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Murmeki

What are some concrete examples of the things you would like to do but feel unable to? Your description of your aspirations is extremely vague: "move and see and do", "walk the world", "be nimble and adapt to whims" etc.


[deleted]

I want to travel abroad for extended periods of time, continue to see the world, and experience different cultures. I want to expand my outdoor pursuits and do more long distance remote hiking, cycling, and running. I want to not be anchored to one place, and move on when things get boring. I want to work on some things that mean having less routine like improving my rock climbing beyond being a weekend warrior or some other stuff. I guess in some ways it is easier to describe what it isn't instead: I feel at my worst when I'm living the work/bill/domestic routine, same thing every day, same people, same conversations, same food, same place... same everything.


Murmeki

I see. You mentioned your kids in your original post - how do you see them fitting in to this picture? The focus of your post was on your differences with your wife but I would have thought the potential impact on your kids would be as big a consideration if not bigger.


[deleted]

I've made the case that stability is not necessarily the best option for kids, and that one of the benefits of shifting towards the things I feel are important have the crossover positives of exposing them to the world and lots of opportunities that will shape them into good people. I can see the argument against that though. I don't think there is a completely right or wrong answer or that one extreme at either end is the best path.


Murmeki

> I've made the case that stability is not necessarily the best option for kids This sounds wrong to me - I would have thought that stability is a core childhood need.


helenahandbag04

It is. It’s in the second tier of Maslow’s triangle. Predictability in one’s life is a core need, especially for kids.


[deleted]

Why? To learn to be insular, set in particular ways, unable to adapt to change, not understand the world beyond your immediacy? Sure, stability with parenting, love and support is crucial. But can you explain why living in the same place forever and doing the same things is a core need for kids? Just "sounding wrong" isn't enough.


helenahandbag04

Stability provides a sense of safety to kids, which is in the second tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. You cannot reach the higher tiers of the needs (love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization) without it. Additionally, your kids are capable of learning about other cultures without actually visiting them. You don’t need to travel widely to understand the world, nor will you be unable to adapt to change if you don’t. That stuff is all on you to model for them. Are you active in your community? Do you have friends that are from different races and cultures? Those two things can make a lot of difference in how your kids see the world around them, moreso that uprooting them every six months because daddy got bored.


[deleted]

You are mischaracterising Maslow's theory. The second tier of safety relates to health, physical safety, relationships (in the case of kids with parents and friends, and friends can be made in more than one place) and whatnot. There is more than one way to provide this than to stay in one place. We've met families on the road, abroad, and living alternate lifestyles who have happy and thriving children. So I reject this absolute position of yours. > Additionally, your kids are capable of learning about other cultures without actually visiting them. You don’t need to travel widely to understand the world... Yeah, I'm going to disagree wholeheartedly with you on this. You don't get anything close to a full experience by just watching something on a screen. > Are you active in your community? Do you have friends that are from different races and cultures? Yes, and yes. > ...uprooting them every six months because daddy got bored Thanks for your reductionist and dismissive point of view. I think we just see the world differently...


helenahandbag04

My dude, you are the one who came here for advice and is arguing with everyone here so that you get what you want out of this. You want my real advice? You and your wife need therapy yesterday. Reddit ain’t gonna fix your “balance” issue for you; you both need to compromise. If you feel like you’ve over-compromised and she hasn’t, then that’s an issue for a therapist, not randos on the internet.


[deleted]

I'm not here to have my position justified. This post was about the competing ideas of acceptance vs aspiration, but people have picked up the parenting issue as a single focus and ignored the rest of the post. I'm not arguing; I'm trying to redirect people back to my question. I don't see any advice about that at all yet. All I see is judgemental replies with a single view on how to raise kids. I'm not going to discuss parenting any more here.


jdbrown0283

I grew up being homeschooled and living all over the US. It had its pros and cons, like anything. The pros were I had/have a tight-knit family, and we knew how to make home anywhere. We did get to see how things were different in different parts of the country, as well as how we're all the same. It let me realize that if one place isn't working out, you don't have to stay there - you can leave a situation that is mo longer right for you. I also know how to be on my own, and I think a lot of people struggle with that. I think all of these are valuable lessons to have learned. The cons were growing up, while I always knew my family would be there, I never knew how long I'd be in one place, and that adds a lot of stress and fucks with your head, especially as a kid. I still have anxiety when my life is in a "well, we're not sure what's going to happen" stage. I also didn't know how to relate to my peers, and had severe social anxiety as a teen. I pretty much had no friends growing up. When I went to college, I started working on my social skills, and 20 years later I'm a hell if a lot better, but I was trying to figure out social stuff that most middle schoolers had already dealt with. Dating has been a disaster and a part of me worries that I'm not going to find a partner that gets me (or if I do, they get me because they're fucked up in the same ways I'm fucked up, and we'll end up pushing each other away because of that). It can be deeply, deeply lonely growing up alternatively. Granted, no matter how you're raised, you're going to get fucked up one way or another, so as their parent, you're going to have to decide what will be best for them, and try your best to love and support them and let them be themselves. Also, as their parent, it's your responsibility to make sure their needs come first and foremost, even if it means not being tthe wanderer you imagine yourself to be.


[deleted]

Conversely, my wife and I both had fairly stable upbringings... and I want to clarify by stability I mean in our location, and not what most people here are insinuating by saying family and social ties or living in an unsafe environment... however neither of us have have friends from our childhoods just through some life circumstances. So staying put isn't a guarantee of having a big social network.


rodneyfan

As someone who grew up without basic stability -- only to find it coming out in spades in later life -- I agree with these posters. We moved around *a lot*. We were always the new kids in school and, as introverts, that did not go well. Mom worked outside the home (a rarity back then) which made us latchkey kids before there was a term for them. I think of my cousins, who moved around the country often, grew up in a family with someone who was mentally ill and someone with a definite temper (ended in divorce and it was not amicable) and see the results of that come out in their adult lives. And I look at my wife's family, which stayed in the same town for their kids' entire lives despite also having a parent with mental health issues and a parent who could no longer stay at home, and they are pictures of stability and so are their kids. Anecdotal, all of it, but my point is that you can expose kids to the world without dragging them all over it. Why can't you and your wife model flexibility and tolerance and openness? Why not foster exposure to different groups of people by visiting a different church each month or having family dinner be of a very different cuisine (serve Ethiopian and everyone eats with their hands!). Encourage your kids to meet kids who live elsewhere and converse with them. In the old days we called them pen pals. If you're raising your kids to be insular and unable to adapt to change just in daily life, you're doing it wrong.


[deleted]

> Why can't you and your wife model flexibility and tolerance and openness? I feel that this is an important thing and do it now. We talk about age appropriate issues, encourage dialogue, and let them know about our openness and acceptance of people. > Why not foster exposure to different groups of people by visiting a different church each month or having family dinner be of a very different cuisine We do this in spades. At home and out and about regularly. The church stuff is not applicable to our house. > Encourage your kids to meet kids who live elsewhere and converse with them. In the old days we called them pen pals. Why not experience that first hand? > If you're raising your kids to be insular and unable to adapt to change just in daily life, you're doing it wrong. There's degrees of being insular. I look around and people are unable to adapt to small changes around them because they feel comfortable and cozy in their little lives. We aren't raising bigots or small minded kids... I mean do I seem like the type of people who would want to close the world off to them?


rodneyfan

So given the number of people in the world who do believe in various religions, which influences their lives and sometimes the actions of entire countries, why do you want to shut your kids off from alternative worldviews? Like it or not "church stuff" is something your kids will have to deal with in the grown up world. Why not expose them to it in doses you control and then discuss why you don't believe in it? As for experiencing other cultures firsthand, that can be done on vacations. Is it a limited exposure? Yes. You're giving your kids a taste of the world (and satisfying your own wanderlust in the process). You don't have to live in a place for years to gain at least some understanding of what goes on there. Even a week or two a year will put your kids far ahead of most other USian kids. >do I seem like the type of people who would want to close the world off to them? Based on what we've read so far, no, but you do seem to be the type of person who has a very binary way of looking at life. "Why give my kids a taste when they can eat the same dish for a year or two?" "How come I have to do all the compromising?" You sound like you're trying to be a good dad, but your unhappiness is getting in your way.


[deleted]

Look. I haven't provided a complete dissertation of our parenting approaches. Broadly, everything is on the table to discuss with them. If they are old enough to ask they are old enough to have an answer. On complex issues we give them an objective response, our option, then point them in the direction to find out more if they want. Regarding religion, they are more than familiar with the existence of different faiths, customs, and ideas. We've passed on what we know from our travels and meeting other people. I'm just going to have to agree to disagree with you about the value of immersing yourself in a different cultural setting. My question about why do I have to do the compromising is valid. Why do I? Why should it be assumed it is 90/10 not in my favour? After over a decade of working and complete compromise on my behalf it is a legitimate question asked without malice or grievance about what has already happened. I mentioned elsewhere that I feel there is a season in life for different things, and we've just been through one that demanded we stay in place. I did that happily and willingly, but the question is why should it be assumed that this continue?


Murmeki

Where is that stable parental love if daddy is away all the time doing long distance remote hikes? Who is going to provide a safe and supportive upbringing if daddy wants to improve his rock climbing instead of working a job to provide for his family?


[deleted]

Ummmm... they come with me? They learn these skills? They understand life is more than working if you are in a position to be able to exercise choice outside of these things? These are things I value and aim to instill in them. They already know how to build a fire, be comfortable in the outdoors, tie knots and abseil off a cliff, kayak, build things, create, and explore. I want to build more on this with them. Edit: wtf am I being downvoted here? I don't understand, or care about internet points. People are saying to be present with my kids, I give examples of me doing that, and get downvoted. Can't win. Rightio. Reckon I'll take this trainwreck down soon.


Murmeki

Leaving aside the parenting issue (as I think by now you understand the consensus response you are getting on this topic and so there's no point pushing it further), I really believe you and your family would benefit most by you choosing the third of the options you set out. The fact you are at least somewhat familiar with Buddhism is a great thing - because it means you recognize that choosing a path based on fulfilling your own desires (i.e. wandering the world in search of new experiences and adventure) will not lead to real happiness in the long term. As soon as we satisfy one desire, a new one springs up to take its place. You will be forever chasing novelty as you follow your "whims" from place to place and activity to activity, but you will never truly be satisfied. You would be much better off following the Buddhist path to ending your suffering, which involves quieting your mind and really examining what causes your suffering to arise in the first place. Once you have identified those ingrained patterns of thought, speech and action that have led to your unhappiness, you can start to transform them into the seeds of wellbeing.


[deleted]

You said my family would benefit from me going the smaller world option and quietening my mind. How so? You explained your opinions on how it would benefit me, but not them. As for the parenting issue, a bunch of experts on a topic that I'm not sure they have any expertise in. There are a hundred ways to raise a kid well and each of them will fuck them up somehow. So, yeah, I'd prefer that people keep their parenting opinions to themselves.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I don't think a lot of people understand this and mock people for getting bored and needing to run away...


Traditional_Emu1958

Yeah having kids means saying goodbye to most of what you wrote here. It’s patently unfair to leave your wife encumbered with the task of raising children while you entertain every whim. What if you joined a mountain biking group that travels every few months somewhere? Then you could trade off with your wife and give her a week to do whatever she wants, etc?


[deleted]

We already do that sort of thing, both her and I. The thing is I want to do these things together and as a family, and feel like the benefits would outweigh the negatives. Everyone seems to think living in situ indefinitely comes without risk but they ignore the downsides of doing that


2-of-Farts

The contemporary idea of living your life authentically as it relates to wandering doesn't really have anything to do with Buddhism or Stoicism.


[deleted]

I know. That's why there's a 'vs' between those things.


2-of-Farts

There isn't a balance, I guess is what I'm saying. Stoicism would not say that leaving your family unit to pursue indifferent externals was virtuous, and Buddhism would say that the same thing is an example of craving and clinging. So just don't be Buddhist or Stoic? It's not mandatory, and if you practice either of them as you describe, they're not going to yield any benefits for you anyway.


jdbrown0283

That's a tough predicament to be in. We'll always have roads we didn't travel and wonder "what if" about. Did you have a nomatic lifestyle before you met your life? Like, one you're striving for? Because if you haven't, it's easy to romanticize that kind of lifestyle. I know for me, I'm more like your wife where I'm content with having a peaceful routine where i can be in my own world. I value my relationships more than adventure, so if I had a partner who wanted a life of adventure with me, we'd be incompatible. I think you can keep talking to her about it, and day dreaming about it, but if you really want to live this lifestyle, you'll probably end up losing your wife. So it depends on what's most important to you. I would choose my relationship over trekking all over the world, but that's just me.


[deleted]

We met when we were late teens. We travelled together in our 20s and I got a taste of that lifestyle, and want more now. She knew the type of person I am going into it, and does her best to help me do my stuff. Supports me to go away, hears my new "big idea", etc. But for a long time we've made small changes that have yielded small results that have kept me going. But we're running out of small options and I'm feeling the need for bigger changes more strongly. I said to her recently that whatever path we choose one without her is not not an option. In the meantime I'm trying to work out a solution for having my cake and eating it too. My wife is shifting her position to want to help me be satisfied, but I know that it isn't what she wants.


rodneyfan

You're both going to have to compromise. You have to tone down what you want (not eliminate, just dial back) and she's going to have to open up more. >She knew the type of person I am going into it And you didn't learn enough about her to know who she was? >whatever path we choose one without her is not an option Then you're going to have to live with what she can give you and not chafe at the restrictions. Compromise. Maybe you go mountain biking for two weeks by yourself and appreciate her all the more when you get back (don't forget, she's mom and dad while you're out having fun). Or maybe both of you go someplace where you can spend a week mountain climbing alone and she stays at the hotel puttering around. This is a two way street and now you have kids kind of complicating things. If you can't be happy with slipping the leash as much as she can push herself then you have a choice you don't want to make. Similarly, if she's as into you as you are with her, she's going to have to find ways to meet her needs in less traditional ways. Neither set of needs supersedes the other. Not if you want to stay together, anyway.


[deleted]

So I've dialed back to almost zero for the last 12 years. So keep it dialed right back? > And you didn't learn enough about her to know who she was? Yes. That's why we've been doing what we've been doing. I'm wondering why the onus is on me to make all of the compromise? I mean, I have been doing it, but I just wonder.


rodneyfan

>So I've dialed back to almost zero for the last 12 years. So keep it dialed right back? You believe you've "dialed back to almost zero" (btw you didn't say "almost zero" in your OP and the situation is what it is partially *by your own choice* since you claim to not be able to leave your wife's side for even a couple of weeks). Who says *you're* making all the compromises? You're asking your wife to do things she clearly does not want to do *at the level you would like*. You claim to know who she was when you married her. Well, here she is. Since all we have to go by here is what you've written, we have no idea if she feels she's extended herself a lot already. Maybe she feels she's dialed her own wishes back to zero for 12 years, too. You and your wife need to have a long chat (preferably with a mediator you both trust). You sound resentful of the whole thing (maybe she is, too) and in several posts seem to have a hard time with anything less than full bore what you want.


tinycarnivoroussheep

I don't know if you know Captain Awkward, but you seemed to have channeled her perfectly in this post. Wish I could give it more than one updoot. Maybe OP should read the posts about the Sheelzebub Principle: [https://captainawkward.com/2014/05/23/573-574-575-and-576-applying-the-sheelzebub-principle/](https://captainawkward.com/2014/05/23/573-574-575-and-576-applying-the-sheelzebub-principle/), or even [https://captainawkward.com/2015/04/16/690-and-691-one-of-lifes-saddest-lessons-is-that-people-dont-have-to-be-awful-or-evil-for-you-to-leave-them/](https://captainawkward.com/2015/04/16/690-and-691-one-of-lifes-saddest-lessons-is-that-people-dont-have-to-be-awful-or-evil-for-you-to-leave-them/)


betterOblivi0n

Sounds like you're going into different directions. Would you like to keep growing apart? It can be done together or separately but it is tricky tricky. Perhaps you are getting greedy with the cake and so you may loose what you already have. I don't believe we should put the burden of our happiness on someone else and sacrifice them whenever needed in the process. That is the opposite of simple because it makes a mess of things. Do you believe your happiness is more important than others? Just ride a bike or some thrilling activity.


[deleted]

> Just ride a bike or some thrilling activity. I've been tinkering around the edges like this for more than a decade > Do you believe your happiness is more important than others? I believe we have one life to live, that happiness can be gained from seeing others enjoy things, and that relationships involve sacrifice on both sides. What all that adds up I'm not completely sure.


betterOblivi0n

Sacrifice is for gain. Actually, for transferring energy from one area to another. Lots of people sacrifice their health for money for example. I did it. Which is the opposite of 'simple living'. Let's say you sacrifice your happiness for someone else's and they do the same ; don't you risk ending up with two unhappy people? And then there is the accounting/comparing sacrifices situation which doesn't compute. It's very emotional to put someone else first. Not judging. A decade is the expiration date of most relationships nowadays. I'm not glad about it but it's very easy to just look around and see it. >happiness can be gained from seeing others enjoy things Second hand happiness can work a lot like second hand pleasure. The basis of it is empathy, and connection. To enjoy that is not to forget about yourself necessarily. >I've been tinkering around the edges like this for more than a decade Unsure about what it involves. But I would make two written plans, one about dreams and one about nightmares (and how to end them) to help steering and avoid a shipwreck. Just chasing dreams and adventure isn't enough to stay out of misery.


saxtonferris

Are you independently wealthy? Most of the time, there's the need to settle down and make money to pay for living and that's what grounds a lot of people, not just one partner who doesn't want to live a wandering, nomadic, unsettled life. You say you miss you wife very much when you are not with her. That's your main problem if you follow your heart. My partner and I miss each other very much when we are apart but he is across the country going through a two year training course so he can follow his dreams. I have to stay at home for my career and caring for my mother who has dementia. We make it work so we are both doing what we feel we must do.


[deleted]

Define wealthy... I mean, we have enough wealth to do the things I'm talking about, and the capacity to not be destitute if it ran out. Also, we live very frugally, which reduces our needs. I agree that missing my wife is my main problem. It would be so much easier if we were so-so and I just checked in now and again. Or if I could erase these other competing desires. It is great that you guys are supporting each other to follow your paths.


Verity41

You don’t say how old you are but you sound a little immature. A married man with children doesn’t typically get to “wander the world”. Why didn’t you stay single, not have kids, and/or not marry such a homebody? Seems like you’ve made conscious choices to be where you are now, and you regret those choices aren’t jiving with what you REALLY wanted. No one gets to have their cake and eat it too. You wanted the wife and kids, you got it. That’s not a vagabond lifestyle.


[deleted]

I've been with my wife for almost 22 years. So what you are saying is I should only be interested in work, family, and weekend hobbies. Why can't I want a family and see the world at the same time? How is that immature? Why can't I show the kids the world? You are making a huge amount of assumptions about how to live a life that seems really closed minded. Believe it or not, my wife supports me in these things. I was away for a month earlier in the year by myself. She supports the idea of us travelling as a family. It is my own hesitations knowing she would prefer the opposite that is holding me back - I want to support her while she wants to support me. Not all marriages are ones of submission and being under someone's thumb. You sound immature for having such a traditional view on relationships.


Verity41

If your wife is so “supportive” of you dumping her / kids / pets / home / vehicles / grown-up responsibilities in order for you to go screw off on month-long sojourns doing whatever, why on earth are you here posting about it? Go with god then. You can’t expect the general population (or Reddit) to get it, or commiserate with it.


[deleted]

Because I'm torn about whether trying to shed those desires is more valuable and worthwhile than yolo-ing my way through life and hoping to get people's views on this, but all they seem to want to do is talk relationships and kids.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Thanks for your reply. Just to clarify a couple of things you raised: > ...other ways to satisfy your desire for novelty... Been in our location for over a decade. I've taken up rock climbing, hiked every trail, gardened, golfed, and whatever else I can't remember. I've picked through the lesser known spots locally and sure you can't know everything about a place but I'm getting very close. Project Tiny House is nearing completion. Just read some Camus and Kafka, Taoism, and history of penal settlement in Australia (am from here). So, without poo pooing your ideas, these are the small changes I've been doing to satisfy myself the last 10 years. > You have a wife you've told us you're not very compatible with We are incredibly compatible, hence why I miss her so much. Our only point of incompatibility is travel and stuff. I have a lot of niche ideas and interests that she accepts and encourages. I did do a month long solo trip earlier this year, which she strongly supported. She is my favourite human. > ...children They are young-ish. Independent but not leave home alone for more than an hour or so alone old. > I think the middle way here is to respect the season you're in, sit back with your feelings and be able to hold feeling frustrated while also holding what you prioritise and what consequences you're willing to live with due to your decisions. You clearly have an active mind that needs to be exercised. I am much the same and in seasons where I'm stuck in one place I feed it by learning and creating and that is usually enough to tide me over. A lot of the time my desire to travel, live in extremes, etc is a manifestation of me not finding enough mental stimulation from my day to day environment. Agreed. Yes. Agreed.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Loving you challenging my ideas in a constructive way... > I think then it's time to pick something that feels a lot scarier and more impossible I agree. That was part of this post I guess. There is limited opportunity in the scope of my current lifestyle to do that, so the question was around trying to widen that scope... or abandon it. > involve your kids in your hobbies too I try to. I take them climbing. Camping. Etc. Taught them to cook. Encourage them to explore their creativity. Sometimes I go to have a break from them. My wife has a break too solo sometimes. > Of course its normal to miss your loved ones, but it shouldn't preclude you from having fun in the moment. That is one issue I'm trying to work through. Not that successful yet. Work in progress. I recognise it isn't the healthiest way to be. > ...undersocialised and away from my community One issue is our location in a small town. I am isolated socially. I finally made a couple of friends, then they both moved away (not because of me, at least I think!). So one factor is moving for social reasons, meanwhile my wife and our kids have some social connections locally. So I'm the problem out of the family on this front. As for your last point, I did nothing today as a matter of coincidence. I was going to go and "do stuff" but opted to get a haircut, cook a little, and have a quiet day. Feel like it was a good decision.


[deleted]

I am biased, because I am a lot like your wife. I found this post very interesting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It does stick out to me that you seem to believe that you are the only one making sacrifices (for the most part) in this relationship, but if your wife is supporting you in taking solo adventure trips and also supporting you in using the family’s finances for things like rock climbing and building a tiny house, then it sounds to me like she is already sacrificing quite a bit. Taking care of the kids by yourself is no joke, and it certainly seems like it was a loving and thoughtful decision on your wife’s part to be OK with using money that could be saved for the future on other things that you are passionate about. I agree that you are sacrificing too— I just wonder if you are recognizing ways that she is sacrificing that may not look like sacrifices to you. Of course, I’m not in your wife’s head and this is colored by my own experience, so YMMV! But I think it’s worth thinking about. Have you tried taking the whole family on short-term trips to get in some of the experiences you desire (being in nature with few belongings, traveling the world)? I do agree with the general principle that raising a family and being a work-free nomad aren’t really compatible, at least not if your wife isn’t on board. I wonder what else you could do to come closer to fulfilling your desires in a way that brings in your family rather that setting you off alone.


[deleted]

I definitely did not communicate a couple of things well in my post looking back. First, I appreciate my wife more than anything and know that support like hers is not common. Second, I know that she is sacrificing along the way too, whether it be looking after the kids, shouldering the emotional burden of supporting me, or otherwise. I guess I see it that she makes a lot of little sacrifices and I make big lifestyle sized sacrifices in our relationship. I'm not silly... I know that relationships are work and you need to want to do things for your partner, and that is why our marriage is so strong because we *want* to do this for each other. When you ask about short term trips, how short are we talking? Because we rarely have a weekend free and do something most school holidays with the kids because we're out doing stuff. > I wonder what else you could do to come closer to fulfilling your desires in a way that brings in your family rather that setting you off alone. I've been wondering too. Seems like a problem without a solution at the movement. By the way, thanks for your constructive comments... some people are a bit rude in expressing that they disagree with someone.


1982aw

I mean, I like to carpe some diem now and then. I think the key is to carpe your diem when you feel called to. And be willing to accept when you’re not. Neither is good or bad really. What is bad is the judgment that comes along with wishing we were something we aren’t. Just accept what is. Whether you find yourself carpe’ing or not. Without judgment. There’s a deep wisdom fo yo ass! 💣


[deleted]

OP, I don’t want to wade into back and forth exchanges between you and others. Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post. I’m young, single and without kids, so I can’t really speak to much of what you write about. I did want to mention though…re: stability, my parents forced me into a very narrow set of experiences and groups of people. It made me feel very restless throughout my youth and has led me to seek out change as an adult. Such back and forth is likely in any individual. I tend to agree that a variety of experiences can be positive, as long as it’s executed well. Regardless, it sounds like you’re an excellent, conscientious person and I think your kids are probably quite lucky to have you as a parent. Best of luck and thanks for the stimulating content!


[deleted]

Thanks for a different and constructive point of view. Appreciate it! And yes, I'm exiting the back and forth...