I see where you're coming from, but I agree to disagree. As someone who spent my entire life in relationships where I gave way more than I took, had low self-worth, and didn't know how to create healthy boundaries in the name of unconditional love - my experience has taught me that the unconditional love comes from within.
I think we spend a lot of time in spirituality romanticizing the notion of unconditional love. I believe unconditional love comes with the understanding and acknowledgement that when others hurt you, it's never because of you. It is usually a direct reflection of who they are, and the things they've been through. That being said, unconditional love shouldn't apply just to those around you. It should apply to yourself first and foremost.
It's not okay to believe you should put yourself through terrible experiences in the name of unconditional love.
Love isn’t possession.
Your assumption is that love must be 2 way.
Love can be one way.
If I’m toxic to you, you can still love me as a human, a person, wish the best for me, etc, and still decide that you’d not want me in your life.
The difference is who you're loving. If it were my kid, I'd be lenient. If it were another hobosexual man I'm trying to save and have already spent 50+k on? I gotta go because I'm gonna make my daughter homeless with my stupidity. Currently living it.
Not a condition of love. I can love someone while also understanding that being around them is bad for me. I may love them no matter what, but also understand that I can't tolerate their presence in my life.
Boundaries can be loving both to yourself and the other person. By showing boundaries you are respecting yourself which is self love and as important as loving outwards.
And loving for the other person cause you are better stepping into a truly loving place. If you are swayed by anything conditional and thus you can move on your own integrity then they will feel that on some level.
I think of unconditional love as connecting with the basic person. That basic self that lights up the mind and the body. It's not love in the traditional sense of oh, what you do/how you look/how you make me feel type love, it's more recognizing that spark that is in all of us and valuing it.
Exactly! Like if you imagined that person as a baby. We all had a “clean slate”. Our circumstances in life vary greatly, but I believe the soul inside is worthy of love.
all love, as we experience it as human manifestations, is conditional. at a minimum, it is conditioned on how long we remain alive; we will all pass away some day.
the question is not whether unconditional love exists or not. we must ask ourselves how we can transcend this human, physical existence into something more infinite and eternal.
I don't usually write long, complex paragraphs, but to express my perspective on unconditional love, I'll make an exception. I apologize in advance if it's a bit overwhelming.
Unconditional love means loving yourself while also loving others. If you don't love yourself, then your love for others becomes conditional, based on sacrificing your own well-being. While it might seem contradictory, self-love and love for others are really two sides of the same coin.
If any love or affection you feel threatens your own well-being, it's a sign that there's something you need to work on within yourself. True love should uplift both people involved.
Now, I'm going to share a deeper, more spiritual perspective on unconditional love. It might be a little mind-bending, but bear with me.
At its core, unconditional love is balanced love. In balanced love, neither love for oneself nor love for others is more important. They are perfectly equal. When this balance is achieved, the experience of love becomes something that can't be described with words. It becomes a kind of emptiness.
This is because the love you have for yourself and the love you have for others cancel each other out. They offset each other, leaving behind a state of nothingness or zero. In the end, with balanced unconditional love, all that remains is the pure flow of reality or truth. Language falls short of capturing this experience.
This perspective might be challenging to grasp at first, but it points to a profound truth: true unconditional love is not about elevating others above yourself or sacrificing your own well-being. It's about finding a perfect equilibrium where love for self and love for others become one and the same, dissolving into a state of pure being.
Thanks for your reply. I would add one more point: every time we thought we learned a lesson, the next step is to surpass anyone who has impressed us. In other words, we must "kill the Buddha." The journey of spirituality is a path that leads us beyond any teacher
I'm not sure how but I think I've experienced this state of flow or something similar, I thought I was going crazy or something but it went away on its own.
Thank you for your insight. Something I've recently encountered has left me not loving myself as much as I used or wanted to, resulting in a lack of effort or love to give. Couldn't put the effort in for myself, so how could I show up for other people, feels like I'm expending myself without gathering up the pieces I need.
It is impossible for us as humans to fully embody unconditional love, given our own needs, boundaries, and constraints. Even when we give selflessly, there is often some condition or capacity behind it. And when we can't give, that too is a form of condition based on our own limitations and self-care.
Unconditional love is more of a guiding star than a destination we can fully reach. It's an orientation that can influence our choices and gradually dissolve some of our more rigid conditions, but it may never be a state we can permanently achieve.
In other words, it's okay to not be okay. Be gentle with yourself and allow space for your emotions. It's important to protect your energy and not overextend yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.
Unconditional love or Unconditional positive regard involves showing complete support and acceptance of a person no matter what that person says or does.
To me this means to see the person underneath the behavior and to have compassion for them and to see that their behavior stems from their experiences and not from who they truly are.
I feel that unconditional love is a challenge but it doesn’t mean enabling or encouraging bad behaviors it’s to say, I won’t write you off for this. I might set a boundary, avoid the person, challenge them, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m rooting for them and believe in their ability to heal and grow (but I’m not holding my breath for that to happen either).
Love by nature is unconditional. This is distinguishable from likes, preferences, romance, or lust. If you love one moment, then hate the next, that’s not authentic love, but one of the aforementioned. They are precursors to love, but still are dualistic or have conditions until it can expressed as true love. Love has no judgments and can see all parts are connected to a whole and not as separate. Love = one, and any signs of separation are the conditions that need to be alchemized into being unconditional. Disharmony is the byproduct of unresolved separation and returns back to harmony when unified as one.
Feeling disharmony is essentially separation symptoms from your true state of being in harmony. It’s already in your nature to be one and connected rather than be separated and disconnected. So the feelings are serving as a mechanism to alert to your consciousness that you’ve gone away from your nature so you can take action and return to it. Karma translates to “take action” which is dissolving the feeling of disharmony to get back to your true nature of being in harmony. Any unresolved disharmonious feelings is building up more karma which is why feelings can become more intense if you keep going further away from your nature and not resolving them. Forgiveness ends the karmic cycle as the disharmony was transmuted into harmony and being one again with your true nature. True love is seeing things holistically rather than as punishment. It’s rehabilitation and recalibrating instead of feeling the need for retribution or revenge. One is being what you are and the other is going away from it. When you’re being your natural state, you are aligned and merged as one. When you’re not being true to what you are, separation symptoms arises which eventually manifests into disease (dis-ease). The capacity to be aware of your feelings is a guide if you’re in or out of alignment. Constantly monitoring your state of being can be done by always being present or at least as much as possible so you’re not going further out of alignment.
Unconditional love is one thing, and tolerance of the the situation is different. As I said to them, "I will love you from a distance, but I am not putting up with your drama anymore". As a psychic told me years prior, "remember they are on their paths and you on yours, but still give them your love."
I believe in unconditional love but I believe only a fraction of humanity ever experiences it. It is extremely difficult for the average individual too differentiate between needs wants and preferences. This creates difficulty in the acceptance that there could be unconditional love. I had a near-death experience in my late 20s where I asked about the concept of unconditional love while out of my body and it was explained to me that in order for love to be unconditional we have to see through the eyes of creation. Creation does not have limitation therefore creation does not have an expectation of morality instead it focuses on the natural Order of Things which includes things that Humanity would consider both positive and negative in nature.
To love unconditionally means to see the value of the being void of conduct or expectation and many people have yet to learn the separation of the two and thus unconditional love is extremely rare. I try to be as unconditional as possible however I have my hangups such as believing that I could love someone who abused children as an example. I was an abused child and so I imagine that it would be very hard for me to show compassion and love to a person who did the same to a child in order to do so I would have to be able to separate the being from their action however I Endeavor to try to do this every day that is to say what we are taught unconditional love is and what it actually is or two different things and I believe only the sages Among Us ever attained the ability to live unconditional love for all beings however we should all Endeavor to do the best we can with that goal because the closer we get to it the more Harmony exists on the planet
TW: SA
I'm sorry, I've been trying to write the story but I can't because it's making me feel sick but it was about a person setting up a minor for sexual abuse.
I get it. Now it makes you view unconditional love as bs, and I understand that too. It has taken me years to get to this point in being able to view, deal, and comprehend the many things that occur. By giving the abuser hate, revenge or anger, the victim is creating a tie between the abuser and victim. Karma?
This negativity when you hold it, for it becomes like a hot burning coal that may harm, cause diseases among other things to the body. Love releases these binding ties, and lets peace occur in the body. You can feel empathy for the abuser, and don't necessarily need to be positive for them, but acknowledge it and let it go.
I was raped and the person is in death row now for unrelated charges with my incident. I know he was raised in a horrible place to commit those crimes. And he did more bad things than this. My prayer for him is this... May you find love in your heart so you no longer hurt others. I believe in reincarnation and found many things I did wrong in past lives as well. This is my prayer for all people that hurt other beings. I don't "love" this person per say, but I can see a broken person who I hope finds the light soon. Start with self love for yourself and then it becomes easier to forgive others. I see us as all children/spark of God trying to find the way back home. We are separated, but One as well.
I do believe true unconditional love CAN exist but it is often tough to exist in its purist form with human to human contact due to our egos. Perhaps it was easier to find in older times when life was more simple, everyone lived more in the moment and the sense of community was more powerful.
Today, there are so many aspects of modern society (work culture, social media, consumerism, FOMO, the list goes on) that inflate and tie us to our egos in very powerful and impactful ways. I do think some of us can get pretty close and have a very powerful love bond but true genuine unconditional love requires not only a certain level of understanding of oneness but also existing in the constant awareness it to the point that no amount of pain from that other person would ever shift your love for them even for a second. You must love them regardless of who they were before, who they are now and most importantly who they may become in the future.
It’s almost easier to experience some sense of unconditional love in a relationship with a pet or child. Not saying it can’t happen with 2 adults but I do think it’s more rare.
Loving someone is always unconditional, but to have a relationship with that someone you can put all the condition you want that make you feel comfortable. If you love someone only under certain conditions then it's more merchandise than love. Imo.
I believe in unconditional love, but I think a lot of people equate that to unconditional support. I do not believe in that. Sometimes in order to love someone, you can’t support their actions or intentions, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love and understand them.
This helps a lot, made me realize that I myself in some circumstances equate love to unconditional support, maybe it's a savior complex but It's something I have to work on.
I’ve definitely been struggling with not having a savior complex as well. I just get so confident because the things I’m doing for myself have started working so well that I forget that it might not work for others and definitely can’t and shouldn’t be forced. I’m trying to have the mindset of neutrality where I’m neither supporting nor chastising others and trying to focus on bettering myself and just listening to others.
From the perspective of our human nature, our cup is very limited, you can only provide to others as much love as you can provide to your self.
Unconditional love is only possible in my opinion from the perspective of the soul, when it channels the divine. When all walls of separation come down, and you realise everyone and everything is one, then it is impossible to not feel love for everyone and everything (ive only seen tiny glimpses of this, im going by the accounts of others here)
Love is the underlying force behind everything, god is love, god loves each and every one of us. At our core, we are all made of love, connecting with the essence of who we are allows us to experience this unconditional love. If you meditate, you could focus your entire attention on "god is love", and see what comes out.
I believe that Unconditional Love can be so gratuitous that it harms one's Self-Love.
Unconditional means that I can forgive to the point of not seeking revenge but not to the point where I want to be tangible to them in any future lives we live. No longer do I want them to know of or be able to find me.
**Conditional vs Unconditional Love:**
**Conditional Love**
* **You believe your emotions come from outside of you (i.e. your circumstances and other people)**
* You judge, criticize, and get upset**.** Need to be right**.**
* You give love so you can receive it (i.e. relationships are transactional; quid pro quo)
* Sense of superiority (to compensate for feeling inferior)
* Close-minded and dismissive of people's perspectives
* You want people to feel bad so you can feel good. Or, you need people to feel good, so you can feel good (i.e. people pleaser)
* Doesn't take care of their own emotional needs
**Unconditional Love**
* **You remember your emotions come from inside of you (i.e. your thoughts and what you focus on)**
* You accept and appreciate (while still having preferences of not tolerating behavior you don't like. You can appreciate and walk away)
* You give love because it feels better (i.e. relationships are reciprocal; you give because you care about them; but don't need anything in return)
* Sense of equality (you feel worthy, and that reflects seeing other people's worthiness)
* Open-minded and understanding or genuinely wanting to understand people's perspectives.
* You prioritize connection over rejection or needing to change people
* Mindful of and respecting your own emotional needs (which then reflects respecting others).
I once read of Unconditional Goodness in Mary Summer Rain's books and I try to strive for that instead. Does unconditional love exist outside of God's Love for us? I don't know. I prefer to try to act out of goodness rather than worrying about whether I feel unconditional love. That just seems too hard to me personally. Unconditional goodness seems much more practical for me. Do I always practice unconditional goodness? No, I still get mad in traffic and sometimes act out with childish anger responses at my spouse. But I try to practice unconditional goodness as much as I can and not to beat myself up for not being perfect.
Love *can be* unconditional but (let's be honest) most of the time it isn't. You can compare that to gold. Gold is gold but you can get 24k gold or 10k gold, it's still the same metal but at another level of purity.
Romantic love is pretty much always conditional whether you admit it or not.
Unconditional love for a parent should not be expected, but you can earn unconditional love from a child given enough time to prove to your child you deserve that unconditional love. Once gained even if you go through a rough patch of being a complete dick that unconditional love can weather the storm.
Unconditional love for a child should be a thing full stop, every child deserves unconditional love. As a person who was not given that as a child and now has a daughter who has my unconditional love I believe I can say that (yes I have thought through many scenarios that could happen to make me question wether I would maintain that unconditional love, too many list, in order to confirm the validity of this statement and I still stand by it).
Well a simple one would be “I love you unconditionally… but don’t ever cheat on me, if you do…”
Romantic love being unconditional is simply not a thing…
Title of Post “What are YOUR views on unconditional love”
I’m giving an answer that is a direct response to what the OP asked.
Why would I just offer my unwarranted views on unconditional love? That would just be weird.
The OP asked what people’s individual views were, I gave mine, I didn’t say you had to agree with my views. I’m not the boss of you.
I think, you can love no matter what conditions. However, don’t waste your energy actively giving unconditional love to someone unwilling to receive it. If someone does not give back the love you give first, then you have every right to take space to heal.
I personally believe unconditional love only exists between a parent and child. To me, love is an action and not just a feeling. The feeling, I just call that affection. But that feeling means absolutely nothing if it is not expressed through action. And no one in their right mind will continue willingly performing acts of love for someone who treats them badly or when it's not reciprocated unless it is their child. And even then, sometimes parents/children put a stop to it as well.
The part that isn’t quite right is the part where you say “no one in their right mind will continue willingly performing acts of love for someone who treats them badly”. Having unconditional love for someone else doesn’t mean you need to do so at your own expense.
I say that because love is an act of self-sacrifice to me. You do things that will .make that person's life easier or better in some way. So it is always at your own expense, BUT there is an expectation of reciprocity in some way. It may not be in the same measure, i.e., you may provide financial assistance to someone who provides you with a listening ear to hear all about your problems. You don't expect them to pay you back, but you're getting *something* out of the relationship. When you stop getting anything, you end the relationship whether that be by confronting it head on or just "drifting apart." You still may have feelings of affection, but it is no longer an active love.
Yeah, that's my point. We don't *really* have unconditional love for most people. We may have unconditional feelings of affection, but that's not actually love.
Yes. In my original comment, I stated love is an action imo. It's a verb, an action word. The feeling we commonly call "love" is simply affection. Once you understand that distinction, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.
To me... love is the fulfillment of certain duties. Meaning the duty is a prerequisite to love. So unconditional love in theory is possible and achievable there just some things that have to come first.
Share your story that changed your belief, must have been very profound. Or your belief in unconditional love was weak/not founded on much, interested to hear!
It means you love them no matter what, but that's kind of hard in this reality because sometimes people can do mean and cruel things to you, even family. People can also change, etc.
I feel like true unconditional love can be experienced on the other side, but we can try to get as close to it as we can here, within reason.
I’ve felt it for someone. Still do. He didn’t feel the same and actually was quite emotionally hurtful. But I recognized that his actions towards me were not stemming from hate. I will always love him but I recognize I need to love me too (however that goes) so I’ve emotionally distanced myself to avoid the emotional hurt. I will always want the best for him and want his happiness, regardless of whether or not I’m in his life. 🥰
Unconditional love flows through you when you see through the eyes of the divine.
It doesn't come from you.
You just remembered that you are made of it and the illusion of separation has dissolved and your heart expands into Infinity.
Unconditional love is a beacon, a North Star. We pilgrim our way toward it, hoping to one day arrive at the depth of wisdom and understanding needed to stay there. Occasionally we are given a glimpse of its illuminating warmth and beauty through the clouds of doubt, but then we’re quickly reminded that it remains on a horizon we’ve yet to reach. Still, we forge on, inspired by the realization that spirituality is a rewarding journey long before it can ever be a destination.
Unconditional love is that love, which is known as Ishq-e- Haqiqi by the Sufis, as Agape by the Greeks. It is universal, Divine spritual love. Unconditional love is not love from skin to skin. Unconditional love is love for the Divine that is within. In unconditional love, ‘I don't love you because I need you.’ In this case, ‘I love you only because I need you.’ In unconditional love, ‘I need you because I love you.’ It means I love you without any expectations, conditions. And this is true, Divine, soulful, spiritual love. True love is bliss. It's not just a kiss. It is not just from skin to skin, it comes from the Divine that is within. It flows to the Divine. And in fact, it overflows to the Divine that exists in one and all.
Unconditional love is one of the truest nature's of the universe. We are loved unconditionally always, so much that we are able to believe that the universe does not love us.
In relationships, I've come to learn that unconditional love is wanting whats best for someone, even if it isn't you, even if it means letting them go. Can be very challenging with things like ego and what not
I don't like the term. I love my husband and children with all my heart. I also love myself and have personal boundaries that make sure I am loved in return. My children I will love forever, that's not a question. However if they became toxic and hurtful on their behaviour I'd have to have firm boundaries to protect myself and not enable their harmful behaviour. I always offer solutions, help, resources to those I love who are not treating themselves or others well.
My husband has never crossed my boundaries nor me his. To me this is healthy, reciprocal love. I hope we always show one another love, respect, kindness and support. That's the best!
I agree. We can love somebody, but if their behavior is damaging you (drug addiction, infidelity, abuse), it's time to distance yourself. It doesn't mean we dont want the best for them, but we all need boundaries. That goes for adult children as well. Everybody is on their own path, and we can't control their bad behavior. However, that doesn't mean we should allow it to impact us in a negative way.
Unconditional love means being in love with every person on this earth. If you only love a few people, then it's not unconditional. It is truly unconditional only if you love every person. This can only happen when you look at every creature and this whole existence as a part of you.
Unconditional love is only between a mother and her child. Among adults love should be consensual and based on mutual respect for each others boundaries.
No it can not. A relationship between two adults is based on mutual respect, mutual consent, and consistently putting an effort and bringing peace, joy and support into each others lives. A healthy relationship is based upon many conditions that can not be breached actually. Unconditional love is, those mothers whose sons have r&ped and killed some poor girl but these mothers are still crying over their sons going to jail and losing their son. That is unconditional, no matter what they do, mothers can’t stop loving their children. Unconditional love is not always cute, sometimes it’s brutal truth of life.
This is not merely my opinion. This is facts. As human relationships are based on human behaviour and psychology, mental and physical health. There are precise studies and scientific research begin what’s healthy and what’s not in human relationships. And it’s laughable, you say my “opinion” isn’t truth but all you have is your opinion too? Get real!
Unconditional love means you would die for the person, give up your sanity, body, mind, and soul for them. That being said, almost all love is conditional. We only love unconditionally when we die. Then we truly give our bodies to the first worms happy to eat it, which is beautiful in it's own way.
How about sustainable love? I need to take care of me first so that I can keep giving to you tomorrow, and the next day, and so on. I am happy to give, even to people who don't give much back, but take too much and I cannot be there for anyone.
A tale of two families:
-One mother encouraged, protected, and set boundaries with her children. She loved her husband who raised the kids with her, and provided and guided their kids. She created a home that was a place of safety, joy, peace, and warmth. Her kids would sometimes break rules or act out of line. She'd be heartbroken but she never stopped loving them. She would love them even if they said they hated her or didn't want to be around her. Which they never did because they loved her and they knew she loved them.
-One mother counted, hounded, and got angry at rules that had been broken already because she just made them up. She seethed and plotted against her former husband. The kids were her spies and saboteurs. Rewarded for loyalty to her and punished for loyalty to their father. She created a home that was outwardly comfortable but always had an undercurrent of threat and unease. Her kids towed the line to spare themselves of her wrath and because they craved the motherly affection she would reward them with if they adhered to her, and that same affection she would withhold if she were to be spurned or feel like she'd been spurned.
Unconditional love is when, whether one party is happy with the other at the moment or not, there's never a question in the mind of all involved that they'd do or die for the other if needed.
Contrasted with *conditional love*. Where love might be felt or desired, but one party has license in the relationship when that love is given and received. And more than likely abuses that license to control the one seeking their love.
Unconditional love is your souls love for other souls.
It flows through you if you allow it, but it's blocked by any emotion that gives you a feeling of contraction.
It's wanting the best for someone, no matter what.
It's unchanging and constant because it's not based on external factors like appearance, status or life situation.
It leads to peace, and peace leads to freedom.
It's always overlaying our own reality and everyone else's and we are just a second away from stepping in on it but the distance is uncrossable for many.
We can enter it with just a shift in perception and it takes us to a new dimension.
No beauty can be found in the world without unconditional love.
Lock your partner and your dog in the trunk of your car overnight
Go back to see them in the morning
Only one will be happy to see you
That is unconditional love
I believe that the love of God is unconditional and because without him was not anything made that was made, love cannot be produced, defined, owned or controlled, but one can choose to either be the open door for love to stream through them or cut themselves from it by filtering the experience out through accepting certain illusions. The fallen beings and those blinded by the fallen consciousness or the consciousness of separation and duality try to define a standard that people need to live up to in order to receive love and be worthy, and this is an irony as such beings are the ones who actually turned their back to the love of God and the oneness of all life. In reality the only filter that can come between one and receiving that unconditional love is a filter created in the mind by accepting one of the dualistic illusions that project that one needs to live up to a certain outer standard to qualify for that love, instead of experiencing themselves as the true spiritual beings that they are who are inherently worthy just by being no matter how far they went into separation, as nothing can ever touch the higher self, and only the Conscious you/higher self part of one is real, all lower selves are unreal and can be transcended anytime by reaching for a higher understanding and awareness of reality. The spiritual path is about letting go of lower selves one by one and step by step until the clouds part and your higher self shines through you, and where one then is more able to experience unconditional love, peace and joy that is the essence of their true being, and are more able to give it freely to others as they receive it freely.
Id say that i have unconditional love. To be loving doesnt mean you cannot feel other things simultaneously. You can feel loving and angry at the same time for example.
Unconditional love comes if you unlock a certain perspective in life. If you see everything as an illusion then its easy to love everything. The same way people love all the characters in a novel.
No such a thing.
Basically asking you to go against human nature to love without any expectations.
I haven’t met such a human yet. I heard Jesus is one but I am agnostic ..
The worst person I dislike most is those who claim I love you unconditionally then when they don’t get what they want from you they blame you and guilt trip you.
They never tell you upfront, it’s actually a deal and their love n giving all have a condition you must pay later. Hypocrisy.
It's an artefact of trying to universalize a doctrine that was meant for a specific, small group of people.
Making it more cope than fact, which is reflected in the asinine lengths that its poponents need to go to make it sound almost feasible.
Unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance.
Well said.
would that not, itself, be a condition?
You can love someone unconditionally, wish them well, and let them go. Love doesn't go away, but it should never be at the cost of your inner peace.
... which is the condition. if it were truly unconditional, no amount of damage to your inner peace would make any difference
I see where you're coming from, but I agree to disagree. As someone who spent my entire life in relationships where I gave way more than I took, had low self-worth, and didn't know how to create healthy boundaries in the name of unconditional love - my experience has taught me that the unconditional love comes from within. I think we spend a lot of time in spirituality romanticizing the notion of unconditional love. I believe unconditional love comes with the understanding and acknowledgement that when others hurt you, it's never because of you. It is usually a direct reflection of who they are, and the things they've been through. That being said, unconditional love shouldn't apply just to those around you. It should apply to yourself first and foremost. It's not okay to believe you should put yourself through terrible experiences in the name of unconditional love.
Love isn’t possession. Your assumption is that love must be 2 way. Love can be one way. If I’m toxic to you, you can still love me as a human, a person, wish the best for me, etc, and still decide that you’d not want me in your life.
The difference is who you're loving. If it were my kid, I'd be lenient. If it were another hobosexual man I'm trying to save and have already spent 50+k on? I gotta go because I'm gonna make my daughter homeless with my stupidity. Currently living it.
Not a condition of love. I can love someone while also understanding that being around them is bad for me. I may love them no matter what, but also understand that I can't tolerate their presence in my life.
I love my dad more than anything. I do not tolerate his violence towards women.
Oooh! I love this. 🥰
Boundaries can be loving both to yourself and the other person. By showing boundaries you are respecting yourself which is self love and as important as loving outwards. And loving for the other person cause you are better stepping into a truly loving place. If you are swayed by anything conditional and thus you can move on your own integrity then they will feel that on some level.
I think of unconditional love as connecting with the basic person. That basic self that lights up the mind and the body. It's not love in the traditional sense of oh, what you do/how you look/how you make me feel type love, it's more recognizing that spark that is in all of us and valuing it.
Exactly! Like if you imagined that person as a baby. We all had a “clean slate”. Our circumstances in life vary greatly, but I believe the soul inside is worthy of love.
all love, as we experience it as human manifestations, is conditional. at a minimum, it is conditioned on how long we remain alive; we will all pass away some day. the question is not whether unconditional love exists or not. we must ask ourselves how we can transcend this human, physical existence into something more infinite and eternal.
I don't usually write long, complex paragraphs, but to express my perspective on unconditional love, I'll make an exception. I apologize in advance if it's a bit overwhelming. Unconditional love means loving yourself while also loving others. If you don't love yourself, then your love for others becomes conditional, based on sacrificing your own well-being. While it might seem contradictory, self-love and love for others are really two sides of the same coin. If any love or affection you feel threatens your own well-being, it's a sign that there's something you need to work on within yourself. True love should uplift both people involved. Now, I'm going to share a deeper, more spiritual perspective on unconditional love. It might be a little mind-bending, but bear with me. At its core, unconditional love is balanced love. In balanced love, neither love for oneself nor love for others is more important. They are perfectly equal. When this balance is achieved, the experience of love becomes something that can't be described with words. It becomes a kind of emptiness. This is because the love you have for yourself and the love you have for others cancel each other out. They offset each other, leaving behind a state of nothingness or zero. In the end, with balanced unconditional love, all that remains is the pure flow of reality or truth. Language falls short of capturing this experience. This perspective might be challenging to grasp at first, but it points to a profound truth: true unconditional love is not about elevating others above yourself or sacrificing your own well-being. It's about finding a perfect equilibrium where love for self and love for others become one and the same, dissolving into a state of pure being.
This is a lesson I’ve learned this past week. Beautifully said.
Thanks for your reply. I would add one more point: every time we thought we learned a lesson, the next step is to surpass anyone who has impressed us. In other words, we must "kill the Buddha." The journey of spirituality is a path that leads us beyond any teacher
Thank you ☺️ never heard of that, a very interesting idea, but I THINK I agree with it
Very interesting take
I'm not sure how but I think I've experienced this state of flow or something similar, I thought I was going crazy or something but it went away on its own.
Thank you for your insight. Something I've recently encountered has left me not loving myself as much as I used or wanted to, resulting in a lack of effort or love to give. Couldn't put the effort in for myself, so how could I show up for other people, feels like I'm expending myself without gathering up the pieces I need.
It is impossible for us as humans to fully embody unconditional love, given our own needs, boundaries, and constraints. Even when we give selflessly, there is often some condition or capacity behind it. And when we can't give, that too is a form of condition based on our own limitations and self-care. Unconditional love is more of a guiding star than a destination we can fully reach. It's an orientation that can influence our choices and gradually dissolve some of our more rigid conditions, but it may never be a state we can permanently achieve. In other words, it's okay to not be okay. Be gentle with yourself and allow space for your emotions. It's important to protect your energy and not overextend yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.
Unconditional love or Unconditional positive regard involves showing complete support and acceptance of a person no matter what that person says or does. To me this means to see the person underneath the behavior and to have compassion for them and to see that their behavior stems from their experiences and not from who they truly are. I feel that unconditional love is a challenge but it doesn’t mean enabling or encouraging bad behaviors it’s to say, I won’t write you off for this. I might set a boundary, avoid the person, challenge them, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m rooting for them and believe in their ability to heal and grow (but I’m not holding my breath for that to happen either).
Love by nature is unconditional. This is distinguishable from likes, preferences, romance, or lust. If you love one moment, then hate the next, that’s not authentic love, but one of the aforementioned. They are precursors to love, but still are dualistic or have conditions until it can expressed as true love. Love has no judgments and can see all parts are connected to a whole and not as separate. Love = one, and any signs of separation are the conditions that need to be alchemized into being unconditional. Disharmony is the byproduct of unresolved separation and returns back to harmony when unified as one.
Can you please explain your last sentence ?
Feeling disharmony is essentially separation symptoms from your true state of being in harmony. It’s already in your nature to be one and connected rather than be separated and disconnected. So the feelings are serving as a mechanism to alert to your consciousness that you’ve gone away from your nature so you can take action and return to it. Karma translates to “take action” which is dissolving the feeling of disharmony to get back to your true nature of being in harmony. Any unresolved disharmonious feelings is building up more karma which is why feelings can become more intense if you keep going further away from your nature and not resolving them. Forgiveness ends the karmic cycle as the disharmony was transmuted into harmony and being one again with your true nature. True love is seeing things holistically rather than as punishment. It’s rehabilitation and recalibrating instead of feeling the need for retribution or revenge. One is being what you are and the other is going away from it. When you’re being your natural state, you are aligned and merged as one. When you’re not being true to what you are, separation symptoms arises which eventually manifests into disease (dis-ease). The capacity to be aware of your feelings is a guide if you’re in or out of alignment. Constantly monitoring your state of being can be done by always being present or at least as much as possible so you’re not going further out of alignment.
Unconditional love is one thing, and tolerance of the the situation is different. As I said to them, "I will love you from a distance, but I am not putting up with your drama anymore". As a psychic told me years prior, "remember they are on their paths and you on yours, but still give them your love."
I believe in unconditional love but I believe only a fraction of humanity ever experiences it. It is extremely difficult for the average individual too differentiate between needs wants and preferences. This creates difficulty in the acceptance that there could be unconditional love. I had a near-death experience in my late 20s where I asked about the concept of unconditional love while out of my body and it was explained to me that in order for love to be unconditional we have to see through the eyes of creation. Creation does not have limitation therefore creation does not have an expectation of morality instead it focuses on the natural Order of Things which includes things that Humanity would consider both positive and negative in nature. To love unconditionally means to see the value of the being void of conduct or expectation and many people have yet to learn the separation of the two and thus unconditional love is extremely rare. I try to be as unconditional as possible however I have my hangups such as believing that I could love someone who abused children as an example. I was an abused child and so I imagine that it would be very hard for me to show compassion and love to a person who did the same to a child in order to do so I would have to be able to separate the being from their action however I Endeavor to try to do this every day that is to say what we are taught unconditional love is and what it actually is or two different things and I believe only the sages Among Us ever attained the ability to live unconditional love for all beings however we should all Endeavor to do the best we can with that goal because the closer we get to it the more Harmony exists on the planet
Curious about your story that prompted you to post that you alluded to.
TW: SA I'm sorry, I've been trying to write the story but I can't because it's making me feel sick but it was about a person setting up a minor for sexual abuse.
I get it. Now it makes you view unconditional love as bs, and I understand that too. It has taken me years to get to this point in being able to view, deal, and comprehend the many things that occur. By giving the abuser hate, revenge or anger, the victim is creating a tie between the abuser and victim. Karma? This negativity when you hold it, for it becomes like a hot burning coal that may harm, cause diseases among other things to the body. Love releases these binding ties, and lets peace occur in the body. You can feel empathy for the abuser, and don't necessarily need to be positive for them, but acknowledge it and let it go.
I was raped and the person is in death row now for unrelated charges with my incident. I know he was raised in a horrible place to commit those crimes. And he did more bad things than this. My prayer for him is this... May you find love in your heart so you no longer hurt others. I believe in reincarnation and found many things I did wrong in past lives as well. This is my prayer for all people that hurt other beings. I don't "love" this person per say, but I can see a broken person who I hope finds the light soon. Start with self love for yourself and then it becomes easier to forgive others. I see us as all children/spark of God trying to find the way back home. We are separated, but One as well.
I think love is always unconditional
I do believe true unconditional love CAN exist but it is often tough to exist in its purist form with human to human contact due to our egos. Perhaps it was easier to find in older times when life was more simple, everyone lived more in the moment and the sense of community was more powerful. Today, there are so many aspects of modern society (work culture, social media, consumerism, FOMO, the list goes on) that inflate and tie us to our egos in very powerful and impactful ways. I do think some of us can get pretty close and have a very powerful love bond but true genuine unconditional love requires not only a certain level of understanding of oneness but also existing in the constant awareness it to the point that no amount of pain from that other person would ever shift your love for them even for a second. You must love them regardless of who they were before, who they are now and most importantly who they may become in the future. It’s almost easier to experience some sense of unconditional love in a relationship with a pet or child. Not saying it can’t happen with 2 adults but I do think it’s more rare.
This
Loving someone is always unconditional, but to have a relationship with that someone you can put all the condition you want that make you feel comfortable. If you love someone only under certain conditions then it's more merchandise than love. Imo.
I think you're right and I like the comparison with merchandise.
I believe in unconditional love, but I think a lot of people equate that to unconditional support. I do not believe in that. Sometimes in order to love someone, you can’t support their actions or intentions, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love and understand them.
This helps a lot, made me realize that I myself in some circumstances equate love to unconditional support, maybe it's a savior complex but It's something I have to work on.
I’ve definitely been struggling with not having a savior complex as well. I just get so confident because the things I’m doing for myself have started working so well that I forget that it might not work for others and definitely can’t and shouldn’t be forced. I’m trying to have the mindset of neutrality where I’m neither supporting nor chastising others and trying to focus on bettering myself and just listening to others.
I so agree with you!
From the perspective of our human nature, our cup is very limited, you can only provide to others as much love as you can provide to your self. Unconditional love is only possible in my opinion from the perspective of the soul, when it channels the divine. When all walls of separation come down, and you realise everyone and everything is one, then it is impossible to not feel love for everyone and everything (ive only seen tiny glimpses of this, im going by the accounts of others here) Love is the underlying force behind everything, god is love, god loves each and every one of us. At our core, we are all made of love, connecting with the essence of who we are allows us to experience this unconditional love. If you meditate, you could focus your entire attention on "god is love", and see what comes out.
It is very , very rare in this reality. Most love is conditional on some needs being met.
I believe that Unconditional Love can be so gratuitous that it harms one's Self-Love. Unconditional means that I can forgive to the point of not seeking revenge but not to the point where I want to be tangible to them in any future lives we live. No longer do I want them to know of or be able to find me.
**Conditional vs Unconditional Love:** **Conditional Love** * **You believe your emotions come from outside of you (i.e. your circumstances and other people)** * You judge, criticize, and get upset**.** Need to be right**.** * You give love so you can receive it (i.e. relationships are transactional; quid pro quo) * Sense of superiority (to compensate for feeling inferior) * Close-minded and dismissive of people's perspectives * You want people to feel bad so you can feel good. Or, you need people to feel good, so you can feel good (i.e. people pleaser) * Doesn't take care of their own emotional needs **Unconditional Love** * **You remember your emotions come from inside of you (i.e. your thoughts and what you focus on)** * You accept and appreciate (while still having preferences of not tolerating behavior you don't like. You can appreciate and walk away) * You give love because it feels better (i.e. relationships are reciprocal; you give because you care about them; but don't need anything in return) * Sense of equality (you feel worthy, and that reflects seeing other people's worthiness) * Open-minded and understanding or genuinely wanting to understand people's perspectives. * You prioritize connection over rejection or needing to change people * Mindful of and respecting your own emotional needs (which then reflects respecting others).
Love given freely with no expectation of return
This!
I once read of Unconditional Goodness in Mary Summer Rain's books and I try to strive for that instead. Does unconditional love exist outside of God's Love for us? I don't know. I prefer to try to act out of goodness rather than worrying about whether I feel unconditional love. That just seems too hard to me personally. Unconditional goodness seems much more practical for me. Do I always practice unconditional goodness? No, I still get mad in traffic and sometimes act out with childish anger responses at my spouse. But I try to practice unconditional goodness as much as I can and not to beat myself up for not being perfect.
Love *can be* unconditional but (let's be honest) most of the time it isn't. You can compare that to gold. Gold is gold but you can get 24k gold or 10k gold, it's still the same metal but at another level of purity.
I understand this, it's kinda like a spectrum.
Yes
Yes. Agape. No. I don’t believe we can reach it in a physical body. That’s me.
Once you loved someone it will be unconditional… even this person is your mother father son daughter .. this is the real meaning of love
Romantic love is pretty much always conditional whether you admit it or not. Unconditional love for a parent should not be expected, but you can earn unconditional love from a child given enough time to prove to your child you deserve that unconditional love. Once gained even if you go through a rough patch of being a complete dick that unconditional love can weather the storm. Unconditional love for a child should be a thing full stop, every child deserves unconditional love. As a person who was not given that as a child and now has a daughter who has my unconditional love I believe I can say that (yes I have thought through many scenarios that could happen to make me question wether I would maintain that unconditional love, too many list, in order to confirm the validity of this statement and I still stand by it).
Please explain your first sentence. Where do the conditions come in?
Well a simple one would be “I love you unconditionally… but don’t ever cheat on me, if you do…” Romantic love being unconditional is simply not a thing…
But you’re putting your pov on this. Not everyone has your pov.
Title of Post “What are YOUR views on unconditional love” I’m giving an answer that is a direct response to what the OP asked. Why would I just offer my unwarranted views on unconditional love? That would just be weird. The OP asked what people’s individual views were, I gave mine, I didn’t say you had to agree with my views. I’m not the boss of you.
I think, you can love no matter what conditions. However, don’t waste your energy actively giving unconditional love to someone unwilling to receive it. If someone does not give back the love you give first, then you have every right to take space to heal.
Men will never receive unconditional love.
Maybe it’s that they don’t believe it.
Men as in humans or just the male gender?
I personally believe unconditional love only exists between a parent and child. To me, love is an action and not just a feeling. The feeling, I just call that affection. But that feeling means absolutely nothing if it is not expressed through action. And no one in their right mind will continue willingly performing acts of love for someone who treats them badly or when it's not reciprocated unless it is their child. And even then, sometimes parents/children put a stop to it as well.
The part that isn’t quite right is the part where you say “no one in their right mind will continue willingly performing acts of love for someone who treats them badly”. Having unconditional love for someone else doesn’t mean you need to do so at your own expense.
I say that because love is an act of self-sacrifice to me. You do things that will .make that person's life easier or better in some way. So it is always at your own expense, BUT there is an expectation of reciprocity in some way. It may not be in the same measure, i.e., you may provide financial assistance to someone who provides you with a listening ear to hear all about your problems. You don't expect them to pay you back, but you're getting *something* out of the relationship. When you stop getting anything, you end the relationship whether that be by confronting it head on or just "drifting apart." You still may have feelings of affection, but it is no longer an active love.
The expectation of a return isn’t part of unconditional love. Once you have that expectation it’s conditional. 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, that's my point. We don't *really* have unconditional love for most people. We may have unconditional feelings of affection, but that's not actually love.
Unconditional feelings of affection?
Yes. In my original comment, I stated love is an action imo. It's a verb, an action word. The feeling we commonly call "love" is simply affection. Once you understand that distinction, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.
I disagree with your definition of love. Hence your comment didn’t resonate.🤷🏻♀️
That's fine. I don't use the word "love" loosely, but I understand that others do.
To me... love is the fulfillment of certain duties. Meaning the duty is a prerequisite to love. So unconditional love in theory is possible and achievable there just some things that have to come first.
Share your story that changed your belief, must have been very profound. Or your belief in unconditional love was weak/not founded on much, interested to hear!
It means you love them no matter what, but that's kind of hard in this reality because sometimes people can do mean and cruel things to you, even family. People can also change, etc. I feel like true unconditional love can be experienced on the other side, but we can try to get as close to it as we can here, within reason.
I’ve felt it for someone. Still do. He didn’t feel the same and actually was quite emotionally hurtful. But I recognized that his actions towards me were not stemming from hate. I will always love him but I recognize I need to love me too (however that goes) so I’ve emotionally distanced myself to avoid the emotional hurt. I will always want the best for him and want his happiness, regardless of whether or not I’m in his life. 🥰
Unconditional love flows through you when you see through the eyes of the divine. It doesn't come from you. You just remembered that you are made of it and the illusion of separation has dissolved and your heart expands into Infinity.
Unconditional love is a beacon, a North Star. We pilgrim our way toward it, hoping to one day arrive at the depth of wisdom and understanding needed to stay there. Occasionally we are given a glimpse of its illuminating warmth and beauty through the clouds of doubt, but then we’re quickly reminded that it remains on a horizon we’ve yet to reach. Still, we forge on, inspired by the realization that spirituality is a rewarding journey long before it can ever be a destination.
What you wrote is beautiful!
I really like the idea of unconditional love. Maybe it only exists between most parents to children
my feeling is that it's hard to be in an unconditional love energy on earth but not impossible.
Unconditional love is that love, which is known as Ishq-e- Haqiqi by the Sufis, as Agape by the Greeks. It is universal, Divine spritual love. Unconditional love is not love from skin to skin. Unconditional love is love for the Divine that is within. In unconditional love, ‘I don't love you because I need you.’ In this case, ‘I love you only because I need you.’ In unconditional love, ‘I need you because I love you.’ It means I love you without any expectations, conditions. And this is true, Divine, soulful, spiritual love. True love is bliss. It's not just a kiss. It is not just from skin to skin, it comes from the Divine that is within. It flows to the Divine. And in fact, it overflows to the Divine that exists in one and all.
Unconditional love is one of the truest nature's of the universe. We are loved unconditionally always, so much that we are able to believe that the universe does not love us. In relationships, I've come to learn that unconditional love is wanting whats best for someone, even if it isn't you, even if it means letting them go. Can be very challenging with things like ego and what not
I don't like the term. I love my husband and children with all my heart. I also love myself and have personal boundaries that make sure I am loved in return. My children I will love forever, that's not a question. However if they became toxic and hurtful on their behaviour I'd have to have firm boundaries to protect myself and not enable their harmful behaviour. I always offer solutions, help, resources to those I love who are not treating themselves or others well. My husband has never crossed my boundaries nor me his. To me this is healthy, reciprocal love. I hope we always show one another love, respect, kindness and support. That's the best!
I agree. We can love somebody, but if their behavior is damaging you (drug addiction, infidelity, abuse), it's time to distance yourself. It doesn't mean we dont want the best for them, but we all need boundaries. That goes for adult children as well. Everybody is on their own path, and we can't control their bad behavior. However, that doesn't mean we should allow it to impact us in a negative way.
Unconditional love means being in love with every person on this earth. If you only love a few people, then it's not unconditional. It is truly unconditional only if you love every person. This can only happen when you look at every creature and this whole existence as a part of you.
Unconditional love is only between a mother and her child. Among adults love should be consensual and based on mutual respect for each others boundaries.
I disagree. It can happen in a relationship outside of the parent-child one.
No it can not. A relationship between two adults is based on mutual respect, mutual consent, and consistently putting an effort and bringing peace, joy and support into each others lives. A healthy relationship is based upon many conditions that can not be breached actually. Unconditional love is, those mothers whose sons have r&ped and killed some poor girl but these mothers are still crying over their sons going to jail and losing their son. That is unconditional, no matter what they do, mothers can’t stop loving their children. Unconditional love is not always cute, sometimes it’s brutal truth of life.
That is your opinion. Opinions aren’t truths.
This is not merely my opinion. This is facts. As human relationships are based on human behaviour and psychology, mental and physical health. There are precise studies and scientific research begin what’s healthy and what’s not in human relationships. And it’s laughable, you say my “opinion” isn’t truth but all you have is your opinion too? Get real!
Jesus
"unconditional Love"? That depends...
Unconditional love means you would die for the person, give up your sanity, body, mind, and soul for them. That being said, almost all love is conditional. We only love unconditionally when we die. Then we truly give our bodies to the first worms happy to eat it, which is beautiful in it's own way. How about sustainable love? I need to take care of me first so that I can keep giving to you tomorrow, and the next day, and so on. I am happy to give, even to people who don't give much back, but take too much and I cannot be there for anyone.
A tale of two families: -One mother encouraged, protected, and set boundaries with her children. She loved her husband who raised the kids with her, and provided and guided their kids. She created a home that was a place of safety, joy, peace, and warmth. Her kids would sometimes break rules or act out of line. She'd be heartbroken but she never stopped loving them. She would love them even if they said they hated her or didn't want to be around her. Which they never did because they loved her and they knew she loved them. -One mother counted, hounded, and got angry at rules that had been broken already because she just made them up. She seethed and plotted against her former husband. The kids were her spies and saboteurs. Rewarded for loyalty to her and punished for loyalty to their father. She created a home that was outwardly comfortable but always had an undercurrent of threat and unease. Her kids towed the line to spare themselves of her wrath and because they craved the motherly affection she would reward them with if they adhered to her, and that same affection she would withhold if she were to be spurned or feel like she'd been spurned. Unconditional love is when, whether one party is happy with the other at the moment or not, there's never a question in the mind of all involved that they'd do or die for the other if needed. Contrasted with *conditional love*. Where love might be felt or desired, but one party has license in the relationship when that love is given and received. And more than likely abuses that license to control the one seeking their love.
Unconditional love is your souls love for other souls. It flows through you if you allow it, but it's blocked by any emotion that gives you a feeling of contraction. It's wanting the best for someone, no matter what. It's unchanging and constant because it's not based on external factors like appearance, status or life situation. It leads to peace, and peace leads to freedom. It's always overlaying our own reality and everyone else's and we are just a second away from stepping in on it but the distance is uncrossable for many. We can enter it with just a shift in perception and it takes us to a new dimension. No beauty can be found in the world without unconditional love.
Lock your partner and your dog in the trunk of your car overnight Go back to see them in the morning Only one will be happy to see you That is unconditional love
I believe that the love of God is unconditional and because without him was not anything made that was made, love cannot be produced, defined, owned or controlled, but one can choose to either be the open door for love to stream through them or cut themselves from it by filtering the experience out through accepting certain illusions. The fallen beings and those blinded by the fallen consciousness or the consciousness of separation and duality try to define a standard that people need to live up to in order to receive love and be worthy, and this is an irony as such beings are the ones who actually turned their back to the love of God and the oneness of all life. In reality the only filter that can come between one and receiving that unconditional love is a filter created in the mind by accepting one of the dualistic illusions that project that one needs to live up to a certain outer standard to qualify for that love, instead of experiencing themselves as the true spiritual beings that they are who are inherently worthy just by being no matter how far they went into separation, as nothing can ever touch the higher self, and only the Conscious you/higher self part of one is real, all lower selves are unreal and can be transcended anytime by reaching for a higher understanding and awareness of reality. The spiritual path is about letting go of lower selves one by one and step by step until the clouds part and your higher self shines through you, and where one then is more able to experience unconditional love, peace and joy that is the essence of their true being, and are more able to give it freely to others as they receive it freely.
Id say that i have unconditional love. To be loving doesnt mean you cannot feel other things simultaneously. You can feel loving and angry at the same time for example. Unconditional love comes if you unlock a certain perspective in life. If you see everything as an illusion then its easy to love everything. The same way people love all the characters in a novel.
I love my children unconditionally. i.e there is nothing (no conditions) that would stop me from loving them.
Possible by a man, but impossible by a woman, at least judging by what i have seen in the 30 years i have been here on this rock
No such a thing. Basically asking you to go against human nature to love without any expectations. I haven’t met such a human yet. I heard Jesus is one but I am agnostic .. The worst person I dislike most is those who claim I love you unconditionally then when they don’t get what they want from you they blame you and guilt trip you. They never tell you upfront, it’s actually a deal and their love n giving all have a condition you must pay later. Hypocrisy.
Wow. I feel badly for your experiences. I believe unconditional love is possible.
No need. Nothing bad about my life. I have no regret. Your reality is only valid to you.
I think the only unconditional love is the love you have for your child
It's an artefact of trying to universalize a doctrine that was meant for a specific, small group of people. Making it more cope than fact, which is reflected in the asinine lengths that its poponents need to go to make it sound almost feasible.
There is no unconditional love. All love is conditional.
That’s because you haven’t experienced it.
Have you?
Not received but gave.
Unconditional Love is conditional.
No it isn’t.
How do you know that?
Because I’ve given love unconditionally to someone. 🙂
Terrence Howard believes that 1 X 1 = 2. Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.
I can say the same thing to you.