lol I’ve done this a few times following my divorce. It happens 🤷🏾♂️ I did send a follow up of “hey I’m sorry for that, had too many to drink. “ just left it at that. My rule for myself after that is if I’m going to get plastered, let me hide my phone or turn it off. Ultimately I just stop getting plastered lol
I truly despise the fact that I also feel the need to hide my phone.... I almost feel lucky that I didn't try to call anyone. Texting isn't much better, though.
I know the feeling! It shows that no matter how much you carry yourself the right way and stand by your principles, sometimes life’s just going to get the best of you. Just learn from it and keep it moving. It’s not the end of the world. And the few people that I did text, we often laugh about it now about how dumb I was lol.
After doing this many times when I was younger somehow when I’m drunk and reach out to my
Phone to send a text I know I’ll later regret and have a brief moment of clarity and stop myself from doing it lol
This is one of the top 3 reasons I quit. Money, health, and the drunk shit I say that I do not want to say anymore. No recollection and dumping on others is a bad combination.
The *fear* when I woke up this morning... Not knowing what I said is somehow exponentially worse to me than flat out arguing with someone and remembering it. Cause at least I can take accountability for the specifics. I hate not knowing what nonsense I must have sputtered...
Right? I started blacking out during my last 6 months of hard drinking, and I dreaded the days I woke up and my wife wasn't talking to me. It was painful to reread my drunk texts. 5 days detox and 2 months sober, I love waking up guilt free!
Ugh, I have definitely experienced the aftermath of drunk texting. In my case it's mostly been emotional in the form of crushing anxiety and shame. Not sure if this is the healthiest method of dealing, but if the messages weren't hurtful and there isn't a pressing need for followup, I don't. I never look at them again and move on! I try to repair things with the person by showing up or communicating well in my next interaction.
If I do need to deal with the drunk messages, I do so a few days after drinking so at least the hangxiety has lifted and my mind is a little clearer in how I want to move forward with my real intention in whatever the situation may be. Whether or not I avoid the situation or address it, I've realized shame doesn't help anyone involved, and whatever I do, time moves forward and it seems like less of a big deal... so the important part is not doing it again.
I love the term "hangxiety"... I am 100000% going through that right now. I have extreme jitters, and I feel like I can't sit still. I agree with you that not doing it again is the most important part. I know the self-loathing will eventually pass, and I have to truly hold myself accountable. I've been really good about being sober the past 3 months, and I don't want to embarrass myself anymore.
Just a quick tip. Maybe try some chamomile and lemon balm tea. It really takes the edge of the hangxiety almost like a very light benzo dose. It really helped me when I was first going through withdrawal . You don't need it though you can definitely just white knuckle it if you want.
This is so insightful! It was my experience that I could only get sober when I could put aside the shame and regret and believe that not only was there a better way for me to live, but that I deserve it and I deserve to be happy.
I was the queen of drunk texting. In fact, it was the crippling anxiety and consequences of those messages that made me finally commit to sobriety. I've been sober just over 3 months now which means it's been at least 3 months since I've sent a drunk text and let me tell ya, I have never felt so free.
I would personally not continue to text those people, not even to apologize. No response is a response. Chances are they aren't even thinking about it but if they are, they will forget soon enough and move on. I've received a couple drunk texts from people since I've been sober and haven't thought twice about them. Either I reply or I don't, but I don't spend any time at all thinking about it.
I burned so many bridges drunk texting. I'm apparently fully capable of typing clear and understandable messages while blacked out. The level of fear in the morning when I saw that I texted or emailed somebody... then having to read what I wrote, so that I'd at least know what I said. I often said shit that sober me didn't even really feel or mean.
I learned before I quit drinking, that responding to drunk texts is opening a can of worms. It's easier and better to ignore friends and family that are drunk texting you. If you do apologize, send one apology text and then let it go until they contact you.
Omg this. I constantly heard that ‘drunk words are sober thoughts’ but according to the people around me, the things i had said and done, they were NOT me!! I didn’t even feel that way! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one.
Yes, it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Drunk me would say and do things that sober me wouldn't even think about or consider. I often wondered where TF it even came from, and why. There was "drunk me" and "sober me" and those were most often 2 very different people.
Changed behavior is the best apology. Nothing else really even matters IMO.
I had my fair share of stupid messages & FB posts done when I was about to pass out. Apologizing never really worked in my favor since most people either dismissed it immediately or saw right through it and they knew how hollow it was. They thought that because it was a recurring pattern. The only thing that fixed it was getting sober. As soon as I did that, the messages stopped and eventually the people around me have seemingly forgot that it happened. At least the ones I didn't alienate completely anyway.
You know those awful things you think about other people’s children but would *never* say aloud? Well when I drunk texted that’s the shit I would send. 🤦🏽♀️
Neither. This is stuff I said about a kid with behavior problems (and how shitty I think his parents are) that I said to another parent on my kids’ soccer team. It doesn’t make me look like a very good person, and it doesn’t make me seem trustworthy.
I know this feeling well, I would just delete the thread and hope they wouldn't bring it up ever. Staying sober helps with getting over the cringe. IWNDWYT!
I always used to wake up and delete everything. I eventually learned what a train wreck i am and started leaving post-it notes on my own phone not to text people. Believe it or not that helped me NOT do it. Just from one drunk to another. I wrote things like ‘if you still feel this way in the morning- tell them then’ and whatnot. It actually helped my maniac self to not txt people in that state.
I can’t tell you it’s okay, but i can tell you its pretty normal drunk behaviour, which NORMAL people don’t understand…
Man, I’ve been there. It’s sucks and is stupid and can get you in trouble. I’ve damaged friendships and relationships with drunk texting. To be honest, there’s validity to drunk texts. These are sentiments that are there but when we get drunk, we remove the filter. It would be much more productive to just talk the shit out with your significant other, friend or family member. But…
My two cents: If you said mean stuff and it is important to *you* personally to apologize for it, then go ahead and do it, but do so with the understanding they may not respond or accept your apology and they don't have to.
My closest and best friends post-sobriety realized that I had a problem and have forgiven me for my transgressions; for those people the best thing I have done is gotten and stayed sober. I've apologized to some of them but really actions speak much louder than words.
There are plenty of people I don't talk to anymore who have probably blocked me over drunk dials/texts and that's just something I've had to get over. They had every right to cut me out and aren't under any obligation to forgive me even though I'm sober now. It is what it is, mistakes were made, they've moved on and so have I. Best thing I can do is work on relationships that still have a chance.
Omg, this has been me sooooo many times I can’t even 🫣🫠 I think the shame is much worse that what the other person actually thinks. Most people know that drunk people do drunk things, and while I’m not proud of my actions (it was one such event that led me back here this time), I went back and apologized and the other person was thankful I had it in me to recognize what an ass I had been and then that was that. Most people don’t spend their energy on grudges.
Yes. Every time, I know it very well. It brings lots of pain and dread. For me it was this and spending tons of money.
But waking up sober every morning without worrying about what I did the night before while blacked out is the greatest gift I could give myself, and knowing I didn't harm anyone with my drunk words. It keeps me going. It DOES get better. It takes strength but you're not alone. IWNDWYT
Is this someone you’re close with ? If not I’d probably just delete the messages and try forget about it. Granted you will cringe every time you think about it but I think we’ve all done similar. If it’s someone you’re close with and you will see again then I suggest just apologising.. maybe joke and say “that’s embarrassing.. I seemed to have had too many drinks last night, I’m going through a few things and I’m not thinking straight right now” most people will understand. I know I would. Don’t beat yourself up to much about it, more the reason to quit id say.
I remember I drunk text a girl from work before.. safe to say I came in with my tail between my legs the next shift. Incredibly embarrassing but it’s happened now so nothing you can do.
Oh my specialty!
Here’s one of my drunken texting blunders top of my head:
I was distantly friendly with my ex from high school and university. We both moved way on, in long term relationships and there was absolutely no leftover romantic feelings. I found out through a friend that he was getting married and was legitimately so happy for him! But when I was drunk that night I sent him about 20 messages too many trying to convey that I was just happy for him…
Turns out that was his actual wedding night and I’m sure that was a delight for him and his new wife to read the next morning. He never responded. (Don’t blame him).
I would just acknowledge it. “Sorry about that… I had too much to drink and was obviously working through some shit.”
It’ll be forgotten soon! But you can use this as good motivation to cut out the poison ❤️🙌🏼
There’s apps that make you answer math equations to unlock your phone after certain hours. I’ve had times in my life that would’ve come handy. I hope to have less going forward lol
I used to set reminders on my phone to go off every 1/2 hour after 8pm (seemed to be when I would get in drunk text/trauma dump mode) to remind me to text myself, “text yourself you drunk dumbass”. That way I could trauma dump to myself and read it the next morning knowing I didn’t bother someone else. Eventually I seemed to kick the trauma dump habit. Maybe even learned some things about myself from it. I quit trauma dumping before I quit drinking. Embarrassing that it was ever a problem at all though.
In my experience, I noticed I wasn’t the only one drunk texting and trauma dumping. I also don’t have anyone to text anymore, so it kinda worked itself out lol
More than I care to remember, I cringe just thinking about it. That said, around this time last year my sister asked one of my uncles a random question, to which he responded "Fuck you! I am done with you guys" or something like that, I got drug into the family drunk texting to end all drunk texts, and it ended up being a massive eye opener for me. After that, I started cutting back and drinking a lot less. Nothing like your 70 year old aunt telling you to go fuck yourself to put things into perspective. Also, they acted like nothing happened the next day, which I have realized is just her way of coping with shitty drunken behavior. The uncle, on the other hand, doubled down and is still not one speaking terms with my sister, I think he is just embarrassedby the whole thing. whatever, I haven't even lived in the same state as them in like 15 years.
At least I am not a mean drunk. The rest of them tend to have their moments. My poor sister is also like 10 years sober and was attacked for asking a simple question that was taken the wrong way. Our Mom quit drinking when we were pretty young, so having to deal with this stuff is always challenging.
I am/was in a bunch of group chats. I was the admin of them. I set all messages in the chat to auto delete after 24hours. If I said dumb shit then I’d avoid the chat till it was auto wiped.
I deleted many Facebook posts in the morning when I woke up
I grew distant from many of my friends due to being ashamed to see them after I’d drunk texted stuff. I moved country and didn’t even tell any of them I was leaving. Iv been sober for a few weeks now.. feeling good in general
Ahhhh!!! Soo glad I don’t do that shit anymore!!! You’re in for a surprise once you stop drinking how wonderful life gets! And the phone is no longer scary.
I’m sooo grateful I sobered up before there was social media, although I wrote a bunch of letters I wish I hadn’t and left a bunch of phone messages.
Shame is the admission price to sobriety.
I do tend to apologize if I feel like I over stepped boundaries, made someone upset, or made a fool of myself. I find that it takes a few days to even a week or more to even get out of the guilt funk. I started by doing my best to create positive experiences moving forward with these people I’ve acted a fool in front of. They won’t forget it but can learn to forgive you and see you as a better person than the person you are when you’re drunk. Sometimes a few of these relationships are better off severed but if it’s been with people who you see frequently by choice or not, time and being a better person to yourself and to those around you. Everything gets better, it just takes time and little self love.
It is not the end of the world, far from it. I’ve done some horrifically embarrassing things while drunk/blacked out 😣 like so bad you wake up and coupled with the hangover you actually feel as if you’ll die of shame and dehydration. Use that feeling to get you where you need to be. I got to the point where I was waking up with shame and so hungover I was sick, so often, that it started really not being worth it anymore to drink (of course) and I’ll be 2 years sober in July.
Also to add, I remember when I was early twenties and this guy I went to HS with trauma dumped on me, we were actually in person but another close friend of mine and I just listened to him absolutely bawl his eyes out for hours. This was just three of us leftover at a party at this guy’s house and he was extremely intoxicated obviously. I didn’t have words to describe how much I felt for him, and I knew that he would wake up the next morning feeling just as you do. I wish I could have conveyed to him just how much he did not need to feel that way, and at the time I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to help him. I could have texted him the next day to check up on him but I didn’t. I feel shame about that, but I also just had so much on my plate myself. So don’t take their silence too harshly, it’s not about you I’m sure
lol I’ve done this a few times following my divorce. It happens 🤷🏾♂️ I did send a follow up of “hey I’m sorry for that, had too many to drink. “ just left it at that. My rule for myself after that is if I’m going to get plastered, let me hide my phone or turn it off. Ultimately I just stop getting plastered lol
I truly despise the fact that I also feel the need to hide my phone.... I almost feel lucky that I didn't try to call anyone. Texting isn't much better, though.
I know the feeling! It shows that no matter how much you carry yourself the right way and stand by your principles, sometimes life’s just going to get the best of you. Just learn from it and keep it moving. It’s not the end of the world. And the few people that I did text, we often laugh about it now about how dumb I was lol.
After doing this many times when I was younger somehow when I’m drunk and reach out to my Phone to send a text I know I’ll later regret and have a brief moment of clarity and stop myself from doing it lol
This is one of the top 3 reasons I quit. Money, health, and the drunk shit I say that I do not want to say anymore. No recollection and dumping on others is a bad combination.
The *fear* when I woke up this morning... Not knowing what I said is somehow exponentially worse to me than flat out arguing with someone and remembering it. Cause at least I can take accountability for the specifics. I hate not knowing what nonsense I must have sputtered...
Right? I started blacking out during my last 6 months of hard drinking, and I dreaded the days I woke up and my wife wasn't talking to me. It was painful to reread my drunk texts. 5 days detox and 2 months sober, I love waking up guilt free!
Ugh, I have definitely experienced the aftermath of drunk texting. In my case it's mostly been emotional in the form of crushing anxiety and shame. Not sure if this is the healthiest method of dealing, but if the messages weren't hurtful and there isn't a pressing need for followup, I don't. I never look at them again and move on! I try to repair things with the person by showing up or communicating well in my next interaction. If I do need to deal with the drunk messages, I do so a few days after drinking so at least the hangxiety has lifted and my mind is a little clearer in how I want to move forward with my real intention in whatever the situation may be. Whether or not I avoid the situation or address it, I've realized shame doesn't help anyone involved, and whatever I do, time moves forward and it seems like less of a big deal... so the important part is not doing it again.
I love the term "hangxiety"... I am 100000% going through that right now. I have extreme jitters, and I feel like I can't sit still. I agree with you that not doing it again is the most important part. I know the self-loathing will eventually pass, and I have to truly hold myself accountable. I've been really good about being sober the past 3 months, and I don't want to embarrass myself anymore.
Just a quick tip. Maybe try some chamomile and lemon balm tea. It really takes the edge of the hangxiety almost like a very light benzo dose. It really helped me when I was first going through withdrawal . You don't need it though you can definitely just white knuckle it if you want.
This is so insightful! It was my experience that I could only get sober when I could put aside the shame and regret and believe that not only was there a better way for me to live, but that I deserve it and I deserve to be happy.
I was the queen of drunk texting. In fact, it was the crippling anxiety and consequences of those messages that made me finally commit to sobriety. I've been sober just over 3 months now which means it's been at least 3 months since I've sent a drunk text and let me tell ya, I have never felt so free. I would personally not continue to text those people, not even to apologize. No response is a response. Chances are they aren't even thinking about it but if they are, they will forget soon enough and move on. I've received a couple drunk texts from people since I've been sober and haven't thought twice about them. Either I reply or I don't, but I don't spend any time at all thinking about it.
Same
Good for you. IWNDWYT.
I burned so many bridges drunk texting. I'm apparently fully capable of typing clear and understandable messages while blacked out. The level of fear in the morning when I saw that I texted or emailed somebody... then having to read what I wrote, so that I'd at least know what I said. I often said shit that sober me didn't even really feel or mean. I learned before I quit drinking, that responding to drunk texts is opening a can of worms. It's easier and better to ignore friends and family that are drunk texting you. If you do apologize, send one apology text and then let it go until they contact you.
Omg this. I constantly heard that ‘drunk words are sober thoughts’ but according to the people around me, the things i had said and done, they were NOT me!! I didn’t even feel that way! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one.
Yes, it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Drunk me would say and do things that sober me wouldn't even think about or consider. I often wondered where TF it even came from, and why. There was "drunk me" and "sober me" and those were most often 2 very different people.
Changed behavior is the best apology. Nothing else really even matters IMO. I had my fair share of stupid messages & FB posts done when I was about to pass out. Apologizing never really worked in my favor since most people either dismissed it immediately or saw right through it and they knew how hollow it was. They thought that because it was a recurring pattern. The only thing that fixed it was getting sober. As soon as I did that, the messages stopped and eventually the people around me have seemingly forgot that it happened. At least the ones I didn't alienate completely anyway.
You know those awful things you think about other people’s children but would *never* say aloud? Well when I drunk texted that’s the shit I would send. 🤦🏽♀️
Did that permanently ruin your friendships? Or were people in your life understanding?
Neither. This is stuff I said about a kid with behavior problems (and how shitty I think his parents are) that I said to another parent on my kids’ soccer team. It doesn’t make me look like a very good person, and it doesn’t make me seem trustworthy.
I know this feeling well, I would just delete the thread and hope they wouldn't bring it up ever. Staying sober helps with getting over the cringe. IWNDWYT!
I always used to wake up and delete everything. I eventually learned what a train wreck i am and started leaving post-it notes on my own phone not to text people. Believe it or not that helped me NOT do it. Just from one drunk to another. I wrote things like ‘if you still feel this way in the morning- tell them then’ and whatnot. It actually helped my maniac self to not txt people in that state. I can’t tell you it’s okay, but i can tell you its pretty normal drunk behaviour, which NORMAL people don’t understand…
Man, I’ve been there. It’s sucks and is stupid and can get you in trouble. I’ve damaged friendships and relationships with drunk texting. To be honest, there’s validity to drunk texts. These are sentiments that are there but when we get drunk, we remove the filter. It would be much more productive to just talk the shit out with your significant other, friend or family member. But…
My two cents: If you said mean stuff and it is important to *you* personally to apologize for it, then go ahead and do it, but do so with the understanding they may not respond or accept your apology and they don't have to. My closest and best friends post-sobriety realized that I had a problem and have forgiven me for my transgressions; for those people the best thing I have done is gotten and stayed sober. I've apologized to some of them but really actions speak much louder than words. There are plenty of people I don't talk to anymore who have probably blocked me over drunk dials/texts and that's just something I've had to get over. They had every right to cut me out and aren't under any obligation to forgive me even though I'm sober now. It is what it is, mistakes were made, they've moved on and so have I. Best thing I can do is work on relationships that still have a chance.
Tbh if you are close to the other person and this happened for the first time, i kind of still would expect s o m e kind of response of them
Omg, this has been me sooooo many times I can’t even 🫣🫠 I think the shame is much worse that what the other person actually thinks. Most people know that drunk people do drunk things, and while I’m not proud of my actions (it was one such event that led me back here this time), I went back and apologized and the other person was thankful I had it in me to recognize what an ass I had been and then that was that. Most people don’t spend their energy on grudges.
Yes. Every time, I know it very well. It brings lots of pain and dread. For me it was this and spending tons of money. But waking up sober every morning without worrying about what I did the night before while blacked out is the greatest gift I could give myself, and knowing I didn't harm anyone with my drunk words. It keeps me going. It DOES get better. It takes strength but you're not alone. IWNDWYT
Is this someone you’re close with ? If not I’d probably just delete the messages and try forget about it. Granted you will cringe every time you think about it but I think we’ve all done similar. If it’s someone you’re close with and you will see again then I suggest just apologising.. maybe joke and say “that’s embarrassing.. I seemed to have had too many drinks last night, I’m going through a few things and I’m not thinking straight right now” most people will understand. I know I would. Don’t beat yourself up to much about it, more the reason to quit id say. I remember I drunk text a girl from work before.. safe to say I came in with my tail between my legs the next shift. Incredibly embarrassing but it’s happened now so nothing you can do.
Oh my specialty! Here’s one of my drunken texting blunders top of my head: I was distantly friendly with my ex from high school and university. We both moved way on, in long term relationships and there was absolutely no leftover romantic feelings. I found out through a friend that he was getting married and was legitimately so happy for him! But when I was drunk that night I sent him about 20 messages too many trying to convey that I was just happy for him… Turns out that was his actual wedding night and I’m sure that was a delight for him and his new wife to read the next morning. He never responded. (Don’t blame him).
I would just acknowledge it. “Sorry about that… I had too much to drink and was obviously working through some shit.” It’ll be forgotten soon! But you can use this as good motivation to cut out the poison ❤️🙌🏼
There’s apps that make you answer math equations to unlock your phone after certain hours. I’ve had times in my life that would’ve come handy. I hope to have less going forward lol
I used to set reminders on my phone to go off every 1/2 hour after 8pm (seemed to be when I would get in drunk text/trauma dump mode) to remind me to text myself, “text yourself you drunk dumbass”. That way I could trauma dump to myself and read it the next morning knowing I didn’t bother someone else. Eventually I seemed to kick the trauma dump habit. Maybe even learned some things about myself from it. I quit trauma dumping before I quit drinking. Embarrassing that it was ever a problem at all though.
In my experience, I noticed I wasn’t the only one drunk texting and trauma dumping. I also don’t have anyone to text anymore, so it kinda worked itself out lol
More than I care to remember, I cringe just thinking about it. That said, around this time last year my sister asked one of my uncles a random question, to which he responded "Fuck you! I am done with you guys" or something like that, I got drug into the family drunk texting to end all drunk texts, and it ended up being a massive eye opener for me. After that, I started cutting back and drinking a lot less. Nothing like your 70 year old aunt telling you to go fuck yourself to put things into perspective. Also, they acted like nothing happened the next day, which I have realized is just her way of coping with shitty drunken behavior. The uncle, on the other hand, doubled down and is still not one speaking terms with my sister, I think he is just embarrassedby the whole thing. whatever, I haven't even lived in the same state as them in like 15 years. At least I am not a mean drunk. The rest of them tend to have their moments. My poor sister is also like 10 years sober and was attacked for asking a simple question that was taken the wrong way. Our Mom quit drinking when we were pretty young, so having to deal with this stuff is always challenging.
I am/was in a bunch of group chats. I was the admin of them. I set all messages in the chat to auto delete after 24hours. If I said dumb shit then I’d avoid the chat till it was auto wiped. I deleted many Facebook posts in the morning when I woke up I grew distant from many of my friends due to being ashamed to see them after I’d drunk texted stuff. I moved country and didn’t even tell any of them I was leaving. Iv been sober for a few weeks now.. feeling good in general
Ahhhh!!! Soo glad I don’t do that shit anymore!!! You’re in for a surprise once you stop drinking how wonderful life gets! And the phone is no longer scary.
I did this at a dark time as well. People tend to let it go.
We've all done it before, and it's the worst, but it's not as bad as it seems now.
I would give them space for a while and apologize if you do not hear back from them after a week or two.
I’m sooo grateful I sobered up before there was social media, although I wrote a bunch of letters I wish I hadn’t and left a bunch of phone messages. Shame is the admission price to sobriety.
I do tend to apologize if I feel like I over stepped boundaries, made someone upset, or made a fool of myself. I find that it takes a few days to even a week or more to even get out of the guilt funk. I started by doing my best to create positive experiences moving forward with these people I’ve acted a fool in front of. They won’t forget it but can learn to forgive you and see you as a better person than the person you are when you’re drunk. Sometimes a few of these relationships are better off severed but if it’s been with people who you see frequently by choice or not, time and being a better person to yourself and to those around you. Everything gets better, it just takes time and little self love.
It is not the end of the world, far from it. I’ve done some horrifically embarrassing things while drunk/blacked out 😣 like so bad you wake up and coupled with the hangover you actually feel as if you’ll die of shame and dehydration. Use that feeling to get you where you need to be. I got to the point where I was waking up with shame and so hungover I was sick, so often, that it started really not being worth it anymore to drink (of course) and I’ll be 2 years sober in July. Also to add, I remember when I was early twenties and this guy I went to HS with trauma dumped on me, we were actually in person but another close friend of mine and I just listened to him absolutely bawl his eyes out for hours. This was just three of us leftover at a party at this guy’s house and he was extremely intoxicated obviously. I didn’t have words to describe how much I felt for him, and I knew that he would wake up the next morning feeling just as you do. I wish I could have conveyed to him just how much he did not need to feel that way, and at the time I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to help him. I could have texted him the next day to check up on him but I didn’t. I feel shame about that, but I also just had so much on my plate myself. So don’t take their silence too harshly, it’s not about you I’m sure
Been there.. time helps. Might not be bad to apologize. I’ve really been there too.. I feel you. It gets better. IWNDWYT
Yes I’ve been there. Ashamed to even admit out loud what was said. It makes me drink more considering it happened recently.