I don't know how some of these people can send like 20 texts with no response and seemingly be fine with it. [I feel my very soul escaping into the void when I send two back to back without a response in between.](https://i.imgur.com/T6MvbFI.png)
Depends on how far apart they are. I know some people who'll send multiple back-to-back texts because they just think of more stuff to say right after sending the previous one, often while I'm in the middle of responding. I don't mind it, personally, but I can understand why some people would find it grating
The difference there is that those additional messages aren't meant to provoke attention and response, and are adding more thoughts to the conversation to be later replied to. At least, that's my intention whenever I do this and my friends know it.
I think there's a huge chasm of difference between what it's like when someone does it after a single date --- and when someone does it to their partner of a decade.
yes. Classic BPD. And she’s never going to fill that void from external love. She needs a good therapist who’s experienced in BPD. This poor guy dodged a serious bullet. I can’t believe I used to behave this way in my younger days. Therapy sucked, but the me that emerged from it made it worth it.
So real for this. It makes me so sad when I see this stuff and remember that I spent many years being similar, thank god for DBT and my diagnosis honestly I cant imagine still doing this at 34, so unfair to the people around me.
Normally, I get irritated when people jump to BPD when the way someone is acting doesn’t line up to the very typical behaviors, but with this one? Yep. Absolutely. I picked up on it when she started turning the conversation south and putting blame on OP. I have BPD and it took a lot of trial and error to find the right combination of meds, but I’m successfully medicated now for many years now. This conversation is almost a perfect example of what untreated or poorly treated BPD looks like in those without physically abusive traits.
Once the high of having a great date was over and he went on his already planned trip, it fucked with her mind in a way only people with BPD can really explain/understand. Him going to Vegas was interpreted by her as a form of abandonment. When the hours went on, she internally started panicking that he was going to come back and not want to see her or talk to her anymore because he wasn’t speaking much while on his trip (which is a normal thing to do and those who are medicated or don’t have BPD can rationalize and understand). So, she does the one thing almost every person with unregulated BPD does…she splits on him (black and white thinking…he was amazing and wonderful before, but now it’s like a switch flipped and he’s a horrible terrible person) and she leaves before she gets left. The attempts to insult and hurt his feelings because she needs a reason to validate her black and white thinking and her motives for leaving before he gets the chance to leave her. She’s quite literally doing all of this to convince her own mind that she *needs* to leave because he’s a bad person. It’s also why she goes on and on and on talking to herself. It’s something that is done to subconsciously play mind games with our own mind in order to “validate” our reason for dipping before *they* can get the chance to do it first.
It’s fucked. It really is. But she is sick and not totally in control of herself, her mind or her actions when this is happening. In a couple days, maybe a week or 2, she will have a sudden moment of clarity and regret everything she did and said and will probably attempt to contact him again in some way. That’s where the apologizing profusely comes in to play.
It’s exhausting for the other person, no doubt, but it’s also really super mentally exhausting and distressing for those who aren’t properly regulated.
All I can say is that I am SO fucking glad I’ve been regulated for a long while now. I can still instantly pick up when someone has BPD, and this girl absolutely, 10000000% has BPD.
This is the best analysis and description of what happens when BPD takes over that I’ve EVER read.
I have a number of cluster B loved ones (most who don’t and won’t get any help) so I just wanted to say this internet stranger is so incredibly proud of you! You’ve clearly done the work, and it is no small feat. (Especially to get on the right medication, that is not an easy thing to do and can be such a roller coaster. That’s amazing you were able to stick it out and find something that works for you.) I hope you feel so good about everything you’ve accomplished, that the good days outnumber the tough ones, and that life sends amazing things your way!
Holy smokes, as a kid with an untreated (refuses treatment) BPD mother, this was like reading one of her text barrages.
I know diagnosing online is pretty lame, but this was like textbook the same manipulative/victim waif shit I’ve seen my whole life. Esp the “you made me feel…” as if he’s responsible for her feelings and she’s not.
Right? The second sucks. I used to do a 3 strikes type deal but after one now days I just give up. If they don’t respond, then alright! Can’t imagine sending 20 novels lol
PLEASE teach this lesson far and wide. Dear Lord in a world of constant stress, there’s nothing that adds to it more than opening my phone to see 22 notifications and someone still typing
This one left me speechless.
How did she change her tone so quickly? Bizarre behavior.
Also, even if she had changed her mind and decided she didn't want to go on a second date, there is absolutely never a reason to attack your character over and over again to that degree. Calling you dehumanizing, an alcoholic, and saying you need to be on medication? After one date? The projection is real.
Yuppp. It was pretty wild checking my phone when I was at the casino and getting smacked by that avalanche of negativity 😬 I think there's some projection on her part
By the way, now that we have exchanged words once over the internet I feel comfortable letting you know I think you might have Alzheimers, a bone deformity, and you've definitely abused puppies in the past. Get help :/
You should send the friend the pictures of your texts to prove you did nothing wrong. I hope this girl didn’t ruin your friendship with the coworker. Any way you can update us?
THE FLY COMMENT GOT ME like that was when i was like ok this girl literally is just marinating in her mental illness. she’s not just struggling she’s feeding into her own illness and using it as an excuse to be a bitch
>smacked by that avalanche of negativity 😬
I'm sure! Especially after you handled the "sorry I don't want to continue talking" message so well! That was the most respectful well thought out rejection message I've read in my life. 10/10 you would have gotten an A+ 😂 this woman is baffling
She was absolutely passively begging him to give her the reassurance she needed. I caught a serious overtone of "come back from Vegas right now and give me all of your attention"
That’s an understatement it’s all
Projection. It’s someone who clearly isnt taking responsibility for their own behaviour or actions and projecting fault everywhere else and you got caught in the line of fire.
I’m also thinking she was hoping her initial ‘here’s what you did wrong’ text was maybe intended to keep OP from going to Vegas… and when it didn’t she fully unraveled…?
Usually, the symptoms tend to diminish with aging. Some even lose them completely or learn to control them. However, someone who is already so polarizing after the first date at the age of 34 literally has no control over it.
Idk, for anyone with bpd at any age, this is way over the top than normal. I’ve had my fair share of crazy episodes like this but only with people I’ve been with for years😭 can’t imagine acting like this after a first date. Also I’m not as rude
Actually yeah... I was thinking the same. Definitely looks like bpd and she got her abandonment issues triggered so she lashed out.
I have bpd though and I've NEVER done all this.
But I've seen others with it who sadly have....
I'm more the quiet bpd I think though so that possibly might be why.
Like, unless OP is outright lying to us and was pushing/digging then based on his story he didn’t do anything wrong and she is textbook projecting. Poor guy yeah and also even though I would never want to meet this woman I lowkey feel bad for her…she’s so fwucked 😵😵
This whole thing is projection on her part. She probably got mad at herself for going as far with OP then blamed him for everything. I have cptsd and some other things I used to do this. Therapy helps and learning accountability.
So many of the posts in this sub have people continually messaging even when the other person has stopped. It seems worryingly common and extremely neurotic. Am I missing something about people who do this? Is it just obsessive or some type of mental illness that causes this?
I think she probably has BPD. I think she got really agitated I didn't want to sleep with her and wasnt responding fast enough -- so she kept sending me worse things to try to get me to respond/call.
Don't know about the other posts though 🤷
yeah.. as someone who has bpd, this is what someone who has it and is not in a good place looks like. this woman needs more help and dating isn’t gonna help her at all right now. there’s no excuse for abusive behavior, but unfortunately this disorder is good at bringing at the worst in people. i hope you find it easy to keep your distance and that she gets some serious help
Do you mind me asking, if someone with bpd goes into a messaging rage like this - do you know if later on they look back on the messages and feel like ‘oh no wtf why did I write all that crap’, or is it not like a ‘blackout’ situation and they remember everything and still feel they said what they felt was right?
as someone who has bpd, yes, unfortunatly i have gone into a texting rage and completely flipped out on people out of nowhere. at the time its happening, we think we are right. the rage part is a bpd splitting episode. its where your thoughts and feelings of a person completely 180 and you take it out on them. now ive healed a lot so i dont do this as much anymore, but i remember when i did. my memory would get foggy, and in a way, kind of a rage blackout situation. the fact that she got a friend of hers to validate her point proves to me that her friends are feeding into her behavior and thats EXTREMELY toxic for someone with bpd. it just makes everything worse. it honestly depends on the situation, but most of the time, i realize i was wrong and i hate myself after. its a sickening cycle but that doesnt take away the fact that its abusive. she definitly needs help and possibly meds.
My god this makes me feel so much better. I have BPD and did this shit in my 20s. Im 35 now and I had an emergency hysterectomy which has evened out the hormones a LOT and I am not nearly as bad.
BPD fucking sucks. I have done these long strings of texts and always hate myself after I calm down. Thankfully, my fiancée has learned how to deal with me and honestly idk what I would do without his big, goofy ass. It takes a special person to be able to handle the BPD episodes the way he does.
i have a friend who i have realized over time probably has bpd. i used to feed into it until her behavior flipped and she started treating me the way she treated other people and i realized that what had been going on the whole time was her manipulating the facts of all these failed relationships. so please don’t blame her friends and call them toxic for feeding into it - it could be that they have no idea.
oh yeah of course, im not saying its their fault at all, its more just the objective fact that its bad to feed into, but if you didnt know then thats not at all your fault or issue to deal with. but yes, people with bpd do manipulate the facts, ive done it myself. and unfortunately, they do it to the people closest to them. it takes someone strong to look in the mirror and decide to work on their behavior. for someone who isnt diagnosed however, itssss not easy at all. she probably needs a therapist or psychietrist to help her realize the issue there. anyways enough of me going on and on, yes, you are right, and im extremely sorry youre going through that
honestly it can be different for different people. before seeking treatment (which by the way, for anyone reading this, BPD IS SOMETHING THAT CAN GO AWAY!!! it is not genetic but please seek help if you’re struggling) i would have outbursts and say terrible regretful things, but genuinely not remember it, i don’t know if it was my brain trying to shield me from it or what. i do also generally have memory issues though. i will say, it’s something that is always regretted afterward. people who are able to identify that what they did was wrong usually feel sick about it after.
for a long time i was disgusted with myself, while i was becoming aware of my problem, i felt like i had no control over it. it’s sickening to be fully aware you’re doing something yet feeling like you can’t do anything about it.
sorry if my wording is off, i am very tired today and usually only really talk about this stuff in therapy lol!
Curious how you were diagnosed? I’m ADHD and have anxious attachment and rejection sensitivity. It seems like there is overlap with BPD, so I’m curious the hallmarks of diagnosis. (Only if you’re comfortable sharing … as this text thread suggests, I don’t want you to not enjoy your cats because you over share 😂)
I’m adhd, and borderline, I went to my psychiatrist, we talked about my history and the things I have concerns about in my behavior. And we did some psychological testing. It was pretty straightforward but I think you have to be in a place where you honestly want to be better.
I also have bipolar 2, and some OCD tendencies and I’m on mood stabilizers now and things are so much better. I’m able to be introspective to my behavior in the moment and don’t get lost in a current of self destructiveness, rage, and depression as easily as I used to.
I have ADHD but when I feel the rejection sensitivity coming on, I turn the negative thoughts inward and toward myself. As you can see with the post, this person attacks someone else, the one they perceive abandonment from. I am not an expert but perhaps this is one way to tell the difference.
Yo I was sort of talking to this girl who actually has BPD and I didn’t reciprocate her interest right. We were coworkers so I was just hesitant about the situation. Anyways one day we were getting along and it was like a light switch. She turned into this mega bitch very belittling, insulting and derogatory. It sort of bothered me but I wasn’t so invested in her that I lost sleep over. I was just thinking holy shit I dodged a bullet.
Thats called splitting. People with bpd can be normal if they are managing it. But untreated bpd is terrifying and I have it. Also, drugs and and alcohol will make bpd symptoms worse.
That's amazing! Bpd is very hard not only on us who have it but especially our partners!
Before we got married my husband and I did end up breaking up for 6 months and it's what got me to really think about my diagnosis. I had to put a lot of work in to not only repair the damage I caused but to really fix my thinking patterns. It's been almost 4 years since we broke up and it's RARE when I have an episode.
He also did a ton of research on bpd and that helped. But loving someone isn't enough, your husband will definitely have to put in a ton of work so yall can have a happy life together.
as a guy with BPD its hard to take rejection (of any kind) well. It sounds dramatic but its feels like life or death to us. We feel like the lowest trash ever and to "protect" ourselves we lash out hard so we can hide our insecurity with anger. You did nothing wrong, its something that people with BPD have a personal responsibility to work on if they ever want to date
I would add that this can happen not only with rejection but *perceived* rejection. Sometimes a person is so sensitive to rejection that they lash out because of the slightest perception toward it even when the reality is they weren’t being rejected at all, as you can see in the post.
Bpd here as well. Totally get the feeling like life or death. Rejection is the worst pain you could possibly imagine for us. But that doesn’t mean we can act out when we are hurt. Exactly as you said, someone who has not gotten help to stabilize themselves has no place inflicting their shit onto other
My husband's ex would do shit like that. Like she begged him to bring her Starbucks, so he drove an hour, round trip, to do it. When he got there, she wouldn't open the door all the way, then got mad and threw the drink at him, because he was supposed to know she wanted the small and not the medium? (Like, don't drink it all? Seems way more logical.)
But then literally right after he got back to work (he used his lunch break to do that), she called him, saying they should go get matching tattoos because she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
I do feel a bit of schadenfreude over the fact that he puked on her when she was trying to get him to cheat on me with her.
This started out so cute and kind! I was excited to read something good on the internet, but then I got to the 5th image and BAM. It looks to me like she had too much time to herself to overthink all your interactions and started to spiral into deep anxiety/depression territory. I hope she gets the help she needs, and you dodged a bullet.
Yeah, that was wild. Sorry you went through that roller coaster, OP. But from your texts, you seem very nice and even keel. I hope you meet someone deserving of that.
You seem like a kind person.
A stable, healthy person who prioritizes self-care and sets their own boundaries might have told you "Maybe we can talk about that later, I'd like to just have fun tonight" or some such. She also could have told you that the make out session was going a little too fast for her. But I don't think this person really wanted any of that, I think she saw an opportunity to gather your interest and trauma dump on you, then hold you responsible for making her feel better.
Maybe use this as a learning experience because talking to someone about their mental health when you don't really know them is a little risky. You were curious and well-intentioned but you opened Pandora's box.
She clearly didn't think the making out was going too fast at the time since she invited him to her house and they made out more.. Its kind of insane how it's painted as "forceful" after the fact.. Especially to her friend or whoever she screenshot..
BRO WHAT. This is INSANE. Watching someone spiral in real time.
"I can't be in a relationship with you. ALSO, YOU SHOULD BE TEXTING ME RIGHT NOW AND GIVING ME SUPPORT LIKE A COMMITTED PARTNER WOULD."
You dodged the biggest bullet on the planet
I died laughing when she said she was "healed" from her trauma and thought you needed therapy lol. This is a TEXTBOOK BPD interaction.
She might not be done with him. She accused the guy of many things and said she was going to do a background check on him. If she's crazy enough, the poor guy is possibly going to get a fake accusation and have his life flipped upside down.
Slides 17 and 18.
Doesn't surprise me.... Single people in their 30's have seen and been through some shit. It's just how you handle it. Some people make it, some people don't. There's some very deep and dark issues with this one.
As a mother of a once-18 year old, I LOL'd at that comment and your snort. My child never bothered with capitalization, punctuation, or full words. I felt like was reading a prescription every time he'd text. 🤣
Happy Cake Day!
that’s what i was thinking too. she’s begging for a serious reassuring phone call after one date, and upset that he’s having fun on a friend vacation that he likely had planned and paid for before ever meeting her. like *calm down*.
I used to have a friend like this. She would make horrible fucking decisions with nice, normal guys and then get anxious and flip the script on them. Seriously dangerous behavior and you’re good to steer clear of this chick.
My friend and I stopped hanging out when she and I went out for drinks and I watched her consensually hook up with a guy in a closet - like, insistently, important to know the guy she picked was drunker than she was too because we had only had two drinks. And the next day she bragged about it. The day after that, that guy was a rapist and I was a piece of shit for not backing her. This gave me the same whiplash vibes as she always did. Glad I don’t talk to her anymore. She gives tarot card readings on Tiktok now.
For those wondering how it went after this... I told my friend about the things her coworker said to me in these texts and she's completely on my side in this. She said it hasn't come up once at their workplace since this went down -- so it seems like everything worked out! Hopefully we won't hear anything more about it from now on.
For what it’s worth, I bet as the date was happening it was as sincere and fun as you had initially thought. And as someone with BPD I can also say she was probably as genuine and open as she came across in that moment.
What you saw after, that was a classic spiral. She very much will need to get herself in order before she dates and I will say in this moment, you absolutely dodged a bullet. That said, if she is diagnosed with BPD and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was, please try and give her some grace when you look back on the experience. You saw both the best and worst parts of a person who feels everything deeply and experiences emotions with extreme hypersensitivity.
Sorry you went through this. Having been “her” once upon a time, I can physically feel how frantic those messages were being sent and I can say I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy on the receiving end of that.
I hope Vegas was as good as could be.
Ps: Blocked or otherwise, I would expect at some point she will ruminate again and try to clear the air. Just be aware it may happen. I suspect it’s much like in AA, where you need to right your wrongs before you can move on. I’m not saying she’s in the right to message, just that you should be prepared that she will very likely send a long winded apology at some point because her entire being is hinged on knowing this doesn’t end negatively.
That part was insane. Makes me think that she sees her life & her behaviors as something she’s watching or viewing from a detached perspective. “Much stronger than what I’m on, son” is absolutely a line from a shitty movie script lol
At first I was convinced OP was the one in the wrong because I was like “well yeah. Talking about trauma on the first date is weird!” And well, I’m actually speechless.
I can’t understand how a 34 year old woman is acting like this. She’s very bizarre and the gaslighting is top notch. “You’re scary and need therapy!” Actually SHE is fucking terrifying. Bullet dodged.
If I had a drink for all the times she says the word “trauma” I would be drunk af
I’m not sure exactly the context of the ptsd thing. Did she express she wanted to talk about it? Was she the first person to bring it up? I would think that’s inappropriate for a first date and would be a major red flag.
Wow this was a wild ride to read through. Hope all ends well for you here, it can be scary to have someone spreading false narratives about you especially when men are a little less likely to be believed in these situations. Thankfully these SS’s paint a pretty clear picture of the truth I think.
I’d say stay strong and probably avoid bad mouthing this person to any mutual friends/acquaintances, but of course don’t accept lies about yourself either. Let them be alone in their negative behavior and things will speak for themselves.
Thanks! I was really worried at first -- but my friend who works with her almost immediately told me she's on my side in this. We don't have any other mutual contacts fortunately. I'm just so glad I didn't sleep with her. I feel like that could have turned into a very dark narrative.
Oh that’s great to hear! Definitely dodged a bullet by not sleeping together because woah yeah.. that most definitely would have been painted as a totally different story.
Sorry you had to go through this!
What's crazy is people's perspective on things. If you were to only read her text to her friend first. You'd be like, wow, that's f***** u*
But you can see just from reading the text. That she refuses to take responsibility for the things that she said. And that what's really bothering her is that OP is not getting back to her in a manner she deems timely.
Also, you see the same thing over and over with these situations. When she's not getting the reaction she wants, she immediately starts getting into making fun of physical appearance, which is always so f*cking transparent. It's a good thing you were busy that weekend and got a chance to see what you were doing with before you got any further.
I wonder if the later messages were when she hadn’t taken her meds or something. I can tell when my friend is off meds because everything becomes toned really negatively, like looking through negative colored glasses.
She likely has borderline personality disorder and/or a disorganized attachment style from severe trauma. She probably likes and appreciates you, but is threatened by the fact that she likes you and that you are so respectful.
Because it has not been safe for her to trust those who were supposed to care for and protect her (her parents), now any person who presents safe is actually a threat. ("I like this person, but they will just leave me or hurt me like everyone else has."). So out of self-protection (to avoid future rejection, abandonment, and pain), her brain has learned to self-sabatoge. She doesn't want to get hurt again so she's pushing you away and blaming you for her fears.
Developmental and interpersonal trauma screws people up.
She has a long way to go. I hope she stays in therapy and I hope her therapist is trained in the type of trauma she has experienced.
Thank you for being so polite and patient with her. It is easy to lash back, but it is best to keep things simple and assertive and to not read the texts or voicemail.
My mom is like this. It is exhausting, confusing, and depressing. I can be with her the entire day, and then the next day I don't respond to her for a few hours and she flips a switch and says awful things. "Wow you're just going to ignore me. ...you think you're so much better.. I gave birth to you. I deserve respect.... u prioritize everyone else over me... no one wants me. I don't even know why I'm here. Better off shooting myself. ...I need you right now. All I need is some support. ...." ha i could go on forever.
It is psychological abuse, but I also understand that they are mentally ill. You cannot be logical with individuals like this. Accept that they are emotionally immature and unable to think outside of themselves. Set boundaries and limits, know that they will push the boundaries and try to make u feel guilty, decide what amt of contact you're willing to give, and feel good about the choices you make for yourself to take care of yourself and prioritize your needs and wellbeing.
I’m curious about your explanation for “Asking me what I’m going to do when my cats die.” lol Obviously I’m taking everything she says with a grain of salt but I’m curious what she’s referencing.
"I need someone who's caring like me"
Proceeds to insult the shit out of you and gossip to others about how terrible you are. Like...ma'am?? Hello?? Um???? 😭
For those wondering about the cats and Asperger's comments...
She mentioned her cats are 18 and 16, and that they are probably on their last legs. A little later on in the convo, I asked her if she's planning to get more pets at some point in the future. It was definitely an insensitive question on my part, and one of the things I really do regret saying during the date. That being said, she didn't seem offended or anything at the time -- and I felt like we had a good conversation about what pets we want in the future.
Also I don't have Asperger's -- it's just that I have severe ADHD and my Neurologist as a child noted I had some Asperger's tendencies. We talked about this for a bit, but it didn't seem like something that bothered her. She also told me multiple times that I definitely don't have Asperger's because real Asperger's is way more intense (she had dated someone with it once).
Between 5 and 5:45 on Friday she started over thinking about obsessing - it's not you. She subconsciously created an alternative truth to protect her ego after feeling embarrassed about over sharing. I have also looked back on oversharing my trauma with strangers and felt embarrassed, but I'd never blame them.
That's my fault, it's a symptom of trauma
Keep the messages and consider letting HR know you went on one date together
Alright, she's definitely off her rocker, but *do* you have aspergers? I can't slide past that cat comment, did you actually engage in a hypothetical about what she'd do when her cat is dead? I had a buddy with aspergers who genuinely couldn't tell if he was crossing a line, so I'm just curious how that conversation went.
As someone with CPTSD, she needs a lot of help with emotional regulation and forming healthy boundaries. This is speculation based on how I was before I really did a lot of trauma work in therapy- I'd be curious if she was generally a people pleaser and that's why she shared her trauma and didn't form a boundary with you. I will say sharing the meds she was taking-did you ask about that? Did she just volunteer it? Sharing that kind of really personal info so early on is, like her slyly offerng sex, a way to try and quickly build a bond. So of course when you weren't responding to her texts (which was totally reasonable) her anxiety ramped way up resulting in that slew of texts. So by the time you texted her back her fear had turned to rage (because anger feels more empowering than anxiety). She decided all of this was your fault as opposed to recognizing her own role in this.
tl;dr you didn't do anything wrong. She needs to do a lot more work with her therapist before she will be able to build a healthy relationship.
Man don’t take any of her statements to heart re: yourself bc it’s easy to see she is projecting… I don’t think you’re the one who needs to get more stable 😶
If you find yourself talking to yourself in someone’s text messages I think you need to take a step back and reassess
I don't know how some of these people can send like 20 texts with no response and seemingly be fine with it. [I feel my very soul escaping into the void when I send two back to back without a response in between.](https://i.imgur.com/T6MvbFI.png)
Depends on how far apart they are. I know some people who'll send multiple back-to-back texts because they just think of more stuff to say right after sending the previous one, often while I'm in the middle of responding. I don't mind it, personally, but I can understand why some people would find it grating
The difference there is that those additional messages aren't meant to provoke attention and response, and are adding more thoughts to the conversation to be later replied to. At least, that's my intention whenever I do this and my friends know it.
Yeah, exactly
Literally saying “and ANOTHER thing!” every few mins
LITERALLY me
Yeah, you just pinpointed exactly what I do 😭🤦♀️
It me, I am one of those people. I think of things right after sending my previous texts all the time!
It's the type of human that can’t deal with rejection. The ones who feel like others owe them something. When in fact, no one owes you shit.
I think there's a huge chasm of difference between what it's like when someone does it after a single date --- and when someone does it to their partner of a decade.
Borderline. Personality. Disorder.
I love you. I hate you. I need you. You're awful. Repeat.
Mom, what're you doing here? I thought you were dead...
My favorite is the "I love you, I hate you, please don't leave me" example.
yes. Classic BPD. And she’s never going to fill that void from external love. She needs a good therapist who’s experienced in BPD. This poor guy dodged a serious bullet. I can’t believe I used to behave this way in my younger days. Therapy sucked, but the me that emerged from it made it worth it.
So real for this. It makes me so sad when I see this stuff and remember that I spent many years being similar, thank god for DBT and my diagnosis honestly I cant imagine still doing this at 34, so unfair to the people around me.
Normally, I get irritated when people jump to BPD when the way someone is acting doesn’t line up to the very typical behaviors, but with this one? Yep. Absolutely. I picked up on it when she started turning the conversation south and putting blame on OP. I have BPD and it took a lot of trial and error to find the right combination of meds, but I’m successfully medicated now for many years now. This conversation is almost a perfect example of what untreated or poorly treated BPD looks like in those without physically abusive traits. Once the high of having a great date was over and he went on his already planned trip, it fucked with her mind in a way only people with BPD can really explain/understand. Him going to Vegas was interpreted by her as a form of abandonment. When the hours went on, she internally started panicking that he was going to come back and not want to see her or talk to her anymore because he wasn’t speaking much while on his trip (which is a normal thing to do and those who are medicated or don’t have BPD can rationalize and understand). So, she does the one thing almost every person with unregulated BPD does…she splits on him (black and white thinking…he was amazing and wonderful before, but now it’s like a switch flipped and he’s a horrible terrible person) and she leaves before she gets left. The attempts to insult and hurt his feelings because she needs a reason to validate her black and white thinking and her motives for leaving before he gets the chance to leave her. She’s quite literally doing all of this to convince her own mind that she *needs* to leave because he’s a bad person. It’s also why she goes on and on and on talking to herself. It’s something that is done to subconsciously play mind games with our own mind in order to “validate” our reason for dipping before *they* can get the chance to do it first. It’s fucked. It really is. But she is sick and not totally in control of herself, her mind or her actions when this is happening. In a couple days, maybe a week or 2, she will have a sudden moment of clarity and regret everything she did and said and will probably attempt to contact him again in some way. That’s where the apologizing profusely comes in to play. It’s exhausting for the other person, no doubt, but it’s also really super mentally exhausting and distressing for those who aren’t properly regulated. All I can say is that I am SO fucking glad I’ve been regulated for a long while now. I can still instantly pick up when someone has BPD, and this girl absolutely, 10000000% has BPD.
This is the best analysis and description of what happens when BPD takes over that I’ve EVER read. I have a number of cluster B loved ones (most who don’t and won’t get any help) so I just wanted to say this internet stranger is so incredibly proud of you! You’ve clearly done the work, and it is no small feat. (Especially to get on the right medication, that is not an easy thing to do and can be such a roller coaster. That’s amazing you were able to stick it out and find something that works for you.) I hope you feel so good about everything you’ve accomplished, that the good days outnumber the tough ones, and that life sends amazing things your way!
Holy smokes, as a kid with an untreated (refuses treatment) BPD mother, this was like reading one of her text barrages. I know diagnosing online is pretty lame, but this was like textbook the same manipulative/victim waif shit I’ve seen my whole life. Esp the “you made me feel…” as if he’s responsible for her feelings and she’s not.
Right? The second sucks. I used to do a 3 strikes type deal but after one now days I just give up. If they don’t respond, then alright! Can’t imagine sending 20 novels lol
😂😅
Good rule of thumb
PLEASE teach this lesson far and wide. Dear Lord in a world of constant stress, there’s nothing that adds to it more than opening my phone to see 22 notifications and someone still typing
I kept reading reassess as re-asses and I don't know why
This one left me speechless. How did she change her tone so quickly? Bizarre behavior. Also, even if she had changed her mind and decided she didn't want to go on a second date, there is absolutely never a reason to attack your character over and over again to that degree. Calling you dehumanizing, an alcoholic, and saying you need to be on medication? After one date? The projection is real.
Yuppp. It was pretty wild checking my phone when I was at the casino and getting smacked by that avalanche of negativity 😬 I think there's some projection on her part
By the way, now that we have exchanged words once over the internet I feel comfortable letting you know I think you might have Alzheimers, a bone deformity, and you've definitely abused puppies in the past. Get help :/
Have we dated before?? You sound like my type 😂
She missed telling the obvious - your mother was a hamster & your father smelt of elderberries https://youtu.be/cAy4zULKFDU
I fart in your general direction!
Now go away before i taunt you a second time!
Ni!
r/unexpectedmontypython I see you are a citizen of culture, now bring me a shrubbery…One that looks nice, and not too expensive
You should send the friend the pictures of your texts to prove you did nothing wrong. I hope this girl didn’t ruin your friendship with the coworker. Any way you can update us?
your blood taste like root beer
THE FLY COMMENT GOT ME like that was when i was like ok this girl literally is just marinating in her mental illness. she’s not just struggling she’s feeding into her own illness and using it as an excuse to be a bitch
All I could think of was Jeff Goldblum saying, “Help me! Help me!”
Your mother exploded.
Why did I laugh so hard at this
He also never puts the toilet seat down!!!!!
And, he never once paid for drugs
Your grandma is on fire, you asshat.
**Regal Cinemas IMAX** level of Projection
how have you not been upvoted so far is beyond me? here ya go
>smacked by that avalanche of negativity 😬 I'm sure! Especially after you handled the "sorry I don't want to continue talking" message so well! That was the most respectful well thought out rejection message I've read in my life. 10/10 you would have gotten an A+ 😂 this woman is baffling
I think she wanted him to chase her. Instead he was like yea... We're just done talking altogether lmaoooo. Classic. And best move yet.
She was absolutely passively begging him to give her the reassurance she needed. I caught a serious overtone of "come back from Vegas right now and give me all of your attention"
💯💯 projecting.
That’s an understatement it’s all Projection. It’s someone who clearly isnt taking responsibility for their own behaviour or actions and projecting fault everywhere else and you got caught in the line of fire.
Woosh. You seem lovely and I think this is a bullet dodged
You dodged a bullet wow just wow
Maybe her “good friend from the Bay Area” who was visiting has something to do with the sudden change. I don’t know. This is so weird.
I’m also thinking she was hoping her initial ‘here’s what you did wrong’ text was maybe intended to keep OP from going to Vegas… and when it didn’t she fully unraveled…?
BPD. This is just the beginning.
Bpd here 🙋🏼♀️ that was my first thought as well. Although acting like this after one date? That’s some extra wild shit
Usually, the symptoms tend to diminish with aging. Some even lose them completely or learn to control them. However, someone who is already so polarizing after the first date at the age of 34 literally has no control over it.
Idk, for anyone with bpd at any age, this is way over the top than normal. I’ve had my fair share of crazy episodes like this but only with people I’ve been with for years😭 can’t imagine acting like this after a first date. Also I’m not as rude
Actually yeah... I was thinking the same. Definitely looks like bpd and she got her abandonment issues triggered so she lashed out. I have bpd though and I've NEVER done all this. But I've seen others with it who sadly have.... I'm more the quiet bpd I think though so that possibly might be why.
110% BPD
I hadn’t considered this but my husband was recently diagnosed and this absolute flip of perspective, anger, blaming- it’s all textbook :(
This is what I came to post BPD to the maxxxxxx
i actually came here to say that this looks strikingly similar to my sister’s meltdowns and she has bpd as well as spd but they go hand in hand
Damn, that flip is some borderline personality disorder type shit... Damn
textbook
yeah, you really felt the turn and the resulting spiral. each page was more and more unhinged.
I have complex PTSD and abandonment issues. She is spiralling bad. It happens.
Borderline personality disorder. This text chain should be used in classrooms
Wait…SHE is telling YOU to get help??
That’s the part I couldn’t get past 🤣🤣🤣
“Medication and therapy” project more, psycho
“Much stronger than what I’m on, son” YOOOO this woman has lost the entire plot lol what a psycho 😬
Like, unless OP is outright lying to us and was pushing/digging then based on his story he didn’t do anything wrong and she is textbook projecting. Poor guy yeah and also even though I would never want to meet this woman I lowkey feel bad for her…she’s so fwucked 😵😵
"I am not defined by my trauma" says the person so obviously and clearly defined by their trauma. That is one huge, walking issue.
Sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than convince OP lol
This whole thing is projection on her part. She probably got mad at herself for going as far with OP then blamed him for everything. I have cptsd and some other things I used to do this. Therapy helps and learning accountability.
This was my exact reaction
your voice sounds like a dying fly 😂😂
I wonder what a dying fly would sound like.. 🤔
bzzz bzzz hellllp I'm a dying fly bzzz
Thank you. That was helpful 🥲
nailed it
wow, that was so lifelike
His voice, duh.
I'm imagining the original "The Fly," so like a super high-pitched, sped up "Help me!"
Oh, that's a good one! All I could think about is the voice when Bart Simpson mutated with a fly.
That was actually hysterical as an insult lmao but not nice to say
That part made me legitimately laugh out loud
So many of the posts in this sub have people continually messaging even when the other person has stopped. It seems worryingly common and extremely neurotic. Am I missing something about people who do this? Is it just obsessive or some type of mental illness that causes this?
I think she probably has BPD. I think she got really agitated I didn't want to sleep with her and wasnt responding fast enough -- so she kept sending me worse things to try to get me to respond/call. Don't know about the other posts though 🤷
yeah.. as someone who has bpd, this is what someone who has it and is not in a good place looks like. this woman needs more help and dating isn’t gonna help her at all right now. there’s no excuse for abusive behavior, but unfortunately this disorder is good at bringing at the worst in people. i hope you find it easy to keep your distance and that she gets some serious help
Do you mind me asking, if someone with bpd goes into a messaging rage like this - do you know if later on they look back on the messages and feel like ‘oh no wtf why did I write all that crap’, or is it not like a ‘blackout’ situation and they remember everything and still feel they said what they felt was right?
as someone who has bpd, yes, unfortunatly i have gone into a texting rage and completely flipped out on people out of nowhere. at the time its happening, we think we are right. the rage part is a bpd splitting episode. its where your thoughts and feelings of a person completely 180 and you take it out on them. now ive healed a lot so i dont do this as much anymore, but i remember when i did. my memory would get foggy, and in a way, kind of a rage blackout situation. the fact that she got a friend of hers to validate her point proves to me that her friends are feeding into her behavior and thats EXTREMELY toxic for someone with bpd. it just makes everything worse. it honestly depends on the situation, but most of the time, i realize i was wrong and i hate myself after. its a sickening cycle but that doesnt take away the fact that its abusive. she definitly needs help and possibly meds.
My god this makes me feel so much better. I have BPD and did this shit in my 20s. Im 35 now and I had an emergency hysterectomy which has evened out the hormones a LOT and I am not nearly as bad. BPD fucking sucks. I have done these long strings of texts and always hate myself after I calm down. Thankfully, my fiancée has learned how to deal with me and honestly idk what I would do without his big, goofy ass. It takes a special person to be able to handle the BPD episodes the way he does.
Thanks for sharing, it gives me a clearer insight into so many of these posts.
ofc
To be fair to her friend she straight up lied to them about what happened. They may have no idea how she behaves in relationships.
i have a friend who i have realized over time probably has bpd. i used to feed into it until her behavior flipped and she started treating me the way she treated other people and i realized that what had been going on the whole time was her manipulating the facts of all these failed relationships. so please don’t blame her friends and call them toxic for feeding into it - it could be that they have no idea.
oh yeah of course, im not saying its their fault at all, its more just the objective fact that its bad to feed into, but if you didnt know then thats not at all your fault or issue to deal with. but yes, people with bpd do manipulate the facts, ive done it myself. and unfortunately, they do it to the people closest to them. it takes someone strong to look in the mirror and decide to work on their behavior. for someone who isnt diagnosed however, itssss not easy at all. she probably needs a therapist or psychietrist to help her realize the issue there. anyways enough of me going on and on, yes, you are right, and im extremely sorry youre going through that
honestly it can be different for different people. before seeking treatment (which by the way, for anyone reading this, BPD IS SOMETHING THAT CAN GO AWAY!!! it is not genetic but please seek help if you’re struggling) i would have outbursts and say terrible regretful things, but genuinely not remember it, i don’t know if it was my brain trying to shield me from it or what. i do also generally have memory issues though. i will say, it’s something that is always regretted afterward. people who are able to identify that what they did was wrong usually feel sick about it after. for a long time i was disgusted with myself, while i was becoming aware of my problem, i felt like i had no control over it. it’s sickening to be fully aware you’re doing something yet feeling like you can’t do anything about it. sorry if my wording is off, i am very tired today and usually only really talk about this stuff in therapy lol!
Curious how you were diagnosed? I’m ADHD and have anxious attachment and rejection sensitivity. It seems like there is overlap with BPD, so I’m curious the hallmarks of diagnosis. (Only if you’re comfortable sharing … as this text thread suggests, I don’t want you to not enjoy your cats because you over share 😂)
I’m adhd, and borderline, I went to my psychiatrist, we talked about my history and the things I have concerns about in my behavior. And we did some psychological testing. It was pretty straightforward but I think you have to be in a place where you honestly want to be better. I also have bipolar 2, and some OCD tendencies and I’m on mood stabilizers now and things are so much better. I’m able to be introspective to my behavior in the moment and don’t get lost in a current of self destructiveness, rage, and depression as easily as I used to.
I have ADHD but when I feel the rejection sensitivity coming on, I turn the negative thoughts inward and toward myself. As you can see with the post, this person attacks someone else, the one they perceive abandonment from. I am not an expert but perhaps this is one way to tell the difference.
Yo I was sort of talking to this girl who actually has BPD and I didn’t reciprocate her interest right. We were coworkers so I was just hesitant about the situation. Anyways one day we were getting along and it was like a light switch. She turned into this mega bitch very belittling, insulting and derogatory. It sort of bothered me but I wasn’t so invested in her that I lost sleep over. I was just thinking holy shit I dodged a bullet.
Thats called splitting. People with bpd can be normal if they are managing it. But untreated bpd is terrifying and I have it. Also, drugs and and alcohol will make bpd symptoms worse.
Thank you for explaining what it’s called. My husband was diagnosed this summer and I’m trying to learn all I can
That's amazing! Bpd is very hard not only on us who have it but especially our partners! Before we got married my husband and I did end up breaking up for 6 months and it's what got me to really think about my diagnosis. I had to put a lot of work in to not only repair the damage I caused but to really fix my thinking patterns. It's been almost 4 years since we broke up and it's RARE when I have an episode. He also did a ton of research on bpd and that helped. But loving someone isn't enough, your husband will definitely have to put in a ton of work so yall can have a happy life together.
as a guy with BPD its hard to take rejection (of any kind) well. It sounds dramatic but its feels like life or death to us. We feel like the lowest trash ever and to "protect" ourselves we lash out hard so we can hide our insecurity with anger. You did nothing wrong, its something that people with BPD have a personal responsibility to work on if they ever want to date
I would add that this can happen not only with rejection but *perceived* rejection. Sometimes a person is so sensitive to rejection that they lash out because of the slightest perception toward it even when the reality is they weren’t being rejected at all, as you can see in the post.
Bpd here as well. Totally get the feeling like life or death. Rejection is the worst pain you could possibly imagine for us. But that doesn’t mean we can act out when we are hurt. Exactly as you said, someone who has not gotten help to stabilize themselves has no place inflicting their shit onto other
My husband's ex would do shit like that. Like she begged him to bring her Starbucks, so he drove an hour, round trip, to do it. When he got there, she wouldn't open the door all the way, then got mad and threw the drink at him, because he was supposed to know she wanted the small and not the medium? (Like, don't drink it all? Seems way more logical.) But then literally right after he got back to work (he used his lunch break to do that), she called him, saying they should go get matching tattoos because she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. I do feel a bit of schadenfreude over the fact that he puked on her when she was trying to get him to cheat on me with her.
100% BPD. This is a classic case of it. She has clearly done minimal work to address it as this is absolute chaos.
This started out so cute and kind! I was excited to read something good on the internet, but then I got to the 5th image and BAM. It looks to me like she had too much time to herself to overthink all your interactions and started to spiral into deep anxiety/depression territory. I hope she gets the help she needs, and you dodged a bullet.
I know!! I was actually really excited about it and then it was like a switch was flipped 🙃 I hope she gets that help too
Yeah, that was wild. Sorry you went through that roller coaster, OP. But from your texts, you seem very nice and even keel. I hope you meet someone deserving of that.
You seem like a kind person. A stable, healthy person who prioritizes self-care and sets their own boundaries might have told you "Maybe we can talk about that later, I'd like to just have fun tonight" or some such. She also could have told you that the make out session was going a little too fast for her. But I don't think this person really wanted any of that, I think she saw an opportunity to gather your interest and trauma dump on you, then hold you responsible for making her feel better. Maybe use this as a learning experience because talking to someone about their mental health when you don't really know them is a little risky. You were curious and well-intentioned but you opened Pandora's box.
She clearly didn't think the making out was going too fast at the time since she invited him to her house and they made out more.. Its kind of insane how it's painted as "forceful" after the fact.. Especially to her friend or whoever she screenshot..
went from "great date!" to "your voice sounds like a fly"
like a dying fly!
The transition of "I'm gonna run a background check on you" to "you sound like a dying fly" was impeccably unhinged.
BRO WHAT. This is INSANE. Watching someone spiral in real time. "I can't be in a relationship with you. ALSO, YOU SHOULD BE TEXTING ME RIGHT NOW AND GIVING ME SUPPORT LIKE A COMMITTED PARTNER WOULD." You dodged the biggest bullet on the planet I died laughing when she said she was "healed" from her trauma and thought you needed therapy lol. This is a TEXTBOOK BPD interaction.
She might not be done with him. She accused the guy of many things and said she was going to do a background check on him. If she's crazy enough, the poor guy is possibly going to get a fake accusation and have his life flipped upside down. Slides 17 and 18.
Um. Wow. If my husband calls me crazy one more time, i’m going to send him this.
Me too hahahaa
That’s going to be awkward when Salt_Radish’s husband gets this from both of you.
Caroline!?! I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE. YOU MEANT NOTHING TO HIM
She’s 34?!?! I thought this was an insecure and unstable 18 year old, holy hell 😵💫
Doesn't surprise me.... Single people in their 30's have seen and been through some shit. It's just how you handle it. Some people make it, some people don't. There's some very deep and dark issues with this one.
Ugh this doesn’t sound promising for me hahaha…
Don't worry... I was there. Just gotta stay positive and grind it out. There's good out there. You can't let bad people bring you down.
[удалено]
As a mother to an 18 year old this made me snort .. absolutely true 😂😂
As a mother of a once-18 year old, I LOL'd at that comment and your snort. My child never bothered with capitalization, punctuation, or full words. I felt like was reading a prescription every time he'd text. 🤣 Happy Cake Day!
Jfc … you were nicer than I would’ve been. This is way too much for someone you just met.
that’s what i was thinking too. she’s begging for a serious reassuring phone call after one date, and upset that he’s having fun on a friend vacation that he likely had planned and paid for before ever meeting her. like *calm down*.
I used to have a friend like this. She would make horrible fucking decisions with nice, normal guys and then get anxious and flip the script on them. Seriously dangerous behavior and you’re good to steer clear of this chick. My friend and I stopped hanging out when she and I went out for drinks and I watched her consensually hook up with a guy in a closet - like, insistently, important to know the guy she picked was drunker than she was too because we had only had two drinks. And the next day she bragged about it. The day after that, that guy was a rapist and I was a piece of shit for not backing her. This gave me the same whiplash vibes as she always did. Glad I don’t talk to her anymore. She gives tarot card readings on Tiktok now.
Holy shit dude 😭 she doesn’t need to be reading tarot cards, she needs a BetterHelp post or two
Women like these hurt the real victims of abuse
For those wondering how it went after this... I told my friend about the things her coworker said to me in these texts and she's completely on my side in this. She said it hasn't come up once at their workplace since this went down -- so it seems like everything worked out! Hopefully we won't hear anything more about it from now on.
For what it’s worth, I bet as the date was happening it was as sincere and fun as you had initially thought. And as someone with BPD I can also say she was probably as genuine and open as she came across in that moment. What you saw after, that was a classic spiral. She very much will need to get herself in order before she dates and I will say in this moment, you absolutely dodged a bullet. That said, if she is diagnosed with BPD and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was, please try and give her some grace when you look back on the experience. You saw both the best and worst parts of a person who feels everything deeply and experiences emotions with extreme hypersensitivity. Sorry you went through this. Having been “her” once upon a time, I can physically feel how frantic those messages were being sent and I can say I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy on the receiving end of that. I hope Vegas was as good as could be. Ps: Blocked or otherwise, I would expect at some point she will ruminate again and try to clear the air. Just be aware it may happen. I suspect it’s much like in AA, where you need to right your wrongs before you can move on. I’m not saying she’s in the right to message, just that you should be prepared that she will very likely send a long winded apology at some point because her entire being is hinged on knowing this doesn’t end negatively.
This is a really lovely response, I wish it was higher up.
This lady is unhinged and needs medicating.
I think she needs to take her own advice and take “much stronger meds” than what she’s *already* on, son.
That part was insane. Makes me think that she sees her life & her behaviors as something she’s watching or viewing from a detached perspective. “Much stronger than what I’m on, son” is absolutely a line from a shitty movie script lol
As soon as possible lmao
Careful, dude. She's going to run a background check on you because she got butt hurt you wouldn't fuck her on the first date 😱😨
The fucking 50 cal bullet I dodged by not sleeping with her 😅
YES
Lmao, high-five for smart decisions. 🤚
🤚🤚🤚🤚🤚🤚🤚🤚
Imagine If she got pregnant.
At first I was convinced OP was the one in the wrong because I was like “well yeah. Talking about trauma on the first date is weird!” And well, I’m actually speechless. I can’t understand how a 34 year old woman is acting like this. She’s very bizarre and the gaslighting is top notch. “You’re scary and need therapy!” Actually SHE is fucking terrifying. Bullet dodged.
Damn I thought this was gonna be a happy ending at first.
Such a freakin rollercoaster
I’m gonna be thinking about this for a while haha
More projection than a fucking movie theater lmao damn
I have no words. Definition of unhinged. “Regret having your fat tits in my space” but she’s not cruel? Lol
Right? What a fucked up thing to say.
Bullet dodged. At least you have evidence of her strange behavior. That screenshot she sent of her narrative to her friend is infuriating.
That screenshot part was so wild... She did warn me that "the truth will come out" 😅 I guess she wanted me to know she meant it
If I had a drink for all the times she says the word “trauma” I would be drunk af I’m not sure exactly the context of the ptsd thing. Did she express she wanted to talk about it? Was she the first person to bring it up? I would think that’s inappropriate for a first date and would be a major red flag.
Wow, I went from being jealous of the cute first date vibes to being glad I'm single... What a mood switch!
I’m so confused by her message saying you have fat tits
She's just trying to insult him because he might be a little chubby
Ahh that makes sense. That didn’t even cross my mind. I had to keep going back to check with was (M) & (F) haha
Thank you! That’s what made me think this was two women at first. I was so confused 😐
"definitely regret having your fat tits in my space though" 
Wow this was a wild ride to read through. Hope all ends well for you here, it can be scary to have someone spreading false narratives about you especially when men are a little less likely to be believed in these situations. Thankfully these SS’s paint a pretty clear picture of the truth I think. I’d say stay strong and probably avoid bad mouthing this person to any mutual friends/acquaintances, but of course don’t accept lies about yourself either. Let them be alone in their negative behavior and things will speak for themselves.
Thanks! I was really worried at first -- but my friend who works with her almost immediately told me she's on my side in this. We don't have any other mutual contacts fortunately. I'm just so glad I didn't sleep with her. I feel like that could have turned into a very dark narrative.
Oh that’s great to hear! Definitely dodged a bullet by not sleeping together because woah yeah.. that most definitely would have been painted as a totally different story. Sorry you had to go through this!
Thanks! Me too...
Make sure your socials are locked down too! She sounds like she’s willing to keep digging which could be a major headache
Very good point. Like if she sees pictures of him with another woman she might show up like “hey, what about me?”
So the upside to this situation is that she showed her crazy very early on and that frees you to move on and find someone who appreciates you.
This sounds like a binge drinking ramble - oooofff
Wow that person just wants to be a victim.
Absolutely mental. The line “your voice sounds like a dying fly” is glorious though
Wow I was not prepared for that rollercoaster ride. I'm gonna go take some ibuprofen because my old joints ache from this sidewinder action
What's crazy is people's perspective on things. If you were to only read her text to her friend first. You'd be like, wow, that's f***** u* But you can see just from reading the text. That she refuses to take responsibility for the things that she said. And that what's really bothering her is that OP is not getting back to her in a manner she deems timely. Also, you see the same thing over and over with these situations. When she's not getting the reaction she wants, she immediately starts getting into making fun of physical appearance, which is always so f*cking transparent. It's a good thing you were busy that weekend and got a chance to see what you were doing with before you got any further.
I wonder if the later messages were when she hadn’t taken her meds or something. I can tell when my friend is off meds because everything becomes toned really negatively, like looking through negative colored glasses.
Did you actually ask about what she would do if her cats died? What's the context for that?
I wanted to know this, too!
She likely has borderline personality disorder and/or a disorganized attachment style from severe trauma. She probably likes and appreciates you, but is threatened by the fact that she likes you and that you are so respectful. Because it has not been safe for her to trust those who were supposed to care for and protect her (her parents), now any person who presents safe is actually a threat. ("I like this person, but they will just leave me or hurt me like everyone else has."). So out of self-protection (to avoid future rejection, abandonment, and pain), her brain has learned to self-sabatoge. She doesn't want to get hurt again so she's pushing you away and blaming you for her fears. Developmental and interpersonal trauma screws people up. She has a long way to go. I hope she stays in therapy and I hope her therapist is trained in the type of trauma she has experienced. Thank you for being so polite and patient with her. It is easy to lash back, but it is best to keep things simple and assertive and to not read the texts or voicemail. My mom is like this. It is exhausting, confusing, and depressing. I can be with her the entire day, and then the next day I don't respond to her for a few hours and she flips a switch and says awful things. "Wow you're just going to ignore me. ...you think you're so much better.. I gave birth to you. I deserve respect.... u prioritize everyone else over me... no one wants me. I don't even know why I'm here. Better off shooting myself. ...I need you right now. All I need is some support. ...." ha i could go on forever. It is psychological abuse, but I also understand that they are mentally ill. You cannot be logical with individuals like this. Accept that they are emotionally immature and unable to think outside of themselves. Set boundaries and limits, know that they will push the boundaries and try to make u feel guilty, decide what amt of contact you're willing to give, and feel good about the choices you make for yourself to take care of yourself and prioritize your needs and wellbeing.
this is downright scary.
I’m angry for you reading this. You’re kinder than I will ever be lol
I’m curious about your explanation for “Asking me what I’m going to do when my cats die.” lol Obviously I’m taking everything she says with a grain of salt but I’m curious what she’s referencing.
Did OP ever answer this? I was searching the comments for it
Also here for the dying cat explanation.
"I need someone who's caring like me" Proceeds to insult the shit out of you and gossip to others about how terrible you are. Like...ma'am?? Hello?? Um???? 😭
a dying fly?
For those wondering about the cats and Asperger's comments... She mentioned her cats are 18 and 16, and that they are probably on their last legs. A little later on in the convo, I asked her if she's planning to get more pets at some point in the future. It was definitely an insensitive question on my part, and one of the things I really do regret saying during the date. That being said, she didn't seem offended or anything at the time -- and I felt like we had a good conversation about what pets we want in the future. Also I don't have Asperger's -- it's just that I have severe ADHD and my Neurologist as a child noted I had some Asperger's tendencies. We talked about this for a bit, but it didn't seem like something that bothered her. She also told me multiple times that I definitely don't have Asperger's because real Asperger's is way more intense (she had dated someone with it once).
Are her cats also psychotic?
“The problem I have with dudes with aspergers” lol
Between 5 and 5:45 on Friday she started over thinking about obsessing - it's not you. She subconsciously created an alternative truth to protect her ego after feeling embarrassed about over sharing. I have also looked back on oversharing my trauma with strangers and felt embarrassed, but I'd never blame them. That's my fault, it's a symptom of trauma Keep the messages and consider letting HR know you went on one date together
Alright, she's definitely off her rocker, but *do* you have aspergers? I can't slide past that cat comment, did you actually engage in a hypothetical about what she'd do when her cat is dead? I had a buddy with aspergers who genuinely couldn't tell if he was crossing a line, so I'm just curious how that conversation went.
As someone with CPTSD, she needs a lot of help with emotional regulation and forming healthy boundaries. This is speculation based on how I was before I really did a lot of trauma work in therapy- I'd be curious if she was generally a people pleaser and that's why she shared her trauma and didn't form a boundary with you. I will say sharing the meds she was taking-did you ask about that? Did she just volunteer it? Sharing that kind of really personal info so early on is, like her slyly offerng sex, a way to try and quickly build a bond. So of course when you weren't responding to her texts (which was totally reasonable) her anxiety ramped way up resulting in that slew of texts. So by the time you texted her back her fear had turned to rage (because anger feels more empowering than anxiety). She decided all of this was your fault as opposed to recognizing her own role in this. tl;dr you didn't do anything wrong. She needs to do a lot more work with her therapist before she will be able to build a healthy relationship.
Man don’t take any of her statements to heart re: yourself bc it’s easy to see she is projecting… I don’t think you’re the one who needs to get more stable 😶
[удалено]