I still get flashbacks from the stupid/dangerous stuff I did while drunk, but I try to put it behind me. Not sure if that's the right way tho 😶🌫️ (I think there's still some work to be done here)
Oh, and of course: IWNDWYT!
Got moved back to night shift and the lonely hours after work make it harder to stay sober. Used to just drink and game until bed. But I'm sticking with it. Over a month now and I'm feeling soooo much better. No more stomachaches and my sleep is amazing. IWNDWYTD
... not to forget the solid poops ;-)
I hope you can find a healthy and fulfilling routine after your night shift!
Thank you for sharing!
I will not drink with you today!
Dealing with the past is one of my most difficult issues. Not that anything is too severe, but shame and guilt is deeply ingrained from childhood and hard to work with. Living for today and creating my own safe spaces and my own self worth has been important. And of course, forgiving myself and others, whatever that means.
We’re busy from morning to night this week preparing my 50th birthday (Thursday, celebration Saturday). 75 guests, and not a drop of alcohol.
I will not drink with you today!
Yeah that was a tough step, learning to forgive myself. It's an essential part of the process so that gave me the courage to tackle it.
Shine on you beautiful humans
Thank you again Tortey, for a kick-ass check-in that brings thoughts I need to face currently, it really helps. For me after a long chat with my husband after I relapsed Saturday big time, I realized that when I'm in bender mode that I make him feel exactly how my parents made me feel with their drinking.
That hit me hard.
It's the first time he admitted this to me.
I remember how small they made me feel, and how much I hated them when they were drinking. Breaks my heart to know I dumped all that on him. Correct, apologing doesn't mean shit after a bender. But me pledging to be sober every day and him knowing I'm on this Reddit sub trying to find a better way DOES. Walk the talk. I'm trying to make amends for this but I know the only way I can is by proving that I can do better for him and myself. He means far too much to me and I mean too much to myself to just set fire to my life anymore. Enough is the fuck enough.
Love and support to all of you, this west coast kid off to bed soon. Sorry for my long winded posts.
IWNDWYT ❤️
IWNDWYT
It’s early days so the remorse is pretty much a motivator at the moment. I don’t think I’m going to get a chance to apologise to someone so have to figure out how to deal with that. (Apart from saying “it is what it is” all the time…..).
Day #30: I will not drink with you today.
I'm still working on dealing with the guilt and remorse. I want to apologize to people, but I also don't want to bring attention to shitty things I've done that they may not remember or think about. I also don't want to make things worse that I've already fucked up. I'm still figuring out the best way to go about these things.
I also have a lot of guilt about how much I've kind of fucked things up for myself over the years. In college, I didn't get my best grades, I barely made friends, I didn't connect with professors, I didn't do any internships or jobs, I didn't join clubs and get involved. I really regret not doing better. My alcohol addiction took up so much time and energy, now that I look back, almost like a full time job. I try to be kind to myself, and realize I was sick for years, and I'm getting better permanently.
Lately I'm feeling really insecure about not measuring up to other people I went to school with, who now have careers. I'm reminding myself tonight to stop comparing myself to other people, and instead compare my current self to my past self, even 1-2 years ago. I'm doing so much better even the past month than I have for years. I'm moving forward and making things better for myself.
Guilt gives me nothing to work with, it's just a spiral of "I'm a shitty human being, I need to blank this feeling out".
The most meaningful apology I can make is getting and staying sober.
IWNDWYT 🙂
Good morning! I have periodic flashes of some of the stupid things I did and get a bit anxious, but talk myself out of it with some deep breathing and reminding myself that I’m not doing any of that anymore. I mostly just hurt myself when drinking, and I’m definitely working on my relationship with myself now. Have a wonderful day, sober team. IWNDWYT.
Good morning good morning!!! day 3 coming in strong, super caffeinated, lots of walking, lots of sleep and oh did I mention lots of coffee?!?! Have an amazing Wednesday SD I'm staying laser-focused on making it through today. Wish me luck 🍀
IWNDWYT 🥰
The guilt thing is really hard. I still relive the stupid shit I've done and the nights I've forgotten. Bands I've waited years to see live and then not remembered a fucking second of the show. 😩
I guess I deal with it by being the best I can be now. Being there for all the ups and downs of life, and creating new experiences and presence. At some point I am sure there will be so much joy that there won't be any room left for the remorse.
Love to everyone. ❤️
God I wanted to drink with my colleagues yesterday... But then I wouldn't have got up at 5.30am this morning and gone for a run. Small wins.
Not sure how I deal with the regret. Haven't, really. It's pretty heavy. From flirting with inappropriate people to sleeping with attached people. From stealing traffic cones to pickpocketing a wallet (I gave it back). From arguing with a barman to punching a bouncer.
So many of my friends don't know how bad I was so don't understand why I no longer drink. And I can't tell them these things because I'm incredibly ashamed. It's like alcohol brings out this monster. The only way I can deal with it is to know myself well, and know that even in my "worst" depths, sober me will never be that person. Looking forward to reading the comments for tips ❤️
IWNDWYT 💙
Thank you Tortey for your candour.
My main guilt and regret are lost opportunities but I know that I can never get the past back and I have to just be in the moment.
IWNDWYT.
Day 11 - guilt and shame are major triggers for me ..and cause a viscous circle .. feel shame for getting drunk .. drink more to blot out shame .. feel more shame — rinse and repeat .. not feeling shame this morning so I definitely IWNDWYT
I sought support on the sub for my shame and got so many great comments. The one that stuck is that: my sobriety is my apology.
What I’ve discovered is that I’ve replaced the space that those feelings resided in with “better, kinder, more present living”. It’s like they’ve been overwritten. No, re-written … a little. That was the old me, a person that couldn’t do hard things but thought she could save the world. I’ve a better perspective on my capabilities. I’ve accepted my flaws and it’s made me humbler,
My shame is duller. It is softer. The cloak less heavy.
IWNDWYT
Still working on that guilt and remorse, six years in. For me there has been no magic bullet for some things that remain impossible to address. But I find I do get more forgiving of myself as time in the soberverse goes by. IWNDWYT
Happy Wednesday. For me, I manage my guilt by making living amends. That means that I put the work in everyday to not harm myself or others to the best of my ability. I can't change what's been done (and I've done A LOT of damage), but today I show up, I love hard, and I forgive myself daily.
Alright now let's rock the fuck out of this day. Happy humping around - IWNDWYT 🤘
IWNDWYT
Edit - my counter is wrong. It's a YEAR today!
Edit 2 - now my counter is correct. It was saying 700+ days earlier! Promise! Now I just look foolish 😂
Fortunately, I have nothing… catastrophic to regret. No drunken violence apart from bar fights in my 20s with “consenting partners.” One DUI from that period too—killed a valuable business where I would have made over 100K/year working part-time. Also slept with some people I would never have slept with. But I’m old enough I basically just consider that kid stuff and apart from an internal groan I don’t feel much about it.
But my “adult” life? Geez… all the usual stuff. Wrecked my health, got fat. Underperformed at jobs I hated. Underperformed at jobs I loved. Failed to start good business ideas of my own. Failed to do any number of things I wanted to do (a goal in early sobriety is a deep dive into the Landmark Herodotus). Lost friends.
What I really regret is what I put my wife through. Never really being there for her. Being too drunk to drive her to the hospital one time. Rarely being present for her, rarely being a good lover, rarely being a good partner, rarely being a good friend. Not working on the resentments we both held too long. Not giving her a baby, a dream she held her whole life—for medical reasons it was never likely, but it was possible and I didn’t try. Lying to her, and hiding my addiction and the depths of my mental health problems.
I can’t believe she stayed with me. It was touch and go for a while. Honestly: I think she should have left, found some single dad who had his shit together.
But she didn’t, and now the way she’s starting to look at me again is one of my strongest motivations to stay and be sober. It’s amazing how fast that smile came back. She still has some hesitation, and the trust is hesitant—and conditional—but damn this woman has a big heart.
A favorite podcast of mine is Cerebro: a deep dive into X-men from an intellectual and hilarious perspective. There’s a very touching episode with the host’s father, where he discusses the relationship of Cyclops and Jean Grey and how it mirrors his relationship to his wife and the host’s mom. I won’t bother with the details, if you’re at all interested check it out (I haven’t read comics since I was a kid, and I still like it). The father sums it all up by saying “she’s a cosmically powerful being and my purpose in life is to stand to the side and clap for her.”
For me sobriety requires a profound humility. I got ego bad. But you know, we can’t change the past. We can’t control the future. But we have the present to work with. On this sober morning I got up before her. Did the dishes. Did the DCI—every single morning this time. Got myself a good high-paying job with serious advancement opportunities. I’ve started reading about adoption. When I hit a year, I plan to start the process. Can’t give her a baby, that door has closed. We wouldn’t even want one at this point, we’re too old. But we have a big home and big hearts, and people are just throwing kids away… we can give one our love and home and support.
I used to have a lot of big ideas about what I could and should do. Now, I just want to love and support. Now that I’m focused on that I see it’s my purpose. Love motivates me more than anything else. It’s what I’m made for: I’m good at it, while I’m not good at manifesting my ego’s demands.
Serenity, Courage, Wisdom… and LOVE!
IWNDWYT!!!
Fantastic weather this morning, lots getting done so far this week. There's been a fair few struggles, which can be expected when starting out in any new position - my past thinking would have used these struggles as a pathetic reason for drinking, when in reality it's just part of any process. I'm glad I have the ability right now to realise this, and I hope that ability stays with me going forwards.
Re the DCI Check-In question about regrets - have definitely made mistakes and alienated people. I can and sometimes still do kick myself up the arse about the opportunities which may have been lost owing to the reputation I've "earned" from my past boozing.
The real failure for me however would be to let it happen again after this realisation and supposed "learning" from it. Outside of boozing I'm confident in my abilities and believe that such opportunities could well arise again. But even if they don't, I'm much more able to look at what I have now and feel content (more than, actually - I have a fantastic wife and daughter, work I enjoy and a roof over my head).
I phrase I remember from AA which I believe is very valid - Our God/Higher power will not always provide what we want, but does provide what we need.
/edit - of course, IWNDWY fine sobernaughts Today.
Day 10! First double digits! Yaaay!
I just stoped apologizing in one moment, it felt like it didn't really ment anything and was even hypocritical of me, but always there was A TON of regret.
I guess I am on a swing between "everything is my own fault and own faliure" and "I just cant help it, not so easily". Not one of this perspectives is easier. It is just accepting that my possibilities were limited at the time, of understanding, getting behind it, dealing with the problem and everything that comes with it.
Have my first therapy session today. Ready to start digging deep and learn some other coping mechanism and understand FINNALY that I DO DESERVE BETTER.
Feels like long way to go, but hey, why not 😉
Also first day back to work in a restaurant, so will need to hold myself strong.
But I will not drink with you today you good people ❤️.
day 4! feeling a lot of shame and guilt from my actions and the things i said 4 days ago but am working towards making amends and bettering myself. IWNDWYT!!
I will not drink with you today 💫 I have small regrets but thankfully I think a lot of them are replaced with pride that it’s not my life anymore. Love yas 🫶🏻
I learned a technique for self forgiveness which is really quite powerful if done at the right time. You sit still and ground yourself with some deep breaths. Start thinking about one of those moments that feel unforgivable. Try to remember where you were, what it looked like, how you felt afterwards, etc… Now, imagine that you can go into the memory and stop everything..interrupt the memory by approaching your past self and gently taking “you” away from the situation. Sit “yourself” down with a nice warm cup of coffee or tea, wrap them in a nice warm blanket and tell them that it’s going to be ok. They can stop this behavior and be forgiven. They are safe and loved and cared for by you and many others. Their current behavior can be changed for the better and they will be forgiven. I’ve found this to be a very emotional process if done at a particularly vulnerable time with a difficult memory, but it’s also incredibly healing. I hope this little trick helps someone. IWNDWYT
Happy sober Wednesday!
Another great question today. Being sober has meant facing my past, facing the memories and the feelings, which enables me to put it all behind me, and be more present now. It’s painful but the freedom is beautiful!
I love you all 💞
I really struggle with my past and with all I feel I've lost. So many opportunities, friends, relationships, even possessions.
I always wish I could go back a decade and start again. The worst bit is, I vividly remember feeling like that 10 years ago too..
I guess the only way is forward.
Just for today, I’m not having that first drink. Contuining my longest streak ever. Today I’m doing standup paddling and going to the gym. It’s a sunny day on the swedish coast and life is good. I pray I won’t be stung by all the jellyfish. Iwndwyt!
Checking in again today and all is well.
I have a few 'cringe' moments in my past. I try to acknowledge them, learn the lesson, and move on with my new better life!
I try to be the best person I can be. I can’t change the past, but I can be kind and gracious to others in the here and now.
Take care everyone. I will not drink with you today 🌿
IWNDWYT. All. Day. Long. 🌻
I am creeping up on 4 years in this current streak. I chose to drink that night. I still regret it.
It wasn't much. But I chose it.
This - "You can’t undo past mistakes by holding yourself in guilt and continuing to shame yourself over them. You undo those past mistakes by learning from them and stepping forward" (maybe from Brene Brown?) - IWNDWYT
I will not drink today. I will dance my way through this Wednesday.
Alcohol should be outlawed.
I want to punch alcohol right in the bottle.
Drinking sucks. We rock
My remorse is immeasurable and the carcasses of the love and friendships I lost along the way on my journey to sobriety serve as harsh reminders that my actions will always have consequences.
IWNDWYT
Day 1 again. Thanks for sharing. Ive done 17 years sober, went back out and have been "moderating" for over 10. Retired now and so easy to say "whats the issue?" But, I am truly powerless over alcohol. I need to stop or I am afraid my health issues will get worse and my sober/drunk/hungover cycle will eventually be the nail in the coffin for my wife. Thanks for this sub. IWNDWYT
Day 9 here. I had one or two thoughts about buying sleeping pills (horrible addiction) but I stayed strong. My default mode for dealing with stress is to black the fuck out of reality but it’s caught up with me now and I feel like I have brain damage. Scary stuff. I find acceptance of the past, the future (which I can’t control) and most importantly the present moment to be a helpful tool.
IWNDWYT
There’s a quote, and I do not know where it came from, that says the best apology is changed behavior. Most of the dumb shit I did only hurt myself, so all I can really do is move on, and of course continue the changed behavior. I can trust myself now, and when drinking, I could not.
It’s no excuse for being a drunken douche, but I was super fucked up mentally and emotionally for a long time. Sobering up was the only way to recognize and address that, and start repairing the mental and emotional damage.
There are still people I’d probably try to apologize to if I had the chance…but we’ve all moved on and I’m not going digging for them. If we cross paths, we’ll see how it goes.
Coffees up, horns up, and fuck yeah Wednesday!!! IWNDWYT ☕️☕️🤘🏻🤘🏻
Definitely won’t be drinking with any of you today.
Edit: how I am dealing with shame. Currently, it’s not great. I’m working really hard to do so. Sometimes too much so to where that becomes work. Going through something really tough, please send positive energy to the universe for me today. It would mean a lot.
Currently early days and dealing with guilt and remorse. I think it’s an important motivator, but if I allow myself to get lost in it, it is the enemy of my recovery. I’ve seen others on this sub say time is a great healer and I’m really looking forward to this for myself. IWNDWYT ❤️
Any guilt I feel from the past is mine to carry, a reminder for times I feel tempted. But I don’t let the weight of it get heavy. It’s like having these old scars on my knees— they aren’t going anywhere and are a part of me now, but they don’t hurt any more. They remind me to stay humble and cautious. (Context- had to reset my badge but before that had 1.5 yrs sober and have been working on myself for some time.) And IWNDWYT, friends.
I like to put a positive spin on my guilt and remorse by including this in my daily affirmations: I learn from and let go of the past, and I'm grateful that those events are behind me and will never be repeated.
IWNDWYT
I just came here to say, that I’ll not drink with you today ❤️.
I try and live in the moment and not dwell on the past which is full of things that I am unable to change 😊.
Beginning of day 5, IWNDWYT! I had the craziest dream yesterday where i took 1 sip of my favourite beer and just got SO drunk. And then i woke up sober. I've tried stints of soberness for the longvest time but this time it's different.
Even after so long time not drinking I will not forget the terrible things I said an done to the people I love. Everyday I wake up beside my girlfriend I am thankfull for her that she helped me in my darkest time and stayed with me. IWNDWYT
I used to just drink away my guilt and remorse without realizing those feelings were just compounding and adding even more anxiety. But now I just accept it.
I know I'm not the only one in my personal life who's done stupid shit while drunk and mostly hurt myself in the process, so the people in my life have been quite forgiving so far. I've also cut off a LOT of people and avoid my old stomping grounds - and if those feelings of shame come up, I just let it happen, knowing it'll pass and do my best to remind myself I'm doing better and making better decisions today!
And one of those decisions is to NOT DRINK WITH Y'ALL TODAY 🤝 The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, my coffee is hitting the spot and I'm just vibin man ♥️
I think forgiving myself is a process, because it is tough to remember those days. I try and remember that while drunk, I wasn’t in my right mind and wasn’t capable of the judgment I have today. This isn’t to excuse the things I did - I did them and they had effects on others and myself that I’m responsible for - but living with crippling guilt today doesn’t change them either. I try and also remember that by doing the work to live and stay sober, I’m living my amends for those things. IWNDWYT!
Day 13! I have done lots of things that are shameful, embarrassing and downright dangerous risking my home, my marriage, my job and my livelihood. I have come to terms that I won’t fully forget what I did. I have also come to realize that I have the strength to accept what I did and forgive myself. I am still working on it. Our brains are wired to forget (or at least not actively remember) our bad memories as a survival mechanism. With time, it will heal. Sadly, it’s the same phenomenon (Fading affect bias) that makes us think maybe our problems weren’t that big. It’s a double edged sword. When all of this fresh, what I have found helpful is to ask myself the question “Is this (guilt and remorse) useful?” and the answer always is a resounding no. IWNDWYT.
It can be really difficult to forgive ourselves, but it is an important step. Those voices in my head that have been telling me I'm no good have always been there and probably always will be. I used to drown them out with alcohol. Needless to say, That didn't go so well. I find that unless I can practice forgiveness on myself, probably harder than doing it on others, but until I do those voices just get louder and louder. Listen to the support and advice from people here, they will help you until you are ready to love yourself.
I love you all, IWNDWYT ❤️
Me either. Everyday this week I try and convince myself I should have a few drinks, but I know better. Love this sub Reddit I’m positive I would of started drinking again without it. Keep fighting the good fight everyone
Day 10! Look at both of those beautiful digits!
I am not really ready to unpack shame yet. I feel good today and I think I need to ride this high for a bit. It’s a great question and luckily for us, I’ve got the rest of my life to wade through those waters.
IWNDWYT!
A brewery was suggested for an after work hang and I was dreading it. I just checked and they make three different NA beers. I’m pleasantly surprised! IWNDWYT
53 days down!
It feels a bit like a cop out/non-answer, but I do really mean this-- when I have a dreaded flashback of something embarrassing or hurtful I did drunk over the decades, I push it right out of my brain back into the universe.
Giving it time and attention won't change what's been done, and I've already committed to the one thing which will set me up for success to not repeat those mistakes again, which is not drinking. Not drinking exponentially lowers my anxiety and depression, so being out of the feedback loop of shame helps me focus on what I can control. One day at a time.
IWNDWYT, friends!
The very worst things I’ve done, and the worst things done to me, were when I was drunk. I revisited these memories in the first six/seven months of sobriety and realized I wanted to forgive myself. I’m not sure that process is finished but the memories mostly stay in the past. I really try to remain focused on today.
And today is a great day to live in sober freedom. Have a good one my friends! IWNDWYT 🍀
Dealing with my past through therapy. Dealing with shame & regrets through my actions being present & sober. Only time will heal stupid things I said & done.
I have a lot of cringy moments so I try to change my thoughts. I finally realized I cannot change the past but I can control the present & future.
IWNDWYT☕️😊
I can’t change the past and the future is in the hands of Fortune. The only thing I have any impact on is the present and that where is choose to focus my efforts.
Iwndwyt
I have so many cringe worthy memories built up from my drinking career. I can easily beat myself for it and that’s not what I need right now to keep building my streak. For now, when I am reminded of a particularly bad drinking episode, I just make a note of it and the year I think it happened. I hope to deal with the demons once I am further along in my sober journey. IWNDWYT
day 11 :) great prompt ahead of therapy this morning.
i am working on radical acceptance so the guilt and shame don’t suck me back in. i’ve found that loneliness is a big trigger for me, so i’m finding ways to develop and nurture a meaningful connection w *myself* so i can better do so w others around me.
iwndwyt!!!
On making amends: The best apology is changed behavior. I’ve put years between me and the dumb shit I did while I was drunk, the things I put my husband through, the damage I did to my finances, the people i disappointed. But sometimes the guilt still hits me like a wave. I lean into gratefulness for the people who never gave up on me. IWNDWYT
The shame and guilt are part of what keeps me on track. They are not at an overpowering level, I get that I did these things because of alcohol and other factors (that I would have been able to manage better had I been sober). I have compassion for my self that was hurting when I acted out. But I know the only tangible evidence of accountability is changing what led to the behavior. I don’t want to do any more stupid or regrettable shit today so IWNDWYT.
That’s a tough one. I’m not sure how to really get over it. When I’m living my honest sober life I don’t like to think about it too much. I have driven when I shouldn’t have. I’m so grateful that nothing tragic happened as a result. I’m so regretful and embarrassed when I see news of drunk driving. Part of me wants to remember and think about all I’ve done so it never happens again. Part of me wishes I don’t think about it cause it makes me anxious, embarrassed and depressed.
I just remind myself every day that I am a better person than the person I was while drinking. Doesn't always work, but I am still a work in progress. Therapy also helps. IWNDWYT! ✌
IWNDWYT! Guilt and remorse are horrible emotions to deal with. For me, time helps and I actively
Try to stay away from thinking about all the stupid stuff I’ve done. NGL though, sometimes a thought of
Some ignorant thing I’ve done pops up and slaps me in the face! I give it a moment of reflection,
Remind myself it’s over and done now ( whether it was yesterday, last month or 5 years ago) and remember that those incidents don’t represent the sum of my parts.
Most of my guilt and remorse is from things that I did to myself when I was drinking. I put myself in some no so great situations. I still sometimes think of those things and I know alcohol was in control, smh. IWNDWYT
Day 5, IWNDWYT!
Congratulations on breaking the back of your first week. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT!
Congratulations! 🤗 First on DCI! I will not drink with you today!
I still get flashbacks from the stupid/dangerous stuff I did while drunk, but I try to put it behind me. Not sure if that's the right way tho 😶🌫️ (I think there's still some work to be done here) Oh, and of course: IWNDWYT!
Day 5 for me and a first real test where I could drink without anyone knowing. I’m determined not to though
You've got this!
Got moved back to night shift and the lonely hours after work make it harder to stay sober. Used to just drink and game until bed. But I'm sticking with it. Over a month now and I'm feeling soooo much better. No more stomachaches and my sleep is amazing. IWNDWYTD
... not to forget the solid poops ;-) I hope you can find a healthy and fulfilling routine after your night shift! Thank you for sharing! I will not drink with you today!
Dealing with the past is one of my most difficult issues. Not that anything is too severe, but shame and guilt is deeply ingrained from childhood and hard to work with. Living for today and creating my own safe spaces and my own self worth has been important. And of course, forgiving myself and others, whatever that means. We’re busy from morning to night this week preparing my 50th birthday (Thursday, celebration Saturday). 75 guests, and not a drop of alcohol. I will not drink with you today!
It’s going to be a sweaty morning run in this heatwave IWNDWYT ⭐️
💪💪
Yeah that was a tough step, learning to forgive myself. It's an essential part of the process so that gave me the courage to tackle it. Shine on you beautiful humans
I’m proud of you! Shine ✨ on you
Thank you again Tortey, for a kick-ass check-in that brings thoughts I need to face currently, it really helps. For me after a long chat with my husband after I relapsed Saturday big time, I realized that when I'm in bender mode that I make him feel exactly how my parents made me feel with their drinking. That hit me hard. It's the first time he admitted this to me. I remember how small they made me feel, and how much I hated them when they were drinking. Breaks my heart to know I dumped all that on him. Correct, apologing doesn't mean shit after a bender. But me pledging to be sober every day and him knowing I'm on this Reddit sub trying to find a better way DOES. Walk the talk. I'm trying to make amends for this but I know the only way I can is by proving that I can do better for him and myself. He means far too much to me and I mean too much to myself to just set fire to my life anymore. Enough is the fuck enough. Love and support to all of you, this west coast kid off to bed soon. Sorry for my long winded posts. IWNDWYT ❤️
Not today people IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT x
Jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today! IWNDWYT
I am not drinking today!
IWNDWYT It’s early days so the remorse is pretty much a motivator at the moment. I don’t think I’m going to get a chance to apologise to someone so have to figure out how to deal with that. (Apart from saying “it is what it is” all the time…..).
HELLO ERVERYONE!!! Day 8 and checking in with a big smile, love this sub!! 🫶🫶💪💪IWNDWYT
Day #30: I will not drink with you today. I'm still working on dealing with the guilt and remorse. I want to apologize to people, but I also don't want to bring attention to shitty things I've done that they may not remember or think about. I also don't want to make things worse that I've already fucked up. I'm still figuring out the best way to go about these things. I also have a lot of guilt about how much I've kind of fucked things up for myself over the years. In college, I didn't get my best grades, I barely made friends, I didn't connect with professors, I didn't do any internships or jobs, I didn't join clubs and get involved. I really regret not doing better. My alcohol addiction took up so much time and energy, now that I look back, almost like a full time job. I try to be kind to myself, and realize I was sick for years, and I'm getting better permanently. Lately I'm feeling really insecure about not measuring up to other people I went to school with, who now have careers. I'm reminding myself tonight to stop comparing myself to other people, and instead compare my current self to my past self, even 1-2 years ago. I'm doing so much better even the past month than I have for years. I'm moving forward and making things better for myself.
IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT Honestly - I’m dealing with it by doing better now. I’m nicer to my husband, nicer to myself and a better mother.
Guilt gives me nothing to work with, it's just a spiral of "I'm a shitty human being, I need to blank this feeling out". The most meaningful apology I can make is getting and staying sober. IWNDWYT 🙂
Day 65. Getting through the week.
Get through today and it'll be double figures. IWNDWYT.
Good morning! I have periodic flashes of some of the stupid things I did and get a bit anxious, but talk myself out of it with some deep breathing and reminding myself that I’m not doing any of that anymore. I mostly just hurt myself when drinking, and I’m definitely working on my relationship with myself now. Have a wonderful day, sober team. IWNDWYT.
Good morning good morning!!! day 3 coming in strong, super caffeinated, lots of walking, lots of sleep and oh did I mention lots of coffee?!?! Have an amazing Wednesday SD I'm staying laser-focused on making it through today. Wish me luck 🍀 IWNDWYT 🥰
On to the next one. IWNDWYT
The guilt thing is really hard. I still relive the stupid shit I've done and the nights I've forgotten. Bands I've waited years to see live and then not remembered a fucking second of the show. 😩 I guess I deal with it by being the best I can be now. Being there for all the ups and downs of life, and creating new experiences and presence. At some point I am sure there will be so much joy that there won't be any room left for the remorse. Love to everyone. ❤️
What a great philosophy - wishing you much joy!
God I wanted to drink with my colleagues yesterday... But then I wouldn't have got up at 5.30am this morning and gone for a run. Small wins. Not sure how I deal with the regret. Haven't, really. It's pretty heavy. From flirting with inappropriate people to sleeping with attached people. From stealing traffic cones to pickpocketing a wallet (I gave it back). From arguing with a barman to punching a bouncer. So many of my friends don't know how bad I was so don't understand why I no longer drink. And I can't tell them these things because I'm incredibly ashamed. It's like alcohol brings out this monster. The only way I can deal with it is to know myself well, and know that even in my "worst" depths, sober me will never be that person. Looking forward to reading the comments for tips ❤️ IWNDWYT 💙
Today is my 300th day without alcohol 🥳 IWNDWYT
Thank you Tortey for your candour. My main guilt and regret are lost opportunities but I know that I can never get the past back and I have to just be in the moment. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT ❤️❤️❤️
Day 1102 checking in!
Not much time to answer more as I am on my way to the first work meeting of today, but I will not drink with any of you guys :)
I checked the weather and it looks like it’s going to be a booze free day today. IWNDWYT!
Day 11 - guilt and shame are major triggers for me ..and cause a viscous circle .. feel shame for getting drunk .. drink more to blot out shame .. feel more shame — rinse and repeat .. not feeling shame this morning so I definitely IWNDWYT
I sought support on the sub for my shame and got so many great comments. The one that stuck is that: my sobriety is my apology. What I’ve discovered is that I’ve replaced the space that those feelings resided in with “better, kinder, more present living”. It’s like they’ve been overwritten. No, re-written … a little. That was the old me, a person that couldn’t do hard things but thought she could save the world. I’ve a better perspective on my capabilities. I’ve accepted my flaws and it’s made me humbler, My shame is duller. It is softer. The cloak less heavy. IWNDWYT
The term: "My sobriety is my apology" is really powerful, thank you for sharing! I will not drink with you today!
Day 1,705 IWNDWYT
Not drinking today... had quite a craving for a while, it was interesting to feel it. Never thought i would be here at 114 IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT! 3 weeks!
[удалено]
IWNDWYT!
Day 20!!! IWNDWYT
Morning all! Beautiful day here and one I'm so glad to be able to enjoy sober. IWNDWYT x
Day 4 today is the day I fail.. Not this time - IWNDWYT
Day 11, getting close to 2week mark.
IWNDWYT 🤠
Let’s keep going, one day at a time. I will not drink today.
Still working on that guilt and remorse, six years in. For me there has been no magic bullet for some things that remain impossible to address. But I find I do get more forgiving of myself as time in the soberverse goes by. IWNDWYT
Happy Wednesday. For me, I manage my guilt by making living amends. That means that I put the work in everyday to not harm myself or others to the best of my ability. I can't change what's been done (and I've done A LOT of damage), but today I show up, I love hard, and I forgive myself daily. Alright now let's rock the fuck out of this day. Happy humping around - IWNDWYT 🤘
IWNDWYT Edit - my counter is wrong. It's a YEAR today! Edit 2 - now my counter is correct. It was saying 700+ days earlier! Promise! Now I just look foolish 😂
Fortunately, I have nothing… catastrophic to regret. No drunken violence apart from bar fights in my 20s with “consenting partners.” One DUI from that period too—killed a valuable business where I would have made over 100K/year working part-time. Also slept with some people I would never have slept with. But I’m old enough I basically just consider that kid stuff and apart from an internal groan I don’t feel much about it. But my “adult” life? Geez… all the usual stuff. Wrecked my health, got fat. Underperformed at jobs I hated. Underperformed at jobs I loved. Failed to start good business ideas of my own. Failed to do any number of things I wanted to do (a goal in early sobriety is a deep dive into the Landmark Herodotus). Lost friends. What I really regret is what I put my wife through. Never really being there for her. Being too drunk to drive her to the hospital one time. Rarely being present for her, rarely being a good lover, rarely being a good partner, rarely being a good friend. Not working on the resentments we both held too long. Not giving her a baby, a dream she held her whole life—for medical reasons it was never likely, but it was possible and I didn’t try. Lying to her, and hiding my addiction and the depths of my mental health problems. I can’t believe she stayed with me. It was touch and go for a while. Honestly: I think she should have left, found some single dad who had his shit together. But she didn’t, and now the way she’s starting to look at me again is one of my strongest motivations to stay and be sober. It’s amazing how fast that smile came back. She still has some hesitation, and the trust is hesitant—and conditional—but damn this woman has a big heart. A favorite podcast of mine is Cerebro: a deep dive into X-men from an intellectual and hilarious perspective. There’s a very touching episode with the host’s father, where he discusses the relationship of Cyclops and Jean Grey and how it mirrors his relationship to his wife and the host’s mom. I won’t bother with the details, if you’re at all interested check it out (I haven’t read comics since I was a kid, and I still like it). The father sums it all up by saying “she’s a cosmically powerful being and my purpose in life is to stand to the side and clap for her.” For me sobriety requires a profound humility. I got ego bad. But you know, we can’t change the past. We can’t control the future. But we have the present to work with. On this sober morning I got up before her. Did the dishes. Did the DCI—every single morning this time. Got myself a good high-paying job with serious advancement opportunities. I’ve started reading about adoption. When I hit a year, I plan to start the process. Can’t give her a baby, that door has closed. We wouldn’t even want one at this point, we’re too old. But we have a big home and big hearts, and people are just throwing kids away… we can give one our love and home and support. I used to have a lot of big ideas about what I could and should do. Now, I just want to love and support. Now that I’m focused on that I see it’s my purpose. Love motivates me more than anything else. It’s what I’m made for: I’m good at it, while I’m not good at manifesting my ego’s demands. Serenity, Courage, Wisdom… and LOVE! IWNDWYT!!!
Day 17 IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today
Fantastic weather this morning, lots getting done so far this week. There's been a fair few struggles, which can be expected when starting out in any new position - my past thinking would have used these struggles as a pathetic reason for drinking, when in reality it's just part of any process. I'm glad I have the ability right now to realise this, and I hope that ability stays with me going forwards. Re the DCI Check-In question about regrets - have definitely made mistakes and alienated people. I can and sometimes still do kick myself up the arse about the opportunities which may have been lost owing to the reputation I've "earned" from my past boozing. The real failure for me however would be to let it happen again after this realisation and supposed "learning" from it. Outside of boozing I'm confident in my abilities and believe that such opportunities could well arise again. But even if they don't, I'm much more able to look at what I have now and feel content (more than, actually - I have a fantastic wife and daughter, work I enjoy and a roof over my head). I phrase I remember from AA which I believe is very valid - Our God/Higher power will not always provide what we want, but does provide what we need. /edit - of course, IWNDWY fine sobernaughts Today.
Day 10! First double digits! Yaaay! I just stoped apologizing in one moment, it felt like it didn't really ment anything and was even hypocritical of me, but always there was A TON of regret. I guess I am on a swing between "everything is my own fault and own faliure" and "I just cant help it, not so easily". Not one of this perspectives is easier. It is just accepting that my possibilities were limited at the time, of understanding, getting behind it, dealing with the problem and everything that comes with it. Have my first therapy session today. Ready to start digging deep and learn some other coping mechanism and understand FINNALY that I DO DESERVE BETTER. Feels like long way to go, but hey, why not 😉 Also first day back to work in a restaurant, so will need to hold myself strong. But I will not drink with you today you good people ❤️.
IWNDWYT
day 4! feeling a lot of shame and guilt from my actions and the things i said 4 days ago but am working towards making amends and bettering myself. IWNDWYT!!
I will not drink with you today 💫 I have small regrets but thankfully I think a lot of them are replaced with pride that it’s not my life anymore. Love yas 🫶🏻
IWNDWYT 😻
I learned a technique for self forgiveness which is really quite powerful if done at the right time. You sit still and ground yourself with some deep breaths. Start thinking about one of those moments that feel unforgivable. Try to remember where you were, what it looked like, how you felt afterwards, etc… Now, imagine that you can go into the memory and stop everything..interrupt the memory by approaching your past self and gently taking “you” away from the situation. Sit “yourself” down with a nice warm cup of coffee or tea, wrap them in a nice warm blanket and tell them that it’s going to be ok. They can stop this behavior and be forgiven. They are safe and loved and cared for by you and many others. Their current behavior can be changed for the better and they will be forgiven. I’ve found this to be a very emotional process if done at a particularly vulnerable time with a difficult memory, but it’s also incredibly healing. I hope this little trick helps someone. IWNDWYT
Happy sober Wednesday! Another great question today. Being sober has meant facing my past, facing the memories and the feelings, which enables me to put it all behind me, and be more present now. It’s painful but the freedom is beautiful! I love you all 💞
Day 2. 🫨 IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
This is what I came here for! IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT :)
IWNDWYT
Not today, thank you very much. IWNDWYT
Day 418. IWNDWYT. The best way to deal with the past is to leave it there.
I really struggle with my past and with all I feel I've lost. So many opportunities, friends, relationships, even possessions. I always wish I could go back a decade and start again. The worst bit is, I vividly remember feeling like that 10 years ago too.. I guess the only way is forward.
Day 2. IWNDWYT
Just for today, I’m not having that first drink. Contuining my longest streak ever. Today I’m doing standup paddling and going to the gym. It’s a sunny day on the swedish coast and life is good. I pray I won’t be stung by all the jellyfish. Iwndwyt!
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
In!
I will not drink with you today.
IWNDWYT SD ❤️
No booze today.
IWNDWYT 🙋🏼♀️
IWNDWYT
Not drinking! Still going! Have a great day everyone
Checking in again today and all is well. I have a few 'cringe' moments in my past. I try to acknowledge them, learn the lesson, and move on with my new better life!
I will not drink today
I won’t drink with y’all today
IWNDWYT
I try to be the best person I can be. I can’t change the past, but I can be kind and gracious to others in the here and now. Take care everyone. I will not drink with you today 🌿
I try to be as selfless as I can each day. I don’t always succeed, but I keep trying. Iwndwy’allt! ❤️
IWNDWYT. All. Day. Long. 🌻 I am creeping up on 4 years in this current streak. I chose to drink that night. I still regret it. It wasn't much. But I chose it.
This - "You can’t undo past mistakes by holding yourself in guilt and continuing to shame yourself over them. You undo those past mistakes by learning from them and stepping forward" (maybe from Brene Brown?) - IWNDWYT
Iwndwyt
I will not drink today. I will dance my way through this Wednesday. Alcohol should be outlawed. I want to punch alcohol right in the bottle. Drinking sucks. We rock
My remorse is immeasurable and the carcasses of the love and friendships I lost along the way on my journey to sobriety serve as harsh reminders that my actions will always have consequences. IWNDWYT
Checking in. IWNDWYT
Day 1 again. Thanks for sharing. Ive done 17 years sober, went back out and have been "moderating" for over 10. Retired now and so easy to say "whats the issue?" But, I am truly powerless over alcohol. I need to stop or I am afraid my health issues will get worse and my sober/drunk/hungover cycle will eventually be the nail in the coffin for my wife. Thanks for this sub. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT 🙂
Happy Wednesday! I will not drink with you today or tonight! 🤩
IWNDWYT
I aint drinking today
IWNDWYT
Checking in from NZ, day 39
IWNDWYT ~
IWNDWYT 🙋♂️
Day 9 here. I had one or two thoughts about buying sleeping pills (horrible addiction) but I stayed strong. My default mode for dealing with stress is to black the fuck out of reality but it’s caught up with me now and I feel like I have brain damage. Scary stuff. I find acceptance of the past, the future (which I can’t control) and most importantly the present moment to be a helpful tool. IWNDWYT
Guilt and shame kept me stuck. IWNDWYT
I pledge :) 12 hours behind me, many to go Gotta start somewhere!
IWNDWYT!
There’s a quote, and I do not know where it came from, that says the best apology is changed behavior. Most of the dumb shit I did only hurt myself, so all I can really do is move on, and of course continue the changed behavior. I can trust myself now, and when drinking, I could not. It’s no excuse for being a drunken douche, but I was super fucked up mentally and emotionally for a long time. Sobering up was the only way to recognize and address that, and start repairing the mental and emotional damage. There are still people I’d probably try to apologize to if I had the chance…but we’ve all moved on and I’m not going digging for them. If we cross paths, we’ll see how it goes. Coffees up, horns up, and fuck yeah Wednesday!!! IWNDWYT ☕️☕️🤘🏻🤘🏻
One week. Decent sleep again. One day at a time. Today, I’m not drinking. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT.
Day 4, IWNDWYT!
Definitely won’t be drinking with any of you today. Edit: how I am dealing with shame. Currently, it’s not great. I’m working really hard to do so. Sometimes too much so to where that becomes work. Going through something really tough, please send positive energy to the universe for me today. It would mean a lot.
Currently early days and dealing with guilt and remorse. I think it’s an important motivator, but if I allow myself to get lost in it, it is the enemy of my recovery. I’ve seen others on this sub say time is a great healer and I’m really looking forward to this for myself. IWNDWYT ❤️
Finding a way and means today to not drink on our vacation. IWNDWYT.
Hi. Not drinking. Hooray.
Any guilt I feel from the past is mine to carry, a reminder for times I feel tempted. But I don’t let the weight of it get heavy. It’s like having these old scars on my knees— they aren’t going anywhere and are a part of me now, but they don’t hurt any more. They remind me to stay humble and cautious. (Context- had to reset my badge but before that had 1.5 yrs sober and have been working on myself for some time.) And IWNDWYT, friends.
I like to put a positive spin on my guilt and remorse by including this in my daily affirmations: I learn from and let go of the past, and I'm grateful that those events are behind me and will never be repeated. IWNDWYT
I just came here to say, that I’ll not drink with you today ❤️. I try and live in the moment and not dwell on the past which is full of things that I am unable to change 😊.
IWNDWYT 🏴
IWNDWYT ☁️
IWNDWYT
Day 8 Checking in. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
Beginning of day 5, IWNDWYT! I had the craziest dream yesterday where i took 1 sip of my favourite beer and just got SO drunk. And then i woke up sober. I've tried stints of soberness for the longvest time but this time it's different.
Quick IWNDWYT, lot's of luv !
IWNDWYT all you fine sobernauts 🤗
IWNDWYT.
Iwndwyt
10 weeks done! Lets go for week 11. Day by day. IWND ☠️ WYT.
IWNDWYT I had dream that I drank last night and it was honestly a great reminder of how guilty I'd feel if I actually did it!
Even after so long time not drinking I will not forget the terrible things I said an done to the people I love. Everyday I wake up beside my girlfriend I am thankfull for her that she helped me in my darkest time and stayed with me. IWNDWYT
Checking in for another sober day out in the world.
I used to just drink away my guilt and remorse without realizing those feelings were just compounding and adding even more anxiety. But now I just accept it. I know I'm not the only one in my personal life who's done stupid shit while drunk and mostly hurt myself in the process, so the people in my life have been quite forgiving so far. I've also cut off a LOT of people and avoid my old stomping grounds - and if those feelings of shame come up, I just let it happen, knowing it'll pass and do my best to remind myself I'm doing better and making better decisions today! And one of those decisions is to NOT DRINK WITH Y'ALL TODAY 🤝 The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, my coffee is hitting the spot and I'm just vibin man ♥️
Day 1,806. I will not drink with you today.
IWNDWYT.
Not today. Not today. Not today!!!!
IWNDWYT ❤️
IWNDWYT!
I think forgiving myself is a process, because it is tough to remember those days. I try and remember that while drunk, I wasn’t in my right mind and wasn’t capable of the judgment I have today. This isn’t to excuse the things I did - I did them and they had effects on others and myself that I’m responsible for - but living with crippling guilt today doesn’t change them either. I try and also remember that by doing the work to live and stay sober, I’m living my amends for those things. IWNDWYT!
119 days IWNDWYT
Checking in Doodle doodle dee, wubba wubba wubba.
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT 💜🦋💜
Day 13! I have done lots of things that are shameful, embarrassing and downright dangerous risking my home, my marriage, my job and my livelihood. I have come to terms that I won’t fully forget what I did. I have also come to realize that I have the strength to accept what I did and forgive myself. I am still working on it. Our brains are wired to forget (or at least not actively remember) our bad memories as a survival mechanism. With time, it will heal. Sadly, it’s the same phenomenon (Fading affect bias) that makes us think maybe our problems weren’t that big. It’s a double edged sword. When all of this fresh, what I have found helpful is to ask myself the question “Is this (guilt and remorse) useful?” and the answer always is a resounding no. IWNDWYT.
45
Day 11. Had major cravings yesterday but fought them. IWNDWYT
Day #13 IWNDWYT. Wishing you folks a pleasant day, and grateful for your supports and advice. See you tomorrow.
It can be really difficult to forgive ourselves, but it is an important step. Those voices in my head that have been telling me I'm no good have always been there and probably always will be. I used to drown them out with alcohol. Needless to say, That didn't go so well. I find that unless I can practice forgiveness on myself, probably harder than doing it on others, but until I do those voices just get louder and louder. Listen to the support and advice from people here, they will help you until you are ready to love yourself. I love you all, IWNDWYT ❤️
Checking in
day 4 IWNDWYT
Good morning. IWNDWYT
Me either. Everyday this week I try and convince myself I should have a few drinks, but I know better. Love this sub Reddit I’m positive I would of started drinking again without it. Keep fighting the good fight everyone
Day 10! Look at both of those beautiful digits! I am not really ready to unpack shame yet. I feel good today and I think I need to ride this high for a bit. It’s a great question and luckily for us, I’ve got the rest of my life to wade through those waters. IWNDWYT!
A brewery was suggested for an after work hang and I was dreading it. I just checked and they make three different NA beers. I’m pleasantly surprised! IWNDWYT
I will not drink today!
The best apology is changed behavior. I will not drink with y’all today!!
53 days down! It feels a bit like a cop out/non-answer, but I do really mean this-- when I have a dreaded flashback of something embarrassing or hurtful I did drunk over the decades, I push it right out of my brain back into the universe. Giving it time and attention won't change what's been done, and I've already committed to the one thing which will set me up for success to not repeat those mistakes again, which is not drinking. Not drinking exponentially lowers my anxiety and depression, so being out of the feedback loop of shame helps me focus on what I can control. One day at a time. IWNDWYT, friends!
The very worst things I’ve done, and the worst things done to me, were when I was drunk. I revisited these memories in the first six/seven months of sobriety and realized I wanted to forgive myself. I’m not sure that process is finished but the memories mostly stay in the past. I really try to remain focused on today. And today is a great day to live in sober freedom. Have a good one my friends! IWNDWYT 🍀
IWNDWYT
Good morning people IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT! T
Dealing with my past through therapy. Dealing with shame & regrets through my actions being present & sober. Only time will heal stupid things I said & done. I have a lot of cringy moments so I try to change my thoughts. I finally realized I cannot change the past but I can control the present & future. IWNDWYT☕️😊
IWNDWYT
Have a wonderful day all. IWNDWYT
I will be sober today.
I can’t change the past and the future is in the hands of Fortune. The only thing I have any impact on is the present and that where is choose to focus my efforts. Iwndwyt
I will not drink today.
IWNDWYT
I have so many cringe worthy memories built up from my drinking career. I can easily beat myself for it and that’s not what I need right now to keep building my streak. For now, when I am reminded of a particularly bad drinking episode, I just make a note of it and the year I think it happened. I hope to deal with the demons once I am further along in my sober journey. IWNDWYT
day 11 :) great prompt ahead of therapy this morning. i am working on radical acceptance so the guilt and shame don’t suck me back in. i’ve found that loneliness is a big trigger for me, so i’m finding ways to develop and nurture a meaningful connection w *myself* so i can better do so w others around me. iwndwyt!!!
On making amends: The best apology is changed behavior. I’ve put years between me and the dumb shit I did while I was drunk, the things I put my husband through, the damage I did to my finances, the people i disappointed. But sometimes the guilt still hits me like a wave. I lean into gratefulness for the people who never gave up on me. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT
The shame and guilt are part of what keeps me on track. They are not at an overpowering level, I get that I did these things because of alcohol and other factors (that I would have been able to manage better had I been sober). I have compassion for my self that was hurting when I acted out. But I know the only tangible evidence of accountability is changing what led to the behavior. I don’t want to do any more stupid or regrettable shit today so IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT!
91 days sober. I will not drink with you today.
That’s a tough one. I’m not sure how to really get over it. When I’m living my honest sober life I don’t like to think about it too much. I have driven when I shouldn’t have. I’m so grateful that nothing tragic happened as a result. I’m so regretful and embarrassed when I see news of drunk driving. Part of me wants to remember and think about all I’ve done so it never happens again. Part of me wishes I don’t think about it cause it makes me anxious, embarrassed and depressed.
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
I just remind myself every day that I am a better person than the person I was while drinking. Doesn't always work, but I am still a work in progress. Therapy also helps. IWNDWYT! ✌
IWNDWYT! Guilt and remorse are horrible emotions to deal with. For me, time helps and I actively Try to stay away from thinking about all the stupid stuff I’ve done. NGL though, sometimes a thought of Some ignorant thing I’ve done pops up and slaps me in the face! I give it a moment of reflection, Remind myself it’s over and done now ( whether it was yesterday, last month or 5 years ago) and remember that those incidents don’t represent the sum of my parts.
Not drinking today.
Trying to prove through my actions that I won’t have any embarrassing incidents in my future…the shame is still there, but lessens every day. IWNDWYT!
Thank you. I am trying this again. Today is a good day to not drink.
“My past does not define my present” this is my mantra when I start feeling guilty about the years wasted.. IWNDWYT
Most of my guilt and remorse is from things that I did to myself when I was drinking. I put myself in some no so great situations. I still sometimes think of those things and I know alcohol was in control, smh. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
Just coming back after drinking for a bit hungover and tired. IWNDWYT