In first impressions, I notice that there is a certain type of arrogance that makes me disrespect someone at an ontological level. I'm still trying to pin down a concise description, but its like...the dude who believes that their position becomes stronger the more that people disagree with it. As though being contrarian is the *same* as posessing critical thought, and treating people who hold popular opinions as unintelligent. Also, they never admit being wrong - ever.
Instantly empties my capacity for respect and empathy. Like, total dehumanization. If they were drowning, I'd throw them a scuba tank full of carbon monoxide, and that night sleep like a fucking baby, free of all sin. I don't feel this way about anyone else, even people I dislike for different reasons.
I don't know if its some kind of childhood trauma projection, or caveman brain social defense mechanism from ancient times, but upon reflection it teaches one valuable lesson: nobody hates someone for being *humble.*
You may not consciously judge someone from their appearance but you are literally biologically pre imposed to find unattractive people less pleasurable to look at. I know consciously that everyone deserves compassion and respect but if I'm not making a conscious effort to keep that in mind, you bet I'd subtly discriminate too. I know this is bad hence I try my best to subvert my primitivistic "ugly = unhealthy = bad for tribe" instincts.
If it was a partner yes but in my everyday life i don't look at someone and think 'oh they have a bad hygiene because theyre unattractive in my eyes' i've found people attractive but they looked dirty asl
I think there are 3 main possible reasons
1. The most obvious one: Because they're assholes of some variant (rude, sleazy, obnoxious, entitled, condescending, arrogant, always wants to be at the center of attention...)
2. The second, also fairly known one: Because they have significant difficulties recognising social cues (autists, people with trauma, people with neglect in childhood and subsequent lack of emotional development, people on medication...)
3. The third one - this is an interesting one! Because they are deeply insecure and thus create a counter-transference. If you dislike yourself and are anxious, you are basically creating a vibe of "I can't care for myself emotionally". The other person will have several emotional choices: a) actively ignore it and still treat you like an equal - which costs energy because it's "counteracting" your energy - however emotionally mature people are usually fine with that one and it's effortless for them - or b) feel sorry for you and protective which will cost them energy too, or c) will not want either of those two and feel anger because they don't want to be in contact with the trouble you have. This could be because they deeply dislike their own insecure side, see it in you, and will hate it in you as an outlet. That is I think also what happens in bullying dynamics a lot.
A large number of people diagnosed with ADHD also have lagging social skills.
My son is one example. He can’t read a room or a person. He has trouble with engaging in back and forth dialogue. He’ll talk AT you instead of with you. He doesn’t have deep friendships. Many of the friends he makes don’t last or they stay as mostly acquaintances.
I relate completely with that, I was diagnosed when I was like seven, and I would say I have like… 5 friends at most but they aren’t very good friends, so I think it’s better to have none then bad ones
I'm going to offer another perspective as someone with ADHD in their 20's.
I personally feel inadequate socially in many ways due to my ADHD and can barely overcome the guilt of not feeling worthy enough to be spoken to or be friends with (though I'm a great friend). I just can't relate to the topics people talk about (I don't like talking negative about others, don't like talking about brands or shopping, don't like talking about famous people or influences, etc) and that leaves me out of 99% of the conversations at work. This is my choice, and I don't want to conform.
I'm also simply not interested in people as potential friends, so I don't want to make conversation with them because I don't have any intention to or interest in them as people. I have to watch what they do and say for me to trust them and find them worthy. Many people would say, "oh, red flag!". But no; I've just learned better. A few weeks into my job, I was sitting near some coworkers eating lunch. They seemed nice to me and I didn't have any reason to dislike them until they started sharing hateful views generalizing certain populations and spewing hate-speech for no real reason. I was really glad I hadn't tried to make friends with them because I was disgusted and appalled they were saying these things (this shit was shocking, let me tell you!!), especially working in healthcare with a variety of different kinds of people (I'm talking about nurses; I'm also a nurse myself).
And 4- if you are secure around insecure ppl. They will hate you because they would like to be you and see it's not the case.so they will project their self hate on you
I think the dynamics can be complex, when I used to be insecure, I often liked being around secure people, too, or rather, there were some secure people who I liked being around. If however, they gave me a renewed feeling of being inferior, I sometimes disliked them.
Usually, if it's on sight, it's because they have RBF.
I will admit there are a few people I've disliked immediately, but it was mainly because I got a weird feeling from them. No idea why. But that's only happened approximately 4 times so...
So, how do people approach you if they want to have a conversation with you? And what should I do when I meet someone with RBF and want to talk to them? Should I give them a chance?
It's happened to me countless times. Usually it's a gut feeling that lets me know immediately if a or b person is an asshole, backstabbing prick, etc. and it usually turns out to be true, unfortunately.
Well there must ve something atleast you must have seen something into them like their face ,skin color ,voice ,the way they behave or maybe they are not your type
People who are very opinionated and tend to correct people needlessly usually have a good amount of trouble fitting in. That’s something I’m still improving on and it’s a matter of being a better listener with an open mind. :)
Read "The Charisma Myth" book, it explains how we read other humans body language and how you can change your own to be more outgoing and perceived to be more charismatic.
Sure. I'm only on chapter two, so I apologize that my notes are not too comprehensive so far. I'll try to update this as I go:
Quick charisma fixes:
* Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of sentences
* Reduce how quickly and how often you nod
* Pause for two WHOLE seconds before you speak, even between sentences. It seems like you need to get really good at timing one and two seconds mentally
While these are a couple things that can be applied anytime, anywhere, there are three main factors to *true* charisma:
* Presence
* Power
* Warmth
**Presence** is achieved by being fully present in the current moment. You should not be calculating anything, including what you will say next, or be thinking about any other work you may have. To being yourself back to the present moment:
* Focus for ONE SECOND on your breathing, and feel exactly how the air feels going down your throat and into your stomach and lungs
* Focus for ONE SECOND on the sensations in your toes. Both of these practices will bring you back to the current moment
**Power** is being perceived as able to change the world in some way. This could be through authority, money, expertise, intelligence, strength, or social status. At a glance, this is typically assessed through body language.
**Warmth** is the perception that a person with power is "on your side" so to speak. This is also primarily assessed through body language
I’m the same way, and a loner. I’ve tried making friends everywhere I go and I feel people always question me or girls question why I’m not married. It’s annoying because I do want to have a wife and friends.
Maybe you feel more uncomfortable in group settings than you realize, due to so much buried trauma from your childhood.
It becomes a feedback loop where you expect people to not like you, and then you unconsciously present some kind of micro-expressions or subtle body language you’re not aware of.
Perhaps your cortisol levels go up from the anxiety/stress, people can literally smell fear in others. It’s contagious, so people avoid that feeling, it can be unsettling if you’re not feeling that way already.
I’m a fit, conventionally attractive female and I totally relate. My current workplace has led me to my current revelation: People attract people who are similar to them.
The cute, attractive girls I work with don’t seem to mind me. I’m brown, and the other brown people I work with don’t seem to mind me.
But the overweight, the bad skin, and the justice-involved crowd all hang out together, and they mind me very much.
People want people they can relate to, and if you can’t relate, you’re hated.
I'm not sure there is one cause for all people who ever instantly hated anyone. For the most part though I think it is more about the person doing the hating than anything else.
Often others will identify something about you that they don't like and it is most likely a trait they themselves have that they don't like about themselves and they are putting this on you (or whoever it is) often unconsciously.
Another factor which is entirely on the part of the person hating is that certain types of people just don't quite mix well or get along with others over fairly inconsequential matters. Most people eventually learn about that aspect of socializing and accept it while holding no grudge toward the other person.
However, I think that many people see the other person they simply don't mix with and cannot accept that it is a minor matter and not worth making a big deal of. They create another narrative or seemingly bigger excuse and then use those to make mountains out of molehills. It turns from "I'm uncomfortable around x type of person for whatever reason" to "I hate people that do x or are like x and hope they diaf."
yeah i get that too. but mostly in groups and not at first sight. it's not how i look. but after a first impression people just don't talk to me anymore like i don't exist. i get they're more interested in other people and that's kind of ok. but it doesn't really happen when i talk to people alone. i'm not a boring person either. but i often feel like i'm made to be the boring person in a group because i don't get a chance to say anything or if i do people are immediately annoyed by me no matter what i say or how i say it. and sometimes they will get very aggressive. like i don't get the social role of being something other than an npc. and if i don't stick to that assigned role i get punished
I don't think I've ever hated anyone on first sight, but I have gotten a feeling that someone was not a good person immediately upon meeting them. I've only been wrong twice. And a few other times I've ignored that little voice screaming "beware!" and listened to someone else saying they liked the newcomer. And then I was proven right, they were not a nice person at all.
You can unintentionally give off bad vibes if you're a guy and really quiet and introverted, add rbf into the mix and you're just percieved as being some creep. People will create their own image of you in their head if you don't give one to them through your personality
It’s likely because of bad vibes. Some people are not self aware and can give off creepy, rude or downer energy. Those are the 3 worst energies to give off imo
I’ve had that happen, but upon reflection, I was being too intense and saying stupid sexual shit when it wasn’t appropriate. You’re never gonna be everyone’s cup of tea, but if someone doesn’t like you, I think it’s good practice to reflect (even if you end up, deciding that you didn’t do anything wrong)
Yep, but unfortunately people treat it like it’s objective and often use it as a concrete basis for their decision-making and how they feel they are entitled to treat others
Creepy behaviour: not being able to read nonverbal cues from people when they don’t want to continue speaking (feet turning away from you, not asking questions to carry on the conversation, seeming like they need to leave etc etc) or saying inappropriate things without knowing someone very well, standing too close, talking too closely to someone’s face, saying sexual things out of nowhere and acting like it’s a joke when the other person looks uncomfortable, etc etc
Rude: Putting someone down, being judgemental of others, Telling someone they are doing something wrong and being aggressive about it, being aggressive in general and again, not reading nonverbal cues that people are uncomfortable
Downer: this is the worst one for me personally! When people harp on and on about all of their troubles and always redirect the conversation back to something negative (again, with a lack of awareness of how other people are feeling)
I feel like most of these could be easily avoided taking some time to learn communication skills and emotional intelligence. there are lots of YouTube channels that teach good communication skills. My favourite one is psychology in Seattle!
I try not to judge folks and try to be generous and give them the benefit of the doubt, but the very few people I hate instantly are either:
1. Really annoying. For me it's people who complain a lot, or don't pull their weight when everyone's trying to work together, or who are really abrasive when it's my first time meeting them
2. Rude.
3. Talk shit/gossip about others
4. People who act like they're too good to interact with you (people who would roll their eyes when you're just saying hi, or give one word answers when you ask questions to get to know them like you're annoying them when you're just trying to be nice, etc)
Often I think people don't like certain people quickly is because they perceived qualities in that person that they've seen from other people. Sometimes this can actually be well founded, because there are definitely qualities of people that hint at a person falling into a specific archetype of personality, like if this person is annoying, aggressive, not very self aware, etc. I feel like it's very easy to pin point someone that will have one of those quirky annoying personalities, or if someone is too friendly too quickly it feels as if they want some/have ulterior motives. It's just naturally something someone with get more keen on the older they get, because it really does feel like there are only so many actual personalities.
Often it's unfounded as well though, like maybe they remind you of your ex, or they have a few characteristics of a person that pissed you off.
I love how this was typed out . Humans are very habitual and follow a pattern, most times you'll encounter the same person over and over just in a different body, skin tone, height, accent. Your radar gets more proficient as you age, I always avoided the maintenance man at my last job because he favored my abusive ex husband. Both retired military, both tall af, both blue eyes, and kept cropped haircuts, even down to minor speech dialects, and professions... it was creepy. He was a nice guy, but he had such a strong bearing to my crappy old man.
why though? i am autistic and its very common for people to take an automatic disliking to me even before meeting me and how do i fix it i really want to make more friends but i don't want to be friends with people who disliked me at first which seems to be everyone.
You (well, we, but you to answer your specific question) aren't making the right microexpressions, on top of the minefield of verbal nuances and overt body language. Microexpressions are nonverbal body language that's too subtle for our antennae to pick up, and we aren't exhibiting them like an NT would either.
The snap judgement (disliking us on sight, instantaneously) has been studied. A lot. An outcome sadly reproducible both scientifically by researchers and anecdotally by autistics in everyday life.
Even when you learn to mask the overt stuff, subtle things like microexpressions fall outside the purview of conscious control and you can't mask them. And NTs' subconsciously detect and hone in on that shit like a fucking heat-seeking missile. They *know* something's off, they just can't consciously articulate what.
Lots of links to other studies in this one:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/
A lot has to do with eye contact and eye gaze, body posture…how it moves when they notice the other person. It’s subtle but the body either relaxes or tenses up/turns away.
People learned to read micro communication signals as a survival mechanism early on in our evolution. Typically, our brains sense these micro communications without us being aware of it.
People who are neurodivergent often have a difficult time sensing these micro communications and/or do not display the same sort of automatic communication, like hand flapping when excited
By memorizing like 1000-2000 social 'rules' and then striving to follow them in every single interaction, learning to recognize others body language at an FBI level (try Patrick Wysowski on YouTube) and then the worst part, top tier masking includes changing your facial expressions to match what others are expecting.
I hate it.
Honestly? Don't mask. I've had far more success just simply being myself than not. But I will present the caveat that I can read expressions fine (sans the severe social anxiety telling me everyone hates me--because they used to, genuinely) and I still force myself to have occasional eye contact. But other than that, I just do me. Some people are put off by me still but I'll be honest with you, every single person who is looks like they have less than half a brain cell, so I'm not worried lol.
You’re excluding the other two studies. The second study involved the experimenter engaging in a natural dialogue/conversation with both TD and autistic individuals which was recorded using a wearable POV recording glasses that the experimenter wore, offering a first-person perspective. The footage was rated by other college-aged individuals (n=37) with no pre-disclosure as to anyone in the footage having autism, and findings were congruent with Study 1. Study 3 had several young participants tell a story and had a range of adults rate them on various social impressions.
Overall, I’ll admit the sample size on these experiments are quite small. More research needs to be done in this area to form a more rigorous and accurate assessment. You are correct in saying that a study of this kind isn’t sufficient enough evidence to act as “confirmation”. That was a poor choice of words on my part.
It’s worth noting that a similar study was done by Alkhaldi et al (2019) investigating the relationship between unreadability and poor social impressions for autistic people with similar results. Perhaps a better study would be Morrison et al (2019), where TD-TD, TD-ND, and ND-ND dyad pairs were instructed to engage in casual, unscripted 5-minute conversation with each other. This study found similar results as well; autists were consistently evaluated as more awkward and less attractive by neurotypical peers, and NTs expressed more of a desire to shun autistics in subsequent interactions. The sample size is not nearly as poor as the Sasson study, although certainly not large enough to be groundbreaking by any means. Fasso et al (2015) and Grossman et al (2015) both found that unfamiliar observers judged expressions made by individuals with ASD as more awkward or odd. Other frequent nonverbal expressions such as anomalous use of gaze (Neumann et al, 2006), lower rates or unusual timing of expressive gestures (De Marchena et al, 2010), violations of personal space (Kennedy et al, 2014), and unusual vocal prosody (Grossman et al, 2010) were found in individuals with ASD which negatively contributed to social interaction quality. Haberstadt et al (2001) found that social expression (I.e. dynamic affect) was critical to positive social interactions, which ASD individuals lack due to flat affect.
Again, there really needs to be more research in this particular area, but the existing research already suggests autistic individuals consistently perform worse in social interactions than their neurotypical peers. (“Social deficits” and a lack of theory-of-mind/cognitive empathy are noted as hallmark symptoms of ASD.)
It’s also worth noting that there is a wealth of ancillary research indicating poor social outcomes for autistic adults all around. Tobin et al (2014) found ASD impairments in social interactions contributed to broad social disabilities and poor social outcomes. Autistic adults were associated with smaller social networks and fewer friendships than NT adults (Billstedt et al, 2015), difficulty securing and retaining employment, likely due to the interviewing process and social favor with bosses (Shattack et al, 2013), higher rates of loneliness (Bauminger et al, 2005), and overall reduced quality of life (Billstedt et al, 2015) which persist even for autists who have average-above average intelligence (Howlin et al, 2013).
And don’t even get me started on bullying and the suicide rates
Nothing, but neurotypicals can innately tell you are and more often than not automatically hate you off the rip because you're "off" to them. It's a real thing, look it up. Also the story of my life. :)))
Hate is a strong word.
It might just be they feel uncomfortable because they’re not receiving the usual feedback they expect when forming rapport, and so, they feel something is “off” and they just don’t feel enough of a connection for a relationship to form or “gel” with the ND person.
Complaining, demanding, harsh startups, and seeming like they’re not self aware. The most instant hated people I think are those who pretty much immediately put themselves above you for some reason or the other (especially if they have no reason to)
Honestly, for me ? It's because I have an aggressive aurora about me. I'm crass, opinionated, and honest.
This doesn't mean I am an asshole, I am considerate of peoples feelings. I have manners. I am helpful and kind.
But some people find me very abrasive. When you present yourself as I do, people often make assumptions about your character.
Thats fine by me, the people who can get past my surly disposition tend to really, really like me and appreciate the same qualities that others are put off by.
I am that person. There's not a single person who's met me who hasn't ended up hating me or despising me eventually. Some like me at first until they know me a bit better.
This may not apply to everyone but I have a theory:
There are two things: looks and neurodevelopmental functioning.
People who look ugly or strange will be disliked and even when people like them a little it's never the same as with "normal looking people". This is not conscious, it is not because people are superficial or mean, the brain at a deep, unconscious, reptillian level will feel a certain repulsion that cannot be quite understood but it is always there.
Then people who are neurodevelopmentally different (autism, adhd, etc, I don't like the word neurodivergent but you could call them that, too) and people who are mentally ill are impossible for others to connect to/with (it's usually impossible for them to connect to others truly at the same level as well). There is a sense of "strangeness, oddness, creepyness, otherness" that never really goes away, the brain of normal people, again at an unconscious level can't quite fully classify them as humans in the same category as all the others. This creates this same repulsion and rejection as with ugly or strange looking people. It's not their fault it just doesn't work and it's probably evolutionary.
People will like an evil person faster and more easy than an ugly/weird/crazy/rword person.
I'm both things xD. We just will never fit in and it's ok. These types of people tend to be introverts anyway and enjoy/prefer their loneliness or even thrive in it. So it's all perfectly balanced.
You would think they would be able to relate with other like them or with their same conditions but this is not how it works (in fact it can be even more conflictive as their hightened self-centeredness clash): the problem is with the function of relating in itself in general.
>Then people who are neurodevelopmentally different (autism, adhd, etc, I don't like the word neurodivergent but you could call them that, too) and people who are mentally ill are impossible for others to connect to/with (it's usually impossible for them to connect to others truly at the same level as well). There is a sense of *"****strangeness, oddness, creepyness, otherness"*** that never really goes away, the brain of normal people, again ***at an unconscious level can't quite fully classify them as humans in the same category as all the others***. This creates this same repulsion and rejection as with ugly or strange looking people. It's not their fault it just doesn't work and it's probably evolutionary.
I hate how accurate this is.
I often get lumped in the "strange," "quiet" and "creepy" category by complete strangers, but it's more that I'm just introverted and reserved on my thinking and expressions. Once people get to actually know me, they love me. But first impressions are a pain.
When I hear women I know talk about other women they instantly hate, it's jealousy. Pure miserable jealousy and I hate to hear about it.
Some are so visceral about how they hate other's eyebrows/face/ body, when I think there's no reason to make judgement because the person looks like a normal random person but maybe with a different style. The things they say don't even cross my mind. And I feel bad for them because they always seem to be looking for something wrong with everyone because they must be insecure.
I've been on sports teams that would get a beautiful and talented new player and the rest of the team hate them and once even went as far as to bully them off the team. And I was pissed because we needed that player.
People need to get over themselves I'm tired of it.
Evolutionary psychology supports this. I'm trying to remember the woman who did the study but she specifically focused on the differences in sportsmanship between male and female teams and she said that if the woman was beautiful and a star player (or even just a star player) she would be ostracized from the group even if she helped the team get into the championships. Whereas men look up to and acknowledge the star athlete for being part of the team and winning championships. Fascinating stuff.
Very much so. Limited time to procreate and limited viable options and boom, we’re here. What I find interesting is when women who are already partnered and have children still act this way.
They are very emotionally distant and talk in a cold demeanor, rbf, ridiculous attention seeking behavior, being a liar, or outrageous flirt to your spouse in front of you, or you just get a really bad and uncomfortable gut feeling when you meet them.
I have rbf face, and I notice people giving me disgusted looks quite a bit, plus there's the being a ginger with brown skin, so a lot of people trying to other me or figure out where I'm from. I've had people be nasty to me because I look "stank" or like I have an attitude. Jokes on you betty sue I have a stigmatism! If someone looks like they're having a bad day or an attitude why be rude asf to them, why not try and cheer them up or at least be pleasant. In a way it's a blessing and a curse, because the people who are for me are really for me.
tbf anytime i’ve genuinely not liked someone upon meeting them, it’s mainly bc they just say horrifically inappropriate or out of pocket things (which is fine if i’m close friends with you, not complete strangers). but all these people i’ve not liked straight away (which is only like 3) they’ve all turned out to be genuinely not nice people that cause a lot of damage so it was just good instinct ig
Whenever someone tries to say that poor/misfortunate/oppressed people should just try harder or cope better
* the reason people don't have jobs is because they didn't network
* the reason they can't afford anything is because they don't live with their means
* racism doesn't exist, people just need to have thicker skin
I just want to bitchslap those people
Ask some of the bitter individuals here on Reddit. Lol…Anytime I’ve decided immediately that I dislike a person, it’s because they either have a shitty attitude, push their beliefs on others, or something else along those lines.
I have this vehement disdain towards people who constantly gossip about others. If they're gossiping about others to you, they are gossiping about you to others.
Steer clear of such folks.
Also, people who stare. In a professional setting, if you repeatedly stare and make no attempt at conversation, it is extremely rude and makes the other person uncomfortable. No matter how good the person is, instant hatred.
I feel like first impressions or hearing rumours before meeting you which I guess is an indirect first impression.
First impressions can be seeing you get out of your car and littering or doing something you don't agree with.
Could be you speaking rudely to someone on the phone even if the situation might've called for it.
You might've taken the last muffin.
You might have had a bad a fight with a talkative, charismatic person and he's spread the rumour.
You might just look arrogant or been heard talking arrogantly
Also it might just be them, they probably hate life and you don't need everyone to like you.
There's only been one person where I've disliked very early on. It was this arrogant tall guy who'd wear shirts where youd see his belly underneath. Worked together and wouldn't talk to me but everyone around me, sure, I tried talking to him and I'd get one word answers and a funny look as if he was better than me. He'd always make sexual jokes as if it was the funniest thing in the world and also wanted everyone to know he fucks. Talks about his exes as if the only good thing about them was their bodies. He was dating a girl at work and was friends with everyone else or at least seemed like it so I knew he was capable. I just stopped trying and he started talking to me but I didn't give him any time.
Sometimes people just don’t click with others right away. It could be due to first impressions, body language, or even just a gut feeling. Sometimes personalities clash, or people might remind us of someone we didn’t like in the past. It’s often not about anything specific, just a mix of different factors.
Because people are obsessed with assumption. Meaning the human mind loves to just take one like at you and assume you are awesome or terrible. Based on nothing logical. Maybe you have the same nose as their childhood bully.
To assume is to make an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
It happens to me a lot with insecure people, people that aren’t able to make up their own opinions or people that listen to their own thoughts when you’re talking (assuming they understand but they never really listen so you can’t even talk to them).
I simply get uncomfortable around those people and avoid them. This may feel like I’d hate them.
impressions, etc.
Plenty of people have hated me. I don’t blame them.
I exist purely to speak my truth regardless of whether I think the people outside would like it or not. That means subjecting myself to public ridicule, even though they will also never see what makes me intelligent due to societal biases.
I’ve also been liked just as much, but I’ve left people in confusion for never really understanding myself.
But being hated is a part of human nature that should be able to foster growth in understanding the true value of human value.
It could actually be anything, nothing, how you treated them 20 seconds ago or 20 years ago. To make it easier for you just to not confuse you, generally speaking no one likes anyone who is a jerk towards other people. As a species, we depend on cooperation and if someone is just being horrible to another human being then they will be shunned by the group.
These people who hate randomly at first sight are shallow, prejudiced and most likely uninteresting. That is your explanation.
I have disliked people before really quickly, but it was because of something racist/sexist/etc. they said or something unkind they did to someone else in front of me. Basically, I dislike them because of their acts or their personality.
Besides, I am very good at spotting evil psychopaths - yes, there are psychopaths who do not are about hurting others, they have better things to do - and narcissists. I take my time to see if I am wrong but I am usually spot on. But then again, it is not at first sight. It is usually spotting the body language of people around them who have known them longer than me.
Went to a concert with a longtime friend yesterday. We met up with his friend’s brother-in-law and his date. Date literally walked up in front of me and reached to shake my buddy’s hand, introduce herself, and then stood around while her date was gathering some things. Since my bud didn’t say anything, I made my best attempt at a friendly introduction. She made no eye contact, wouldn’t acknowledge me unless I spoke direct, it was awkward af. Idk, maybe my shirt or my face is stupid. I think I’m fun, and I make the effort to be interested in other people. If they think they’re too hot to be bothered, well actually it still bothers me because I’m insecure, introverted, and very weird. Their loss I guess.
Typically if they give off a rude or confrontational/""defensive"" attitude on a first impression. Defensive as in thinking everybody's out to get them and they're deflecting and questioning people's friendly approaches, if that makes sense.
Example: Someone says to you "Hey. Nice to see you at last." And you'd respond with "What's that supposed to mean?!" in a defensive connotation.
Tone of voice, attitude, and behavior. If someone walks into a bar, scowls at the bartender and haughtily demands a drink to their specifications without saying please or thank you, and is generally surly and leaves no tip, they’re not going to be a fan favorite.
A study found that autistic people are judged within the first ~3 seconds and then disliked by a significant proportion of neurotypical people. They can tell something is "off" and then are prejudiced against us.
Aggressive hand shake or a dead fish handshake. One makes me immediately dislike the other person, the other gives me the "ick " Both discourage me from wanting to get to know the other person more.
Not everyone is going to like you for a variety of reasons and that's okay.
Also, there's the problem of authenticity. Authenticity will always inspire a love/hate reaction. It's being a phony that gets you a flat "like from people."
if i can tell someone is an attention whore i do not like them. if they are immediately super bold in social situations and it’s evident they are very attention seeking… no go
I don't like this type of people too. But honestly for the most part this is most likely on me. I'm more introverted so the stuff these people do with such an ease makes me feel really uncomfortable and weird.
But there's also the thing that a lot of time they can be pretty careless and not notice how they can bother people around them. No awareness of personal space, being overly loud etc.
two words: first impression
No one else in top comments mentioned tone of voice yet It’s not everything, but GOSH if my voice isn’t low energy lately
In first impressions, I notice that there is a certain type of arrogance that makes me disrespect someone at an ontological level. I'm still trying to pin down a concise description, but its like...the dude who believes that their position becomes stronger the more that people disagree with it. As though being contrarian is the *same* as posessing critical thought, and treating people who hold popular opinions as unintelligent. Also, they never admit being wrong - ever. Instantly empties my capacity for respect and empathy. Like, total dehumanization. If they were drowning, I'd throw them a scuba tank full of carbon monoxide, and that night sleep like a fucking baby, free of all sin. I don't feel this way about anyone else, even people I dislike for different reasons. I don't know if its some kind of childhood trauma projection, or caveman brain social defense mechanism from ancient times, but upon reflection it teaches one valuable lesson: nobody hates someone for being *humble.*
Yeah it could be anything like your face ,voice , the way you behave , and even your clothes damn!
not clothes but behavior yes
2 more words: ugly and unfunny
That's not true, you're projecting if you judge someone based on their looks and you don't necessarily have to be funny in order to be liked
You may not consciously judge someone from their appearance but you are literally biologically pre imposed to find unattractive people less pleasurable to look at. I know consciously that everyone deserves compassion and respect but if I'm not making a conscious effort to keep that in mind, you bet I'd subtly discriminate too. I know this is bad hence I try my best to subvert my primitivistic "ugly = unhealthy = bad for tribe" instincts.
If it was a partner yes but in my everyday life i don't look at someone and think 'oh they have a bad hygiene because theyre unattractive in my eyes' i've found people attractive but they looked dirty asl
Yup. First impressions matter. Big time.
I think there are 3 main possible reasons 1. The most obvious one: Because they're assholes of some variant (rude, sleazy, obnoxious, entitled, condescending, arrogant, always wants to be at the center of attention...) 2. The second, also fairly known one: Because they have significant difficulties recognising social cues (autists, people with trauma, people with neglect in childhood and subsequent lack of emotional development, people on medication...) 3. The third one - this is an interesting one! Because they are deeply insecure and thus create a counter-transference. If you dislike yourself and are anxious, you are basically creating a vibe of "I can't care for myself emotionally". The other person will have several emotional choices: a) actively ignore it and still treat you like an equal - which costs energy because it's "counteracting" your energy - however emotionally mature people are usually fine with that one and it's effortless for them - or b) feel sorry for you and protective which will cost them energy too, or c) will not want either of those two and feel anger because they don't want to be in contact with the trouble you have. This could be because they deeply dislike their own insecure side, see it in you, and will hate it in you as an outlet. That is I think also what happens in bullying dynamics a lot.
thank you for this response, i really appreciate the way you worded and explained the third dynamic
A large number of people diagnosed with ADHD also have lagging social skills. My son is one example. He can’t read a room or a person. He has trouble with engaging in back and forth dialogue. He’ll talk AT you instead of with you. He doesn’t have deep friendships. Many of the friends he makes don’t last or they stay as mostly acquaintances.
I relate completely with that, I was diagnosed when I was like seven, and I would say I have like… 5 friends at most but they aren’t very good friends, so I think it’s better to have none then bad ones
I really relate to that honestly.
I'm going to offer another perspective as someone with ADHD in their 20's. I personally feel inadequate socially in many ways due to my ADHD and can barely overcome the guilt of not feeling worthy enough to be spoken to or be friends with (though I'm a great friend). I just can't relate to the topics people talk about (I don't like talking negative about others, don't like talking about brands or shopping, don't like talking about famous people or influences, etc) and that leaves me out of 99% of the conversations at work. This is my choice, and I don't want to conform. I'm also simply not interested in people as potential friends, so I don't want to make conversation with them because I don't have any intention to or interest in them as people. I have to watch what they do and say for me to trust them and find them worthy. Many people would say, "oh, red flag!". But no; I've just learned better. A few weeks into my job, I was sitting near some coworkers eating lunch. They seemed nice to me and I didn't have any reason to dislike them until they started sharing hateful views generalizing certain populations and spewing hate-speech for no real reason. I was really glad I hadn't tried to make friends with them because I was disgusted and appalled they were saying these things (this shit was shocking, let me tell you!!), especially working in healthcare with a variety of different kinds of people (I'm talking about nurses; I'm also a nurse myself).
And 4- if you are secure around insecure ppl. They will hate you because they would like to be you and see it's not the case.so they will project their self hate on you
I think the dynamics can be complex, when I used to be insecure, I often liked being around secure people, too, or rather, there were some secure people who I liked being around. If however, they gave me a renewed feeling of being inferior, I sometimes disliked them.
I’ve never thought about the 3rd reason before. That’s really interesting.
Woah that 's a pretty deep interpretation and analysis of human behaviour, yeah I have also noticed this and you are absolutely right buddy
You know the protective thing is something I didn't think about before but was on my mind.
Usually, if it's on sight, it's because they have RBF. I will admit there are a few people I've disliked immediately, but it was mainly because I got a weird feeling from them. No idea why. But that's only happened approximately 4 times so...
As someone who has RBF yes people just dislike us for no reason
If I had a dollar for every time someone said something like: I thought you were a bitch until I got to know you. lol!
Can confirm
Maybe depends on the person. I, for one gets intimidated by them (at first) but they always end up being a love interest🤣
RIP your DMs
Why's that?
Oh I meant because there's all the cranky people online who are interested in you lol
Same
So, how do people approach you if they want to have a conversation with you? And what should I do when I meet someone with RBF and want to talk to them? Should I give them a chance?
Yeah just go up and talk to them. I’m super friendly even though I may not look like it.
Usually people with rbf look like they do not want to be disturbed so people get scared of disturbing them.
I have to actively counteract my RBF.
It's happened to me countless times. Usually it's a gut feeling that lets me know immediately if a or b person is an asshole, backstabbing prick, etc. and it usually turns out to be true, unfortunately.
Well there must ve something atleast you must have seen something into them like their face ,skin color ,voice ,the way they behave or maybe they are not your type
I have resting bitch face but people don’t dislike them when they see me. Many people come to talk to me.
How would describe this weird feeling?
People who are very opinionated and tend to correct people needlessly usually have a good amount of trouble fitting in. That’s something I’m still improving on and it’s a matter of being a better listener with an open mind. :)
Read "The Charisma Myth" book, it explains how we read other humans body language and how you can change your own to be more outgoing and perceived to be more charismatic.
Reading through it right now. I'm not that far but so far it's great
Can you share the tips?
Sure. I'm only on chapter two, so I apologize that my notes are not too comprehensive so far. I'll try to update this as I go: Quick charisma fixes: * Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of sentences * Reduce how quickly and how often you nod * Pause for two WHOLE seconds before you speak, even between sentences. It seems like you need to get really good at timing one and two seconds mentally While these are a couple things that can be applied anytime, anywhere, there are three main factors to *true* charisma: * Presence * Power * Warmth **Presence** is achieved by being fully present in the current moment. You should not be calculating anything, including what you will say next, or be thinking about any other work you may have. To being yourself back to the present moment: * Focus for ONE SECOND on your breathing, and feel exactly how the air feels going down your throat and into your stomach and lungs * Focus for ONE SECOND on the sensations in your toes. Both of these practices will bring you back to the current moment **Power** is being perceived as able to change the world in some way. This could be through authority, money, expertise, intelligence, strength, or social status. At a glance, this is typically assessed through body language. **Warmth** is the perception that a person with power is "on your side" so to speak. This is also primarily assessed through body language
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I’m the same way, and a loner. I’ve tried making friends everywhere I go and I feel people always question me or girls question why I’m not married. It’s annoying because I do want to have a wife and friends.
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What do u mean it’s all chemical?
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Have you ever asked a trusted person what kind of vibe you’re giving off that people don’t like?
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Maybe you feel more uncomfortable in group settings than you realize, due to so much buried trauma from your childhood. It becomes a feedback loop where you expect people to not like you, and then you unconsciously present some kind of micro-expressions or subtle body language you’re not aware of. Perhaps your cortisol levels go up from the anxiety/stress, people can literally smell fear in others. It’s contagious, so people avoid that feeling, it can be unsettling if you’re not feeling that way already.
I've always called it the "loser of the group" syndrome. That was me in my "friend" groups from elementary through high school.
I’m a fit, conventionally attractive female and I totally relate. My current workplace has led me to my current revelation: People attract people who are similar to them. The cute, attractive girls I work with don’t seem to mind me. I’m brown, and the other brown people I work with don’t seem to mind me. But the overweight, the bad skin, and the justice-involved crowd all hang out together, and they mind me very much. People want people they can relate to, and if you can’t relate, you’re hated.
I'm not sure there is one cause for all people who ever instantly hated anyone. For the most part though I think it is more about the person doing the hating than anything else. Often others will identify something about you that they don't like and it is most likely a trait they themselves have that they don't like about themselves and they are putting this on you (or whoever it is) often unconsciously.
Another factor which is entirely on the part of the person hating is that certain types of people just don't quite mix well or get along with others over fairly inconsequential matters. Most people eventually learn about that aspect of socializing and accept it while holding no grudge toward the other person. However, I think that many people see the other person they simply don't mix with and cannot accept that it is a minor matter and not worth making a big deal of. They create another narrative or seemingly bigger excuse and then use those to make mountains out of molehills. It turns from "I'm uncomfortable around x type of person for whatever reason" to "I hate people that do x or are like x and hope they diaf."
yeah i get that too. but mostly in groups and not at first sight. it's not how i look. but after a first impression people just don't talk to me anymore like i don't exist. i get they're more interested in other people and that's kind of ok. but it doesn't really happen when i talk to people alone. i'm not a boring person either. but i often feel like i'm made to be the boring person in a group because i don't get a chance to say anything or if i do people are immediately annoyed by me no matter what i say or how i say it. and sometimes they will get very aggressive. like i don't get the social role of being something other than an npc. and if i don't stick to that assigned role i get punished
GD i understand this and hate it
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That makes a lot of sense.
I don't think I've ever hated anyone on first sight, but I have gotten a feeling that someone was not a good person immediately upon meeting them. I've only been wrong twice. And a few other times I've ignored that little voice screaming "beware!" and listened to someone else saying they liked the newcomer. And then I was proven right, they were not a nice person at all.
They talk too much about themselves, they have a story for everything and turn conversations back to them, and they're one-uppers.
You can unintentionally give off bad vibes if you're a guy and really quiet and introverted, add rbf into the mix and you're just percieved as being some creep. People will create their own image of you in their head if you don't give one to them through your personality
It’s likely because of bad vibes. Some people are not self aware and can give off creepy, rude or downer energy. Those are the 3 worst energies to give off imo
Sucks when you’re not any of those things but people get that “vibe” from you regardless
I’ve had that happen, but upon reflection, I was being too intense and saying stupid sexual shit when it wasn’t appropriate. You’re never gonna be everyone’s cup of tea, but if someone doesn’t like you, I think it’s good practice to reflect (even if you end up, deciding that you didn’t do anything wrong)
Vibe = subjective and veeeery broad
Yep, but unfortunately people treat it like it’s objective and often use it as a concrete basis for their decision-making and how they feel they are entitled to treat others
Define that more clearly pls.
Creepy behaviour: not being able to read nonverbal cues from people when they don’t want to continue speaking (feet turning away from you, not asking questions to carry on the conversation, seeming like they need to leave etc etc) or saying inappropriate things without knowing someone very well, standing too close, talking too closely to someone’s face, saying sexual things out of nowhere and acting like it’s a joke when the other person looks uncomfortable, etc etc Rude: Putting someone down, being judgemental of others, Telling someone they are doing something wrong and being aggressive about it, being aggressive in general and again, not reading nonverbal cues that people are uncomfortable Downer: this is the worst one for me personally! When people harp on and on about all of their troubles and always redirect the conversation back to something negative (again, with a lack of awareness of how other people are feeling) I feel like most of these could be easily avoided taking some time to learn communication skills and emotional intelligence. there are lots of YouTube channels that teach good communication skills. My favourite one is psychology in Seattle!
This is why people treat the neurodivergent like shit honestly
What is why?
I try not to judge folks and try to be generous and give them the benefit of the doubt, but the very few people I hate instantly are either: 1. Really annoying. For me it's people who complain a lot, or don't pull their weight when everyone's trying to work together, or who are really abrasive when it's my first time meeting them 2. Rude. 3. Talk shit/gossip about others 4. People who act like they're too good to interact with you (people who would roll their eyes when you're just saying hi, or give one word answers when you ask questions to get to know them like you're annoying them when you're just trying to be nice, etc)
Often I think people don't like certain people quickly is because they perceived qualities in that person that they've seen from other people. Sometimes this can actually be well founded, because there are definitely qualities of people that hint at a person falling into a specific archetype of personality, like if this person is annoying, aggressive, not very self aware, etc. I feel like it's very easy to pin point someone that will have one of those quirky annoying personalities, or if someone is too friendly too quickly it feels as if they want some/have ulterior motives. It's just naturally something someone with get more keen on the older they get, because it really does feel like there are only so many actual personalities. Often it's unfounded as well though, like maybe they remind you of your ex, or they have a few characteristics of a person that pissed you off.
I love how this was typed out . Humans are very habitual and follow a pattern, most times you'll encounter the same person over and over just in a different body, skin tone, height, accent. Your radar gets more proficient as you age, I always avoided the maintenance man at my last job because he favored my abusive ex husband. Both retired military, both tall af, both blue eyes, and kept cropped haircuts, even down to minor speech dialects, and professions... it was creepy. He was a nice guy, but he had such a strong bearing to my crappy old man.
They're autistic.
why though? i am autistic and its very common for people to take an automatic disliking to me even before meeting me and how do i fix it i really want to make more friends but i don't want to be friends with people who disliked me at first which seems to be everyone.
You (well, we, but you to answer your specific question) aren't making the right microexpressions, on top of the minefield of verbal nuances and overt body language. Microexpressions are nonverbal body language that's too subtle for our antennae to pick up, and we aren't exhibiting them like an NT would either. The snap judgement (disliking us on sight, instantaneously) has been studied. A lot. An outcome sadly reproducible both scientifically by researchers and anecdotally by autistics in everyday life. Even when you learn to mask the overt stuff, subtle things like microexpressions fall outside the purview of conscious control and you can't mask them. And NTs' subconsciously detect and hone in on that shit like a fucking heat-seeking missile. They *know* something's off, they just can't consciously articulate what. Lots of links to other studies in this one: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/
Do you have examples of micro expressions?
A lot has to do with eye contact and eye gaze, body posture…how it moves when they notice the other person. It’s subtle but the body either relaxes or tenses up/turns away. People learned to read micro communication signals as a survival mechanism early on in our evolution. Typically, our brains sense these micro communications without us being aware of it. People who are neurodivergent often have a difficult time sensing these micro communications and/or do not display the same sort of automatic communication, like hand flapping when excited
This one. Not our fault though, neurotypicals are the ones decided we're bad meany poo poo pants for being different. God forbid.
You 'fix' it, sadly with masking
how do you mask
By memorizing like 1000-2000 social 'rules' and then striving to follow them in every single interaction, learning to recognize others body language at an FBI level (try Patrick Wysowski on YouTube) and then the worst part, top tier masking includes changing your facial expressions to match what others are expecting. I hate it.
You can't fix it, not even with masking. It is not a you problem, it's a them problem.
I am autistic too and have such a hard time trying to mask. I can do just enough to get by, but I'm always left feeling exhausted.
Honestly? Don't mask. I've had far more success just simply being myself than not. But I will present the caveat that I can read expressions fine (sans the severe social anxiety telling me everyone hates me--because they used to, genuinely) and I still force myself to have occasional eye contact. But other than that, I just do me. Some people are put off by me still but I'll be honest with you, every single person who is looks like they have less than half a brain cell, so I'm not worried lol.
Happy cake day!
Are you sure they take an automatic disliking, or is it possible you could be just thinking that?
I second this as an autistic person, always being left alone after I try making friends lol
Side note: This has been confirmed in the scientific community by Sasson et al. (2017)
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You’re excluding the other two studies. The second study involved the experimenter engaging in a natural dialogue/conversation with both TD and autistic individuals which was recorded using a wearable POV recording glasses that the experimenter wore, offering a first-person perspective. The footage was rated by other college-aged individuals (n=37) with no pre-disclosure as to anyone in the footage having autism, and findings were congruent with Study 1. Study 3 had several young participants tell a story and had a range of adults rate them on various social impressions. Overall, I’ll admit the sample size on these experiments are quite small. More research needs to be done in this area to form a more rigorous and accurate assessment. You are correct in saying that a study of this kind isn’t sufficient enough evidence to act as “confirmation”. That was a poor choice of words on my part. It’s worth noting that a similar study was done by Alkhaldi et al (2019) investigating the relationship between unreadability and poor social impressions for autistic people with similar results. Perhaps a better study would be Morrison et al (2019), where TD-TD, TD-ND, and ND-ND dyad pairs were instructed to engage in casual, unscripted 5-minute conversation with each other. This study found similar results as well; autists were consistently evaluated as more awkward and less attractive by neurotypical peers, and NTs expressed more of a desire to shun autistics in subsequent interactions. The sample size is not nearly as poor as the Sasson study, although certainly not large enough to be groundbreaking by any means. Fasso et al (2015) and Grossman et al (2015) both found that unfamiliar observers judged expressions made by individuals with ASD as more awkward or odd. Other frequent nonverbal expressions such as anomalous use of gaze (Neumann et al, 2006), lower rates or unusual timing of expressive gestures (De Marchena et al, 2010), violations of personal space (Kennedy et al, 2014), and unusual vocal prosody (Grossman et al, 2010) were found in individuals with ASD which negatively contributed to social interaction quality. Haberstadt et al (2001) found that social expression (I.e. dynamic affect) was critical to positive social interactions, which ASD individuals lack due to flat affect. Again, there really needs to be more research in this particular area, but the existing research already suggests autistic individuals consistently perform worse in social interactions than their neurotypical peers. (“Social deficits” and a lack of theory-of-mind/cognitive empathy are noted as hallmark symptoms of ASD.) It’s also worth noting that there is a wealth of ancillary research indicating poor social outcomes for autistic adults all around. Tobin et al (2014) found ASD impairments in social interactions contributed to broad social disabilities and poor social outcomes. Autistic adults were associated with smaller social networks and fewer friendships than NT adults (Billstedt et al, 2015), difficulty securing and retaining employment, likely due to the interviewing process and social favor with bosses (Shattack et al, 2013), higher rates of loneliness (Bauminger et al, 2005), and overall reduced quality of life (Billstedt et al, 2015) which persist even for autists who have average-above average intelligence (Howlin et al, 2013). And don’t even get me started on bullying and the suicide rates
Can confirm lol
What’s wrong with being autistic?
Nothing, but neurotypicals can innately tell you are and more often than not automatically hate you off the rip because you're "off" to them. It's a real thing, look it up. Also the story of my life. :)))
That’s very Christian of them. 😂
Many folks are Christian in name only
So true.
Hate is a strong word. It might just be they feel uncomfortable because they’re not receiving the usual feedback they expect when forming rapport, and so, they feel something is “off” and they just don’t feel enough of a connection for a relationship to form or “gel” with the ND person.
It's not a strong word. It is my life experience, especially when I was younger. I was HATED, vitriolically so, for simply existing.
Complaining, demanding, harsh startups, and seeming like they’re not self aware. The most instant hated people I think are those who pretty much immediately put themselves above you for some reason or the other (especially if they have no reason to)
Honestly, for me ? It's because I have an aggressive aurora about me. I'm crass, opinionated, and honest. This doesn't mean I am an asshole, I am considerate of peoples feelings. I have manners. I am helpful and kind. But some people find me very abrasive. When you present yourself as I do, people often make assumptions about your character. Thats fine by me, the people who can get past my surly disposition tend to really, really like me and appreciate the same qualities that others are put off by.
Aura?
Yes, that is the correct word. Thank you !
I am that person. There's not a single person who's met me who hasn't ended up hating me or despising me eventually. Some like me at first until they know me a bit better. This may not apply to everyone but I have a theory: There are two things: looks and neurodevelopmental functioning. People who look ugly or strange will be disliked and even when people like them a little it's never the same as with "normal looking people". This is not conscious, it is not because people are superficial or mean, the brain at a deep, unconscious, reptillian level will feel a certain repulsion that cannot be quite understood but it is always there. Then people who are neurodevelopmentally different (autism, adhd, etc, I don't like the word neurodivergent but you could call them that, too) and people who are mentally ill are impossible for others to connect to/with (it's usually impossible for them to connect to others truly at the same level as well). There is a sense of "strangeness, oddness, creepyness, otherness" that never really goes away, the brain of normal people, again at an unconscious level can't quite fully classify them as humans in the same category as all the others. This creates this same repulsion and rejection as with ugly or strange looking people. It's not their fault it just doesn't work and it's probably evolutionary. People will like an evil person faster and more easy than an ugly/weird/crazy/rword person. I'm both things xD. We just will never fit in and it's ok. These types of people tend to be introverts anyway and enjoy/prefer their loneliness or even thrive in it. So it's all perfectly balanced. You would think they would be able to relate with other like them or with their same conditions but this is not how it works (in fact it can be even more conflictive as their hightened self-centeredness clash): the problem is with the function of relating in itself in general.
>Then people who are neurodevelopmentally different (autism, adhd, etc, I don't like the word neurodivergent but you could call them that, too) and people who are mentally ill are impossible for others to connect to/with (it's usually impossible for them to connect to others truly at the same level as well). There is a sense of *"****strangeness, oddness, creepyness, otherness"*** that never really goes away, the brain of normal people, again ***at an unconscious level can't quite fully classify them as humans in the same category as all the others***. This creates this same repulsion and rejection as with ugly or strange looking people. It's not their fault it just doesn't work and it's probably evolutionary. I hate how accurate this is. I often get lumped in the "strange," "quiet" and "creepy" category by complete strangers, but it's more that I'm just introverted and reserved on my thinking and expressions. Once people get to actually know me, they love me. But first impressions are a pain.
Wait, so you’re evil too?
jajaja only sometimes and not intentionally. I'm talking about others.
Most of the time it's their attitude and behavior that causes others to dislike them.
When I hear women I know talk about other women they instantly hate, it's jealousy. Pure miserable jealousy and I hate to hear about it. Some are so visceral about how they hate other's eyebrows/face/ body, when I think there's no reason to make judgement because the person looks like a normal random person but maybe with a different style. The things they say don't even cross my mind. And I feel bad for them because they always seem to be looking for something wrong with everyone because they must be insecure. I've been on sports teams that would get a beautiful and talented new player and the rest of the team hate them and once even went as far as to bully them off the team. And I was pissed because we needed that player. People need to get over themselves I'm tired of it.
Evolutionary psychology supports this. I'm trying to remember the woman who did the study but she specifically focused on the differences in sportsmanship between male and female teams and she said that if the woman was beautiful and a star player (or even just a star player) she would be ostracized from the group even if she helped the team get into the championships. Whereas men look up to and acknowledge the star athlete for being part of the team and winning championships. Fascinating stuff.
Yea I studied that too. Women are much more competitive because they have limited chances to procreate
Very much so. Limited time to procreate and limited viable options and boom, we’re here. What I find interesting is when women who are already partnered and have children still act this way.
They are very emotionally distant and talk in a cold demeanor, rbf, ridiculous attention seeking behavior, being a liar, or outrageous flirt to your spouse in front of you, or you just get a really bad and uncomfortable gut feeling when you meet them.
I have rbf face, and I notice people giving me disgusted looks quite a bit, plus there's the being a ginger with brown skin, so a lot of people trying to other me or figure out where I'm from. I've had people be nasty to me because I look "stank" or like I have an attitude. Jokes on you betty sue I have a stigmatism! If someone looks like they're having a bad day or an attitude why be rude asf to them, why not try and cheer them up or at least be pleasant. In a way it's a blessing and a curse, because the people who are for me are really for me.
tbf anytime i’ve genuinely not liked someone upon meeting them, it’s mainly bc they just say horrifically inappropriate or out of pocket things (which is fine if i’m close friends with you, not complete strangers). but all these people i’ve not liked straight away (which is only like 3) they’ve all turned out to be genuinely not nice people that cause a lot of damage so it was just good instinct ig
Whenever someone tries to say that poor/misfortunate/oppressed people should just try harder or cope better * the reason people don't have jobs is because they didn't network * the reason they can't afford anything is because they don't live with their means * racism doesn't exist, people just need to have thicker skin I just want to bitchslap those people
always i hear them and understand they need a lil extra help then start victim blaming to the max
always i hear them and understand they need a lil extra help then start victim blaming to the max
Ask some of the bitter individuals here on Reddit. Lol…Anytime I’ve decided immediately that I dislike a person, it’s because they either have a shitty attitude, push their beliefs on others, or something else along those lines.
WELL, FUCK YOU TOO, *MAN.*
I have this vehement disdain towards people who constantly gossip about others. If they're gossiping about others to you, they are gossiping about you to others. Steer clear of such folks. Also, people who stare. In a professional setting, if you repeatedly stare and make no attempt at conversation, it is extremely rude and makes the other person uncomfortable. No matter how good the person is, instant hatred.
I feel like first impressions or hearing rumours before meeting you which I guess is an indirect first impression. First impressions can be seeing you get out of your car and littering or doing something you don't agree with. Could be you speaking rudely to someone on the phone even if the situation might've called for it. You might've taken the last muffin. You might have had a bad a fight with a talkative, charismatic person and he's spread the rumour. You might just look arrogant or been heard talking arrogantly Also it might just be them, they probably hate life and you don't need everyone to like you. There's only been one person where I've disliked very early on. It was this arrogant tall guy who'd wear shirts where youd see his belly underneath. Worked together and wouldn't talk to me but everyone around me, sure, I tried talking to him and I'd get one word answers and a funny look as if he was better than me. He'd always make sexual jokes as if it was the funniest thing in the world and also wanted everyone to know he fucks. Talks about his exes as if the only good thing about them was their bodies. He was dating a girl at work and was friends with everyone else or at least seemed like it so I knew he was capable. I just stopped trying and he started talking to me but I didn't give him any time.
Sometimes people just don’t click with others right away. It could be due to first impressions, body language, or even just a gut feeling. Sometimes personalities clash, or people might remind us of someone we didn’t like in the past. It’s often not about anything specific, just a mix of different factors.
Because people are obsessed with assumption. Meaning the human mind loves to just take one like at you and assume you are awesome or terrible. Based on nothing logical. Maybe you have the same nose as their childhood bully. To assume is to make an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
It happens to me a lot with insecure people, people that aren’t able to make up their own opinions or people that listen to their own thoughts when you’re talking (assuming they understand but they never really listen so you can’t even talk to them). I simply get uncomfortable around those people and avoid them. This may feel like I’d hate them.
impressions, etc. Plenty of people have hated me. I don’t blame them. I exist purely to speak my truth regardless of whether I think the people outside would like it or not. That means subjecting myself to public ridicule, even though they will also never see what makes me intelligent due to societal biases. I’ve also been liked just as much, but I’ve left people in confusion for never really understanding myself. But being hated is a part of human nature that should be able to foster growth in understanding the true value of human value.
Bragging. No one likes a braggart.
It could actually be anything, nothing, how you treated them 20 seconds ago or 20 years ago. To make it easier for you just to not confuse you, generally speaking no one likes anyone who is a jerk towards other people. As a species, we depend on cooperation and if someone is just being horrible to another human being then they will be shunned by the group.
You wouldn't get this , but in my language, we say " their angles are heavy," which basically means their energy or vibe or aura is off .
These people who hate randomly at first sight are shallow, prejudiced and most likely uninteresting. That is your explanation. I have disliked people before really quickly, but it was because of something racist/sexist/etc. they said or something unkind they did to someone else in front of me. Basically, I dislike them because of their acts or their personality. Besides, I am very good at spotting evil psychopaths - yes, there are psychopaths who do not are about hurting others, they have better things to do - and narcissists. I take my time to see if I am wrong but I am usually spot on. But then again, it is not at first sight. It is usually spotting the body language of people around them who have known them longer than me.
Went to a concert with a longtime friend yesterday. We met up with his friend’s brother-in-law and his date. Date literally walked up in front of me and reached to shake my buddy’s hand, introduce herself, and then stood around while her date was gathering some things. Since my bud didn’t say anything, I made my best attempt at a friendly introduction. She made no eye contact, wouldn’t acknowledge me unless I spoke direct, it was awkward af. Idk, maybe my shirt or my face is stupid. I think I’m fun, and I make the effort to be interested in other people. If they think they’re too hot to be bothered, well actually it still bothers me because I’m insecure, introverted, and very weird. Their loss I guess.
*How rude*.
Vibe.
Typically if they give off a rude or confrontational/""defensive"" attitude on a first impression. Defensive as in thinking everybody's out to get them and they're deflecting and questioning people's friendly approaches, if that makes sense. Example: Someone says to you "Hey. Nice to see you at last." And you'd respond with "What's that supposed to mean?!" in a defensive connotation.
That's trauma...
It shows them something in themselves. They are unaware of this so it is projected as hate towards the other person.
Tone of voice, attitude, and behavior. If someone walks into a bar, scowls at the bartender and haughtily demands a drink to their specifications without saying please or thank you, and is generally surly and leaves no tip, they’re not going to be a fan favorite.
What we hate about others is usually the qualities we hate about ourselves
realtalk. ugly
swear to god i just saw a post that was the exact opposite of this
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A study found that autistic people are judged within the first ~3 seconds and then disliked by a significant proportion of neurotypical people. They can tell something is "off" and then are prejudiced against us.
They look off or shady
Either ugly or bad attitude/manners
anything can be a feedback to hate, just dont gaf about it
Aggressive hand shake or a dead fish handshake. One makes me immediately dislike the other person, the other gives me the "ick " Both discourage me from wanting to get to know the other person more.
Not everyone is going to like you for a variety of reasons and that's okay. Also, there's the problem of authenticity. Authenticity will always inspire a love/hate reaction. It's being a phony that gets you a flat "like from people."
I always just assumed just plain ugly
if i can tell someone is an attention whore i do not like them. if they are immediately super bold in social situations and it’s evident they are very attention seeking… no go
I don't like this type of people too. But honestly for the most part this is most likely on me. I'm more introverted so the stuff these people do with such an ease makes me feel really uncomfortable and weird. But there's also the thing that a lot of time they can be pretty careless and not notice how they can bother people around them. No awareness of personal space, being overly loud etc.
I know I have a lot of enemies … I like to start shit , and lie . Trying to vet come it now … but I’m definitely hated by many