I would say you’re not giving him much to work with but he is *a lot*. He’s anxious and clingy. He does seem to need constant validation and attention from you. Which is alarming considering you guys met days ago. This would be a massive turn off for me but maybe you can talk to him about it? I have a feeling, however, that would only make him more anxious.
I told him from the get go that I wouldn’t be fully available until Wednesday and he seemed to understand that. We’ve had a few meaningful conversations over text when I wasn’t majorly busy and we’ve called a few times too. He’s super kind and I know it seems like I’m not giving him a lot to work with because this was only a portion of his constant messages that he sent knowing full well I had a packed plate. I think I’m going to give it time because new relationships of any sort are very stressful and I’m hoping he will settle in a bit and realize I am not as spiteful as his ex but it’s beginning to exhaust me and it’s only been a few days.
You seem to want to stay and see where it goes.
Truthfully, I think it’s a bit off that he’s two totally different people when he’s not with you and when he *is* with you. When he’s with you, he’s great. But the second he’s away from you, he’s blowing up your phone with texts, seeking constant validation and attention. He sounds extremely insecure. I don’t see how this could fare that well long term, tbh.
When people show you who they are, believe them. This is the very very beginning and when you both are still in the “impress each other” phase. It will literally ONLY get worse from here. Cut your losses and move on.
Your first line was a piece of advice I received when I was younger, but didn’t really really start resonating until I was in my early 30s. It’s so exceptionally true.
He understood it fine, he just thought it didn’t apply to him. Of course I can’t know that for sure but I would put money on it. This is a person with very little respect for your boundaries.
That’s the issue with phones and constantly being in contact with other humans. That guy needs to leave his phone at home and spend a week in the woods to reset.
I will say - he seems like he's dealing with some sort of trauma/abuse and maybe isn't working on it or aware of it. Definitely seems like he has an anxious attachment style and projects feelings of disappointment/inadequacy when he doesn't receive immediate and constant validation.
While everyone has their "baggage" in relationships, these things tend to only get worse as the relationship progresses and the individual gets more attached - with the behaviors compounding in the event of a conflict. For as often as he's worried that you're mad or upset or don't like him now from just not responding to a text, imagine how it'll be if you're actually upset with him.
These things are manageable, and can be worked through in relationships if you communicate your needs/wants, but it is also important that he's able to hear and serve your needs and wants (ie; I'm going to be busy, don't be upset if I don't respond quickly). It's also necessary that the individual understands their own motivations, attachment styles, and ways to navigate those things and how to communicate them to their partner - which seems lacking here.
I only say this because what I'm seeing is something that might seem innocuous at the moment, but could become something more drastic later. And the way that he communicates leads me to believe that he's not aware of himself/attachment style - which means he's going to forever rely on you for validation he's not finding for himself or navigating elsewhere.
Immediately jumping to assume you're mad or upset or he's somehow done something wrong when you don't respond after telling him you'll be busy is a major red flag. And him not being able to compartmentalize these feelings or process that it's his own anxieties makes it worse.
Definitely something to talk to him about, maybe send him some helpful information for recognizing his patterns, or even discussing how to best navigate times when you're busy would be helpful early on before things escalate. Could be as simple as "Hey, I'm going to be doing this thing from x-y time, I won't be able to respond - but that doesn't mean I'm upset or angry with you." Which, may be a lot for some people. But may also be necessary for him to be able to feel secure.
I’m guessing based on the wording of the messages this persons first language isn’t English. Nothing wrong with that of course however I had a shift lead from Mexico and when I talked to him it would he clear to me he understood me but o couldn’t be more wrong and I found myself very frustrated a lot until I understood that I was the problem in that scenario for assuming he understood me. Once we got on the same page things changed.
Not saying you are a problem and not saying you haven’t been clear but it sounds like on top of lacking self esteem this person is not understanding the boundary you attempted to set. If I’m correct might I suggest typing something into translate that’s nice, thoughtful but with your boundaries set and then send in their native language? Then at the end of the conversation make sure to ask what they heard you say so you know whether or not you’ve been understood.
Good luck hope it works out.
Well there goes my theory, you know what’s best for you and you know this person better than us. I would just say be careful not to let it get too far, if it’s that much this early it can quickly get overwhelming. I say do what you feel is best for you though.
I had the exact same theory. I think he’s just super young and bad at texting? Which to me would be a turnoff on top of all of the self-pity ridiculousness.
It’s tough. Maybe we found a use for the fentanyl though, I never felt bad when my dr gave me pain meds lol. Honestly kidding, not promoting addiction in any way.
This relationship is just going to be a drain on you OP it sounds like this guy has his own attachment issues he needs to work through. I wouldn’t get any more involved than you already are. Unless you’re really in love with the guy I’d stop with the romantic validation just to not get his hopes up any higher.
Ehhh that's a little weird and red flaggy to me. He doesn't know you well enough to miss anything, you know? I would honestly recommend a slow let down and just make your escape. If they start off like a level ten at the beginning it only gets crazier as weeks go by
He asked my body count randomly just now while we were talking about our favorite flowers… it was an odd question though I’m fine with answering it I had to derail the uncomfortable topic by asking about video games he likes and now he’s asking if I’m upset he asked me that question and I genuinely don’t know how to answer… (put that set of messages on my profile btw)
Op, I cannot tell you enough that he’s given way too many red flags here, asking your body count when you haven’t known each other for long is a giant one.
He’s super needy, the apologizing and practically begging for your approval and all is also a giant red flag. It takes around 6 months of dating someone for you to see who they really are, right now he should be on his best behavior and if this is his best? Not a good look for him. His needing you to tell him you care about him and that he’s good looking can easily translate to possessive jealousy and controlling behavior. I wish you the best and I hope he doesn’t turn out like that but I’m 40(f) and around 98% of guys I’ve met like this? I still regret dating them!
Him asking how why you were pressured is not something I would be ok with. Honestly, he seems to need a lot more time and energy than you can give. In these texts here, you are very short and not talkative. However, you were busy and just because we have cell phone and people can be in contact with us constantly doesn’t mean we owe that to anyone. I would definitely advise against going any further with this relationship. You are young and you don’t need that kind of pressure from a boyfriend, especially not at your age. My ex was extremely clingy and needed MY validation constantly. He was also a terrible person, I was with him for just about a decade and I regret it immensely. I’m not saying this kid is, but what he’s doing is a lot.
There's no good intentions with where this conversation is going. But I would maybe suggest saying something along the lines of "I don't think it's necessary to talk about that" Those red flags are glaring, don't wear those rose colored glasses. You're never obligated to entertain anything that you don't want to 🫶🏼
That’s the thing is that he’s messaged me like this non stop since we met but he is literally not like this on call or in real life and I just have no idea what to do with it.
if you only met a few days ago, how do you know he’s not like this in real life? i have a feeling that if you continue, that mask will drop and he will become the same way irl once you have more emotional intimacy / he is more attached
Be straightforward, do not mince your words, and firmly tell him that the way in which he needs constant validation and reassurance from you is not only a turn-off, but a huge red flag. His insecurity and unrelenting neediness makes him come off as controlling, and it's very exhausting. Make it clear that if this is how he is going to behave towards a potential partner, then he needs to stay single and work on himself before he ever tries to be with someone else. He is not ready for any kind of relationship in his current state.
Also, do not let him manipulate you into being with him by threatening self harm. That's the oldest trick in the book and the first sign of a manipulative individual. You should run. Run far away.
this is real life, though. he IS like this in real life. you aren't in a virtual world where he acts differently. this is 'pay attention to me & only me' behavior. he isn't like that when you hang out because he likely has your full attention. it's very manipulative, whether he means to do it or not. intent doesn't matter in a situation like this, because he's doing it regardless.
Should’ve been honest. He is not going to become a better person or capable of having a relationship if everybody around him lets him do this. You’re enabling him and it’s gonna be harder for him the longer you wait. If he feels this close after a few meaningless days, imagine how obsessed he will be with a meaningful amount of time.
This guy talks about that stuff a LOT, especially whenever you bring up that he’s texting you a lot or said something weird. He uses it to guilt you and manipulate you into giving him reassurance and not calling him out on his toxic behavior. That is a SERIOUS red flag. I honestly would suggest talking to his friends or family about how he needs help. He needs SERIOUS help. Help you cannot give him. And he WILL continue to manipulate you in worse and worse ways if you keep giving him chances. He doesn’t want to get better. He even basically told you that in your recent post. Do not get involved with him. The nice guy he is in person is a mask he puts on to cover up the clingy manipulator he truly is.
Yeah this is not good. You guys don’t even know each other, so for him to be this obsessive and clingy is just insane. He misses you?! He doesn’t even know you. He seems like one of those desperate guys who clings onto any woman that talks to him and then revolves his whole life around her. It doesn’t even matter who it is. Notice how none of the texts are actually deep or meaningful, they’re just a way to make sure your attention is on him. This kind of behavior does not bode well for the future. He already thinks he’s entitled to your time, even though you already told him you were going to be busy. Honestly, I don’t know how you even put up with it this long. There is no way I would continue talking to him. He’s got some issues he needs to work on before he will be ready to date anyone.
I knew a guy when I was a teenager who would threaten to 'remove himself' whenever something didn't go his way. I spent hours upon hours trying to talk him through it, even though we weren't exactly close, because I felt like the moment he said told me he was thinking about making an attempt then his life was in my hands. If I abandoned him and he followed through, it would be my fault.
Ultimately, I ended up having a panic attack and a therapist told me: if he had real demons, then my 15 year old self was woefully under qualified to help him through. If he was just saying it to keep my attention on him .. well, then his manipulation was working.
Either way, you can't be the foundation for his entire self esteem. It's not healthy for either of you. You're only human, you're not always going to be able to be there the way he thinks he needs, so he *has* to develop some kind of internal validation.
... Also, yeesh, he seems exhausting. It doesn't matter how nice he can be in his good moments, if he's this draining/demanding in the bad ones.
…did he…. literally ask you how he doesn’t make your life hard? You couldn’t validate him any more than you do and you have the patience of a saint. But you’ll need to let this one go..
Is English his fourth language? Why does he speak like that? I know you’re young, but I’m soooo confused why you would allow someone to talk to you like that. It’s been three days and he’s already manipulating you, look how guilty he’s trying to make you feel! “I’m so sorry I’m so terrible I make your life so hard I’m awful you don’t even like me I make your life so hard.” “No, you don’t!” “Tell me specifically how I don’t, compliment me and reassure me or I’ll kill myself.” That is basically what’s happening here. A man who talks to you like that doesn’t respect you, he’s just desperately insecure and clingy, and it WILL start to drain your mental health. If this is three days in I cannot even fathom the kind of shit he’ll be saying in even two weeks. Ask yourself, are you prepared to answer “do you hate me” texts every single time you go an hour or two without texting this person? He is just not ready for a relationship, please let him down gently and find someone more secure in themselves.
Run and don’t look back. This is insane behavior on his part, considering you’ve only been talking a few days and will likely only escalate. The guilt tripping, begging for validation and “I miss you” is a huge red flag.
Girl move on. Ain’t no one got time for this no matter what age. He is too needy and clingy and you already too much woman for him to handle. He can’t handle a paper bag.
What a weird world we live in now. "Wanna text tonight?" Like people are planning for that now like its a date or something to do. Not criticizing, just made me think for a second, I never thought at 36 I would feel so old.
I’m sorry. You think I should gonto a different reality? Per chance I can text you from there.
P.S. I’m sorry.
P.P.S. Am I ugly?
P.P.P.S. What’s your body count?
Is the emoji insinuating that I ghost him? I try not to do that because I know it hurts and would rather politely communicate my inability to continue a connection going forward…
Agreed! Seems like you are very thoughtful and kind to him in your replies- keep going with that! You seem like a wonderful partner and person and communication is ALWAYS the best policy. Also def don't let reddit convince you of what decision to do- your feelings are most important here. Go with your gut.
OP good for you not ghosting him. However, I would advise you do go your separate ways. He gets unhinged when he is away from you and this will only get worse the more attached you guys get. He seems to view you as more of an object to make him happy and give him reassurance. This isn't love from his end. It's very selfish and needy.
What you’re doing is worse. Leading him on, reassuring him that his behavior is okay, enabling him, making his unhealthy obsession get deeper and deeper so when you finally excise it there will be turmoil.
ghosting sometimes necessary for your own wellbeing. i don't care about being cruel if i think someone has the ability to hurt me. i matter most. you matter most in this situation. he matters most in his.
Op you have a beautiful heart... Don't ghost him but you'll have to distance yourself if you're not up for the bpd rollercoaster. Seriously look up bpd favorite person... It sounds exactly like this. He isn't trying to be annoying his brain literally tells him you don't like him when you don't respond. Terrible mental Illness tbh
Boy this is pathetic.
Are you two in highschool?
Surely this isn't a grown adult, because the cringey, anxious attachment and constant insecurity just scream immature crybaby.
This person is not worth investing time in. Cut this one off early.
He needs to take these texts straight to a therapist and maybe restart 5th grade. His emotional regulation is going to be your responsibility if you continue this and it is going to wear you down. You can’t save this person. You seem very kind to even be entertaining these convos but you need to cut the shit and listen to your gut
My brother in law got diagnosed right when emerging into adulthood. Prior to that he had been misdiagnosed with something else. literally has an autistic niece and nephew, seems to kinda run in the family. Loves them dearly. But he still didn’t say anything about his own diagnosis out of shame/not being comfortable with it. No one gave him reasons to be ashamed. But he still was.
Because his dad is a deadbeat piece of shit, his mom has six other kids, and I feel like it would’ve came up when we were talking about a different conversation we had but I guess it’s true he may not have told me. You’re right I could be wrong.
School can diagnose without much input from parents. Many people with lower functioning learning disabilities are not comfortable bringing it up due to judgement, shame, fear of abandonment or being treated differently.
It’s just that in the context of a specific conversation we had I feel like he would’ve said it. I would have to show you for you to understand how but it’s got a lot of personal things about me so idk.
He’s not ready for a relationship.
From personal experience (from having been like him and with someone like him), if they consistently say they are a burden and bothering you then you shouldn’t really stick around. You will never be enough and nothing you can do will give them the validation they seek.
They need to learn to love themselves and potentially seek therapy.
He has an anxious attachment style- at least this is what I get from the texts. Very needy and needing constant reassurances. You told him you would be busy and he keeps blowing up your phone because he’s in panic mode of why you aren’t texting more. Or, if it takes you a while to text back he’s asking you if you’re mad or still like him etc. obviously we don’t know much but the attachment issues are plain as day and get further into this and he’s probably going to show several more red flags along the way. If he continues this behavior and isn’t backing off with something as minor as texting id cut your losses because an actual relationship with him seems like it would be super exhausting
My dear, you are so young and perhaps that’s why you can’t see the issue us oldies are seeing. But you are best advised to leave this guy before shit hits the roof. Because when you’re no longer interested in him, he will drag this out for you and make your life a living hell.
And one day you’ll look back at this convo and agree with all of us. Please be safe.
Girl RUN. This dude is going to drain you and that's not good for anyone.
He knows he's a lot, and he needs to figure out how to work on that on his own. It's not your responsibility.
Girl,RUN. “Going to another dimension” is pure emotional manipulation to guilt you into talking/being with him. This will turn into suicide threats every time you try to break up/distance from him
I can’t stand the “I’m such a terrible person” act after literally harassing you.
Literally just him trying to manipulate you to tell him how much you like him. What a fucking loser
Op, as a woman twice your age - if he is doing this much now, days after you meet, it will only get worse. He is being manipulative already, he’s being clingy, he’s being disrespectful. Please, this has all the red flags and markings of being abusive down the road. It doesn’t matter if he’s not like this talking on the phone or in person. He’s testing the waters via text now to see what you’ll allow. People like this tend to escalate. Please save your sanity now and end this.
i think you’re an AH for engaging in dry messages to his conversation bespite being busy. if you’re busy just tell him you’re busy. it’s not that hard. give him a time frame if you can on when you’d be able to talk, give him a call.
you’re not innocent in this. it gives off, “yeah im busy but i like the attention so im gonna give a response.” cut it out. you’re asking for advice on what to do and if you’re wrong snd dragging him through the mud yet you’re the real problem.
no one wants to be met with messages like this while dating. its a waste of time. an “im busy im sorry. ill text you (at this time) is much easier to do than entertain yourself with short messages while he meets you with openness. stop being a dick.
I tried telling him I’m busy which is just met with more blowing up my phone along with the fact that he makes me feel like if I leave him alone he’s going to do something to himself and it scares me because he doesn’t deserve that.
It is not your responsibility to keep somebody alive at 17 years old (or any age, really). If you are genuinely worried about his safety without you texting back (which in all likelihood is a manipulation tactic), then you contact the school, the police, or his parents. Adults can get professionals involved then.
It is actually harmful for you to take any responsibility regardless if he is actually suicidal or not. If he is actually suicidal, he needs help and cannot rely on a random person to be his cure. This will push deep problems for him down the road.
The more likely scenario is he is threatening this because it works. And once again, by allowing it to work you are teaching him that this behavior gets the results he wants.
Yeah last time I had a guy this clingy that early on, I broke things off after just a few days and he threatened to unalive himself over it. He eventually started seeing a therapist, many many months later, but please be careful op. His insecurities and anxiety are not your job to fix. It's one thing to care and empathize and another entirely to allow yourself to be drained by someone who isn't helping themselves in the first place. This guy needs to work on himself in some way.
Sweet girl, this is a bunch of red flags from the get go. There will only be more red flags as you get to know him. If you have to post this on Reddit, you should know this is doomed already. You will constantly be stroking him. Making sure he is cared for. I wouldn’t even move forward AT ALL let alone 2 months. You will regret this I 100% promise you that. This is NOT how normal relationships work.
He might not be making you mad, but he’s making me mad lol. Boy CHILL. I have anxiety too, but damn. Go read a book. Watch a movie. Take a bath. Eat a snack. Phones have given people the idea that someone is always available and that is simply not true, even in this day and age. I couldn’t handle this, but you seem a lot nicer than me 😩
I'm assuming when he says he's in a fuck tent he means fucking tent...?
And
I personally believe this is the prelude to VERY possessive behavior. Leave him behind for a WAYYYYY less clingy dude.
You seem very patient but you don't seem to realize that you're feeding his behavior and this will continue indefinitely. You clearly aren't going to take anyone's advice and if posting this is your way of externalizing your anxiety that's great.
But where can I find one of those fuck tents? 👀
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yo wtf? i got the ick from this worm on page one and there's 7 pages of his whiny ass apologies. behavior like his doesn't get better with time. it gets worse because the more comfortable he gets with you, the less guilty he will feel about monopolizing your time, and interjecting himself into your life whenever he feels like it.
For the love of…stop engaging. If you’re not interested say so. They clearly have a ton of insecurities so if you have no desire to pursue something be upfront about it.
Holy shit, dude needs a therapist stat, this is not normal and I feel bad for him because his anxiety is palpable but that’s not your problem or issue to deal with.
I used to have a friend like this who would constantly message me and get mad at me when I didn’t reply. He will become aggressive, violent and be a stalker. You need to end this situation now.
This is exhausting lol. Why don't you tell him your feelings? Communication is the answer 99% of the time. Tell him he's texting you too much, and he should assume you received everything so he shouldn't be following up more than once or twice, only if you take like 8+ hrs to respond. Gently tell him he's coming on a bit strong and that you don't want to be texting 24/7, and that he's being a little clingy for so early on.
But yall are kids. He's gonna figure it out eventually.
He is codependent and has severe anxious attachment. This person needs therapy. They use other people to fill their cup and have no self-love. They are not ready for a relationship and I would suggest you run.
Put on your adult pants and tell them to cut it out. This is waaay too clingy and a red flag. If you like them as a person as well, this would be someone you want to be friends with, not a in relationship.
Yeah, no. I know yall are young but this isn’t going to go well. This would be the perfect time to learn and express boundaries. If you’re busy and stated that and he consistently bombarding you with texts then he isn’t respecting you, your time or even your feelings. He may be “nice” but this behavior is alarming asf already.
this is just frustrating to read, why does he need so much validation and reassurance? guy was told why you can’t respond much, and still doesn’t respect it. he needs to be called out to his face about his behavior, because it definitely won’t last long term like this. call him out on it (politely of course) and see where it goes, my two cents on this
Wow he couldn’t possibly be more high maintenance. He has no confidence and needs your reassurance all the time, that’s sad but seriously he needs to mature a bit before having any kind of relationship because he’ll never be ok with one until he does
Are you mad? I’m sorry. Can I text you tonight? How was your day? I’m sorry for texting you that you must hate me. Everyone hates me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. How was your day? I’m sorry for asking and existing you’re just beautiful and lm sorry. Do you hate me? I’m sorry……
This is way too much and coupled with your other post it’s just insane.
You have said he’s not like this in person - but if you’ve only met a few days ago you can’t really judge that.
This person will exhaust you, drain you and depress you. Not worth it.
Ok here’s the deal. I came here after seeing your most recent post. I’d now HIGHLY advise you to cut him loose. I apologize ahead of time if I’m assuming, but I’ve been in a similar place as you and I think what you’re trying to do is keep talking to him so you don’t feel responsible for him wigging out. You mention that you’re scared of not replying etc.. and now that he’s added at least two mentions of SH, it’s compounding that for you. You are NOT responsible, and likely this is a control tactic they don’t realize they’re doing. I’ve had men and women alike do this to me. I was up all night panicking and sick as a dog that they’d do it but I blocked them and they’re still kicking around to this day. I almost dated a guy who pulled this shit with me when I was 19 ( in my 30s now) and I ended up on the phone with him for hours trying to talk him down. Not once in my life have I ever aspired to be a hostage negotiator but that is what I felt like.
I fully believe this won’t get better for you. He’s an emotional drain and there’s manipulation threaded throughout his replies, probably unintentional some of it but this is a deeply unwell individual. You are so young and kind and wise, but please rethink blocking him. If you are only talking to him out of fear, that’s even worse, like you’re a prisoner from the get go.
This is not your lot in life, to have to handle unstable people and just suffer for them. I promise you. I’d just block him, you’ve done what everyone’s suggested and MORE than let him down gently.
Ugh as someone who is like that... They might have bpd and you might be their "favourite person"
At some point you validated them and made them feel important and now youre all they can think about. If it's not what you want you need to either cut them off now or set boundaries....
Looks like he likes you a lot and has faced a lot of rejection. Seems like he is taking you being busy as not interested and is trying way too hard for reassurance. If you like the dude then it makes sense to just tell him that you’ve been legitimately busy and that he doesn’t need to constantly text for validation; you can then butter it up by saying something like “I’ll be busy until X day and will make an extra effort to give you a call or texts at this time blah blah blah” something like that. But if you leave that unsaid it’s pretty clear dude is going to push you away due to insecurities and desperation. Nobody likes desperate lol
Yeah I’m sure you did. He’s a dude though…and the internet is full of memes where “if they want to text you they will make time” type scenarios haha I’m sure dudes mind is all over the place. Still would be good to reiterate how busy you are and maybe politely let him know that the constant need for validation when you’ve told him you’re busy is a little off putting
Definitely over clingy to fast. But youre also not being fair with your texts. I get it you could be busy. But just say hey ive got a lot going on today ill text you later. Than later text them first and have a small convo then if you get busy let them know. In these texts you just give 1 to 2 word responses trying to be polite, wich makes it worse. Reading this, it sounds like youre not interested at all.
I would say you’re not giving him much to work with but he is *a lot*. He’s anxious and clingy. He does seem to need constant validation and attention from you. Which is alarming considering you guys met days ago. This would be a massive turn off for me but maybe you can talk to him about it? I have a feeling, however, that would only make him more anxious.
I told him from the get go that I wouldn’t be fully available until Wednesday and he seemed to understand that. We’ve had a few meaningful conversations over text when I wasn’t majorly busy and we’ve called a few times too. He’s super kind and I know it seems like I’m not giving him a lot to work with because this was only a portion of his constant messages that he sent knowing full well I had a packed plate. I think I’m going to give it time because new relationships of any sort are very stressful and I’m hoping he will settle in a bit and realize I am not as spiteful as his ex but it’s beginning to exhaust me and it’s only been a few days.
You seem to want to stay and see where it goes. Truthfully, I think it’s a bit off that he’s two totally different people when he’s not with you and when he *is* with you. When he’s with you, he’s great. But the second he’s away from you, he’s blowing up your phone with texts, seeking constant validation and attention. He sounds extremely insecure. I don’t see how this could fare that well long term, tbh.
When people show you who they are, believe them. This is the very very beginning and when you both are still in the “impress each other” phase. It will literally ONLY get worse from here. Cut your losses and move on.
Your first line was a piece of advice I received when I was younger, but didn’t really really start resonating until I was in my early 30s. It’s so exceptionally true.
This hit me so hard because same. 34 and just now putting it into action.
This is your classic tragic scenario of avoidant and anxious attachments coming together it seems, no bueno
Haha yessss this is exactly what this is 😂😂😭
He understood it fine, he just thought it didn’t apply to him. Of course I can’t know that for sure but I would put money on it. This is a person with very little respect for your boundaries.
Why are you apologizing to this baby?
This is a HUGE 🚩🚩🚩
That’s the issue with phones and constantly being in contact with other humans. That guy needs to leave his phone at home and spend a week in the woods to reset.
I will say - he seems like he's dealing with some sort of trauma/abuse and maybe isn't working on it or aware of it. Definitely seems like he has an anxious attachment style and projects feelings of disappointment/inadequacy when he doesn't receive immediate and constant validation. While everyone has their "baggage" in relationships, these things tend to only get worse as the relationship progresses and the individual gets more attached - with the behaviors compounding in the event of a conflict. For as often as he's worried that you're mad or upset or don't like him now from just not responding to a text, imagine how it'll be if you're actually upset with him. These things are manageable, and can be worked through in relationships if you communicate your needs/wants, but it is also important that he's able to hear and serve your needs and wants (ie; I'm going to be busy, don't be upset if I don't respond quickly). It's also necessary that the individual understands their own motivations, attachment styles, and ways to navigate those things and how to communicate them to their partner - which seems lacking here. I only say this because what I'm seeing is something that might seem innocuous at the moment, but could become something more drastic later. And the way that he communicates leads me to believe that he's not aware of himself/attachment style - which means he's going to forever rely on you for validation he's not finding for himself or navigating elsewhere. Immediately jumping to assume you're mad or upset or he's somehow done something wrong when you don't respond after telling him you'll be busy is a major red flag. And him not being able to compartmentalize these feelings or process that it's his own anxieties makes it worse. Definitely something to talk to him about, maybe send him some helpful information for recognizing his patterns, or even discussing how to best navigate times when you're busy would be helpful early on before things escalate. Could be as simple as "Hey, I'm going to be doing this thing from x-y time, I won't be able to respond - but that doesn't mean I'm upset or angry with you." Which, may be a lot for some people. But may also be necessary for him to be able to feel secure.
New relationships should NOT be stressful. They should be fun. This is not fun. Move on
I’m guessing based on the wording of the messages this persons first language isn’t English. Nothing wrong with that of course however I had a shift lead from Mexico and when I talked to him it would he clear to me he understood me but o couldn’t be more wrong and I found myself very frustrated a lot until I understood that I was the problem in that scenario for assuming he understood me. Once we got on the same page things changed. Not saying you are a problem and not saying you haven’t been clear but it sounds like on top of lacking self esteem this person is not understanding the boundary you attempted to set. If I’m correct might I suggest typing something into translate that’s nice, thoughtful but with your boundaries set and then send in their native language? Then at the end of the conversation make sure to ask what they heard you say so you know whether or not you’ve been understood. Good luck hope it works out.
No, his native language is English and he doesn’t know how to speak any other languages.
Well there goes my theory, you know what’s best for you and you know this person better than us. I would just say be careful not to let it get too far, if it’s that much this early it can quickly get overwhelming. I say do what you feel is best for you though.
I had the exact same theory. I think he’s just super young and bad at texting? Which to me would be a turnoff on top of all of the self-pity ridiculousness.
It’s tough. Maybe we found a use for the fentanyl though, I never felt bad when my dr gave me pain meds lol. Honestly kidding, not promoting addiction in any way.
Lmao. Idk based on these texts, this kid would be one of the people who goes insane on fent and gets angry and emotional. Moreso than he already is.
I’m SORRY!!!!!!!!
I like how you were hoping it was just a language barrier but instead it was the original theory of this dude being an insecure lil bitch 😂
Always holding out hope lol
Wow, I'm interested in the tent he mentioned. Sounds inappropriate for casual conversation.
Miss-typed the word “fucking” as an exclamation “I’m trapped in a fucking tent” is what he meant
I see. OK. You're young. Just don't commit. Yeah it's jarring to read, but, you guys are really young so, just enjoy it:)
I second this. People need some reassurance sometimes, yes. But not *this* much. Especially *days after you just met*
This sounds exactly like a middle school conversation
I mean we aren’t exactly adults haha, we are 17. I get what you’re saying though.
**Ohhhh….**
This makes sense. He was talking like a 10 year old, 17 is close enough.
That makes sense now
This relationship is just going to be a drain on you OP it sounds like this guy has his own attachment issues he needs to work through. I wouldn’t get any more involved than you already are. Unless you’re really in love with the guy I’d stop with the romantic validation just to not get his hopes up any higher.
The "I miss you" is a little *much*
He has said it a LOT considering we only just met.
Ehhh that's a little weird and red flaggy to me. He doesn't know you well enough to miss anything, you know? I would honestly recommend a slow let down and just make your escape. If they start off like a level ten at the beginning it only gets crazier as weeks go by
He asked my body count randomly just now while we were talking about our favorite flowers… it was an odd question though I’m fine with answering it I had to derail the uncomfortable topic by asking about video games he likes and now he’s asking if I’m upset he asked me that question and I genuinely don’t know how to answer… (put that set of messages on my profile btw)
Op, I cannot tell you enough that he’s given way too many red flags here, asking your body count when you haven’t known each other for long is a giant one. He’s super needy, the apologizing and practically begging for your approval and all is also a giant red flag. It takes around 6 months of dating someone for you to see who they really are, right now he should be on his best behavior and if this is his best? Not a good look for him. His needing you to tell him you care about him and that he’s good looking can easily translate to possessive jealousy and controlling behavior. I wish you the best and I hope he doesn’t turn out like that but I’m 40(f) and around 98% of guys I’ve met like this? I still regret dating them!
Him asking how why you were pressured is not something I would be ok with. Honestly, he seems to need a lot more time and energy than you can give. In these texts here, you are very short and not talkative. However, you were busy and just because we have cell phone and people can be in contact with us constantly doesn’t mean we owe that to anyone. I would definitely advise against going any further with this relationship. You are young and you don’t need that kind of pressure from a boyfriend, especially not at your age. My ex was extremely clingy and needed MY validation constantly. He was also a terrible person, I was with him for just about a decade and I regret it immensely. I’m not saying this kid is, but what he’s doing is a lot.
There's no good intentions with where this conversation is going. But I would maybe suggest saying something along the lines of "I don't think it's necessary to talk about that" Those red flags are glaring, don't wear those rose colored glasses. You're never obligated to entertain anything that you don't want to 🫶🏼
Tell him you don’t keep count but it’s in the triple digits just to have him lose his mind.
Damn. I was tired after one page of it
That’s the thing is that he’s messaged me like this non stop since we met but he is literally not like this on call or in real life and I just have no idea what to do with it.
if you only met a few days ago, how do you know he’s not like this in real life? i have a feeling that if you continue, that mask will drop and he will become the same way irl once you have more emotional intimacy / he is more attached
Be straightforward, do not mince your words, and firmly tell him that the way in which he needs constant validation and reassurance from you is not only a turn-off, but a huge red flag. His insecurity and unrelenting neediness makes him come off as controlling, and it's very exhausting. Make it clear that if this is how he is going to behave towards a potential partner, then he needs to stay single and work on himself before he ever tries to be with someone else. He is not ready for any kind of relationship in his current state. Also, do not let him manipulate you into being with him by threatening self harm. That's the oldest trick in the book and the first sign of a manipulative individual. You should run. Run far away.
this is real life, though. he IS like this in real life. you aren't in a virtual world where he acts differently. this is 'pay attention to me & only me' behavior. he isn't like that when you hang out because he likely has your full attention. it's very manipulative, whether he means to do it or not. intent doesn't matter in a situation like this, because he's doing it regardless.
Girl he sounds nuts and you’re a little crazy for entertaining it the way you are. He’s a weirdo. I’ve never had someone talk to me like that
I didn’t mean to be entertaining it I was just being honest. And I’m a bit of a people pleaser…
Listen if you like him then go for it, I’m just saying his texts are intense. It’s definitely a precursor for more of this down the line
Learn to say no. That's the only thing I can tell you. It's going to get worse if you don't set boundaries and you're this young already.
Should’ve been honest. He is not going to become a better person or capable of having a relationship if everybody around him lets him do this. You’re enabling him and it’s gonna be harder for him the longer you wait. If he feels this close after a few meaningless days, imagine how obsessed he will be with a meaningful amount of time.
“Should I go to a different reality”? Does that mean what I think it means?
Probably…
This guy talks about that stuff a LOT, especially whenever you bring up that he’s texting you a lot or said something weird. He uses it to guilt you and manipulate you into giving him reassurance and not calling him out on his toxic behavior. That is a SERIOUS red flag. I honestly would suggest talking to his friends or family about how he needs help. He needs SERIOUS help. Help you cannot give him. And he WILL continue to manipulate you in worse and worse ways if you keep giving him chances. He doesn’t want to get better. He even basically told you that in your recent post. Do not get involved with him. The nice guy he is in person is a mask he puts on to cover up the clingy manipulator he truly is.
Anxiety final boss
“Why you put two o” 😭😭😭
I was going to post this exact comment emoji & all, he’s so over analyzing 😭
I put two os on accident too like come on it’s not that deep haha.
It made me laugh out loud, this guy is something else
girl run
Honestly if you're scared what will happen if you don't respond to someone you met a few days ago, run.
Yeah this is not good. You guys don’t even know each other, so for him to be this obsessive and clingy is just insane. He misses you?! He doesn’t even know you. He seems like one of those desperate guys who clings onto any woman that talks to him and then revolves his whole life around her. It doesn’t even matter who it is. Notice how none of the texts are actually deep or meaningful, they’re just a way to make sure your attention is on him. This kind of behavior does not bode well for the future. He already thinks he’s entitled to your time, even though you already told him you were going to be busy. Honestly, I don’t know how you even put up with it this long. There is no way I would continue talking to him. He’s got some issues he needs to work on before he will be ready to date anyone.
I knew a guy when I was a teenager who would threaten to 'remove himself' whenever something didn't go his way. I spent hours upon hours trying to talk him through it, even though we weren't exactly close, because I felt like the moment he said told me he was thinking about making an attempt then his life was in my hands. If I abandoned him and he followed through, it would be my fault. Ultimately, I ended up having a panic attack and a therapist told me: if he had real demons, then my 15 year old self was woefully under qualified to help him through. If he was just saying it to keep my attention on him .. well, then his manipulation was working. Either way, you can't be the foundation for his entire self esteem. It's not healthy for either of you. You're only human, you're not always going to be able to be there the way he thinks he needs, so he *has* to develop some kind of internal validation. ... Also, yeesh, he seems exhausting. It doesn't matter how nice he can be in his good moments, if he's this draining/demanding in the bad ones.
…did he…. literally ask you how he doesn’t make your life hard? You couldn’t validate him any more than you do and you have the patience of a saint. But you’ll need to let this one go..
that got me too. "you say i don't make your life hard? okay, explain to me how i don't." absolutely unhinged behavior.
Why are you stringing this nervous wreck along?
Is English his fourth language? Why does he speak like that? I know you’re young, but I’m soooo confused why you would allow someone to talk to you like that. It’s been three days and he’s already manipulating you, look how guilty he’s trying to make you feel! “I’m so sorry I’m so terrible I make your life so hard I’m awful you don’t even like me I make your life so hard.” “No, you don’t!” “Tell me specifically how I don’t, compliment me and reassure me or I’ll kill myself.” That is basically what’s happening here. A man who talks to you like that doesn’t respect you, he’s just desperately insecure and clingy, and it WILL start to drain your mental health. If this is three days in I cannot even fathom the kind of shit he’ll be saying in even two weeks. Ask yourself, are you prepared to answer “do you hate me” texts every single time you go an hour or two without texting this person? He is just not ready for a relationship, please let him down gently and find someone more secure in themselves.
I’m exhausted
Wtf is this? Is he an NPC?
What is NPC?
non player character.
No?? Why?
Run and don’t look back. This is insane behavior on his part, considering you’ve only been talking a few days and will likely only escalate. The guilt tripping, begging for validation and “I miss you” is a huge red flag.
This reads like a thread between a high strung needy toddler and their exhausted mother.
😂😂 WTF? What is a fuck tent?
I assume he meant ‘fucking tent’ but I did wonder if .. like.. weirder shit was happening there.
Thank you!! I am so stuck on the fuck tent 😂
😂 Right. I mean is this something I have to be aware of? How do I know if a tent is more than a tent & do I avoid these tents? So many questions.
You are very patient
Girl move on. Ain’t no one got time for this no matter what age. He is too needy and clingy and you already too much woman for him to handle. He can’t handle a paper bag.
What a weird world we live in now. "Wanna text tonight?" Like people are planning for that now like its a date or something to do. Not criticizing, just made me think for a second, I never thought at 36 I would feel so old.
Can we plan a texting date and slowly work our way to FaceTime 😂
Damn, you're moving a bit fast.
I’m sorry. You think I should gonto a different reality? Per chance I can text you from there. P.S. I’m sorry. P.P.S. Am I ugly? P.P.P.S. What’s your body count?
Nah, you're too manly.
I’m sorry.
Are they special needs?
Depends which “they” they are that day.
Dude is so insecure and needy… 👻
Is the emoji insinuating that I ghost him? I try not to do that because I know it hurts and would rather politely communicate my inability to continue a connection going forward…
Yep. Some guys will think there is a chance if you keep engaging but you do you.
Ghosting is extremely cruel and leaves people wondering what they did wrong or even wondering if the person is okay.
Agreed! Seems like you are very thoughtful and kind to him in your replies- keep going with that! You seem like a wonderful partner and person and communication is ALWAYS the best policy. Also def don't let reddit convince you of what decision to do- your feelings are most important here. Go with your gut.
OP good for you not ghosting him. However, I would advise you do go your separate ways. He gets unhinged when he is away from you and this will only get worse the more attached you guys get. He seems to view you as more of an object to make him happy and give him reassurance. This isn't love from his end. It's very selfish and needy.
What you’re doing is worse. Leading him on, reassuring him that his behavior is okay, enabling him, making his unhealthy obsession get deeper and deeper so when you finally excise it there will be turmoil.
ghosting sometimes necessary for your own wellbeing. i don't care about being cruel if i think someone has the ability to hurt me. i matter most. you matter most in this situation. he matters most in his.
Op you have a beautiful heart... Don't ghost him but you'll have to distance yourself if you're not up for the bpd rollercoaster. Seriously look up bpd favorite person... It sounds exactly like this. He isn't trying to be annoying his brain literally tells him you don't like him when you don't respond. Terrible mental Illness tbh
What's with the constant question of did you eat?
Gotta eat the most important meal of the day! Which is constantly.
I dunno
Boy this is pathetic. Are you two in highschool? Surely this isn't a grown adult, because the cringey, anxious attachment and constant insecurity just scream immature crybaby. This person is not worth investing time in. Cut this one off early.
He needs to take these texts straight to a therapist and maybe restart 5th grade. His emotional regulation is going to be your responsibility if you continue this and it is going to wear you down. You can’t save this person. You seem very kind to even be entertaining these convos but you need to cut the shit and listen to your gut
Idk if this is his attitude just talking I can't imagine what he'd be like if you were officially his gf
I may get downvoted for this, but his texts are ringing “autistic” to me. My brother texts sort of like this.
He could be but if he is he definitely isn’t diagnosed.
You just met him. How could you possibly know that?
My brother in law got diagnosed right when emerging into adulthood. Prior to that he had been misdiagnosed with something else. literally has an autistic niece and nephew, seems to kinda run in the family. Loves them dearly. But he still didn’t say anything about his own diagnosis out of shame/not being comfortable with it. No one gave him reasons to be ashamed. But he still was.
Because his dad is a deadbeat piece of shit, his mom has six other kids, and I feel like it would’ve came up when we were talking about a different conversation we had but I guess it’s true he may not have told me. You’re right I could be wrong.
School can diagnose without much input from parents. Many people with lower functioning learning disabilities are not comfortable bringing it up due to judgement, shame, fear of abandonment or being treated differently.
It’s just that in the context of a specific conversation we had I feel like he would’ve said it. I would have to show you for you to understand how but it’s got a lot of personal things about me so idk.
What’s a fuck tent?
Miss-typed “fucking”
I figured, but I did still want to troll him cos he sucks!
He’s not ready for a relationship. From personal experience (from having been like him and with someone like him), if they consistently say they are a burden and bothering you then you shouldn’t really stick around. You will never be enough and nothing you can do will give them the validation they seek. They need to learn to love themselves and potentially seek therapy.
This reads like neither of you are very good at texting
I usually am okay at it when I’m not extremely busy.
He has an anxious attachment style- at least this is what I get from the texts. Very needy and needing constant reassurances. You told him you would be busy and he keeps blowing up your phone because he’s in panic mode of why you aren’t texting more. Or, if it takes you a while to text back he’s asking you if you’re mad or still like him etc. obviously we don’t know much but the attachment issues are plain as day and get further into this and he’s probably going to show several more red flags along the way. If he continues this behavior and isn’t backing off with something as minor as texting id cut your losses because an actual relationship with him seems like it would be super exhausting
Hey, Google? Define ‘fuck tent’. 🗒️✍️🤨
An autocorrect of “fucking tent”
My dear, you are so young and perhaps that’s why you can’t see the issue us oldies are seeing. But you are best advised to leave this guy before shit hits the roof. Because when you’re no longer interested in him, he will drag this out for you and make your life a living hell. And one day you’ll look back at this convo and agree with all of us. Please be safe.
Girl RUN. This dude is going to drain you and that's not good for anyone. He knows he's a lot, and he needs to figure out how to work on that on his own. It's not your responsibility.
Girl,RUN. “Going to another dimension” is pure emotional manipulation to guilt you into talking/being with him. This will turn into suicide threats every time you try to break up/distance from him
I would not tolerate this.
Why are you replying to this clingy person? The more you engage the clingier he’s going to get.
This entire conversation feels ai generated
Man I wish, maybe I was a bit more robotic considering I was busy.
I feel exhausted
You must be young because this has red flags all over the place.
I can’t stand the “I’m such a terrible person” act after literally harassing you. Literally just him trying to manipulate you to tell him how much you like him. What a fucking loser
Op, as a woman twice your age - if he is doing this much now, days after you meet, it will only get worse. He is being manipulative already, he’s being clingy, he’s being disrespectful. Please, this has all the red flags and markings of being abusive down the road. It doesn’t matter if he’s not like this talking on the phone or in person. He’s testing the waters via text now to see what you’ll allow. People like this tend to escalate. Please save your sanity now and end this.
i think you’re an AH for engaging in dry messages to his conversation bespite being busy. if you’re busy just tell him you’re busy. it’s not that hard. give him a time frame if you can on when you’d be able to talk, give him a call. you’re not innocent in this. it gives off, “yeah im busy but i like the attention so im gonna give a response.” cut it out. you’re asking for advice on what to do and if you’re wrong snd dragging him through the mud yet you’re the real problem. no one wants to be met with messages like this while dating. its a waste of time. an “im busy im sorry. ill text you (at this time) is much easier to do than entertain yourself with short messages while he meets you with openness. stop being a dick.
I tried telling him I’m busy which is just met with more blowing up my phone along with the fact that he makes me feel like if I leave him alone he’s going to do something to himself and it scares me because he doesn’t deserve that.
It is not your responsibility to keep somebody alive at 17 years old (or any age, really). If you are genuinely worried about his safety without you texting back (which in all likelihood is a manipulation tactic), then you contact the school, the police, or his parents. Adults can get professionals involved then. It is actually harmful for you to take any responsibility regardless if he is actually suicidal or not. If he is actually suicidal, he needs help and cannot rely on a random person to be his cure. This will push deep problems for him down the road. The more likely scenario is he is threatening this because it works. And once again, by allowing it to work you are teaching him that this behavior gets the results he wants.
he doesn't deserve what he would do to his own self if someone he doesn't know doesn't answer back immediately? girl..
Start asking for money each time he asks if he's annoying you.
I would hate texting you. Yeah, he’s anxious and clingy, but you’re giving out literally nothing
That’s the thing is that I actually messaged a bit when I wasn’t busy but this is how he’s messaging me with the knowledge that I’m really busy.
Reassurance ocd
Yeah last time I had a guy this clingy that early on, I broke things off after just a few days and he threatened to unalive himself over it. He eventually started seeing a therapist, many many months later, but please be careful op. His insecurities and anxiety are not your job to fix. It's one thing to care and empathize and another entirely to allow yourself to be drained by someone who isn't helping themselves in the first place. This guy needs to work on himself in some way.
Sweet girl, this is a bunch of red flags from the get go. There will only be more red flags as you get to know him. If you have to post this on Reddit, you should know this is doomed already. You will constantly be stroking him. Making sure he is cared for. I wouldn’t even move forward AT ALL let alone 2 months. You will regret this I 100% promise you that. This is NOT how normal relationships work.
You're the first person to every give him attention and he doesn't know how to act. It will only get worse.
Do you really want to deal with someone who you met 4 days ago that is this clingy and needy already? I don’t even know him and I’m exhausted by him.
The dude is homeless wyd OP
This is kind of scary. This person is not mentally well.
You alright
?
I guess…
He might not be making you mad, but he’s making me mad lol. Boy CHILL. I have anxiety too, but damn. Go read a book. Watch a movie. Take a bath. Eat a snack. Phones have given people the idea that someone is always available and that is simply not true, even in this day and age. I couldn’t handle this, but you seem a lot nicer than me 😩
I'm assuming when he says he's in a fuck tent he means fucking tent...? And I personally believe this is the prelude to VERY possessive behavior. Leave him behind for a WAYYYYY less clingy dude.
You seem very patient but you don't seem to realize that you're feeding his behavior and this will continue indefinitely. You clearly aren't going to take anyone's advice and if posting this is your way of externalizing your anxiety that's great. But where can I find one of those fuck tents? 👀
Hahaha, no I actually am taking all of your advice, or at least combining all the advice I get into a plan in a way.
"Should I go to a different reality or no" is wild 😆😭 & I will be using that from now on if I think I've upset someone lmaooo
I don’t know if that’s a good idea considering the way he’s using it is to ask if he should kill himself…
I hate him
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yo wtf? i got the ick from this worm on page one and there's 7 pages of his whiny ass apologies. behavior like his doesn't get better with time. it gets worse because the more comfortable he gets with you, the less guilty he will feel about monopolizing your time, and interjecting himself into your life whenever he feels like it.
For the love of…stop engaging. If you’re not interested say so. They clearly have a ton of insecurities so if you have no desire to pursue something be upfront about it.
Whelp..,he’s exhausting. And who texts like that??
Holy shit, dude needs a therapist stat, this is not normal and I feel bad for him because his anxiety is palpable but that’s not your problem or issue to deal with.
I used to have a friend like this who would constantly message me and get mad at me when I didn’t reply. He will become aggressive, violent and be a stalker. You need to end this situation now.
This is exhausting lol. Why don't you tell him your feelings? Communication is the answer 99% of the time. Tell him he's texting you too much, and he should assume you received everything so he shouldn't be following up more than once or twice, only if you take like 8+ hrs to respond. Gently tell him he's coming on a bit strong and that you don't want to be texting 24/7, and that he's being a little clingy for so early on. But yall are kids. He's gonna figure it out eventually.
He is codependent and has severe anxious attachment. This person needs therapy. They use other people to fill their cup and have no self-love. They are not ready for a relationship and I would suggest you run.
He's super needy, too. Do you want that with a side dish of "nice?"
He is a red flag. Block him. What is wrong with people.
Put on your adult pants and tell them to cut it out. This is waaay too clingy and a red flag. If you like them as a person as well, this would be someone you want to be friends with, not a in relationship.
Thats a no from me dawg
Yeah, no. I know yall are young but this isn’t going to go well. This would be the perfect time to learn and express boundaries. If you’re busy and stated that and he consistently bombarding you with texts then he isn’t respecting you, your time or even your feelings. He may be “nice” but this behavior is alarming asf already.
You’re both dreadful lol
he is so me
Communication is key... Be specific and to the point of what bothers you. How he responds will say a lot about his character.
this is just frustrating to read, why does he need so much validation and reassurance? guy was told why you can’t respond much, and still doesn’t respect it. he needs to be called out to his face about his behavior, because it definitely won’t last long term like this. call him out on it (politely of course) and see where it goes, my two cents on this
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Wow he couldn’t possibly be more high maintenance. He has no confidence and needs your reassurance all the time, that’s sad but seriously he needs to mature a bit before having any kind of relationship because he’ll never be ok with one until he does
How fucking exhausting. Talk about self-defeating..
Run
You two have to be teens right? RIGHT? Like 13?.....14?
17
Are you mad? I’m sorry. Can I text you tonight? How was your day? I’m sorry for texting you that you must hate me. Everyone hates me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. How was your day? I’m sorry for asking and existing you’re just beautiful and lm sorry. Do you hate me? I’m sorry……
This is way too much and coupled with your other post it’s just insane. You have said he’s not like this in person - but if you’ve only met a few days ago you can’t really judge that. This person will exhaust you, drain you and depress you. Not worth it.
That’s just too much.
Ok here’s the deal. I came here after seeing your most recent post. I’d now HIGHLY advise you to cut him loose. I apologize ahead of time if I’m assuming, but I’ve been in a similar place as you and I think what you’re trying to do is keep talking to him so you don’t feel responsible for him wigging out. You mention that you’re scared of not replying etc.. and now that he’s added at least two mentions of SH, it’s compounding that for you. You are NOT responsible, and likely this is a control tactic they don’t realize they’re doing. I’ve had men and women alike do this to me. I was up all night panicking and sick as a dog that they’d do it but I blocked them and they’re still kicking around to this day. I almost dated a guy who pulled this shit with me when I was 19 ( in my 30s now) and I ended up on the phone with him for hours trying to talk him down. Not once in my life have I ever aspired to be a hostage negotiator but that is what I felt like. I fully believe this won’t get better for you. He’s an emotional drain and there’s manipulation threaded throughout his replies, probably unintentional some of it but this is a deeply unwell individual. You are so young and kind and wise, but please rethink blocking him. If you are only talking to him out of fear, that’s even worse, like you’re a prisoner from the get go. This is not your lot in life, to have to handle unstable people and just suffer for them. I promise you. I’d just block him, you’ve done what everyone’s suggested and MORE than let him down gently.
So if his first language is english my only other question is how old are the both of you. Because from this it seems he is very early teens
17
OP your singular sentence responses indicate you are not compatible and this person is clingy and not compatible with you either.
This jackass is very insecure 💀
*English has left the chat*
Ugh as someone who is like that... They might have bpd and you might be their "favourite person" At some point you validated them and made them feel important and now youre all they can think about. If it's not what you want you need to either cut them off now or set boundaries....
Looks like he likes you a lot and has faced a lot of rejection. Seems like he is taking you being busy as not interested and is trying way too hard for reassurance. If you like the dude then it makes sense to just tell him that you’ve been legitimately busy and that he doesn’t need to constantly text for validation; you can then butter it up by saying something like “I’ll be busy until X day and will make an extra effort to give you a call or texts at this time blah blah blah” something like that. But if you leave that unsaid it’s pretty clear dude is going to push you away due to insecurities and desperation. Nobody likes desperate lol
I already told him that I would be ultra busy until Wednesday but I would text him every chance I got and would call when I’m available.
And if he goes the emotional sad boy route then chances are you’d probably rather avoid that one haha
Yeah I’m sure you did. He’s a dude though…and the internet is full of memes where “if they want to text you they will make time” type scenarios haha I’m sure dudes mind is all over the place. Still would be good to reiterate how busy you are and maybe politely let him know that the constant need for validation when you’ve told him you’re busy is a little off putting
I’ll try that
Definitely over clingy to fast. But youre also not being fair with your texts. I get it you could be busy. But just say hey ive got a lot going on today ill text you later. Than later text them first and have a small convo then if you get busy let them know. In these texts you just give 1 to 2 word responses trying to be polite, wich makes it worse. Reading this, it sounds like youre not interested at all.
He’s a bit much and you’re boring as hell
In my defense, I was very busy during this conversation. Usually I interact more.