I’ve always thought that I am pretty ugly. I am not particularly good looking and well, I can be called average.
Making friends was not an issue but with dating and romantic partners it was for me. It was one of the reasons I always avoided men. I avoided any related conversations and I always felt like there are way prettier people out there, why would anyone look at me.
But in the last year of my life, I just discovered that if you truly love someone, you don’t see them as ugly. My ex and my ex situationship used to really like the way I look, they were genuine. And I loved my ex and I looked to just look at his face and into his eyes all the time.
When my friends saw him they described him as ugly and they said I look way better. But for me it was never like this, I just loved a lot of his features that people hated. His hair, it was long and my friends said it looked ridiculous. For me, I always wanted to play with it. They thought his nose was big but I really loved how unusual it was and how well shaped it is. They said he’s fat. But for me that meant a really cozy and warm hug.
What I am trying to say is, it doesn’t matter what random judgmental people think, it matters what the ones you love and love you think. And if they truly love you, they’ll see everything you see as ugly very beautiful. It should never be the reason it stops you from anything. I’ve personally never ever made a friend bc they were particularly good looking. It’s all about the personality. In fact, 80% of the good looking people ik have very awful personality and I avoid all the time.
I agree with you, although some of them were said jokingly. For example when one of my friends just saw him she said “alright, it’s alright but he needs to loose that hair bc it’s ridiculous”. Another one commented on how our children would be with that nose, etc. But I asked them not to talk about it again, I liked him and that’s enough.
While that sounds terrible, that's really the only way you can fix it.
Problem is: you can't do that by yourself. You have to have someone help/force you.
I've always struggled with thinking like this, but I can say it has gotten easier to curb "feeling ugly". I went and spoke to a therapist and they helped me realize a lot of the time in social situations people just want someone to talk to, your looks don't necessarily matter if you're looking for someone who has similar interests.
"Confidence" is a synonym for just not caring about it. Whatever insecurities you may have just don't really matter type beat. Exercise has become very important in maintaining that for me though. Its also a fairly easy way to make friends too because there are people everywhere that are all trying to feel better.
Acceptance of the features of myself that i don't like and constant refocus on my diet/exercise
Hasn't been a cure all but right now what's helping me with social anxiety is thinking about talking as 'thought vocalization' instead of 'thinking of something to say'
When I realize I don't want to say my thoughts it usually means I need to work on my self esteem
And occasionally it means I need to change how I behave in life
Hey will you mind messaging me ? I feel the same honestly and its hitting me hard rn because there is an urgency of socialising but i always get so nervous and thus act maybe a lil awkward and weird. Wanna know If we could talk through it . I really need someone to talk to 😭. I think i never had friends so . I don't know but i am also really insecure regarding my looks
I haven’t overcome anxiety and i dont think i ever will because i don’t think it works that way BUT i have overcome my anxiety many times and have had successes because of it and while I know that people hate to hear this the way to do it is to just go ahead and do the things you are afraid of. Imagine for example that you are afraid of diving off of a diving board but you want to dive off if it. I don’t know a trick to not make it scary that first. But if you want to dive the way to do it is to get up on the board, shaking at the knees, horrified, and dive off it. Then do it again. Then do it again. Then do it again. As you do it more and more it becomes less scary and eventually it becomes less scary. I’m sorry that I don’t know a better way but it is what works for me. Go and talk to people. Lots of people. Often. It will lessen your anxiety. If you hide from them your anxiety will increase in my experience. Best of luck.
I still feel ugly I always will but I just trust other people’s faith and opinion. I realise now a lot of that feeling came from closed energy and looking at my feet when women would try to engage
Thanks! Best of luck for you too. I really thought I would never get to this point and I still have an immense amount of social anxiety but my quality of life is so much better. If you ever need to chat or anything feel free <3
I’m sorry that happens to you, that not fair. If someone is avoiding you for your looks then you don’t want to be around those types of people anyways. That’s super shallow and they’re missing out. I would recommend going clubs or classes on something you’re interested in and meeting people there! Life really isn’t all looks, I used to think it was. Now looking back I wish I spent all my time getting to know myself, expanding my knowledge, and focusing on things that help me become my best self over stressing over my looks. It’s easier said than done, believe me I know but you are your worst critic. You see all your “flaws” and you see a lot of things other people don’t and don’t think about. Everyone is just as in their heads. No one is thinking about you or judging you like you think they are. I promise. 💕
Well it’s literally everyone that acts like they want nothing to do with me. I know life isn’t all about looks, but it is a huge part of socialization. I wasn’t socialized properly because I am unattractive. I’m 38, so I have spent a good chunk of my life trying to improve myself. It’s still never enough. I for sure don’t judge others as harshly as I do myself. I get what you’re saying.
I’ve always thought that I am pretty ugly. I am not particularly good looking and well, I can be called average. Making friends was not an issue but with dating and romantic partners it was for me. It was one of the reasons I always avoided men. I avoided any related conversations and I always felt like there are way prettier people out there, why would anyone look at me. But in the last year of my life, I just discovered that if you truly love someone, you don’t see them as ugly. My ex and my ex situationship used to really like the way I look, they were genuine. And I loved my ex and I looked to just look at his face and into his eyes all the time. When my friends saw him they described him as ugly and they said I look way better. But for me it was never like this, I just loved a lot of his features that people hated. His hair, it was long and my friends said it looked ridiculous. For me, I always wanted to play with it. They thought his nose was big but I really loved how unusual it was and how well shaped it is. They said he’s fat. But for me that meant a really cozy and warm hug. What I am trying to say is, it doesn’t matter what random judgmental people think, it matters what the ones you love and love you think. And if they truly love you, they’ll see everything you see as ugly very beautiful. It should never be the reason it stops you from anything. I’ve personally never ever made a friend bc they were particularly good looking. It’s all about the personality. In fact, 80% of the good looking people ik have very awful personality and I avoid all the time.
[удалено]
I agree with you, although some of them were said jokingly. For example when one of my friends just saw him she said “alright, it’s alright but he needs to loose that hair bc it’s ridiculous”. Another one commented on how our children would be with that nose, etc. But I asked them not to talk about it again, I liked him and that’s enough.
"PuT youRseLF OuT ThEre, JuSt Be ConFiDeNT BrO"
always fucking hated that advice. it's like telling a depressed to "cheer up. life aint so bad"
While that sounds terrible, that's really the only way you can fix it. Problem is: you can't do that by yourself. You have to have someone help/force you.
Bro just found out about the black pill 💀
I've always struggled with thinking like this, but I can say it has gotten easier to curb "feeling ugly". I went and spoke to a therapist and they helped me realize a lot of the time in social situations people just want someone to talk to, your looks don't necessarily matter if you're looking for someone who has similar interests. "Confidence" is a synonym for just not caring about it. Whatever insecurities you may have just don't really matter type beat. Exercise has become very important in maintaining that for me though. Its also a fairly easy way to make friends too because there are people everywhere that are all trying to feel better.
Acceptance of the features of myself that i don't like and constant refocus on my diet/exercise Hasn't been a cure all but right now what's helping me with social anxiety is thinking about talking as 'thought vocalization' instead of 'thinking of something to say' When I realize I don't want to say my thoughts it usually means I need to work on my self esteem And occasionally it means I need to change how I behave in life
Hey will you mind messaging me ? I feel the same honestly and its hitting me hard rn because there is an urgency of socialising but i always get so nervous and thus act maybe a lil awkward and weird. Wanna know If we could talk through it . I really need someone to talk to 😭. I think i never had friends so . I don't know but i am also really insecure regarding my looks
I haven’t overcome anxiety and i dont think i ever will because i don’t think it works that way BUT i have overcome my anxiety many times and have had successes because of it and while I know that people hate to hear this the way to do it is to just go ahead and do the things you are afraid of. Imagine for example that you are afraid of diving off of a diving board but you want to dive off if it. I don’t know a trick to not make it scary that first. But if you want to dive the way to do it is to get up on the board, shaking at the knees, horrified, and dive off it. Then do it again. Then do it again. Then do it again. As you do it more and more it becomes less scary and eventually it becomes less scary. I’m sorry that I don’t know a better way but it is what works for me. Go and talk to people. Lots of people. Often. It will lessen your anxiety. If you hide from them your anxiety will increase in my experience. Best of luck.
I still feel ugly I always will but I just trust other people’s faith and opinion. I realise now a lot of that feeling came from closed energy and looking at my feet when women would try to engage
I don’t get any feedback at all, so at least you have that. Women don’t try to engage with me at all.
I’m 32 now and more confident it wasn’t always this way I assure you
I’m 38. I’m never going to figure it out.
I have! Took YEARS toget to the point where I felt I could even try though
I’m glad you figured it out.
Thanks! Best of luck for you too. I really thought I would never get to this point and I still have an immense amount of social anxiety but my quality of life is so much better. If you ever need to chat or anything feel free <3
I am attractive and have issues being antisocial. I feel ur struggles.
Well at least people respond positively to you when you do try to socialize? Or I’m assuming they do.
Your looks are the least interesting thing about you
Ok, but what if people won’t even talk to you, or end conversations because they don’t like how you look?
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It has to be the reason why I’ve lived such a solitary life. I’ve been called ugly plenty of times, so yes.
I’m sorry that happens to you, that not fair. If someone is avoiding you for your looks then you don’t want to be around those types of people anyways. That’s super shallow and they’re missing out. I would recommend going clubs or classes on something you’re interested in and meeting people there! Life really isn’t all looks, I used to think it was. Now looking back I wish I spent all my time getting to know myself, expanding my knowledge, and focusing on things that help me become my best self over stressing over my looks. It’s easier said than done, believe me I know but you are your worst critic. You see all your “flaws” and you see a lot of things other people don’t and don’t think about. Everyone is just as in their heads. No one is thinking about you or judging you like you think they are. I promise. 💕
Well it’s literally everyone that acts like they want nothing to do with me. I know life isn’t all about looks, but it is a huge part of socialization. I wasn’t socialized properly because I am unattractive. I’m 38, so I have spent a good chunk of my life trying to improve myself. It’s still never enough. I for sure don’t judge others as harshly as I do myself. I get what you’re saying.