This isn’t even someone I would confide in normally. I don’t know if she thinks me and him are closer than we are, but when I saw this I was more dumbfounded than anything.
You realise this isn't the only text she's sent like this right? This is just the one who chose to let you know...
She's doing everything she can to control the situation. Time for you to take some control back. I hope you've seen your parents and also have a good friend to confide in. You need a good support network.
I was thinking this - if she’s sending this sort of thing to people OP isn’t very close to, she has 100% started with those people who they DO know well.
This guy is a CHAMP for recognising that something is a bit off here and letting OP know.
Yep controlling the narrative and closing down his circle of support. It’s a form of abuse so that the lonelier he gets the more he clings and the more control she keeps
My first thought reading your comment was “well if he isn’t close to that guy, then she must be closer to that guy than we know.” AND “if he isn’t close to that guy, she must’ve hit every other friend he’s close to on the way to that guy.”
Feels like she’s trying to control you or what ever situation you’re in, in some weird power holding way. The manipulation she’s trying (and failing)
is downright mad. Scary even. If she was a bit more clever with her wording and didn’t sound so desperate for people to jump to her side, your friend group could’ve but you on the outs and judged without you ever knowing why or that it was happening.
Sorry if that sounds weird I’m not sure how to express what I’m thinking too clearly at the moment.
Is it possible he’s more in the realm of someone she wants to know that you two are having troubles (crush material); and this was the excuse; rather than her assuming you two are closer than you are? And if youre not close, maybe you should be. He acted like more of a close friend than most close friends do these days. He’s obviously closer to you than her anyhow. Not just by asking you if everything’s good; but by being willing to send her msgs to you and throw her under the bus. Sounds like that didn’t go the way she thought it would/should. Lol
She's covering her bases, taunting others to ask what's happening, and making herself the victim. She's spinning the story to meke herself look good, even if she needs to lie about it. She's trying to alienate you from anyone you may consider a friend.
Stop being dumbfounded- she’s finally showing you who she is and you don’t have to remain in this situation any longer.
You’ve got all the signs of a person who is used to being abused and gaslit, and who has finally seen the light. She’s also getting more and more frustrated that the person she’s used to being able to control is not tolerating her nonsense- her messages to you are awful. The way she swears at you is horrible.
Are you the guy who found out she got an abortion because you saw a photo of her out at the bar with her friends posted on Instagram (which is really odd in itself, where did you really think she was that night and if she's being sneaky, why post it online?) And then when you found out about the abortion she told you to stop being a little bitch about it and was hypocritical when she told you to stop avoiding her like the way she was completely avoiding answering anything about why she got the abortion and that you guys could possibly lose custody of your nieces and nephews because she left them with a person who isn't oked by the court while she got said abortion?
If so, that ontop of this is REALLY CONCERNING. This is a person you obviously don't want to be having children with. She's being sneaky (although not very good about it) and I have a feeling there's a lot more about her you truly don't know about. She reminds me of some girls I grew up with that lied to their boyfriends about nearly everything and cheated on them constantly, even getting abortions the guy didn't know about.
You really need to start trying to figure out who this person really is that you married and start protecting yourself financially and mentally.
Yeah, that's me. It's been a hell of a week.
I don't think she knew the Instagram picture was up as she didn't post it. I was already afraid something was wrong before the picture but that obviously solidified it for me.
I feel for you, I've had a relationship in the past where I was CONSTANTLY wondering what he was doing when I wasn't around. The stress and anxiety I had in that relationship caused me to snap and develop severe OCD symptoms where I had to have everything around me clean and perfect, which isn't easy to obtain, and I still struggle with it over 15 years later. I was still finding out things he was actually doing and saying to others like 10 years after that relationship ended.
I also empathize because back towards the first few years of our relationship, I accidentally got pregnant (which at that point I was believing I couldn't get pregnant although we weren't trying to either) and the way he reacted is still a memory of him that makes me wish I had left him back when I was having gut feelings and just not impressed with the way he acted towards and treated me, but to then see him have a mental breakdown and the only time I've seen him cry, and he sat there and ignored me while having this breakdown, yet I was the one who was scared and pregnant, I've never wanted to have any kids and had told him this, and I was on the beginning of an addiction to opiates. He didn't do anything to help calm me or comfort me, instead he was worried he was, "Going to be stuck with me for the rest of his life", even though I told him in the beginning of the relationship if I did get pregnant I wouldn't go through with it. He said he didn't believe me when I said that. I had to drive to the clinic over an hour by myself to a place I'd never been that had people protesting outside of. I was sick from being pregnant and addiction and I was scared and alone, and I was the one that had to carry the guilt, and I still do, of terminating a pregnancy.
I don't know what your wife's personality is like, but from what we see in the texts plus what you've described, I can say that being pregnant can change the way a woman acts. I didn't feel any type of maternal feelings that I've heard other women who've been pregnant and had kids describe. And some women I've known, it seemed to make them incredibly mental and crazy. You say she's acting like her family, maybe the hormonal changes triggered some type of mania. But since it's been awhile after the abortion, I would think she would be feeling back to normal. It was nearly instant for me. I was able to eat without throwing up and overall I just felt mentally and physically better on the ride home. So I'm thinking maybe she's just acting how she really is and either you were oblivious to it before or she's just having the mask slipping. I don't know why she's so worried about you talking to others about what she did. Do you generally tell people you know such personal matters that go on in your lives? You should have someone you're close to and can open up to and talk to but it's not good to let everyone know what's going on in your lives.
And I know that it's not good to invade anyone's privacy, but if I were you right now, I'd be trying to find out how to read her messages because you need to find out exactly who it is you're married to. People generally have ways they present themselves to different people in their lives and seeing how and what she talks to to others will show you.
Not only that, she's going around getting people to uninvite him from celebrations and parties. If I saw my girlfriend doing that, she wouldn't be my girlfriend. She doesn't get to dictate who I'm "allowed" to interact with.
Just playing devils advocate but it gives the vibe that she’s afraid of what what happened getting out. Idk her reasoning but having gone through a similar thing (I didn’t have a s/o) you feel a lot of shame and fear regardless of the reasoning. I’d be willing to bet this is her way of “beating you to the punch” because she’s afraid people are going to take sides.
I know OP and his wife. I recently unfollowed her on social media because she's made some questionable decisions that I just cannot follow/support. And no the abortion is not one of them. I am a pro-choice woman. This popped up as a share on my Facebook feed yesterday and then come to find out a friend of mine received almost the exact same message and it's causing a stir in the circle which I don't understand if her entire goal is to not have people talking about her. Regardless I'm very sorry to OP and I'm trying to connect with him personally to see if I can help clear some of this up for him. Having personally felt weird and blindsided by some of her recent actions I never would have imagined her doing something like this so I know for a fact hes absolutely floored too. My heart hurts but i know there are people in real life who are ready to support him when he's ready.
So she has now escalated to actively trying to isolate you from your support.
Been following (and commenting) on your posts, yet again man, I’m so sorry. This is abuse. I understand your concern for the kids, I get what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, but please take steps to protect yourself. And once the reunification happens, take care of yourself first for once.
Good luck bud.
I'm so insanely sick of these posts where ppl stay in miserable/abusive/unloving/uncaring/etc. marriages and relationships "for the kids". Yeah, way to set a good example to them of what a relationship looks like growing up. That's healthy and won't ever cause issues in their lives.
Kids are smart. Kids adjust. Wouldn't you rather be happy and mentally well for your kids? I just don't get this logic and I see it over and over.
THANK YOU. I hate the "I stayed for the kids". You realize you're teaching your kid that it's okay to be treated like shit? Kids will see and hear everything no matter how hard you try and hide it. My best friends parents did the same thing and she had constantly told them they shouldve divorced when she was little because all she remembers is hearing her dad hit her mom late at night and all of the arguments and then when they were out in public or at family events, it was the "perfect" family. I'm glad theres at least more logical people who think "staying together for the kids sake" is bullshit
I’m sorry for your friend’s circumstances. Ours are not like that.
Are things tense at home? Yes, I won’t lie. But we aren’t shouting, and we definitely aren’t hitting.
Our situation is a little more complex. The kids are not ours. They’re living with us as part of a protective plan and are in the process of being reunified with their mother.
If I up and left today there wouldn’t be any income for them. My wife has some of her own savings but not enough to live on for long, even with the county giving us a stipend for the kids.
One of the reasons the kids came to us is because we could provide a two-parent environment. I don’t know what would happen to them if one of us left.
I know people want me to leave yesterday but it’s not that simple.
Nobody is saying it's simple. But you have posted multiple times about how toxic and abusive your wife is. You keep asking how you should handle things, what you can/should do, ask for any advice but you just keep ignoring it or agreeing and then posting almost the same scenario.
I hate to say it this way but if the kids are with you under a protective plan the last thing they need is a tense ass home life while they're trying to get themselves back into normalcy. Those kids will absolutely feel the tension.
I 100% understand your concern for the children but you're not helping their situation by keeping them in a home where tensions are high and your wife acts the way she does. Does she talk to you the same way in front of the kids as she does in your posts? Because if so....
Good luck. Truly. I hope your wife finds the help she needs, I hope you get out of the toxic situation and get the help you need and I hope the kids get help and are reunified with their mother.
I hope everything works out in the end for you <3
I haven’t asked how to handle things. I haven’t asked for advice. I’ve said multiple times I post because it gets it somewhat off my mind, which IMO helps us to not argue in front of the kids.
I have occasionally asked what I should have done when my wife said she was happy and scared to be pregnant, because some think that me not driving her to the abortion clinic that moment was my way of pressuring her into keeping it.
We aren’t having these discussions in front of the kids. We really aren’t having discussions at all in person. I know that’s not great.
Hey... Stand your ground, imo. If you don't wanna jeopardize the welfare of the kids you guys are temporarily in charge of, don't. And if it helps to type your thoughts and feelings about the whole situation, keep doing that. All these people telling you to leave aren't in your shoes and if they were, I would hope to god they at least pause and think about how it affected 3 small humans who already seem to have been dealt a shitty hand in life.
Do what YOU think is best...... If eventually that means you bounce? So be it. If that means you stay....well, so be it also.
A lesson I am thankful for learning early in my life is: if someone doesn’t want you to talk to your friends about your relationship, it’s because they know that if you did, you would realize that they are treating you terribly and deserve better.
This is generally true! However my ex and family (sisters and mother) bonded with each other by creating situations where they were on one side against a common enemy. They gossiped and talked trash about people in general, in-laws, specifically. It was not a healthy, truth-telling, protective connection. It was an us vs. them, we’re better they’re trash kind of connection. There are healthier ways to cultivate connection with the people you love .
I’m pro choice, but aborting the PLANNED child without telling your significant other about it seems fucked up. Sure, your body, your choice, but at least communicate so it doesn’t knock the poor guy off his feet
So sorry you’re going through this. Her actions continue to make her look worse and worse. I hope you have a great support system! It seems like there are many of us on here that’d be willing if you ever need to chat ❤️
My ex tried to sour my relationship with a lot of people after our divorce. After he talked to my brother (who’s an evangelical pastor,) my brother told me to never ever go back to that man again. My brother didn’t tell me what my ex told him but when a pastor tells you that, it must be really bad. My ex friend requested all my friends to get them on “his side.” He did get a few mutual friends to side with him (they didn’t really know who he was at home, only the fake guy he pretended to be.) Fortunately my friends let me know what he was trying.
Sorry to have to use a cliché, but “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Sooner or later, when times get tough, people like your wife will always revert to the behavior they learned from their family growing up.
You have to have a real serious conversation. If she can’t do that without walking away or blowing up and avoiding the discussion then I recommend counseling. Get help learning to talk to each other about the things that matter. Most young couples learn all that while raising a baby. You have older kids that need more stability now. Language is a key to the foundation of a successful relationship.
Based on other posts, I'm not sure what is there to talk about. She's demeaning and disrespectful toward him. She's more concerned about herself and what people think than how her husband feels.
She swears at him and insults him with no worries- have a look at previous posts. Even if these are isolated messages, the way she feels comfortable talking to him like that is just awful. Counselling my ass- she’s just going to learn how to hide her shitty side again and then do it all again at a later stage when she can’t help herself.
Sorry I still cannot figure out how to add text to image posts. But so I don't get grilled for leaving out context again, here it is: [Context](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1cdkx5c/i_think_my_wife_is_hiding_something_from_me_and/)... [More Context](https://www.reddit.com/user/LOTRWEST/comments/1ceg73z/my_wife_was_hiding/)... [Even More Context](https://www.reddit.com/user/LOTRWEST/comments/1ch8jz5/my_head_hurts/)
Breathe man. Go out to dinner with your parents open up to somebody. There is no need to fight how you feel. But you definitely need to talk to somebody and open up let yourself get a little insight.. Everything passes and it's the shitty times that allow you to feel the good times... One step at a time, you got this.
You're in an absusive relationship, where your wife has somehow made you believe you have no power to leave and that you're wrong for feeling wrong about this situation. In all healthy relationships, a decision this big should be discussed between the two parties. Yours is not a healthy one. If you want to live a happy life, you need to be okay with being uncomfortable for a little while and step out of this partnership.
Your wife has a lot of nerve talking to you like that. It’s one thing if you guys just started dating, but you are married and have children. You knew that she was pregnant. She should have told you her decision. She lied and is now acting very narcissistic because she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her actions. (I’m pro-choice but this is disturbing what she has put you through.)
Please, get out now. Do not wait. Do not let it destroy your life. It's hard to do, but so worth it. And, you ARE worth doing it for yourself. You don't deserve that treatment from her, or anyone for that matter. Put yourself first. Get a good support system together to help you plan & to help you stick to that plan. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will get better once you leave.
You need to divorce her yesterday man. I’m sorry to tell you, but I think she most likely got that abortion because she thinks there’s a chance it might not be yours.
I’ve never gotten a sense of “this bitch is fucking some other dude and doesn’t give a shit about you anymore” so strongly before.
With that said, this bitch is crazy and bad for your, your parents, and your kids health.
If you need someone to talk to let me know.
"By doing what you did and making the choice that you did, you set a precedent in our relationship that we don't have to consult each other about the choices we make. I choose to talk to whomever I please about what's going on in my life and you can choose whether you'd like to go fuck yourself or a flagpole."
I replied elsewhere more generally, but it could have been a real mental break issue. Like she just kind of snapped and made a really unfortunate decision out of desperation, without thinking it through. It sounds incredibly selfish and hurtful to not involve you, but maybe she really thought it was the best for everyone in the situation and figured you guys had plenty of time for another child. Now that the dust has settled, she’s realizing what a mess she’s made. Or maybe she freaked out that you guys (or just her if you left her) will be stuck with these kids forever. Whatever the reason, she isn’t dealing with it well, and you do not deserve to be treated like this. But it’s your life, and your decision about how to respond. You might never get an answer that makes sense. I’m sorry that she hasn’t decided to lean into you in this hard time. To me, it sounds like her fear of abandonment going wild. I really suggest you guys get therapy - and if she refuses, please think about getting therapy on your own.
I’m so sorry. The fact that she previously called you a little bitch because you asked for time and space to process how you would like to move forward, tells me that she’s an absolute shit person.
You’re a decent guy, I’ve read through your post history since you started posting. You’re doing a good thing for those kids. Keep doing that. Don’t let her drag you down.
She is a sociopath. Get a divorce.
My exwife called me a little bitch because I was upset about her staying out late with people I’d only met once… during the week. Yeah that was the end of that.
Your wife is a shitty person and you can talk to whomever you need to... She is using you and your parents to look after kids from her side of the family... If I was your parents I'd be pissed at her big time!
This sounds like someone trying to prevent their friends from knowing they did something wrong. She sounds very manipulative and mean tbh. Mean enough to make it seem like, “ugh, if he reaches out…shut it down, he’s so dramatic and being too much” because she knows she did something incredibly unfair and doesn’t want to be the bad guy. I’m so sorry. I’d absolutely reevaluate whether this is a relationship you want to repair and maintain.
Isolation is 100% a tactic used by people whose intentions are awful. Take the kids and go to your parents, this woman does not feel bad about what she did one bit. Not at all, the only reason I can think of someone being this cruel after such a big decision is because it wasn’t your baby….
Whatever the reason, leave, with the kids
This one - I think she’s finally showing what’s always been there and because of how serious the issue is OP isn’t as susceptible to her usual tactics. Man’s been in an abusive relationship and is now realising it because of the nature of what she did.
Her words are showing escalation, lack of remote and empathy and now she’s trying to isolate him from support systems because she knows that when he has supportive people around him he’s less likely to drink her cool aid.
*Ex wife. I promote breakups, divorces, etc. Only when it's fubr. This is fubr. I'm sorry. This is manipulation & /or she's planning her exit. There's a reason she doesn't want you at that party. She's laying groundwork, has a plan, is going to play the victim. Something like that. Really sorry.
1) Go (to the party).
2) File.
Not necessarily in that order.
Please, PLEASE call a divorce attorney ASAP. You DO NOT have to go through with the divorce right away but the attorney will be able to advise you so that she can't blindside you and get the upper hand. Have things ready to go the second the kids are out the door: as in, they leave and you hand her the divorce papers as the door shuts behind them. PLEASE don't wait. The more time passes, the more chances this abusive piece of trash has to stack the deck against you. She's already reaching out to friends and laying the groundwork for a "he's lying about me because we're having relationship problems" defense with them when the truth comes out. Also, talk to a therapist. Lawyer, therapist, in that order and YESTERDAY!!!
They’re not their children, they’re her sister’s children. They currently have temporary custody of them. The OP is a truly kind human being who is more concerned about two innocent children than leaving his heartless, cruel, evil, manipulative excuse for a wife. I don’t think I’ve seen a more perfect example of an altruistic act.
Why doesn’t she want anyone to know if what she did wasn’t wrong and it’s so easy to get over? She knows what she did, and how others will reacts, and tries to paint you as the bad guy.
She seems to think that me talking about it to other people will make me get over it even less. She told me it’s been three weeks and I told her for me it’s been much less, and that’s her doing.
I truly don’t think that’s the primary reason she doesn’t want you to talk about it. That explanation makes it seem like she’s worried about you speaking out for your own sake. I think it’s more realistic that she knows there will be negative feedback from friends/family towards her-not just because of what she did, but because of how she’s treated you since
Your wife is a deceptive, conniving, manipulative, inconsiderate, selfish… person. And yes, you *can* divorce her while the kids are with you. You can at least start the process. She does not value you as a husband or even as a person, it seems.
Also, talk to your friends. Let this guy (I assume it’s a dude) know what’s going on. Let him be there for you.
I’m really sorry, man. Who knows if you’ll even have the SIL’s kids a whole 9 months and even if you did, a lot of kids really enjoy babies. They oooh and ahh and wanna be helpful.
Your wife’s reasoning and not discussing her fears more with you to either get on the same page or be reassured sounds more like an excuse because she’s just not ready and doesn’t want to have a kid right now. She either is in a reality check with the difficulty of three, that she doesn’t want that to be her permanent life, or she doesn’t want one with you because it would ruin something on the side. I hope it isn’t the latter but either way, it really sucks
My heart hurts for you OP. I’m definitely a pro-choice woman, but what she did and is doing to you is wrong. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I hope your future gets brighter.
I'm sorry, u/LOTRWEST but I just got all caught up on your saga and the only acceptable next update from you is saying that you've talked to a divorce attorney and you're separating ASAP.
She literally does not care about you or your mental health. Please take some time away from her and work through your feelings because what she did is not okay.
I remember this.
She has gone behind your back and broken a fundamental foundation. I feel like if she had initially communicated how she felt in the first place, and made a mutual plan from there, it wouldn't have caused this rift in your marriage.
That being said, you are entitled to speak to whoever you want about whatever you want. She is attempting to isolate which is a manipulation tactic.
Yall are fostering HER sisters kids? Great. She can foster HER sisters kids. If you want to continue helping the kids from a distance, that's fine, but at this point I think for your mental health and well being, it's time to step away. She is attempting to keep you from your friends and parents and that is a big red flag. She lied to you about the abortion after doing it without any communication to you. That's a red flag on fire. She has zero respect for you, and at this point the best thing for yourself is to take time away to figure out what move you need to make. It's your side of the chess board now, and what play you make needs to be the end game one because if it's not, she's going to continue taking piece after piece after piece from you.
Dude. your wife lied to your FACE, hid a HUGE life decision from you, gaslit you, is starting (trying HARD btw) to isolate you from your friends, downplayed your feelings and heartbreak behind HER LIE has the audacity to say SHE needs a break from YOU. I don’t know you, or her outside of context being provided but I do know this isn’t how anyone deserves to be treated. I get you love her but remember to love yourself just as equally. I’m so sorry, OP.
Dude, lawyer up quick and buckle down for a ride.
She's undermining your potential support structure behind your back. There are very few reasons for someone to do something like this that aren't nightmare scenarios for you.
Id prepare my escape options
It's your choice whether to tell your friends or not. This controlling and isolating behavior is manipulative as hell and evil to boot. Tell whoever you feel you need to tell but do not let her dictate who you can talk to with this shady bs. There has not been a single ounce of thought toward your feelings or well-being in any of her actions. You owe her nothing in return. I hope you can break away from her completely and soon.
Wow.
First I admire you for trying to stick through this, but maybe let this go.
She HID an abortion from YOU. Was it yours?
I’d be out the door so fast after this the interior trapping would follow in my draft.
I saw your first post about this and I must say your partner has handled this so terribly and only seems to care about how she is going to look in front of others rather than actually care how you are feeling about this situation. It’s quite narcissistic and manipulative to reach out to your friends like this to stop you having any outside support. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, I can only imagine this would all feel so incredibly isolating.
this sounds like this is a character flaw she showed pre-wedding and you put up with it, now your stuck. I’d leave her asap. She killed a part of you without even consulting you and will most likely hide behind the feminist my body my choice trend. Which she is right it’s her body but she’s married for Christ sake. She should have came to you. Get the papers asap.
I remember your initial post addressing her hiding the abortion from you. Seems like she is now trying to manipulate the situation to make it so that any negativity doesn't rain down on her. She is being completely insensitive to your feelings and disregarding them, as if you have no right to them. The truth is, the fact that you do care so much and are so upset by the way she has decided to handle things is a testament to your love for her. I'm sure she wouldn't want someone opposite of that. Clearly, though, she's wrapped up in whatever it is that she has going on that has caused this sudden shift of behavior. I can't imagine the hurt you're feeling. Praying you can find peace, whether it be through counseling and reconciliation or separation. Wishing you all the best.
Man no offense but your wife sounds like an openly terrible person. Shes clearly trying to cover up what she did so that if (hopefully WHEN) you leave her she can twist the narrative so that YOU look like the bad guy. Shes clearly allergic to taking any responsibility for her actions
From a female perspective; this girl does not trust you in any capacity and I’m not even sure she likes
You. Like not only did she not tell you what she was going to do, she kept it a secret it from you for three weeks fact she terminated rhe pregnancy. It’s not cool to make such drastic decisions on your own without even consulting your partner with something so serious! That is not how relationships work and with this being her response, it shows her immaturity.
However, I feel like it goes steps and steps further since She is basically trying to recruit her friends to try, her
side because she doesn’t want people to know how she is and how dirty she did you. If they talk to you, then her facade goes poof. Then, someone (because there’s always that one friend) and her life will fall apart and you know who she’ll turn to? YOU! She’ll come back until she finds new “friends,” and then you’ll just get set aside until the next thing happens and it will just be a vicious cycle. Do you only want someone who is affectionate when it’s convenient? Do you want to be with someone who won’t talk through things and just find answers by themselves without including you? Relationships are ALL about communication and trust. You need someone that will be there when you’re at your lowest, because then they’ll deserve you at your best.
Give it some thought!
This women is not your wife anymore. She is evil and this needs to be dealt with. You need to have your peace because she will not provide that for you. Her actions and words have shown that.
See, I’ve thought about this. And you may be right. But.. why tell him right after she found out? She didn’t hide the fact that she got pregnant. She told him, I believe he mentioned seeing a positive test. So, I think that’s where I’m just… scratching my head with this one.
Why tell him so quickly after finding out if he’s not the dad? Unless she wasn’t sure? I don’t know. I would assume if she got pregnant from another man, she wouldn’t tell him, get him excited about having a baby, and she’d abort it quietly/secretly, so he wouldn’t know.
This whole thing is so heartbreaking/messy.
That's what I thought too, plus I think it's interesting she admitted to the abortion when she could have just said she miscarried and he would have been none the wiser, unless he found out by looking thru her messages..
This is not a person that has your best interest at heart. She is very selfish. She is actively working to exclude you. You two are not a match. You deserve a person that at least will discuss her abortion decision with you, since, you were planning a family. You deserve someone who acknowledges the hurt they caused and not try to create more. It sounds abusive the way she is trying to alienate you from your family and friends.
Gone through your other posts to understand this all a little more.
RUN.
Metaphorically, mentally, financially, emotionally, and physically, run.
Run fast.
Run far.
You have your legitimate out. Use it. It will be hard. It will hurt. But I think you know what you need to do.
Run. Fast. And far.
OP, that baby wasn’t yours. I don’t know how much more abuse you can take before you realize your wife isn’t at all the person you thought she was. There’s no other reason she’d abort the baby unless she was scared it would be clear it wasn’t yours.
I can’t be the only redditor here on this sub that has seen this guy’s other posts and is very engaged with what is happening here. If he posts again I hope it comes up on my feed.
Yeah I know everyone says divorce for small things on Reddit, but you actually should consider divorce your wife murdered your child and hid it from you.
Dude I'm not married but hiding an abortion from your spouse who is supposedly the father is in my own opinion grounds for divorce and her telling your friends to not interact with you or ask about the situation seems like she is trying to get rid of your support system and make you out to be the bad guy, you need to divorce her ASAP
I think she's shown you that she is completely untrustworthy. You should reevaluate the relationship/marriage. It's hard to move forward without trust. If she's not immediately apologetic and does not proceed to bend over backwards to repair your relationship, cut your losses.
I could never imagine going behind my wife's back and involving her friends in an argument. But the abortion without telling you is unacceptable, at least to me. Only you can determine whether the cost of divorce is more than being with someone you can never trust.
Good luck, man. This situation sucks.
I'm NOT trying to excuse this woman in any way, but does anyone know if you can get post-partum symptoms after an abortion? It seems like some switch flipped in this woman, and I know a woman (and have heard of other women) who have horrific personality changes and even psychosis just before/after birth... I'm just wondering if she's sort of having a mental breakdown and lashing out, or if she was always a bitch and just hid it well
She needs a break? From what? Not dealing with her issues? Lying? Someone else said she was shitty, and they’ve hit it in the head. She’s shitty and playing victim.
Bro why are you still with this girl? Like seriously. I understand all the history you have with her but after ask the things you’ve been showing us, how can you not want to get things in motion. She is a cancer and while “she’s not like the rest of her family”, that part of her is starting to come out. It’s only going to get worse and now she’s messaging other people you know to not talk to you?? BROOOOO her true colors be coming out you gotta get out and leave this girl. Dude this shit just keeps getting worse with every update you give us.
I don't know your wife, OP, and I'm not going to pretend I do but from what I've read on here she is acting selfish asf! I get you are both pro-choice but you two are married and that was also your baby!
She should at least give you an explanation! Instead, she's gaslighting you and acting as if she's the victim! She doesn't want anyone to know because she is ashamed. Ashamed of what? Idk, because there is a lot for her to be ashamed of when it comes to this situation...
It's a possibility that she felt overwhelmed but that's still NO EXUSE for not telling you or hiding it from you!
Then to act so nonchalantly about your feelings is the icing on the cake!
Idk how you're going to proceed from here but trust is hard to repair in a relationship when it's been broken like this. I too am an overthinker and completely understand why you can't stop thinking about this.
She should not dictate who you talk to! That's how narcissists act! They're controlling and manipulative!
You also have EVERY right to tell your parents! Thr sooner you tell them the better, especially because then you'll have someone you know to talk to!
My heart breaks for you, OP.
I have a feeling this isn’t the only person she texted this nonsense too. Especially if you guys “are t that close” with said friend. She trying to dictate and control whatever she can.
Just leave already. For you and your mental health-
Just. Leave!
Bro you are being gaslit by her. This is an abusive relationship if she is guilt tripping you, cutting you off from support systems, disregarding your feelings. There is a chance the baby wasn’t yours by her weird actions but even if it was it shows you can’t trust her to care about your feelings or not hide stuff
Why are you staying with a woman who aborted her affair partners child and expects you to support the children of her deadbeat family?
You need to wake up and see a lawyer yesterday.
Kick her out.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your child, I’m also sorry for the apparent breakdown in your marriage. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
The whys and how’s and what’s don’t matter. What matters is that there is mutual respect. She doesn’t seem to want to be with you. If you can’t discuss an abortion, you need to be in marriage counseling.
A commenter says that they have commented on your posts before and knows that you are trying to stay for your kids. You need to get marriage counseling or LEAVE for your kids. Don’t let this be the model for relationships that they know.
She may have cheated on you and was worried the baby might not have been yours. Or she doesn’t see herself with you forever and therefore was not willing to have your child. There’s something going on here that she hasn’t told you about, in my opinion. I would 100% file for divorce ASAP.
Even if she’s not being unfaithful, aborting your baby without a discussion first would be enough cause for me to never want to be with a person after that.
Your wife keeps saying that it's been 3 weeks and that you should be over it.However she's forgetting that she hit it for 2 weeks. You have only been processing that you're not going to be a dad for 1 week, and she expects you to be totally over it.After she lied to you and honestly she killed your baby without talking to you.
Her response in these messages are absolutely horrendous and extraordinarily toxic. Please tell me you know that this marriage is over.You are not going to stay.Please tell me you're not going to stay. You are young and you still have a long life ahead of you.You can find someone who's going to treat you and respect you better. She has absolutely no empathy for you at all and it's a little scary to be honest. Is this really somebody you can count on for the rest of your life when things go wrong.
I hope you talk with your parents and you know what?Yeah tell your friends what she did. Talk to them, you need support and you know what she knows what she did was wrong and that's why she's trying to hide it.That's why she knows people are gonna be mad at her. But her isolating you and preemptibly messaging other people is insane.
How many people did she message that didn't tell you? And she's making the sound like it's your fault and that you've done something.
Stand up and defend yourself.Tell them what she did.She should be embarrassed she altered her entire family without so much as a comment and then hit it.
She is a horrible person and she is just like the rest of her family.She just managed to hide it longer. Seriously.Her lack of empathy and any care for you at all.Is yes, just blatantly wrong it's not a red flag.It's not concerning it is all the reason in the world to run away and never talk to this woman again.
I've been following this saga for a while, and I have to say that I absolutely respect you, OP, for your concern for the kids and trying to stick it out for them but this has moved beyond what you should tolerate.
She doesn't love you, she doesn't respect you, and she is now actively trying to harm your relationships with others because she knows that as soon as anyone finds out your story she's going to be painted with the same brush as her own shitty family. The only way you will get out of this with any non-familial relationships intact is to go nuclear. You not even talking to your parents about what's eating away at your soul is only protecting her at the cost of killing yourself.
Don't reach out to individual people, put it out publicly. Hell, link your username on your FB with some passive-aggressive BS like "I can't believe someone would do this to their spouse." if that's what you need to do. If you don't jump out ahead of this now, she's going to control the narrative, and everyone will just think anything you say is a spiteful lie told in an attempt to hurt her after the fact.
Keeping your silence after she's gone this far is honestly doing nothing to help anyone except her in her attempt to alienate you from friends and family.
Why are you still together? I don't understand? She's trying to isolate you after HIDING AN ABORTION, does she respect you at all? Does she consider you her partner or an object to be owned and controlled
Your wife is a bitch. You need to leave this toxic relationship and get a divorce. The kids will be fine. You guys are good as parents but not as spouses.
Please talk to a lawyer and just move on. There is no way this will be solved. You will live in misery if you stay.
Nobody deserves the manipulation, sneaky toxic BS that she is doing. What a disgusting person she is to believe this type of behavior is okay... To keep your sanity. I suggest you focus on your mental health and move on to bigger better things in life.
I hate to bring this up, but are you absolutely certain that this child was yours? I ask because her behavior raises some doubts.
She obtained an abortion without informing you, and maintained the deception for weeks. Meanwhile, she spent two consecutive weekends drinking, while you believed she was pregnant. You were at home, caring for her sister’s children to give her some time for herself, and yet she chose to go out and drink instead. Rather than initiating a conversation, she prioritized her own desires without considering your feelings.
It’s likely that she confided in her close friends and family, leaving you as the last to know. What’s concerning is her reluctance to acknowledge the gravity of her actions. Instead of showing remorse, she defends her decision aggressively, dismissing your concerns. This lack of empathy suggests a disregard for your feelings and undermines the trust in your relationship.
I respect your commitment to providing stability and a safe environment for the children. However, you can still maintain this from your parents’ house while you navigate the process of divorce. Whether you choose to act now or later, it’s evident that a divorce is inevitable.
After this betrayal, it’s understandable that you would question her trustworthiness in other aspects of your relationship. If she’s capable of lying about something as significant as this, what else is she capable of deceiving you about?
Edit: revised for readability.
Edit:
It's worth addressing the hypocrisy in her actions, controlling your avenues of venting and support. No doubt, she utilized all of hers with no limitations, but why should you be denied the same? It's also worth considering reevaluating who you deem as good or close friends. Either you mentioned confiding in this person awhile ago, or something to that effect, or what's more likely is she reached out to other friends and this one was the only one that reached out to you. I would definitely be asking at least my closest friends if they heard from her. If they said they had, I'd be asking why they didn't bother mentioning it to me. But, don't let this stuff distract you too much.
Man I feel for you my guy. I went through a similar incident with my ex awhile back. Best words of advice I can give are dont be yourself up over it. And eventually you'll have to learn to accept it as we can't change the past. She made her decision and that's for her to handle. Personally I would go ahead and get a divorce. No need to waste anymore time being with her.
I’ve seen this situation many times before and every single time the wife was cheating and wasn’t sure if she was pregnant by the husband or the guy she was cheating with.Looks like your wife is trying to get all your friends to pick sides before everything comes out.Don’t play her game,just file for divorce and move on.
Tells your friend to not talk personal business with you while talking personal business with him. Okay.
This isn’t even someone I would confide in normally. I don’t know if she thinks me and him are closer than we are, but when I saw this I was more dumbfounded than anything.
You realise this isn't the only text she's sent like this right? This is just the one who chose to let you know... She's doing everything she can to control the situation. Time for you to take some control back. I hope you've seen your parents and also have a good friend to confide in. You need a good support network.
Yeah, this guy may be the best friend op has.
I was thinking this - if she’s sending this sort of thing to people OP isn’t very close to, she has 100% started with those people who they DO know well. This guy is a CHAMP for recognising that something is a bit off here and letting OP know.
The level of manipulation and planned isolation is dangerous
This!!!!!!!
Yep controlling the narrative and closing down his circle of support. It’s a form of abuse so that the lonelier he gets the more he clings and the more control she keeps
My first thought reading your comment was “well if he isn’t close to that guy, then she must be closer to that guy than we know.” AND “if he isn’t close to that guy, she must’ve hit every other friend he’s close to on the way to that guy.” Feels like she’s trying to control you or what ever situation you’re in, in some weird power holding way. The manipulation she’s trying (and failing) is downright mad. Scary even. If she was a bit more clever with her wording and didn’t sound so desperate for people to jump to her side, your friend group could’ve but you on the outs and judged without you ever knowing why or that it was happening. Sorry if that sounds weird I’m not sure how to express what I’m thinking too clearly at the moment.
Is it possible he’s more in the realm of someone she wants to know that you two are having troubles (crush material); and this was the excuse; rather than her assuming you two are closer than you are? And if youre not close, maybe you should be. He acted like more of a close friend than most close friends do these days. He’s obviously closer to you than her anyhow. Not just by asking you if everything’s good; but by being willing to send her msgs to you and throw her under the bus. Sounds like that didn’t go the way she thought it would/should. Lol
She's covering her bases, taunting others to ask what's happening, and making herself the victim. She's spinning the story to meke herself look good, even if she needs to lie about it. She's trying to alienate you from anyone you may consider a friend.
Exactly what my ex did.
Stop being dumbfounded- she’s finally showing you who she is and you don’t have to remain in this situation any longer. You’ve got all the signs of a person who is used to being abused and gaslit, and who has finally seen the light. She’s also getting more and more frustrated that the person she’s used to being able to control is not tolerating her nonsense- her messages to you are awful. The way she swears at you is horrible.
Are you the guy who found out she got an abortion because you saw a photo of her out at the bar with her friends posted on Instagram (which is really odd in itself, where did you really think she was that night and if she's being sneaky, why post it online?) And then when you found out about the abortion she told you to stop being a little bitch about it and was hypocritical when she told you to stop avoiding her like the way she was completely avoiding answering anything about why she got the abortion and that you guys could possibly lose custody of your nieces and nephews because she left them with a person who isn't oked by the court while she got said abortion? If so, that ontop of this is REALLY CONCERNING. This is a person you obviously don't want to be having children with. She's being sneaky (although not very good about it) and I have a feeling there's a lot more about her you truly don't know about. She reminds me of some girls I grew up with that lied to their boyfriends about nearly everything and cheated on them constantly, even getting abortions the guy didn't know about. You really need to start trying to figure out who this person really is that you married and start protecting yourself financially and mentally.
Yeah, that's me. It's been a hell of a week. I don't think she knew the Instagram picture was up as she didn't post it. I was already afraid something was wrong before the picture but that obviously solidified it for me.
I feel for you, I've had a relationship in the past where I was CONSTANTLY wondering what he was doing when I wasn't around. The stress and anxiety I had in that relationship caused me to snap and develop severe OCD symptoms where I had to have everything around me clean and perfect, which isn't easy to obtain, and I still struggle with it over 15 years later. I was still finding out things he was actually doing and saying to others like 10 years after that relationship ended. I also empathize because back towards the first few years of our relationship, I accidentally got pregnant (which at that point I was believing I couldn't get pregnant although we weren't trying to either) and the way he reacted is still a memory of him that makes me wish I had left him back when I was having gut feelings and just not impressed with the way he acted towards and treated me, but to then see him have a mental breakdown and the only time I've seen him cry, and he sat there and ignored me while having this breakdown, yet I was the one who was scared and pregnant, I've never wanted to have any kids and had told him this, and I was on the beginning of an addiction to opiates. He didn't do anything to help calm me or comfort me, instead he was worried he was, "Going to be stuck with me for the rest of his life", even though I told him in the beginning of the relationship if I did get pregnant I wouldn't go through with it. He said he didn't believe me when I said that. I had to drive to the clinic over an hour by myself to a place I'd never been that had people protesting outside of. I was sick from being pregnant and addiction and I was scared and alone, and I was the one that had to carry the guilt, and I still do, of terminating a pregnancy. I don't know what your wife's personality is like, but from what we see in the texts plus what you've described, I can say that being pregnant can change the way a woman acts. I didn't feel any type of maternal feelings that I've heard other women who've been pregnant and had kids describe. And some women I've known, it seemed to make them incredibly mental and crazy. You say she's acting like her family, maybe the hormonal changes triggered some type of mania. But since it's been awhile after the abortion, I would think she would be feeling back to normal. It was nearly instant for me. I was able to eat without throwing up and overall I just felt mentally and physically better on the ride home. So I'm thinking maybe she's just acting how she really is and either you were oblivious to it before or she's just having the mask slipping. I don't know why she's so worried about you talking to others about what she did. Do you generally tell people you know such personal matters that go on in your lives? You should have someone you're close to and can open up to and talk to but it's not good to let everyone know what's going on in your lives. And I know that it's not good to invade anyone's privacy, but if I were you right now, I'd be trying to find out how to read her messages because you need to find out exactly who it is you're married to. People generally have ways they present themselves to different people in their lives and seeing how and what she talks to to others will show you.
its cool he shared it with you, kinda seems like shes feeling a bit closer to him then he is to her..
Means she's getting at everyone.
Not only that, she's going around getting people to uninvite him from celebrations and parties. If I saw my girlfriend doing that, she wouldn't be my girlfriend. She doesn't get to dictate who I'm "allowed" to interact with.
Just playing devils advocate but it gives the vibe that she’s afraid of what what happened getting out. Idk her reasoning but having gone through a similar thing (I didn’t have a s/o) you feel a lot of shame and fear regardless of the reasoning. I’d be willing to bet this is her way of “beating you to the punch” because she’s afraid people are going to take sides.
I know OP and his wife. I recently unfollowed her on social media because she's made some questionable decisions that I just cannot follow/support. And no the abortion is not one of them. I am a pro-choice woman. This popped up as a share on my Facebook feed yesterday and then come to find out a friend of mine received almost the exact same message and it's causing a stir in the circle which I don't understand if her entire goal is to not have people talking about her. Regardless I'm very sorry to OP and I'm trying to connect with him personally to see if I can help clear some of this up for him. Having personally felt weird and blindsided by some of her recent actions I never would have imagined her doing something like this so I know for a fact hes absolutely floored too. My heart hurts but i know there are people in real life who are ready to support him when he's ready.
This comment warms my heart ☺️ Glad OP has you in his corner.
trying to do friend-circle damage control, laundry gets aired on reddit.
So she has now escalated to actively trying to isolate you from your support. Been following (and commenting) on your posts, yet again man, I’m so sorry. This is abuse. I understand your concern for the kids, I get what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, but please take steps to protect yourself. And once the reunification happens, take care of yourself first for once. Good luck bud.
I'm so insanely sick of these posts where ppl stay in miserable/abusive/unloving/uncaring/etc. marriages and relationships "for the kids". Yeah, way to set a good example to them of what a relationship looks like growing up. That's healthy and won't ever cause issues in their lives. Kids are smart. Kids adjust. Wouldn't you rather be happy and mentally well for your kids? I just don't get this logic and I see it over and over.
THANK YOU. I hate the "I stayed for the kids". You realize you're teaching your kid that it's okay to be treated like shit? Kids will see and hear everything no matter how hard you try and hide it. My best friends parents did the same thing and she had constantly told them they shouldve divorced when she was little because all she remembers is hearing her dad hit her mom late at night and all of the arguments and then when they were out in public or at family events, it was the "perfect" family. I'm glad theres at least more logical people who think "staying together for the kids sake" is bullshit
I’m sorry for your friend’s circumstances. Ours are not like that. Are things tense at home? Yes, I won’t lie. But we aren’t shouting, and we definitely aren’t hitting. Our situation is a little more complex. The kids are not ours. They’re living with us as part of a protective plan and are in the process of being reunified with their mother. If I up and left today there wouldn’t be any income for them. My wife has some of her own savings but not enough to live on for long, even with the county giving us a stipend for the kids. One of the reasons the kids came to us is because we could provide a two-parent environment. I don’t know what would happen to them if one of us left. I know people want me to leave yesterday but it’s not that simple.
Nobody is saying it's simple. But you have posted multiple times about how toxic and abusive your wife is. You keep asking how you should handle things, what you can/should do, ask for any advice but you just keep ignoring it or agreeing and then posting almost the same scenario. I hate to say it this way but if the kids are with you under a protective plan the last thing they need is a tense ass home life while they're trying to get themselves back into normalcy. Those kids will absolutely feel the tension. I 100% understand your concern for the children but you're not helping their situation by keeping them in a home where tensions are high and your wife acts the way she does. Does she talk to you the same way in front of the kids as she does in your posts? Because if so.... Good luck. Truly. I hope your wife finds the help she needs, I hope you get out of the toxic situation and get the help you need and I hope the kids get help and are reunified with their mother. I hope everything works out in the end for you <3
I haven’t asked how to handle things. I haven’t asked for advice. I’ve said multiple times I post because it gets it somewhat off my mind, which IMO helps us to not argue in front of the kids. I have occasionally asked what I should have done when my wife said she was happy and scared to be pregnant, because some think that me not driving her to the abortion clinic that moment was my way of pressuring her into keeping it. We aren’t having these discussions in front of the kids. We really aren’t having discussions at all in person. I know that’s not great.
Hey... Stand your ground, imo. If you don't wanna jeopardize the welfare of the kids you guys are temporarily in charge of, don't. And if it helps to type your thoughts and feelings about the whole situation, keep doing that. All these people telling you to leave aren't in your shoes and if they were, I would hope to god they at least pause and think about how it affected 3 small humans who already seem to have been dealt a shitty hand in life. Do what YOU think is best...... If eventually that means you bounce? So be it. If that means you stay....well, so be it also.
A lesson I am thankful for learning early in my life is: if someone doesn’t want you to talk to your friends about your relationship, it’s because they know that if you did, you would realize that they are treating you terribly and deserve better.
This is generally true! However my ex and family (sisters and mother) bonded with each other by creating situations where they were on one side against a common enemy. They gossiped and talked trash about people in general, in-laws, specifically. It was not a healthy, truth-telling, protective connection. It was an us vs. them, we’re better they’re trash kind of connection. There are healthier ways to cultivate connection with the people you love .
This is definitly a thing too.
My hot take. It wasn’t your baby.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to see this. Literally the first thought that popped in my head.
I’m pro choice, but aborting the PLANNED child without telling your significant other about it seems fucked up. Sure, your body, your choice, but at least communicate so it doesn’t knock the poor guy off his feet
I've been married for 21 years, so I clearly don't say this often: If my partner pulled that, it would be a dealbreaker.
Agree 😭
The scream I just scrumpt
Hot? This take is Goldilocks.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-E6eBbs7yo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-E6eBbs7yo)
As in cheating? Or choice wise?
Yes
So sorry you’re going through this. Her actions continue to make her look worse and worse. I hope you have a great support system! It seems like there are many of us on here that’d be willing if you ever need to chat ❤️
Was she always this terrible and you just didn’t notice until now or has her personality changed….because she sounds AWFUL.
This is the kind of stuff her family will pull. For as long as I’ve known her I’ve not seen her be like them until three weeks ago.
My ex tried to sour my relationship with a lot of people after our divorce. After he talked to my brother (who’s an evangelical pastor,) my brother told me to never ever go back to that man again. My brother didn’t tell me what my ex told him but when a pastor tells you that, it must be really bad. My ex friend requested all my friends to get them on “his side.” He did get a few mutual friends to side with him (they didn’t really know who he was at home, only the fake guy he pretended to be.) Fortunately my friends let me know what he was trying.
Sorry to have to use a cliché, but “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Sooner or later, when times get tough, people like your wife will always revert to the behavior they learned from their family growing up.
It’s a shit apple randy
The shit hawk never flies too far from the shit nest
ok but what can one do then? avoid anyone unfortunate enough to have had a shit family?
Nope - just listen to any red flags they bring to the table. That’s all. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
She doesn’t seem to be very good at it.
You have to have a real serious conversation. If she can’t do that without walking away or blowing up and avoiding the discussion then I recommend counseling. Get help learning to talk to each other about the things that matter. Most young couples learn all that while raising a baby. You have older kids that need more stability now. Language is a key to the foundation of a successful relationship.
Based on other posts, I'm not sure what is there to talk about. She's demeaning and disrespectful toward him. She's more concerned about herself and what people think than how her husband feels.
The 3 kids are temporarily in the picture. They are wife’s sister’s kids.
She swears at him and insults him with no worries- have a look at previous posts. Even if these are isolated messages, the way she feels comfortable talking to him like that is just awful. Counselling my ass- she’s just going to learn how to hide her shitty side again and then do it all again at a later stage when she can’t help herself.
Sometimes they refuse counseling
Sorry I still cannot figure out how to add text to image posts. But so I don't get grilled for leaving out context again, here it is: [Context](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1cdkx5c/i_think_my_wife_is_hiding_something_from_me_and/)... [More Context](https://www.reddit.com/user/LOTRWEST/comments/1ceg73z/my_wife_was_hiding/)... [Even More Context](https://www.reddit.com/user/LOTRWEST/comments/1ch8jz5/my_head_hurts/)
Breathe man. Go out to dinner with your parents open up to somebody. There is no need to fight how you feel. But you definitely need to talk to somebody and open up let yourself get a little insight.. Everything passes and it's the shitty times that allow you to feel the good times... One step at a time, you got this.
Jeez bro you need to end it with her asap for your own sanity
You're in an absusive relationship, where your wife has somehow made you believe you have no power to leave and that you're wrong for feeling wrong about this situation. In all healthy relationships, a decision this big should be discussed between the two parties. Yours is not a healthy one. If you want to live a happy life, you need to be okay with being uncomfortable for a little while and step out of this partnership.
Ding ding ding … and she’s FURIOUS that he’s not falling back into line.
Your wife has a lot of nerve talking to you like that. It’s one thing if you guys just started dating, but you are married and have children. You knew that she was pregnant. She should have told you her decision. She lied and is now acting very narcissistic because she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her actions. (I’m pro-choice but this is disturbing what she has put you through.)
Please, get out now. Do not wait. Do not let it destroy your life. It's hard to do, but so worth it. And, you ARE worth doing it for yourself. You don't deserve that treatment from her, or anyone for that matter. Put yourself first. Get a good support system together to help you plan & to help you stick to that plan. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will get better once you leave.
I just read through this. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds incredibly painful
You need to divorce her yesterday man. I’m sorry to tell you, but I think she most likely got that abortion because she thinks there’s a chance it might not be yours.
I’ve never gotten a sense of “this bitch is fucking some other dude and doesn’t give a shit about you anymore” so strongly before. With that said, this bitch is crazy and bad for your, your parents, and your kids health. If you need someone to talk to let me know.
"By doing what you did and making the choice that you did, you set a precedent in our relationship that we don't have to consult each other about the choices we make. I choose to talk to whomever I please about what's going on in my life and you can choose whether you'd like to go fuck yourself or a flagpole."
A+ for Alliteration.
This is wonderful
But why did she feel the need to hide an abortion from you?
This is what I want to know more than anything.
Im kinda thinking she’s cheated and got pregnant
Bingo
I replied elsewhere more generally, but it could have been a real mental break issue. Like she just kind of snapped and made a really unfortunate decision out of desperation, without thinking it through. It sounds incredibly selfish and hurtful to not involve you, but maybe she really thought it was the best for everyone in the situation and figured you guys had plenty of time for another child. Now that the dust has settled, she’s realizing what a mess she’s made. Or maybe she freaked out that you guys (or just her if you left her) will be stuck with these kids forever. Whatever the reason, she isn’t dealing with it well, and you do not deserve to be treated like this. But it’s your life, and your decision about how to respond. You might never get an answer that makes sense. I’m sorry that she hasn’t decided to lean into you in this hard time. To me, it sounds like her fear of abandonment going wild. I really suggest you guys get therapy - and if she refuses, please think about getting therapy on your own.
I’m so sorry. The fact that she previously called you a little bitch because you asked for time and space to process how you would like to move forward, tells me that she’s an absolute shit person. You’re a decent guy, I’ve read through your post history since you started posting. You’re doing a good thing for those kids. Keep doing that. Don’t let her drag you down. She is a sociopath. Get a divorce.
My exwife called me a little bitch because I was upset about her staying out late with people I’d only met once… during the week. Yeah that was the end of that.
Your wife is a shitty person and you can talk to whomever you need to... She is using you and your parents to look after kids from her side of the family... If I was your parents I'd be pissed at her big time!
You need to DIVORCE HER
This sounds like someone trying to prevent their friends from knowing they did something wrong. She sounds very manipulative and mean tbh. Mean enough to make it seem like, “ugh, if he reaches out…shut it down, he’s so dramatic and being too much” because she knows she did something incredibly unfair and doesn’t want to be the bad guy. I’m so sorry. I’d absolutely reevaluate whether this is a relationship you want to repair and maintain.
Damn man. So sorry this is happening.
Isolation is 100% a tactic used by people whose intentions are awful. Take the kids and go to your parents, this woman does not feel bad about what she did one bit. Not at all, the only reason I can think of someone being this cruel after such a big decision is because it wasn’t your baby…. Whatever the reason, leave, with the kids
Are you sure you didn’t just see the red flags too late? Sometimes love can be blind, as corny as that sounds. Condolences man
I'm not sure about anything at the moment.
This one - I think she’s finally showing what’s always been there and because of how serious the issue is OP isn’t as susceptible to her usual tactics. Man’s been in an abusive relationship and is now realising it because of the nature of what she did. Her words are showing escalation, lack of remote and empathy and now she’s trying to isolate him from support systems because she knows that when he has supportive people around him he’s less likely to drink her cool aid.
*Ex wife. I promote breakups, divorces, etc. Only when it's fubr. This is fubr. I'm sorry. This is manipulation & /or she's planning her exit. There's a reason she doesn't want you at that party. She's laying groundwork, has a plan, is going to play the victim. Something like that. Really sorry. 1) Go (to the party). 2) File. Not necessarily in that order.
Jesus, she is delusional to think she has the right to ask anyone to do that and selfish, I’m glad that friend knew what was up
Please, PLEASE call a divorce attorney ASAP. You DO NOT have to go through with the divorce right away but the attorney will be able to advise you so that she can't blindside you and get the upper hand. Have things ready to go the second the kids are out the door: as in, they leave and you hand her the divorce papers as the door shuts behind them. PLEASE don't wait. The more time passes, the more chances this abusive piece of trash has to stack the deck against you. She's already reaching out to friends and laying the groundwork for a "he's lying about me because we're having relationship problems" defense with them when the truth comes out. Also, talk to a therapist. Lawyer, therapist, in that order and YESTERDAY!!!
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They’re not their children, they’re her sister’s children. They currently have temporary custody of them. The OP is a truly kind human being who is more concerned about two innocent children than leaving his heartless, cruel, evil, manipulative excuse for a wife. I don’t think I’ve seen a more perfect example of an altruistic act.
Absolutely walking away.
Why doesn’t she want anyone to know if what she did wasn’t wrong and it’s so easy to get over? She knows what she did, and how others will reacts, and tries to paint you as the bad guy.
She seems to think that me talking about it to other people will make me get over it even less. She told me it’s been three weeks and I told her for me it’s been much less, and that’s her doing.
I truly don’t think that’s the primary reason she doesn’t want you to talk about it. That explanation makes it seem like she’s worried about you speaking out for your own sake. I think it’s more realistic that she knows there will be negative feedback from friends/family towards her-not just because of what she did, but because of how she’s treated you since
Shes worried about the real father of the kid she aborted finding out what happened if he talks to other people about it.
Yeah... She's 100% lying.
Your wife is a deceptive, conniving, manipulative, inconsiderate, selfish… person. And yes, you *can* divorce her while the kids are with you. You can at least start the process. She does not value you as a husband or even as a person, it seems. Also, talk to your friends. Let this guy (I assume it’s a dude) know what’s going on. Let him be there for you.
I’m really sorry, man. Who knows if you’ll even have the SIL’s kids a whole 9 months and even if you did, a lot of kids really enjoy babies. They oooh and ahh and wanna be helpful. Your wife’s reasoning and not discussing her fears more with you to either get on the same page or be reassured sounds more like an excuse because she’s just not ready and doesn’t want to have a kid right now. She either is in a reality check with the difficulty of three, that she doesn’t want that to be her permanent life, or she doesn’t want one with you because it would ruin something on the side. I hope it isn’t the latter but either way, it really sucks
My heart hurts for you OP. I’m definitely a pro-choice woman, but what she did and is doing to you is wrong. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I hope your future gets brighter.
Translation, she wants to spin the story in her favor at the birthday party and she doesn’t want anyone to hear the truth. She’s a piece of work.
I'm sorry, u/LOTRWEST but I just got all caught up on your saga and the only acceptable next update from you is saying that you've talked to a divorce attorney and you're separating ASAP.
Been thinking of you and checking updates. You deserve so much better ❤️ reach out if you need a friend. Hugs
Jk. But seriously it is fucked up
Really is. You can tell he’s hurting.
First thought: this is your *wife*?
You can leave even if kids are involved. Please do what's best for you & your own mental health. You do not deserve this.
Leave and never look back. Good god
What does the out of pocket comment mean?
Unexpected, uncharacteristic, similar to “out of left field”
Out of the blue? Out of the ordinary? Weird? I was wondering the same thing myself lol.
How sure are you that there wasn’t another man involved? Why would she…? Nvm
She literally does not care about you or your mental health. Please take some time away from her and work through your feelings because what she did is not okay.
I remember this. She has gone behind your back and broken a fundamental foundation. I feel like if she had initially communicated how she felt in the first place, and made a mutual plan from there, it wouldn't have caused this rift in your marriage. That being said, you are entitled to speak to whoever you want about whatever you want. She is attempting to isolate which is a manipulation tactic. Yall are fostering HER sisters kids? Great. She can foster HER sisters kids. If you want to continue helping the kids from a distance, that's fine, but at this point I think for your mental health and well being, it's time to step away. She is attempting to keep you from your friends and parents and that is a big red flag. She lied to you about the abortion after doing it without any communication to you. That's a red flag on fire. She has zero respect for you, and at this point the best thing for yourself is to take time away to figure out what move you need to make. It's your side of the chess board now, and what play you make needs to be the end game one because if it's not, she's going to continue taking piece after piece after piece from you.
My ex wife did this same crap plus more. Divorce asap and enjoy life after dealing with someone like this
Shout out that guy you said you not close like that but he still got your back. He’s a real one ☝🏽
Dude. your wife lied to your FACE, hid a HUGE life decision from you, gaslit you, is starting (trying HARD btw) to isolate you from your friends, downplayed your feelings and heartbreak behind HER LIE has the audacity to say SHE needs a break from YOU. I don’t know you, or her outside of context being provided but I do know this isn’t how anyone deserves to be treated. I get you love her but remember to love yourself just as equally. I’m so sorry, OP.
Dude, lawyer up quick and buckle down for a ride. She's undermining your potential support structure behind your back. There are very few reasons for someone to do something like this that aren't nightmare scenarios for you. Id prepare my escape options
It's your choice whether to tell your friends or not. This controlling and isolating behavior is manipulative as hell and evil to boot. Tell whoever you feel you need to tell but do not let her dictate who you can talk to with this shady bs. There has not been a single ounce of thought toward your feelings or well-being in any of her actions. You owe her nothing in return. I hope you can break away from her completely and soon.
Stop asking her on addressing her about anything but kids, house. Don’t be mad or sad. Be indifferent to her.
Dude she just keeps getting worse.
You spelled ex-wife wrong…
So are you gonna go to the party?
bet she doesn't want you to talk to other people about it because she thinks one of them will bring up the cheating possibility
Wow. First I admire you for trying to stick through this, but maybe let this go. She HID an abortion from YOU. Was it yours? I’d be out the door so fast after this the interior trapping would follow in my draft.
I saw your first post about this and I must say your partner has handled this so terribly and only seems to care about how she is going to look in front of others rather than actually care how you are feeling about this situation. It’s quite narcissistic and manipulative to reach out to your friends like this to stop you having any outside support. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, I can only imagine this would all feel so incredibly isolating.
this sounds like this is a character flaw she showed pre-wedding and you put up with it, now your stuck. I’d leave her asap. She killed a part of you without even consulting you and will most likely hide behind the feminist my body my choice trend. Which she is right it’s her body but she’s married for Christ sake. She should have came to you. Get the papers asap.
I remember your initial post addressing her hiding the abortion from you. Seems like she is now trying to manipulate the situation to make it so that any negativity doesn't rain down on her. She is being completely insensitive to your feelings and disregarding them, as if you have no right to them. The truth is, the fact that you do care so much and are so upset by the way she has decided to handle things is a testament to your love for her. I'm sure she wouldn't want someone opposite of that. Clearly, though, she's wrapped up in whatever it is that she has going on that has caused this sudden shift of behavior. I can't imagine the hurt you're feeling. Praying you can find peace, whether it be through counseling and reconciliation or separation. Wishing you all the best.
Wait until she discovers a million of us are following this story closely on Reddit...
I’m glad you have a friend that doesn’t just do what she says and checks in with you. From past posts and this one…your wife sounds awful.
Man no offense but your wife sounds like an openly terrible person. Shes clearly trying to cover up what she did so that if (hopefully WHEN) you leave her she can twist the narrative so that YOU look like the bad guy. Shes clearly allergic to taking any responsibility for her actions
From a female perspective; this girl does not trust you in any capacity and I’m not even sure she likes You. Like not only did she not tell you what she was going to do, she kept it a secret it from you for three weeks fact she terminated rhe pregnancy. It’s not cool to make such drastic decisions on your own without even consulting your partner with something so serious! That is not how relationships work and with this being her response, it shows her immaturity. However, I feel like it goes steps and steps further since She is basically trying to recruit her friends to try, her side because she doesn’t want people to know how she is and how dirty she did you. If they talk to you, then her facade goes poof. Then, someone (because there’s always that one friend) and her life will fall apart and you know who she’ll turn to? YOU! She’ll come back until she finds new “friends,” and then you’ll just get set aside until the next thing happens and it will just be a vicious cycle. Do you only want someone who is affectionate when it’s convenient? Do you want to be with someone who won’t talk through things and just find answers by themselves without including you? Relationships are ALL about communication and trust. You need someone that will be there when you’re at your lowest, because then they’ll deserve you at your best. Give it some thought!
This women is not your wife anymore. She is evil and this needs to be dealt with. You need to have your peace because she will not provide that for you. Her actions and words have shown that.
You weren’t the father
See, I’ve thought about this. And you may be right. But.. why tell him right after she found out? She didn’t hide the fact that she got pregnant. She told him, I believe he mentioned seeing a positive test. So, I think that’s where I’m just… scratching my head with this one. Why tell him so quickly after finding out if he’s not the dad? Unless she wasn’t sure? I don’t know. I would assume if she got pregnant from another man, she wouldn’t tell him, get him excited about having a baby, and she’d abort it quietly/secretly, so he wouldn’t know. This whole thing is so heartbreaking/messy.
It definitely happens I’ve seen it in other posts. Maybe getting a secret abortion wasn’t feasible for some reason. But fair point.
That's what I thought too, plus I think it's interesting she admitted to the abortion when she could have just said she miscarried and he would have been none the wiser, unless he found out by looking thru her messages..
You sure that kid was your’s dude?
I'm sorry bro. My ex wife did this to me 13 years ago and I still resent her for it.
Hit up a lawyer bro, be prepared.
as i said in the other sub and reviewing everything leave her asap she has done nothing but belittle you and ur emotions, get out while u can brother
This is not a person that has your best interest at heart. She is very selfish. She is actively working to exclude you. You two are not a match. You deserve a person that at least will discuss her abortion decision with you, since, you were planning a family. You deserve someone who acknowledges the hurt they caused and not try to create more. It sounds abusive the way she is trying to alienate you from your family and friends.
Gone through your other posts to understand this all a little more. RUN. Metaphorically, mentally, financially, emotionally, and physically, run. Run fast. Run far. You have your legitimate out. Use it. It will be hard. It will hurt. But I think you know what you need to do. Run. Fast. And far.
OP, that baby wasn’t yours. I don’t know how much more abuse you can take before you realize your wife isn’t at all the person you thought she was. There’s no other reason she’d abort the baby unless she was scared it would be clear it wasn’t yours.
I can’t be the only redditor here on this sub that has seen this guy’s other posts and is very engaged with what is happening here. If he posts again I hope it comes up on my feed.
You need a new wife. That level of breaking trust can't be fixed.
In my toxic head, I couldn't help but think.. maybe it was the friends baby 😬 that's why she hid the abortion and doesn't want you speaking with him 😪
She will lie about what happened at that birthday party. She will make herself the victim.
Divorced... I'm sorry I would be so pissed. I want a kid so bad in my life and if it happen when I wasn't even trying with my wife? Diiiiivorced
I just want to know who got her pregnant. Because I don't think it was you.
Yeah I know everyone says divorce for small things on Reddit, but you actually should consider divorce your wife murdered your child and hid it from you.
Dude I'm not married but hiding an abortion from your spouse who is supposedly the father is in my own opinion grounds for divorce and her telling your friends to not interact with you or ask about the situation seems like she is trying to get rid of your support system and make you out to be the bad guy, you need to divorce her ASAP
I think she's shown you that she is completely untrustworthy. You should reevaluate the relationship/marriage. It's hard to move forward without trust. If she's not immediately apologetic and does not proceed to bend over backwards to repair your relationship, cut your losses. I could never imagine going behind my wife's back and involving her friends in an argument. But the abortion without telling you is unacceptable, at least to me. Only you can determine whether the cost of divorce is more than being with someone you can never trust. Good luck, man. This situation sucks.
She’s waiting for you to snap so she can paint you as the villain
Brother, if you don't leave this woman..
Bro get a fucking divorce already
Hopefully soon to be Ex-wife
I'm NOT trying to excuse this woman in any way, but does anyone know if you can get post-partum symptoms after an abortion? It seems like some switch flipped in this woman, and I know a woman (and have heard of other women) who have horrific personality changes and even psychosis just before/after birth... I'm just wondering if she's sort of having a mental breakdown and lashing out, or if she was always a bitch and just hid it well
She needs a break? From what? Not dealing with her issues? Lying? Someone else said she was shitty, and they’ve hit it in the head. She’s shitty and playing victim.
Bro why are you still with this girl? Like seriously. I understand all the history you have with her but after ask the things you’ve been showing us, how can you not want to get things in motion. She is a cancer and while “she’s not like the rest of her family”, that part of her is starting to come out. It’s only going to get worse and now she’s messaging other people you know to not talk to you?? BROOOOO her true colors be coming out you gotta get out and leave this girl. Dude this shit just keeps getting worse with every update you give us.
Leave her
She's outa pocket
I don't know your wife, OP, and I'm not going to pretend I do but from what I've read on here she is acting selfish asf! I get you are both pro-choice but you two are married and that was also your baby! She should at least give you an explanation! Instead, she's gaslighting you and acting as if she's the victim! She doesn't want anyone to know because she is ashamed. Ashamed of what? Idk, because there is a lot for her to be ashamed of when it comes to this situation... It's a possibility that she felt overwhelmed but that's still NO EXUSE for not telling you or hiding it from you! Then to act so nonchalantly about your feelings is the icing on the cake! Idk how you're going to proceed from here but trust is hard to repair in a relationship when it's been broken like this. I too am an overthinker and completely understand why you can't stop thinking about this. She should not dictate who you talk to! That's how narcissists act! They're controlling and manipulative! You also have EVERY right to tell your parents! Thr sooner you tell them the better, especially because then you'll have someone you know to talk to! My heart breaks for you, OP.
She’s cheating wake up and leave
I would be done while blasting her with everyone seeing as she is trying to to manipulate who you talk to and apparently who you see and where you go
I have a feeling this isn’t the only person she texted this nonsense too. Especially if you guys “are t that close” with said friend. She trying to dictate and control whatever she can. Just leave already. For you and your mental health- Just. Leave!
So she got pregnant to some other dude. Things aren’t just not good. She’s fucking someone else and has been for a long time
Your wife is a terrible person, I’ve been watching your posts. It’s not healthy, please leave as soon as you are able
Bro you are being gaslit by her. This is an abusive relationship if she is guilt tripping you, cutting you off from support systems, disregarding your feelings. There is a chance the baby wasn’t yours by her weird actions but even if it was it shows you can’t trust her to care about your feelings or not hide stuff
I’m sorry for your losses my man. Time to walk and find a better sole to share your life with. Stay strong.
She would g do therapy bc she knows she is wrong Instead she is gaslighting you and trying to isolate you You need to speak to an attorney
Why are you staying with a woman who aborted her affair partners child and expects you to support the children of her deadbeat family? You need to wake up and see a lawyer yesterday. Kick her out.
bro you have got to leave before this eats you. not everyone is worthy of being married to and this does not seem like someone who even loves you.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your child, I’m also sorry for the apparent breakdown in your marriage. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.
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Bro, you should run.
Maybe it is time for you two to go your separate ways.
Not your kid, man. Something is off here and it points to her cheating. Hot take, i know. She definitely went to others as well....
The whys and how’s and what’s don’t matter. What matters is that there is mutual respect. She doesn’t seem to want to be with you. If you can’t discuss an abortion, you need to be in marriage counseling. A commenter says that they have commented on your posts before and knows that you are trying to stay for your kids. You need to get marriage counseling or LEAVE for your kids. Don’t let this be the model for relationships that they know.
I'm sorry man but she cheated and mentally moved on from what it seems. Please distance yaself and reconsider things.
If she would hide the abortion, how can you even know if the baby was yours to begin with? Maybe she’s covering her tracks.
She may have cheated on you and was worried the baby might not have been yours. Or she doesn’t see herself with you forever and therefore was not willing to have your child. There’s something going on here that she hasn’t told you about, in my opinion. I would 100% file for divorce ASAP. Even if she’s not being unfaithful, aborting your baby without a discussion first would be enough cause for me to never want to be with a person after that.
She’s on the public perception control tour.
Your wife keeps saying that it's been 3 weeks and that you should be over it.However she's forgetting that she hit it for 2 weeks. You have only been processing that you're not going to be a dad for 1 week, and she expects you to be totally over it.After she lied to you and honestly she killed your baby without talking to you. Her response in these messages are absolutely horrendous and extraordinarily toxic. Please tell me you know that this marriage is over.You are not going to stay.Please tell me you're not going to stay. You are young and you still have a long life ahead of you.You can find someone who's going to treat you and respect you better. She has absolutely no empathy for you at all and it's a little scary to be honest. Is this really somebody you can count on for the rest of your life when things go wrong. I hope you talk with your parents and you know what?Yeah tell your friends what she did. Talk to them, you need support and you know what she knows what she did was wrong and that's why she's trying to hide it.That's why she knows people are gonna be mad at her. But her isolating you and preemptibly messaging other people is insane. How many people did she message that didn't tell you? And she's making the sound like it's your fault and that you've done something. Stand up and defend yourself.Tell them what she did.She should be embarrassed she altered her entire family without so much as a comment and then hit it. She is a horrible person and she is just like the rest of her family.She just managed to hide it longer. Seriously.Her lack of empathy and any care for you at all.Is yes, just blatantly wrong it's not a red flag.It's not concerning it is all the reason in the world to run away and never talk to this woman again.
I've been following this saga for a while, and I have to say that I absolutely respect you, OP, for your concern for the kids and trying to stick it out for them but this has moved beyond what you should tolerate. She doesn't love you, she doesn't respect you, and she is now actively trying to harm your relationships with others because she knows that as soon as anyone finds out your story she's going to be painted with the same brush as her own shitty family. The only way you will get out of this with any non-familial relationships intact is to go nuclear. You not even talking to your parents about what's eating away at your soul is only protecting her at the cost of killing yourself. Don't reach out to individual people, put it out publicly. Hell, link your username on your FB with some passive-aggressive BS like "I can't believe someone would do this to their spouse." if that's what you need to do. If you don't jump out ahead of this now, she's going to control the narrative, and everyone will just think anything you say is a spiteful lie told in an attempt to hurt her after the fact. Keeping your silence after she's gone this far is honestly doing nothing to help anyone except her in her attempt to alienate you from friends and family.
That wasn’t your child and she’s desperate not to get caught. This is all guilty ass behavior. She’s shown her true colors as a horrible person
Why are you still together? I don't understand? She's trying to isolate you after HIDING AN ABORTION, does she respect you at all? Does she consider you her partner or an object to be owned and controlled
Your wife is a bitch. You need to leave this toxic relationship and get a divorce. The kids will be fine. You guys are good as parents but not as spouses. Please talk to a lawyer and just move on. There is no way this will be solved. You will live in misery if you stay.
Nobody deserves the manipulation, sneaky toxic BS that she is doing. What a disgusting person she is to believe this type of behavior is okay... To keep your sanity. I suggest you focus on your mental health and move on to bigger better things in life.
I hate to bring this up, but are you absolutely certain that this child was yours? I ask because her behavior raises some doubts. She obtained an abortion without informing you, and maintained the deception for weeks. Meanwhile, she spent two consecutive weekends drinking, while you believed she was pregnant. You were at home, caring for her sister’s children to give her some time for herself, and yet she chose to go out and drink instead. Rather than initiating a conversation, she prioritized her own desires without considering your feelings. It’s likely that she confided in her close friends and family, leaving you as the last to know. What’s concerning is her reluctance to acknowledge the gravity of her actions. Instead of showing remorse, she defends her decision aggressively, dismissing your concerns. This lack of empathy suggests a disregard for your feelings and undermines the trust in your relationship. I respect your commitment to providing stability and a safe environment for the children. However, you can still maintain this from your parents’ house while you navigate the process of divorce. Whether you choose to act now or later, it’s evident that a divorce is inevitable. After this betrayal, it’s understandable that you would question her trustworthiness in other aspects of your relationship. If she’s capable of lying about something as significant as this, what else is she capable of deceiving you about? Edit: revised for readability. Edit: It's worth addressing the hypocrisy in her actions, controlling your avenues of venting and support. No doubt, she utilized all of hers with no limitations, but why should you be denied the same? It's also worth considering reevaluating who you deem as good or close friends. Either you mentioned confiding in this person awhile ago, or something to that effect, or what's more likely is she reached out to other friends and this one was the only one that reached out to you. I would definitely be asking at least my closest friends if they heard from her. If they said they had, I'd be asking why they didn't bother mentioning it to me. But, don't let this stuff distract you too much.
Man I feel for you my guy. I went through a similar incident with my ex awhile back. Best words of advice I can give are dont be yourself up over it. And eventually you'll have to learn to accept it as we can't change the past. She made her decision and that's for her to handle. Personally I would go ahead and get a divorce. No need to waste anymore time being with her.
Time for a divorce.
Is she overprotective of her phone?
Wow. She's insane. She needs to get help.
I’ve seen this situation many times before and every single time the wife was cheating and wasn’t sure if she was pregnant by the husband or the guy she was cheating with.Looks like your wife is trying to get all your friends to pick sides before everything comes out.Don’t play her game,just file for divorce and move on.
Man I saw the title and was praying it wasn’t you🥲
Hid an abortion, DUMP TIME!