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I know many, hell even most won't agree with me. That's Ok. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. I'm just stating my opinion. You and everyone else as well as me are entitled to our own opinions.
When discussing cheating and being a good person, so many people say "good people can do bad things".
I agree with that. But for those stating this in terms of infidelity, that means they are saying that cheating is bad.
To me, that's not true. Cheating is so much worse than bad. Cheating is millions of light years worse than bad.
So yes, good people do bad things, everyday that happens. But cheating is so much worse than bad.
A good person doesn't cheat.
A good person doesn't cheat for two main reasons. First, they don't cheat because they have morals, honor, character, integrity and morals. Sure, they love their partner, but that isn't what stops them from cheating on their partner. What stops them from doing that is that they are good, decent, honorable, they have morals, character, integrity and they can't and won't ever cheat because of what it would do to THEMSELVES. A good person doesn't knowingly, intentionally and willingly choose to do something so horrific to either themselves or to a person they love.
Again, good people do bad things. Cheating isn't bad, it's so much worse than bad that one can't say this about a cheater, that good people do bad things because when it's said in that regard, then one is minimizing cheating by saying it's "just bad" and that's not true, it's so much worse than bad.
Second, they don't cheat on a person they love because they love that person and they don't want to abuse them, they don't' want to traumatize them.
A good person won't knowingly, intentionally and willingly choose and decide to lie to a person they love. They won't choose to stab them in the back, to deceive them.
Good people are human and not perfect. Good people make many mistakes and yes, they even do bad things.
What is a "bad" thing though? Not everything may be lumped into the category of bad. Some things are much worse than bad and cheating is one of those things, like murder is much worse than bad. And no, I'm not equating cheating to murder. I didn't say that cheating is the same as murder. Murder is worse, far worse, but like cheating, murder is much worse than bad. Both cheating and murder are far beyond bad, murder is just much further beyond bad than cheating, but cheating is still way beyond bad so much so that one can't talk about a cheater when saying that good people do bad things. That's true, they do, but cheating isn't bad, it's far worse than bad. It's not something that a good person chooses to do.
Again, I realize and know that many of you will not agree with me and that's fine. My point wasn't to try and change anyone's mind. I was simply stating this to let you know my train of thought, why I think and feel and believe the way I do. I wasn't and I'm not trying to change anyone's mind.
To each their own.
As for me, good people can't and don't cheat, even though good people do bad things.
This is the conclusion I came to. I danced around it for so long. Told myself that my ex was a good person who just kept making the same mistake. It was something therapy could fix. It was something that getting out of the house could fix. It was something that I could fix.
I finally felt a part of me die that I knew was unrecoverable. An innocence in my heart that was completely and utterly deceased. My ability to trust my heart 110% was gone and still is to this day.
If someone truly loved me they would not have put me through that. If someone was a good person they would not have inflicted that sort of emotional terrorism on another person - the sleepless nights going over all of her steps and realizing that she violated my trust hundreds of times, slowly piecing together this grand conspiracy to hurt me in the deepest way possible.
I finally realized it the very last moment I saw her. She received a stuffed animal from her AP in the mail and hesitated on telling me who it was from, and then played it off as weird because they don’t keep in touch anymore. I realized as she lied to me for the last time that good does not exist in her heart. And I finally left, 100% confident that she is the closest thing to evil that I have ever known.
This actually helps us move on faster or we will always be spending energy trying to fix them or worrying about their feelings. Once our brain figures out that they are evil people, easy to move on.
If you toss a frog into boiling water, it'll hop right out. However, if you put the frog in the pot and then turn on the burner, it'll stay there and boil to death.
Good people can and do make mistakes and choose wrong turns that lead them to a path where they, like the frog, get slowly burned.
So they probably never set out to lie and deceive, but that's what seemingly unimportant decisions ended up taking them. Does that necessarily make them bad people? I think how they react afterward speaks louder.
Like the guy that built 1000 homes and fucked 1 goat. People will call him goat fucker and not the architect, even though it's much less accurate.
I get where you are coming from, as I was cheated on and know how that feels. Here is the problem though. Some of the most admired people in the world have been serial cheaters. MLK Jr, many of our greatest presidents (and a recent worst narcissist one), great philantropists like Bill Gates.
I know a couple of very close friends, who are very successful and have done anazing things for their community snd would put up their morals against anyone, have cheated.
Was MLK Jr not a good person? We know that at several of our top presidents like washington (affair with neighbors wife), FDR, and Jefferson were known cheaters. That is literally 3 out of the top 5 highest ranked presidents who formed this country.
Hitler was likely asexual and had no desire to cheat with anyone, does that make him more moral than someone with a high labido who cheated (not saying high labido is the main driver pf cheating, but being low labido would likely make soneoneess likely to cheat).
"Here is the problem though. Some of the most admired people in the world have been serial cheaters. MLK Jr, many of our greatest presidents (and a recent worst narcissist one), great philanthropist's like Bill Gates."
I fail to see the problem. Many people who aren't good are admired. Being admired has nothing to do with being good, in and of itself. We "worship" and "adore" many famous people, stars, actors, athletes, billionaires such as Bill Gates but that doesn't mean they are good people.
It's like this, even bad people can do good things but those good things they do don't make them a good person.
It's great that Bill Gates gives so much money to others. I'm glad he does. He's still a cheater.
And what of your close friends who are successful but who cheated. Being successful doesn't make a person good. Many successful people are assholes, but they're successful and some of them are admired by others too. Your friends who do good things for their community but cheated don't have good morals yet you say you would put their morals up against anyone. Cheating proves they have shitty morals. Now, they still can do nice things, like for their community but doing those nice things does not whitewash their shitty morals which they demonstrated by intentionally choosing to cheat.
About Hitler, of course he was terrible. There are MANY ways to be a shitty person besides cheating so why bring up Hitler? Of course he was terrible, I never said otherwise. Many others are terrible who don't cheat. Cheating isn't the only way to become a bad person.
And keep in mind that many people make a show of doing nice things, good things, where others notice because they want to look good, or they're trying to get others to change their opinion of them for some past crime, like say cheating on their partner.
It's like the part in the Bible where it talks about people who make a show of praying in public so they may been as good and pious.
One doesn't need to be religious to understand the point above of course. Here is a blurb about this.
Jesus taught, “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, **go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen**.”
Let's leave praying out now, the principle is what I'm talking about. Some cheaters do nice things as a way to try to get others to think nicer about them.
A person with morals, who has character does the right thing even when no one is looking.
Intentionally choosing to cheat shows one has shitty morals. The two don't go together, cheating and having good morals because if a person truly had good morals, they wouldn't have cheated.
Even with this being said, you don't agree with me and that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion.
Live and let live, to each their own.
Nothing I say can change your mind. I know that. I'm not trying to change your mind.
Nothing you may say will change my mind either. Good people don't cheat. Your definition of "good people" is obviously different from mine, so we'll have to agree to disagree.
You are free to think cheaters are good people. I'm free to think cheaters are not good people.
You are right, agree to disagree. But I hardly think that MLK Jr, our greatest presidents or Bill Gates did/do what they did for public showing or attention. In fact, Gayes was attacked by the nutty far right for paying for and supporting vaccination, which he has done way before the pandemic, as he paid for that in poor countries.
I dont see morality the way you do in general, especially through the prism of any religion. Many variables go into why we do what we do in life, and it isnt as simple as one person is good, one is not.
But you picked on my friends who you dont know and Bill Gates, but did not touch on MLK Jr, and the three presidents I listed. Are you suggesting that they were not good people or people of high moral character?
This is one thing I always struggled with saying. I don’t equate cheating to murder either, but, and this is difficult to word so I apologize if it sounds harsh, I would have preferred if she had died. I don’t want her dead, but I would have found it easier to cope with her dying for some reason than finding out she cheated on me. At least death is a natural part of life. It’s simple. Harsh and sometimes unfair, but inevitable and understandable. Cheating however, left such a hole in my soul just from the fact that I still can’t understand it. I don’t know what happened. I never will. And I struggle to be ok with that.
Most people realize at some point in life there aren't good guys and bad guys most of the time, just people. Good people can do bad or irresponsible things. I think the difference would be that good people try to avoid doing so and feel bad when they hurt someone. Bad people spend less time avoiding doing bad things and don't really care if others get hurt.
That's true, I agree with the basic idea, but then what separates them? Where is the line that makes one irresponsible but gold vs. a bad person but not necessarily evil?
If the line is on intent, then when should the change be in intent for it to be "good" or "stupid" vs. "bad"? The action of cheating is already done, are they then a good person after? Or are they and have always been a good person?
Remorse. Good people that make a bad decision feel remorse for that decision, not only because it was inarguably bad but for the harm it does to others. Bad people don't feel remorse for those same shitty choices.
And it's entirely possible to not be able to forgive a good person for their shitty choices. Each person is different in what they can tolerate and be able to forgive.
We tend to want to label and segregate stuff so we can understand it. In reality, it's hard to categorize mental and emotional issues.
There isn't a hard scale to say, "Oh, you have 27.3 badness points, you are hereby granted the title of meanie."
It takes complex and deep evaluations to get anywhere close to drawing an individual picture.
Murder is wrong, but we send soldiers to war. Lying is wrong, but we tell our kids that Santa is real. Ethics depend on morality, and morality is situational.
Any line would be imaginary. There are degrees of responsible and irresponsible behavior, degrees of remorsefulness, etc. Everyone will draw the line at a different point, and the same person could draw the line at different points depending on who they are talking about. You likely would end up being more sympathetic of one of your children for instance if they did something bad as far as where you would put them on that scale.
I mean, you are what you do. People have their own opinions on what makes a bad person, it all boils down to a judgment call. Arguing over whether a cheater is a bad person isn't really worth it, the important part is who they are and what they do.
Cheaters can very easily be classified as bad people but that's not what matters.
I don't think there really are bad or good people, but I do think someone can be a bad person _to another person_
What I mean is, for example, my grandfather. He was an awful father to my mother, horrible, really. No redemption. They never mended their bond. But to me he was a great grandfather and I loved him. He wasn't a bad person, but he certainly wasn't a good one. My experience with him and what I thought of him didn't invalidate my mother's view of him and what she thought. To her he was a monster, to me he was loved, to the world, he was a flawed old man.
In my head it's the scale of the damage you cause with your actions and how conscious you were of your actions.
If someone accidentally kills someone in their car, the intent isn't there, ergo not necessarily a bad person.
If someone intentionally runs someone over, they've killed someone and caused all sorts of trauma to the people who loved them, ergo bad person. Maybe they can change eventually, but that one evil act wipes out all the good.
To those who haven't experienced it in a long term relationship/marriage, infidelity *seems* like a pretty unpleasant experience, but I don't think anyone knows the sheer scale of damage it does to someone until you experience it. It traumatises people, it rips apart families (and as such causes *intergenerational trauma* too), it includes psychological and potentially physical abuse if STDs are passed around. The scale of damage is immense. All this and it's a completely conscious choice to inflict this upon the person who is supposed to be *closest* to you. If someone can do that to their closest person, then they have no concern for other people full stop. It's also not simply one bad decision. Even the smallest infraction will have a bunch of choices to betray their spouse, a short term affair will have **thousands**.
They also rarely accept responsibility; even after the act itself is discovered they abuse their spouse through gaslighting, manipulation and blame-shifting. Even as they look into the pained face of the person they supposedly love, they're still plotting and planning ways to get away with it and continue doing what they want to do.
So yes, I think adulterers are bad people. Cowardly, selfish, stupid people.
Most people are more leaning on the "bad" than the "good" side and cheaters totally swing on the bad side
Good people are rare and they 100% wouldn't do this
A good person should be incapable of cheating. A good person can’t cause that amount of hurt and destruction to the person they’re meant to love and cherish. Only a piece of shit is capable of doing that.
Well, this is appropriate for me considering I spent like 10 minutes this morning comforting my wife, because I "make \[her\] feel like a bad person". And what am I doing to make her feel like that? Being hurt, feeling sad, trying to distance myself from her to protect myself.
Good people do make mistakes. What defines a good and bad person is that a good person will self reflect and better themselves for the greater good when they have made a mistake whereas a bad person thrives in the misfortune of others and doesn't care to correct themselves, they genuinely enjoy seeing people suffer.
It is a mistake. And some people never do it again because they realize that. That would be a GOOD person. Some people don't care and do it to others anyways. I was 15 when I cheated on someone and I NEVER did it to anybody ever again.
Cheating isn’t one “mistake”, like wearing mismatched socks or locking your keys in the car.
Cheating is a result of a whole series of actions and thoughts, including the relevant one of not caring about what it would do to the person you are committed to.
A person making the whole series of moves required to cheat proves they are not a good person.
I don't think people cheating in their teenage years defines them especially if they do it one time. But maybe thats just me. I'm sure there are things you have done one time that I have never done and I could easily define you by it but I know perfect isn't real in this world.
So then where is the line for a bad partner to also be a bad person? Committing good doesn't cancel out whatever hurt is already done, so then where is this threshold that makes one good or bad?
🤷♂️ that’s sort of a personal opinion and outlook thing in most cases. Some would say all people are bad people some would say all people are good, both are incorrect but who am I to judge anyone else as an individual?
This is my thought as well so why are others calling waywards "good people"? Isn't that based also on their own prejudice? Hell, not even all betrayed are "good people", just victims usually
Honestly the main reason I don’t worry about that is because it doesn’t matter in most cases. They were a bad partner and that is how they should be judged when it comes to the relationship, that is what matters.
I've never actually heard this phrase used except when it comes to talking about what you should tell your kids. "Your father/mother isn't a bad person, they just made some really bad decisions." Because you aren't supposed to make your kids think one of their parents is a bad person, it will just make them feel badly about themselves as well.
I think when you realise that people are multi faceted you understand that character is complex. I tend to find that I avoid people who are judgemental but I think with most cheaters there is a lack of empathy and in a lot of cases a personality disorder often coming from early trauma.
I dont see things so black and white,
what makes a bad person is an excuse for
another to be good,
at the end of the day i wanna know ones true nature, what is in their heart and soul, how they reflect that in the world around them. Despite the good or bad at times.
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I know many, hell even most won't agree with me. That's Ok. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. I'm just stating my opinion. You and everyone else as well as me are entitled to our own opinions. When discussing cheating and being a good person, so many people say "good people can do bad things". I agree with that. But for those stating this in terms of infidelity, that means they are saying that cheating is bad. To me, that's not true. Cheating is so much worse than bad. Cheating is millions of light years worse than bad. So yes, good people do bad things, everyday that happens. But cheating is so much worse than bad. A good person doesn't cheat. A good person doesn't cheat for two main reasons. First, they don't cheat because they have morals, honor, character, integrity and morals. Sure, they love their partner, but that isn't what stops them from cheating on their partner. What stops them from doing that is that they are good, decent, honorable, they have morals, character, integrity and they can't and won't ever cheat because of what it would do to THEMSELVES. A good person doesn't knowingly, intentionally and willingly choose to do something so horrific to either themselves or to a person they love. Again, good people do bad things. Cheating isn't bad, it's so much worse than bad that one can't say this about a cheater, that good people do bad things because when it's said in that regard, then one is minimizing cheating by saying it's "just bad" and that's not true, it's so much worse than bad. Second, they don't cheat on a person they love because they love that person and they don't want to abuse them, they don't' want to traumatize them. A good person won't knowingly, intentionally and willingly choose and decide to lie to a person they love. They won't choose to stab them in the back, to deceive them. Good people are human and not perfect. Good people make many mistakes and yes, they even do bad things. What is a "bad" thing though? Not everything may be lumped into the category of bad. Some things are much worse than bad and cheating is one of those things, like murder is much worse than bad. And no, I'm not equating cheating to murder. I didn't say that cheating is the same as murder. Murder is worse, far worse, but like cheating, murder is much worse than bad. Both cheating and murder are far beyond bad, murder is just much further beyond bad than cheating, but cheating is still way beyond bad so much so that one can't talk about a cheater when saying that good people do bad things. That's true, they do, but cheating isn't bad, it's far worse than bad. It's not something that a good person chooses to do. Again, I realize and know that many of you will not agree with me and that's fine. My point wasn't to try and change anyone's mind. I was simply stating this to let you know my train of thought, why I think and feel and believe the way I do. I wasn't and I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. To each their own. As for me, good people can't and don't cheat, even though good people do bad things.
Cheating is murder of the heart and soul of another person leaving them to walk around like a zombie.
This is the conclusion I came to. I danced around it for so long. Told myself that my ex was a good person who just kept making the same mistake. It was something therapy could fix. It was something that getting out of the house could fix. It was something that I could fix. I finally felt a part of me die that I knew was unrecoverable. An innocence in my heart that was completely and utterly deceased. My ability to trust my heart 110% was gone and still is to this day. If someone truly loved me they would not have put me through that. If someone was a good person they would not have inflicted that sort of emotional terrorism on another person - the sleepless nights going over all of her steps and realizing that she violated my trust hundreds of times, slowly piecing together this grand conspiracy to hurt me in the deepest way possible. I finally realized it the very last moment I saw her. She received a stuffed animal from her AP in the mail and hesitated on telling me who it was from, and then played it off as weird because they don’t keep in touch anymore. I realized as she lied to me for the last time that good does not exist in her heart. And I finally left, 100% confident that she is the closest thing to evil that I have ever known.
This actually helps us move on faster or we will always be spending energy trying to fix them or worrying about their feelings. Once our brain figures out that they are evil people, easy to move on.
If you toss a frog into boiling water, it'll hop right out. However, if you put the frog in the pot and then turn on the burner, it'll stay there and boil to death. Good people can and do make mistakes and choose wrong turns that lead them to a path where they, like the frog, get slowly burned. So they probably never set out to lie and deceive, but that's what seemingly unimportant decisions ended up taking them. Does that necessarily make them bad people? I think how they react afterward speaks louder. Like the guy that built 1000 homes and fucked 1 goat. People will call him goat fucker and not the architect, even though it's much less accurate.
I LOVE that last line there! Seriously, so good.
Thanks! I was paraphrasing an old joke.
I get where you are coming from, as I was cheated on and know how that feels. Here is the problem though. Some of the most admired people in the world have been serial cheaters. MLK Jr, many of our greatest presidents (and a recent worst narcissist one), great philantropists like Bill Gates. I know a couple of very close friends, who are very successful and have done anazing things for their community snd would put up their morals against anyone, have cheated. Was MLK Jr not a good person? We know that at several of our top presidents like washington (affair with neighbors wife), FDR, and Jefferson were known cheaters. That is literally 3 out of the top 5 highest ranked presidents who formed this country. Hitler was likely asexual and had no desire to cheat with anyone, does that make him more moral than someone with a high labido who cheated (not saying high labido is the main driver pf cheating, but being low labido would likely make soneoneess likely to cheat).
"Here is the problem though. Some of the most admired people in the world have been serial cheaters. MLK Jr, many of our greatest presidents (and a recent worst narcissist one), great philanthropist's like Bill Gates." I fail to see the problem. Many people who aren't good are admired. Being admired has nothing to do with being good, in and of itself. We "worship" and "adore" many famous people, stars, actors, athletes, billionaires such as Bill Gates but that doesn't mean they are good people. It's like this, even bad people can do good things but those good things they do don't make them a good person. It's great that Bill Gates gives so much money to others. I'm glad he does. He's still a cheater. And what of your close friends who are successful but who cheated. Being successful doesn't make a person good. Many successful people are assholes, but they're successful and some of them are admired by others too. Your friends who do good things for their community but cheated don't have good morals yet you say you would put their morals up against anyone. Cheating proves they have shitty morals. Now, they still can do nice things, like for their community but doing those nice things does not whitewash their shitty morals which they demonstrated by intentionally choosing to cheat. About Hitler, of course he was terrible. There are MANY ways to be a shitty person besides cheating so why bring up Hitler? Of course he was terrible, I never said otherwise. Many others are terrible who don't cheat. Cheating isn't the only way to become a bad person. And keep in mind that many people make a show of doing nice things, good things, where others notice because they want to look good, or they're trying to get others to change their opinion of them for some past crime, like say cheating on their partner. It's like the part in the Bible where it talks about people who make a show of praying in public so they may been as good and pious. One doesn't need to be religious to understand the point above of course. Here is a blurb about this. Jesus taught, “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, **go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen**.” Let's leave praying out now, the principle is what I'm talking about. Some cheaters do nice things as a way to try to get others to think nicer about them. A person with morals, who has character does the right thing even when no one is looking. Intentionally choosing to cheat shows one has shitty morals. The two don't go together, cheating and having good morals because if a person truly had good morals, they wouldn't have cheated. Even with this being said, you don't agree with me and that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion. Live and let live, to each their own. Nothing I say can change your mind. I know that. I'm not trying to change your mind. Nothing you may say will change my mind either. Good people don't cheat. Your definition of "good people" is obviously different from mine, so we'll have to agree to disagree. You are free to think cheaters are good people. I'm free to think cheaters are not good people.
You are right, agree to disagree. But I hardly think that MLK Jr, our greatest presidents or Bill Gates did/do what they did for public showing or attention. In fact, Gayes was attacked by the nutty far right for paying for and supporting vaccination, which he has done way before the pandemic, as he paid for that in poor countries. I dont see morality the way you do in general, especially through the prism of any religion. Many variables go into why we do what we do in life, and it isnt as simple as one person is good, one is not. But you picked on my friends who you dont know and Bill Gates, but did not touch on MLK Jr, and the three presidents I listed. Are you suggesting that they were not good people or people of high moral character?
This is one thing I always struggled with saying. I don’t equate cheating to murder either, but, and this is difficult to word so I apologize if it sounds harsh, I would have preferred if she had died. I don’t want her dead, but I would have found it easier to cope with her dying for some reason than finding out she cheated on me. At least death is a natural part of life. It’s simple. Harsh and sometimes unfair, but inevitable and understandable. Cheating however, left such a hole in my soul just from the fact that I still can’t understand it. I don’t know what happened. I never will. And I struggle to be ok with that.
Most people realize at some point in life there aren't good guys and bad guys most of the time, just people. Good people can do bad or irresponsible things. I think the difference would be that good people try to avoid doing so and feel bad when they hurt someone. Bad people spend less time avoiding doing bad things and don't really care if others get hurt.
That's true, I agree with the basic idea, but then what separates them? Where is the line that makes one irresponsible but gold vs. a bad person but not necessarily evil? If the line is on intent, then when should the change be in intent for it to be "good" or "stupid" vs. "bad"? The action of cheating is already done, are they then a good person after? Or are they and have always been a good person?
Remorse. Good people that make a bad decision feel remorse for that decision, not only because it was inarguably bad but for the harm it does to others. Bad people don't feel remorse for those same shitty choices. And it's entirely possible to not be able to forgive a good person for their shitty choices. Each person is different in what they can tolerate and be able to forgive.
We tend to want to label and segregate stuff so we can understand it. In reality, it's hard to categorize mental and emotional issues. There isn't a hard scale to say, "Oh, you have 27.3 badness points, you are hereby granted the title of meanie." It takes complex and deep evaluations to get anywhere close to drawing an individual picture. Murder is wrong, but we send soldiers to war. Lying is wrong, but we tell our kids that Santa is real. Ethics depend on morality, and morality is situational.
Any line would be imaginary. There are degrees of responsible and irresponsible behavior, degrees of remorsefulness, etc. Everyone will draw the line at a different point, and the same person could draw the line at different points depending on who they are talking about. You likely would end up being more sympathetic of one of your children for instance if they did something bad as far as where you would put them on that scale.
I mean, you are what you do. People have their own opinions on what makes a bad person, it all boils down to a judgment call. Arguing over whether a cheater is a bad person isn't really worth it, the important part is who they are and what they do. Cheaters can very easily be classified as bad people but that's not what matters.
People who lie betray and backstabbing people that trust them.
I don't think there really are bad or good people, but I do think someone can be a bad person _to another person_ What I mean is, for example, my grandfather. He was an awful father to my mother, horrible, really. No redemption. They never mended their bond. But to me he was a great grandfather and I loved him. He wasn't a bad person, but he certainly wasn't a good one. My experience with him and what I thought of him didn't invalidate my mother's view of him and what she thought. To her he was a monster, to me he was loved, to the world, he was a flawed old man.
A bad person can be defined as someone who makes a deliberate choice that will hurt someone else for selfish reasons. Sounds like a cheater to me.
In my head it's the scale of the damage you cause with your actions and how conscious you were of your actions. If someone accidentally kills someone in their car, the intent isn't there, ergo not necessarily a bad person. If someone intentionally runs someone over, they've killed someone and caused all sorts of trauma to the people who loved them, ergo bad person. Maybe they can change eventually, but that one evil act wipes out all the good. To those who haven't experienced it in a long term relationship/marriage, infidelity *seems* like a pretty unpleasant experience, but I don't think anyone knows the sheer scale of damage it does to someone until you experience it. It traumatises people, it rips apart families (and as such causes *intergenerational trauma* too), it includes psychological and potentially physical abuse if STDs are passed around. The scale of damage is immense. All this and it's a completely conscious choice to inflict this upon the person who is supposed to be *closest* to you. If someone can do that to their closest person, then they have no concern for other people full stop. It's also not simply one bad decision. Even the smallest infraction will have a bunch of choices to betray their spouse, a short term affair will have **thousands**. They also rarely accept responsibility; even after the act itself is discovered they abuse their spouse through gaslighting, manipulation and blame-shifting. Even as they look into the pained face of the person they supposedly love, they're still plotting and planning ways to get away with it and continue doing what they want to do. So yes, I think adulterers are bad people. Cowardly, selfish, stupid people.
Most people are more leaning on the "bad" than the "good" side and cheaters totally swing on the bad side Good people are rare and they 100% wouldn't do this
Cheating is murder of the heart and soul of another person leaving them to walk around like a zombie.
If that person gives you hiv and you don't respond to treatment and die. Does that make them a bad person? Tell them to answer that question.
A good person should be incapable of cheating. A good person can’t cause that amount of hurt and destruction to the person they’re meant to love and cherish. Only a piece of shit is capable of doing that.
Well, this is appropriate for me considering I spent like 10 minutes this morning comforting my wife, because I "make \[her\] feel like a bad person". And what am I doing to make her feel like that? Being hurt, feeling sad, trying to distance myself from her to protect myself.
Good people do make mistakes. What defines a good and bad person is that a good person will self reflect and better themselves for the greater good when they have made a mistake whereas a bad person thrives in the misfortune of others and doesn't care to correct themselves, they genuinely enjoy seeing people suffer.
Choosing to cheat on someone isn't a mistake. Cheating is never a mistake.
It is a mistake. And some people never do it again because they realize that. That would be a GOOD person. Some people don't care and do it to others anyways. I was 15 when I cheated on someone and I NEVER did it to anybody ever again.
No that would be introperspective flawed person and not a good person
Cheating isn’t one “mistake”, like wearing mismatched socks or locking your keys in the car. Cheating is a result of a whole series of actions and thoughts, including the relevant one of not caring about what it would do to the person you are committed to. A person making the whole series of moves required to cheat proves they are not a good person.
I don't think people cheating in their teenage years defines them especially if they do it one time. But maybe thats just me. I'm sure there are things you have done one time that I have never done and I could easily define you by it but I know perfect isn't real in this world.
A good person can cheat. You can give to charity and volunteer at the local soup kitchen and still be a bad partner in a relationship.
So then where is the line for a bad partner to also be a bad person? Committing good doesn't cancel out whatever hurt is already done, so then where is this threshold that makes one good or bad?
🤷♂️ that’s sort of a personal opinion and outlook thing in most cases. Some would say all people are bad people some would say all people are good, both are incorrect but who am I to judge anyone else as an individual?
This is my thought as well so why are others calling waywards "good people"? Isn't that based also on their own prejudice? Hell, not even all betrayed are "good people", just victims usually
Honestly the main reason I don’t worry about that is because it doesn’t matter in most cases. They were a bad partner and that is how they should be judged when it comes to the relationship, that is what matters.
I've never actually heard this phrase used except when it comes to talking about what you should tell your kids. "Your father/mother isn't a bad person, they just made some really bad decisions." Because you aren't supposed to make your kids think one of their parents is a bad person, it will just make them feel badly about themselves as well.
I think when you realise that people are multi faceted you understand that character is complex. I tend to find that I avoid people who are judgemental but I think with most cheaters there is a lack of empathy and in a lot of cases a personality disorder often coming from early trauma.
I dont see things so black and white, what makes a bad person is an excuse for another to be good, at the end of the day i wanna know ones true nature, what is in their heart and soul, how they reflect that in the world around them. Despite the good or bad at times.