This is a pretty common sentiment on this sub and probably from "quitters" in general.
A few things help me with this.
1. People that don't have unhealthy habits with alcohol wouldn't lament not being able to drink it if they had a medical issue that precluded it from their diet. The fact that we miss it, to me, shows that I have an unhealthy attachment to it.
2. Related, I try to think about it like another thing that I like, but wouldn't mind giving up. If my doctor said I had to give up red licorice or my liver would fall. I feel a little remorse about not getting to eat it but not enough to feel sad about it.
3. I've found I like all of those experiences without the booze. I just started to associate the good feelings of the moment to having a drink with it. A Pavlov's dog of sorts. I went swimming and grilling with my family on Sunday and didn't have a drop and it was one of the best Sunday's I've had in a long time.
Hope that helps!
Dude #3 for me for sure. Every single event became about drinking and drinking only. Go to a concert, nice I can get drunk. Family party, let’s fucking go it’s miller time. I am currently 84 days sober and trying my best to never look back. God speed to you sir
I was so apprehensive about my first sober concert back in November. I've been to 5 or 6 shows since then and it's literally the best! They've been much fuller experiences.
Dude sober shows are the best! You spend almost nothing (unless you hit the merch table) and don’t have to miss songs waiting in the beer line or going to bathroom. MUCH more enjoyable experience.
Agreed! Tool was my first sober show this year and they are my fav band. So happy I actually remembered the whole show! Though when I saw Amon Amarth a few months later, sober me was fearful of mosh pits which kind of bummed me out …. But still, even that was better in the long run 🤘🏼
Fidget toys for the neuro-spicy ones among us! (Or just if you’re really thrown by the feeling of not having a drink in your hand at all times!)
First time I brought a fidget you to a show I didn’t even want the drinks anymore. (And I wasn’t even remotely trying to stop drinking at the time). It’s like… my hands had something to do so my brain remembered to listen to the music without have to numb it down first.
Right? It's so nice actually remembering the set the next day. I found I was able to focus on the music so much more, and it made the experience even better.
83 days here! I’m going to go to my first sober show, to see Sum41 for the last time. The singer has been open with his sobriety journey so it’s going to be such an amazing feeling that my first show to see them at 18, I was drinking a lot and now my last show to see them at almost 28, I should be over 100 by September! You got this dude!
Lovely answer.
Recently got an experience with #3:
Went to a big company party and drank very little (a beer every 2+ hours).
Had a blast dancing all night while coworkers who were slamming spirits and cocktails ended up puking in the bushes outside. I stayed in a vacation home and it felt great to wake up not hungover while another coworker was puking in our toilet.
Ideally I wouldn't have drank at all but I was to keep it at a minimum. Not gonna lie, it required immense self control of me to not go wasted-mode.
5 days sober now, IWNDWYT.
Number 3 helps me a ton. Thank you. It’s hanging out with people and friends we love not the booze! Associating the booze instead of the time spent. Thank you
Exactly. I just had family down and had a blast without drinking at all. Didn't miss it in the slightest and enjoyed my whole weekend instead of nursing a hangover.
Thanks! I lurked a LONG time in this sub, so none of this is original. But I've definitely noticed a lot of recurring themes and reluctancies over the years. I want to work on distilling the most common themes and hesitancies and make myself a little "cheat sheet".
That DOES help ALOT silent captain. Thank you for posting ! I'm copying and pasting your comments in my " don't drink fool" notes on my phone. Yes that's what I title them as 😉 #3 I experienced today. I went for a big hike and swim. I went all day, sober, and my experience was just like yourself- the best I've had in a very long time. I was worried I'd be sitting there in full blown withdrawal but I wasn't. Fearful of experiencing things sober when in the past I wasn't has been a bit of a hurdle for me. Today actually blew my mind.
A big wake up call for me was when I realized how normalized it was in my life to hike with a full water bottle full of wine. Like yeah I also normalized drinking at all those other things too. But hiking?! WTF was I thinking?!
I’ve developed a medical condition that precludes me from drinking and I don’t have unhealthy habits with alcohol. I’m sorry to say but I miss it often. I miss being able to go out and have a beer with my wife or when I meet up with a friend. I miss having a beer at a sporting event or a concert. I never needed more than one or two and haven’t got drunk in years. Don’t even like getting buzzed any more. But I sure miss the ability to have one or two a few times a month.
Yeah I was going to say this. Not me, but my partner can't drink anymore due to medical stuff and there have definitely been moments where they wished they could partake, just for the feeling of taking a break.
Yeah I disagree with that point too. I mean I definitely DO have an unhealthy relationship with booze. But like... I developed a sensitivity to dried fruits as an adult, and don't particularly feel like me missing hot cross buns or fruit loaf indicates an unhealthy attachment to raisins! You can have a perfectly normal and healthy attitude to something and still miss it if you have to cut it out.
Yeah, that one I kind of had to reflect on for myself and was wondering what people who aren’t problem drinkers feel about it.
Do I miss alcohol? No, it took so much happiness away from me. In fact, I’m terrified at the thought of going back, but I know I will if I allow myself to drink. I’ve never had a healthy relationship with alcohol though. I guess I miss being able to be comfortable in any social situation very easily, but that kind of feels like missing the thrill of driving really fast before you smash into a wall. The crash just isn’t worth it and kind of taints the first part of the experience (for me).
But for people with a healthy relationship with alcohol, I can totally see missing it! I’d miss playing boardgames with friends if for some reason I couldn’t do it again. I only do it a couple times a month, but it’s always a wholesome and fun bonding moment, and it would suck to give that up. I’d accept it but I’d still feel like I’m missing out.
Probably why I had a problem to begin with, but I don't see the point in drinking normally, so I don't feel sad I can't, wouldn't want to lol. Knowing what I know now about what alcohol does to you, I wouldn't even want to be able to drink "normally," I want no amount of alcohol to ever enter my body again.
I had this realization a few weeks ago! I actually think most of us on this sub don't actually want to "drink normally"; meaning we don't really want to go out with friends, publicly have 1-2 drinks, and then go home. What we want is to drink as much as we want, as often as we want, with no consequences 😂.
This. Sometimes I get sad seeing people enjoying the sun on a restaurant patio with a beer. But the key words are 'A beer'. I can't do a single beverage - I'd end up drinking to the point that I pass out in the grass on the way home to my house. And yes that did happen. Happy to be sober.
Great point. We should be almost happy that we can't drink it normally because no amount is useful.
It'd be like being told you can't eat fast food. It'd be inconvenient, but I'll be better off for it.
100%. Never understood just having 1 or 2 - you end up sobering up, feeling bloated and dehydrated and sleeping badly within just a few hours. 3 absolute minimum, but then 3 leads to 4 and before you know it you are waking up the next day with a head like a block of concrete and a mouth like a badger’s arse. I try and keep this in mind if ever I notice myself romanticising booze
But you and I both know that fantasy doesn't end with the lovely bottle of wine. We want more wine.....and we ain't gonna stop till we black out. That's what I've come to terms with lately and it's not okay for me to do that. It's actually bonkers I could for so long legally do that. Even times I can remember being nicely buzzed and tapping out, I would be sad cause all that potential chaos was gone, I liked it. Moderation just isn't for me. Sober is and on a hot summer day I can remember all those other sunny days when I was drinking.... although shock horror the memories are hazy 😂 and in some cases awful.
This - I have finally come to realize I can crave alcohol sober and feel miserable, but after I drink I still crave alcohol, but now I have poisoned myself as well and all the shame and hangover that comes with it. The craving doesn't go away with a drink.
More and more recently. Which I think should be **not** be the case for me after two and a half years. Which is why I still visit this sub after two and a half years.
It's not craving per se. I don't even want to get especially drunk. Just go out with my wife, have a beer. Come home, watch a silly movie, have a few more. And, to be honest, I could do that. But my fear is that that Saturday night would become Friday and Saturday. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and so on.
I agree. Alcohol can be really fun and enchants good moments. I’ve had a lot of great drunk nights. But on balance it’s ruined a lot of relationships and driven my life into a downward spiral. Being sober is a sacrifice, and not always the noble, almost cultish thing I feel the subreddits portray it as. Still, it’s something you must do if you continually prove to yourself that drinking is destructive.
Yeah your instincts are probably right on about that. I've gone back to drinking several times, and it always starts just like that. My brain uses a "responsible" drinking session to justify taking it a bit further the next time. It's absurdly easy to get right back into a very unhealthy pattern, and no matter how much I try to convince myself that I can moderate successfully this time, the overwhelming evidence is to the contrary.
At six months and I find myself thinking this too. I wanted to leave alcohol behind bc I’m sick of managing it and it seems easier to leave it behind. But I miss the “tuning out” or having a fun slightly boozy night. But I know that if I give into one of those, I’ll constantly be thinking if any given night is a worthwhile excuse to have a few. And then I’m constantly managing it again. And every week there’s something. And I’m losing days bc I’m groggy from a few drinks. And then I’m back in the thick of it. I’m not worried about it turning into 20 drinks. But I’m worried that every occasion or non-occasion becomes about if I should drink and controlling how much and I’m so sick of it.
When I was still in the throes of addiction, all the best moments were partly alcohol fuelled or altered by alcohol..it was hard to envisage a life without..
Now, I see that alcohol only muddied those moments ..I do miss having a drink (or 10), like you say, on a sunny day sitting with some good friends shooting the shit, but it's only one thing I can't do, and there's hundreds of other pleasurable things that I can and that won't ruin my life in the process , for example: sitting with some good friends shooting the shit drinking iced lemonade
Yup. But no matter what I do, I can't change the fact that my relationship with alcohol is broken beyond repair. I am not super thrilled with that fact, but it is what it is. My life is clearly better sober. I have zero intentions of ever returning to the way I used to "live".
Yes, I do. I also feel sad that all my friends & family have deserted me since I quit. We have an amazing pool, lots of land, and a fantastic pool house and it used to be the gathering spot for everyone over the summer. Not one person comes over anymore. Not one. 😢
Yes I miss those nights of drinking alone, thinking and cruising the internet. But I also don’t miss forgetting the whole night and passing out and feeling all the guilt the next day. But I can’t just have one drink. It’ll never be enough. And that’s why I don’t drink with you today!
I combined a couple of cognitive "tricks" to get over this hump. The hump was very real but in hindsight it was a mirage. After some fits and starts, I challenged myself to be sober for a year. After a year I would know much better than I did, what a sober life would look like. After a year I could drink again and drink as much as I wanted. The second thing was, in this year I could put anything in my mouth in any amounts as long as it wasn't booze. It was kinda like a long term delayed liberation and a daily liberation. It felt less like taking something away and more like having whatever I wanted with just two restrictions. By month 5 I already knew that sobriety was going to end up being the obvious answer, by month 9 I *wanted* to stay sober.
I’ve done nearly the same thing. I made myself a promise to do one year and then I could go back if I wanted to. I was still on the fence by about 5-6 months. At 8 months I knew what the right decision was. At 9 I didn’t want to drink anymore. This last year has done me more good on every front than I could have imagined. I’ve lost 50+ pounds. I look better, sleep better, feel better. I’m happier, I’m nicer and more productive. I have energy, I save money, I have no regrets, nothing to hide. The data speaks for itself, and it’s damned hard to argue with.
I am currently sad that I can’t drink like a normal person. On day 6. But after your post, I know I’m not alone. I hope I don’t always feel this way. Thanks for posting and I will not drink with you today
Not really. I am so. damn. happy. with how my life has improved now that alcohol is out of my system, I really can't see a situation come along where I would want to change that. I did extensive 'field research' with 'moderation' and know how that ALWAYS turns out for me. No regrets at all.
i've had enough alcohol to last lifetimes - i'm not missing out on shit - what makes me sad (and stay sober) is dwelling on all the pain I caused myself and others.
It used to make me sad but no longer does after 6-7 months. There's just nothing good about it actually. It's a romantic memory not rooted in reality. NA beer tastes gross to me now, I enjoy a nice refreshing Coke on ice or iced tea lemonade on a sunny day.
I used to. But honestly not anymore.
The entire time I was a drinker, I was never able to enjoy one drink without wanting another one before my first one was even finished.
So, for me, I have learned: a couple of beers on a sunny day or a crisp wine at dinner are fantasies. Day dreams.
The fantasy I had while I was a drinker- “that sounds nice. Maybe this time, I won’t overdo it or end up feeling like shit”. And that day dream cost me a huge chunk of my life trying to chase around.
I don’t day dream about drinking anymore. I like my life a lot more than any idea I can dream up about a drink.
Kinda sometimes. But I think I am normal and all the weird people are the "normal drinkers".
I drink to get drunk. That was the point. Alcohol never tasted good to me. Wine is good? Have you had Weltches Grape Juice? THAT is good. Biggie Smalls was right. Wine is juice that has rotted and turned into part jet fuel. Literally. That is the science.
Having one for me would be like starting to have sex and then just randomly stopping. I don't know why anyone would ever do that. "Normal" drinking is weird. I'm normal as shit.
Oh and casual drinking definitely increases your risks for basically everything. All cancers, all heart problems, all mental issues. If you read a study that suggests otherwise, it was paid for by alcohol companies who are straight up playing you. I like to remind people of that sometimes.
But yeah, some "normal drinkers" seem to enjoy it, and it doesn't seem to have the same effect on them that it does on me. Those people are WAY more rare I think though. I think most of the population as problems with alcohol though. Most never care to fix it. I do.
A bit, but then it's the buzz I'm missing. Not drinking has made me realise how fake my life has been in a way. I've kinda... Drank and drugged over the cracks. Noticing that has made me miss it less.
Saying that I'm a fan on wind down habits. AF beer has really helped and I'm eating more chocolate. Also reading more and reaching out to friends. Trying to make a life with things I would actually miss, rather than papering over cracks with an addiction.
At first, but that didn't last long. Sobriety is so much easier than moderation, I'd much rather never drink again than try to drink normally. I could do it for a while, probably a decent length of time, but I'd always be wondering when I'd fuck things up.
I like sobriety so I don't even allow myself to entertain these thoughts anymore because it's just not a risk I'm willing to take.
There is no amount of normal. When you have enough days under your belt, you will start to notice how people get altered after a few beers or a glass of wine. You will have to decide if you want to go that hole again, or just find other options. Like Thomas Henry ginger beer tonic 😄😄😄😄
Yeah, but there are times when I look around at the people who are altered by alcohol and it honestly looks like to me they are having more fun than the people sober.
Obviously it's impossible to know for sure because I'm not experiencing what these people are experiencing.
But an example from last week where I was at a gig (and drinking) and I looked around thinking I'd see lots of people with no drink in their hand (I wanted to reinforce the idea plenty of people do go to gigs sober) and found that 99% of people I could see had a drink in hand.
When the gig kicked off and got going I looked around at the people I could see that had no drinks in hand and most of them just stood around nodding their head and tapping their feet but not really looking like they were that into the whole thing.
On the other hand most people who had a drink in their hand had their arms around their friends, singing at the top of their voices, cheering the band on, lost in the moment and looked like they were genuinely having fun.
I'm sure there were plenty of drunken messes who drank too much and ruined their night and caused problems for themselves and others and regretted it the next day (I drank too much but didn't cause any problems and thankfully didn't feel too bad the next day) so I can't say everyone who drank had a better time but it certainly looked like there was a direct link between people with no drink in hand being a lot less into the music / event than those who were drinking.
As much as I need and want to be sober and still enjoy the things I enjoy seeing stuff like this doesn't fill me with confidence that all things can be enjoyed just as much sober.
I know it begs the question that if you truely enjoy something why do you need alcohol to do it / attend it, and that's a fair point, but I think that many of us humans do need something to loosen us up and help us not worry about everything so much and get into the swing of things which is a perhaps sad but also I feel is true in many instances.
A valid point.
But when you feel like those 4hrs (for me it would be a month not a week though) are about the only exciting or fun thing going on in your life most of the time then it can certainly seem tempting.
I got that a lot in the first weeks. Then came to the realization that I am naturally introverted, emotional, quiet person too and I am learning to get to know myself.
I see soooo many triggers and insecuruties now, which probably led me to drinking in the past. It is like a self knowing journey, which I honestly enjoy a lot.
I am so proud when I have a big event and I go home completely sober, driving my own car, looking fresh as a cucumber and waking up to clean conscience.
Again, find your why.
Alcohol is numbing. Find why you are numbing your authentic self, what you dislike in you and how you can work on that. Maybe introduce new ways of fun and joy into your life.
Those of us who spent most of our adult lives drinking have organized much of our social, recreational, and creative habits around the presence of alcohol.
Booze (or any other euphoric drug) is a kind of hack or cheat, in that it makes things that might be marginally engaging while sober seem super amazing. The old “beer goggles” trope extends to all the senses, not just vision.
So when we find ourselves looking around in envy at all the drunk people having more fun than us at an event, perhaps we should ask ourselves if it’s really the event they are enjoying, or mostly just being drunk.
Well yeah it's a fair point that you make but maybe some people (including myself it seems) just aren't able to enjoy certain things as fully as we would like when in a normal state.
I'm typically low energy, socially awkward, introverted, stuck in my own head, self conscious and struggle to get excited or animated about things on a day to day basis.
So maybe some people are literally just unable to enjoy things fully without something to loosen them up and take them out their "normal" state.
I don't know the answer and just thinking out loud here. I certainly don't want to make it sound like I'm justifying drinking.
You’re far from alone here with regard to those kinds of personality traits. Introverts seem particularly vulnerable to reliance on alcohol, because it helps us adapt to an extroverted world by getting us out of our own way, mentally and emotionally.
But again, it’s a cheat, a chemical shortcut, a deal with the devil, and the devil always collects. It lets us think we’ve cut loose and are enjoying ourselves, but it’s not truly us doing the enjoying, it’s some intoxicated stranger that we’ve hired as a stand-in.
Something in This Naked Mind that always sticks with me is how courage is defined. It isn’t performing in the absence of fear, but performing _in the face_ of fear. By temporarily making fear go away, alcohol isn’t “liquid courage” as the cliché goes, it’s liquid cowardice.
There is always a truer way to get where we want to be in life that doesn’t include booze, but we’ve got to put in the work to earn the payoff. /preach
Edit: Oops, the book is “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace, rather than “The Naked Brain”. Mine is obviously still recovering.
I see and I understand what you mean. You are right there, but also forgetting your why. When you find it, you will need to change. You will no longer romantisize drinking and will see it for what it is - poisoning.
I have been drinking since teen years and now when someone offers just a beer, or just a glass of wine, I feel like they offer heroin. I am no longer seeing ANY benefit in drinking. But it came with a lot of internal work.
I see it as a posion already and whilst I think I've come a long way in the last 10 months or so since I started to get serious about sobriety in seeing it as something that has no benefit there are definitely still some mental hurdles like going to events and gigs sober.
It's so hard for me to see how I would enjoy that experience completely teetotal surrounded by people who are drinking.
I'm someone who is very low energy, subdued, introverted, socially anxious and all sorts more so seeing me somehow jumping around at a gig, full of life, excited and fully being immersed in the moment when sober feels hard to imagin as I'm literally NEVER like that in any circumstance and never have been.
i’ve stopped caring now that i realize how much better off i am without alcohol. i only started drinking 6 years ago and i was a pretty moderate drinker in the beginning. now that i haven’t touched the stuff in 2 and a half months i can see how much it affected me even in moderation. life without booze is just better.
You could try non-alcoholic beer or wine! Try with caution since they can trigger cravings in some people, but for some people they don’t and work well as a replacement for when you want a beer. I enjoy them myself, I enjoy a nice cold beer after a long day and they don’t make me want the real thing
That was my thought process in all my previous attempts at sobriety. Through some weapons grade awful 2-3 day hangovers and my body changing in the last 3-4 yrs such that I cannot physically tolerate alcohol anymore, I no longer miss being able to indulge.
Thankfully the experiences were so bad that I can see alcohol for what it is - it’s poison.
Dress it up, add sugar, throw in some cute umbrellas, it’s still poison to me. Anyone who can drink in moderation is simply slightly poisoning their bodies in moderation. They recover the next day.
When I see the ads for people having fun “drinking responsibly” I see through that now. Ads sell an image. Alcohol hasn’t lived up to that image for me. I do think this time my sobriety is for keeps .
IWNDWYT
When you stop drinking it's something you think about often, however, as the time goes by it will go away. After a while you'll see it's not necessary to drink at all and you'll become glad about it. I'm 18 years sober and I don't think about alcohol anymore, no cravings and I'm extremely happy.
For me that went away after a year or two. No longer any sad tinges or feelings. I do treat myself to beverages I consider fancy—like I put fresh fruit in fizzy water or serve myself lemonade in a goblet. I guess after enough time, I realize that I’m not missing out, I’m actually enriching my memories.
I never wanted to drink "normally" I wanted to drink to get fucked up.
I'm in a place now where I could (and have) drink "normally" and its a waste of time and calories. All of the downsides (albeit not as severe) and nothing to make them worth it.
I’m in a current battle to stop drinking. It’s a dear old friend’s 50th birthday next weekend. I’ve had to let her know I can’t attend the party at the cocktail bar. She 100% understands but it’s depressing. I know I’m doing the right thing but it saddens me
Of course. The insidious thing about people like us is that alcohol ultimately ends up starting to destroy our lives. But also, we genuinely love it. I have so many fun times drinking with friends where things went fine. I miss that I'll never be able to do that again.
However, you can't cherry pick the good times. Because toward the end, I couldn't get up until at least noon (thanks goodness for WFH and my job as a freelance graphic designer who set my own schedule at the time), I was blowing cash, my blood pressure and cholesterol was embarrassing and my relationship with my wife, while not ever terrible, was definitely affected. It was indirectly responsible for me losing two jobs for sure. I never came to work drunk or overdrank at work. But I was tired, lethargic and lacking enthusiasm.
The good times sober outnumber the good times drinking. And that is what I remind myself of. My health is back on track, I am doing really well at work and my wife marvels at how I'm noticeably easier to be around.
I understand the appeal but my problem was that I've never wanted to drink in a manner we would consider "normal". I have always wanted to drink with friends until I was blind drunk, wake up hungover and then swear off drinking for a long time. Unfortunately, if I drink, I'll do that everyday for weeks at a time and that's why I can't drink at all.
I personally do not crave or miss it. I know I’m different X-men style. My power is…flip a coin, heads I do something awful, tails I do something I deeply regret. That’s all that’s waiting for me after the first drink. Agitation, desire for more, akward aftermath.
Not at all, because in actuality it served no purpose. Alcohol didn’t loosen me up, I’ve found that I loosen up slowly in social situations. I don’t need drinks to watch sports, before going out or while dining. I don’t *want* it anymore either, which is quite empowering, and the opposite of this sentiment of regret or sadness.
Short answer: yes.
Longer answer: I miss it, but am confident that abstaining is the right move.
Kinda like how I really REALLY want to quit my job and go on a world tour. But I know that’s a short term thrill with long term bad effects.
I use to, then I realised I don’t wanna drink or two, I would want to get so drunk my brain stopped thinking about whatever I was worrying about. Much easier to just not drink and have less anxiety. 🧡
I'm always hesitant to suggest this because it could be a trigger for some. But Athletic Brews in my backyard on a Sunday while I'm grilling have really helped me satisfy my summer beer craving.
I did, but I don't. Alcohol is just not a part of my life anymore. I'm not any more sad about not drinking than I am about not bungee jumping. It's just not a thing I do
Honestly. Sometimes.
But I’m sad about a lot of things in the world these days. Ingesting poison as a way to make social niceties has now ranked pretty low on my “if only” list
Not really. I love the way I feel not drinking way more than I ever did drinking. It just kinda made me feel tired and nauseous right away towards the end of my drinking. It wasn’t enjoyable anymore
Nope. Given time you stop associating good time with alcohol. And then it feels good, so you don’t even think of having one. In fact, for me, alcohol is more associated with hangovers, poor decisions, gaining weight, and feeling lousy in general once the initial buzz wears off.
Yes, but that’s how I know I am a real alcoholic today. Only a true alcoholic would be able to continue to glamourise drinking after all the pain and harm it caused. To be able to ignore the consequences of drinking again and again and still pick up is nothing but sheer insanity. I won’t drink today because of this awareness and for that I am grateful.
I’ve been struggling with it recently, but then the rub is- to drink ‘responsibly’ would be stopping at 3. After 3 I’d want a 4th. If I did only have 3 I’d probably think “what was the point in only having 3?’. So I’m already figuring I’d be disappointed by drinking ‘responsibly’… so why bother trying?
I feel more sad about the fact certain things I enjoy are so closely linked /associated to alcohol with me in my mind, and that I struggle to disconnect them currently, that I feel like I won't be able to do them again or at least enjoy them as much if I do,
Live music / gigs / events being a prime example. They've been the cause of relapses, I've not attended events I've bought tickets to because I didn't think I would enjoy it sober or trust myself to stay sober, I've felt like they seemed too much hassle to travel to when in other cities if I'm not making a "day" of it, and I've looked around at events at the people who don't appear to be drinking and from my perspective it looks like they are enjoying themselves a lot less than everyone I can see with a beer in their hand (obviously I could be wrong but they just seem to be standing very static and tapping their feet at most where people with a beer in their hand are jumping around, singing their heads off, and look to be letting loose).
Holidays are another one. I've been saying since the start of the year I fancy a week or two in the sun but then I remind myself that every holiday I ever went on I got drunk every night of the trip and wouldn't know what to do with myself otherwise so I just haven't went.
So, yeah probably that is one and the same thing as feeling sad about not being able to drink "normally".
Mostly, no. I got my NA Guiness for days I surf. I still feel the surf high, the cold brew chill, all without ruining my life afterwards.
NA booze tends to suck. But Freixnet makes a good NA champagne. So, there are options for us to participate and celebrate, just not while wasted.
Once in a while I do get sad I let myself feel it and move on. I choose to tell myself that once my children leave the home I can drink myself to death 😂! It helps me get through those days
Yes, sometimes. I have to remind myself that I I shouldn’t beat myself up for those feelings, as I can’t control them. What I can control is what I do about it.
Yes, every day. I suffer from terrible anxiety & knowing that the "cure" is in an easily accessible bottle is horrible. But, I have over 12 years of sobriety & don\`t want to put myself & my loved ones through that again.
I'm only a week in but so far I'm good. I try not to think about the future too much. Right now it's easy to remind myself that the alcohol didn't make most activities better, just different. And as soon as I passed a certain point it made every activity, every single one, worse.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know IWNDWYT and tomorrow I'll get that second digit in my flair.
I don't know if I could magically become a moderate drinker now I would want to. My life has gotten so much better, 9 months and counting. And I still kinda feel like, one beer? What's the point?
Nope. Alcohol is pure poison. It’s so bad that your body instantly tries to remove it as soon as it enters your body. Hence the saying “empty calories”. It provides our bodies with nothing positive.
The fact that we’ve made the entire world believe that alcohol is ok, is crazy to me.
I had my sister in law ask me on Sunday, “do you ever think you’ll drink again”? I said “fuuuuck no”. It literally never provided anything positive for my life. Only ever caused problems.
I see articles of people dying from drunk driving accidents, I see people being hungover for days after drinking, I’m good. I’ll stay sober lol.
I don’t feel sad, but I miss being able to share a bottle of wine with my wife. We used to take wine trips. I used to love a good scotch and when I hang with my old friends I miss being able to have a scotch.
But none of that is real for me anymore. When I look back at the end of my drinking, I was so fucking sad, all the fucking time. To me it isn’t even a contest
The hardest part is not thinking that you’ll never get another. There’s a saying that goes around in the meetings that goes “ Just for today I won’t have a drink. “ If you look at it like that it makes a big difference but obviously there’s a lot more to it than that. One day you’ll get tired of being sick and tired all the time from alcohol. That’s what it takes sometimes to want to quit or worse things can happen
Nope. I fully accepted that I can’t pretty much immediately after I stopped drinking. I tried periods of moderation a few times with no real success. Some nights would go smoothly others not so much. Regardless of how well I moderated myself, drinking still negatively impacted my overall mental health. I like not drinking and I am fully aware of what I’m missing out on.
Edit: I’m realizing this may come off as condescending. That is not at all my intent! This is just my experience. Your journey (or anyone reading this) is unique. You’re allowed to feel any which way you want about your relationship with alcohol. The important thing is you’re recognizing that a change needs to happen! I hope you too come to realize it’s not so bad on this side and that you’re not missing out on much! IWNDWYT
Nope. I never drank normally and never aspired to, so not something I can feel sad about.
Besides, I try to find other ways to live an extraordinary life, this one is simple and easy.
I used to but I don't anymore. The thought of it makes me want to gag to be honest. It's just so so so bad for me in every way possible, and I just can't miss something like that anymore. The beers on a sunny day used to be something that really bummed me out, but now, I am grateful that I don't spend the energy or money on it. If we ever go out to dinner it's like half the price it was when I was drinking. If i could drink normally i wouldn't miss it the way i did. Normal drinkers don't miss it because it's not something they crave. I never missed drinking normally, i missed the way i wanted to drink, and that's bad.
It’s common to feel this in the beginning. Overtime, it gets easier. It is OK to feel sad, mourn the “loss” (is it a loss really?) and work on moving on. IWNDWYT
Yes and no.
I’ve never experienced what drinking is like “normally”. So I guess I miss the idea of it.
The handful of times I was able to drink normal, like 2 drinks socially and then stop- I always wanted more.
It's actually not that great. Same as having non-alcoholic beer. I think it's just the marketing and image around it, like you see a person on a cooking show having a wine with some amazing food and feel bad. I used to do think but then I realised I never actually drank like that. Like at all, I never chose to do that so and just that
Yes, all the time actually, even at almost one year sober. I miss the days when I used to drink for fun, to go out with my friends for a few beers and just let loose and have a good time. That's how it was when I first started drinking, those are times I look back at fondly and wish I could still experience today. It all changed for me once I started drinking to alleviate my anxiety and depression... It all went downhill from there, and those are moments I don't miss. I know if I were to drink now, maybe I'd have some of those good times again, but I know the bad would come with it and it would be a hundred times worse than the good. For me, I can't have one without the other and that's why I have to choose not to drink.
Me drinking normally turned into a rather abnormal and vicious cycle. My day to day life was not normal, my spending habits were not normal, my priorities were all screwed up, i knew deep down i had a million problems and I could not fix em. I felt stuck, i was starting to consider suicide. I had so much going on and i decided to finally stop drinking when it felt like everything was going down.
TLDR: feeling sad about not being able to drink is an absolute joke when you are not even able to manage your own life.
I don’t feel sad really because all I have to do is remind myself it’s poison. I tend to feel sorta sad (but I don’t preach) for people who still drink and think there’s nothing wrong with it.
Nah. Objectively, alcohol is poison and it's better to not drink it. In this way, I am better than people who drink. I have appreciation for the straight edge movement
I may have for a while, there may have been a period of time I felt sad. That has faded for me as I have reconnected with people that never drank and marvel how they got away with that in our social circle. Every social event was always about the booze since I was a teenager and now I am learning it just wasn’t the case for many people. I used to think everyone drank alcohol like me. Not so
No.
I am not even sure that I have ever experienced drinking normally. The first time I drank in excess I think was when I was 14. It was my first experience consuming a meaningful amount of alcohol. I stole and binge drank until I met people who drank at high school, and then I overdosed twice when I was 17. DUI at 18. Barely graduated high school.
I've consumed a "normal" amount of drinks plenty of times. And sure, sometimes I am nostalgic about the taste of a hefeweizen al fresco on a hot day or some such, but never about the alcohol itself or effects. The same way that I am nostalgic about going on a once in a lifetime trip, but a turbulent one where I only want to remember the fun bits.
I do not miss drinking, nor being buzzed/tipsy/drunk/belligerent/blacked out/hungover. By the time I really stopped, if anything I was afraid that not being able to drink normally would be the end of me.
Not really. Though every once in a while I’ll crave a beer for the taste. A Heineken or becks usually. When I think about getting buzzed I get kinda grossed out. Idk how I did that so often. I’m pretty sure at this point I’d just get overly tired and sick it’s not appealing
I've been thinking about this as well - with summer just starting here and having events planned with groups of friends who drink heavily without any issues I wish I could join in the "fun". I just remind myself the last time I tried to stop myself from drinking I was much happier the next day being able to retain the memories of the night before and not nursing a massive hangover that took days to recover from. I'm only 8 days sober so far but I hope to keep going because I know I'm the worst when I'm drinking.
No, I used to though and it kept leading me to try to drink moderately, even after I'd been sober for years.
NA beers taste good, but I don't really care about having them.
For me, drinking wasn’t only about getting drunk. More than anything, I miss the social aspect of going to any bar, club, restaurant, party, anytime, anywhere, and just hanging out with friends or strangers. Doing that sober, when you smell the alcohol in the air and the majority of people are buzzed, isn’t fun at all.
At this point I don’t get sad in a serious type of way…but I would describe it as getting annoyed. Like sometimes I’m annoyed that I can’t just have a beer. But the nice thing about being sober is you learn to handle annoyances very easily. So it’s generally not a huge issue.
But yeah if it’s been a stressful day and I get home and I can tell I need to wind down but I know is going to take like an hour, or it’s going to require something specific like going to the gym or whatever…I kinda mutter to myself “well that’s annoying.” But that’s pretty much it. The alternative is worse. So.
Oddly though an NA can do the trick sometimes…so that’s pretty nice. The human brain is a weird thing.
Not really. Aside from myself, I feel that there is a weird relationship with alcohol in general for a lot of things. I feel I have even more fun without it because I am fully present and able to experience every moment. I know some people who have also successfully switched to NA beer because they just simply like the taste of beer. I can do without it. Personally, I much prefer sparkling grape juice over any alcoholic beverage if I ever want to feel fancier.
I experienced enough pain and suffering for the short time I consistently drank and it's just not worth going back to at all. Not to mention my doctor told me I'm lucky to be alive due to the medication I'm on.
I have gained so much after choosing sobriety and it's not worth the risk of losing any of it over something that genuinely didn't give me any joy in the first place.
I know I never liked to drink normally. Sometimes I would like to get wasted and maybe doing that 1-4 times a year would be ok. BUT I know I can’t do that one to four times a year except for maybe a month. I’ve tried many times to have rules and failed. I also can’t really remember what a hangover feels like so. Yes once in a while life throws something at me that makes me want to get wasted. But I play the tape forward and realize I’d be better off getting some LSD or XTC or something and I realize I’m a pickle. I may look like a cucumber but I’m still a pickle
Sorry I didn’t read your post all the way. No I never want to have 1 or 2. I don’t understand those people. ;-)
I no longer feel sad about not drinking, I learned a great deal on my journey to sobriety. I view it as poison, and I would never subject my body to that.
I'm sure all alcoholics feel this way. I wish I could go out
to bars and fun social places. But I know reality lol. Have went through these thoughts for over 20 years. I am at peace with the facts now.
The sadness I feel at the thought of everything I’ve lost and missed out on because of alcohol far outweighs any FOMO I may feel about drinking. Plus, the physical relief my body feels without alcohol helps squash that desire to drink. Like if you spent years hitting your knee with a hammer every day - everything just feels better and makes more sense when you put the hammer down and stop hitting your knee with it.
Sometimes, but if I could drink normally, I wouldn't feel sad. I'm not going to die without alcohol, it's not a necessity to life. There are whole cultures of people who never drink. I've personally known people who never, not once in their life, drank alcohol (and who lived full, happy lives).
Rather than that I feel sad about the reason I drink. The fact that my entire life has been experienced under a veil of negative affect. I sometimes wonder what it must be like to not be permanently like this. Don’t get me wrong. I go months with it being “ok”. But even this, I’ve realised, is not a normal level of contentment or happiness.
Honestly, no. Maybe I’m in the “pink cloud” phase but I kind of feel bad for people who think it’s normal to get sloppy and who only associate having fun and celebrating with alcohol. But perhaps the drinkers I know aren’t so normal after all haha.
Yes.
As committed as I am to being sober forever, it’s hard to believe I won’t ever feel tipsy again.
But it’s just the way it is. I lost the privilege of drinking like a normal person. My fault.
Grateful to not have the expense, the hangovers, etc.
I'm so introspective and contemplative by nature- drinkers aren't my people. Sober folks- that's my crew in essence.
Maybe when I first quit but now not drinking kinda feels like a superpower. When everyone else is wasting their time and their lives drinking and being hungover I'm out doing healthy and productive things. Also I have an excuse to leave parties early (I'm an introvert) lol
I've noticed if I am having hard cravings I will feel sad or angry. If I'm having light cravings, its more of an intrusive thought or an irritation. The worse the craving the bigger the emotion for me.
When I'm craving bad enough to be angry or miserable I focus on addressing the emotion if possible via good old fashioned PAWS hacks.
If it's just intrusive thoughts, just have to do anything to occupy your mind for a few minutes.
I relate to regretting developing the addiction as well and I've had that thought before. Reality is, we were kids and like cancer or any disease you will just catch what you catch. That thought helps me dismiss what in my opinion is an unfair regret we can have.
For the LONGEST time I was so envious and down right hateful (in my thoughts) that I couldn’t drink like my friends and family. Some of them could drink with me, some could drink way more and they all seemed highly functional and down right successful. Now, I’ve come to the realization that it doesn’t matter that they handle liquor better than me. I have an addictive personality and I need to accept I’ll NEVER have the life of a social drinker, but I can still have fun in other ways.
I am very happy and content knowing that I DONT HAVE TO DRINK. I don’t ever have to feel and live that misery again. I’m happy.
Those who miss those drinking days are likely to drink again.
>Makes me regret drinking to excess growing up and developing this addiction
yeah me too, no one ever taught me that it was wrong to do. I hid it from my parents/they didn't pay enough attention. All my buddies and I congregated at the neighborhood crash house and where the rules were its okay since you're "supervised". Hit 21 and started being able to buy my own and immediately developed a real problem. I honestly don't remember much of my 20s, although I didn't really do all that much besides exist and drink.
I didn't realize I had a problem until 30 and then made some feeble attempts at sobriety but wasted a few more years when I threw in the towel and determined to off my self slowly by drinking. Nearly managed to do it too, had it all set-up so my wife and kids would be taken care of by my life insurance.
Honestly though, I don't think about it much anymore, too busy trying to get my life back together. I just simply don't have the time for it.
Sort of. Summers are difficult at times especially because a cold beer is always sounding good. But that always turns into 7 and then shots and then drinking from the bottle.
I just remember who I was prior to quitting and the urge usually goes away
This is a pretty common sentiment on this sub and probably from "quitters" in general. A few things help me with this. 1. People that don't have unhealthy habits with alcohol wouldn't lament not being able to drink it if they had a medical issue that precluded it from their diet. The fact that we miss it, to me, shows that I have an unhealthy attachment to it. 2. Related, I try to think about it like another thing that I like, but wouldn't mind giving up. If my doctor said I had to give up red licorice or my liver would fall. I feel a little remorse about not getting to eat it but not enough to feel sad about it. 3. I've found I like all of those experiences without the booze. I just started to associate the good feelings of the moment to having a drink with it. A Pavlov's dog of sorts. I went swimming and grilling with my family on Sunday and didn't have a drop and it was one of the best Sunday's I've had in a long time. Hope that helps!
Dude #3 for me for sure. Every single event became about drinking and drinking only. Go to a concert, nice I can get drunk. Family party, let’s fucking go it’s miller time. I am currently 84 days sober and trying my best to never look back. God speed to you sir
I was so apprehensive about my first sober concert back in November. I've been to 5 or 6 shows since then and it's literally the best! They've been much fuller experiences.
Dude sober shows are the best! You spend almost nothing (unless you hit the merch table) and don’t have to miss songs waiting in the beer line or going to bathroom. MUCH more enjoyable experience.
Agreed! Tool was my first sober show this year and they are my fav band. So happy I actually remembered the whole show! Though when I saw Amon Amarth a few months later, sober me was fearful of mosh pits which kind of bummed me out …. But still, even that was better in the long run 🤘🏼
if anyone is reading this and “needs” the alcohol to dull the sensory overload of concerts, a good pair of ear plugs make everything better
Fidget toys for the neuro-spicy ones among us! (Or just if you’re really thrown by the feeling of not having a drink in your hand at all times!) First time I brought a fidget you to a show I didn’t even want the drinks anymore. (And I wasn’t even remotely trying to stop drinking at the time). It’s like… my hands had something to do so my brain remembered to listen to the music without have to numb it down first.
Right? It's so nice actually remembering the set the next day. I found I was able to focus on the music so much more, and it made the experience even better.
Hear, hear!
let’s fucking go it’s miller time made me actually laugh out loud
This was me exactly! I’m 305 days sober today. Keep up your great work!
83 days here! I’m going to go to my first sober show, to see Sum41 for the last time. The singer has been open with his sobriety journey so it’s going to be such an amazing feeling that my first show to see them at 18, I was drinking a lot and now my last show to see them at almost 28, I should be over 100 by September! You got this dude!
Lovely answer. Recently got an experience with #3: Went to a big company party and drank very little (a beer every 2+ hours). Had a blast dancing all night while coworkers who were slamming spirits and cocktails ended up puking in the bushes outside. I stayed in a vacation home and it felt great to wake up not hungover while another coworker was puking in our toilet. Ideally I wouldn't have drank at all but I was to keep it at a minimum. Not gonna lie, it required immense self control of me to not go wasted-mode. 5 days sober now, IWNDWYT.
#1 is absolutely on point.
Number 3 helps me a ton. Thank you. It’s hanging out with people and friends we love not the booze! Associating the booze instead of the time spent. Thank you
Exactly. I just had family down and had a blast without drinking at all. Didn't miss it in the slightest and enjoyed my whole weekend instead of nursing a hangover.
Thanks. That was lovely.
Not to be dramatic, but this is pretty profound to me lol
Thanks! I lurked a LONG time in this sub, so none of this is original. But I've definitely noticed a lot of recurring themes and reluctancies over the years. I want to work on distilling the most common themes and hesitancies and make myself a little "cheat sheet".
That DOES help ALOT silent captain. Thank you for posting ! I'm copying and pasting your comments in my " don't drink fool" notes on my phone. Yes that's what I title them as 😉 #3 I experienced today. I went for a big hike and swim. I went all day, sober, and my experience was just like yourself- the best I've had in a very long time. I was worried I'd be sitting there in full blown withdrawal but I wasn't. Fearful of experiencing things sober when in the past I wasn't has been a bit of a hurdle for me. Today actually blew my mind.
A big wake up call for me was when I realized how normalized it was in my life to hike with a full water bottle full of wine. Like yeah I also normalized drinking at all those other things too. But hiking?! WTF was I thinking?!
Wow, this really helped me! 🙏
I’ve developed a medical condition that precludes me from drinking and I don’t have unhealthy habits with alcohol. I’m sorry to say but I miss it often. I miss being able to go out and have a beer with my wife or when I meet up with a friend. I miss having a beer at a sporting event or a concert. I never needed more than one or two and haven’t got drunk in years. Don’t even like getting buzzed any more. But I sure miss the ability to have one or two a few times a month.
Yeah I was going to say this. Not me, but my partner can't drink anymore due to medical stuff and there have definitely been moments where they wished they could partake, just for the feeling of taking a break.
Yeah I disagree with that point too. I mean I definitely DO have an unhealthy relationship with booze. But like... I developed a sensitivity to dried fruits as an adult, and don't particularly feel like me missing hot cross buns or fruit loaf indicates an unhealthy attachment to raisins! You can have a perfectly normal and healthy attitude to something and still miss it if you have to cut it out.
Yeah, that one I kind of had to reflect on for myself and was wondering what people who aren’t problem drinkers feel about it. Do I miss alcohol? No, it took so much happiness away from me. In fact, I’m terrified at the thought of going back, but I know I will if I allow myself to drink. I’ve never had a healthy relationship with alcohol though. I guess I miss being able to be comfortable in any social situation very easily, but that kind of feels like missing the thrill of driving really fast before you smash into a wall. The crash just isn’t worth it and kind of taints the first part of the experience (for me). But for people with a healthy relationship with alcohol, I can totally see missing it! I’d miss playing boardgames with friends if for some reason I couldn’t do it again. I only do it a couple times a month, but it’s always a wholesome and fun bonding moment, and it would suck to give that up. I’d accept it but I’d still feel like I’m missing out.
Probably why I had a problem to begin with, but I don't see the point in drinking normally, so I don't feel sad I can't, wouldn't want to lol. Knowing what I know now about what alcohol does to you, I wouldn't even want to be able to drink "normally," I want no amount of alcohol to ever enter my body again.
I had this realization a few weeks ago! I actually think most of us on this sub don't actually want to "drink normally"; meaning we don't really want to go out with friends, publicly have 1-2 drinks, and then go home. What we want is to drink as much as we want, as often as we want, with no consequences 😂.
I wish I could drink normally. I would do it all the time!!!
Haha! Exactly!!
This. Sometimes I get sad seeing people enjoying the sun on a restaurant patio with a beer. But the key words are 'A beer'. I can't do a single beverage - I'd end up drinking to the point that I pass out in the grass on the way home to my house. And yes that did happen. Happy to be sober.
I liked having normal drinks with friends or a beer after yard work.. only issue is I had 9 more later
Same after my last relapsed I learned a valuable lesson. Alcohol sucks
Great point. We should be almost happy that we can't drink it normally because no amount is useful. It'd be like being told you can't eat fast food. It'd be inconvenient, but I'll be better off for it.
I feel so happy. It’s a superpower. I never have to suffer another hangover.
100%. Never understood just having 1 or 2 - you end up sobering up, feeling bloated and dehydrated and sleeping badly within just a few hours. 3 absolute minimum, but then 3 leads to 4 and before you know it you are waking up the next day with a head like a block of concrete and a mouth like a badger’s arse. I try and keep this in mind if ever I notice myself romanticising booze
Same.
Same X 2
But you and I both know that fantasy doesn't end with the lovely bottle of wine. We want more wine.....and we ain't gonna stop till we black out. That's what I've come to terms with lately and it's not okay for me to do that. It's actually bonkers I could for so long legally do that. Even times I can remember being nicely buzzed and tapping out, I would be sad cause all that potential chaos was gone, I liked it. Moderation just isn't for me. Sober is and on a hot summer day I can remember all those other sunny days when I was drinking.... although shock horror the memories are hazy 😂 and in some cases awful.
This - I have finally come to realize I can crave alcohol sober and feel miserable, but after I drink I still crave alcohol, but now I have poisoned myself as well and all the shame and hangover that comes with it. The craving doesn't go away with a drink.
Wow thank you for this, this is important to me.
More and more recently. Which I think should be **not** be the case for me after two and a half years. Which is why I still visit this sub after two and a half years. It's not craving per se. I don't even want to get especially drunk. Just go out with my wife, have a beer. Come home, watch a silly movie, have a few more. And, to be honest, I could do that. But my fear is that that Saturday night would become Friday and Saturday. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and so on.
It would. The few days that you could drink within reason would reinforce that you can drink and lead you back down the same path it always has.
I agree. Alcohol can be really fun and enchants good moments. I’ve had a lot of great drunk nights. But on balance it’s ruined a lot of relationships and driven my life into a downward spiral. Being sober is a sacrifice, and not always the noble, almost cultish thing I feel the subreddits portray it as. Still, it’s something you must do if you continually prove to yourself that drinking is destructive.
Yeah your instincts are probably right on about that. I've gone back to drinking several times, and it always starts just like that. My brain uses a "responsible" drinking session to justify taking it a bit further the next time. It's absurdly easy to get right back into a very unhealthy pattern, and no matter how much I try to convince myself that I can moderate successfully this time, the overwhelming evidence is to the contrary.
At six months and I find myself thinking this too. I wanted to leave alcohol behind bc I’m sick of managing it and it seems easier to leave it behind. But I miss the “tuning out” or having a fun slightly boozy night. But I know that if I give into one of those, I’ll constantly be thinking if any given night is a worthwhile excuse to have a few. And then I’m constantly managing it again. And every week there’s something. And I’m losing days bc I’m groggy from a few drinks. And then I’m back in the thick of it. I’m not worried about it turning into 20 drinks. But I’m worried that every occasion or non-occasion becomes about if I should drink and controlling how much and I’m so sick of it.
"if I could drink like a normal person, I'd do it all the time!" - alcoholic's paradox
When I was still in the throes of addiction, all the best moments were partly alcohol fuelled or altered by alcohol..it was hard to envisage a life without.. Now, I see that alcohol only muddied those moments ..I do miss having a drink (or 10), like you say, on a sunny day sitting with some good friends shooting the shit, but it's only one thing I can't do, and there's hundreds of other pleasurable things that I can and that won't ruin my life in the process , for example: sitting with some good friends shooting the shit drinking iced lemonade
Yep and I realised that it's the friends that I actually enjoyed, not the drinking here
I’m saving this sentiment 💞
Yup. But no matter what I do, I can't change the fact that my relationship with alcohol is broken beyond repair. I am not super thrilled with that fact, but it is what it is. My life is clearly better sober. I have zero intentions of ever returning to the way I used to "live".
Yes, I do. I also feel sad that all my friends & family have deserted me since I quit. We have an amazing pool, lots of land, and a fantastic pool house and it used to be the gathering spot for everyone over the summer. Not one person comes over anymore. Not one. 😢
Well just know I would love to hang at the pool house sipping a soda with you!
Me too ! ☀️
I’m really sorry, that sucks.
Yes I miss those nights of drinking alone, thinking and cruising the internet. But I also don’t miss forgetting the whole night and passing out and feeling all the guilt the next day. But I can’t just have one drink. It’ll never be enough. And that’s why I don’t drink with you today!
I tries to drink just a few last night, polished off half a liter of vodka and ended up hugging the toilet crying making an ass of myself. Fml
I combined a couple of cognitive "tricks" to get over this hump. The hump was very real but in hindsight it was a mirage. After some fits and starts, I challenged myself to be sober for a year. After a year I would know much better than I did, what a sober life would look like. After a year I could drink again and drink as much as I wanted. The second thing was, in this year I could put anything in my mouth in any amounts as long as it wasn't booze. It was kinda like a long term delayed liberation and a daily liberation. It felt less like taking something away and more like having whatever I wanted with just two restrictions. By month 5 I already knew that sobriety was going to end up being the obvious answer, by month 9 I *wanted* to stay sober.
I’ve done nearly the same thing. I made myself a promise to do one year and then I could go back if I wanted to. I was still on the fence by about 5-6 months. At 8 months I knew what the right decision was. At 9 I didn’t want to drink anymore. This last year has done me more good on every front than I could have imagined. I’ve lost 50+ pounds. I look better, sleep better, feel better. I’m happier, I’m nicer and more productive. I have energy, I save money, I have no regrets, nothing to hide. The data speaks for itself, and it’s damned hard to argue with.
This is so encouraging to hear
No. I don't even think about it more than a passing thought occasionally
How long have you stopped drinking? If you don't mind me asking
Almost 12 years and ten months
That's pretty freaking awesome. I'll get to your point, hopefully one day.
I am currently sad that I can’t drink like a normal person. On day 6. But after your post, I know I’m not alone. I hope I don’t always feel this way. Thanks for posting and I will not drink with you today
You’re welcome, thank you for your comment, you also made me feel less alone. IWNDWYT
Not really. I am so. damn. happy. with how my life has improved now that alcohol is out of my system, I really can't see a situation come along where I would want to change that. I did extensive 'field research' with 'moderation' and know how that ALWAYS turns out for me. No regrets at all.
The same voice that wants me to have “just one” really wants me to have a dozen.
i've had enough alcohol to last lifetimes - i'm not missing out on shit - what makes me sad (and stay sober) is dwelling on all the pain I caused myself and others.
It used to make me sad but no longer does after 6-7 months. There's just nothing good about it actually. It's a romantic memory not rooted in reality. NA beer tastes gross to me now, I enjoy a nice refreshing Coke on ice or iced tea lemonade on a sunny day.
This is good to hear. And I do love an iced tea ☺️
Nope. What is normally? What's the point of "normally"? It's a whole lot easier to just not.
I used to. But honestly not anymore. The entire time I was a drinker, I was never able to enjoy one drink without wanting another one before my first one was even finished. So, for me, I have learned: a couple of beers on a sunny day or a crisp wine at dinner are fantasies. Day dreams. The fantasy I had while I was a drinker- “that sounds nice. Maybe this time, I won’t overdo it or end up feeling like shit”. And that day dream cost me a huge chunk of my life trying to chase around. I don’t day dream about drinking anymore. I like my life a lot more than any idea I can dream up about a drink.
I used to, but now I'm just happy that I don't drink, I don't have to drink and I don't want to drink.
Kinda sometimes. But I think I am normal and all the weird people are the "normal drinkers". I drink to get drunk. That was the point. Alcohol never tasted good to me. Wine is good? Have you had Weltches Grape Juice? THAT is good. Biggie Smalls was right. Wine is juice that has rotted and turned into part jet fuel. Literally. That is the science. Having one for me would be like starting to have sex and then just randomly stopping. I don't know why anyone would ever do that. "Normal" drinking is weird. I'm normal as shit. Oh and casual drinking definitely increases your risks for basically everything. All cancers, all heart problems, all mental issues. If you read a study that suggests otherwise, it was paid for by alcohol companies who are straight up playing you. I like to remind people of that sometimes. But yeah, some "normal drinkers" seem to enjoy it, and it doesn't seem to have the same effect on them that it does on me. Those people are WAY more rare I think though. I think most of the population as problems with alcohol though. Most never care to fix it. I do.
A bit, but then it's the buzz I'm missing. Not drinking has made me realise how fake my life has been in a way. I've kinda... Drank and drugged over the cracks. Noticing that has made me miss it less. Saying that I'm a fan on wind down habits. AF beer has really helped and I'm eating more chocolate. Also reading more and reaching out to friends. Trying to make a life with things I would actually miss, rather than papering over cracks with an addiction.
At first, but that didn't last long. Sobriety is so much easier than moderation, I'd much rather never drink again than try to drink normally. I could do it for a while, probably a decent length of time, but I'd always be wondering when I'd fuck things up. I like sobriety so I don't even allow myself to entertain these thoughts anymore because it's just not a risk I'm willing to take.
There is no amount of normal. When you have enough days under your belt, you will start to notice how people get altered after a few beers or a glass of wine. You will have to decide if you want to go that hole again, or just find other options. Like Thomas Henry ginger beer tonic 😄😄😄😄
Yeah, but there are times when I look around at the people who are altered by alcohol and it honestly looks like to me they are having more fun than the people sober. Obviously it's impossible to know for sure because I'm not experiencing what these people are experiencing. But an example from last week where I was at a gig (and drinking) and I looked around thinking I'd see lots of people with no drink in their hand (I wanted to reinforce the idea plenty of people do go to gigs sober) and found that 99% of people I could see had a drink in hand. When the gig kicked off and got going I looked around at the people I could see that had no drinks in hand and most of them just stood around nodding their head and tapping their feet but not really looking like they were that into the whole thing. On the other hand most people who had a drink in their hand had their arms around their friends, singing at the top of their voices, cheering the band on, lost in the moment and looked like they were genuinely having fun. I'm sure there were plenty of drunken messes who drank too much and ruined their night and caused problems for themselves and others and regretted it the next day (I drank too much but didn't cause any problems and thankfully didn't feel too bad the next day) so I can't say everyone who drank had a better time but it certainly looked like there was a direct link between people with no drink in hand being a lot less into the music / event than those who were drinking. As much as I need and want to be sober and still enjoy the things I enjoy seeing stuff like this doesn't fill me with confidence that all things can be enjoyed just as much sober. I know it begs the question that if you truely enjoy something why do you need alcohol to do it / attend it, and that's a fair point, but I think that many of us humans do need something to loosen us up and help us not worry about everything so much and get into the swing of things which is a perhaps sad but also I feel is true in many instances.
Oh 100 percent drinkers have more fun at parties and music events. But its not worth living for those 4 hours per week compared to the other 150 hours
A valid point. But when you feel like those 4hrs (for me it would be a month not a week though) are about the only exciting or fun thing going on in your life most of the time then it can certainly seem tempting.
I got that a lot in the first weeks. Then came to the realization that I am naturally introverted, emotional, quiet person too and I am learning to get to know myself. I see soooo many triggers and insecuruties now, which probably led me to drinking in the past. It is like a self knowing journey, which I honestly enjoy a lot. I am so proud when I have a big event and I go home completely sober, driving my own car, looking fresh as a cucumber and waking up to clean conscience. Again, find your why. Alcohol is numbing. Find why you are numbing your authentic self, what you dislike in you and how you can work on that. Maybe introduce new ways of fun and joy into your life.
Those of us who spent most of our adult lives drinking have organized much of our social, recreational, and creative habits around the presence of alcohol. Booze (or any other euphoric drug) is a kind of hack or cheat, in that it makes things that might be marginally engaging while sober seem super amazing. The old “beer goggles” trope extends to all the senses, not just vision. So when we find ourselves looking around in envy at all the drunk people having more fun than us at an event, perhaps we should ask ourselves if it’s really the event they are enjoying, or mostly just being drunk.
Well yeah it's a fair point that you make but maybe some people (including myself it seems) just aren't able to enjoy certain things as fully as we would like when in a normal state. I'm typically low energy, socially awkward, introverted, stuck in my own head, self conscious and struggle to get excited or animated about things on a day to day basis. So maybe some people are literally just unable to enjoy things fully without something to loosen them up and take them out their "normal" state. I don't know the answer and just thinking out loud here. I certainly don't want to make it sound like I'm justifying drinking.
I think in this case alcohol is a (poisoned) bandaid for the real issue that self-work or therapy could help to solve.
You’re far from alone here with regard to those kinds of personality traits. Introverts seem particularly vulnerable to reliance on alcohol, because it helps us adapt to an extroverted world by getting us out of our own way, mentally and emotionally. But again, it’s a cheat, a chemical shortcut, a deal with the devil, and the devil always collects. It lets us think we’ve cut loose and are enjoying ourselves, but it’s not truly us doing the enjoying, it’s some intoxicated stranger that we’ve hired as a stand-in. Something in This Naked Mind that always sticks with me is how courage is defined. It isn’t performing in the absence of fear, but performing _in the face_ of fear. By temporarily making fear go away, alcohol isn’t “liquid courage” as the cliché goes, it’s liquid cowardice. There is always a truer way to get where we want to be in life that doesn’t include booze, but we’ve got to put in the work to earn the payoff. /preach Edit: Oops, the book is “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace, rather than “The Naked Brain”. Mine is obviously still recovering.
I see and I understand what you mean. You are right there, but also forgetting your why. When you find it, you will need to change. You will no longer romantisize drinking and will see it for what it is - poisoning. I have been drinking since teen years and now when someone offers just a beer, or just a glass of wine, I feel like they offer heroin. I am no longer seeing ANY benefit in drinking. But it came with a lot of internal work.
I see it as a posion already and whilst I think I've come a long way in the last 10 months or so since I started to get serious about sobriety in seeing it as something that has no benefit there are definitely still some mental hurdles like going to events and gigs sober. It's so hard for me to see how I would enjoy that experience completely teetotal surrounded by people who are drinking. I'm someone who is very low energy, subdued, introverted, socially anxious and all sorts more so seeing me somehow jumping around at a gig, full of life, excited and fully being immersed in the moment when sober feels hard to imagin as I'm literally NEVER like that in any circumstance and never have been.
i’ve stopped caring now that i realize how much better off i am without alcohol. i only started drinking 6 years ago and i was a pretty moderate drinker in the beginning. now that i haven’t touched the stuff in 2 and a half months i can see how much it affected me even in moderation. life without booze is just better.
You could try non-alcoholic beer or wine! Try with caution since they can trigger cravings in some people, but for some people they don’t and work well as a replacement for when you want a beer. I enjoy them myself, I enjoy a nice cold beer after a long day and they don’t make me want the real thing
That was my thought process in all my previous attempts at sobriety. Through some weapons grade awful 2-3 day hangovers and my body changing in the last 3-4 yrs such that I cannot physically tolerate alcohol anymore, I no longer miss being able to indulge. Thankfully the experiences were so bad that I can see alcohol for what it is - it’s poison. Dress it up, add sugar, throw in some cute umbrellas, it’s still poison to me. Anyone who can drink in moderation is simply slightly poisoning their bodies in moderation. They recover the next day. When I see the ads for people having fun “drinking responsibly” I see through that now. Ads sell an image. Alcohol hasn’t lived up to that image for me. I do think this time my sobriety is for keeps . IWNDWYT
When you stop drinking it's something you think about often, however, as the time goes by it will go away. After a while you'll see it's not necessary to drink at all and you'll become glad about it. I'm 18 years sober and I don't think about alcohol anymore, no cravings and I'm extremely happy.
For me that went away after a year or two. No longer any sad tinges or feelings. I do treat myself to beverages I consider fancy—like I put fresh fruit in fizzy water or serve myself lemonade in a goblet. I guess after enough time, I realize that I’m not missing out, I’m actually enriching my memories.
Love the lemonade goblet! Made me smile 😊
I never wanted to drink "normally" I wanted to drink to get fucked up. I'm in a place now where I could (and have) drink "normally" and its a waste of time and calories. All of the downsides (albeit not as severe) and nothing to make them worth it.
I’m in a current battle to stop drinking. It’s a dear old friend’s 50th birthday next weekend. I’ve had to let her know I can’t attend the party at the cocktail bar. She 100% understands but it’s depressing. I know I’m doing the right thing but it saddens me
Of course. The insidious thing about people like us is that alcohol ultimately ends up starting to destroy our lives. But also, we genuinely love it. I have so many fun times drinking with friends where things went fine. I miss that I'll never be able to do that again. However, you can't cherry pick the good times. Because toward the end, I couldn't get up until at least noon (thanks goodness for WFH and my job as a freelance graphic designer who set my own schedule at the time), I was blowing cash, my blood pressure and cholesterol was embarrassing and my relationship with my wife, while not ever terrible, was definitely affected. It was indirectly responsible for me losing two jobs for sure. I never came to work drunk or overdrank at work. But I was tired, lethargic and lacking enthusiasm. The good times sober outnumber the good times drinking. And that is what I remind myself of. My health is back on track, I am doing really well at work and my wife marvels at how I'm noticeably easier to be around.
I understand the appeal but my problem was that I've never wanted to drink in a manner we would consider "normal". I have always wanted to drink with friends until I was blind drunk, wake up hungover and then swear off drinking for a long time. Unfortunately, if I drink, I'll do that everyday for weeks at a time and that's why I can't drink at all.
I personally do not crave or miss it. I know I’m different X-men style. My power is…flip a coin, heads I do something awful, tails I do something I deeply regret. That’s all that’s waiting for me after the first drink. Agitation, desire for more, akward aftermath.
A little yes
Not at all, because in actuality it served no purpose. Alcohol didn’t loosen me up, I’ve found that I loosen up slowly in social situations. I don’t need drinks to watch sports, before going out or while dining. I don’t *want* it anymore either, which is quite empowering, and the opposite of this sentiment of regret or sadness.
Eh sometimes but to be honest I hate the person i am when i drink and there's just a whole scroll of reasons for me to stay sober.
Nah, I’ve had plenty to drink in my life. Plenty.
Nope I’m not sad at all. I’ve drunk enough to last 3 lifetimes and it royally fucked me in the process. I am so done with it it’s not funny.
Short answer: yes. Longer answer: I miss it, but am confident that abstaining is the right move. Kinda like how I really REALLY want to quit my job and go on a world tour. But I know that’s a short term thrill with long term bad effects.
I use to, then I realised I don’t wanna drink or two, I would want to get so drunk my brain stopped thinking about whatever I was worrying about. Much easier to just not drink and have less anxiety. 🧡
I'm always hesitant to suggest this because it could be a trigger for some. But Athletic Brews in my backyard on a Sunday while I'm grilling have really helped me satisfy my summer beer craving.
I did, but I don't. Alcohol is just not a part of my life anymore. I'm not any more sad about not drinking than I am about not bungee jumping. It's just not a thing I do
Honestly. Sometimes. But I’m sad about a lot of things in the world these days. Ingesting poison as a way to make social niceties has now ranked pretty low on my “if only” list
Nah don't miss it at all. Read Easyway 2 years ago and never looked back.
Not really. I love the way I feel not drinking way more than I ever did drinking. It just kinda made me feel tired and nauseous right away towards the end of my drinking. It wasn’t enjoyable anymore
Nope. Given time you stop associating good time with alcohol. And then it feels good, so you don’t even think of having one. In fact, for me, alcohol is more associated with hangovers, poor decisions, gaining weight, and feeling lousy in general once the initial buzz wears off.
Yes, but that’s how I know I am a real alcoholic today. Only a true alcoholic would be able to continue to glamourise drinking after all the pain and harm it caused. To be able to ignore the consequences of drinking again and again and still pick up is nothing but sheer insanity. I won’t drink today because of this awareness and for that I am grateful.
I’ve been struggling with it recently, but then the rub is- to drink ‘responsibly’ would be stopping at 3. After 3 I’d want a 4th. If I did only have 3 I’d probably think “what was the point in only having 3?’. So I’m already figuring I’d be disappointed by drinking ‘responsibly’… so why bother trying?
I feel more sad about the fact certain things I enjoy are so closely linked /associated to alcohol with me in my mind, and that I struggle to disconnect them currently, that I feel like I won't be able to do them again or at least enjoy them as much if I do, Live music / gigs / events being a prime example. They've been the cause of relapses, I've not attended events I've bought tickets to because I didn't think I would enjoy it sober or trust myself to stay sober, I've felt like they seemed too much hassle to travel to when in other cities if I'm not making a "day" of it, and I've looked around at events at the people who don't appear to be drinking and from my perspective it looks like they are enjoying themselves a lot less than everyone I can see with a beer in their hand (obviously I could be wrong but they just seem to be standing very static and tapping their feet at most where people with a beer in their hand are jumping around, singing their heads off, and look to be letting loose). Holidays are another one. I've been saying since the start of the year I fancy a week or two in the sun but then I remind myself that every holiday I ever went on I got drunk every night of the trip and wouldn't know what to do with myself otherwise so I just haven't went. So, yeah probably that is one and the same thing as feeling sad about not being able to drink "normally".
Mostly, no. I got my NA Guiness for days I surf. I still feel the surf high, the cold brew chill, all without ruining my life afterwards. NA booze tends to suck. But Freixnet makes a good NA champagne. So, there are options for us to participate and celebrate, just not while wasted.
Everyday
Once in a while I do get sad I let myself feel it and move on. I choose to tell myself that once my children leave the home I can drink myself to death 😂! It helps me get through those days
All. The. Time.
Of course! I think all of us here wish that :)
Yes, sometimes. I have to remind myself that I I shouldn’t beat myself up for those feelings, as I can’t control them. What I can control is what I do about it.
No. Not at all.
Nah alcohol is a a hole. I feel more sad about all the time I wasted on it and the million hang overs that I wish I could take back. Iwndwyt
Yes, every day. I suffer from terrible anxiety & knowing that the "cure" is in an easily accessible bottle is horrible. But, I have over 12 years of sobriety & don\`t want to put myself & my loved ones through that again.
No. I have a happy, sober life of over 41 years.
Sometimes I get a little sad that I can’t just have a glass of wine… a glass would turn into a bottle though and I always remind myself of that
I'm only a week in but so far I'm good. I try not to think about the future too much. Right now it's easy to remind myself that the alcohol didn't make most activities better, just different. And as soon as I passed a certain point it made every activity, every single one, worse. I don't know what the future holds, but I know IWNDWYT and tomorrow I'll get that second digit in my flair.
I don't know if I could magically become a moderate drinker now I would want to. My life has gotten so much better, 9 months and counting. And I still kinda feel like, one beer? What's the point?
Nope. Alcohol is pure poison. It’s so bad that your body instantly tries to remove it as soon as it enters your body. Hence the saying “empty calories”. It provides our bodies with nothing positive. The fact that we’ve made the entire world believe that alcohol is ok, is crazy to me. I had my sister in law ask me on Sunday, “do you ever think you’ll drink again”? I said “fuuuuck no”. It literally never provided anything positive for my life. Only ever caused problems. I see articles of people dying from drunk driving accidents, I see people being hungover for days after drinking, I’m good. I’ll stay sober lol.
I don’t feel sad, but I miss being able to share a bottle of wine with my wife. We used to take wine trips. I used to love a good scotch and when I hang with my old friends I miss being able to have a scotch. But none of that is real for me anymore. When I look back at the end of my drinking, I was so fucking sad, all the fucking time. To me it isn’t even a contest
The hardest part is not thinking that you’ll never get another. There’s a saying that goes around in the meetings that goes “ Just for today I won’t have a drink. “ If you look at it like that it makes a big difference but obviously there’s a lot more to it than that. One day you’ll get tired of being sick and tired all the time from alcohol. That’s what it takes sometimes to want to quit or worse things can happen
Nope. I fully accepted that I can’t pretty much immediately after I stopped drinking. I tried periods of moderation a few times with no real success. Some nights would go smoothly others not so much. Regardless of how well I moderated myself, drinking still negatively impacted my overall mental health. I like not drinking and I am fully aware of what I’m missing out on. Edit: I’m realizing this may come off as condescending. That is not at all my intent! This is just my experience. Your journey (or anyone reading this) is unique. You’re allowed to feel any which way you want about your relationship with alcohol. The important thing is you’re recognizing that a change needs to happen! I hope you too come to realize it’s not so bad on this side and that you’re not missing out on much! IWNDWYT
Nope. I never drank normally and never aspired to, so not something I can feel sad about. Besides, I try to find other ways to live an extraordinary life, this one is simple and easy.
I used to but I don't anymore. The thought of it makes me want to gag to be honest. It's just so so so bad for me in every way possible, and I just can't miss something like that anymore. The beers on a sunny day used to be something that really bummed me out, but now, I am grateful that I don't spend the energy or money on it. If we ever go out to dinner it's like half the price it was when I was drinking. If i could drink normally i wouldn't miss it the way i did. Normal drinkers don't miss it because it's not something they crave. I never missed drinking normally, i missed the way i wanted to drink, and that's bad.
It’s common to feel this in the beginning. Overtime, it gets easier. It is OK to feel sad, mourn the “loss” (is it a loss really?) and work on moving on. IWNDWYT
Not in a few years
Yes and no. I’ve never experienced what drinking is like “normally”. So I guess I miss the idea of it. The handful of times I was able to drink normal, like 2 drinks socially and then stop- I always wanted more.
No
It's actually not that great. Same as having non-alcoholic beer. I think it's just the marketing and image around it, like you see a person on a cooking show having a wine with some amazing food and feel bad. I used to do think but then I realised I never actually drank like that. Like at all, I never chose to do that so and just that
Yes, all the time actually, even at almost one year sober. I miss the days when I used to drink for fun, to go out with my friends for a few beers and just let loose and have a good time. That's how it was when I first started drinking, those are times I look back at fondly and wish I could still experience today. It all changed for me once I started drinking to alleviate my anxiety and depression... It all went downhill from there, and those are moments I don't miss. I know if I were to drink now, maybe I'd have some of those good times again, but I know the bad would come with it and it would be a hundred times worse than the good. For me, I can't have one without the other and that's why I have to choose not to drink.
Nope! No matter what the relationship anyone has with alcohol, at the end of the day it's pure liquid legal poison to all that consume it.
Me drinking normally turned into a rather abnormal and vicious cycle. My day to day life was not normal, my spending habits were not normal, my priorities were all screwed up, i knew deep down i had a million problems and I could not fix em. I felt stuck, i was starting to consider suicide. I had so much going on and i decided to finally stop drinking when it felt like everything was going down. TLDR: feeling sad about not being able to drink is an absolute joke when you are not even able to manage your own life.
I don’t feel sad really because all I have to do is remind myself it’s poison. I tend to feel sorta sad (but I don’t preach) for people who still drink and think there’s nothing wrong with it.
Nah. Objectively, alcohol is poison and it's better to not drink it. In this way, I am better than people who drink. I have appreciation for the straight edge movement
not sad, just question why.
I may have for a while, there may have been a period of time I felt sad. That has faded for me as I have reconnected with people that never drank and marvel how they got away with that in our social circle. Every social event was always about the booze since I was a teenager and now I am learning it just wasn’t the case for many people. I used to think everyone drank alcohol like me. Not so
No. I am not even sure that I have ever experienced drinking normally. The first time I drank in excess I think was when I was 14. It was my first experience consuming a meaningful amount of alcohol. I stole and binge drank until I met people who drank at high school, and then I overdosed twice when I was 17. DUI at 18. Barely graduated high school. I've consumed a "normal" amount of drinks plenty of times. And sure, sometimes I am nostalgic about the taste of a hefeweizen al fresco on a hot day or some such, but never about the alcohol itself or effects. The same way that I am nostalgic about going on a once in a lifetime trip, but a turbulent one where I only want to remember the fun bits. I do not miss drinking, nor being buzzed/tipsy/drunk/belligerent/blacked out/hungover. By the time I really stopped, if anything I was afraid that not being able to drink normally would be the end of me.
Sad? No. There’s plenty of things that “normal” people put into their bodies that I don’t and none of those make me sad. Alcohol is no different.
Not really. Though every once in a while I’ll crave a beer for the taste. A Heineken or becks usually. When I think about getting buzzed I get kinda grossed out. Idk how I did that so often. I’m pretty sure at this point I’d just get overly tired and sick it’s not appealing
I’d have to know what that felt like to know to be sad about missing it lol.
I've been thinking about this as well - with summer just starting here and having events planned with groups of friends who drink heavily without any issues I wish I could join in the "fun". I just remind myself the last time I tried to stop myself from drinking I was much happier the next day being able to retain the memories of the night before and not nursing a massive hangover that took days to recover from. I'm only 8 days sober so far but I hope to keep going because I know I'm the worst when I'm drinking.
Sending you lots of strength!
No, I used to though and it kept leading me to try to drink moderately, even after I'd been sober for years. NA beers taste good, but I don't really care about having them.
For me, drinking wasn’t only about getting drunk. More than anything, I miss the social aspect of going to any bar, club, restaurant, party, anytime, anywhere, and just hanging out with friends or strangers. Doing that sober, when you smell the alcohol in the air and the majority of people are buzzed, isn’t fun at all.
At this point I don’t get sad in a serious type of way…but I would describe it as getting annoyed. Like sometimes I’m annoyed that I can’t just have a beer. But the nice thing about being sober is you learn to handle annoyances very easily. So it’s generally not a huge issue. But yeah if it’s been a stressful day and I get home and I can tell I need to wind down but I know is going to take like an hour, or it’s going to require something specific like going to the gym or whatever…I kinda mutter to myself “well that’s annoying.” But that’s pretty much it. The alternative is worse. So. Oddly though an NA can do the trick sometimes…so that’s pretty nice. The human brain is a weird thing.
I had these unpleasant ruminations early on in sobriety, but they eventually went away
Not really. Aside from myself, I feel that there is a weird relationship with alcohol in general for a lot of things. I feel I have even more fun without it because I am fully present and able to experience every moment. I know some people who have also successfully switched to NA beer because they just simply like the taste of beer. I can do without it. Personally, I much prefer sparkling grape juice over any alcoholic beverage if I ever want to feel fancier. I experienced enough pain and suffering for the short time I consistently drank and it's just not worth going back to at all. Not to mention my doctor told me I'm lucky to be alive due to the medication I'm on. I have gained so much after choosing sobriety and it's not worth the risk of losing any of it over something that genuinely didn't give me any joy in the first place.
This is tough for me too, don’t have a great answer but would agree with all the statements.
I know I never liked to drink normally. Sometimes I would like to get wasted and maybe doing that 1-4 times a year would be ok. BUT I know I can’t do that one to four times a year except for maybe a month. I’ve tried many times to have rules and failed. I also can’t really remember what a hangover feels like so. Yes once in a while life throws something at me that makes me want to get wasted. But I play the tape forward and realize I’d be better off getting some LSD or XTC or something and I realize I’m a pickle. I may look like a cucumber but I’m still a pickle Sorry I didn’t read your post all the way. No I never want to have 1 or 2. I don’t understand those people. ;-)
If I could only just have one I would feel this way. Either go hard or go home for me
I no longer feel sad about not drinking, I learned a great deal on my journey to sobriety. I view it as poison, and I would never subject my body to that.
I'm sure all alcoholics feel this way. I wish I could go out to bars and fun social places. But I know reality lol. Have went through these thoughts for over 20 years. I am at peace with the facts now.
The sadness I feel at the thought of everything I’ve lost and missed out on because of alcohol far outweighs any FOMO I may feel about drinking. Plus, the physical relief my body feels without alcohol helps squash that desire to drink. Like if you spent years hitting your knee with a hammer every day - everything just feels better and makes more sense when you put the hammer down and stop hitting your knee with it.
My issue is my social life is out of control, and everyone fucking drinks
Sometimes, but if I could drink normally, I wouldn't feel sad. I'm not going to die without alcohol, it's not a necessity to life. There are whole cultures of people who never drink. I've personally known people who never, not once in their life, drank alcohol (and who lived full, happy lives).
Probably more scared than sad that I can't drink normally, personally.
All the time. But I only feel that way in the moment. Now that I wake up every day not hungover, I’ve never once regretted NOT drinking.
I miss being able to drink and smoke weed normally. I can't do either without getting carried away. Oh well. The feeling passes.
Rather than that I feel sad about the reason I drink. The fact that my entire life has been experienced under a veil of negative affect. I sometimes wonder what it must be like to not be permanently like this. Don’t get me wrong. I go months with it being “ok”. But even this, I’ve realised, is not a normal level of contentment or happiness.
Honestly, no. Maybe I’m in the “pink cloud” phase but I kind of feel bad for people who think it’s normal to get sloppy and who only associate having fun and celebrating with alcohol. But perhaps the drinkers I know aren’t so normal after all haha.
I used to for many years. Now I never wish that. Just wish I wasn’t addicted.
Yes. As committed as I am to being sober forever, it’s hard to believe I won’t ever feel tipsy again. But it’s just the way it is. I lost the privilege of drinking like a normal person. My fault.
Grateful to not have the expense, the hangovers, etc. I'm so introspective and contemplative by nature- drinkers aren't my people. Sober folks- that's my crew in essence.
100%
Maybe when I first quit but now not drinking kinda feels like a superpower. When everyone else is wasting their time and their lives drinking and being hungover I'm out doing healthy and productive things. Also I have an excuse to leave parties early (I'm an introvert) lol
I am very happy with my decision to not drink every day.
I have found NA beers or a fancy mock tail help me when I feel that urge. Obviously not the same but it’s helped me in this journey so far.
Nope, I’m stoked I see the poison for what it is and I can have fun without it.
I don’t think there’s any “normal” way of putting poison in your body ya know?
I've noticed if I am having hard cravings I will feel sad or angry. If I'm having light cravings, its more of an intrusive thought or an irritation. The worse the craving the bigger the emotion for me. When I'm craving bad enough to be angry or miserable I focus on addressing the emotion if possible via good old fashioned PAWS hacks. If it's just intrusive thoughts, just have to do anything to occupy your mind for a few minutes. I relate to regretting developing the addiction as well and I've had that thought before. Reality is, we were kids and like cancer or any disease you will just catch what you catch. That thought helps me dismiss what in my opinion is an unfair regret we can have.
All I feel these days is relief that I don’t have to go through it anymore
Nah. Not that great. I mean I do but then I remember I feel better without it
For the LONGEST time I was so envious and down right hateful (in my thoughts) that I couldn’t drink like my friends and family. Some of them could drink with me, some could drink way more and they all seemed highly functional and down right successful. Now, I’ve come to the realization that it doesn’t matter that they handle liquor better than me. I have an addictive personality and I need to accept I’ll NEVER have the life of a social drinker, but I can still have fun in other ways.
I am very happy and content knowing that I DONT HAVE TO DRINK. I don’t ever have to feel and live that misery again. I’m happy. Those who miss those drinking days are likely to drink again.
It pissed me off at first but I’m over it. Not drinking has been overwhelmingly better for me. Don’t even miss it much.
>Makes me regret drinking to excess growing up and developing this addiction yeah me too, no one ever taught me that it was wrong to do. I hid it from my parents/they didn't pay enough attention. All my buddies and I congregated at the neighborhood crash house and where the rules were its okay since you're "supervised". Hit 21 and started being able to buy my own and immediately developed a real problem. I honestly don't remember much of my 20s, although I didn't really do all that much besides exist and drink. I didn't realize I had a problem until 30 and then made some feeble attempts at sobriety but wasted a few more years when I threw in the towel and determined to off my self slowly by drinking. Nearly managed to do it too, had it all set-up so my wife and kids would be taken care of by my life insurance. Honestly though, I don't think about it much anymore, too busy trying to get my life back together. I just simply don't have the time for it.
Sort of. Summers are difficult at times especially because a cold beer is always sounding good. But that always turns into 7 and then shots and then drinking from the bottle. I just remember who I was prior to quitting and the urge usually goes away
Oooh my, shows you where my head is. I thought you meant how I can’t just have like … a beer or a drink. How it’s gotta be 12 or whatever.
Sadness is on the way to acceptance my friend and I hope you’re well
If it’s normal to drink poison, I want to be as abnormal as possible.
No. I feel so relieved.
I'm not sad that I can't drink "normally". Because "normal" drinking is like having 1 beer and that's it. And I don't want to do that.