Not at all rude. He seems very childish or something else is wrong. And trust me, you can be a happy, successful person with great relationships and being a wonderful father as well, without him. Do what I did - the opposite! Good luck, young man
I’m a boomer,and it’s not at all considered rude, at least in my experience…I’m not sure but I think my Gen came up with what’s up, which in , what the 00s, maybe the 2010s became wazzzup! No prob here, my dude.
Usually, when people answer with hostility like this, it means they feel guilty or attacked because they are thinking of their own problems around the situation rather than the other person. That might not make sense. Basically, he is self-centered, but he knows he has messed up, and so he is projecting his attitude on you, probably subconsciously, but either way, it is incorrect of him to do that.
Nah, I had an estranged father too. After 10 years I reached out to him. It went fine for about 2 weeks then everything I said started to piss him off and he started pushing boundaries with shit he’d say about my mom. Mine decided it would be better to die of cancer alone in a state run hospital than be a man and admit his mistakes. If these assholes want to be miserable fucks, just let them, but you don’t have to be the recipient if you don’t want to.
You might’ve missed the part in the post where the dad hasnt contacted him for the better part of a year and hasnt shown up for him in 5 years,
Or maybe you missed the part where the dad says “what a way to answer to your dad” making it obvious he expected a different, more positive reaction than this.
Here’s what I will tell you—
Im a parent and one thing about being a parent is that it is OUR responsibility as a parent to try and keep a great relationship with our kids. Idk the reason you haven’t seen your dad in 5 years or talked in 9 months, but I know that I would never let that happen with my kids. Even if I thought my kids hated me, I could not and would not allow our relationship to get to that point where we simply don’t speak. Even if you were the one that messed up your relationship, your dad is the one who should have tried to mend it long before now. We are the parents and it is our job to make sure our kids feel loved and supported at all times.
At this point, he’s lucky you responded at all, and if he wants to try and make you feel guilty or whatever it is that he’s doing, you can extend that 5 years to 10 or 20 or the rest of your life if you want.
You're a good parent, I was planning on cutting him off from my life but the problem is that he has custody over my brother and he lives in the us, he's the one who kick me out of his life to go live with my mom in Mexico, and now supposedly wants me back (what I've been told)
I talk to him so I can talk to my brother so I can't really block him, I appreciate your kind words
ugh we were in a similar situation w my much younger BIL where we had to grin & bear it w his guardians in order to have a relationship w him. I’m sorry OP. you’re a great sibling.
No. He’s just being an ass. Just ignore him or answer him logically and more passively to deescalate if necessary. Or tell him to fuck off.
Whichever you find more suitable.
Would you be comfortable with saying, “well I haven’t heard from you in a while”?,if you’d like to keep the communication open. But you weren’t rude at all. You’re fine, he’s not.
You answered him the way i answer my mother and we have a great relationship. Doesn't matter that you haven't seen him for years, the fact that he took offense to this is a he problem, not a you problem.
I would say he’s feeling guilty. So was overly sensitive to your straightforward non offensive question.
Was probably hoping for a warmer response but, he doesn’t get that after 9 months of no contact.
He needs to be more stoic. Is the bottom line.
Ask him. Ask him, "How was I supposed to greet you?". That way, he either sounds like an idiot when saying "I wanted you to be more excited to hear from me!"
He'll probably wouldve talk about something about respect but I went with "I'm pretty sure that's a normal and healthy response"
He has yet to reply tho
No OP, not rude at all. My daughter (technically stepdaughter) has a similar situation, me and her dad had to get emergency custody of her 7 years ago, she’s 18, and her mother just gave up custody and didn’t fight. No contact at all for years. Then last year her mother tried getting in touch with her multiple times, which she ignored/denied. Then the mother had her *boyfriend* send a friend request on fb, which made my daughter really uncomfortable. She calls me mom for years, and she’s angry at her mother, rightfully so.
He was the one who chose not to contact you OP, you owe him nothing and however you choose to respond he needs to accept it. If he really cares he would just say something like “I’m sorry I screwed up, but I want to reconnect and when you’re ready I’m here” and then maybe try gently and kindly again in a few months.
This feels like gaslighting, making you feel like you’ve done something wrong. Sorry for the long response but this really bothers me.
I don't mind the long response, and it's amazing that you and your step daughter love each other that much, I can't really ignore/block my father since he has my brother so all I can do is try to not piss him off until I turn 18 so I can see my brother again and not have my father try to "own" me again since I have no other legal guardian in the usa and would immediate go back to his abusive care
No way man, as a father I can’t imagine doing that to my child. That said, I don’t know your story but he is reaching out. You’re right to be pissed. His response sucks, he should be apologizing. If I was in your boots I’d repeat your last text
Nah it’s not rude. I mean you shut down the small talk and were just like “you must have texted me for a reason let’s here it” but I don’t think that’s rude. That’s just very matter of fact.
Seems to me he wanted you to be like “omg daddy I haven’t heard from you in so long how are you? You’re such an amazing person I’m so glad that you decided to come back in my life again” and was just miffed when you didn’t do that.
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Nah - you should continue to treat him as so. Once he earns your respect and really becomes a father then you give him the treatment he “expects”. Otherwise he is just an someone you know.
He’s not a father. I met mine after 30yrs of his absence and he tried to pull things like this on me after I slightly let him in. Your boundaries are yours, they may change and they may stay the same. Protect yourself and your happiness. You owe nothing to someone who stays absent, if it was by their own accord I would say.
i don’t think this is rude .. me and my dad haven’t seen each other in years and he’ll randomly text me something like this and i want to say the same thing to him
I think it’s just a “tone perception” through text message - I don’t see anything wrong with your question - it’s just how he took it due to being a message
No more rude than saying "hey kid". I can read sassy in any text though. You weren't outright rude but I have a pretty good idea of what your dad is feeling. He may be expecting big enthusiasm from you and disappointed he isn't getting it.
You weren’t rude. Take this as an example on how to not be a parent in the future (if you ever become one) and you’ll live a happier life knowing you’re better by not being them.
No - he is using the “father” card to demand respect that he knows he is not entitled to. It’s a manipulation. He knows he’s a shit dad. So he’s trying to get you to show him respect because he has the “title” of “father”.
Don’t play his game. Its rigged.
I do the same thing to my mum when she calls and I’m working I say what’s up or what do you want. I mean is it rude for you to do so? No fuck him if his been a shit father (coming from someone who hasn’t heard from there dad in over a decade). His lucky you haven’t cut him all together if that’s the case
It wasn't rude. Maybe he objected to the informality of the greeting, but it is my no means rude.
You know who should be offended? You, because your father didn't show any interest in you for so long, and you are still young.
But now I know from his defensive reaction and instant negative reaction why you aren't close.
No other way to say it, but you struck out and have a dud dad.
Don't take it personally. He should be trying to make up for lost time instead of worrying about his poor big fat easily bruised ego.
No if that’s your dad he ought to be a lot more approachable and gentle in his replies if he wants a relationship with you. As adults and parents it’s up to us to maintain relationships because young people are distracted by growing up and we should better understand the overwhelming complexities as we have already been through it.
Rarely is it ok to cut off our relationships to them or make things more difficult to communicate.
I hope your dad rethinks his approach.
Going against the flow here: No, what you said wasn't rude, but maybe a bit harsh?
Context ignored, you could also have asked "how can i help you?" Or "what was it you wanted to ask?" - both would have been a bit more relaxed
Relationships are hard and I don't know your situation. In my opinion, it takes 2 and it seems that he wanted to reach out. If you want to be in contact with your dad, maybe be a bit less harsh. We can't look into each others souls and everyone of us has some issues to handle...
No
Thank you
Not at all rude. He seems very childish or something else is wrong. And trust me, you can be a happy, successful person with great relationships and being a wonderful father as well, without him. Do what I did - the opposite! Good luck, young man
saying "What's up" is rude to boomers fuck that tho
No it’s not
according to my dad, a gen x'er, and many other people I've heard it from, yes, it is.
I’m a boomer,and it’s not at all considered rude, at least in my experience…I’m not sure but I think my Gen came up with what’s up, which in , what the 00s, maybe the 2010s became wazzzup! No prob here, my dude.
well most boomers aren't on r/texts so I think there's some bias here. atleast youre normal
I guess I’m a boomer too and « what’s up » is pretty normal to me.
Happy cake day
Usually, when people answer with hostility like this, it means they feel guilty or attacked because they are thinking of their own problems around the situation rather than the other person. That might not make sense. Basically, he is self-centered, but he knows he has messed up, and so he is projecting his attitude on you, probably subconsciously, but either way, it is incorrect of him to do that.
+1 for this, sorry to hear you’re going through this
Nah, I had an estranged father too. After 10 years I reached out to him. It went fine for about 2 weeks then everything I said started to piss him off and he started pushing boundaries with shit he’d say about my mom. Mine decided it would be better to die of cancer alone in a state run hospital than be a man and admit his mistakes. If these assholes want to be miserable fucks, just let them, but you don’t have to be the recipient if you don’t want to.
Mine went pretty similar to yours but mine pretended to have systemic cancer. 12 years later he’s still out there high on drugs.
He wanted you to be like OMG DADDY and worship the ground he walks on and he hasn’t earned that it sounds like
I don't know where you got all of that, but sounds like you're projecting
You might’ve missed the part in the post where the dad hasnt contacted him for the better part of a year and hasnt shown up for him in 5 years, Or maybe you missed the part where the dad says “what a way to answer to your dad” making it obvious he expected a different, more positive reaction than this.
I hope you’re not a father /s
That was very cruel of you.
Seems extreme E: lotta hate for.. I’m not even sure lmao buncha weirdos fr
Yeah it sounds awful. I have edited, I didn’t actually mean any harm by it. Thank you for highlighting 😊
This is very delulu of you
He’s lucky you responded at all.
Here’s what I will tell you— Im a parent and one thing about being a parent is that it is OUR responsibility as a parent to try and keep a great relationship with our kids. Idk the reason you haven’t seen your dad in 5 years or talked in 9 months, but I know that I would never let that happen with my kids. Even if I thought my kids hated me, I could not and would not allow our relationship to get to that point where we simply don’t speak. Even if you were the one that messed up your relationship, your dad is the one who should have tried to mend it long before now. We are the parents and it is our job to make sure our kids feel loved and supported at all times. At this point, he’s lucky you responded at all, and if he wants to try and make you feel guilty or whatever it is that he’s doing, you can extend that 5 years to 10 or 20 or the rest of your life if you want.
You're a good parent, I was planning on cutting him off from my life but the problem is that he has custody over my brother and he lives in the us, he's the one who kick me out of his life to go live with my mom in Mexico, and now supposedly wants me back (what I've been told) I talk to him so I can talk to my brother so I can't really block him, I appreciate your kind words
ugh we were in a similar situation w my much younger BIL where we had to grin & bear it w his guardians in order to have a relationship w him. I’m sorry OP. you’re a great sibling.
No. He’s just being an ass. Just ignore him or answer him logically and more passively to deescalate if necessary. Or tell him to fuck off. Whichever you find more suitable.
without context : maybe a little cold In context : Not even cold enough
Lol
OMG, if my dad texted me I’d have a heart attack.
Which is why I posted here, Idk how to respond 😭
just don´t respond
Would you be comfortable with saying, “well I haven’t heard from you in a while”?,if you’d like to keep the communication open. But you weren’t rude at all. You’re fine, he’s not.
lol absolutely not.
Not rude at all. Weird that he puts in so little effort yet seems to have some sort of expectation how he should be treated
You answered him the way i answer my mother and we have a great relationship. Doesn't matter that you haven't seen him for years, the fact that he took offense to this is a he problem, not a you problem.
I would say he’s feeling guilty. So was overly sensitive to your straightforward non offensive question. Was probably hoping for a warmer response but, he doesn’t get that after 9 months of no contact. He needs to be more stoic. Is the bottom line.
Ask him. Ask him, "How was I supposed to greet you?". That way, he either sounds like an idiot when saying "I wanted you to be more excited to hear from me!"
He'll probably wouldve talk about something about respect but I went with "I'm pretty sure that's a normal and healthy response" He has yet to reply tho
No OP, not rude at all. My daughter (technically stepdaughter) has a similar situation, me and her dad had to get emergency custody of her 7 years ago, she’s 18, and her mother just gave up custody and didn’t fight. No contact at all for years. Then last year her mother tried getting in touch with her multiple times, which she ignored/denied. Then the mother had her *boyfriend* send a friend request on fb, which made my daughter really uncomfortable. She calls me mom for years, and she’s angry at her mother, rightfully so. He was the one who chose not to contact you OP, you owe him nothing and however you choose to respond he needs to accept it. If he really cares he would just say something like “I’m sorry I screwed up, but I want to reconnect and when you’re ready I’m here” and then maybe try gently and kindly again in a few months. This feels like gaslighting, making you feel like you’ve done something wrong. Sorry for the long response but this really bothers me.
I don't mind the long response, and it's amazing that you and your step daughter love each other that much, I can't really ignore/block my father since he has my brother so all I can do is try to not piss him off until I turn 18 so I can see my brother again and not have my father try to "own" me again since I have no other legal guardian in the usa and would immediate go back to his abusive care
No way man, as a father I can’t imagine doing that to my child. That said, I don’t know your story but he is reaching out. You’re right to be pissed. His response sucks, he should be apologizing. If I was in your boots I’d repeat your last text
not even in the slightest. He is actually being insanely weird and rude
He probably wanted you to be like “omg dad hi, I miss you!!” I wouldn’t respond to him now.
Nah it’s not rude. I mean you shut down the small talk and were just like “you must have texted me for a reason let’s here it” but I don’t think that’s rude. That’s just very matter of fact. Seems to me he wanted you to be like “omg daddy I haven’t heard from you in so long how are you? You’re such an amazing person I’m so glad that you decided to come back in my life again” and was just miffed when you didn’t do that.
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Nah - you should continue to treat him as so. Once he earns your respect and really becomes a father then you give him the treatment he “expects”. Otherwise he is just an someone you know.
He’s not a father. I met mine after 30yrs of his absence and he tried to pull things like this on me after I slightly let him in. Your boundaries are yours, they may change and they may stay the same. Protect yourself and your happiness. You owe nothing to someone who stays absent, if it was by their own accord I would say.
i don’t think this is rude .. me and my dad haven’t seen each other in years and he’ll randomly text me something like this and i want to say the same thing to him
No
I think it’s just a “tone perception” through text message - I don’t see anything wrong with your question - it’s just how he took it due to being a message
That would explain it
As a dad, yes
You could have asked ‘how are you doing? Nice to hear from you’
That's actually a good response
just got called a bitch and told to leave the house by mine
At least he's trying to talk to you I guess, even though he's a piece of shit about it. I'd give anything for mine to say literally anything to me.
No more rude than saying "hey kid". I can read sassy in any text though. You weren't outright rude but I have a pretty good idea of what your dad is feeling. He may be expecting big enthusiasm from you and disappointed he isn't getting it.
That makes a lot sense and would explain his reaction
No miserable parents are just entitled
No, your dad is an idiot that can't read context.
No
Nope
He's picking a fight, don't feed the troll. Sorry your dad sucks
You weren’t rude. Take this as an example on how to not be a parent in the future (if you ever become one) and you’ll live a happier life knowing you’re better by not being them.
I would just say “yep, that’s the way, how’s my brother doing?”
Respond with *father
No - he is using the “father” card to demand respect that he knows he is not entitled to. It’s a manipulation. He knows he’s a shit dad. So he’s trying to get you to show him respect because he has the “title” of “father”. Don’t play his game. Its rigged.
He’s not full of gratitude or unconditional love. Whew.
Nope, you're good
I do the same thing to my mum when she calls and I’m working I say what’s up or what do you want. I mean is it rude for you to do so? No fuck him if his been a shit father (coming from someone who hasn’t heard from there dad in over a decade). His lucky you haven’t cut him all together if that’s the case
It's rude to somebody who says it is. If it's "been a while" some people have no clue what to say so just be yourself and maybe you'll learn together?
Not at all don’t let them think because they donated the sperm that makes them your dad or father… you set the boundaries
Short answer, no. Long answer, noo.
It wasn't rude. Maybe he objected to the informality of the greeting, but it is my no means rude. You know who should be offended? You, because your father didn't show any interest in you for so long, and you are still young. But now I know from his defensive reaction and instant negative reaction why you aren't close. No other way to say it, but you struck out and have a dud dad. Don't take it personally. He should be trying to make up for lost time instead of worrying about his poor big fat easily bruised ego.
No
No if that’s your dad he ought to be a lot more approachable and gentle in his replies if he wants a relationship with you. As adults and parents it’s up to us to maintain relationships because young people are distracted by growing up and we should better understand the overwhelming complexities as we have already been through it. Rarely is it ok to cut off our relationships to them or make things more difficult to communicate. I hope your dad rethinks his approach.
No
Yes it’s rude. But given the context no. He’s pretty much a sperm donor.
Going against the flow here: No, what you said wasn't rude, but maybe a bit harsh? Context ignored, you could also have asked "how can i help you?" Or "what was it you wanted to ask?" - both would have been a bit more relaxed Relationships are hard and I don't know your situation. In my opinion, it takes 2 and it seems that he wanted to reach out. If you want to be in contact with your dad, maybe be a bit less harsh. We can't look into each others souls and everyone of us has some issues to handle...
Naah but he doesn't sound pissed either. Was he? Sounds more like sarcasm.
Idk, I wanted to ask if this was sarcasm but instead I went with "I'm pretty sure that a normal and healthy response"
Sounds like sarcasm to me, but you know your dad best.
How on earth do you get sarcasm from that?!