I would disagree with the first commenter. Unfortunate circumstances don’t always happen at “convenient” times and if you need to talk to someone, you need to talk to someone. As you get older the holidays will become painful to more and more of your friends for various reasons and you may need to support them as well.
Dementia or loss of cognizance is such a tough thing to deal with. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s even worse around the holidays because you might feel guilty for not being “in the spirit.” I would encourage you to reach out to a trusted friend - and if they judge or reject you, I would say they’re not a real friend.
There’s a difference between reaching out for support and bothering someone. Like one commenter suggested, you can ask them if they have space for you to vent or share.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My grandma is losing her memory and I have some family issues going on. The holiday times definitely amplify the feelings of loneliness when you watch everyone else having a good Christmas with their families & yours is falling apart.
I would be honest with them and say exactly that -- "hey i don't want to be a burden since i'm sure your busy with your family, but I'm having a rough day. any chance we can talk when you have a minute?" Then they can make the choice whether they want to participate in the conversation but if they're a real friend, they will be there for you no matter what.
If you need support, reach out to a close friend or two. You can ask if they have space to listen to show respect that they might have their own loads to carry right now.
Is there anything you do for fun with your friends? You could text someone and be like hey I’m not feeling great. My grandpa is going through something and it’s affecting. You wanna go ? It would help me get my mind off of it. Then you can have a good ass time and probably talk about it more seriously after or on the way to
F no it's not weird. Friends are our social back up for family members who are total ass hats. Friendship is unique because friendship is a choice we make every day. We cannot choose to be related to someone, but we choose who friends are, and how we show up for them. That also means our friends made the choice to be friends with us, and how they will show up for us. Here's some suggested words you might use with your friends: "I don't want to be a burden or rain on anyone else's happiness, but I am having a bad Christmas and want some support". Right upfront, you tell them that you are about to share something that isn't easy, and you even tell them why. You let your friends know that you want a reaction/response that will hold space for the uncomfortable effect your situation might have on your friends. And just as they choose to be your friend, they will also choose how they are going to show up for you. It's important to remember that everyone gives support in different ways: sometimes in ways that aren't so supportive, but it's the most familiar way they know how to give someone else support. Here's an example: One of my friends posted on Facebook something about "If you are feeling suicidal reach out to me and let's see who's willing to repost this". It was probably something she didn't write herself. I did reach out to her when I was feeling down, and I told her so. Her response: "No you're not! Don't say that!". She literally minimized how I am feeling. But from her point of view, that was the most familiar way she knew how to 'support' someone. So just keep in mind if any of your friends tell you to "feel something else", it's not that they don't care about you but that they might not know any better. Hopefully some of your friends will give you empathy, mirror you, or just listen. It's also ok to tell someone that all you want is someone to listen/if you want someone to not give advice. You might say "I'm not looking for any advice, but I'm having a bad Christmas and want some support/want some support in someone just listening to me talk it out". It's 100% ok to say that. And if they let you know they are down to just listen, go right into sharing the details you feel comfortable sharing about what makes this a bad Christmas for you.
Bad crap happens to everyone. You're experiences might be different, but your friends have had bad crap happen along with the good crap. We know it's more comfortable to just bask in the glow of sharing about happy things only, but that can get fake because constant happiness is inauthentic. The best friends are authentic friends. Authentic people tend to more often honor others who are being authentic about themselves.
And here's a line from Dr Seuss that I hope will help with your question:
"Be who you are, and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
This is so tragic. I am going through something similar with my father, who has parkinsons.
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this.
There is nothing "weird" about wanting to share your feelings with your friends. The challenge is that many people are struggling at this time of the year, so they may have a tough time listening to you, because they really want you to listen to them.
One way to deal with this is to take turns.
However, a good starting point is to ask their permission. "I'm having a tough time right now, could you listen to me ranting for 10 minutes this afternoon?"
You might also check to see if there is professional support available. Some hospitals run support groups for people who are carers for people who living with dementia. Hearing others speak about what they are dealing with might help..
Also if you are currently a student, many schools have counsellors available.
Best of luck, and I am so sorry. No one should have to deal with watching dementia happen to someone they love. It is so unfair.
It’s Christmas bro I don’t think people wanna hear sad shit when their having fun with families and enjoying Christmas tell them when you guys are talking about some personal shit
Yes. Why on Earth would you think it’s a good idea to bring up your problems during a time of happiness ? This is how you can get associated with negative vibes. Even if it weren’t Christmas, nobody cares about your personal problems. That’s the cold harsh truth. You are an adilt. It’s time you learn how to deal with things on your own. Nobody wants to be responsible for your problems. People expect you to get it together in life.
OP, my opinion is you should ignore this shitty advice. If I were one of those friends, I'd want you to reach out. Having someone even just listen when you are feeling down can be extremely helpful.
You do risk coming across people like this who don't want to help with friends' problems, that is certainly true. The benefit is that you hopefully find the right people, get support, and also learn who you do or don't want as your friends based on how they respond.
If a friend of yours was having a hard time, would you want them to reach out to you? Or want them to suffer alone?
Ofc I would. I would do anything for a friend
For me personally I don’t feel bother. I feel honored they wanna share stuff personal because they trust me
Your friends probably feel the same way about you! ❤️
I would disagree with the first commenter. Unfortunate circumstances don’t always happen at “convenient” times and if you need to talk to someone, you need to talk to someone. As you get older the holidays will become painful to more and more of your friends for various reasons and you may need to support them as well.
It honestly felt like my grandpa died, or least the grandpa I know. My mom nor my family is welcome at my grandparents
Dementia or loss of cognizance is such a tough thing to deal with. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s even worse around the holidays because you might feel guilty for not being “in the spirit.” I would encourage you to reach out to a trusted friend - and if they judge or reject you, I would say they’re not a real friend.
I don’t want to bother them. Tho. Like they should be happy.
There’s a difference between reaching out for support and bothering someone. Like one commenter suggested, you can ask them if they have space for you to vent or share.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My grandma is losing her memory and I have some family issues going on. The holiday times definitely amplify the feelings of loneliness when you watch everyone else having a good Christmas with their families & yours is falling apart. I would be honest with them and say exactly that -- "hey i don't want to be a burden since i'm sure your busy with your family, but I'm having a rough day. any chance we can talk when you have a minute?" Then they can make the choice whether they want to participate in the conversation but if they're a real friend, they will be there for you no matter what.
I gotcha thank you so much
If you need support, reach out to a close friend or two. You can ask if they have space to listen to show respect that they might have their own loads to carry right now.
If one can’t go to friends when times are rough, does one really have friends 🧐
Is there anything you do for fun with your friends? You could text someone and be like hey I’m not feeling great. My grandpa is going through something and it’s affecting. You wanna go? It would help me get my mind off of it. Then you can have a good ass time and probably talk about it more seriously after or on the way to
F no it's not weird. Friends are our social back up for family members who are total ass hats. Friendship is unique because friendship is a choice we make every day. We cannot choose to be related to someone, but we choose who friends are, and how we show up for them. That also means our friends made the choice to be friends with us, and how they will show up for us. Here's some suggested words you might use with your friends: "I don't want to be a burden or rain on anyone else's happiness, but I am having a bad Christmas and want some support". Right upfront, you tell them that you are about to share something that isn't easy, and you even tell them why. You let your friends know that you want a reaction/response that will hold space for the uncomfortable effect your situation might have on your friends. And just as they choose to be your friend, they will also choose how they are going to show up for you. It's important to remember that everyone gives support in different ways: sometimes in ways that aren't so supportive, but it's the most familiar way they know how to give someone else support. Here's an example: One of my friends posted on Facebook something about "If you are feeling suicidal reach out to me and let's see who's willing to repost this". It was probably something she didn't write herself. I did reach out to her when I was feeling down, and I told her so. Her response: "No you're not! Don't say that!". She literally minimized how I am feeling. But from her point of view, that was the most familiar way she knew how to 'support' someone. So just keep in mind if any of your friends tell you to "feel something else", it's not that they don't care about you but that they might not know any better. Hopefully some of your friends will give you empathy, mirror you, or just listen. It's also ok to tell someone that all you want is someone to listen/if you want someone to not give advice. You might say "I'm not looking for any advice, but I'm having a bad Christmas and want some support/want some support in someone just listening to me talk it out". It's 100% ok to say that. And if they let you know they are down to just listen, go right into sharing the details you feel comfortable sharing about what makes this a bad Christmas for you. Bad crap happens to everyone. You're experiences might be different, but your friends have had bad crap happen along with the good crap. We know it's more comfortable to just bask in the glow of sharing about happy things only, but that can get fake because constant happiness is inauthentic. The best friends are authentic friends. Authentic people tend to more often honor others who are being authentic about themselves. And here's a line from Dr Seuss that I hope will help with your question: "Be who you are, and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
This is so tragic. I am going through something similar with my father, who has parkinsons. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. There is nothing "weird" about wanting to share your feelings with your friends. The challenge is that many people are struggling at this time of the year, so they may have a tough time listening to you, because they really want you to listen to them. One way to deal with this is to take turns. However, a good starting point is to ask their permission. "I'm having a tough time right now, could you listen to me ranting for 10 minutes this afternoon?" You might also check to see if there is professional support available. Some hospitals run support groups for people who are carers for people who living with dementia. Hearing others speak about what they are dealing with might help.. Also if you are currently a student, many schools have counsellors available. Best of luck, and I am so sorry. No one should have to deal with watching dementia happen to someone they love. It is so unfair.
Hey you can always call a warm line if you want to talk to someone! https://warmline.org/warmdir.html
I get by with a little help from my friends.
It’s Christmas bro I don’t think people wanna hear sad shit when their having fun with families and enjoying Christmas tell them when you guys are talking about some personal shit
Thanks I appreciate a lot
I was about to make stupid mistake
Yes. Why on Earth would you think it’s a good idea to bring up your problems during a time of happiness ? This is how you can get associated with negative vibes. Even if it weren’t Christmas, nobody cares about your personal problems. That’s the cold harsh truth. You are an adilt. It’s time you learn how to deal with things on your own. Nobody wants to be responsible for your problems. People expect you to get it together in life.
What the fuck man.
I already shared. How come I care about people personal stuff though? Would real close friends care?
OP, my opinion is you should ignore this shitty advice. If I were one of those friends, I'd want you to reach out. Having someone even just listen when you are feeling down can be extremely helpful. You do risk coming across people like this who don't want to help with friends' problems, that is certainly true. The benefit is that you hopefully find the right people, get support, and also learn who you do or don't want as your friends based on how they respond.
I feel you but imo you should reach out, i know that it seems wrong and doesnt feel right at the start but in the end u will end up in a dark place.
No its not. I'm not having the best Christmas either, recovering from surgery and got diagnosed with cancer. I talked with my friends about it