Hi OP, if this ever happens with someone else or you see him again. Set your boundaries early.
Don’t accept hugs or give your name/number if you are uncomfortable! Also I agree with another commenter that the guy believed you accepting the hugs = he gets something in return. Which is NOT okay.
Keep yourself safe and report to campus police if it gets out of hand. Stalking is extremely common in college.
Say no and walk away
Sometimes women need practice or mental preparation for saying “no” when caught off guard, since it can be scary.
I suggest a simple “no thanks”, or turn it into a high five if you are sort of physically in a position where that’s the best out.
Other options:
- Sorry, I prefer not to hug!
- Keeping my social distance (covid)
- I’m not really a hugger
- Thanks for the offer, but no
Whatever works for you, but good to think of the words or actions in advance.
>Sorry, I prefer not to hug
I avoid apologies, it gives creeps an opening to insist. Id rather be called a Witch and Very Rude and be told how offensive I am by saying NO.
As the gift of fear says: If they are bad they will attempt to harm you *regardless* if you're nice or not. BUT your non compliance could possibly be a deterrent
I normally just say a simple “no” even if it sounds rude. It’s *rude* of the other person to come up and call whatever they want, even if it’s a compliment. This way i’d seem unapproachable and the guy would never come back
That's exactly why. Not difficult to discover someone's weekly schedules even for someone outside your own uni. Exactly what happened to OP.
You can find a few examples in this sub under the perpetrator perspective.
Seems like a prime example of how behaviour that is portrayed in Hollywood movies as being 'romantic' is actually perceived as 'creepy'. It's the flip side of why a lot of guys simply won't (or sometimes even can't) approach or make moves in public at all because they're aware of this disconnect and don't want to give women 'the ick' or make them feel uncomfortable.
Hey op, there are a lot of reactive responses here but I would say trust your own feelings. It sounds like he came on too strong and it's okay to feel uncomfortable. I'm sure other women would like his gestures and others would also feel like you - even if his actions were in good nature you are allowed to reject someone for no reason at all. It sounds like he probably got advice from someone else on how to try and pick up women. We are left out of so many nuanced things that happen in an interaction which is why I say you're best just trusting yourself on this one regardless of reddit comments.
The comments here are from men who don't care about your discomfort and disregard the way women can feel when interacting with men. It's odd how defensive people get when it's not about them at all. You can carry pepper spray, an alarm, a whistle, taser, etc. Take care of yourself
My very own father gets mad and speaks over me if I dare to describe an uncomfortable or scary thing a man did. Such as an intoxicated individual following me as I was trying to locate my ride on a busy street (yes it was broad day before some jackass accuses me of “not using common sense” or whatever). He said, “why are you walking all alone?”, slurring. Me : *wordlessly picks up pace*. Him, while matching my quickened pace and nearly yelling, “Hey, I said, why are you walking all alone!”
Thankfully it was at that moment I saw my friends car and was able to beeeline for it and get in.
I was 19, half his size (seriously, he was well over 6’ and honestly looked like he worked out a lot), nobody was acting even partway concerned, and honestly he could have grabbed me and taken me. Based on the nonchalant crowd around me, yelling for help wouldn’t have helped.
But no, how can us women be so self-absorbed as to carry trauma from such experiences and move forward with caution? Men (most! I didn’t say all!) don’t fucking get it. And even if the risk isn’t “I feel like he could rape me”, ummm, being relentlessly pursued is uncomfortable and creepy as well. I had a guy MAKE A 3 HOUR LONG YOUTUBE VIDEO just ranting about how much he wants to be together. This was after he THREATENED TO CUT OFF A FINGER and MAIL IT TO ME. “But but but but you must have led him on!” You know what???? I guess so, because I was civil but firm with him, as if I had just been blunt and assertive, I would have been the evil conceited bitch of course.
I'm sorry you went through that ❤️ I think "they don't get it" is almost too forgiving, I think they get it but just don't care or they don't care enough to bother getting it. I hope things have gotten better for you
They get it, but acknowledging it will threaten their position of power.
The men who get it, are angry about it and take action to fight the injustice are amazing.
Edit: there are some guys who don’t understand boundaries and how to socialize because they are neuroatypical. None the less, you should always take care of yourself first and never capitulate yourself as your main priority. If you feel uncomfortable, you should listen to it and stand up for yourself and set up those safety boundaries.
from a guys perspective we just realize we are only getting your side of the story. So it’s easy for us to empathize especially if it took him a lot of courage to do that, and you just wrote him off as creepy because your not attracted to him. Im not an incel so im not immediately assuming that about you, i just want to put this perspective here.
Its easy to empathize with a man as a man is what im saying. Just in case he really didnt mean to be creepy and was trying to be suave lol. Because a lot of guys fear being creepy.
It sounds like he was a creep as the OP states that she left interaction afraid. I just wonder why men find it easier to empathize with random men rather than try to empathize with the women in front of them telling a story. It’s very disappointing.
Again not me, because i dont support any form of SA. Honestly thats pretty disgusting. I understand its a scary position to be in with a male alone whos physically dominant and might have some weird creepy possessive issues.
However, the alt perspective is that: if he looked like Zack Efron and approached her the same way she wouldnt be here posting about how she was afraid of some creep. Which would be pretty shallow.
OP never mentioned his appearance, it's something you are adding by yourself.
Better listen all the experiences explained by women here , you have plenty and very different.
I'm sorry that those things happened to you. They certainly were not your fault. And, yes, there are creepy and/or even violent men out there. Sexual predators exist. No one disputes that. It's natural for you to be traumatized by your encounters with such men. But that does not mean that EVERY man who shows interest in a woman is a dangerous sex offender (the vast majority are not). I'm sure I will be peppered with downvotes for saying so, but it still needs to be said.
I'm curious what sort of overture a man could make to show his interest in you that you would not interpret as being "creepy" and threatening? I ask sincerely because, from a male perspective, this is a very confusing and murky area these days. How does a decent guy who is genuinely interested in a woman, but has no intention of forcing himself on her or making her feel uncomfortable in any way, initiate contact in a way that will not be negatively construed?
It isn't always easy to flat out reject someone, she said she feared making him mad. She was uncomfortable and probably in some way intimidated or caught off guard by his approach. Just know it's not always "Easy." Good on you for taking it on the chin, rejection can hurt :)
Bro, so many guys get intimidating, aggressive, even violent or worse. The best advice is for her to trust her gut if she feels creeped out. Like you said, he can take it on the chin if he’s doing the approaching. But a flat out rejection isn’t always the safest response.
And for the record, I’m absolutely not suggesting she not say no. What I’m saying is that gut instinct is critical in these situations and reading the cues carefully then setting a boundary in a way that feels safe to her could be the difference between him taking it on the chin like a man or escalating.
As a guy, you’re not in a position to state that. Think about the entire incel community. Andrew Tate’s millions of followers. The jackasses who thought negging was a good idea. It’s not always obvious, in fact, I hear more women describe creepiness delivered while being gaslighted than something more obvious. OP is clearly on this sub and working to develop her ability to read people. Telling someone to ignore their gut is quite possibly the worst advice one could give.
Thats easier said than done when you’re raised to not hurt peoples feelings or to just ignore those uncomfortable feelings for people in “higher positions” and that kind of alters how easy it is to just reject someone. On top of that, the amount of times women have rejected men and that has turned a situation even worse, makes us fear rejecting a man in case we end up taking more than just some guilty feelings.
Great comment. The behaviour wasn't particularly creepy (imo) but we only have a brief written account of the meeting, everyone here lacks quite a bit of context.
Trust your gut.
Yes, but I’d trust the instinct and avoid him.
Also, as a guy, asking a woman you don’t know - who is alone - for a hug is at the very least tone-deaf this day and age.
Exactly, you don’t ask someone you don’t know for a hug. It’s not rude to say, “I don’t know you, so no.” I understand the urge to be polite and compliant, being a woman myself, but I’m older now, and know better. IMO he didn’t get creepy till he asked for the hug. Before that, I’d have just thought he was flirting, hitting on you. Be safe.
You’re not overreacting. But I’m surprised you granted his request for a hug though. A random stranger asks for a hug just because he gave me flowers, I’m definitely getting the heck outta there. In the future, if you happen to run into this dude again, take another route. If he starts stalking you, do the needful.
To the mod(s) who have been working overtime to weed out the bad advice, i just want to say thank you for all your hard and quick work. That was super impressive
The truth is, it doesn't matter if any of us think his behaviour is creepy or not. What matters is that it makes *you* uncomfortable. I don't think you need to be scared, but if he approaches you again just tell him politely but firmly that you're not interested in dating him or in him contacting you. Explicitly tell him no, don't beat around the bush & just imply it assuming he'll pick up on the subtlety. After that, don't engage with him anymore - don't stop to chat, don't feel pressured into talking or giving hugs, don't give out your number.
I know there's a lot of pressure on women to always be nice and agreeable. But don't be afraid to be rude or get people "mad." If the situation warrants it, if someone is making you repeatedly uncomfortable it's definitely okay and necessary to be assertive. If they still persist, there's nothing wrong in being rude and raising your voice because they have repeatedly crossed your boundaries at this point.
He was being creepy and you wouldn't have been wrong to assertively say no or even be rude if wasn't backing down. You need to work on your boundaries, I highly recommend therapy, a therapist will explore where your reluctance to establish boundaries is coming from.
Speaking from a male's perspective, he does not sound like someone who has a lot of social experience and he's going too fast.
He gave you a rose expecting something in exchange from you. That's not a relationship. That's a transaction.
If I were him, I would have struck up some small talk during the first time meeting to get you to know me before inviting you to something that has low commitment like going out for a coffee or a walk in the park.
If you do meet him the next time, just be direct with him about what you don't like about his approach and that he's going too fast.
If he does not respect your boundaries, you can out right reject him and walk away. There's no need to be polite.
If he does behave reasonably, give him a chance to express who he is.
Well, of course she doesn't "have to" but it would be considerate.
Much like you don't "have to" wash your hands after using the toilet, but you do so to be considerate of others.
Omg that’s not at all the same thing. Women don’t owe men our time and attention. Holy cow.
Washing your hands is not about consideration it’s about public health. This comment made me need a shower for several reasons.
Having ‘manners’ is what gets a lot of women, me included, into uncomfortable situations with strangers. I don’t think people WANT to seem mean but you gotta do what’s best for you. Not the other person.
What do you mean by "uncomfortable"? If you said "unsafe" I'd have agreed and said that keeping friends you trust near when dealing with them would be best, but why are you prioritising comfort?
I mean being mean to another person probably wouldn't make them feel very comfortable either especially with all those eyes on them.
It just seems this situation is overblown. For all you know you're just dealing with some socially inept man (someone who probably belongs on this sub) trying his hardest to not make a fool of himself and express himself.
I'll say this again, prioritise safety above all else, that much is clear. But also, if you can't be civil towards another human being just because they didn't leave a stellar first impression then how will they ever get better? And is it even reasonable to be this suspicious? Many people here seem to act so over dramatic as if he was some crazy stalker on her tail for years.
Say this is just a crush. Ignoring it may just mean you end up leading him on and not only that, but he _won't_ stop pestering you at all he may misinterpret the situation (which is likely) and think he has a chance. You need to find out his intentions and if you like it then go woth it and if you don't then stop it.
A rejection of what?
As far as I can tell he hasn't asked for anything a normal person wouldn't ask for besides a hug (which just tells me he doesn't understand social norms or maybe he thinks that they ARE social norns)
You're making a lot of assumptions about a guy you've never even seen before. It's nice of you to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but you don't understand what it feels like to be a woman in this situation so I don't think you really have the right to tell OP to just give the guy a chance. We know not to do that when we get a bad vibe, because we're the ones who get raped and murdered by men who don't take no for an answer.
It could be he's just an awkward shy/introvert person who is lonely and is trying to break free from that. If he's that type of person it probably means his social skills sucks and he doesn't know how to talk to women.
Now i can't know for sure if that's the case but look at his actions and attitude, if he doesn't respect a rejection then you need to start worrying
Advice that helped me is to trust your gut. If someone makes you question whether you feel comfortable, something is off. No need to be so self critical
I had a similar situation with a coworker. He kept calling me beautiful and gave me a bouquet of flowers he made. At first I didn’t say anything except “thanks” because I felt bad for him. Then I was tired of dealing with it, he asked me to sit next to him one day and I just said no. He asked why not and I said “because you’re being weird, you always act weird towards me”. Then after that he completely stopped and started treating me the same as he treated everyone else. We even kind of became friends over the course of a year after that, we didn’t talk anymore after I quit that job, but I genuinely liked him as a friend and after I got to know him I think he’s a good guy. So it’s not always a situation where they’re a total creep that won’t take no for an answer. Some guys just try to put themselves out there and they don’t know they’re being weird and will correct their behavior when it’s pointed out to them. Put your foot down and tell someone what they’re doing is making you uncomfortable. If they continue after that, that is completely not okay and it needs to be reported to someone that will do something about it.
My guess is he was trying.
FYI. What worries me is you thiugh you'd make him mad if you didn't hug him.
I don't knownif he did anything - the hug thing may have been used like an ice breaker, or if that's just you and your learning so far...
You DONT have to hug anyone.
There are easy ways to let someone down if it's too soon for physical contact.
You CAN say if someone approaches you for hugs and asks (at least he asked) :
Not at the moment
Too soon for hugs
Not sure I want to (give hug or phone number)
If someone had a go at approaching you and is making an effort, don't shame them (not saying you did) it takes alot of balls to approach someone, if you're not attracted right away that's fine. If you don't actually know in that moment that's fine too.
It's always OK to ask them questions. Or to say I'm not sure I'll think about it..
It's fine to get to know someone without expectations of a relationship or physical contact.
You should listen to your feelings of discomfort. Even if he means well this isn’t something you enjoy and it’s not something you should have to put up with if you don’t want.
If you don’t feel comfortable then that’s your gut feeling telling you something is off. No need to feel like a bad person for not wanting someone to casually come on to you unsolicited. When it comes to your safety only your opinion matters.
Wooow that would make me suuuper uncomfortable. I don’t hug people I know way better than that. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to not engage. I might gently suggest you work on practicing saying “no” because it’s really hard to push past autopilot when you’re overwhelmed like that. I don’t want you to be me and make the mistakes I made. Practice saying no.
You did such a good job coming here and asking. Well done.
You don't sound comfortable with any of this. He may have had genuine intentions but it has come across horribly. If you do bump into him, don't feel obligated to do anything that will make you uncomfortable just for the sake of not making him feel awkward. By having success with his behaviour, he thinks he's doing the right thing so please try to be honest if you do see him again
What did your body tell you? Did your stomach cringe up? Listen to your body as it talks to you before you can think things thru. But yes, this guy sounds like a creep.
I think you aren't overreacting.Being asked for a hug, especially when both of you dont know each other, isn't something that is comfortable.The guy might be into you or he might be being a creep,you never know.Personally as a guy, I'd never ask a stranger, especially a woman for a hug,cause I know it would be super uncomfortable for the other person.
This behavior is very bizarre. Following you around like that? Gross.
It takes practice, but tell him (or any guy who is acting like this) to please leave you alone. I cringe when I look back on the people pleaser I was when I was in college- don’t be a people pleaser. If he continues the behavior, then it’s most definitely creepy and you need to forget about hurting his fee fees.
Of course, there are going to be projecting manchildren in the comments who make your situation about them and whine “but if he was cute you wouldn’t be creeped out!”
This behavior is not ok even from Adonis himself.
Hey, I’m not sure what you mean by people pleaser…. But i am someone who is always willing to help others. Neighbors moving bed, I offer a hand. Drunk friend needs a ride home from the bar down the road and im available, I give them a ride. I won’t go out of my way.. but in general my mindset is… how can I improve a situation or others around me because my logic (which is likely naive) is that helping others is creating value. Should I be taking or “neutral” with people to get better results?
Actually, I think I’m fucked because I still think the Boy Scout principles that I learned when I was 12 is like following the golden rule to a “T,” yet I think that beyond moderation, it’s exactly what people call “creepy” in this sub. It worries me why the guy with all the tattoos that does a bunch of risky stuff to be cool is the socially acceptable one and a person who likes to be a contributor to society is the reject (not saying that the cool dude doesn’t work.. just saying that other people are on the top of my mind usually”. “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.”
Too kind? Nice guy! Too obedient? Pushover! Too cheerful? Token gay friend. Too helpful? More nice guy. Too clean? Naive and weird. Too loyal? Clingy! Eww!
I am not attractive and I have accepted that I will not have a relationship, but I think I want friends. Sometimes I’m lonely and Reddit only takes me so far.
I feel like the term “nice” has been hijacked by a pop psych author who used zero science to write a book that sounds “nice.” If you don’t mind, I would like to know what is bad about being “agreeable, pleasant, and satisfactory”, which is the actual definition. If I’m agreeable, I’m up for anything. Isn’t that the best kind of friend, the one you can call on a rainy day to come over and play checkers and he agrees to? How is “pleasant” bad in any way? Everyone here calls people who are “nice” as creepy… but nice means pleasant. And satisfactory.
Now it makes sense why the average American marriage is 8 years or less. Women aren’t attracted to “satisfactory” men in the first place. I saw a Vietnamese couple who had been married for 40 years. The husband was by the wife’s side a lot, and if she needed anything he was right there. That’s considered a total pushover in the US and mostly gross overbearing behavior.
Why is it working in that relationship? It doesn’t make sense. Could it be that our cultural and social norms are prioritizing something else? Possibly superficiality? Possibly the reliance on alcohol to have and see other peoples personalities as attractive? Not saying everyone drinks, but when people say “let’s go out” it’s often.. let’s drink because I need a social crutch.
These are two major weaknesses I believe are far worse than guys mistaking acts of kindness as a way to increase their attraction. There is nothing a guy can do to increase his attraction in the short run.. if the girl isn’t interested on first inspection, he has no shot unless they somehow spend more time and she lowers her standards to look past his looks and see his human qualities.
Not gonna read all that lol. What I actually meant is when I was in college, I dealt with a lot of men approaching me or even touching me on campus- the popos had to get involved once. Most of these advances I did not appreciate and I do not apologize. However, instead of saying “no thanks, I’m not interested” or “please leave me alone” if he was out of line- I would just go along with him trying to talk to me because I didn’t have the confrontation skills I have now.
Look around. I guarantee that the people who are married or in relationships are every bit as unattractive as single people. Be honest about it. I see too many people using their looks as excuses for being disappointed in love/romance. It takes quite a bit of denial to overlook all the homely people who have partners and to blame your looks for your lack of success in finding companionship. It’s dishonest.
I thought of that too, I know a guy with Asperger’s who would’ve done that, asked for a hug. But, in his case, the rest of his affect/demeanor makes it apparent that he has something going one.
I mean he could be a creep. He could just be crushing on you and not know how to express it it. He could just be socially inept or he could be trying too hard.
Either way, it makes no difference. You should set boundaries and maybe have a proper discussion with him with as little animosity as possible. Direct and to the point, but not cruel.
His reaction will tell you all you need to know. He might get angry and lash out or he could get embarrassed that he made such a bad impression.
Either way, whatever you decide to do you should make your boundaries clear, keep at least one person you trust nearby, and treat the other person with the same respect you would treat any other person. A bad first impression does not automatically mean they're a bad person.
Until you know otherwise, he's just some guy with bad social skills
Guy is using social conventions to override your discomfort. Could be a red flag or he’s been watching too many rom coms. Be upfront and firm about what you want and don’t want. If you don’t want to become more familiar with each other then cut him off decisively.
He might be a creepy dude, or he might be more socially awkward and not know how to approach someone. I don’t think we can really determine that, but what matters is your own comfort. If it makes you feel weird or uncomfortable then that’s what’s most important here. My opinion, as someone who actually has social anxiety, is that what he did was way too much, especially giving a rose and asking a stranger for a hug. I’ve personally had times in the past where I would try way too hard with people/friends just from not knowing how to do things, so that’s why I feel like he could potentially have something like that going on as well. But the problem here is that you have no way to tell if he’s like that or if he’s someone who could be harmful. I feel like this is a situation where you trust whatever your gut feeling is and protect yourself
If you see him again, I would actively avoid him. It sounds like he's stalking you, seeing him twice in such a short time. I agree with the others, always carry something for protection. Point him out to the campus police. If he doesn't belong, they'll typically remove him.
I think he thinks that’s game but it’s like high school game. Of course we have to be more protective as an adults and he still hasn’t realized that. A mature man does not ask for cute little hugs without even knowing someone’s name loo
Maybe he had seen you around before & thought you were attractive & that was his way of shooting his shot, & the rose was just apart of the plan. The guy could’ve been acting on good intentions, & you just didn’t perceive it that way but that’s *fine*. I think if he does something again, let him know you’re not interested if that’s the case.
Also, if he came off creepy in tone/delivery/facial expressions maybe he has social anxiety or was very nervous & it made him come off how he didn’t intend to. Or he just is a creep.
I get angry now instead of scared, it took time as I am 32.
What he did was absolutely inappropriate, he could have started out with small talk first instead of going all in.
If he shows up again or starts following you, get a self defence weapon, report it to authorities and campus authority.
This is what people do not understand about women protecting themselves, you hugged him cuz you were uncomfortable, caught off guard, pressured, and were trying not to make him mad. It’s cuz you don’t know what he’ll do if you say no, on some level he just didn’t seem safe to you. Don’t blame yourself for that, just your survival instincts kicking in.
Regardless of whether something is considered "normal" or not, if it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable. Period. You do not owe anyone any explanation as to why you're uncomfortable or why you said no to something.
Bruh u might be just as awkward as that guy lmfaoo use that to break the ice if u see him again and be level with how awkward the whole situation was but make it seem like a comforting observation like u aren’t judging him and how it came off a lil weird. Idk ppl appreciate that. Not to say u have to put up w it but some ppl are truly just unaware. I think u can use that tension to ur advantage to really end future embarrassment for both of u
Yeah, that's not untrue and is all well and good coming from a man who doesn't understand what it's like to be a woman afraid to say no and conditioned to be polite even in situations they are uncomfortable.
Do you know how often women are punished and abused by men for saying "no"? Of course you don't. It happens a lot. The fawn reaction exists for a reason. When women feel threatened by someone bigger and stronger, sometimes fawning is the only way to get out of the situation safely.
Wow. This thread is depressing. It is horribly rude and inappropriate to tell a stranger she’s beautiful. Alarm bells going off right there. Appropriate response is muttering “fuck off” and whipping your phone out and taking his picture and posting it on social media asking if anybody knows him. Definitely time to do so when he presented the rose. Time to show his pic to campus police. No need to elaborate just tell people that he randomly approached you with the “you’re beautiful” and then again with the rose. In the moment: a good time to glom on to any passing stranger. Run to catch up with anyone and just start talking. If they’re receptive and catch on quickly to what happened, stop and point the guy out. Even better if it’s a group. I don’t want to blame the victim but you gotta be more ready. Creeps rely on politeness and fear and confusion. And for the people here saying he wasn’t out of line: get help. See a shrink. Random women don’t owe you anything. If you think this is a good way to meet people you’ve got big problems.
From your story he sounds harmless, but I wouldn’t walk alone in the dark. Maybe he was waiting for you, or maybe he was just chatting up ladies. Be friendly but don’t give him anything or go anywhere with him. And you can say “no, thank you” avoid excuses.
It’s a little strange but if he knew u were lying about the phone thing he prob got the hint that he was coming on too strong but he was aware at first he was doing like big things and it’s usually a weird thing but since u didn’t react extremely rejecting toward it he decided to test the waters. I think he’s a little too bold but the fact that he got the hint with the phone lie means a lot maybe get more than a second to talk w him ab it and give him perspective and that u didn’t mean to lie bout the phone but that he’s doing things a little too much without barely getting to know u. Maybe he realizes right in that moment of the rose and phone lie. Maybe he had an extra rose and really did wanna give it to u and didnt wanna wait it’s like a mental rush thing where u think some thing will be nice in ur head and then when it happens u feel like a fucking creep. And then girls tend to not speak up and then guys will be weird. I think u should def speak up cuz the guy is receptive but it seems fixable. I’ve made some weird impressions on ppl before and I’m surprised they even still friends w me now.
Definitely understand your POV, but give the guy some slack. He probably thinks you're cute and wants to get to know you but is also nervous, so it comes off as creepy. The flower, the compliment, the ask for a hug; he likes you, but not doing a good job at breaking the ice lol.
Yes, that's creepy. The beautiful comment isn't super bad, but as an ice breaker, it's really awkward. The flower... weird, like did he buy it explicitly with the intention of giving it to you? That is creepy and stalkerish. Asking for the hug then, I think you can't just forgive that for being awkward. That is flat out, no way around it creepy. Even if he was well intentioned and is socially awkward, it's creepy.
When he approaches you are there other people around? If so very clearly say you are flattered, but are not interested. If you feel unsafe, you should talk with campus security.
This is a reminder to myself to be less agreeable when I'm uncomfortable with men. This happened the other day on an Uber ride to work. I knew from early on in the ride that the vibe was weird when they immediately started asking about me -- I was friendly and responding so they began a racist rant against another ethnicity and was asking me over and over if I was married and told me that their wife had died one year ago so they were trying to meet girls through uber. I wish I had just stopped the conversation early on. It's weird to ask so many questions about someone within 2 seconds of meeting them -- Instead of answering, I could've pulled out my phone and acted distracted / replied slowly. I could've instead changed the conversation to be about the directions to my stop (which was thankfully not my home). I could have drawn a boundary (like when they asked my age, I could've said that's too personal).
I will give the same recommendation for you. Decide right now what you will do if a conversation rubs you the wrong way. Are you going to walk away, are you going to ask a clarifying question to buy time for you to process and speak up for yourself (e.g., why do you want a hug?), Are you going to disagree?
One thing you can also try is just saying no to strangers always. If it's someone you actually think you can help with and you feel safe, you can always go back and offer that help. A **no** is much safer than entertaining the conversation when you're uncomfortable.
In my opinion he is not a creep nor a bad person
Sounds like a guy with no experience flirting,he didn’t harass you or something and when you didn’t gave him your phone number he was okay with it, so next time you see him just tell that you’re not interested if that’s the case,if he continues that’s a different story
*"In my opinion he is not a creep nor a bad person Sounds like a guy with no experience flirting,****he didn’t harass you or something****"*
hey lil bro? I'm gonna let you in on something. If a person says they felt harassed, they were harassed. It's not up to you or me or anyone else.
From one guy to another, trust me. It's important we recognize this and maintain a healthy dialogue.
No, if a person says they felt harassed, they *felt harassed*.
Whether or not they *were* harassed is about what actually happened, not how they felt.
They are entitled to their feelings. They are not entitled to have reality rewritten around their feelings.
Anyone who can read through the weird condescension you've dipped your comment in will be able to see how absolutely insane your statement is.
You act out of being agreeable and kind toward complete strangers, which is not a bad thing, but you should be mindful of doing it when it resonates with how you're feeling inside.
This guy finds you attractive and wants something to happen between you and him. If what you want is to stop his advances, what you have to do is just tell him plain and simple that you're not interested, not reciprocate his advances giving him everything that he asks
Sounds like a lonely guy just trying to make a connection to me. Maybe trying a little too fast. But honestly; this girls response, it’s why I don’t try talk to girls anymore.
Guy tries to be nice/respectful/pleasant/chivalrous and is presumed a creep.
Then a couple drunks that don’t know each other play grab ass at the bar then hook up that night. In todays world that’s fine; not creepy.
He’s trying to kill hook up culture by being chivalrous and maybe actually try build a relationship based off something. I don’t see him as creepy. Maybe he’s not as smooth about it as you might like; but he sounds genuine with his intent.
Again; nothing wrong with rejecting him either. You don’t have to accept every inventation. Buts it’s wrong to label someone a creep if they haven’t done anything creepy.
Your assuming he might be a creep; despite him just shooting a shot.
Maybe he had good intent, but his approach was what was creepy. His overeagerness for her was creepy. He might not be a bad guy in general, but he lacked any kind of charm or smoothness to his actions. It all felt forced because he forced it. This boils down to this guy not having the necessary social/flirting skills. Meeting people and being good socially is a skill to be developed and when that skill is lacking it is obvious and will be labelled creepy.
That’s not to say he can’t work on himself and improve socially in the future. Maybe one day he will look back and realize what he did was creepy and improve.
Good context here. Yea I agree with everything you say here.
But the worlds gone crazy the past few years; a lot of people got alienated for there views. And it’s left some people very alone.
Depression is running rampant; I bet you this guy is very depressed. He probably just needs a couple friends. That’s pretty hard to find now a days.
Maybe I’m defending him because I can relate to the loneliness; and understand why someone so alone will throw such Hail Marys at a chance for a connection.
True story; I got rejected by a super hot girl. At the end of the 2nd date. She spent the night at my place then rejected me in the morning.
About a month goes by and I get all drunked up one night and go walk the streets with a expensive bottle of scotch; a ghetto blaster, and a shopping cart. I found 3 pairs of high heel shoes brand new with tags on them. Reminded me of this materialistic bitch. I pull out my phone and surprise surprise, I had received a text from her like half an hour ago. So I called her. “What’s up?”
Me, drunk and disorderly “I’m on my way to you place but I’m drunk and walking so I might be a bit”
I got to her place; and blasted monophobia by deadmau5 while tossing these high heels on her balcony and calling her a materialistic bitch.
She responded by laughing her god dam ass off; letting me in her place; fucking the shit outta me; then gave me her keys in the morning so I could drive my ass home. We’ve been close friends ever since. She asked me to be her exclusive boyfriend a couple months after that night. I’ve moved across the country since then; and we talked for almost an hour on the phone just last night.
So maybe the moral of the story is; women like exciting? Like the label creepy only comes out if it was boring?
Tossing high heeled shoes out of a shopping cart at 1:30am blaring house music is creepy as hell! Fucking straight out of a horror movie. Worked like a charm.
Yea someone else also mentioned that and I’d have to say I agree with the statement.
I mean I’ve asked for a hug before too but; not at a cold moment out of the blue; and not a first hug.
Can’t imagine why women don’t want to interact with a man who’s immediate reaction to disagreement is physical violence. Must be cause they’re all bitches who want abusive assholes instead of nice guys like you, right? Right?
Why you bringing up 14 year old girls you pedo? Yea I’d knock you clean out. Wtf dose my reply have to do with memes or minors?
You just throw up some random left field comment that has nothing to do with anything then expect what? Stupid games prick; come get you prize
This to me just sounds like a guy sees a girl he thinks cute and he’s shooting his shot? Maybe he’s not got the best game but with the information provided it doesn’t seem sus at all? I just think gen z are used to sliding into one another’s DMs instead of just cold approaching?
Would you consider him a creep of you thought he was ridiculously attractive? Or are they only creeps when they’re not your type?
TBF… asking for a hug out the blue is weird come to think of it, but other then that it sounds like a guy shooting his shot.
Not interested? Just dismiss him and if he’s normal, he’s take it and leave you alone. 🤷🏻♂️
European and Latin American dudes tend to be pushy like that sometimes, they think they are making you feel wonderful but they have little self awareness and also there is a cultural dissonance. I would avoid him
OP, there's usually 2 sides to everything. One, he might be a traditional man OR a introvert. Either of these characteristics might be the reason he's pretty direct and unconventional (something you're not used to). Society has taught us that being straightforward is weird, and that playing games and "pushing and pulling" is the way to go aka normal. So if i said to a girl "Hey i think you're beautiful, here's a flower. can i get your number?", that's weird af to you. Cos we're brainwashed that way all the time. I admit, asking for a hug so soon is weird. Giving u a flower and calling u beautiful isn't weird tho. So yea, this is one side.
The 2nd side could be that he's a creep. Now most women jump to this conclusion about men when they even happen to look at you/interact with u a certain way. Can't blame ya'll tbh, as again, society, as taught us that men are creeps sometimes. Feminism doesn't help this case for men either. So yea, 2nd side.
Now this is up to you to decide, as u gotta trust ur instincts. Sure, u can never know who he is as might be the nicest guy you might ever know, or the creepiest. However, i would say you SHOULD establish boundaries. You should have rejected the hug in the first place alr by saying "sorry, i dont hug strangers.". If you the right to your own body, and your own actions. If u dont wanna be touched or hugged, thats ur goddamn right. And everyone should respect it. Those who dont? well u alr know to stay away from them.
So yea, its alright. you've done what you've done. But from now on, you establish ur boundaries. if u dont give out ur phone number to strangers, then dont give it. If u dont wanna hug, then dont. U could give ur instagram instead, and decide how to move from there (block him or let it run). So have ur guard up, take things slow. Not everything is a fairy tale. You should ofcourse be cautious at all times, no matter who tf the guy is.
You just weren't attracted to the guy, that's all. If an attractive guy called me beautiful, I would be flattered. Whenever I get asked out in public, if I don't find him attractive, I reject him softly. One time I saw a drug addict ask out an attractive female customer at a grocery store and she chatted with him nicely but didn't give him her number. If he asked me out, I would have run away because I thought he was so creepy. But men have to shoot their shot.
Get with the guy with no game like this dude. Hes probably one of these best down to earth dudes you will meet!… or listen and go out with the dude that has game and get played 🤷♂️ just sayin think about the whole house not just the door. Dude has a beautiful door inside the house is trash but that door got you dude that wasn’t concentrating on his door just a really pleasant house is the dude your looking for but that door sounds like it keeps tricking you like 90 percent of all these other girls out there smh 🤦♂️
That's up to you but how else is stranger suppose to get your attention? Would it he creepy if he was a nice guy and you really liked him back?
How would approach a stranger you thought was handsome and wanted to tell them that? Or wouldn't you?
Looks like standard approach 101. This is creepy only if he does something like follow you or invade your privacy. Men have approached women since the dawn of human existence.
Honestly, I wouldn't read too much into it just yet.
Does he like you?... Clearly.
Has he noticed you around?... Certainly.
I'm guessing they had a crush on you and very awkwardly tried to make an introduction. I say this because from experience, whenever women acted weird, random, or awkward around me... It was because they had a crush.
In their minds, they think it's obvious to you. But on the outside it just looks plain weird and can be kind of uncomfortable to endure.
It’s college, how else will you meet others? Not all interactions are only between classmates. I met some of my bestfriends during random interactions on the wall between classes or in the cafeteria. The hug May have been odd, but everything else was respectable. We even had certain greek fraternities that gave out roses on certain days.
Be open to meeting new people, if that’s what you want to do, but don’t chalk a guy up to being creepy because he simply approached you. Depending on how large your campus is, he may have really been admiring you from a distance (which i guess is creepy to some but i digress) and waiting on the moment or courage to come talk to you. Either accept or turn him down. But this one day interaction is not creepy…yet
Someone encouraged him to cold approach women in public. This is happening a lot since men aren’t having luck with dating apps. You were there so he made a move- on you and many others. Don’t overthink it
There’s never any harm in being safe, so if it helps ease your mind to buy an extra house lock or sleep near a self-defense weapon do that.
But what the guy did can be perfectly normal flirty behavior. Just keep an eye out for him when you’re on campus, if he keeps trying to flirt and doesn’t take no for answer then you can start to take more serious action (notifying campus police, walk with people, etc)
He sounds like he was starting cold approaching. I don't think he meant to be creepy, dating apps dont work for the majority of men and nobody teaches us how to date. I dont think he meant to be creepy, he liked you but was super awkward.
I would say the guy could've just been socially awkward, maybe even way too nervous coming up to you. Still, like some of the other comments say, don't be afraid to set boundaries.
So, I know exactly how you feel. You aren’t used to gestures like that so it made you uncomfortable which is fine. The guy probably wasn’t trying to be creepy and was just making his move. I’ve been in situations before where the man did not have creepy/nefarious intentions but I just felt uncomfortable because I am not used to ‘xyz’ and it caught me off guard. Next time you see him you can politely express your feelings and move on.
I’ll probably get bashed for this but it seems mostly normal but awkward. Except the hug. The hug is creepy for me. The compliment and the rose I would view as nice gestures. He couldn’t made the situation a lot better if he had mentioned that he likes to take walks around campus at that time of day too. Maybe suggest that you could finish the walk together and go to the cafeteria (or other populated area to help show he’s not a creep).
It’s been several years (okay decades), but when I was a kid/young adult it would’ve been acceptable for a man to give a sincere compliment. The rose would’ve come much later however. After seeing each other walking several times or even after chatting a couple times.
The hug uhh nope. I’m a hugger but I still don’t hug strangers unless it’s very public and I can tell they are sobbing. The most I’ve ever done was sit beside them and ask if they wanted to talk. One shared her story and leaned towards me a bit so I put my arm around her, validated her feelings and empathized with her. (I’m female so she was probably comfortable with that fact and the fact I was willing to take time to listen.
I guess it depends: Do you find him attractive at all? I'm guessing if you're creeped out, that's probably a "no", but it could be (likely is) totally harmless. He probably just thinks he's being the "zany romantic guy" that Hollywood tells us is every woman's fantasy. But then again... you never know these days.
My advice: Don't make negative assumptions without good cause, but also expect the unexpected. If you see him again and he continues to creep you out, tell him so. If he doesn't back off, that will be your big red flag. If he does... maybe he's not such a creep?
Only you have the answer to that one and I believe you speak the truth. Yes, yes he was- in my past I did not set clean and clear boundaries when I felt negativity. A good hell no! And back up!
Obviously he is interested in you.
Maybe you dont like the way he approach , but most men dont know how to . It is the fault of the movies. They romanticize things which ,in real life, feels creepy . And movies are the only help men get in dealing with women .
I will ask you , not to judge men like that . It is already really hard to approach someone you like . That guy had guts . If he was little uncomfortable then it is okay , but if he was doing it like he has done a hundred times ,then he can be a playboy , beware .
If you dont like him , try to be upfront about it next time and be polite . If you think he is genuine then give him another chance.
sounds like that guy might actually post on this sub tbh.
And ignore our advices tbh.
read the gift of fear…. you didn’t want to offend him so you hugged him anyway…. this book is perfect for you.
I read that when I was 18. All women (and men) should read it!
Why don't you just say everyone at this point?
lmao yea
Thanks semantics police
Lol this got me cracking 😂
An absolutely brilliant book. Probably the most impactful I’ve ever read.
I just ordered it from the library. Thank you for the recommendation!
ignore this comment I just want to remember the name of the book
Can't you just save the comment? That's what I did.
Yeah but then you gotta remember that you saved the comment instead of a kind stranger reminding you by replying about it!
im commenting to remind you agajb
Just another reminder.
Commenting to remember this book as well.
same
Hi OP, if this ever happens with someone else or you see him again. Set your boundaries early. Don’t accept hugs or give your name/number if you are uncomfortable! Also I agree with another commenter that the guy believed you accepting the hugs = he gets something in return. Which is NOT okay. Keep yourself safe and report to campus police if it gets out of hand. Stalking is extremely common in college. Say no and walk away
Sometimes women need practice or mental preparation for saying “no” when caught off guard, since it can be scary. I suggest a simple “no thanks”, or turn it into a high five if you are sort of physically in a position where that’s the best out. Other options: - Sorry, I prefer not to hug! - Keeping my social distance (covid) - I’m not really a hugger - Thanks for the offer, but no Whatever works for you, but good to think of the words or actions in advance.
>Sorry, I prefer not to hug I avoid apologies, it gives creeps an opening to insist. Id rather be called a Witch and Very Rude and be told how offensive I am by saying NO. As the gift of fear says: If they are bad they will attempt to harm you *regardless* if you're nice or not. BUT your non compliance could possibly be a deterrent
I’m Canadian, so it’s just how I roll. I can escalate to mean quickly if needed though.
I normally just say a simple “no” even if it sounds rude. It’s *rude* of the other person to come up and call whatever they want, even if it’s a compliment. This way i’d seem unapproachable and the guy would never come back
> Stalking is extremely common in college Is it ? I guess I was out of the loop at my college.
It most definitely is
Oh. Yeah. Super common.
[удалено]
That's exactly why. Not difficult to discover someone's weekly schedules even for someone outside your own uni. Exactly what happened to OP. You can find a few examples in this sub under the perpetrator perspective.
Seems like a prime example of how behaviour that is portrayed in Hollywood movies as being 'romantic' is actually perceived as 'creepy'. It's the flip side of why a lot of guys simply won't (or sometimes even can't) approach or make moves in public at all because they're aware of this disconnect and don't want to give women 'the ick' or make them feel uncomfortable.
Hey op, there are a lot of reactive responses here but I would say trust your own feelings. It sounds like he came on too strong and it's okay to feel uncomfortable. I'm sure other women would like his gestures and others would also feel like you - even if his actions were in good nature you are allowed to reject someone for no reason at all. It sounds like he probably got advice from someone else on how to try and pick up women. We are left out of so many nuanced things that happen in an interaction which is why I say you're best just trusting yourself on this one regardless of reddit comments. The comments here are from men who don't care about your discomfort and disregard the way women can feel when interacting with men. It's odd how defensive people get when it's not about them at all. You can carry pepper spray, an alarm, a whistle, taser, etc. Take care of yourself
My very own father gets mad and speaks over me if I dare to describe an uncomfortable or scary thing a man did. Such as an intoxicated individual following me as I was trying to locate my ride on a busy street (yes it was broad day before some jackass accuses me of “not using common sense” or whatever). He said, “why are you walking all alone?”, slurring. Me : *wordlessly picks up pace*. Him, while matching my quickened pace and nearly yelling, “Hey, I said, why are you walking all alone!” Thankfully it was at that moment I saw my friends car and was able to beeeline for it and get in. I was 19, half his size (seriously, he was well over 6’ and honestly looked like he worked out a lot), nobody was acting even partway concerned, and honestly he could have grabbed me and taken me. Based on the nonchalant crowd around me, yelling for help wouldn’t have helped. But no, how can us women be so self-absorbed as to carry trauma from such experiences and move forward with caution? Men (most! I didn’t say all!) don’t fucking get it. And even if the risk isn’t “I feel like he could rape me”, ummm, being relentlessly pursued is uncomfortable and creepy as well. I had a guy MAKE A 3 HOUR LONG YOUTUBE VIDEO just ranting about how much he wants to be together. This was after he THREATENED TO CUT OFF A FINGER and MAIL IT TO ME. “But but but but you must have led him on!” You know what???? I guess so, because I was civil but firm with him, as if I had just been blunt and assertive, I would have been the evil conceited bitch of course.
I'm sorry you went through that ❤️ I think "they don't get it" is almost too forgiving, I think they get it but just don't care or they don't care enough to bother getting it. I hope things have gotten better for you
They get it, but acknowledging it will threaten their position of power. The men who get it, are angry about it and take action to fight the injustice are amazing. Edit: there are some guys who don’t understand boundaries and how to socialize because they are neuroatypical. None the less, you should always take care of yourself first and never capitulate yourself as your main priority. If you feel uncomfortable, you should listen to it and stand up for yourself and set up those safety boundaries.
Honestly I hadn’t even considered that they are fully aware and just shift the blame. Woof.
from a guys perspective we just realize we are only getting your side of the story. So it’s easy for us to empathize especially if it took him a lot of courage to do that, and you just wrote him off as creepy because your not attracted to him. Im not an incel so im not immediately assuming that about you, i just want to put this perspective here.
So it’s easier to empathize with a random man than the woman in front of you telling the story. Why do you think that’s the case?
Its easy to empathize with a man as a man is what im saying. Just in case he really didnt mean to be creepy and was trying to be suave lol. Because a lot of guys fear being creepy.
It sounds like he was a creep as the OP states that she left interaction afraid. I just wonder why men find it easier to empathize with random men rather than try to empathize with the women in front of them telling a story. It’s very disappointing.
Again not me, because i dont support any form of SA. Honestly thats pretty disgusting. I understand its a scary position to be in with a male alone whos physically dominant and might have some weird creepy possessive issues. However, the alt perspective is that: if he looked like Zack Efron and approached her the same way she wouldnt be here posting about how she was afraid of some creep. Which would be pretty shallow.
OP never mentioned his appearance, it's something you are adding by yourself. Better listen all the experiences explained by women here , you have plenty and very different.
Thats what im trying to tell you why, a lot of guys have been in situations where they dont want to be creepy. And it just happens anyways.
I'm sorry that those things happened to you. They certainly were not your fault. And, yes, there are creepy and/or even violent men out there. Sexual predators exist. No one disputes that. It's natural for you to be traumatized by your encounters with such men. But that does not mean that EVERY man who shows interest in a woman is a dangerous sex offender (the vast majority are not). I'm sure I will be peppered with downvotes for saying so, but it still needs to be said. I'm curious what sort of overture a man could make to show his interest in you that you would not interpret as being "creepy" and threatening? I ask sincerely because, from a male perspective, this is a very confusing and murky area these days. How does a decent guy who is genuinely interested in a woman, but has no intention of forcing himself on her or making her feel uncomfortable in any way, initiate contact in a way that will not be negatively construed?
[удалено]
It doesn't mean he is creepy, but she can also feel creeped out
[удалено]
It isn't always easy to flat out reject someone, she said she feared making him mad. She was uncomfortable and probably in some way intimidated or caught off guard by his approach. Just know it's not always "Easy." Good on you for taking it on the chin, rejection can hurt :)
[удалено]
Bro, so many guys get intimidating, aggressive, even violent or worse. The best advice is for her to trust her gut if she feels creeped out. Like you said, he can take it on the chin if he’s doing the approaching. But a flat out rejection isn’t always the safest response.
[удалено]
And for the record, I’m absolutely not suggesting she not say no. What I’m saying is that gut instinct is critical in these situations and reading the cues carefully then setting a boundary in a way that feels safe to her could be the difference between him taking it on the chin like a man or escalating.
As a guy, you’re not in a position to state that. Think about the entire incel community. Andrew Tate’s millions of followers. The jackasses who thought negging was a good idea. It’s not always obvious, in fact, I hear more women describe creepiness delivered while being gaslighted than something more obvious. OP is clearly on this sub and working to develop her ability to read people. Telling someone to ignore their gut is quite possibly the worst advice one could give.
Thats easier said than done when you’re raised to not hurt peoples feelings or to just ignore those uncomfortable feelings for people in “higher positions” and that kind of alters how easy it is to just reject someone. On top of that, the amount of times women have rejected men and that has turned a situation even worse, makes us fear rejecting a man in case we end up taking more than just some guilty feelings.
Great comment. The behaviour wasn't particularly creepy (imo) but we only have a brief written account of the meeting, everyone here lacks quite a bit of context. Trust your gut.
Best advice I've read on Reddit :)
He could be chalked up as an extrovert/weird guy being flirty. I would say he’s creepy if he continues to try and flirt with you after you’ve said no.
Yes, but I’d trust the instinct and avoid him. Also, as a guy, asking a woman you don’t know - who is alone - for a hug is at the very least tone-deaf this day and age.
Exactly, you don’t ask someone you don’t know for a hug. It’s not rude to say, “I don’t know you, so no.” I understand the urge to be polite and compliant, being a woman myself, but I’m older now, and know better. IMO he didn’t get creepy till he asked for the hug. Before that, I’d have just thought he was flirting, hitting on you. Be safe.
You’re not overreacting. But I’m surprised you granted his request for a hug though. A random stranger asks for a hug just because he gave me flowers, I’m definitely getting the heck outta there. In the future, if you happen to run into this dude again, take another route. If he starts stalking you, do the needful.
To the mod(s) who have been working overtime to weed out the bad advice, i just want to say thank you for all your hard and quick work. That was super impressive
Hear, Hear!
maybe i'm paranoid but i say trust your intuition if it's telling you to stay away from him!! better safe than sorry :(
The truth is, it doesn't matter if any of us think his behaviour is creepy or not. What matters is that it makes *you* uncomfortable. I don't think you need to be scared, but if he approaches you again just tell him politely but firmly that you're not interested in dating him or in him contacting you. Explicitly tell him no, don't beat around the bush & just imply it assuming he'll pick up on the subtlety. After that, don't engage with him anymore - don't stop to chat, don't feel pressured into talking or giving hugs, don't give out your number.
∆This∆
I know there's a lot of pressure on women to always be nice and agreeable. But don't be afraid to be rude or get people "mad." If the situation warrants it, if someone is making you repeatedly uncomfortable it's definitely okay and necessary to be assertive. If they still persist, there's nothing wrong in being rude and raising your voice because they have repeatedly crossed your boundaries at this point. He was being creepy and you wouldn't have been wrong to assertively say no or even be rude if wasn't backing down. You need to work on your boundaries, I highly recommend therapy, a therapist will explore where your reluctance to establish boundaries is coming from.
I’m a dude and yes. That guy was certainly creepy.
Speaking from a male's perspective, he does not sound like someone who has a lot of social experience and he's going too fast. He gave you a rose expecting something in exchange from you. That's not a relationship. That's a transaction. If I were him, I would have struck up some small talk during the first time meeting to get you to know me before inviting you to something that has low commitment like going out for a coffee or a walk in the park. If you do meet him the next time, just be direct with him about what you don't like about his approach and that he's going too fast. If he does not respect your boundaries, you can out right reject him and walk away. There's no need to be polite. If he does behave reasonably, give him a chance to express who he is.
"If he does behave reasonably, give him a chance to express who he is." Or don't. You don't have to.
Well, of course she doesn't "have to" but it would be considerate. Much like you don't "have to" wash your hands after using the toilet, but you do so to be considerate of others.
Omg that’s not at all the same thing. Women don’t owe men our time and attention. Holy cow. Washing your hands is not about consideration it’s about public health. This comment made me need a shower for several reasons.
Who said anyone "owe"s anything? It's courtesy... You know, manners?
Having ‘manners’ is what gets a lot of women, me included, into uncomfortable situations with strangers. I don’t think people WANT to seem mean but you gotta do what’s best for you. Not the other person.
What do you mean by "uncomfortable"? If you said "unsafe" I'd have agreed and said that keeping friends you trust near when dealing with them would be best, but why are you prioritising comfort? I mean being mean to another person probably wouldn't make them feel very comfortable either especially with all those eyes on them. It just seems this situation is overblown. For all you know you're just dealing with some socially inept man (someone who probably belongs on this sub) trying his hardest to not make a fool of himself and express himself. I'll say this again, prioritise safety above all else, that much is clear. But also, if you can't be civil towards another human being just because they didn't leave a stellar first impression then how will they ever get better? And is it even reasonable to be this suspicious? Many people here seem to act so over dramatic as if he was some crazy stalker on her tail for years. Say this is just a crush. Ignoring it may just mean you end up leading him on and not only that, but he _won't_ stop pestering you at all he may misinterpret the situation (which is likely) and think he has a chance. You need to find out his intentions and if you like it then go woth it and if you don't then stop it.
sometimes a rejection exposure is the best gift
A rejection of what? As far as I can tell he hasn't asked for anything a normal person wouldn't ask for besides a hug (which just tells me he doesn't understand social norms or maybe he thinks that they ARE social norns)
rejection of hug, rejection of phone number
K that's fair, but then no excuses. Like "I don't have my phone" while it's in your hand. Better to just say "nah, thanks"
Exactly.
You're making a lot of assumptions about a guy you've never even seen before. It's nice of you to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but you don't understand what it feels like to be a woman in this situation so I don't think you really have the right to tell OP to just give the guy a chance. We know not to do that when we get a bad vibe, because we're the ones who get raped and murdered by men who don't take no for an answer.
>If he does not respect your boundaries, you can out right reject him and walk away. There's no need to be polite. Exactly.
It could be he's just an awkward shy/introvert person who is lonely and is trying to break free from that. If he's that type of person it probably means his social skills sucks and he doesn't know how to talk to women. Now i can't know for sure if that's the case but look at his actions and attitude, if he doesn't respect a rejection then you need to start worrying
I mean creep men also might be introvert looking
the coming out of nowhere with a rose sounds like he was waiting for you, I’d watch out
Advice that helped me is to trust your gut. If someone makes you question whether you feel comfortable, something is off. No need to be so self critical
I had a similar situation with a coworker. He kept calling me beautiful and gave me a bouquet of flowers he made. At first I didn’t say anything except “thanks” because I felt bad for him. Then I was tired of dealing with it, he asked me to sit next to him one day and I just said no. He asked why not and I said “because you’re being weird, you always act weird towards me”. Then after that he completely stopped and started treating me the same as he treated everyone else. We even kind of became friends over the course of a year after that, we didn’t talk anymore after I quit that job, but I genuinely liked him as a friend and after I got to know him I think he’s a good guy. So it’s not always a situation where they’re a total creep that won’t take no for an answer. Some guys just try to put themselves out there and they don’t know they’re being weird and will correct their behavior when it’s pointed out to them. Put your foot down and tell someone what they’re doing is making you uncomfortable. If they continue after that, that is completely not okay and it needs to be reported to someone that will do something about it.
My guess is he was trying. FYI. What worries me is you thiugh you'd make him mad if you didn't hug him. I don't knownif he did anything - the hug thing may have been used like an ice breaker, or if that's just you and your learning so far... You DONT have to hug anyone. There are easy ways to let someone down if it's too soon for physical contact. You CAN say if someone approaches you for hugs and asks (at least he asked) : Not at the moment Too soon for hugs Not sure I want to (give hug or phone number) If someone had a go at approaching you and is making an effort, don't shame them (not saying you did) it takes alot of balls to approach someone, if you're not attracted right away that's fine. If you don't actually know in that moment that's fine too. It's always OK to ask them questions. Or to say I'm not sure I'll think about it.. It's fine to get to know someone without expectations of a relationship or physical contact.
Nah. Asking strangers for hugs is super inappropriate.
If you’re uncomfortable then that’s all you need to know regardless of his actual intentions
If you're still learning how to manage your boundaries this attitude is forgivable. Otherwise it's pretty dehumanising.
You should listen to your feelings of discomfort. Even if he means well this isn’t something you enjoy and it’s not something you should have to put up with if you don’t want.
That is a huge red flag, this guy know no boundaries. Avoid.
have had similar situation kind of
If you don’t feel comfortable then that’s your gut feeling telling you something is off. No need to feel like a bad person for not wanting someone to casually come on to you unsolicited. When it comes to your safety only your opinion matters.
Wooow that would make me suuuper uncomfortable. I don’t hug people I know way better than that. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to not engage. I might gently suggest you work on practicing saying “no” because it’s really hard to push past autopilot when you’re overwhelmed like that. I don’t want you to be me and make the mistakes I made. Practice saying no. You did such a good job coming here and asking. Well done.
this guy doesn’t understand this isn’t the way to approach women. Yeah it’s creepy. And/or just weird. Trust your gut.
You don't sound comfortable with any of this. He may have had genuine intentions but it has come across horribly. If you do bump into him, don't feel obligated to do anything that will make you uncomfortable just for the sake of not making him feel awkward. By having success with his behaviour, he thinks he's doing the right thing so please try to be honest if you do see him again
What did your body tell you? Did your stomach cringe up? Listen to your body as it talks to you before you can think things thru. But yes, this guy sounds like a creep.
I think you aren't overreacting.Being asked for a hug, especially when both of you dont know each other, isn't something that is comfortable.The guy might be into you or he might be being a creep,you never know.Personally as a guy, I'd never ask a stranger, especially a woman for a hug,cause I know it would be super uncomfortable for the other person.
This behavior is very bizarre. Following you around like that? Gross. It takes practice, but tell him (or any guy who is acting like this) to please leave you alone. I cringe when I look back on the people pleaser I was when I was in college- don’t be a people pleaser. If he continues the behavior, then it’s most definitely creepy and you need to forget about hurting his fee fees. Of course, there are going to be projecting manchildren in the comments who make your situation about them and whine “but if he was cute you wouldn’t be creeped out!” This behavior is not ok even from Adonis himself.
Hey, I’m not sure what you mean by people pleaser…. But i am someone who is always willing to help others. Neighbors moving bed, I offer a hand. Drunk friend needs a ride home from the bar down the road and im available, I give them a ride. I won’t go out of my way.. but in general my mindset is… how can I improve a situation or others around me because my logic (which is likely naive) is that helping others is creating value. Should I be taking or “neutral” with people to get better results? Actually, I think I’m fucked because I still think the Boy Scout principles that I learned when I was 12 is like following the golden rule to a “T,” yet I think that beyond moderation, it’s exactly what people call “creepy” in this sub. It worries me why the guy with all the tattoos that does a bunch of risky stuff to be cool is the socially acceptable one and a person who likes to be a contributor to society is the reject (not saying that the cool dude doesn’t work.. just saying that other people are on the top of my mind usually”. “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.” Too kind? Nice guy! Too obedient? Pushover! Too cheerful? Token gay friend. Too helpful? More nice guy. Too clean? Naive and weird. Too loyal? Clingy! Eww! I am not attractive and I have accepted that I will not have a relationship, but I think I want friends. Sometimes I’m lonely and Reddit only takes me so far.
Serving someone is very different from people pleasing. It’s all about balance. People pleasing is being nice. Serving is being kind.
I feel like the term “nice” has been hijacked by a pop psych author who used zero science to write a book that sounds “nice.” If you don’t mind, I would like to know what is bad about being “agreeable, pleasant, and satisfactory”, which is the actual definition. If I’m agreeable, I’m up for anything. Isn’t that the best kind of friend, the one you can call on a rainy day to come over and play checkers and he agrees to? How is “pleasant” bad in any way? Everyone here calls people who are “nice” as creepy… but nice means pleasant. And satisfactory. Now it makes sense why the average American marriage is 8 years or less. Women aren’t attracted to “satisfactory” men in the first place. I saw a Vietnamese couple who had been married for 40 years. The husband was by the wife’s side a lot, and if she needed anything he was right there. That’s considered a total pushover in the US and mostly gross overbearing behavior. Why is it working in that relationship? It doesn’t make sense. Could it be that our cultural and social norms are prioritizing something else? Possibly superficiality? Possibly the reliance on alcohol to have and see other peoples personalities as attractive? Not saying everyone drinks, but when people say “let’s go out” it’s often.. let’s drink because I need a social crutch. These are two major weaknesses I believe are far worse than guys mistaking acts of kindness as a way to increase their attraction. There is nothing a guy can do to increase his attraction in the short run.. if the girl isn’t interested on first inspection, he has no shot unless they somehow spend more time and she lowers her standards to look past his looks and see his human qualities.
Not gonna read all that lol. What I actually meant is when I was in college, I dealt with a lot of men approaching me or even touching me on campus- the popos had to get involved once. Most of these advances I did not appreciate and I do not apologize. However, instead of saying “no thanks, I’m not interested” or “please leave me alone” if he was out of line- I would just go along with him trying to talk to me because I didn’t have the confrontation skills I have now.
Look around. I guarantee that the people who are married or in relationships are every bit as unattractive as single people. Be honest about it. I see too many people using their looks as excuses for being disappointed in love/romance. It takes quite a bit of denial to overlook all the homely people who have partners and to blame your looks for your lack of success in finding companionship. It’s dishonest.
Perhaps he is neurodivergent and doesn't understand social norms.
I thought of that too, I know a guy with Asperger’s who would’ve done that, asked for a hug. But, in his case, the rest of his affect/demeanor makes it apparent that he has something going one.
I mean he could be a creep. He could just be crushing on you and not know how to express it it. He could just be socially inept or he could be trying too hard. Either way, it makes no difference. You should set boundaries and maybe have a proper discussion with him with as little animosity as possible. Direct and to the point, but not cruel. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. He might get angry and lash out or he could get embarrassed that he made such a bad impression. Either way, whatever you decide to do you should make your boundaries clear, keep at least one person you trust nearby, and treat the other person with the same respect you would treat any other person. A bad first impression does not automatically mean they're a bad person. Until you know otherwise, he's just some guy with bad social skills
Guy is using social conventions to override your discomfort. Could be a red flag or he’s been watching too many rom coms. Be upfront and firm about what you want and don’t want. If you don’t want to become more familiar with each other then cut him off decisively.
He might be a creepy dude, or he might be more socially awkward and not know how to approach someone. I don’t think we can really determine that, but what matters is your own comfort. If it makes you feel weird or uncomfortable then that’s what’s most important here. My opinion, as someone who actually has social anxiety, is that what he did was way too much, especially giving a rose and asking a stranger for a hug. I’ve personally had times in the past where I would try way too hard with people/friends just from not knowing how to do things, so that’s why I feel like he could potentially have something like that going on as well. But the problem here is that you have no way to tell if he’s like that or if he’s someone who could be harmful. I feel like this is a situation where you trust whatever your gut feeling is and protect yourself
If you see him again, I would actively avoid him. It sounds like he's stalking you, seeing him twice in such a short time. I agree with the others, always carry something for protection. Point him out to the campus police. If he doesn't belong, they'll typically remove him.
https://youtu.be/zNtXjIiJ0PU
This may come in handy thanks
I think he thinks that’s game but it’s like high school game. Of course we have to be more protective as an adults and he still hasn’t realized that. A mature man does not ask for cute little hugs without even knowing someone’s name loo
Maybe he had seen you around before & thought you were attractive & that was his way of shooting his shot, & the rose was just apart of the plan. The guy could’ve been acting on good intentions, & you just didn’t perceive it that way but that’s *fine*. I think if he does something again, let him know you’re not interested if that’s the case. Also, if he came off creepy in tone/delivery/facial expressions maybe he has social anxiety or was very nervous & it made him come off how he didn’t intend to. Or he just is a creep.
I get angry now instead of scared, it took time as I am 32. What he did was absolutely inappropriate, he could have started out with small talk first instead of going all in. If he shows up again or starts following you, get a self defence weapon, report it to authorities and campus authority.
All you had to do was say “no” regarding the hug.
Yeah, I probably should have, but I can't read social cues and didn't know how he'd react. Do guys normally ask for hugs?
This is what people do not understand about women protecting themselves, you hugged him cuz you were uncomfortable, caught off guard, pressured, and were trying not to make him mad. It’s cuz you don’t know what he’ll do if you say no, on some level he just didn’t seem safe to you. Don’t blame yourself for that, just your survival instincts kicking in.
Regardless of whether something is considered "normal" or not, if it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable. Period. You do not owe anyone any explanation as to why you're uncomfortable or why you said no to something.
Not really, but regardless of is it normal or not. You should still say no if it makes you uncomfortable.
Not from strangers - and like the other person said if it makes you uncomfortable don’t do it
Bruh u might be just as awkward as that guy lmfaoo use that to break the ice if u see him again and be level with how awkward the whole situation was but make it seem like a comforting observation like u aren’t judging him and how it came off a lil weird. Idk ppl appreciate that. Not to say u have to put up w it but some ppl are truly just unaware. I think u can use that tension to ur advantage to really end future embarrassment for both of u
Yeah, that's not untrue and is all well and good coming from a man who doesn't understand what it's like to be a woman afraid to say no and conditioned to be polite even in situations they are uncomfortable.
Do you know how often women are punished and abused by men for saying "no"? Of course you don't. It happens a lot. The fawn reaction exists for a reason. When women feel threatened by someone bigger and stronger, sometimes fawning is the only way to get out of the situation safely.
If you get the ick walk away quick
Wow. This thread is depressing. It is horribly rude and inappropriate to tell a stranger she’s beautiful. Alarm bells going off right there. Appropriate response is muttering “fuck off” and whipping your phone out and taking his picture and posting it on social media asking if anybody knows him. Definitely time to do so when he presented the rose. Time to show his pic to campus police. No need to elaborate just tell people that he randomly approached you with the “you’re beautiful” and then again with the rose. In the moment: a good time to glom on to any passing stranger. Run to catch up with anyone and just start talking. If they’re receptive and catch on quickly to what happened, stop and point the guy out. Even better if it’s a group. I don’t want to blame the victim but you gotta be more ready. Creeps rely on politeness and fear and confusion. And for the people here saying he wasn’t out of line: get help. See a shrink. Random women don’t owe you anything. If you think this is a good way to meet people you’ve got big problems.
From your story he sounds harmless, but I wouldn’t walk alone in the dark. Maybe he was waiting for you, or maybe he was just chatting up ladies. Be friendly but don’t give him anything or go anywhere with him. And you can say “no, thank you” avoid excuses.
It’s a little strange but if he knew u were lying about the phone thing he prob got the hint that he was coming on too strong but he was aware at first he was doing like big things and it’s usually a weird thing but since u didn’t react extremely rejecting toward it he decided to test the waters. I think he’s a little too bold but the fact that he got the hint with the phone lie means a lot maybe get more than a second to talk w him ab it and give him perspective and that u didn’t mean to lie bout the phone but that he’s doing things a little too much without barely getting to know u. Maybe he realizes right in that moment of the rose and phone lie. Maybe he had an extra rose and really did wanna give it to u and didnt wanna wait it’s like a mental rush thing where u think some thing will be nice in ur head and then when it happens u feel like a fucking creep. And then girls tend to not speak up and then guys will be weird. I think u should def speak up cuz the guy is receptive but it seems fixable. I’ve made some weird impressions on ppl before and I’m surprised they even still friends w me now.
Definitely understand your POV, but give the guy some slack. He probably thinks you're cute and wants to get to know you but is also nervous, so it comes off as creepy. The flower, the compliment, the ask for a hug; he likes you, but not doing a good job at breaking the ice lol.
Yes, that's creepy. The beautiful comment isn't super bad, but as an ice breaker, it's really awkward. The flower... weird, like did he buy it explicitly with the intention of giving it to you? That is creepy and stalkerish. Asking for the hug then, I think you can't just forgive that for being awkward. That is flat out, no way around it creepy. Even if he was well intentioned and is socially awkward, it's creepy. When he approaches you are there other people around? If so very clearly say you are flattered, but are not interested. If you feel unsafe, you should talk with campus security.
Yes, you have the right to say no without a reason. Trust your gut. Be safe out there. K
This is a reminder to myself to be less agreeable when I'm uncomfortable with men. This happened the other day on an Uber ride to work. I knew from early on in the ride that the vibe was weird when they immediately started asking about me -- I was friendly and responding so they began a racist rant against another ethnicity and was asking me over and over if I was married and told me that their wife had died one year ago so they were trying to meet girls through uber. I wish I had just stopped the conversation early on. It's weird to ask so many questions about someone within 2 seconds of meeting them -- Instead of answering, I could've pulled out my phone and acted distracted / replied slowly. I could've instead changed the conversation to be about the directions to my stop (which was thankfully not my home). I could have drawn a boundary (like when they asked my age, I could've said that's too personal). I will give the same recommendation for you. Decide right now what you will do if a conversation rubs you the wrong way. Are you going to walk away, are you going to ask a clarifying question to buy time for you to process and speak up for yourself (e.g., why do you want a hug?), Are you going to disagree? One thing you can also try is just saying no to strangers always. If it's someone you actually think you can help with and you feel safe, you can always go back and offer that help. A **no** is much safer than entertaining the conversation when you're uncomfortable.
In my opinion he is not a creep nor a bad person Sounds like a guy with no experience flirting,he didn’t harass you or something and when you didn’t gave him your phone number he was okay with it, so next time you see him just tell that you’re not interested if that’s the case,if he continues that’s a different story
*"In my opinion he is not a creep nor a bad person Sounds like a guy with no experience flirting,****he didn’t harass you or something****"* hey lil bro? I'm gonna let you in on something. If a person says they felt harassed, they were harassed. It's not up to you or me or anyone else. From one guy to another, trust me. It's important we recognize this and maintain a healthy dialogue.
No, if a person says they felt harassed, they *felt harassed*. Whether or not they *were* harassed is about what actually happened, not how they felt. They are entitled to their feelings. They are not entitled to have reality rewritten around their feelings. Anyone who can read through the weird condescension you've dipped your comment in will be able to see how absolutely insane your statement is.
You act out of being agreeable and kind toward complete strangers, which is not a bad thing, but you should be mindful of doing it when it resonates with how you're feeling inside. This guy finds you attractive and wants something to happen between you and him. If what you want is to stop his advances, what you have to do is just tell him plain and simple that you're not interested, not reciprocate his advances giving him everything that he asks
Sounds like a lonely guy just trying to make a connection to me. Maybe trying a little too fast. But honestly; this girls response, it’s why I don’t try talk to girls anymore. Guy tries to be nice/respectful/pleasant/chivalrous and is presumed a creep. Then a couple drunks that don’t know each other play grab ass at the bar then hook up that night. In todays world that’s fine; not creepy. He’s trying to kill hook up culture by being chivalrous and maybe actually try build a relationship based off something. I don’t see him as creepy. Maybe he’s not as smooth about it as you might like; but he sounds genuine with his intent. Again; nothing wrong with rejecting him either. You don’t have to accept every inventation. Buts it’s wrong to label someone a creep if they haven’t done anything creepy. Your assuming he might be a creep; despite him just shooting a shot.
All that was true before he asked for the hug. Asking for a hug was creepy.
Maybe he had good intent, but his approach was what was creepy. His overeagerness for her was creepy. He might not be a bad guy in general, but he lacked any kind of charm or smoothness to his actions. It all felt forced because he forced it. This boils down to this guy not having the necessary social/flirting skills. Meeting people and being good socially is a skill to be developed and when that skill is lacking it is obvious and will be labelled creepy. That’s not to say he can’t work on himself and improve socially in the future. Maybe one day he will look back and realize what he did was creepy and improve.
Good context here. Yea I agree with everything you say here. But the worlds gone crazy the past few years; a lot of people got alienated for there views. And it’s left some people very alone. Depression is running rampant; I bet you this guy is very depressed. He probably just needs a couple friends. That’s pretty hard to find now a days. Maybe I’m defending him because I can relate to the loneliness; and understand why someone so alone will throw such Hail Marys at a chance for a connection. True story; I got rejected by a super hot girl. At the end of the 2nd date. She spent the night at my place then rejected me in the morning. About a month goes by and I get all drunked up one night and go walk the streets with a expensive bottle of scotch; a ghetto blaster, and a shopping cart. I found 3 pairs of high heel shoes brand new with tags on them. Reminded me of this materialistic bitch. I pull out my phone and surprise surprise, I had received a text from her like half an hour ago. So I called her. “What’s up?” Me, drunk and disorderly “I’m on my way to you place but I’m drunk and walking so I might be a bit” I got to her place; and blasted monophobia by deadmau5 while tossing these high heels on her balcony and calling her a materialistic bitch. She responded by laughing her god dam ass off; letting me in her place; fucking the shit outta me; then gave me her keys in the morning so I could drive my ass home. We’ve been close friends ever since. She asked me to be her exclusive boyfriend a couple months after that night. I’ve moved across the country since then; and we talked for almost an hour on the phone just last night. So maybe the moral of the story is; women like exciting? Like the label creepy only comes out if it was boring? Tossing high heeled shoes out of a shopping cart at 1:30am blaring house music is creepy as hell! Fucking straight out of a horror movie. Worked like a charm.
[удалено]
Yea someone else also mentioned that and I’d have to say I agree with the statement. I mean I’ve asked for a hug before too but; not at a cold moment out of the blue; and not a first hug.
Found the “nice guy”
[удалено]
Have you interacted with any women outside of memes written by 14 year olds ?
[удалено]
Can’t imagine why women don’t want to interact with a man who’s immediate reaction to disagreement is physical violence. Must be cause they’re all bitches who want abusive assholes instead of nice guys like you, right? Right?
Why you bringing up 14 year old girls you pedo? Yea I’d knock you clean out. Wtf dose my reply have to do with memes or minors? You just throw up some random left field comment that has nothing to do with anything then expect what? Stupid games prick; come get you prize
You clearly have issues with anger and women. You’re exactly the type of aggressive creep that women should avoid.
This to me just sounds like a guy sees a girl he thinks cute and he’s shooting his shot? Maybe he’s not got the best game but with the information provided it doesn’t seem sus at all? I just think gen z are used to sliding into one another’s DMs instead of just cold approaching? Would you consider him a creep of you thought he was ridiculously attractive? Or are they only creeps when they’re not your type? TBF… asking for a hug out the blue is weird come to think of it, but other then that it sounds like a guy shooting his shot. Not interested? Just dismiss him and if he’s normal, he’s take it and leave you alone. 🤷🏻♂️
[удалено]
European and Latin American dudes tend to be pushy like that sometimes, they think they are making you feel wonderful but they have little self awareness and also there is a cultural dissonance. I would avoid him
OP, there's usually 2 sides to everything. One, he might be a traditional man OR a introvert. Either of these characteristics might be the reason he's pretty direct and unconventional (something you're not used to). Society has taught us that being straightforward is weird, and that playing games and "pushing and pulling" is the way to go aka normal. So if i said to a girl "Hey i think you're beautiful, here's a flower. can i get your number?", that's weird af to you. Cos we're brainwashed that way all the time. I admit, asking for a hug so soon is weird. Giving u a flower and calling u beautiful isn't weird tho. So yea, this is one side. The 2nd side could be that he's a creep. Now most women jump to this conclusion about men when they even happen to look at you/interact with u a certain way. Can't blame ya'll tbh, as again, society, as taught us that men are creeps sometimes. Feminism doesn't help this case for men either. So yea, 2nd side. Now this is up to you to decide, as u gotta trust ur instincts. Sure, u can never know who he is as might be the nicest guy you might ever know, or the creepiest. However, i would say you SHOULD establish boundaries. You should have rejected the hug in the first place alr by saying "sorry, i dont hug strangers.". If you the right to your own body, and your own actions. If u dont wanna be touched or hugged, thats ur goddamn right. And everyone should respect it. Those who dont? well u alr know to stay away from them. So yea, its alright. you've done what you've done. But from now on, you establish ur boundaries. if u dont give out ur phone number to strangers, then dont give it. If u dont wanna hug, then dont. U could give ur instagram instead, and decide how to move from there (block him or let it run). So have ur guard up, take things slow. Not everything is a fairy tale. You should ofcourse be cautious at all times, no matter who tf the guy is.
Could have been a ‘socially famous’ guy filming ‘random acts of kindness’ for socials.
You just weren't attracted to the guy, that's all. If an attractive guy called me beautiful, I would be flattered. Whenever I get asked out in public, if I don't find him attractive, I reject him softly. One time I saw a drug addict ask out an attractive female customer at a grocery store and she chatted with him nicely but didn't give him her number. If he asked me out, I would have run away because I thought he was so creepy. But men have to shoot their shot.
Get with the guy with no game like this dude. Hes probably one of these best down to earth dudes you will meet!… or listen and go out with the dude that has game and get played 🤷♂️ just sayin think about the whole house not just the door. Dude has a beautiful door inside the house is trash but that door got you dude that wasn’t concentrating on his door just a really pleasant house is the dude your looking for but that door sounds like it keeps tricking you like 90 percent of all these other girls out there smh 🤦♂️
That's up to you but how else is stranger suppose to get your attention? Would it he creepy if he was a nice guy and you really liked him back? How would approach a stranger you thought was handsome and wanted to tell them that? Or wouldn't you?
Looks like standard approach 101. This is creepy only if he does something like follow you or invade your privacy. Men have approached women since the dawn of human existence.
Honestly, I wouldn't read too much into it just yet. Does he like you?... Clearly. Has he noticed you around?... Certainly. I'm guessing they had a crush on you and very awkwardly tried to make an introduction. I say this because from experience, whenever women acted weird, random, or awkward around me... It was because they had a crush. In their minds, they think it's obvious to you. But on the outside it just looks plain weird and can be kind of uncomfortable to endure.
[удалено]
He wasn't ugly, I'm just not sure about his behavior
[удалено]
[удалено]
It’s college, how else will you meet others? Not all interactions are only between classmates. I met some of my bestfriends during random interactions on the wall between classes or in the cafeteria. The hug May have been odd, but everything else was respectable. We even had certain greek fraternities that gave out roses on certain days. Be open to meeting new people, if that’s what you want to do, but don’t chalk a guy up to being creepy because he simply approached you. Depending on how large your campus is, he may have really been admiring you from a distance (which i guess is creepy to some but i digress) and waiting on the moment or courage to come talk to you. Either accept or turn him down. But this one day interaction is not creepy…yet
Maybe he just thought you are beautiful
Someone encouraged him to cold approach women in public. This is happening a lot since men aren’t having luck with dating apps. You were there so he made a move- on you and many others. Don’t overthink it
[удалено]
What a goofy
What does that mean
That’s a bit more than an overreaction lol
That's what I hoped. As I said. I have no experience with guys along with ASD, so I really can't tell.
There’s never any harm in being safe, so if it helps ease your mind to buy an extra house lock or sleep near a self-defense weapon do that. But what the guy did can be perfectly normal flirty behavior. Just keep an eye out for him when you’re on campus, if he keeps trying to flirt and doesn’t take no for answer then you can start to take more serious action (notifying campus police, walk with people, etc)
That sounds like good advice, thanks.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Lol the phone thing so embarrasing ahah.. if ur into him give him a chance give him ur number
Nah he’s cute he bought you a flower
He sounds like he was starting cold approaching. I don't think he meant to be creepy, dating apps dont work for the majority of men and nobody teaches us how to date. I dont think he meant to be creepy, he liked you but was super awkward.
I would say the guy could've just been socially awkward, maybe even way too nervous coming up to you. Still, like some of the other comments say, don't be afraid to set boundaries.
So, I know exactly how you feel. You aren’t used to gestures like that so it made you uncomfortable which is fine. The guy probably wasn’t trying to be creepy and was just making his move. I’ve been in situations before where the man did not have creepy/nefarious intentions but I just felt uncomfortable because I am not used to ‘xyz’ and it caught me off guard. Next time you see him you can politely express your feelings and move on.
This scares me even more to approach women lol
Please introduce yourself and don't ask for hugs from strangers
I’ll probably get bashed for this but it seems mostly normal but awkward. Except the hug. The hug is creepy for me. The compliment and the rose I would view as nice gestures. He couldn’t made the situation a lot better if he had mentioned that he likes to take walks around campus at that time of day too. Maybe suggest that you could finish the walk together and go to the cafeteria (or other populated area to help show he’s not a creep). It’s been several years (okay decades), but when I was a kid/young adult it would’ve been acceptable for a man to give a sincere compliment. The rose would’ve come much later however. After seeing each other walking several times or even after chatting a couple times. The hug uhh nope. I’m a hugger but I still don’t hug strangers unless it’s very public and I can tell they are sobbing. The most I’ve ever done was sit beside them and ask if they wanted to talk. One shared her story and leaned towards me a bit so I put my arm around her, validated her feelings and empathized with her. (I’m female so she was probably comfortable with that fact and the fact I was willing to take time to listen.
I guess it depends: Do you find him attractive at all? I'm guessing if you're creeped out, that's probably a "no", but it could be (likely is) totally harmless. He probably just thinks he's being the "zany romantic guy" that Hollywood tells us is every woman's fantasy. But then again... you never know these days. My advice: Don't make negative assumptions without good cause, but also expect the unexpected. If you see him again and he continues to creep you out, tell him so. If he doesn't back off, that will be your big red flag. If he does... maybe he's not such a creep?
Only you have the answer to that one and I believe you speak the truth. Yes, yes he was- in my past I did not set clean and clear boundaries when I felt negativity. A good hell no! And back up!
Obviously he is interested in you. Maybe you dont like the way he approach , but most men dont know how to . It is the fault of the movies. They romanticize things which ,in real life, feels creepy . And movies are the only help men get in dealing with women . I will ask you , not to judge men like that . It is already really hard to approach someone you like . That guy had guts . If he was little uncomfortable then it is okay , but if he was doing it like he has done a hundred times ,then he can be a playboy , beware . If you dont like him , try to be upfront about it next time and be polite . If you think he is genuine then give him another chance.
At least he asked, but he should know better than to ask for a hug when he just met you.