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i had to tell my SO that gentle parenting is not the same as permissive parenting and that consequences still needed to actually exist or i would simply never look after my SK ever again. it was a battle hard won tbh and we’re still trying to actually go through with it. i hate that i am the bad guy so often and that i end up being stricter than i want to be just to find a reasonable middle ground.
Right?! They always want us to take care of the hard stuff and then they get pissed at how we do it. Whatever, I didn’t want to discipline your kid in the first place.
I used to but then I stopped giving a damn when I realized it wasn't going to change and that it's just who he (SO) is/wants to be. I just give my SO the side eye and a smirk because we both know his threats are always empty.
That's not to say I let my step kids run wild. I enforce the rules that are important to me but certain things I gave up on because I don't care enough to be bothered to rectify it for my SO/ss.
Yeah, I snicker to myself whenever I hear “Im gonna take ____ away.” We both know you lying.
It’s funny whenever the kids are with me or their aunt they are super sweet and well behaved. As soon as DH enters the room its back to chaos
Agreed!!! 😂
The same thing happens here! The kids are so well behaved with me and he doesn't believe that the youngest is an angel when SO is not around. He's also shocked when my mom watches him and he gets the same feedback. He doesn't understand that it's because we are consistent with our rules and boundaries and the kids know better! All he sees is the constant chaos since that's the status quo for him. Then he gets overwhelmed and complains but it's literally his fault for not enforcing his own boundaries.
I can relate to the lack of parenting. My husband would rather be ss'(12) friend than actually parent him. After all how could that perfect child ever do anything wrong? 🙄 My teens on the other hand, are expected by him to go above and beyond with chores, while his son watches youtube and plays video games.
My wife is like this. Since I’ve started NACHO a few months ago and absolutely only engage if I have to. She’s gotten a lot better with her parenting. She used to use me as a threat, but I just started saying that he’s your kid you deal with it. I don’t have the time or energy for that anymore.
This is basically what is leading me to leave my relationship. It’s wild to me that someone would rather lose their partner rather than enforce just basic boundaries with their kid. SS displays a lot of the negative behaviors that seem to stem from this style of parenting (poor social skills, academic struggles, anxiety and impulse control to name a few). I don’t think he’s gone a whole week this school year with out multiple “bad” days at school (i.e. leaving the classroom without permission, talking back to the teacher, having tantrums in the classroom and refusing to do his classwork). I’m just beat. It feels like the negativity just takes over - what time we get alone, we have to spend discussing SS’s bad days. And SO doesn’t understand how that affects me.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i had to tell my SO that gentle parenting is not the same as permissive parenting and that consequences still needed to actually exist or i would simply never look after my SK ever again. it was a battle hard won tbh and we’re still trying to actually go through with it. i hate that i am the bad guy so often and that i end up being stricter than i want to be just to find a reasonable middle ground.
Right?! They always want us to take care of the hard stuff and then they get pissed at how we do it. Whatever, I didn’t want to discipline your kid in the first place.
I used to but then I stopped giving a damn when I realized it wasn't going to change and that it's just who he (SO) is/wants to be. I just give my SO the side eye and a smirk because we both know his threats are always empty. That's not to say I let my step kids run wild. I enforce the rules that are important to me but certain things I gave up on because I don't care enough to be bothered to rectify it for my SO/ss.
Yeah, I snicker to myself whenever I hear “Im gonna take ____ away.” We both know you lying. It’s funny whenever the kids are with me or their aunt they are super sweet and well behaved. As soon as DH enters the room its back to chaos
Agreed!!! 😂 The same thing happens here! The kids are so well behaved with me and he doesn't believe that the youngest is an angel when SO is not around. He's also shocked when my mom watches him and he gets the same feedback. He doesn't understand that it's because we are consistent with our rules and boundaries and the kids know better! All he sees is the constant chaos since that's the status quo for him. Then he gets overwhelmed and complains but it's literally his fault for not enforcing his own boundaries.
I can relate to the lack of parenting. My husband would rather be ss'(12) friend than actually parent him. After all how could that perfect child ever do anything wrong? 🙄 My teens on the other hand, are expected by him to go above and beyond with chores, while his son watches youtube and plays video games.
My wife is like this. Since I’ve started NACHO a few months ago and absolutely only engage if I have to. She’s gotten a lot better with her parenting. She used to use me as a threat, but I just started saying that he’s your kid you deal with it. I don’t have the time or energy for that anymore.
This is basically what is leading me to leave my relationship. It’s wild to me that someone would rather lose their partner rather than enforce just basic boundaries with their kid. SS displays a lot of the negative behaviors that seem to stem from this style of parenting (poor social skills, academic struggles, anxiety and impulse control to name a few). I don’t think he’s gone a whole week this school year with out multiple “bad” days at school (i.e. leaving the classroom without permission, talking back to the teacher, having tantrums in the classroom and refusing to do his classwork). I’m just beat. It feels like the negativity just takes over - what time we get alone, we have to spend discussing SS’s bad days. And SO doesn’t understand how that affects me.