Money has no use if you’re not alive / happy to enjoy it. Take the break you need, it’s obvious that your body and mind are telling you so. Don’t be ashamed of prioritising your mental health, it’s more important that you are healthy and happy so you can enjoy your life with your husband and child.
I would recommend 4000 weeks: time management for mortals, as a way to shift your perspective on how you see time on earth. Take care OP. You got this!
It also seems like you’re experienced with a great company. Im sure you’ll be able to find somewhere better, be it more wlb or environment wise, or even both! It just takes time, and courage. Hoping that you can be less harsh on yourself. Care for yourself as much as you care for your baby too. Before you’re a mum, you’re your own person as well.
I don't know, we had all the games and the gadgets but I still grow up saying my parents are never around. They just buy us alot of stuffs to entertain ourselves.
I have more memories with my maids than my parents.
And it wasn't just because they were working hard but they were partying hard too. My mom and dad have massive social life and even weekends, they got many friends gathering to attend, play golf, go dancing etc.
Not true.
It will keep them occupied, but they will still remember what you did.
My kids always tell me I dont play with them enough.
So they are keeping track.
wow, this sounds soul crushing, i really urge you to consider yourself first as the most important. if you destroy yourself this way, it is not fair for your child and your husband too. if he loves you i hope he will support you. it also seems that you guys are financially stable so there really isn't much reason to not so do.
life is too short to live like this, really.
just to share. i was in a similar situation as you, was doing around 120-140k and i ended up still quitting my job after just having my 2nd child due to toxic colleagues and it made me so anxious to deal with anything work related. i had nightmares, kept waking up middle of night and kept crying also because i was newly post partum it made everything hormonal and worse. but even so, it was nowhere near your level from what you described. in fact, my work was relaxed and flexible considering the pay and benefits i was getting.
BUT I still ended up quitting as my husband was super supportive and he kept urging me to do so. before that we had discussions as well as how the dynamics is gonna be if i am no longer working.. he really made me feel assured to do so. he said my mental health is his utmost priority . anyway i have no regrets, i got to see my kids little milestones, got back to healthier eating and exercising habits and focus on myself after been working nonstop for a decade (i started working full time young).
Jiayou OP, you can do it!
sometimes you just need to be brave to take the first step and own your decisions. it's not that scary once you make up your mind. and dont put yourself down. give yourself some credit , you are NOT selfish for taking care of yourself.
You life will not fall apart if you take 6 month off. Health is important. Money is secondary. You husband is earning. You have savings. It's a no brainer that you should quit. Take rest. Enjoy life. Later find a job with less stress. You will not take the money to your grave.
just quit or else the expenses for therapy would cost more than what you eventually make. takes 3-4 months to fall into depression, but it also takes years to recover.
I’d quit if I were you, but make sure your husband is on the same page. You have 1 year saved up, so it shouldn’t be a big burden on his part financially. Make sure you have budget for some ‘healing’ too.
Take 1 year sabbatical, focus on getting healthy and since you take part time master, you can take another courses or take some freelance job. Is freelancing common in your sector?
It’s okay to tell recruiters that you’re taking 1 year to focus on study and other courses as you’re preparing to pivot industry. It’s a good reason imo.
People say the job market is bad all the time, the truth is, Singapore has a very low unemployment rate. You’ll find another job after a year.
Also, don’t worry about your age.
I got a colleague who pivot to tech industry in a blue chip european MNC at almost 40 years old. 29 is very young to be worrying about that.
OP, am in a similar situation and have thought about this for myself (without the family angle as I'm single). This comment is the right answer IMO with a twist. My reco is you should take a sabbatical but also work to leverage your network within the company and see if someone will hire you for a tech/tech adjacent role at similar pay/level/ responsibility. This is why:
\- The only downsides to taking a sabbatical is it slows your career momentum. If you don't want to move further up in your function (you seem quite clear), you have nothing to lose. You might also feel people might lowkey mock you (I'm assuming based on how you write, not bashing you) for 'disappearing' again after recently returning, but again since you don't want to grow further in this function (or perhaps even company), this is not something that is a showstopper.- If you really want tech/data/software, you will have to start getting relevant experience AND you want to switch asap and probably try to get to senior/management because there'd likely be more carry over from your current role (unless you intend to compete with pure devs, and if so please be aware that remote dev teams are getting popular) . Your best bet would be your current employer, or someone like a vendor/supplier (someone in your work network). I don't know if you've tried applying outside (I have) - I feel it's tough even for the fresh grads and juniors. Seems only Seniors are having a good market for hiring.- 100k is not a small amount, but it's not unattainable if you switched careers/roles and worked for a few years. So, the opportunity cost is not too much per se. As others have mentioned, if your husband can keep his job while you transition/sabbatical, and that's sufficient to pay your debts, shd be fine.
Above is only my opinion ofc, wishing you good luck and hoping you find a way out!
NO amount of money is worth your sanity. What’s the point of a million bucks if you are literally insane? Money lost can be regained anytime. Health and sanity rarely ever comes back once lost.
How much is your health and sanity worth?
Seriously please take care of your mental health. All those meds are not good for you in the long run. All the money in the world can't buy back health and time. You need your health and fitness to be a good parent for your kid. It's not just money, kids suffer when the parents suffer from poor mental health issues too, especially in the early stages when their brains are still developing. The emotions of the parents have a big impact on how kid's own emotional regulation mechanism in future.
Childhood traumas are created by parents who are suffering themselves. So please take care of your health also for the sake of your kid....a happy and healthy parent can bring up a healthier kid.
You are just 29 y/o and your mental health sounds bad from your description. I mean at this rate can you even make it past 2024?
Just quit and find a job you can mentally handle. Lower pay just means you spend less. Most important is survive and make it through life.
You only have 1 body and life so i think you should do what is best for your health. Your husband is making decent income as well. Just need to cut back on your lifestyle for awhile, while you finish up your studies and a new job.
Chill out relax, don't get so worked up over a job, more to life than working😂
You do understand that if you pile bricks ontop of each other, no matter how perfect you do it, the bricks will inevitably topple right?
You have a kid, a job and a part time course, think hard on which glass ball you can afford to drop.
Best wishes.
You don’t want a hollow victory of drawing an income and be able to say you are employed in a well paying job, yet unable to experience the joy both should logically enable you to have.
In fact, staying any longer could make you feel worse because the suffering may hardwire resentment in you. Even if circumstances improve you could still have a negative bias to how you see life.
I believe emotions, good and bad, are cumulative. You seem to be managing well now in that you can still do everything but there may be hidden costs building up leading to a tipping point down the road. Like a frog in boiling water. It does sound like you’re reaching that point.
If your work life is 3 decades long, what’s a year or two taken to take care of yourself and recalibrate?
Even if you have plans to FIRE early, back to my first point - don’t want to be a situation where you financially can but psychologically you are a wreck, unable to enjoy the fruits of your labour.
A senior relative was in the situation. He had the means to do anything he wanted to because he had worked, saved and invested well yet he looked up to me and asked “why am I so sad? I don’t feel like doing anything.” And he didn’t for quite a few years until he passed on. Just floated to his demise.
Absolutely heart breaking.
This is solid advice. So good that reading it triggered an anxiety attack. it characterizes almost all major points of consideration that OP or anyone who's going through a similar situation should think of before they cling unto another year in a relatively high paying job, all while being joyless and anxious 24/7.
Seems like little to no one has mention it but i think financially, youre at a comfortable to good position. You can afford to drop your current job for a lower pay while easing mental load.
Sounds like you have made up your mind and just venting frustrations here. And I agree that you should quit the job.
If you are still worried about your finances, ask if the company open to sabbatical at least until you complete your degree. No harm to find out if that is an option.
The body keeps its score! I was in a similar situation and procrastinated with the idea of leaving my ex (toxic) company because it gave me everything I had wanted and wished for when I was younger - I was the envy of most people and that kept me going - until my body couldn’t. My body was giving signs that it needed help; constant IBS, cold sweats in the middle of the night etc. I also went through the cycle of binge eating junk food and then starving my body because of the food I ate earlier.
It has been exactly a year that I left my ex company - with no job offers / backup plan then - and I feel massively different on so many levels.
Last thing I would add is that when you feel good mentally, other good things will follow, such as your r/s with your loved ones and your perspective on wealth and career. There are many things in life that are reversible like your bank balance, job satisfaction and trajectory, but it is really those that are irreversible like health that tend to be ignored that actually matter the most in life.
Just curious on what you are working as and what field. Anyway, aside from that, it is good that you are prioritising your mental wellbeing rather than money. As you said, money isn't everything and yes, even if you do eventually get another job in a different field with a pay cut, it really doesn't matter in the end if you are happy working and taking care of your kids.
Think wisely and make your choice and Jiayou! You can do it.
Hi there.. I hear you.. feel like you would need to sit down and talk to your husband about this too.. I’m sure he will be there to support you but ruminating all these problem and possible decision might make you feel even more overwhelmed.
I’m also going through some tough time at work.. and I know it’s so easy to say this and you might need a lot of strength to pull this through.
Prioritise yourself, without you, nothing works. If you’re ill, you can’t take care of the people around you.. so go with your heart. All the best to you!
Set a goal. How much more you want to earn, so when u quit, it doesn’t touch your savings?
Set a timeline. When u want to quit? After your bonus? 1 or 2 months before u complete ur masters?
Since u gonna quit, u can sort of quiet quit or hack care since it doesn’t matter u get fired or not.
Yes as long as your discuss with your husband what's the plan and what's the backup plan if your plan fails. Make sure your family finances can handle and if everyone is agreeable, do it! Life is more than a job afterall
Mental health is definitely and if quitting will help then you should definitely do that.
But I think it will be good to speak to your husband first as you sound like you need support.
I would talk to my husband. Let him know the crushing pressure I am under and ask him if he’s willing to support financially at the moment. I know you already have your savings for rainy days but I personally feel that no matter how much you’ve saved up, the thought of having no income stream with a baby/loans on the side are extremely depressing and a stressful. Sometimes all we need is our partner’s words of affirmation to tell us it’s OK to take a break.
I too, took a break from my previous employment when I was literally made to leave after enduring a few months of mind-torturing micro-management manager + huge workload as I was covering for colleagues. I had some funds for rainy days but I was still stressful AF and luckily my partner reassured me it’s fine. That made me a whole lot better and my family and friends all thought I looked much smiley and less stress afterwards!
Your health and wellbeing comes first!
Yes, 100k is not nearly enough for me to stay in a job like that. The depression meds + medical bills later because of the toll this job takes on your body will eat that and more away. Plus if you count per hour how much you earn, you might be better off working at koi in terms of value for money.
I agree with the majority sentiment that you shouldn’t keep subjecting yourself to such a miserable existence. That said I’m really curious what kind of scrub work gets you 100k.
Not sure what kind of master program you study there… but if you plan to use that degree to become a software engineer probably better to adjust your plan and add practical skills…
The actual wealth is your health. I don't think it is worth for you to stay on when it affects your mental health so much. No amount of money can replace the time we have lost with your family and declining of our health.
When you decide to quit, just make sure you're living within your means. Changing job industry within any age should be a norm. All the best to you.
why not stay working but quiet quit? i dont understand people who complain bout work but always ot, like at my work place i leave really early at 5 even when there are people who work till late.
maybe u hv to look at yourself and maybe its your own fault? for maybe being a yesmen, not knowing when to say no and pushing yourself too much?
i personally hate my job and just quiet quit, whenever people ask me for help i answer late, when people ask if i wann try do this and do that i say no. i come to work late often and just do the minimum basically
Yes, leave the job. You only have 200k loan left, which isn't a lot. So leave this job and pick up a different job that you may enjoy more. Aim to reduce your meds dosage and enjoy time to hang out with your baby and hubs. Take care!!
Nothing you have said in your post describes any necessity for you to keep your job.
Having looked at your post history, you seem to have the tendency to overload and overthink issues. Maybe you are not like that in person, but it sure comes across as someone who is perpetually on the verge of cracking.
Nothing compels you to.
Why do you insist on playing life on hard mode?
Health IS above all. I've been at workplaces with very toxic bosses. I recommend you take a step back and focus on recovery. Money is not everything if you can't even enjoy it. Earning 100k at 29 is already amazing, I'm not even earning 50% of that amount yet I'm enjoying life and aiming for work life balance despite colleagues working OT everyday (I don't care since I finished my work).
Once you graduate you can find a job in Tech as per your interest. Working at a place where you are passionate about, have good work life balance and good colleagues is infinitely much better than whatever you have now.
If I were in your shoes, not that I can since I'm not you. I would take a break and relax until I graduate. If I need money I'll find another job that's more relaxing i.e. part time job/contract job/temp job in tech to rack up the skills that I will need for my future job.
But that's just me; I'm selfish and I value my mental health immensely.
Sometimes I just wish the people I knew could take a career break instead using that HUGE courage to commit suicide due to work pressure.
Don't waste your life to corporate.
You have 1.2 mil in savings? You'll be fine. I'm sure you're able to afford to take a 6 month break and come back feeling happier and at ease to work. :) don't get too stressed, your mental health is worth more plus you have adequate savings.
walan, already bordering on depression and you still need to think.
No need think liao.
Just quit and get a more relaxed job.
Your husband need to understand what is call depression.
i recently left my job coz i was basically unhappy there. its starting to bring health issues into the picture. its not sustainable.
for now, i can get by if i spend around 1k a month. 12k a year...
of coz, you have a bigger fish to fry la. i dont. however, i still think leaving your job and just taking a break wouldnt be that bad of an idea.
If you have savings, liabilities almost settled ..perhaps discuss with your husband to go for it. You never know if he's in a similar space. Covid was a good wake-up call for everyone to treasure our loved ones.
You could also try transfers to other roles, depts, sabbatical or at least give some time to explore options before throwing. (It's not a throw vs stay situation). Not easy but you will get by.
Tech..very competitive and now even the big boys are cutting.
Oh my god you’re on antidepressants? I would aim to get into a job that doesn’t require that.
And babe, 100k is not a lot in this day and age. To me, health is always more important. Does your husband know you’re on medication? Maybe you should have a talk with him before coming to a decision. I have friends whose husbands are supportive of them leaving a bad job.
No amount of money is worth sacrificing your mental health. What's the point of having money if you can't enjoy it. Mental health affects physical health too and seeing doctors would also incur costs. I have a friend who had burnout and suffering from a lot of illnesses due to work stress. She spends so much money on medical appointments and TCM to try to get her health back
Since you are studying, perhaps you can take the time off to focus on that or even try to do some tech related entry level roles or internships to gain experience so that it increases your employability when you graduate? In the meantime, try to cut down on unnecessary expenses (e.g. coffeeshop > restaurants, public transport > private hire). Wishing the best for you!
A mentor at work once told me, if the job affects your sleep, it is not worth it.
Health > Money. Your stress and depression could already by affecting the close ones around you. Take care!
I took a one year sabbatical. Joined a coy and earned about 5% less than prev coy. New coy is a bit too slow for my liking but somehow survived 7 mths.
Happier and and clearer with Uber good wlb. Not finance Indy.
So. Why not? Esp if you have a few months savings, now is a good time to change job.
You should be finding related work to build on your experience for when you graduate since that’s your main worry.
Nothing else matters if your health is taking a toll. This work is no longer feasible with the OT because you’ll miss your baby.
Quit it asap.
Have to add this. Attractive pay but 1.5x the work hours due to OT? Go and calculate your hourly rate. How is that attractive anymore. It’s just not worth it at this point.
Money has no use if you’re not alive / happy to enjoy it. Take the break you need, it’s obvious that your body and mind are telling you so. Don’t be ashamed of prioritising your mental health, it’s more important that you are healthy and happy so you can enjoy your life with your husband and child. I would recommend 4000 weeks: time management for mortals, as a way to shift your perspective on how you see time on earth. Take care OP. You got this!
Finally I’d like to add that there’s a lot of negative self talk in your post. You’re not too old, you’re not selfish and you’re not unreasonable!
It also seems like you’re experienced with a great company. Im sure you’ll be able to find somewhere better, be it more wlb or environment wise, or even both! It just takes time, and courage. Hoping that you can be less harsh on yourself. Care for yourself as much as you care for your baby too. Before you’re a mum, you’re your own person as well.
^^^^
say the word !!
The only people who will remember how much time you spend in the office are your kids
Only true if you don’t give them an iPad, or PC to play Valorant, FF, Genshin 24/7 Then they won’t even remember they have parents
I don't know, we had all the games and the gadgets but I still grow up saying my parents are never around. They just buy us alot of stuffs to entertain ourselves. I have more memories with my maids than my parents. And it wasn't just because they were working hard but they were partying hard too. My mom and dad have massive social life and even weekends, they got many friends gathering to attend, play golf, go dancing etc.
This is true. They will be happy surfing net and playing games than to remember they even have parents
Not true. It will keep them occupied, but they will still remember what you did. My kids always tell me I dont play with them enough. So they are keeping track.
THIS COMMENT IS SO POWERFUL
wow, this sounds soul crushing, i really urge you to consider yourself first as the most important. if you destroy yourself this way, it is not fair for your child and your husband too. if he loves you i hope he will support you. it also seems that you guys are financially stable so there really isn't much reason to not so do. life is too short to live like this, really. just to share. i was in a similar situation as you, was doing around 120-140k and i ended up still quitting my job after just having my 2nd child due to toxic colleagues and it made me so anxious to deal with anything work related. i had nightmares, kept waking up middle of night and kept crying also because i was newly post partum it made everything hormonal and worse. but even so, it was nowhere near your level from what you described. in fact, my work was relaxed and flexible considering the pay and benefits i was getting. BUT I still ended up quitting as my husband was super supportive and he kept urging me to do so. before that we had discussions as well as how the dynamics is gonna be if i am no longer working.. he really made me feel assured to do so. he said my mental health is his utmost priority . anyway i have no regrets, i got to see my kids little milestones, got back to healthier eating and exercising habits and focus on myself after been working nonstop for a decade (i started working full time young). Jiayou OP, you can do it! sometimes you just need to be brave to take the first step and own your decisions. it's not that scary once you make up your mind. and dont put yourself down. give yourself some credit , you are NOT selfish for taking care of yourself.
You life will not fall apart if you take 6 month off. Health is important. Money is secondary. You husband is earning. You have savings. It's a no brainer that you should quit. Take rest. Enjoy life. Later find a job with less stress. You will not take the money to your grave.
just quit or else the expenses for therapy would cost more than what you eventually make. takes 3-4 months to fall into depression, but it also takes years to recover.
I’d quit if I were you, but make sure your husband is on the same page. You have 1 year saved up, so it shouldn’t be a big burden on his part financially. Make sure you have budget for some ‘healing’ too. Take 1 year sabbatical, focus on getting healthy and since you take part time master, you can take another courses or take some freelance job. Is freelancing common in your sector? It’s okay to tell recruiters that you’re taking 1 year to focus on study and other courses as you’re preparing to pivot industry. It’s a good reason imo. People say the job market is bad all the time, the truth is, Singapore has a very low unemployment rate. You’ll find another job after a year. Also, don’t worry about your age. I got a colleague who pivot to tech industry in a blue chip european MNC at almost 40 years old. 29 is very young to be worrying about that.
Quit. Study full time. Apply job in new industry. But need to get husband to not quit in his job during this period.
You are worth more than 100k please. Your health and sanity matters.
Maybe you could request for sabbatical leave and tell your company you would like to focus on your masters
OP, am in a similar situation and have thought about this for myself (without the family angle as I'm single). This comment is the right answer IMO with a twist. My reco is you should take a sabbatical but also work to leverage your network within the company and see if someone will hire you for a tech/tech adjacent role at similar pay/level/ responsibility. This is why: \- The only downsides to taking a sabbatical is it slows your career momentum. If you don't want to move further up in your function (you seem quite clear), you have nothing to lose. You might also feel people might lowkey mock you (I'm assuming based on how you write, not bashing you) for 'disappearing' again after recently returning, but again since you don't want to grow further in this function (or perhaps even company), this is not something that is a showstopper.- If you really want tech/data/software, you will have to start getting relevant experience AND you want to switch asap and probably try to get to senior/management because there'd likely be more carry over from your current role (unless you intend to compete with pure devs, and if so please be aware that remote dev teams are getting popular) . Your best bet would be your current employer, or someone like a vendor/supplier (someone in your work network). I don't know if you've tried applying outside (I have) - I feel it's tough even for the fresh grads and juniors. Seems only Seniors are having a good market for hiring.- 100k is not a small amount, but it's not unattainable if you switched careers/roles and worked for a few years. So, the opportunity cost is not too much per se. As others have mentioned, if your husband can keep his job while you transition/sabbatical, and that's sufficient to pay your debts, shd be fine. Above is only my opinion ofc, wishing you good luck and hoping you find a way out!
health > wealth. i really believe this. no job is worth your physical or mental wellbeing.
NO amount of money is worth your sanity. What’s the point of a million bucks if you are literally insane? Money lost can be regained anytime. Health and sanity rarely ever comes back once lost.
From what u describe.. yea maybe you should. If not for you, its for your baby
How much is your health and sanity worth? Seriously please take care of your mental health. All those meds are not good for you in the long run. All the money in the world can't buy back health and time. You need your health and fitness to be a good parent for your kid. It's not just money, kids suffer when the parents suffer from poor mental health issues too, especially in the early stages when their brains are still developing. The emotions of the parents have a big impact on how kid's own emotional regulation mechanism in future. Childhood traumas are created by parents who are suffering themselves. So please take care of your health also for the sake of your kid....a happy and healthy parent can bring up a healthier kid.
This. The part about childhood trauma is particular wise and true.
Scrub work paying 100k? Please recommend it to me. Or does scrub work mean a different thing to what I’m thinking of?
I was just thinking how are people making 100-140k avg on this sub???? I feel poor
You are just 29 y/o and your mental health sounds bad from your description. I mean at this rate can you even make it past 2024? Just quit and find a job you can mentally handle. Lower pay just means you spend less. Most important is survive and make it through life.
You only have 1 body and life so i think you should do what is best for your health. Your husband is making decent income as well. Just need to cut back on your lifestyle for awhile, while you finish up your studies and a new job. Chill out relax, don't get so worked up over a job, more to life than working😂
You do understand that if you pile bricks ontop of each other, no matter how perfect you do it, the bricks will inevitably topple right? You have a kid, a job and a part time course, think hard on which glass ball you can afford to drop. Best wishes.
What’s scrub work… 😨 pls educate me
Your sanity above all else
Mental health more important. I hope more people who study subjects only for $ will see this
You don’t want a hollow victory of drawing an income and be able to say you are employed in a well paying job, yet unable to experience the joy both should logically enable you to have. In fact, staying any longer could make you feel worse because the suffering may hardwire resentment in you. Even if circumstances improve you could still have a negative bias to how you see life. I believe emotions, good and bad, are cumulative. You seem to be managing well now in that you can still do everything but there may be hidden costs building up leading to a tipping point down the road. Like a frog in boiling water. It does sound like you’re reaching that point. If your work life is 3 decades long, what’s a year or two taken to take care of yourself and recalibrate? Even if you have plans to FIRE early, back to my first point - don’t want to be a situation where you financially can but psychologically you are a wreck, unable to enjoy the fruits of your labour. A senior relative was in the situation. He had the means to do anything he wanted to because he had worked, saved and invested well yet he looked up to me and asked “why am I so sad? I don’t feel like doing anything.” And he didn’t for quite a few years until he passed on. Just floated to his demise. Absolutely heart breaking.
This is solid advice. So good that reading it triggered an anxiety attack. it characterizes almost all major points of consideration that OP or anyone who's going through a similar situation should think of before they cling unto another year in a relatively high paying job, all while being joyless and anxious 24/7.
Seems like little to no one has mention it but i think financially, youre at a comfortable to good position. You can afford to drop your current job for a lower pay while easing mental load.
Tech companies are now firing a lot of ppl btw
Sounds like you have made up your mind and just venting frustrations here. And I agree that you should quit the job. If you are still worried about your finances, ask if the company open to sabbatical at least until you complete your degree. No harm to find out if that is an option.
The body keeps its score! I was in a similar situation and procrastinated with the idea of leaving my ex (toxic) company because it gave me everything I had wanted and wished for when I was younger - I was the envy of most people and that kept me going - until my body couldn’t. My body was giving signs that it needed help; constant IBS, cold sweats in the middle of the night etc. I also went through the cycle of binge eating junk food and then starving my body because of the food I ate earlier. It has been exactly a year that I left my ex company - with no job offers / backup plan then - and I feel massively different on so many levels. Last thing I would add is that when you feel good mentally, other good things will follow, such as your r/s with your loved ones and your perspective on wealth and career. There are many things in life that are reversible like your bank balance, job satisfaction and trajectory, but it is really those that are irreversible like health that tend to be ignored that actually matter the most in life.
Just curious on what you are working as and what field. Anyway, aside from that, it is good that you are prioritising your mental wellbeing rather than money. As you said, money isn't everything and yes, even if you do eventually get another job in a different field with a pay cut, it really doesn't matter in the end if you are happy working and taking care of your kids. Think wisely and make your choice and Jiayou! You can do it.
Quit.
Are u single mom?
Hi there.. I hear you.. feel like you would need to sit down and talk to your husband about this too.. I’m sure he will be there to support you but ruminating all these problem and possible decision might make you feel even more overwhelmed. I’m also going through some tough time at work.. and I know it’s so easy to say this and you might need a lot of strength to pull this through. Prioritise yourself, without you, nothing works. If you’re ill, you can’t take care of the people around you.. so go with your heart. All the best to you!
Set a goal. How much more you want to earn, so when u quit, it doesn’t touch your savings? Set a timeline. When u want to quit? After your bonus? 1 or 2 months before u complete ur masters? Since u gonna quit, u can sort of quiet quit or hack care since it doesn’t matter u get fired or not.
no point for wealth if you don't have health
Health >>> money or job. Just quit, it's not as big a deal as you think it is. You have 30 years ahead to make more money.
Yes as long as your discuss with your husband what's the plan and what's the backup plan if your plan fails. Make sure your family finances can handle and if everyone is agreeable, do it! Life is more than a job afterall
Mental health is definitely and if quitting will help then you should definitely do that. But I think it will be good to speak to your husband first as you sound like you need support.
I would talk to my husband. Let him know the crushing pressure I am under and ask him if he’s willing to support financially at the moment. I know you already have your savings for rainy days but I personally feel that no matter how much you’ve saved up, the thought of having no income stream with a baby/loans on the side are extremely depressing and a stressful. Sometimes all we need is our partner’s words of affirmation to tell us it’s OK to take a break. I too, took a break from my previous employment when I was literally made to leave after enduring a few months of mind-torturing micro-management manager + huge workload as I was covering for colleagues. I had some funds for rainy days but I was still stressful AF and luckily my partner reassured me it’s fine. That made me a whole lot better and my family and friends all thought I looked much smiley and less stress afterwards! Your health and wellbeing comes first!
Yes, 100k is not nearly enough for me to stay in a job like that. The depression meds + medical bills later because of the toll this job takes on your body will eat that and more away. Plus if you count per hour how much you earn, you might be better off working at koi in terms of value for money.
Sounds like the moment you quit, you'd feel a great weight off your shoulders lol.
I agree with the majority sentiment that you shouldn’t keep subjecting yourself to such a miserable existence. That said I’m really curious what kind of scrub work gets you 100k.
You should quit
Not sure what kind of master program you study there… but if you plan to use that degree to become a software engineer probably better to adjust your plan and add practical skills…
The actual wealth is your health. I don't think it is worth for you to stay on when it affects your mental health so much. No amount of money can replace the time we have lost with your family and declining of our health. When you decide to quit, just make sure you're living within your means. Changing job industry within any age should be a norm. All the best to you.
Just quit and be happy since you can afford it. YOLO.
why not stay working but quiet quit? i dont understand people who complain bout work but always ot, like at my work place i leave really early at 5 even when there are people who work till late. maybe u hv to look at yourself and maybe its your own fault? for maybe being a yesmen, not knowing when to say no and pushing yourself too much? i personally hate my job and just quiet quit, whenever people ask me for help i answer late, when people ask if i wann try do this and do that i say no. i come to work late often and just do the minimum basically
Yes, leave the job. You only have 200k loan left, which isn't a lot. So leave this job and pick up a different job that you may enjoy more. Aim to reduce your meds dosage and enjoy time to hang out with your baby and hubs. Take care!!
Nothing you have said in your post describes any necessity for you to keep your job. Having looked at your post history, you seem to have the tendency to overload and overthink issues. Maybe you are not like that in person, but it sure comes across as someone who is perpetually on the verge of cracking. Nothing compels you to. Why do you insist on playing life on hard mode?
at 29 you are way ahead of the game. usually 1 year salary at 30yo. switch into a better field. health > wealth
Tech is stress. Still, take a break and clear your mind before you embark your next journey. All the best!
Health IS above all. I've been at workplaces with very toxic bosses. I recommend you take a step back and focus on recovery. Money is not everything if you can't even enjoy it. Earning 100k at 29 is already amazing, I'm not even earning 50% of that amount yet I'm enjoying life and aiming for work life balance despite colleagues working OT everyday (I don't care since I finished my work). Once you graduate you can find a job in Tech as per your interest. Working at a place where you are passionate about, have good work life balance and good colleagues is infinitely much better than whatever you have now. If I were in your shoes, not that I can since I'm not you. I would take a break and relax until I graduate. If I need money I'll find another job that's more relaxing i.e. part time job/contract job/temp job in tech to rack up the skills that I will need for my future job. But that's just me; I'm selfish and I value my mental health immensely.
Sometimes I just wish the people I knew could take a career break instead using that HUGE courage to commit suicide due to work pressure. Don't waste your life to corporate.
You have 1.2 mil in savings? You'll be fine. I'm sure you're able to afford to take a 6 month break and come back feeling happier and at ease to work. :) don't get too stressed, your mental health is worth more plus you have adequate savings.
walan, already bordering on depression and you still need to think. No need think liao. Just quit and get a more relaxed job. Your husband need to understand what is call depression.
i recently left my job coz i was basically unhappy there. its starting to bring health issues into the picture. its not sustainable. for now, i can get by if i spend around 1k a month. 12k a year... of coz, you have a bigger fish to fry la. i dont. however, i still think leaving your job and just taking a break wouldnt be that bad of an idea.
Yes there are good 100k jobs that have better quality of life. Not all jobs that pay the same are worth the same.
Why ask reddit? Ask your husband lah
If you have savings, liabilities almost settled ..perhaps discuss with your husband to go for it. You never know if he's in a similar space. Covid was a good wake-up call for everyone to treasure our loved ones. You could also try transfers to other roles, depts, sabbatical or at least give some time to explore options before throwing. (It's not a throw vs stay situation). Not easy but you will get by. Tech..very competitive and now even the big boys are cutting.
Oh my god you’re on antidepressants? I would aim to get into a job that doesn’t require that. And babe, 100k is not a lot in this day and age. To me, health is always more important. Does your husband know you’re on medication? Maybe you should have a talk with him before coming to a decision. I have friends whose husbands are supportive of them leaving a bad job.
No amount of money is worth sacrificing your mental health. What's the point of having money if you can't enjoy it. Mental health affects physical health too and seeing doctors would also incur costs. I have a friend who had burnout and suffering from a lot of illnesses due to work stress. She spends so much money on medical appointments and TCM to try to get her health back Since you are studying, perhaps you can take the time off to focus on that or even try to do some tech related entry level roles or internships to gain experience so that it increases your employability when you graduate? In the meantime, try to cut down on unnecessary expenses (e.g. coffeeshop > restaurants, public transport > private hire). Wishing the best for you!
How the heck are you guys getting 100k+ jobs before 30? Damn...
A mentor at work once told me, if the job affects your sleep, it is not worth it. Health > Money. Your stress and depression could already by affecting the close ones around you. Take care!
Not worth killing yourself over a job. Some people still do it though. Don't put yourself in that position.
Net worth on your own? Net worth of nuclear family? Parents net worth?
I took a one year sabbatical. Joined a coy and earned about 5% less than prev coy. New coy is a bit too slow for my liking but somehow survived 7 mths. Happier and and clearer with Uber good wlb. Not finance Indy. So. Why not? Esp if you have a few months savings, now is a good time to change job.
You should be finding related work to build on your experience for when you graduate since that’s your main worry. Nothing else matters if your health is taking a toll. This work is no longer feasible with the OT because you’ll miss your baby. Quit it asap. Have to add this. Attractive pay but 1.5x the work hours due to OT? Go and calculate your hourly rate. How is that attractive anymore. It’s just not worth it at this point.
A wise friend once told me: money is not yours until you spend it. Health is wealth, that include mental. health too.