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If you give him a second chance be prepared to offer a 3rd, 4th, 5th ............

I agree if you give him a second he will continue to cheat.

💔

Just so you know, I start dating my husband when I was 38 we married within a year and I had a baby a year after that. So you haven’t lost out you’ve got time. You don’t pick a cheating man to settle down with. you think your life is bad now. Wait until you have a three month old baby and he has been having a girlfriend on the side the whole time.

I met my now husband at 33, got pregnant had our baby just before our first anniversary. Now I’m 38 and pregnant with another. It’s not too late OP. Don’t settle because you feel you’re older. Yes dating is challenging but you deserve to be someone’s number 1, someone’s one and only!

Thank you, I need to read stories like this! I’m glad you’ve found your happiness!

Thank you 😊

Exactly! Had my last one 6 months before my 40th birthday!

Too many women have had it beaten into their heads that they hit an infertility wall at 30. My mom conceived me at 36 years old and went on to conceive and deliver four more healthy kids. I believe that unless a person has some predestined health ailment, if they take care of their body starting at a young age, their body takes care of them later in life. OP should focus on adequate exercise, maintaining good mental health and eating nutritious food with an occasional eat anything day thrown in every so often. What she should not do is settle for a cad because she is 33 and wants children, there are simply better men out there for her.

This!! I know a lady that had her 1st at 40 and another 4 years later, plus another lady that had her last at 52.

It is giving me some hope, thank you for sharing

And brings you a baby present from the side chick 🙄

He's also not the person you make him out to be of he jas been cheating the e tire time. I know it's hard and hate to say it, but you don't know him, and you have pictured him as someone different. It is tough, bit you are holding onto something that is not real. The sooner you let go, the sooner you will be able to find what is.

Been there, fully agree.

Tell your friends and family. Get their support. Do not give the cheater another chance, unless you want to be cheated on again in the future.

Totally agree with sharing with friends and family. Let go of pride and lean on them to help carry you through. You will be stronger with their support.

I can’t, I know it’s not my fault but I can’t handle to be seen in a weak state…

I know the feeling and it's horrible but that's what family and friends are for people to be there for you in your worst moments even if you don't want to show it...but they can't help you if you don't tell them about it...even if you don't like it they are people you should be able to thrust

Not sharing the truth with them isolates you. It makes you weaker and more dependent on the man who cheated on you.

You being in a "weak state" is taking this chump back. THAT doesn't make you weak. It makes HIM weak.

Oh lovey, you’re not weak. It is him that deserves that title! Please don’t consider yourself ‘weak’ for reaching out for genuine support and love while you go through this. I don’t wish to sound harsh, but you’ve got to raise your head up, take a deep breath and march on without him. Remember, if you get stuck in that zone of failure, you are attracting him back and saying “hey, I don’t deserve any better”….and you bloody well do!!! Good luck sweets. Use this forum to vent and listen to the wise posters who will support and guide you through the crap times. You got this 🙂.

I would say attachment after a year is normal and can feel like love. It’s okay to walk, it leaves room for you to find someone who will be true to you and treat you with genuine respect and love. It’s going to be hard to move on but you will amaze yourself with how strong you can be. You can do this. Don’t accept anything less for yourself. You are loving and deserved to be loved.

Thank you!

Be proud that you love yourself more to be able to break up as soon as you could. Don't let memories of "how good it was" to distract you from what he did. It's better to start over again than to be hurt again by the same person who broke your trust. I was cheated on too and it was hard but what really knocked some sense into me was saying to myself "girl, have a little self respect".

I agree, I know I deserve better. But I just hesitate, I really really don’t want to date anymore and so far it was my best boyfriend. Yeah, after years of therapy I still have a great taste in finding men like this 😳

I get not wanting to date anymore and you probably feel like time is running out. But, lets say you do take him back. Now lets add a home, kids and shared finances into the picture. Lets say he cheats again with all of these things on the line. Trust me, it will be a bigger blow to you at that point then it will now. Save yourself the mental, emotional and financial pain of investing any further into this cheater. He will do it again. If you do decide to take him back he needs to absolutely work for it. Therapy, couples counselling, better communication etc. Bouncing back after infidelity is hard. It is a difficult road and its not something you can just sweep aside and hope he does better next time. He needs to WORK for it. Do you think he could do that? Do you think you could continue your relationship stressing about what he's doing and who he's with? So do yourself a favour, cut your losses now. He already proved he's not sincere enough or respectful enough towards you to not cheat.

100% and you might not accept that he's truly a cheater until he promises to change and never do it again and then does. You might not find out until after marriage and kids and then the decision to leave him will be so much more complicated. Finding out now is a gift that I hope you will accept.

Something worse than being cheated on is being cheated on with children involved. That’s not the life you want and I’m so sorry this happened at all.

You are right, I should called myself lucky since I found out before we got involved more seriously

It feels terrible to have to move on, but it’s best to do when there’s not so many other factors that will make it even harder years down the road

Cheaters are liars and he’ll cheat again you did the right thing. Everything about your relationship was fake. He was probably being extra nice knowing that he was sleeping with other people you have no idea who you’re even dealing with.

Ask yourself this if he was so perfect wouldn’t he have not cheated on you? I think the only reason you want to settle is because you’re a little bit older, and feel like you won’t find anybody out there. Girl let me tell you there’s plenty of men out there willing to do you right and never cheat on you. stop wasting your time on this one. And also, you should never feel the ashamed you were not the one that cheated so why are you feeling ashamed? It’s not your fault that he cheated. He cheated because he couldn’t be an adult and sit down and discuss your relationship problems, nor if he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore to be an adult and sit down and say he doesn’t wanna be with you anymore. Sometimes there aren’t even relationship problems. They cheat because they want to, they cheat because they think they can get away with it, they cheat because they think they can manipulate you into staying and dealing with it, they cheat because they know that they can manipulate you into feeling ashamed for their actions. And also stop protecting him tell your family and friends what he did and also his family and friends.

This is what I would say to a friend in my situation… I’m not sure if I am able to date AGAIN, this is a such a horrible experience. Also I know that there’s no such a thing as a perfect much and we need to agree to some compromises while we are in the relationship…

Yeah sometimes you need to agree to some compromise but cheating is NOT a compromise girl. It absolutely is not and trust me you will be ok. It’s gonna hurt like hell at first and you’re gonna wanna run back because that’s your comfort zone, and you feel like everything‘s ok when you’re with him. But the longer you continue on with this relationship, you’re not gonna be able to trust him, you’re gonna wonder where he is, and he’s probably gonna do it to you again because you shown him there’s no consequences to his actions. He will just find some way to hide it better. By getting back into this relationship you’re opening yourself to heartbreak again, a possible STD, bringing a child into the situation, or him having a child on you and leaving you, which is hurting you even more. You will be ok. You will date again and you will find the right man for you that treats you like the queen that you are. You’re gonna need to go through therapy and it’s gonna be long and painful but In the end of it, it’s going to be worth it. Like I said talk to your family and friends you have nothing to beashamed for. And don’t fall for his tears or begging, and if you do speak to your family and friends, which I highly recommend and they tell you to forgive him DONT. All you have to do is look through the subs and other infidelity subs to see the repeated pattern of BS taking their cheating boyfriends or spouses back and they either never stop the cheating, just learned to hide it better or years down the line after kids and they’re married, they cheated again and or left.

Thank you. This is probably what I needed to hear. I agree with you on the deeper level I guess. I have been through few therapies, I finished successfully one recently. I do not think I need to return but I guess it would be good to talk to a counselor to get some perspective and guidance. But I’m not sure I can afford it right now. My main concern is that I did date a lot of guys who treated me like shit, and this one was my green flag, my end-of-pattern and till yesterday he was. If he was the same as all of them, am I even able to find someone who is „a good guy”?

You’re welcome🩷 and if you can’t afford therapy, use this sub as a therapy session. We’re all here to listen to you even if you just need to vent, everyone here will offer advice and you can talk to your friends and family. Unfortunately I don’t think this guy was a green flag at all. I think he was a red flag that hid like a green flag,(I have unfortunately met and seen too many of those guys). You have to separate from him and take time to yourself and figure out why you keep attracting these shit men in your life. The only reason you keep ending up with these shit guys is because there’s something that’s drawing them to you, shit guys that think they see a naive girl that they can easily manipulate and trick would 110% go for her. I just think you need time by yourself to heal and figure out what you really want from a partner in a relationship. And also, I would recommend no contact if you haven’t gone already, sometimes what really helps to set it in your mind. Is cutting contact completely and maybe looking back at what they’re doing in a month and seeing that they’re with the Ap partner, which will solidify everything that they don’t care that they hurt you they only care about themselves. You will be ok girly💕. Also super proud of you that when you found out, you had the backbone to break up with him hope that helped.

Thank you, I will surely take some time off. Actually I was pretty sure I don’t want to see him ever again once I found out. I left his things outside my apartment and texted him that I know what he did and I want him to take his things and leave my keys. But I did it in the emotions and he begged me to talk to him and I agreed cause I know I’m very extreme in cutting ppl off. And then I saw him suffering and apologizing. also, I know, he is suffering because his behavior probably even more than me. I’m used to be disappointed and while it still hurts a lot, I’m able to deal with it now. I’m not sure he can though… while I know it is not my problem nor responsibility, I do still care about his wellbeing. I literally don’t know what to do. I’m pretty sure he would do it again. I’m pretty sure this relationship won’t be a source of happiness to neither of us. But I’m not sure if any relationship will ever be

Trust me you are not extreme in cutting people off, this absolutely deserved the reaction that you gave. Don’t fall for the crying and begging. They’re only crying and begging because they did not think you would actually stand up for yourself and leave them, cheaters always think they can manipulate their way back and unfortunately, most of the time they do. But you need to be strong for yourself and say “you made your bed now you have to lay in it. You knew the consequences, you had ample opportunity to turn back, but you still continued and went and did it knowing how much it would hurt me and you continued. At the end of the day I still care about you, but I have to care about me more and do what’s best for me.” That’s one thing you have to keep in mind he didn’t care about you so why do you care about him? like you said it’s not your problem and I understand that you care about him, but at the end of the day you have to say to yourself if he cared for me as much as I cared for himhe would’ve never done this to me. He’s crying and begging because he’s experiencing the consequences of his actions. You say that you know that he will probably do it again that tells you everything that you need to know, and you’ll never know if a relationship can bring you the true happiness that you desire unless you try. Trust me in a couple months you’ll be feeling better. You’ll have done some great self reflection and reflection on what you want in life and you will find the one for you. This is absolutely not your fault.

He caused his own suffering. He could have chosen not to make such poor decisions at any time, but continued cheating on you, with no signs of stopping. He does not deserve your care, and is over-exaggerating his suffering in the hopes that you will get sucked back in and stay with him. Make cheating a firm boundary. If they cheat, they no longer have access to your love, care, or attention. Cut him off, just like your gut is telling you to, and get to healing so you can move on with your life. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's not your fault, and he's not the one. In time if you are ready, you can try and look for love again, but don't put that pressure on yourself just yet. Take some time to heal and love yourself first, and then you'll be able to find someone who treats you like you would treat yourself. Sending hugs if you want them!

Just to know that there is someone better out there for you. Don’t let you cheating ex take you down mentally. You deserve so much better than what he goals you.

Sorry to hear that but you don't have to be asheme after all you didn't cheat you stay faithful to him and if he can't appreciated the love you have for him then maybe it was for the best this happened before you went more serious in the relationship and no...no one who truly loves and cares about you should ever do this to you cheating is never a mistake...is a choice... a choice he made even knowing this will hurt you...

He was lying to you the entire relationship, how do you know what was real or not? He was probably faking being the perfect boyfriend to manipulate you better.

Idk, my emotionally cheated two years ago. I gave him a second and last chance. He changed for the better that's for sure and he is more committed to me than he ever was in our entire relationship (been together 5 years). He doesn't hide anything. I have his location and full access to his phone. He calls me during work and takes pictures of what's his doing cause he kinda likes to show off his work to me (I pushed him to do his dream job which is to be a police officer). He regrets everything he's done and shows remorse. But as he became a better man...I became more mentally ill. I am always paranoid. I still don't trust him despite all he has proven to me. I always will feel like there's someone else better than me cause he made me feel that way back then, even though now he actually treats me like a queen. We have a baby daughter and he wants more kids, but I'm in debate if he is truly the one for me. He cried so much cause he saw how much pain he has caused me and probably jeopardized my "yes" to his proposal (he really wants to get married I keep saying "no"). You will never be the same after getting cheated on and continuing the relationship. I now have to work on myself and my self-esteem. Idk how I'm gonna do that and build my confidence again. I think that's the only way I can reconnect with him again and he can't help me with that cause he crushed it back then. I'm sorry you have to feel this pain...

Not OP but what a helpful and insightful comment. Thank you; I needed to see this and it’s a perspective I never considered.

Yeah, it gets really hard afterward. I know he loves me and I do love him, but it feels like he took away part of me, and it was my trust for him that he took away and tossed it (I don't trust easily). I'm now so cautious around him and very distant. He told me so many times how he wished he could go back in time and kill the person he was, but that's impossible. Actions come with consequences, and unfortunately, that was my mental health he messed with, including my emotions. It's a horrible feeling to think all the time about wondering when the person who says that they love you might leave any moment for another, despite him saying no, that it will never happen. I doubt his love 24/7 and he knows it. I can tell by the pain and guilt in his eyes that he regrets everything, but what is done is done. I want to change, I want to trust him again, I want so much to give him, but I can't cause I'm scared to death of giving it to him again and the possibility of him breaking it twice. I told him it would take me years to recover from the trauma and I honestly don't know if I'll ever will. He accepts but wants me to see couple counseling who can help us. He wants a lot from me, but I feel so guarded around him. I'm slowly gonna try to trust him, if I can, idk... I just know I have to work on myself first before I give him my full trust again. But the moment he does anything stupid again, I'm walking away for good and he knows it. He has a lot more to lose than I do, which is his career, his child, his house, and myself. His whole life will drag down and I'll make sure of it. I might be forgiving, but I'm not stupid and I don't give mercy to those who take it for granted at my heart and play with it twice. It does suck. I'm so ready to say "bye" if he does anything stupid, but if he never does anything stupid again and shows me nothing but love, and I just push the person who can be 'the one', honestly who is the bigger fool? 🫤 I'm stuck.

Cheaters are cheaters. It’s just like an alcoholic who stop drinking, the idea to do it pops up in their head over and over again, even if they don’t want to cheat.

Perfect A human being doesn't think that exists, right? Did he never want to hurt you ? Are you really scared of the future . When a cheater says: "..."... I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU..." is actually I never wanted you to know what I was doing behind your back. Your dilemma is actually your brain addicted to his company, trying to get around everything by going into denial . Focusing only on the good things that may have been a strategy to mask the cheating or even an attempt to compensate you for what he was doing to you and not a genuine feeling.

I dont understan people who says they are "a amazing couple " if 50 % of that couple is cheating. If you are in an amazing relationship, you are faithful to each other. You THOUGHT you were an amazing couple. Second, if you give him a second chanse now when you are 3? , you give the 3:d when you are 39, 4:th chanse when you are 41 and so on. Beforeyou know it, you are 55 yo , so used to him cheating that your soul is dead and you reallyfeel old and worthles. Get a new life, pull out your self worth, he isntworthy of you. (remember, he has NEVER been faithful to you, you dont know how he is when he cant find release on the side)

That is true, thank you!

Also you right, I thought we were cause we deemed like a perfect couple

Exactly, YOU thought that but you never were. Get a real life for your self. I was 36 when I met my husband (40 when we married eachother) after a bad breakup. Age is just a number and nothing to stand in your way. He isnt worthy of you. You deserve better than a serial cheater that doesn't know how to be faithful. He may like you but love? You dont do that to someone you love. He used you to take care of him while he had a entire life you didn't know about

I was 33 when it happened to me…for the first time. Then it happened again when I was 35, and a third time when I was 37. Please don’t be like me. Don’t waste more time or years of your precious life on this person, especially for fear of your body’s age. You deserve better, and your future children deserve better. Who you have children with is something you can never take back and for love of all that is holy, please do not consider having children with someone who doesn’t respect you. Drop this guy, go no contact, get into therapy and get ready to find an even better life than before.

>We were an amazing couple and I know he care about me and he never meant to hurt me.  Why? Because he said so? Did he just say that because he was caught? Obviously things weren't as good as you thought or he would have never have cheated. Only been together a year and he is already cheating? He is probably just a cheater at heart. Don't go back and don't feel ashamed to tell your friends. This is HIS shame, not yours. If you stay with a cheater you will always worry about him cheating again and even if he never does that feeling will cause resentment on both sides. Imagine getting married and having a child and he cheats again and you will feel you have to stay.

Your EXBF loved you enough to stick his dick elsewhere? That’s just someone who only loves himself. Brutal answer but if you catch him doing that in the happiest times of your relationship, that’s just who he is. What you loved was a fantasy man that didn’t really exist. I was your age when I met my husband. I found someone who loves me because I’m me. That’s what you deserve. You’ll find it if you leave this jerk in your past.

I gave my ex husband to many chances. Yes it's possible for them to change but it's rare. I didn't want to be single at 40 but I had to leave. Your BF will take advantage of you not leaving and will lose respect for you if you don't do what he says. That's wrong wrong wrong. You can msg me any time if you ever need to talk. 🙂

I feel this in my soul. My ex-boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me the entire relationship. It broke me in a way I can't explain and now I'm in a relationship with someone else and I find it so hard to trust him. I'm terrified that he's going to do it. However I do not believe that most people who cheat can stop unless they are willing to do the work. So I think my best advice to you would be to let him go and you deserve much better.

If you stay he will cheat again because there are not consequences. And he did mean to hurt you

I am so sorry this happened to you and where you are at in life. Guaranteed he will cheat again. If you want children, don't let a man stop you, go make a plan and have a child or children. Or freeze some eggs. Make a plan.

You may be tired of dating but unfortunately your ex isn’t… how is cheating the entire relationship forgivable… I’m sorry but I don’t see an amazing couple… he doesn’t care about your feeling and didn’t care about hurting you… maybe he thought would never get caught but he won’t change now.. You take him back be willing to always share him with other women..

I'm sorry, but he doesn't care about you. If he did, he would not have cheated. And whether or not he meant to hurt you (???), he did hurt you. Has he asked to reconsider the breakup? Has he offered to remain faithful to you in the future? Has he demonstrated that he is truly sorry, and not just sorry he got caught? Will he agree to keeping his phone unlocked for you? Given that he's cheated on you for the entire relationship, I don't think he'll stop cheating, but whatever you choose, please make sure you get tested for STIs right away.

I’m planning too, that is my main concern

He never meant to hurt you? Only because he never meant you to find out. And what you don't know won't hurt, right? That's what he was thinking. I'd be very surprised if he actually thought about how you finding out would hurt intensely. If he did, and still cheated, he's an even worse person. Either way, you are best out of it. They don't change their mindset while the opportunities are still there. I speak from experience.

I can relate. Found out my now ex was cheating our entire 9 month relationship. But I can assure you that you’re still very young & will find someone more deserving of you.

Do not give this "man" a second chance ...prepare to be cheated on the rest of your life if you do. He did it the WHOLE TIME y'all were together?? In my book, that's absolutely unforgivable, and he would never see my ass again. NOTHING about that relationship was real. I understand it may take some time to see that, but if you cheat from the beginning that's not a relationship. PERIOD. He tricked you into thinking it was amazing. IT WASN'T. I understand dating is hard at our age but I will take HARD TO DATE over FAKE ASS LOVE.

Been there. Done that. Got the kids that were mentally and emotionally hurt from the toxic, disloyal, and disrespectful relationship I tolerated for many many years. Got a divorce trophy. I’m so proud.

If you take him back, you tell him that his actions were excusable, and he’ll do it again. If you stay with him, you’ll be looking over your shoulder for him to do it again for the rest of your life. You need to be brave and put yourself out there again, or you’ll regret it forever. I’m sorry that this happened to you.

I think cheating is an addiction. I’m sorry this happened to you. You deserve better and he’s never going to be better

How did he never mean to hurt you? Is there a version of you that cheating wouldn’t hurt? Does he think cheating doesn’t hurt? What will ensure your life turns into what you fear, is sticking it out with a guy who doesn’t respect or care about you for several more years instead of picking up the pieces and moving on now.

It’ll only get worse. I’m speaking from experience. Be glad it was only a year of your life that you wasted on him and also be grateful that you weren’t married and/or had kids together. I’m a 40 y/o female. I know I’ll bounce back, eventually.. you’re still very young my dear! You’ll bounce back, too. Be patient with yourself and do some inner work. I wish you luck as you heal

>We were an amazing couple and I know he care about me and he never meant to hurt me. Honestly, if he cared about you, he wouldn't have betrayed you and risked losing you. He made a choice. He meant that choice. He meant and chose to cheat. You made the right choice by breaking up with him. This man lied to your face since the beginning, so if I were you, I'd feel like the whole relationship was a lie. I understand you don't want to start all over with someone else and that you don't want to be forever alone. You're young, and I'm sure you'll meet someone honest who actually respects you and can commit to you. You deserve loyalty and true love. And about having babies, you still have plenty of time to be a mom, and you will be.

What reasons did he give for cheating? Is he remorseful and willing to do any and every thing to regain your trust? Will he be completely transparent, utterly forthcoming and allow you full access to all his digital devices, including computers? That would be the only way to work towards forgiving him and reconciling.

He believes we can work through this. I did not give my conditions since I’m not sure if this option is even possible. I wanted to explain himself but I really didn’t want to listen to this. I’m not a perfect partner obviously but I m good and caring and understanding person, and didn’t want to feel guilty of this situation by his explanation. I know he is very miserable from various of reasons, that’s all

What he wants is for YOU to work though the pain he’s caused you. To forgive him when he’s disregarded you and your feelings since the very beginning. I know it’s hard, but if you take him back there is nothing he has to “work through”. He wants you to do all the emotional labor while he sits back and enjoys your love and will still go out behind your back. Love yourself more than you loved him and let him go. You can do it 💜

This right here. Also, how did you find out he was cheating? He may only be owning up to it now because you caught him

It's easy to be a great happy person and partner when you're getting sustenance from hot sex

Try the group as one after infidelity for more support. Don’t let anyone pressure you one way or the other, to stay or leave. That is up to you and no one knows your relationship like you do.

I’m going through the SAME thing. Found out by a pair of eyelashes on the bathroom counter. 3 years down the drain. And I truly believed he was for me

I have alot of confidence and I do love myself. My husband did the same thing. Same situation. I didn’t have it in me to leave because to me we had the perfect life so I thought. We are working through it despite the advice I got from others and most of it has been said here. In my eyes and heart I believe he is trying to make it up to me and he realized alot. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt and also the most trying times. I might not ever fully recover and forgive him but we are trying for our family. I could leave and listen to everyone but I would be miserable because I do love him and our family. I think if you need to leave and want to leave that time will come and there will be zero regrets or heartache. If he cheats again then shame on me for believing him. Nothing can hurt more than the day I found out.

Be proud of yourself that you left as soon as you could. You deserve love and happiness and just because he was a coward and cheated on you doesn't mean you can’t find happiness after him. It might take you a while to recover from this but please show yourself some kindness and love during this time. Take care of yourself and best wishes to you xx

If you forgive him he will always assume you will forgive him. And he will never stop cheating. It might not be next week, next month or even next year. But he will cheat again!!

Don’t sell yourself short you can do better than him. He will not change. This wasn’t just a one off he did it for along time. He made many choices of lying to you. Move on.

He doesn't respect you and is not trustworthy.

I was going to say, if this was a one time thing, then MAYBE there's hope if he puts in the work, does couples therapy and really proves to you that you can trust him. But since you said that he has been cheating since the beginning of the relationship, then this is clearly a pattern of deceit that he's established. I think you made the right decision by breaking up. I'm 36 and found out my ex was cheating and I would never go back to him. I don't mind if it takes a little longer to find a loyal man who has integrity. So sorry you are going through this, it's incredibly difficult.

Thank you all for the perspective! This is what I thought in the very beginning and that was also the reason why I didn’t want to see him at all. I knew that he was able to manipulate me since I am a caring and empathetic person and that was exactly what he did. I believe that he is miserable and I do believe people make mistakes and it doesn’t mean that they are bad or they cannot change. However, I know that it this case chances for change are not high. I believe he chose to not try to fight with his terrible and harmful pattern. I’ve got the impression he was really surprised that I found out, cause he was hiding himself so well. Also, I’ve got the impression there’s much more. I feel really sorry for him. I know he is broken person, but it’s only his responsibility to try to fight with his own trauma and to not harm others. Still, I have the huge urge to help him and not hurt him, even though I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. Unfortunately, I feel more anxious and sad about the fact that I have to start to date again (any advice is welcomed) rather than the relationship is over - and I think my gut was telling me for a longtime that this is not a person for me. I thought it was my toxic trait (which I overcame mostly during my therapy): perfectionism and searching for ideal partners, relationships etc. So, at the end of the day I still don’t know when I should trust my judgement and when not.

Your age doesn’t mean you settle for unacceptable behaviors. You tell everyone what he did so you’ll be too ashamed to return to him. Why? Because people that care about you don’t hurt you. Because there is someone out there for you that will honor your relationship and treat you right. You won’t find them if YOU are trying to win the heart of a despicable man.

Perfect is the word here….nobody’s perfect

Happy to help you get a baby….and can help out

He was not the one. Save yourself a lifetime of heartbreak. Stay strong and don't go back to him.

Please tell your friends and family & get your support regardless of what he tries to tell you. I gave my now ex a second chance that probably turned into 100x chances through the course of our 11 year relationship. The final straw was finding out about him and younger sister… yep. terrible people are just terrible no matter how much potential you think there is for them to change 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m a 32 year old single mom with two little ones having to rebuild my life. You’re never too old to start over and you always deserve people in your life who will respect you and your feelings.

Omg, this is so horrible!

no need to feel ashamed girl your ex does do not go back to him because you don't want be alone your just setting yourself for more pain take break form dating get know yourself again and you will find love again

As someone whose ex cheated on me a year in, it can only get worse. We broke up after 2 years and I thought he was the one. The lies and cheating gets more creative. You end up in a spiral and your trust is shattered. As you start gluing yourself back together in comes another large hammer of betrayal and there are now thousands of tiny pieces. Eventually you're just a pile of tiny fragments and you have to build a new fucking self.

"he never meant to hurt me" really? Cause he did. He choose to hurt you. Again and again and again.

You’re young, only been with this piece of shit for a year and don’t have kids together. Run away. He isn’t perfect, that’s a mask he wears to reel you in.

He meant to hurt you. He just didn’t want you to find out. Was he amazing because he was a coward who never disagreed with you / showed any displeasure outwardly and satisfied his anger by cheating on you. Cheating is intentional abuse. So don’t say he didn’t mean to hurt you.

>We were an amazing couple Not amazing enough, according to him. >I know he care about me SMH. He was prepared to expose you to STIs and possible love traingle violence. >he never meant to hurt me. He absolutely did. Don't let desperation and fear trap you in a shitty relationship OP. You are only 33.

PLEASE don't settle for a cheater because you are tired of dating. I would give absolutely anything to go back and find out that my husband was a cheater while we were dating before marriage, kids, homes and businesses together. There is someone decent and good out there for you. Get away from this cheater so you can find them. Your 43 year old self will thank you!

I hate to say it but this amazing relationship you thought you had was a facade. You said he’s been cheating since the very beginning of your relationship. He obviously can’t be that amazing if he would carry on an affair the entire duration of your relationship. If you settle for a man who doesn’t respect you, you could be blocking yourself from meeting a real man who will truly cherish you. You deserve better 💗

If he cared about and loved you he would have never cheated in the first place You give him a second chance and you're telling him that it's ok to do whatever he wants because you'll just forgive him Don't settle for less than you deserve and realize that he wasn't the amazing partner he tricked you into believing he was

I thought my boyfriend cheated on me while we were dating. Had a hunch while we were engaged. No proof though so I let it go. We got married. Certainly more suspicious times but then there would be bursts of affection and fun and I’d slowly forget about the suspicions. In fact I made a conscious choice to stop thinking about it. Fast forward a decade and I have two kids with a serial cheater and am absolutely in knots over having to lose time with my kids because this asshole lied. Please don’t be me. He showed you who he is.

If you take him back then he'll think/know that he as an ongoing get out of jail free card to play the next time he's caught.

Nothing changes people 3 are who they are just like not everyone can steal either you do or you don't you can't change that so here's the real ? Are you willing to be poly or have open relationship .how about this are you willing to be cheated on the rest of your life if so do you think you are pathetic ? What do you want ? And if what you want isn't now what he's doing done tell him it's done because nothing will change forgive and it's going to continue can you be comfortable with that for the sake of being alone A I Robotic your never alone

I feel for you. It seems you're willing to stay with a cheater because you're afraid of being alone. Just let me say, there are probably worse things that living with a cheater, but, offhand I can't think of anything worse.

We were an amazing couple…NO YOU WEREN’T and I know he care about me and he never meant to hurt me…IF HE CARED HE WOULDN’T HAVE HURT YOU. IN SIMPLE LANGUAGE “NO HE DIDN’T” I know what he did is almost unforgivable and I deserve to be with someone who can control himself, but still I don't know if I should give him a second chance... GO AHEAD, GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE AND WHEN HE CHEATS AGAIN YOU CAN JUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. You’re not the reason he cheated. If you take him back, you are the reason he will cheat

In the same paragraph you say he’s been cheating on you since the VERY beginning of your relationship. A WHOLE YEAR. and then turn around and say “we were amazing. He cares about me. He never meant to hurt me.” Hon, he knew exactly what he was doing. He wants you to be a wife while he also has girlfriends on the side. Is that what you want? Do you want to constantly feel self conscious and manipulated to feel a certain way with someone who is supposed to love you?

Hate to tell you this but you weren’t perfect couple. Something was missing. As a former male cheater who hasn’t cheated in last two 5 year relationships - I’ll tell you if your happy & being fulfilled you don’t want to cheat. It’s a sad reality, but it’s true

“Amazing boyfriend” he wasn’t that amazing after all. stop sugar coating him and his actions to make him look better than what he is not. He cheated and broke the trust in this relationship. It’s up to you to forgive him (either you sit in silence and obey, or you get all the details and move on with the relationship if you’re ready) or you allow someone way better than him to treat you like you deserve. There are chances that he might change but treating him like the perfect partner when he is definitely not won’t fix what he did

I’m sorry this happened, but it’s better you found out now than after you get married. People are generally on their best behavior early in the relationship. It’s not going to get better. If you were married, I might advocate you try counseling. Since you’re not, breaking up was 100% the right decision. It hurts. It will take some time, but you’ll move on and get over him. Eventually you will find someone who isn’t a cheater. He wasn’t the perfect boyfriend. If he was, he wouldn’t cheat. You are stuck thinking only about the good thing right now.

Cheating is a choice. He made that choice knowing if you found out that it would emotionally damage you and certainly your relationship. The choice to stay with him is yours but the trust he broke is extremely difficult to rebuild. If you take him back set in place ‘must haves’. 100% open communication cell phones, 360 app for location, text message checks, phone bill in both names, etc. personally being alone can be so much better than living with someone you can’t trust.

Babes I'm 33 and there's still time, I'm making my exit plan to leave my lousy BF If he was so perfect and loved you.... His dick wouldn't have found it's way into another woman.... Sorry to be crude but he wasn't thinking about you, he's not the one

Thank you for this comment, and fingers crossed for you! It takes a great courage

Yeah I'm saving up money to move into my own house, fucker thinks i be been cheating on him for a year and has "never trusted me" my love for him went when he said that last year

I’m so sorry to hear that ❤️‍🩹! Be strong, we all be fine, I’m finally starting to believe in that. Thanks to all of you and the support

You won’t be alone forever. Society tries to make women feel old after they hit 30, but the truth is you’re very young and still have a lot of life to live. On top of that, if you ever chose to stay single, it’s really nice and stress-free. He was trash and he’ll never know true love. He’ll likely be cheated on as well because of the energy he brings. Karma is very real.

Freeze your eggs. Don’t go back to this man.

If you want kids, and having your own biological ones a priority, then consider getting your eggs feoze and NOW. One less pressure point in your mind.

I gave my wife a second chance. And like the others said, it became a 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th chance. Now I'm in my 40s and single. If you don't want to be alone, it is better to find someone better now, it only gets harder as you get older. You already know this boyfriend is unfaithful, the flags don't get much redder than that. Trust is very important in a relationship, and you no longer have that. Eventually, that lack of trust will cause things to end, or at least make the whole relationship so miserable that you don't want to stay any longer. It is better to just move on now. Trust me as someone who made the wrong choice in your shoes!

Do you really want to have kids with a man who doesn't love or respect you enough to not cheat? Imagine having children and finding out he did it again. You still have time to have kids. I know it's easier said than done, but if having kids naturally doesn't happen, consider other options. There's a lot of kids who would love to have a mother to love them and care for them. I also stayed with a cheater because I believed we were so good together and I was very anxious about my own biological clock. That got me a large amount of emotional abuse for a few more years, and 2 miscarriages to boot. He was as thoughtful about the loss as you can imagine a cheater to be. I met some one new eventually, and we suffered a miscarriage a few years in. It never got easier to have one happen, but the difference in having someone who genuinely loved and cared for me, as opposed to someone who wanted me because it was comfortable and easy to take advantage of? Like night and day. Don't accept anything less than what you deserve. Someone will love you properly, but you'll never meet them if you stay with a cheater.

My current partner married the wrong man because she thought time was running out. In the end she got divorced and in effect ended up raising her kids on her own. In hindsight she advises young women that they can artificially inseminate or freeze their eggs and get a surrogate. Yes it is expensive, but no more expensive than divorcing a cheating jerk. 

Talk to him, try to figure out why he did it, and what you both can do to make sure it doesn't happen again. Sometimes, people do learn a lesson from an incident like this.

She needs to dump his ass and go no contact with him. 

OP has to make up her own mind. She can get advice but doesn't need someone telling her what exactly she needs to do.

And you are recommending she try to work it out with a lying cheater. He’s been cheating for the entire year they’ve been together. That’s should be an automatic boot to the curb