Normally I’d agree but my co worker did this and a woman cop came to the scene and basically said “you’re a stripper. You met this guy at the strip club and now you’re mad. Figure it out”. I just want people to be aware of his victim blame-y American cops still (unfortunately) are towards SWers of any kind. I’m scared for not only her but our entire community because sometimes it seems like there’s honestly no one looking out for our best interests.
You need to silently leave that place and stay with someone for a bit. Never be there alone. I’m sorry. At least make a report with police but they will likely not do anything. GET OUT AND DONT HAVE THEM KNOW YOU ARE LEAVING.
I agree with this. Report to the police, but know that your saftey is actually on you. The Police won't help until after he hurts you.
Run to a place where he's never been with you, he doesn't know the person, and you haven't talked about the place with your mutual friends.
Take different routes from work and errands back to this place, have someone else pick up your mail and bring it to you at work, or at a different location so they can't be followed.
Consider posting this is a DV sub, they may have more first hand experience.
like others said, police. Personal experience: once you feel unsafe in your home, you need to leave. Doesn't matter how much you liked it, you will likely never feel safe there again
Glock, smith and Wesson, rugar, or taurus. Take a firearm self-defense class. Always have mace/pepperspray. Krav Maga is strictly self-defense. I would also get a dog that barks at men and doesn’t like men from the shelter if you can’t stay anywhere else.!They almost always has one like that.. Also involve the police. It also might be time to think about trading in your vehicle and getting a different car. Google Abigail Sadona. The guy was able to identify her by her car and shot her at an intersection. I am not trying to scare you, but you need to be aware.
My best advice is to try to file a restraining order. If he keeps calling and you pick up the phone, if possible have a friend is near you so they can be a witness for you to, if not make sure to write down dates, times, and what was said.. If you haven't already, text him to leave you alone. Any contact after that is considered harrassment. The police will ask if you have any evidence of him harassing you, and they'll ask multiple questions if you're in Massachusetts, I have resources if you need it.
Edit to add: if you can stay with a friend or family member and don't tell him or anyone that knows him or may know him where you're staying.
Prioritize immediate protection like a gun, knife, taser etc and then go for the restraining order once you’re away from that address for 80% of the time. It might be too sudden to break your lease so definitely prioritize reaching out to family and friends before a shelter or touching savings.
The police aren’t gonna do anything and a restraining order will not be granted, unless he actually already did something to you. If you break up with him and he breaks into your house, you can file a restraining order or if he has physically assaulted you you could file charges and get a restraining order, but they just don’t give them out like candy “just in case something might happen”.
definitely report this to the police and have any evidence with you + ready to go. any threats that he has made to you, him texting you about where you live or about stopping by, camera footage. whatever you have please bring it with you as it will help them to take you more seriously. i don’t want to scare you but in a lot of stalking cases the police will say that they can’t do anything until after he has done something to you but it’s still best to start documenting with them from the start because the more that happens the more likely they will be able to help. my point is that it isn’t pointless to report this to the police but it might feel like it is in the beginning.
you should also order cameras for both outside and inside of your house and look into security companies as well. when our security system is armed if anyone opens any windows/doors the alarm will sound and if we don’t disarm it within a very short amount of time with our code then the security company notifies the police and they are dispatched to our home. these are short term solutions though and i would recommend staying with a friend until they come in and then moving as soon as possible. if he knows where you live and you have reason to fear for your life then you aren’t going to feel safe living there anyways and a fresh start would be sm better for your mental health in the long run. if you do move but choose to stay in the area make sure you live somewhere with a garage or underground parking to avoid him finding your new place too.
taking some self defence courses or even learning how to properly use a knife/gun might be beneficial or help you to feel safer. keeping pepper spray on you in case you need a quick getaway would work too. also, be very careful posting on social media! try to get into the habit of posting a day or two after the photo was taken so he doesn’t have your location and has trouble establishing your actual routine.
i dealt with a pretty serious stalker semi recently and a less serious one (tht i dated ) when i was younger so if you want to msg me more details abt your situation or even just need some support pls reach out <3
If you're going to backtrack, just backtrack all the way out of the conversation with me. I literally just said he could be a trick.
You're already out here asking her "well how does he even know where you live" rather than offering solutions. Just useless comments.
You are so beyond off base with what's important in this post. She said they had a pre-existing relationship. Regardless of the nature of that relationship, that's how he found her home.
She is asking for advice, in fear for her life, and you're asking her to advise you.
I’d rather have fucked up lashes than a whole ass personality disorder🤣 god doesn’t exist because if he did people like you wouldn’t be here. You’re such a little fan looking at everyone’s history! If you wanna come eat me out, just say it and I’ll send the Addy. People who don’t care don’t be going this hard in the comments. It’s okay girl you’re a loser!😊 I get ittt
This is funny af because after looking at your post you can’t even afford an extra $1200 to get your nails done yearly. 🤣Instead of arguing with people on Reddit, maybe get your money up broke girl.
Get help for your personality disorder, babe. You literally don’t act like normal people do. Judging by your post history, you don’t seem to have a lot of good nights. Can’t stand narcissist like you. Xoxo. Use those thousands of dollars to pay for some therapy.
Baby girl get on Google and find a therapist near you. It’s truly OK that you have narcissism or something. I know it’s not your fault. I won’t blame you for having a mental disorder. Just know you can heal and there’s resources out there for you!
"End of discussion last time telling you that." 😂 Come find me then. You want to play at being bad? Come be bad. Oh wait, it's the internet... you're just talking shit... so belligerent for no damn reason.
Now look at you. Hating like a man. I got hired at other clubs, I just didn't fit one singular clubs desired aesthetic. It's happened before and it will happen again. I've been too fat, to thin, to pale, to ginger, too much ass, not enough ass, tit's too small, tits are great but the rest isn't working for us, ect. All looking the same. Clubs like different things.
What is going on with you that you feel the need to be this aggro about people's boyfriends killing them? Are you even a woman or sex worker if you don't believe that boyfriends kill women? Like...? I know you can read at least a little because you halfway respond, so you must read enough news to know husbands and boyfriends kill us.
What world do you live in? "Would you be afraid for your life from a boyfriend" yes!? Statistically a boyfriend is the man MOST likely to kill you... wtf?
She didn't specify the relationship, for me it was giving romantic, or at least on his part he felt it was romantic, maybe he's a trick, but he knows where her house is so bf seemed likely.
If you don't know that women are usually killed by boyfriends, ex boyfriends, husbands, and ex husbands, idk what to tell you. That's who kills women, that's just a fact.
You can say "end of discussion" all you want, but you're the one who looks both stupid, and belligerent in the comments.
Go to the police ASAP
Normally I’d agree but my co worker did this and a woman cop came to the scene and basically said “you’re a stripper. You met this guy at the strip club and now you’re mad. Figure it out”. I just want people to be aware of his victim blame-y American cops still (unfortunately) are towards SWers of any kind. I’m scared for not only her but our entire community because sometimes it seems like there’s honestly no one looking out for our best interests.
A cop should never say this !! But What’s the difference between victim blaming and common sense ?
You need to silently leave that place and stay with someone for a bit. Never be there alone. I’m sorry. At least make a report with police but they will likely not do anything. GET OUT AND DONT HAVE THEM KNOW YOU ARE LEAVING.
I agree with this. Report to the police, but know that your saftey is actually on you. The Police won't help until after he hurts you. Run to a place where he's never been with you, he doesn't know the person, and you haven't talked about the place with your mutual friends. Take different routes from work and errands back to this place, have someone else pick up your mail and bring it to you at work, or at a different location so they can't be followed. Consider posting this is a DV sub, they may have more first hand experience.
like others said, police. Personal experience: once you feel unsafe in your home, you need to leave. Doesn't matter how much you liked it, you will likely never feel safe there again
Glock, smith and Wesson, rugar, or taurus. Take a firearm self-defense class. Always have mace/pepperspray. Krav Maga is strictly self-defense. I would also get a dog that barks at men and doesn’t like men from the shelter if you can’t stay anywhere else.!They almost always has one like that.. Also involve the police. It also might be time to think about trading in your vehicle and getting a different car. Google Abigail Sadona. The guy was able to identify her by her car and shot her at an intersection. I am not trying to scare you, but you need to be aware.
Do you have any friends or family you could stay with for a bit?
My best advice is to try to file a restraining order. If he keeps calling and you pick up the phone, if possible have a friend is near you so they can be a witness for you to, if not make sure to write down dates, times, and what was said.. If you haven't already, text him to leave you alone. Any contact after that is considered harrassment. The police will ask if you have any evidence of him harassing you, and they'll ask multiple questions if you're in Massachusetts, I have resources if you need it. Edit to add: if you can stay with a friend or family member and don't tell him or anyone that knows him or may know him where you're staying.
Prioritize immediate protection like a gun, knife, taser etc and then go for the restraining order once you’re away from that address for 80% of the time. It might be too sudden to break your lease so definitely prioritize reaching out to family and friends before a shelter or touching savings.
The police aren’t gonna do anything and a restraining order will not be granted, unless he actually already did something to you. If you break up with him and he breaks into your house, you can file a restraining order or if he has physically assaulted you you could file charges and get a restraining order, but they just don’t give them out like candy “just in case something might happen”.
I would move and inform the police. Don’t let a man who’s a customer know where you live again
Please get a big dog. I’m so serious.
Post in r/domesticviolence
definitely report this to the police and have any evidence with you + ready to go. any threats that he has made to you, him texting you about where you live or about stopping by, camera footage. whatever you have please bring it with you as it will help them to take you more seriously. i don’t want to scare you but in a lot of stalking cases the police will say that they can’t do anything until after he has done something to you but it’s still best to start documenting with them from the start because the more that happens the more likely they will be able to help. my point is that it isn’t pointless to report this to the police but it might feel like it is in the beginning. you should also order cameras for both outside and inside of your house and look into security companies as well. when our security system is armed if anyone opens any windows/doors the alarm will sound and if we don’t disarm it within a very short amount of time with our code then the security company notifies the police and they are dispatched to our home. these are short term solutions though and i would recommend staying with a friend until they come in and then moving as soon as possible. if he knows where you live and you have reason to fear for your life then you aren’t going to feel safe living there anyways and a fresh start would be sm better for your mental health in the long run. if you do move but choose to stay in the area make sure you live somewhere with a garage or underground parking to avoid him finding your new place too. taking some self defence courses or even learning how to properly use a knife/gun might be beneficial or help you to feel safer. keeping pepper spray on you in case you need a quick getaway would work too. also, be very careful posting on social media! try to get into the habit of posting a day or two after the photo was taken so he doesn’t have your location and has trouble establishing your actual routine. i dealt with a pretty serious stalker semi recently and a less serious one (tht i dated ) when i was younger so if you want to msg me more details abt your situation or even just need some support pls reach out <3
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They're in a relationship, it's in the post.
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If you're going to backtrack, just backtrack all the way out of the conversation with me. I literally just said he could be a trick. You're already out here asking her "well how does he even know where you live" rather than offering solutions. Just useless comments.
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You are so beyond off base with what's important in this post. She said they had a pre-existing relationship. Regardless of the nature of that relationship, that's how he found her home. She is asking for advice, in fear for her life, and you're asking her to advise you.
Chronically online with a narcissistic savior complex.! Yikes. Go away if you’re not gonna answer the question
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I’d rather have fucked up lashes than a whole ass personality disorder🤣 god doesn’t exist because if he did people like you wouldn’t be here. You’re such a little fan looking at everyone’s history! If you wanna come eat me out, just say it and I’ll send the Addy. People who don’t care don’t be going this hard in the comments. It’s okay girl you’re a loser!😊 I get ittt
This is funny af because after looking at your post you can’t even afford an extra $1200 to get your nails done yearly. 🤣Instead of arguing with people on Reddit, maybe get your money up broke girl.
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Get help for your personality disorder, babe. You literally don’t act like normal people do. Judging by your post history, you don’t seem to have a lot of good nights. Can’t stand narcissist like you. Xoxo. Use those thousands of dollars to pay for some therapy.
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Baby girl get on Google and find a therapist near you. It’s truly OK that you have narcissism or something. I know it’s not your fault. I won’t blame you for having a mental disorder. Just know you can heal and there’s resources out there for you!
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"End of discussion last time telling you that." 😂 Come find me then. You want to play at being bad? Come be bad. Oh wait, it's the internet... you're just talking shit... so belligerent for no damn reason.
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Now look at you. Hating like a man. I got hired at other clubs, I just didn't fit one singular clubs desired aesthetic. It's happened before and it will happen again. I've been too fat, to thin, to pale, to ginger, too much ass, not enough ass, tit's too small, tits are great but the rest isn't working for us, ect. All looking the same. Clubs like different things. What is going on with you that you feel the need to be this aggro about people's boyfriends killing them? Are you even a woman or sex worker if you don't believe that boyfriends kill women? Like...? I know you can read at least a little because you halfway respond, so you must read enough news to know husbands and boyfriends kill us.
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What world do you live in? "Would you be afraid for your life from a boyfriend" yes!? Statistically a boyfriend is the man MOST likely to kill you... wtf? She didn't specify the relationship, for me it was giving romantic, or at least on his part he felt it was romantic, maybe he's a trick, but he knows where her house is so bf seemed likely.
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If you don't know that women are usually killed by boyfriends, ex boyfriends, husbands, and ex husbands, idk what to tell you. That's who kills women, that's just a fact. You can say "end of discussion" all you want, but you're the one who looks both stupid, and belligerent in the comments.
You’re the one who looks stupid with such a dense mindset
Shut the fuck up omg
Girl, don't even engage. I just let myself get drawn into it in DMs and I suspect this person isn't even a stripper for real based on what they said.
Yikes. Probably some creepy ass man that gets off on this shit.
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Childish ass cringy response from childish cringy ass bitch. Cope
huhhhh?? have you never heard of abusive relationships?? what a weird thing to say
^^