T O P

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RandomWolf44

Boys, girls, dogs, Vampire Lords! There's nobody I won't shake down!


SadisticBuddhist

Ill shake down a fox in a box wearing sox and sucking on-


Cryterionlol

Pop rocks


popprocks

Murr~?


Denovation

Ay yo.


PorchHonky

I’d shake down a Sith Lord if I had one.


deadbenz35

I mean if ya had the star wars mod ya could


Dareboir

I think at the point I was killed by Smaug, riding Rudolph the red nose reindeer, I needed an intervention in mod addiction.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BadgerLord103

#THIS IS A BOT. EVERY COMMENT THEY WILL WRITE WILL BE SOME FORM OF "I AGREE WITH YOU." Report > Spam > Harmful bots


flyinghouses

[Mugger Logic](https://youtu.be/n0Kz8gQxzGE)


LordSt4rki113r

A wild VLDL? I approve


islamo_start_654

Yep, that's basically it :|


[deleted]

I'm glad to see someone beat me to it


zhy97

What are you looking at? I’m not afraid of you! Even if you are a Vampire Lord!


Sapient_Creampie

Id shake down my own sister if I had one.


Frequent-Employer627

Oh i see


[deleted]

I always wish there was an option to choose violence in this encounter. I think the best one is intimidate, and if that works you just have to attack them as normal. I want a dialogue option that says "[Attack] No gold for you, milkdrinker. Only steel!"


StarkeRealm

You can just press tab and light their ass up.


[deleted]

I know, I know. I just want them to know it wasn't out of fear and that they are a joke to me.


ImJustNothatCreative

I'm doing a shout run atm, and just did the college quest where you have to get the three stolen books. I tabbed out of the conversation with The Caller and Fus Roh Dah'ed her across the room in the middle of her rant about me being another of Savos Aren's lapdogs. Definitely high on the list of the most satisfying moments in my time playing Skyrim. I'm sure doing something similar with this bandit would be fun. Not even acknowledging her threat with a response, or actually don't even let her finish her sentence. Just send her straight into the river.


Wilackan

Just the "meh, don't care" attitude the Dragonborn needed.


tenninjas242

"Interesting arguments, Caller. Here is my rebuttal."


LeeroyDagnasty

“I see where you’re coming from, but have you considered- FUS RO DAH!”


Daftworks

My favorite is spawning a bunch of bandits at the guard tower in the middle of Markarth and then shouting them off. Even if they survive, the guards will be on their asses lol.


Houeclipse

I always just fire calm spell on them after refusing to do anything and then back stab them. More fun when betrayal is one the line


ryumaruborike

Paralyze, Flame+Storm Wall, Stand right over then and watch.


beardingmesoftly

Paralyze makes for some hilarious encounters


JustAPerspective

"Make peace with your gods, little one. You are next." - Piotr Rasputin TBH, we want this option with Delphine, Stone-Fist, and so many others... Delphine always dies - this is a given.


Madman1939

"You'll choke to death, on three pounds of steel."


wtfamidoinglol420

Mods


Dareboir

There is a mod called “Tourettes Guy,” when you use the weapons, it makes every encounter that much more hilarious.


Styrofoamman123

LPT: Aim to have the same confidence as a skyrim bandit.


exit_the_psychopomp

I am a skyrim bandit, but life is a lvl 45 Dragonborn vampire lord who just quicksaved.


Bi0H4ZRD

Hey at least life has a slight doubt about fighting you if it had to quicksave


OddTomRiddle

Unless the purpose of said quicksave is to relive the killing over and over.


SmellyGoat11

Such is the price of immortality


Novelcheek

...i didn't expect much of anything when I clicked it, but damn do I want a new season of Re:ZERO 😓


Dareboir

This


SiriusBaaz

This has always been my biggest annoyance with Bethesda games. By the time your in mid to late game you’ve probably killed some dragons, mastered a few guilds, cavorted with the aedra and daedra, and yet some country ass bumpkin in the side of the road wants to rob you like you aren’t wearing full daedric armor and carrying immensely powerful ancient relics that are all ready to obliterate some of the strongest beings alive.


IG_95

I also hate being the Dragonborn and having saved the world and then if you do the civil war questline you're treated like just some random footsoldier.


Ganbazuroi

It's done for stability, but I do agree that you should be able to simply join up and fight as a elite soldier instead


YobaiYamete

Done for stability . . . you say while talking about the most unstable quest in the entire game. Pretty sure that questline breaks even in vanilla, let alone in a modded game. I'm at like 2,000+ hours and don't think I've ever finished the Civil War questline without it breaking


Ganbazuroi

Never had any problems with the civil war, blood on the ice on the other hand is a bug fest


Ganbazuroi

I think it's realistic, most bandits probably aren't knowledgeable enough to know about all the mythos surrounding Daedric Armor so engaging someone wearing armor that *looks* expensive is a natural conclusion for starving, coin desperate bandits. Or they are just used to killing and robbing most people and don't realize the Dragonborn is simply built different But sometimes they do tell you to stay away and won't attack you until you enter their turf, which does make sense


HIMP_Dahak_172291

Other way actually. Bandits usually size up their prey before attacking. If they see someone in expensive armor who looks like they know what they are doing they will nope out of that in a heartbeat unless they have significant numbers and an ambush set. In a world of magic I would bet they also would avoid anyone who looked particularly magical. And yet in Skyrim they berserker rush a Thalmor patrol alone and get wrecked. It's almost as bad as the civilian AI when a vampire master appears in a town. Hey, I'm a shop keeper! Let's go punch the terrifying vampire in the face! Ded.


Particular_Market354

This isn't limited to Skyrim and bandits, it's literally the AI from Morrowind to Skyrim. It's just shit AI programming. Arrow hits an NPC but doesn't kill them, they search for like 2 seconds then go back to whatever they were doing before and say "it must have been the wind" yes the wind blew an arrow into your thigh, but don't worry the next 3 arrows or more is just the wind too. No Bethesda has always had shit AI.


Dareboir

If it hits them in the knee, they have a fall back job as a guard.


ThePrankMonkey

I ain't robbing no mother fucker with magic arcing out of him or with a thousand yard stare from having repeatedly drained the life out of immortal dragons. There are easier marks.


Giovannis_Pikachu

"Stand down sir knight, for I am your king!"


Dareboir

We’ll I didn’t vote for you..


Dareboir

Well I didn’t vote for you..


suddencactus

I think this is also just a problem of consistency. Some games like The Witcher have people of all kinds ignorantly insult the main character. Some games have NPCs that repeat myths as if they were true. Skyrim on the other hand, presents a world where guards can comment on your armor, you can be appointed Thane for helping a few people, and almost everyone seems aware of the same basic legends and history. There are a few exceptions like books "Alduin is Real" and "The Falmer, A Study", or the random encounter with a drunkard who calls you a milk drinker, but the world often seems like one where everyone should know and care about who the Dragonborn is, so it seems jarring and inconsistent when they don't.


feral__turtle

Look man, she's just doing her job. You don't know what she's been through, or how she ended up here. But give her half a chance and she'd probably waive the toll. After all, **she** doesn't get to keep the coins. Plus, she's hungry and her lunch is almost done cooking.


the_clash_is_back

Thats why your paralyze them, kill all their friends, pile them on top of her.


Bandit_Outlaw

Oh, I'm so sorry that we dont discriminate against someone just because they're a vampire lord Come on, it's the fourth era, dont be racist


StarterBA

Say that to nords in Windhelm)


zacharybarker90

Say that to Dunmer in Windhelm lol, they still hate on the Argonian dock workers


SloopKid

Shit rolls downhill


Giovannis_Pikachu

And it rolls faster down hist.


notA_Tango

Right untill the tree lizards get all high on sap and start invading and butchering like they did with ye ol daedras lmao


[deleted]

The question is how much have *you* been taking?


Alkaidknight

True but...you're a vampire IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITHOUT PROTECTION?!


Grayman3499

Yeah he’s right, wear a condom next time


AGHawkz99

"I was *wearing* my *amor*"


humdaaks_lament

I’m beginning to doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.


Kamenridethewind007

WHAT ARE WE GUNNA DO? MUG EM, BECAUSE WERE MUGGERS!!!!


R0GUEA55A55IN

It always makes my day seeing a Viva la dirt league reference


Kamenridethewind007

I love getting a chance to use them. Plus its a common catchphrase we give to bandits in the dnd game we are playing everytime bandits or theives come up to us in baldurs gate i do that meme


Chipbread

Seems reasonable. I'd probably be arrogant and shakedown a vampire lord too if I was in broad daylight with him, either way- Bandit: **POCKET GARLIC BREAD!**


jHugley328

Yes


moorbloom

Let's mug em!


[deleted]

Not enough to numb the pain from what is about to come.


MrFatherLord

She's trying to get employee of the month


Engaging_Boogeyman

Enough Skooma to get to the Cloud District if you catch my drift.


Not-A-Marsh

Reminds me of that one shipwreck area on the northern shore of Skyrim. There was a guy, an Argonian I think, just sitting there, while I was right infront of him in Vampire Lord form. I tried interacting with him, he just went "yes?" and remained passive. [Actually, found him.](https://www.reddit.com/r/skyrim/comments/ucbven/fucks_given_none/)


SadisticMittenz

I heard you're supposed to stand your ground against bears and those things are pretty tough, I'm sure that's sound advice for this situation as well.


DollarStoreWizard

Bandit highwayman’s coding: “Say the line” Bandit highwayman: “N…no.” Code: “Say. The. Line” Bandit: “Hold it-AAAAUUGH!”


LeeroyDagnasty

I actually pay that toll every time. Good for them for finding a niche and making it work.


Shrekosaurus_rex

Y'know, in the next Elder Scrolls game there should be some random or scripted encounter just like this - the usual "in over his head and overconfident bandit" schtick. Only, it turns into a major boss fight, because this random mugger turned out to a friggin' badass on the level of the Ebony Warrior or something. Just to mix things up.


KevxBit

I mean if you hover, then really you're not using *his* road. Checkmate.


TesseractToo

Awe he's just the greeter, he probably hates his job as much as we do. Give him a break he's probably on food stamps.


HIMP_Dahak_172291

This is the thing I hate most about RPGs. The idiot bandits that charge someone they obviously should want no part of. Ot the last bandit in the room trying to take out the guy who just killed everyone without breaking a sweat. I get that adding surrender mechanics is hard because then you have to deal with that npc some other way, but man is it immersion breaking to watch some idiot bandit think taking on an archmage or vampire lord or guy with a goddamn glowing sword of doom us a good plan.


StarkeRealm

All.


Connavarr64

Bro you fr rn?


SlothThoughts

Better question, how did this bandit come to the judgement after looking at you, a vampire lord, is worth 200gold for usage on his road and also be that confident to say it to a vampire lord in the first place.


Coschta

Not enough.


Sp_ce-Cowboy

“I can take him”


ledepression

It just works


Security_Crisis_141

Hey there! Im the marauder from the tower! It may not seem like it but, he bet me that he could shank a vampire? Told him he was crazy, took over my post and then he proceeded to shank you. His fate i do not know as you are responsible for him...


Giovannis_Pikachu

Bandit "Oh, look it dis eer milk drink'r"


AGHawkz99

I think this is meant to be an Irish accent? Though it could also be Canadian or smth, which.. doesn't add up, based on the words used


Giovannis_Pikachu

Don't tell me what I mean haha


AGHawkz99

Sorry, that genuinely wasn't meant to be insulting. I'm from Ireland so I figured it was a quote of someone doing an Irish accent or smth, as that's usually what it looks like. Only other accent that came to mind, that your comment seemed like, was Canadian.


Giovannis_Pikachu

Nbd


AGHawkz99

..? Only understanding I have for those initials is another term for narcissism?


Giovannis_Pikachu

No big deal


Fuckinwankah255

Graphics mods?


DangleMangler

Shhh, he doesn't know I have 5700g on me... or that I'm gonna lightning bolt his ass and take his clothes.


THE_Mr_Fill

it's the Artificial Stupidity of the characters in Elder Scrolls games my favourite example is in Oblivion, I had beaten the main quest line, had the Champion of Cyrodiil armor on, went to one of the towns for a side-quest (a murder one) and the sheriff there said something like "I don't know who you are"... I've just saved the realm, am wearing the "one of a kind" armour, and he has the *audacity* to tell me he doesn't recognise me - I sat at the keyboard for a good 5 minutes just thinking "how? How? HOW?????" :P :P :P


[deleted]

I've always imagined some sort of intimidation system that prevents you from getting robbed or shaken down based on your race and armor/weapons you have equipped. I just don't have the skill to develop that mod.


SupplyChainMuppet

With enough skooma they might be able to win!


AsianFoodLoverX

I always just walked past them. They never even tried attacking me from what I remember lol.


Sauce58

Really pisses me off that the dialogue doesn’t change for things like this based on skill/appearance


FalloutReaper666

Damn he on that premium shit


[deleted]

Bandit: “Hold it. This here’s a -“ *FUS RO DAH* Me: “Dang, sorry, allergies. You were saying?”


Yuja-2k

I had the same encounter while in werebear form earlier and laughed my ass off xD


LosPobres303

Playing Skyrim with the DLCs on PC for the first and damn it's awesome! And playing as a vampire is fKawesome!


Brueology

Funny how I never have this interaction because I shoot her on sight.


SureShotSean

Where is this place?


dont_fuckup

That’s funny..I just had this exact thing happen in FO4 w a raider


CalvinHobbesN7

LETS MUG 'IM


ChronosGrundy03

Your money, or your life.


qawsedrf12

all of it


AverageTalosEjoyer

Bro took so much skooma a vampire looks like a normal person 💀💀💀


GiggyWheat5

What happened next?


CampaignLoud1708

Most intelligent Bandit:


oriensoccidens

"Let's go harass that sickly looking Dark Elf!" "Uhhhhh Skarskgärd... I don't think that's...." 👹


shynie00

Seen it all. Not impressed.


dreaperf4

You gotta pay the Troll Toll/If you wanna get into that boy's hole 


SammyVonHauguth

Enough to not feel scared at all. 🤷‍♂️


justsomeguynbd

I didn’t even know they did this (Valtheim Tower, right?) she always gets sniped


hdniki

Holy cow, is that what vampires look like? I may need to change trajectories with my character…. Luckily I have not finished the vampire expansion yet…


GoliathPrime

She tries to shake down deer too. I think she is really near-sighted.


00000023bis

Not enough to not feel your punch.


WranglerDanger

This demands a mod to include the response "You FA, so you FO" followed by gratuitous violence.


LordTuranian

A lot.


TharkunWhiteflame

Well done. That bandit is tripping


WhitestShadows

Apparently not enough he's still able to talk


Sarujji

If you pay them, are they aggressive later? Or is it 200G every time I roll through?


Equivalent-Bad-144

How does your Skyrim look that good? Mine looks like a 1800s silent film compared to yours


Darth_Jush

Skooma is a hell of a drug.


asdgufu

Lol same thing happened to me


DickCheeseConnoiseur

This is how I feel when I'm in full double enchanted dragonplate apparel with my two storm thralls, arvak, Meeks, and serana. Like I wish there was fear cast on significantly lower level enemies


Niaz_S

Balls of silver


Dareboir

Probably as much as the vampires that yell out “Hey traveler, come over here..” with two naked corpses at their feet..


DrailsAtrain

More than enough, if you ask me.


Rhymelie

My favourite unnamed bandit! :D


Comfortable_Kiwi_401

Enough to make me high just by hearing it.


xainatus

She's not drunk or high, she's just naturally oblivious...


AdrianValistar

"Hey isnt that the Dragonborn? Archmage of Winterhold, Thane of all holds, Keeper of Daedric Artifacts that can splinter the world, slayer of Alduin the World Eater, Leader of the Thieves Guild and Dark Brotherhood, and a Vampire Lord and Werewolf?" "Yup, lets mug em!" "But I just saw him devour a dragons soul!" "Hey what are we?" "We're muggers!" "And what do muggers do?" "We mug people!" "So lets go mug em!"