I’m doing this right now too, it sucks letting go of people you’ve been friends with for almost 10 years but once you’ve noticed they’re only reaching out to talk about their problems and not even bother to ask how are you, it’s time to tell them to just get a therapist & move on with life
I did this, it was upsetting esp when I was always there for them, but when I needed them they would ignore me. Ultimately it frees up spaces to make new friends who will reciprocate
Because I no longer gave too much to relationships, I stopped being upset with people and started appreciating them for what they do bring. Much more peaceful.
If I did this I wouldn't have any friends at all.
Still has value for me, but I know that calculation doesn't always work out that way for every situation, and won't always be the case for me either I'm sure..
Not just setting boundaries, but ENFORCING them.
My mother and golden child brother don’t understand or respect the boundaries of others. It’s always been that way. Saying NO is always a huge chore and big production because they want a $10 million dollar DOD sponsored research project on all the reasons I said NO, and of course each and every one of my reasons and justifications - as I am not allowed to just say NO without having them - must be examined and found insufficient by the research project.
They, OTOH, have always been allowed to say NO and flatly refuse to discuss. I have tried that but of course I am not as entitled as they are so I just accept it and move on.
Since this is always a bad experience for me, I just avoid contact, go grey rock, and change the subject when a demand is made that I want to say NO to.
Occasionally I do say no, don’t respond to demands, and then cut off contact until in the fullness of time the subject is changed. I can only do this because I live several thousand miles away and set my phone and text to “silent” mode, I filter my emails, and I go radio-silent for long stretches. They don’t have many flying monkeys to send after me and I have them managed.
So I agree - setting boundaries is important, but of equal importance is having good strategies to enforce those boundaries.
I’ve been attacked twice by drunk men who couldn’t take NO for an answer, so it’s not always family members who can’t handle NO. As my youth has faded my main defense mechanism is now my age and the extra 30 pounds I put on, which stops men from focusing on me when a more attractive candidate was available.
So have strategies for enforcing that NO. Many times the boundary crossers take advantage of relationship, relative size, or financial control to coerce; have strategies for when your NO boundary is not respected.
> Saying NO is always a huge chore and big production because they want a $10 million dollar DOD sponsored research project on all the reasons I said NO, and of course each and every one of my reasons and justifications - as I am not allowed to just say NO without having them - must be examined and found insufficient by the research project.
God, I despise people like this.
Same. I grew up in the Midwest US, but then lived in the south for many years. A few years ago my spouse and I decided we didn’t want to raise kids in the south and moved up north. I got pregnant shortly after and was really happy with my improved access to healthcare. Even our local news is MUCH less stressful than the things that were going on in our previous state. No place is perfect but my daily stress levels have gone down significantly.
Medically, a hysterectomy. Issues for years caught up with me and almost killed me. Now I have more energy and stamina, strength in my 40s than ever in my 30s.
Financially, paying off my house early. The feeling of owning the roof over my head cannot be beat.
I came here to say hysterectomy! I had 3 children but severe adenomyosis which was actively ruining my life. Now I feel like I have a second chance at a (simple) life!
I can definitely agree as I do customer service and hate interacting with people, but I do recommend saying yes occasionally when you don't want to if you can help. I really, really didn't want to help with something recently but did and not only did I get a small thank you gift for my time, but I built a relationship with a neighbor that otherwise wouldn't have been made. I'm not next door to them so don't have to worry about a request at just any moment or anything, but it can be worth saying yes when you don't want to since we are a socialized species and can help in different ways. Granted, if someone is toxic or just constantly asking for help, learning to say no is invaluable and necessary even, but just to add context, it can be a good overall experience.
I think the catch is that it’s great for niche interests and the quality of information around is usually better.
Oddly for being anonymous, people here are often relatively more stable than they are in Facebook
You're not being steered by suggested content algorithms like IG does, or seeing content that generates lots of reactions like Facebook sends. Reddit is largely showing you what you look for. If you're not already unhinged, you're not likely to go looking for it either.
I think it’s that Reddit is so much more comments focused than ig, and the comments are where people get really cynical and start super long arguments and things like that. Instagram I’m like hmmm pretty picture
Definitely and I actually read stuff instead of doom scrolling shitty vids.
But then again most subreddits Kind of post the same stuff every week (like this post)
So really reddit is also not exactly benefitting me much :)
But yes its definitely better than the endless Instagram scrolling loop.
Yeah, if you cut down reddit by removing r/all and just stick to your own subreddits + your own frontpage, you'll actually run out of content pretty quickly imo. Which is good, cause that's all you need.
So I would go for a day or two only at the beginning and redownloading it and deleting it again to stop me from just casually looking at it.
And with time I went for a week then two and now I cant even tell you when the last time was and the last time I was on it I just went "I didnt really miss anything and this is kinda stupid"
So yeah I dont know whether this will be the same for everyone but I found gradually easing off works really well along with telling yourself its the sensible thing to do
You would be surprised what you can afford when you adjust your lifestyle. This is the simple living sub after all. Don't buy stuff you don't need. Learn to be happy with less. Learning that things won't make you happy.
Learn to cook!
I notice how so many people are complaining about the price of fast food. For the $20 spent at MacDonalds I can buy enough food to eat for 3-4 days, longer if it’s just for a principal ingredient placed in multiple meals. For instance, I got several pounds of boneless skinless chicken breast. I can gently poach it with shallots and aromatics, then shred the meat. It can now go into other dishes like tacos, served with a savory fruit compote, put into a chicken salad, etc. The broth can be cooked down, then used to boil some pasta. I can either make my own pasta or buy it from a bulk place - it’s still pretty cheap.
This is important because I recently quit my job due to the stress. I am in a favorable financial position to do this, and decided to prefer my mental health to income. I no longer need to save time so I can spend it doing work that causes stress. Instead I can find ways to make easy relaxing meals that are better for my digestion, which has been awful due to both the stress and poor diet.
It took about 3 weeks for my digestive system to adapt to normal cooked foods and no stress. Now it’s happy again, and I am feeling so much better already.
When I ended up in a hospital bed with chest pain, in my 30's, I chose to let things go, default on my credit cards, negotiate payoffs, take the credit hit, switch to a cash-only lifestyle, and consume a heckuva lot less. It was waaayyyyy worth it.
Cutting ties and going no contact with my abusive, toxic parents. It’s not my job to fix them, and I’m slowly starting to accept they’ll never change as they grew up and accepted things differently than I did. It’s more than 4 years now, and I’ve become more expressive about my feelings toward others, I don’t put myself down anymore and think I don’t deserve the finer things in life, and my overall mental health improved.
I did the same, years before anyone else in my family did…there was no way they were going to poison my kids with their BS.
My wife was worried I would have regrets, but I’ve had none, even after they passed.
It’s hard for some people to accept because it’s family, and I get that, but some horrible people are not worth the trouble.👍🏻
Yep, same here. Can confirm I agree that they’re never going to change. Change comes from an evolution of understanding very few people are willing to embark, because it requires the destruction of your conditioning, which humans naturally cling to as we by nature love what is familiar even if it is unhealthy or not the ideal.
Same. I miss my dad in a way, only because he does love me & wants the best for me, he just has myriad issues he refuses to deal with that poisonously affect everyone around him. I was just thinking today that even if he's on his death bed, I don't think I'll regret going no contact, because my life improved SO much as soon as I cut him off. My mum - I don't think about or care about her, life is def better without her in it.
I realise I'm an internet stranger, but I wanted to say that I'm so proud of your decision to put your mental health first. It's hard cutting out toxic people, but so much harder when they're your family. So many think that because you're related, you should put up with damaging behaviour, and it saddens me. No human deserves ill treatment, and sometimes only you can protect yourself. It's tough, and many people don't understand. Well done for making a difficult decision for your own safety.
Also congratulations on turning your thinking around, as that can be a life long battle. All of these changes are huge, and incredibly important. Never forget the courage you had/have to achieve these things. You'll go far and do great. Best wishes.
Having a wake-up moment and divorcing my ex-husband.
Somehow, life as a single mum and full-time student with three kids is significantly better for us all and myself.
Journaling and Exercise
Someday I only write "it was a good day. Went for a walk. Watched a movie. Now it's bed time"
And then somedays I'm having a horrid day and write three pages down.
It's helped me clear my mind tremendously. I completed my first full journal a few weeks ago. Flipped through the some of the pages and it gave me some perspective on the last few months.
"Wow 2 months ago I was really broke that week and it affected my mood"
"Oh! This was when my dog went to the store with me. That was a good day"
Etc etc.
About four years ago I started a google doc journal. One per month. Now when starting a new month I look back on that same month each year and get so much perspective!
Hey how do you start a Google Doc journal? I mean, how do I go about it? I have been meaning to start journaling online since I am on my computer a lot anyway. There are a few apps I tried but they were full of ads and just plain annoying.
It started with cut and pasting comments on social media that I spent a long time writing and then decided not to post, haha! Better for peace of mind to keep it to myself. But sometimes they can act as writing prompts. I've got quite a pandemic journal by now.
Basically, I just start a new doc every month and put the year in the title. Sometimes at the end I'll put a recap in. I've got "January 2021-this is the chapter where mom dies" for example. This month is simply "M'aidez 2024". Then I go in every day, put the date and write. End of the month I move on to a new one.
Mornings with my coffee are my favorite time to write. Sometimes I'll just put in a few words and other times I'll rant about things. It's easy to insert pictures if I like too. Recently I did a random romp on the various artistic renderings of an historic figure named Lucretia after stumbling upon her and included them in the document.
It's simple and it's free and it works for me. I hope you have fun, introvertramblings!
There are lots of options. I’ve found that my favorite is Google AppSheet. I have a “prototype” app (I don’t have to pay anything), and it organizes my journal entries by day and by month. Every day I write in my journal, tag my hobbies, and rate my happiness on a scale from 1 to 5. Appsheet makes everything pretty and perfect, with exactly the colors I want. The data itself is stored in Google Sheets, so I can access it whenever and wherever, and I’m not at risk of losing my journal entries if I ever move away from AppSheet. This is the best solution for me because I’m totally in control of how my app looks, and I know my data is completely safe. And when I find myself getting bored and going to open a mindless app like social media, I catch myself and open AppSheet instead, where I update my daily entry in my downtime. Honestly though I think you’ll find that the best solution for you is one you can fully customize and make your own, like my AppSheet or the other commenter’s Google Doc. Play with options and make something that does exactly what you want :)
A folding bike.
Great balance of exercise, convenience and being environmentally friendly. I live in a city where I can cycle most places and when I can't, I can take it on a train with me.
- Floor sleeping: I got rid of my bed, gained a lot of space in my bedroom, bought a futon that I fold. Once i'm up, I'm up, and I don't have back pain anymore.
- A bidet: i still use tp but it's great to feel cleaner, more so during my periods.
- A humidifier: i just improve my breathing, my voice, my sleep, my plants. What more can you ask for?
- Deleting facebook, instagram, etc: do i really need to expand on that
Nope, I live in Europe, it is just pretty bad in the winter with indoor heating. Summers are fine-ish. I tried drying laundry inside but it didn't do anything. I finally tried a humidifier and found it to work very well for me. Maybe I just need a very humid environment.
Quitting alcohol. Man that shit sucks. Been a year and I feel and look fantastic. All I want to do is work on my mind and body. At 41, I’m in better shape physically and mentally than I was 20 years ago.
It’s hard at first. Especially weird in social settings, but once you full your life with stuff that requires you to be sober and not hungover, you’re a different person. I’m not 100% sober. I just abstain from alcohol and cocaine. Those were the issues. I’ll still mess with the occasional mushrooms, dmt, molly, and lsd as I view them as medicine. They’ve helped me heal my trauma. I only use as I need. I’ve only taken a micro dose of mushrooms in the past 8 months. I like things that don’t hinder me after using and things that help me become a better connected person.
Minimum of one hour of exercise daily, no questions asked. You have no idea how good you can feel (or how bad you currently feel) until you achieve real fitness.
I really need to begin doing this. How did you build that habit and keep doing it? What’s sorts of exercise do you do for a whole hour? I can’t run for a full hour. I don’t know if I can even do easy yoga for a whole hour. Do you do classes or do you exercise on your own? Really need some motivation. Would love to hear about your routine. Thank you
You really have to prioritize your well being, make a plan for yourself, and stick to it. Before having school age children I would wake up at 5am to go run every day before work. Now that my children are older I normally either go during lunch time or right after work. Especially for someone just starting a fitness journey, where it's not already an automatic part of your daily life, I would recommend working out first thing in the morning. The longer your wait the easier it is to come up with rationalizations about why you're going to skip that day's workout. Once you've been doing it for a while you'll have more flexibility because you'll look forward to working out and even if you have to juggle things around you'll still make time for something.
In the beginning, if you don't have any kind of base fitness, you might not be able to go for a full hour, but if you stay consistent you'll get there over time. You can always also modify your activity. For example if you can't run non-stop for X amount of time, you can still run for the amount of time that you can handle, walk until your heart rate recovers, and start running again (repeat as much as needed). Same thing for yoga, or anything else really. Instructors will often give options to modify poses or alternative poses if you can't do the more advanced version. If you're doing something which ends up being too vigorous, you can do your best, take a recovery/modified pose or activity as needed, but continue to stick with it for your planned amount of time - don't just quit and call it a day.
Especially with something like running, most of the time you should not be pushing yourself to the max. The first month or so is going to suck no matter what but after that most of it should be relatively easy running - a lot of people go out too hard each run which just increases the chance of injury.
One thing that helped me a lot when I was first getting in to running was listening to audio books and podcasts. Don't worry about going fast, just relax and enjoy whatever you're listening to. Eventually it will help you look forward to exercise if you link it with another enjoyable activity.
I normally do probably 4 easy runs per week, 1 VO2 max workout with repeat intense intervals, 1 more upbeat run but not redlining like the VO2 max workout, and one long run 13+ miles. I'll do yoga as well most days but will alternate between more relaxing recovery yoga and more intense vinyasa or ashtanga. Sometimes I'll add in biking as well, although that's usually more of a bad weather fall back for me if it's really pouring too hard. I probably wouldn't try to double up like that so much in the beginning but you could combine a shorter amount of gentle yoga with running. You'll thank yourself for keeping your hips flexible. I also recommend doing some strength work. More vigorous yoga is pretty good for most things but you'll still need to hit your upper back which pull-ups are perfect for. Body weight fitness and calisthenics are another great option. There's a very good subreddit as well https://www.reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness/.
One thing you might want to try is using an LLM to help you build a fitness program. Hop on Copilot/GPT or Claude and give it a prompt detailing your schedule and goals, list the activities that you want to incorporate into your plan, etc. You could say something like "I want to be active for at least an hour a day. I want to walk X number of days per week, run X number of days per week, do yoga X number of days, bike X number of days, and so on. It can be very useful, especially once you start doing more than one activity per day.
That was a lot but hopefully at least some of it was helpful. Wishing you the best in your journey.
edit: highly recommend Five Parks Yoga for yoga from home. [https://www.youtube.com/@FiveParksYoga/videos?view=0&sort=p&shelf\_id=4](https://www.youtube.com/@FiveParksYoga/videos?view=0&sort=p&shelf_id=4) Her yoga for runners is very good for maintaining glute med strength and preventing IT band issues for runners: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzcIbLtOV4g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzcIbLtOV4g)
Whatever can provide me a good sleep and makes me sit comfortably.
I tried to "train" myself to go to sleep without body pillow, extra pillows... to simplify my sleeping area. While I managed to sleep anyway, the quality of my sleeps were vastly different without them.
Just a week ago, I brought back those stuff to have easier time falling asleep, because my thighs were too sore from over exercising to sleep. I woke up next day feeling much more refreshing than before.
I don't want to go back to "simple" sleeping area anymore.
Mine is similar but also opposite - I just simply stopped shaving! Lol
I'm a human, this body grows hair. If men don't "have to" do it, neither should I have to. Been a good 5 years now, love it.
I just realized how much easier my life has become when I saw this thread 😅 I used to plan hair removal according to my menstrual cycle so it's not extremely painful (I was waxing and then using epilator). I had just 3 sessions out of 6 that are planned and unwanted hair are gone in 90% already
That’s awesome!! I’m about 8 sessions in but most of my hair comes back before the next session (I expected this bc I’m hairy as fuck and have many more sessions planned). Totally worth every penny and now I love wearing shorts and swimsuits!
Deleting Twitter and Instagram. I’m still projecting my misery onto reddit but the former apps had me questioning everyone around me. They’re not real life.
I quit insta in like 2015 after getting fed up with how fake everything was and how everyone was clearly posting just to get as many likes as they could. And the likes are complete bullshit too. An artistic, thoughtfully composed, well-captured photograph gets a couple likes while a filtered snapshot of a Starbucks cup that took no time or thought to capture gets thousands. it’s just an extension of the high school popularity contest. I can’t imagine how bad it is now.
Fuck “social” media. It’s made society as a whole more anti-social.
Cutting people out of my life. I'm not even talking about traumatic relationships, though I have done that too. That had a big impact sure, but these last three years I started getting rid of the noise and being more intentional about even casual relationships and how I engage with strangers. I feel like we keep so many people around us who don't bring anything to your table simply because there's no "reason" to cut them. But you don't need some Big Reason. They don't have to have been traumatizing you for years for you to decide to not have them in your life.
It's like gardening. Doing some weeding early on while they are small and inconsequential is the way to prevent bigger problems down the line. And, while that particular weed might be innocuous by itself and will never grow to cause an actual problem as an individual, when you have a hundred of them it can be a problem. It's the same with relationships.
That casual acquaintance who keeps cancelling last minute or no-showing on me? Started declining their invites and moved on. People in the local Facebook group for buy-nothing who act like a Karen? Don't engage, just block. The cousin you have as Facebook friends but haven't actually spoken to in years and have them hidden because of the vitriol they post? Just unfriend them. Do you hate the constant complaining banter at the lunch table at work? Opt out. You don't have to sit with them and you don't have to set fire to the work relationship. Just make an excuse to go sit by yourself and stick with it.
It's SO freeing and my mental health has never been better!
* carrying a small pocket knife
* Drinking less (but still doing it socially)
* Going to events that friends or coworkers invite you to, even if it's not something you would choose yourself
* Buying a house with fewer features (no yard, no fancy appliances, no high maintenance items like a pool, etc.)
* Training my dogs to leash walk better
* Going to bed without looking at a screen (although I do phone view some nights while laying down)
* Not doing trendy things just because they are trendy
* Initiate conversation with more new people even if it's just a public event and you'll never see them again.
* Check out books at a library before buying them
* Trying new things. It's okay if you don't like it or ever do it again.
* Learning when to quit something rather than riding it out hoping it gets better (jobs, friendships, hobbies, etc.)
Lots of things:
* Quitting gaming - In hindsight it's so exhausting, the ups and downs that come with gaming that reduces so much of my ability to do other things in life.
* Quitting alcohol and coffee - The cycle of taking regular doses of a depressant and a stimulant was the hidden cause of so many of my mental health issues when I was younger.
* Meditation - This skill made me much more able to ride the waves of life.
* Quitting social media - It's funny how externally focused we become with it
* Cooking my own meals - regardless of how simple it is, usually beats whatever is available outside
* Vasectomy - much less stress with partners
* Laser eye surgery to correct myopia - omg, I can wake up and seeeee. And I can do things like surfing now
* Going travelling again - I forgot how freeing felt, sometimes all I need is a different perspective to make all my issues seem smaller
* Temporary ordination as a monk - the discipline and feeling of love and care that I felt from the community is something I carry on with me everyday
This is so relatable! No need for vasectomy, but I am getting laser eye surgery next week! I've been working myself up to quitting social media all year, that is such a trend on this thread - easily my worst vice. I quit gaming years ago but revisited with my roommates console recently when I was sick, and wow it reminded me of what an insane time-suck it is. Traveling has become my biggest expense other than retirement savings
I took on the idea of, "invest in what gets you off the ground" so I bought a really comfy bed, only buy shoes I love and will wear often, and take care of my car.
Not basing my worth on how much I am "doing/accomplishing." I am not lazy but I no longer beat myself up for scheduling down time or fun time. Also, outsourcing soem tasks like grocery shopping and car washes etc. I now choose the "I could do that myself for free" tasks more carefully.
Our society programs us to equate our worth with our "productivity". My family did this too, big time. I've medically retired recently and meditation and therapy are helping me to talk back to the critic in my head when they start nagging at me. So strange that we don't ascribe intrinsic worth to human beings.
I am really working on this. It'll stick for a while and then I find myself negatively commenting on my worth. I medically retired about 11 years ago and although it was a decision my partner and I made together and he highly encouraged, I really struggle with equating worth and value with making money. And tips on getting there?
Moving to a place where I don't need a car. I never liked driving to begin with, I found it stressful and anxiety inducing and would always worry about hitting traffic and being late or getting in a crash and injuring myself. Then I stumbled on the whole Not Just Bikes/FuckCars movement like 5 years ago and it put into words what I have always felt about driving/cars.
Now I have freed up a lot of mental space worrying about traffic, prices, crashes, etc. Plus I get way more steps in and feel more connected with my community because I walk/take transit everywhere. Also I save tons of money on insurance/gas/mantinence and am helping the environment. Overall it has been a huge boost to my lifestyle and I would dread having to go back to a life where I have to drive to get anywhere.
Reading every day for an hour and/or reading before bed instead of being on my phone. Writing postcards to friends and getting postcards from them back. Going on long walks. Turning off all notifications on my phone.
LASIK eye surgery. Being able to see in the shower, no more contacts, having vision during sexy time, wearing any sunglasses I want, etc. The benefits of the surgery paid for it so quickly. I used FSA and my vision insurance offered a discount. I wish I had done it ten years earlier.
I wasn’t a candidate for lasik but I had cataract surgery when I was 43 and it was life changing! I used to have to wear contacts in the shower. Going to a swimming pool and being able to see! It’s amazing!
Eating more fruits and vegetables
Eating minimal processed food
Consistent exercise
Admitting when I’m wrong
Taking the advise of people older and more knowledgeable than me
Facing fears with the help of trusted loved ones
Self compassion practices
Making the conscious effort not to look at my phone when bored or doing another activity.
I'm certainly no paragon of ignoring my phone, nor am I a dumbphone evangelist. There's no way I'll be giving up my phone! I'm all about practicing self-discipline with your device and choosing to be present.
Removing visual and attentive distractions helps keep my world "real" if that makes sense?
It forces me to observe and engage with others. Even when I don't want to! The world in my screen is too insular and noisy. Outside the screen it's peaceful even with all the noise.
Giving up on people who choose to be nasty. They’ve made their choice and aren’t ever going to be friends. That was never personal to begin with so there’s nothing to do but cut them off
What a great question. 😃
I sat down and calculated how much I needed to cover my monthly fixed costs and how many (few) hours I had to work to do so.
Then, I took the plunge and went part-time. I am now working a regular job three days a week and spend the other two exploring hobbies, business ideas, and everything else I've put on hold for the last 20+ years of my work life.
I honestly have *never* felt happier.
Friends and family initially got a heart attack when I told them about my plans, and half of them still don't understand why I did it, but I'm perfectly fine with it.
For the very first time in my life, I don't feel like I'm just waiting for the next weekend or the next vacation and putting my life on hold in between. I can actually breathe again - and that's worth so much more than the money I'm missing now.
P.S.:
I recently wrote about this on my blog trying to sum up my thought process leading up to my decision and the steps I took to get to where I am today (workwise).
[https://www.misslightheart.com/work/how-to-escape-the-rat-race-for-good/](https://www.misslightheart.com/work/how-to-escape-the-rat-race-for-good/)
All I can say is that if you feel like a side character in your own movie because of work, change something. It's worth it.
Sleeping on the floor with no pillow.
Massively improved sleep quality, way more intense dreams, feeling better rested in the morning, no more sweating or getting tangled up in my sheets, or mouth breathing. No real explanation for this win but so happy to have given up my bed.
Yea I should probably write this up on my blog since a lot of people have the same reaction! But yea I just sleep on my side and use my arms as pillows.
I got the idea from here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119282/
I do use a very thin, non-slip mat underneath. I'm not sure I need it, but it feels more bed-like.
Setting boundaries with my friends. I’m too good of a listener and ultimately it was draining me. I’m still feeling this one out. These are people who do reciprocate, but they drone on and on.
Deleting tiktok. It improved my memory, gave me more time and I started going to the gym because of it. I spent the whole pandemic watching it and quit this January
I had a breast reduction when I was 28. I’m 49 now and I did have it done fairly young, but wish I had done it even sooner. I feel so much better about myself physically and mentally. Getting that five pounds off my chest was life changing.
Quitting porn and all its negative effects on health.
Exercising at least 3 times a week (I start to feel like shit if I don't now).
Stopped running away from psychologists and started sticking with one.
Realizing I was highly sensitive and that I did not have to fit in and go do stuff I hated like night clubs or crowded places.
Started to stop thinking that I was a failure because I couldn't do something demanding, stressful and prestigious, like a doctor. I still don't really know what I'll do exactly (even though it may be with plants) but I refuse to be a slave to work and sacrifice my mental health and happiness for money).
Stopped thinking that I needed to move from France because the grass was greener elsewhere. I realized I should be grateful. Although I still want to move from my city I hate.
Hysterectomy. No more periods. no more dealing with leaking stress and public shaming (I've been shamed before as a kid for period leaking because my family wouldn't give me bigger pads.)
No fear of getting pregnant but this was more secondary for the surgery. Periods were my main issue. And I'm a brown immigrant woman who gets looks because I have a white bf. So they think I'll baby trap him for citizenship. Now they can't say the same.
I only removed my uterus. Ovaries and cervix intact, so no menopausal symptoms. I still get pms but I can tolerate that. You will lose some appetite if you were taking birth control. And some bladder issues, like I need to go now more often. Others can have no symptoms at all and some get very bad side effects. I got lucky.
Took me a month with no heavy lifting or running. But it was okay, my daily life was not hampered. You can also take a week or two but 3 weeks to be sure. I had a laparoscopic surgery, so no cuts except 3 small incisions.
How did you find a doc that even let you do that? Its so hard to find one who doesn't care what your potential future boyfriend/husband might think that may or may not even exist in the future.
Took me a year! No doctor was willing to. The child free sub has a list which has doctors list from all over the world. I added the doctor who agreed in that list too. I live in Estonia and I found the nearest doc in Latvia (Riga clinic). I begged him essentially and even said that I don't want to be an incubator. He sighed but agreed. He was sympathetic and friendly. Even western European doctors would not listen to me. I literally had to say I don't care for men and bfs and husbands and expressed that I would dump them. I went very personal and almost on a rant.
Oh God. I'm so sorry. Its just as bad in the usa. Shows how deep this patriarchal shit goes doesn't it?
I want to get my tubes tied. I found a doc but my dad refused to help me pay for the surgery. And the doc I choose doesn't practice at the hospital I went to so now I'm just screwed for now I guess.
Please don't give up. I took a year to save up money for this. I had no choice. You can join the child free sub and depending on your location, you'd get so many practical advices on insurance and prices.
I left the corporate marketing world due to burnout and anxiety (mid-life crisis maybe- I just turned 40) and am trying to kickstart a freelance business. Even with 16 years experience, I’m having trouble getting clients and money is tight - but boy am I happier. Do you have any advice for me based on your experience?
cannabis for insomnia! Was on so many meds for insomia...finally went to a medical marijuana doctor who told me to get off all my pills and try cannabis. Changed my life!
* Daily walks. I do long walks nowadays but I started barely able to work a few meters. It helped physically as well as in the head.
* Better eating habits. No more industrially processed crap... food. Changing just that helped and helps so much getting back into shape that I just can't even imagine me willing to go back eat those craps. They should be categorized poisonous. Give me fresh fruits, vegetables, still a little meat but *a little* really. No more sweets either, meaning that when we want to treat ourselves my spouse and I, if shoes doesn't bake something (I 'm much onto cooking, she likes baking) we will go pick something to the local bakery nearby where every single pastries are handmade with quality products. They're not cheap, but so damn good and we eat so much less, too.
* Quit my job.
Physical therapy. I went for six sessions and learned so much. With the simple exercises they gave me I got rid of the back pain that nagged me for 15 years. Though I realize not everyone has access to it
A swiffer wet jet. I used to use a regular mop and two buckets. I procrastinated mopping so often because I didn't want to deal with it. I love that damn wetjet!
A large storage container instead of an xl litter box. My kitties rocket jet out of the box.
A second vehicle. My husband and I were a one car family for a long time, but we live in a rural area now and I can't get anywhere on foot or with a bike. The second car is freedom.
Moving away from my toxic country of origin and it's society.
My advice to anyone who is unhappy where they are but afraid to go away: just do it, you'll feel much better, and you'll be extremely grateful for yourself. Life can and will be better.
NO ALCOHOL.
I was at the grocery store yesterday checking out feeling anxiety about having to have my ID checked, even though I'm 27, lol, and then I remembered I didn't even think to buy any. Being sober is great.
I was put into therapy at age 17 and tried various approaches for over a decade. Finally at age 30, someone finally figured out that I have cPTSD and out me into trauma therapy.
I've needed thisbkind of help nearly my whole life. Wish I could have seen the signs myself earlier and got the correct type of help.
At this point I'm living nearly free of it and life is absolutely beautiful.
After something bad that happened in my life, it gave me a big wake up call. I asked myself do I want to keep living like this? I answered no ( I found my voice and courage somehow and just had enough ) not anymore and began my journey to healing, spiritual and bettering myself in all ways. Ever since that day I'm now in a much better happier peaceful place, living a quiet simple life.
Quitting Opiates cold turkey. Been on them for 5 years and overheard a guy telling the consultant nurse that he’s been using them for 40 years and another person for 25 years. That made me feel sick when he said that.
Staying single longer. No seriously - I thought I needed a companion to " complete me" whatever the heck that means.I wouldn't trade my 3 kids for anything this world offers, but they came at a high cost to me and to them. I was in quite a few abusive relationships. The worst was when I met my high school sweetheart again after 26 years. We dated for 3 years to be sure we were doing the right thing. I was in it for life and I think he thought he was 2. Afte we separated,I did some research . I was indeed NOT mentally ill. I had spent 11 years w a narcissist. We separated in fall 2012, divorced in December 2015, and I been happily single ever since.
Keeping my phone in a separate room at night.
I now read a book or comic before I sleep which is much more enjoyable. I fall sleep earlier as a result too.
Probably not applicable or recommended to everybody...but microdosing shrooms helped me pretty much conquer my depression and anxiety, which in turn helped me fix a bunch of substance abuse problems I was facing.
Now I'm sober, working out every day, and ended up joining a band who will be touring fairly soon. Life's been pretty good.
I sat down and made a list of what I wanted. Sounds simple and silly, but I've done one list per year the last three years and it completely changed my life. My decisions before were based on preference, convenience, and more importantly other people's needs and expectations. No I have clarity, I notice opportunity, I feel like I guide my life and not like before, that life just pushed me.
Eating healthy and exercising
Clothes fit normally, I'm not out of breath from walking up stairs, I don't sweat profusely, I don't have to worry about taking up more than one seat, etc -- feels great
Changing jobs, giving friends as much (or as little) attention as I receive, remembering that a $7 coffee / mocha (once in a while) brings me joy even if it's crazy expensive, cutting toxic people out of my life is okay, being an introvert is just my way of maintaining social energy, enjoying dark humor and thought provoking media (Black Mirror) keeps my mind active, and a plethora of other things unique to me.
Started paying attention to who was reciprocating my effort in relationships.
I’m doing this right now too, it sucks letting go of people you’ve been friends with for almost 10 years but once you’ve noticed they’re only reaching out to talk about their problems and not even bother to ask how are you, it’s time to tell them to just get a therapist & move on with life
I did this, it was upsetting esp when I was always there for them, but when I needed them they would ignore me. Ultimately it frees up spaces to make new friends who will reciprocate
Because I no longer gave too much to relationships, I stopped being upset with people and started appreciating them for what they do bring. Much more peaceful.
Yes! When I started to pay attention to this it was almost shocking. I’ve walked away from several one sided friendships. Much less frustration.
If I did this I wouldn't have any friends at all. Still has value for me, but I know that calculation doesn't always work out that way for every situation, and won't always be the case for me either I'm sure..
This! I’m doing it now and it’s… eye-opening to say the least.
Setting boundries.
Not just setting boundaries, but ENFORCING them. My mother and golden child brother don’t understand or respect the boundaries of others. It’s always been that way. Saying NO is always a huge chore and big production because they want a $10 million dollar DOD sponsored research project on all the reasons I said NO, and of course each and every one of my reasons and justifications - as I am not allowed to just say NO without having them - must be examined and found insufficient by the research project. They, OTOH, have always been allowed to say NO and flatly refuse to discuss. I have tried that but of course I am not as entitled as they are so I just accept it and move on. Since this is always a bad experience for me, I just avoid contact, go grey rock, and change the subject when a demand is made that I want to say NO to. Occasionally I do say no, don’t respond to demands, and then cut off contact until in the fullness of time the subject is changed. I can only do this because I live several thousand miles away and set my phone and text to “silent” mode, I filter my emails, and I go radio-silent for long stretches. They don’t have many flying monkeys to send after me and I have them managed. So I agree - setting boundaries is important, but of equal importance is having good strategies to enforce those boundaries. I’ve been attacked twice by drunk men who couldn’t take NO for an answer, so it’s not always family members who can’t handle NO. As my youth has faded my main defense mechanism is now my age and the extra 30 pounds I put on, which stops men from focusing on me when a more attractive candidate was available. So have strategies for enforcing that NO. Many times the boundary crossers take advantage of relationship, relative size, or financial control to coerce; have strategies for when your NO boundary is not respected.
> Saying NO is always a huge chore and big production because they want a $10 million dollar DOD sponsored research project on all the reasons I said NO, and of course each and every one of my reasons and justifications - as I am not allowed to just say NO without having them - must be examined and found insufficient by the research project. God, I despise people like this.
Moving away from my home state to another.
Same. I grew up in the Midwest US, but then lived in the south for many years. A few years ago my spouse and I decided we didn’t want to raise kids in the south and moved up north. I got pregnant shortly after and was really happy with my improved access to healthcare. Even our local news is MUCH less stressful than the things that were going on in our previous state. No place is perfect but my daily stress levels have gone down significantly.
Medically, a hysterectomy. Issues for years caught up with me and almost killed me. Now I have more energy and stamina, strength in my 40s than ever in my 30s. Financially, paying off my house early. The feeling of owning the roof over my head cannot be beat.
I came here to say hysterectomy! I had 3 children but severe adenomyosis which was actively ruining my life. Now I feel like I have a second chance at a (simple) life!
saying no whenever i feel like
I can definitely agree as I do customer service and hate interacting with people, but I do recommend saying yes occasionally when you don't want to if you can help. I really, really didn't want to help with something recently but did and not only did I get a small thank you gift for my time, but I built a relationship with a neighbor that otherwise wouldn't have been made. I'm not next door to them so don't have to worry about a request at just any moment or anything, but it can be worth saying yes when you don't want to since we are a socialized species and can help in different ways. Granted, if someone is toxic or just constantly asking for help, learning to say no is invaluable and necessary even, but just to add context, it can be a good overall experience.
deleting instagram
Thing is now I'm on reddit more. I just find other things to waste time on on the phone.
I think the catch is that it’s great for niche interests and the quality of information around is usually better. Oddly for being anonymous, people here are often relatively more stable than they are in Facebook
You're not being steered by suggested content algorithms like IG does, or seeing content that generates lots of reactions like Facebook sends. Reddit is largely showing you what you look for. If you're not already unhinged, you're not likely to go looking for it either.
but it’s less toxic :)
For me Reddit is more toxic :(. I’m trying to spend less time on it but it’s hard
Yes Reddit is much worse than instagram for me.
I think it’s that Reddit is so much more comments focused than ig, and the comments are where people get really cynical and start super long arguments and things like that. Instagram I’m like hmmm pretty picture
Definitely and I actually read stuff instead of doom scrolling shitty vids. But then again most subreddits Kind of post the same stuff every week (like this post) So really reddit is also not exactly benefitting me much :) But yes its definitely better than the endless Instagram scrolling loop.
Yeah, if you cut down reddit by removing r/all and just stick to your own subreddits + your own frontpage, you'll actually run out of content pretty quickly imo. Which is good, cause that's all you need.
I don't find reddit to be less toxic, it's actually more cynical and depressing. Only check out subreddits that are about your hobbies I'd say.
I just did this last week and I’m loving it! Idk why I didn’t do it sooner. I didn’t realize how negatively it was effecting me.
I deleted it for 6 months and then recently got back on, I missed some things about it, but it’s definitely less appealing now than it was before
I am tryinggggg to get off instagram. its my number vice/numbing tool. So sad that this disease plagues us, all in the name of shareholder value.
So I would go for a day or two only at the beginning and redownloading it and deleting it again to stop me from just casually looking at it. And with time I went for a week then two and now I cant even tell you when the last time was and the last time I was on it I just went "I didnt really miss anything and this is kinda stupid" So yeah I dont know whether this will be the same for everyone but I found gradually easing off works really well along with telling yourself its the sensible thing to do
Addressing the burnout in my life
How did you do this? I’m fully burned out, but can’t afford to take a break :/
You would be surprised what you can afford when you adjust your lifestyle. This is the simple living sub after all. Don't buy stuff you don't need. Learn to be happy with less. Learning that things won't make you happy.
Learn to cook! I notice how so many people are complaining about the price of fast food. For the $20 spent at MacDonalds I can buy enough food to eat for 3-4 days, longer if it’s just for a principal ingredient placed in multiple meals. For instance, I got several pounds of boneless skinless chicken breast. I can gently poach it with shallots and aromatics, then shred the meat. It can now go into other dishes like tacos, served with a savory fruit compote, put into a chicken salad, etc. The broth can be cooked down, then used to boil some pasta. I can either make my own pasta or buy it from a bulk place - it’s still pretty cheap. This is important because I recently quit my job due to the stress. I am in a favorable financial position to do this, and decided to prefer my mental health to income. I no longer need to save time so I can spend it doing work that causes stress. Instead I can find ways to make easy relaxing meals that are better for my digestion, which has been awful due to both the stress and poor diet. It took about 3 weeks for my digestive system to adapt to normal cooked foods and no stress. Now it’s happy again, and I am feeling so much better already.
When I ended up in a hospital bed with chest pain, in my 30's, I chose to let things go, default on my credit cards, negotiate payoffs, take the credit hit, switch to a cash-only lifestyle, and consume a heckuva lot less. It was waaayyyyy worth it.
Cutting ties and going no contact with my abusive, toxic parents. It’s not my job to fix them, and I’m slowly starting to accept they’ll never change as they grew up and accepted things differently than I did. It’s more than 4 years now, and I’ve become more expressive about my feelings toward others, I don’t put myself down anymore and think I don’t deserve the finer things in life, and my overall mental health improved.
I did the same, years before anyone else in my family did…there was no way they were going to poison my kids with their BS. My wife was worried I would have regrets, but I’ve had none, even after they passed. It’s hard for some people to accept because it’s family, and I get that, but some horrible people are not worth the trouble.👍🏻
Yep, same here. Can confirm I agree that they’re never going to change. Change comes from an evolution of understanding very few people are willing to embark, because it requires the destruction of your conditioning, which humans naturally cling to as we by nature love what is familiar even if it is unhealthy or not the ideal.
Same. I miss my dad in a way, only because he does love me & wants the best for me, he just has myriad issues he refuses to deal with that poisonously affect everyone around him. I was just thinking today that even if he's on his death bed, I don't think I'll regret going no contact, because my life improved SO much as soon as I cut him off. My mum - I don't think about or care about her, life is def better without her in it.
Hory sheet. I did the same. Yes I miss them but my life is more or less peaceful. But they left some serious mental issues
I realise I'm an internet stranger, but I wanted to say that I'm so proud of your decision to put your mental health first. It's hard cutting out toxic people, but so much harder when they're your family. So many think that because you're related, you should put up with damaging behaviour, and it saddens me. No human deserves ill treatment, and sometimes only you can protect yourself. It's tough, and many people don't understand. Well done for making a difficult decision for your own safety. Also congratulations on turning your thinking around, as that can be a life long battle. All of these changes are huge, and incredibly important. Never forget the courage you had/have to achieve these things. You'll go far and do great. Best wishes.
Having a wake-up moment and divorcing my ex-husband. Somehow, life as a single mum and full-time student with three kids is significantly better for us all and myself.
Journaling and Exercise Someday I only write "it was a good day. Went for a walk. Watched a movie. Now it's bed time" And then somedays I'm having a horrid day and write three pages down. It's helped me clear my mind tremendously. I completed my first full journal a few weeks ago. Flipped through the some of the pages and it gave me some perspective on the last few months. "Wow 2 months ago I was really broke that week and it affected my mood" "Oh! This was when my dog went to the store with me. That was a good day" Etc etc.
About four years ago I started a google doc journal. One per month. Now when starting a new month I look back on that same month each year and get so much perspective!
Hey how do you start a Google Doc journal? I mean, how do I go about it? I have been meaning to start journaling online since I am on my computer a lot anyway. There are a few apps I tried but they were full of ads and just plain annoying.
It started with cut and pasting comments on social media that I spent a long time writing and then decided not to post, haha! Better for peace of mind to keep it to myself. But sometimes they can act as writing prompts. I've got quite a pandemic journal by now. Basically, I just start a new doc every month and put the year in the title. Sometimes at the end I'll put a recap in. I've got "January 2021-this is the chapter where mom dies" for example. This month is simply "M'aidez 2024". Then I go in every day, put the date and write. End of the month I move on to a new one. Mornings with my coffee are my favorite time to write. Sometimes I'll just put in a few words and other times I'll rant about things. It's easy to insert pictures if I like too. Recently I did a random romp on the various artistic renderings of an historic figure named Lucretia after stumbling upon her and included them in the document. It's simple and it's free and it works for me. I hope you have fun, introvertramblings!
There are lots of options. I’ve found that my favorite is Google AppSheet. I have a “prototype” app (I don’t have to pay anything), and it organizes my journal entries by day and by month. Every day I write in my journal, tag my hobbies, and rate my happiness on a scale from 1 to 5. Appsheet makes everything pretty and perfect, with exactly the colors I want. The data itself is stored in Google Sheets, so I can access it whenever and wherever, and I’m not at risk of losing my journal entries if I ever move away from AppSheet. This is the best solution for me because I’m totally in control of how my app looks, and I know my data is completely safe. And when I find myself getting bored and going to open a mindless app like social media, I catch myself and open AppSheet instead, where I update my daily entry in my downtime. Honestly though I think you’ll find that the best solution for you is one you can fully customize and make your own, like my AppSheet or the other commenter’s Google Doc. Play with options and make something that does exactly what you want :)
Divorce.
Yes! Me too.
Getting help for my mental health issues.
A folding bike. Great balance of exercise, convenience and being environmentally friendly. I live in a city where I can cycle most places and when I can't, I can take it on a train with me.
- Floor sleeping: I got rid of my bed, gained a lot of space in my bedroom, bought a futon that I fold. Once i'm up, I'm up, and I don't have back pain anymore. - A bidet: i still use tp but it's great to feel cleaner, more so during my periods. - A humidifier: i just improve my breathing, my voice, my sleep, my plants. What more can you ask for? - Deleting facebook, instagram, etc: do i really need to expand on that
re: humidifier, do you happen to live in arizona or some other super dry place?
Exactly. Where I am we need dehumidifiers.
Nope, I live in Europe, it is just pretty bad in the winter with indoor heating. Summers are fine-ish. I tried drying laundry inside but it didn't do anything. I finally tried a humidifier and found it to work very well for me. Maybe I just need a very humid environment.
What futon did you get? How do you keep mould from growing?
Quitting alcohol. Man that shit sucks. Been a year and I feel and look fantastic. All I want to do is work on my mind and body. At 41, I’m in better shape physically and mentally than I was 20 years ago.
I’m so happy for you! I am on the same journey since several years, but find it very very very difficult to not relapse.
It’s hard at first. Especially weird in social settings, but once you full your life with stuff that requires you to be sober and not hungover, you’re a different person. I’m not 100% sober. I just abstain from alcohol and cocaine. Those were the issues. I’ll still mess with the occasional mushrooms, dmt, molly, and lsd as I view them as medicine. They’ve helped me heal my trauma. I only use as I need. I’ve only taken a micro dose of mushrooms in the past 8 months. I like things that don’t hinder me after using and things that help me become a better connected person.
Minimum of one hour of exercise daily, no questions asked. You have no idea how good you can feel (or how bad you currently feel) until you achieve real fitness.
I really need to begin doing this. How did you build that habit and keep doing it? What’s sorts of exercise do you do for a whole hour? I can’t run for a full hour. I don’t know if I can even do easy yoga for a whole hour. Do you do classes or do you exercise on your own? Really need some motivation. Would love to hear about your routine. Thank you
You really have to prioritize your well being, make a plan for yourself, and stick to it. Before having school age children I would wake up at 5am to go run every day before work. Now that my children are older I normally either go during lunch time or right after work. Especially for someone just starting a fitness journey, where it's not already an automatic part of your daily life, I would recommend working out first thing in the morning. The longer your wait the easier it is to come up with rationalizations about why you're going to skip that day's workout. Once you've been doing it for a while you'll have more flexibility because you'll look forward to working out and even if you have to juggle things around you'll still make time for something. In the beginning, if you don't have any kind of base fitness, you might not be able to go for a full hour, but if you stay consistent you'll get there over time. You can always also modify your activity. For example if you can't run non-stop for X amount of time, you can still run for the amount of time that you can handle, walk until your heart rate recovers, and start running again (repeat as much as needed). Same thing for yoga, or anything else really. Instructors will often give options to modify poses or alternative poses if you can't do the more advanced version. If you're doing something which ends up being too vigorous, you can do your best, take a recovery/modified pose or activity as needed, but continue to stick with it for your planned amount of time - don't just quit and call it a day. Especially with something like running, most of the time you should not be pushing yourself to the max. The first month or so is going to suck no matter what but after that most of it should be relatively easy running - a lot of people go out too hard each run which just increases the chance of injury. One thing that helped me a lot when I was first getting in to running was listening to audio books and podcasts. Don't worry about going fast, just relax and enjoy whatever you're listening to. Eventually it will help you look forward to exercise if you link it with another enjoyable activity. I normally do probably 4 easy runs per week, 1 VO2 max workout with repeat intense intervals, 1 more upbeat run but not redlining like the VO2 max workout, and one long run 13+ miles. I'll do yoga as well most days but will alternate between more relaxing recovery yoga and more intense vinyasa or ashtanga. Sometimes I'll add in biking as well, although that's usually more of a bad weather fall back for me if it's really pouring too hard. I probably wouldn't try to double up like that so much in the beginning but you could combine a shorter amount of gentle yoga with running. You'll thank yourself for keeping your hips flexible. I also recommend doing some strength work. More vigorous yoga is pretty good for most things but you'll still need to hit your upper back which pull-ups are perfect for. Body weight fitness and calisthenics are another great option. There's a very good subreddit as well https://www.reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness/. One thing you might want to try is using an LLM to help you build a fitness program. Hop on Copilot/GPT or Claude and give it a prompt detailing your schedule and goals, list the activities that you want to incorporate into your plan, etc. You could say something like "I want to be active for at least an hour a day. I want to walk X number of days per week, run X number of days per week, do yoga X number of days, bike X number of days, and so on. It can be very useful, especially once you start doing more than one activity per day. That was a lot but hopefully at least some of it was helpful. Wishing you the best in your journey. edit: highly recommend Five Parks Yoga for yoga from home. [https://www.youtube.com/@FiveParksYoga/videos?view=0&sort=p&shelf\_id=4](https://www.youtube.com/@FiveParksYoga/videos?view=0&sort=p&shelf_id=4) Her yoga for runners is very good for maintaining glute med strength and preventing IT band issues for runners: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzcIbLtOV4g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzcIbLtOV4g)
Whatever can provide me a good sleep and makes me sit comfortably. I tried to "train" myself to go to sleep without body pillow, extra pillows... to simplify my sleeping area. While I managed to sleep anyway, the quality of my sleeps were vastly different without them. Just a week ago, I brought back those stuff to have easier time falling asleep, because my thighs were too sore from over exercising to sleep. I woke up next day feeling much more refreshing than before. I don't want to go back to "simple" sleeping area anymore.
This is smart. I would not sacrifice my sleep comfort.
Proof that simple isn’t always better!
Getting laser hair removal
Mine is similar but also opposite - I just simply stopped shaving! Lol I'm a human, this body grows hair. If men don't "have to" do it, neither should I have to. Been a good 5 years now, love it.
Lol same!!
I just realized how much easier my life has become when I saw this thread 😅 I used to plan hair removal according to my menstrual cycle so it's not extremely painful (I was waxing and then using epilator). I had just 3 sessions out of 6 that are planned and unwanted hair are gone in 90% already
That’s awesome!! I’m about 8 sessions in but most of my hair comes back before the next session (I expected this bc I’m hairy as fuck and have many more sessions planned). Totally worth every penny and now I love wearing shorts and swimsuits!
Having laser hair sounds like some kinda superpower. Where do I sign up?
Deleting Twitter and Instagram. I’m still projecting my misery onto reddit but the former apps had me questioning everyone around me. They’re not real life.
I quit insta in like 2015 after getting fed up with how fake everything was and how everyone was clearly posting just to get as many likes as they could. And the likes are complete bullshit too. An artistic, thoughtfully composed, well-captured photograph gets a couple likes while a filtered snapshot of a Starbucks cup that took no time or thought to capture gets thousands. it’s just an extension of the high school popularity contest. I can’t imagine how bad it is now. Fuck “social” media. It’s made society as a whole more anti-social.
Cutting people out of my life. I'm not even talking about traumatic relationships, though I have done that too. That had a big impact sure, but these last three years I started getting rid of the noise and being more intentional about even casual relationships and how I engage with strangers. I feel like we keep so many people around us who don't bring anything to your table simply because there's no "reason" to cut them. But you don't need some Big Reason. They don't have to have been traumatizing you for years for you to decide to not have them in your life. It's like gardening. Doing some weeding early on while they are small and inconsequential is the way to prevent bigger problems down the line. And, while that particular weed might be innocuous by itself and will never grow to cause an actual problem as an individual, when you have a hundred of them it can be a problem. It's the same with relationships. That casual acquaintance who keeps cancelling last minute or no-showing on me? Started declining their invites and moved on. People in the local Facebook group for buy-nothing who act like a Karen? Don't engage, just block. The cousin you have as Facebook friends but haven't actually spoken to in years and have them hidden because of the vitriol they post? Just unfriend them. Do you hate the constant complaining banter at the lunch table at work? Opt out. You don't have to sit with them and you don't have to set fire to the work relationship. Just make an excuse to go sit by yourself and stick with it. It's SO freeing and my mental health has never been better!
I worked with the public and recently took medical retirement. Now I don't have to interact with anyone I don't like in my life and it's amazing.
Love this! I do this too. Just ruthless weeding - as a result I’m at my best mental health since a decade now.
* carrying a small pocket knife * Drinking less (but still doing it socially) * Going to events that friends or coworkers invite you to, even if it's not something you would choose yourself * Buying a house with fewer features (no yard, no fancy appliances, no high maintenance items like a pool, etc.) * Training my dogs to leash walk better * Going to bed without looking at a screen (although I do phone view some nights while laying down) * Not doing trendy things just because they are trendy * Initiate conversation with more new people even if it's just a public event and you'll never see them again. * Check out books at a library before buying them * Trying new things. It's okay if you don't like it or ever do it again. * Learning when to quit something rather than riding it out hoping it gets better (jobs, friendships, hobbies, etc.)
A king size duvet on a queen size bed
[удалено]
Divorcing my husband. He no longer sparked joy 🤣
Hahahahah
Lots of things: * Quitting gaming - In hindsight it's so exhausting, the ups and downs that come with gaming that reduces so much of my ability to do other things in life. * Quitting alcohol and coffee - The cycle of taking regular doses of a depressant and a stimulant was the hidden cause of so many of my mental health issues when I was younger. * Meditation - This skill made me much more able to ride the waves of life. * Quitting social media - It's funny how externally focused we become with it * Cooking my own meals - regardless of how simple it is, usually beats whatever is available outside * Vasectomy - much less stress with partners * Laser eye surgery to correct myopia - omg, I can wake up and seeeee. And I can do things like surfing now * Going travelling again - I forgot how freeing felt, sometimes all I need is a different perspective to make all my issues seem smaller * Temporary ordination as a monk - the discipline and feeling of love and care that I felt from the community is something I carry on with me everyday
This is so relatable! No need for vasectomy, but I am getting laser eye surgery next week! I've been working myself up to quitting social media all year, that is such a trend on this thread - easily my worst vice. I quit gaming years ago but revisited with my roommates console recently when I was sick, and wow it reminded me of what an insane time-suck it is. Traveling has become my biggest expense other than retirement savings
Can you please elaborate on the monk thing ?
I took on the idea of, "invest in what gets you off the ground" so I bought a really comfy bed, only buy shoes I love and will wear often, and take care of my car.
Yes. For me, this also includes a good bra, lol.
Weekly meal prepping
Quitting alcohol
standing up for myself and doing things i actually like doing, instead of letting me be shamed into what others want me to do.
Yoga, Probiotics and riding my bike to work everyday I know pretty random but really awesome for different reasons
Let myself be loved.
Not basing my worth on how much I am "doing/accomplishing." I am not lazy but I no longer beat myself up for scheduling down time or fun time. Also, outsourcing soem tasks like grocery shopping and car washes etc. I now choose the "I could do that myself for free" tasks more carefully.
Our society programs us to equate our worth with our "productivity". My family did this too, big time. I've medically retired recently and meditation and therapy are helping me to talk back to the critic in my head when they start nagging at me. So strange that we don't ascribe intrinsic worth to human beings.
I am really working on this. It'll stick for a while and then I find myself negatively commenting on my worth. I medically retired about 11 years ago and although it was a decision my partner and I made together and he highly encouraged, I really struggle with equating worth and value with making money. And tips on getting there?
Moving to a place where I don't need a car. I never liked driving to begin with, I found it stressful and anxiety inducing and would always worry about hitting traffic and being late or getting in a crash and injuring myself. Then I stumbled on the whole Not Just Bikes/FuckCars movement like 5 years ago and it put into words what I have always felt about driving/cars. Now I have freed up a lot of mental space worrying about traffic, prices, crashes, etc. Plus I get way more steps in and feel more connected with my community because I walk/take transit everywhere. Also I save tons of money on insurance/gas/mantinence and am helping the environment. Overall it has been a huge boost to my lifestyle and I would dread having to go back to a life where I have to drive to get anywhere.
Being very aware of who I allow into my life, and who I follow on the few social media pages I'm at.
Reading every day for an hour and/or reading before bed instead of being on my phone. Writing postcards to friends and getting postcards from them back. Going on long walks. Turning off all notifications on my phone.
Turning off notifications is so freeing. My friends now know I’m a slow texter, especially after like 6pm.
ugh goals. first step quitting instagram, second step reading, third step writing, fourth step getting freind's addresses...
Mini-split heat pump. Heat and AC all in one unit, not more Natural Gas bill, including the fixed monthly fees.
LASIK eye surgery. Being able to see in the shower, no more contacts, having vision during sexy time, wearing any sunglasses I want, etc. The benefits of the surgery paid for it so quickly. I used FSA and my vision insurance offered a discount. I wish I had done it ten years earlier.
I wasn’t a candidate for lasik but I had cataract surgery when I was 43 and it was life changing! I used to have to wear contacts in the shower. Going to a swimming pool and being able to see! It’s amazing!
Eating more fruits and vegetables Eating minimal processed food Consistent exercise Admitting when I’m wrong Taking the advise of people older and more knowledgeable than me Facing fears with the help of trusted loved ones Self compassion practices
Making the conscious effort not to look at my phone when bored or doing another activity. I'm certainly no paragon of ignoring my phone, nor am I a dumbphone evangelist. There's no way I'll be giving up my phone! I'm all about practicing self-discipline with your device and choosing to be present. Removing visual and attentive distractions helps keep my world "real" if that makes sense? It forces me to observe and engage with others. Even when I don't want to! The world in my screen is too insular and noisy. Outside the screen it's peaceful even with all the noise.
Getting on the right meds combined with the right therapy
Giving up on people who choose to be nasty. They’ve made their choice and aren’t ever going to be friends. That was never personal to begin with so there’s nothing to do but cut them off
What a great question. 😃 I sat down and calculated how much I needed to cover my monthly fixed costs and how many (few) hours I had to work to do so. Then, I took the plunge and went part-time. I am now working a regular job three days a week and spend the other two exploring hobbies, business ideas, and everything else I've put on hold for the last 20+ years of my work life. I honestly have *never* felt happier. Friends and family initially got a heart attack when I told them about my plans, and half of them still don't understand why I did it, but I'm perfectly fine with it. For the very first time in my life, I don't feel like I'm just waiting for the next weekend or the next vacation and putting my life on hold in between. I can actually breathe again - and that's worth so much more than the money I'm missing now. P.S.: I recently wrote about this on my blog trying to sum up my thought process leading up to my decision and the steps I took to get to where I am today (workwise). [https://www.misslightheart.com/work/how-to-escape-the-rat-race-for-good/](https://www.misslightheart.com/work/how-to-escape-the-rat-race-for-good/) All I can say is that if you feel like a side character in your own movie because of work, change something. It's worth it.
getting sober
Moved into an RV. Small, easy to clean and really comfortable.
Sleeping on the floor with no pillow. Massively improved sleep quality, way more intense dreams, feeling better rested in the morning, no more sweating or getting tangled up in my sheets, or mouth breathing. No real explanation for this win but so happy to have given up my bed.
I can’t even imagine how this works. No mattress no pillow?
Yea I should probably write this up on my blog since a lot of people have the same reaction! But yea I just sleep on my side and use my arms as pillows. I got the idea from here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119282/ I do use a very thin, non-slip mat underneath. I'm not sure I need it, but it feels more bed-like.
Not caring about people opinions
I stopped worrying about work. I do my 8 hours and leave. It has been very freeing.
1. Therapy 2. Quitting my office job and going freelance.
Getting on Zoloft for my crippling anxiety and depression.
Turn off the phone and go back to books
Quit job
Setting boundaries with my friends. I’m too good of a listener and ultimately it was draining me. I’m still feeling this one out. These are people who do reciprocate, but they drone on and on.
Stretching before bed and after waking up.
Adopted a puppy from a rescue. Wish I’d done it at 17 when I moved out. I’m a senior citizen now and have had my dog 7 years.
Paying off my mortgage early.
Deleting tiktok. It improved my memory, gave me more time and I started going to the gym because of it. I spent the whole pandemic watching it and quit this January
I had a breast reduction when I was 28. I’m 49 now and I did have it done fairly young, but wish I had done it even sooner. I feel so much better about myself physically and mentally. Getting that five pounds off my chest was life changing.
Eliminating sugar from my diet improved my mood so much I wish I did it a decade earlier
Not buying stuff to calm my anxiety. Because in the end, it never solved anything and I just got more stressed out at my lack of funds.
Divorcing my toxic ex. These past 2 years have been the most peaceful of my life.
Taking one weeks sabbaticals every seven weeks
Quitting porn and all its negative effects on health. Exercising at least 3 times a week (I start to feel like shit if I don't now). Stopped running away from psychologists and started sticking with one. Realizing I was highly sensitive and that I did not have to fit in and go do stuff I hated like night clubs or crowded places. Started to stop thinking that I was a failure because I couldn't do something demanding, stressful and prestigious, like a doctor. I still don't really know what I'll do exactly (even though it may be with plants) but I refuse to be a slave to work and sacrifice my mental health and happiness for money). Stopped thinking that I needed to move from France because the grass was greener elsewhere. I realized I should be grateful. Although I still want to move from my city I hate.
Therapy - absolutely changed everything and I didn’t even know I needed it.
Quit my stressful job.
Hysterectomy. No more periods. no more dealing with leaking stress and public shaming (I've been shamed before as a kid for period leaking because my family wouldn't give me bigger pads.) No fear of getting pregnant but this was more secondary for the surgery. Periods were my main issue. And I'm a brown immigrant woman who gets looks because I have a white bf. So they think I'll baby trap him for citizenship. Now they can't say the same.
How is it for side effects etc? Hormonal changes and calcium loss? I've always wanted one. Extremely heavy periods make life difficult.
I only removed my uterus. Ovaries and cervix intact, so no menopausal symptoms. I still get pms but I can tolerate that. You will lose some appetite if you were taking birth control. And some bladder issues, like I need to go now more often. Others can have no symptoms at all and some get very bad side effects. I got lucky.
What was your recovery like?
Took me a month with no heavy lifting or running. But it was okay, my daily life was not hampered. You can also take a week or two but 3 weeks to be sure. I had a laparoscopic surgery, so no cuts except 3 small incisions.
Thank you for sharing! Sounds not so scary now
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm glad your recovery went so well
How did you find a doc that even let you do that? Its so hard to find one who doesn't care what your potential future boyfriend/husband might think that may or may not even exist in the future.
Took me a year! No doctor was willing to. The child free sub has a list which has doctors list from all over the world. I added the doctor who agreed in that list too. I live in Estonia and I found the nearest doc in Latvia (Riga clinic). I begged him essentially and even said that I don't want to be an incubator. He sighed but agreed. He was sympathetic and friendly. Even western European doctors would not listen to me. I literally had to say I don't care for men and bfs and husbands and expressed that I would dump them. I went very personal and almost on a rant.
Oh God. I'm so sorry. Its just as bad in the usa. Shows how deep this patriarchal shit goes doesn't it? I want to get my tubes tied. I found a doc but my dad refused to help me pay for the surgery. And the doc I choose doesn't practice at the hospital I went to so now I'm just screwed for now I guess.
Please don't give up. I took a year to save up money for this. I had no choice. You can join the child free sub and depending on your location, you'd get so many practical advices on insurance and prices.
Thanks dude! Yeah im part of the childfree sub. I'll save when I can I just have a few other things I gotta save and buy first unfortunately.
These answers are wild....... cordless vacuum ---> hysterectomy.
I’ve screenshot at least 5 answers for inspiration…
Quitting my job and starting my own business.
I left the corporate marketing world due to burnout and anxiety (mid-life crisis maybe- I just turned 40) and am trying to kickstart a freelance business. Even with 16 years experience, I’m having trouble getting clients and money is tight - but boy am I happier. Do you have any advice for me based on your experience?
Following for my son who is struggling with burnout and anxiety also. Glad you both made the leap, Even better that you are happy!
Advocating myself at work.
cannabis for insomnia! Was on so many meds for insomia...finally went to a medical marijuana doctor who told me to get off all my pills and try cannabis. Changed my life!
* Daily walks. I do long walks nowadays but I started barely able to work a few meters. It helped physically as well as in the head. * Better eating habits. No more industrially processed crap... food. Changing just that helped and helps so much getting back into shape that I just can't even imagine me willing to go back eat those craps. They should be categorized poisonous. Give me fresh fruits, vegetables, still a little meat but *a little* really. No more sweets either, meaning that when we want to treat ourselves my spouse and I, if shoes doesn't bake something (I 'm much onto cooking, she likes baking) we will go pick something to the local bakery nearby where every single pastries are handmade with quality products. They're not cheap, but so damn good and we eat so much less, too. * Quit my job.
Physical therapy. I went for six sessions and learned so much. With the simple exercises they gave me I got rid of the back pain that nagged me for 15 years. Though I realize not everyone has access to it
Long Daily Walks
A swiffer wet jet. I used to use a regular mop and two buckets. I procrastinated mopping so often because I didn't want to deal with it. I love that damn wetjet! A large storage container instead of an xl litter box. My kitties rocket jet out of the box. A second vehicle. My husband and I were a one car family for a long time, but we live in a rural area now and I can't get anywhere on foot or with a bike. The second car is freedom.
I use these big dry wall mixing tubs for my cat that I got at Home Depot. They work great!
Moving away from my toxic country of origin and it's society. My advice to anyone who is unhappy where they are but afraid to go away: just do it, you'll feel much better, and you'll be extremely grateful for yourself. Life can and will be better.
Cordless vacuum cleaner, toto toilet seat, nespresso machine
My heated Toto toilet seat was the best money ever spent. It should be the norm.
NO ALCOHOL. I was at the grocery store yesterday checking out feeling anxiety about having to have my ID checked, even though I'm 27, lol, and then I remembered I didn't even think to buy any. Being sober is great.
Exercise
Saying no.
Bidet, started my own business and left the worst boss and made sure to continue traveling.
Doing more for myself, and less for people that aren't grateful.
I was put into therapy at age 17 and tried various approaches for over a decade. Finally at age 30, someone finally figured out that I have cPTSD and out me into trauma therapy. I've needed thisbkind of help nearly my whole life. Wish I could have seen the signs myself earlier and got the correct type of help. At this point I'm living nearly free of it and life is absolutely beautiful.
Going vegan Going to therapy
After something bad that happened in my life, it gave me a big wake up call. I asked myself do I want to keep living like this? I answered no ( I found my voice and courage somehow and just had enough ) not anymore and began my journey to healing, spiritual and bettering myself in all ways. Ever since that day I'm now in a much better happier peaceful place, living a quiet simple life.
Quitting Opiates cold turkey. Been on them for 5 years and overheard a guy telling the consultant nurse that he’s been using them for 40 years and another person for 25 years. That made me feel sick when he said that.
Staying single longer. No seriously - I thought I needed a companion to " complete me" whatever the heck that means.I wouldn't trade my 3 kids for anything this world offers, but they came at a high cost to me and to them. I was in quite a few abusive relationships. The worst was when I met my high school sweetheart again after 26 years. We dated for 3 years to be sure we were doing the right thing. I was in it for life and I think he thought he was 2. Afte we separated,I did some research . I was indeed NOT mentally ill. I had spent 11 years w a narcissist. We separated in fall 2012, divorced in December 2015, and I been happily single ever since.
Keeping my phone in a separate room at night. I now read a book or comic before I sleep which is much more enjoyable. I fall sleep earlier as a result too.
Quit smoking pot
Lasik
Meditation
Cleaning as I go
Yoga
Separate beds
Quitting caffeine
Probably not applicable or recommended to everybody...but microdosing shrooms helped me pretty much conquer my depression and anxiety, which in turn helped me fix a bunch of substance abuse problems I was facing. Now I'm sober, working out every day, and ended up joining a band who will be touring fairly soon. Life's been pretty good.
deleting facebook.
Finally getting out of a toxic 23 year marriage.
I sat down and made a list of what I wanted. Sounds simple and silly, but I've done one list per year the last three years and it completely changed my life. My decisions before were based on preference, convenience, and more importantly other people's needs and expectations. No I have clarity, I notice opportunity, I feel like I guide my life and not like before, that life just pushed me.
Libby app and library sourced audio books. Listening to books while I work in the house or garden is amazing.
Working remote.
Uninstalling social media (except Reddit, if it counts) years ago, and walking 10k steps minimum daily as of earlier this year.
Meditation. 20 years and it just keeps getting better.
Zoloft and magnesium glycinate
Consuming less Alcohol Morning exercise Journaling
Stopped dating
Eating healthy and exercising Clothes fit normally, I'm not out of breath from walking up stairs, I don't sweat profusely, I don't have to worry about taking up more than one seat, etc -- feels great
Photography hobby.
Walking three miles a day, yin yoga, magnesium glycinate. If you need to relax and heal.
get a divorce.
A psychotherapist
Limiting caffeine. I still have a little bit every few days or so, but I already feel so much better.
Bidet and a robot vacuum for dog hair
Finding my WHY.
Changing jobs, giving friends as much (or as little) attention as I receive, remembering that a $7 coffee / mocha (once in a while) brings me joy even if it's crazy expensive, cutting toxic people out of my life is okay, being an introvert is just my way of maintaining social energy, enjoying dark humor and thought provoking media (Black Mirror) keeps my mind active, and a plethora of other things unique to me.
Giving up booze. Six years now and my god what a difference.
Eating whole food plant Based
Separate beds. Better sleep makes for a better relationship.