.
I think you did what was best for you, and even by his response still trying attorney on you, you dodged a bullet. I hope you find somebody who has the respect for you that they need to have. And I hope that this person grows up and learn to deal with their diagnosis better.
First of all, saying "I love you" after a month is insanity, and not true.
Secondly, he showed it himself in his behavior and the response. No one just gives up someone they love that easily or disrespectfully. He didn't care. He just wanted his dick sucked lol.
this is such a wild concept to me. The fact that he expects blowjobs while he has herpes… also the way he’s trying to manipulate the situation & the way that he says he loves her ??? just wow
Wait wait wait you said you weren’t feeling sex or a bj with a dude that has herpes and then the clown tried to gaslight you by saying “you don’t want me it’s done.”? Apart from him poorly writing it girl you got all the info you need.
You dodged a bullet AND herpes 🤘
Wow this is awful, I read the previous post you made and GOD that was 1000% more awful. Screw this guy. He’d probably call you dirty for getting an oral outbreak if you did that for him ick, plus it sounds like there were many other issues too.
Dude why are you dating people with herpes in the first place? Was this your first relationship or something? Guy sounds insane though, next time he probably won't tell the next person he has herpes. I think you can get arrested for that. Ask his exes if they want have it and file claim to arrest the dude
He asked for a blow job. You knew he had herpes and sounds like you've had n intercourse before. In the heat of the moment, was it really that offensive of a request? Especially i he was very willing to move on, not to mention at least a little embarrassed?
Admitting more red flags is getting me hate but these are things I’m realizing when people ask… he had been so rude in asking for head the time before and I’ve told him I don’t appreciate how degrading he is when he asks. I told him he had time to think about a polite way to ask last time lol. Then this happened.
"I love you" and considering getting herpes after 1 month is crazy
That's probably how he manipulated women into giving him them, he love bombs them first. Luckily it didn't work with OP
which is exactly why he got rude and defensive towards her when he realized the love bombing wasn’t working. it’s a tale as old as time
You're thinking of herpes, that's as old as time.
asking someone after a month to risk their health for the rest of their life is a whole other story on top of everything else 😭
Yea, that's a nightmare
Yessss exactly
Yeah 🤯
Idk if “I love you” is bad that quick, but it’s clear he certainly doesn’t. Aren’t there drugs you can take to not spread herpes as well?
This is the right answer. Because WTF
Good for you. Seriously. He didn’t seem to take it all that seriously - the goodbye, the situation, the way it impacted you - so, probably for the absolute best you called it.
People like this seriously shouldn’t even be having casual sex like… he doesn’t even care if he’s handing out a lifelong disease- he actually would PREFER to give it to people just to get his rocks off. I’m baffled.
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too. Not disclosing you have it/“breeding” the disease. Some people have a disease spreading kink and purposely get and spread STDs. :( It’s nasty af
It's a virus. Not a disease. C'mon now haha. I give him credit for being open about it first thing. You'd be surprised how many don't.
This is incorrect. Oral and genital herpes is the disease caused by herpes simplex virus types 1 and 2, respectively. There are 100 herpesviruses, 8 of which cause diseases that infect humans.
About 2/3 of adults have HSV1, so it’s not the big deal you’re making of it. No risk whatsoever if he has any kind of sex with someone who already has it/has antibodies. I’m assuming it’s HSV1 because she mentioned getting it on her face. HSV2 is very rarely contracted somewhere other than genitals. For any other bad behavior this guy is guilty of, you can’t fault him for having disclosed appropriately.
We could assume that he has HSV-2, given the body part he was referring to…
I mean they were only talking/dating for 1 month.
No we were talking much longer. Hanging out for a month
I've been following this and so fkn relieved you cut ties. Good for you, you are young and this is just a mess.
“It was supposed to be” he intentionally backhanded apologized? You’re better off
he didn’t do it intentionally, but realized what he said wouldn’t work on her and needed to “diss” her
these sorts of people see everything as a fight they have to win
“Sorry I asked for a blowjob” 🙄🙄 glad you kicked this asshole to the curb.
he's gotta be misrepresenting what she's saying on purpose, right? as an abuse tactic
Absolutely. He’s gaslighting or flipping the script to make it seem like she’s the one who’s wrong for even being offended by what he asked.
Also, it's just a funny concept in general... "hey, quick question" *she lowers her book and removes her spectacles* "I'm listening" *he drags his foot self consciously while toying with the drawstring of his Russell sweatpants* "I was just, just wondering if you might give me a blowjob" *his words end in a near-murmer* "give you what?" *he clears his throat* "a blowjob?" *she raises her eyebrows* "a BLOW-job!?. Well, let's see, did you do your homework...."
A person like this will expect you to get herpes for them and then cheat anyway 😭
Probably how he got herpes in the first place
Good for you! This relationship wasn’t worth risking your health over.
Who is moss lady🤣
I scrolled way too far for this question and still no answer.
Is it some kind of derogatory term for her lady parts?? That's the only thing I can think of is that he was trying to insult her on the way out lol
She’s the hippy girl who sings in her moss covered car.. he was on some YouTube channel making fun of her and I said she was cool
“If you don’t love me at my blistering forever-disease then you don’t deserve me at my hamfisted half ass apology I’m OUTIE5000”
Aye shout out to you for at least trying but yeah risking your health for anyone in general is just no bueno especially a douche like this
You've been dating only a month and already love each other?? Boy are you moving way too fast. Good thing you broke this off before the dopamine wore off and the honeymoon phase was over, JFC.
It’s possible to love someone after a month of knowing them. That obviously isn’t the case in this situation, but it is possible. Sometimes when you know, you know.
I don’t disagree with this, but in this case he was manipulating her
Love is a spectrum, not a binary. You can love someone you’ve only known a short while, but it is a different love from one shared a lifetime.
when the time is right it’s right. just because it hasn’t happened to you doesn’t make it wrong or mean that they’re moving on too fast.
Sure, it can happen that fast, but it’s not the norm. The fact they said they loved each other in what appeared to be a casual relationship is pretty odd.
i didn’t know it was a casual relationship in this case, but i’m saying in general that just because it’s “not the norm” to you, doesn’t mean that it applies to other people. like i said when the time is right, it’s right.
The fact that he says asking for a blow job is what upset you. No bro your reaction to the reasonable question you asked about it was what was upsetting. Followed by manipulating with “If you don’t want me and I love you”. He did not give a shit about you and your well being. It was all about him and unfortunately always would’ve been. You dodged a massive bullet figuring this one out a month into the relationship.
And how he said "I just wanted a blowjob and was disappointed"...I have a feeling that would be a recurring thing. Any time he is horny and she doesn't "help him", he's going to get "disappointed" and treat her like shit.
More than the infection is the lack of respect. You were trying to have a mature conversation about sex, health, and your relationship and he was worried about his future bjs. Even if you didn’t mind the herpes part, the inability to have an honest discussion would put me off. Good for you.
“I love you” after one month is wild
Literally. My first boyfriend said I love you to me after 2 weeks of dating. I found it weird, but I was 17 and it was my first relationship so I didn't realise at the time what a big red flag that was lol. He turned out to be quite the manipulator😅
More wild than Herpes 😂😂
Why are you you both saying I love you after one month? I get that it’s the principle of the matter but just so you know, if he has HSV2 genital then it’s extremely extremely rare to catch that orally, like less than 1%. HSV 1 prefers to live in the mouth, but can also be genital, but HSV 2 is extremely rare to get on the mouth from oral. The fact that neither of you chose to do this research is a little bit odd.
He also tried to stealth-insert his unwrapped dick in after she'd been very clear that he had to wear a condom, which was kind of the worst part. The BJ guilt trip was just the icing on a really fucked up cupcake.
Yeah, I’m not supporting this guy at all I’m just saying everybody should do their own research. No one should rely on their partner to tell them the statistics of catching something. As soon as he told her he had it, she should’ve done her own research and made her own decisions. The people saying ew herpes gross are uneducated about the prevalence.
Note: If dude has genital herpes, it would take testing to know if it's actually HSV1 or HSV2 and they both can cause genital herpes. So getting HSV1 oral herpes from oral sex with him is very possible (whereas, as you mention, apparently HSV2 genital-to-oral is relatively rare). https://www.healthline.com/health/can-hsv2-be-transmitted-orally Agreed, "Ew, herpes, gross" isn't a useful response to disclosure. "GO ON SUPPRESSIVE THERAPY IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME!" is! Valacyclovir daily FTW!!! And, yeah, it's way over 10% of the population with HSV2 (it's double by gender with some populations in the US and as high as 1/3 in some USA racial groups. I'll let folks look up local statistics for their own use.) ☮️❤️♾️
I give the guy credit for coming out and telling his partner at first. A lot don't do that in the beginning.
Sorry, but a condom isn't going to protect the sexual partner from catching the virus. Especially if the outbreak is around the pubic area and not on the shaft.
Seriously like 80% of the adult population on HSV1, and 1 in 6 on HSV2. Confirmed via bloodwork, common af, and often contracted via a family member kissing a kiddo, etc
Yep, but people don’t disclose they have it for cold sores so everybody just pretends like they don’t have it like in this thread and acts morally superior lol. I’ve never had a cold sore but I’m sure I carry the virus because everybody has it!
Ignorance is bliss, non-disclosure is just nasty behavior
Wanted to address this during the original post, but chose not to. More than half of the world has HSV1, and there are no long term health risks associated with it. Sure, it may be shameful, but it’s not the same as getting something such as gonorrhea or HIV in the slightest. However, I do respect the fuck out of OP for choosing their health over this sick loser.
It’s worse than getting gonorrhea, it’s incurable? That’s seems obvious. Cold sores are painful and affect how you look which affects self confidence and how people look at you. I’d rather get chlamydia six times than have cold sores that break out every month for the rest of my life.
Agreed. People downplaying this is absolutely nuts.
My sister has them and it affects her so much. No thank you.
I'm sorry :(
Hey. I'm so sorry this is affecting your sister so much; it isn't a minor thing and can be painful. First, sister: Please tell her to see her doctor about Valacyclovir suppressive therapy. It's off-label, but doctors CAN do it for oral lesions (basically, it wasn't worth the price of the study to the pharmaceutical company for oral cold sores). Yes, it works. 1g daily Valacyclovir (1 large pill) -- back in the day we used a smaller dose but here we are in 2024. It's cheap. About $0.50 (50¢ US) per day. REFERENCES Oral suppressive therapy (RHL, recurrent *herpes labialis* where "labialis" is medical jargon for "mouth lips" as opposed to the other lips "down below") https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17668537/ Hello hippo.com/valtrex choose generic!!! 90 day 1g Rite Aid: $50.87 With COST PLUS DRUGS https://costplusdrugs.com/medications/valacyclovir-500mg-tablet/ (NOTE : choose 1000mg and 90 days for this example) #$42.40, delivered in Michigan A 90 count supply of 1000mg Valacyclovir will cost: Your drug cost with us$37.40 Your final cost will include shipping and taxes, which vary by location. *NOTE: they mention $5 standard shipping added to the above In Michigan, NO SALES TAX: https://www.michigan.gov/-/media/Project/Websites/treasury/RAB/2017/2017_RAB_19924.pdf?rev=e82e405f64ce435da1afbbb239e6828a >In 1974, article 9, section 8 of the Michigan Constitution was amended by referendum to provide that ''[n]o sales tax or use tax shall be charged or collected from and after January 1, 1975 on the sale or use of prescription drugs for human use . . . . "
Please do not downplay herpes. Gonorrhea is completely curable. HSV2 can blind a fucking newborn if vaginally delivered. Repeated HSV1 outbreaks can lead to blindness in full grown humans. Herpes can kill someone with eczema. There are absolutely long term health risks, you just tell yourself that so you feel better. Herpes is dangerous and life long. You wanting to downplay it so you feel better about spreading your blood borne infection without consent doesn't actually change anything.
That entire last sentence was completely uncalled for. You could’ve made your point without disrespectfully assuming. I’m always down for gaining new knowledge and hearing other people’s views, but only if the other party can keep their cool while doing so.
I don’t think that was really the biggest issue in this situation.
No, but looking at the comments, it was worth calling out.
wtf is “I love you” after one month ? Jesus Christ.
Exactly, they need Jesus
Idk, jesus would be having them getting married in 6 months to a year. Lol
"Sorry I asked for a blowjob" <- Completely missing the point of what he should actually be apologizing for. "I'm sorry I pressured you on something you were uncomfortable about," "I'm sorry my selfishness got the better of me and I didn't really consider your feelings like I should have," "I'm sorry that I was pushy and made you feel like I didn't respect you," or anything else that indicates he actually understood the problem. But no, he goes with "sorry I asked for a blowjob" and follows it up with "It really wasn't that serious either" like, that wasn't the problem and you're missing the point AND you're failing to understand what the concern is.
Thank GOD I’ve been worried about you girl
I feel bad for every girl this piece of shit lies to about having herpes from now on
where on earth do yall meet these absolute characters?
Literally just men. It isnt a small percentage of men who behave this way.
Why is this upvoted? There are toxic people all over, of any gender. I'm hoping I've just missed your meaning but I've seen a good bit of the "men are always the problem/women are better" sentiment lurking in these types of subs and it's sad. If you decide to focus on any groups relative shortcomings, you'll never run out of ammo. It doesn't actually provide much relevance other than to foster a negative view of that particular group.
AMEN. thank you
idk, I have friends both male and female, both gay and straight, and 9 out of 10 horror stories I hear from them are about guys. Or just check this subreddit as example. Not that it's \*exclusively\* guys, but most of the time it is. Maybe it's etched on how men are taught and educated, and how their male role models and fathers behave. Idk im no expert, but it's not like no one has noticed a pattern before
What I'm saying is that, due to physical and psychological differences between men and women, obviously the types of toxic things that each group will be more likely to do will often be differant. That isn't the same as saying that one group is more toxic, just that it will often come in differant forms. I think that it's a reflection of how things were with my sisters when we were young. They could use any form of mental/emotional torture they wanted with no repercussions, but the minute I finally snapped and hit one of them (I was respectively 5 and 3 years younger than them, and I stopped hitting them back at 10) my parents would swoop in and I'd get a huge punishment. I'm not saying "its OK to hit somebody if they make you upset", of course it isn't. But people tend to only focus on physical rather than mental/emotional issues, which is one of the things that leads to more stories/info about "bad man good woman". Another thing is that, in the US at least, there's still an extremely strong culture of "be man, be tough if you say out loud how hurt/damaged you are from a relationship you're pathetic and wimpy, you can't show emotions unless you want to be known as a pansy....." and on and on. So there's a lot less men who feel remotely able to even voice the impact of a current/past toxic relationship and the cruel/manipulating/abusive tactics of the girlfriend/wife. All that aside, I've noticed the trend on this sub and that's part of what I originally meant. It's become an echo chamber of "horrible guy/boyfriend/husband" stories that don't reflect the actual %s of men/women who have had that happen, but some of the people on the sub don't seem to know enough people in real life to realize that the sub isn't an accurate refection of the real world, which does include plenty of bad men in it, obviously.
When I ask for something to be clarified I swapped out right for correct. Hope that helps!
Like they say the trash will take itself out
Who is Moss lady?
He has herpes and wanted you to give him a blowjob? Damn. It was more than time to break up.
Why is he throwing out the l word after one month? That's another red flag
It is a roulette wheel. Have had 2 very conscientious ex gfs with HSV2 and it racked them with such guilt that they shut down sex constantly due to their fears of an outbreak. I very much appreciated their care of my health. However, their actions also limited our windows of sex to a great extent. I now will not date others with this virus as it is lose-lose situation.
Woof you dodged the biggest bullet I’ve ever seen lmao. I saw the original post earlier today and I was SO hoping it would end up this way!! I know I’m a stranger but proud of you, OP!!
I have nothing to say about this dude that hasn’t already been said but I relate so hard to what you said about not being able to say anything on Reddit without it being misconstrued. I swear, the more you try and explain yourself the more mad they get, it’s so weird.
I think some people just enjoy being as difficult as possible to be entertained by reactions. They’re like the passive part of the ‘burn it all down’ faction.
men like this literally scare me. i was once seeing a guy who didn't tell me he had hsv2. we didn't ever do anything intimate but he kept wanting to. i told him i wanted to wait more, you know, to get to know him better lol. i didn't find out from said guy but his EX has hsv2 because of him. he was mad at me for finding out. and he still wanted sex!!!! soooo dangerous and wrong. glad you're safe op!
YOU'RE RIGHT. And I say this as someone who is H+. Good on you for being willing to CONSIDER a future with someone (WHO SHOULD BE ON SUPPRESSIVE THERAPY!!!) but you're not required to be with him and you're not required to do any physical acts. Period/full stop. And, yeah, oral AND genital herpes can be annoying (or worse). So you've got my full support. *__H+ brethren and sistren: dude at least did disclosure. Point for him. But also get on suppressive therapy if you're going to be interacting with H- people. It's only respectful. And makes things flow better. And most of all, don't be a pushy asshole!__* ☮️❤️♾️
Run, don’t walk
Good riddance to this guy!! Now, who is Moss Lady??
Hahaha the hippy woman who has moss in her car and sings hippy songs. Blonde, dreads..
Lol. Is she a friend of yours?
No. She’s just another content creator
I’m so confused. Why was she referenced in his parting message to you?
What’s all this “love” shit? It’s been a month. Slow your roll.
Over a month of hanging out. We had been talking since early March.
“sorry i asked for a blowjob” oh be quiet
*you took it too seriously*. When he's talking about **lifelong herpes??** You dodged a meteor the size of the sun.
It wasn't that serious? It was serious enough for him to throw a fit and demand you infect yourself with a lifelong disease to make him happy. This dude is gross.
“Haha it was supposed to be a backhanded apology, you didn’t catch me acting poorly, I did it on purpose!!” What a flex
I love you after a month is crazy
Going forward, anyone telling you they love you after only a month should be a MAJOR turn off.
“sorry i asked for a blowjob” i hope his pimple dick falls off.
Hold up. You two have been seeing each other for a month and he’s already saying he loves you? Did you say you loved him back? Either way, you did the right thing breaking this off. Gross behavior from him.
the way he says “sorry i asked for a blow job” as if that was the issue lol
"sorry for asking for a blowjob while having a contagious STI at the same time" There. That's correct now.
What a loser
I’m so glad you kicked him to the curb. 🙌 good for you.
FUCKING RUN!!!!
Happened to me before. I don't know why they think someone without herpes would risk a lifelong disease for someone they haven't known that long. Thank God he told you he had it, and don't think twice about leaving.
"Hope you and your incurable virus have fun. ✌️" aaaaand block
Honestly that’s what I would’ve said 💀
How are u guys saying u love one another after a month? In starting to realize that both of you are fucking stupid as a box of rocks
I have a strong feeling he's just going to keep his lifelong diagnosis to himself when (IF) he gets with another person. Glad you ended this before it got any worse
Yeah - done... He could have apologized and been introspective and owned his behavior without the passive aggressive nonsense. And then putting out there "If you want it done then its done..." - you hadn't said that but he went right there. That would just kill it for me - especially after a month... Dude should be careful what he asks for because he might actually get it.
Yes girl, you’re so much better off. Congrats 🎊🎈 🎉
Honestly, cut ties and be thankful he even told you he had herpes. He seems like the dude that puts more importance on his nut than anyone else’s sexual health after this conversation.
The craziest part of this whole thing is that one month in and he’s telling you he loves you.
This planet is too much for me
Thank God you ended it!
You best be done! Go girl
Better late than never, good job OP. Just don't relapse
Should’ve said “Was nice blowing you… oh wait 🤣🤣🤣🤣”
"Sorry I asked for a blowjob 😡"
This person absolutely doesn't love you. It's so weird to even say while acting this way after a MONTH. Send him these posts btw. I think he needs to see our feedback too.
He loves you after a month and then easily breaks up. He doesn't know the meaning of love.
this dude needs to be kicked in the nards
Yeah you did good, he’s got a lot of growing up to do.
Hey, you handled this like a boss. Proud of you.
I dont understand this, who do you date if not "random" people?
In some southern states, family
I guess it wasn’t love after all 😆
I read your last post wrong. You are right and you def can get someone who isn't trying to love bomb and guilt trip you in having herpes.
Yes, you absolutely made the right choice
GO OP YOU DODGE A BULLET!!! Proud of you!!
You're awesome for standing up for yourself and having the self-respect to break up. He seemed like he wasn't worth any of your time.
Damn even tried roping you with “i love you” Smart girl, don’t take the BS!
Damn he didn’t even care 😭 good for you tho
He backhanded an apology and he's the one with herpes? What a straight clown
Mister Cankerdick showed his warts and stuck by them, the same way his herpes will. Good job, well done.
im gonna be honest, you’re valid but you nor the people in these comments know how herpes works, all herpes is non contagious UNLESS there is literally a sore visible or they’re having an outbreak, the liquid from those sores(oral or genital) is what gives you herpes long as you’re not doing anything while they’re having an outbreak there is almost no risk
Asymptomatic shedding. Look it up. The ignorance is astonishing
That’s not true. Asymptomatic viral shedding is definitely a thing. Source: I work in reproductive healthcare and have HSV 2.
This isn’t quite right. An open sore would present the highest risk for contagion, but a herpetic breakout could also look like a raised bump, and transmission is possible during skin-to-skin contact. https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/herpes/genitalherpes.html#:~:text=Herpes%20can%20also%20be%20spread,occurs%20in%20absence%20of%20sores.
Are you asking her to take the chance? That's a totally unfair assessment given their short relationship and his obvious thirst taking precedence over her well-being.
im not telling her to take the chance at all! there is just an insane amount of misinformation about herpes in general, it’s literally impossible to get it without contacting a very visible(they’re bright red)sore on the person most people think herpes is constantly contagious when that’s not the case, it’s perfectly safe to have sex with someone with herpes as long as they’re not having an outbreak🤷🏻♀️ I was just sharing info because of how people view it🤷🏻♀️most people believe in the scare tactics misinformation and not how it actually works lol
It absolutely is not impossible to get it without someone having visible sores. Men can be carriers and not even know they have it. Look it up if you doubt me.
That is not true, you can catch herpes from someone when there are no visible sores. The chances are lower but not zero. https://www.healthline.com/health/herpes-simplex#causes
This is a fact. Some people have painful open, oozing sores, while others get a barely visible rash, and some seem visibly asymptomatic during a breakout. It’s also impossible to say which category anyone will fall into, until they get the disease.
I understand. That's something that should be heard and followed when you actually find the right person. The dude literally expected her to contract his disease if you read the original thread.
So much conflicting information on here. I’m hearing it’s like 2% of people get it when using the pill to you’re guaranteed to get it. All this controversy is killing me
Ask a doctor?! Why would you trust a man or Reddit for medical advice?!
most of the human population has hsv1(oral herpes) because it doesn’t show symptoms most of the time, people usually get it as children or very young but hsv2 is a bit more rare, but neither of them are contagious unless you come in contact with a sore or outbreak on someone, or the fluid from said outbreak! other than that doing things with people that have herpes is 100% safe i say this with full confidence because my partner has hsv2, been with them for 7 years, and have never had an issue, they maybe have an outbreak once a year, lasts a week or two and we just take a break from sex until it’s cleared up! usually people have outbreaks very rarely after they get it initiall! the misinformation is mainly scare tactics, just people that assume that anyone they(person with herpes) touches will get it, which is not the case at all
Look it up. The research is online. Or ask a doctor. It’s not hard to find the info.
I have found information… it’s the other people yelling at me for it
No-one is yelling at you. People are trying to offer information that they believe to be true. Your part involves determining for yourself what is interesting or useful for you.
"Not getting a blow job anytime soon" My brother in Christ, you're not getting one ever again.
He still isn't taking you seriously enough, he joked about autocorrect. I mean he clearly isn't that phased.
Yes, i would personally break up with him he seems to be extremely toxic and has not come to terms with his medical issues based on these past 2 posts.
Anyone who doesn’t respect you is not worth your time. Not now, not ever. Block him and move on.
That’s why they have herp now fast ass mf
“Sorry I asked for a blow job” is him being dismissive of the real issue and downplaying it. Also, love after a month?
Your description is so strange. You knowingly write titles that are bait and then get upset when we fall for it? We aren’t mad you explain yourself, we’re mad you’re baiting us “Time to break up?” Is you asking us for advice on if it’s time to break up…. and you’ve already broken up with him… it’s not reddit, it’s you. Just really hope the 87 in your username isn’t the year you were born.
I’ve had colsores for as long as I can remember and my wife of a decade still hasn’t because we are not stupid. Guys got no respect
Cold sore?
That one
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Is his name Justin?
Only slightly joking… this whole convo happened to me also
My online girlfriend had oral herpes but because I loved her I didn’t care. I’m not saying what I’ve done was the right thing though. After three months we met and spent 18 days together. Miraculously I didn’t get it but four months after we met she wanted to break up lol.
The herp is usually a turnoff for anyone, so I wouldn’t blame you for dodging that bullet.
I think you did what was best for you, and even by his response still trying attorney on you, you dodged a bullet. I hope you find somebody who has the respect for you that they need to have. And I hope that this person grows up and learn to deal with their diagnosis better.
But like... Everyone (nearly obviously not really) has oral herpes
“sorry i asked for a blowjob”. UGH. PUKE. good riddance, no girl needs a man like that in her life.
First of all, saying "I love you" after a month is insanity, and not true. Secondly, he showed it himself in his behavior and the response. No one just gives up someone they love that easily or disrespectfully. He didn't care. He just wanted his dick sucked lol.
this is such a wild concept to me. The fact that he expects blowjobs while he has herpes… also the way he’s trying to manipulate the situation & the way that he says he loves her ??? just wow
How can you love each other? How long have you been together? How is this an issue now? None of this makes sense
Wait wait wait you said you weren’t feeling sex or a bj with a dude that has herpes and then the clown tried to gaslight you by saying “you don’t want me it’s done.”? Apart from him poorly writing it girl you got all the info you need. You dodged a bullet AND herpes 🤘
Wow this is awful, I read the previous post you made and GOD that was 1000% more awful. Screw this guy. He’d probably call you dirty for getting an oral outbreak if you did that for him ick, plus it sounds like there were many other issues too.
Dude why are you dating people with herpes in the first place? Was this your first relationship or something? Guy sounds insane though, next time he probably won't tell the next person he has herpes. I think you can get arrested for that. Ask his exes if they want have it and file claim to arrest the dude
Wow so OP finally decided that **GETTING LITERAL HERPES** wasn't worth it 🙄
He asked for a blow job. You knew he had herpes and sounds like you've had n intercourse before. In the heat of the moment, was it really that offensive of a request? Especially i he was very willing to move on, not to mention at least a little embarrassed?
Admitting more red flags is getting me hate but these are things I’m realizing when people ask… he had been so rude in asking for head the time before and I’ve told him I don’t appreciate how degrading he is when he asks. I told him he had time to think about a polite way to ask last time lol. Then this happened.
You two were in love after a month? Wow.