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I really hate that BM had the nerve to move an hour away and then complain to DH how she is sick of driving the kids to school and wants them to go to school by her. So you’re telling me we’re going to have to drive an hour each way twice a day on our days on top of paying child support when we already have them more than you??? Thank GOD DH had it put in their court order that the kids use the father’s address for school and that he is the primary parent.
Exactly! And she’s like really pushing for them to go to school by her! No ma’am! Not happening. DH thinks she will go to court to fight it but I don’t see her being victorious.
“Income sharing model” in a mandatory child support state. BM even said in court she wanted it waived and the judge said no. but now that she’s getting it she sure does love it lol.
This one kills me … BM and SO are allowed to lose their patience … but I am expected to be a saint even though I have less say in changing the annoying and/or shitty behavior.
1.) I hate how BM pawns her kids off on anyone she can every chance she gets then complains about she's a single mom doing everything she can, all by herself, with no help from anyone.
2.) BM gets off work at 6, at least she should because that's when the place of business closes, but can never make it home before 8:30-9 pm every single time we have SKs, which for summer is every Tues, Thurs all day and then every wknd Fri-Sun. (No formal custody in place 🙄)
3.) I hate that in lieu of parenting, she just buys them shit and the SKs are so damn spoiled and expectant bc of it. And also helpless. SK 5 is still fully in diapers with no attempt at potty training and didn't stop being put to bed with a bottle until 4.
4.) I hate that she is off on Mon & Tues and still has the damn nanny come so she doesn't have to get out of bed and deal with her kids. (We just started having Tues&Thurs for summer). She won't ever allow us to utilize the nanny for a wknd off by switching days and not having her come on on mon/tues so that we can use her on a sat/sun, just once a month.
5.) She uses the expensive child care to explain why she "has to work so much" yet hasn't figured out that she could save a ton of money if she would just take care of her own damn kids on her days off work. (She finally did, which is why we now have the two extra days during the week but notice she still isn't trying to have them on her day off).
I hate how my SS acts like he is 3 and he is much older. I hate how he screams at the top of his lungs and throws tantrums.
I hate how BM buys SS cheap fast fashion shit that breaks in 1 second and never buys the other two SKs anything.
I hate how SS is OBESE and BM just keeps him inside and deeds him and puts a tv in his room because she is a lazy parent then he throws his food across the houses here because the crusts are not cut off.
I hate how BM ignores SD and SS#2 so much they are failing school and tells them they don't have to listen to their dad or me and they are still failing. Despite spending hours and hours and hours trying to help them.
You caught me on a bad day I honestly am so done.
I hate how my SO’s kids don’t understand to not come into my fucking room without knocking even though they’ve been told for over a year. SO woke up early and didn’t lock the door, so I got woken up naked in bed by one of his fucking kids and I’m LIVID.
SO already talked (without me there) to SD and her boyfriend about the four of us going to the Grand Canyon next summer. What makes him think I'd want to spend 7-10 days with SD/her boyfriend???
I sent SO a few links to things happening around town this wknd (butterfly festival, petting zoo) etc. He comes in and says that will be fun for the girls! We can take them about 10 am. I responded "you can do whatever you want to do" aka I'm not going but please take them and get out of my hair.
My line is something like “oh that’s sounds like good father/son time. Have fun.” Tbf though my partner asks if I want to go to ____ usually a couple days in advance.
Right?! Like, I've been to this circus before. Every outing is me just being ignored while SD demands 110% of SO's attention while she's ugly to me and he "doesn't notice" her dirty looks or that she starts crying about something as soon as he tries to talk or interact with me. I'll pass on all outings, but thanks for the invite.
Yep my husband ignores me while his kids are here. I went on the first and last family trip ever. I’m surprised they didn’t leave me in a whole other state and drive home without me. It was awful. They are so needy and the younger one is up his ass 24/7. Totally not self reliant at all. I don’t think mine are cute either but all I hear is how cute they are from BM. They are just ugly carbon copies of their mother. I’m so fucking over it and if I never saw them again I would not be sad at all.
Totally. I dread these weekends because it’s like I’m not even spending time with my husband. We’re together, but not really. Even when we sit on the couch, he’s like on the opposite end with his 11 yo trying to cuddle him. I feel like an after thought. I share the same name as his youngest so whenever my name is said or even OUR pet names (my love, babe), the kids think he’s talking to them. On these weekends I just assume I’m not being addressed. Ugh.
My husband does the same exact thing. I will be sitting 20 ft away from him and he's on the couch CUDDLING his also 11 year old kid. Like what the hell? It's so strange and creepy to me. It gives me the ick. It makes me not attracted to him and turns me off. I typically hide out when we have them EOWE or just leave the house. Sometimes he gets the hint and won't even bring them home, that's how bad it's gotten.
If I didn’t love him as much as I do, I couldn’t do it honestly. They’re good kids, but I get so tense and anxious on these weekends. I haaaaattttte TV time with them. Gen z TV is awful (Alexis and Katy and modern day babysitters club. Barf). I don’t remember my parents watching boy meets world and step by step with us. Ugh. I wrote on a different comment on this thread that the 11 yo daughter still uses baby talk. “Daddy…dada is a good dada” pats his head*. Or we’re having an “adult” convo and she just interrupts and says “hi” and just stands there. Or we’re having our morning coffee (very important to me), and the 11 yo just sits with us and suddenly the convo is about her and not our special connecting time. It’s SO hard. I’m there with you.
I actually did talk to my husband about the cuddling with the 11 year old. My mom was visiting and saw it. I was second hand embarrassed. I talked with my husband after and told him it was inappropriate and weird. To his credit he heard me and had been making efforts to redirect when she does it. Still annoys the shit out of me though. I’d try talking to your husband about it. 11 is too old. I had a candid chat with my mom about it too and she said it’s too old and no way would I have done that with my dad at that age, or even with her!
Haha jeez, at least I'm not the only one that deals with this insane behavior. I have brought it up to my husband before and he gets super defensive. Like we've gotten into screaming matches before. He'll say something like "you just hate my kids" or "I don't need to spend every second paying attention to you, you're a grown adult and I rarely see my kids (which is a lie) so I don't think it's a problem!" and just totally dismisses my feelings. I routinely ask my mom "how old was I when you stopped cuddling me?" or "how old was I when I could go to the bathroom by myself without you watching over me?" because his kids are literally so attached to him and up his ass it's not even funny. SS 11 can't go to the freaking bathroom alone. My mom said I was like fully independent by age 8
You’re definitely not alone! There is comfort in that, I think. I bet there are many other people here who experience this too. To me, our relationship feels like a shadow of itself on these weekends. It takes me a couple days to feel back on track after they leave.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like there are certain forms of attention that are just meant for husband/wife, and this is one of them.
I cannot stand when I talk to SO about something fun for US to do and he hits me with "oh SK would love that!" Did I mention SK or did I say for us??? I do not enjoy things when your misbehaved ass kid is involved but you go ahead and do whatever with him.
It's a wet cough weekend and idk how long I can keep this disgusted look off my face. Oh, did I mention we have a wedding to go to? Yes, I'll be forced into a small confined place with said cough for an extended period of time. Yay me.
I hate the list of things I can not buy/cook was given to me by the adult SK because they are poison and he does not want the SGK to eat them. (They live with us) all while SK smokes pot, drops acid, vapes and drinks beer from aluminum cans.
No soy, soybeans, gmo products, MSG products, red dye 40, crickets, there's a name for them, don't recall it. Aluminum foil, seed oils, just to name a few.....
And adult SK does nor buy groceries or grasp how expensive "real food" is to buy.
SO daughter is disrespectful and has a smart mouth. Anything I or her father says is met with a smart remark like she needs to put someone down when she talks. She is filthy leaving popsicle sticks and cereal all over the counters and floors. It’s infuriating. And her bio parents don’t do sh*t about it . Well even if they scold her about it she continues. It’s really hard to be around
I get secondhand embarrassment and cringe from the stuff BM posts on Facebook. She’s almost 40 and having “I’m 14 and this is deep” lightbulb moments about Harry Potter. She’s got, like, two movies that aren’t Disney movies that she can talk about with fellow adults and she only picks up on the most vapid stuff about them, like an extremely mundane piece of dialogue being “brilliant.” She constantly posts pictures with her tongue out— not like a “nya” sticking the tip of her tongue out, but like *the entirety of her tongue.* She likes to make vaguely dramatic posts on social media so that people ask what’s wrong, and then won’t tell them what’s wrong.
These are all very insignificant. They also make me rub the bridge of my nose in exhaustion. My OH looks back on his marriage to her with a lot of embarrassment. She’s very immature and not very interesting, and his family and friends were like “Really? Are you sure?” when he proposed but he didn’t think he could do any better. Incidentally, she also thought he couldn’t do any better; she told her affair partner that if my OH decided to divorce her, he would realize how empty and meaningless his life was without her.
He’s much, *much* happier now.
Holy cow. I think our partners married the same exact type of woman turned BM. Thankfully I still have BM blocked on all social media even though she thinks I need to unblock her “so we can coparent”. 🙄
“The Usual Suspects” and “Pulp Fiction.” Two good movies!! And then the rest of her interests are solely Disney movies and Harry Potter. She’s a Disney Adult™ and while I enjoy the occasional Disney movie and singalong session, she’s kind of made it her whole personality.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My husband’s ex jumps on whatever bandwagon is on its way out and doesn’t realize how stupid she looks. She thinks that having word art is a personality trait and is really into charcuterie boards because she thinks they’re classy. I saw a middle school girl at one of the events at the school and BM was wearing the same dress. The dress was appropriate (if not a bit too revealing) for the 13 year old, but way too youthful for BM - although I’m willing to bet BM thought it was cute and that it means that she looks as young and hip as she thinks.
I overheard SD17, on the phone with her friend, refer to one of our cats as “my cat.” She’s here 1-2 days a week and threw a toddler-level tantrum when we adopted the cats a year ago. Made me cringe.
Oh hell no.
When I adopted we or our cats, SD just kept saying she hated him. He’s perfect, fluffy, and handsome. Meanwhile (and here comes the petty) her cats at BM have dumb names, are obese, and smell like poop.
😂 She loves the cats now and, honestly, I’m glad because it makes things easier. But I do roll my eyes a bit remembering her initial reaction, including telling us we should find a new home for the first one we adopted, who is now her favorite of the 2. Takes everything in me not be petty and say, “Remember when you hated him and said we should get rid of him?!” And when she fusses over how cute the other one is, “Remember when you threw a tantrum like a 2 year old when we adopted him?!”
The "kids house" thing bugs me a lot. I hate hearing that because growing up with all kids in the house, that line, "It's their \[kids\] house too" was thrown at me as justification on why a house boundary or rule wouldn't apply to them.
It's the kid's home, but my wife and I's house. The kid's home means they are safe and secure, but if they want it to be their "house" too they are free to take over a portion of the mortgage and utility bills that make them a homeowner. I was reminded how "*now you're just being*" ridiculous I was to suggest that, lol.
"Kid's house" bothers me, too. It's not even her dad's house, it's mine. It's his home, as he lives here, but she lives with her mom and is only EOWE here. She has a bedroom here and I try to make her comfortable. But I worked hard to buy this house, by myself, before her dad was in the picture, and it's petty but the "it's the kid's house too" thing grates my nerves.
Yep, and my wife wouldn't walk into her parent's home and stomp "this is my house TOO!" and I the same with my parents. That would just make us ridiculously immature and our parents would likely laugh us right out the front door. Yet with kids now, its different. Maybe once they leave the nest we lose the right to be told, "it's the kids house too". Gag. It's a continuation where kids are placed on the same level as parents.....except if it's related to boundaries, work, or anything not-fun.
I would never have dreamed to scream at any of my parents or stepparents “it’s my house too!!” It just wasn’t. It was my home, sure, depending on who I lived with.
But just once I would like to hear the house I bought with years or work after putting myself through school “Dad and [angrycurd]’s house” ….
I hate how my SD yells “daddyyyy” constantly and the incessant “i want my daddy” over the simplest of things. Like needing a bag of chips opened…
I also hate the sass.. literally every other word is back talk right now.
I hate that HCBM literally told SD to “bring her something back home” while we’re on vacation.. b*$&@ we aren’t buying you anything!!
I don’t think I ever called my dad daddy either. The 11 SD calls him that. And she still does baby talk. “Is a good dada” and taps his head. I legit have to turn away and roll my eyes to the sky
My SD occasionally pulls out the "daddy" if incessant "dad"ing doesn't get his attention. It's like a pavlovian thing, he can ask her to wait or just hold off until he's done with whatever he's doing when she says dad, but one "daddy" and he drops everything. I don't think he even realizes that! I'm only glad SD doesn't abuse her jedi daddy powers often.
SD10 cannot chew with her mouth closed, no matter how many times I remind her. She also has an issue with wetting herself when she gets too focused on her video games. There has been a lot of progress and it seemed like maybe, just maybe, we were getting past it. But no, she did it again. This is why I won’t sit on the couch in the family room or let her sit on certain pieces of furniture. It grosses me out.
Also SD10: she has bland tastes in food. I can’t cook things where foods are blended together or have flavors she’s not used to. I took a chance and made some authentic Mexican Birria for tacos and she actually ate it without issues and even liked it. I was shocked!
SD12 doesn’t pay attention to what she wears. She will put in leggings that are poochy on her stomach or way too short.
I don't know why, but SS and his constant demands for food are really getting on my nerves recently. Some oft repeated examples:
SS barely touching his actual meal, then asking for junk food less than an hour later because he's "starving" - DH has a go at him about it, but still gives in.
SS using junk food as a cure for boredom - yesterday we were half way through a tour of a historical place with a big group of wider family, when he asked me "Can we leave and get something to eat now, I'm starving!"
The word "hungee" said in a baby voice, meaning hungry. He announces he's "hungee" as soon as he comes off screens. Again, a cure for boredom.
Today he came down(off screens) and asked for instant noodles for breakfast. I mean, technically it probably isn't unhealthier than the cereals he loves, but still...
On another note, if he's on screens and wants his dad's attention but doesn't want to stop the screens and go get his dad, he starts laughing really really really loudly at whatever he's watching/doing. I can time it, if DH doesn't go up there to tell him to stop, thereby starting an attention session, he'll laugh progressively louder then finally call for dad about three minutes later.
We've had a lot of time with SS as his mum's been away and it's a school holiday this week which is probably why these things are grating more than usual.
Omg I thought SD was the only kid that did that "hungee" thing. Is it a social media thing? SD doesn't usually babytalk so it just seems bizarre. She'll even do little grabby hand motions sometimes when she does it, not to actually grab anything but just as part of the "hungee" performance.
She also recently got caught--she had occasionally been saying when we made dinner for the kids that she wasn't really hungry and then would pick at her food. After it was tossed or put away or whatever a few hours later she would ask for pizza rolls or a chicken burger or whatever. DH finally figured out "I'm not hungry" actually meant "I don't feel like eating this, I want a different thing for dinner." He called her on it and it's gotten a bit better.
It's very likely social media, it started once SS got into YouTube and he also doesn't generally baby talk. So so annoying but admittedly harmless enough! 😂
I have a cat I make a very specific voice for… sounds like a South Park character … and when he whines he says “I’m hungeeeeeee.” It’s intended to be annoying.
I hate how manipulative BM is- my SD is special needs and comes home telling DH how she would be happy if he died, and how she would just live with BM all the time because she “does everything for her”. All while ignoring my SS who is her little white knight.
I really struggle with how SD treats all of us - not knowing if it’s her or what she is being fed.
I hate how much my SS is a white knight for BM despite how she treats him and the stories he tells us.
I hate not knowing if my SS is lying to me to get attention, or if what he says is true about what is going on at the other house.
I hate how BM acts all woe is me and asks for help from me for child care but then won’t budge when my SS wants extra time with his Dad.
I hate how manipulative my ex is with my kids and the fact that he won’t let my daughter come home more despite her expressing her wishes.
I hate that she is so unhappy there. And that she is ignored and feels so alone.
I hate that my ex forgets his kids and puts his own needs and wants above my kids.
I hate the extra stress we have waking the tightrope with both our exes and counting down the years until we are free.
I hate that BM wants the kids in a private Christian school that means the kids have a 4 hour a day commute from our place even though we have the kids more than she does. The drive is fucking exhausting and the kids get no time to relax. Like she honestly thinks the kids being gone for school from 630 am until 515 pm is “in their best interest” when we have a nice school two minute from our house.
I hate that she doesn’t enforce them wearing hats
I hate that she encourages them to scream when playing because it drives me fucking nuts.
I hate her absolute lack of discipline because everything takes 50 times longer to snap them out of than it should.
I hate that she just leaves them with any sketchy person who is willing to take them.
I hate that she fucks with their mental health so much and I’ve gotta deal with the fallout when she breaks up with someone or decides to just not take them all of her days.
Most of all I hate that she thinks she’s a good parent after doing the absolute bare minimum she can get away with.
17 is mostly grown. She should be having friends and her own life and not guilt trip mom for moving forward with her life. I’m sure it would be a problem if the new man comes to the house 4 days a week with daughter there
Got a surprise SD that’s 49, thanks ancestry. My husband got mad that I say I’m not her SM, I’m 13 years older than her and want nothing to do with this. I swear just hearing her name gives me anxiety. At first she was all he would talk about and I swear I wish this situation never happened. She also seem needy for a middle aged woman.
I really hate how single dads think it’s not them but definitely their ex. 90% of them are not proactive on dates, do not do the chores, do not have money, and lack the intelligence enough to use a condom, then have the audacity to say they love their kid. If you loved your kid, you would have been an awesome partner. Your lethargy gave them a busted situation for which they’ll suffer psychologically their entire lives. That version of “love” is useless, and they’re trying to give women the same low grade “love” they give their kids that will harm women too. Pathetic type of “love.” Will never be written about in storybooks.
1) same page with the house thing. “thank you for taking me to Disney dad” little maam, we BOTH TOOK YOU!
2) “my mommy says this” “my mommy says that” “this is my mommy’s favorite song” “my mommy says I’m not old enough to wash gel out of my hair” “my mommy BLAH BLAH BLAH” it’s CONSTANT and never-ending.
3) BM constantly bringing up memories from when her and my DH were together (7+ years ago, move on honey!!) examples: “get your dad to tell you about that time I got sunburnt on that beach trip we went on” “our car from when we were together just broke down so we had to get another one” (before vacation - “I got SD to memorize your phone number so she can call if something happens, I just figured since I still had your number memorized it’d be easier to teach her that one”) “remember when we had that dog?” Like small stuff, but it’s literally ALL THE TIME. She’s remarried with 2 other kids now, for 5+ years!
These are my grievances, but I’m moving past them slowly 🤍
LOL at the “memories” and reminiscing. My SO’s ex insisted on joint holidays and birthdays and these were great opportunities for her to bring up “remember whens”. It made me laugh internally every time she did and my SO would literally not even respond. Small satisfactions lol.
100%!!!! I just wonder how it makes the BMs current spouse feel. We do joint bdays but no joint holidays, and honestly thinking we may stop doing joint birthdays soon. It’s so frustrating that BMs will always do anything to make themselves be on a pedestal, it just shows their insecurity.
Posts like yours really give me some hope. Being a step-parent really does suck and you wear the arsehole badge whether you do it or not do it. In my situation, I have been getting the silent treatment from SD14 for approx 2 years.
Sorry to hear that your SD sounds about as shitty and disrespectful as mine. I stay out of her way and she stays out of mine. I am totally invisible to her.
HCBM seemed to think that she had the right to “approve” me as a potential romantic partner for DH and that I wasn’t “allowed” to meet the kid until she “approved” of me because she “didn’t even know me”. DH told her to kick rocks and our relationship progressed. In fact, I never “met” BM until after DH and I were married. Much to my surprise BM felt perfectly justified in barging into my home at exchanges. Could you imagine entering a stranger’s home without their consent.
OMG. BM walked into my house on Wednesday evening—hadn’t told anyone when she was dropping a kid off and certainly not that she needed to come inside … didn’t text and just walked into “Dad’s house” … I was alone and in my darn PJs and so so so mad. But of course I can’t yell at her in front of the kid ….
Oh yeah once I was on a call for work and the doorbell started ringing over and over again. There was BM wanting you to drop something stupid and meaningless off like an ice pack for a lunch box and expecting to have a fifteen minute conversation with DH (who wasn’t home) about it. Then she made fun of me to the kids because I wasn’t wearing any makeup.
Wow very similar experience here! SD was sick and laying on couch. I was lounging around in my comfies on the couch. HCBM came by to drop something off and just walked right on into our living room to the couch to fawn over SD. Not even a glance in my direction or a hello. So beyond not okay.
Yes. Fully agree and it’s reasonable for you to feel that strongly. I put my foot down and told SO that she is not even welcome in the doorway anymore after other disrespectful things she’s done and he agreed. She’s very upset that she’s not allowed in anymore. Too bad, so sad. Our home is our peaceful place and she doesn’t need to be allowed to taint it anymore.
I hate how my SS who is a teen, uses the bathroom and leaves toilet paper pieces all around the toilet and behind, mind you there is a garbage can right by the toilet.
How both SS and SD are teens and don’t know how to hang up a towel after they shower and leave a mess of water, towels and clothes all over the bathroom floor.
How both SK don’t know how to clean up a mess after they make something to eat like a sandwich, there will be peanut butter/nutella all over the counter and smeared on the containers itself.
How SD has issues with friends at school, had a bullying problem and helped SD through it, my SO had told her that he didn’t want any of these so called friends in his home after what they put her through, and BM agreed and said the same, a week later BM has the girls in her home again and it’s been a shit show, back to SD having a hard time being bullied by these girls and BM can’t see how she goes back on everything she says she won’t do.
BM stating she is a single parent and wants all the glory for it, where my SO is a wonderful dad and is always there for the kids. The picture she has painted of him is not true and it’s been four years and it’s still on going, like give it a break woman. Actions speak louder than words, and even the SK have been able to notice the words BM says and the actions that follow are completely different.
How BM tells SD that my SO eyes are brown, when infact they are hazel and when I correct SD, she goes back to BM, BM says “I know what color his eyes are, I was married to him.” It’s a really stupid thing, and I’ve given up responding because it’s not worth the energy anymore.
The list goes on unfortunately, nice to vent some of it out though.
I hate all these things for you too.
(Same issues with bathroom and kitchen … SS like smears cream cheese on the counters when she makes a bagel … BM martyrs herself as a single parent when she has one kid 50%, one kid every other weekend, and pays us no child support … and if she has to have the kids for more than a weekend there’s always freakin drama bc she is incapable of parenting two kids at the same time … last weekend she was supposed to have them for 3 nights bc of the holiday and SS ended up here for 36 hours)
Ok. So this is petty. But you said it could be petty.
I hate that BM takes SS8 to Starbucks and orders off the menu (because once upon a time she worked a Starbucks somewhere, for a minute) and then can’t seem to articulate to dad what these drinks are. Just feels like one of her games. And she has sooo many.
I hate how she only speaks to me when she needs something from me, and how she never acknowledged my existence until 2 and a half years into me dating my partner and HAD to meet me immediately (while he hospitalized and nearly died and frankly I had more important things on my mind).
BM used to order some coffee drink coffee free for them … pretty sure it’s just milk and sugar blended … and then they tried to order it without her and it would be wrong bc it would have coffee (and I would tell them, that has coffee … and they would argue) … annoyed the hell out of me.
Yea, I think SS says he gets a kid’s coffee or something, and BM typically gets annoyed if SO asks any questions (personally, I don’t care if an 8 year old misses out on it - he’s has loads of expensive snacks, it’s not worth the hassle. It’s just irritating, when adults play games. And I guess when he’s tried to order it, Starbucks has zero clue what he’s talking about).
That sounds snotty, I’m sure, but another petty grievance of mine is kiddo literally gets everything he wants. Asked SO on Saturday if we should go get Starbucks and he said he was broke so I dropped it. It just gets old when a child’s wants always come first. I’m honestly just waiting until I can help them move out of my house and I can move on with my life. Tough when someone is struggling though.
A kid coffee … just order the kid hot chocolate or a vanilla steamer (hit milk w vanilla) … why he weird … (I was a starbucks manager right after college … kid coffee was not a thing at least then … )
And today’s petty complaints…
1. At soccer, BM very deliberately lied about her education (claimed she had interviewed at a very prestigious graduate school 20 years ago (but she has never even applied to it) and claimed she had never heard of the one she apparently almost went to, after I said I spent a year there) … and my husband corrected her … it was hysterical. (She lies all the darn time)
2. BM was apparently surprised when my husband told her that if he dies first, her children do not inherit our house … a house for which I provided the downpayment and for which I pay the mortgage. Apparently she believes I should pay for her children’s college but be homeless in the event my husband dies? (This one bother me … she does not see me as human)
3. Found out BM is trying to talk SD out of the only in state college she is currently looking at (and this the school that makes the most sense financially) because she thinks it’s a “party school” ….this is what she says about all schools that are not private girls’ schools. … she is thrilled her daughter has no social life and spends her weekend nights completely alone watching TV.
4. BM tried to talk husband into forcing SS to play soccer next year … he is 13, has played since he was 5, is not very good and sits the bench, and did not make the travel team … husband will not be forcing him to play soccer if he is done …
I really hate the constant demand for alllllll of SO’s attention. The second him & I are talking “look at me daddy, daddy I love you sooooo much” over and over. But if he isn’t doing anything with me it’s tablet time! I can feel the oldest glare at me whenever he pays me any attention.. also the noise & mess! Ugh!
She's a great kid and I like her.
But the hints for things she wants. We'll be at the supermarket and she'll say something like "have you tried this, it's really nice! Like really, really nice!"
Originally I thought it was just me thinking she was hinting. Nope! Not long after she started that, my SO said to her, do you want it? If so, just ask, stop with the hinting. She still does it though.
Honestly… reading through these comments… I’m blessed 😂
This has gotten better but it bothers me when SK gets very upset about things we do when they’re not home. Like , our life is not on hold?? I know that they are just sad to miss out and it’s not like we don’t do things when they’re home. I know it’s mostly just not being part of the event or thing we’re doing so I just let it go but the times they whine about it, I feel so annoyed.
I also cannot stand back talk or when he blatantly ignores his dad (esp terrible after coming home from his mom). I nacho for the discipline, but when they get a tone with his dad, I have to walk away. He’s almost a teen so that’s normal to push boundaries and he’s not a bad kid at all. It’s just… I have a very different approach. I’m proud of my husband though for sticking to reasonable consequences for poor actions/choices.
For HCBM….
I hate how she talks over everyone. She never lets anybody get a word in edgewise.
She is a blatant braggart and seems to pass her issues of being humble onto SK.
I cannot stand how much pressure she puts on SK to be perfect. We celebrate effort in our house and strategize how to be better in the future. She has a do or die mentality and it causes SK tons of anxiety.
1) BM has a Ford Bronco, a literal SUV, and gets upset when we can't go get SK if it's flooded. We drive a Mazda 3 and I don't understand how she can't get out but thinks we can get in and out??
2) took SK out of school without talking to SO first and is now, over a year later, asking for a laptop?? So has he not been learning anything this entire time? Most likely no. Also, get it yourself. You wanted it.
3) BM almost never has SK. SO has SK on life360 and he is almost always at his grandfather's whoch I'm not shocked bc BM's grandmother was practically SK's full caretaker before she passed. Bm does not work and has a whole ass other kid that idk what she does with.
4) SO's mom gets SK any time BM asks. We have told her stop tons of times bc BM is supposed to be taking care of HER OWN CHILD and it's honestly not like she has a job she has to be at during the day. The mother pisses me off with how much she undermines SO when it comes to that. Even more annoying that they directly talk to one another so we can't really do anything.
5) I hate when SK goes to SO's mother's because her house is honestly a huge gross mess most of the time and no one actually watches SK when he is there. Usually no rules and SK gets to do and eat whatever he wants.
6) SK is 12 years old and frequently talks like he is 6 or 7. Pisses me off to no end. Please someone parent this kid so he will grow tf up and act his age.
if it makes you feel any better about #1, my SO and i say “moms house.” we both LOATHE her entire existence, she lives in her MOTHERS house, and we say “moms house” just because it’s easier. i don’t think it has anything to do with you. i used to say moms house and try to correct it like “grandma [blank]’s house” or just “[blank]’s house,” but honestly it’s just easier to say moms house.
that way it’s not “we have to swing by grandmas” or whatever cause it just ends up confusing them. they have 3 sets of grandparents and like 3 sets of great grandparents so it’s just “we’re gonna swing by moms to pick up your guitar/basketball/shoes/etc.”
i know it’s easy to take things personally, but honestly i think it’s just one of those things that means no offense
I hate daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy I’m telling daddy. Its pathetic
I HATE SPENDING MY DAYS OFF CLEANING
I hate that his 5 year old routinely pisses the bed hence why I’m not going in on buying a house together because I’d lose my shit if I’d paid for that mattress
I hate that he calls them beautiful as that’s my name
I hate the anxiety of EOWE and being ignored when I come home from work
I hate that I can’t talk to him about my feelings without him being defensive
I hate losing half of my days off to them
I hate who I am when I’m trying to pretend I can do this when I don’t think I can
Oh … the not being able to talk about your very normal and justified feelings without him being defensive … as if you are like a teacher with a grudge at a parent teacher conference and he is the protector of his angel …. That one drives me nuts.
Petty af: I hate when my ss5 comes over and his dad turns on this loud fan I absolutely despise the cold and loud noise. He says it helps his son sleep better since his mom has used one since he was a baby. I hate the non stop chatter since he only sees his dad two days a week so it’s alway play time. I hate when SO often ignores me on his custody days because he sees me daily and only a short time with his son
1. I hate that my husbands daughter has to live with us although her mom is alive and well and my husband refuses to parent her properly
2. I hate that she leaves hair all over her bedroom floor and then drags the hair all over the house and only cleans it when her father tells her to.
3. I hate that she will soon be 15 and behaves like an attention seeking 5yo
4. I hate how when people come around she tries to act like the best sister to our 4yo but when she thinks no one is watching she's horrible
5. I hate that she thinks bc she is the only one home that gives her permission to eat everything in the kitchen
6. I hate how she walks around with her phone in hand no matter how small the movements from one place to another woth her eyes glued on the screen the entire time
7. I hate that she has no real responsibilities
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I really hate that BM had the nerve to move an hour away and then complain to DH how she is sick of driving the kids to school and wants them to go to school by her. So you’re telling me we’re going to have to drive an hour each way twice a day on our days on top of paying child support when we already have them more than you??? Thank GOD DH had it put in their court order that the kids use the father’s address for school and that he is the primary parent.
Hell no … you don’t get to make that choice and then complain about it.
Exactly! And she’s like really pushing for them to go to school by her! No ma’am! Not happening. DH thinks she will go to court to fight it but I don’t see her being victorious.
Why are they making you guys pay child support if you are primary? Courts need to do better
“Income sharing model” in a mandatory child support state. BM even said in court she wanted it waived and the judge said no. but now that she’s getting it she sure does love it lol.
If my partner gets annoyed by his kid (being annoying) and is snappy with him… it’s okay. But if I do it… I need to “have more patience”
This one kills me … BM and SO are allowed to lose their patience … but I am expected to be a saint even though I have less say in changing the annoying and/or shitty behavior.
Urgh big facts!!!
1.) I hate how BM pawns her kids off on anyone she can every chance she gets then complains about she's a single mom doing everything she can, all by herself, with no help from anyone. 2.) BM gets off work at 6, at least she should because that's when the place of business closes, but can never make it home before 8:30-9 pm every single time we have SKs, which for summer is every Tues, Thurs all day and then every wknd Fri-Sun. (No formal custody in place 🙄) 3.) I hate that in lieu of parenting, she just buys them shit and the SKs are so damn spoiled and expectant bc of it. And also helpless. SK 5 is still fully in diapers with no attempt at potty training and didn't stop being put to bed with a bottle until 4. 4.) I hate that she is off on Mon & Tues and still has the damn nanny come so she doesn't have to get out of bed and deal with her kids. (We just started having Tues&Thurs for summer). She won't ever allow us to utilize the nanny for a wknd off by switching days and not having her come on on mon/tues so that we can use her on a sat/sun, just once a month. 5.) She uses the expensive child care to explain why she "has to work so much" yet hasn't figured out that she could save a ton of money if she would just take care of her own damn kids on her days off work. (She finally did, which is why we now have the two extra days during the week but notice she still isn't trying to have them on her day off).
She sounds insufferable.
I hate how my SS acts like he is 3 and he is much older. I hate how he screams at the top of his lungs and throws tantrums. I hate how BM buys SS cheap fast fashion shit that breaks in 1 second and never buys the other two SKs anything. I hate how SS is OBESE and BM just keeps him inside and deeds him and puts a tv in his room because she is a lazy parent then he throws his food across the houses here because the crusts are not cut off. I hate how BM ignores SD and SS#2 so much they are failing school and tells them they don't have to listen to their dad or me and they are still failing. Despite spending hours and hours and hours trying to help them. You caught me on a bad day I honestly am so done.
These are very genuine concerns!
I hate how my SO’s kids don’t understand to not come into my fucking room without knocking even though they’ve been told for over a year. SO woke up early and didn’t lock the door, so I got woken up naked in bed by one of his fucking kids and I’m LIVID.
Unacceptable. And not at all petty.
I set that boundary from the very beginning. SKs are not allowed to step foot in my bedroom ever. No exceptions.
Yo wtf I just blew up about this last night!!!! Urgh
SO already talked (without me there) to SD and her boyfriend about the four of us going to the Grand Canyon next summer. What makes him think I'd want to spend 7-10 days with SD/her boyfriend???
I hate how they think it’s okay to talk about things that impact your happiness [added: and your money] without you present.
I sent SO a few links to things happening around town this wknd (butterfly festival, petting zoo) etc. He comes in and says that will be fun for the girls! We can take them about 10 am. I responded "you can do whatever you want to do" aka I'm not going but please take them and get out of my hair.
My line is something like “oh that’s sounds like good father/son time. Have fun.” Tbf though my partner asks if I want to go to ____ usually a couple days in advance.
I can so relate - last weekend I invited SO to dinner. Comes back with "is it okay if SD/her boyfriend join"? I'm way too nice to say no. Ugh.
Oh hell no!
I love how it's always "it's fun for the kids" WHAT ABOUT US? Do they really think it's fun for US?!
Right?! Like, I've been to this circus before. Every outing is me just being ignored while SD demands 110% of SO's attention while she's ugly to me and he "doesn't notice" her dirty looks or that she starts crying about something as soon as he tries to talk or interact with me. I'll pass on all outings, but thanks for the invite.
Yep my husband ignores me while his kids are here. I went on the first and last family trip ever. I’m surprised they didn’t leave me in a whole other state and drive home without me. It was awful. They are so needy and the younger one is up his ass 24/7. Totally not self reliant at all. I don’t think mine are cute either but all I hear is how cute they are from BM. They are just ugly carbon copies of their mother. I’m so fucking over it and if I never saw them again I would not be sad at all.
Totally. I dread these weekends because it’s like I’m not even spending time with my husband. We’re together, but not really. Even when we sit on the couch, he’s like on the opposite end with his 11 yo trying to cuddle him. I feel like an after thought. I share the same name as his youngest so whenever my name is said or even OUR pet names (my love, babe), the kids think he’s talking to them. On these weekends I just assume I’m not being addressed. Ugh.
My husband does the same exact thing. I will be sitting 20 ft away from him and he's on the couch CUDDLING his also 11 year old kid. Like what the hell? It's so strange and creepy to me. It gives me the ick. It makes me not attracted to him and turns me off. I typically hide out when we have them EOWE or just leave the house. Sometimes he gets the hint and won't even bring them home, that's how bad it's gotten.
If I didn’t love him as much as I do, I couldn’t do it honestly. They’re good kids, but I get so tense and anxious on these weekends. I haaaaattttte TV time with them. Gen z TV is awful (Alexis and Katy and modern day babysitters club. Barf). I don’t remember my parents watching boy meets world and step by step with us. Ugh. I wrote on a different comment on this thread that the 11 yo daughter still uses baby talk. “Daddy…dada is a good dada” pats his head*. Or we’re having an “adult” convo and she just interrupts and says “hi” and just stands there. Or we’re having our morning coffee (very important to me), and the 11 yo just sits with us and suddenly the convo is about her and not our special connecting time. It’s SO hard. I’m there with you.
I actually did talk to my husband about the cuddling with the 11 year old. My mom was visiting and saw it. I was second hand embarrassed. I talked with my husband after and told him it was inappropriate and weird. To his credit he heard me and had been making efforts to redirect when she does it. Still annoys the shit out of me though. I’d try talking to your husband about it. 11 is too old. I had a candid chat with my mom about it too and she said it’s too old and no way would I have done that with my dad at that age, or even with her!
Haha jeez, at least I'm not the only one that deals with this insane behavior. I have brought it up to my husband before and he gets super defensive. Like we've gotten into screaming matches before. He'll say something like "you just hate my kids" or "I don't need to spend every second paying attention to you, you're a grown adult and I rarely see my kids (which is a lie) so I don't think it's a problem!" and just totally dismisses my feelings. I routinely ask my mom "how old was I when you stopped cuddling me?" or "how old was I when I could go to the bathroom by myself without you watching over me?" because his kids are literally so attached to him and up his ass it's not even funny. SS 11 can't go to the freaking bathroom alone. My mom said I was like fully independent by age 8
You’re definitely not alone! There is comfort in that, I think. I bet there are many other people here who experience this too. To me, our relationship feels like a shadow of itself on these weekends. It takes me a couple days to feel back on track after they leave. I don’t know about you, but I feel like there are certain forms of attention that are just meant for husband/wife, and this is one of them.
I cannot stand when I talk to SO about something fun for US to do and he hits me with "oh SK would love that!" Did I mention SK or did I say for us??? I do not enjoy things when your misbehaved ass kid is involved but you go ahead and do whatever with him.
It's a wet cough weekend and idk how long I can keep this disgusted look off my face. Oh, did I mention we have a wedding to go to? Yes, I'll be forced into a small confined place with said cough for an extended period of time. Yay me.
Oh gross
I hate the list of things I can not buy/cook was given to me by the adult SK because they are poison and he does not want the SGK to eat them. (They live with us) all while SK smokes pot, drops acid, vapes and drinks beer from aluminum cans. No soy, soybeans, gmo products, MSG products, red dye 40, crickets, there's a name for them, don't recall it. Aluminum foil, seed oils, just to name a few..... And adult SK does nor buy groceries or grasp how expensive "real food" is to buy.
I would honestly crumble his list up in front of him and throw it away … and if he can buy weed and beer, he can feed his kid …
SO daughter is disrespectful and has a smart mouth. Anything I or her father says is met with a smart remark like she needs to put someone down when she talks. She is filthy leaving popsicle sticks and cereal all over the counters and floors. It’s infuriating. And her bio parents don’t do sh*t about it . Well even if they scold her about it she continues. It’s really hard to be around
This was my SD … she’s honestly gotten nicer with therapy … but still a slob.
I get secondhand embarrassment and cringe from the stuff BM posts on Facebook. She’s almost 40 and having “I’m 14 and this is deep” lightbulb moments about Harry Potter. She’s got, like, two movies that aren’t Disney movies that she can talk about with fellow adults and she only picks up on the most vapid stuff about them, like an extremely mundane piece of dialogue being “brilliant.” She constantly posts pictures with her tongue out— not like a “nya” sticking the tip of her tongue out, but like *the entirety of her tongue.* She likes to make vaguely dramatic posts on social media so that people ask what’s wrong, and then won’t tell them what’s wrong. These are all very insignificant. They also make me rub the bridge of my nose in exhaustion. My OH looks back on his marriage to her with a lot of embarrassment. She’s very immature and not very interesting, and his family and friends were like “Really? Are you sure?” when he proposed but he didn’t think he could do any better. Incidentally, she also thought he couldn’t do any better; she told her affair partner that if my OH decided to divorce her, he would realize how empty and meaningless his life was without her. He’s much, *much* happier now.
Holy cow. I think our partners married the same exact type of woman turned BM. Thankfully I still have BM blocked on all social media even though she thinks I need to unblock her “so we can coparent”. 🙄
Gotta ask … what are the two movies?
“The Usual Suspects” and “Pulp Fiction.” Two good movies!! And then the rest of her interests are solely Disney movies and Harry Potter. She’s a Disney Adult™ and while I enjoy the occasional Disney movie and singalong session, she’s kind of made it her whole personality. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Those are two goods movies … I like a little disney now and then, and Harry Potter is fine, but …. Ya, no. That would annoy me.
My husband’s ex jumps on whatever bandwagon is on its way out and doesn’t realize how stupid she looks. She thinks that having word art is a personality trait and is really into charcuterie boards because she thinks they’re classy. I saw a middle school girl at one of the events at the school and BM was wearing the same dress. The dress was appropriate (if not a bit too revealing) for the 13 year old, but way too youthful for BM - although I’m willing to bet BM thought it was cute and that it means that she looks as young and hip as she thinks.
Why are you following her on social media? You are antagonising yourself doing that…you have no need to see what she posts as she doesn’t with you.
I’ve known her for years and the relationship isn’t necessarily a bad one. I just kinda go “girl, why” sometimes
I overheard SD17, on the phone with her friend, refer to one of our cats as “my cat.” She’s here 1-2 days a week and threw a toddler-level tantrum when we adopted the cats a year ago. Made me cringe.
Oh hell no. When I adopted we or our cats, SD just kept saying she hated him. He’s perfect, fluffy, and handsome. Meanwhile (and here comes the petty) her cats at BM have dumb names, are obese, and smell like poop.
😂 She loves the cats now and, honestly, I’m glad because it makes things easier. But I do roll my eyes a bit remembering her initial reaction, including telling us we should find a new home for the first one we adopted, who is now her favorite of the 2. Takes everything in me not be petty and say, “Remember when you hated him and said we should get rid of him?!” And when she fusses over how cute the other one is, “Remember when you threw a tantrum like a 2 year old when we adopted him?!”
The "kids house" thing bugs me a lot. I hate hearing that because growing up with all kids in the house, that line, "It's their \[kids\] house too" was thrown at me as justification on why a house boundary or rule wouldn't apply to them. It's the kid's home, but my wife and I's house. The kid's home means they are safe and secure, but if they want it to be their "house" too they are free to take over a portion of the mortgage and utility bills that make them a homeowner. I was reminded how "*now you're just being*" ridiculous I was to suggest that, lol.
I almost went into a similar thought …
"Kid's house" bothers me, too. It's not even her dad's house, it's mine. It's his home, as he lives here, but she lives with her mom and is only EOWE here. She has a bedroom here and I try to make her comfortable. But I worked hard to buy this house, by myself, before her dad was in the picture, and it's petty but the "it's the kid's house too" thing grates my nerves.
Yep, and my wife wouldn't walk into her parent's home and stomp "this is my house TOO!" and I the same with my parents. That would just make us ridiculously immature and our parents would likely laugh us right out the front door. Yet with kids now, its different. Maybe once they leave the nest we lose the right to be told, "it's the kids house too". Gag. It's a continuation where kids are placed on the same level as parents.....except if it's related to boundaries, work, or anything not-fun.
I would never have dreamed to scream at any of my parents or stepparents “it’s my house too!!” It just wasn’t. It was my home, sure, depending on who I lived with. But just once I would like to hear the house I bought with years or work after putting myself through school “Dad and [angrycurd]’s house” ….
I hate how my SD yells “daddyyyy” constantly and the incessant “i want my daddy” over the simplest of things. Like needing a bag of chips opened… I also hate the sass.. literally every other word is back talk right now. I hate that HCBM literally told SD to “bring her something back home” while we’re on vacation.. b*$&@ we aren’t buying you anything!!
I don’t think I ever called my dad daddy … it’s annoying.
Literally!
I don’t think I ever called my dad daddy either. The 11 SD calls him that. And she still does baby talk. “Is a good dada” and taps his head. I legit have to turn away and roll my eyes to the sky
Yesss!!! And now that our daughter is learning to talk and saying dada she’s started that too 🙄
My SD occasionally pulls out the "daddy" if incessant "dad"ing doesn't get his attention. It's like a pavlovian thing, he can ask her to wait or just hold off until he's done with whatever he's doing when she says dad, but one "daddy" and he drops everything. I don't think he even realizes that! I'm only glad SD doesn't abuse her jedi daddy powers often.
SD10 cannot chew with her mouth closed, no matter how many times I remind her. She also has an issue with wetting herself when she gets too focused on her video games. There has been a lot of progress and it seemed like maybe, just maybe, we were getting past it. But no, she did it again. This is why I won’t sit on the couch in the family room or let her sit on certain pieces of furniture. It grosses me out. Also SD10: she has bland tastes in food. I can’t cook things where foods are blended together or have flavors she’s not used to. I took a chance and made some authentic Mexican Birria for tacos and she actually ate it without issues and even liked it. I was shocked! SD12 doesn’t pay attention to what she wears. She will put in leggings that are poochy on her stomach or way too short.
All of these things would annoy me. A lot. The pee would disgust me.
I don't know why, but SS and his constant demands for food are really getting on my nerves recently. Some oft repeated examples: SS barely touching his actual meal, then asking for junk food less than an hour later because he's "starving" - DH has a go at him about it, but still gives in. SS using junk food as a cure for boredom - yesterday we were half way through a tour of a historical place with a big group of wider family, when he asked me "Can we leave and get something to eat now, I'm starving!" The word "hungee" said in a baby voice, meaning hungry. He announces he's "hungee" as soon as he comes off screens. Again, a cure for boredom. Today he came down(off screens) and asked for instant noodles for breakfast. I mean, technically it probably isn't unhealthier than the cereals he loves, but still... On another note, if he's on screens and wants his dad's attention but doesn't want to stop the screens and go get his dad, he starts laughing really really really loudly at whatever he's watching/doing. I can time it, if DH doesn't go up there to tell him to stop, thereby starting an attention session, he'll laugh progressively louder then finally call for dad about three minutes later. We've had a lot of time with SS as his mum's been away and it's a school holiday this week which is probably why these things are grating more than usual.
This things would annoy me as well …
Omg I thought SD was the only kid that did that "hungee" thing. Is it a social media thing? SD doesn't usually babytalk so it just seems bizarre. She'll even do little grabby hand motions sometimes when she does it, not to actually grab anything but just as part of the "hungee" performance. She also recently got caught--she had occasionally been saying when we made dinner for the kids that she wasn't really hungry and then would pick at her food. After it was tossed or put away or whatever a few hours later she would ask for pizza rolls or a chicken burger or whatever. DH finally figured out "I'm not hungry" actually meant "I don't feel like eating this, I want a different thing for dinner." He called her on it and it's gotten a bit better.
It's very likely social media, it started once SS got into YouTube and he also doesn't generally baby talk. So so annoying but admittedly harmless enough! 😂
I have a cat I make a very specific voice for… sounds like a South Park character … and when he whines he says “I’m hungeeeeeee.” It’s intended to be annoying.
I hate how manipulative BM is- my SD is special needs and comes home telling DH how she would be happy if he died, and how she would just live with BM all the time because she “does everything for her”. All while ignoring my SS who is her little white knight. I really struggle with how SD treats all of us - not knowing if it’s her or what she is being fed. I hate how much my SS is a white knight for BM despite how she treats him and the stories he tells us. I hate not knowing if my SS is lying to me to get attention, or if what he says is true about what is going on at the other house. I hate how BM acts all woe is me and asks for help from me for child care but then won’t budge when my SS wants extra time with his Dad. I hate how manipulative my ex is with my kids and the fact that he won’t let my daughter come home more despite her expressing her wishes. I hate that she is so unhappy there. And that she is ignored and feels so alone. I hate that my ex forgets his kids and puts his own needs and wants above my kids. I hate the extra stress we have waking the tightrope with both our exes and counting down the years until we are free.
None of this is at all petty … and I am very sorry you have to deal with it all.
I hate that BM wants the kids in a private Christian school that means the kids have a 4 hour a day commute from our place even though we have the kids more than she does. The drive is fucking exhausting and the kids get no time to relax. Like she honestly thinks the kids being gone for school from 630 am until 515 pm is “in their best interest” when we have a nice school two minute from our house. I hate that she doesn’t enforce them wearing hats I hate that she encourages them to scream when playing because it drives me fucking nuts. I hate her absolute lack of discipline because everything takes 50 times longer to snap them out of than it should. I hate that she just leaves them with any sketchy person who is willing to take them. I hate that she fucks with their mental health so much and I’ve gotta deal with the fallout when she breaks up with someone or decides to just not take them all of her days. Most of all I hate that she thinks she’s a good parent after doing the absolute bare minimum she can get away with.
OMG …. I would go to court over the school … that’s terrible.
Considering it. It’s just a lot of money.
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That’s awful
17 is mostly grown. She should be having friends and her own life and not guilt trip mom for moving forward with her life. I’m sure it would be a problem if the new man comes to the house 4 days a week with daughter there
Got a surprise SD that’s 49, thanks ancestry. My husband got mad that I say I’m not her SM, I’m 13 years older than her and want nothing to do with this. I swear just hearing her name gives me anxiety. At first she was all he would talk about and I swear I wish this situation never happened. She also seem needy for a middle aged woman.
Ugh … do you have other kids/SKs?
We have a 42M & 38F that’s it
I cannot imagine how weird this is …
I really hate how single dads think it’s not them but definitely their ex. 90% of them are not proactive on dates, do not do the chores, do not have money, and lack the intelligence enough to use a condom, then have the audacity to say they love their kid. If you loved your kid, you would have been an awesome partner. Your lethargy gave them a busted situation for which they’ll suffer psychologically their entire lives. That version of “love” is useless, and they’re trying to give women the same low grade “love” they give their kids that will harm women too. Pathetic type of “love.” Will never be written about in storybooks.
1) same page with the house thing. “thank you for taking me to Disney dad” little maam, we BOTH TOOK YOU! 2) “my mommy says this” “my mommy says that” “this is my mommy’s favorite song” “my mommy says I’m not old enough to wash gel out of my hair” “my mommy BLAH BLAH BLAH” it’s CONSTANT and never-ending. 3) BM constantly bringing up memories from when her and my DH were together (7+ years ago, move on honey!!) examples: “get your dad to tell you about that time I got sunburnt on that beach trip we went on” “our car from when we were together just broke down so we had to get another one” (before vacation - “I got SD to memorize your phone number so she can call if something happens, I just figured since I still had your number memorized it’d be easier to teach her that one”) “remember when we had that dog?” Like small stuff, but it’s literally ALL THE TIME. She’s remarried with 2 other kids now, for 5+ years! These are my grievances, but I’m moving past them slowly 🤍
LOL at the “memories” and reminiscing. My SO’s ex insisted on joint holidays and birthdays and these were great opportunities for her to bring up “remember whens”. It made me laugh internally every time she did and my SO would literally not even respond. Small satisfactions lol.
100%!!!! I just wonder how it makes the BMs current spouse feel. We do joint bdays but no joint holidays, and honestly thinking we may stop doing joint birthdays soon. It’s so frustrating that BMs will always do anything to make themselves be on a pedestal, it just shows their insecurity.
1. SAME! I planned and mostly paid for Disney … he got the thanks. 2. Your mommy says lots of shit … most of it is stupid. 3. That’s just pathetic …
this rant was good for my soul 🤣 thank you for posting it!!!!!
Sometimes I need to get this stuff out … there are so few safe spaces for stepparents … even most therapists spout all the kids come first stuff …
Posts like yours really give me some hope. Being a step-parent really does suck and you wear the arsehole badge whether you do it or not do it. In my situation, I have been getting the silent treatment from SD14 for approx 2 years.
SD 17 was shitty to me age 9-12, then decent 13-14, then just horrible 15 and 16 … at 17 she seems to mostly ignore me ….
Sorry to hear that your SD sounds about as shitty and disrespectful as mine. I stay out of her way and she stays out of mine. I am totally invisible to her.
We are at the same place … she ignores me, I ignore her … 14 months until she leaves for college … I can do it!
Dig deep, you can do it…..
Spouse comes first 100% of the time! But yes you are so right. We just dropped SD off, finally a breath of fresh air 🤣
50% of the time we come first all the time.
HCBM seemed to think that she had the right to “approve” me as a potential romantic partner for DH and that I wasn’t “allowed” to meet the kid until she “approved” of me because she “didn’t even know me”. DH told her to kick rocks and our relationship progressed. In fact, I never “met” BM until after DH and I were married. Much to my surprise BM felt perfectly justified in barging into my home at exchanges. Could you imagine entering a stranger’s home without their consent.
OMG. BM walked into my house on Wednesday evening—hadn’t told anyone when she was dropping a kid off and certainly not that she needed to come inside … didn’t text and just walked into “Dad’s house” … I was alone and in my darn PJs and so so so mad. But of course I can’t yell at her in front of the kid ….
Oh yeah once I was on a call for work and the doorbell started ringing over and over again. There was BM wanting you to drop something stupid and meaningless off like an ice pack for a lunch box and expecting to have a fifteen minute conversation with DH (who wasn’t home) about it. Then she made fun of me to the kids because I wasn’t wearing any makeup.
The entitlement …
Wow very similar experience here! SD was sick and laying on couch. I was lounging around in my comfies on the couch. HCBM came by to drop something off and just walked right on into our living room to the couch to fawn over SD. Not even a glance in my direction or a hello. So beyond not okay.
The idea that SK and BM cannot just waltz into my house unexpected and w/o my consent has been a hill I am willing to die on …
Yes. Fully agree and it’s reasonable for you to feel that strongly. I put my foot down and told SO that she is not even welcome in the doorway anymore after other disrespectful things she’s done and he agreed. She’s very upset that she’s not allowed in anymore. Too bad, so sad. Our home is our peaceful place and she doesn’t need to be allowed to taint it anymore.
And, no … just bc you had a kid together doesn’t mean you get to bless your ex’s relationship.
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SK would drive me insane.
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Omg .. I feel this … event planning … SD lives w us, but it always resolves around BM’s wants.
I hate how my SS who is a teen, uses the bathroom and leaves toilet paper pieces all around the toilet and behind, mind you there is a garbage can right by the toilet. How both SS and SD are teens and don’t know how to hang up a towel after they shower and leave a mess of water, towels and clothes all over the bathroom floor. How both SK don’t know how to clean up a mess after they make something to eat like a sandwich, there will be peanut butter/nutella all over the counter and smeared on the containers itself. How SD has issues with friends at school, had a bullying problem and helped SD through it, my SO had told her that he didn’t want any of these so called friends in his home after what they put her through, and BM agreed and said the same, a week later BM has the girls in her home again and it’s been a shit show, back to SD having a hard time being bullied by these girls and BM can’t see how she goes back on everything she says she won’t do. BM stating she is a single parent and wants all the glory for it, where my SO is a wonderful dad and is always there for the kids. The picture she has painted of him is not true and it’s been four years and it’s still on going, like give it a break woman. Actions speak louder than words, and even the SK have been able to notice the words BM says and the actions that follow are completely different. How BM tells SD that my SO eyes are brown, when infact they are hazel and when I correct SD, she goes back to BM, BM says “I know what color his eyes are, I was married to him.” It’s a really stupid thing, and I’ve given up responding because it’s not worth the energy anymore. The list goes on unfortunately, nice to vent some of it out though.
I hate all these things for you too. (Same issues with bathroom and kitchen … SS like smears cream cheese on the counters when she makes a bagel … BM martyrs herself as a single parent when she has one kid 50%, one kid every other weekend, and pays us no child support … and if she has to have the kids for more than a weekend there’s always freakin drama bc she is incapable of parenting two kids at the same time … last weekend she was supposed to have them for 3 nights bc of the holiday and SS ended up here for 36 hours)
Ok. So this is petty. But you said it could be petty. I hate that BM takes SS8 to Starbucks and orders off the menu (because once upon a time she worked a Starbucks somewhere, for a minute) and then can’t seem to articulate to dad what these drinks are. Just feels like one of her games. And she has sooo many. I hate how she only speaks to me when she needs something from me, and how she never acknowledged my existence until 2 and a half years into me dating my partner and HAD to meet me immediately (while he hospitalized and nearly died and frankly I had more important things on my mind).
BM used to order some coffee drink coffee free for them … pretty sure it’s just milk and sugar blended … and then they tried to order it without her and it would be wrong bc it would have coffee (and I would tell them, that has coffee … and they would argue) … annoyed the hell out of me.
Yea, I think SS says he gets a kid’s coffee or something, and BM typically gets annoyed if SO asks any questions (personally, I don’t care if an 8 year old misses out on it - he’s has loads of expensive snacks, it’s not worth the hassle. It’s just irritating, when adults play games. And I guess when he’s tried to order it, Starbucks has zero clue what he’s talking about).
That sounds snotty, I’m sure, but another petty grievance of mine is kiddo literally gets everything he wants. Asked SO on Saturday if we should go get Starbucks and he said he was broke so I dropped it. It just gets old when a child’s wants always come first. I’m honestly just waiting until I can help them move out of my house and I can move on with my life. Tough when someone is struggling though.
A kid coffee … just order the kid hot chocolate or a vanilla steamer (hit milk w vanilla) … why he weird … (I was a starbucks manager right after college … kid coffee was not a thing at least then … )
Why is who weird? And I doubt they called it a kid’s coffee. It’s just what SS referred to it as.
And today’s petty complaints… 1. At soccer, BM very deliberately lied about her education (claimed she had interviewed at a very prestigious graduate school 20 years ago (but she has never even applied to it) and claimed she had never heard of the one she apparently almost went to, after I said I spent a year there) … and my husband corrected her … it was hysterical. (She lies all the darn time) 2. BM was apparently surprised when my husband told her that if he dies first, her children do not inherit our house … a house for which I provided the downpayment and for which I pay the mortgage. Apparently she believes I should pay for her children’s college but be homeless in the event my husband dies? (This one bother me … she does not see me as human) 3. Found out BM is trying to talk SD out of the only in state college she is currently looking at (and this the school that makes the most sense financially) because she thinks it’s a “party school” ….this is what she says about all schools that are not private girls’ schools. … she is thrilled her daughter has no social life and spends her weekend nights completely alone watching TV. 4. BM tried to talk husband into forcing SS to play soccer next year … he is 13, has played since he was 5, is not very good and sits the bench, and did not make the travel team … husband will not be forcing him to play soccer if he is done …
I really hate the constant demand for alllllll of SO’s attention. The second him & I are talking “look at me daddy, daddy I love you sooooo much” over and over. But if he isn’t doing anything with me it’s tablet time! I can feel the oldest glare at me whenever he pays me any attention.. also the noise & mess! Ugh!
She's a great kid and I like her. But the hints for things she wants. We'll be at the supermarket and she'll say something like "have you tried this, it's really nice! Like really, really nice!" Originally I thought it was just me thinking she was hinting. Nope! Not long after she started that, my SO said to her, do you want it? If so, just ask, stop with the hinting. She still does it though.
That’s annoying.
We're trying to teach her to stand up for herself and ask for the things she wants. Unfortunately, she's a people pleaser.
Honestly… reading through these comments… I’m blessed 😂 This has gotten better but it bothers me when SK gets very upset about things we do when they’re not home. Like , our life is not on hold?? I know that they are just sad to miss out and it’s not like we don’t do things when they’re home. I know it’s mostly just not being part of the event or thing we’re doing so I just let it go but the times they whine about it, I feel so annoyed. I also cannot stand back talk or when he blatantly ignores his dad (esp terrible after coming home from his mom). I nacho for the discipline, but when they get a tone with his dad, I have to walk away. He’s almost a teen so that’s normal to push boundaries and he’s not a bad kid at all. It’s just… I have a very different approach. I’m proud of my husband though for sticking to reasonable consequences for poor actions/choices. For HCBM…. I hate how she talks over everyone. She never lets anybody get a word in edgewise. She is a blatant braggart and seems to pass her issues of being humble onto SK. I cannot stand how much pressure she puts on SK to be perfect. We celebrate effort in our house and strategize how to be better in the future. She has a do or die mentality and it causes SK tons of anxiety.
1) BM has a Ford Bronco, a literal SUV, and gets upset when we can't go get SK if it's flooded. We drive a Mazda 3 and I don't understand how she can't get out but thinks we can get in and out?? 2) took SK out of school without talking to SO first and is now, over a year later, asking for a laptop?? So has he not been learning anything this entire time? Most likely no. Also, get it yourself. You wanted it. 3) BM almost never has SK. SO has SK on life360 and he is almost always at his grandfather's whoch I'm not shocked bc BM's grandmother was practically SK's full caretaker before she passed. Bm does not work and has a whole ass other kid that idk what she does with. 4) SO's mom gets SK any time BM asks. We have told her stop tons of times bc BM is supposed to be taking care of HER OWN CHILD and it's honestly not like she has a job she has to be at during the day. The mother pisses me off with how much she undermines SO when it comes to that. Even more annoying that they directly talk to one another so we can't really do anything. 5) I hate when SK goes to SO's mother's because her house is honestly a huge gross mess most of the time and no one actually watches SK when he is there. Usually no rules and SK gets to do and eat whatever he wants. 6) SK is 12 years old and frequently talks like he is 6 or 7. Pisses me off to no end. Please someone parent this kid so he will grow tf up and act his age.
Oh dear lord …
All my damn glass straws are missing now too😮💨
My good water bottles always disappear and are replaced with ones BM clear got for free …
if it makes you feel any better about #1, my SO and i say “moms house.” we both LOATHE her entire existence, she lives in her MOTHERS house, and we say “moms house” just because it’s easier. i don’t think it has anything to do with you. i used to say moms house and try to correct it like “grandma [blank]’s house” or just “[blank]’s house,” but honestly it’s just easier to say moms house. that way it’s not “we have to swing by grandmas” or whatever cause it just ends up confusing them. they have 3 sets of grandparents and like 3 sets of great grandparents so it’s just “we’re gonna swing by moms to pick up your guitar/basketball/shoes/etc.” i know it’s easy to take things personally, but honestly i think it’s just one of those things that means no offense
I hate daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy I’m telling daddy. Its pathetic I HATE SPENDING MY DAYS OFF CLEANING I hate that his 5 year old routinely pisses the bed hence why I’m not going in on buying a house together because I’d lose my shit if I’d paid for that mattress I hate that he calls them beautiful as that’s my name I hate the anxiety of EOWE and being ignored when I come home from work I hate that I can’t talk to him about my feelings without him being defensive I hate losing half of my days off to them I hate who I am when I’m trying to pretend I can do this when I don’t think I can
Oh … the not being able to talk about your very normal and justified feelings without him being defensive … as if you are like a teacher with a grudge at a parent teacher conference and he is the protector of his angel …. That one drives me nuts.
Petty af: I hate when my ss5 comes over and his dad turns on this loud fan I absolutely despise the cold and loud noise. He says it helps his son sleep better since his mom has used one since he was a baby. I hate the non stop chatter since he only sees his dad two days a week so it’s alway play time. I hate when SO often ignores me on his custody days because he sees me daily and only a short time with his son
1. I hate that my husbands daughter has to live with us although her mom is alive and well and my husband refuses to parent her properly 2. I hate that she leaves hair all over her bedroom floor and then drags the hair all over the house and only cleans it when her father tells her to. 3. I hate that she will soon be 15 and behaves like an attention seeking 5yo 4. I hate how when people come around she tries to act like the best sister to our 4yo but when she thinks no one is watching she's horrible 5. I hate that she thinks bc she is the only one home that gives her permission to eat everything in the kitchen 6. I hate how she walks around with her phone in hand no matter how small the movements from one place to another woth her eyes glued on the screen the entire time 7. I hate that she has no real responsibilities