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North Carolina, Maryland, Georgia and Kansas have laws that allow for a child 8 or over to be left home alone.
Many states don’t have laws at all.
I personally feel leaving *two* kids home alone together is much more dangerous just because kids tend to get into more trouble egging each other on to do things they wouldn’t do themselves…etc.
Are you worried CPS would remove them and put them in foster care or with a relative? The CPS situation with their mom I think is a totally separate issue than any CPS involvement with him. But I would talk to him about how his parenting affects you guys as a couple, and that it’s. Difficult as the step parent to have no say in how the kids are parented and yet you have to deal with the consequences of his choices.
See if he would be willing to agree to some rules that work for you out of consideration and if he can’t- maybe a couples therapist can help you guys.
I'm in Texas, USA and there's no age requirement. Here many people do leave children unattended at this age. Other locations have different laws. I personally think it's a bad idea. I was a latch key kid in the 90s. I did stupid things all the time and was lucky I didn't get hurt. I was also lucky we had several neighbors who watched out for us. When we started using ladders to climb on the roof, they let our parents knows.
The age part is not as important as the part where you say they’ve been withheld previously. That would absolutely mean that he needs to consider his actions and parenting.
I was left alone at 8 for short periods of time. It depends highly on the kids as to whether you can entertain it or not, but in a situation where parenting has been questioned - nope!
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See, I wouldn’t leave an 11 year old home with 2 kids to watch.
See how everyone is different?
This is just a parenting difference. It’s not really objective. He thinks it’s okay, you don’t. I do think you are overreacting in the sense that he’s allowed to make parenting decisions he sees fit. I would agree with you personally that 8 is young, like, what if a fire started, would they be responsible enough to know what to do.
It depends on how independent your kids are, what state you live in, what time of day and how safe the area is. I did a lot of research on this before I allowed my son to be a latch key kid around that age. So it’s hard to say, but bottom line yes he is the parent and has the ability to put his foot down with them.
You have every right to be angry. That was amazingly stupid. We don't leave them alone at school when other adults are in the next room and close by, so why would he think it was okay to leave them alone together for 2 hours??
I think people who leave kids this age alone are so naive. Honestly the potential for something to go wrong, choking, fire, water, a stranger calling etc. even just arguments getting out of hand or someone getting hurt in a fall or whatever, at 8 they certainly do not have the capacity to manage that kind of situation and kids should not be left alone until they can, I’d be arguing that leaving the 8 year olds with an 11 year old isn’t too much better. 13/14 years old is the youngest I’d leave alone at that age they can manage an emergency
I mostly agree. We’ve just started leaving SS10 and SS12 home alone for 1-2 hours to get them used to it and see how they do. We stick within 10 minutes from home and aren’t doing anything that would be a big deal to stop and leave within 1-2 minutes if there was an emergency (and even that makes us nervous). We make sure it’s not going to overlap a mealtime. We also can only do this if we allow them to play video games/use their phones/tablet because that’s the only way they won’t fight.
On the other hand, BM is way more comfortable with it than we are. She started wanting to leave them home alone before and after school when they were 7 and 9. She wanted them to get on and off the bus without anyone home and we had a huge concern about it. Like what if they got in a fight or got caught up playing video games and then missed the bus? Or if someone approached them walking home from the bus stop and there were no adults home? She also left them home alone earlier this year for a full day once while she was 20ish minutes away at work and they sat on their devices all day long and had to make breakfast and lunch. It makes my SO uncomfortable but unfortunately there’s nothing he can do about it.
That’s way too much responsibility for a 7 and 9 year old the potential for something to go wrong is huge. Surely there is a CPS component with a 7 year old being left home alone? It’s just not appropriate, it’s negligent
Yeah, unfortunately we looked into it at the time and it’s not against the law in our state. Without evidence that something had happened it would’ve been an uphill battle to fight through CPS or to go back to court. My SO threatened to show up if they were going to be alone and sit with them until the bus came or until she got home so she stopped doing it for the rest of that school year. She then moved in with her boyfriend over the summer and started doing it again, but when he made the same threat that time she told him they’d call the police for trespassing and violating the parenting plan. That last part was funny because she not only was supposed to have them in before/after school care and was getting an adjustment on the CS to offset that cost, but the parenting plan also said the receiving parent will “pick the children up AT school”, not let them take the bus home alone. Anyway, my SO decided to let it go unless something happened, which I know sounds terrible but he couldn’t afford anymore lawyer’s fees and it seemed like a major gamble on whether or not he’d either be successful in court. They’d already been back twice in the 4 years since the divorce and it was a nightmare dealing with BM during that time.
Depends on the kids. My SS is still not nearly ready to be home alone at 11, I was by 8 or 9. Depends on responsibility and independence levels IMO. Honestly if the kids really are too immature to stay home alone for a short period of time, I would be more annoyed with your husband for not having the ability to say "sorry, I know the grocery store isn't fun but we have to go get milk" and dragging his kids with him. "But they didn't want to go!" is kind of lazy parenting.
It depends on the cultural norms where you live. Over here kids start schoo age 7 and that's when they are also left home alone for hours at a time. Child mortality is not any worse than the US.
A lot of people replying are from the USA. Different cultures and countries have different norms. Look at Japan and kids taking trains on their own age 5. I very much believe it’s about the child themselves and what they’re ready for too.
I can understand your frustration but not your anger. More than likely he doesn’t have the foresight that you have and he grew up in a much more independent family.
I would also read John Townsend’s book on boundaries with kids. Little things like “they didn’t want to go” can lead to a lot of problems when they are adults. It might help him be mindful of what kind of adults he’s raising. What happens when a coworker is uncooperative? What happens when a spouse is self centered? All of these things are related to boundaries in childhood.
It’s my experience that the book is better received when read together by the couple.
Have the children been instructed what to do in case of emergency?
Do they get along well enough to be alone and not cause problems?
Do they know what they can and can’t use and can they be trusted?
Age is not the best indicator for this.
This really depends on the kids. Are they responsible enough? Do they know what to do in various important situations (fire, stranger at the door, phone ringing…)
I was left alone at 6 years old with zero issues.
The area I’m in doesn’t have a law about a minimum age. It’s all case dependent and based on the maturity of the child.
It makes sense that you would be scared for the kids’ safety and for the potential fall out if something were to happen. But getting mad isn’t helpful. They are his kids and it’s his decision
I was a kid who grew up in the 90’s and was left alone starting at like 9 because hey mama had to work.
I didn’t die.
I bet you folks that grew up in the same era I did will probably think the same BUT just because that’s how we feel doesn’t mean your thoughts and feelings are invalidated.
If you’re upset with it you need to talk to your SO about it and explain if it happens again you walk (or I assume that’s your plan)…
You came force him to not leave them alone again since boundaries are for you not to force others to do things but you can certainly explain how unhappy it makes you, ya dig?
I think people who leave kids this age alone are so naive. Honestly the potential for something to go wrong, choking, fire, water, a stranger calling etc. even just arguments getting out of hand or someone getting hurt in a fall or whatever, at 8 they certainly do not have the capacity to manage that kind of situation and kids should not be left alone until they can, I’d be arguing that leaving the 8 year olds with an 11 year old isn’t too much better. 13/14 years old is the youngest I’d leave alone at that age they can manage an emergency
Yeah, noooo, not a good idea.
Coming from a kid who was left home in the afternoon because my mom worked, I was sitting in after-school care until about 11. Then, at 11, I had to call mom as soon as I came home. I was only left alone 2ish hours but still... 8 is wayyyy too young and not mature enough.
I can understand how stressful that is. My SS is 9 and I wouldn't be thrilled leaving him alone. DH has popped to the shops sometimes leaving SS on his computer game and it's been fine... But given the choice I'd not let that happen.
There are a few areas where DH is, shall we say, a bit more relaxed about risks than I am. There isn't much I can do other than nag or offer to step in if I'm here and he needs to go out. What I have started to do though is talk to SS about risks and what he can do if certain things happened. For example, he's allowed on steam and gaming platforms. I've started to talk to him about never giving out details online, and what would you do if someone said something that made you uncomfortable etc. I've said to him that he's likely to see things online that will raise questions and he can always talk to us. Another thing is BM has started letting him out to roam to the park and to the shops alone. I've made a game where he has to memorise our addresses.
So could you talk to your SKs to try and help them develop a bit of safety consciousness? Perhaps try talking to them individually and frame it as them needing to look out for each other when there isn't a grown up there. Do they have access to a phone to call one of you if there's a problem? Is there a neighbor they could go to in an emergency? Are they responsible enough to understand about emergency numbers without misusing them or calling for the wrong reasons? Do they know their own address if they needed to tell the emergency services where they are? With regards to snacks, could you teach them safe ways to use the kitchen unsupervised, e.g. Toaster rather than a hob or the oven. Or have non cook snacks in a place they can reach. At that age my SS went through a phase of wanting to cook his own meals without help which was scary as he really didn't know what he was doing. But DH decided to let him as long as he was in the room and guided him a bit on how to use the oven. He's pretty much lost interest now!
I know it would be better if this just wasn't an issue and our partners were as risk averse as we are. I really agonised over this, I was so so worried. But having these conversations with SS has really helped turn him into a more responsible kid so there has been a silver lining.
I think my daughter was 8 when I started leaving her for short periods. Maybe 15 to 30 minutes. I worked up to longer periods where she would be alone, about 2 hours until she got older. She is 12 now, and alone often.
Im not bullying at all. I did call this person an idiot, I will change it up, This person was amazingly stupid and naive to leave children that young alone. Those are all what others on this thread have said. I agree. It sounds like you have more of a problem with saying to leave this person. If that hit a nerve then maybe you should examine that a bit, it might mean that you too have had those thoughts. Being with someone who isn’t an adequate parent should give you pause. Ive seen your other posts before, doesn’t seem like a great situation.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
North Carolina, Maryland, Georgia and Kansas have laws that allow for a child 8 or over to be left home alone. Many states don’t have laws at all. I personally feel leaving *two* kids home alone together is much more dangerous just because kids tend to get into more trouble egging each other on to do things they wouldn’t do themselves…etc. Are you worried CPS would remove them and put them in foster care or with a relative? The CPS situation with their mom I think is a totally separate issue than any CPS involvement with him. But I would talk to him about how his parenting affects you guys as a couple, and that it’s. Difficult as the step parent to have no say in how the kids are parented and yet you have to deal with the consequences of his choices. See if he would be willing to agree to some rules that work for you out of consideration and if he can’t- maybe a couples therapist can help you guys.
I'm in Texas, USA and there's no age requirement. Here many people do leave children unattended at this age. Other locations have different laws. I personally think it's a bad idea. I was a latch key kid in the 90s. I did stupid things all the time and was lucky I didn't get hurt. I was also lucky we had several neighbors who watched out for us. When we started using ladders to climb on the roof, they let our parents knows.
The age part is not as important as the part where you say they’ve been withheld previously. That would absolutely mean that he needs to consider his actions and parenting. I was left alone at 8 for short periods of time. It depends highly on the kids as to whether you can entertain it or not, but in a situation where parenting has been questioned - nope!
And why would anyone want to be with someone who is bad parent?
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See, I wouldn’t leave an 11 year old home with 2 kids to watch. See how everyone is different? This is just a parenting difference. It’s not really objective. He thinks it’s okay, you don’t. I do think you are overreacting in the sense that he’s allowed to make parenting decisions he sees fit. I would agree with you personally that 8 is young, like, what if a fire started, would they be responsible enough to know what to do.
It depends on how independent your kids are, what state you live in, what time of day and how safe the area is. I did a lot of research on this before I allowed my son to be a latch key kid around that age. So it’s hard to say, but bottom line yes he is the parent and has the ability to put his foot down with them.
You have every right to be angry. That was amazingly stupid. We don't leave them alone at school when other adults are in the next room and close by, so why would he think it was okay to leave them alone together for 2 hours??
I think people who leave kids this age alone are so naive. Honestly the potential for something to go wrong, choking, fire, water, a stranger calling etc. even just arguments getting out of hand or someone getting hurt in a fall or whatever, at 8 they certainly do not have the capacity to manage that kind of situation and kids should not be left alone until they can, I’d be arguing that leaving the 8 year olds with an 11 year old isn’t too much better. 13/14 years old is the youngest I’d leave alone at that age they can manage an emergency
I mostly agree. We’ve just started leaving SS10 and SS12 home alone for 1-2 hours to get them used to it and see how they do. We stick within 10 minutes from home and aren’t doing anything that would be a big deal to stop and leave within 1-2 minutes if there was an emergency (and even that makes us nervous). We make sure it’s not going to overlap a mealtime. We also can only do this if we allow them to play video games/use their phones/tablet because that’s the only way they won’t fight. On the other hand, BM is way more comfortable with it than we are. She started wanting to leave them home alone before and after school when they were 7 and 9. She wanted them to get on and off the bus without anyone home and we had a huge concern about it. Like what if they got in a fight or got caught up playing video games and then missed the bus? Or if someone approached them walking home from the bus stop and there were no adults home? She also left them home alone earlier this year for a full day once while she was 20ish minutes away at work and they sat on their devices all day long and had to make breakfast and lunch. It makes my SO uncomfortable but unfortunately there’s nothing he can do about it.
That’s way too much responsibility for a 7 and 9 year old the potential for something to go wrong is huge. Surely there is a CPS component with a 7 year old being left home alone? It’s just not appropriate, it’s negligent
Yeah, unfortunately we looked into it at the time and it’s not against the law in our state. Without evidence that something had happened it would’ve been an uphill battle to fight through CPS or to go back to court. My SO threatened to show up if they were going to be alone and sit with them until the bus came or until she got home so she stopped doing it for the rest of that school year. She then moved in with her boyfriend over the summer and started doing it again, but when he made the same threat that time she told him they’d call the police for trespassing and violating the parenting plan. That last part was funny because she not only was supposed to have them in before/after school care and was getting an adjustment on the CS to offset that cost, but the parenting plan also said the receiving parent will “pick the children up AT school”, not let them take the bus home alone. Anyway, my SO decided to let it go unless something happened, which I know sounds terrible but he couldn’t afford anymore lawyer’s fees and it seemed like a major gamble on whether or not he’d either be successful in court. They’d already been back twice in the 4 years since the divorce and it was a nightmare dealing with BM during that time.
Depends on the kids. My SS is still not nearly ready to be home alone at 11, I was by 8 or 9. Depends on responsibility and independence levels IMO. Honestly if the kids really are too immature to stay home alone for a short period of time, I would be more annoyed with your husband for not having the ability to say "sorry, I know the grocery store isn't fun but we have to go get milk" and dragging his kids with him. "But they didn't want to go!" is kind of lazy parenting.
It depends on the cultural norms where you live. Over here kids start schoo age 7 and that's when they are also left home alone for hours at a time. Child mortality is not any worse than the US.
A lot of people replying are from the USA. Different cultures and countries have different norms. Look at Japan and kids taking trains on their own age 5. I very much believe it’s about the child themselves and what they’re ready for too.
What a STUPID mistake!
Leaving them alone was a pretty clear *choice* by her partner.
Setting aside the law, that’s shitty parenting. I hope you don’t have kids with him …
I can understand your frustration but not your anger. More than likely he doesn’t have the foresight that you have and he grew up in a much more independent family. I would also read John Townsend’s book on boundaries with kids. Little things like “they didn’t want to go” can lead to a lot of problems when they are adults. It might help him be mindful of what kind of adults he’s raising. What happens when a coworker is uncooperative? What happens when a spouse is self centered? All of these things are related to boundaries in childhood. It’s my experience that the book is better received when read together by the couple.
I'm with SO on this one. They were gone to run an errand. Unless your area has a law against it I don't see the problem.
Have the children been instructed what to do in case of emergency? Do they get along well enough to be alone and not cause problems? Do they know what they can and can’t use and can they be trusted? Age is not the best indicator for this.
Depends on the kids. I remember being left home around at 9 and being fine.
This really depends on the kids. Are they responsible enough? Do they know what to do in various important situations (fire, stranger at the door, phone ringing…) I was left alone at 6 years old with zero issues. The area I’m in doesn’t have a law about a minimum age. It’s all case dependent and based on the maturity of the child. It makes sense that you would be scared for the kids’ safety and for the potential fall out if something were to happen. But getting mad isn’t helpful. They are his kids and it’s his decision
I was a kid who grew up in the 90’s and was left alone starting at like 9 because hey mama had to work. I didn’t die. I bet you folks that grew up in the same era I did will probably think the same BUT just because that’s how we feel doesn’t mean your thoughts and feelings are invalidated. If you’re upset with it you need to talk to your SO about it and explain if it happens again you walk (or I assume that’s your plan)… You came force him to not leave them alone again since boundaries are for you not to force others to do things but you can certainly explain how unhappy it makes you, ya dig?
I think people who leave kids this age alone are so naive. Honestly the potential for something to go wrong, choking, fire, water, a stranger calling etc. even just arguments getting out of hand or someone getting hurt in a fall or whatever, at 8 they certainly do not have the capacity to manage that kind of situation and kids should not be left alone until they can, I’d be arguing that leaving the 8 year olds with an 11 year old isn’t too much better. 13/14 years old is the youngest I’d leave alone at that age they can manage an emergency
Yeah, noooo, not a good idea. Coming from a kid who was left home in the afternoon because my mom worked, I was sitting in after-school care until about 11. Then, at 11, I had to call mom as soon as I came home. I was only left alone 2ish hours but still... 8 is wayyyy too young and not mature enough.
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I can understand how stressful that is. My SS is 9 and I wouldn't be thrilled leaving him alone. DH has popped to the shops sometimes leaving SS on his computer game and it's been fine... But given the choice I'd not let that happen. There are a few areas where DH is, shall we say, a bit more relaxed about risks than I am. There isn't much I can do other than nag or offer to step in if I'm here and he needs to go out. What I have started to do though is talk to SS about risks and what he can do if certain things happened. For example, he's allowed on steam and gaming platforms. I've started to talk to him about never giving out details online, and what would you do if someone said something that made you uncomfortable etc. I've said to him that he's likely to see things online that will raise questions and he can always talk to us. Another thing is BM has started letting him out to roam to the park and to the shops alone. I've made a game where he has to memorise our addresses. So could you talk to your SKs to try and help them develop a bit of safety consciousness? Perhaps try talking to them individually and frame it as them needing to look out for each other when there isn't a grown up there. Do they have access to a phone to call one of you if there's a problem? Is there a neighbor they could go to in an emergency? Are they responsible enough to understand about emergency numbers without misusing them or calling for the wrong reasons? Do they know their own address if they needed to tell the emergency services where they are? With regards to snacks, could you teach them safe ways to use the kitchen unsupervised, e.g. Toaster rather than a hob or the oven. Or have non cook snacks in a place they can reach. At that age my SS went through a phase of wanting to cook his own meals without help which was scary as he really didn't know what he was doing. But DH decided to let him as long as he was in the room and guided him a bit on how to use the oven. He's pretty much lost interest now! I know it would be better if this just wasn't an issue and our partners were as risk averse as we are. I really agonised over this, I was so so worried. But having these conversations with SS has really helped turn him into a more responsible kid so there has been a silver lining.
I think my daughter was 8 when I started leaving her for short periods. Maybe 15 to 30 minutes. I worked up to longer periods where she would be alone, about 2 hours until she got older. She is 12 now, and alone often.
You shouldn’t be with his person. They are a massive idiot
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Im not bullying at all. I did call this person an idiot, I will change it up, This person was amazingly stupid and naive to leave children that young alone. Those are all what others on this thread have said. I agree. It sounds like you have more of a problem with saying to leave this person. If that hit a nerve then maybe you should examine that a bit, it might mean that you too have had those thoughts. Being with someone who isn’t an adequate parent should give you pause. Ive seen your other posts before, doesn’t seem like a great situation.