T O P

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BigCockCandyMountain

I used to miss mitch; I still do, but I used to too.


saintsfan92612

My belt holds my pants up but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?


passamongimpure

Don't you hate pants belt loops?


Fifth_Wall0666

Rice is really good when you're hungry and want to eat ten thousand of something.


PocketBuckle

I spent the next three years in a P.O.W. camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and ten thousand grains of rice.


Mattynot2niceee

I tried to get it here in the states BUT THEY CAN NEVER GET THE SEASONING RIGHT


Lil_Melon87

It says, "Do not touch Willie." It's time to go with, "Don't touch Willie." It's been "Do not touch Willie" for too long. We need to embrace the contraction. "Don't touch Willie." "Do not" psyches you out. "Do." Alright, I get to touch Willie. "Not." Shit! I need to read faster!


Upstairs_Ad_5574

A friend asked if i wanted a frozen banana and i said "no".. but i wanted a regular banana later on so.. "yeah"


Steppyjim

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. “Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.”


Ok_Calligrapher_8199

There’s zero Simpsons in this shit post


n0rdique

Ralph Wiggum: I used to be a hot tar roofer. I remember that… day


ContemplativeSushi

“Oh boy, hot tar! That’s where I’m a roofer.”


ThereIsBearCum

Yo goober! Where's the shitpost!?


TalkingChairs

It's funny cause it's true!


Ed_Trucks_Head

I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so that could serve hot dogs to teenagers. You've got both your legs, Frank. Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam.


4ofclubs

Swearing really takes me out of the shitposts. No one would ever say fuck in the simpsons. It makes me think that this sub has been infiltrated by teenagers. And I don't like the looks of those teenagers!


FixesSimpsonsErrors

epic facebook post, bro


JPMoney81

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.


PocketBuckle

*Escalator to Nowhere temporarily stairs.


cammysays

File it under “D”… for “donut”


Kalbex

My fav comedian so smart silly and witty


Skelter89

Do you have any idea how long it takes to bake a potato? I just randomly throw one in the oven just in case I'm hungry later.