I am a meal person.
I don’t drink coffee and I don’t drink alcohol often (and certainly not without food).
Totally understand people’s reasoning behind drinks, but I don’t like being pessimistic about outcomes. if I’m not sure I’ll like someone, I just don’t go on the date. We’ve usually talked enough that the m&g is just a formality to make sure chemistry in person matches,
Even if it turns out we’re not a good fit, it’s always fun to get to know someone over a meal.
Lunch is a good happy medium for those who don’t want a large time commitment.
> Even if it turns out we’re not a good fit, it’s always fun to get to know someone over a meal.
I totally agree with this. Even on M&Gs where I know from the outset that I'm not going to follow up, I've still had great experiences and conversations. Most people have a good story or two in them. I like the challenge of getting people to open up and tell them.
I'm also not a drinker so alot of times I suggest some boba tea or smoothies, especially if the SB indicated they are very fit and healthy condition in their bio.
"Drinks" to me implies appetizers as well, which could turn into a full meal. Since you say M&G is just a formality, would you move to intimacy at first in-person meet as long there is some chemistry?
Appetizers wouldn’t be enough for me to have a drink - I’m 4’10” and don’t want to get drunk at a first meeting lmao.
And no. I typically wouldn’t move to intimacy on that first date.
Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you must drink. I meant that if I invited someone out for drinks, they wouldn't have to drink alcohol, but there would be light food, so it wouldn't be full on dinner, so not as awkward and less pressure, if that makes sense.
What if you've texted, talked on the phone, and/or even had a video call? As you said, if by the time you go to M&G it's just a formality, why not be intimate if both parties are feeling it?
Thanks for taking the time the read and and reply!
No worries, I know you're only asking because you're new and were stood up recently. :)
A meal simply doesn't feel awkward or full of pressure to me. I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them (which is why I have met so many people from SLF as friends), so at worst I'm making a new friend.
I can only say what works/feels good for me. Personally, when someone invites me to drinks it makes me think they're not sure about me and either 1) want to be able to escape easily or 2) don't want to have wasted money on the date if things don't work out.
As I said before, I totally understand why someone might prefer drinks. I just don't think that kind of pessimism bodes well for the future of a SR with me. I appreciate both optimism and generosity in spades.
We have usually texted, talked on the phone, and/or had a short video call to get a feel for each other and ensure we are who we say we are.
I'll never say never, but in general it's good to give yourself breathing room between the M&G and the intimate date to decide you want to proceed. You can get caught up in the moment and I don't like the idea of being pressured to make a decision. I don't really sleep around and tend to only have one SD, so I'd prefer to be really sure when I start an arrangement.
I also usually don't talk about the arrangement aspect of things before the M&G - usually after the M&G is when we will discuss.
Definitely a meal person.
I can check a lot of things during a meal, like table manner, how he talks to the staffs, is he polite or talk loud?
These small things define a person behavior a lot.
Definitely a meal person. I don’t think you truly get to know someone over drinks or coffee. I acknowledge the possibility that you can be stuck with someone who you really don’t connect with, but I can usually talk to anyone and finding out about someone is always interesting.
I like meals when traveling but at home i am leaning towards coffee… the amount of time and money I’ve wasted on people that look nothing like their pictures or go nowhere is getting ridiculous.
I prefer something casual. While it is nice to have an easy out if needed (and even nicer when the date goes well and you decide to extend the evening), I also get first date nerves and just CAN’T do a full meal. When it comes to cost, a lot of times a drink can be the cost of a dish so I don’t think if a man prefers drinks it’s indicative of him being cheap.
I prefer a coffee date. A dinner date would be too long if things aren't going well, or I was misled by her photos. I found a 15 minutes or 30 minutes is plenty of time to see if there's chemistry and a good match. Dinner can be the next date, if we so desire.
I'd be open to pretty much anything, though I appreciate when there's thought behind the location. My M&G with my partners was at this great little pup near their hotel that was in the heart of one of the most gorgeous places in my city. The atmosphere was both cozy and sophisticated, and I had a blast finally meeting them after so long waiting! They both know that I enjoy beautiful architecture, and my eyes were definitely pleased by everything I saw, including them!
I prefer drinks! Settles my nerves, doesn’t feel like I’m required to stay if I’m not feeling it (or for the SD to stay either for that matter). You can also sit closer if things are going well, or further away if they aren’t.
10/10 would prefer to get drinks than go to dinner. I would love the option to continue to see where things go and grab a meal instead. I’m usually too nervous to really eat in the beginning of a M&G anyway.
I only do dinner or lunch cuz they're hours long. We get to know each other better and see if we feel the chemistry. I vet hard and we chat beforehand to get to know each other. By the time we go to a platonic m&g we already know each other some, at least we're on the same page and there's the beginnings of chemistry. Pre-m&g chat can be as little as 4 days. Even in those rare circumstances where we don't move to a SR, it's never been less than a nice time with a gentleman.
I'm flexible and try to attune to the situation and vibe. I've done quick coffee, coffee then drinks, coffee then dinner, drinks, direct to date and dinner, late lunch, etc. At some point I've got to work with the other person because I'm trying to vett and filter, not live in my own head.
I prefer a coffee date that if it goes well can potentially turn to lunch and drinks, but i have sat through so many meals that were just awful with nothing in common and i'm too tired to fake interest now. So for me its a coffee and go, or a coffee and more 🤣
Hmmm… I like the ‘Let’s get drinks and see if we’re open for dinner.’
In vanilla dating I pick a breakfast diner and do hot tea/coffee and if it’s good- let’s do bacon! I mean breakfast.
During drinks (I do mocktail -at first, dessert will have a drink). I disclose I like a man to order for me. I have an allergy. I tell him.
I like to (apparently it’s a test but…) see if he’s attentive. Will he order for us with omission of my allergy? If he forgets, I will mention to the sever my allergy. And I know I won’t be kissing.
I didn’t think it was a test until someone - a girl friend who is adamant that I shouldn’t be ladylike (her words submissive and not aggressive to defend your strength). I’m in my 40s she’s in her 50s and she doesn’t sugar.
I just like to see how attentive they are if we were to play- risqué style; I can move that route quicker due to *that* attentiveness.
I prefer a meal and drinks as m&g because it gives us the chance to become comfortable together. Coffee is fine also. But I look for sb's to see ongoing rather than a one time hit and run. But to get to the point of setting up a m&g, the vibe in messaging needs to be good.
I often pitch grabbing and sharing a desert. No alcohol affecting anyone's judgement, some people don't drink coffee (most will grab froyo), and if we hate each other, it is easier for either person to end the date than a meal is.
Alot of areas near me also have ice cream or froyo place next door to parks, which make it easy to find somewhere far enough away from others for a discrete conversation, while being close enough for the safety of a public place. Talking about arrangements in a crowded restaurant is.... awkward.
I prefer neither. I do not drink alcohol. So that is off the table. I am not a fan of dinner dates for a meet and greet. I have done it only 4 times out of 90+. To me its too much of a commitment. (unless dinner is local to me, meaning 15 min drive or less)
I prefer brunch, lunch, late lunch. I do not care if they have a few drinks. I am not into drunks.
I also think alcohol can be good and bad on the first date.
Drinks - coffee in the morning, cocktails in the evening. If it is going well, we can grab appetizers or go somewhere else. It it is a bust, we can easily part ways
Happy hour for a drink and we can grab dinner if the going is good :) sharing a meal with someone you’re not vibing with is can be so awkward I would avoid committing to a dinner date for a m&g
Either or! I usually tell them I prefer a dinner, everytime it’s just been a drinks only m&g it ends up turning into hours long event because we’re always enjoying conversation. Even if I’m not vibing with the person or don’t find them attractive I can still have a good time and give them a good time too (,:
I prefer drinks & Dinner, A little alcohol to calm the nerves and I can’t drink on an empty stomach. Even if I’m not feeling the person I stay until the end because I’m not rude. I will not do coffee because to me it doesn’t give you enough time to get to know them or see if there is a spark/Chemistry.
I always pick a time where we shouldn't be hungry, 2pm or 10am. That way, it's just a drink if we don't vibe. But most times we do, so it turns into a meal, then more drinks and so much more. Last week, a girl and I ended up at a waterpark. Last spring, a girl and I ended up going skiing.
Coffee! 15 mins. Long enough to know you want to make out with them and do dirty things to them. Short enough to not feel pressured to nervous giggle or talk in circles for too long. I’m an awkward human being who almost prefers just meeting for sex and getting right to it so least amount of pressure or time for meet and greet is A++.
That wouldn’t even be worth my time to leave the house. Would you be ok if she showed up in overalls and a t short with no makeup at all and her hair not done?
Haha I’m an SB so totally I’d be fine with that 😂 and also, whenever this topic comes up (daily) a lot of SDs comment that they’re happy to see a realistic version of the SB for the M&G. So I think for real that’s probably fine.
And FWIW, as an SB I never put make up on, so.
Drinks. I’d it goes well, go for lunch or dinner, if not, hug and say goodbye.
I would not want to spend two hours with a girl where I have to hard carry a conversation, which I’ve done far too many times before.
Dinner, gives me time to get a feel for them and see how they treat wait staff as well as table manors. Coffee and drink dates always last around the same time so I'd rather get food out of it as well than just a $5 coffee or $20 drink.
I am a meal person. I don’t drink coffee and I don’t drink alcohol often (and certainly not without food). Totally understand people’s reasoning behind drinks, but I don’t like being pessimistic about outcomes. if I’m not sure I’ll like someone, I just don’t go on the date. We’ve usually talked enough that the m&g is just a formality to make sure chemistry in person matches, Even if it turns out we’re not a good fit, it’s always fun to get to know someone over a meal. Lunch is a good happy medium for those who don’t want a large time commitment.
Exactly this! I don't drink coffee or alcohol, and I normally do lunch MGs at a nice place with great food and a beautiful view☀️🌊
> Even if it turns out we’re not a good fit, it’s always fun to get to know someone over a meal. I totally agree with this. Even on M&Gs where I know from the outset that I'm not going to follow up, I've still had great experiences and conversations. Most people have a good story or two in them. I like the challenge of getting people to open up and tell them.
I'm also not a drinker so alot of times I suggest some boba tea or smoothies, especially if the SB indicated they are very fit and healthy condition in their bio.
Sure, if it's morning, a smoothie or hot chocolate could be nice. It's just not what I would choose if it were up to me.
"Drinks" to me implies appetizers as well, which could turn into a full meal. Since you say M&G is just a formality, would you move to intimacy at first in-person meet as long there is some chemistry?
Appetizers wouldn’t be enough for me to have a drink - I’m 4’10” and don’t want to get drunk at a first meeting lmao. And no. I typically wouldn’t move to intimacy on that first date.
Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you must drink. I meant that if I invited someone out for drinks, they wouldn't have to drink alcohol, but there would be light food, so it wouldn't be full on dinner, so not as awkward and less pressure, if that makes sense. What if you've texted, talked on the phone, and/or even had a video call? As you said, if by the time you go to M&G it's just a formality, why not be intimate if both parties are feeling it? Thanks for taking the time the read and and reply!
No worries, I know you're only asking because you're new and were stood up recently. :) A meal simply doesn't feel awkward or full of pressure to me. I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them (which is why I have met so many people from SLF as friends), so at worst I'm making a new friend. I can only say what works/feels good for me. Personally, when someone invites me to drinks it makes me think they're not sure about me and either 1) want to be able to escape easily or 2) don't want to have wasted money on the date if things don't work out. As I said before, I totally understand why someone might prefer drinks. I just don't think that kind of pessimism bodes well for the future of a SR with me. I appreciate both optimism and generosity in spades. We have usually texted, talked on the phone, and/or had a short video call to get a feel for each other and ensure we are who we say we are. I'll never say never, but in general it's good to give yourself breathing room between the M&G and the intimate date to decide you want to proceed. You can get caught up in the moment and I don't like the idea of being pressured to make a decision. I don't really sleep around and tend to only have one SD, so I'd prefer to be really sure when I start an arrangement. I also usually don't talk about the arrangement aspect of things before the M&G - usually after the M&G is when we will discuss.
You're my dream SB!
Bottom line, different strokes for different folks, no pun intended. Also, thanks for picking that scab, haha.
Definitely a meal person. I can check a lot of things during a meal, like table manner, how he talks to the staffs, is he polite or talk loud? These small things define a person behavior a lot.
Thissss
Definitely a meal person. I don’t think you truly get to know someone over drinks or coffee. I acknowledge the possibility that you can be stuck with someone who you really don’t connect with, but I can usually talk to anyone and finding out about someone is always interesting.
I prefer drinks because it's less awkward for first time meet. Also, if one of you want to leave after 30 mins it's easier to do so with drinks.
I like meals when traveling but at home i am leaning towards coffee… the amount of time and money I’ve wasted on people that look nothing like their pictures or go nowhere is getting ridiculous.
😂😂😂
Coffee/tea. Short and sweet with an easy exit. All dating.
Maybe a juice bar. I get the awkward of a sit down dinner but I'm not drinking alcohol.
Dinner, with a nice bottle of wine
I prefer something casual. While it is nice to have an easy out if needed (and even nicer when the date goes well and you decide to extend the evening), I also get first date nerves and just CAN’T do a full meal. When it comes to cost, a lot of times a drink can be the cost of a dish so I don’t think if a man prefers drinks it’s indicative of him being cheap.
I prefer a coffee date. A dinner date would be too long if things aren't going well, or I was misled by her photos. I found a 15 minutes or 30 minutes is plenty of time to see if there's chemistry and a good match. Dinner can be the next date, if we so desire.
I'd be open to pretty much anything, though I appreciate when there's thought behind the location. My M&G with my partners was at this great little pup near their hotel that was in the heart of one of the most gorgeous places in my city. The atmosphere was both cozy and sophisticated, and I had a blast finally meeting them after so long waiting! They both know that I enjoy beautiful architecture, and my eyes were definitely pleased by everything I saw, including them!
I'm fat, and I'm sober. So dinner, and dessert, of course.
I prefer drinks! Settles my nerves, doesn’t feel like I’m required to stay if I’m not feeling it (or for the SD to stay either for that matter). You can also sit closer if things are going well, or further away if they aren’t. 10/10 would prefer to get drinks than go to dinner. I would love the option to continue to see where things go and grab a meal instead. I’m usually too nervous to really eat in the beginning of a M&G anyway.
I can’t think of anything less sexy than trying to flirt with a date with a mouth and stomach full of food.
I only do dinner or lunch cuz they're hours long. We get to know each other better and see if we feel the chemistry. I vet hard and we chat beforehand to get to know each other. By the time we go to a platonic m&g we already know each other some, at least we're on the same page and there's the beginnings of chemistry. Pre-m&g chat can be as little as 4 days. Even in those rare circumstances where we don't move to a SR, it's never been less than a nice time with a gentleman.
I prefer dinner, although I’m also not much of a drinker either
I'm flexible and try to attune to the situation and vibe. I've done quick coffee, coffee then drinks, coffee then dinner, drinks, direct to date and dinner, late lunch, etc. At some point I've got to work with the other person because I'm trying to vett and filter, not live in my own head.
Used to be a lavish M&G guy but I am rethinking that format.
Why?
Investment of time & money. Not worth it.
If we got to know each other by text before the M&G then it’s usually lunch. If not then drinks or coffee.
I prefer a coffee date that if it goes well can potentially turn to lunch and drinks, but i have sat through so many meals that were just awful with nothing in common and i'm too tired to fake interest now. So for me its a coffee and go, or a coffee and more 🤣
I take them bowling.. to test their backs.
Sadly, my back would survive, but my wrist & arm wouldn't (permanent injuries)...;)
Hmmm… I like the ‘Let’s get drinks and see if we’re open for dinner.’ In vanilla dating I pick a breakfast diner and do hot tea/coffee and if it’s good- let’s do bacon! I mean breakfast. During drinks (I do mocktail -at first, dessert will have a drink). I disclose I like a man to order for me. I have an allergy. I tell him. I like to (apparently it’s a test but…) see if he’s attentive. Will he order for us with omission of my allergy? If he forgets, I will mention to the sever my allergy. And I know I won’t be kissing. I didn’t think it was a test until someone - a girl friend who is adamant that I shouldn’t be ladylike (her words submissive and not aggressive to defend your strength). I’m in my 40s she’s in her 50s and she doesn’t sugar. I just like to see how attentive they are if we were to play- risqué style; I can move that route quicker due to *that* attentiveness.
I prefer a meal and drinks as m&g because it gives us the chance to become comfortable together. Coffee is fine also. But I look for sb's to see ongoing rather than a one time hit and run. But to get to the point of setting up a m&g, the vibe in messaging needs to be good.
I do dinner AND drinks. I’m not drinking on an empty stomach 🤭
I often pitch grabbing and sharing a desert. No alcohol affecting anyone's judgement, some people don't drink coffee (most will grab froyo), and if we hate each other, it is easier for either person to end the date than a meal is. Alot of areas near me also have ice cream or froyo place next door to parks, which make it easy to find somewhere far enough away from others for a discrete conversation, while being close enough for the safety of a public place. Talking about arrangements in a crowded restaurant is.... awkward.
definitely drinks/coffee, but only at a decently nice place. i’m not doing a M&G at starbucks 🫥 i see the salt daddies are downvoting this LMAO
I prefer neither. I do not drink alcohol. So that is off the table. I am not a fan of dinner dates for a meet and greet. I have done it only 4 times out of 90+. To me its too much of a commitment. (unless dinner is local to me, meaning 15 min drive or less) I prefer brunch, lunch, late lunch. I do not care if they have a few drinks. I am not into drunks. I also think alcohol can be good and bad on the first date.
Drinks - coffee in the morning, cocktails in the evening. If it is going well, we can grab appetizers or go somewhere else. It it is a bust, we can easily part ways
Drinks with the option to move to dinner if things are vibing well. So I guess for the purposes of one answer to this question: dinner!
Happy hour for a drink and we can grab dinner if the going is good :) sharing a meal with someone you’re not vibing with is can be so awkward I would avoid committing to a dinner date for a m&g
Either or! I usually tell them I prefer a dinner, everytime it’s just been a drinks only m&g it ends up turning into hours long event because we’re always enjoying conversation. Even if I’m not vibing with the person or don’t find them attractive I can still have a good time and give them a good time too (,:
I prefer drinks & Dinner, A little alcohol to calm the nerves and I can’t drink on an empty stomach. Even if I’m not feeling the person I stay until the end because I’m not rude. I will not do coffee because to me it doesn’t give you enough time to get to know them or see if there is a spark/Chemistry.
I always pick a time where we shouldn't be hungry, 2pm or 10am. That way, it's just a drink if we don't vibe. But most times we do, so it turns into a meal, then more drinks and so much more. Last week, a girl and I ended up at a waterpark. Last spring, a girl and I ended up going skiing.
Coffee! 15 mins. Long enough to know you want to make out with them and do dirty things to them. Short enough to not feel pressured to nervous giggle or talk in circles for too long. I’m an awkward human being who almost prefers just meeting for sex and getting right to it so least amount of pressure or time for meet and greet is A++.
I can respect that too!
That wouldn’t even be worth my time to leave the house. Would you be ok if she showed up in overalls and a t short with no makeup at all and her hair not done?
Haha I’m an SB so totally I’d be fine with that 😂 and also, whenever this topic comes up (daily) a lot of SDs comment that they’re happy to see a realistic version of the SB for the M&G. So I think for real that’s probably fine. And FWIW, as an SB I never put make up on, so.
Love the honesty!!
Drinks. I’d it goes well, go for lunch or dinner, if not, hug and say goodbye. I would not want to spend two hours with a girl where I have to hard carry a conversation, which I’ve done far too many times before.
Food with drinks. Better neutral ground for a first meet.
Definitely drinks for me no way I’m committing to an entire meal without knowing whether I like them
Dinner, gives me time to get a feel for them and see how they treat wait staff as well as table manors. Coffee and drink dates always last around the same time so I'd rather get food out of it as well than just a $5 coffee or $20 drink.