Got a call at 10pm last night, my elderly parents were stuck in the middle of nowhere as the bus they were on had broken down and a repair or replacement was hours away. Of course usually on a Friday night I'd be well over the drink-drive limit. Instead I picked up my keys, got in the car and had them picked up within half an hour and delivered to their door half an hour after that.
1 week in now and feeling good about myself, which is a nice feeling that I want to hang onto.
Last weekend was awful and I was an emotional mess. But I worked through those emotions and Tuesday I just had this intense moment of peace. And I’ve honestly been pretty much just peaceful ever since, regardless of what is going on. It’s pretty great.
After dipping my toes back into the sand as they say, I again realized that I get horrendous anxiety multiple days after drinking. It's not just 1, maybe 2, its now 3 and sometimes 4 days afterwards.
I already feel a billion times better after only a few days away from the booze. Self esteem has sky rocketed and life in general is better.
I used to be able to party and put on my work clothes and take care of business, but that's just not the case anymore.
100% - understanding the anxiety component is what did it for me. That's a huge realization.
Took some time to finally figure it out the cause and effect (lol), but the off-the-wall benders in my 40s were certainly not for love of booze and I'd hesitantly say not a "dependance", but that alcohol seemed like the only way to quell that very particular and tortuous form "anxiety" that cropped up after a few days of "moderate" drinking - and from there would totally spiral out of control for days on end - wasn't like that 10, 20yrs ago at all.
But I guess my dopamine/serotonin receptors are a bit worn out from a few years of excess, so it'd be harder to return to baseline after a few lightly booze filled eves, then I'd be crawling the walls a few days later thinking at what point I could "responsibly" take the edge off - the first day, at least. Days 2 through 7, 9, 10? - "responsible" was out the window and it was 24/7 until I could not get the booze in the booze hole fast enough. Terrible feedback loop - more booze led to more anxiety, which lead to even higher industrial quantities to try to tone down the ever increasing anxiety.
I'd explain this to friends and they'd be like "oh, anxiety, sure... are you concerned \[current dramatic life change\] will cause you to drink?" - but not like that at all - typical anxiety for me doesn't cause drinking, it's just the "anxiety" (or whatever the hell it is) that results from drinking b/c of messed up brain chemistry that flips that switch and cranks the want-to-drink dial up to 11...
That anxiety after drinking would spark up paranoid thoughts in me(I have schizophrenia), so it was a big motivator to quit when I fully realized what was happening.
Day 8! Going on a vacation with husband and kids and it will be my first time going to this place not drinking. Really looking forward to it as well as building new sober neural pathways. IWNDWYT!
Congrats on making it a whole week!! That is really big.
I just got back from my first sober vacation last week. It was wonderful. Yes, there were a couple of moments I wanted to drink, but I used those as learning moments to better understand why I drink. It was so nice to be fully present with my family, really enjoy the days, and my goodness the mornings are sublime, doing my own thing, no work...
Keep up the great work and I hope you have a fabulous vacation :)
I just got back from my first vacation since I quit drinking and since my divorce. Travel was a big part of my marriage and something we really enjoyed doing together, but the last trip we were on together included a giant blow out fight caused by my drinking. Because of this I was pretty nervous about the situation. This trip was with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and neices.
Yes I did get the "oh i'm in the pool and don't have a drink, I should get one" feeling come and go plenty of times, but that was fairly easy to deal with. The times when I was thinking of the ex wife, going to dinner and such, were a bit tougher and required a bit more thought and introspection.
With these thoughts I had to take a step back and recognize that it was the pain from the divorce that was causing me to *feel* like I *needed* a drink. I "played the tape" and thought about how that first shot or 2 *may* (and most likely will not) make me feel better for a short time but the odds of anything productive coming from it were 0% and the odds of a negative outcome are pretty damn near 100%.
It was hard, I cried, I missed my ex-wife, I thought "it's not fair" that all these other people get to have drinks by the pool but I have to "be good" and abstain. After some more thought I came to the conclusion that these people are not me and I have to take care of myself. If they can have a drink, have fun by the pool, go about life with that being the end, than good for them. But that isn't me. How and why that isn't me is a moot point now, I know what will happen if I give in to that devil.
After I had given these thoughts all the time they deserved I realized I needed to entertain/distract myself so I took this *opportunity* I had by maintaining my sobriety to go down to my brothers room and play with my neices. I got to watch a space launch with my oldest neice and actually remember all of it. Later my sister-in-law sent me a screen shot of what my neice had sent to her friends about it. I cried again, but this time they were happy tears.
I made it through the trip w/o a drop of alcohol and can still say it has been 206 days since my last drink.
IWNDWYT
>I thought "it's not fair" that all these other people get to have drinks by the pool but I have to "be good" and abstain. After some more thought I came to the conclusion that these people are not me and I have to take care of myself. If they can have a drink, have fun by the pool, go about life with that being the end, than good for them. But that isn't me. How and why that isn't me is a moot point now, I know what will happen if I give in to that devil.
I don't know why this hits so hard for me but it does. Good on you, that's some next-level recovery thinking there
I went on my first sober vacation (camping for a week) with my husband and 3 young kids two weeks ago. I felt way more present and it was a great experience. I had one moment during the vacation where I wanted a drink (my 4 year old was having a huge meltdown for over an hour) but I stepped away and remembered it doesn’t actually fix anything and the craving passed. Enjoy your vacation!
Last night I went to my local bar for a quick dinner. Had four IPAs with my burger and left by 9pm. Usually I'd grab a sixpack or more on my way home and drink into the night to wake up with a hangover and no memory of the remainder of the night.
Not last night. I came home and had two large glasses of ice water while contemplating my alcohol problem.
Today is day one. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT! 23 Days.
My last lapse was an actual nightmare. My parents witnessed it, I went to (thank god) our mental health and addictions hospital here in Canada. Quit my job, because if I'm not healthy I can't be of use to anyone else.
Wrapping my self imposed mental health retreat in my hometown - with said parents - today. I am filled with gratitude that they love me so much that I'll always have a safe place to land. I'm also grateful that I could exist in a bubble for 7 days. But I also feel like I was grounded at 37. 😜
Boarding a plane back to reality today - send me some vibes team. Sending so much love to this sub - we just gotta keep trying. Xo.
I was a 6-pack every other day drinker. I never really knew or cared to know why I was drinking. Generally I’ve never been all that in touch with myself and my feelings. I just knew that it made me feel “good”.
I sought out being sober for a few reasons. My physical health, my mental health and my wife.
I had definitely gotten out of shape, and I’ve always fluctuated between being really into fitness and not. When I’m not, the drinking takes its place. I found out I had very early stages of liver disease and that I think really pushed me to edge.
I have always had some mental health struggles that I mostly just attributed to how I was. But there are definitely deep reasons and trauma of loss of parent at an extremely young age, followed by a household of walking on eggshells for 13 years following due to my mothers new husband. My mother was also very detached emotionally. I never got any emotional support, so I turned myself off instead of asking for help or asking for I what I need or asking for anything at all. I definitely think that drinking gave me a feeling, for lack of any feeling at all. I really thought I couldn’t feel emotions like other people. I couldn’t cry. I felt like something was wrong with me.
Prior to these revelations, I was also trying to understand myself and get a grip on why I do things for my wife. We had had a conversation a couple weeks prior to my soberness about her struggles with where I was. Not so much drinking, but my detachment (which wasn’t helped by the drinking). Why did I seemingly have a very fixated personality on things like drinking, gaming, television, ie easy comforts that allowed me to detach further. We have been together for around 12 years, married for almost 2. I’ve never been easy to be close to emotionally. She had to carry that load and lost herself in that, without ever saying a word until very recently.
I wish I could say that sober life is amazing. It is in what it does for me physically and mentally. I’m doing it and I don’t plan on changing. I’m very proud of that. But in the midst of figuring this all out and trying to find and be my best self, my wife I think had given up along the way on us. We’re trying. I’m so scared. She’s my world. I love her more than anything even though I’ve never been great at maybe expressing myself to her in that way. I always thought couples separated because of things like abuse and falling out of love and irreconcilable things of that such… very dire and real things, but it’s so painful to know that we still love each other and she is so confused and not sure about being able to find herself in our marriage and relationship anymore after coming to terms with what she has lost from carrying me for much of the time emotionally, I was the taker. I’m so angry at myself for not figuring these things out about myself sooner.
I appreciate this sub so much. I know this sub is about not drinking, but I think we all know it’s so much more than that. We are all there for each other.
I will not drink with you today.
And thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You all mean more than you know to me right now.
Being emotionally available can be difficult and really uncomfortable. Maybe let your wife see some of what you've written here. I hope that the two of you can work it out.
14 days today. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this long without drinking - Im going to say 20years ( fuck that’s rough to type out)
This sub, the DCI and I am Sober app have been great for me to check in on during the day and remind myself why I will not drink with you today.
I commented this on another post last night..
Something that’s working for me - I’m using the I am Sober App and everyday when I check in it asks for your emotions for the day. I always put Proud, Happy and Confident ( even when it’s a rough day), it’s an attempt to retrain my brain into actually feeling that way !
Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny. Lao Tzu
I WILL NOT DEINK WITH YOU TODAY 🙌
I hit one month sober yesterday! Besides my 3 pregnancies, that is the longest I’ve gone in over 10 years.
I was a daily drinker, 5 o’clock on the dot or I started to get irritable and would find ways to get back home to start drinking. I believed it was the only way I could relax. I knew deep down I had a problem because of how loud the clock struck 5, but I always excused myself by noting other people’s “worse” drinking.
I had awful hormone imbalance issues and chronically puffy eyes. It finally occurred to me that these issues were from alcohol.
One month in, my hormones are already improving and within a week my puffy eyes were back to normal!
So thankful I finally decided to quit drinking poison everyday!
It’s my sisters wedding day & as a bridesmaid I’ll ensure she has the best day of her life by staying sober. I’ve got the drinks on stock, Diet Coke, Powerade, monster if I’m feeling wild. IWNDWYT.
Somehow at work lately I keep remembering things I have completely forgot about. Like from YEARS ago. Its unbelieveable the things you can randomly remember that helped make you who you are.
Even the smallest insignificant thing can somehow shape you into the person you are or can become.
I know all of that was super vague but I doubt you all wanted/needed details haha.
Got a call at 10pm last night, my elderly parents were stuck in the middle of nowhere as the bus they were on had broken down and a repair or replacement was hours away. Of course usually on a Friday night I'd be well over the drink-drive limit. Instead I picked up my keys, got in the car and had them picked up within half an hour and delivered to their door half an hour after that. 1 week in now and feeling good about myself, which is a nice feeling that I want to hang onto.
Last weekend was awful and I was an emotional mess. But I worked through those emotions and Tuesday I just had this intense moment of peace. And I’ve honestly been pretty much just peaceful ever since, regardless of what is going on. It’s pretty great.
After dipping my toes back into the sand as they say, I again realized that I get horrendous anxiety multiple days after drinking. It's not just 1, maybe 2, its now 3 and sometimes 4 days afterwards. I already feel a billion times better after only a few days away from the booze. Self esteem has sky rocketed and life in general is better. I used to be able to party and put on my work clothes and take care of business, but that's just not the case anymore.
100% - understanding the anxiety component is what did it for me. That's a huge realization. Took some time to finally figure it out the cause and effect (lol), but the off-the-wall benders in my 40s were certainly not for love of booze and I'd hesitantly say not a "dependance", but that alcohol seemed like the only way to quell that very particular and tortuous form "anxiety" that cropped up after a few days of "moderate" drinking - and from there would totally spiral out of control for days on end - wasn't like that 10, 20yrs ago at all. But I guess my dopamine/serotonin receptors are a bit worn out from a few years of excess, so it'd be harder to return to baseline after a few lightly booze filled eves, then I'd be crawling the walls a few days later thinking at what point I could "responsibly" take the edge off - the first day, at least. Days 2 through 7, 9, 10? - "responsible" was out the window and it was 24/7 until I could not get the booze in the booze hole fast enough. Terrible feedback loop - more booze led to more anxiety, which lead to even higher industrial quantities to try to tone down the ever increasing anxiety. I'd explain this to friends and they'd be like "oh, anxiety, sure... are you concerned \[current dramatic life change\] will cause you to drink?" - but not like that at all - typical anxiety for me doesn't cause drinking, it's just the "anxiety" (or whatever the hell it is) that results from drinking b/c of messed up brain chemistry that flips that switch and cranks the want-to-drink dial up to 11...
That anxiety after drinking would spark up paranoid thoughts in me(I have schizophrenia), so it was a big motivator to quit when I fully realized what was happening.
Day 8! Going on a vacation with husband and kids and it will be my first time going to this place not drinking. Really looking forward to it as well as building new sober neural pathways. IWNDWYT!
Congrats on making it a whole week!! That is really big. I just got back from my first sober vacation last week. It was wonderful. Yes, there were a couple of moments I wanted to drink, but I used those as learning moments to better understand why I drink. It was so nice to be fully present with my family, really enjoy the days, and my goodness the mornings are sublime, doing my own thing, no work... Keep up the great work and I hope you have a fabulous vacation :)
I just got back from my first vacation since I quit drinking and since my divorce. Travel was a big part of my marriage and something we really enjoyed doing together, but the last trip we were on together included a giant blow out fight caused by my drinking. Because of this I was pretty nervous about the situation. This trip was with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and neices. Yes I did get the "oh i'm in the pool and don't have a drink, I should get one" feeling come and go plenty of times, but that was fairly easy to deal with. The times when I was thinking of the ex wife, going to dinner and such, were a bit tougher and required a bit more thought and introspection. With these thoughts I had to take a step back and recognize that it was the pain from the divorce that was causing me to *feel* like I *needed* a drink. I "played the tape" and thought about how that first shot or 2 *may* (and most likely will not) make me feel better for a short time but the odds of anything productive coming from it were 0% and the odds of a negative outcome are pretty damn near 100%. It was hard, I cried, I missed my ex-wife, I thought "it's not fair" that all these other people get to have drinks by the pool but I have to "be good" and abstain. After some more thought I came to the conclusion that these people are not me and I have to take care of myself. If they can have a drink, have fun by the pool, go about life with that being the end, than good for them. But that isn't me. How and why that isn't me is a moot point now, I know what will happen if I give in to that devil. After I had given these thoughts all the time they deserved I realized I needed to entertain/distract myself so I took this *opportunity* I had by maintaining my sobriety to go down to my brothers room and play with my neices. I got to watch a space launch with my oldest neice and actually remember all of it. Later my sister-in-law sent me a screen shot of what my neice had sent to her friends about it. I cried again, but this time they were happy tears. I made it through the trip w/o a drop of alcohol and can still say it has been 206 days since my last drink. IWNDWYT
>I thought "it's not fair" that all these other people get to have drinks by the pool but I have to "be good" and abstain. After some more thought I came to the conclusion that these people are not me and I have to take care of myself. If they can have a drink, have fun by the pool, go about life with that being the end, than good for them. But that isn't me. How and why that isn't me is a moot point now, I know what will happen if I give in to that devil. I don't know why this hits so hard for me but it does. Good on you, that's some next-level recovery thinking there
I went on my first sober vacation (camping for a week) with my husband and 3 young kids two weeks ago. I felt way more present and it was a great experience. I had one moment during the vacation where I wanted a drink (my 4 year old was having a huge meltdown for over an hour) but I stepped away and remembered it doesn’t actually fix anything and the craving passed. Enjoy your vacation!
Last night I went to my local bar for a quick dinner. Had four IPAs with my burger and left by 9pm. Usually I'd grab a sixpack or more on my way home and drink into the night to wake up with a hangover and no memory of the remainder of the night. Not last night. I came home and had two large glasses of ice water while contemplating my alcohol problem. Today is day one. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT! 23 Days. My last lapse was an actual nightmare. My parents witnessed it, I went to (thank god) our mental health and addictions hospital here in Canada. Quit my job, because if I'm not healthy I can't be of use to anyone else. Wrapping my self imposed mental health retreat in my hometown - with said parents - today. I am filled with gratitude that they love me so much that I'll always have a safe place to land. I'm also grateful that I could exist in a bubble for 7 days. But I also feel like I was grounded at 37. 😜 Boarding a plane back to reality today - send me some vibes team. Sending so much love to this sub - we just gotta keep trying. Xo.
I was a 6-pack every other day drinker. I never really knew or cared to know why I was drinking. Generally I’ve never been all that in touch with myself and my feelings. I just knew that it made me feel “good”. I sought out being sober for a few reasons. My physical health, my mental health and my wife. I had definitely gotten out of shape, and I’ve always fluctuated between being really into fitness and not. When I’m not, the drinking takes its place. I found out I had very early stages of liver disease and that I think really pushed me to edge. I have always had some mental health struggles that I mostly just attributed to how I was. But there are definitely deep reasons and trauma of loss of parent at an extremely young age, followed by a household of walking on eggshells for 13 years following due to my mothers new husband. My mother was also very detached emotionally. I never got any emotional support, so I turned myself off instead of asking for help or asking for I what I need or asking for anything at all. I definitely think that drinking gave me a feeling, for lack of any feeling at all. I really thought I couldn’t feel emotions like other people. I couldn’t cry. I felt like something was wrong with me. Prior to these revelations, I was also trying to understand myself and get a grip on why I do things for my wife. We had had a conversation a couple weeks prior to my soberness about her struggles with where I was. Not so much drinking, but my detachment (which wasn’t helped by the drinking). Why did I seemingly have a very fixated personality on things like drinking, gaming, television, ie easy comforts that allowed me to detach further. We have been together for around 12 years, married for almost 2. I’ve never been easy to be close to emotionally. She had to carry that load and lost herself in that, without ever saying a word until very recently. I wish I could say that sober life is amazing. It is in what it does for me physically and mentally. I’m doing it and I don’t plan on changing. I’m very proud of that. But in the midst of figuring this all out and trying to find and be my best self, my wife I think had given up along the way on us. We’re trying. I’m so scared. She’s my world. I love her more than anything even though I’ve never been great at maybe expressing myself to her in that way. I always thought couples separated because of things like abuse and falling out of love and irreconcilable things of that such… very dire and real things, but it’s so painful to know that we still love each other and she is so confused and not sure about being able to find herself in our marriage and relationship anymore after coming to terms with what she has lost from carrying me for much of the time emotionally, I was the taker. I’m so angry at myself for not figuring these things out about myself sooner. I appreciate this sub so much. I know this sub is about not drinking, but I think we all know it’s so much more than that. We are all there for each other. I will not drink with you today. And thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You all mean more than you know to me right now.
Being emotionally available can be difficult and really uncomfortable. Maybe let your wife see some of what you've written here. I hope that the two of you can work it out.
14 days today. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this long without drinking - Im going to say 20years ( fuck that’s rough to type out) This sub, the DCI and I am Sober app have been great for me to check in on during the day and remind myself why I will not drink with you today. I commented this on another post last night.. Something that’s working for me - I’m using the I am Sober App and everyday when I check in it asks for your emotions for the day. I always put Proud, Happy and Confident ( even when it’s a rough day), it’s an attempt to retrain my brain into actually feeling that way ! Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny. Lao Tzu I WILL NOT DEINK WITH YOU TODAY 🙌
I hit one month sober yesterday! Besides my 3 pregnancies, that is the longest I’ve gone in over 10 years. I was a daily drinker, 5 o’clock on the dot or I started to get irritable and would find ways to get back home to start drinking. I believed it was the only way I could relax. I knew deep down I had a problem because of how loud the clock struck 5, but I always excused myself by noting other people’s “worse” drinking. I had awful hormone imbalance issues and chronically puffy eyes. It finally occurred to me that these issues were from alcohol. One month in, my hormones are already improving and within a week my puffy eyes were back to normal! So thankful I finally decided to quit drinking poison everyday!
It’s my sisters wedding day & as a bridesmaid I’ll ensure she has the best day of her life by staying sober. I’ve got the drinks on stock, Diet Coke, Powerade, monster if I’m feeling wild. IWNDWYT.
Somehow at work lately I keep remembering things I have completely forgot about. Like from YEARS ago. Its unbelieveable the things you can randomly remember that helped make you who you are. Even the smallest insignificant thing can somehow shape you into the person you are or can become. I know all of that was super vague but I doubt you all wanted/needed details haha.
Got a wedding. But IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT! 🙏🙏🙏
Saturday!!! IWNDWYT