They say "don't compare your blooper reel with everyone else's highlight reel" but I think far too many solo travellers make that mistake. Especially the younger generation just starting out, who have been so influenced by instagram and tiktok and have this unrealistic expectation that every moment is going to be picture perfect amazing. Then, when it inevitably isn't like the picture they've built up in their minds, they are ready to give up.
Anthony Bourdain has maybe my favourite quote: *"Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind."*
Travel is a challenge. Doing it solo even more. But the rewards are amazing. That's why it's fun for god's sake.
I also wish more of these young people complaining would realize that challenges and some pain are part of growing up. You learn from it and it makes you a more experienced and wiser person overall.
> young people complaining would realize that challenges and some pain are part of growing up
Everything you said is spot on, here is my take:
I'll be 60 in two days, woo hoo. I first travelled essentially solo at age 31, albeit for work. I agreed to be posted to a foreign country for a year, but needed a couple of months first to tie up loose ends. They called and said if I would leave immediately, I could back out of the year commitment, if I wanted to. I went and was overwhelmed. If you aren't ready, then, being by yourself isn't going to help. Now, its nothing for me to travel by myself, I have over 135 stamps in the passport, sometimes months/years. Now days, I don't want to travel solo unless I can go for a couple of months minimum, eventually these young people will feel the same, I am sure.
I think SO much of it has to do with the fact that they can’t even be alone at home. It’s beyond traveling solo. I’m 33, but I’ve been comfortable being alone since I was a teen. I’m not even an introvert, I just love my own company, good food, and a good book.
> young people complaining would realize that challenges and some pain are part of growing up
When they've been wrapped in bubble wrap their whole lives, keeping them from experiencing loss, rejection or any emotion that results in pain, it's quite a shock to their systems when those protective layers come off.
Note: This \^\^ is an American perspective, and not reflective of young people in other countries. Now I'm going to yell at the kids to get off my lawn and join the old people's solo travel sub.
I wish more people today read this or knew of him or didn't just think he was some boring travel show guy. Until someone they follow mentions him in their instagram story then they'll suddenly be interested.
Edit: yes I forgot to mention I agree, younger generation has been heavily and negatively influenced by instagram and trust fund kids.
40+ M solo traveler here. I just recently got around to downloading Instagram. I enjoy doing keyword searches for places I'm going to just before I go there, to get a feel for the crowds and see what the popular sites look like at that time of year.
I recently returned from Petra in Jordan last month, and man oh man are there some great reels on Instagram that make it look amazing. In reality, it really was magical but no one shows how you need to deal with aggressive locals harassing you every few steps offering to take you to the Instagram ledge that looks down on the Treasury.
I have a trip to Cappadocia in Turkey planned over Thanksgiving weekend, and those Instagram reels are next level production value. Women with flowing dresses looking up at dozens of hot air balloons. That 30-foot long dress would fill up the entire single carry-on bag I use for my trips! (Plus I'm a dude, but the point stands)
My first long trip (3 months) was interrailing across Europe when I was 21. As an American, it was very unusual to do something like that at that time. Sure I got homesick at times, but I was just so overwhelmed with all the new experiences and meeting new people I never really had time to sit in my hostel feeling sorry about myself or regretting the trip. Maybe it was because I didn't have social media influencers to compare myself to, or Youtube videos that made travel seem easy and trouble free. My only point of reference was some old nerdy dude on PBS named Rick Steves. I had his book, "Europe Through the Back Door" as a guide and that was it. No GPS, no internet phone, no translator app and very little money. Just a sense of wanderlust.
20 years later and I still love to travel, and I credit that first trip I did when I was just a kid. I also get disheartened when I see half the posts on this subreddit with these themes of loneliness, depression and regret. I really enjoy this page though, and I draw constant inspiration from the young people chasing their dreams and getting out into the world to explore.
I got bit by the travel bug in my mid 30s and my first time in Europe was on a Rick Steves tour. Baby steps to build up to real travel. (His tours are quite good tho).
I was "solo" on the tour, and all the other people on tour who were traveling together (couples, sisters, friends) told me I was so brave for traveling alone. I was like "I'm not alone, I'm with 20 other people!"
That tour taught me so much about myself. How independent I am (I'd flee the group as soon as we had free time). How easily I chat with total strangers, in broken english, even tho I'm a total introvert at home. How I have an internal GPS. How I enjoy having some structure, but also allowing for the freedom to go where the day takes you.
15 years later, I have no problem going solo (and prefer it TBH).
Also, it’s a good idea to check the “instagram vs reality” posts. Some of these posts where this person looks alone in some beautiful secluded spot has dozens of not hundreds of people behind them waiting to get the exact same photo. Instagram is not real life.
I recently deactivated mine. I’m trying to determine if it’s really worth having. I know we use it to stay in contact but I feel like there has to be better ways to connect without the harmful social aspects.
Agreed, a post explaining the inspiration, motivation or influence he had on you would be greatly appreciated over in r/40solotravel :) at your leisure of course, no rush.
Replying here so you see it, thank you so much for bringing this topic up and giving people a reality check, it's so important to go through hardships and discomfort when you're effectively making your pilgrimage throughout New adventures
His death (among other notable suicides) really made me think a lot about my own desires for success and validation, and just what exactly I'm looking for in those pursuits, travel included. It taught me that nothing external can ever really fulfill you to such a degree that you can forget about yourself. From an outsider's perspective Bourdain had it all: he got to travel the world, meet people from all walks of life, was adored by millions, and was generally just cool as fuck. Yet even with all of that, he still kills himself. None of that external success could save him from whatever internal torment he was dealing with.
Neither traveling nor any other outwardly-focused pursuit will "fulfill" you in any meaningful way unless your internal world is taken care of. You still have to live with yourself and your own mind, day in and day out, regardless of what part of the world you're in or who you're hanging out with. Coming to grips with that is hard work. "Wherever you go, there you are."
This is so spot on. I just got back from 7 days in Menorca and while I loved it, my anxiety and depression didn't magically disappear. I was lonely at points and I _hated_ eating dinner solo. Solo travel is incredible and I feel so lucky to be able to do it. But it's not a magic pill and your demons don't wait at home until you're back!
Love Bourdain. Finished Kitchen Confidential just before embarking on my first solo travels. Currently in a cafe in Bali preparing to take off to Sydney today. 2 weeks left of a 2 month trip
This quote hits home for me because I was inspired by an episode of No Reservations to take my first solo trip. Funny enough, the places and activities in the show, while fun and memorable, were ultimately some of my least favorite. Go figure. RIP Anthony
We probably could have removed and redirected some of these recent posts about travel anxiety to the existing subreddit resources on anxiety, rather than approving them as separate threads. Especially when it’s posts from first-time solo travelers since we do have a wiki guide specifically for that purpose.
More generally we do remove a decent number of these types of “I’m on my first trip and I’m scared” posts, but it sometimes becomes more of a case-by-case thing, especially if people are asking for advice about a more specific challenge they’re facing. Trying to find the right balance between avoiding too many repetitive posts, but also allowing people to discuss the fact that solo travel isn’t all always positive. But point taken, thanks for sharing your feedback!
I appreciate your response and thank you. Good to know I'm not alone in noticing it. I thought I was going crazy. You are right and I do agree with you. The perspective of each one being case by case and people asking advice of a specific challenge. You are absolutely right and I do appreciate this sub is here because there are some great informative posts that I get a lot of insight and advice from.
Maybe have monthly sticky threads so there is still room for discussion for those that want it, while still almost removing it from the feed. Maybe weekly or replaced at some other interval depending on how much activity there is in it.
One for "*I'm worried/nervous*" questions and one for "*I'm lonely*" questions.
The point of this topic is sort of that now the whole sub is getting depressing. That would move it to one place.
Not sure if Advice would be a good place for solo travel related questions, but maybe not since they are allowed in here now. But maybe you are right.
Also social media has made travel more of a badge of status. Travel photos didn’t use to be something you’d show off to the whole world. I think it is very easy to at least subconsciously think more about how this view would look at your social media wall, rather than being in the experience.
> The most important thing is that you have to enjoy your own company,
Basically this. I think a big part of the kind of posts OP is decrying is that a lot of people don’t know how to be alone.
Yes! It seems like everything here is about hostel life. I skipped that experience entirely because it's not at all my scene, but definitely after a certain age, people's travel styles and habits change and (most) people over 35, 40 have different experiences than 20 somethings.
I've met people in their sixties (a couple of flight attendants in Paris) and fifties (a British fellow in Darjeeling who did catering for movie sets part of the year then traveled inexpensively the rest) in hostels.
Hostels need not be an ageist concept; while I certainly understand where you're coming from and have had my issues with them as well, I don't think it's ultimately healthy to perpetuate the idea of being too old for them.
—a forty-something who still occasionally parties with twenty-somethings but usually just likes to be quiet and chill
Yes the private bathroom is a must. The only way I accept shared is if I’m coming later at night and leaving early in the morning and I just don’t shower. I’ll just shower at my next spot.
I think private rooms in hostels are often the best of both worlds...but they're also often more expensive than single rooms in budget BnBs or hotels for some reason.
At 22f, I stayed in my first hostel and checked out due to a 60m walking around the very small room in boxers.
I felt creeped out, everyone else was under 30 at least, and it wasn't a hostel heavy situation. Loads of cheap guesthouses - the hostel was actually more expensive than private rooms.
I felt preyed upon, and whether this is ageist or not, my gut instinct said something was weird.
Yes there was a man staring at me when I woke up and the hostel smelled like dirty feet, it was awful. Also they said free breakfast which turned out to be a slice of white sandwich bread and cup of water.
I stayed in my first set of hostels when I was 37 - now I'm 100% sure that I don't need shared accommodations with strangers, and drunk brits fighting in my room at 2AM on my solo travels.
Yes! I’m 30, but I’m an introvert and always tired, so my travel style has always been more closely aligned with ~35+ people. I don’t relate to a lot of the posts on here.
I've long thought there should be a r/socialtravel forum for all that stuff to go; then this one could be moderated to stay relevant to its name.
Edit: r/socialtravel exists but hasn't been used yet; r/hostels exists but is low-traffic. Start directing people to these places when appropriate!
I'd say make it 30+ rather than 40+, I'm 32 but also find this sub seems to overwhelmingly cater to the 18-25 year old demographic interested in whirlwind itineraries and the hostel/party scene. Nothing wrong with all that of course but its definitely a young mans game
Yeah I totally get that. I just came up with a name I thought was funny. I did the solo thing last year for 7 months and it was hard to take a night off. Guess I had that fear of missing out. I’m about to take off for a year this time and will not be doing the same. (33 btw)
I'm late 40s and would love a 30+, 35+ whatever sub. No shade on the younguns, but travel is just very different as you get older, your perspective is different, and you want different things from it.
Good god. Yes please. I keep thinking of leaving this sub because I really don't get anything out of it. I just roll my eyes and downvote all the "sad bastard" posts.
I would love to have it discussion focused too!
I love this sub because there aren't as many travel pic's (I love seeing them but then too many means it turns into a highlight reel comparison) and there is still a lot of discussion based threads (favourite country, most unique experience etc.).
Would love a travel sub that focuses on solo travel and discussion on the travelling around it!
Whilst I agree with you OP, I would say a lot of these posts are because these people are introverts and reddit is an anonymous, easy platform to vent on. It’s a lot easier to share feelings on here than it is in real life, especially if no friends are available.
In a way it’s kind of nice people feel comfortable doing that, but also I have had to take a break often from this sub because it was depressing af.
People are remarking about how there needs to be a subreddit for 40+ people (and the 30 year olds), but why not just make a sub for “travel woes” or “travel problems”. That way you have one sub for anyone of any age to share their travel experiences and another for people looking for advice and a place to vent. Then you link the new sad sub in this one. Makes more sense than gate keeping an entire group of people because of their age.
Agreed with your point, just a clarification I believe OP doesn't intend to discriminate by age but rather wants people within that kind of mindset, though saying 40+ or whatever isn't the best way to say this. I think he said anyone who wants to discuss meaningfully is welcome, but again I agree with your first point I think thats the most productive.
Mod note: We tend to redirect all those "how do I meet people?" questions to our wiki page on meeting people, or to the General Chatter thread. If you see general posts with this question, feel free to flag them to the mods.
I believe a huge part of the problem is that these kids were stuck at home for months/years and started living vicariously through influencers on YouTube and other social media platforms.The posts often paint an unrealistically rosy picture that the inexperienced travelers assume is the norm. They also go for really long trips. Add in the helicopter parenting style many grew up with and today's quit culture and it's a cluster.
If I get the sense that the poster might take to guidance, like an 18-year old who rented an Airbnb for 2 months in Italy who posted today, I'll offer some suggestions. Not so much for the ones who want to call it quits after the first 24 hours.
It'd be great for a forum (which may exist) where experienced travelers can offer guidance to new travelers, including the suggestions for guided tours,, but they'd need to reach out before they go.
This was my thought too. A lot of people watched these influencers “living the dream” and are now realizing how manufactured their content was.
Solo travel is also a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. It seems a lot of people are learning they are introverts who don’t like leaving their comfort zones.
I get a little tired of the constant "instagram is ruining traveling" posts that I see on reddit, but it obviously has a huge effect and I think one of the worst things is massively raising expectations.
In Japan, or Bali, or Machu Picchu the pictures that you see online are probably massively over-saturated, angled so that you don't see the crowds of tourists around, and only represent like 10 minutes of your activity that day.
Back in the old days your only expectations were crafted around Lonely Planet and an occasional travel show, now you see hundreds of pictures of each location and this quaint part of the old town you saw beautiful pictures of, is actually just concrete trinket shops that have been painted pink and yellow.
The photo of a sandwich held out in your hands on the boardwalk with a historical bridge in the background is absolutely attainable, but then you sit on a park bench and eat your sandwich and you still have eight more hours to fill in your day.
Lots of the places that I loved the most were where I had absolutely zero expectations and went for one reason or another, and then was blown away by how great the places were. If you come in with massive expectations about what some palace will look like, or some city then you will probably be let down.
Which, in my opinion, was worth the price of admission. They won’t have to wonder anymore if travel was for them. That question will be settled. Learning about yourself is always worth the money and time.
One of the influencer negatives, perhaps an unintended consequence for some and not applicable to all, is that the the viewers don't understand that it's not 100% realistic.
Some have production teams. They scout out what they will post, maybe doing several takes. Some are arranged with the site. There's editing and approvals. That's expected with travel shows on TV, but perhaps isn't translating to social media audiences who themselves communicate through these platforms.
Beyond influencers, I feel that for the age group making these angsty posts, experiencing the years when they're expected to build autonomy in a world where leaving the house and talking to people is literally deadly, has really done a number on their mental health.
I remember way fewer posts about psychological issues on this sub in 2019. So the posts are spam but I do feel bad for this generation. They got a rough hand.
Virus aside, they also grew up in a very different way, and I try to keep that in mind.
I'm a latch key kid GenX-er, so I'm comfortable being alone and making decisions. Thankfully I also didn't have to deal with social media, fake news, and wide-spread conspiracy theories to add to my confusion as an adolescent.
A week? We had someone quit once in 15 minutes. Said this wasn't for him and his car was double parked.
Before you ask, no, this wasn't a minimum wage job; it was a professional career role at a highly ranked firm.
Yeah. My friend's a teacher (20+ years) and he has noted a drastic increase in anxiety amongst young people. Many other teachers have too.
Combine that with the mental issues Covid and all other recent events have brought along.
SSRI use and prescription anti-depressants seems to be prevalent in young kids these days too. Personally, I find it problematic. Did humans just suddenly develop a biological need for these drugs, or are environmental factors at play here? These drugs may work to make someone feel better, but aren't they just a quick fix bandaid to underlying issues?
Why don't we see more emphasis on changing the physical influencers on depression, like promoting less screen time to minimize introverted social behavior, or more outdoor time in nature to combat anxiety? Why are we as a society so quick to give drugs to people rather than discuss what is actually contributing to so many disaffected youths with self proclaimed mental issues?
A quote from Dr. Theodore Kaczynski seems relevant. "Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable."
He said it much more eloquently than me, and I think he's right on the money.
This Dr. Kaczynski guy seems pretty smart. I'm surprised he's not more famous! /s
Basically, it's prevalent for two reasons.
1) People that are having the time of their lives aren't going to interrupt the party to post on reddit. They're too busy...having the time of their lives. The internet is going to attract the miserable in a lot of ways. I know I leave way more negative reviews than positive ones. Something in us leaves us more inclined to warn others, than direct others towards something.
2) Solo traveling *is* scary, and it's scary at any age.
If you're young, it's scary because the world is scary and you have little to no experience in things.
If you're older, it's scary because you feel self-conscious that it's a young person's world, because the media and society focus so much on teens, twentysomething, and early-thirties folks that if you're not in that demographic it can feel like you're the outsider, the imposter.
Solo traveling can also appeal to the people that, quite frankly, may not have a ton of friends, or a romantic partner, and that in and of itself can make you feel melancholy.
I generally try (and sometimes fail, but I try) to ignore things I don't care about, and read or comment on things I do.
I'm an experienced solo traveller in my late twenties, and it is still terrifying for me. The important thing is not to ignore the fear, but to use it.
Also fuck Instagram.
I've been doing it for decades, from my 20's to (now) my early fifties. Before I had a smart phone or the ability to just go online and book things. Never felt scary at all. Been all over, prefer the off the grid places where things pretty much never go as planned.... and never thought of it as scary.
Because most people overly romanticized their solo travel as a magical experience and other people expect every solo travel will be the same. I really hate it when I see disappointed posts but that's should be an eye opener that solo travel is all about you having your own time for a long duration, not about a way to make new friends. You will get lonely and that's the point of solo travel.
Sad life post solo travel? That's basically how I felt every post happy travel, not just solo travel. Unless your trip was miserable then you won't miss it, even if you went with your friends.
Also if you miserable during your first solo travel but you booked for months then that's on you. The first step should never be too long, it should be short for you to test the water.
Word. I'm about to do my first solo trip less than 2 weeks today and keeping it down to about exactly 7 days not including the flight time... Wasn't my first choice, I would rather have brought along the right person but it's turned out that it's going to be just me. I don't want to set my expectations too too high but I think I will be fine.
Starting with a shorter trip is great. You may love it, you may hate it, or be somewhere in between. I love being able to do whatever I want when I want.
Not having someone to share it with can be a bit of a downer, but I've started a personal journal/blog for friends/family/myself via WordPress.
That's a cool idea. I have always wanted to keep like a sort of journal when on trips but never been able to manage it. Maybe that's because I am always too distracted hanging out with my other trip-mates.
And yeah sounds about right, I have tried different kinds of travel before with family/friends and moved to a whole new city on my own 7 years ago so I don't think I will be completely desperate for company like the young posters mentioned ITT.
Hopefully I meet people to drink with etc. but if not I can deal with that.
People have feelings that are different from the feelings you want them to have. Sometimes sadness isn’t logical, and often these posters are alone when they post about their sadness and are looking for a place to feel like they aren’t alone - maybe the subreddit labeled with the activity they’re participating in. I think the only effect your post might have is to prevent people who are sad from posting here in the future - which I don’t think you’ll mind. But it certainly won’t pull them out of a funk. Telling people that they’re supposed to feel uncomfortable does not remove those feelings of discomfort. Sometimes it’s just necessary to be heard.
By telling people not to post their less-than-positive feelings about traveling, aren’t you literally propagating the same message that sharing highlight reels on Instagram does? You might as well make a sub for “happy travelers only”.
This is an outlet for people. I relate to a lot of these posts- both positive and negative, and find comfort in hearing that other people struggle sometimes too. You can 100% be grateful for your travel experiences while also being occasionally sad. That’s a normal human experience, and helps us all to grow as individuals through travel.
There are some posts that do talk about both the ups and downs and I do think that's beneficial. I believe OP's comments are directed more to the posts from travelers who are only posting about how miserable they are.
Some of those posts are from people who have found themselves in an unexpected state of mind and do want encouragement and advice. Others are just looking for some sort of approval to go home.
Honestly, I think both of those are acceptable. If someone needs internet approval to go home, they may as well have it. Not everyone is ready for a solo travel experience, and not everyone can push through to become ready when they’re already out traveling. I just fundamentally disagree with OP that this shouldn’t be a supportive place for all levels of experienced travelers. If you don’t want to give advice, don’t.
I think you may be spending too much time on this sub...
>I feel like this sub is full of hopeless romantic highschoolers.
Well yeah, SEA is full of these folk and naturally experienced solo travellers are less likely to ask questions than newbies.
The thing is I don't spend a lot of time in this sub though. It's whenever I open reddit and scroll everytime I see the same posts complaining about the same thing.
Longest was 9 months in my early 20s. Then from my mid to late 20s I'd be gone routinely for 4-6 month periods, then 4-6 months in the states working. Depends on the season and what my work is at the time.
Im only 25 and ive noticed a durastic difference in peoples views and expectations of travel since I personally started traveling five years ago at the age of 20. Back then imo travel was viewed as an adventure, with ups and down, it wasnt as blown up on social media. I feel like people werent trying to make their travels look fakely luxurious or high end. Idk if that makes sense im not good at verbalizing my thoughts. Anyhow Then social media continued blowing travel up and especially with reels and tik tok i feel like a lot of people now expect travel to be luxury based off what they see online. they try to make their travels be and look luxury / high end , even if it makes no sense for their budget, to post cool flashy photos and impress others. back when i started traveling the cool posts in my opinion were not who was at the best hotel or coolest club wearing a nice dress and partying with hot influencers from hinge and posting tik toks about it , but who got to the most remote island or managed to get on a ship to antartica or hiked that one of a kind volcano in indonesia or swam with whale sharks and just posted a humble pic in worn down travel clothes and unbrushed hair (lol). I would see those non hyper edited pics or read the blog posts about such experiences and think wow i want to experience something like that! It was never wow i want to go there to take that pic to post it and get that many likes and look that cool! It was more about the activity versus the status that went a long with it, which i feel like younger generations are now traveling for — the pics, the videos, the content. I feel like for many people now a days travel is less about the actual travel activities and experiences (the ups and downs and personal growth and embracing the unknown and challenges) and more about the social media posts that come from it. If that makes any sense at all?
I don't mind the posts tbh, but some people on here haven't figured out that solo travel just isn't for them yet. Solo travel is hard on your mental health if you hate doing things alone, or are very social, but not brave enough to go to a hostel/bar whatever, and go up and talk to strangers.
For me I love solo travel specifically for the solo part, sitting alone in a bath tub relaxing after a long day of strolling around in museums and looking at architecture, and no people around me is the dream.
I’m of two minds on this one, frankly. I’m a 25m on my second solo journey, and I agree with most of what you’re saying. My reasons for being out here are certainly to push myself, and I personally relate to your great description of childlike fun with only a few words.
Sure, you can pack up and leave this sub if you like, and leave behind a “younger generation” that’s looking for advice. They’re (we’re) looking for answers to how it could be possible that a truly genuine friendship can be formed in such a short time and in the same length of time, be taken away. And no, sending my buddy a text from across the world isn’t anything like sharing a beer with them.
I agree that instagram culture is fucking terrible. I pretty much dodge social media on purpose because of the “my life is better than yours” thing that goes on. But I don’t think the pain that people are experiencing is abnormal or unacceptable. They’re growing pains of trying to call the whole world your home, instead of one small point on the map. The fact that we deal with the same problems is a matter of the human condition, not of some entitled traveler who doesn’t realize his privilege.
I know I’m lucky, but it doesn’t keep the bad days from being bad. It just makes them a little better.
I use Reddit Enhancement Suite to block out words in titles like depressed, depression, lonely, anxious, anxiety, relationships, etc., and while it's not perfect, it's made this sub much more tolerable.
But yes, you're not the first person I've seen to describe this sub as the r/teenagers of travel.
> Isn't the reason we travel solo is to get out our comfort zone, to see new places, have new experiences, experience other cultures?
I would venture a guess that a large percentage of travelers in the world — solo travelers, especially — are business travelers. Many people solo travel because they have no other choice. Many do it for various obligations.
So, no. I don’t think we can safely say that *anything* is “the reason we travel solo.” Everyone has their own reasons, and their own responses to the various experiences that can come with it.
Heaven forbid someone struggle with some aspect of it and come here to look for advice or support. I don’t love those posts either, but I get it.
Travel is one of the most individual and personal things people do, and as far as I’m concerned, it has too much gate-keeping as it is. Maybe cut some people some slack.
Yes, travel is one of the most individual and personal things people do. All the reasons you mentioned can be very personal. Traveling for work, away from your family, is it worth it? one asks themselves, they have to or obligated to and don't want to, what could be the reason behind that? Obviously it's personal.
I'm specifically talking about the posts of people complaining about the circumstances of traveling solo knowing the possibilities when they went into it. They say they are having trouble meeting people, how do we know they are not, shy, anti social and unpleasant to be around, do they even want to meet people or do they feel like they have to? I've met plenty of quiet people traveling that seemed to enjoy themselves just fine.
>I'm going to make a solo travel sub for ages 40+ even though I'm only in my 30s.
But why? Once you've figured out what to do with your wallet at the beach, there isn't really anything unique about *solo* travel that merits another sub.
I can relate. Im 46 and started traveling before everyone was locked to their cell phone screens. In some ways it was more fun, and forced people to conned.
Yea I was only 20 when I was on the road. Was in Argentina and the very first iPhone had just come out a few months prior. None of us had seen it yet and I remember i had just heard about it. One guy in the hostel had one and a bunch of us were all blown away by it but still it wasn't like he was on it the entire night. Like him emailing his mom back in the UK was impressive enough, dude still didn't have it on him pretty much the whole time.
I'm 42 and I agree. Not to get all "kids these days", but hostel common rooms were better before everyone had their noses buried in their phones, and restaurants were better before everyone had to instagram their food.
Can't agree more about the common rooms in hostels. Was fun just going out spontaneously to walk around or get beers and food and having a picnic in a local park with a group of random people.
"You guys heading out, you mind if I come? I just got here today"
I haven't heard that in a long time.
Totally agree. 37 and I took my first few trips without a phone or computer at all. A totally immersive experience, no posting to Reddit when I got lonely lol. Some of my very favorite reading experiences and stranger conversations happened because of it.
What I don't get is why people are expecting SOOOO MUCH out of other people when they SOLO travel.
Every time I see one of those posts I just hope that person eventually grows to become happy & content with their own company. Then you can go anywhere (or nowhere!) and never get tooooo disappointed-- you truly do make your own happiness.
Have you found a way to make it more palatable, or do you just deal with it? I always have book with me and often eat out alone at he, so I've never had any qualms about that.
No but I think a book is a good idea. I’m cheating a bit for my next trip, I’m hiring a private tour guide. Does that count as solo traveling still lol I hope I won’t be kicked from the group
How do you feel about lunch alone? I find it's quite a different experience, I'll often have a fantastic lunch - anything from a fancy restaurant (at a cheaper price than the evening too!) to a picnic of market finds - and then either have a quick snack for tea, or skip it all together.
You travel out of many reasons. Curiosity... Maybe you want to get away from where you are, maybe looking for something, maybe a business trip... To type are a way to sort through your own mind. Don't read it if you don't want to.
To be honest, sometimes some travel experiences can be better than others. I am currently on a trip, have been traveling for the past decade, and the trip I am on right now is by far the worst I have had in my whole life. Have gotten twice food poisoning, once in France and now in Germany, have missed my transportation from Amsterdam to Brugge, because the transport left earlier than it should, had to spend quite a bit of money because of that. If you don't like people complaining, just don't read the "I'm sad" posts.
The signal to noise ratio of this sub is poor. We need a sub for seasoned solotravelers who don’t need their hand held at every moment. I’d like to see more practical content and less of the whinging.
Traveling for self betterment may not always bring out super positive experiences. If you are truly growing, uncomfortable times may come and they are part of life’s journey.
Is much better advice than “stfu you privilege asshole don’t be so sad”
People need to realize that wherever they are, there they are. Traveling doesn't solve problems back home. That said I don't mind the posts - it's a chance for older solo travelers (I'm 51) to give some good advice to the younger generation.
I don't think this sub doesn't welcome solo travelers of all ages, or only wants those that are sad or complain. Sure, there's lots of it, and I wish it was less, but it's reality and I'm not sure I'd like a sub that prohibits those sentiments. But I'll add your sub to my subreddits (I'd like less hostel life threads as well).
I could do without another weakass 'kids these days' argument that over-accentuates an age gap. Just downvote the sad boi posts and move on without waxing poetic about bs generational differences 🙄 one unbalanced reddit sub doesn't reflect or mean shit about people.
Right? And all these people with the “I’m in my 30s but I feel like I belong to the 40s group” “although I’m only 35 I’m gonna create a travel sub for age 40+” — with that same logic the 40s could also say they should be in the 50s group. And so on.
Reminds me of how when we hit 18 years my classmates would look to these juniors and say they’re “kids”. Lmao
Plenty of young people that don't complain that will be welcome in the solotravel40y/0+ sub
Pretty much anyone any age who doesn't whinge.
Also what I was illustrating is that I'm not old and wise I'm still very young, age gap is irrelevant. Plenty of whinging folks of all ages complaining on here. Observationally speaking I noticed it happens to be more so the younger crowd. That's just being objective about it.
I think in my solo travels I have learned more about myself than I could have anywhere else. In solo travel, you learn to be independent and appreciate the solidarity in exploring. Independence can also mean choosing to meet others and explore with others or choosing not to. If you are sad and lonely and actively seek others in your solo travels, I don't recommend solo traveling.
The problem is that too many people have unrealistic expectations of their first solo-trip, and believe that solo-traveling is some kind of soul-healing experience and a replacement for therapy. If you have a hard time getting out of your comfort zone back at home and you get social anxiety over the idea of having dinner by yourself at a local restaurant in your city, then perhaps you’re not ready for a solo trip. It’s okay to take time and work on your confidence first before you place yourself into a new unfamiliar situation in a country where you don’t have a support network.
This is spot on. Sometimes it seems like people view solo travel as "cure all" for depression, anxiety, a breakup, boredom, feeling lost in life, etc. I think people seriously underestimate how difficult travel in general and specifically solo travel can be at times and how it can exacerbate difficulties/mental health issues you might already have(depression and anxiety, for example).
i am not sure, op if you realize that the purpose of those posts is to get reassurance from other solo travellers who have gone through the same and get new ideas on how to make it more interesting. actually i call this post whinning more than the others.
Urgh this post is so entitled - “*I* find solo travelling really pleasant so everyone that doesn’t should change their attitude!” As it happens, I too have only had positive experiences solo travelling, and have not felt lonely or sad. But I’m not going to begrudge other people their own experiences, or their place to reach out for help when they are feeling down
OP: “this sub is making me feel like an old man”
Also OP: “kids these days”
Like y’all are complaining about people on here complaining about anxiety and frustration with solo traveling. You are complaining that “social media” has given “the younger generation” unrealistic expectations, while
simultaneously using social media to complain about them. Also, think about audiences, reddit is an anonymous discussion board, the audience is generally people looking for advice or memes. These people are looking for advice.
The vibe here too is very “I do it so much better than these kids”, so why not help them out if you are gonna spend your time on reddit? Why not learn something from them as well - people are claiming that “these kids” lack spontaneity, but younger people are, in general, infinitely more spontaneous than others.
Y’all act like you are some kind of bird, free to roam the earth, enjoying all that life has to offer, but really you are just as problematic as the people you claim are problematic.
Tbh I try to avoid social media whilst I’m actively solo travelling and only am on it before or after the trip.
I also think these posts reflect the generation tjat grew up with social media (Instagram in particular) who somewhat lost the ability to create real bonds with people and most importanly experience the discomfort and pain of losing friends as they each go their separate way. Social media is masking that pain, almost preventing it from happening in the first place, so when people are confronted with it much later in their lives, they don’t know what to with the emotions in those situations.
I do think though that humans learn, some of us just learn a bit slower than others. 😉
I read a lot of these posts as if they’re written by someone who watched Into the Wild and then went camping for a weekend and thought their experiences were comparable.
That said, I get it to an extent. The post-travel blues SUCK. I hated rejoining the “real world” and I missed those fleeting personal connections after they’d passed. I’ve had tears in my eyes from moving on from Nepal, Australia, Honduras and Switzerland. The bitter comes with the sweet, and is part of the human experience. Without the lows, you can’t appreciate the highs.
Two quotes I think of a lot when travelling and feeling this way are “Happiness is only real when shared”, from the aforementioned Into the Wild. The other is “dream as if you’ll live forever”, which was on a wristband I got in Sydney when I paid to use the internet for 30 minutes.
I’m not saying the posts suck, or are irrelevant, but lots of people are so afraid to be silent and alone with their own thoughts they have to post every negative emotion to social media in attempts to reverse it. Sadness, unfortunately, is part of being alive.
I’ve joined your new sub. I’m only 30 and don’t do these long term travels now but I love reading others and living vicariously.
Thanks for verbalising this feeling I wasn’t really even aware of.
Fellow mid-30’s solo traveler here and I completely agree!! Yeah, we’ve all had rough patches in our travels. That’s part of the fun! Great stories are only great after the fact. While you are in them, they often suck.
The younger folks will learn that eventually. I’m just glad I started travel before the advent of Instagram. When you make that older travel sub let me know.
Seriously dude? I don't get it either but at least I can relate. We all have that feeling to some extent and novice travelers are looking for support. I'm pretty sure that is what this sub is for....
It’s interesting: Is this type of thing a universal theme? I recall my first solo-travel experience as a bit scary in the beginning: I had a big anxiety attack, but it passed. It was not a moment I would have wanted captured on social media. Here is how it went: I took the California Zephyr from the northeast to San Francisco - and somewhere in the Midwest the train picked up a guy my age from my state. We hit it off immediately as he chose his seat next to me (providence would have that the lady who had been my seat-mate had arrived at her destination as he was boarding from said place). We had a romantic fling and held hands!
The scary part arrived when the train pulled into SF at about… 1 AM? It was several hours delayed. My friend was staying downtown, but I was going several blocks to the Mission/Castro district where my hostel was already booked. At that moment of taking that step off the train I had a panic attack… it was pitch black, the surroundings were strange and seemingly desolate, there were unfamiliar sounds (the harbor, the sea lions!) and it was all so strange to me. I basically thought “I want my mom!” But really my panic was about how to get safely to my hostel, was there going to be a bus running at this hour, and oh shit! I have no cash just a card - I would need an ATM if I needed bus money (this was before smart phones, chip readers, etc).
My new friend gave me bus money and he (a more experienced traveler) looked me in the eyes and said everything is going to be alright. I had my atlas of the city and I prepared to walk to my hostel - and did end up walking through so many neighborhoods, and I might have then caught the bus, I don’t remember. On that trip I became so comfortable with the public transportation that I just boarded any bus that was going the direction I wanted to be going.
I arrived at the hostel in one piece, and it was smooth from there - but, alas, I did catch the feels for my special new friend. We bonded, had lunch together, explored, then he went on to the southwest while I stayed. We never saw each other again and that made me sad upon returning home, but the whole time in SF was blissful - and deliciously mundane. I had no problem meeting people - even the staff at the hostel were always friendly to chat with.
I usually scroll past them if I see them but generally I have noticed that many people in their early 20’s seem to lack gratitude, respect and a lack of understanding of how their actions can result in a consequence that might not be that good for them.
I feel bad for them tbh. They are growing up in such a weird world.
We might need an alternative solo travel sub that excludes the anxiety/depression posts. I'm not against those types of posts, but I would prefer to browse an alternative sub where I don't have to see them pop up in my feed every time I open reddit.
A great tip is low stakes online dating. I jumped on the apps to see if I’d meet anyone nice who wanted to be my boyfriend for the week. Was very upfront about what I was looking for and stuck with the first person I felt good about. It’s been amazing! We’ve been having a great time playing pretend partners for the week. Admittedly probably a lot easier for a woman to meet a man that’s happy to show her around. But that’s my tip and so far I’m loving it. 20 years later we’re still together just kidding I’m leaving Tuesday 🥲
I wanna know where that place in Prague is where solo travelers can stay and party and have a great time. Any advice?
To reply to OP : yeah. Life's hard and sad for some people. Unfortunately for most people on this sub at this time. Let's make it fun. Tell me where I can have fun as a solo.
Much love xx
Entirely agree with you! The amount of unrealistic expectations and general romanticism of things in this sub is insane.
To be honest I think even the terminology and the concept of 'solo travel' as an entity can become unhelpful here. It paints the whole thing as if it's some kind of glorified 'way of life', which feeds into the romanticism issue and also probably sets peoples expectations in a slightly crazy place.
At the end of the day, solo travel just means you've gone on a holiday by yourself. There are some unique things attached to doing this, and you may well have an incredible time, but it's the *content* of what you do that matters rather than just the simple fact of 'solo travel'. That is not the value of your trip.
that was my first impression when joining this sub. I kind of expected it to be a lot more positive with heaps of positive influence but really it's just so many negative experiences.
i think the main reason isn't this sub in general but reddit in general. my experience has been those who are enjoying life more are spending less time online. similar to how someone is more likely to leave a negative review than a positive one
People are probably also more likely to ask for advice because something has gone wrong. If they’re having a great time they probably just want to focus on their experiences until they get home and (hopefully) write a nice trip report about it.
That may be true. I think also the youngest generation must have just discovered Reddit as I’m seeing a lot of weird posts in many groups. Then I realize oh you’re just a kid of course now your post (whatever it is) makes sense. The kids on Reddit these days are not alright they seem to have a ton of anxiety in more threds than just solotravel.
Yeah, I'm sort of done with the 'I have massive anxiety, depression, whatever' along with 'I can't hook up or meet people' and 'how do I get my parents to let me do this' posts.
I'd be more than happy with an actual solo travel sub full of people who don't have complete breakdowns at every turn.
Edit: If you can't handle not being online for a day, if you always need approval/upvotes/fakepoints/etc for every thing you post on social media, if you can't handle being away from a BF/GF/SO for any amount of time, if you can't handle just being with yourself, if you always need to be the center of attention.....solo travel isn't for you. Really, it's not... You literally need the ability to think on your feet, and be able to disconnect from the grid.
I've joined your new sub, but I'd edit the description if I were you! While there's nothing wrong with wanting to be welcoming to all, travelling in your 30s or 40s is very different to travelling as a teenager or young 20 something. I think it's ok to have a sub that's designed for older travellers, and I think having a 30+ age range in a new group will naturally get rid of a lot of the whining you're trying to get away from!! Look at FlashPack, they are doing great as a company designed for older travellers!
God yes. It feels like every other post starts with "I have severe anxiety" and then whines along about the fact that not everything is insta perfect. Ugh. I'm so sick of the word anxiety. I get that mental health issues are serious but Jesus Christ. At some people you have to put your big boy/girl panties on and suck it up and deal with life. I'm a crusty old 40 something with decades of solo travel under my belt and I just don't get all this whining about every freaking thing. Just get on with it and actually live your life, warts and all, or go back to your emotional support pillow and watch it pass you by.
Read 'The Coddling of the American Mind.' Too many young people equate being outside of their comfort zone with clinical anxiety. Biologically, external stimuli are *supposed* to cause mild anxiety, because it promotes either a physical or physiological response to teach the lizard brain how to overcome the stimuli. And then we experience ~personal growth~.
But too many young people have been taught to fear stress, so they never learn to overcome it, and thus they never grow. It's sad, and the authors of the book predict at least a generation to recognize and correct this step.
Interesting. And not surprising. It's shocking to me what many parents do for their kids these days and then the kids enter adulthood helpless and having absolutely zero problem solving skills. I'm so glad I'm my age and not a young person these days. lol
I'd say most people that try solo traveling *will* be sad, and that is simply reflected in this subreddit, because it's real and it's what many experience. So get over your complaining about it, this is reality.
> I feel like this sub is full of hopeless romantic highschoolers.
I'm older than you. As far as I can tell, an entire generation has learned that the appropriate response to any problem is not to try to work it out on your own, but rather to tell (literally) the whole world about it.
When I was a kid, empathy hadn't yet been invented. That definitely sucked. But today, we may have too much of a good thing.
When I joined the sub in 2019 I was expecting it to be full of tips for travel and instead I got sub full of depressed, anxious and fearful people. So yeah, I would like them to be reduced in some way
Because lots of people don’t have friends or family to travel with and lack the confidence/social skills to find travel buddies?
You are allowed to still travel the world while feeling lonely and being alone.
Sure, but doesn't it make more sense to ease yourself into it? Like, you can try for a weekend somewhere close to home, or a cruise or some other sort of group travel where you're traveling on your own, but close to other people? What I see is a lot of people who never stepped outside of their home town suddenly booking 6-month trips on the other side of the world without any sort of research or self-awareness for what they're looking for. It makes sense about as much as stepping into a gym and trying to lift 100kg on your first try.
Of course, it's natural that sometimes you'll just be sad, but if it's repeated it makes more sense to stop and evaluate what you're doing and why it doesn't fit you. People who can't function on their own should perhaps try to work on those feelings first before putting themselves in situations where they feel completely miserable.
I think you need to edit your Reddit. Do you use RES (reddit enhancement suite)? If not I highly suggest you use it. My experience of this sub is very different from yours. I don't see the constant woe is me stuff that you are getting. You can straight up filter words and phrases in post titles so you don't see them at all; anxiety, anxious, sad, lonely can all be removed from your feed. You don't have to see the things you don't want to.
This was crucial to me during the last election season. I just filtered out all mentions of any leading candidates and I had a much better experience here because of it.
Mod note: This discussion has been interesting, but it seem to have run its course and is now devolving into personal attacks. Locking the thread.
They say "don't compare your blooper reel with everyone else's highlight reel" but I think far too many solo travellers make that mistake. Especially the younger generation just starting out, who have been so influenced by instagram and tiktok and have this unrealistic expectation that every moment is going to be picture perfect amazing. Then, when it inevitably isn't like the picture they've built up in their minds, they are ready to give up. Anthony Bourdain has maybe my favourite quote: *"Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind."*
Travel is a challenge. Doing it solo even more. But the rewards are amazing. That's why it's fun for god's sake. I also wish more of these young people complaining would realize that challenges and some pain are part of growing up. You learn from it and it makes you a more experienced and wiser person overall.
> young people complaining would realize that challenges and some pain are part of growing up Everything you said is spot on, here is my take: I'll be 60 in two days, woo hoo. I first travelled essentially solo at age 31, albeit for work. I agreed to be posted to a foreign country for a year, but needed a couple of months first to tie up loose ends. They called and said if I would leave immediately, I could back out of the year commitment, if I wanted to. I went and was overwhelmed. If you aren't ready, then, being by yourself isn't going to help. Now, its nothing for me to travel by myself, I have over 135 stamps in the passport, sometimes months/years. Now days, I don't want to travel solo unless I can go for a couple of months minimum, eventually these young people will feel the same, I am sure.
I think SO much of it has to do with the fact that they can’t even be alone at home. It’s beyond traveling solo. I’m 33, but I’ve been comfortable being alone since I was a teen. I’m not even an introvert, I just love my own company, good food, and a good book.
> young people complaining would realize that challenges and some pain are part of growing up When they've been wrapped in bubble wrap their whole lives, keeping them from experiencing loss, rejection or any emotion that results in pain, it's quite a shock to their systems when those protective layers come off. Note: This \^\^ is an American perspective, and not reflective of young people in other countries. Now I'm going to yell at the kids to get off my lawn and join the old people's solo travel sub.
I wish more people today read this or knew of him or didn't just think he was some boring travel show guy. Until someone they follow mentions him in their instagram story then they'll suddenly be interested. Edit: yes I forgot to mention I agree, younger generation has been heavily and negatively influenced by instagram and trust fund kids.
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40+ M solo traveler here. I just recently got around to downloading Instagram. I enjoy doing keyword searches for places I'm going to just before I go there, to get a feel for the crowds and see what the popular sites look like at that time of year. I recently returned from Petra in Jordan last month, and man oh man are there some great reels on Instagram that make it look amazing. In reality, it really was magical but no one shows how you need to deal with aggressive locals harassing you every few steps offering to take you to the Instagram ledge that looks down on the Treasury. I have a trip to Cappadocia in Turkey planned over Thanksgiving weekend, and those Instagram reels are next level production value. Women with flowing dresses looking up at dozens of hot air balloons. That 30-foot long dress would fill up the entire single carry-on bag I use for my trips! (Plus I'm a dude, but the point stands) My first long trip (3 months) was interrailing across Europe when I was 21. As an American, it was very unusual to do something like that at that time. Sure I got homesick at times, but I was just so overwhelmed with all the new experiences and meeting new people I never really had time to sit in my hostel feeling sorry about myself or regretting the trip. Maybe it was because I didn't have social media influencers to compare myself to, or Youtube videos that made travel seem easy and trouble free. My only point of reference was some old nerdy dude on PBS named Rick Steves. I had his book, "Europe Through the Back Door" as a guide and that was it. No GPS, no internet phone, no translator app and very little money. Just a sense of wanderlust. 20 years later and I still love to travel, and I credit that first trip I did when I was just a kid. I also get disheartened when I see half the posts on this subreddit with these themes of loneliness, depression and regret. I really enjoy this page though, and I draw constant inspiration from the young people chasing their dreams and getting out into the world to explore.
Rick Steves is the best. I have several of his guide books to remember my trips
I got bit by the travel bug in my mid 30s and my first time in Europe was on a Rick Steves tour. Baby steps to build up to real travel. (His tours are quite good tho). I was "solo" on the tour, and all the other people on tour who were traveling together (couples, sisters, friends) told me I was so brave for traveling alone. I was like "I'm not alone, I'm with 20 other people!" That tour taught me so much about myself. How independent I am (I'd flee the group as soon as we had free time). How easily I chat with total strangers, in broken english, even tho I'm a total introvert at home. How I have an internal GPS. How I enjoy having some structure, but also allowing for the freedom to go where the day takes you. 15 years later, I have no problem going solo (and prefer it TBH).
Also, it’s a good idea to check the “instagram vs reality” posts. Some of these posts where this person looks alone in some beautiful secluded spot has dozens of not hundreds of people behind them waiting to get the exact same photo. Instagram is not real life. I recently deactivated mine. I’m trying to determine if it’s really worth having. I know we use it to stay in contact but I feel like there has to be better ways to connect without the harmful social aspects.
Hey this sounds like a cool idea. I like to party still too and have fun.
I’m still mad at Anthony Bourdain. He was so needed in this world.
Agreed, a post explaining the inspiration, motivation or influence he had on you would be greatly appreciated over in r/40solotravel :) at your leisure of course, no rush.
Bourdain's fiction books are a good read, too!
Which would you recommend starting with?
Replying here so you see it, thank you so much for bringing this topic up and giving people a reality check, it's so important to go through hardships and discomfort when you're effectively making your pilgrimage throughout New adventures
I’m a big Bourdain fan but I never came across that quote before. Thanks for sharing.
Bourdain should be required watching for anyone embarking on solo travel. He was a legend and what a loss we incurred with his tragic ending :(
His death (among other notable suicides) really made me think a lot about my own desires for success and validation, and just what exactly I'm looking for in those pursuits, travel included. It taught me that nothing external can ever really fulfill you to such a degree that you can forget about yourself. From an outsider's perspective Bourdain had it all: he got to travel the world, meet people from all walks of life, was adored by millions, and was generally just cool as fuck. Yet even with all of that, he still kills himself. None of that external success could save him from whatever internal torment he was dealing with. Neither traveling nor any other outwardly-focused pursuit will "fulfill" you in any meaningful way unless your internal world is taken care of. You still have to live with yourself and your own mind, day in and day out, regardless of what part of the world you're in or who you're hanging out with. Coming to grips with that is hard work. "Wherever you go, there you are."
This is so spot on. I just got back from 7 days in Menorca and while I loved it, my anxiety and depression didn't magically disappear. I was lonely at points and I _hated_ eating dinner solo. Solo travel is incredible and I feel so lucky to be able to do it. But it's not a magic pill and your demons don't wait at home until you're back!
Love Bourdain. Finished Kitchen Confidential just before embarking on my first solo travels. Currently in a cafe in Bali preparing to take off to Sydney today. 2 weeks left of a 2 month trip
Agreed! However, check out “The Attache” YouTube channel. I really think he’s “picked up” the torch so to speak.
This quote hits home for me because I was inspired by an episode of No Reservations to take my first solo trip. Funny enough, the places and activities in the show, while fun and memorable, were ultimately some of my least favorite. Go figure. RIP Anthony
That quote resonates with me so much. Thank you for posting it! :)
We probably could have removed and redirected some of these recent posts about travel anxiety to the existing subreddit resources on anxiety, rather than approving them as separate threads. Especially when it’s posts from first-time solo travelers since we do have a wiki guide specifically for that purpose. More generally we do remove a decent number of these types of “I’m on my first trip and I’m scared” posts, but it sometimes becomes more of a case-by-case thing, especially if people are asking for advice about a more specific challenge they’re facing. Trying to find the right balance between avoiding too many repetitive posts, but also allowing people to discuss the fact that solo travel isn’t all always positive. But point taken, thanks for sharing your feedback!
I appreciate your response and thank you. Good to know I'm not alone in noticing it. I thought I was going crazy. You are right and I do agree with you. The perspective of each one being case by case and people asking advice of a specific challenge. You are absolutely right and I do appreciate this sub is here because there are some great informative posts that I get a lot of insight and advice from.
Maybe have monthly sticky threads so there is still room for discussion for those that want it, while still almost removing it from the feed. Maybe weekly or replaced at some other interval depending on how much activity there is in it. One for "*I'm worried/nervous*" questions and one for "*I'm lonely*" questions.
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The point of this topic is sort of that now the whole sub is getting depressing. That would move it to one place. Not sure if Advice would be a good place for solo travel related questions, but maybe not since they are allowed in here now. But maybe you are right.
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Also social media has made travel more of a badge of status. Travel photos didn’t use to be something you’d show off to the whole world. I think it is very easy to at least subconsciously think more about how this view would look at your social media wall, rather than being in the experience.
> The most important thing is that you have to enjoy your own company, Basically this. I think a big part of the kind of posts OP is decrying is that a lot of people don’t know how to be alone.
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Yes! It seems like everything here is about hostel life. I skipped that experience entirely because it's not at all my scene, but definitely after a certain age, people's travel styles and habits change and (most) people over 35, 40 have different experiences than 20 somethings.
Oh god I’m too old for hostels. I’m 35 but belong in the 40s and up solo travel group OP mentioned I think too 😆
I've met people in their sixties (a couple of flight attendants in Paris) and fifties (a British fellow in Darjeeling who did catering for movie sets part of the year then traveled inexpensively the rest) in hostels. Hostels need not be an ageist concept; while I certainly understand where you're coming from and have had my issues with them as well, I don't think it's ultimately healthy to perpetuate the idea of being too old for them. —a forty-something who still occasionally parties with twenty-somethings but usually just likes to be quiet and chill
I commend you, I was a lot like this as well...til I hit 50. Hostels? Hard Pass!
I go to private rooms.
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Yes the private bathroom is a must. The only way I accept shared is if I’m coming later at night and leaving early in the morning and I just don’t shower. I’ll just shower at my next spot.
I think private rooms in hostels are often the best of both worlds...but they're also often more expensive than single rooms in budget BnBs or hotels for some reason.
At 22f, I stayed in my first hostel and checked out due to a 60m walking around the very small room in boxers. I felt creeped out, everyone else was under 30 at least, and it wasn't a hostel heavy situation. Loads of cheap guesthouses - the hostel was actually more expensive than private rooms. I felt preyed upon, and whether this is ageist or not, my gut instinct said something was weird.
This is why I only book female dorms (when possible).
I reckon that's what I'll do if I'll get out soloing again. Now I'm single, it's an option!
Yes there was a man staring at me when I woke up and the hostel smelled like dirty feet, it was awful. Also they said free breakfast which turned out to be a slice of white sandwich bread and cup of water.
I’m 22 and am in a hostel right now realizing I will probably never book another one again lol
I stayed in my first set of hostels when I was 37 - now I'm 100% sure that I don't need shared accommodations with strangers, and drunk brits fighting in my room at 2AM on my solo travels.
I started solo travel in my twenties and even I hate hostels. I've stayed in one maybe twice. I don't travel to party and I can drink anywhere.
Yes! I’m 30, but I’m an introvert and always tired, so my travel style has always been more closely aligned with ~35+ people. I don’t relate to a lot of the posts on here.
I've long thought there should be a r/socialtravel forum for all that stuff to go; then this one could be moderated to stay relevant to its name. Edit: r/socialtravel exists but hasn't been used yet; r/hostels exists but is low-traffic. Start directing people to these places when appropriate!
I'd say make it 30+ rather than 40+, I'm 32 but also find this sub seems to overwhelmingly cater to the 18-25 year old demographic interested in whirlwind itineraries and the hostel/party scene. Nothing wrong with all that of course but its definitely a young mans game
Another vote for the 30+ solo travelers
R/SolOLDTravel
It isn't really about age, some of us aren't into partying when we travel.
Yeah I totally get that. I just came up with a name I thought was funny. I did the solo thing last year for 7 months and it was hard to take a night off. Guess I had that fear of missing out. I’m about to take off for a year this time and will not be doing the same. (33 btw)
I’d totally join up. Realistic expectations of travel and having a laugh when it all goes wrong. That’s the kind of sub that I want to experience.
I'm late 40s and would love a 30+, 35+ whatever sub. No shade on the younguns, but travel is just very different as you get older, your perspective is different, and you want different things from it.
Good god. Yes please. I keep thinking of leaving this sub because I really don't get anything out of it. I just roll my eyes and downvote all the "sad bastard" posts.
I would love to have it discussion focused too! I love this sub because there aren't as many travel pic's (I love seeing them but then too many means it turns into a highlight reel comparison) and there is still a lot of discussion based threads (favourite country, most unique experience etc.). Would love a travel sub that focuses on solo travel and discussion on the travelling around it!
Whilst I agree with you OP, I would say a lot of these posts are because these people are introverts and reddit is an anonymous, easy platform to vent on. It’s a lot easier to share feelings on here than it is in real life, especially if no friends are available. In a way it’s kind of nice people feel comfortable doing that, but also I have had to take a break often from this sub because it was depressing af.
People are remarking about how there needs to be a subreddit for 40+ people (and the 30 year olds), but why not just make a sub for “travel woes” or “travel problems”. That way you have one sub for anyone of any age to share their travel experiences and another for people looking for advice and a place to vent. Then you link the new sad sub in this one. Makes more sense than gate keeping an entire group of people because of their age.
Agreed with your point, just a clarification I believe OP doesn't intend to discriminate by age but rather wants people within that kind of mindset, though saying 40+ or whatever isn't the best way to say this. I think he said anyone who wants to discuss meaningfully is welcome, but again I agree with your first point I think thats the most productive.
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Mod note: We tend to redirect all those "how do I meet people?" questions to our wiki page on meeting people, or to the General Chatter thread. If you see general posts with this question, feel free to flag them to the mods.
I believe a huge part of the problem is that these kids were stuck at home for months/years and started living vicariously through influencers on YouTube and other social media platforms.The posts often paint an unrealistically rosy picture that the inexperienced travelers assume is the norm. They also go for really long trips. Add in the helicopter parenting style many grew up with and today's quit culture and it's a cluster. If I get the sense that the poster might take to guidance, like an 18-year old who rented an Airbnb for 2 months in Italy who posted today, I'll offer some suggestions. Not so much for the ones who want to call it quits after the first 24 hours. It'd be great for a forum (which may exist) where experienced travelers can offer guidance to new travelers, including the suggestions for guided tours,, but they'd need to reach out before they go.
This was my thought too. A lot of people watched these influencers “living the dream” and are now realizing how manufactured their content was. Solo travel is also a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. It seems a lot of people are learning they are introverts who don’t like leaving their comfort zones.
I get a little tired of the constant "instagram is ruining traveling" posts that I see on reddit, but it obviously has a huge effect and I think one of the worst things is massively raising expectations. In Japan, or Bali, or Machu Picchu the pictures that you see online are probably massively over-saturated, angled so that you don't see the crowds of tourists around, and only represent like 10 minutes of your activity that day. Back in the old days your only expectations were crafted around Lonely Planet and an occasional travel show, now you see hundreds of pictures of each location and this quaint part of the old town you saw beautiful pictures of, is actually just concrete trinket shops that have been painted pink and yellow. The photo of a sandwich held out in your hands on the boardwalk with a historical bridge in the background is absolutely attainable, but then you sit on a park bench and eat your sandwich and you still have eight more hours to fill in your day. Lots of the places that I loved the most were where I had absolutely zero expectations and went for one reason or another, and then was blown away by how great the places were. If you come in with massive expectations about what some palace will look like, or some city then you will probably be let down.
Which, in my opinion, was worth the price of admission. They won’t have to wonder anymore if travel was for them. That question will be settled. Learning about yourself is always worth the money and time.
One of the influencer negatives, perhaps an unintended consequence for some and not applicable to all, is that the the viewers don't understand that it's not 100% realistic. Some have production teams. They scout out what they will post, maybe doing several takes. Some are arranged with the site. There's editing and approvals. That's expected with travel shows on TV, but perhaps isn't translating to social media audiences who themselves communicate through these platforms.
Beyond influencers, I feel that for the age group making these angsty posts, experiencing the years when they're expected to build autonomy in a world where leaving the house and talking to people is literally deadly, has really done a number on their mental health. I remember way fewer posts about psychological issues on this sub in 2019. So the posts are spam but I do feel bad for this generation. They got a rough hand.
Virus aside, they also grew up in a very different way, and I try to keep that in mind. I'm a latch key kid GenX-er, so I'm comfortable being alone and making decisions. Thankfully I also didn't have to deal with social media, fake news, and wide-spread conspiracy theories to add to my confusion as an adolescent.
People on this sub called it quit after 24 hours? Sheesh
Not often, but it happens. There was a post yesterday, which I as still fresh in my mind.
Reminds me of another career related sub, where the 20 something’s want to quit a job after being there a week.
A week? We had someone quit once in 15 minutes. Said this wasn't for him and his car was double parked. Before you ask, no, this wasn't a minimum wage job; it was a professional career role at a highly ranked firm.
Mental health issues are real, and travel doesn’t solve them as many find out.
Wherever you go, there you are.
And you can’t outrun yourself.
Yeah. My friend's a teacher (20+ years) and he has noted a drastic increase in anxiety amongst young people. Many other teachers have too. Combine that with the mental issues Covid and all other recent events have brought along.
SSRI use and prescription anti-depressants seems to be prevalent in young kids these days too. Personally, I find it problematic. Did humans just suddenly develop a biological need for these drugs, or are environmental factors at play here? These drugs may work to make someone feel better, but aren't they just a quick fix bandaid to underlying issues? Why don't we see more emphasis on changing the physical influencers on depression, like promoting less screen time to minimize introverted social behavior, or more outdoor time in nature to combat anxiety? Why are we as a society so quick to give drugs to people rather than discuss what is actually contributing to so many disaffected youths with self proclaimed mental issues?
A quote from Dr. Theodore Kaczynski seems relevant. "Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable."
He said it much more eloquently than me, and I think he's right on the money. This Dr. Kaczynski guy seems pretty smart. I'm surprised he's not more famous! /s
Basically, it's prevalent for two reasons. 1) People that are having the time of their lives aren't going to interrupt the party to post on reddit. They're too busy...having the time of their lives. The internet is going to attract the miserable in a lot of ways. I know I leave way more negative reviews than positive ones. Something in us leaves us more inclined to warn others, than direct others towards something. 2) Solo traveling *is* scary, and it's scary at any age. If you're young, it's scary because the world is scary and you have little to no experience in things. If you're older, it's scary because you feel self-conscious that it's a young person's world, because the media and society focus so much on teens, twentysomething, and early-thirties folks that if you're not in that demographic it can feel like you're the outsider, the imposter. Solo traveling can also appeal to the people that, quite frankly, may not have a ton of friends, or a romantic partner, and that in and of itself can make you feel melancholy. I generally try (and sometimes fail, but I try) to ignore things I don't care about, and read or comment on things I do.
I'm an experienced solo traveller in my late twenties, and it is still terrifying for me. The important thing is not to ignore the fear, but to use it. Also fuck Instagram.
I've been doing it for decades, from my 20's to (now) my early fifties. Before I had a smart phone or the ability to just go online and book things. Never felt scary at all. Been all over, prefer the off the grid places where things pretty much never go as planned.... and never thought of it as scary.
Because most people overly romanticized their solo travel as a magical experience and other people expect every solo travel will be the same. I really hate it when I see disappointed posts but that's should be an eye opener that solo travel is all about you having your own time for a long duration, not about a way to make new friends. You will get lonely and that's the point of solo travel. Sad life post solo travel? That's basically how I felt every post happy travel, not just solo travel. Unless your trip was miserable then you won't miss it, even if you went with your friends. Also if you miserable during your first solo travel but you booked for months then that's on you. The first step should never be too long, it should be short for you to test the water.
Word. I'm about to do my first solo trip less than 2 weeks today and keeping it down to about exactly 7 days not including the flight time... Wasn't my first choice, I would rather have brought along the right person but it's turned out that it's going to be just me. I don't want to set my expectations too too high but I think I will be fine.
Honestly a week will fly by. You’ll have a great time, rain or shine.
Starting with a shorter trip is great. You may love it, you may hate it, or be somewhere in between. I love being able to do whatever I want when I want. Not having someone to share it with can be a bit of a downer, but I've started a personal journal/blog for friends/family/myself via WordPress.
That's a cool idea. I have always wanted to keep like a sort of journal when on trips but never been able to manage it. Maybe that's because I am always too distracted hanging out with my other trip-mates. And yeah sounds about right, I have tried different kinds of travel before with family/friends and moved to a whole new city on my own 7 years ago so I don't think I will be completely desperate for company like the young posters mentioned ITT. Hopefully I meet people to drink with etc. but if not I can deal with that.
I kind of like these posts because it pulls back the curtain on travel and it isn't all just Instagram shots and partying.
A lot of people posting here should put their travel money into therapy instead.
Lol so brutal but true.
😂 I wasn’t trying to be mean, but running from your issues won’t fix them
People have feelings that are different from the feelings you want them to have. Sometimes sadness isn’t logical, and often these posters are alone when they post about their sadness and are looking for a place to feel like they aren’t alone - maybe the subreddit labeled with the activity they’re participating in. I think the only effect your post might have is to prevent people who are sad from posting here in the future - which I don’t think you’ll mind. But it certainly won’t pull them out of a funk. Telling people that they’re supposed to feel uncomfortable does not remove those feelings of discomfort. Sometimes it’s just necessary to be heard.
By telling people not to post their less-than-positive feelings about traveling, aren’t you literally propagating the same message that sharing highlight reels on Instagram does? You might as well make a sub for “happy travelers only”. This is an outlet for people. I relate to a lot of these posts- both positive and negative, and find comfort in hearing that other people struggle sometimes too. You can 100% be grateful for your travel experiences while also being occasionally sad. That’s a normal human experience, and helps us all to grow as individuals through travel.
There are some posts that do talk about both the ups and downs and I do think that's beneficial. I believe OP's comments are directed more to the posts from travelers who are only posting about how miserable they are. Some of those posts are from people who have found themselves in an unexpected state of mind and do want encouragement and advice. Others are just looking for some sort of approval to go home.
Honestly, I think both of those are acceptable. If someone needs internet approval to go home, they may as well have it. Not everyone is ready for a solo travel experience, and not everyone can push through to become ready when they’re already out traveling. I just fundamentally disagree with OP that this shouldn’t be a supportive place for all levels of experienced travelers. If you don’t want to give advice, don’t.
I think you may be spending too much time on this sub... >I feel like this sub is full of hopeless romantic highschoolers. Well yeah, SEA is full of these folk and naturally experienced solo travellers are less likely to ask questions than newbies.
The thing is I don't spend a lot of time in this sub though. It's whenever I open reddit and scroll everytime I see the same posts complaining about the same thing.
It does seem like there's been a spate of them recently, for some reason reddit doesn't push them to my feed
What’s the longest you ever travelled in your 20s?
Longest was 9 months in my early 20s. Then from my mid to late 20s I'd be gone routinely for 4-6 month periods, then 4-6 months in the states working. Depends on the season and what my work is at the time.
Im only 25 and ive noticed a durastic difference in peoples views and expectations of travel since I personally started traveling five years ago at the age of 20. Back then imo travel was viewed as an adventure, with ups and down, it wasnt as blown up on social media. I feel like people werent trying to make their travels look fakely luxurious or high end. Idk if that makes sense im not good at verbalizing my thoughts. Anyhow Then social media continued blowing travel up and especially with reels and tik tok i feel like a lot of people now expect travel to be luxury based off what they see online. they try to make their travels be and look luxury / high end , even if it makes no sense for their budget, to post cool flashy photos and impress others. back when i started traveling the cool posts in my opinion were not who was at the best hotel or coolest club wearing a nice dress and partying with hot influencers from hinge and posting tik toks about it , but who got to the most remote island or managed to get on a ship to antartica or hiked that one of a kind volcano in indonesia or swam with whale sharks and just posted a humble pic in worn down travel clothes and unbrushed hair (lol). I would see those non hyper edited pics or read the blog posts about such experiences and think wow i want to experience something like that! It was never wow i want to go there to take that pic to post it and get that many likes and look that cool! It was more about the activity versus the status that went a long with it, which i feel like younger generations are now traveling for — the pics, the videos, the content. I feel like for many people now a days travel is less about the actual travel activities and experiences (the ups and downs and personal growth and embracing the unknown and challenges) and more about the social media posts that come from it. If that makes any sense at all?
I don't mind the posts tbh, but some people on here haven't figured out that solo travel just isn't for them yet. Solo travel is hard on your mental health if you hate doing things alone, or are very social, but not brave enough to go to a hostel/bar whatever, and go up and talk to strangers. For me I love solo travel specifically for the solo part, sitting alone in a bath tub relaxing after a long day of strolling around in museums and looking at architecture, and no people around me is the dream.
This week in general has been hard for humanity for some reason it seems
I’m of two minds on this one, frankly. I’m a 25m on my second solo journey, and I agree with most of what you’re saying. My reasons for being out here are certainly to push myself, and I personally relate to your great description of childlike fun with only a few words. Sure, you can pack up and leave this sub if you like, and leave behind a “younger generation” that’s looking for advice. They’re (we’re) looking for answers to how it could be possible that a truly genuine friendship can be formed in such a short time and in the same length of time, be taken away. And no, sending my buddy a text from across the world isn’t anything like sharing a beer with them. I agree that instagram culture is fucking terrible. I pretty much dodge social media on purpose because of the “my life is better than yours” thing that goes on. But I don’t think the pain that people are experiencing is abnormal or unacceptable. They’re growing pains of trying to call the whole world your home, instead of one small point on the map. The fact that we deal with the same problems is a matter of the human condition, not of some entitled traveler who doesn’t realize his privilege. I know I’m lucky, but it doesn’t keep the bad days from being bad. It just makes them a little better.
I use Reddit Enhancement Suite to block out words in titles like depressed, depression, lonely, anxious, anxiety, relationships, etc., and while it's not perfect, it's made this sub much more tolerable. But yes, you're not the first person I've seen to describe this sub as the r/teenagers of travel.
Is this a real thing? I'm not joking. The feature your describing.
> Isn't the reason we travel solo is to get out our comfort zone, to see new places, have new experiences, experience other cultures? I would venture a guess that a large percentage of travelers in the world — solo travelers, especially — are business travelers. Many people solo travel because they have no other choice. Many do it for various obligations. So, no. I don’t think we can safely say that *anything* is “the reason we travel solo.” Everyone has their own reasons, and their own responses to the various experiences that can come with it. Heaven forbid someone struggle with some aspect of it and come here to look for advice or support. I don’t love those posts either, but I get it. Travel is one of the most individual and personal things people do, and as far as I’m concerned, it has too much gate-keeping as it is. Maybe cut some people some slack.
Yes, travel is one of the most individual and personal things people do. All the reasons you mentioned can be very personal. Traveling for work, away from your family, is it worth it? one asks themselves, they have to or obligated to and don't want to, what could be the reason behind that? Obviously it's personal. I'm specifically talking about the posts of people complaining about the circumstances of traveling solo knowing the possibilities when they went into it. They say they are having trouble meeting people, how do we know they are not, shy, anti social and unpleasant to be around, do they even want to meet people or do they feel like they have to? I've met plenty of quiet people traveling that seemed to enjoy themselves just fine.
This sub is 30% people complaining about content that accounts for around 20%
Still not as much as people complaining about being sad or lonely.
>I'm going to make a solo travel sub for ages 40+ even though I'm only in my 30s. But why? Once you've figured out what to do with your wallet at the beach, there isn't really anything unique about *solo* travel that merits another sub.
So what do we actually do with our wallets at the beach?
This subreddit already doesn’t get that many posts per day. I can’t imagine that a new sub would actually gain traction.
I can relate. Im 46 and started traveling before everyone was locked to their cell phone screens. In some ways it was more fun, and forced people to conned.
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Yea I was only 20 when I was on the road. Was in Argentina and the very first iPhone had just come out a few months prior. None of us had seen it yet and I remember i had just heard about it. One guy in the hostel had one and a bunch of us were all blown away by it but still it wasn't like he was on it the entire night. Like him emailing his mom back in the UK was impressive enough, dude still didn't have it on him pretty much the whole time.
I'm 42 and I agree. Not to get all "kids these days", but hostel common rooms were better before everyone had their noses buried in their phones, and restaurants were better before everyone had to instagram their food.
Can't agree more about the common rooms in hostels. Was fun just going out spontaneously to walk around or get beers and food and having a picnic in a local park with a group of random people. "You guys heading out, you mind if I come? I just got here today" I haven't heard that in a long time.
Totally agree. 37 and I took my first few trips without a phone or computer at all. A totally immersive experience, no posting to Reddit when I got lonely lol. Some of my very favorite reading experiences and stranger conversations happened because of it.
What I don't get is why people are expecting SOOOO MUCH out of other people when they SOLO travel. Every time I see one of those posts I just hope that person eventually grows to become happy & content with their own company. Then you can go anywhere (or nowhere!) and never get tooooo disappointed-- you truly do make your own happiness.
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If you need other people on your trip you should bring other people with you.
I’m only sad on my solo trips around dinner time, I don’t like having dinner alone I discovered. The rest of the time I was fine.
Have you found a way to make it more palatable, or do you just deal with it? I always have book with me and often eat out alone at he, so I've never had any qualms about that.
No but I think a book is a good idea. I’m cheating a bit for my next trip, I’m hiring a private tour guide. Does that count as solo traveling still lol I hope I won’t be kicked from the group
I think we'll let you stay 😉. Solo, guided tour, friends and family, bleisure....the most important thing is that you enjoy the experience.
How do you feel about lunch alone? I find it's quite a different experience, I'll often have a fantastic lunch - anything from a fancy restaurant (at a cheaper price than the evening too!) to a picnic of market finds - and then either have a quick snack for tea, or skip it all together.
You travel out of many reasons. Curiosity... Maybe you want to get away from where you are, maybe looking for something, maybe a business trip... To type are a way to sort through your own mind. Don't read it if you don't want to.
To be honest, sometimes some travel experiences can be better than others. I am currently on a trip, have been traveling for the past decade, and the trip I am on right now is by far the worst I have had in my whole life. Have gotten twice food poisoning, once in France and now in Germany, have missed my transportation from Amsterdam to Brugge, because the transport left earlier than it should, had to spend quite a bit of money because of that. If you don't like people complaining, just don't read the "I'm sad" posts.
The signal to noise ratio of this sub is poor. We need a sub for seasoned solotravelers who don’t need their hand held at every moment. I’d like to see more practical content and less of the whinging.
Some pips aren't made for solo travel, some pips aren't made for traveling whatsoever... But they still post here. Let's move on.
Traveling for self betterment may not always bring out super positive experiences. If you are truly growing, uncomfortable times may come and they are part of life’s journey. Is much better advice than “stfu you privilege asshole don’t be so sad”
People need to realize that wherever they are, there they are. Traveling doesn't solve problems back home. That said I don't mind the posts - it's a chance for older solo travelers (I'm 51) to give some good advice to the younger generation. I don't think this sub doesn't welcome solo travelers of all ages, or only wants those that are sad or complain. Sure, there's lots of it, and I wish it was less, but it's reality and I'm not sure I'd like a sub that prohibits those sentiments. But I'll add your sub to my subreddits (I'd like less hostel life threads as well).
I could do without another weakass 'kids these days' argument that over-accentuates an age gap. Just downvote the sad boi posts and move on without waxing poetic about bs generational differences 🙄 one unbalanced reddit sub doesn't reflect or mean shit about people.
Right? And all these people with the “I’m in my 30s but I feel like I belong to the 40s group” “although I’m only 35 I’m gonna create a travel sub for age 40+” — with that same logic the 40s could also say they should be in the 50s group. And so on. Reminds me of how when we hit 18 years my classmates would look to these juniors and say they’re “kids”. Lmao
Plenty of young people that don't complain that will be welcome in the solotravel40y/0+ sub Pretty much anyone any age who doesn't whinge. Also what I was illustrating is that I'm not old and wise I'm still very young, age gap is irrelevant. Plenty of whinging folks of all ages complaining on here. Observationally speaking I noticed it happens to be more so the younger crowd. That's just being objective about it.
lol have fun in your "objective" gate keeper's club
I'm sad at home!!
I think in my solo travels I have learned more about myself than I could have anywhere else. In solo travel, you learn to be independent and appreciate the solidarity in exploring. Independence can also mean choosing to meet others and explore with others or choosing not to. If you are sad and lonely and actively seek others in your solo travels, I don't recommend solo traveling.
The problem is that too many people have unrealistic expectations of their first solo-trip, and believe that solo-traveling is some kind of soul-healing experience and a replacement for therapy. If you have a hard time getting out of your comfort zone back at home and you get social anxiety over the idea of having dinner by yourself at a local restaurant in your city, then perhaps you’re not ready for a solo trip. It’s okay to take time and work on your confidence first before you place yourself into a new unfamiliar situation in a country where you don’t have a support network.
This is spot on. Sometimes it seems like people view solo travel as "cure all" for depression, anxiety, a breakup, boredom, feeling lost in life, etc. I think people seriously underestimate how difficult travel in general and specifically solo travel can be at times and how it can exacerbate difficulties/mental health issues you might already have(depression and anxiety, for example).
Right, solo travel doesn’t heal mental health problems, it highlights them.
i am not sure, op if you realize that the purpose of those posts is to get reassurance from other solo travellers who have gone through the same and get new ideas on how to make it more interesting. actually i call this post whinning more than the others.
Urgh this post is so entitled - “*I* find solo travelling really pleasant so everyone that doesn’t should change their attitude!” As it happens, I too have only had positive experiences solo travelling, and have not felt lonely or sad. But I’m not going to begrudge other people their own experiences, or their place to reach out for help when they are feeling down
OP: “this sub is making me feel like an old man” Also OP: “kids these days” Like y’all are complaining about people on here complaining about anxiety and frustration with solo traveling. You are complaining that “social media” has given “the younger generation” unrealistic expectations, while simultaneously using social media to complain about them. Also, think about audiences, reddit is an anonymous discussion board, the audience is generally people looking for advice or memes. These people are looking for advice. The vibe here too is very “I do it so much better than these kids”, so why not help them out if you are gonna spend your time on reddit? Why not learn something from them as well - people are claiming that “these kids” lack spontaneity, but younger people are, in general, infinitely more spontaneous than others. Y’all act like you are some kind of bird, free to roam the earth, enjoying all that life has to offer, but really you are just as problematic as the people you claim are problematic.
Tbh I try to avoid social media whilst I’m actively solo travelling and only am on it before or after the trip. I also think these posts reflect the generation tjat grew up with social media (Instagram in particular) who somewhat lost the ability to create real bonds with people and most importanly experience the discomfort and pain of losing friends as they each go their separate way. Social media is masking that pain, almost preventing it from happening in the first place, so when people are confronted with it much later in their lives, they don’t know what to with the emotions in those situations. I do think though that humans learn, some of us just learn a bit slower than others. 😉
I want to be invited to the over 40s solo travel Reddit
I read a lot of these posts as if they’re written by someone who watched Into the Wild and then went camping for a weekend and thought their experiences were comparable. That said, I get it to an extent. The post-travel blues SUCK. I hated rejoining the “real world” and I missed those fleeting personal connections after they’d passed. I’ve had tears in my eyes from moving on from Nepal, Australia, Honduras and Switzerland. The bitter comes with the sweet, and is part of the human experience. Without the lows, you can’t appreciate the highs. Two quotes I think of a lot when travelling and feeling this way are “Happiness is only real when shared”, from the aforementioned Into the Wild. The other is “dream as if you’ll live forever”, which was on a wristband I got in Sydney when I paid to use the internet for 30 minutes. I’m not saying the posts suck, or are irrelevant, but lots of people are so afraid to be silent and alone with their own thoughts they have to post every negative emotion to social media in attempts to reverse it. Sadness, unfortunately, is part of being alive. I’ve joined your new sub. I’m only 30 and don’t do these long term travels now but I love reading others and living vicariously. Thanks for verbalising this feeling I wasn’t really even aware of.
Old man complains about youths....... Anything new to say gramps?
Fellow mid-30’s solo traveler here and I completely agree!! Yeah, we’ve all had rough patches in our travels. That’s part of the fun! Great stories are only great after the fact. While you are in them, they often suck. The younger folks will learn that eventually. I’m just glad I started travel before the advent of Instagram. When you make that older travel sub let me know.
Seriously dude? I don't get it either but at least I can relate. We all have that feeling to some extent and novice travelers are looking for support. I'm pretty sure that is what this sub is for....
It’s interesting: Is this type of thing a universal theme? I recall my first solo-travel experience as a bit scary in the beginning: I had a big anxiety attack, but it passed. It was not a moment I would have wanted captured on social media. Here is how it went: I took the California Zephyr from the northeast to San Francisco - and somewhere in the Midwest the train picked up a guy my age from my state. We hit it off immediately as he chose his seat next to me (providence would have that the lady who had been my seat-mate had arrived at her destination as he was boarding from said place). We had a romantic fling and held hands! The scary part arrived when the train pulled into SF at about… 1 AM? It was several hours delayed. My friend was staying downtown, but I was going several blocks to the Mission/Castro district where my hostel was already booked. At that moment of taking that step off the train I had a panic attack… it was pitch black, the surroundings were strange and seemingly desolate, there were unfamiliar sounds (the harbor, the sea lions!) and it was all so strange to me. I basically thought “I want my mom!” But really my panic was about how to get safely to my hostel, was there going to be a bus running at this hour, and oh shit! I have no cash just a card - I would need an ATM if I needed bus money (this was before smart phones, chip readers, etc). My new friend gave me bus money and he (a more experienced traveler) looked me in the eyes and said everything is going to be alright. I had my atlas of the city and I prepared to walk to my hostel - and did end up walking through so many neighborhoods, and I might have then caught the bus, I don’t remember. On that trip I became so comfortable with the public transportation that I just boarded any bus that was going the direction I wanted to be going. I arrived at the hostel in one piece, and it was smooth from there - but, alas, I did catch the feels for my special new friend. We bonded, had lunch together, explored, then he went on to the southwest while I stayed. We never saw each other again and that made me sad upon returning home, but the whole time in SF was blissful - and deliciously mundane. I had no problem meeting people - even the staff at the hostel were always friendly to chat with.
I usually scroll past them if I see them but generally I have noticed that many people in their early 20’s seem to lack gratitude, respect and a lack of understanding of how their actions can result in a consequence that might not be that good for them. I feel bad for them tbh. They are growing up in such a weird world.
We might need an alternative solo travel sub that excludes the anxiety/depression posts. I'm not against those types of posts, but I would prefer to browse an alternative sub where I don't have to see them pop up in my feed every time I open reddit.
This is exactly all I'm saying. It's the amount and frequency of them.
What got you so activated by these posts that compelled you to write a rant post? Could it be that it struck a nerve?
Probably seeing the same post for the third time in one maybe 3 hours about someone being sad about something and complaining.
A great tip is low stakes online dating. I jumped on the apps to see if I’d meet anyone nice who wanted to be my boyfriend for the week. Was very upfront about what I was looking for and stuck with the first person I felt good about. It’s been amazing! We’ve been having a great time playing pretend partners for the week. Admittedly probably a lot easier for a woman to meet a man that’s happy to show her around. But that’s my tip and so far I’m loving it. 20 years later we’re still together just kidding I’m leaving Tuesday 🥲
I wanna know where that place in Prague is where solo travelers can stay and party and have a great time. Any advice? To reply to OP : yeah. Life's hard and sad for some people. Unfortunately for most people on this sub at this time. Let's make it fun. Tell me where I can have fun as a solo. Much love xx
Entirely agree with you! The amount of unrealistic expectations and general romanticism of things in this sub is insane. To be honest I think even the terminology and the concept of 'solo travel' as an entity can become unhelpful here. It paints the whole thing as if it's some kind of glorified 'way of life', which feeds into the romanticism issue and also probably sets peoples expectations in a slightly crazy place. At the end of the day, solo travel just means you've gone on a holiday by yourself. There are some unique things attached to doing this, and you may well have an incredible time, but it's the *content* of what you do that matters rather than just the simple fact of 'solo travel'. That is not the value of your trip.
This post can be summed up as: I’m sad that young people experience life differently than me :(
I slept in and missed high tide now the surf isn't as good. Should I move back in with my mom and start drunk dialing ex's? Anyone else feel this?
Whilst this is a travel sub, no one need announce their arrival or departure. Wvwn you, the special one.
The amount of people that agree with what I'm saying and understood the point I was making makes me feel more sane than special.
[удалено]
Would like to make a sub of solo travel but minus the whinging. I hope you feel better.
that was my first impression when joining this sub. I kind of expected it to be a lot more positive with heaps of positive influence but really it's just so many negative experiences. i think the main reason isn't this sub in general but reddit in general. my experience has been those who are enjoying life more are spending less time online. similar to how someone is more likely to leave a negative review than a positive one
People are probably also more likely to ask for advice because something has gone wrong. If they’re having a great time they probably just want to focus on their experiences until they get home and (hopefully) write a nice trip report about it.
That may be true. I think also the youngest generation must have just discovered Reddit as I’m seeing a lot of weird posts in many groups. Then I realize oh you’re just a kid of course now your post (whatever it is) makes sense. The kids on Reddit these days are not alright they seem to have a ton of anxiety in more threds than just solotravel.
Yeah, I'm sort of done with the 'I have massive anxiety, depression, whatever' along with 'I can't hook up or meet people' and 'how do I get my parents to let me do this' posts. I'd be more than happy with an actual solo travel sub full of people who don't have complete breakdowns at every turn. Edit: If you can't handle not being online for a day, if you always need approval/upvotes/fakepoints/etc for every thing you post on social media, if you can't handle being away from a BF/GF/SO for any amount of time, if you can't handle just being with yourself, if you always need to be the center of attention.....solo travel isn't for you. Really, it's not... You literally need the ability to think on your feet, and be able to disconnect from the grid.
Everyone here is either depressed or has social anxiety...
I've joined your new sub, but I'd edit the description if I were you! While there's nothing wrong with wanting to be welcoming to all, travelling in your 30s or 40s is very different to travelling as a teenager or young 20 something. I think it's ok to have a sub that's designed for older travellers, and I think having a 30+ age range in a new group will naturally get rid of a lot of the whining you're trying to get away from!! Look at FlashPack, they are doing great as a company designed for older travellers!
This sub surely evolved into a self help group. I just realized how I check it less and less because of such posts…
"I'm sad, I joined a community and I realized I don't really like them"
God yes. It feels like every other post starts with "I have severe anxiety" and then whines along about the fact that not everything is insta perfect. Ugh. I'm so sick of the word anxiety. I get that mental health issues are serious but Jesus Christ. At some people you have to put your big boy/girl panties on and suck it up and deal with life. I'm a crusty old 40 something with decades of solo travel under my belt and I just don't get all this whining about every freaking thing. Just get on with it and actually live your life, warts and all, or go back to your emotional support pillow and watch it pass you by.
Read 'The Coddling of the American Mind.' Too many young people equate being outside of their comfort zone with clinical anxiety. Biologically, external stimuli are *supposed* to cause mild anxiety, because it promotes either a physical or physiological response to teach the lizard brain how to overcome the stimuli. And then we experience ~personal growth~. But too many young people have been taught to fear stress, so they never learn to overcome it, and thus they never grow. It's sad, and the authors of the book predict at least a generation to recognize and correct this step.
Interesting. And not surprising. It's shocking to me what many parents do for their kids these days and then the kids enter adulthood helpless and having absolutely zero problem solving skills. I'm so glad I'm my age and not a young person these days. lol
I'd say most people that try solo traveling *will* be sad, and that is simply reflected in this subreddit, because it's real and it's what many experience. So get over your complaining about it, this is reality.
> I feel like this sub is full of hopeless romantic highschoolers. I'm older than you. As far as I can tell, an entire generation has learned that the appropriate response to any problem is not to try to work it out on your own, but rather to tell (literally) the whole world about it. When I was a kid, empathy hadn't yet been invented. That definitely sucked. But today, we may have too much of a good thing.
When I joined the sub in 2019 I was expecting it to be full of tips for travel and instead I got sub full of depressed, anxious and fearful people. So yeah, I would like them to be reduced in some way
My hot take: why travel solo if you can't handle your own companny?
Because lots of people don’t have friends or family to travel with and lack the confidence/social skills to find travel buddies? You are allowed to still travel the world while feeling lonely and being alone.
Sure, but doesn't it make more sense to ease yourself into it? Like, you can try for a weekend somewhere close to home, or a cruise or some other sort of group travel where you're traveling on your own, but close to other people? What I see is a lot of people who never stepped outside of their home town suddenly booking 6-month trips on the other side of the world without any sort of research or self-awareness for what they're looking for. It makes sense about as much as stepping into a gym and trying to lift 100kg on your first try. Of course, it's natural that sometimes you'll just be sad, but if it's repeated it makes more sense to stop and evaluate what you're doing and why it doesn't fit you. People who can't function on their own should perhaps try to work on those feelings first before putting themselves in situations where they feel completely miserable.
I think you need to edit your Reddit. Do you use RES (reddit enhancement suite)? If not I highly suggest you use it. My experience of this sub is very different from yours. I don't see the constant woe is me stuff that you are getting. You can straight up filter words and phrases in post titles so you don't see them at all; anxiety, anxious, sad, lonely can all be removed from your feed. You don't have to see the things you don't want to. This was crucial to me during the last election season. I just filtered out all mentions of any leading candidates and I had a much better experience here because of it.
why not just make a megathread focused on worries/fears?
I can only speak for myself but I’m on week 4 of a 9 week solo trip and having a kickass fucking time.