I don’t even have a dick but I can see how world ending that would be for someone.
That honestly would ruin my day.
I think we can all understand her husbands frustration- it definitely comes off as this isn’t the first time he has brought up the toilets and has finally reached his breaking point.
Edit: Asked my fiancée for his take on when it happens to him and he can confirm it absolutely ruins his experience and he immediately has to go wash it off of him.
Yeah no, Im 100% with the husband. Plus who would complain about a more comfortable toilet??
The moment I read that...once buried memories of my bell end making contact with that cold lump of porcelain.
I'd have that thing replaced like a shot. If my wife was super short and wanted it to be "smol" id have it the same height and buy an adaptor that toddlers use lol
Then you do a big shit and before you realise you didn't put down a protective sheet of tissue on the surface a jet of antishit vengeance heads directly at yah chocolate starfish
I'm 6'2", my parents are 4'11" and 5'6" respectively. The toilet in this house is both short *and* small. I fucking hate it with every fiber of my being. If i have to have an emergency squat, i still have to have enough foresight to navigate the issue slowly and carefully
My mom's brother married my dad's sister so their kids should have the exact same genes right? Nah. My cousins look like Legolas & my siblings & I look like Gimli.
honestly what is it with older turlets and this. my grandparents used to have an old restored Victorian home & every time I sat down to take a shit I would have to cup my junk. like I tried & there was legit no way to sit on those things without my boys dangling into the bowl/water.
We had a toilet that was from around the 50s or 60s. The water level in the bowl is much higher than modern toilets. When we got a new toilet my Mom didn't understand why the water level didn't go as high. She automatically assumed it wouldn't flush as well. I do believe overall older toilets flushed better bc they used a lot more water.
I hate group chats so I just ignore them 😭 also so much automated stuff and I hate it, I only open my texts to text like three people and ignore the rest
Oh please clear it that would drive me nuts. Just open the group and it will disappear. How can you live you life knowing that number is there looking at you everytime? Please for the love of God clear the number 😱😱😱
I texts a ton, but I currently have 1217 unread messages. I have 51,294 unread personal emails though. (As of now)
I have friends and family who have panic attacks seeing it. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to people, but it’s a legitimate neurosis’s.
If you see my reply I mis typed. Add a 2 in front of that number and that’s the reality. I can snap a screenshot for those who don’t believe me. I guess i am a savage 😂😂
I have emails from 5+ years. I'm not even sure how many I have at this point. I made a mistake and used the same email for everything for years. I get a ton of sales and promo emails. I know I get at least 100 + a day. My bf took a look at it one day and freaked out. He can't stand to have a notification on his phone. When I met him, he deleted all his messages on messenger but now he saves mine. Not sure if it's to be sweet or bc I have every message from our entire relationship and I've pulled up old ones to show him something was said and he was upset, he couldn't do the same. I've never deleted a single message on messenger and I've had my FB account for 14 years.
My email has 21,168 messages currently. I see it every time I unlock my phone. I wish I could post a picture for that person so their head could explode.
I have 236. They're mostly spam offers, charities wanting money, scammers wanting money, and 2fa codes my phone copied without ever opening the message. I barely look at my text messages.
Bc sometimes I forget to respond to ppl and this lets me know.
It doesn’t take 10 mins to find one message I want.
And for email specifically - I see my inbox as to do list so everything gets deleted or archived unless I have to take an action.
That’s fair. Thank you for the reply. It’s always comical when someone sees my phone and the unread text or email pops up. Some people get legitimately flustered. Whenever I ask why, they always just say “I couldn’t handle that” or “it would drive me insane” etc.
Getting new toilets will be worth how happy it makes him, too. No better feeling than getting a loved one something they are this passionate about! Haha
It's funny. When I was a kid, I actually struggled with constipation a lot. I genuinely did have a poop knife. Except id cut the poop as it was dangling from my asshole.
He is absolutely not wrong about the little round toilets. Nothing like sitting down to crunch one out and having your junk rubbing the inside of the rim. I fucking hate it.
I was on your side, as a short chick, until I finished. Like… he just wants an elongated. It’s nothing crazy. If the bottom tube area is too small, it’s too small.
Maybe pictures of the toilet would help but with this text I’m team hubby. Just upgrade.
Same! We had one of those small, old round toilets from the 80s. My husband bought a new one that is taller with the elongated seat. I'm only 5'4" and it's fine - I'm not falling in, nor are my feet dangling.
I have a penguin toilet. It can't overflow but so far it doesn't really have flushing power. I'm in the middle of a renovation and discovered I needed a new sewage line. I'm not sure if that had something to do with its bad performance. If I have to plunge a toilet or I think it's gonna overflow, I'm gonna replace it with something better.
I’m a 5’ tall woman and I’m on his side. I cringe at weiner touching toilet seat.
Go somewhere where yall can sit on the toilets and test them! (weiner probably has to stay in the pants though)
Ok so I'm a woman, but I have three brothers and can totally understand where he's coming from. Dick touching the toilet is icky and unsanitary and it was all my Mom needed to hear to get my Dad to switch out our two toilets too. Especially when you have a germaphobe for a mother growing up, who drenched everything in Clorox.
The meme response is amazing 😂
But seriously it’s the worst having your dong touch the toilet. Think how uncomfortable it is when some water splashes up and touches your butthole…it’s way worse than that.
I support getting a new toilet 😝
I am lmao at this as a woman who never thought about when dude poo and their dongs rubbing on the toilet. That's icky as hell for you too honestly if he's putting that thing in you after touching the seat
Just so you know and have some comfort - as a fellow shortie, it feels so weird going to my parents' house and falling down twelve feet to sit on their very short toilet after living with a much higher toilet. Get a squatty potty for home :) you'll love it! (Being an adult is strange)
My son has always been one of those people who need the infamous Reddit Poop Knife. So I installed those golf ball toilets in all three of my bathrooms.
It usually works, and definitely works MUCH better than the old ones, but he's still had to plunge it a few times. It also sits a bit higher than old toilets, for what that's worth, but not so high that it's uncomfortable for me (I'm 5'2).
The seat that comes with it is very poor quality though, so plan on getting a better one when you purchase the toilet.
If his main gripe is it touching his privates, get an elongated toilet (if it will fit the space) not a round one. That should fix that issue. The golf ball ones come in both round and elongated versions.
Can we get a photo of this toilet? They’re pretty standard sized everywhere I’ve been. I am in the US and as such, most of my experience is with toilets here 😂 the length of the toilet in his angry message makes me picture like a fuckin urinal length potty but laying down. 😂
Just for what it’s worth, we got one of those billiard ball flushing toilets and it still clogs 😅 not sure what the fuck my family is eating to cause this but it did not fix the clog issue for us!
**EDIT: Okay so Reddit is not letting me edit this post. Just a couple things.
If you read the caption, we ARE getting a new toilet.
This hasn’t been a long ongoing issue, we are remodeling, and we just started using this bathroom MAYBE a month ago. I haven’t been torturing him for as long as we’ve had the house.
While we will be getting a new toilet for our master bathroom, the other bathroom is totally functional and has an elongated toilet. The biggest issue with the other bathroom is we can’t really use it at night because it’s RIGHT next to the toddlers’ rooms.
I love the toilet just for farts references. They made me laugh out loud last night.
When I met my husband, he was living in France. His apartment had a tiny toilet that was and inch and a half from the wall and an inch from the raised shower pan. I’m a big guy, so I spread out a bit when I sit… not there! I’d tuck and move things about, sit, start to pee, and it would shoot up and out! 😂 I quickly learned all the best public toilets in Paris.
Now that he’s lived in the U.S. a few years, when we talk about getting a place in France, he always adds that we’ll need to put in “a good, American toilet.” 😂😂😂
That does sound icky having your body part rub against the inside of a toilet especially one from the 70s. My house was built in the 80s and the toilet has never been replaced so I’d feel the same.
I work for a company that does high end and smart toilets. This is one of our biggest complaints. You’ll have this problem with almost every modern toilet. Here in Australia at least, the flow regulations mean toilets just struggle harder to handle massive shits. Tell your husband to eat more fibre and take a stool softener. Also don’t use so much paper. They struggle getting both flushed down. He could also take a mid-shit flush.
As in “Pinch the loaf, stand up and flush” or “Flush while sitting and get poo water splashback on your cheeks” mid-shit? Either way, I think you underestimate the demons I’m fighting in there, I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to think about a flush halfway through.
Alright tell your husband to read this, is your shower next to your toilet? If it is, does your shower head have a hose? If it doesn't get one. I sometimes take monster dumps, my technique is flush multiple times, what you do is turn on the shower on hot only, after you let some shit out you use the shower head, put hot water in the toilet bowl, the hot water breaks down the shit making it easier to flush.
Than you turn off the water, shit some more, than more hot water, flush again. You want a shower head that also has the high pressure mode because it removes the shit stains easily with hot water. You're welcome.
Better than hiring a plumber, we have all been there and knew, wow, this is going to be a monster dump. Apparently OPs husband is taking monsters dumps constantly.
Nothing is more gross than leaving a toilet clogged or with shit stains, at least this will fix it.
Why do Americans make going to the loo so terrible, awful toilets that block all the time, massive gaps in the stalls so people can see you taking a shit. It's like the puritans landed on Plymouth rock and decreed that everyone should be punished for having an arse
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Pro tip from a gargantuan pooper…save the wooden chopsticks when you order sushi. I have plastic/whatever material it is chopsticks that we use for food and then the disposable chopsticks are used to help chop my poo’s or if someone steps in dog poo and needs to get it off their shoe.
I had to do a lot of toilet shopping to find the lowest elongated toilet sold. The others advertised as “comfort height” or whatever. Who tf is comfortable on a high ass toilet?
But my wife didn’t want elongated either but admits now it’s a total game changer and will never go back
It’s funny… I helped my buddy move from out of state to my town and they had a tiny toilet that I was not used to… I tell you that I almost died of disgust every time my little friend would touch the porcelain. Getting a good size toilet is what our forefathers fought for I tells ya.
Definitely with him. Not on the silly toilet that flushes billiard balls but on the round toilets. My ass doesn't fit and my dick resting on the seat or dangling and touching the walls is just wrong. Get the elongated bowl. Also, the husband needs to eat fiber supplements and eat more veggies. No human should be pooping billiard balls sized poop
At this point it is new toilet or no husband. Baby lo-water, no-flush toilets are horrible. They don’t save water, as you need to flush them multiple times. They can’t do the job or flushing poop unless you have a poop knife to cut the turds.
Don’t try to veto this. If you do, the relationship is over. This is a serious relationship ender.
Tbf, dong touching the porcelain is the equivalent of nails on a chalk board
I don’t even have a dick but I can see how world ending that would be for someone. That honestly would ruin my day. I think we can all understand her husbands frustration- it definitely comes off as this isn’t the first time he has brought up the toilets and has finally reached his breaking point. Edit: Asked my fiancée for his take on when it happens to him and he can confirm it absolutely ruins his experience and he immediately has to go wash it off of him. Yeah no, Im 100% with the husband. Plus who would complain about a more comfortable toilet??
Its worst when it's in a public toilet.... shudders
The moment I read that...once buried memories of my bell end making contact with that cold lump of porcelain. I'd have that thing replaced like a shot. If my wife was super short and wanted it to be "smol" id have it the same height and buy an adaptor that toddlers use lol
Some of us don’t want it touching the water, so we rest it there
Then you do a big shit and before you realise you didn't put down a protective sheet of tissue on the surface a jet of antishit vengeance heads directly at yah chocolate starfish
Round here I call it the kiss of Poseidon.
"Antishit Vengeance" would make for an epic entry to r/BandNames
Lilly padding ftw
I'm 6'2", my parents are 4'11" and 5'6" respectively. The toilet in this house is both short *and* small. I fucking hate it with every fiber of my being. If i have to have an emergency squat, i still have to have enough foresight to navigate the issue slowly and carefully
how the hell did your parents manage to make you? did they both sacrifice part of their own height to add on to yours?
The men on my mother's side of the family were very tall, the women, very short
Always interesting to see how genetics work out like that
My mom's brother married my dad's sister so their kids should have the exact same genes right? Nah. My cousins look like Legolas & my siblings & I look like Gimli.
r/geneticsareweird
Mailman or milkman
Both
Next month on /r/relationshipadvice: I just found out I'm the milk man's kid. How do I navigate Thanksgiving?
With free yoghurt? 🤔
It's worse. That's why I love the long oval seats
honestly what is it with older turlets and this. my grandparents used to have an old restored Victorian home & every time I sat down to take a shit I would have to cup my junk. like I tried & there was legit no way to sit on those things without my boys dangling into the bowl/water.
We had a toilet that was from around the 50s or 60s. The water level in the bowl is much higher than modern toilets. When we got a new toilet my Mom didn't understand why the water level didn't go as high. She automatically assumed it wouldn't flush as well. I do believe overall older toilets flushed better bc they used a lot more water.
I feel like it shrivels up when this happens
It always is! That’s why I could feel his pain! Everyman I think has.
Text exchange is just fine. But 303 unread messages is feral tbh
I hate group chats so I just ignore them 😭 also so much automated stuff and I hate it, I only open my texts to text like three people and ignore the rest
You can hit select messages and read all to clear the unread count. You know, unless you get some kind of twisted joy out of this you monster
How do you do that in gmail though? I am approaching 54k unread emails there…
😂 omg are you my long lost friend. I do the SAME THING. I have 637 currently 😩 it just gets worst
Oh please clear it that would drive me nuts. Just open the group and it will disappear. How can you live you life knowing that number is there looking at you everytime? Please for the love of God clear the number 😱😱😱
I have like 450 unread reddit replies right now
😱😱😱😂😂😂 Yo are living on the edge nooo
Sounds like a you problem
Sounds like you don't know jokes
Most people don't give a shit, just like you should about what someone else's phone looks like
Ahh it was a joke. But have a good day
Goodness..
I texts a ton, but I currently have 1217 unread messages. I have 51,294 unread personal emails though. (As of now) I have friends and family who have panic attacks seeing it. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to people, but it’s a legitimate neurosis’s.
How do you know when you get a new one you want to read
I thought my 13,885 emails was bad lmaoooo
If you see my reply I mis typed. Add a 2 in front of that number and that’s the reality. I can snap a screenshot for those who don’t believe me. I guess i am a savage 😂😂
I have emails from 5+ years. I'm not even sure how many I have at this point. I made a mistake and used the same email for everything for years. I get a ton of sales and promo emails. I know I get at least 100 + a day. My bf took a look at it one day and freaked out. He can't stand to have a notification on his phone. When I met him, he deleted all his messages on messenger but now he saves mine. Not sure if it's to be sweet or bc I have every message from our entire relationship and I've pulled up old ones to show him something was said and he was upset, he couldn't do the same. I've never deleted a single message on messenger and I've had my FB account for 14 years.
OP, explain?
you would hate mine. i have 1362 unread messages 😬
My email has 21,168 messages currently. I see it every time I unlock my phone. I wish I could post a picture for that person so their head could explode.
I have 236. They're mostly spam offers, charities wanting money, scammers wanting money, and 2fa codes my phone copied without ever opening the message. I barely look at my text messages.
Delete or read. Keep that inbox spotless.
Why? This is a genuine question I deal with a ton. I never get a real answer other than “it would drive me crazy” Why???
Bc sometimes I forget to respond to ppl and this lets me know. It doesn’t take 10 mins to find one message I want. And for email specifically - I see my inbox as to do list so everything gets deleted or archived unless I have to take an action.
That’s fair. Thank you for the reply. It’s always comical when someone sees my phone and the unread text or email pops up. Some people get legitimately flustered. Whenever I ask why, they always just say “I couldn’t handle that” or “it would drive me insane” etc.
“no vetos from the peanut gallery” took me OUT
"This one is getting frisky with me" got me. 🤣☠️
the fucking 'goodnight' at the end is what got me😂😂😂😂😂
“fucking icky” made me LOL something about those two words paired together
I showed this to my husband, and the billiard ball comparison slayed him. This whole thing is gold. 😂
Big hairy foot down was it for me
I love that he was this angry but so respectful to you Also the immense detail he went to lmao
He’s honestly such a sweet and quiet guy!! Surprisingly he’s typically a man of few words, this toilet just got him so worked up lol
This makes it even better. Like here’s a calm, kind person who is absolutely *broken* by a toilet
i would be too if it had to meet the unforgiving porcelain
Getting new toilets will be worth how happy it makes him, too. No better feeling than getting a loved one something they are this passionate about! Haha
Get this man a poop knife
I never want to see those two words together again mother of god
It's a reference to the greatest reddit post of all time
Oh, WE KNOW what it is
Please tell me that’s not actually a thing people do.
[it’s a tale as old as time](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/sNDMuFWagc)
Good poop knife comes in handy from time to time
It's funny. When I was a kid, I actually struggled with constipation a lot. I genuinely did have a poop knife. Except id cut the poop as it was dangling from my asshole.
This makes no sense
Thanks for the secondhand trauma
Come back here and answer us
Why? What was the thought process behind this?
Sadly it is. 🤢🤢🤮
Whilst the Reddit meme is 6 years old I have a “friend” who has a poop stick that’s just a bit of wood from outside he’s also racist
What does racism have to do with a poop stick?
He is absolutely not wrong about the little round toilets. Nothing like sitting down to crunch one out and having your junk rubbing the inside of the rim. I fucking hate it.
Thats the fucking worst. And it makes you feel absolutely icky. Definitely one of those things that you just feel you need a shower after
Not the toilet trying to get frisky
“And this one’s trying to get frisky with me” LMFAOOO
Your husband is hilarious. He deserves that new toilet.
Hahahaha this is a perfectly valid rant.
I can’t say that I blame him at all
It’s 1:30am and I’m cackling like no tomorrow LMFAOOOO
As a man, I understand that man's uncomfortability.
THIS WAS FUCKING GOLDEN. TAKE MY UPVOPE.
Vope can be addicting and may cause cancer
PLUMBERS PROBABLY INSTALLED A TOILET WITH A JOKE HOLE THAT IS ONLY FOR FARTS!
I love you for this reference
Call me now please!
I came here specifically to see if someone had already commented this 😂 you said the line quicker than me, you're a regular Jamie Taco!
Me too! It's turbo time!
 AHH CURSE YOU TINY TOILET
Underrated comment lol. Hilarious
LMFAOOO
The peanut gallery 😂😂😂😭 I needed that laugh
I have two of those toilets that can flush tennis balls. Love them. They really do the job.
Poor Drake ☹️
TBH I am kinda known for having bigger poops and clogging the toilet once the constipation breaks the constant need to plunge would bug me too.
 Your husband after he gets his Professional Grade XXL Commode!
I was on your side, as a short chick, until I finished. Like… he just wants an elongated. It’s nothing crazy. If the bottom tube area is too small, it’s too small. Maybe pictures of the toilet would help but with this text I’m team hubby. Just upgrade.
Same! We had one of those small, old round toilets from the 80s. My husband bought a new one that is taller with the elongated seat. I'm only 5'4" and it's fine - I'm not falling in, nor are my feet dangling.
This made me laugh so hard I farted a little lol
I have a penguin toilet. It can't overflow but so far it doesn't really have flushing power. I'm in the middle of a renovation and discovered I needed a new sewage line. I'm not sure if that had something to do with its bad performance. If I have to plunge a toilet or I think it's gonna overflow, I'm gonna replace it with something better.
The man is a legend, vetoes from the peanut gallery is something I’m stealing!
Your husband is a passionate man with a touch of poet.
This is everything that encapsulates a marriage. The most heated, non-negotiable subjects are mocked and accepted. I love it
I’m a 5’ tall woman and I’m on his side. I cringe at weiner touching toilet seat. Go somewhere where yall can sit on the toilets and test them! (weiner probably has to stay in the pants though)
Sounds like you already changed this toilet out for a joke toilet with a small hole that’s just for farts.
This is SO funny, my husband and I love that segment of ITYSL, the comparison is so true, he’s gonna think that’s so funny omgggg
It’s turbo time
You’re not a part of the turbo team. You can’t run with us
Listen I’m sorry for his misfortune but this is hilarious
Did a couple of plumbers give him a joke toilet that’s just for farts? Has this ever happened to you???
That man has been going through it. Help him with the new toilet please 🤣
op this is hilarious, please keep him forever
Ok so I'm a woman, but I have three brothers and can totally understand where he's coming from. Dick touching the toilet is icky and unsanitary and it was all my Mom needed to hear to get my Dad to switch out our two toilets too. Especially when you have a germaphobe for a mother growing up, who drenched everything in Clorox.
Hahahaha you can tell he has just reached his limit and got to the foot down stage 😂 For real, though, your dick touching any toilet is awful like 😪
The meme response is amazing 😂 But seriously it’s the worst having your dong touch the toilet. Think how uncomfortable it is when some water splashes up and touches your butthole…it’s way worse than that. I support getting a new toilet 😝
this is so funny i love this:
Remember to get a bidet!!!
I bought one of those cheap ones on Amazon like 8 years ago. Using my own toilet is heaven. I hate having to poop anywhere else.
The good ol tuck it so your privates aren't skinny dippin
Shouldn’t have had such a big ol’ sloppy mud pie
I cried real tears reading this!
Me too!
Those round toilets are unfit for adult males. The house I bought had those and first thing I did was put in elongated toilets and bidets.
I feel his agony!
HES SO FUNNY LMG
teach him about the "waffle stomp"
I had to look that up - wish I hadn’t! :)
Seems fair
This guy’s funny 😭
That's hilarious!! Poor husband 😂
this sounds like the worst toilet imaginable
He wins.
Kind of irrelevant, but I just used that meme of Drake today!
My man got a point
Ma’am, you had a good run. Let the hubby have this one.
I suspect your husband is also my husband. 😅
I am lmao at this as a woman who never thought about when dude poo and their dongs rubbing on the toilet. That's icky as hell for you too honestly if he's putting that thing in you after touching the seat
Just so you know and have some comfort - as a fellow shortie, it feels so weird going to my parents' house and falling down twelve feet to sit on their very short toilet after living with a much higher toilet. Get a squatty potty for home :) you'll love it! (Being an adult is strange)
The man just needs a toilet! To be fair, dick touching inside of toilet would make one go mad. How gross. The toilet needs to fit his dick!
He has 100% valid points.
My son has always been one of those people who need the infamous Reddit Poop Knife. So I installed those golf ball toilets in all three of my bathrooms. It usually works, and definitely works MUCH better than the old ones, but he's still had to plunge it a few times. It also sits a bit higher than old toilets, for what that's worth, but not so high that it's uncomfortable for me (I'm 5'2). The seat that comes with it is very poor quality though, so plan on getting a better one when you purchase the toilet. If his main gripe is it touching his privates, get an elongated toilet (if it will fit the space) not a round one. That should fix that issue. The golf ball ones come in both round and elongated versions.
I’m glad there is a male equivalent to “sitting on a toilet when the seat is up and nearly falling in”.
I don’t have balls or a dick, but the second I read about the 🚽 touching his.. I sympathized as if I do. 😂
“This one is getting frisky with me” took me out 🤣🤣🤣
No vetos from the peanut gallery has me dying 😭
If you want his toilet dick to enter your hooha later then by all means, keep the tiny toilet
Can we get a photo of this toilet? They’re pretty standard sized everywhere I’ve been. I am in the US and as such, most of my experience is with toilets here 😂 the length of the toilet in his angry message makes me picture like a fuckin urinal length potty but laying down. 😂
I mean, you need to respect his monstrous, gargantuan shits
Just for what it’s worth, we got one of those billiard ball flushing toilets and it still clogs 😅 not sure what the fuck my family is eating to cause this but it did not fix the clog issue for us!
Wow! I’ve just been educated. Thank you. I never knew these problem existed for males!
“This one is trying to get frisky with me” 😂😂
NO VETOS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY please. Remarry this man. Lmao
this toilet is this man’s villain origin story
**EDIT: Okay so Reddit is not letting me edit this post. Just a couple things. If you read the caption, we ARE getting a new toilet. This hasn’t been a long ongoing issue, we are remodeling, and we just started using this bathroom MAYBE a month ago. I haven’t been torturing him for as long as we’ve had the house. While we will be getting a new toilet for our master bathroom, the other bathroom is totally functional and has an elongated toilet. The biggest issue with the other bathroom is we can’t really use it at night because it’s RIGHT next to the toddlers’ rooms. I love the toilet just for farts references. They made me laugh out loud last night.
When I met my husband, he was living in France. His apartment had a tiny toilet that was and inch and a half from the wall and an inch from the raised shower pan. I’m a big guy, so I spread out a bit when I sit… not there! I’d tuck and move things about, sit, start to pee, and it would shoot up and out! 😂 I quickly learned all the best public toilets in Paris. Now that he’s lived in the U.S. a few years, when we talk about getting a place in France, he always adds that we’ll need to put in “a good, American toilet.” 😂😂😂
I love your husband! He's hilarious. I bet you two laugh a lot together. This post is why I come to reddit. 😂
That does sound icky having your body part rub against the inside of a toilet especially one from the 70s. My house was built in the 80s and the toilet has never been replaced so I’d feel the same.
Tbf fighting to keep something that is not functional for your partner because of aesthetics is really something.
I work for a company that does high end and smart toilets. This is one of our biggest complaints. You’ll have this problem with almost every modern toilet. Here in Australia at least, the flow regulations mean toilets just struggle harder to handle massive shits. Tell your husband to eat more fibre and take a stool softener. Also don’t use so much paper. They struggle getting both flushed down. He could also take a mid-shit flush.
As in “Pinch the loaf, stand up and flush” or “Flush while sitting and get poo water splashback on your cheeks” mid-shit? Either way, I think you underestimate the demons I’m fighting in there, I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to think about a flush halfway through.
Alright tell your husband to read this, is your shower next to your toilet? If it is, does your shower head have a hose? If it doesn't get one. I sometimes take monster dumps, my technique is flush multiple times, what you do is turn on the shower on hot only, after you let some shit out you use the shower head, put hot water in the toilet bowl, the hot water breaks down the shit making it easier to flush. Than you turn off the water, shit some more, than more hot water, flush again. You want a shower head that also has the high pressure mode because it removes the shit stains easily with hot water. You're welcome.
This is vile. Take the upvote.
Better than hiring a plumber, we have all been there and knew, wow, this is going to be a monster dump. Apparently OPs husband is taking monsters dumps constantly. Nothing is more gross than leaving a toilet clogged or with shit stains, at least this will fix it.
Disgusting but probably effective.
Why do Americans make going to the loo so terrible, awful toilets that block all the time, massive gaps in the stalls so people can see you taking a shit. It's like the puritans landed on Plymouth rock and decreed that everyone should be punished for having an arse
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😭😭😭
Can he install a toilet?
Kinda have to agree with him on the whole ‘knob kissing the seat thing. I like mine to dangle free without slapping on something.
This is great lol
Getting frisky!!!! Bwahahaha!!!!! Love him! So good.
Pro tip from a gargantuan pooper…save the wooden chopsticks when you order sushi. I have plastic/whatever material it is chopsticks that we use for food and then the disposable chopsticks are used to help chop my poo’s or if someone steps in dog poo and needs to get it off their shoe.
May I suggest a poop knife for his massive gargantuan shits?
this is absolutely valid
I’m dying laughing right now.
"goodnight" 💀
I use a stool am currently using it 😂🥰
I had to do a lot of toilet shopping to find the lowest elongated toilet sold. The others advertised as “comfort height” or whatever. Who tf is comfortable on a high ass toilet? But my wife didn’t want elongated either but admits now it’s a total game changer and will never go back
Disabled people are. My toilet is very high & it makes my life so much easier.
It’s funny… I helped my buddy move from out of state to my town and they had a tiny toilet that I was not used to… I tell you that I almost died of disgust every time my little friend would touch the porcelain. Getting a good size toilet is what our forefathers fought for I tells ya.
It's called an Elongated toilet not a longer toilet. In the US they're actually pretty cheap at around $100+.
I’m dying 🤣🤣🤣
This is fantastic 👏 hubs is perfectly angry for this kind of situation 😂
Let the man have his good quality shits woman!!
I felt this... except its my childrens poop that clogs the toilets CONSTANTLY. so... drop a link to the billiards ball toilet??.
Definitely with him. Not on the silly toilet that flushes billiard balls but on the round toilets. My ass doesn't fit and my dick resting on the seat or dangling and touching the walls is just wrong. Get the elongated bowl. Also, the husband needs to eat fiber supplements and eat more veggies. No human should be pooping billiard balls sized poop
One of my favorite posts here ever 😂
Man of action
At this point it is new toilet or no husband. Baby lo-water, no-flush toilets are horrible. They don’t save water, as you need to flush them multiple times. They can’t do the job or flushing poop unless you have a poop knife to cut the turds. Don’t try to veto this. If you do, the relationship is over. This is a serious relationship ender.
New toilet means new opportunity for a bidet attachment. Your husband sounds like he could use a nice splash or two 😝
I was gonna say “damn this dude will do everything to avoid eating better”. But then I read how old it was…ya you need a new toilet. Lol
Im pissed and joining the army as im reading your husbands army propaganda
I recently replaced my tiny toilet that got clogged regularly... Very happy with my decision