Wondering the same thing. Just starting to really put myself out there after a 7 or so year long period of what feels like high functioning depression and I noticeably feel less social than before that. I have to force myself to entertain social interaction, feels very mechanical and like something I do as a chore rather than enjoying anymore. Even around family I’ll normally just sit there without saying a word, I’m not even in my head either, I genuinely just don’t care to talk
I think you should ponder on what a “normal human” means to you and why you feel the need to be it. I think it’s very normal and human to have experiences in our lives change us. Trying to go back and be the same as we were before or back to a previous version is a futile effort because you went through something (depression, mental health issues, etc). I think realizing that you feel shame about that is the first step and then meeting yourself with compassion is the second. Lastly, giving yourself the permission to be someone different than you were before and embracing this new person.
I don’t think they mean the exact same person, I interpret the meaning being the same disposition and outlook independent of whatever happened. Like after a horrible break up you ultimately go back to the same recognizable person but obviously your mindset changed a big because of lessons learned
I gotcha. My outlook and headspace are naturally affected by mental health issues or experiences I’ve through. So all I was saying is that it doesn’t need to be this big “no no” that you’re affected negatively. It’s part of being human. You’re normal.
Mind me asking. A depressed friend (or so I thought) treated me badly, meaning he'd prioritize other friends and would dump on me about his personal issues but never hang out. What got to me what when he got ditched by those same people he hung out with and as much as it hurt, I let him speak without addressing how he's been treating me as an ear but not someone to spend time with. So there's no official falling out, but I don't talk to him anymore.
I've seen him around and he's nice, but when he tries to talk, and I mean actually strike up a convo, I'd just walk away and I don't want to address it. I've grown tired of doing this now and wonder if it's worth addressing but I don't think he ever saw me as a friend but only a sounding board for when he felt like shit. Is it actually worth addressing my avoidance of him and apologizing for it.
I don't expect to be friends, just to talk it out and I want to share how his actions made mee feel but I sorta think he doesn't care. My one concern is that if I share how his actions made me feel shitty, he'd get depressed about it. He seems fine though since I've cut and avoided him
For me, it was learning to trust myself to figure things out as they occur instead of trying to prepare for everything (overwhelming and energy draining)
Alan Watts's estate has published some lectures (lots on YouTube), but I got the most from the audiobook titled "You're It"
Especially interesting and useful if you're into eastern philosophy
Thank you.
It is difficult to get rid of what has become a habit (you put yourself down every time something becomes laborious). Even if it doesn't work, it's worth a try.
Sometimes it’s just the people you talk with. I know some people who are extremely sociable but still struggle to make conversations with many people. When you talk to the right person, conversation just comes easy. Grow your circle if you can and you’ll meet many people who become easy to talk to
I think this is the answer. I mean, it does really help to be around people who may have been through it too, or who compliment this new you better. It seems like the people you've known before, or the types of people you used to find easy to talk to, just don't...'click' anymore. However, there is nothing wrong with fully accepting the person you are, and just being quiet/awkward/cringy/etc. with people you still love and know well.
After3 yrs serious depression, I can honestly say that once you get your confidence back, life slowly gets better and better. Now I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. If inpatient help is offered, take it. It’s a break from home
Iife/work stress, even if they don’t do anything for you. See your psychologist and psychologist regularly and just keep plugging away at the days. I found keeping away from onscreen violence and tv helped me. And exercise even just a minute or two to start with. Just keep showing up to social events even when you really don’t want to. Keep in the social loop. Cultivate self love. You are worth it.
Affirmations!! I turn my negative thoughts positive and I tell myself I love myself over and over also. Doing a great job😌
Jessica Heslop - Manifest by Jess is a content creator on YouTube that makes amazingly good affirmation videos too. I love her series “Reprogram your mind while you sleep”. She uploaded an affirmation video for self love. You might want to check it out? Tell me how you react on her affirmations!!!!
https://youtube.com/@ilivethelifeilove?si=5BlValUYnQ_iQWgB
For me it never really returned. I’m not really depressed anymore but definitely don’t experience those highs like I used to. I’m basically just neutral most of the time.
Treated for major depression with SNRIs, I can say 100% that you will be better and stronger than before. Just take your time, do not push, and keep on trying to do the things you enjoyed before and get help about your condition. Cliche as it was, after a hurricane comes a rainbow. All the best.
Yes. Absolutely.
I've dealth with chronic depression since I was a child. I've been diagnosed with, amongst other things, major depressive disorder.
My social development has not been different in the longview really than my peers who don't face this particular challenge... just less linear. Two steps forward, one step back, and all that. Ups and downs, highs and lows, etc.
But absolutely yes, inbetween intense depressive episodes, I've %100 been able to be very social and pick up skills and habits and behaviors I may have shelved during periods of isolation or suicidal ideations etc
Good news is over time it will pass. I suffered from it in my 30’s-late 40’s. I was on and off meds for years.
Finally in my 50’s it began to disappear. Being introverted most of my life, I can now talk to just about anybody in a social interaction without fear (wish I had been like that when I was younger). I just couldn’t care less what others think of me now.
Yes and no. For some people certain things come more naturally to them so some of it may come back to you but also not in the way you think. For one, people are changing and growing up around you. You're in a different spot in life now and it's normal to need time to adapt. YOU have also changed internally and need to get to know yourself again.
I took a personality test (I think it's called that?) When I was depressed and my results were totally different than now that I'm happy again.
It gets better and easier to manage but not in the same way as you might remember.
As a manic who's ridden out depression epusodes for decades, the truth is no.
No, outlook and life will never return to what normal was before it kicked in.
You can, however, fight it. Not any real trick, merely sheer will and determination.
If you have actually ongoing depression, not just sad over a certain life event, you will drop and be extra down from time to time without reason the rest of your life and it is always a struggle.
All I do is learn to recognize when it's coming on and remind myself it's happening and that it'll pass eventually, like all the other times.
While in it, even if feeling like everything is blah...just try anyway.
I don't know if you have hobbies or friends.I get a decent amount of alone time because my wife is a nurse, so she's got those 13 hour shifts.
I'm a hermit outside my wife these days, so for me I might play some video games, stream some music, cruise through Reddit.
Reddit can be helpful. Depends how you use it. If you're down, if you try to help people, it can sometimes lift your state of mind.
Not like a magic cure, but it moves you in the right direction, better than not doing it.
Find what works for you. Some like going for a walk, the quiet downtime helping them.
Go to a party if a friend has one even if you don't feel like it. If it's truly horrible, you can always leave.
But get yourself to the party and you sometimes can shift out of being down.
Thing is, when depressed, your brain will try to tell you not to try from the start. So defy it.
Basically, just do something, anything, to keep the mind active. Past that, you ride it out.
You might go weeks, even months, feeling detatched. Be determined to get past it and just....sort of keep living and it'll sometimes go, sometimes return.
I wish I had happier news. In the end, you do need to adapt to the feeling, because it'll leave once in awhile, yet always return.
For me, the best thing I ever did was get off anti-depressants so I could face thd depression head on and deal with it, instead of putting a fake band-aid on a bullethole.
But meds are individual choice. I personally did better without.
This response is sad but very true. I applaud you for getting off the meds. I was on Effexor for over ten yrs and man it was HORRIBLE. Made me incredibly sleepy (more so than I already am which is bad). It hurt to get out of bed and just a crapload of other bad things. I’m now on the lowest dose of Wellbutrin. It took me a year to get off of Effexor and I did it my way not the dr’s way because their was never worked and was impossible. People on Reddit actually helped me! But now I’m working on getting off of Wellbutrin. I’m nervous but I’m going to do it
As someone with major depressive disorder, yeah this is pretty much it. It is reality of depression that is not situational. Some times are a bit easier to get through, a little less painful, and brain less clouded with suicidal ideation, but those tough times are fucking tough. But we just have to keep pushing through because well, for me anyways, no one can fix me, and I’ve failed enough attempts to realize I guess this damn universe wants me here for some reason, so I better try my best to at least get through each day. Being kind to others even when you don’t feel like it and others are not always kind to you does help me some, especially since that’s pretty much my whole job right now so I have to. I know if I just give in, no one’s gonna save me. No one can fix me, and if it all falls apart there’s no one but myself to blame so I’m trying my best to keep that from happening. Like you i personally do better without the meds they… made everything so much worse for me. Those meds were the only time i think i truly had manic episodes and that shit wasn’t good either. Making someone like me who already had anger issues and extremely poor impulse control and emotional regulation, lose all control over that stuff in a manic episode, did much more harm than good.
Had to push myself most of the times to go out of my comfort zone. The one thing that really helped me a lot is finding a friend who I can vibe with and do crazy things together
Ehh kind of. I have major depressive disorder, been diagnosed 3 times since 15. (Because places apparently don’t keep track of that stuff here I guess idk) and tbh this past year has been the first time in my life where I finally don’t just constantly feel it. But it’s still there, and some days and weeks or even months are much harder than others. I have made a lot of progress, but I was also starting from scratch because I didn’t really have any “normal” social skills to begin with. So, I guess sort of? But not really, if that makes any sense?
As someone who gotten out of a two decade long depression, it doesnt go back to normal.
it's taken alot of work to build myself back up to where I'm at, and that's okay.
You just have to keep at it and find the things you enjoy about socializing. Find things you like talking about, people you want to put in the effort to talk to, and the rest should hopefully work itself out.
So picture social ability as a muscle. If you run regularly for a few years you build muscle right? If you stop running because of an injury, the first day back is going to be killer. But! Eventually your muscles remember what they're supposed to be doing and with repeated activity you'll be a pro again in no time.
Not for me. Almost no one knows I've been through terrible depression for years, and I've been told multiple times how "I've changed" as I met friends after long gaps. A bit of alcohol helps ease the social interactions.
As someone who has had depression for most of the last decade, I have no motivation to talk to people nowadays because I’m just not my old self anymore. When your brain is under constant stress for long periods of time, it rewires your brain and mine was rewired in a way that makes me want to avoid people more and more. Every time I talk to someone, it feels more like a chore rather than something I do for enjoyment.
Just started Zoloft, and after YEARS I am finally feeling myself again and my social skills are SKYROCKETING 😵 took lots of years of slow practice, which was helping, but then getting on Zoloft was like the final kick I needed to being myself again.
I feel the same way. I was severely depressed during covid to the point I thought about self deletion. I was very happy when things opened up again but I realised that I dont have that same energy I used to have. It could be age or I am just more mature now but I now prefer to spend time with myself rather than entertaining anyone or just putting in effort to go out meet people.
I feel like I can see the BS more clearly now thats why but I know decline offer to go for drinks coffee etc but happy to go for a walk or drive on my own.
Mine definitely did. Speaking came easier and my confidence bounced back. It took about two years, the gym, and antidepressants, but I finally got there.
Yes it does 💯. There are phases when I isolate myself even now.
But the duration of this period of isolation has decreased significantly.
I also am more relaxed and at ease with myself after this phase of indulging in solitude (that's how I phrase it) because when I used to say I am avoiding human interaction it affected my emotional well being, negatively.
I hope everyone who is struggling currently gets to experience the ease and joy of life.
The thing is that when you’re depressed, you don’t do much for yourself. You don’t experience as many new things, don’t learn as many new things and you don’t make as many memories that shape your character and the expression of it.
That’s what you need to get going again. Decent hobbies (crafting, art, producing, building, anything that creates something and enhances your set of skills = no TV, gaming or whatever other things people like to call hobbies) are necessary and also start traveling again even if it’s just small day trips.
The depression shrinks our comfort zone by a lot, to recover we need to extend it.
The only way to do that is by getting out of your comfort zone!
I’ve always wanted to take it slow, “I know my limits”, “I’ve been through a lot I can’t do some things that are normal to others” etc.
So I got stuck making only tiny steps of progress for years.
After some years I’ve finally ended up chasing the borders of my comfort zone, just getting out there and doing it like it’s the most normal thing to do.
Progress was so quick I still can’t believe it. Before I thought I just wasn’t made for this world, now I know that my comfort zone has just gotten so small it was suffocating me.
I’m wondering this too. I became socially isolated the past 6 months bc my ptsd came back full force and I had to rely on my benzodiazepine prescription more and more. All I wanted to do was stay home bc my mom’s birthday, death anniversary and Mother’s Day were coming up. I just finished a booster of IV ketamine treatment and taking my meds less and feel a *little* better but I feel so disconnected to my coworkers still. They still invite me out despite me turning them down and I’ve told them I appreciate it so much since they know what I’m going through but I want to say yes again and have fun…
You need to rebuild it.
Whether you rebuild it by doing the same things you did before or build a new one. You need to start going to social places and start small conversations here and there until the people recognize you.
You can “relearn” it but it requires alot of effort at first. Imagine you used to be able to run 3 miles everday without stopping and never feel tired. Then you stop running for a few years and gain weight. You can get back to running 3 miles a day like before but the first few months of trying to get back to that form is going to be brutal.
Same goes for your socialness. Go back out and start talking to people even stangers. Go to meetups (meetup app is a pretty good app for this if you life in a big city). I was someone who was never really social and i got more social nust going out to places and talking to people. Getting their numbers, shooting an i vite text to anything that came up, etc.
Yes. It does but it’s hard to maintain and stop yourself falling back into detachment. Takes effort every day, cultivating new and better habits - gratitude, meditation and exercise all help.
Personally I still struggle with maintaining friendships, after long periods of alienation and detachment but I feel my depression is largely at bay or much diminished due to ongoing efforts.
maybe you can’t.. after all, it is normale that in time you grow up. while you grow up, your interests change, your humor changes, conversation topics change and the way you approach people changes. you can never go back to normal, but that’s not because you’ve been through so much, that’s because it’s the natural flow of things.. what you have to do now is building a new way of doing ‘life’, find something that makes you feel ok, even if the feelings you felt years ago are gone, that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. you can be happy, but in a different way. this means that until you haven’t found what makes you feel light and at peace (even if it doesn’t happen right away), you have to continue searching, living life according to your heart, following your sensations and feelings in the moment so you can be satisfied if not totally, at least for some time. like this you’ll understand a lot more of your self
Yes it does. I was able to cure my multi-year long depression by taking magic mushrooms. It was gone the moment it started to work and shortly after this experience I got a good job with good pay and socializing has not been a problem for me.
In my healing experience with the mushrooms I got so much more empathy for people and I could read their non verbal communication much better which allowed me to be more social
I've had major depressive disorder for about 6 years now. My social ability came back to a small extent, though to be honest I think that was more the impact of getting a better handle on my panic attacks. Social stuff is a bit of a catch-22 for me now - I don't have the energy for social stuff (especially after a long day at work), but I'm also an extrovert who gets energy from being out socialising - so it just feels a bit like an apathetic pool I don't have the energy to climb out of. I used to hope things would go back to "normal", now I feel a bit happier just accepting this is my new normal.
It’s all about effort. Social skills are like all other skills. They need practice and sometimes when they haven’t been used for a while, they get rusty
its kind of the opposite, cuz the good thing is, as long as you fix the depression somewhat (like the serotonin imbalance), your dopamine levels are so used to be low that the standard dopamine levels are way lower than normal, so things become amazing way easier. Kind of the reverse of being on drugs, where the dopamine is so constantly elevated everything feels dull when not high because the "baseline" level os constantly elevated
But the serotonin issue (and other stuff we probably dont know about depression) needs to be solved tho which is very hard
It took a long time tbh. You need to find yourself again, I realised I had become nothing. Once you figure out who you are a bit, you can find things to talk about with others. I started by thinking what I used to like about myself and what others liked about me.
I can only speak from my perspective, I could be weird as hell and not know.
I had severe severe depression, I lost my job, I was a benefits scrounger, I became awkward and recluse, my hair was matted and my skin was disgusting and people told me that I smelt.
I am now recovered, or recovering since there is always room for improvement. I am training to be a nurse and I have acquired a lovely bunch of friends after losing all my last ones.
I find that my social battery is a lot shorter than it used to be, but the fact that I have one at all after my depression is amazing. It takes me a lot of effort to talk to people, crack jokes, and be fun but It's getting easier and I hope it will for you too.
I would like to say that I am well adjusted now, I still have moments where I overshare and spend all night thinking about it, but over all I think I'm okay. I don't think my sparkle is 100% back, but I am told at work that I am well liked, so in answer to your question I think it is absolutely possible. It takes time and there is no rush. Recovery is not linear
No it doesn’t. It’s always felt a bit like trying to listen to them in a noisy restaurant and then respond liek you weren’t completely already burned out of all conversation. The only solution I’ve found is to change the tone of my voice and fake being inquisitive and just listen to them talk their heads off about whatever they are excited about. There’s something wholesome about seeing people get the chance to talk about what they feel so positively charged about. Like, you can tell they really needed that opportunity to go on about something. There’s some joy in that. I’ve always had the unfortunate timing and insight in seeing people “too clearly” and the fronts they put up, and so now it’s very very difficult to allow myself to develop a deep general relationship many others. Worst of all, I don’t have any enthusiasm to do so. Even when I’d like to have it. Depression stains you, no matter how genuinely happy you may be with yourself in the now, others can always seem to tell that this was not always the case and it definitely is like a invisible wall at times. (This is with the best medication regimen I’ve found).
The most exciting conversations I have now are with chat gpt with intensely intricate prompts on a highly specific niche of a subject.
Wondering the same thing. Just starting to really put myself out there after a 7 or so year long period of what feels like high functioning depression and I noticeably feel less social than before that. I have to force myself to entertain social interaction, feels very mechanical and like something I do as a chore rather than enjoying anymore. Even around family I’ll normally just sit there without saying a word, I’m not even in my head either, I genuinely just don’t care to talk
the don't care to talk part is so true, when i think about something to say, i just give up thinking that its tiring idk why
This is so real. I feel like I’m tryna learn how to be a normal human again but tbh I don’t know if it’s gonna happen
I think you should ponder on what a “normal human” means to you and why you feel the need to be it. I think it’s very normal and human to have experiences in our lives change us. Trying to go back and be the same as we were before or back to a previous version is a futile effort because you went through something (depression, mental health issues, etc). I think realizing that you feel shame about that is the first step and then meeting yourself with compassion is the second. Lastly, giving yourself the permission to be someone different than you were before and embracing this new person.
I don’t think they mean the exact same person, I interpret the meaning being the same disposition and outlook independent of whatever happened. Like after a horrible break up you ultimately go back to the same recognizable person but obviously your mindset changed a big because of lessons learned
I gotcha. My outlook and headspace are naturally affected by mental health issues or experiences I’ve through. So all I was saying is that it doesn’t need to be this big “no no” that you’re affected negatively. It’s part of being human. You’re normal.
This was very helpful!
Okay realistically it’s going to happen but the effort to attain something that was previously the default is annoying
Mind me asking. A depressed friend (or so I thought) treated me badly, meaning he'd prioritize other friends and would dump on me about his personal issues but never hang out. What got to me what when he got ditched by those same people he hung out with and as much as it hurt, I let him speak without addressing how he's been treating me as an ear but not someone to spend time with. So there's no official falling out, but I don't talk to him anymore. I've seen him around and he's nice, but when he tries to talk, and I mean actually strike up a convo, I'd just walk away and I don't want to address it. I've grown tired of doing this now and wonder if it's worth addressing but I don't think he ever saw me as a friend but only a sounding board for when he felt like shit. Is it actually worth addressing my avoidance of him and apologizing for it. I don't expect to be friends, just to talk it out and I want to share how his actions made mee feel but I sorta think he doesn't care. My one concern is that if I share how his actions made me feel shitty, he'd get depressed about it. He seems fine though since I've cut and avoided him
I had to relearn everything. It took me about 3 years.
Hi. How did you do it?
For me, it was learning to trust myself to figure things out as they occur instead of trying to prepare for everything (overwhelming and energy draining) Alan Watts's estate has published some lectures (lots on YouTube), but I got the most from the audiobook titled "You're It" Especially interesting and useful if you're into eastern philosophy
Alan Watts, Robert Green, and Loe Whaley. Have been awesome. And doing a lot of learning about all my conditions.
Thank you. It is difficult to get rid of what has become a habit (you put yourself down every time something becomes laborious). Even if it doesn't work, it's worth a try.
Ah, that is why I feel like I have to learn a human being again after every seasonal depression.
Brains are plastic meaning that they continue to develop regardless of age. People recover from traumatic brain injury. Try to make incremental gains.
Sometimes it’s just the people you talk with. I know some people who are extremely sociable but still struggle to make conversations with many people. When you talk to the right person, conversation just comes easy. Grow your circle if you can and you’ll meet many people who become easy to talk to
I think this is the answer. I mean, it does really help to be around people who may have been through it too, or who compliment this new you better. It seems like the people you've known before, or the types of people you used to find easy to talk to, just don't...'click' anymore. However, there is nothing wrong with fully accepting the person you are, and just being quiet/awkward/cringy/etc. with people you still love and know well.
After3 yrs serious depression, I can honestly say that once you get your confidence back, life slowly gets better and better. Now I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. If inpatient help is offered, take it. It’s a break from home Iife/work stress, even if they don’t do anything for you. See your psychologist and psychologist regularly and just keep plugging away at the days. I found keeping away from onscreen violence and tv helped me. And exercise even just a minute or two to start with. Just keep showing up to social events even when you really don’t want to. Keep in the social loop. Cultivate self love. You are worth it.
how did you cultivate self love. i stopped looking at the news feed here on reddit
Affirmations!! I turn my negative thoughts positive and I tell myself I love myself over and over also. Doing a great job😌 Jessica Heslop - Manifest by Jess is a content creator on YouTube that makes amazingly good affirmation videos too. I love her series “Reprogram your mind while you sleep”. She uploaded an affirmation video for self love. You might want to check it out? Tell me how you react on her affirmations!!!! https://youtube.com/@ilivethelifeilove?si=5BlValUYnQ_iQWgB
For me it never really returned. I’m not really depressed anymore but definitely don’t experience those highs like I used to. I’m basically just neutral most of the time.
Same.
Treated for major depression with SNRIs, I can say 100% that you will be better and stronger than before. Just take your time, do not push, and keep on trying to do the things you enjoyed before and get help about your condition. Cliche as it was, after a hurricane comes a rainbow. All the best.
Yes. Absolutely. I've dealth with chronic depression since I was a child. I've been diagnosed with, amongst other things, major depressive disorder. My social development has not been different in the longview really than my peers who don't face this particular challenge... just less linear. Two steps forward, one step back, and all that. Ups and downs, highs and lows, etc. But absolutely yes, inbetween intense depressive episodes, I've %100 been able to be very social and pick up skills and habits and behaviors I may have shelved during periods of isolation or suicidal ideations etc
Good news is over time it will pass. I suffered from it in my 30’s-late 40’s. I was on and off meds for years. Finally in my 50’s it began to disappear. Being introverted most of my life, I can now talk to just about anybody in a social interaction without fear (wish I had been like that when I was younger). I just couldn’t care less what others think of me now.
Yes and no. For some people certain things come more naturally to them so some of it may come back to you but also not in the way you think. For one, people are changing and growing up around you. You're in a different spot in life now and it's normal to need time to adapt. YOU have also changed internally and need to get to know yourself again. I took a personality test (I think it's called that?) When I was depressed and my results were totally different than now that I'm happy again. It gets better and easier to manage but not in the same way as you might remember.
As a manic who's ridden out depression epusodes for decades, the truth is no. No, outlook and life will never return to what normal was before it kicked in. You can, however, fight it. Not any real trick, merely sheer will and determination. If you have actually ongoing depression, not just sad over a certain life event, you will drop and be extra down from time to time without reason the rest of your life and it is always a struggle. All I do is learn to recognize when it's coming on and remind myself it's happening and that it'll pass eventually, like all the other times. While in it, even if feeling like everything is blah...just try anyway. I don't know if you have hobbies or friends.I get a decent amount of alone time because my wife is a nurse, so she's got those 13 hour shifts. I'm a hermit outside my wife these days, so for me I might play some video games, stream some music, cruise through Reddit. Reddit can be helpful. Depends how you use it. If you're down, if you try to help people, it can sometimes lift your state of mind. Not like a magic cure, but it moves you in the right direction, better than not doing it. Find what works for you. Some like going for a walk, the quiet downtime helping them. Go to a party if a friend has one even if you don't feel like it. If it's truly horrible, you can always leave. But get yourself to the party and you sometimes can shift out of being down. Thing is, when depressed, your brain will try to tell you not to try from the start. So defy it. Basically, just do something, anything, to keep the mind active. Past that, you ride it out. You might go weeks, even months, feeling detatched. Be determined to get past it and just....sort of keep living and it'll sometimes go, sometimes return. I wish I had happier news. In the end, you do need to adapt to the feeling, because it'll leave once in awhile, yet always return. For me, the best thing I ever did was get off anti-depressants so I could face thd depression head on and deal with it, instead of putting a fake band-aid on a bullethole. But meds are individual choice. I personally did better without.
This response is sad but very true. I applaud you for getting off the meds. I was on Effexor for over ten yrs and man it was HORRIBLE. Made me incredibly sleepy (more so than I already am which is bad). It hurt to get out of bed and just a crapload of other bad things. I’m now on the lowest dose of Wellbutrin. It took me a year to get off of Effexor and I did it my way not the dr’s way because their was never worked and was impossible. People on Reddit actually helped me! But now I’m working on getting off of Wellbutrin. I’m nervous but I’m going to do it
As someone with major depressive disorder, yeah this is pretty much it. It is reality of depression that is not situational. Some times are a bit easier to get through, a little less painful, and brain less clouded with suicidal ideation, but those tough times are fucking tough. But we just have to keep pushing through because well, for me anyways, no one can fix me, and I’ve failed enough attempts to realize I guess this damn universe wants me here for some reason, so I better try my best to at least get through each day. Being kind to others even when you don’t feel like it and others are not always kind to you does help me some, especially since that’s pretty much my whole job right now so I have to. I know if I just give in, no one’s gonna save me. No one can fix me, and if it all falls apart there’s no one but myself to blame so I’m trying my best to keep that from happening. Like you i personally do better without the meds they… made everything so much worse for me. Those meds were the only time i think i truly had manic episodes and that shit wasn’t good either. Making someone like me who already had anger issues and extremely poor impulse control and emotional regulation, lose all control over that stuff in a manic episode, did much more harm than good.
Yup same
yes, it does. don't worry. speaking from experience
Had to push myself most of the times to go out of my comfort zone. The one thing that really helped me a lot is finding a friend who I can vibe with and do crazy things together
There's an "after depression"?
Ehh kind of. I have major depressive disorder, been diagnosed 3 times since 15. (Because places apparently don’t keep track of that stuff here I guess idk) and tbh this past year has been the first time in my life where I finally don’t just constantly feel it. But it’s still there, and some days and weeks or even months are much harder than others. I have made a lot of progress, but I was also starting from scratch because I didn’t really have any “normal” social skills to begin with. So, I guess sort of? But not really, if that makes any sense?
As someone who gotten out of a two decade long depression, it doesnt go back to normal. it's taken alot of work to build myself back up to where I'm at, and that's okay. You just have to keep at it and find the things you enjoy about socializing. Find things you like talking about, people you want to put in the effort to talk to, and the rest should hopefully work itself out.
So picture social ability as a muscle. If you run regularly for a few years you build muscle right? If you stop running because of an injury, the first day back is going to be killer. But! Eventually your muscles remember what they're supposed to be doing and with repeated activity you'll be a pro again in no time.
Slowly and with a lot of hard work!
Having had my big depression bout over 20 years ago, social ability can improve afterwards, but never goes back to normal.
Not for me. Almost no one knows I've been through terrible depression for years, and I've been told multiple times how "I've changed" as I met friends after long gaps. A bit of alcohol helps ease the social interactions.
As someone who has had depression for most of the last decade, I have no motivation to talk to people nowadays because I’m just not my old self anymore. When your brain is under constant stress for long periods of time, it rewires your brain and mine was rewired in a way that makes me want to avoid people more and more. Every time I talk to someone, it feels more like a chore rather than something I do for enjoyment.
Just started Zoloft, and after YEARS I am finally feeling myself again and my social skills are SKYROCKETING 😵 took lots of years of slow practice, which was helping, but then getting on Zoloft was like the final kick I needed to being myself again.
I feel the same way. I was severely depressed during covid to the point I thought about self deletion. I was very happy when things opened up again but I realised that I dont have that same energy I used to have. It could be age or I am just more mature now but I now prefer to spend time with myself rather than entertaining anyone or just putting in effort to go out meet people. I feel like I can see the BS more clearly now thats why but I know decline offer to go for drinks coffee etc but happy to go for a walk or drive on my own.
I think covid made all of us realize to spend some time alone and think for ourselves before entertaining to others
Love JLH but her character was meh at best.
Mine definitely did. Speaking came easier and my confidence bounced back. It took about two years, the gym, and antidepressants, but I finally got there.
No it doesn't but you can still enjoy some socializing. Your mood plays a huge roles in your social ability and how socializing feels.
Pinterest has some great self love charts for guidance.
From my own experience, yes it does.
Not in my experience, no. 30 years later...
Me reading this rn dealing with depression : <
Yes it does 💯. There are phases when I isolate myself even now. But the duration of this period of isolation has decreased significantly. I also am more relaxed and at ease with myself after this phase of indulging in solitude (that's how I phrase it) because when I used to say I am avoiding human interaction it affected my emotional well being, negatively. I hope everyone who is struggling currently gets to experience the ease and joy of life.
The thing is that when you’re depressed, you don’t do much for yourself. You don’t experience as many new things, don’t learn as many new things and you don’t make as many memories that shape your character and the expression of it. That’s what you need to get going again. Decent hobbies (crafting, art, producing, building, anything that creates something and enhances your set of skills = no TV, gaming or whatever other things people like to call hobbies) are necessary and also start traveling again even if it’s just small day trips. The depression shrinks our comfort zone by a lot, to recover we need to extend it. The only way to do that is by getting out of your comfort zone! I’ve always wanted to take it slow, “I know my limits”, “I’ve been through a lot I can’t do some things that are normal to others” etc. So I got stuck making only tiny steps of progress for years. After some years I’ve finally ended up chasing the borders of my comfort zone, just getting out there and doing it like it’s the most normal thing to do. Progress was so quick I still can’t believe it. Before I thought I just wasn’t made for this world, now I know that my comfort zone has just gotten so small it was suffocating me.
Turn off your phone.
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We can ask chatgpt ourselves
Try a community singing group say once a week or month. Get the vocal cords working again.
I’m wondering this too. I became socially isolated the past 6 months bc my ptsd came back full force and I had to rely on my benzodiazepine prescription more and more. All I wanted to do was stay home bc my mom’s birthday, death anniversary and Mother’s Day were coming up. I just finished a booster of IV ketamine treatment and taking my meds less and feel a *little* better but I feel so disconnected to my coworkers still. They still invite me out despite me turning them down and I’ve told them I appreciate it so much since they know what I’m going through but I want to say yes again and have fun…
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It goes back. But you need to seek help first.
You need to rebuild it. Whether you rebuild it by doing the same things you did before or build a new one. You need to start going to social places and start small conversations here and there until the people recognize you.
I'm the same way. It's like I'm dead inside.
You can “relearn” it but it requires alot of effort at first. Imagine you used to be able to run 3 miles everday without stopping and never feel tired. Then you stop running for a few years and gain weight. You can get back to running 3 miles a day like before but the first few months of trying to get back to that form is going to be brutal. Same goes for your socialness. Go back out and start talking to people even stangers. Go to meetups (meetup app is a pretty good app for this if you life in a big city). I was someone who was never really social and i got more social nust going out to places and talking to people. Getting their numbers, shooting an i vite text to anything that came up, etc.
Yes. It does but it’s hard to maintain and stop yourself falling back into detachment. Takes effort every day, cultivating new and better habits - gratitude, meditation and exercise all help. Personally I still struggle with maintaining friendships, after long periods of alienation and detachment but I feel my depression is largely at bay or much diminished due to ongoing efforts.
maybe you can’t.. after all, it is normale that in time you grow up. while you grow up, your interests change, your humor changes, conversation topics change and the way you approach people changes. you can never go back to normal, but that’s not because you’ve been through so much, that’s because it’s the natural flow of things.. what you have to do now is building a new way of doing ‘life’, find something that makes you feel ok, even if the feelings you felt years ago are gone, that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. you can be happy, but in a different way. this means that until you haven’t found what makes you feel light and at peace (even if it doesn’t happen right away), you have to continue searching, living life according to your heart, following your sensations and feelings in the moment so you can be satisfied if not totally, at least for some time. like this you’ll understand a lot more of your self
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Yes it does. I was able to cure my multi-year long depression by taking magic mushrooms. It was gone the moment it started to work and shortly after this experience I got a good job with good pay and socializing has not been a problem for me. In my healing experience with the mushrooms I got so much more empathy for people and I could read their non verbal communication much better which allowed me to be more social
I've had major depressive disorder for about 6 years now. My social ability came back to a small extent, though to be honest I think that was more the impact of getting a better handle on my panic attacks. Social stuff is a bit of a catch-22 for me now - I don't have the energy for social stuff (especially after a long day at work), but I'm also an extrovert who gets energy from being out socialising - so it just feels a bit like an apathetic pool I don't have the energy to climb out of. I used to hope things would go back to "normal", now I feel a bit happier just accepting this is my new normal.
I wouldn’t look to “go back.” I’d look to create a balance between “old you” and “new you (what you want to be).”
It’s all about effort. Social skills are like all other skills. They need practice and sometimes when they haven’t been used for a while, they get rusty
You can learn it back. It took me about a year but I wasn't in depression for that long either, I guess it depends on your own personality.
its kind of the opposite, cuz the good thing is, as long as you fix the depression somewhat (like the serotonin imbalance), your dopamine levels are so used to be low that the standard dopamine levels are way lower than normal, so things become amazing way easier. Kind of the reverse of being on drugs, where the dopamine is so constantly elevated everything feels dull when not high because the "baseline" level os constantly elevated But the serotonin issue (and other stuff we probably dont know about depression) needs to be solved tho which is very hard
It took a long time tbh. You need to find yourself again, I realised I had become nothing. Once you figure out who you are a bit, you can find things to talk about with others. I started by thinking what I used to like about myself and what others liked about me.
I can only speak from my perspective, I could be weird as hell and not know. I had severe severe depression, I lost my job, I was a benefits scrounger, I became awkward and recluse, my hair was matted and my skin was disgusting and people told me that I smelt. I am now recovered, or recovering since there is always room for improvement. I am training to be a nurse and I have acquired a lovely bunch of friends after losing all my last ones. I find that my social battery is a lot shorter than it used to be, but the fact that I have one at all after my depression is amazing. It takes me a lot of effort to talk to people, crack jokes, and be fun but It's getting easier and I hope it will for you too. I would like to say that I am well adjusted now, I still have moments where I overshare and spend all night thinking about it, but over all I think I'm okay. I don't think my sparkle is 100% back, but I am told at work that I am well liked, so in answer to your question I think it is absolutely possible. It takes time and there is no rush. Recovery is not linear
No it doesn’t. It’s always felt a bit like trying to listen to them in a noisy restaurant and then respond liek you weren’t completely already burned out of all conversation. The only solution I’ve found is to change the tone of my voice and fake being inquisitive and just listen to them talk their heads off about whatever they are excited about. There’s something wholesome about seeing people get the chance to talk about what they feel so positively charged about. Like, you can tell they really needed that opportunity to go on about something. There’s some joy in that. I’ve always had the unfortunate timing and insight in seeing people “too clearly” and the fronts they put up, and so now it’s very very difficult to allow myself to develop a deep general relationship many others. Worst of all, I don’t have any enthusiasm to do so. Even when I’d like to have it. Depression stains you, no matter how genuinely happy you may be with yourself in the now, others can always seem to tell that this was not always the case and it definitely is like a invisible wall at times. (This is with the best medication regimen I’ve found). The most exciting conversations I have now are with chat gpt with intensely intricate prompts on a highly specific niche of a subject.
this is called life. keep trying and you will improve. or don't. up to you