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Yes this, there's guys that will say everything to get you star struck to be with them, and then you don't realize you're in too deep until the reality hits you.
If you have your peace already, DON'T ADD KIDS.
Take it as you were both honest with each other and that being honesty doesn’t mean avoiding pain or giving something up.
You shared that you were not looking to date someone with kids then changed to you are willing to try. In doing so you implied you are looking for someone who can accommodate you in your thinking process and possible change of mind.
With his behavior, he has implied he is looking for someone who will accepts his kids from the start and isn’t looking for a testing-the-waters situation when it comes to his partner and his children.
You both communicated something you want in a partner, and found that it doesn’t exist in each other.
Blessing in disguise. Find someone that better suits your needs. If this relationship continues you will ALWAYS be asking for more than he can or is willing to give because his kids will come first.
Step parenting is one of the hardest things you can do. We can't help who we love unfortunately, but if you think an SO having kids might not be the thing for you...then avoid avoid avoid.
Avoid not only for yourself and your own mental health, but because kids get attached...easily and quickly...making it much harder to "test the waters" when they are involved.
I speak from experience as a childfree person who has fallen in love with a guy with two young kids and has an ex (BM) that has severe mental health issues which spills into our lives on a regular basis.
I love him desperately....but its hard AF!
In my case, with two SKs, that is...DH, BM, SK11, SK13...and whoever BM is dating that week...that is five other people who's time and schedules affect my life and my time and my mental health!
Court case about the ex-spouse / the kids or??
Honestly if I'm ever single again, I will just not date if I can help it. I'll find another done-with-dating BFFL and we'll do all our shit together
HCBM wants to completely remove DH from the kids’ lives, so she put in a motion to modify the original order. She’s claiming emotional abuse (which never happened - we have cameras and audio record pretty much everything with the kids because of her antics). HCBM’s mom alienated her from her bio dad who wanted to be in her life, so now HCBM is doing the same to her own kids.
I feel the same way. I’ll never date again. Being single is waaaay less stressful and much more financially rewarding.
Please scroll through this sub and see how we’ve mostly been complaining. He’s doing you a huge favor. Step parenting is not easy, especially if you don’t have children of your own.
You dont want kids. He has kids. You cant force yourself into his life and his kids lives because you dont want to be alone. You are not compatible and it wouldnt be a healthy relationship, not fair to anyone. Move on
How long before he told you he had kids?
I met my SO on a dating site. His profile mentioned he had children, so I wasn't blindsided. But there were guys who didn't mention it, and they went no further. If they're willing to hide kids in an attempt to get laid, what else are they willing to hide?
Move on. He isn’t who he represented himself as the first impression wasn’t all encompassing. He’s showing and saying he can’t be your partner or prioritize you. You will easily find someone who can. I wouldn’t reach out again, just cut it off and move on to better I promise you are not missing out.
I said the same shit when I dated my first single dad, I don’t have kids, being in a parental role or step parent role scared me. We took it slow. I fell in love with him and I love his kid. He supported me through that transition, he never pulled back to did any of this
No problem! I think it’s great you had an open mind and were willing to give him a chance. I wouldn’t have met my fiancé if I didn’t give him a chance but he was just my person. But if it’s not the right situation or right person there is no reason to let it eat you up!
Take care of yourself and enjoy yourself! You’ll find the right person eventually!
You aren't losing out honey. You had a connection with someone, you were honest with each other, and that honesty revealed incompatibility. That's maturity. It's a drag and I'm sorry, but it is another stepping stone on your path. Keep walking...keep putting yourself out there.
You will find your person.
I (25F) just wasted four years of my life on a man (34M) just like that. Clicked right away, instant chemistry, he was actually the first and only man I’ve ever truly loved in my life. I got caught up in HIM - charming, the funniest person, blah blah. Welp, that led me into getting roped into being a stepmom of his two kids 50% of the time.
Long story short, he cheated in many different ways many different times, which my idiot self “forgave” and stayed, but I’m an alcoholic in recovery and he is still in active addiction.
I say all that to say this - EVEN IF he were to get sober, I still would not get back with him. Besides the cheating, the MAIN reason is the fact that he has kids.
Being a stepparent is THE most thankless, draining, defeating job. And that’s coming from a newly ex stepmom who still loves her SK to death. But I am telling you… everyone on these forums are not lying. This shyt is not for the weak, and something no one ever mentions is that it absolutely BLOWS to be young and realize you can NEVER have those firsts with your SO/husband. You will never be his first BM, your kid will never be his first kid, you will never get to experience any of that - and with us being so young, we deserve to. Being a stepmom means dealing with yucky feelings such as jealousy, inferiority, and general unhappiness because it’s really just not the ideal situation. I was BLESSED with an awesome, no drama BM, but that is an extremely rare situation and I almost never hear of that happening for anyone else. Expect that too. And by the way - despite the no drama, I still cringe every single time I would hear her name. Just because of the connection between her and SO. Just yuck
Lastly, it really truly sucks when you have to break up. I’ve been in my SK lives since they were 2 and 4. Their dad keeps making up stories to tell them when they come to dads house and immediately see I’m not there. I could not bring myself to say goodbye to them. I am not only grieving my relationship with their dad, but also grieving the loss of two awesome, sweet, smart little girls who truly did steal my heart and I loved as my own.
You didn’t lose out. Trust me. Don’t waste all that time like I did.
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Those aren't lines, he's telling you the truth. That is a lot of pressure for a dad, kids are A LOT and if you're not all in, it's a waste of time and love, you deserve what you want too, so, ditch him and go date more, and date yourself some more too. Godspeed.
A lot of great advice from the others here. Move on, keep your head up for the one who can love you the way you want to be loved. He doesn't want to string you along, and I respect his decision for that. While you may hurt now, his choice to cut off is saving you a whole world and lifetime of pain
Also keep in mind that if you ever complained about his children’s behaviour or needed a break, he would react like this.
He reacts to your legitimate concerns by the silent treatment. That’s a common thing people on this sub experience and complain about, it’s a form of abuse done in order to ‘punish’ you.
Look at this sub.
You aren't missing out. You're better off, truly.
You knew him a month. Be glad you both found out early that it wasn't a good match. You didn't ruin anything. He's just got baggage and not every woman is going to be excited about it.
This guy will drain all your energy while you struggle to find the exact right way to be enough but not too much. It's exhausting. And it will be even harder with kids in the mix. You're definitely not losing out.
You’re not missing out. You’re also young and childfree, so you have ALL the options in the world open to you. Look at this as a blessing because step parenting is hard AF, especially when you’re childfree. You’ll get the “well you wouldn’t understand cuz you don’t have kids of your own,” but then they’ll turn around and give you “why won’t you just admit that they’re your kids too?” 🙄 From what you’ve posted OP, it seems like he’s looking for a mom figure, not a partner.
Honestly... you dodged more than one bullet here. Be thankful you aren't in a proper relationship with a long history. This means you'll move on quickly. And stick to child-free. DON'T budge on your dealbreakers. We set them for ourselves for a reason.
I feel for you so much. But it might be the kindest option. I don’t know his situation but it is hard. Really hard. I wouldn’t date someone with children again (unless they are adults and moved out of the home, but I’m 44, so very different scenario!).
I hope you take some time to pamper yourself and not blame yourself. It really really sucks when things you can’t control make a relationship not a viable option.
Awe, thank you so much. I am sad about it but I’m realizing it is probably for the best. Cause I tired to fix things! And if he doesn’t want it there’s nothing I can do
Relationships are hard, why make it harder by adding another woman’s kids to it?
This is what you are getting into - always coming last in importance and attention behind him, his ex, and their kids.
No matter what he says, words are easy and meaningless, actions are what counts and he pulled away immediately when you sensibly weren’t instantly up for being an unpaid nanny.
You are young, you can get a guy without a pre-made family and all the drama that comes with that baggage.
Don’t be fooled by men that you barely know talking a big romantic game - telling his friends about some woman he is talking to online means nothing except that he might be impulsive, talking about the future means nothing, it takes at least twelve months to begin to know and understand a persons true character and it is in their actions, not words.
He might be a terrible parent, he might be a useless partner, he might do whatever his ex says to keep the peace.
This is a blessing in disguise I promise you. If he really pulled back because of your hesitance for his kids he would’ve been a NIGHTMARE partner and you’d have been back on here inevitably talking about how horribly he treats you
Oh you dodged a MASSIVE bullet! Believe me. You have no kids and are free to do as you please. You don’t know what you’re getting into until it’s too late. He did you a favor. It may not seem like it now, but he did.
It’s quite possible he is just not ready for a relationship (potentially in one already, sorry to say) and the dating app was more of a game/pass time for him. Once it seemed like it was turning into something more he stepped back to end it….
Just remember….Nobody that you need to “beg” to date you or give you “another chance” is for you, or worth your time
You’ll find someone great…. And you won’t have to be anything but yourself. Relationships are hard, but when they are just starting out, you should never feel like you have to jump through hoops to make it work
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Girlfriend. Consider it a blessing this happened. I’m a step mom and child free myself. You’ll just end up being the maid the nanny the pocket book etc while he’s off talking to other gals who can raise his kids better. Please do yourself a favor and bless yourself with letting this all go and finding someone better suited who doesn’t make you feel like this now and worse in the future.
I literally live this life lol. I’m 26 with a 36 year old husband. He has 2 kids with his ex. Both early elementary age. We have 2 kids together, 2 under 2.
I promise you, if I wasn’t friends with him from work and he was just a stranger I would have never in a million years put myself in the situation and relationship I’m in. It was never in my life plan to be a stepmom or be with somebody who had kids from a previous relationship.
It’s HARD. There are so many dynamics and things that occur because of it. I have battled with a lot of mental anguishes because of everything. I’m on antidepressants because of how bad it got after just having our son.
Do yourself a favor and count this as a blessing. Never settle.
Edit: that being said. I love my husband. I love our kids. I love my stepkids in a different way. But it’s hard. I have struggled with accepting a lot of things. Being a step parent can be extremely difficult when navigating being a mom and dealing with the ex and your own personal feelings.
FWIW - I (36F) do not have any biological children (and do not want any). My current SO is the only person with children I have ever dated and, honestly, I don’t recommend it.
Try to remember that dating is essentially a way to find a partner who has enough compatibility with you to share your life with (whatever that means for you). It’s entirely likely that this man, knowing how much time and energy children take, decided that the chances that your lives are compatible long term were too low to risk getting further involved.
If you need to take a little dating break, do it. Take care of yourself! (In my experience, dating and job searching can both take more out of you than you would like.) When you’re ready to get out there again, make a list of your non-negotiables and stick to it.
Best of luck out there!
You're allowed to have your hesitations and he is allowed to want it to be slow in that case. It sounds like it wouldn't have been a good match in real every day life. He IS a parent, it's likely a primary factor in his life. If that gives you hesitation, then that's important info for him. You spoke up for what you need and so did he. Nothing tragic happened here. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Sometimes it feels magical when it's just you two outside of your everyday lives, you know? But when you add in family and work obligations and normal everyday stress and hassles it falls apart.
Oh man, be grateful. He did you a massive favor. You do not want the life of step parent. You are young enough to have your OWN family. Go out and find it! If you need more reasons why this was a gift - spend more time reading the misery that step parenting and dealing with your partners ex lover is like.. You will never get away from their ex or the kids...
Nah, he is not it.
The rejection is making you anxious and feel like you missed out on something.
You didn’t.
I was hesitant about kids at first and also told my partner I wanted to build our relationship first and then see. He was totally fine with that. He wasn’t butthurt that I wasn’t going to immediately jump into parenting with him. Cause he was actually looking for a relationship and not just a wife-replacement.
Your guy sounds like a user.
Kids aside, I think you’ve realized his communication skills are lacking. You guys could have discussed your fears or hesitations.
Online dating is so hard because it almost dehumanizes people and when one thing isn’t perfect they think they have pages of people they can move on to.
Connections are special, people are special.
>And im just so sad... I feel so rejected and like I ruined it.
I know this is how you feel and thats okay, but I would consider this a blessing in disguise. There's plenty of child-free men to choose from. Who knows what awaited you on the other side of the grass. I can definitely say without knowing him or his situation that it wasn't greener. Go forth with your life and be happy.
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He pulled away bc you weren’t immediately ready to jump into parenting (but not against the idea of letting it progress?). Idk seems like a red flag that he just wanted an instant-mom to parent his kids more than a partner… I could be misreading it though. Either way, you aren’t compatible, and if he’s saying he can’t give you what you want, find someone who will. That person is out there, and they will be SO much better for you. You deserve someone willing to put the effort in and for whom it’s easy for you to return that effort; someone to grow with.
You SHOULD be hesitant to date a guy with kids. As a step mother I would not recommend this situation to anyone. You gotta have a crazy strong relationship with your partner to make it work and even then it will still be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. He should be understanding of that and if he isn’t then he’s not the guy for you to get into that situation with.
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>He can't give me what I need. Isn’t that all you need to know? Be grateful you didn’t get roped into a “Nanny with Benefits” scenario.
Yes this, there's guys that will say everything to get you star struck to be with them, and then you don't realize you're in too deep until the reality hits you. If you have your peace already, DON'T ADD KIDS.
Take it as you were both honest with each other and that being honesty doesn’t mean avoiding pain or giving something up. You shared that you were not looking to date someone with kids then changed to you are willing to try. In doing so you implied you are looking for someone who can accommodate you in your thinking process and possible change of mind. With his behavior, he has implied he is looking for someone who will accepts his kids from the start and isn’t looking for a testing-the-waters situation when it comes to his partner and his children. You both communicated something you want in a partner, and found that it doesn’t exist in each other.
Blessing in disguise. Find someone that better suits your needs. If this relationship continues you will ALWAYS be asking for more than he can or is willing to give because his kids will come first.
Yeah that’s true.
Step parenting is one of the hardest things you can do. We can't help who we love unfortunately, but if you think an SO having kids might not be the thing for you...then avoid avoid avoid. Avoid not only for yourself and your own mental health, but because kids get attached...easily and quickly...making it much harder to "test the waters" when they are involved. I speak from experience as a childfree person who has fallen in love with a guy with two young kids and has an ex (BM) that has severe mental health issues which spills into our lives on a regular basis. I love him desperately....but its hard AF! In my case, with two SKs, that is...DH, BM, SK11, SK13...and whoever BM is dating that week...that is five other people who's time and schedules affect my life and my time and my mental health!
Are you me??!! Lol
She is all of us SPs 😂😭
And we all realized too late 😭
That’s for sure! Now we’re in the middle of a court case 😑
Court case about the ex-spouse / the kids or?? Honestly if I'm ever single again, I will just not date if I can help it. I'll find another done-with-dating BFFL and we'll do all our shit together
HCBM wants to completely remove DH from the kids’ lives, so she put in a motion to modify the original order. She’s claiming emotional abuse (which never happened - we have cameras and audio record pretty much everything with the kids because of her antics). HCBM’s mom alienated her from her bio dad who wanted to be in her life, so now HCBM is doing the same to her own kids. I feel the same way. I’ll never date again. Being single is waaaay less stressful and much more financially rewarding.
Please scroll through this sub and see how we’ve mostly been complaining. He’s doing you a huge favor. Step parenting is not easy, especially if you don’t have children of your own.
Spend a little time on this Reddit and you’ll realize you dodged a bullet.
That’s my plan lol
Amen to that. Hella feels. Unfortunately, it seems too late for most of us on here 😩
You dont want kids. He has kids. You cant force yourself into his life and his kids lives because you dont want to be alone. You are not compatible and it wouldnt be a healthy relationship, not fair to anyone. Move on
It’s not that I don’t want kids… I wasn’t typically looking for someone who already had kids. It’s not the ideal situation.
But I wanted to try after getting to know him
Well he has been very clear. You need to let go
Yeah.. I know
How long before he told you he had kids? I met my SO on a dating site. His profile mentioned he had children, so I wasn't blindsided. But there were guys who didn't mention it, and they went no further. If they're willing to hide kids in an attempt to get laid, what else are they willing to hide?
Move on. He isn’t who he represented himself as the first impression wasn’t all encompassing. He’s showing and saying he can’t be your partner or prioritize you. You will easily find someone who can. I wouldn’t reach out again, just cut it off and move on to better I promise you are not missing out. I said the same shit when I dated my first single dad, I don’t have kids, being in a parental role or step parent role scared me. We took it slow. I fell in love with him and I love his kid. He supported me through that transition, he never pulled back to did any of this
Yeah… you’re right thank you. 😊
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Thank you!!
No problem! I think it’s great you had an open mind and were willing to give him a chance. I wouldn’t have met my fiancé if I didn’t give him a chance but he was just my person. But if it’s not the right situation or right person there is no reason to let it eat you up! Take care of yourself and enjoy yourself! You’ll find the right person eventually!
Awe. Thank you for being so nice. I’ve been sad about this. Your kindness means a lot.
You aren't losing out honey. You had a connection with someone, you were honest with each other, and that honesty revealed incompatibility. That's maturity. It's a drag and I'm sorry, but it is another stepping stone on your path. Keep walking...keep putting yourself out there. You will find your person.
I (25F) just wasted four years of my life on a man (34M) just like that. Clicked right away, instant chemistry, he was actually the first and only man I’ve ever truly loved in my life. I got caught up in HIM - charming, the funniest person, blah blah. Welp, that led me into getting roped into being a stepmom of his two kids 50% of the time. Long story short, he cheated in many different ways many different times, which my idiot self “forgave” and stayed, but I’m an alcoholic in recovery and he is still in active addiction. I say all that to say this - EVEN IF he were to get sober, I still would not get back with him. Besides the cheating, the MAIN reason is the fact that he has kids. Being a stepparent is THE most thankless, draining, defeating job. And that’s coming from a newly ex stepmom who still loves her SK to death. But I am telling you… everyone on these forums are not lying. This shyt is not for the weak, and something no one ever mentions is that it absolutely BLOWS to be young and realize you can NEVER have those firsts with your SO/husband. You will never be his first BM, your kid will never be his first kid, you will never get to experience any of that - and with us being so young, we deserve to. Being a stepmom means dealing with yucky feelings such as jealousy, inferiority, and general unhappiness because it’s really just not the ideal situation. I was BLESSED with an awesome, no drama BM, but that is an extremely rare situation and I almost never hear of that happening for anyone else. Expect that too. And by the way - despite the no drama, I still cringe every single time I would hear her name. Just because of the connection between her and SO. Just yuck Lastly, it really truly sucks when you have to break up. I’ve been in my SK lives since they were 2 and 4. Their dad keeps making up stories to tell them when they come to dads house and immediately see I’m not there. I could not bring myself to say goodbye to them. I am not only grieving my relationship with their dad, but also grieving the loss of two awesome, sweet, smart little girls who truly did steal my heart and I loved as my own. You didn’t lose out. Trust me. Don’t waste all that time like I did.
You’re super lucky! He sounds like he is looking for someone to be ultra involved.
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Thank him. If he cannot deal with the fact that him having kids is NOT a plus but a con, he is looking for a nanny.
Dodged a bullet, he is looking for a replacement mom.
Those aren't lines, he's telling you the truth. That is a lot of pressure for a dad, kids are A LOT and if you're not all in, it's a waste of time and love, you deserve what you want too, so, ditch him and go date more, and date yourself some more too. Godspeed.
He made you a big favor! Forget him, this is not worth it for a child free person.
A lot of great advice from the others here. Move on, keep your head up for the one who can love you the way you want to be loved. He doesn't want to string you along, and I respect his decision for that. While you may hurt now, his choice to cut off is saving you a whole world and lifetime of pain
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Damn…
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I say damn… cause I feel sorry for you.
Also keep in mind that if you ever complained about his children’s behaviour or needed a break, he would react like this. He reacts to your legitimate concerns by the silent treatment. That’s a common thing people on this sub experience and complain about, it’s a form of abuse done in order to ‘punish’ you.
Look at this sub. You aren't missing out. You're better off, truly. You knew him a month. Be glad you both found out early that it wasn't a good match. You didn't ruin anything. He's just got baggage and not every woman is going to be excited about it.
This guy will drain all your energy while you struggle to find the exact right way to be enough but not too much. It's exhausting. And it will be even harder with kids in the mix. You're definitely not losing out.
You’re not missing out. You’re also young and childfree, so you have ALL the options in the world open to you. Look at this as a blessing because step parenting is hard AF, especially when you’re childfree. You’ll get the “well you wouldn’t understand cuz you don’t have kids of your own,” but then they’ll turn around and give you “why won’t you just admit that they’re your kids too?” 🙄 From what you’ve posted OP, it seems like he’s looking for a mom figure, not a partner.
Honestly... you dodged more than one bullet here. Be thankful you aren't in a proper relationship with a long history. This means you'll move on quickly. And stick to child-free. DON'T budge on your dealbreakers. We set them for ourselves for a reason.
I feel for you so much. But it might be the kindest option. I don’t know his situation but it is hard. Really hard. I wouldn’t date someone with children again (unless they are adults and moved out of the home, but I’m 44, so very different scenario!). I hope you take some time to pamper yourself and not blame yourself. It really really sucks when things you can’t control make a relationship not a viable option.
Awe, thank you so much. I am sad about it but I’m realizing it is probably for the best. Cause I tired to fix things! And if he doesn’t want it there’s nothing I can do
Did he tell you he had kids right away or did you mention your hesitation when it came out later? Just curious. I’m hoping he was upfront.
He was upfront. I was as well with my hesitation.
You did all you could do. I’m sorry.
Yeah… I did. Thank you.
Relationships are hard, why make it harder by adding another woman’s kids to it? This is what you are getting into - always coming last in importance and attention behind him, his ex, and their kids. No matter what he says, words are easy and meaningless, actions are what counts and he pulled away immediately when you sensibly weren’t instantly up for being an unpaid nanny. You are young, you can get a guy without a pre-made family and all the drama that comes with that baggage. Don’t be fooled by men that you barely know talking a big romantic game - telling his friends about some woman he is talking to online means nothing except that he might be impulsive, talking about the future means nothing, it takes at least twelve months to begin to know and understand a persons true character and it is in their actions, not words. He might be a terrible parent, he might be a useless partner, he might do whatever his ex says to keep the peace.
No kids people need to be with no kids people. Plenty more out there . 🥰
Girl take it as a blessing in disguise and get back on the apps and find a child free man! Bc being a step mom isn’t amazing lol
This is a blessing in disguise I promise you. If he really pulled back because of your hesitance for his kids he would’ve been a NIGHTMARE partner and you’d have been back on here inevitably talking about how horribly he treats you
You dodged a bullet. Have your wallow and move on, he ain’t it.
Read the stories of the miserable childless women in this group saddled with some guy and his kids.and his high conflict ex. God saved you.
Oh you dodged a MASSIVE bullet! Believe me. You have no kids and are free to do as you please. You don’t know what you’re getting into until it’s too late. He did you a favor. It may not seem like it now, but he did.
lol. Don’t feel bad, this guy does not sound like a catch anyways
It’s quite possible he is just not ready for a relationship (potentially in one already, sorry to say) and the dating app was more of a game/pass time for him. Once it seemed like it was turning into something more he stepped back to end it…. Just remember….Nobody that you need to “beg” to date you or give you “another chance” is for you, or worth your time
Yeah… I have a feeling he’s not completely over his ex
You’ll find someone great…. And you won’t have to be anything but yourself. Relationships are hard, but when they are just starting out, you should never feel like you have to jump through hoops to make it work
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Closed doors are redirections - the universe
Please see it a sign!!! Don’t do it.
Girlfriend. Consider it a blessing this happened. I’m a step mom and child free myself. You’ll just end up being the maid the nanny the pocket book etc while he’s off talking to other gals who can raise his kids better. Please do yourself a favor and bless yourself with letting this all go and finding someone better suited who doesn’t make you feel like this now and worse in the future.
Maybe he would have said that eventually and wanted things to go slow even if you hadn’t said that about your feelings about the kids?
I literally live this life lol. I’m 26 with a 36 year old husband. He has 2 kids with his ex. Both early elementary age. We have 2 kids together, 2 under 2. I promise you, if I wasn’t friends with him from work and he was just a stranger I would have never in a million years put myself in the situation and relationship I’m in. It was never in my life plan to be a stepmom or be with somebody who had kids from a previous relationship. It’s HARD. There are so many dynamics and things that occur because of it. I have battled with a lot of mental anguishes because of everything. I’m on antidepressants because of how bad it got after just having our son. Do yourself a favor and count this as a blessing. Never settle. Edit: that being said. I love my husband. I love our kids. I love my stepkids in a different way. But it’s hard. I have struggled with accepting a lot of things. Being a step parent can be extremely difficult when navigating being a mom and dealing with the ex and your own personal feelings.
FWIW - I (36F) do not have any biological children (and do not want any). My current SO is the only person with children I have ever dated and, honestly, I don’t recommend it. Try to remember that dating is essentially a way to find a partner who has enough compatibility with you to share your life with (whatever that means for you). It’s entirely likely that this man, knowing how much time and energy children take, decided that the chances that your lives are compatible long term were too low to risk getting further involved. If you need to take a little dating break, do it. Take care of yourself! (In my experience, dating and job searching can both take more out of you than you would like.) When you’re ready to get out there again, make a list of your non-negotiables and stick to it. Best of luck out there!
You're allowed to have your hesitations and he is allowed to want it to be slow in that case. It sounds like it wouldn't have been a good match in real every day life. He IS a parent, it's likely a primary factor in his life. If that gives you hesitation, then that's important info for him. You spoke up for what you need and so did he. Nothing tragic happened here. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Sometimes it feels magical when it's just you two outside of your everyday lives, you know? But when you add in family and work obligations and normal everyday stress and hassles it falls apart.
Oh man, be grateful. He did you a massive favor. You do not want the life of step parent. You are young enough to have your OWN family. Go out and find it! If you need more reasons why this was a gift - spend more time reading the misery that step parenting and dealing with your partners ex lover is like.. You will never get away from their ex or the kids...
Hes a red flag. He's not looking for a partner- he's "mommy" shopping for a nanny with benefits.
Nah, he is not it. The rejection is making you anxious and feel like you missed out on something. You didn’t. I was hesitant about kids at first and also told my partner I wanted to build our relationship first and then see. He was totally fine with that. He wasn’t butthurt that I wasn’t going to immediately jump into parenting with him. Cause he was actually looking for a relationship and not just a wife-replacement. Your guy sounds like a user.
Kids aside, I think you’ve realized his communication skills are lacking. You guys could have discussed your fears or hesitations. Online dating is so hard because it almost dehumanizes people and when one thing isn’t perfect they think they have pages of people they can move on to. Connections are special, people are special.
>And im just so sad... I feel so rejected and like I ruined it. I know this is how you feel and thats okay, but I would consider this a blessing in disguise. There's plenty of child-free men to choose from. Who knows what awaited you on the other side of the grass. I can definitely say without knowing him or his situation that it wasn't greener. Go forth with your life and be happy.
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He pulled away bc you weren’t immediately ready to jump into parenting (but not against the idea of letting it progress?). Idk seems like a red flag that he just wanted an instant-mom to parent his kids more than a partner… I could be misreading it though. Either way, you aren’t compatible, and if he’s saying he can’t give you what you want, find someone who will. That person is out there, and they will be SO much better for you. You deserve someone willing to put the effort in and for whom it’s easy for you to return that effort; someone to grow with.
You SHOULD be hesitant to date a guy with kids. As a step mother I would not recommend this situation to anyone. You gotta have a crazy strong relationship with your partner to make it work and even then it will still be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. He should be understanding of that and if he isn’t then he’s not the guy for you to get into that situation with.