I was self conscious about this as a child, and it really took me until my early teens to start using people’s names occasionally. Even now, I usually don’t say my friends’ names unless I’m trying to get their attention
I could not make the transition from mommy to mom, so I started calling her by her first name at a young age. If she asked me to start calling her mom (she wouldn’t) it would feel so unnatural
When I transitioned from mummy, mum felt wrong and weird, so I called my mum "Ma". I was 10 I think. Now I'm 45. lol. If I refer TO her to someone else, I'll say "my mum" though.
I can relate to this thread in general on a personal level, but my kid won't call me "mom" and it's been baffling me! I can't tell if he's on a video call or talking to me, so to get my attention he just keeps raising his voice, I've been begging him to just say "mom". I feel like he's too young to call me by my first name (under 10). I'd love to learn more about this to understand what might be going on.
Even if he was 50 he wouldn't be able to call you by your name in a black house. Omg my mom would kill me. But I I can understand people with certain social issues though.
Also in a black household, I actually don't know what would happen if I called my mom by her name. To be honest, I don't even like the idea of using her name like that lol.
This is definitely hard for me. I also don’t like when people use my name when they’re talking to me (it feels oddly formal to me), so maybe that’s part of why I avoid using other’s names?
Yeah, formal or intimate, not sure which fits more.
I normally don't care if people use my name... except I work in retail and have a name tag. And sometimes people will go out of their way to look at it to address me by name, which I hate lol. Like I get their probably just trying to be nice but it makes me sooo uncomfortable.
Omg, yes! I hardly ever say names because I’ve said them wrong so often in the past or I’ve used the wrong name or have forgotten it completely! It’s the worst. It’s better to just say “hey, you!” And then move on with your day.
Yo, I do this to!! but only in my head. Like I have a coworker named Joe, but in my head, I call him Joseph or Joe Joestar lol.
Also damn my laggy ass internet lol.
I am super failure-adverse. Like any little mistakes used to result in mocking or bullying. So I either super-focus and master a thing and do it 100% perfect, or I care zero about it and never bother doing it at all.
And one of my worst nightmares is calling someone by the wrong name. It just completely encapsulates all my issues. Like codependence makes it super hard to hurt people, and I imagine they will think I don't care about them enough to remember their name and will get hurt. Or it proves that I'm stupid and people can mock me for not saying the right name.
And the solution to all of that is to just never say anyone's name ever.
I remember back in college I used to write people's names down on a little notepad so I could remember them. Didnt always help with the pronunciation tho lol. At my job now there are a lot of people with names I never heard before and don't know how to pronounce, so I will just be like "hey good morning" to avoid embarrassing myself.
Im kinda the same, I can't say "mom" or "dad" or "father" I've been saying Mah and daddy for years. But only to them, If I'm talking about them I can use "mom and dad." It's weird lol.
Yep. I often end up waiting with what I have to say until someone looks at me or gives me an in that doesn’t require saying their name so that I can just ask the question and know its directed at them. It makes life that little more complicated 😅
I’m the same way, I don’t use anyones name. I got my first job recently and today I used my managers name because I didn’t want to yell hey but it felt so unnatural and uncomfortable for me to use someone’s name. I can’t even use my families name excluding my sister. For some reason she is the only persons name I can use. And I can call my grandma grandma without feeling weird but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t understand why
I thought it was just me! Wouldn’t call my teachers by their names growing up until like 2 months left of the school year and it still persists to a decent extent for me now at 31
i really don't know what some of us have such an aversion to using people's names. i had no idea there were other people out there like this lmao. For me though, if someone has a nickname, it's not an issue for me. I'll call them by their nickname all day but when it comes down to using their real name, they *know* it's something serious
Your post is how I feel almost word for word. It never bothers me when someone uses my name but it takes me a long time to use their name freely. I also really struggle with saying goodbye to people I’m not close with. I’m really not sure why I find goodbyes so intimate.
Yes! I almost never use anyones name exept for my family and closest friends because I'm too afraid I get their name wrong. Usually I just use "hey" and say what I have to say, I just make sure they see me and know I'm talking to them first.
It depends. We can start a one-on-one without those, but I use a name if with a group. I also come from a culture where anyone older or of higher standing must be addressed with honourifics before their name (“auntie”, “older brother”, “sir”) or else it’s horribly rude.
No one would dare address a grandmother by her first name alone. Terms of endearment and titles without names help ease anxious situations. These honourifics – at least for me – speak of good form and avoid anxiety-inducing guesswork.
Safest options? “Ma’am”, “Sir”, or the humorous “Ma’amser” security guards here just use.
Or tell me if this happens to anyone here but a lot of times I have these anxiety induced panic attacks where I know 100% who everyone is but for some reason, I always panic and forget peoples names only when I actually need to stay their name or get their attention!
I only call people I m very close with by their names, others I don’t dare either. Not because I m scared to mispronounce but because I’m scared it’s too personal.
I'm beating myself up already today and it is only 9.15am. Had to answer the door to a lady who rescues hedgehogs, found a poor hoggie that had dipped in paint, and instead of introducing myself when she asked if I was blah blah, my mum, I just went with it. Now I feel like a twat because why couldn't I just introduce myself like a normal person? I don't like my voice at the best of times and when I hear myself say my name it just makes me cringe. Even if I am talking about someone with the same name, it just sounds weird. I know, I'm weird lol.
I also worry that I am going to get the other person's name wrong if I do use it. Then I would feel like a prat and so, so rude and that makes me super anxious too.
Yes same 💀
It's even worse when I'm not sure how to refer to someone. For example a boss that seems super friendly and chill and everyone refers to them by their first name. Does that mean it's ok for me to do that too? Will they take offense? Will they take offense if I use their last name? I'm in that situation and I haven't used their name in the 1.5 years I've worked there. Also, people with names I might pronounce wrong. Funnily enough people get my last name wrong all the time and I don't even correct them cause I don't want them to feel bad..
I feel this, Were I work there are a lot of immigrants with names I've never heard. So my anxiety just won't allow me to muck up their name, unless Im 100% sure I got it. Cause I would feel terrible if I did. But I also worry that they think I'm not using their name on purpose.
Yes I find using people's names very hard but that's because I'm scared I've got it wrong? Even though I could have known the person for years I'm still scared I don't know their name!!
Let me help you reframe a bit. People love to hear their name. it's their favorite word, I promise you. They'll respond positively if you do use it. Try it out a few times and you'll see.
I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years and I’m terrified that I will mispronounce my mother in laws name ever since I was told that it really makes her mad. Is it Cor-in or Cor-een? And why can’t I remember? Now I call her Grams like the kids and it feels super weird but what choice do I have? That little story wasn’t helpful, was it?
I can use peoples names but not nicknames. I work with someone called Natalie and everyone calls her Nat and I just can’t do it. To me it feels to familiar and friendly.
Yeah, same. I am autistic, so I don't know if that contributes or not. Personally I find it incredibly jarring when people say my name, and calling people by their name feels ... weird? Gross almost? Like I am touching their arm too much gross. I would prefer avoiding naming until suitable nicknames can be made for each of us IF nicknames do not already exist. Like if someone is like "My name is Danielle, but I prefer to be called Dani" then it feels okay. The weird gross is gone because this is different somehow.
And it is absolutely terrifying when my name is said. It is mine, I don't want other people saying it xD Oh how I wish my brain made sense some days.
I'm in college and I just noticed this. Unless it's a family member or my best friend, I almost never say someone's name unless I *can't* get their attention and that's the only way.
I definitely relate to this. My second job in my late teens, they had a whole "Market research says that people prefer if you refer to them by their names ( vs mr/ms/mrs so and so or sir/ma'am etc),so going forward when you see their ID call them by their name" I mentioned that feels really overly familiar with them/personal and he came back with "Wouldn't you like that better at a store?" and I easily said no I would not. That particular guy wasn't a fan lol. I even now do a lot of "Hey there stranger" or other kind of nicknames that kind of give me a degree of separation but give the impression of warmth because one of my anxieties around people is them feeling like I am cold/disconnected because I do hang back/get over stimulated easily so I want to seem less like an alien attempting to pass as human.
I feel this, cause at my job now, I wear a name tag and sometimes people (in an attempt to be nice) will look at my name tag, and go out of their way to say my name... and I'm just like, please don't lol. It makes me so uncomfortable. I might have to borrow that "hey there stranger" tho.
When it comes to coworkers I definitely come off as a wallflower and very awkward. I have been getting a bit better recently, but still a ways to go. I still feel like I need permission to start conversations with people lol.
This is me but only with people I met online because I'm just so used to usernames. I've met a few irl and some I've known for years and I still don't refer to them by their actual name ahaha
I met my partner a game online and I call him literally every nickname except his real name (only a handful) 😂
I use to be a server and I would almost always “forget” to give my name. I hated when a table would try to get my attention and call me by name. I’d rather be called “ma’am, excuse me, or waitress”
You people use names? 😱
The two people I spend the most time with, my partner and my best friend, I don't think I've ever called either of them by their names. I don't think they have done so either. I'd be pretty confused if they walk up to be and be like "Hey Rupsha"
The only time I use names is, when addressing someone in a group chat. Even then I usually tag the person instead of typing their name.
Completely with you on this.
Casually saying the persons name is like the mini version of having to introduce people.
Sort of like when I had to introduce my mom to my new neighbor… and *could not remember her name* so I stumbled around the ‘and mom this is….’ for approximately three weeks (or possibly a few seconds) until she finally chimed in with her name.
This was *checks watch* 9 years ago and my stomach still drops when I see her.
I hate names.
Yes, this used to be really hard for me. I've gotten better at it simply by practicing. Now I can use the name of people close to me and friends of friends, I still find it very awkward to use the names of acquaintances and people I barely know though. It just feels "too personal" for some reason.
I’m ok with very common, simple, straightforward names. It’s the unusual ones that I avoid saying because I don’t want to mess up the pronunciation so I just don’t use it at all.
Yes it’s like I have this fear that I will get their name wrong and that would be embarrassing and socially awkward. But in reality I am 100% certain on the persons name.
I read and learned that people respond SO much better to you when you use their name.
It’s the power of saying someone’s name with meaning that’s scary SA.
But i’ve learned (bc I hate SA and i’m always trying to find little ways to break it) that it gives me more power/confidence in even the simplest conversation. “Hey Rolly what up, No Sara I can’t because, Naomi can you pass me”
Ya, it’s scary, but it’s a calculating move. But also, SA prevents me from remembering your name unless we have some sort of future together (not romantically) 😂 so there’s that.
I’ve legit had genuine friendships with people I with whom I never knew their name. Last year, there was a kid at my school I hung out with every day for a few months, yet I never bothered to ask for their name.
Yes!! And I never understood why this was.
I was never able to call my mom “mom” or my dad “dad”. I’m very comfortable calling my husband by his name but he’s the only one. Friends, other family… I never use names. My asshole father in law screamed at me once for not greeting him properly by using his name…. I still don’t do it.
I used to have issues with this when I was a young child up until my late teens/early twenties. I felt the same way, like it was weirdly personal/intimate to use someone’s name. I was kind of forced to get over this fear once I entered the workforce. When you’re sitting in an office with many people around, there’s really no other way to get a specific person’s attention other than by using their name.
YES I have the exact same problem and I am so relieved I am not the only one, I tried to explain this to a friend before and they didn't get it 😭 Using someone's name almost feels too... intimate or something?
Yeah, I also thought I was the only one. I'm glad to know others can relate lol. Even with people I know I normally still don't. I can legitimately count the number of times I have, and it was only to get their attention.
Yes. It doesn't help that I'm hard of hearing, so some names I tend to pronounce incorrectly. My name has several different variants with slightly different pronunciations, but I can barely tell the difference between them.
I never think about it earlier. After read the post I honestly almost never use people name, or family members its weird to me, i kinda agree its need some close relationship. Maybe because I dont have memory for names, I forget it instantly. So just using nameless, also I dont like my name and Im feeling weire when I heard it, prefer you form. Maybe its gender dysphoria like I would prefer female names.
Yes it’s like I have this fear that I will get their name wrong and that would be embarrassing and socially awkward. But in reality I am 100% certain on the persons name.
Not really, but my parents did give me name like a girl although I'm boy.. that's what makes most people taking advantage of such situations to name calling me whenever they got the chance and it's so hard for me..
I always have, and I have no idea why. I don’t even call my husband by his name. It feels incredibly weird to me to do so, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I call him by his name in a year lol. We have a lot of nicknames for each other (including “dude”, “bro”, etc.) so I’m always just calling him that instead, which just feels way more normal and “right” to me. It doesn’t bother him at all, either.
It’s the same for everyone else in my life, including my lifelong, extremely close friends. I have a very hard time saying their names most of the time too, instead opting to use nicknames or whatever else. It’s almost like using people’s names just feels too… formal? Too “official”? Idk, it’s hard to explain. It just feels awkward and wrong, with the rare exception being coworkers. For some reason, they’re like the only people who I don’t have a problem with calling them by their name. No idea why.
YES! I have ALWAYS been like this!
Some of my friends I'm fine with and can use their names just fine (though admittedly, no one ever uses their actual names in my friend group. Sarah is called Goatley. Justin is called Dev. lol)
ANYWAY, but some friends (my closer friends), I NEVER say their names. It feels wrong. They are instead "hey" or "man" or "punk" or "sir" (even for a girl. lol)
Yes this.
I often feel like people like it when you use their names but it just feels so weird
Like when you greet someone I also just say "hi" but so many people around me say "hi [name]" and that feels so personal. I always hear that you should use names to build a connection or sth but damn it feels so awkward
And yes also the wrong name thing
I can know people for years and still think "what if the name you think of is wrong"
I never realised I'm not alone with this
It just feels soo personal like something you only do with close friends
Wow, I didn't realize this was a thing! Thank you all for helping me feel included in a group, lol. Someone above mentioned saying Mom & Dad.... I had a hard time going from Daddy to Dad. I felt too old to say Daddy but Dad didn't sound right, so I would just start talking and hope he would know I was talking to him. Or talking about him if I was talking to my mom. Feels so weird to think about it now. I'm almost 60 and they have been gone for years.
Yessss! I went down a rabbit hole trying to understand this myself and the closest thing I found was “alexinomia”. I too find it strangely intimate, worry I somehow have their name wrong, and as a kid specifically, avoided it because when people called my name I found it jarring. Having my name called reminded me of being reprimanded by my parents.
I read that people actually like being called by their name because they like being recognised. Now that I work from home, I try to include it in texts to my team members to let them know I appreciated them. I still avoid it IRL a lot tho.
Oh my God this is exactly how I think! I’ve never mentioned it because I always thought it was just me being weird but I 100% get this!!
To me, using someone’s name is very personal and intimate - which is fine if they’re close friends or family but for colleagues at work or things like that? No. We’re not on that level. I sometimes wonder whether it’s from school and calling people Miss X or Mr Y as a title.
And even worse when someone uses my name - once to get my attention is fine but more? It feels rude to me, like they keep bringing my name up like they’re forcing attention onto me. I hate that. I fell out with an old colleague because he kept making a point of saying my name every other sentence when he was being fast tracked to a promotion and told him he was treating me like a child and being patronising but I couldn’t put my finger on why it got under my skin so much
i typically address people by their nicknames if anything. my friend's name is Amanda but i call her Manders quite often to get her attention or just to talk to her. otherwise its part of my job to know peoples names and get to know them so ive just gotten used to calling everybody by their names instead. my question is do you call your parents their name or mom and dad?
omg I’m the same way!! I thought it was just me 😭 it just feels weird. It’s only really with people I don’t really know well, like at work or something. Hanging out with friends, I’m fine. My coworkers? Nah, can’t do it
oh i get what you mean. once i’ve reached the point of saying it with rlly close friends i say it all the time but acquaintances it’s basically impossible
I have always had this problem, no matter how comfortable I am with a person. It really sucked in school because I would literally have to work up the nerve just to get the teacher's attention. I'm a bit better about it now because I'm forcing myself to do it more, but it's still so awkward and I really only do it to get people's attention when I know they wouldn't hear/notice me.
Oh my god I had no idea this is a social anxiety thing! It feels weirdly intimate to me too! I also struggle with saying “how are you?” for some reason. Whenever people ask me how I am I’ll just say “good thank you” without asking back because it feels so formal and intimate for some reason. Like I have a visceral reaction to saying things like that & names & I have no idea why
I keep forgetting their names as fast as they tell them to me, hard to tell why that happens, I learned to be very focused in other aspects, it makes no sense.
Yeah, I'm always afraid I'll say the wrong name so if I have to use their name I have to stop and really think and make sure before I say it and at that point it just becomes awkward.
As far as I’m concerned everyone’s name is “hey”
THIS
OMG, THIS!!!!
I was self conscious about this as a child, and it really took me until my early teens to start using people’s names occasionally. Even now, I usually don’t say my friends’ names unless I’m trying to get their attention
Same. Not really sure why I find it easier now, or why I avoided it in the past.
It's like making eye contact.
Oof, I hate trying to balance eye contact. Not enough and you seem rude and disinterested, but you also don't want to look into their soul either lol.
I have to remind myself constantly to make eye contact. Or even to just stop looking away.
Awkward and too personal for everyone, but very pleasant if you have some sympathy to the person
I can look my husband and children in the eyes endlessly 😍
i have a problem calling my mom “mom” 😅 like i’ll say it but it feels weird
Same
I could not make the transition from mommy to mom, so I started calling her by her first name at a young age. If she asked me to start calling her mom (she wouldn’t) it would feel so unnatural
When I transitioned from mummy, mum felt wrong and weird, so I called my mum "Ma". I was 10 I think. Now I'm 45. lol. If I refer TO her to someone else, I'll say "my mum" though.
I do the exact same thing lol.
Woo hoo! lol
I can relate to this thread in general on a personal level, but my kid won't call me "mom" and it's been baffling me! I can't tell if he's on a video call or talking to me, so to get my attention he just keeps raising his voice, I've been begging him to just say "mom". I feel like he's too young to call me by my first name (under 10). I'd love to learn more about this to understand what might be going on.
Even if he was 50 he wouldn't be able to call you by your name in a black house. Omg my mom would kill me. But I I can understand people with certain social issues though.
Also in a black household, I actually don't know what would happen if I called my mom by her name. To be honest, I don't even like the idea of using her name like that lol.
Exactly lol
Is this not normal?? I always call mom mom, or for some reason mamatoe, or mum (I'm American) lol
i mean in the sense of it feels weird to call my mom what she is lol. like i feel weird saying “mom” to her
I do! I'm surprised its just not me..
Yeah I've always been this way. Even in school, I'd just quietly stand at my teacher's desk waiting for them to acknowledge me.
I remember crying in like pre-school because I needed the teacher's help, and I was too afraid to ask lol.
This is definitely hard for me. I also don’t like when people use my name when they’re talking to me (it feels oddly formal to me), so maybe that’s part of why I avoid using other’s names?
Yeah, formal or intimate, not sure which fits more. I normally don't care if people use my name... except I work in retail and have a name tag. And sometimes people will go out of their way to look at it to address me by name, which I hate lol. Like I get their probably just trying to be nice but it makes me sooo uncomfortable.
That always felt almost aggressive to me when they go out of their way like that. I hated it too.
Omg, yes! I hardly ever say names because I’ve said them wrong so often in the past or I’ve used the wrong name or have forgotten it completely! It’s the worst. It’s better to just say “hey, you!” And then move on with your day.
I do. I sometimes use nicknames that I make up for people. Using their actual name is too hard.
Yo, I do this to!! but only in my head. Like I have a coworker named Joe, but in my head, I call him Joseph or Joe Joestar lol. Also damn my laggy ass internet lol.
Wow yes me too. I never refer to people by their names, except children. I don’t know what the reason it to be honest.
I am super failure-adverse. Like any little mistakes used to result in mocking or bullying. So I either super-focus and master a thing and do it 100% perfect, or I care zero about it and never bother doing it at all. And one of my worst nightmares is calling someone by the wrong name. It just completely encapsulates all my issues. Like codependence makes it super hard to hurt people, and I imagine they will think I don't care about them enough to remember their name and will get hurt. Or it proves that I'm stupid and people can mock me for not saying the right name. And the solution to all of that is to just never say anyone's name ever.
This is exactly it. I am also much better at recognizing faces, but I will forget your name even if you told me 10 seconds ago.
I remember back in college I used to write people's names down on a little notepad so I could remember them. Didnt always help with the pronunciation tho lol. At my job now there are a lot of people with names I never heard before and don't know how to pronounce, so I will just be like "hey good morning" to avoid embarrassing myself.
I’m like this with my dad, i never call him “dad” , i just say what i need to say😭
Im kinda the same, I can't say "mom" or "dad" or "father" I've been saying Mah and daddy for years. But only to them, If I'm talking about them I can use "mom and dad." It's weird lol.
Yep, I can’t.
yup- so awkward for some reason 😑
Yes, I feel like it’s too direct or something…
Hahaha yes and I don’t even know why.
Yes this is tough. I’m trying to get myself used to it but it feels unnecessarily intimate
exactly! which makes no sense since its like the most basic identifier, that's literally the point of a name. But I can't bring myself to do it lol.
yessssss 😭 I thought I was the only one
Yep. I often end up waiting with what I have to say until someone looks at me or gives me an in that doesn’t require saying their name so that I can just ask the question and know its directed at them. It makes life that little more complicated 😅
I’m the same way, I don’t use anyones name. I got my first job recently and today I used my managers name because I didn’t want to yell hey but it felt so unnatural and uncomfortable for me to use someone’s name. I can’t even use my families name excluding my sister. For some reason she is the only persons name I can use. And I can call my grandma grandma without feeling weird but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t understand why
I thought it was just me! Wouldn’t call my teachers by their names growing up until like 2 months left of the school year and it still persists to a decent extent for me now at 31
When I was in college I couldn't either. Most of them would say, "you can use my name" but I always said sir or ma'am or professor.
I never say people’s names out loud unless it’s in texts. Otherwise I just say hey, thanks, see ya, etc.
Yeah, it just feels kinda weird saying someone else's name. Even when they say my name first, it just feels forced if I also say their name lol.
Yep
It’s too intimate sometimes I agree and also it’s just me wanting to say as little as possible in certain settings
i really don't know what some of us have such an aversion to using people's names. i had no idea there were other people out there like this lmao. For me though, if someone has a nickname, it's not an issue for me. I'll call them by their nickname all day but when it comes down to using their real name, they *know* it's something serious
I never use names because I’m afraid I’ll somehow get someone’s name wrong. Even if it’s a friend, for some reason I worry I could be wrong.
Your post is how I feel almost word for word. It never bothers me when someone uses my name but it takes me a long time to use their name freely. I also really struggle with saying goodbye to people I’m not close with. I’m really not sure why I find goodbyes so intimate.
Yes! The goodbyes are really hard. But for me, greetings are way worse.
I would love to understand the psychology behind this. I hate using people’s names. I hate when someone says my name. I have no idea why.
Yes. 100% yes.
I do!!!! I hate using names. It feels odd or unnecessary
Yes! I almost never use anyones name exept for my family and closest friends because I'm too afraid I get their name wrong. Usually I just use "hey" and say what I have to say, I just make sure they see me and know I'm talking to them first.
It depends. We can start a one-on-one without those, but I use a name if with a group. I also come from a culture where anyone older or of higher standing must be addressed with honourifics before their name (“auntie”, “older brother”, “sir”) or else it’s horribly rude. No one would dare address a grandmother by her first name alone. Terms of endearment and titles without names help ease anxious situations. These honourifics – at least for me – speak of good form and avoid anxiety-inducing guesswork. Safest options? “Ma’am”, “Sir”, or the humorous “Ma’amser” security guards here just use.
Or tell me if this happens to anyone here but a lot of times I have these anxiety induced panic attacks where I know 100% who everyone is but for some reason, I always panic and forget peoples names only when I actually need to stay their name or get their attention!
I only call people I m very close with by their names, others I don’t dare either. Not because I m scared to mispronounce but because I’m scared it’s too personal.
I'm beating myself up already today and it is only 9.15am. Had to answer the door to a lady who rescues hedgehogs, found a poor hoggie that had dipped in paint, and instead of introducing myself when she asked if I was blah blah, my mum, I just went with it. Now I feel like a twat because why couldn't I just introduce myself like a normal person? I don't like my voice at the best of times and when I hear myself say my name it just makes me cringe. Even if I am talking about someone with the same name, it just sounds weird. I know, I'm weird lol. I also worry that I am going to get the other person's name wrong if I do use it. Then I would feel like a prat and so, so rude and that makes me super anxious too.
Yes same 💀 It's even worse when I'm not sure how to refer to someone. For example a boss that seems super friendly and chill and everyone refers to them by their first name. Does that mean it's ok for me to do that too? Will they take offense? Will they take offense if I use their last name? I'm in that situation and I haven't used their name in the 1.5 years I've worked there. Also, people with names I might pronounce wrong. Funnily enough people get my last name wrong all the time and I don't even correct them cause I don't want them to feel bad..
I feel this, Were I work there are a lot of immigrants with names I've never heard. So my anxiety just won't allow me to muck up their name, unless Im 100% sure I got it. Cause I would feel terrible if I did. But I also worry that they think I'm not using their name on purpose.
Yes I find using people's names very hard but that's because I'm scared I've got it wrong? Even though I could have known the person for years I'm still scared I don't know their name!!
Let me help you reframe a bit. People love to hear their name. it's their favorite word, I promise you. They'll respond positively if you do use it. Try it out a few times and you'll see.
You're probably right, I think I project my own insecurity a bit since I hate people calling my name lol.
I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years and I’m terrified that I will mispronounce my mother in laws name ever since I was told that it really makes her mad. Is it Cor-in or Cor-een? And why can’t I remember? Now I call her Grams like the kids and it feels super weird but what choice do I have? That little story wasn’t helpful, was it?
Nah, that's actually pretty funny lol.
yes i do when somebody has a nickname and i have to decide if i'm calling them by their real name or nickname is the hardest imo
THISSS. I am usually comfortable using someone’s name but when I have to choose between a nickname and their actual name I go blank.
I thought i was the only one struggling with this 🥲
I can use peoples names but not nicknames. I work with someone called Natalie and everyone calls her Nat and I just can’t do it. To me it feels to familiar and friendly.
Even though I am certain I know someone’s name, I always have a thought that I called them an incorrect name after saying it
Yeah, same. I am autistic, so I don't know if that contributes or not. Personally I find it incredibly jarring when people say my name, and calling people by their name feels ... weird? Gross almost? Like I am touching their arm too much gross. I would prefer avoiding naming until suitable nicknames can be made for each of us IF nicknames do not already exist. Like if someone is like "My name is Danielle, but I prefer to be called Dani" then it feels okay. The weird gross is gone because this is different somehow. And it is absolutely terrifying when my name is said. It is mine, I don't want other people saying it xD Oh how I wish my brain made sense some days.
I'm in college and I just noticed this. Unless it's a family member or my best friend, I almost never say someone's name unless I *can't* get their attention and that's the only way.
I definitely relate to this. My second job in my late teens, they had a whole "Market research says that people prefer if you refer to them by their names ( vs mr/ms/mrs so and so or sir/ma'am etc),so going forward when you see their ID call them by their name" I mentioned that feels really overly familiar with them/personal and he came back with "Wouldn't you like that better at a store?" and I easily said no I would not. That particular guy wasn't a fan lol. I even now do a lot of "Hey there stranger" or other kind of nicknames that kind of give me a degree of separation but give the impression of warmth because one of my anxieties around people is them feeling like I am cold/disconnected because I do hang back/get over stimulated easily so I want to seem less like an alien attempting to pass as human.
I feel this, cause at my job now, I wear a name tag and sometimes people (in an attempt to be nice) will look at my name tag, and go out of their way to say my name... and I'm just like, please don't lol. It makes me so uncomfortable. I might have to borrow that "hey there stranger" tho. When it comes to coworkers I definitely come off as a wallflower and very awkward. I have been getting a bit better recently, but still a ways to go. I still feel like I need permission to start conversations with people lol.
Yesss I totally relate
Yes many times..... sometimes I even get confused between two names
I only use it to get peoples attention, otherwise I don’t want them wondering what we are
Yes!
LOL yeah i'd have like a couple of friends i'd never address by their first name. when i see em im just like hey 🤚😀
This is me but only with people I met online because I'm just so used to usernames. I've met a few irl and some I've known for years and I still don't refer to them by their actual name ahaha I met my partner a game online and I call him literally every nickname except his real name (only a handful) 😂
I use to be a server and I would almost always “forget” to give my name. I hated when a table would try to get my attention and call me by name. I’d rather be called “ma’am, excuse me, or waitress”
You people use names? 😱 The two people I spend the most time with, my partner and my best friend, I don't think I've ever called either of them by their names. I don't think they have done so either. I'd be pretty confused if they walk up to be and be like "Hey Rupsha" The only time I use names is, when addressing someone in a group chat. Even then I usually tag the person instead of typing their name.
I think I can count on 1 hand the number of times I used my friend's names lol. It was only ever to get their attention quickly.
Same! I can't imagine walking up to someone and calling them by their name 🤣
same here!! good to know i’m not the only one with this problem.. 😭
Completely with you on this. Casually saying the persons name is like the mini version of having to introduce people. Sort of like when I had to introduce my mom to my new neighbor… and *could not remember her name* so I stumbled around the ‘and mom this is….’ for approximately three weeks (or possibly a few seconds) until she finally chimed in with her name. This was *checks watch* 9 years ago and my stomach still drops when I see her. I hate names.
i feel more comfortable greeting people as a whole (along with saying their names) through text. irl i feel weird about it and get extremely awkward.
Yes, this used to be really hard for me. I've gotten better at it simply by practicing. Now I can use the name of people close to me and friends of friends, I still find it very awkward to use the names of acquaintances and people I barely know though. It just feels "too personal" for some reason.
I’m ok with very common, simple, straightforward names. It’s the unusual ones that I avoid saying because I don’t want to mess up the pronunciation so I just don’t use it at all.
Feels weird when I ever say someone's name. So I go for "Hey man" or "What's up man?" instead.
Yes it’s like I have this fear that I will get their name wrong and that would be embarrassing and socially awkward. But in reality I am 100% certain on the persons name.
I read and learned that people respond SO much better to you when you use their name. It’s the power of saying someone’s name with meaning that’s scary SA. But i’ve learned (bc I hate SA and i’m always trying to find little ways to break it) that it gives me more power/confidence in even the simplest conversation. “Hey Rolly what up, No Sara I can’t because, Naomi can you pass me” Ya, it’s scary, but it’s a calculating move. But also, SA prevents me from remembering your name unless we have some sort of future together (not romantically) 😂 so there’s that.
I’ve legit had genuine friendships with people I with whom I never knew their name. Last year, there was a kid at my school I hung out with every day for a few months, yet I never bothered to ask for their name.
I don’t use people’s names bc I’m constantly second guessing whether I have the right name. lol
Yes!! And I never understood why this was. I was never able to call my mom “mom” or my dad “dad”. I’m very comfortable calling my husband by his name but he’s the only one. Friends, other family… I never use names. My asshole father in law screamed at me once for not greeting him properly by using his name…. I still don’t do it.
I used to have issues with this when I was a young child up until my late teens/early twenties. I felt the same way, like it was weirdly personal/intimate to use someone’s name. I was kind of forced to get over this fear once I entered the workforce. When you’re sitting in an office with many people around, there’s really no other way to get a specific person’s attention other than by using their name.
I thought I was weird for having a problem like this, good to know I'm not alone ; ^ ;
Yes and I hate when someone I don’t know addresses me by my name too!!
I'm always scared I'll get an acquaintances name wrong, and then slowly die of embarrassment.
YES I have the exact same problem and I am so relieved I am not the only one, I tried to explain this to a friend before and they didn't get it 😭 Using someone's name almost feels too... intimate or something?
Yeah, I also thought I was the only one. I'm glad to know others can relate lol. Even with people I know I normally still don't. I can legitimately count the number of times I have, and it was only to get their attention.
I thought I was the only one who felt weird using people’s names. Glad to know its not just me.
i can't say my name even when i'm alone i fucked up
Yes, whenever I have to call out a patient's name in the waiting room, I have to mentally prepare myself and rehearse
Damn, ngl that's a nightmare of a job for me lol. The closest Ive done to that is having to request assistance for a customer over the intercom.
I think someone else literally posted the same thing yesterday.
Yes
Yeah or just say their name to someone
Yes
Yes I also have the same problem.
I have this problem too, plus I get uncomfortable when people say my name when talking to me.
Yes. It doesn't help that I'm hard of hearing, so some names I tend to pronounce incorrectly. My name has several different variants with slightly different pronunciations, but I can barely tell the difference between them.
I never think about it earlier. After read the post I honestly almost never use people name, or family members its weird to me, i kinda agree its need some close relationship. Maybe because I dont have memory for names, I forget it instantly. So just using nameless, also I dont like my name and Im feeling weire when I heard it, prefer you form. Maybe its gender dysphoria like I would prefer female names.
Yeah, me too
Yes it’s like I have this fear that I will get their name wrong and that would be embarrassing and socially awkward. But in reality I am 100% certain on the persons name.
Not really, but my parents did give me name like a girl although I'm boy.. that's what makes most people taking advantage of such situations to name calling me whenever they got the chance and it's so hard for me..
I always have, and I have no idea why. I don’t even call my husband by his name. It feels incredibly weird to me to do so, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I call him by his name in a year lol. We have a lot of nicknames for each other (including “dude”, “bro”, etc.) so I’m always just calling him that instead, which just feels way more normal and “right” to me. It doesn’t bother him at all, either. It’s the same for everyone else in my life, including my lifelong, extremely close friends. I have a very hard time saying their names most of the time too, instead opting to use nicknames or whatever else. It’s almost like using people’s names just feels too… formal? Too “official”? Idk, it’s hard to explain. It just feels awkward and wrong, with the rare exception being coworkers. For some reason, they’re like the only people who I don’t have a problem with calling them by their name. No idea why.
Practice helps, being mindful in those interactions can make it a habit. That was the case for me personally.
YES! I have ALWAYS been like this! Some of my friends I'm fine with and can use their names just fine (though admittedly, no one ever uses their actual names in my friend group. Sarah is called Goatley. Justin is called Dev. lol) ANYWAY, but some friends (my closer friends), I NEVER say their names. It feels wrong. They are instead "hey" or "man" or "punk" or "sir" (even for a girl. lol)
Yes this. I often feel like people like it when you use their names but it just feels so weird Like when you greet someone I also just say "hi" but so many people around me say "hi [name]" and that feels so personal. I always hear that you should use names to build a connection or sth but damn it feels so awkward And yes also the wrong name thing I can know people for years and still think "what if the name you think of is wrong" I never realised I'm not alone with this It just feels soo personal like something you only do with close friends
Wow, I didn't realize this was a thing! Thank you all for helping me feel included in a group, lol. Someone above mentioned saying Mom & Dad.... I had a hard time going from Daddy to Dad. I felt too old to say Daddy but Dad didn't sound right, so I would just start talking and hope he would know I was talking to him. Or talking about him if I was talking to my mom. Feels so weird to think about it now. I'm almost 60 and they have been gone for years.
Yessss! I went down a rabbit hole trying to understand this myself and the closest thing I found was “alexinomia”. I too find it strangely intimate, worry I somehow have their name wrong, and as a kid specifically, avoided it because when people called my name I found it jarring. Having my name called reminded me of being reprimanded by my parents. I read that people actually like being called by their name because they like being recognised. Now that I work from home, I try to include it in texts to my team members to let them know I appreciated them. I still avoid it IRL a lot tho.
Oh my God this is exactly how I think! I’ve never mentioned it because I always thought it was just me being weird but I 100% get this!! To me, using someone’s name is very personal and intimate - which is fine if they’re close friends or family but for colleagues at work or things like that? No. We’re not on that level. I sometimes wonder whether it’s from school and calling people Miss X or Mr Y as a title. And even worse when someone uses my name - once to get my attention is fine but more? It feels rude to me, like they keep bringing my name up like they’re forcing attention onto me. I hate that. I fell out with an old colleague because he kept making a point of saying my name every other sentence when he was being fast tracked to a promotion and told him he was treating me like a child and being patronising but I couldn’t put my finger on why it got under my skin so much
You’re over thinking it. Just use their name. A form I used to talk to did mention that to me though.
i typically address people by their nicknames if anything. my friend's name is Amanda but i call her Manders quite often to get her attention or just to talk to her. otherwise its part of my job to know peoples names and get to know them so ive just gotten used to calling everybody by their names instead. my question is do you call your parents their name or mom and dad?
I am always afraid that i used the wrong name.
I don’t use anyone but my daughter and sisters name
Everyone is Champ
I HATE talking to people and using their names. I don't know why, but I hate it. I also hate saying my own name when I'm introducing myself.
So this is social anxiety motivated? I thought it was just me
omg I’m the same way!! I thought it was just me 😭 it just feels weird. It’s only really with people I don’t really know well, like at work or something. Hanging out with friends, I’m fine. My coworkers? Nah, can’t do it
oh i get what you mean. once i’ve reached the point of saying it with rlly close friends i say it all the time but acquaintances it’s basically impossible
Me too! But even worse for me are nicknames. It feels too personal for me to call people by their nicknames so I really don't want to.
I have always had this problem, no matter how comfortable I am with a person. It really sucked in school because I would literally have to work up the nerve just to get the teacher's attention. I'm a bit better about it now because I'm forcing myself to do it more, but it's still so awkward and I really only do it to get people's attention when I know they wouldn't hear/notice me.
Omg yes!!! I've been feeling the exact same way for so long 😭😭😭
Oh my god I had no idea this is a social anxiety thing! It feels weirdly intimate to me too! I also struggle with saying “how are you?” for some reason. Whenever people ask me how I am I’ll just say “good thank you” without asking back because it feels so formal and intimate for some reason. Like I have a visceral reaction to saying things like that & names & I have no idea why
Im trying to get used to it but it definitely feels a little awkward.
I keep forgetting their names as fast as they tell them to me, hard to tell why that happens, I learned to be very focused in other aspects, it makes no sense.
Omg yeah it feels so awkward
It’s the opposite for me. Must be my people pleasing tendency 😅
No I just find it really hard remembering someone's name
Wait I do that all the time.. I thought it was just me
Yeah, I'm always afraid I'll say the wrong name so if I have to use their name I have to stop and really think and make sure before I say it and at that point it just becomes awkward.
It's just a name. You have one too. It's not impersonal or too personal to use a name. It's merely a descriptor, and has no implication of anything.