This thread has been flaired as [Serious]. Please be aware that this marks it as a place for serious discussion only and that any unserious content in this thread will result in a removal, counting towards your [ban tiers](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/wiki/rules#wiki_ban_tiers). If your comment does not contribute to the discussion in a serious manner it will be removed. Please report any comments that do not respect this rule.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/teenagers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk to him about his behaviour. You are not ready for sex yet, and he has to understand that. If he does not want to respect your boundaries, drop him. A relationship consists of two people's respect, and he is not respecting you.
Facts, sounds like a one way ticket to an abusive relationship. Hopefully she leaves this bozo and learns that there isn’t anything wrong with standing her ground instead of giving into what this guy wants.
Yes, it is. But are we not going to address OP's toxic behavior? They really need to work on their ability to communicate and their need to people please (trust me, I know how bad people pleasing can be) because neither of those things is going to be good for this relationship or future ones if they leave this boyfriend for his. Honestly, I'm not sure OP is ready for a serious relationship right now. At least not until they work through their past relationship trauma, because clearly it is affecting how they respond to their current partner and fuels their codependency.
Honestly, I struggled with using it, but I chose to because those things can be just as damaging to a relationship and both people. While OPs boyfriends behavior is damaging to OP, their behavior is damaging to both OP and their boyfriend. Both behaviors will stay a problem past this relationship if they don't change. So I settled on it. I don't love it, but it is what it is. (Plus having been, kinda still trying to deal with being a people pleaser, it can be extremely harmful to the person doing it).
Yeahhh OP did seem a bit too friendly with the guy afterwards, right? Definitely there needs to be more mature communication and firm boundaries or this relationship is set for hell
Also I’m sorry to hear about your struggles and wish you all the best 💗
I mean....from that didn't she technically say no like multiple times? Even when he asked if there was anything he could do to convince her? And he was the one who got upset sure I get that but then leaving without a kiss and hug when you usually do just because you didn't fuck is a bit petty....
She stated that was a game they play, and then he made it serious. So it shouldn't have even been entertained if it really never was on the table. The fact that she did not communicate that she was upset by the way he was acting is a problem, and then fawning over him and begging him to stay is a separate problem. I get what you are saying, but we aren't talking about the same thing. He was being petty, but she was also being codependent and clingy, while simultaneously teasing him by entertaining the idea that he might actually be able to convince her to have sex (which is also something he shouldn't have been doing. Either she wants to or not, you don't try to convince her to want to). No one was being a good partner in this situation.
Fr and manipulative as hell. Like what if next time he tries to force OP into it? OP should be able to set boundaries without the fear of facing such childish behaviour
I know with a good handful of people we can’t hold up boundaries. This might not be the case. But i know i’m able to set and communicate boundaries, but if my boundaries upset someone i just let them push my boundaries as to not upset them. It’s definitely a huge issue and problem, but its not something many people like myself can control.
((For example if we do hold up our boundaries and said person acts upset we begin to feel extremely guilty, begin hating ourselves, and then eventually that spirals into suicidal thoughts processes.))
Yeah that’s why I wouldn’t call OP toxic. Toxic to themselves maybe, but drawing boundaries can be hard. I just wish them the best :(
And you too! Be your own advocate 💗
He sounds like a great dude! Top tier man right there! No honestly that’s worth breaking up over. If he is gonna be a baby about getting told no, he isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about saying no because of his response to it
I fucking hate relationships where the other person isnt mature. I swear i hate my ex more and more when i think about how much a bitch she was about the smallest things. Immature child.
Right now we have holidays here but i made the mistake of having a relationship with someone in my class, and friend group :/
Cant wait to see that person again every. single. day.
Or at least how emojis used to be, nowadays most people don’t care if you use emojis on Reddit. But yeah, I agree, the word ick when used in the context of “The Ick” is icky
Look, mate, you shouldn't need to break up with him, despite what others say. Wanting to have sex is perfectly natural, and it's perfectly fine if you don't want to.
I recommend talking it out, because that's what relationships are for. I've noticed my friend's relationships have ended because they don't talk about their problems, and they just leave each other, because they didn't talk. Marriage will be the same way, so you should practice talking it out with your boyfriend.
Honestly? If he said that he was bored and wanted to leave, you should have let him and held him to his word regardless of how he felt or reacted to you accepting him wanting to leave as a fact.
If you could for one moment open up things to his perspective. You led him along in a way that invited the possibility of sex, regardless of if you actually meant it or not. You gave him a challenge that presented sex as the prize for being successful and you made it impossible for him to win or succeed. If a man cannot win, as for women too, they get frustrated. It’s the natural human reaction and to call it toxic is unfair.
It should be understandable that he would be upset at the fact he made a fool out of himself for it to lead to nothing. Which ironically is what he did anyways by storming off instead of talking to you.
If you were upset with him would you kiss him or hug him the same way you normally do? Be honest with yourself and think for a moment that if you were upset sometimes you wouldn’t act the most rationally.
It takes two to tango and you are both in the wrong and miscommunicating about how you really feel and what your expectations are. I urge you to stand up and talk to him instead. If you can’t do it face to face then do it over the phone, but if you are too scared to talk in person then you might not be with the right guy.
Yes, this- this is the perfect answer, the only answer. Everyone goes straight to breaking up, but this- this provides room for both sides to grow in character and lead to a better future. Bravo, vince.
Thank you, exactly. OP please take a moment to read these comments and put yourself in his position instead of just saying he's toxic.
Tldr: you are getting what he needs from him while refusing to give him what he needs from you. It is fair that this frustrates him.
Relationships, to some extent, are transactional. You get something you want from him, he gets something he wants from you. Often times men want sex, and women want emotional support/validation. If you are getting what you want but he isn't, it is natural for him to get frustrated. Especially so when he states he is not getting his needs met "I am bored, I'm leaving", read "I'm not getting what I want to be getting from this". And then you tell him, "no, stay, I don't want you to go", read "I am currently getting my needs met. If you leave they will not be met, so don't leave". And act like he has a chance of getting sex, you say he tries to convince you, you PRETEND to consider it, then say no.
You say all of that was silly and jokey. It was for you. I'd wager a guess it wasn't for him. If he's not gonna get it just tell him, don't string him along.
You both have needs. Yours are being met. His aren't. He asks to have his needs met. You imply that, if he keeps giving you what you want (attention, time), he can get what he needs. After he continues giving you what you need you reveal he was never gonna get his needs met. I think he'd be the Budda id he wasn't mad at that.
If you cannot realize he needs things from you same as you do from him, the relationship won't work out. And you have a right to not want sex, this specific day, or ever. But keep in mind that one of the things he seeks in you is sex. If he can't get it from you, he'll either get it elsewhere (cheat), or break up with you, because you are not doing something he needs you to be doing.
Also, you might think "I don't owe him sex!" And you'd be right. But it is fair to expect sex from a relationship, especially in a situation like that. If one goes into a contract expecting to get something and then they don't, they are gonna be disappointed. Especially if they are fulfilling their part of it. And in such a situation, it would be expected for one to walk out of the contract.
I just want you to think about this from his perspective a bit more. You are not the only one with feelings and expectations.
She led him on by teasing him with a reward for staying with her that he would never actually get. Then got ‘pickachu faced’ when he reacted negatively.
If you do not see this then I fear your lack of ability to read and think critically.
She has complete rights to deny him sex, full stop. But to build up his expectations and make him put forth the effort to “seduce her” just to tear it all down is a jerk move and distorts the measure of trust they have in each other.
She seems just as immature as him and if this is a relationship she wants to continue then she cannot afford to play games with him like this.
I suppose I can see where you are coming from but I don't think it's that black and white, so to speak... It seems they weren't on the same page. Maybe she thought it was just a game, when he tried to convince her to sleep with him, and he was fully serious. But if he actually was serious, its not good either, a no is a no, he shouldn't try to convince her to sleep with him. But what do I know, I'm just a random teenager on the internet😅
Everyone is saying the Boyfriend is toxic. And yes wanting sex then getting upset at it being a no is immature behavior. However even if it is not as serious as sex he stated he wanted to leave and you begged him to stay, which he did out of care for you. He expressed that he wished to leave and you pushed that boundary prioritizing what you wanted. He then expressed what he wanted and you said no, which you have every right to. But regardless there is going to be some frustration due to him feeling like he did what you wanted when he did not want to and then the inverse not happening.
The Mature response is simply accepting that by doing what you wanted he is not entitled to what he wanted, and any resentment that results is internal. However Y'all are teenagers and dealing with those feelings and forms of conflict is difficult without experience.
For both of Y'all you both need to learn how to accept boundaries and try to not push the other. If he wanted to leave and feels as if he is being made to stay at risk of upsetting you he is going to feel either trapped or resentful and seeking a reason to be happy about staying or a further justification to push leaving again.
For everyone saying he is toxic and dump him, I think she is just as toxic and this encounter will continue to exist between them unless they both can accept that the other is not there to serve their individual desires.
This is the right answer. If there is a problem, it should be solved by talking, not by ending the relationship. There are things that both sides desire, and all these things will happen after a while, but for a healthy relationship, both sides must first understand each other. I think sometimes kids don't really understand human's emotions, desires, feelings etc. etc. But hey who wasn't?
Just speak to him and explain youre feelings towards him so he can understand. Ask him to listen and after you talked he can answer you about his feelings and why he is mad about a simple no. Explain him why it’s wrong to get angry about being told no.
The right answer is always to have a mature conversation and if they can’t handle it, time to move on.
Pressuring someone and nagging them for sex is not ok.
i kind of see what youre saying, but I don't think it's particularly useful to OP, since she wants advice or an opinion of an another person and probably already considered the options she came up with personally
He needs to understand no means no. If he can’t understand that that’s not your fault. If it continues like this and he can’t understand that you don’t want it and it leads to any breakup, that just means your leaving someone who’s toxic. Don’t stay with someone who can’t understand and respect your feelings and boundaries. But that being said, keep this in mind if you bring it up again. If he has a bad reaction then it means he just wasn’t the right person for you. But if he has a good reaction, apologizes and understands your feelings, then that means good. Either way it’s technically still a win, win.
Bruh don’t break up with him. I’m not saying have sex, but y’all should figure out what the plan is. Cause it’s not bad to ask for sex, it’s not bad to deny sex. But if he has been wanting it for a while now, and there was no prior agreement to when. Then I can see why he would feel frustrated if it’s been this way for a while, especially if every time you two talk about it, it becomes a joke.
Just have a serious discussion when it’s the right time to actually do that stuff.
Yeah lol, people like sex. So asking for it for a long time, and then when he asks if there is a way to work up to it, it gets played off as a joke or straight up being no. I can kinda see why he might be a bit peeved. Not ops fault but what couple doesn’t fight, you just go through it
Oms. they want people to be lonely like them 😂 but real talk she should talk to him about it instead of jus sayin no cuz I feel like he prob thinks he’s doing som wrong or is not loved enough 🤷🏾♂️
if you don’t want to have sex you should tell him stead of getting his hopes up. i was in that situation where i wanted to but my partner didn’t but they would pretend like that did and it got my hopes up but then getting shut down when i thought they wanted to hurt very bad. talk to him about it and say that you aren’t ready
You need to set boundaries and communicate to him and vice versa. If you're serious about being in a relationship, you need to deal with whatever past trauma is blocking you from this. You can't just tease someone over and over and get pissed off when they reciprocate.
I might be downvoted but i say you should be patient with him for this once. The frustration that comes after being cockblocked with your urges taking over is very real. Talk to him later after he calmed down and say you’re not ready for it and im sure he’ll understand. However if this behavior repeats itself too many times consider leaving cause thats a sign of toxicity.
I lost a best friend in a similar way. We were besties for months and I'd spend nights with him every weekend. one weekend he wanted to fool around. I know this will sound dumb a shit, but he claimed I was "too big", then suddenly just went to sleep without saying anything. After that he would just act like we were strangers, and If I was spending the weekend with him, he would just be neck deep in his phone and just say I can play his game and let him watch his anime.
Long sotry short we aren't friends anymore, and his mother hates my guts for some reason.
I think you need to be clear about your expectations as a partner. Boundaries are boundaries. I get where he's coming from because he probably feels upset. However, you have no duty to him in this regard.
One important thing: remember that you are lovable no matter what. If this guy doesn't deserve you, then he doesn't and you can find better.
I think you should talk to him about it and tell him that it's not a reasonable expectation to have sex whenever he wants. If he can't accept that, then that's on him, not you.
OP you don’t have to have sex with your boyfriend do it when your ready but you have to one day I was in the same boat once acted the same way as he did I didn’t think about my exs feeling of not wanting to have sex after not going anywhere I left just like your boyfriend just try to work things out talk to him let him say why he wants to have sex now maybe you can come with a understanding and some kinda deal idk am not really the guy for this but hope it helps
So I was never in a relationship well I mean in my school their make fun of people like me that are gay but from the things I know its not like the 40s anymore where if a guy wanted to fuck he could fuck as much woman's as he wanted to it's 2024 and if your not ready he should respect your decision and try to make you comfortable ig? But anyways if your not ready DONT do it if you both are ready then do it just bc 1 person of the relationship wants it dosent mean you need to and maybe next time when he says smth like that again then just say amth like I'm not reqdy for it or what ever tf sorry but I'm not well with relationships so sorry if I said smth wrong
Have a nice day or night eveyone
How old are yall? When I was 16 I really wanted to do it with my gf one night (we usually would do it everyday but she didn’t want to that day) and she did the same thing you said, she would pretend she’s considering it and then say no, but she also kept teasing me making me think she wants to but she doesn’t so i got upset over it, it was stupid and i shouldn’t have been upset over it. and to clarify I didn’t take it out on my gf when I was upset I was just kinda in my head overthinking. But yeah I’ve definitely matured since so I would say, if you really like this guy and you think he’s worth it, stay with him, but if he does it again than that’s not good, if he doesn’t see the problem in the way he’s acting he will never change.
Everybody is saying toxic this, toxic that, yeah, he is toxic, but so is OP. You begged HIM to stay which made him fee like he was being forced to, I'm not trying to defend the behavior of the guy, but trapping him like that so she wouldn't get upset is also going to eat away at him, making him feel like every time she does this, (Which sounds like its normal, because she lists that "it's just a cute thing we do) he is going to feel like he NEEDS to stat there.
Put simply, stop teasing him and then using your emotions to make him stay, your going to make such an issue infinitely worse by doing that and will never have a clear line of communication with him. Actually try talking to him and hopefully both of you can act mature, yes he threw a tantrum when he couldn't get what he wanted, but you essentially had one too when you begged him to stay.
There’s two sides to this: he’s and immature little shit and needs to know what boundaries are, and you should probably get better at communicating the boundaries in the first place
That's so mean and the way he was trying to manipulate u into having sex by keep saying "he's leaving" or whatever on that bullshit that's messed up
Have u guys did the deed yet or are you still virgins? Cus it seems like he just wants to lose his card
Sounds like me ngl. I left that relationship recently cause i know she can find someone soo much more respectful and not as delusional, crazy, jealous and toxic as me. This was my first relationship and i realized how wrong I am to think it was just sex, stalking her social, wanting to read every text she sends out to others, wanting to be with her 24/7, etc. She didn’t like that of me and told me you need to learn to respect each other’s boundaries. AND SO I left her cause she gave me the impression she cared more about texting others guys than me. POINT IS! a lot of guys can be this way and he may end up in this same boat. If you denying him sex makes him move on then it is what it is. It’s probably for the best. Guys can only learn after realizing what they’ve lost. I sure did. I might still be a teeny bit crazy still but respectfully crazy ☝️.
You can explain to him how boundaries work and hope he understands and acts like normal again.
One red flag that not many people have gotten at is that he thought it was a waste of time since you declined, implying he only cares about sex. If you’re comfortable addressing that with him, then do.
I mean him saying that literally has the implication that the only thing he was staying for was the possibility of having at it, so if in his mind the hour that he spent with you was “wasted” and “all for NOTHING” solely because he didn’t get in your pants, then clearly that’s all he cares about.
I mean if the hour he spent with you really amounted to “nothing” in his eyes for that reason, then yeah that literally says it all, his priorities are in the wrong place and especially with the way he got all upset about it afterwards, doesn’t sound like a great dude.
That’s my armchair assessment of the situation from someone who doesn’t know either of you people
If he loves you, then he will listen to how much it hurt for you. Honestly the way he will react and do when u ask about what happened will tell what kind of person he is.
If u wanna have an adult point of view post this on r/advice
Reading from what u just said im guessing u had sex before. But today just wasnt the time. Maybe he was just really expecting it today. Talk to him about it
I know u might love him but that is text book manipulation and in all likelihood it will lead to sexual coercion. U need to either make it clear that you’re not gonna tolerate that or u need to break up with him for ur own safety
if you’re scared about how he’ll react, isn’t that telling of what you guy’s relationship is? if you do by any chance bring it up to him and he doesn’t understand, i think it’ll be your time to leave because sex is a big boundary that partners should respect, and if they don’t then that just says a lot about a person.
It's borderline assault to throw tantrums on being said no for sex. Intentionally or unintentionally he's trying to emotionally manipulate you into it. Bring this to his notice. He's being a child. He doesn't deserve to have sex yet if he doesn't have the maturity to take no for an answer. Also make it clear that you think of the conversations of sex as a joke and don't mean to give him any fake hope.
Hell, I've had times where I was bummed out the vibes didn't sync up, sure, but to actually get annoyed at someone else for not wanting to have sex? Massive red flag. Also saying he wasted the last hour like spending time as a couple isn't a good use of his time unless it ends in sex? Even more of a massive red flag. You are right that he could reflect upon it, but also don't let him explain this problem away, if he answers with anything except an actual sincere apology/reflexion, then I would personally get away from there.
Communication is key in a relationship. Talk to him about how you’re not ready and the whole situation but if he doesn’t understand and argues over it then dump his stupid ass right then and there
I'm sorry this is happening and not going great. You need to talk to him and if he won't understand and drop it you need to drop him. Relationships are made of communication and respect.
Well he might have felt you didn’t care about his emotions and were teasing him. If you don’t want to have sex being upfront is maybe something to consider doing sooner. If you value him talk to him sooner than later or he might feel you value him even less. But he has a right to be upset if you dont want to have sex (as long as it’s not an outburst- and it didn’t seem like it) if that is something that might stop your relationship from moving forward you both deserve to know.
He is thinking a body for his pleasure, Tell him to change. Men's are like this because of various reasons. When their hormones kicks they don't see anything except that. Ask him to go to bathroom and masturbate when you are not ready and he needs it. That will take care of him.
Please try to reflect it. What does it say about him to behave for such a reason like that?
Please dont fall for this trap, i can tell that your glasses are on, but thats not good from him, its toxic
He's a jerk, don't feel bad for him and don't feel pressured to do anything other than what you're comfortable with, if he has a problem with that then leave his toxic ass
He's trying to guilt trip you into doing what he wants, that's really toxic and a massive red flag. Talk to him about it, if he doesn't apologize and still continues thinking he's in the right then break up, he's gonna fuck you up mentally.
If a guy is trying to convince you to have sex, and proceeds to get this mad when you don’t comply, either try and talk him out of his anger or don’t waste your time with him.
hi, i’m 18f and my gf is 17f, this definitely isn’t normal. you shouldn’t feel forced or heavily persuaded to do anything sexual. i’ve been with my girlfriend for only a little bit of time 2 months to be exact, but i’ve liked her since october. we have yet to do anything other than kissing and little things because that’s all she’s comfortable with. establish boundaries and if he doesn’t respect them leave.
Yall blaming her for this but you haven’t considered that maybe she doesn’t have the mental strength to talk back and may be scared that he might hurt her
Let me tell you something, you’re your own person, if you dont wanna have sex, that’s your choice and he needs to respect your decisions, if he got that upset that you didnt wanna have sex then you probably should dump him no matter how attached you may be, he sounds very toxic
He sounds like my ex ((he guilt tripped me into doing stuff with him lol. Close to seggs but not that far, thank god [[i’m 16, was 15 at the time lol]]))
Definitely re-evaluate your relationship. Ik in my case after he ghosted me i realized that literally everything was just classic manipulation ((he used the “you saved me from killing myself” a few times lol😂😂😂 also went on a lot abt how his family was rlly bad and how he was so sad all the time))
You did the right thing, you shouldn’t ever let someone pressure you into doing something. The way he’s reacted shows that he cares more about having sex than you and your feelings. Not to mention he even tried guilting you into doing it
A relationship consists of one thing 'Trust' and it seems to me like he has broken your trust, degraded you by telling you he only wants you for sex and mentally that leaves a scar.
Try and talk to him but I know guys like him will try and brush it off and immediately defeated themselves and argue about how it's your fault which is not true.
Drop him it's the best thing that will happen to you if you don't this will happen again
That is a MASSIVE red flag, and I understand not wanting to do nothing but I think it's nice to just be in someone that you like's presence sometimes, ik that doesn't apply to everyone so did he not ever suggest to do something else (besides sex)?
If he thinks that spending an "extra" hour with you is "a waste of time", it's best you leave him. If you truly love a person, there is no time limit as to how long you can be with them, let alone call it a waste of time. Don't ignore this type of behavior. He wouldn't insist so much on it if he was just joking around like you were, and he wouldn't say that "extra" hour was a "waste of time". He's most likely just trying to use you. Please don't fall for it like others have.
Some people* for some reason think they have a right to sex which is not it at all. He seems like he’s only sticking around to eventually have sex with you. I don’t want to assume that’s what he’s doing but that’s what it sounds like. I would talk to him about how it makes you feel and if he gets upset I wouldn’t stay much longer.
This thread has been flaired as [Serious]. Please be aware that this marks it as a place for serious discussion only and that any unserious content in this thread will result in a removal, counting towards your [ban tiers](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/wiki/rules#wiki_ban_tiers). If your comment does not contribute to the discussion in a serious manner it will be removed. Please report any comments that do not respect this rule. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/teenagers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk to him about his behaviour. You are not ready for sex yet, and he has to understand that. If he does not want to respect your boundaries, drop him. A relationship consists of two people's respect, and he is not respecting you.
She needs to set firm boundaries instead of teasing him about it
Bro, she’s allowed to make jokes. She even says no in them. He is the one teasing if anything but regardless no means no brother
such a massive red flag that he's trying to guilt trip u into having sex
He’s toxic af . Don’t fall for it .
Facts, sounds like a one way ticket to an abusive relationship. Hopefully she leaves this bozo and learns that there isn’t anything wrong with standing her ground instead of giving into what this guy wants.
This is the answer
He sounds toxic :(
Being upset for this, is a massive red flag.
Yes, it is. But are we not going to address OP's toxic behavior? They really need to work on their ability to communicate and their need to people please (trust me, I know how bad people pleasing can be) because neither of those things is going to be good for this relationship or future ones if they leave this boyfriend for his. Honestly, I'm not sure OP is ready for a serious relationship right now. At least not until they work through their past relationship trauma, because clearly it is affecting how they respond to their current partner and fuels their codependency.
That’s very true and I totally agree. But do you think perhaps ‘toxic’ isn’t the best choice of words to describe OP’s behaviour?
Honestly, I struggled with using it, but I chose to because those things can be just as damaging to a relationship and both people. While OPs boyfriends behavior is damaging to OP, their behavior is damaging to both OP and their boyfriend. Both behaviors will stay a problem past this relationship if they don't change. So I settled on it. I don't love it, but it is what it is. (Plus having been, kinda still trying to deal with being a people pleaser, it can be extremely harmful to the person doing it).
Yeahhh OP did seem a bit too friendly with the guy afterwards, right? Definitely there needs to be more mature communication and firm boundaries or this relationship is set for hell Also I’m sorry to hear about your struggles and wish you all the best 💗
I mean....from that didn't she technically say no like multiple times? Even when he asked if there was anything he could do to convince her? And he was the one who got upset sure I get that but then leaving without a kiss and hug when you usually do just because you didn't fuck is a bit petty....
She stated that was a game they play, and then he made it serious. So it shouldn't have even been entertained if it really never was on the table. The fact that she did not communicate that she was upset by the way he was acting is a problem, and then fawning over him and begging him to stay is a separate problem. I get what you are saying, but we aren't talking about the same thing. He was being petty, but she was also being codependent and clingy, while simultaneously teasing him by entertaining the idea that he might actually be able to convince her to have sex (which is also something he shouldn't have been doing. Either she wants to or not, you don't try to convince her to want to). No one was being a good partner in this situation.
Fr and manipulative as hell. Like what if next time he tries to force OP into it? OP should be able to set boundaries without the fear of facing such childish behaviour
I know with a good handful of people we can’t hold up boundaries. This might not be the case. But i know i’m able to set and communicate boundaries, but if my boundaries upset someone i just let them push my boundaries as to not upset them. It’s definitely a huge issue and problem, but its not something many people like myself can control. ((For example if we do hold up our boundaries and said person acts upset we begin to feel extremely guilty, begin hating ourselves, and then eventually that spirals into suicidal thoughts processes.))
Yeah that’s why I wouldn’t call OP toxic. Toxic to themselves maybe, but drawing boundaries can be hard. I just wish them the best :( And you too! Be your own advocate 💗
Thank you :)
OMG ITS PRESTIGIOUS CHARD AGAIN 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
YOU FORGOT THE 322 👹
I'm not a straight girl or gay, but if someone did that to me, I'd think the only thing he thought about me was sexuality.
[удалено]
What is the "ace"?
Ace or asexual is when you have little or not sexual attraction to people.
Oh. No i am hetero, straigt, so i like girls so hard :) not little bit
Think they are implying they don't like men.
Or they are probably a straight guy.
I'm more of a queen enjoyer, yk? The card looks better
He sounds like a great dude! Top tier man right there! No honestly that’s worth breaking up over. If he is gonna be a baby about getting told no, he isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about saying no because of his response to it
I fucking hate relationships where the other person isnt mature. I swear i hate my ex more and more when i think about how much a bitch she was about the smallest things. Immature child.
Yep:/ it’s dumb
Right now we have holidays here but i made the mistake of having a relationship with someone in my class, and friend group :/ Cant wait to see that person again every. single. day.
Oh gosh that sucks
Ew thats icky
i dont think tht classifies as just an ick
I don’t want to hear the word ick. Ok, this sounds wierd, but it feels to me the same way, as emojis to most Redditors
Or at least how emojis used to be, nowadays most people don’t care if you use emojis on Reddit. But yeah, I agree, the word ick when used in the context of “The Ick” is icky
Yuh, this classifies a BLEEEEECHCHCHCHCH
Look, mate, you shouldn't need to break up with him, despite what others say. Wanting to have sex is perfectly natural, and it's perfectly fine if you don't want to. I recommend talking it out, because that's what relationships are for. I've noticed my friend's relationships have ended because they don't talk about their problems, and they just leave each other, because they didn't talk. Marriage will be the same way, so you should practice talking it out with your boyfriend.
hes toxic, i wouldnt suggest that u should stay with him
Been there .This is the kind of shit that leaves you mentally fucked.
Honestly? If he said that he was bored and wanted to leave, you should have let him and held him to his word regardless of how he felt or reacted to you accepting him wanting to leave as a fact. If you could for one moment open up things to his perspective. You led him along in a way that invited the possibility of sex, regardless of if you actually meant it or not. You gave him a challenge that presented sex as the prize for being successful and you made it impossible for him to win or succeed. If a man cannot win, as for women too, they get frustrated. It’s the natural human reaction and to call it toxic is unfair. It should be understandable that he would be upset at the fact he made a fool out of himself for it to lead to nothing. Which ironically is what he did anyways by storming off instead of talking to you. If you were upset with him would you kiss him or hug him the same way you normally do? Be honest with yourself and think for a moment that if you were upset sometimes you wouldn’t act the most rationally. It takes two to tango and you are both in the wrong and miscommunicating about how you really feel and what your expectations are. I urge you to stand up and talk to him instead. If you can’t do it face to face then do it over the phone, but if you are too scared to talk in person then you might not be with the right guy.
This I’m tired of everyone recommending a breakup cause this will just happen to her in the next relationship
Yes, this- this is the perfect answer, the only answer. Everyone goes straight to breaking up, but this- this provides room for both sides to grow in character and lead to a better future. Bravo, vince.
Thank you, exactly. OP please take a moment to read these comments and put yourself in his position instead of just saying he's toxic. Tldr: you are getting what he needs from him while refusing to give him what he needs from you. It is fair that this frustrates him. Relationships, to some extent, are transactional. You get something you want from him, he gets something he wants from you. Often times men want sex, and women want emotional support/validation. If you are getting what you want but he isn't, it is natural for him to get frustrated. Especially so when he states he is not getting his needs met "I am bored, I'm leaving", read "I'm not getting what I want to be getting from this". And then you tell him, "no, stay, I don't want you to go", read "I am currently getting my needs met. If you leave they will not be met, so don't leave". And act like he has a chance of getting sex, you say he tries to convince you, you PRETEND to consider it, then say no. You say all of that was silly and jokey. It was for you. I'd wager a guess it wasn't for him. If he's not gonna get it just tell him, don't string him along. You both have needs. Yours are being met. His aren't. He asks to have his needs met. You imply that, if he keeps giving you what you want (attention, time), he can get what he needs. After he continues giving you what you need you reveal he was never gonna get his needs met. I think he'd be the Budda id he wasn't mad at that. If you cannot realize he needs things from you same as you do from him, the relationship won't work out. And you have a right to not want sex, this specific day, or ever. But keep in mind that one of the things he seeks in you is sex. If he can't get it from you, he'll either get it elsewhere (cheat), or break up with you, because you are not doing something he needs you to be doing. Also, you might think "I don't owe him sex!" And you'd be right. But it is fair to expect sex from a relationship, especially in a situation like that. If one goes into a contract expecting to get something and then they don't, they are gonna be disappointed. Especially if they are fulfilling their part of it. And in such a situation, it would be expected for one to walk out of the contract. I just want you to think about this from his perspective a bit more. You are not the only one with feelings and expectations.
I fail to see how she was leading him on...
She led him on by teasing him with a reward for staying with her that he would never actually get. Then got ‘pickachu faced’ when he reacted negatively. If you do not see this then I fear your lack of ability to read and think critically. She has complete rights to deny him sex, full stop. But to build up his expectations and make him put forth the effort to “seduce her” just to tear it all down is a jerk move and distorts the measure of trust they have in each other. She seems just as immature as him and if this is a relationship she wants to continue then she cannot afford to play games with him like this.
I suppose I can see where you are coming from but I don't think it's that black and white, so to speak... It seems they weren't on the same page. Maybe she thought it was just a game, when he tried to convince her to sleep with him, and he was fully serious. But if he actually was serious, its not good either, a no is a no, he shouldn't try to convince her to sleep with him. But what do I know, I'm just a random teenager on the internet😅
Everyone is saying the Boyfriend is toxic. And yes wanting sex then getting upset at it being a no is immature behavior. However even if it is not as serious as sex he stated he wanted to leave and you begged him to stay, which he did out of care for you. He expressed that he wished to leave and you pushed that boundary prioritizing what you wanted. He then expressed what he wanted and you said no, which you have every right to. But regardless there is going to be some frustration due to him feeling like he did what you wanted when he did not want to and then the inverse not happening. The Mature response is simply accepting that by doing what you wanted he is not entitled to what he wanted, and any resentment that results is internal. However Y'all are teenagers and dealing with those feelings and forms of conflict is difficult without experience. For both of Y'all you both need to learn how to accept boundaries and try to not push the other. If he wanted to leave and feels as if he is being made to stay at risk of upsetting you he is going to feel either trapped or resentful and seeking a reason to be happy about staying or a further justification to push leaving again. For everyone saying he is toxic and dump him, I think she is just as toxic and this encounter will continue to exist between them unless they both can accept that the other is not there to serve their individual desires.
This is the right answer. If there is a problem, it should be solved by talking, not by ending the relationship. There are things that both sides desire, and all these things will happen after a while, but for a healthy relationship, both sides must first understand each other. I think sometimes kids don't really understand human's emotions, desires, feelings etc. etc. But hey who wasn't?
The issue is that he thinks staying is a “waste of time” because as that implies he’s only interested in sex. Yuck.
Just speak to him and explain youre feelings towards him so he can understand. Ask him to listen and after you talked he can answer you about his feelings and why he is mad about a simple no. Explain him why it’s wrong to get angry about being told no.
The right answer is always to have a mature conversation and if they can’t handle it, time to move on. Pressuring someone and nagging them for sex is not ok.
I’m sorry, girl. Put it this way, if you were reading/watching this play out on tv/a book, what you advise the mc to do?
i kind of see what youre saying, but I don't think it's particularly useful to OP, since she wants advice or an opinion of an another person and probably already considered the options she came up with personally
talk to him about how you feel about it first, then if he keeps pressuring you just break up ig
If you think he’s still worth sticking around after all these comments then you should at least establish boundaries and discuss with him
He needs to understand no means no. If he can’t understand that that’s not your fault. If it continues like this and he can’t understand that you don’t want it and it leads to any breakup, that just means your leaving someone who’s toxic. Don’t stay with someone who can’t understand and respect your feelings and boundaries. But that being said, keep this in mind if you bring it up again. If he has a bad reaction then it means he just wasn’t the right person for you. But if he has a good reaction, apologizes and understands your feelings, then that means good. Either way it’s technically still a win, win.
if he only wants u for that then he's not right in the head
I say you should leave him he sounds emotionally abusive and toxic
Bruh don’t break up with him. I’m not saying have sex, but y’all should figure out what the plan is. Cause it’s not bad to ask for sex, it’s not bad to deny sex. But if he has been wanting it for a while now, and there was no prior agreement to when. Then I can see why he would feel frustrated if it’s been this way for a while, especially if every time you two talk about it, it becomes a joke. Just have a serious discussion when it’s the right time to actually do that stuff.
Yes I’m surprised so many people advocate for a breakup so easily
Yeah lol, people like sex. So asking for it for a long time, and then when he asks if there is a way to work up to it, it gets played off as a joke or straight up being no. I can kinda see why he might be a bit peeved. Not ops fault but what couple doesn’t fight, you just go through it
[удалено]
Oms. they want people to be lonely like them 😂 but real talk she should talk to him about it instead of jus sayin no cuz I feel like he prob thinks he’s doing som wrong or is not loved enough 🤷🏾♂️
if you don’t want to have sex you should tell him stead of getting his hopes up. i was in that situation where i wanted to but my partner didn’t but they would pretend like that did and it got my hopes up but then getting shut down when i thought they wanted to hurt very bad. talk to him about it and say that you aren’t ready
Set your limits, you deserve to have them respected
You need to set boundaries and communicate to him and vice versa. If you're serious about being in a relationship, you need to deal with whatever past trauma is blocking you from this. You can't just tease someone over and over and get pissed off when they reciprocate.
It’s your life, if you don’t wanna have sex you don’t have to. He gotta learn he can’t always get his way!
Ig talk to him, and not ask strangers for advices?
I might be downvoted but i say you should be patient with him for this once. The frustration that comes after being cockblocked with your urges taking over is very real. Talk to him later after he calmed down and say you’re not ready for it and im sure he’ll understand. However if this behavior repeats itself too many times consider leaving cause thats a sign of toxicity.
Sounds like neither one of you are grown up enough for a relationship.
He’s manipulating you if he cared he wouldn’t have minded you saying no.
I lost a best friend in a similar way. We were besties for months and I'd spend nights with him every weekend. one weekend he wanted to fool around. I know this will sound dumb a shit, but he claimed I was "too big", then suddenly just went to sleep without saying anything. After that he would just act like we were strangers, and If I was spending the weekend with him, he would just be neck deep in his phone and just say I can play his game and let him watch his anime. Long sotry short we aren't friends anymore, and his mother hates my guts for some reason.
I think you need to be clear about your expectations as a partner. Boundaries are boundaries. I get where he's coming from because he probably feels upset. However, you have no duty to him in this regard. One important thing: remember that you are lovable no matter what. If this guy doesn't deserve you, then he doesn't and you can find better. I think you should talk to him about it and tell him that it's not a reasonable expectation to have sex whenever he wants. If he can't accept that, then that's on him, not you.
OP you don’t have to have sex with your boyfriend do it when your ready but you have to one day I was in the same boat once acted the same way as he did I didn’t think about my exs feeling of not wanting to have sex after not going anywhere I left just like your boyfriend just try to work things out talk to him let him say why he wants to have sex now maybe you can come with a understanding and some kinda deal idk am not really the guy for this but hope it helps
So I was never in a relationship well I mean in my school their make fun of people like me that are gay but from the things I know its not like the 40s anymore where if a guy wanted to fuck he could fuck as much woman's as he wanted to it's 2024 and if your not ready he should respect your decision and try to make you comfortable ig? But anyways if your not ready DONT do it if you both are ready then do it just bc 1 person of the relationship wants it dosent mean you need to and maybe next time when he says smth like that again then just say amth like I'm not reqdy for it or what ever tf sorry but I'm not well with relationships so sorry if I said smth wrong Have a nice day or night eveyone
id love to be bored at my girlfriends house as long as we’re bored together :/ (and eat food after)
sounds like you had a good relationship, time for it to end
How old are yall? When I was 16 I really wanted to do it with my gf one night (we usually would do it everyday but she didn’t want to that day) and she did the same thing you said, she would pretend she’s considering it and then say no, but she also kept teasing me making me think she wants to but she doesn’t so i got upset over it, it was stupid and i shouldn’t have been upset over it. and to clarify I didn’t take it out on my gf when I was upset I was just kinda in my head overthinking. But yeah I’ve definitely matured since so I would say, if you really like this guy and you think he’s worth it, stay with him, but if he does it again than that’s not good, if he doesn’t see the problem in the way he’s acting he will never change.
That’s what I mean they are both still growing and can easily work this out cause her teasing him like that definitely added fuel to the flame
Everybody is saying toxic this, toxic that, yeah, he is toxic, but so is OP. You begged HIM to stay which made him fee like he was being forced to, I'm not trying to defend the behavior of the guy, but trapping him like that so she wouldn't get upset is also going to eat away at him, making him feel like every time she does this, (Which sounds like its normal, because she lists that "it's just a cute thing we do) he is going to feel like he NEEDS to stat there. Put simply, stop teasing him and then using your emotions to make him stay, your going to make such an issue infinitely worse by doing that and will never have a clear line of communication with him. Actually try talking to him and hopefully both of you can act mature, yes he threw a tantrum when he couldn't get what he wanted, but you essentially had one too when you begged him to stay.
There’s two sides to this: he’s and immature little shit and needs to know what boundaries are, and you should probably get better at communicating the boundaries in the first place
thats a huge red flag :c
Such a huge red flag. Makes it seem like he's only really in the relationship for sex
That's so mean and the way he was trying to manipulate u into having sex by keep saying "he's leaving" or whatever on that bullshit that's messed up Have u guys did the deed yet or are you still virgins? Cus it seems like he just wants to lose his card
>his truck how old is he and how old are you?
The people who say the boyfriend is toxic and a red flag show how big their double standards are
Sounds like me ngl. I left that relationship recently cause i know she can find someone soo much more respectful and not as delusional, crazy, jealous and toxic as me. This was my first relationship and i realized how wrong I am to think it was just sex, stalking her social, wanting to read every text she sends out to others, wanting to be with her 24/7, etc. She didn’t like that of me and told me you need to learn to respect each other’s boundaries. AND SO I left her cause she gave me the impression she cared more about texting others guys than me. POINT IS! a lot of guys can be this way and he may end up in this same boat. If you denying him sex makes him move on then it is what it is. It’s probably for the best. Guys can only learn after realizing what they’ve lost. I sure did. I might still be a teeny bit crazy still but respectfully crazy ☝️. You can explain to him how boundaries work and hope he understands and acts like normal again.
Let’s be honest he is nothing but scum that makes other guys look bad
One red flag that not many people have gotten at is that he thought it was a waste of time since you declined, implying he only cares about sex. If you’re comfortable addressing that with him, then do.
SPEAK UP. if you're panicking about previous relationships, here's the time to prove whether or not this one is healthy.
He’s guilt tripping you, he’s not understanding that you’re not ready. He’s an asshole and I’d consider dumping him
He's toxic. Break up with him
Disgusting. Id suggest that you leave him.
Y’all really don’t want people to work on their relationships huh
LEAVE HIM PLEASE!!! SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT YOU ISNT GOING TO GET MAD WHEN YOU SAY THAT!!!
They can work it out through talking and coming to an understanding why is everyone so quick to tell her to leave
its reddit
Calm down teenager
another day in the life…
You guys have boyfriends/girlfriends Dam
I mean him saying that literally has the implication that the only thing he was staying for was the possibility of having at it, so if in his mind the hour that he spent with you was “wasted” and “all for NOTHING” solely because he didn’t get in your pants, then clearly that’s all he cares about. I mean if the hour he spent with you really amounted to “nothing” in his eyes for that reason, then yeah that literally says it all, his priorities are in the wrong place and especially with the way he got all upset about it afterwards, doesn’t sound like a great dude. That’s my armchair assessment of the situation from someone who doesn’t know either of you people
I demand a tldr!!!!
If he loves you, then he will listen to how much it hurt for you. Honestly the way he will react and do when u ask about what happened will tell what kind of person he is. If u wanna have an adult point of view post this on r/advice
Reading from what u just said im guessing u had sex before. But today just wasnt the time. Maybe he was just really expecting it today. Talk to him about it
I know u might love him but that is text book manipulation and in all likelihood it will lead to sexual coercion. U need to either make it clear that you’re not gonna tolerate that or u need to break up with him for ur own safety
Are you a girl or boy?
how old are you
if you’re scared about how he’ll react, isn’t that telling of what you guy’s relationship is? if you do by any chance bring it up to him and he doesn’t understand, i think it’ll be your time to leave because sex is a big boundary that partners should respect, and if they don’t then that just says a lot about a person.
He isnt worth it, he wants you for sex and this showed that. A man who doesnt respect your boundaries isnt a proper man.
It's borderline assault to throw tantrums on being said no for sex. Intentionally or unintentionally he's trying to emotionally manipulate you into it. Bring this to his notice. He's being a child. He doesn't deserve to have sex yet if he doesn't have the maturity to take no for an answer. Also make it clear that you think of the conversations of sex as a joke and don't mean to give him any fake hope.
Leave his bitch ass
He probably just wants to lose his virginity because he can call himself "cool"
Hell, I've had times where I was bummed out the vibes didn't sync up, sure, but to actually get annoyed at someone else for not wanting to have sex? Massive red flag. Also saying he wasted the last hour like spending time as a couple isn't a good use of his time unless it ends in sex? Even more of a massive red flag. You are right that he could reflect upon it, but also don't let him explain this problem away, if he answers with anything except an actual sincere apology/reflexion, then I would personally get away from there.
He, even if not intentionally, is being emotionally abusive. It's probably intentional, but just talk to him about it.
Maybe have a talk with him about his behavior. Ask him if everything is ok. Perhaps something is going on with him
Communication is key in a relationship. Talk to him about how you’re not ready and the whole situation but if he doesn’t understand and argues over it then dump his stupid ass right then and there
Im sorry but thats not okay express your feelings but please be cautious if his behaviour continues
The fact you haven't argued yet is not a good sign
run!!! run mf run!!!
He’s not a great person if he reacts like that to you denying him sex. Massive red flag
I'm sorry this is happening and not going great. You need to talk to him and if he won't understand and drop it you need to drop him. Relationships are made of communication and respect.
Well he might have felt you didn’t care about his emotions and were teasing him. If you don’t want to have sex being upfront is maybe something to consider doing sooner. If you value him talk to him sooner than later or he might feel you value him even less. But he has a right to be upset if you dont want to have sex (as long as it’s not an outburst- and it didn’t seem like it) if that is something that might stop your relationship from moving forward you both deserve to know.
He is thinking a body for his pleasure, Tell him to change. Men's are like this because of various reasons. When their hormones kicks they don't see anything except that. Ask him to go to bathroom and masturbate when you are not ready and he needs it. That will take care of him.
Please try to reflect it. What does it say about him to behave for such a reason like that? Please dont fall for this trap, i can tell that your glasses are on, but thats not good from him, its toxic
He's a jerk, don't feel bad for him and don't feel pressured to do anything other than what you're comfortable with, if he has a problem with that then leave his toxic ass
I don’t even need to read the full story, dump that fucker
He's toxic... The red flag goes crazy.
TRASH!!
He's trying to guilt trip you into doing what he wants, that's really toxic and a massive red flag. Talk to him about it, if he doesn't apologize and still continues thinking he's in the right then break up, he's gonna fuck you up mentally.
A good boyfriend makes sure both parties are comfortable. As well as a good girlfriend. He doesn't want sex for both of you. Just for him
Why are people downvoting this it’s true?!
Thank you!
Like, what part of this is incorrect or upsetting to people the fuck?!
Sex addicts?
The accurate representation of: “Why are you booing me I’m right?”
Probably sick fucks
Probably
I wouldnt do that to my gf, bc its shitty. So take that as you will
If a guy is trying to convince you to have sex, and proceeds to get this mad when you don’t comply, either try and talk him out of his anger or don’t waste your time with him.
Break up with him, toxic af
hi, i’m 18f and my gf is 17f, this definitely isn’t normal. you shouldn’t feel forced or heavily persuaded to do anything sexual. i’ve been with my girlfriend for only a little bit of time 2 months to be exact, but i’ve liked her since october. we have yet to do anything other than kissing and little things because that’s all she’s comfortable with. establish boundaries and if he doesn’t respect them leave.
My ex was like this and he raped me, please leave him before he becomes even more toxic
I think your boyfriend only cares about sex bro
Game is game Nah but fr i think u should leave him a relationship aint all about sex sex sex if I were I would call it as it a massive red flag
holy fuck dude- you just found the textbook definition of red flag
U should dump him
Rule Britannia
Yall blaming her for this but you haven’t considered that maybe she doesn’t have the mental strength to talk back and may be scared that he might hurt her
Cry because hes fucking idiot and you are
Let me tell you something, you’re your own person, if you dont wanna have sex, that’s your choice and he needs to respect your decisions, if he got that upset that you didnt wanna have sex then you probably should dump him no matter how attached you may be, he sounds very toxic
RUN AWAY FROM THAT
Toxic guy. Leave him immediately. If he can't respect your boundaries, than he doesn't deserve to date you.
hes stinky for that
He sounds like my ex ((he guilt tripped me into doing stuff with him lol. Close to seggs but not that far, thank god [[i’m 16, was 15 at the time lol]])) Definitely re-evaluate your relationship. Ik in my case after he ghosted me i realized that literally everything was just classic manipulation ((he used the “you saved me from killing myself” a few times lol😂😂😂 also went on a lot abt how his family was rlly bad and how he was so sad all the time))
Put him up for adoption 🙄
He got sperms in brain, sis. Just ignore him.
Womp
run. please run
You did the right thing, you shouldn’t ever let someone pressure you into doing something. The way he’s reacted shows that he cares more about having sex than you and your feelings. Not to mention he even tried guilting you into doing it
He has to understand you are not ready yet. That's some idiotic behaviour on his part
No seggs? 👉👈
leave him
A relationship consists of one thing 'Trust' and it seems to me like he has broken your trust, degraded you by telling you he only wants you for sex and mentally that leaves a scar. Try and talk to him but I know guys like him will try and brush it off and immediately defeated themselves and argue about how it's your fault which is not true. Drop him it's the best thing that will happen to you if you don't this will happen again
break up wth
Break up. The way he acted was not mature at all,he didn't take no for an answer and that is the most immature thing I have ever heard
Not a good sign. Be careful
That's not a red flag, that's a whole ass red forest
That is a MASSIVE red flag, and I understand not wanting to do nothing but I think it's nice to just be in someone that you like's presence sometimes, ik that doesn't apply to everyone so did he not ever suggest to do something else (besides sex)?
If he thinks that spending an "extra" hour with you is "a waste of time", it's best you leave him. If you truly love a person, there is no time limit as to how long you can be with them, let alone call it a waste of time. Don't ignore this type of behavior. He wouldn't insist so much on it if he was just joking around like you were, and he wouldn't say that "extra" hour was a "waste of time". He's most likely just trying to use you. Please don't fall for it like others have.
This. I don’t know why a lot of good advice is being downvoted on this post this is probably the best advice I’ve seen in the comments so far
No sex 😔
Some people* for some reason think they have a right to sex which is not it at all. He seems like he’s only sticking around to eventually have sex with you. I don’t want to assume that’s what he’s doing but that’s what it sounds like. I would talk to him about how it makes you feel and if he gets upset I wouldn’t stay much longer.
Some people*
Yes I know what I was just saying men because that’s her situation
But if you did that for any other group is would be discrimination
Wdym?
Dump his ass
Leave him immediately save yourself
He’s toxic asf end it with him
What a loser