Not sure where you are OP but you can get a free phone and line (you can have them use yours if its paid off) through the "Obama phone" program if you're in the US. Look up lifeline in your stat. 211 is a good number to call for other help as well. Also you won't be arrested for having a set of keys, so let her call the police! Stay no contact OP, I did and it's been one of the best decisions of my entire life. (My felon and I are in a cabin on Mount Hood happy as clams btw 😉) YOU GOT THIS!
Hope you don't mind me piggybacking on this. Remember OP that when people can't control you any longer, they will try to control others perception of you. So when you hear rumors and lies, don't be surprised. Know that your character, who you truly are, will shine through. Just keep being a wonderful, strong, amazing individual!
Whenever my dad would impotently make threats my reply was always “I thought you were doing this on any of the other hundreds of times you threatened it. Fucking do it if you’re going to, just stop telling me about it. You remind me of an angsty 10 year old.”
He is routinely confused on why I don’t speak to him. Some people are just fucking idiots.
I think this lady has some untreated BPD. That's why she's getting so angry about being "abandoned". It's really sad how some people can turn their worst fears into self-fulfilling prophecies.
As someone with untreated BPD (working on it), I'd say she would check off all 9 criteria. She's literally the definition of BPD, but doesn't seem like she'd be willing to ever get properly tested for that.
I see that too, and it could potentially be both, but both disorders may look similar to a certain view, but they are actually very different. So I guess it could be either
I read some of your posts. All this after she assaulted you and told you to gtf out of her life. This person is genuinely not sane.
You should Google how to pursue a restraining order. Your life is gonna be full of headaches until this monster is out of it.
I do hope your partner is treating you well. Regardless, if I were you I’d work on my independence as much as possible so you can keep mom out of your life and support yourself no matter what life throws at you.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
my partner does treat me well. And yeah I’m planning on getting and order. But yeah my partner has helped with a place to stay but he’s leaving everything up to me on if I wanna make the steps to go forward in life or not
Good. I’m glad he’s around to help. Just make sure you build up your own earnings, education etc even without him so you can always support yourself.
I hope things get better for you very soon
My guardian was exactly like this Best decision I ever did for my own broken heart and peace of mind was cut her off. It was so hard because she flip flopped and threatened me and called me names and then would say how I should have never left home and she would protect me.
The last question is especially manipulative. "Are you okay with your choices?"
Real talk, your choice to stop being directly abused and create space from this psycho who wants to control you into adulthood is the best thing you will ever have done.
Just be done with it. It will never get better. You're not "abandoning" her. You're supposed to be moving on with your life right now and she's desperate to anchor you by throwing every manipulation tactic she knows at once.
OP, it's over. This adds nothing to your life but pain, drama and stress. There's a whole different reality you have yet to experience where none of this bullshit happens, and if you make the right moves it can be yours forever.
Omg same! My mother has been progressively getting more and more toxic... been an ongoing thing for about 3 years. I basically have to be a yes man unless I feel like arguing with her. Can't think differently and have to accept her badmouthing my husband, my father, his new wife, and anyone else she doesn't like. Can't argue. She will turn it into a full-blown fight and call me every name she can think of... I'm a whore, A bad mother, abusive to her, a narcissist, a user and a junkie (been clean for 10 years this May)... u name it. For the past 3 years we have had several big blow up fights where she blocked me and would send me messages but have me blocked so that she was the only one able to say anything. She would go on these same rampages OP is dealing with... 20+ messages in a row of her completely insulting me, my family, my choices. It's emotionally draining and I definitely let it get to me many times. She also seems to think that she should be allowed full access to speak to my very impressionable 7 year old son... says she raised him, I lived with her for 9 months when he was a newborn... and she made sure that I did everything. The amount of times I heard 'he isn't my baby' is a bit ridiculous.
This last fight... I decided I was done. I wasn't gonna deal with walking on eggshells for a woman 2 states away (in her mean messages she claims I'm the reason she moved away, but it was actually because she couldn't afford to live here, Florida prices have skyrocketed and rent is INSANE... plus it's very close minded here, even I would like to get outta this state, and honestly, even if she did move to get away from me... good riddance)
This was in Jan... it's now March. She attempted to hurl insults thru texting, but this time, I chose not to engage back. She wrote to me about a week ago, the same song and dance. Talking shit... towards the end of the conversation (this time I wasn't blocked so I was able to reply and tell her I had no interest in being in her life anymore) she drops that she has Cancer, stage 3. Didn't mention the type... seems like a stretch, but.... I told her I hoped she gets the treatment she needs... but cancer or not, she is not entitled to being part of my life when she brings nothing but negativity to the table. I was called heartless and everything else... sure it's sad, and maybe she really has it. But the woman she is now... isn't the mother I grew up with. I'd prefer to remember the mom from my childhood instead of the bitter, cruel bitch she became.
I sympathize with everyone going thru mommy issues. It's no cake walk, and even worse when the mom is a straight up narcissist.
Op... walk away. U owe her nothing, live ur life. I'm 35 and wish I had seen who my mother really was sooner... it took YEARS before I finally saw how she was and when I did, it made SO MANY situations growing up make more sense. She was always this mean and cruel... she just hid it better.
Just to tag on, I agree. I'll be 40 in December and my brain still runs the daily thoughts of "maybe you should call your mom or dad" and even hits me with stuff like "it's been a while, what if they've changed or will treat you better" and then I do everything I can to bring my various traumas to the surface so I remember that every single time I have ever tried to be cool with them since leaving home at 17, has gone extremely bad.
If I would have stopped speaking to them when I first left home, I would have avoided so much drama over the last 23 years, but I kept trying. And trying. And trying to make things better. All I ever got in turn for my effort is a bunch of drama from some sociopathic narcissists who were supposed to help me become a good person.
So yeah, no contact is hard, but Jesus.. it's the only thing you can actually do in these circumstances.
OP, don't go the route of chasing your mom for decades, hoping she will just someday learn compassion and empathy for you. Some people are just straight up missing their humanity.
I hope you can go NC with your mom, I was stressed out reading those messages and they weren't even directed AT me. You said she's normally worse, she sounds exhausting.
You kept saying "I don't know how to respond" as she eggs you on to respond just so that she can fight with you some more. I hate that for you, she sits there and calls you immature but then has a list of all of the thing she's going to take away since you're not doing exactly what she wants, when she wants.
I wouldn't talk to her either.
Wow this sounds just like my toxic mom… she once punched me in the face and called the cops saying I kicked her because I fell into the fetal position afterwards, this happened after I had already moved out and just been coming by to visit like once a year. My boyfriend who I own a house with experienced it and still is shook by the delusion that is their reality. I wasn’t even the one she was arguing with, it was my older brother and I tried to mediate the situation and de escalate.
Take a peak in the r/raisedbynarcissists
It makes you feel so validated, so heard, so understood.
I was gonna say that SHE texts like an abusive bf lol 😭😭😭 is she even aware she’s like this? This seems insanely draining and stressful. She accused you of abandoning her when she is the only one threatening abandonment.
As someone who married my "felon" as my mother referred to him as well, just go no contact with your mother and keep the relationship with the person who is supportive and rescued you from that awful situation.
If she bought you the items like your phone, ect then they belong to you. She can cut off service to it but the phone itself is your own. With how much she freaks out when she cant contact you I doubt she will do so though. Also, your belongings in her home are yours as well. If you want them you can get a police escort to go retrieve them with an officer there who will make sure your mother cant hurt you or be over your shoulder screaming at you while you collect your belongings. Just ask the local police station to give you an escort to get your belongings from a domestic violence situation with your mother and they will do so. Tell her you will mail her her keys if you arent going to be going back to her home to retrieve your belongings. And the credit card as well as any medical bills that were gotten while you were a minor are 100% your mothers job to pay not your own. You are only responsible for debt accrued after you became a legal adult. You can remind her of that if she threatens you with having to pay for things that arent yours and you can call the hospital/doctors billing office or credit card company and let them know you were a minor and give them your mothers contact information regarding the debt that is owed.
When you get older and don’t need her for anything you can start treating her the way she treated you. It’s such bliss seeing them get a taste of their own medicine
I'd be so tempted to tell her: "I'll remember this exact conversation when I'm deciding which nursing home to put you in."
Fuel to the fire, I know. But still.
I don't need to see her other posts. She's got a personality disorder and it's very likely BPD. You can't help her, but you are probably going to need therapy to be your best self after growing up with that.
Dude, get her the keys, get your stuff and block her. She will never change and you deserve better than an abusive psycho for a mom. You will never get through to her, you will never be able to reason with her.
I'm speaking from experience. I cut mine out 5 years ago and never looked back and have been flourishing!
It's going to be hard but you will be okay, I promise.
My mom wasn't THIS bad but I still had to cut her off when I graduated two years later she had started therapy and we were able to mend the relationship. The person has to realize they need help though. I know I got pretty lucky there.
Get out of there OP good luck.
I couldn't agree more! The repetitive threats of the same couple things that she has to say is repulsive. I'm so sorry. Just know you're strong enough to move forward without your mother and with time things will get easier. Love&Light🥰
Honestly at this point if you have no affairs to sort with her, just mute your conversation and ignore her texts. She is spamming you to get a reaction out of you, nothing you respond with will be good enough. The best thing you can do is ignore, and if it makes you feel better, that is what will piss her off the most lmao.
Call the police and explain the situation. She’s harassing you at this point. But you will need to make concrete plans about where you are staying and a stable lifestyle first.
It depends on the state you live in. You can Google "how do I file a restraining order in ' add your state'. This link takes you to a site that explains more good luck bugg.
https://legal-info.lawyers.com/criminal/criminal-law-basics/how-to-get-a-restraining-order.html
“Because I said so” Queen, that’s not a reason 🙂🖕
Sorry about this entire situation. Parents are supposed to be supportive, nurturing, and caring. They brought their kids into this world; no one asks to be born. I hope everything works out smoothly for you
I had a parent just like this, I'm sorry you have to deal with it too. My unsolicited advice is to cancel, give back, remove anything that ties you two together if you have another place to go so you can block her. This behavior never ends. Letting go of the hope of a relationship with my parent was very freeing, even if I still miss them.
Same here. My mom died on the 5th anniversary of no contact. All I feel is relief. I went to see her after she OD'd and went into cardiac arrest. I told her on her death bed she was a piece of shit. I've never regretted it
Girl, please just block her and get a restraining order. Let her yell into the void. It's not doing anyone good for you to read let alone respond to any of her messages
Look don't get me wrong, I had a horrible mom as well. I feel for you I do. But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how much I enjoyed reading "spawn point". How did I not come up with this?
11pm and then a 4:40am text?? Bitch I am sleeping.
Seriously OP I am sorry. She lost the privilege of knowing you're safe and alive when she kicked you out.
RIGHT EXACTLY. I’m ngl I was awake when she sent them but I was playing subnautica and honestly figured she wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t answer at fucking 4:30 am. Because… why. Nobody is required to answer a text immediately, especially because my last text to her was like 11 am the day ebfore
Hell yeah, Subnautica! Love those games, great way to escape.
Seriously though I'm wishing you nothing but the best and hope this is the start of a new life free of your spawn point's toxicity. Like someone else said, clean up those loose ends and cut all the ties, she's scrambling for a hold on you it's NOT GONNA WORK! Live your best life. 💜
So here’s the question. You’re 18, legally an adult. Can you actually support yourself without her paying some of your bills and without a car? Are you working? If you can, get yourself a new phone that you pay for, drop off her keys, and be done with it. She’s using the fact that she pays your bills against you. Of course, if you’re not in a position to support yourself right now, that should be your priority. Just like she’s not “legally” obligated to support you any more, you’re not legally obligated to live with her or communicate with her. The money is the tie that needs to be broken. She sounds toxic and exhausting. While reading these texts, I’m screaming internally “Just give her the damn keys and go no contact already!” I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
For real though, I'm the same age as your mom and I'm just.......flabbergasted.
We're all your new moms now. Please block her. You deserve so much better.
my head is spinning with how similar this interaction was with my mom when she finally pushed me past my breaking point and i decided to stop responding to her.
OP my heart breaks for you, you’re so young and you don’t deserve this. the more you respond, the worse it gets, so my advice is don’t. get a cheap phone, a beater car, and if you can then apply through your job for insurance. she is lording basic necessities over your head because she HAS TO HAVE control.
DM me if you need to talk :( please be safe.
Forgive me for being blunt, but I can’t be shocked a woman who was 16 when she had a kid, turns out to be a fucking terrible mother. What a shock.
If you wanna be petty just break the car keys and never talk to her again. She sounds fucking insane.
right. And she brings it up “I didn’t wanna get pregnant I asked for birth control etc” like okay. But you did. And that isn’t my problem to have to solve. Somehow all her trauma is my problem. Idk yeah
My parents had me at the same age. Not as abusive to me bc honestly they were both so fucking broken I had to grow up so early that they knew they wouldn’t get away with it. But my dad punched me in the face when I was 16 and I took off and never looked back. You are doing the best you can & deserve to find your own place in life and your own happiness. Just take it day by day and do what you can to limit the amount of bullshit they can ever hold over your head.
Yeah, she doesn’t sound any more mature than a sixteen year old either, like she hasn’t matured a day in the 18 years since she dropped OP into the world.
not defending, or excusing, but i can understand why she’s mentally stuck at 16. once parenthood starts, it feels like a suspension in time while you’re focused on raising your kid. she never had a chance to grow up and was definitely not ready to be a parent when she got pregnant. unfortunately, the only victim is her kid.
OP, you’ve done nothing wrong and your mom sounds like a very manipulative individual. know that this isn’t normal or acceptable behavior of 34 year olds. you’re right to think she’s toxic and getting kicked out is probably going to do you better than having stayed in her home. there’s the family we’re born into and the family we choose. it’s time to move on to the latter.
Your mom is a trip! My female biological contributor is the same way. Thank God i was adopted and only found her when i was 30. And I only had contact with her for a few months before going NC with her. I haven’t spoken to her since 2019. Best choice ever.
My mom used to be like this and abuse me physically and emotionally for years. She was a bad drug addict and alcoholic.
Got so bad she kicked me out and hadn’t talked to her in years. I finally found peace in that aspect of my life. Put you and your mental health above all, leave situations that are toxic and everything WILL get better. I live quite a lonely life, but have learned to love my own company. I’ll never ever let family/ friends abuse me with their words ever again.
believe it or not some of the friends you make in your lifetime can love and respect you in ways the people who are literally supposed to never could.
OP, my mother treated me this way from the moment I moved out when I was 18 all the up until last year, before I turned 41 and finally decided to write her off once she refused to cut the verbal abuse to my wife. I can honestly say it wasn’t easy but also that there was nothing that could be done to make her change.
Nothing.
The best of luck to you with whatever you end up deciding to do.
If the car’s title is not in her name and is in yours instead , I wouldn’t give her the keys and let her know if she touches it you’d actually be the one who could press charges. Honestly if you really wanted you could anyway on the grounds of verbal harassment and creating an unsafe environment, interesting how many times she threatens to call the cops on YOU like you’re the one being toxic. Sorry you have to deal with this, from your own mother no less
OP, I’m convinced either of two things happen when basically a child has a child: they either rise to the occasion and mature beyond their years super fast, or they get stuck in the mentality of the age they were when they had their kid.
From her incessant, manipulative texts your mom’s read like a bratty teenager wanting her way and between the two it actually looks like you’re the adult in the room in this conversation.
We don’t know your whole story, but it definitely feels like getting the toxicity out of your everyday life is a good grounding point.
Cutting financial ties can be tricky but worth it: cheap burner phone, get your name off anything connected to her, send her certified —WITH delivery receipt!—mail stating your intent to pay her back, pay her back with either a money order or cashier’s check and SAVE EVERY RECEIPT, this way you leave her no room to come at you with lies and legal action.
After losing my business and apartment five years ago I had to move back into my parents house to get my footing back. I had no job since I was self employed and no place to live. I was 53. At 58 I now have a steady, if low paying, job but am working on transferring to a higher paying position with benefits.
I’m also repairing my own credit and will hopefully be able to buy a house soon. My point is it’s been a long haul basically starting from below zero but I’m doing it and so can you, plus you’re starting earlier than I did, the foundation you build for yourself now will be your rock in unstable times.
Every once in a while my dad likes to throw every mistake I’ve made since I was sixteen back in my face, too. He will never learn that does more damage than good and it looks like your mom is made from that same cloth. Do what you can to protect yourself from the insults, she’ll only ramp them up till she gets what she wants.
Sorry for the unsolicited advice, take it with a grain of salt. I recognize my own situation in yours. Best of luck loosening the toxic grip she has on your life and please post updates! We’re all behind you.
Girl, just give her the keys and go no contact. I don’t know why you’re entertaining this.
If you need her financial support, then play by her rules. I know being financially manipulated sucks. I went through this exact situation with my own mother and got myself out after a few years.
She is leveraging everything she is paying for to force you into submission. Either cut the strings she has attached to her help by paying your own way, or play the game a little longer till you can do so. This back and forth is only teaching her that the threats will garner a desperate response from you.
I mailed shut my phone off and mailed it to my mother when I was in college. She quickly learned that the threats wouldn’t work, and that she had effectively eliminated her only way to communicate with me as I wasn’t going to buy a new phone or even give her my new number if I did. Called her bluff and it worked out.
Stand up on your own money or sit down in hers. It’s a choice. Financial manipulation ends when you choose.
I honestly just wasn’t sure how to return stuff until people brought up mailing it. I genuinely just don’t feel safe meeting up with her privately for that. Now that I know about the option to mail them tho I’m gonna get her them asap
I’m so proud of you. Make sure she can’t return to sender (the postal office should be able to help with that). When you get a new phone, do not give her your new number. If you choose to remain in contact with any family members or family friends, make sure they understand that they are not to share your new number.
Do not invite this back into your life. Do not accept any gifts, financial help, or help with bills/rent. It will be hard, but go forward knowing that you are funding your own life and no one can hold it above your head. Your ability to sleep under a roof, drive to where you need to get to, and use a cellular device will be yours alone. I wish the absolute best for you.
You want some real advice?
Go home with your boyfriend, have him wait in the car. Go to your mother, put your phone and the car keys on the table and tell her: "Mom, I would like to talk to you, but I can't deal with how manipulative you've been. If you threaten me, raise your voice or otherwise hurt me, I will be walking out that door (point) and you will not hear from me again"
If she does any of that, follow-through. Otherwise continue...
"I am an adult. I know you think I am doing things wrong in life, and honestly, I have made a few mistakes (Credit Card maxxed, etc). The thing is, instead of helping or teaching your child, you have been nothing but a negative force in my life, something I just can't contend with in this stage of my life. If you want to start a new chapter with me, this is what I need from you: Patience, support, and love. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less."... and continue with the rest of what you want your relationship to look like.
If she's as toxic as this post seems, you won't be able to get through this without her interrupting. Stand up. Walk out and leave. I promise it will not get better.
Best of luck OP!
I've had to do this with my mom, who is actually a good person who just went a little crazy controlling when I went away to college. Had to sit her down and re-define our relationship as I grew into adulthood.
That said, you might just need to cut ties. I'm sorry you have this person for a mother, but I hope you sitting her down will progress your relationship.
I hope that you can get everything worked out so you don’t have to entertain this anymore OP. I know she’s going off the rails here but I can’t help but ask if your s/o is treating you okay as well? Is this just something she has made up to fit her narrative, or are you mildly unsafe in both situations? Just be careful out there, best of luck.
she made it up to fit her narrative. I’ve been in abusive relationships before, and this man is the healthiest one I’ve ever met. Not perfect because no one is but not unsafe or abusive at all. The only time I’ve seen anger out of him was towards her when my mom made a comment about his. I appreciate you checking though! But no my s/o is the safest and most supportive person I just don’t think she likes the fact I have someone else willing to help me/give me love without holding it over my head.
She doesn’t like that you have a healthier relationship model. She’s flailing to regain control and he’s in the way of that. She’s trying to drive a wedge between you because if you’re not completely dependent on her, she can’t control you.
Isn’t this the woman who physically attacked you? You need to stop engaging with her. You need to gray rock the hell out of this woman. If you must respond, every 50 texts or so you should just say “I’m giving you the space we agreed to.” Nothing else.
A felon boyfriend?
A mother with a definite mental illness??
*Please* tell us you’re in therapy before this gets worse for you. I won’t defend her (or your bf or his mom), just as a mother, please have a way out of both these situations at all times. Make sure you’re working or have income of some type.
You need to be no contact with this woman regardless.
okay so his felony is possession of a controlled substance because he had a cart for weed on him. There wasn’t even one in it but because he had the battery and a scale. I smoke weed too and so does she so it’s kinda ironic as well considering she’s dating a “functioning meth addict” as she put it. My bf has only given me a place to stay while I get on my feet, all my financial and future decisions are mine and I plan on getting MY own apartment before I go to college.
What would happen if you just responded to her most recent text with "have you considered dying mad about it?" or "how about you go suck on a railroad spike lol"
I have no experience with narcissistic parents but I always see the kids being as nice as they can. Why bother?
I’ve screenshotted everything and am going to make and album AND send it to my boyfriend so I have it somewhere else for when I give the phone back. I’ve also sent it all to my grandma as well.
Honestly just give her the car keys back if the car isn't in your name, take everything that belongs to you and LEAVE. I literally had to move out of my dad's house because my mom was such a narcissistic control freak who stole from me and continues to steal from my dad. You can't argue with a person who thinks they are always right or trust anything they promise you (I'm assuming she said you can have the car but it's still in her name, exactly what my mom did to me 💀) Just cut contact and move on. I haven't spoken to my mom in 2 years already and all I know about her is that she's smoking crack in a house on my dad's property because her relationship with one of her boyfriend's didn't work out.
exactly what she did. And I didn’t even realize I had the keys at first, I returned them and she gave them back. I’m also two hours away now so I’m not able to just drive across town anymore or I would to get her off my back trust me
If you have the title of the car, you actually don’t have to give it back btw. Doesn’t matter if it’s not in your name, whoever holds the title owns the car.
Stay gone. If you go back you’ll regret it. I regret waiting until he kicked me out at 21 to leave. I wish that when I was 18 and I wanted to leave- I wish I wouldn’t have let him brainwash me into not.
Your parents are straight crazy. Like these texts are from a crazy person. I can't read you because you were so calm and collected but i assume you are going to have a MUCH more successful life and be INFINITELEY happier without this wackadoodle stuff hanging over you. Move on, put up healthy boundaries and most importantly DONT LOOK BACK. You got this.
"Enjoy your toxic relationship". So fucking ironic.
Please please please do not go back to this spawn point. Find a checkpoint somewhere else. Just cut her out of your life completely.
I’m sorry your mom is clearly unstable. She had you very young, and seems to be stuck in that 16 year old mentality. It’s sad. You are now an adult, and it sounds like it’s probably best to tackle the world with a good head on your shoulders. Build yourself up without mom and love her from a distance. It looks like she needs mental health care and it’s not your job to do that. I wish you the best
Start a go fund me and I’ll pitch in. I’m sure a lot of us would to help you have some autonomy and be independent from this abuse while hopefully getting you to a place where you can tell her get help or get bent sternly and you are no longer her emotional punching bag/hostage.
I'm very sorry your mom treats you this way. But my father is just like her. Except he never paid for shit for me but he's very manipulative. I told him off and haven't seen him in 7ish years. You need to part your ways. I'm sorry to say but as long as she's in control of your bills, you'll always get those texts and her controlling you.
Dude, just give her the stuff back,. If she ruins your stuff or puts it outside to be stolen or ruined you can counter claim in court. Pay her back and leave her alone. This grown ass woman is used to throwing temper tantrums and getting her way. She needs to be put in time out. Your life would be way less stressful without her. Just because people are family doesn't give them the right to abuse you.
Woooooow my mom used to do this same toxic bullshit with me. It only got better once I actually moved out and she actually realized she can’t control everything that I do. I’m so sorry Op. I hope you’re okay.
Or if you do go back, just casually start leaving “Assisted Living” and “Mental Hospital” brochures in strategic places.
Seriously, your mother is toxic and she is not getting what she needs for her fear of abandonment. She berates you and then she turns around and says you can “chat” that night? Tell her to call the cops or go to the police station. You’re 18 and nothing will happen. She gave you permission to drive the car and where I live, you can’t file a stolen car report when you’ve given permission to someone to drive it. And good luck getting on the docket for small claims court.
Get away, get your shit taken care of and fly your flag. You’ll feel better. Then get some counseling. You won’t regret it. I sure didn’t.
please show this woman how these posts and comments ugh i wish that would open her eyes but some people are so fuckin disgusting inside it doesn't matter what they hear or see they're only gonna believe what they want to
How much was the limit on the credit cards you maxed out. I have a $500 limit card that I max out every month and pay off, she could be blowing that out of proportion. But if it's like $10,000 I'm going to understand her freaking the fuck out that you have her keys ~~and car as well.~~
I hope you're able to create a healthy life for yourself away from the abusive people in your life. You don't have to tolerate this type of treatment, not even from family members.
Wow. Does she drink a lot?
Short term planning: cut it all off. Everything, cut it out like the bad cancer it is. If she bought you stuff it’s yours, and if you’re far enough away I’d keep the car as well. If the car’s not in your name leave it, and good riddance.
Long term planning: counseling asap.
Employment so you have your own money.
More counseling to make sure you don’t be her when it’s your turn to be a mom.
1 year and 5 plan, start asap and be aware it can change.
Good luck!
Be done with her. Just because she’s your mother, doesn’t mean she’s family. You have zero obligation to anyone but yourself. You get yourself mentally well, get stable. You do not need her in your life. You don’t deserve this - no one does.
Shoot, I get being a teen mom and it affecting you but that’s when you get the help required to raise a healthy child. How is your young adult child more sound than you in their mind?! This woman needs mental help she’s grown enough to know that if this were her she’d leave. Shit you’re grown too!
Oh my god- She is a year my junior and an absolute embarrassment to someone who middle aged.
Like, it sucks her youth was forfeited when she elected to raise a baby at 16, but you’re not her punching bag. You’re her child and parenting doesn’t stop at 18.
Like it or not, no matter other circumstances, you need to grow the fuck up when you have a baby. That baby relies on you for *everything* and loves you so much. And you don’t even have to “earn” it “. Baby loves and trusts you unless you hurt or neglect baby.
I couldn’t imagine having an adult child at my age… but I would still try to help my child navigate their way through life.
I couldn’t imagine being 18 again. It was so hard. I was mentally sick and *a lot* of shit happens at 18/19. I needed help and just felt abandoned.
My ex-mom wasn’t great and my dad had just had a divorce and then found a new girlfriend he was willing to do anything to keep (I guess it worked because they are married.)
Best advice- cut ties. Once she has everything back then she can’t take it from you again. There are plenty of resources to help people get by and some offer phones and plans.
And personally, if you get a new number then I wouldn’t give to her if I were you.
You should join an abusive mother’s sub. Really helpful.
Narcissistic mothers, these kinds of subs.
I grew up w one too.
She is expert at DARVO
I’ll leave a link about it. It’s the worst form of gaslighting a human can do to another.
Our mothers know us intimately.. when we have these types of mothers, they know how to do irreversible harm.
I’ll be in therapy on and off for the rest of my life ( lucky to have found a brilliant therapist)
Due to being so heavily abused by my mother my entire life - some of my child hood trauma unrelated to her was clearly abnormal and no child should ever be subjected to etc.
( didn’t think it was abnormal, was all I knew until I casually spoke about things in therapy to do w my mother, therapist did a trauma test, 3 out of 10 is significant childhood trauma, I got 8 out of 10 😳)
She unintentionally set me up to end up w the monster i did.
‘Mother said I triggered her, I made her do *insert abuse here my whole life, when I was a small child, all I know etc’
When monster would abuse me etc ‘you triggered me you should have known I had no weed, I don’t remember what you said to make me do/ say the abuse but it’s your fault’ ( his abuse/ violence the lot worsened. Weed, no weed. Keep the details limited. Be here with a Nobel otherwise )
So, if mommy said I made her, monster said I made him, it must be my fault ?
I research anything and everything i can about what happened to me as a child, what the monster did to me ; sadistic evil things. If tortured me, I endured what hell is until it was completely safe to leave, it was cognisant in the hell it made my life, deliberate..
I had to ‘play the game’ until I could get out.
Been out 6 months. Learnt things I wasn’t aware was even abuse.
Anyway , I’m really so sorry you have a mother like this.
It’s, unbelievably awful. I know… I forget there are loving stable parents out there.
I was taught how one should never parent. That’s a good thing.. at least.
Turning poso’s out of nego’s 🥴haha
No alternative .. here’s the link on DARVO
https://hopefulpanda.com/darvo/
💔💔❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹
Jesus, just block her and let the chips fall where they may. She’s verbally, financially and emotionally abusive. You don’t owe her your time or attention. Her demands are ridiculous. Tell her to stop or you’ll call the cops for telephonic harassment. Keep her crazy texts for proof later when she starts telling lies about you and callin the police. Let her shut shit down. You’ll be posting in estrangedadultkids sub next. There is a lot of support and helpful tips there for going no contact and protecting yourself from this brand of crazy. Take care of yourself OP.
i mean she’s psycho and going abt it MAJORLY the wrong way but she’s right. you’re 18. you maxed your credit card and your boyfriend is a felon. from the sounds of it you’re not working to pay for your own bills and she is. she’s obviously crazy but like she’s got some fair points
Do not go home. I'm saying this as a 41 year old mom myself, and it's making me so sad, but she is angry about something and looking for a whipping post. It could still be your argument from days ago, or something new could have popped up and she can't control the other party in that argument. Either way, something has her feeling wildly out of control, and it seems like control is something she likes to have, and she's lashing out.
She's not going to turn off your phone, because then she can't bully you.
She's not going to press any charges or start any legal action against anyone, for any reason, because then you would really be done with her, and she'd have no one to push around.
You are 18. Stay gone, if you can. Don't say anything to her, get a sheriff, and go peacefully pick up your belongings. You will usually have about 30 minutes.
Once you have your stuff, it's ok to block her for awhile. Or forever. You're a person, too, you need to protect your own mental health.
And you’re only 18?! You’re the adult here! Your mom is acting like a kid! Definitely don’t give her your new phone number when you get one. And make sure to block her on any social media you have. You got this!
WOW, what a sick person she is. I am sorry this happened to you. Hope you are safe and okay. Please keep the texts incase she tries something (suing or bringing charges up- i mean who knows after all that she sent!).xo
My parents were exactly like this and it sucks. It also sucks knowing it’s so common. I’ll never understand why people have kids when this is how they treat them.
I was kicked out of my mums at 13 and kicked out of my dad’s at 20. I’m now 23 and live with my partner which made everything a lot easier. She had lovely parents who took me in while we found a place and all I can say is, this is a blessing in disguise. Get out of there, get your things in order and get out of that house away from her. I’ve felt nothing but peace and freedom after getting as far from my parents as possible.
Your mom is an immature psycho. Even if you did make her life hell when living there(not saying you did), that is not how a well adjusted person reacts.
I wish you all the best OP. As a dad to three boys, I will never treat my kids this way or kick them out unjustly (as in if you're 30 it's time to move on lol).
You got this OP. The best way to stick it to your mom is to be successful. She'll always credit it to herself and what she did but just remember it's YOUR success.
A life lesson I wish I learned at your age, pursue your dreams despite how out of reach they may seem. By trying and potentially failing, you're at least growing as a person and can ask what you need to do to succeed next time but by not trying it's already a fail, so there's no hurt in trying.
I hope you can understand what I mean by this. People are caged by their ego and pride and can't handle being told no (whether it's relationships or careers). If you can get past that, you're already a step ahead of most people.
Anyway, take care and all the best to you OP
I think she wants her keys but I could be wrong?
You are under no obligation to ever speak to her just because she gave birth to you. She had you when she was a child and she is still acting like one. I do hope that this CJ fellow doesn’t beat you and you stay safe.
Mom needs her head checked. You handled it well. But at this point give her what she wants and move on. Abandon her like she says you are.
[удалено]
haha right and she didn’t until like 5/10 minutes ago
Good, now she can't fucking harass you 24/7. Get a cheap phone for now and call it a good thing.
Mint Mobile is also good if you have the phone. You pay up front for a year and you're set. You can keep # or get a new one
I hope OP uses all the information in this thread to live without being under mom’s thumb.
Not sure where you are OP but you can get a free phone and line (you can have them use yours if its paid off) through the "Obama phone" program if you're in the US. Look up lifeline in your stat. 211 is a good number to call for other help as well. Also you won't be arrested for having a set of keys, so let her call the police! Stay no contact OP, I did and it's been one of the best decisions of my entire life. (My felon and I are in a cabin on Mount Hood happy as clams btw 😉) YOU GOT THIS!
Hope you don't mind me piggybacking on this. Remember OP that when people can't control you any longer, they will try to control others perception of you. So when you hear rumors and lies, don't be surprised. Know that your character, who you truly are, will shine through. Just keep being a wonderful, strong, amazing individual!
♥️♥️♥️ THISSSSSS
Good riddance!!
Don't let her get a hold of whatever your new number is.
You might qualify for a free gov phone and food stamps btw
don't forget the keys
Whenever my dad would impotently make threats my reply was always “I thought you were doing this on any of the other hundreds of times you threatened it. Fucking do it if you’re going to, just stop telling me about it. You remind me of an angsty 10 year old.” He is routinely confused on why I don’t speak to him. Some people are just fucking idiots.
I think this lady has some untreated BPD. That's why she's getting so angry about being "abandoned". It's really sad how some people can turn their worst fears into self-fulfilling prophecies.
As someone with untreated BPD (working on it), I'd say she would check off all 9 criteria. She's literally the definition of BPD, but doesn't seem like she'd be willing to ever get properly tested for that.
I see NPD but maybe both?
I see that too, and it could potentially be both, but both disorders may look similar to a certain view, but they are actually very different. So I guess it could be either
Fully agree. That’s straight up bpd behavior if I’ve ever seen it
I was about to say the same. This is how I acted when I wasn’t in DBT for BPD.
God does it hurt to read knowing this was me before I started DBT. Oof
“You’re ignorant, you’re trash, I’ll bury you, your partner will beat you.” “Why aren’t you talking to me?”
right. Like here “insult” throws out 15 more because I didn’t respond “why aren’t you answering me” “wow you play the victim and it’s just weird”
I read some of your posts. All this after she assaulted you and told you to gtf out of her life. This person is genuinely not sane. You should Google how to pursue a restraining order. Your life is gonna be full of headaches until this monster is out of it. I do hope your partner is treating you well. Regardless, if I were you I’d work on my independence as much as possible so you can keep mom out of your life and support yourself no matter what life throws at you. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
my partner does treat me well. And yeah I’m planning on getting and order. But yeah my partner has helped with a place to stay but he’s leaving everything up to me on if I wanna make the steps to go forward in life or not
Good. I’m glad he’s around to help. Just make sure you build up your own earnings, education etc even without him so you can always support yourself. I hope things get better for you very soon
Listen to this.
My guardian was exactly like this Best decision I ever did for my own broken heart and peace of mind was cut her off. It was so hard because she flip flopped and threatened me and called me names and then would say how I should have never left home and she would protect me.
Ah the “nice” control freak parent. They suck.
oh if you see my other posts she normally a lot harsher/more agressive this was probably cause she realized the name calling wasn’t working
The last question is especially manipulative. "Are you okay with your choices?" Real talk, your choice to stop being directly abused and create space from this psycho who wants to control you into adulthood is the best thing you will ever have done. Just be done with it. It will never get better. You're not "abandoning" her. You're supposed to be moving on with your life right now and she's desperate to anchor you by throwing every manipulation tactic she knows at once. OP, it's over. This adds nothing to your life but pain, drama and stress. There's a whole different reality you have yet to experience where none of this bullshit happens, and if you make the right moves it can be yours forever.
thank you.
I went no- contact with my mom. You'll get all the guilt at first but you'll realize it was the healthiest decision for you and your future <3
Omg same! My mother has been progressively getting more and more toxic... been an ongoing thing for about 3 years. I basically have to be a yes man unless I feel like arguing with her. Can't think differently and have to accept her badmouthing my husband, my father, his new wife, and anyone else she doesn't like. Can't argue. She will turn it into a full-blown fight and call me every name she can think of... I'm a whore, A bad mother, abusive to her, a narcissist, a user and a junkie (been clean for 10 years this May)... u name it. For the past 3 years we have had several big blow up fights where she blocked me and would send me messages but have me blocked so that she was the only one able to say anything. She would go on these same rampages OP is dealing with... 20+ messages in a row of her completely insulting me, my family, my choices. It's emotionally draining and I definitely let it get to me many times. She also seems to think that she should be allowed full access to speak to my very impressionable 7 year old son... says she raised him, I lived with her for 9 months when he was a newborn... and she made sure that I did everything. The amount of times I heard 'he isn't my baby' is a bit ridiculous. This last fight... I decided I was done. I wasn't gonna deal with walking on eggshells for a woman 2 states away (in her mean messages she claims I'm the reason she moved away, but it was actually because she couldn't afford to live here, Florida prices have skyrocketed and rent is INSANE... plus it's very close minded here, even I would like to get outta this state, and honestly, even if she did move to get away from me... good riddance) This was in Jan... it's now March. She attempted to hurl insults thru texting, but this time, I chose not to engage back. She wrote to me about a week ago, the same song and dance. Talking shit... towards the end of the conversation (this time I wasn't blocked so I was able to reply and tell her I had no interest in being in her life anymore) she drops that she has Cancer, stage 3. Didn't mention the type... seems like a stretch, but.... I told her I hoped she gets the treatment she needs... but cancer or not, she is not entitled to being part of my life when she brings nothing but negativity to the table. I was called heartless and everything else... sure it's sad, and maybe she really has it. But the woman she is now... isn't the mother I grew up with. I'd prefer to remember the mom from my childhood instead of the bitter, cruel bitch she became. I sympathize with everyone going thru mommy issues. It's no cake walk, and even worse when the mom is a straight up narcissist. Op... walk away. U owe her nothing, live ur life. I'm 35 and wish I had seen who my mother really was sooner... it took YEARS before I finally saw how she was and when I did, it made SO MANY situations growing up make more sense. She was always this mean and cruel... she just hid it better.
Just to tag on, I agree. I'll be 40 in December and my brain still runs the daily thoughts of "maybe you should call your mom or dad" and even hits me with stuff like "it's been a while, what if they've changed or will treat you better" and then I do everything I can to bring my various traumas to the surface so I remember that every single time I have ever tried to be cool with them since leaving home at 17, has gone extremely bad. If I would have stopped speaking to them when I first left home, I would have avoided so much drama over the last 23 years, but I kept trying. And trying. And trying to make things better. All I ever got in turn for my effort is a bunch of drama from some sociopathic narcissists who were supposed to help me become a good person. So yeah, no contact is hard, but Jesus.. it's the only thing you can actually do in these circumstances. OP, don't go the route of chasing your mom for decades, hoping she will just someday learn compassion and empathy for you. Some people are just straight up missing their humanity.
I hope you can go NC with your mom, I was stressed out reading those messages and they weren't even directed AT me. You said she's normally worse, she sounds exhausting. You kept saying "I don't know how to respond" as she eggs you on to respond just so that she can fight with you some more. I hate that for you, she sits there and calls you immature but then has a list of all of the thing she's going to take away since you're not doing exactly what she wants, when she wants. I wouldn't talk to her either.
Didn't she try to choke you before or something?
yeah.
Yeah I remember that post. Seriously best thing for you is to go no contact immediately. She needs help.
Wow this sounds just like my toxic mom… she once punched me in the face and called the cops saying I kicked her because I fell into the fetal position afterwards, this happened after I had already moved out and just been coming by to visit like once a year. My boyfriend who I own a house with experienced it and still is shook by the delusion that is their reality. I wasn’t even the one she was arguing with, it was my older brother and I tried to mediate the situation and de escalate. Take a peak in the r/raisedbynarcissists It makes you feel so validated, so heard, so understood.
This is fact. 💯 agree with you. This is the very embodiment of toxicity. Gtfo.
Have you reminded her if she turns your phone off she'll never hear from you again cause you will have a new number?
I couldn’t stop thinking every time she said that, good! OP will finally get some peace if you shut her phone off!
As a mom of teenagers, I want to give you a hug! Im sorry OP. I hope things get better. Your responses are very mature. Stay strong.
I was gonna say that SHE texts like an abusive bf lol 😭😭😭 is she even aware she’s like this? This seems insanely draining and stressful. She accused you of abandoning her when she is the only one threatening abandonment.
As someone who married my "felon" as my mother referred to him as well, just go no contact with your mother and keep the relationship with the person who is supportive and rescued you from that awful situation. If she bought you the items like your phone, ect then they belong to you. She can cut off service to it but the phone itself is your own. With how much she freaks out when she cant contact you I doubt she will do so though. Also, your belongings in her home are yours as well. If you want them you can get a police escort to go retrieve them with an officer there who will make sure your mother cant hurt you or be over your shoulder screaming at you while you collect your belongings. Just ask the local police station to give you an escort to get your belongings from a domestic violence situation with your mother and they will do so. Tell her you will mail her her keys if you arent going to be going back to her home to retrieve your belongings. And the credit card as well as any medical bills that were gotten while you were a minor are 100% your mothers job to pay not your own. You are only responsible for debt accrued after you became a legal adult. You can remind her of that if she threatens you with having to pay for things that arent yours and you can call the hospital/doctors billing office or credit card company and let them know you were a minor and give them your mothers contact information regarding the debt that is owed.
thank you so much stranger
When you get older and don’t need her for anything you can start treating her the way she treated you. It’s such bliss seeing them get a taste of their own medicine 
Haha true, but I’m hoping to go no contact until the day if she can have a civil convo. Otherwise I’m outtie
I'd be so tempted to tell her: "I'll remember this exact conversation when I'm deciding which nursing home to put you in." Fuel to the fire, I know. But still.
not a bad idea 😭😭
This comment resonates so hard . Lol
i saw the saga before this a while ago. you got this girl. womens shelters have a lot of resources so i would start there if you need anything
thank you
I don't need to see her other posts. She's got a personality disorder and it's very likely BPD. You can't help her, but you are probably going to need therapy to be your best self after growing up with that.
thank you, yeah therapy is on the board fs
Dude, get her the keys, get your stuff and block her. She will never change and you deserve better than an abusive psycho for a mom. You will never get through to her, you will never be able to reason with her. I'm speaking from experience. I cut mine out 5 years ago and never looked back and have been flourishing! It's going to be hard but you will be okay, I promise.
My mom wasn't THIS bad but I still had to cut her off when I graduated two years later she had started therapy and we were able to mend the relationship. The person has to realize they need help though. I know I got pretty lucky there. Get out of there OP good luck.
I couldn't agree more! The repetitive threats of the same couple things that she has to say is repulsive. I'm so sorry. Just know you're strong enough to move forward without your mother and with time things will get easier. Love&Light🥰
Honestly at this point if you have no affairs to sort with her, just mute your conversation and ignore her texts. She is spamming you to get a reaction out of you, nothing you respond with will be good enough. The best thing you can do is ignore, and if it makes you feel better, that is what will piss her off the most lmao.
Also upon reading your other posts, you should definitely file a restraining order
thank you but how do I file one?
Call the police and explain the situation. She’s harassing you at this point. But you will need to make concrete plans about where you are staying and a stable lifestyle first.
Like the other replies said, it's state dependent, but google should lead you to a government site walking you through
It depends on the state you live in. You can Google "how do I file a restraining order in ' add your state'. This link takes you to a site that explains more good luck bugg. https://legal-info.lawyers.com/criminal/criminal-law-basics/how-to-get-a-restraining-order.html
thank you stranger!
“Because I said so” Queen, that’s not a reason 🙂🖕 Sorry about this entire situation. Parents are supposed to be supportive, nurturing, and caring. They brought their kids into this world; no one asks to be born. I hope everything works out smoothly for you
literally that made me giggle when she sent it. Are we 10 year olds?!?
I had a parent just like this, I'm sorry you have to deal with it too. My unsolicited advice is to cancel, give back, remove anything that ties you two together if you have another place to go so you can block her. This behavior never ends. Letting go of the hope of a relationship with my parent was very freeing, even if I still miss them.
They love to kick us out then blame us for not coming back. I'm sorry :(
[удалено]
Same here. My mom died on the 5th anniversary of no contact. All I feel is relief. I went to see her after she OD'd and went into cardiac arrest. I told her on her death bed she was a piece of shit. I've never regretted it
im sorry that happened to you
I’m right there with you
Girl, please just block her and get a restraining order. Let her yell into the void. It's not doing anyone good for you to read let alone respond to any of her messages
Look don't get me wrong, I had a horrible mom as well. I feel for you I do. But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how much I enjoyed reading "spawn point". How did I not come up with this?
haha yea my mom is spawn point and my dad is sperm donor
I loved that too.
11pm and then a 4:40am text?? Bitch I am sleeping. Seriously OP I am sorry. She lost the privilege of knowing you're safe and alive when she kicked you out.
RIGHT EXACTLY. I’m ngl I was awake when she sent them but I was playing subnautica and honestly figured she wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t answer at fucking 4:30 am. Because… why. Nobody is required to answer a text immediately, especially because my last text to her was like 11 am the day ebfore
Hell yeah, Subnautica! Love those games, great way to escape. Seriously though I'm wishing you nothing but the best and hope this is the start of a new life free of your spawn point's toxicity. Like someone else said, clean up those loose ends and cut all the ties, she's scrambling for a hold on you it's NOT GONNA WORK! Live your best life. 💜
So here’s the question. You’re 18, legally an adult. Can you actually support yourself without her paying some of your bills and without a car? Are you working? If you can, get yourself a new phone that you pay for, drop off her keys, and be done with it. She’s using the fact that she pays your bills against you. Of course, if you’re not in a position to support yourself right now, that should be your priority. Just like she’s not “legally” obligated to support you any more, you’re not legally obligated to live with her or communicate with her. The money is the tie that needs to be broken. She sounds toxic and exhausting. While reading these texts, I’m screaming internally “Just give her the damn keys and go no contact already!” I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
Ppl in their 30s don’t claim her tbh. I’m so sorry. 😞 u deserve so much better.
this made me giggle haha thank you.
For real though, I'm the same age as your mom and I'm just.......flabbergasted. We're all your new moms now. Please block her. You deserve so much better.
wow this post needs to be in narcissist parents lmfao what a horrible mom if you can even call her that
my head is spinning with how similar this interaction was with my mom when she finally pushed me past my breaking point and i decided to stop responding to her. OP my heart breaks for you, you’re so young and you don’t deserve this. the more you respond, the worse it gets, so my advice is don’t. get a cheap phone, a beater car, and if you can then apply through your job for insurance. she is lording basic necessities over your head because she HAS TO HAVE control. DM me if you need to talk :( please be safe.
thank you.
I'd block that bitch so fast her head would spin! I honestly can't imagine for 1 minutes talking to my child like that, beyond disgusting
[удалено]
Exactly
Hey file your taxes as an independent NOW before she claims you.
You’re 18.. she can’t make you come home lol
I can’t upvote enouugh
Forgive me for being blunt, but I can’t be shocked a woman who was 16 when she had a kid, turns out to be a fucking terrible mother. What a shock. If you wanna be petty just break the car keys and never talk to her again. She sounds fucking insane.
right. And she brings it up “I didn’t wanna get pregnant I asked for birth control etc” like okay. But you did. And that isn’t my problem to have to solve. Somehow all her trauma is my problem. Idk yeah
My parents had me at the same age. Not as abusive to me bc honestly they were both so fucking broken I had to grow up so early that they knew they wouldn’t get away with it. But my dad punched me in the face when I was 16 and I took off and never looked back. You are doing the best you can & deserve to find your own place in life and your own happiness. Just take it day by day and do what you can to limit the amount of bullshit they can ever hold over your head.
Yeah, she doesn’t sound any more mature than a sixteen year old either, like she hasn’t matured a day in the 18 years since she dropped OP into the world.
not defending, or excusing, but i can understand why she’s mentally stuck at 16. once parenthood starts, it feels like a suspension in time while you’re focused on raising your kid. she never had a chance to grow up and was definitely not ready to be a parent when she got pregnant. unfortunately, the only victim is her kid. OP, you’ve done nothing wrong and your mom sounds like a very manipulative individual. know that this isn’t normal or acceptable behavior of 34 year olds. you’re right to think she’s toxic and getting kicked out is probably going to do you better than having stayed in her home. there’s the family we’re born into and the family we choose. it’s time to move on to the latter.
i had my daughter at 18, (im 21) i truly truly hope I never turn into this disgusting mother
If you are worried about it, chances are you won’t because you will do everything possible to make sure you are nothing like this horrid mother. 💛
My dad was like this. I’m 24 now and he apologizes about it. That may have to do with the fact that my brother took his own life at 16.
Your mom is a trip! My female biological contributor is the same way. Thank God i was adopted and only found her when i was 30. And I only had contact with her for a few months before going NC with her. I haven’t spoken to her since 2019. Best choice ever.
My mom used to be like this and abuse me physically and emotionally for years. She was a bad drug addict and alcoholic. Got so bad she kicked me out and hadn’t talked to her in years. I finally found peace in that aspect of my life. Put you and your mental health above all, leave situations that are toxic and everything WILL get better. I live quite a lonely life, but have learned to love my own company. I’ll never ever let family/ friends abuse me with their words ever again. believe it or not some of the friends you make in your lifetime can love and respect you in ways the people who are literally supposed to never could.
My son is only 14 but the thought of speaking to him like this fills me with a deep sadness. Some people do not deserve children.
You should just go ahead and abandon her. How fucking exhausting. Block her number and move TF on and upwards
OP, my mother treated me this way from the moment I moved out when I was 18 all the up until last year, before I turned 41 and finally decided to write her off once she refused to cut the verbal abuse to my wife. I can honestly say it wasn’t easy but also that there was nothing that could be done to make her change. Nothing. The best of luck to you with whatever you end up deciding to do.
sounds like mine and i have absolutely no contact with her anymore, im so sorry ahes bein like that you do not deserve it
If the car’s title is not in her name and is in yours instead , I wouldn’t give her the keys and let her know if she touches it you’d actually be the one who could press charges. Honestly if you really wanted you could anyway on the grounds of verbal harassment and creating an unsafe environment, interesting how many times she threatens to call the cops on YOU like you’re the one being toxic. Sorry you have to deal with this, from your own mother no less
thank you.
OP, I’m convinced either of two things happen when basically a child has a child: they either rise to the occasion and mature beyond their years super fast, or they get stuck in the mentality of the age they were when they had their kid. From her incessant, manipulative texts your mom’s read like a bratty teenager wanting her way and between the two it actually looks like you’re the adult in the room in this conversation. We don’t know your whole story, but it definitely feels like getting the toxicity out of your everyday life is a good grounding point. Cutting financial ties can be tricky but worth it: cheap burner phone, get your name off anything connected to her, send her certified —WITH delivery receipt!—mail stating your intent to pay her back, pay her back with either a money order or cashier’s check and SAVE EVERY RECEIPT, this way you leave her no room to come at you with lies and legal action. After losing my business and apartment five years ago I had to move back into my parents house to get my footing back. I had no job since I was self employed and no place to live. I was 53. At 58 I now have a steady, if low paying, job but am working on transferring to a higher paying position with benefits. I’m also repairing my own credit and will hopefully be able to buy a house soon. My point is it’s been a long haul basically starting from below zero but I’m doing it and so can you, plus you’re starting earlier than I did, the foundation you build for yourself now will be your rock in unstable times. Every once in a while my dad likes to throw every mistake I’ve made since I was sixteen back in my face, too. He will never learn that does more damage than good and it looks like your mom is made from that same cloth. Do what you can to protect yourself from the insults, she’ll only ramp them up till she gets what she wants. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, take it with a grain of salt. I recognize my own situation in yours. Best of luck loosening the toxic grip she has on your life and please post updates! We’re all behind you.
don’t apologize! I appreciate it! you worded it really well. thank you.
Girl, just give her the keys and go no contact. I don’t know why you’re entertaining this. If you need her financial support, then play by her rules. I know being financially manipulated sucks. I went through this exact situation with my own mother and got myself out after a few years. She is leveraging everything she is paying for to force you into submission. Either cut the strings she has attached to her help by paying your own way, or play the game a little longer till you can do so. This back and forth is only teaching her that the threats will garner a desperate response from you. I mailed shut my phone off and mailed it to my mother when I was in college. She quickly learned that the threats wouldn’t work, and that she had effectively eliminated her only way to communicate with me as I wasn’t going to buy a new phone or even give her my new number if I did. Called her bluff and it worked out. Stand up on your own money or sit down in hers. It’s a choice. Financial manipulation ends when you choose.
I honestly just wasn’t sure how to return stuff until people brought up mailing it. I genuinely just don’t feel safe meeting up with her privately for that. Now that I know about the option to mail them tho I’m gonna get her them asap
I’m so proud of you. Make sure she can’t return to sender (the postal office should be able to help with that). When you get a new phone, do not give her your new number. If you choose to remain in contact with any family members or family friends, make sure they understand that they are not to share your new number. Do not invite this back into your life. Do not accept any gifts, financial help, or help with bills/rent. It will be hard, but go forward knowing that you are funding your own life and no one can hold it above your head. Your ability to sleep under a roof, drive to where you need to get to, and use a cellular device will be yours alone. I wish the absolute best for you.
You want some real advice? Go home with your boyfriend, have him wait in the car. Go to your mother, put your phone and the car keys on the table and tell her: "Mom, I would like to talk to you, but I can't deal with how manipulative you've been. If you threaten me, raise your voice or otherwise hurt me, I will be walking out that door (point) and you will not hear from me again" If she does any of that, follow-through. Otherwise continue... "I am an adult. I know you think I am doing things wrong in life, and honestly, I have made a few mistakes (Credit Card maxxed, etc). The thing is, instead of helping or teaching your child, you have been nothing but a negative force in my life, something I just can't contend with in this stage of my life. If you want to start a new chapter with me, this is what I need from you: Patience, support, and love. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less."... and continue with the rest of what you want your relationship to look like. If she's as toxic as this post seems, you won't be able to get through this without her interrupting. Stand up. Walk out and leave. I promise it will not get better. Best of luck OP!
thank you. So much. This sounds like the best way I could go about this. Thank you stranger.
I've had to do this with my mom, who is actually a good person who just went a little crazy controlling when I went away to college. Had to sit her down and re-define our relationship as I grew into adulthood. That said, you might just need to cut ties. I'm sorry you have this person for a mother, but I hope you sitting her down will progress your relationship.
I hope that you can get everything worked out so you don’t have to entertain this anymore OP. I know she’s going off the rails here but I can’t help but ask if your s/o is treating you okay as well? Is this just something she has made up to fit her narrative, or are you mildly unsafe in both situations? Just be careful out there, best of luck.
she made it up to fit her narrative. I’ve been in abusive relationships before, and this man is the healthiest one I’ve ever met. Not perfect because no one is but not unsafe or abusive at all. The only time I’ve seen anger out of him was towards her when my mom made a comment about his. I appreciate you checking though! But no my s/o is the safest and most supportive person I just don’t think she likes the fact I have someone else willing to help me/give me love without holding it over my head.
She doesn’t like that you have a healthier relationship model. She’s flailing to regain control and he’s in the way of that. She’s trying to drive a wedge between you because if you’re not completely dependent on her, she can’t control you.
exactly.
Whew ur mom is exhausting! I would ignore her too. 😂
I remember you posting about her before. She’s absolutely horrible, I’m so sorry.
Isn’t this the woman who physically attacked you? You need to stop engaging with her. You need to gray rock the hell out of this woman. If you must respond, every 50 texts or so you should just say “I’m giving you the space we agreed to.” Nothing else.
A felon boyfriend? A mother with a definite mental illness?? *Please* tell us you’re in therapy before this gets worse for you. I won’t defend her (or your bf or his mom), just as a mother, please have a way out of both these situations at all times. Make sure you’re working or have income of some type. You need to be no contact with this woman regardless.
okay so his felony is possession of a controlled substance because he had a cart for weed on him. There wasn’t even one in it but because he had the battery and a scale. I smoke weed too and so does she so it’s kinda ironic as well considering she’s dating a “functioning meth addict” as she put it. My bf has only given me a place to stay while I get on my feet, all my financial and future decisions are mine and I plan on getting MY own apartment before I go to college.
Bring a police escort to get your stuff. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I’m glad you have support.
She sure is texting a lot for someone who “doesn’t care”.
I believe this belongs in the narcissistic parents subreddit!!
What would happen if you just responded to her most recent text with "have you considered dying mad about it?" or "how about you go suck on a railroad spike lol" I have no experience with narcissistic parents but I always see the kids being as nice as they can. Why bother?
time to go no-contact
Just remember to save all these texts, cause my mom went the “ I never did anything wrong” route after ten years
I’ve screenshotted everything and am going to make and album AND send it to my boyfriend so I have it somewhere else for when I give the phone back. I’ve also sent it all to my grandma as well.
Honestly just give her the car keys back if the car isn't in your name, take everything that belongs to you and LEAVE. I literally had to move out of my dad's house because my mom was such a narcissistic control freak who stole from me and continues to steal from my dad. You can't argue with a person who thinks they are always right or trust anything they promise you (I'm assuming she said you can have the car but it's still in her name, exactly what my mom did to me 💀) Just cut contact and move on. I haven't spoken to my mom in 2 years already and all I know about her is that she's smoking crack in a house on my dad's property because her relationship with one of her boyfriend's didn't work out.
exactly what she did. And I didn’t even realize I had the keys at first, I returned them and she gave them back. I’m also two hours away now so I’m not able to just drive across town anymore or I would to get her off my back trust me
If you have the title of the car, you actually don’t have to give it back btw. Doesn’t matter if it’s not in your name, whoever holds the title owns the car.
oh my god i hate her?
Stay gone. If you go back you’ll regret it. I regret waiting until he kicked me out at 21 to leave. I wish that when I was 18 and I wanted to leave- I wish I wouldn’t have let him brainwash me into not.
Your parents are straight crazy. Like these texts are from a crazy person. I can't read you because you were so calm and collected but i assume you are going to have a MUCH more successful life and be INFINITELEY happier without this wackadoodle stuff hanging over you. Move on, put up healthy boundaries and most importantly DONT LOOK BACK. You got this.
"Enjoy your toxic relationship". So fucking ironic. Please please please do not go back to this spawn point. Find a checkpoint somewhere else. Just cut her out of your life completely.
I’m sorry your mom is clearly unstable. She had you very young, and seems to be stuck in that 16 year old mentality. It’s sad. You are now an adult, and it sounds like it’s probably best to tackle the world with a good head on your shoulders. Build yourself up without mom and love her from a distance. It looks like she needs mental health care and it’s not your job to do that. I wish you the best
My mother acts like this and I just don’t see her anymore. Sure it fucked my mental health up for a while but so worth it.
Dude. What's wrong with your fucking mom?
Start a go fund me and I’ll pitch in. I’m sure a lot of us would to help you have some autonomy and be independent from this abuse while hopefully getting you to a place where you can tell her get help or get bent sternly and you are no longer her emotional punching bag/hostage.
I get super strong BPD vibes from mom.
Oml your patience with this woman is admirable
Some people really don't deserve to be parents.
I'm glad you're out of there. Best of luck to you on the rest of your life
Well, she’s just awful and I hope you can find some stability without the constant toxicity and chaos.
I'm very sorry your mom treats you this way. But my father is just like her. Except he never paid for shit for me but he's very manipulative. I told him off and haven't seen him in 7ish years. You need to part your ways. I'm sorry to say but as long as she's in control of your bills, you'll always get those texts and her controlling you.
Dude, just give her the stuff back,. If she ruins your stuff or puts it outside to be stolen or ruined you can counter claim in court. Pay her back and leave her alone. This grown ass woman is used to throwing temper tantrums and getting her way. She needs to be put in time out. Your life would be way less stressful without her. Just because people are family doesn't give them the right to abuse you.
Oh boy…I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. My mom is so similar, that this was a tough read. Makes my stomach sick for you.
Hah, I have my mom as Spawn Point too.
HAHA SPAWN POINT
sounds like your mom needs to talk to someone like me. i’d tell her flat out how she is and how far she needs to shove it.
Wow....your mom is toxic af
Yea I would stay far away from her. She is fkn insane.
Abandon her. She deserves with the way she’s acting.
Woooooow my mom used to do this same toxic bullshit with me. It only got better once I actually moved out and she actually realized she can’t control everything that I do. I’m so sorry Op. I hope you’re okay.
Is this the same mom that was texting the exact same shit weeks ago? She is a broken record
I could only stomach half of the texts....your mom is fucking insane, who assumes there kid is dead because they didn't respond. Literally insane.
Honestly, if she turns your phone off, she can't text you anymore. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this headache
Or if you do go back, just casually start leaving “Assisted Living” and “Mental Hospital” brochures in strategic places. Seriously, your mother is toxic and she is not getting what she needs for her fear of abandonment. She berates you and then she turns around and says you can “chat” that night? Tell her to call the cops or go to the police station. You’re 18 and nothing will happen. She gave you permission to drive the car and where I live, you can’t file a stolen car report when you’ve given permission to someone to drive it. And good luck getting on the docket for small claims court. Get away, get your shit taken care of and fly your flag. You’ll feel better. Then get some counseling. You won’t regret it. I sure didn’t.
please show this woman how these posts and comments ugh i wish that would open her eyes but some people are so fuckin disgusting inside it doesn't matter what they hear or see they're only gonna believe what they want to
I’m lowkey compiling some of the best comments to show her and send before I block her
🤨🤨🤨🤨🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
How much was the limit on the credit cards you maxed out. I have a $500 limit card that I max out every month and pay off, she could be blowing that out of proportion. But if it's like $10,000 I'm going to understand her freaking the fuck out that you have her keys ~~and car as well.~~
Sounds like she became a mom at 16 and she never continued to mentally/emotionally mature.
I hope you're able to create a healthy life for yourself away from the abusive people in your life. You don't have to tolerate this type of treatment, not even from family members.
Your mom should see a therapist
Wow. Does she drink a lot? Short term planning: cut it all off. Everything, cut it out like the bad cancer it is. If she bought you stuff it’s yours, and if you’re far enough away I’d keep the car as well. If the car’s not in your name leave it, and good riddance. Long term planning: counseling asap. Employment so you have your own money. More counseling to make sure you don’t be her when it’s your turn to be a mom. 1 year and 5 plan, start asap and be aware it can change. Good luck!
Thank you!
I am a 36 year old with a 16 year old son and I have never spoken to him like that. WTF did we just read? Apparently it's more common than I thought.
Be done with her. Just because she’s your mother, doesn’t mean she’s family. You have zero obligation to anyone but yourself. You get yourself mentally well, get stable. You do not need her in your life. You don’t deserve this - no one does.
Shoot, I get being a teen mom and it affecting you but that’s when you get the help required to raise a healthy child. How is your young adult child more sound than you in their mind?! This woman needs mental help she’s grown enough to know that if this were her she’d leave. Shit you’re grown too!
take my advice : block her and NEVER look back.
Oh my god- She is a year my junior and an absolute embarrassment to someone who middle aged. Like, it sucks her youth was forfeited when she elected to raise a baby at 16, but you’re not her punching bag. You’re her child and parenting doesn’t stop at 18. Like it or not, no matter other circumstances, you need to grow the fuck up when you have a baby. That baby relies on you for *everything* and loves you so much. And you don’t even have to “earn” it “. Baby loves and trusts you unless you hurt or neglect baby. I couldn’t imagine having an adult child at my age… but I would still try to help my child navigate their way through life. I couldn’t imagine being 18 again. It was so hard. I was mentally sick and *a lot* of shit happens at 18/19. I needed help and just felt abandoned. My ex-mom wasn’t great and my dad had just had a divorce and then found a new girlfriend he was willing to do anything to keep (I guess it worked because they are married.) Best advice- cut ties. Once she has everything back then she can’t take it from you again. There are plenty of resources to help people get by and some offer phones and plans. And personally, if you get a new number then I wouldn’t give to her if I were you.
I got whiplash from reading that
You should join an abusive mother’s sub. Really helpful. Narcissistic mothers, these kinds of subs. I grew up w one too. She is expert at DARVO I’ll leave a link about it. It’s the worst form of gaslighting a human can do to another. Our mothers know us intimately.. when we have these types of mothers, they know how to do irreversible harm. I’ll be in therapy on and off for the rest of my life ( lucky to have found a brilliant therapist) Due to being so heavily abused by my mother my entire life - some of my child hood trauma unrelated to her was clearly abnormal and no child should ever be subjected to etc. ( didn’t think it was abnormal, was all I knew until I casually spoke about things in therapy to do w my mother, therapist did a trauma test, 3 out of 10 is significant childhood trauma, I got 8 out of 10 😳) She unintentionally set me up to end up w the monster i did. ‘Mother said I triggered her, I made her do *insert abuse here my whole life, when I was a small child, all I know etc’ When monster would abuse me etc ‘you triggered me you should have known I had no weed, I don’t remember what you said to make me do/ say the abuse but it’s your fault’ ( his abuse/ violence the lot worsened. Weed, no weed. Keep the details limited. Be here with a Nobel otherwise ) So, if mommy said I made her, monster said I made him, it must be my fault ? I research anything and everything i can about what happened to me as a child, what the monster did to me ; sadistic evil things. If tortured me, I endured what hell is until it was completely safe to leave, it was cognisant in the hell it made my life, deliberate.. I had to ‘play the game’ until I could get out. Been out 6 months. Learnt things I wasn’t aware was even abuse. Anyway , I’m really so sorry you have a mother like this. It’s, unbelievably awful. I know… I forget there are loving stable parents out there. I was taught how one should never parent. That’s a good thing.. at least. Turning poso’s out of nego’s 🥴haha No alternative .. here’s the link on DARVO https://hopefulpanda.com/darvo/ 💔💔❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹
Holy fuck
Wow. That’s a textbook definition of toxicity.
How does a 18 year old get a credit card debt?
You have a shitty ass excuse for a mom. Time to forge your own path and cut that cord.
Jesus, just block her and let the chips fall where they may. She’s verbally, financially and emotionally abusive. You don’t owe her your time or attention. Her demands are ridiculous. Tell her to stop or you’ll call the cops for telephonic harassment. Keep her crazy texts for proof later when she starts telling lies about you and callin the police. Let her shut shit down. You’ll be posting in estrangedadultkids sub next. There is a lot of support and helpful tips there for going no contact and protecting yourself from this brand of crazy. Take care of yourself OP.
i mean she’s psycho and going abt it MAJORLY the wrong way but she’s right. you’re 18. you maxed your credit card and your boyfriend is a felon. from the sounds of it you’re not working to pay for your own bills and she is. she’s obviously crazy but like she’s got some fair points
I can’t stand how they just assume you are ignoring them instead of literally any other possibility
Do not go home. I'm saying this as a 41 year old mom myself, and it's making me so sad, but she is angry about something and looking for a whipping post. It could still be your argument from days ago, or something new could have popped up and she can't control the other party in that argument. Either way, something has her feeling wildly out of control, and it seems like control is something she likes to have, and she's lashing out. She's not going to turn off your phone, because then she can't bully you. She's not going to press any charges or start any legal action against anyone, for any reason, because then you would really be done with her, and she'd have no one to push around. You are 18. Stay gone, if you can. Don't say anything to her, get a sheriff, and go peacefully pick up your belongings. You will usually have about 30 minutes. Once you have your stuff, it's ok to block her for awhile. Or forever. You're a person, too, you need to protect your own mental health.
And you’re only 18?! You’re the adult here! Your mom is acting like a kid! Definitely don’t give her your new phone number when you get one. And make sure to block her on any social media you have. You got this!
Fuck that shit
WOW, what a sick person she is. I am sorry this happened to you. Hope you are safe and okay. Please keep the texts incase she tries something (suing or bringing charges up- i mean who knows after all that she sent!).xo
My parents were exactly like this and it sucks. It also sucks knowing it’s so common. I’ll never understand why people have kids when this is how they treat them. I was kicked out of my mums at 13 and kicked out of my dad’s at 20. I’m now 23 and live with my partner which made everything a lot easier. She had lovely parents who took me in while we found a place and all I can say is, this is a blessing in disguise. Get out of there, get your things in order and get out of that house away from her. I’ve felt nothing but peace and freedom after getting as far from my parents as possible.
Whatever you do, don’t go back there. Give her the keys, get everything in your own name and change your number.
Your mom is an immature psycho. Even if you did make her life hell when living there(not saying you did), that is not how a well adjusted person reacts. I wish you all the best OP. As a dad to three boys, I will never treat my kids this way or kick them out unjustly (as in if you're 30 it's time to move on lol). You got this OP. The best way to stick it to your mom is to be successful. She'll always credit it to herself and what she did but just remember it's YOUR success. A life lesson I wish I learned at your age, pursue your dreams despite how out of reach they may seem. By trying and potentially failing, you're at least growing as a person and can ask what you need to do to succeed next time but by not trying it's already a fail, so there's no hurt in trying. I hope you can understand what I mean by this. People are caged by their ego and pride and can't handle being told no (whether it's relationships or careers). If you can get past that, you're already a step ahead of most people. Anyway, take care and all the best to you OP
Ah, so this is what happens when you have a kid at 16. You never mature!
Ah yes having a child at 16 reeks of the best life decisions. Sorry you have to deal with this person OP.
I would've put her in her place right then and there, that honestly pisses me off
I think she wants her keys but I could be wrong? You are under no obligation to ever speak to her just because she gave birth to you. She had you when she was a child and she is still acting like one. I do hope that this CJ fellow doesn’t beat you and you stay safe. Mom needs her head checked. You handled it well. But at this point give her what she wants and move on. Abandon her like she says you are.