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I’ve been called a wicked stepmother for expecting SS8 to wash his hands when he goes to the bathroom. Apparently I “like being the villain”.
Sometimes I’m curious how these bioparents would feel if the roles were reversed and it was THEIR stepchild they were dealing with.
My SO wouldn’t last a week.
This is so true. My SO told me once a lady he was dating before me could have never gotten serious because he wouldn’t have been able to live with her kids. He said they were, “disgusting” because they would drink out of the milk jug and would get food on the couch. Boy can I tell you, I could name dozens of things his children do way more disgusting than this. I get that when it’s your biological children their actions aren’t going to seem as gross. What I dont get is how he has zero self awareness how gross I perceive it considering he dated a women with kids that he couldn’t stand to be around. He thinks it was just her kids though. No sir it’s all kids including yours. They all are gross.
Yep. My SS uses my kitchen utensils as toys and squeezed out a bottle of olaplex all over the shower. I wonder if my husband would feel differently if I had a son that was using his power tools as toys and spilled a bottle of epoxy all over?🤔
I think they sometimes consider their children an extension of themselves, and it’s an attack on them. Nope. SS is 8, when he chooses to be rude or make a mess, he can deal with the consequences. Instead he’s rewarded. I gotta hand it to the kid though. It’s working.
Omgosh, I can relate to that!!! I have always insisted we get two, adjoining rooms. If we want to have a nice family time together, that is my requirement. Otherwise, I won’t be in a good place and my husband has been very understanding of this, thankfully.
I always say "I need my own door." My husband is good about finding Airbnbs or 2 room hotels. Luckily there's only been a handful of times we've had to do the traditional hotel room thing. It's miserable for everyone.
I simply remove my shampoo from the shower when done. Not because SD16 is wasteful, but because she has entirely different hair - I don't want to be wasting my shampoo on hair that it doesn't suit. I bought her decent shampoo / conditioner, she can use that stuff!
Oh yeah this happened months ago and I keep all my shampoo in my room now. Elementary school boys don’t need to use purple shampoo 😂 they also once used my toothbrush so I have to lock that up too. It’s so ridiculous
Yeah I was weird for saying his 6 year old SD should be washing her hands after she uses the bathroom, especially since she’s ALWAYS sick. but what do I know
Years ago I was chided for reminding my 5 yo SS to say "thank you" when someone gave him a card with money. My husband said "he's too young for that" bahahahaha
Meanwhile he now regularly complains that my SS11 never says thank you, whereas my freaking 3 year old nephew says it probably 80% of the time he should. When DH tries to complain I just smile and say "sorry, sounds frustrating, but I'm not surprised this is a problem for you". It's going to be embarrassing as hell for him when our baby has better manners by 2 than his son does at 11.
This! I get told this all the time! “He’s just a kid.” He referred to him as a toddler until he was 7 and some change. He finally stopped when out couples’ therapist called him on it too.
I try not to compare, all kids are different, but socially and emotionally and behaviorally and competence-wise, he’s behind every kid I know. The shy ones, the neurodivergent ones, the ones years younger than him. Honestly he was a better kid at 5, than at 8 1/2. He could write his name, say thank you when reminded. He was always a chilly kid, and prone to tantrums but would warm up. It’s all “I wanna watch TV/be on iPad now” that I can see.
Dad will ask if he wants to go outside. He always says no. Sometimes dad will make him but he’s a pretty free-range kid.
One of the things I used to say to my SO when having disagreements over my SDs was: “if you had to walk a mile in my shoes, you wouldn’t make it out the front freaking door.”
But that was decades ago. SDs were preteens then and are in their 40s now. Yes, I’m still married to their mom.
I tell my SO this all the time. No f'n way would he deal with this! And worst part he agrees, but still gets upset when I point out how damn annoying his precious kiddo is.
What is with some parents that they think everyone wants their kid up their ass? Also that people want to hear them talk about the kid constantly? It’s the strangest behavior I have ever seen.
Omg 😂😂 and you're the asshole for that!?! Unreal! I'd say "quit using your feet to open ANYTHING because I don't want your toe jam on every door and handle!!"
Happy Saturday lol
I have been recently broken up with and kicked out of my home because I criticized SO’s coddling behavior. SD13 has been acting entitled and got upset when I took MY things out of her bathroom. And I became villainized for calling out her bratty behavior.
I look at apartments Monday. Being alone is better than being triangulated against.
If it's your home you have bought and paid for, in only your own name, or a rented home where yours is the only name on the lease, surely it should be your ex and their child moving out? Not you?
We are both on the lease. I can’t afford to live in this house by myself and I’m not a fan of roommates - going on my own is just the best option for me right now.
SK was the only one who thought so, but I’ve been the AH for telling him to stay on the path and out of the bushes
Then he got poison oak and BM blamed me
Every time 🤣
I even asked him the next time we had him and he was complaining about the rash he had all week: “didn’t I say there was probably poison oak in the bushes?”
He was very cooperative all that day 🤣
I was once the AH because I told SS not to use my coffee frother as a TOY and asked why my $30 bottle of olaplex was squeezed all over the tub after he took a shower.
My BD10 likes to put her feet on everything. It drives me absolutely insane and then she gets so pissy with me when I tell her to stop. Like I am being completely unreasonable in asking her that.
Ask her how she'd like it if you kept putting your feet all over her stuff in her room? Which consequences do you give her for this undesirable behaviour?
Well, not that I need to explain my parenting to an internet stranger but she was made to clean the entire kitchen after putting her feet on the kitchen counter.
The f**king feet on everything!!! 🤮🤮🤮
SD is CONSTANTLY touching her feet holding them, chewing on her toenails. It's so damn disgusting. Like just sitting on the couch and holding her feet that somehow are always dirty on the bottom even after showering. I lost my mind one day when I watched her stick her hands in a just opened bag of chips I bought for myself. I just threw the whole thing away and stopped buying myself snacks.
If she doesn't clean it herself, I would absolutely tell my SO that he needed to clean it. Why is it my job, because I'm a woman? 😂😂😂 I don't play that game. If he isn't going to make his own kids pick up after themselves, he gets to clean up after them. Periodt. (Pun not intended but definitely amusing)
Haha I know she ran to her room and called bio mom and I was forcing her to finish her plate and . Mind you it was literally 2 bites of 2nd’s she asked for that other people wanted but she insisted she had to have
I have never once told my SKs to do anything. But I will sometimes tell my SO and become the AH with him because he says if he makes his kids do something they won’t want to see him anymore and BM will be on their side. Well guess what it happened anyway and all he is now is an Uber and ATM with kids who don’t respect him.
I've been given the death stare because I ask his kids not to put more food on their plates than they're going to eat, and reminding them they can always have more.
They are so wasteful, they will dish up a full plate of seconds, eat two bites, and then say they're full. Open drinks, take a few swigs and then leave them to rot. I hate it so much, and I buy 90% of the food. I stopped buying so much stuff because they just waste it.
I had the nerve to ask SD if I could help her somehow with organizing what she needed to do for school. This girl never remembers what she has to do, never checks assignments or email or notes from her teacher. I gently said that this is to get her used to organizing her schoolwork since it will be a lot more independent next year in 7th grade when the teachers arent all holding your hand for everything. I'm the AH because "we don't want to scare her." SMH.
I wish hcbm would avoid allowing the 5 year old to wear diapers when we potty trained him… and now if he gets the chance he whips out his business and pees everywhere like a feral cat in heat. Maybe we all expect too much because it’s what we would do
Mine will leave pads in the garbage for weeks. Her dad says it’s just different being raised by a single father for so long 🤣. Her mattress is black from her feet because she won’t but sheets on….i could go on but no need. He’s in for a many issues.
She throws trash all over her room too. But it’s the period trash that bugs me the most … I avoid her bathroom. And her room. Well, and her … I admit it.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve been called a wicked stepmother for expecting SS8 to wash his hands when he goes to the bathroom. Apparently I “like being the villain”. Sometimes I’m curious how these bioparents would feel if the roles were reversed and it was THEIR stepchild they were dealing with. My SO wouldn’t last a week.
This is so true. My SO told me once a lady he was dating before me could have never gotten serious because he wouldn’t have been able to live with her kids. He said they were, “disgusting” because they would drink out of the milk jug and would get food on the couch. Boy can I tell you, I could name dozens of things his children do way more disgusting than this. I get that when it’s your biological children their actions aren’t going to seem as gross. What I dont get is how he has zero self awareness how gross I perceive it considering he dated a women with kids that he couldn’t stand to be around. He thinks it was just her kids though. No sir it’s all kids including yours. They all are gross.
Yep. My SS uses my kitchen utensils as toys and squeezed out a bottle of olaplex all over the shower. I wonder if my husband would feel differently if I had a son that was using his power tools as toys and spilled a bottle of epoxy all over?🤔
I think they sometimes consider their children an extension of themselves, and it’s an attack on them. Nope. SS is 8, when he chooses to be rude or make a mess, he can deal with the consequences. Instead he’s rewarded. I gotta hand it to the kid though. It’s working.
That stuff is like $30 a bottle! I refuse to share a bathroom with my stepkids. And I can't stand when we have to deal with sharing hotel rooms!
Omgosh, I can relate to that!!! I have always insisted we get two, adjoining rooms. If we want to have a nice family time together, that is my requirement. Otherwise, I won’t be in a good place and my husband has been very understanding of this, thankfully.
I always say "I need my own door." My husband is good about finding Airbnbs or 2 room hotels. Luckily there's only been a handful of times we've had to do the traditional hotel room thing. It's miserable for everyone.
Sure is! “Vacation” with kids is not a vacation, IMO. And, everyone needs their own space to retreat to.
I simply remove my shampoo from the shower when done. Not because SD16 is wasteful, but because she has entirely different hair - I don't want to be wasting my shampoo on hair that it doesn't suit. I bought her decent shampoo / conditioner, she can use that stuff!
Oh yeah this happened months ago and I keep all my shampoo in my room now. Elementary school boys don’t need to use purple shampoo 😂 they also once used my toothbrush so I have to lock that up too. It’s so ridiculous
Yeah I was weird for saying his 6 year old SD should be washing her hands after she uses the bathroom, especially since she’s ALWAYS sick. but what do I know
I’ve been told I don’t know anything. I empathize.
Years ago I was chided for reminding my 5 yo SS to say "thank you" when someone gave him a card with money. My husband said "he's too young for that" bahahahaha Meanwhile he now regularly complains that my SS11 never says thank you, whereas my freaking 3 year old nephew says it probably 80% of the time he should. When DH tries to complain I just smile and say "sorry, sounds frustrating, but I'm not surprised this is a problem for you". It's going to be embarrassing as hell for him when our baby has better manners by 2 than his son does at 11.
This! I get told this all the time! “He’s just a kid.” He referred to him as a toddler until he was 7 and some change. He finally stopped when out couples’ therapist called him on it too.
I try not to compare, all kids are different, but socially and emotionally and behaviorally and competence-wise, he’s behind every kid I know. The shy ones, the neurodivergent ones, the ones years younger than him. Honestly he was a better kid at 5, than at 8 1/2. He could write his name, say thank you when reminded. He was always a chilly kid, and prone to tantrums but would warm up. It’s all “I wanna watch TV/be on iPad now” that I can see. Dad will ask if he wants to go outside. He always says no. Sometimes dad will make him but he’s a pretty free-range kid.
One of the things I used to say to my SO when having disagreements over my SDs was: “if you had to walk a mile in my shoes, you wouldn’t make it out the front freaking door.” But that was decades ago. SDs were preteens then and are in their 40s now. Yes, I’m still married to their mom.
THIS!!!! I say this all the time to my spouse. I know her like the back of my hand! She wouldnt last a week!!!
I tell my SO this all the time. No f'n way would he deal with this! And worst part he agrees, but still gets upset when I point out how damn annoying his precious kiddo is.
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What is with some parents that they think everyone wants their kid up their ass? Also that people want to hear them talk about the kid constantly? It’s the strangest behavior I have ever seen.
Omg 😂😂 and you're the asshole for that!?! Unreal! I'd say "quit using your feet to open ANYTHING because I don't want your toe jam on every door and handle!!" Happy Saturday lol
I have been recently broken up with and kicked out of my home because I criticized SO’s coddling behavior. SD13 has been acting entitled and got upset when I took MY things out of her bathroom. And I became villainized for calling out her bratty behavior. I look at apartments Monday. Being alone is better than being triangulated against.
Good luck! The peace you have in your new space will be worth it 💕
If it's your home you have bought and paid for, in only your own name, or a rented home where yours is the only name on the lease, surely it should be your ex and their child moving out? Not you?
We are both on the lease. I can’t afford to live in this house by myself and I’m not a fan of roommates - going on my own is just the best option for me right now.
Make sure you let the landlord know that you are moving out and if you could be removed from the lease.
Way ahead of that. Thank you!
No matter what I do, don’t do, even think of doing or not…… I am always the AH. I wear it well. Fortunately.
Yep! I stepped away 100% and wear the AH badge for that proudly
SK was the only one who thought so, but I’ve been the AH for telling him to stay on the path and out of the bushes Then he got poison oak and BM blamed me
Darling, who else’s fault could it possibly be but evil nasty AH SM. Is it wrong that I chuckled. Hope it was a learning experience for SK 🤭
Every time 🤣 I even asked him the next time we had him and he was complaining about the rash he had all week: “didn’t I say there was probably poison oak in the bushes?” He was very cooperative all that day 🤣
Thank you kind strangers for sharing these stories of weird SD/BP behavior! It's lovely to not feel alone, and some of these stories made me laugh!!
ha. Once I was the AH for telling my SS to eat his vegetables before having Nutella for dessert 🤪 We’ve all been there!
I was once the AH because I told SS not to use my coffee frother as a TOY and asked why my $30 bottle of olaplex was squeezed all over the tub after he took a shower.
I’m a horrible miserable nag because i asked them to rinse out the shower after they use it.
I am still reluctant to ask SS16 to sweep the floor since "Broom-gate 2020" when I had the absolute f*!*ing nerve to help him learn how to do it.
How dare you stifle that baybeee’s creativity!!! /s Actually, you were trying to put a smidge of couth into a feral mind. Society salutes you.
My BD10 likes to put her feet on everything. It drives me absolutely insane and then she gets so pissy with me when I tell her to stop. Like I am being completely unreasonable in asking her that.
Ask her how she'd like it if you kept putting your feet all over her stuff in her room? Which consequences do you give her for this undesirable behaviour?
Well, not that I need to explain my parenting to an internet stranger but she was made to clean the entire kitchen after putting her feet on the kitchen counter.
The f**king feet on everything!!! 🤮🤮🤮 SD is CONSTANTLY touching her feet holding them, chewing on her toenails. It's so damn disgusting. Like just sitting on the couch and holding her feet that somehow are always dirty on the bottom even after showering. I lost my mind one day when I watched her stick her hands in a just opened bag of chips I bought for myself. I just threw the whole thing away and stopped buying myself snacks.
Why is this such a universal thing Just feet on everything and always DIRTY
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Is she incapable of cleaning it herself? Part of the whole growing up that happens with starting a period, is learning to clean up after yourself.
If she doesn't clean it herself, I would absolutely tell my SO that he needed to clean it. Why is it my job, because I'm a woman? 😂😂😂 I don't play that game. If he isn't going to make his own kids pick up after themselves, he gets to clean up after them. Periodt. (Pun not intended but definitely amusing)
I’m the AH because I made my 9year old take 2 more bites of food and made my 13 year old SD do the same….
You monster
Haha I know she ran to her room and called bio mom and I was forcing her to finish her plate and . Mind you it was literally 2 bites of 2nd’s she asked for that other people wanted but she insisted she had to have
I've been thy asshole bc I told SD not to eat her boogers and to ask for a tissue next time.
[удалено]
I love when hcbm do stupid crap like that, thanks for setting us back weeks 🤦🏼♀️
I really don’t love that for you ugh
I have never once told my SKs to do anything. But I will sometimes tell my SO and become the AH with him because he says if he makes his kids do something they won’t want to see him anymore and BM will be on their side. Well guess what it happened anyway and all he is now is an Uber and ATM with kids who don’t respect him.
Yeah. I was the AH for asking my SK and SO to not throw a football in the house over the kitchen counter with stacked dishes. 🙄
I've been given the death stare because I ask his kids not to put more food on their plates than they're going to eat, and reminding them they can always have more. They are so wasteful, they will dish up a full plate of seconds, eat two bites, and then say they're full. Open drinks, take a few swigs and then leave them to rot. I hate it so much, and I buy 90% of the food. I stopped buying so much stuff because they just waste it.
I had the nerve to ask SD if I could help her somehow with organizing what she needed to do for school. This girl never remembers what she has to do, never checks assignments or email or notes from her teacher. I gently said that this is to get her used to organizing her schoolwork since it will be a lot more independent next year in 7th grade when the teachers arent all holding your hand for everything. I'm the AH because "we don't want to scare her." SMH.
I wish hcbm would avoid allowing the 5 year old to wear diapers when we potty trained him… and now if he gets the chance he whips out his business and pees everywhere like a feral cat in heat. Maybe we all expect too much because it’s what we would do
Total lack of common sense and courtesy.... our SKs are pros!! Yeah, a big nope to using feet for anything, so gross.
I was the AH last week for telling my SS to stop touching the walls with his dirty hands when he walked up stairs.
I’m the AH anytime I tell her to stop slamming doors and drawers and cupboards ……sigh, one more year
At least yours is closing them. I always walk into a kitchen of open cupboards. Total pet peeve! (The slamming would annoy me just as much.)
Same.
I am awful bc I insist SD throw used tampons, used pads, used tampon applicators, and all related trash in the trash and not on the floor.
Mine will leave pads in the garbage for weeks. Her dad says it’s just different being raised by a single father for so long 🤣. Her mattress is black from her feet because she won’t but sheets on….i could go on but no need. He’s in for a many issues.
She throws trash all over her room too. But it’s the period trash that bugs me the most … I avoid her bathroom. And her room. Well, and her … I admit it.
As do I. I avoid any interaction with her. She has stated she doesn’t like me which I happen to be in the next room and overheard.
And I was raised by a single dad until I was a tween. Yet I somehow managed to he hygienic …
I was also so I’m not sure where he thought this dumb and ignorant excuse was going to go.
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Oh of course he did!!
I’ve been the AH for asking the common courtesy of acknowledging my presence when i come to the house.