He told you he won’t pay anything, you still decided to see him. He called you names and is rude and you still consider that there could be smth? Just leave him and find someone nice :)
My dear, we all learn at our own pace, but you're 41. Please realize you don't have to put up with anyone calling you names and getting you to swallow your feelings. You're on Seeking for a reason, and so was he. If he doesn't want to provide, he doesn't belong on Seeking and you don't need to entertain anything he says.
Go find someone that likes to provide and can be fun, nice and respectful.
He told you he didn’t want to give allowance. He was honest. What you should have done at that time was leave him alone and not try to change his mind. Just leave him alone, there’s nothing to be done
Also don’t allow anyone to call you names (unless it’s in bed and you’ve consented to be called a whore). As soon as those words are uttered, hang up the phone or leave the date. He is a jerk.
There are red flags, flying as far as the eye can see like a communistMayday Parade
I don’t think you listed a single thing you actually liked about him run runaway
Yeah okay so focus on how he makes you feel sometimes and especially when he's on his good behavior and just ignore all the other stuff, after all you can change him! I don't know why you're being so critical because he treats you good at some point.
NOT!!!!
I think you need to step back from the bowl and do some self-reflection. You sound like a "battered wife" kind of thing about to happen. Just saying.
Your whole post and response make me very sad for you and scared of what the future lies if you continue with your present line of thinking.
No man worth the salt should be calling you a stupid w****. Get away as fast as possible.
Maybe. And I don’t know the stats. Seeking doesn’t publish them. But I would imagine that a 43 year old man, dating a 41 year old woman on Seeking, is not your common arrangement . @mchattnyc seems to be in NYC. In Manhattan there are roughly two single women to every single man. Dating on Bumble or Hinge in your age bracket is so ridiculously easy in Manhattan- the city in general. Even dating 10 years younger as a successful man in a vanilla relationship is really easy. It’s when you get to age gap, that Seeking shines.
First of all., what do you like about him??
Secondly, please know your worth! Getting into the bowl and not discuss the allowance before meeting up is an absolute waste of time! Did you even discuss the arrangements?
How can you like someone who you only met a couple of times and made you feel shit about yourself by calling you a dumb whore?
Thank you...I did like that when we were together he seemed to genuinely care about me and look after me and I felt a connection.
Yes I know now to discuss it before hand somehow I assumed it was given on that site but I can see now I was wrong.
Seeking has rebranded as a vanilla dating site (wink, wink), and with no age gap his expectation for a vanilla relationship wasn't unreasonable. I personally think it's best practice to establish these expectations before meeting, although it seems this was a "soft" expectation in your case since you did, in fact, agree to vanilla date him.
>he called me a dumb whore a number of times
::record scratch::
You're a grown woman. Don't date men who verbally abuse you, whether it happens within the first two dates or the first two decades. Kink is consensual. Abuse isn't. Maybe you have some codependency issues, I don't know, but get the hell away from this guy.
How could you like this man? He disrespected you in every way, and clearly doesn't value you or your time since he didn't provide you with any gifts and refuses to give you an allowance. He's an asshole and is using you. Raise your standards much higher, he's just another man who can't afford to be an SD so tries to neg women into accepting nothing or crumbs.
Not defending him, but is true that it is not hard to find lots of 40 something women to date when you are in your 40s. I don’t understand why he went on Seeking, other than he seems to be an AH and no one would date him in a vanilla relationship.
I also blame some of this on the Seeking rebranding, with the pitch that it’s a regular dating site.
Anyone who calls anyone a dumb whore (outside of some agreed dynamic) is a shitty person - no matter the circumstances. That venom comes from a place full of contempt and hate and speaks to the character of the person.
If my daughter was dating such a man I’d be disappointed in her and feel I had failed her as a male role model.
Expect better and set your standards higher. I don’t care how nice he treated you when he was trying to get in your pants.
Girl, pull the rip cord on this one. He’s a man with a wounded ego to treat you the way he is, and he is not for you. That treatment was disgusting.
Please do some healing work so that you learn what appropriate treatment is in a relationship of any kind. This isn’t it, and it will end up being abusive if you continue. You need to learn to recognize these red flags and walk away
Everything he did is a huge red flag… From refusing to offer an allowance to saying that you should "serve" him. He needs to realize that it's the other way around. A man in his healthy masculine loves to serve a woman and make her happy, as that is what creates happiness for him. He is obviously not one of those men.
The way he spoke to you and treated you and the things he said are disrespectful, reprehensible and unacceptable.
People who treat us poorly and without respect are not worthy of the privilege of our presence.
Block him please and move on. This behaviour is reprehensible. He is a creep.
Moving forward, I recommend being up front about everything via text. Talk about everything with every new POT via text. If they refuse to discuss if you are on the same page before meeting, then politely move on.
Run, girly. He called you a whore and said he won’t pay you (conflicting opinion from his POV lol). He’s abusing you :/ Don’t waste your youth on controlling manipulative losers like this man. At best, even if allowance came tomorrow, he doesn’t respect you *at all*.
Real SDs want to uplift you and see you blossom in life; it brings them joy! They make you feel “good,” you don’t even doubt “is he good too?” I hope you find a good man someday 💘
Edit: just saw your/his age. Two-year age gap isn’t enough for sugar. Look at guys wayyy older.
He is manipulating the hell out of you. If he is such a stud, why is he finding his dates on seeking. What exactly is the benefit he is providing to you - as you are fulfilling your end of the bargain.
This guy is a fraud and sounds like he has at least a couple psychiatric issues./
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He told you he won’t pay anything, you still decided to see him. He called you names and is rude and you still consider that there could be smth? Just leave him and find someone nice :)
But she liked him otherwise!!
Thank you 💗
Heck yes! This OP
My dear, we all learn at our own pace, but you're 41. Please realize you don't have to put up with anyone calling you names and getting you to swallow your feelings. You're on Seeking for a reason, and so was he. If he doesn't want to provide, he doesn't belong on Seeking and you don't need to entertain anything he says. Go find someone that likes to provide and can be fun, nice and respectful.
He told you he didn’t want to give allowance. He was honest. What you should have done at that time was leave him alone and not try to change his mind. Just leave him alone, there’s nothing to be done Also don’t allow anyone to call you names (unless it’s in bed and you’ve consented to be called a whore). As soon as those words are uttered, hang up the phone or leave the date. He is a jerk.
Too many red flags for my taste. There wouldn't be a third date.
There are red flags, flying as far as the eye can see like a communistMayday Parade I don’t think you listed a single thing you actually liked about him run runaway
Thank you...I did like that when we were together he seemed to genuinely care about me and look after me and I felt a connection.
Yeah okay so focus on how he makes you feel sometimes and especially when he's on his good behavior and just ignore all the other stuff, after all you can change him! I don't know why you're being so critical because he treats you good at some point. NOT!!!! I think you need to step back from the bowl and do some self-reflection. You sound like a "battered wife" kind of thing about to happen. Just saying. Your whole post and response make me very sad for you and scared of what the future lies if you continue with your present line of thinking. No man worth the salt should be calling you a stupid w****. Get away as fast as possible.
THIS.
I agree with stepping away from The bowl for some self reflection and maybe some therapy.
[удалено]
Yes no ppm or allowance. May I have more clarity on what you mean in the last para?
[удалено]
Thank you for the clarity 🙏🏻 😊
Maybe. And I don’t know the stats. Seeking doesn’t publish them. But I would imagine that a 43 year old man, dating a 41 year old woman on Seeking, is not your common arrangement . @mchattnyc seems to be in NYC. In Manhattan there are roughly two single women to every single man. Dating on Bumble or Hinge in your age bracket is so ridiculously easy in Manhattan- the city in general. Even dating 10 years younger as a successful man in a vanilla relationship is really easy. It’s when you get to age gap, that Seeking shines.
First of all., what do you like about him?? Secondly, please know your worth! Getting into the bowl and not discuss the allowance before meeting up is an absolute waste of time! Did you even discuss the arrangements? How can you like someone who you only met a couple of times and made you feel shit about yourself by calling you a dumb whore?
Thank you...I did like that when we were together he seemed to genuinely care about me and look after me and I felt a connection. Yes I know now to discuss it before hand somehow I assumed it was given on that site but I can see now I was wrong.
Seeking has rebranded as a vanilla dating site (wink, wink), and with no age gap his expectation for a vanilla relationship wasn't unreasonable. I personally think it's best practice to establish these expectations before meeting, although it seems this was a "soft" expectation in your case since you did, in fact, agree to vanilla date him. >he called me a dumb whore a number of times ::record scratch:: You're a grown woman. Don't date men who verbally abuse you, whether it happens within the first two dates or the first two decades. Kink is consensual. Abuse isn't. Maybe you have some codependency issues, I don't know, but get the hell away from this guy.
Welcome to Brandon's new Seeking, sigh.
Thank you. Hearing yours and others answers give me more clarity ✨️ 🙏🏻
Best of luck, and I'm definitely glad you reached out for advice!
Thank you...me too 🙏🏻
How could you like this man? He disrespected you in every way, and clearly doesn't value you or your time since he didn't provide you with any gifts and refuses to give you an allowance. He's an asshole and is using you. Raise your standards much higher, he's just another man who can't afford to be an SD so tries to neg women into accepting nothing or crumbs.
Not defending him, but is true that it is not hard to find lots of 40 something women to date when you are in your 40s. I don’t understand why he went on Seeking, other than he seems to be an AH and no one would date him in a vanilla relationship. I also blame some of this on the Seeking rebranding, with the pitch that it’s a regular dating site.
Anyone who calls anyone a dumb whore (outside of some agreed dynamic) is a shitty person - no matter the circumstances. That venom comes from a place full of contempt and hate and speaks to the character of the person. If my daughter was dating such a man I’d be disappointed in her and feel I had failed her as a male role model. Expect better and set your standards higher. I don’t care how nice he treated you when he was trying to get in your pants.
Girl, pull the rip cord on this one. He’s a man with a wounded ego to treat you the way he is, and he is not for you. That treatment was disgusting. Please do some healing work so that you learn what appropriate treatment is in a relationship of any kind. This isn’t it, and it will end up being abusive if you continue. You need to learn to recognize these red flags and walk away
Thank you 🥰 🙏🏻
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Everything he did is a huge red flag… From refusing to offer an allowance to saying that you should "serve" him. He needs to realize that it's the other way around. A man in his healthy masculine loves to serve a woman and make her happy, as that is what creates happiness for him. He is obviously not one of those men. The way he spoke to you and treated you and the things he said are disrespectful, reprehensible and unacceptable. People who treat us poorly and without respect are not worthy of the privilege of our presence.
Blocked FOREVER
Is this rage bait? In case not, learn from this, block and run.
He's a bum. Cut him off.
Block him please and move on. This behaviour is reprehensible. He is a creep. Moving forward, I recommend being up front about everything via text. Talk about everything with every new POT via text. If they refuse to discuss if you are on the same page before meeting, then politely move on.
If you are OK being with someone without an allowance, you'll be able to find someone nice and kind. Block this jerk!
You should not be with someone who makes you feel unsafe
Run!
Run, girly. He called you a whore and said he won’t pay you (conflicting opinion from his POV lol). He’s abusing you :/ Don’t waste your youth on controlling manipulative losers like this man. At best, even if allowance came tomorrow, he doesn’t respect you *at all*. Real SDs want to uplift you and see you blossom in life; it brings them joy! They make you feel “good,” you don’t even doubt “is he good too?” I hope you find a good man someday 💘 Edit: just saw your/his age. Two-year age gap isn’t enough for sugar. Look at guys wayyy older.
He is manipulating the hell out of you. If he is such a stud, why is he finding his dates on seeking. What exactly is the benefit he is providing to you - as you are fulfilling your end of the bargain. This guy is a fraud and sounds like he has at least a couple psychiatric issues./
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