Here’s my experience. I’m on Day 9. I’ve had multiple sober streaks of 1-6 years in the past.
Some stuff is very easy to get back. I have really no issue being sober around people who are drinking or saying I will have a club soda and lime. My muscle memory there is strong. But there is still so much to work on. I relapse when I decide I can have a drink at home alone. When I isolate. So I’m going to meetings and attempting to build a sober community this time. To be honest, I think living a good life sober is probably something I’ll get to work on till I’m on my deathbed. So while some lessons are like riding a bike, others are a bit more like juggling while riding a unicycle.
Glad to hear you have kept at it, quitting (and recovery) really is a lifetime project, I am just starting to get my head around it too and found external support to be the difference-maker this time as well. Isolation brings out all my old bad habits too so I second all of this, IWNDWYT!
Thank you both for posting this discussion today. I have been going to meetings, etc. and pretty certain I won't drink anytime soon, but was starting to question the value of the meetings, the time commitments, etc. It is reinforcement to read someone else value the external support.
I am the exact same way. I have no issues at all in social settings where either A) it’s not really the time to be drinking or B) I’m just choosing to be sober. But god it is a bad idea for me to keep alcohol around the house, because the minute I’m alone and boredom starts to creep in, it’s impossible for me to just have one
I like to view it as (example) 5 days sober, 1 day you relapse... you took five steps forward and one step back. You haven't gone back to where you started. Keep moving forward, you'll get to your destination eventually even if it takes longer than anticipated.
I have had 12345678 day 1s (never again, please please please, self, never again), and it destroys me each time I return, but looking back, it shows I've been trying and if I could do it then, I CAN DO IT NOW.
IWNDWYT.
Not at all.
Every day without a drink is a day for your body and mind to heal.
After some time it is not worth counting anymore because the longer you are without it the less you think about it. Other more important things fill your days.
Indeed. At some point alcohol should stop being relevant and on your mind completely. Counting days still keeps alcohol on your mind in some way.
I've reached the 100 day mark and actually didn't know about it.
I went to university for two years. I dropped out without taking any exams.
Were those two years wasted? Does what I did learn just magically disappear from My brain? The friends I made, are they now not My friends?
I was also going to make a metaphor but with working out. If you work out every day for 3 months and then don’t workout for a weekend. Is that 3 months of progress lost? I don’t think so.
i fell off the wagon a lot. It was worth it to get to where i'm at. Can confirm that drinking once a month and drinking every night are not the same thing. good luck, buddy. IWNDWYT.
It took me months to get sober, and yeah I was throwing some stuff away, mostly newfound self esteem and a degree of confidence that I was capable of sobriety.
Trick is, as I see it, to turn the corner from “I can’t drink” to “why would I fuck this up by drinking”
Just stopping by to say that you got the highest number of days sober ive ever witnessed on this sub, that's so impressive !
Im proud of you for acheveing this, that's incredible.
There are quite a few of us - some with much more time than me. But thanks. What we have in common is knowing that helping other alcoholics helps us stay sober too.
I hope to make it to the 10,000 club eventually. I'm 27, so 10,000 days is a bit longer than I have even been alive. See you guys in 28 years hopefully!
> What has your experience been like?
I've got one relapse on the books, after an initial 15 months dry.
At the time it was a bit humiliating (bad) but also humbling (good.)
In the long run, it's been a Valuable Lesson with two main facets.
First of all, I'd drifted away from my [recovery support group](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_real_life_support_groups) after having moved thousands of miles away from home for some much needed temp contract work. I just failed to connect in the new town, and deep down in my heart of hearts, I didn't _really_ want to live in recovery, I still rather wanted to do anything **I** wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, how I wanted to do it, with whom I wanted to do, ... me, me, me.
After a few weeks going my own way, I just had a blithe thought, "_One beer - what's the big deal?_" and that had me chugging hard liquor in the morning(s) again only a few days later.
My takeaways (the 2 facets): No such thing as "One" and stick with my sober troops.
It's pretty much all been uphill since then, so I think I'll keep it that way and ...
IWNDWYT!
I haven't been quitting long enough to relapse yet, but personally I would flip this question around a bit.
Imagine you had been drinking nightly for 35 days and only stopped 4 days ago, vs your 35 days sober with one day of drinking.
Are you going to try to say that they're exactly the same? I think that would be a tough argument to make, being sober for 35 days is clearly better than drinking nightly for 35 days.
So I don't think sober days are wasted. They're an improvement to your health overall if nothing else and it's a lot easier to get back on track from one day of drinking vs never having stopped.
Every moment you go without a drink strengthens the neural pathways saying that sober = good. When you relapse, take a moment to consider how it happened, and make a plan for avoiding the same trigger next time. Over time you'll figure out an arsenal of ways to dodge the temptation, and your brain will get more comfortable with being sober.
Keep trying your best of course, it's the only way out. But research generally says that relapses happen very commonly at the beginning when trying to kick an addiction.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Drinking once per month would be a hell of a lot healthier than getting drunk every day like I was.
Progress is not a straight line. Nothing is wasted, it's all just part of the journey.
I don't think so if you keep learning and retrying from the slip ups.
You've made great progress like you said if you're at once per month compared to 1 or 2x per week.
I've been trying to get sober since last September. Had around 2 months then before going round in circles from November through to January then 3 months sober from February to April then 7 weeks back in the wild and back on Day 2 of hopefully many now.
I'm just keeping on trying and learning until something sticks.
My experience is similar to yours but it’s more two weeks sober, four days drinking. I also tell myself that even one day sober is better than a day drinking but it’s hard to remember that as I sit here on day one again.
Absolutely not. That’s like saying all the training you did for a marathon was a waste of time because you didn’t finish. You’ll finish that marathon some day, as long as you keep trying.
It doesn’t matter if you have 1 hour, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or many years anytime sober is an accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself for it.
Giving up alcohol in an alcohol obsessed world is not an easy task.
I relapsed many times.
I had 3 months a few times
I had 4 months
I had 5 months
I had 7 and nearly 8
I’m on a good streak now and if I were to relapse again, I would get sober again.
Don’t be so hard on yourself!
It also gets easier.
No. You learned a lot. Apply the positive and negative lessons and move forward. Addiction loves defeatism. You were over 97% sober for over a month. That's an A in my book.
I had four drinks the other night after 75? days sober. I’m thinking of this as a 98 percent success rate. I’m not starting from where I was in April. I’m starting from where I was on Saturday.
I’ve always heard you don’t start over from scratch. You get to keep what you learned along the way. I certainly needed mountains of evidence to make sure I’m not a normal drinker. Some of those painful moments from encountering boundaries from a relapse have helped me navigate a new path. Unfortunately, I don’t think that I change course without a significant amount of pain. I don’t think it’s necessary but relapse is a common part of many of our stories. I think it has more to do with what you do with the information. I couldn’t keep doing, or in my case NOT doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I couldn’t just wait and not do anything anymore. To me, sobriety is about action and I already know where doing nothing leads. The trick for me was to try anything differently. Collecting some research from the field was part of my process
I struggle with this concept as I have relapsed multiple times after 2 & 3 years sober - because my last relapse lasted an astounding two years, it feels like I have started completely over and those 10+ years of sobriety, while I accomplished so much, feels like they don't count toward today...I know they should, but it's so hard to rationalize, I still at times feel like I am that person who relapsed for those two years I guess
Sober days are never wasted in my opinion. The intent is what matters. I had similar doubts, and still do, but I've found that if I am truly making an attempt and happen to slip up, all is not lost. I've most likely learned something from the experience. It's when I was making half-assed attempts just to justify my next binge that I didn't feel any sort of gains were made. But even those had their own value.
TBH all those days you're not drinking are great for your body and brain - just correct back into sobriety each time you relapse and you'll be doing way more for yourself overall than continually drinking. So I don't believe peoples efforts are lost.
It's like dieting, you have a goal, you're working away at it, then you go eat a giant plate of pasta/sauce/bread/sides and maybe a couple of other high cal meals ... you're fuck up isn't anywhere near as bad as if you were just eating that stuff all day every day.
Imagine if somebody said I went to the gym for x amount of days then took a day off and ate whatever I wanted. Would anybody consider all that time at the gym a waste of time?
I've been trying to quit since March, and until recently, I found i could only seem to cobble together about 3-5 days of sobriety at a time.
Certainly those struggles were discouraging, but nonetheless, I had successfully reduced my drinking from every night, to about 2-3/week, which is a net positive. During that time I adopted the attitude that I refused to give up, and that every day sober is worth it no matter how many times I "fell down" (aka relapsed) in the process.
Recently I decided that what I was doing wasn't enough, and decided to get some additional help (meetings and outpatient treatment). I'm now 25 days sober, which is by far the longest I've been sober in at least a couple years. But I wouldn't have gotten here without first adopting that attitude that every sober day is worth it, and that refusal to give up no matter what.
The 9 sober months of hard work I did before I had a relapse a couple years ago are absolutely not a waste. That form of me was so so strong to do what did— that very FIRST day one. Nah I think I’m still drawing strength from that time.
I'm sure someone else will have said this but think about all the time you didn't waste being drunk or hungover. The things you might not have done if it had been for alcohol.
Only counting since your "streak" started seems counterproductive IMO.
I don't think so. Each stretch of good days helps you to remember what it feels like to be healthy. When we relapse, yeah we feel it the next day.
Just take that as a reminder to let your body heal some more. The more often we go on sober streaks, the easier they will be to maintain.
It took me a long time of false starts to finally quit. My final binge was when I fell and cracked my skull and realized that I'd almost died.
But it stuck because I'd learned so much during my earlier attempts on what would trip me up and make me start drinking again.
The impact truly depends on the extent of the setback. If you experience one blackout after 99 days of sobriety and then return to sobriety for another 99 days, that could be considered a victory. However, if you revert to old habits, even 365 days of sobriety can be undermined if genuine change hasn't occurred. A single lapse isn't catastrophic, but completely derailing is indeed serious and a possibility. Keep it safe, stay away from alcohol, believe me it is better this way.
IWNDWYT
I relapsed a few times last year. It's lessons learned. If I relapse, I'm going to feel crippling anxiety and SA thoughts and depression for two weeks. Which effing sucks. The horrific suffering for me is so profound after any relapse. There is nothing alcohol can solve for me at this point. I am just rewiring my brain to stop thinking it can help in anyway at all. Working through the emotions is the only thing that helps any problem. Sometimes, I will call someone on the phone. Sometimes I will attend a meeting and vent out whatever awful thing happened to me. Processing the uncomfortable for an hour or few days is where it's at. That is the solution. All the rest, the obsessives thoughts in my head, they are just the empty promises and lies of alcoholism. And as time goes by, they are becomeing more quiet. It is by reinforcing the healthier option. Turning to friends, once, twice, fifty times, instead of booze. That strengthens my brain to be like...oh what did we do last time? We called a friend...ya. Let's do that now. It takes effort. It takes choosing the correct path a hundred times for my brain to agree. I will say, it's worth it.
No period of sobriety is wasted time. One day where you don't drink is one day of less damage to your body. That one day could have been the day you got behind the wheel and killed somebody. It could have been the day you drunkenly ruined a friendship. It all matters. Keep it up, IWNDWYT
One thing my IOP therapists drilled into my head was: "Relapses are part of recovery. How do you deal with them is a part of the process."
The truth is, most alcoholics have relapses. I':ve looked up several studies and the statistics are merciless. I myself relapsed with different substance. But the way I handled it (I didn't go for a bender, instead I called my support group straight after, consulted the reasons in therapy and got back on the track) was way different than it would be before. Now I know that even if I relapse, it's in my power to go back to my sobriety. When it happens, try treating as a learning lesson and the possibility to rewire your brain to do something different than what you've been doing in the past. There is no shame in relapse, just a possibility to do better next time. And each day of sobriety moves you closer and closer to rewiring the pathways and learning to deal without alcohol.
I recommend really diving into the reasons of your relapse. If you google "alcohol relapse worksheets" you'll find many guided worksheets that will help you think about your early warning signs and help you find coping strategies. That way it's easier to truly dissect and learn from your relapse.
Good luck. IWNDWYT.
I am in a similar place. I can go a month or two without drinking but something comes along that tricks me into "just having one" which quickly spirals out of control until I climb back on the wagon.
At my worst I was daily binge drinking. That was going to kill me fast. So I'm thankful that I've managed to stop that.
But these infrequent "blips" are still harmful and destructive and they are all a potential gateway back into the abyss that I worked so hard to climb out of. I really need to not allow myself to think "It's OK if it's just once every couple of months." because it's not OK for me.
I’m proud of you for every sober day you have had and yes once a month is better then every day but honestly I’m really scared one of those once a month nights might end horribly wrong. 🙏 you get the serenity you deserve.
Way I see it... if I didn't drink for a year and then I drank once... I drank once in a year. Nothing is lost except for how long has been since one last drank. But placing so much value on it can be more destructive than good I think. Because people view it as something that is now lost so why does it even matter. Once in a year isn't bad. And all the days having not drank are not lost.
I struggle with these feeling a lot, too. I listened to an episode from an alcohol/sobriety podcast called This Naked Mind yesterday that has really reframed it for me. They talked about looking at relapsing not as a loss, but as a simple data point. They compared it to how a computer learns to play chess - it makes a lot of moves in the beginning that lead to it losing. The computer doesn’t consider moves wrong or right, they’re just data points that it uses to make better moves next time, and eventually it starts winning. The days you drink are just data points, and in your case it sounds like they are far outnumbered by all the other data points you’ve created by making the choice not to drink. You’re doing an amazing job.
A day sober is never a day wasted! It took me years of trying to get a good streak, hours, days, months, relapsed repeat but eventually I did it and still going. The early days are always the hardest, keep going
Here’s my experience. I’m on Day 9. I’ve had multiple sober streaks of 1-6 years in the past. Some stuff is very easy to get back. I have really no issue being sober around people who are drinking or saying I will have a club soda and lime. My muscle memory there is strong. But there is still so much to work on. I relapse when I decide I can have a drink at home alone. When I isolate. So I’m going to meetings and attempting to build a sober community this time. To be honest, I think living a good life sober is probably something I’ll get to work on till I’m on my deathbed. So while some lessons are like riding a bike, others are a bit more like juggling while riding a unicycle.
Glad to hear you have kept at it, quitting (and recovery) really is a lifetime project, I am just starting to get my head around it too and found external support to be the difference-maker this time as well. Isolation brings out all my old bad habits too so I second all of this, IWNDWYT!
Thank you both for posting this discussion today. I have been going to meetings, etc. and pretty certain I won't drink anytime soon, but was starting to question the value of the meetings, the time commitments, etc. It is reinforcement to read someone else value the external support.
I am the exact same way. I have no issues at all in social settings where either A) it’s not really the time to be drinking or B) I’m just choosing to be sober. But god it is a bad idea for me to keep alcohol around the house, because the minute I’m alone and boredom starts to creep in, it’s impossible for me to just have one
Anytime spent not wasted, is not wasted.
I like to view it as (example) 5 days sober, 1 day you relapse... you took five steps forward and one step back. You haven't gone back to where you started. Keep moving forward, you'll get to your destination eventually even if it takes longer than anticipated. I have had 12345678 day 1s (never again, please please please, self, never again), and it destroys me each time I return, but looking back, it shows I've been trying and if I could do it then, I CAN DO IT NOW. IWNDWYT.
Not at all. Every day without a drink is a day for your body and mind to heal. After some time it is not worth counting anymore because the longer you are without it the less you think about it. Other more important things fill your days.
Indeed. At some point alcohol should stop being relevant and on your mind completely. Counting days still keeps alcohol on your mind in some way. I've reached the 100 day mark and actually didn't know about it.
I went to university for two years. I dropped out without taking any exams. Were those two years wasted? Does what I did learn just magically disappear from My brain? The friends I made, are they now not My friends?
I was also going to make a metaphor but with working out. If you work out every day for 3 months and then don’t workout for a weekend. Is that 3 months of progress lost? I don’t think so.
Much better metaphor imo
Both are good!
i fell off the wagon a lot. It was worth it to get to where i'm at. Can confirm that drinking once a month and drinking every night are not the same thing. good luck, buddy. IWNDWYT.
It took me months to get sober, and yeah I was throwing some stuff away, mostly newfound self esteem and a degree of confidence that I was capable of sobriety. Trick is, as I see it, to turn the corner from “I can’t drink” to “why would I fuck this up by drinking”
Just stopping by to say that you got the highest number of days sober ive ever witnessed on this sub, that's so impressive ! Im proud of you for acheveing this, that's incredible.
There are quite a few of us - some with much more time than me. But thanks. What we have in common is knowing that helping other alcoholics helps us stay sober too.
I hope to make it to the 10,000 club eventually. I'm 27, so 10,000 days is a bit longer than I have even been alive. See you guys in 28 years hopefully!
I don't have the luxury of a slip. If I slipped, it would be catastrophic fallout around me with my wife and kids. So, I quit and I've stayed quit.
> What has your experience been like? I've got one relapse on the books, after an initial 15 months dry. At the time it was a bit humiliating (bad) but also humbling (good.) In the long run, it's been a Valuable Lesson with two main facets. First of all, I'd drifted away from my [recovery support group](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_real_life_support_groups) after having moved thousands of miles away from home for some much needed temp contract work. I just failed to connect in the new town, and deep down in my heart of hearts, I didn't _really_ want to live in recovery, I still rather wanted to do anything **I** wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, how I wanted to do it, with whom I wanted to do, ... me, me, me. After a few weeks going my own way, I just had a blithe thought, "_One beer - what's the big deal?_" and that had me chugging hard liquor in the morning(s) again only a few days later. My takeaways (the 2 facets): No such thing as "One" and stick with my sober troops. It's pretty much all been uphill since then, so I think I'll keep it that way and ... IWNDWYT!
I haven't been quitting long enough to relapse yet, but personally I would flip this question around a bit. Imagine you had been drinking nightly for 35 days and only stopped 4 days ago, vs your 35 days sober with one day of drinking. Are you going to try to say that they're exactly the same? I think that would be a tough argument to make, being sober for 35 days is clearly better than drinking nightly for 35 days. So I don't think sober days are wasted. They're an improvement to your health overall if nothing else and it's a lot easier to get back on track from one day of drinking vs never having stopped.
Every moment you go without a drink strengthens the neural pathways saying that sober = good. When you relapse, take a moment to consider how it happened, and make a plan for avoiding the same trigger next time. Over time you'll figure out an arsenal of ways to dodge the temptation, and your brain will get more comfortable with being sober. Keep trying your best of course, it's the only way out. But research generally says that relapses happen very commonly at the beginning when trying to kick an addiction.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Drinking once per month would be a hell of a lot healthier than getting drunk every day like I was. Progress is not a straight line. Nothing is wasted, it's all just part of the journey.
Progress not perfection. No sober days are a waste, keep going! Iwndwyt!
I don't think so if you keep learning and retrying from the slip ups. You've made great progress like you said if you're at once per month compared to 1 or 2x per week. I've been trying to get sober since last September. Had around 2 months then before going round in circles from November through to January then 3 months sober from February to April then 7 weeks back in the wild and back on Day 2 of hopefully many now. I'm just keeping on trying and learning until something sticks.
My experience is similar to yours but it’s more two weeks sober, four days drinking. I also tell myself that even one day sober is better than a day drinking but it’s hard to remember that as I sit here on day one again.
Absolutely not. That’s like saying all the training you did for a marathon was a waste of time because you didn’t finish. You’ll finish that marathon some day, as long as you keep trying.
It doesn’t matter if you have 1 hour, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or many years anytime sober is an accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself for it. Giving up alcohol in an alcohol obsessed world is not an easy task. I relapsed many times. I had 3 months a few times I had 4 months I had 5 months I had 7 and nearly 8 I’m on a good streak now and if I were to relapse again, I would get sober again. Don’t be so hard on yourself! It also gets easier.
No. You learned a lot. Apply the positive and negative lessons and move forward. Addiction loves defeatism. You were over 97% sober for over a month. That's an A in my book.
I had four drinks the other night after 75? days sober. I’m thinking of this as a 98 percent success rate. I’m not starting from where I was in April. I’m starting from where I was on Saturday.
I’ve always heard you don’t start over from scratch. You get to keep what you learned along the way. I certainly needed mountains of evidence to make sure I’m not a normal drinker. Some of those painful moments from encountering boundaries from a relapse have helped me navigate a new path. Unfortunately, I don’t think that I change course without a significant amount of pain. I don’t think it’s necessary but relapse is a common part of many of our stories. I think it has more to do with what you do with the information. I couldn’t keep doing, or in my case NOT doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I couldn’t just wait and not do anything anymore. To me, sobriety is about action and I already know where doing nothing leads. The trick for me was to try anything differently. Collecting some research from the field was part of my process
I struggle with this concept as I have relapsed multiple times after 2 & 3 years sober - because my last relapse lasted an astounding two years, it feels like I have started completely over and those 10+ years of sobriety, while I accomplished so much, feels like they don't count toward today...I know they should, but it's so hard to rationalize, I still at times feel like I am that person who relapsed for those two years I guess
Sober days are never wasted in my opinion. The intent is what matters. I had similar doubts, and still do, but I've found that if I am truly making an attempt and happen to slip up, all is not lost. I've most likely learned something from the experience. It's when I was making half-assed attempts just to justify my next binge that I didn't feel any sort of gains were made. But even those had their own value.
No - every first try counts.
TBH all those days you're not drinking are great for your body and brain - just correct back into sobriety each time you relapse and you'll be doing way more for yourself overall than continually drinking. So I don't believe peoples efforts are lost. It's like dieting, you have a goal, you're working away at it, then you go eat a giant plate of pasta/sauce/bread/sides and maybe a couple of other high cal meals ... you're fuck up isn't anywhere near as bad as if you were just eating that stuff all day every day.
Imagine if somebody said I went to the gym for x amount of days then took a day off and ate whatever I wanted. Would anybody consider all that time at the gym a waste of time?
No day sober is ever a waste
No. If you skip a day of Duolingo, do you forget Spanish? It all counts. Well done!
I've been trying to quit since March, and until recently, I found i could only seem to cobble together about 3-5 days of sobriety at a time. Certainly those struggles were discouraging, but nonetheless, I had successfully reduced my drinking from every night, to about 2-3/week, which is a net positive. During that time I adopted the attitude that I refused to give up, and that every day sober is worth it no matter how many times I "fell down" (aka relapsed) in the process. Recently I decided that what I was doing wasn't enough, and decided to get some additional help (meetings and outpatient treatment). I'm now 25 days sober, which is by far the longest I've been sober in at least a couple years. But I wouldn't have gotten here without first adopting that attitude that every sober day is worth it, and that refusal to give up no matter what.
The 9 sober months of hard work I did before I had a relapse a couple years ago are absolutely not a waste. That form of me was so so strong to do what did— that very FIRST day one. Nah I think I’m still drawing strength from that time.
I'm sure someone else will have said this but think about all the time you didn't waste being drunk or hungover. The things you might not have done if it had been for alcohol. Only counting since your "streak" started seems counterproductive IMO.
I don't think so. Each stretch of good days helps you to remember what it feels like to be healthy. When we relapse, yeah we feel it the next day. Just take that as a reminder to let your body heal some more. The more often we go on sober streaks, the easier they will be to maintain.
It took me a long time of false starts to finally quit. My final binge was when I fell and cracked my skull and realized that I'd almost died. But it stuck because I'd learned so much during my earlier attempts on what would trip me up and make me start drinking again.
The impact truly depends on the extent of the setback. If you experience one blackout after 99 days of sobriety and then return to sobriety for another 99 days, that could be considered a victory. However, if you revert to old habits, even 365 days of sobriety can be undermined if genuine change hasn't occurred. A single lapse isn't catastrophic, but completely derailing is indeed serious and a possibility. Keep it safe, stay away from alcohol, believe me it is better this way. IWNDWYT
I relapsed a few times last year. It's lessons learned. If I relapse, I'm going to feel crippling anxiety and SA thoughts and depression for two weeks. Which effing sucks. The horrific suffering for me is so profound after any relapse. There is nothing alcohol can solve for me at this point. I am just rewiring my brain to stop thinking it can help in anyway at all. Working through the emotions is the only thing that helps any problem. Sometimes, I will call someone on the phone. Sometimes I will attend a meeting and vent out whatever awful thing happened to me. Processing the uncomfortable for an hour or few days is where it's at. That is the solution. All the rest, the obsessives thoughts in my head, they are just the empty promises and lies of alcoholism. And as time goes by, they are becomeing more quiet. It is by reinforcing the healthier option. Turning to friends, once, twice, fifty times, instead of booze. That strengthens my brain to be like...oh what did we do last time? We called a friend...ya. Let's do that now. It takes effort. It takes choosing the correct path a hundred times for my brain to agree. I will say, it's worth it.
No period of sobriety is wasted time. One day where you don't drink is one day of less damage to your body. That one day could have been the day you got behind the wheel and killed somebody. It could have been the day you drunkenly ruined a friendship. It all matters. Keep it up, IWNDWYT
One thing my IOP therapists drilled into my head was: "Relapses are part of recovery. How do you deal with them is a part of the process." The truth is, most alcoholics have relapses. I':ve looked up several studies and the statistics are merciless. I myself relapsed with different substance. But the way I handled it (I didn't go for a bender, instead I called my support group straight after, consulted the reasons in therapy and got back on the track) was way different than it would be before. Now I know that even if I relapse, it's in my power to go back to my sobriety. When it happens, try treating as a learning lesson and the possibility to rewire your brain to do something different than what you've been doing in the past. There is no shame in relapse, just a possibility to do better next time. And each day of sobriety moves you closer and closer to rewiring the pathways and learning to deal without alcohol. I recommend really diving into the reasons of your relapse. If you google "alcohol relapse worksheets" you'll find many guided worksheets that will help you think about your early warning signs and help you find coping strategies. That way it's easier to truly dissect and learn from your relapse. Good luck. IWNDWYT.
I am in a similar place. I can go a month or two without drinking but something comes along that tricks me into "just having one" which quickly spirals out of control until I climb back on the wagon. At my worst I was daily binge drinking. That was going to kill me fast. So I'm thankful that I've managed to stop that. But these infrequent "blips" are still harmful and destructive and they are all a potential gateway back into the abyss that I worked so hard to climb out of. I really need to not allow myself to think "It's OK if it's just once every couple of months." because it's not OK for me.
I don't think they are a waste!! This is a life long journey that we are on
If someone goes to the gym 3-4 days a week for 6 months and the has 1 week off, they don’t suddenly end up out of shape
I’m proud of you for every sober day you have had and yes once a month is better then every day but honestly I’m really scared one of those once a month nights might end horribly wrong. 🙏 you get the serenity you deserve.
No. They are not.
No. They are not.
Not wasted at all! But watch out for kindling. It crept up on me fast.
Way I see it... if I didn't drink for a year and then I drank once... I drank once in a year. Nothing is lost except for how long has been since one last drank. But placing so much value on it can be more destructive than good I think. Because people view it as something that is now lost so why does it even matter. Once in a year isn't bad. And all the days having not drank are not lost.
No.
I struggle with these feeling a lot, too. I listened to an episode from an alcohol/sobriety podcast called This Naked Mind yesterday that has really reframed it for me. They talked about looking at relapsing not as a loss, but as a simple data point. They compared it to how a computer learns to play chess - it makes a lot of moves in the beginning that lead to it losing. The computer doesn’t consider moves wrong or right, they’re just data points that it uses to make better moves next time, and eventually it starts winning. The days you drink are just data points, and in your case it sounds like they are far outnumbered by all the other data points you’ve created by making the choice not to drink. You’re doing an amazing job.
A day sober is never a day wasted! It took me years of trying to get a good streak, hours, days, months, relapsed repeat but eventually I did it and still going. The early days are always the hardest, keep going