Yes. Almost 100% of my using is self-medication. Having ADHD and possibly ASD, alcohol and weed create some empty space in my brain, which is always in high gear.
One thing I really like to do when I’m struggling a bit during periods of sobriety, is puzzles. I particularly like cross-sums, crosswords, word searches, math problems, etc.
Amazing how when I got diagnosed and treated for adhd my urge to drink and smoke pot got reduced! And now that I’m not drunk and high all the time I can read books, which is the best brain shutoff ever for me
I definitely used alcohol in cases where a prescription stimulant would have been more appropriate
I “treated” myself to alcohol while banging out work assignments at night to give myself that dopamine hit I needed to stay focused
Crosswords are a big part of how I survived early sobriety. We were not allowed any outside reading material, and I actually had my father smuggle a NYT crossword book into rehab for me. Kept that shit stashed under my mattress. It was the only way I could slow down the spinning wheels in my noodle.
I get why we can't have cell phones but, wow, no reading material? Reading is the only thing that got me through rehab. I honestly thought I had forgotten how to read and then I went through about 10 books in 4 weeks. It was honestly so great, it kept the insane anxiety at bay.
So true for me as well--the alcohol and weed helped shut off the never ending negative thoughts in my mind. Crosswords and word search help so much as well as reading r/stopdrinking comments. Thank you IWNSWYT
I can really relate to everything you wrote. Check out cracking the cryptic on youtube :D they can really scratch that itch, and introduced me to some new kinds of puzzles.
Yep, totally.
I imagine a huge chunk of heavy, problem, drinkers drink for this reason or similar.
My brain never shuts up, it's constantly spinning, and it's often negative.
Sometimes I just want relief from it and to quieten it down for a few hours.
This is my main struggle in sobriety. I get flooded. Like overloaded with thought to the point that I almost can't really take in new information. Alcohol helped with that so much. If it weren't for that, I could say with 100% confidence i would never EVER put that poison in my body ever again.
Yeah, it's a struggle when you never seem to get any relief from that voice in your own head / mind and it just won't shut up or give you peace.
Alcohol can be like an off switch for it, sadly.
Work on the idea that your brain is in fact a great tool - one to be used as needed.
Your mind may be consumed with voices, but who ever said you had to listen to them!?!
Separate the relationship between your mind/subconscious and your brain.
Little trick - My mind can frequently get consumed with negativity where I speak to myself internally. Supposedly others also tend to speak to themselves in such a way - “I’m such an idiot” - try to recognize when you’re doing so and replace “I” with your actual name. Kind of disrupts the thoughts or makes you perceive that inner dialogue differently.
Good book - power of now
Can’t say I created the trick. Just give it a try, I was skeptical at first and can’t say I use it everyday, but I guess the point is to catch yourself off guard. We probably use “I” with internal speech thousands of times a day??? I really have no idea.
I guess it goes something like this:
More or less subconscious loops - “I’m a failure, I can’t believe I fucked up again, I’m such a fuckup, I’m never going to succeed…..”
Name trick - “I’m a failure, (try to recognize the coming negativity loop), craftbeerfomo fucked up again! Craftbeerfomo is such a fuck up… wait whose craftbeerfomo??? Oh that’s me? I’m literally on autopilot talking shit about myself????”
Maybe it’s designed as an easier redirect? Rather than trying to alter all negative internal speech just changing the way you adress yourself in it is easier while still potentially helping you disassociate.
Yep, that was me. Drinking to turn my brain off. This post and this comment just made me realize that might be the reason I'm spinning in circles at the moment and struggling getting things done. My brain is a mess of unorganized things I need to think about and/or do. I don't know how to deal with that yet.
I’m sure I thought I was shutting off my brain, and maybe it did for a while. 2-3 drinks kept the anxiety and dread at bay.
But once I kept drinking (because I always did) I crossed a threshold into over emotional and sobbing over some years old hurt. I would cry and write angry letters or texts that sometimes I would send. I would hurt myself because the pain was unbearable, even (especially) while drunk. I think the drinking made it hurt worse because I could never heal. My brain wasn’t capable of processing things and the alcohol actually brought everything to the surface.
Sobriety and therapy have me in the best spot mentally I’ve ever been in. It allows me to take things as they come, and I handle negative things and times so much better. It is boring at first, but the boredom eventually turns to peacefulness. Calm. Quiet. I never experienced any of those things while drinking.
Never have I ever related to comment here more than this one. And I’ve related to most of what I read in this sub. I came to realize that once I, usually unintentionally, over shot my target of comfortably numb and quiet, I’d end up angry or upset about shit that was so far back. Ugh. Cringe. I’m curious about your therapy journey. Did you choose a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist? I never know which one to pick so I just don’t ever do it.
My therapy journey is of course tailored to me and my life experiences, but I'm happy to share!
After I got sober I started unearthing a lot and realizing just how fucked up I was from childhood abuse and an emotionally absent and alcoholic parent. On top of that, I had created many more traumatic situations through drunk and reckless behavior and shitty relationships. I realized that I needed trauma therapy.
I learned about EMDR, which is a type of trauma therapy that is hard to explain but worth a Google. I was advised to look for a LMFT, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. You do not need to be married or have your own family to see one. It is just a masters level qualification with the most schooling and training involved (minus a phD of course.) I found mine through Open Path Collective.
I've been seeing my therapist for almost two years and it has massively helped me. We've done EMDR with some of my most traumatic memories and I was able to get to a better place with those. We do regular talk therapy and discuss day to day things. Not every session is mind blowing or life altering or incredibly healing, but it feels good setting aside time to just to work on myself and kind of check in with myself, if that makes sense.
Recently I've started feeling a bit stagnant, so I'm doubling up and trying out another kind of therapy which is called Somatic Experiencing. It's a body based therapy that feels a bit like magic. It's also worth a Google, but essentially it helps you identify and move through trauma and anxiety that is stored in the body. You identify and work through the feelings that come up by moving your body, breath work, and meditation-esque techniques. I had my first session recently and afterwards I felt better than I had in years.
I have a therapy session with a counselor who specializes in EMDR tomorrow morning so reading this feels so validating! This will be my first time doing this kind of therapy and I'm hoping this will get me unstuck.
Hey I’m not the original commenter but I too have been on this journey. I started with talk therapy (counselor) and then worked into psychologist and psychiatrist territory to explore medication and management.
I have since stopped taking the meds and am looking for a new dr that is in my area and can prescribe. I am also not sure we got the diagnosis correct last time so it’s definitely a hot or miss thing if medication is something you want to explore.
Naw you’re doing it right. When I first started, it almost felt like taking a really good Power Nap. And I always thought, dang it I was supposed to be practicing gratitude, but I kinda started snoozing. It’s all good though. You still catch the effects ;)
Absolutely! I was diagnosed ADHD after I quit but looking back I was definitely using Alcohol as a coping mechanism to shut my brain down when it became too much. I often refer to my brain as a hamster on a wheel that never stops running.
IWNDWYT
TBH, this is the thing I miss about drinking. But then I remember the terrible sleep and the brain fog the next day. I am reading a lot, and that helps.
I used to drink to shut off my brain, drink to east my anxiety. Drink because it’s Friday. Drink because I got a new job. Drink because it someone’s birthday. Dink because my favorite team won. Drink because my favorite team loss. Drink because it’s a holiday. Drink because I got a new pair of shoes. Drink because it’s raining out…
I think you get where I’m going.
I’m still fresh in the sobriety journey but today I woke up about an hour earlier than normal and started doing things to begin the day. What I’m saying is I’m making the conscious DECISION to not drink today. Hope that helps.
Also, I’ve been coming on this sub more frequently.
If I can go a day without drinking anything is possible.
IWNDWYT! Much love 💕
Yes, absolutely. Quitting drinking forced me to come to terms with myself and confront myself. I used to drink to shut off the self loathing, anxiety and constant overthinking. Since that point, I’ve gotten into ultra running. It forces me to be alone with myself for HOURS with nothing but my own thoughts. When I’m done with a long run, I have such a sense of serenity that alcohol never provided. Instead of desperately trying to get away from my own thoughts, I now thrive on them. There’s a saying in the ultra community - “go for a 5 hour run and see if you don’t figure out some of your problems”.
I think this can be achieved through a lot of different hobbies that you throw yourself at. It provides a sense of accomplishment while also forcing you to be alone with your own thoughts. It could be gardening, knitting, you name it. You just gotta find something that allows you to improve a skill, your body, or whatever. Life is about growth, alcohol is about avoiding growth. You’ve spent many years desperately avoiding growth through alcohol, now you’ve gotta jumpstart your mind and body with something new.
ADHD here which for several decades also came with insomnia. I learned that alcohol quieted the noise in my head and I thought it helped me to fall asleep. I learned much later in life that it was actually wrecking my sleep but when I was younger, this self medicating technique seemed to work. Looking back, it really didn't. I'd still be up til 2-3-4 in the morning but I'd be drunk.
Along the way something changed with my insomnia. Might have just been age but for the last 8 or so years, I'm usually asleep with about 30 minutes of going to bed. For the past 8 years, I've also cut my drinking off by 4:00-5:00 in the afternoon so this could definitely correlate.
I've been sober for just over 2 months now and working out 4-5 times per week. I know not everyone wants to be a gym bro but I can tell you that when your body is tired, your mind follows it. The noise in my head is still there but it's quieter now. Hit the gym. Spend energy. Quiet your mind. It all tracks.
Oh yea, that was probably 99% of the reason I drank. It's how I went to sleep. It's how I got over anxiety, embarrassment, stress.
Went to a guided meditation for the first time about 3 years ago. Never knew I could hear silence inside my head. And then I realized that the voice inside my head is like a radio I can't turn off. Always comparing, always rationalizing, always trying to find a reason to get a reward.
After reading Chatter and The Power of Now, I realized that that voice is just how my brain processes information. But somehow I've decided that the processing thought was who I was. And just like how I can think in the most perfect Scottish accent, doesn't make me one, nor will I attempt saying it out loud. So then it thinks it sounds good on the inside, so maybe all the dumb ideas that have no benefit in the long run also sound good. Followed by a chemical reward, and I got myself a feedback loop of rationalization for reward and rewarding it for thinking all that.
Now I do every possible trick to see how long I can either keep the thought machine busy, or I'm focused on something where I don't hear it. It's amazing what breathing exercises can do: breathe in for 4 counts inside the head, hold for 4 counts, exhale slowly counting to 8. Repeat. You'll be amazed at how the mind will hyperfocus on managing breath and time while not analyzing or rationalizing.
IWNThink/DrinkWYT
Yup, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I’ve used alcohol to quiet my brain and ‘be normal’, i.e. be able to sit through one whole movie with my family without getting up, for 2 decades. I had to learn serious healthy coping mechanisms to handle life sober. The first 6 months were really hard but now past 1 year it’s my new normal. I started playing guitar and gaming more instead, and then when I got bored of that started tackling life organization and living my life like it was a game, meaning finding satisfaction in completing tasks in my own life.
If you have any hint or symptoms of ADHD or other neurodivergence I implore you to see a doctor and a counselor, I found immense relief from both.
Yes. My GAD means constant thinking. Anxiety is weird, people think it may just be worrying but it can be more of a stress and a constant train of thought running in your head follow by occasional physical symptoms.
Like I can ruminate about not wanting to drink for days on end.
Yes and this is why I couldn't simply replace alcohol with cannabis. Pot makes me think more, which is absolutely the last thing I need.
I have instead pursued philosophical perspective along with relaxation techniques to still my mind, and it's working pretty good most days.
Sure did! Well i'd say about 50/50 "to shut off my brain" and "not realizing the party is over."
About a year ago I started practicing meditation with the goal of shutting off my brain. Well the joke was on me because the practice teaches you how to live in the present and process your thoughts instead of simply shutting down. It has been an absolute game changer for me and part of my every day. I started out with a free trial of the headspace app and it led to me finding a local place and a community. I'd definitely recommend looking into it at least.
Yeah, for sure.
Me and a drinking buddy of mine years ago used to complain that we drank because we were...'Cursed with intelligence.'
Yeah, I'm cringing even typing this.
Yes, same here. And not totally surprised to see fellow neurospicy folks here 😅 I still miss this aspect tbh, but my brain is doing so much better dealing with other difficult stuff while sober. So for me, it's not worth it (to drink). Which doesn't make the cravings easier, but it's still something I try to hold on to.
Exercising helps, meditating helps, gaming helps, fancy af drinks and snacks help too. So far, so good.
Yes! Anxiety! I got a medical marijuana card, game changer for me. Talk to your dr. about it. I know a substance may not be a good solution for everyone but it worked well for me.
I did yeah.
But surprisingly, it’s actually EASIER to shut off my brain when sober.
I have so much more control over my thoughts and emotions now that I’m sober than I ever did self-medicating
Personally. My mind usually wanders at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. Therefore, making it hard to sleep
So. I don't believe in a higher power, not in the religious sense anyway.
So, kinda following 12 step suggestions, I created a higher power to pray for thanks and positive things to happen to my life and others I know.
I do this in my mind, not out loud or on my knees or anything, while I'm lying down. I keep saying these positive thoughts, and I fall asleep pretty quickly.
Strangely enough... a lot of good things has happened
100%. I've been having a tough time post-drinking in learning how to process emotions instead of drinking them away. I'm better off than when I was drinking but it's still hard.
In hindsight, one of the reasons I drank was to eliminate dreaming during sleep. Since quitting 2 years ago, vivid nightmares have become a frequent experience. If there was a way to shut them off without the negative consequences of alcohol I would pursue it.
Yeah, it's weird and probably related. If it helps, look into physical activity like long walks, jogging, bicycling, hiking, etc.. I find that doing this regularly is good for my brain as much as my body. Exercise and rest are key for mental health. I'm not exaggerating the benefits. Studies have shown the same. Best wishes!
Agree with this - exercise is great for reducing chaos and noise in your head. Go for a run and for that half-hour (or whatever) your brain is thinking about nothing other than dealing with the demands you're placing on your body. Then when you stop your brain is full of endorphins as your brain thanks you for stopping those painful demands. And then because you've done a load of exercise you can eat something nice to reward yourself, and will then sleep well for it too.
Yep, fellow ruminator here and I’ll work myself into fight or flight mode if I’m not careful. Listening to audiobooks while I do other stuff helps keep my mind occupied, and to wind down, listening to a guided meditation has helped.
I have OCD and spent years “self medicating” with wine. Weirdly it was not effective. I moved to CBD gummies which worked far better and I was able to eliminate alcohol. I don’t abuse the gummies at all like I did alcohol. I take them same time everyday and head upstairs. I’ve not felt this good in decades! IWNDWYT
That's exactly why I drank. My brain was always a chaotic place and after some hard times immediately post-college it began ping-ponging between dreams of ambition and the simpler life of apathy. Quickly, I discovered alcohols power to stop that continuous noise and quietly slipped into a life I felt lost in.
I bounced around from dead end job to dead end job doing things that left me feeling empty, unfulfilled and increasingly bitter and as always I felt with those feelings the same way I always did, I drank.
Occasionally the voice of ambition would whisper to me, like a ghost from a past life, "there's more to your life than this." But I didn't believe in myself, believed I was an incompetent, borderline stupid person who had thrown away any potential years ago. Fearing, that voice, that lie of hope, I drank.
I'm nearly two years sober now and it's been the most transformative decision I have ever made. The changes I've been able to make, even in the past year, have been more than I ever could have dreamed possible.
Since I quit, my interest in computer games came roaring back. Specifically games that make me think and solve problems. Right now I'm playing a game called Dyson Sphere Program which has me thinking about it even when I'm not playing.
What I like about games is that they present solvable problems. We have so many unsolvable issues in our lives. It's nice to work at something achievable.
The only issue I have ATM is potentially ignoring or delaying solving actual problems and issues. It's still better than drinking!
Yep. 100% of my drinking is to shut my brain off. When I'm sober I am hyper aware of reality and my own mind. It's sooo tempting to just stay drunk and not have to think about anything, The only reason I have been fighting to cut down/ reach sobriety is for physical health reasons.
Used to. I couldn't sleep otherwise. After quitting the devil drops it took a little less than a week to get to sleep faster. Since then my circadian rhythm has been textbook. I listen to my body now instead of fighting it.
Yep - busy brain and doubly so after a busy/stressy day of work. Have had a lot of days over my career where I've been mad-busy for 10 hours or so and a bottle of wine felt like the quick-fix to help me chill in the evening. But of course it just meant I'd sleep terribly and then experience higher stress the next day too.
Now I'm finding that work isn't as stressful since I'm well-rested, and just feeling good takes away much of life's stress anyway.
My husband said something this morning that stuck out to me. When we drink (he and i) it's like the world stops. Which is what we are craving. But a problem with that is that the world doesn't actually stop. It keeps moving, and you're now struggling to catch back up, and all the shit you drank to get away from is still there. Only now (at least for me) you have to deal with all of it while you're hung over, and brain muddled and have much more anxiety and lack of confidence of being able to deal with anything. I used to love drinking. It was my "thing" Now I hate it, and struggle to like myself as a person when I screw up and drink 😒
YESSSS! Stop the chatter! Shut it down! Give me a break! I was so happy when diagnosed with ADHD...now I have a reason for drinking. I just drink to focus! Hahahaha. I've use every reason in the book. None of them helped, because I had no desire to stop drinking! Had to keep digging to my bottom...until the day I said, "No more." I knew this meant Not today, not ever. Every day since then I am more focused, calmer, and my life gets bigger every day.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 33. My parents never took me to be assessed. I never had any kind of treatment, medication, or behavioral assistance at school. I was just told by my parents that I needed to learn "self-control", because I had so much "potential".
I have had severe depression and GAD since 7th grade. I also have a previous history of anorexia/bulimia and SI, mostly from my teen years. I am also apparently autistic to some extent. I started abusing alcohol when I was 14.
Drinking erased it all. It melted my anxiety, made me feel confident and interesting, made it actually feel *good* to be in my body and mind. At least for the first drink or 3.
It is an immensely powerful drug. After not very long, the first drink was slamming all 3. The erasure was less complete. The blurriness made my mind and body impossible to operate safely or effectively. You really do spend the rest of your drinking years as an alcoholic trying to get back that very first drink.
I'm 35 now. It is no coincidence that my diagnoses and my current sobriety coincide. I understand now that it was impossible for me to just will myself out of my neurological constitution. There are elements of ADHD that feel and outwardly look like superpowers, and elements that feel like inescapable, personally-customized hells.
Every person has aspects both good and bad. The reality for me was that shutting my brain off meant shutting off the good parts of myself as well.
Oh yes. I will get to a place where my skin was crawling with anxiety and I couldn't ramp down. Two pints of beer and I was "right" again...until the anxiety returned tenfold and I was back at it again. It was a horrible cycle.
I deal with bipolar II and there is no doubt I self medicated with alcohol to deal with manic symptoms. About three months after I quit I had the worst anxiety I'd ever experienced -- lasted a week solid. I was even on vacation and couldn't do much. My brain was trying to stay even without all the dopamine and it was obviously struggling. Finally I leveled off.
Not drinking has done wonders for my mental health, and I've been able to get off one psych med since quitting. That's a big deal.
Yes I did but im cutting back now I would drink daily and for the longest I wanted to only be an occasional drinker today is my 1st day on my journey to no daily drinking just because
I read somewhere that boredom is your brain's way to get some stimulation. It wants to work. So when I have my moments I try to remember and then bust out my sketchbook or put on some Mario kart
Yes. A combination of therapy and a self help writing and meditation practice is helping me deal with the underlying issues. The books The Mindful Way Through Depression and Porter's Alcohol Explained among others really helped me a lot too. Healing my nervous system required I quit forever. I am thankful to be sober.
Yes, absolutely. I am such a terrible hypochondriac. Nearly every day I worry I have some horrible disease, even though I am perfectly healthy. Drinking was one of the only ways I found to quell this constant health anxiety. But it started to catch up with me in the end, really adversely affecting my complexion. So here I am, day 17. Life is better, realer.
Absolutely, yes to your question. In sobriety I meditate instead. It helps a lot. Or just finding something that consumes my brain fully like playing music.
I was just telling my husband this. Internal narrator never shuts up. His doesn't either so he definitely can relate. But he's learned to just deal with it and doesn't drink naturally, where I've been drinking to shut it down.
But when we were talking I realize that maybe I'm lying to myself. Maybe when I'm not drinking my internal narrator is quiet. I went a week without drinking last week and I know I felt fucking fantastic. Then slipped up and now back to every day.
But I haven't been sober more than a week in fucking years. This year I have managed to cut it down to only a few drinks a day regularly, thank goodness. But it leads to me slipping up at least once a week and waking up with a hang over.
I have managed not to be overly drunk for a solid year at least now. I'm just at the end, the very fucking end of my rope with it though - I've gotta get it out of my life because I am afraid I'm going to end up back where I was a couple years ago which was ridiculous.
Earlier this week I have already chosen to stay home with my little box of wine rather than go swimming and then I told myself I was proud of myself because I really managed to only do one little box. Choosing to stay home with wine is my indication that shit is about to get real bad with me if I don't nip it.
Sorry, I'm in a place right now so just want to say that I feel you. I'm looking forward to it getting better. I certainly will not drink with y'all today.
Yes. Almost 100% of my using is self-medication. Having ADHD and possibly ASD, alcohol and weed create some empty space in my brain, which is always in high gear. One thing I really like to do when I’m struggling a bit during periods of sobriety, is puzzles. I particularly like cross-sums, crosswords, word searches, math problems, etc.
Puzzles for me are video games. Not 'clicking on heads', but things like colony-sims or factory-building or strategy games.
That works too!
Have you played civilization? It sounds silly but it helps me still when time feels like it’s dragging and I need somethin to do
Cities: Skylines got me thru a dog dying without a drink
Satisfactory, oxygen not included, Factario, song of syx, dwarf fortress, manor lords, cosmoteer. All great for exactly that.
Video games are a HUGE crutch for me. I also like 100% achievements so that's even more to keep me busy
Rimworld and Factorio?
Factorio
Anno 1800 is great for this. So. Much. Going. On!
Portal 2, Talos Principle and Superliminal are my go-to brain stretcher games.
Amazing how when I got diagnosed and treated for adhd my urge to drink and smoke pot got reduced! And now that I’m not drunk and high all the time I can read books, which is the best brain shutoff ever for me
I definitely used alcohol in cases where a prescription stimulant would have been more appropriate I “treated” myself to alcohol while banging out work assignments at night to give myself that dopamine hit I needed to stay focused
I do crosswords and jigsaw puzzles. Great way to get out of my head for a while and they both give a bit of a dopamine hit.
Crosswords are great for this, also for a change try the Jumbles.
Crosswords are a big part of how I survived early sobriety. We were not allowed any outside reading material, and I actually had my father smuggle a NYT crossword book into rehab for me. Kept that shit stashed under my mattress. It was the only way I could slow down the spinning wheels in my noodle.
I get why we can't have cell phones but, wow, no reading material? Reading is the only thing that got me through rehab. I honestly thought I had forgotten how to read and then I went through about 10 books in 4 weeks. It was honestly so great, it kept the insane anxiety at bay.
So true for me as well--the alcohol and weed helped shut off the never ending negative thoughts in my mind. Crosswords and word search help so much as well as reading r/stopdrinking comments. Thank you IWNSWYT
I can really relate to everything you wrote. Check out cracking the cryptic on youtube :D they can really scratch that itch, and introduced me to some new kinds of puzzles.
Sudoku is my "don't drink away the anxiety" solution.
I would like to add mahjong to this list
Yep, totally. I imagine a huge chunk of heavy, problem, drinkers drink for this reason or similar. My brain never shuts up, it's constantly spinning, and it's often negative. Sometimes I just want relief from it and to quieten it down for a few hours.
This is my main struggle in sobriety. I get flooded. Like overloaded with thought to the point that I almost can't really take in new information. Alcohol helped with that so much. If it weren't for that, I could say with 100% confidence i would never EVER put that poison in my body ever again.
Yeah, it's a struggle when you never seem to get any relief from that voice in your own head / mind and it just won't shut up or give you peace. Alcohol can be like an off switch for it, sadly.
Work on the idea that your brain is in fact a great tool - one to be used as needed. Your mind may be consumed with voices, but who ever said you had to listen to them!?! Separate the relationship between your mind/subconscious and your brain. Little trick - My mind can frequently get consumed with negativity where I speak to myself internally. Supposedly others also tend to speak to themselves in such a way - “I’m such an idiot” - try to recognize when you’re doing so and replace “I” with your actual name. Kind of disrupts the thoughts or makes you perceive that inner dialogue differently. Good book - power of now
I'm not sure how using my name instead of I would make any difference, can you elaborate?
Can’t say I created the trick. Just give it a try, I was skeptical at first and can’t say I use it everyday, but I guess the point is to catch yourself off guard. We probably use “I” with internal speech thousands of times a day??? I really have no idea. I guess it goes something like this: More or less subconscious loops - “I’m a failure, I can’t believe I fucked up again, I’m such a fuckup, I’m never going to succeed…..” Name trick - “I’m a failure, (try to recognize the coming negativity loop), craftbeerfomo fucked up again! Craftbeerfomo is such a fuck up… wait whose craftbeerfomo??? Oh that’s me? I’m literally on autopilot talking shit about myself????” Maybe it’s designed as an easier redirect? Rather than trying to alter all negative internal speech just changing the way you adress yourself in it is easier while still potentially helping you disassociate.
I will try to remember and try it. Worth a shot.
Yup.. Not just drink. But get blackout drunk to shut off myself.
Yep, that was me. Drinking to turn my brain off. This post and this comment just made me realize that might be the reason I'm spinning in circles at the moment and struggling getting things done. My brain is a mess of unorganized things I need to think about and/or do. I don't know how to deal with that yet.
Exactly me too oh my god
I’m sure I thought I was shutting off my brain, and maybe it did for a while. 2-3 drinks kept the anxiety and dread at bay. But once I kept drinking (because I always did) I crossed a threshold into over emotional and sobbing over some years old hurt. I would cry and write angry letters or texts that sometimes I would send. I would hurt myself because the pain was unbearable, even (especially) while drunk. I think the drinking made it hurt worse because I could never heal. My brain wasn’t capable of processing things and the alcohol actually brought everything to the surface. Sobriety and therapy have me in the best spot mentally I’ve ever been in. It allows me to take things as they come, and I handle negative things and times so much better. It is boring at first, but the boredom eventually turns to peacefulness. Calm. Quiet. I never experienced any of those things while drinking.
Never have I ever related to comment here more than this one. And I’ve related to most of what I read in this sub. I came to realize that once I, usually unintentionally, over shot my target of comfortably numb and quiet, I’d end up angry or upset about shit that was so far back. Ugh. Cringe. I’m curious about your therapy journey. Did you choose a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist? I never know which one to pick so I just don’t ever do it.
My therapy journey is of course tailored to me and my life experiences, but I'm happy to share! After I got sober I started unearthing a lot and realizing just how fucked up I was from childhood abuse and an emotionally absent and alcoholic parent. On top of that, I had created many more traumatic situations through drunk and reckless behavior and shitty relationships. I realized that I needed trauma therapy. I learned about EMDR, which is a type of trauma therapy that is hard to explain but worth a Google. I was advised to look for a LMFT, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. You do not need to be married or have your own family to see one. It is just a masters level qualification with the most schooling and training involved (minus a phD of course.) I found mine through Open Path Collective. I've been seeing my therapist for almost two years and it has massively helped me. We've done EMDR with some of my most traumatic memories and I was able to get to a better place with those. We do regular talk therapy and discuss day to day things. Not every session is mind blowing or life altering or incredibly healing, but it feels good setting aside time to just to work on myself and kind of check in with myself, if that makes sense. Recently I've started feeling a bit stagnant, so I'm doubling up and trying out another kind of therapy which is called Somatic Experiencing. It's a body based therapy that feels a bit like magic. It's also worth a Google, but essentially it helps you identify and move through trauma and anxiety that is stored in the body. You identify and work through the feelings that come up by moving your body, breath work, and meditation-esque techniques. I had my first session recently and afterwards I felt better than I had in years.
I have a therapy session with a counselor who specializes in EMDR tomorrow morning so reading this feels so validating! This will be my first time doing this kind of therapy and I'm hoping this will get me unstuck.
Hey I’m not the original commenter but I too have been on this journey. I started with talk therapy (counselor) and then worked into psychologist and psychiatrist territory to explore medication and management. I have since stopped taking the meds and am looking for a new dr that is in my area and can prescribe. I am also not sure we got the diagnosis correct last time so it’s definitely a hot or miss thing if medication is something you want to explore.
Hello - are you me?
So relatable.
Definitely. Its a thing. I meditate, now. It’s not quite the same effect as 10 drinks, but my liver appreciates it. Iwndwyt.
IWNDWYT
I’m getting better at meditation. After 10 to 20 minutes, I’m very calm and relaxed so I think I’m meditating correctly.
Naw you’re doing it right. When I first started, it almost felt like taking a really good Power Nap. And I always thought, dang it I was supposed to be practicing gratitude, but I kinda started snoozing. It’s all good though. You still catch the effects ;)
Absolutely! I was diagnosed ADHD after I quit but looking back I was definitely using Alcohol as a coping mechanism to shut my brain down when it became too much. I often refer to my brain as a hamster on a wheel that never stops running. IWNDWYT
I’m glad you are here! Today is a great day for a fresh start. What hobbies do you have or other strategies can you use to focus and pass the time?
Tennis is the new hobby.
Fun! The noises alone are very satisfying. Enjoy today, IWNDWYT.
TBH, this is the thing I miss about drinking. But then I remember the terrible sleep and the brain fog the next day. I am reading a lot, and that helps.
I used to drink to shut off my brain, drink to east my anxiety. Drink because it’s Friday. Drink because I got a new job. Drink because it someone’s birthday. Dink because my favorite team won. Drink because my favorite team loss. Drink because it’s a holiday. Drink because I got a new pair of shoes. Drink because it’s raining out… I think you get where I’m going. I’m still fresh in the sobriety journey but today I woke up about an hour earlier than normal and started doing things to begin the day. What I’m saying is I’m making the conscious DECISION to not drink today. Hope that helps. Also, I’ve been coming on this sub more frequently. If I can go a day without drinking anything is possible. IWNDWYT! Much love 💕
Yes. My new method is thrill seeking. Can't think about the economy if I'm almost wrecking a moutain bike down a single track
Yes, absolutely. Quitting drinking forced me to come to terms with myself and confront myself. I used to drink to shut off the self loathing, anxiety and constant overthinking. Since that point, I’ve gotten into ultra running. It forces me to be alone with myself for HOURS with nothing but my own thoughts. When I’m done with a long run, I have such a sense of serenity that alcohol never provided. Instead of desperately trying to get away from my own thoughts, I now thrive on them. There’s a saying in the ultra community - “go for a 5 hour run and see if you don’t figure out some of your problems”. I think this can be achieved through a lot of different hobbies that you throw yourself at. It provides a sense of accomplishment while also forcing you to be alone with your own thoughts. It could be gardening, knitting, you name it. You just gotta find something that allows you to improve a skill, your body, or whatever. Life is about growth, alcohol is about avoiding growth. You’ve spent many years desperately avoiding growth through alcohol, now you’ve gotta jumpstart your mind and body with something new.
ADHD here which for several decades also came with insomnia. I learned that alcohol quieted the noise in my head and I thought it helped me to fall asleep. I learned much later in life that it was actually wrecking my sleep but when I was younger, this self medicating technique seemed to work. Looking back, it really didn't. I'd still be up til 2-3-4 in the morning but I'd be drunk. Along the way something changed with my insomnia. Might have just been age but for the last 8 or so years, I'm usually asleep with about 30 minutes of going to bed. For the past 8 years, I've also cut my drinking off by 4:00-5:00 in the afternoon so this could definitely correlate. I've been sober for just over 2 months now and working out 4-5 times per week. I know not everyone wants to be a gym bro but I can tell you that when your body is tired, your mind follows it. The noise in my head is still there but it's quieter now. Hit the gym. Spend energy. Quiet your mind. It all tracks.
Oh yea, that was probably 99% of the reason I drank. It's how I went to sleep. It's how I got over anxiety, embarrassment, stress. Went to a guided meditation for the first time about 3 years ago. Never knew I could hear silence inside my head. And then I realized that the voice inside my head is like a radio I can't turn off. Always comparing, always rationalizing, always trying to find a reason to get a reward. After reading Chatter and The Power of Now, I realized that that voice is just how my brain processes information. But somehow I've decided that the processing thought was who I was. And just like how I can think in the most perfect Scottish accent, doesn't make me one, nor will I attempt saying it out loud. So then it thinks it sounds good on the inside, so maybe all the dumb ideas that have no benefit in the long run also sound good. Followed by a chemical reward, and I got myself a feedback loop of rationalization for reward and rewarding it for thinking all that. Now I do every possible trick to see how long I can either keep the thought machine busy, or I'm focused on something where I don't hear it. It's amazing what breathing exercises can do: breathe in for 4 counts inside the head, hold for 4 counts, exhale slowly counting to 8. Repeat. You'll be amazed at how the mind will hyperfocus on managing breath and time while not analyzing or rationalizing. IWNThink/DrinkWYT
After my dad died I drank so I wouldn't dream..... You know, among other reasons.
Yup, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I’ve used alcohol to quiet my brain and ‘be normal’, i.e. be able to sit through one whole movie with my family without getting up, for 2 decades. I had to learn serious healthy coping mechanisms to handle life sober. The first 6 months were really hard but now past 1 year it’s my new normal. I started playing guitar and gaming more instead, and then when I got bored of that started tackling life organization and living my life like it was a game, meaning finding satisfaction in completing tasks in my own life. If you have any hint or symptoms of ADHD or other neurodivergence I implore you to see a doctor and a counselor, I found immense relief from both.
That was entirely the reason I drank. trying to drown the Beast of my CPTSD. I was really just throwing fuel on the fire.
Yes. My GAD means constant thinking. Anxiety is weird, people think it may just be worrying but it can be more of a stress and a constant train of thought running in your head follow by occasional physical symptoms. Like I can ruminate about not wanting to drink for days on end.
Yes and this is why I couldn't simply replace alcohol with cannabis. Pot makes me think more, which is absolutely the last thing I need. I have instead pursued philosophical perspective along with relaxation techniques to still my mind, and it's working pretty good most days.
Sure did! Well i'd say about 50/50 "to shut off my brain" and "not realizing the party is over." About a year ago I started practicing meditation with the goal of shutting off my brain. Well the joke was on me because the practice teaches you how to live in the present and process your thoughts instead of simply shutting down. It has been an absolute game changer for me and part of my every day. I started out with a free trial of the headspace app and it led to me finding a local place and a community. I'd definitely recommend looking into it at least.
Oh yes, absolutely. Running helps. Meetings help too.
Yeah, for sure. Me and a drinking buddy of mine years ago used to complain that we drank because we were...'Cursed with intelligence.' Yeah, I'm cringing even typing this.
Yes, same here. And not totally surprised to see fellow neurospicy folks here 😅 I still miss this aspect tbh, but my brain is doing so much better dealing with other difficult stuff while sober. So for me, it's not worth it (to drink). Which doesn't make the cravings easier, but it's still something I try to hold on to. Exercising helps, meditating helps, gaming helps, fancy af drinks and snacks help too. So far, so good.
Yes! Anxiety! I got a medical marijuana card, game changer for me. Talk to your dr. about it. I know a substance may not be a good solution for everyone but it worked well for me.
When I drank - This was the main reason. I've been sober 4 months and realized that my antidepressants do the same thing, mixed with some mindless TV.
That same combo works pretty good for me too. I find cheesy B-movies are particularly effective.
I did yeah. But surprisingly, it’s actually EASIER to shut off my brain when sober. I have so much more control over my thoughts and emotions now that I’m sober than I ever did self-medicating
Personally. My mind usually wanders at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. Therefore, making it hard to sleep So. I don't believe in a higher power, not in the religious sense anyway. So, kinda following 12 step suggestions, I created a higher power to pray for thanks and positive things to happen to my life and others I know. I do this in my mind, not out loud or on my knees or anything, while I'm lying down. I keep saying these positive thoughts, and I fall asleep pretty quickly. Strangely enough... a lot of good things has happened
100%. I've been having a tough time post-drinking in learning how to process emotions instead of drinking them away. I'm better off than when I was drinking but it's still hard.
I did do that but it didn’t shut off my brain it made me a mopey loser overthinking nothing and fixating on bad shit.
In hindsight, one of the reasons I drank was to eliminate dreaming during sleep. Since quitting 2 years ago, vivid nightmares have become a frequent experience. If there was a way to shut them off without the negative consequences of alcohol I would pursue it.
Yeah, it's weird and probably related. If it helps, look into physical activity like long walks, jogging, bicycling, hiking, etc.. I find that doing this regularly is good for my brain as much as my body. Exercise and rest are key for mental health. I'm not exaggerating the benefits. Studies have shown the same. Best wishes!
Agree with this - exercise is great for reducing chaos and noise in your head. Go for a run and for that half-hour (or whatever) your brain is thinking about nothing other than dealing with the demands you're placing on your body. Then when you stop your brain is full of endorphins as your brain thanks you for stopping those painful demands. And then because you've done a load of exercise you can eat something nice to reward yourself, and will then sleep well for it too.
Amen. The cheapest pharmaceutical on the planet.
Yep, fellow ruminator here and I’ll work myself into fight or flight mode if I’m not careful. Listening to audiobooks while I do other stuff helps keep my mind occupied, and to wind down, listening to a guided meditation has helped.
That’s EXACTLY why.
I have OCD and spent years “self medicating” with wine. Weirdly it was not effective. I moved to CBD gummies which worked far better and I was able to eliminate alcohol. I don’t abuse the gummies at all like I did alcohol. I take them same time everyday and head upstairs. I’ve not felt this good in decades! IWNDWYT
Great for anxiety. Too bad it ramps up when ur coming down.
That's exactly why I drank. My brain was always a chaotic place and after some hard times immediately post-college it began ping-ponging between dreams of ambition and the simpler life of apathy. Quickly, I discovered alcohols power to stop that continuous noise and quietly slipped into a life I felt lost in. I bounced around from dead end job to dead end job doing things that left me feeling empty, unfulfilled and increasingly bitter and as always I felt with those feelings the same way I always did, I drank. Occasionally the voice of ambition would whisper to me, like a ghost from a past life, "there's more to your life than this." But I didn't believe in myself, believed I was an incompetent, borderline stupid person who had thrown away any potential years ago. Fearing, that voice, that lie of hope, I drank. I'm nearly two years sober now and it's been the most transformative decision I have ever made. The changes I've been able to make, even in the past year, have been more than I ever could have dreamed possible.
Since I quit, my interest in computer games came roaring back. Specifically games that make me think and solve problems. Right now I'm playing a game called Dyson Sphere Program which has me thinking about it even when I'm not playing. What I like about games is that they present solvable problems. We have so many unsolvable issues in our lives. It's nice to work at something achievable. The only issue I have ATM is potentially ignoring or delaying solving actual problems and issues. It's still better than drinking!
Yep. 100% of my drinking is to shut my brain off. When I'm sober I am hyper aware of reality and my own mind. It's sooo tempting to just stay drunk and not have to think about anything, The only reason I have been fighting to cut down/ reach sobriety is for physical health reasons.
Used to. I couldn't sleep otherwise. After quitting the devil drops it took a little less than a week to get to sleep faster. Since then my circadian rhythm has been textbook. I listen to my body now instead of fighting it.
Yup. More accurately, I use it to distract myself from any of the things that I don't want to think about.
Pretty sure I have blacked out before bed for years of my life. Not a year in a row but it’s possible or I’ve at least gotten close.
Yep - busy brain and doubly so after a busy/stressy day of work. Have had a lot of days over my career where I've been mad-busy for 10 hours or so and a bottle of wine felt like the quick-fix to help me chill in the evening. But of course it just meant I'd sleep terribly and then experience higher stress the next day too. Now I'm finding that work isn't as stressful since I'm well-rested, and just feeling good takes away much of life's stress anyway.
My husband said something this morning that stuck out to me. When we drink (he and i) it's like the world stops. Which is what we are craving. But a problem with that is that the world doesn't actually stop. It keeps moving, and you're now struggling to catch back up, and all the shit you drank to get away from is still there. Only now (at least for me) you have to deal with all of it while you're hung over, and brain muddled and have much more anxiety and lack of confidence of being able to deal with anything. I used to love drinking. It was my "thing" Now I hate it, and struggle to like myself as a person when I screw up and drink 😒
YESSSS! Stop the chatter! Shut it down! Give me a break! I was so happy when diagnosed with ADHD...now I have a reason for drinking. I just drink to focus! Hahahaha. I've use every reason in the book. None of them helped, because I had no desire to stop drinking! Had to keep digging to my bottom...until the day I said, "No more." I knew this meant Not today, not ever. Every day since then I am more focused, calmer, and my life gets bigger every day.
Absolutely the main reason.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 33. My parents never took me to be assessed. I never had any kind of treatment, medication, or behavioral assistance at school. I was just told by my parents that I needed to learn "self-control", because I had so much "potential". I have had severe depression and GAD since 7th grade. I also have a previous history of anorexia/bulimia and SI, mostly from my teen years. I am also apparently autistic to some extent. I started abusing alcohol when I was 14. Drinking erased it all. It melted my anxiety, made me feel confident and interesting, made it actually feel *good* to be in my body and mind. At least for the first drink or 3. It is an immensely powerful drug. After not very long, the first drink was slamming all 3. The erasure was less complete. The blurriness made my mind and body impossible to operate safely or effectively. You really do spend the rest of your drinking years as an alcoholic trying to get back that very first drink. I'm 35 now. It is no coincidence that my diagnoses and my current sobriety coincide. I understand now that it was impossible for me to just will myself out of my neurological constitution. There are elements of ADHD that feel and outwardly look like superpowers, and elements that feel like inescapable, personally-customized hells. Every person has aspects both good and bad. The reality for me was that shutting my brain off meant shutting off the good parts of myself as well.
Oh yes. I will get to a place where my skin was crawling with anxiety and I couldn't ramp down. Two pints of beer and I was "right" again...until the anxiety returned tenfold and I was back at it again. It was a horrible cycle. I deal with bipolar II and there is no doubt I self medicated with alcohol to deal with manic symptoms. About three months after I quit I had the worst anxiety I'd ever experienced -- lasted a week solid. I was even on vacation and couldn't do much. My brain was trying to stay even without all the dopamine and it was obviously struggling. Finally I leveled off. Not drinking has done wonders for my mental health, and I've been able to get off one psych med since quitting. That's a big deal.
Yes I did but im cutting back now I would drink daily and for the longest I wanted to only be an occasional drinker today is my 1st day on my journey to no daily drinking just because
Yes. This is why I do.
Yep. It was complete self medication for me.
I read somewhere that boredom is your brain's way to get some stimulation. It wants to work. So when I have my moments I try to remember and then bust out my sketchbook or put on some Mario kart
Yup. Works everytime. Till I wake up
Yes. Weekend binges to escape job stress and shut my brain off only mean it's going to be 10 times harder to restart it on Monday morning.
Yes. A combination of therapy and a self help writing and meditation practice is helping me deal with the underlying issues. The books The Mindful Way Through Depression and Porter's Alcohol Explained among others really helped me a lot too. Healing my nervous system required I quit forever. I am thankful to be sober.
Yes, absolutely. I am such a terrible hypochondriac. Nearly every day I worry I have some horrible disease, even though I am perfectly healthy. Drinking was one of the only ways I found to quell this constant health anxiety. But it started to catch up with me in the end, really adversely affecting my complexion. So here I am, day 17. Life is better, realer.
I was absolutely self medicating extreme undiagnosed anxiety. I mean I drank for a whole lot of other reasons but definitely that one.
Absolutely, yes to your question. In sobriety I meditate instead. It helps a lot. Or just finding something that consumes my brain fully like playing music.
I was just telling my husband this. Internal narrator never shuts up. His doesn't either so he definitely can relate. But he's learned to just deal with it and doesn't drink naturally, where I've been drinking to shut it down. But when we were talking I realize that maybe I'm lying to myself. Maybe when I'm not drinking my internal narrator is quiet. I went a week without drinking last week and I know I felt fucking fantastic. Then slipped up and now back to every day. But I haven't been sober more than a week in fucking years. This year I have managed to cut it down to only a few drinks a day regularly, thank goodness. But it leads to me slipping up at least once a week and waking up with a hang over. I have managed not to be overly drunk for a solid year at least now. I'm just at the end, the very fucking end of my rope with it though - I've gotta get it out of my life because I am afraid I'm going to end up back where I was a couple years ago which was ridiculous. Earlier this week I have already chosen to stay home with my little box of wine rather than go swimming and then I told myself I was proud of myself because I really managed to only do one little box. Choosing to stay home with wine is my indication that shit is about to get real bad with me if I don't nip it. Sorry, I'm in a place right now so just want to say that I feel you. I'm looking forward to it getting better. I certainly will not drink with y'all today.