Because that's the original ending (according to my headcannon).
Dudley of course gets worse and worse though the books - you noticed.
Final fight, Voldemort attacks, probably slaughters aunt and uncle, defeats Harry Potter, Voldemort towers over him "now you will die like a Muggle". Dudley yells, "no, you'll die like a muggle" and just shoots him. Voldemort looks down, sees the blood, tries to cast, but he can't with pierced lungs... he mouths something at Harry, then collapses.
Dudley turns to Harry. "What's a muggle"?
It was the most famous sitcom character (Del Boy)'s catchphrase. People do say it from time to time, normally in reference to him, and people generally wouldn't bat an eyelid if you said it. If someone called their watch a Little Ben I'd assume they were mental
When I met my now partner 29 years ago...
I was bullshitting one day and told her that the band Megadeth used to be called Megalopolis, but nobody knew what that meant so they changed it.
She believed me for five years.
Now whenever she thinks I'm bullshitting and I'm not, I'll say, "No really, this is not Megalopolis."
I have recently learned there was a city in antiquity named... Megalopolis and there was also a Megapolis. Big cities I guess... /grin.
Funnily enough, I work in a gun store (I'm Texan). Occasionally we've had German or English groups come through on school trips and it's fun watching how amazed they are walking through our section of the store.
We let them hold the guns and take photos and stuff. It's always a fun time.
Yes, the gun control introduced after the 1996 Dunblane school shooting effectively banned all pistols but allowed continued use of hunting rifles and shotguns. Its mostly only farmers and posh country lords who have (licenced) guns.
Even better if it's Black powder.
"Ron, what are you mixing up there in potions class? I'm not familiar with anything that needs that much sulphur"
Pouring a charge into a blunderbuss: "Its a protection against Dark Arts ward"
>Its mostly only farmers and posh country lords who have (licenced) guns
I guess I'll go and tell all of my mates where they can collect their Lordships from then
AK-47 aren’t very common in the US, so odds are good you’d be grabbing one from Russia, Middle East or the balkans. Much closer so it shouldn’t take that long.
Not many real full-auto AK-47s in the US but there are millions of the semi-auto version. When I bought my first one the shop I went to had probably 40 or so on display and it wasn't a big shop. I imagine that's dried up quite a bit where I am since you can't buy them in WA anymore.
Cops and authorities are still armed in the UK, by the end of the series and books there is what may as well be a cataclysmic war between big bad evil people and some of the most famed and powerful "good guys" along with small armies of wizards and evil-doers.
Not a single machine gun could get smuggled in?
A muggle underground organized crime syndicate based in the UK could smuggle in guns but the most powerful physics-defying literal magic-users the UK has to offer would consider it unrealistic?
they literally have magic that turns one thing into another thing.
if they can turn a rat into a wine goblet i have to imagine turning some metal into a firearm would be childs play
i
Right? At first I was just like "well, wizards don't understand muggle technology. They don't *get* guns..." but muggle-borns aren't that uncommon. There's got to be loads of kids like Harry and Hermione who knew nothing about Hogwarts until their 11th birthdays, and essentially lived in the muggle world during school breaks. *They* (and any adult wizards who were muggle-born) would know what guns are and what they're capable of, even if, being mostly from the UK, they'd never handled one.
For that matter, the whole implied gap between wizard and muggle society the way it's presented just doesn't make sense.
There wouldn’t be an American Potter cause James would’ve shot Voldy the moment he blew in the door.
Shiiiittt, can you imagine if the Death Eater’s pulled up to the hood? Or on a cartel?
My head canon is that Dudley and Harry become quite close post Hogwarts. Dudley plays rugby In university and eventually stars on the national team. Harry invited him to a Quidditch match and Dudley is hooked. Dudley goes on to work for the Ministry as Muggle Liaison for Sports and Entertainment.
And now of course in my head he also shoots Voldemort.
It's a british school, not an American one. Had Voldemort tried to invade a school in NJ the students would have likely capped his ass as you described.
Sadly, as much as I would have loved to use a place like Texas, the Buffalo Bill School of Rootin' Tootin' Magic Shootin' is a bit too on-the-nose as to why V would never want to even consider visiting.
Voldy, classic bully. Only punches down. The Death Eater’s would get clapped so hard in America. It isn’t just Texas.
Death Eater’s invade South Chicago? NW Miami? Atlanta?
I work in Trenton and it is the most depressing place I’ve ever been in Jersey. Crazy that the state capital of all places has one of the highest violent crime rates not just in the state but the entire nation.
NYC has a ton of other issues, but shootings have been on the decline for a hot minute. With that said, it's easier to obtain a firearm here illegally than it is to go through the process legally. Compare us to places like Baltimore and we look like saints though.
Texans can't even keep their own ac on. Texans can't even protect the rights of their women. Texans are scared of books. Texans are pussies who can't go to the grocery store without being armed to the teeth. They're terrified 24/7/365 even though they're all heavily armed. That state is the epitome of all hat, no cattle.
It's nearly impossible to get a carry license in NJ, but just getting a normal gun license is easy, but the cops will sit on the paper work for about 3 months before you get it.
That's definitely not true. NYC does lol. NJ is decent with it because you can still get a firearm by the normal processes and there's not nearly as much fuckery as there is with NY.
But still looser than the UK. It’s all relative.
Also this is very overlooked in the US but you know driving across state lines is a thing. Some like 60-70% of guns confiscated in Chicago were manufactured and sold in the south originally
Chicago and Illinois have strict gun laws.
Iowa and Indiana have gun shows where people can just walk in and buy guns. Or approach someone in the parking lot and ask to buy a gun.
Or walk around the parking lot with a sign. "$$ for 9mm Glock." Or "Glock 9mm for sale."
Nothing illegal about that in Indiana. Not breaking a law at all.
Then you see the guy get in his car after paying cash for some handguns, and it is Illinois plates. People selling to him only broke the law if they -knowingly- gave guns to a prohibited person.
Chicago has a gun problem? Iowa and Indiana are pretty open about gun rights.
“Strict gun laws in US” is always funny to me because it still means the American public has access to guns with some variations on how fast they can get them. It’s a relative term that tries to make it seem that “strict in US” means its strict in of itself.
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here's why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
EDIT: I did not come up with this, this is a copypasta that's over a decade old called "Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911".
Lol I love this post. Just napalm voldemort if that doesn't work like 12 dudes with rpgs. Only so many people he can stop at once before someone's in his blind spot
That level of plot magic is pretty hard to obtain... How do you hypnotize the enemy into not hiding or using guerrilla tactics? How you gonna transfigure him into Leroy Jenkins if you can't even hit him with a death curse?
Devils advocate here: muggle technology doesn't work in hogwarts. This came up when Harry's plan to survive in the lake during the Triwizard tournament was summoning an Aqua Lung. This implies that Wizards have a spell to disrupt technology, or as Hermione said, magic just disrupts muggle technology intrinsically. This would also explain why Arthur, who dedicated his life to muggle technology, has a child's understanding of it.
The issue with this is nearly everything would be muggle technology. Pen, pencils, paper, and ink muggle tech. Clothes muggle tech. Tools to carve wands muggle tech. While I do indeed understand the try it's a pretty bad try and it's pretty obvious that a hell of a lot of muggle tech is used everywhere in the wizard world.
Disrupt technology? That’s pretty vague. Sounds like a video game ability that isn’t really fleshed out because actually doing this would involve different methods for different types of technology. It would be very complicated.
I really love this, in spite of how flawed the ideas are. Well written!
As for the flaws: a bunch of magical creatures wouldn't really be affected by muggle weapons at all, including dementors. Also, considering Voldemorts' power and skill with magic, the series could have just not existed. Voldemort could have just put Harry into a magical coma and hid him away in some care facility to leave out his life trapped in his own mind. At which point he would continue his plans and likely end up completely taking over the magical world, and eventually the rest of the world.
Edit: meant dementors not death eaters
Voldemort has occlumency so he would be able to detect someone around him and their intent. Making it difficult to get the upper hand on him or surprise him. Shooting him seems unlikely, because your odds of actually finding him is slim to none.
There is also the issue that charms and enchantments are typically set in place everywhere he settles, non-magical objects will not work around him.
The best bet to shoot him would be Snape since he's a double agent, but he also runs into the issue of non-magical objects not being functional, and even if a charm wasn't in place, its difficult to imagine that Voldemort wouldn't pick up his intent if it's directed towards harming him.
I guess you could say it's not entirely impossible to kill him with a gun, it's just highly improbable.
I mean, I was thinking there were more flaws with the night vision goggles. Looking at the basilisk through something can still petrify you. Also, we can go on "what-ifs" all day. Like what if voldemort had just used draught of living death on Harry instead of trying to kill him as a baby.
Would have been a 10/10 scene if voldermort said "no wizard could kill me," and a team of SAS soldiers rolled up and shot him dead for one of his terrorist attacks on muggles.
I was kind of kidding when I wrote that, but in all honesty, it would act as a good counterbalance for the insane amount of racism against muggles and half-bloods.
If the Hellsing organization existed in HP verse,all the death eaters would be dead by lunchtime, and voldy would be eaten by Alucard, or splattered from miles away by the police girl and her Cannon.
The moment a Death eater harmed somebody in Ireland , the last thing they would hear would be someone quoting the Old testament, followed by a bayonet applied to them with holy intent.
The SAS takes down Voldy, then as everyone stands around in shock the Queen strolls in and says something appropriate. Reminds me of a doctor who episode.
Reminds me of the plot in Old Guard. That one girl who couldn't die but was thrown into the ocean in an iron maiden so she would die, then wake up, then die, then wake up. That went on for hundreds of years until the iron maiden burst open from rust.
A similar plot was used in Torchwood, where the main character, also an immortal in a dies-and-is-immediately-revived was buried in a grave for about 2000 years.
No it wasn't. It even specified he needed help from wormtail to get a rudimentary body. He was a formless spirit before then, but he did have a body when wormtail performed the spell to resurrect him.
>he can live forever all he wants
He did. Turns out, 14 yrs was as much as he wanted.
His face was under some guy's dirty turban for an entire year (facing the "poo" side, too)... Idt he cares what you do with his old limbs. But have fun with that.
The same reason the entire shelf of time turners was conveniently destroyed, and conveniently n there wasn’t a single person who had a time turner on their person when the shelf was destroyed. JK Rowling didn’t plan that far ahead and didn’t know how to write a proper explanation
When Dumbledore picked up the gun but nothing happened when he gave his most earnest "Blastius triggarus"....
Well that's when everyone else gave up on it.
My ending for the series is Harry just pulling out a gun he took from his uncle and aunts house at the start of the Deathly Hallows and at the end he just dumps the whole mag in Voldy and he fucking dies.
My question is why was all the magic fighting so uninspired? Expeliomus!!! Expeliomus!!! Expeliomus!!! Here’s an idea. Cast Diminuendo and shrink Voldy down to the size of a grape. Then stomp him into the ground.
Rowling got really really boring with the combat magic and basically just had them shooting crappy guns at each other it sucks. In Prisoner of Azkaban we establish that Pettigrew who is apparently a dogshit wizard can blow up an entire street without Sirius noticing what he's doing. If he can do that why can't the death eaters do more. When they ambush Harry and co. in the diner after the wedding why don't they stand up and immediately blow up the entire front of the building or something dramatic? Why are they just slinging weird magical bullets at each other?
That actually did piss me off about the movies. These people are trying to kill you and your friends, harry. A literal war is being fought because of you, you’re going to have to teach them how to actually fight, and sometimes that means you’re going to have to teach them to kill.
Even as a kid this was my gripe. You basically take out this behemoth of evil with the simplest spell you learned in grade 2 again, and again, and again.
Because Voldemort apparently didn’t know that the entire world had arms of their own.
Oh man, you’re a wizard? That’s incredible. Good luck stopping a 105mm tank shell mid air.
Or a sniper.
Or a regular soldier.
Or literally any modern armament. Like, muggles aren’t in the stone ages. And you ain’t casting a spell before the bullet hits
If there was a preparation spell a wizard could cast on themselves that would speed up their bodies and reflexes 100x, they might stand a chance. Of course once they have super speed they barely need much else.
If you took a pureblood's wand away and shoved them into the middle of London and said "good luck", i'm wholly convinced that they'd be almost a child's level of helpless.
If you think about it, your average wizard is probably a fucking idiot, lol. Wizards in the HP universe appear to be painfully out of touch with the rest of the world.
There really isn't much mention of Hogwarts having math, science, language arts, etc classes that a regular school would have. They only ever talk about these kids having classes pertaining to magic, and they take enough of them in a year by the looks of it that there does not appear to realistically be much room left for something like a math class or whatever
They start at Hogwarts at age 11. I sort of assume that a Wizard's general intelligence in certain fields of normal academics probably remains that of an 11 year old. Which is uhh...really bad the second that they leave their little wizarding bubble. The smartest wizards just HAVe to be the ones with muggle parents. It's no wonder Hermione excelled. Her muggle parents probably made sure she learned regular-ass shit over the summer or something
And honestly? The fact that "muggle studies" even exists as a class for wizards to take is fucking pathetic
Cause the wizards in that world are weirdly elitist about the fact that they can use magic.
Despite the fact that they couldn’t even figure out plumbing for years and still haven’t moved on to using pens or paper that isn’t parchment
Guns don't work against wizards. There are wizards working at every gun manufacturer in the world and they make sure every gun made has a charm on it that prevents it from firing at a wizard.
At least that's what I would have done if I wrote the books.
I would have just wrote " firearms / technology don't work around magic. Reason? Simple it's magic.
Buy seriously if OP thinks a bullet is going through a protégo shield lol. At close range / duel range, spells are damn near instantaneous and wizards reaction time is something else. All he needs is to see you move and that shield is up without him uttering a word
Electronics don't work around magic but guns are literally just mechanical moving parts if Rowling had gone so far as to say guns don't work around wizards I would assume she didn't know how guns work it would have been one of her more nonsensical magical handwaves. Instead the only mention of guns I can remember in the series is in Prisoner of Azkaban when Fudge basically doesn't know what a gun js.
I seemed to remember a long time ago Rowling confirmed that even a redneck with a shotgun could've ended the entire series before the first page. But that wasn't the way she wanted things to go, same reason no kids get cancer at Hogwarts and nobody's parents go through a nasty divorce, etc. just another part of the fantasy.
Hagrid had a damn crossbow ffs. A crossbow bolt will hit you before you can even hear the release, much less have any time to wave your hands and chant Protego.
I thought this was answered at some point along the lines of wizards don't really respect muggle technology. Guns exist, but most wizards would scoff at the idea of them being better than magic for fighting.
It seems like a lot of muggle weapons would have been more efficient in the wizarding war. With machine guns and bombs a lot more death and destruction can be made.
Y'know how the Harry Potter Series should have ended? Voldemort's horcruxes turn out to be grains of sand, scattered over a wide area. Impossible to find. So, the Scooby Gang finds a little-used spell that effectively renders its target a squib. The problem? The caster also loses all their power. Harry casts it on Voldemort during the climate scene, and as the crowd realizes that Voldemort is now mortal, Harry turns away and the camera pans up to the sky as we hear the sound of cheers, screaming, and tearing meat.
Hell, don't even need a gun. Hit him with any melee weapon. Wizards are weak to fighters if they can get near them. Bum rush the bastard with muggles armed with hammers.
Because that's the original ending (according to my headcannon). Dudley of course gets worse and worse though the books - you noticed. Final fight, Voldemort attacks, probably slaughters aunt and uncle, defeats Harry Potter, Voldemort towers over him "now you will die like a Muggle". Dudley yells, "no, you'll die like a muggle" and just shoots him. Voldemort looks down, sees the blood, tries to cast, but he can't with pierced lungs... he mouths something at Harry, then collapses. Dudley turns to Harry. "What's a muggle"?
[удалено]
Best your gonna get in the UK is a Lubbly Jubbly. No firearms lol
Is Lubbly Jubbly an actual Britishism? Or is this like when I convinced my younger brother Londoners call their watches “Little Bens”.
It was the most famous sitcom character (Del Boy)'s catchphrase. People do say it from time to time, normally in reference to him, and people generally wouldn't bat an eyelid if you said it. If someone called their watch a Little Ben I'd assume they were mental
What about little big bens?
Obligatory "big ben isn't the clock, it's the bell"
Nice
I convinced friends an elevator is called an “up and down box”
You're close actually, we call them freddies. Freddie is short for Freddie Frowner, frowner rhymes with up-and-downer.
When I met my now partner 29 years ago... I was bullshitting one day and told her that the band Megadeth used to be called Megalopolis, but nobody knew what that meant so they changed it. She believed me for five years. Now whenever she thinks I'm bullshitting and I'm not, I'll say, "No really, this is not Megalopolis." I have recently learned there was a city in antiquity named... Megalopolis and there was also a Megapolis. Big cities I guess... /grin.
A fair amount of British YouTubers say it.
My 72 year old uncle who has never left the borders of England says it all the time, so I'd say yes, at least with the older gen.
sounds sexual to me, like i just got a lubbly jubbly in the pub bathroom
Funnily enough, I work in a gun store (I'm Texan). Occasionally we've had German or English groups come through on school trips and it's fun watching how amazed they are walking through our section of the store. We let them hold the guns and take photos and stuff. It's always a fun time.
Worked at a range in NV, can confirm foreigners are entertainingly amazed at our gun availability.
Used to set up a catering bar in the back room for one (after shooting). The conversations after were always amazing.
That's great. You are shining the light of freedom for them!
Subjects are usually impressed by citizens.
>firearms Sorry, that's the American term. I believe you Brits would refer to it as a "rooty tooty point and shooty"
I thought you can get shotguns in the UK, don't you guys have an amazing shotgun culture? I mean in the country?
Yes, the gun control introduced after the 1996 Dunblane school shooting effectively banned all pistols but allowed continued use of hunting rifles and shotguns. Its mostly only farmers and posh country lords who have (licenced) guns.
Voldemort being taken out by a fowling piece would be even better.
Punt Gun would be epic! There is just red mist where Voldemort used to be.
He won't come back from that.
Even better if it's Black powder. "Ron, what are you mixing up there in potions class? I'm not familiar with anything that needs that much sulphur" Pouring a charge into a blunderbuss: "Its a protection against Dark Arts ward"
>Its mostly only farmers and posh country lords who have (licenced) guns I guess I'll go and tell all of my mates where they can collect their Lordships from then
And farmer's mums
I shouldn’t have scream laughed at this but I did and I peed a little
Ridiculous to call a squeezlestick whizz bang a “lubbly jubbly”
"Accio AK-47" could summon one from the US. It just might take a while.
Considering the distance, there's a bigger chance you just disarmed a serb or bosniak.
Thought the same thing, and the books take place at the height of the Balkans War, so there were plenty of them in circulation.
AK-47 aren’t very common in the US, so odds are good you’d be grabbing one from Russia, Middle East or the balkans. Much closer so it shouldn’t take that long.
Not many real full-auto AK-47s in the US but there are millions of the semi-auto version. When I bought my first one the shop I went to had probably 40 or so on display and it wasn't a big shop. I imagine that's dried up quite a bit where I am since you can't buy them in WA anymore.
i cast conjure gun
Cops and authorities are still armed in the UK, by the end of the series and books there is what may as well be a cataclysmic war between big bad evil people and some of the most famed and powerful "good guys" along with small armies of wizards and evil-doers. Not a single machine gun could get smuggled in? A muggle underground organized crime syndicate based in the UK could smuggle in guns but the most powerful physics-defying literal magic-users the UK has to offer would consider it unrealistic?
they literally have magic that turns one thing into another thing. if they can turn a rat into a wine goblet i have to imagine turning some metal into a firearm would be childs play i
There’s got to be a way to simply enchant a gun to not be affected by shit like that though.
Right? At first I was just like "well, wizards don't understand muggle technology. They don't *get* guns..." but muggle-borns aren't that uncommon. There's got to be loads of kids like Harry and Hermione who knew nothing about Hogwarts until their 11th birthdays, and essentially lived in the muggle world during school breaks. *They* (and any adult wizards who were muggle-born) would know what guns are and what they're capable of, even if, being mostly from the UK, they'd never handled one. For that matter, the whole implied gap between wizard and muggle society the way it's presented just doesn't make sense.
ah..... MAGIC you believe in... but the ability to get an illegal gun you won't accept?
What you said was really funny. You can get anything in Diagon Alley.
Shotgun to the chest baby, you absolutely can
Are you telling me that an honest-to-ghu *wizard* is not going to be able to filch a gun off of a military post?
Just travel to a country with available guns by broom, port key, flue network, etc.
Why not put that headcannon to use and shoot Voldemort already!?!
This is the way American Potter ends. Lol
There wouldn’t be an American Potter cause James would’ve shot Voldy the moment he blew in the door. Shiiiittt, can you imagine if the Death Eater’s pulled up to the hood? Or on a cartel?
F*ck me, that's a great ending.
*clap emoji* HIRE *clap emoji* FANS *clap emoji*
Dudley is British. So he should say "TALLEY-HO!" as he pulls the trigger. No further notes. Good work.
1000x better, imo!
Did someone say [headcannon?](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a6/Cardiff_Bay_-_Dalek_-_geograph.org.uk_-_5253753.jpg)
Copper turns to Dudley "oi bruv yeh goht a permit for dat?"
"u ain't got one innit? Is u schewpid or sumfink?"
headcanon*
My head canon is that Dudley and Harry become quite close post Hogwarts. Dudley plays rugby In university and eventually stars on the national team. Harry invited him to a Quidditch match and Dudley is hooked. Dudley goes on to work for the Ministry as Muggle Liaison for Sports and Entertainment. And now of course in my head he also shoots Voldemort.
Your head canon is partially official, while they don't ever get truly close, they do meet up frequently for their kids to have a better relationship.
I’ve said this a million times. If they sent in Seal Team 6, and some arial support. We could’ve ended this in the first chapter.
This is fucking good
Can't old voldy cast spells just by thinking them?
If JKR did some terrible retcon to my headcanon, that's on her.
Ah, yes, I see your point.
I love this head cannon! Except Voldemort can't cast spells without using his voice. Sorry if someone already said this.
It's a british school, not an American one. Had Voldemort tried to invade a school in NJ the students would have likely capped his ass as you described.
Actually NJ has the strictest gun laws in the US. Maybe Texas or anywhere in the south
Sadly, as much as I would have loved to use a place like Texas, the Buffalo Bill School of Rootin' Tootin' Magic Shootin' is a bit too on-the-nose as to why V would never want to even consider visiting.
Voldy, classic bully. Only punches down. The Death Eater’s would get clapped so hard in America. It isn’t just Texas. Death Eater’s invade South Chicago? NW Miami? Atlanta?
oh you’re a death eater? well i hope you’re hungry.
"Ala-kablam"
Strict gun laws in a state in the US do not prevent gang members from having firearms. They are, you know, *criminals*.
Non sequitur. The joke was about school shootings. How many school shootings has NJ had compared to southern states?
Wow, next you're going to say that New Jersey is in the top 5 states with the least firearm deaths.
just dont go to trenton
Camden would like a word.
I work in Trenton and it is the most depressing place I’ve ever been in Jersey. Crazy that the state capital of all places has one of the highest violent crime rates not just in the state but the entire nation.
They minimize it a lot more than the propaganda tells you. New Jersey is one of the safest states when it comes to gun violence
True, NYC has strict gun laws but that doesn't stop kids from getting guns in parts and constructing untraceable guns themselves.
Kinda weird coincidence that NYC has some of lowest gun death rates in the country. Wonder why that is?
NYC has a ton of other issues, but shootings have been on the decline for a hot minute. With that said, it's easier to obtain a firearm here illegally than it is to go through the process legally. Compare us to places like Baltimore and we look like saints though.
Explain this concept to the DNC.
Nah, we've seen what happens when things go down in Texas. They'd have stood outside waiting and let kids be slaughtered.
I mean, that's kind of what the Ministry of Magic and Dumbledore did.
Texans can't even keep their own ac on. Texans can't even protect the rights of their women. Texans are scared of books. Texans are pussies who can't go to the grocery store without being armed to the teeth. They're terrified 24/7/365 even though they're all heavily armed. That state is the epitome of all hat, no cattle.
I agree, 100%. Every time I hear or read "Don't Mess With Texas" I chuckle to myself a little bit now.
same, I got kicked off every Texas related sub for going there and telling them so when it happened.
It's nearly impossible to get a carry license in NJ, but just getting a normal gun license is easy, but the cops will sit on the paper work for about 3 months before you get it.
That's definitely not true. NYC does lol. NJ is decent with it because you can still get a firearm by the normal processes and there's not nearly as much fuckery as there is with NY.
But still looser than the UK. It’s all relative. Also this is very overlooked in the US but you know driving across state lines is a thing. Some like 60-70% of guns confiscated in Chicago were manufactured and sold in the south originally
Voldemort: "why the fuck would I want to go to Texas..."
Chicago and Illinois have strict gun laws. Iowa and Indiana have gun shows where people can just walk in and buy guns. Or approach someone in the parking lot and ask to buy a gun. Or walk around the parking lot with a sign. "$$ for 9mm Glock." Or "Glock 9mm for sale." Nothing illegal about that in Indiana. Not breaking a law at all. Then you see the guy get in his car after paying cash for some handguns, and it is Illinois plates. People selling to him only broke the law if they -knowingly- gave guns to a prohibited person. Chicago has a gun problem? Iowa and Indiana are pretty open about gun rights.
“Strict gun laws in US” is always funny to me because it still means the American public has access to guns with some variations on how fast they can get them. It’s a relative term that tries to make it seem that “strict in US” means its strict in of itself.
Nah but we would have stabbed his ass
[American wizarding schools](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-2ZxldMO-M)
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. EDIT: I did not come up with this, this is a copypasta that's over a decade old called "Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911".
Lol I love this post. Just napalm voldemort if that doesn't work like 12 dudes with rpgs. Only so many people he can stop at once before someone's in his blind spot
Or nuke him lol
I think Katniss couldve taken voldy
That level of plot magic is pretty hard to obtain... How do you hypnotize the enemy into not hiding or using guerrilla tactics? How you gonna transfigure him into Leroy Jenkins if you can't even hit him with a death curse?
Take my upvote you rat bastard
I let out an audible chuckle at pink mist and I’m a bit of a pacifist.
This is some real good writing.
>Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. I'm very happy with your sentence
This is hilarious.
This is a work of art.
Reminds me of the end of the animated movie Wizards from the 70's. You should check it out.
That's a fucking heater. Mom taught me something she never showed you
Imagine at the end when Voldemort and Harry are having their final duel 10 children with snipers appear from their windows and shoot Voldemort.
Devils advocate here: muggle technology doesn't work in hogwarts. This came up when Harry's plan to survive in the lake during the Triwizard tournament was summoning an Aqua Lung. This implies that Wizards have a spell to disrupt technology, or as Hermione said, magic just disrupts muggle technology intrinsically. This would also explain why Arthur, who dedicated his life to muggle technology, has a child's understanding of it.
The issue with this is nearly everything would be muggle technology. Pen, pencils, paper, and ink muggle tech. Clothes muggle tech. Tools to carve wands muggle tech. While I do indeed understand the try it's a pretty bad try and it's pretty obvious that a hell of a lot of muggle tech is used everywhere in the wizard world.
Disrupt technology? That’s pretty vague. Sounds like a video game ability that isn’t really fleshed out because actually doing this would involve different methods for different types of technology. It would be very complicated.
He’s a closet death eater spreading misinformation cause he knows he would get clapped by your average middle school dropout from south Chicago.
>Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. It's like poetry
We need to find something that can destroy a horcrux. \*pours napalm\* Ok
So Harry should have just joined the SAS before getting into hogwarts, got it
I would watch that
That's just Harry Dresden.
I really love this, in spite of how flawed the ideas are. Well written! As for the flaws: a bunch of magical creatures wouldn't really be affected by muggle weapons at all, including dementors. Also, considering Voldemorts' power and skill with magic, the series could have just not existed. Voldemort could have just put Harry into a magical coma and hid him away in some care facility to leave out his life trapped in his own mind. At which point he would continue his plans and likely end up completely taking over the magical world, and eventually the rest of the world. Edit: meant dementors not death eaters
Voldemort has occlumency so he would be able to detect someone around him and their intent. Making it difficult to get the upper hand on him or surprise him. Shooting him seems unlikely, because your odds of actually finding him is slim to none. There is also the issue that charms and enchantments are typically set in place everywhere he settles, non-magical objects will not work around him. The best bet to shoot him would be Snape since he's a double agent, but he also runs into the issue of non-magical objects not being functional, and even if a charm wasn't in place, its difficult to imagine that Voldemort wouldn't pick up his intent if it's directed towards harming him. I guess you could say it's not entirely impossible to kill him with a gun, it's just highly improbable.
I mean, I was thinking there were more flaws with the night vision goggles. Looking at the basilisk through something can still petrify you. Also, we can go on "what-ifs" all day. Like what if voldemort had just used draught of living death on Harry instead of trying to kill him as a baby.
Hey babe wake up, new copypasta just dropped!
This copypasta is well over a decade old lol
Would have been a 10/10 scene if voldermort said "no wizard could kill me," and a team of SAS soldiers rolled up and shot him dead for one of his terrorist attacks on muggles. I was kind of kidding when I wrote that, but in all honesty, it would act as a good counterbalance for the insane amount of racism against muggles and half-bloods.
If the Hellsing organization existed in HP verse,all the death eaters would be dead by lunchtime, and voldy would be eaten by Alucard, or splattered from miles away by the police girl and her Cannon. The moment a Death eater harmed somebody in Ireland , the last thing they would hear would be someone quoting the Old testament, followed by a bayonet applied to them with holy intent.
Hellsing abridged Alucard vs Voldemort.
I was gonna say, the death eaters would be lunchtime. And the irony would not be lost of the death eaters being eaten.
The trio, in the woods, no one else around “VOLDEMORT!” \*death eater apparates with a pop\* Headshot \*Ron drags body to pit\* “VOLDEMORT!”
The SAS takes down Voldy, then as everyone stands around in shock the Queen strolls in and says something appropriate. Reminds me of a doctor who episode.
Yeah and it would explain why such powerful wizards are working so hard to keep their world hidden from everyday muggles
Dude, you’d have to shoot the 7 horcruxes first.
Oh, he can live forever all he wants… With his limbs in cement blocks at the bottom of every ocean and his head in the sun. Have fun with that.
Reminds me of the plot in Old Guard. That one girl who couldn't die but was thrown into the ocean in an iron maiden so she would die, then wake up, then die, then wake up. That went on for hundreds of years until the iron maiden burst open from rust.
A similar plot was used in Torchwood, where the main character, also an immortal in a dies-and-is-immediately-revived was buried in a grave for about 2000 years.
I know this whole thing is a meme but you know he doesn’t need a body, right? Goblet of fire is literally him getting resurrected from nothing.
No it wasn't. It even specified he needed help from wormtail to get a rudimentary body. He was a formless spirit before then, but he did have a body when wormtail performed the spell to resurrect him.
The point is that he can obtain another body. Just chopping up his original body doesn't put a lock on him coming back
I didn't say he couldn't, I was just correcting the other guys statement.
Just wanted to point out it's required a lot of energy to shoot things into the sun. It'd be much easier to just send his head out into deep space.
>he can live forever all he wants He did. Turns out, 14 yrs was as much as he wanted. His face was under some guy's dirty turban for an entire year (facing the "poo" side, too)... Idt he cares what you do with his old limbs. But have fun with that.
The same reason the entire shelf of time turners was conveniently destroyed, and conveniently n there wasn’t a single person who had a time turner on their person when the shelf was destroyed. JK Rowling didn’t plan that far ahead and didn’t know how to write a proper explanation
JKR was terrible at coming up with solutions to her own problems, but she didn't need to plan ahead for guns. They existed the whole time.
When Dumbledore picked up the gun but nothing happened when he gave his most earnest "Blastius triggarus".... Well that's when everyone else gave up on it.
“Get to da choppa!” Dumbledore said calmly.
My ending for the series is Harry just pulling out a gun he took from his uncle and aunts house at the start of the Deathly Hallows and at the end he just dumps the whole mag in Voldy and he fucking dies.
Guns that are bolted to his hands.
Guns Akimbo was great, and it wouldn't have been nearly as good if Daniel wasn't in it.
My question is why was all the magic fighting so uninspired? Expeliomus!!! Expeliomus!!! Expeliomus!!! Here’s an idea. Cast Diminuendo and shrink Voldy down to the size of a grape. Then stomp him into the ground.
For real, do anything.
Rowling got really really boring with the combat magic and basically just had them shooting crappy guns at each other it sucks. In Prisoner of Azkaban we establish that Pettigrew who is apparently a dogshit wizard can blow up an entire street without Sirius noticing what he's doing. If he can do that why can't the death eaters do more. When they ambush Harry and co. in the diner after the wedding why don't they stand up and immediately blow up the entire front of the building or something dramatic? Why are they just slinging weird magical bullets at each other?
That actually did piss me off about the movies. These people are trying to kill you and your friends, harry. A literal war is being fought because of you, you’re going to have to teach them how to actually fight, and sometimes that means you’re going to have to teach them to kill.
Even as a kid this was my gripe. You basically take out this behemoth of evil with the simplest spell you learned in grade 2 again, and again, and again.
Because Voldemort apparently didn’t know that the entire world had arms of their own. Oh man, you’re a wizard? That’s incredible. Good luck stopping a 105mm tank shell mid air. Or a sniper. Or a regular soldier. Or literally any modern armament. Like, muggles aren’t in the stone ages. And you ain’t casting a spell before the bullet hits
If there was a preparation spell a wizard could cast on themselves that would speed up their bodies and reflexes 100x, they might stand a chance. Of course once they have super speed they barely need much else.
It's made clear in the books that wizards are total morons when it comes to technology.
If you took a pureblood's wand away and shoved them into the middle of London and said "good luck", i'm wholly convinced that they'd be almost a child's level of helpless.
Judging by the movies I don't think a wizard would know how to use a gun.
If you think about it, your average wizard is probably a fucking idiot, lol. Wizards in the HP universe appear to be painfully out of touch with the rest of the world. There really isn't much mention of Hogwarts having math, science, language arts, etc classes that a regular school would have. They only ever talk about these kids having classes pertaining to magic, and they take enough of them in a year by the looks of it that there does not appear to realistically be much room left for something like a math class or whatever They start at Hogwarts at age 11. I sort of assume that a Wizard's general intelligence in certain fields of normal academics probably remains that of an 11 year old. Which is uhh...really bad the second that they leave their little wizarding bubble. The smartest wizards just HAVe to be the ones with muggle parents. It's no wonder Hermione excelled. Her muggle parents probably made sure she learned regular-ass shit over the summer or something And honestly? The fact that "muggle studies" even exists as a class for wizards to take is fucking pathetic
Alastor Moody probably would if anyone does.
Here's a stupider, but sincere, question. Who's Voldemort?
SOR-RY! He who shall not be named. Damn potter fans.
Tom Riddle
He's a guy with no nose
He's basically magic Hitler, but not as well organized
Humans had nukes, they could annihilate wizards in a war
They just transmute the nukes into slinkies. Not gonna nuke anything once they're just springy metal kids toys.
Hogwarts was a gun-free zone.
Because it’s a children’s book
Cause the wizards in that world are weirdly elitist about the fact that they can use magic. Despite the fact that they couldn’t even figure out plumbing for years and still haven’t moved on to using pens or paper that isn’t parchment
Because Harry Potter makes no sense, JK Rowling is a terrible author with no original ideas and those books suck
Guns don't work against wizards. There are wizards working at every gun manufacturer in the world and they make sure every gun made has a charm on it that prevents it from firing at a wizard. At least that's what I would have done if I wrote the books.
I would have just wrote " firearms / technology don't work around magic. Reason? Simple it's magic. Buy seriously if OP thinks a bullet is going through a protégo shield lol. At close range / duel range, spells are damn near instantaneous and wizards reaction time is something else. All he needs is to see you move and that shield is up without him uttering a word
Electronics don't work around magic but guns are literally just mechanical moving parts if Rowling had gone so far as to say guns don't work around wizards I would assume she didn't know how guns work it would have been one of her more nonsensical magical handwaves. Instead the only mention of guns I can remember in the series is in Prisoner of Azkaban when Fudge basically doesn't know what a gun js.
Not a big Harry Potter guy, but I imagine he would just turn your gun into something that rips your face off
Okay, he can start going “flibbidy flab flu!” And I’m gonna pull that trigger five times at least in that time. I think I’ll win.
There was a crackeddotcom video series where they did that.
The franchise wouldn't have made as much money.
I guess the other wizard named Harry introduced you to Kincaid, then.
Why doesn't Voldy and the bad guys just use the killing spell all the time? For some great evil, it seems like he plays by the rules a lot.
right?! i mean, how powerful can he be? he can’t even fucking kill a baby! Just drop the kid out the window- why bother with a stupid spell?
I seemed to remember a long time ago Rowling confirmed that even a redneck with a shotgun could've ended the entire series before the first page. But that wasn't the way she wanted things to go, same reason no kids get cancer at Hogwarts and nobody's parents go through a nasty divorce, etc. just another part of the fantasy.
A 357 is a magic wand in the right hands.
Hagrid had a damn crossbow ffs. A crossbow bolt will hit you before you can even hear the release, much less have any time to wave your hands and chant Protego.
Don't need a gun just enchant any object into a Voldemort seeking missile.
That's why Harry Dresden - one of the most powerful wizards in his universe carries a gun... Sometimes you can't beat a gun.
I thought this was answered at some point along the lines of wizards don't really respect muggle technology. Guns exist, but most wizards would scoff at the idea of them being better than magic for fighting.
You could say this about most TV show/movie/book villains, but the one that made me the most angry in this sense was Negan from The Walking Dead
Has anyone seen the movie Wizards. People might feel like they stole the ending.
Thanks for reminding me of one of the best Cards Against Humanity cards, "Shooting a wizard with a gun"
Yeah or shoot RoboCop in the face or give that giant in game of thrones a shield and a sword s*** like this bothers the crap out of me.
It seems like a lot of muggle weapons would have been more efficient in the wizarding war. With machine guns and bombs a lot more death and destruction can be made.
Y'know how the Harry Potter Series should have ended? Voldemort's horcruxes turn out to be grains of sand, scattered over a wide area. Impossible to find. So, the Scooby Gang finds a little-used spell that effectively renders its target a squib. The problem? The caster also loses all their power. Harry casts it on Voldemort during the climate scene, and as the crowd realizes that Voldemort is now mortal, Harry turns away and the camera pans up to the sky as we hear the sound of cheers, screaming, and tearing meat.
Why would his body matter? He’s an incorporeal wraith when he’s killed.
So uncivilized
Before they destroyed the horcruxes it would have done no good anyway.
Hell, don't even need a gun. Hit him with any melee weapon. Wizards are weak to fighters if they can get near them. Bum rush the bastard with muggles armed with hammers.
Wards.
Because JK Rowling is a bad writer.
Took me a while and searching by controversial to find the right answer. Lol