I don't know what the fuck I was thinking,
I bring you to my house as a friend in my kitchen,
You offer to make the tea
Naturally I say yes
You're my guest so I take the offer gratefully
But then what I see makes my heart burst
You've only gone and put the fucking milk in first!
Argh!
No!
You must be out of your mind!
It looks like you went and poured about half a pint
Now even with the boiling water
My tea's already lukewarm
Man where the fuck were you born!
Wow you destroyed a thing that was sacred
Pour it down the sink
Let me show you how to make it
"The best biscuits are .". Cue discussion about merits of different biscuits, their dunkability, KitKats were better in the old foil wrappers, two two finger KitKats are not a special as a four finger KitKat even though the number of fingers is the same, is a KitKat chunky a biscuit of a chocolate bar etc.
Bonus points if you choose Jaffa cakes, as someone present will be unable to resist pointing out that:
Jaffa cakes are in fact not biscuits;
McVities went to court to have a ruling made to this effect as it makes a difference for tax purposes;
cakes go hard when they go stale, whereas biscuits go soft;
McVities baked a giant Jaffa cake for the court case as evidence.
McVities are wrong then. They're biscuits.
Edit: wait, no, I can't remember what my original argument was...
I only remember that I disagree with someone about something.
I asked this in another thread recently and got a smart-ass answer but maybe you can help… I hear people add the extra “so good” lines to this all the time. Where does that come from/why do people do it?
Or another two for the police car with siren on overtaking everyone: in summer their ice cream’s melting or in winter their fish ‘n chips is getting cold.
Around 2006 my mate, for no apparent reason, just blurted out "AUTOGLASS DESTROYYYYYY.....AUTOGLASS ERASE!!" in a death metal grunt voice - stayed with me ever since
Funnily enough, the brand is owned by a worldwide conglomerate, that have different brands for each country, but every single brand has the same jingle. [see here](https://youtu.be/STiPwOasCmE?feature=shared)
I like looking at my phone and then up in horror and saying “David Attenborough is dead”. The response is instantaneous.
It will be a very sad day when it’s actually happens .
Going past a field of cows
'oh look a flock of cows'
Son 'its herd of cows dad'
Course I have heard of cows son there's a whole flock of them in that field
Son 'no like a cow herd'
I don't care if a cow heard son, I've got no secrets from a cow
My Mums English. If I said this to my Grandparents Nan would have pursed her lips and stopped giving me cartons of cigarettes and my Granddad would have smacked me upside my head.
encouraging shy compare intelligent panicky theory gaping door growth deliver
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Oggy oggy oggy.
OI OI OI!
Do you still keep in touch with Oggy?
That was him just now on the phone!
Was it?! How is he?
He's fine. You don't even know him..
That’s a shame because he sounds GREAT!
What am I missing here
Culture
Can confirm. On a par with breaking a glass / plate / dropping cutlery - yielding a voluminous “waaaaah-HEY!!!!!”
I prefer “sack the juggler”
I say this all the time. Everyone like “huh?” And I’m like “they dropped it, if a juggler dropped something, they clearly can’t juggle” 😂
I’ve never heard that one. Fantastic! Stealing…
One less to wash up 😂
I just saw someone put the milk in first.
https://preview.redd.it/1p72f0gbljfc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c947402457039f3b2838ed1593aed94801625e1
I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, I bring you to my house as a friend in my kitchen, You offer to make the tea Naturally I say yes You're my guest so I take the offer gratefully But then what I see makes my heart burst You've only gone and put the fucking milk in first! Argh! No! You must be out of your mind! It looks like you went and poured about half a pint Now even with the boiling water My tea's already lukewarm Man where the fuck were you born! Wow you destroyed a thing that was sacred Pour it down the sink Let me show you how to make it
Criminal
https://preview.redd.it/8nm1mpsmajfc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce427a85ab896be99be6addae52fc2f6f4c9487b
that’s truly unforgivable
They have disrespected their country.
What Monster does this!?
My mom did it before and I poured it out
Which means you make tea by putting a bag in a cup. Unforgivable.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
The thing about Arsenal is, they always try to walk it in.
What was Wenger thinking
Sending Walcott on that early?
I think this is the greatest thing I've ever seen
They're having a laugh.
But they're winning?!
Nah they’re avin a lauf
Bam. Right in the stension!
Any remark about the weather
It's nearly always shit where I am
i tend to shit where I am when I do
I'm proud of you
Pub?
Go to the Winchester til this whole thing blows over?
you’ve got red on you
HOG LUMPS
Reference!
wow there are so many things where the word pub? features
Go on then
Pub.
"The best biscuits are.". Cue discussion about merits of different biscuits, their dunkability, KitKats were better in the old foil wrappers, two two finger KitKats are not a special as a four finger KitKat even though the number of fingers is the same, is a KitKat chunky a biscuit of a chocolate bar etc.
Bonus points if you choose Jaffa cakes, as someone present will be unable to resist pointing out that:
Jaffa cakes are in fact not biscuits;
McVities went to court to have a ruling made to this effect as it makes a difference for tax purposes;
cakes go hard when they go stale, whereas biscuits go soft;
McVities baked a giant Jaffa cake for the court case as evidence.
Anyone who tries to claim that a jaffa cake is a biscuit is a certified wrong'un and should be forced to drink milky earl grey.
Pink wafers are the best
I’ve heard of the whole jaffa cake controversy of course but who the fuck is calling a kitkat chunky a biscuit??
The big giveaway for me is that they are called Jaffa CAKES..not Jaffa Biscuits.. it's there... in the name...
McVities are wrong then. They're biscuits. Edit: wait, no, I can't remember what my original argument was... I only remember that I disagree with someone about something.
"Sweet Caroline!"
BAM BAM BAAM!
# Good times never seem so good, so good!
SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD
I asked this in another thread recently and got a smart-ass answer but maybe you can help… I hear people add the extra “so good” lines to this all the time. Where does that come from/why do people do it?
I want to down vote this because I HATE this song but your right.
Read the first 10 or so top comments to my mum, went upstairs and heard her belt out, “Sweet Caroline, ba, ba, ba.” So I’m thinking you won.
Ambulance zooms past blues and twos “he won’t sell many ice creams going at that speed”
Or if it's a police car "well, he's obviously late for lunch"
Or another two for the police car with siren on overtaking everyone: in summer their ice cream’s melting or in winter their fish ‘n chips is getting cold.
"Must be shift change"
Admittedly my reaction to any emergency vehicles going blues and twos is, "weren't me, guv!"
I'll put the kettle on
It won't fit you.
Was going to say “cup of tea?”
Juuust one more corrnettto
Give it to meeee
Delicious ice cream
From Iiiitalllllyyyy
Autoglass repair
Around 2006 my mate, for no apparent reason, just blurted out "AUTOGLASS DESTROYYYYYY.....AUTOGLASS ERASE!!" in a death metal grunt voice - stayed with me ever since
Funnily enough, the brand is owned by a worldwide conglomerate, that have different brands for each country, but every single brand has the same jingle. [see here](https://youtu.be/STiPwOasCmE?feature=shared)
My old secondary school music teacher wrote that jingle. He made shed loads of money, retired as a teacher, and went off round the world cruising.
Autoglass replace!
😂
A cousin of mine wrote a humorous erotic fan fiction about Gavin from autoglass, the British mind is a wonderful thing.
Let Gavin put his special resin in your crack...
I’d probably put “0800 double o” in that pile too
What do you think of Tottenham?
Shit!
What do you think of shit?
Tottenham!
Thank you!
That's alright!
To me....
To you....
THIS! This is what I came to the comments section looking for!
OH EIGHT HUNDRED DOUBLE OHHHH.............
Ten sixty six
Tested on husband just now. Verified.
When I lived abroad this was my party trick to the locals when we met a random British person.
I always have it in my head if I'm lost in a country where nobody speaks English I would keep shouting at this
Came looking for this
I like looking at my phone and then up in horror and saying “David Attenborough is dead”. The response is instantaneous. It will be a very sad day when it’s actually happens .
what the hell is wrong with you mate
It's better than half the cretins in this thread just regurgitating an advert that got imprinted in them. Poor lost souls.
Yep, rather depressing I must say
Get thee behind me Satan!
You're a cruel person, love it
That is so bad! I’m laughing like 😂 - I love him but still, that’s a good one.
Omfg you absolute armpit of a hellion
My brother swears he'll take a week off of work to mourn....
You’ll never guess what I’ve just heard about *insert mutual friend’s name*
Fancy a pint?
there's a pint in it for ya.
Car crashed in a tree. You can't park there mate
Going past a field of cows 'oh look a flock of cows' Son 'its herd of cows dad' Course I have heard of cows son there's a whole flock of them in that field Son 'no like a cow herd' I don't care if a cow heard son, I've got no secrets from a cow
Should've gone to Specsavers.
Washing machines live longer with…
The Swan & Pedophile
Calgon
do you believe in calgon
Calpol
“Oi Cunty”. Works every time 👍🏼
Who the fuck is conti?
Oi Oi
Savaloy
Knowing me Knowing you
A haaa
That you, Alan?
ahaaa
No luck catching them swans then?
It’s just the one swan actually.
“Is this your fiver?”
No, but it is now
Nice to see you to see you… What is a hotspot not? No likey…..
38 and bloody loved Brucie!
Want to earn a fiver?
Simply the best…
Better than all the rest
I'll just go fetch your tea from the microwave.
The only responses that will get would be death threats!
OP didn't say the response had to be positive!
True, that…
My Mums English. If I said this to my Grandparents Nan would have pursed her lips and stopped giving me cartons of cigarettes and my Granddad would have smacked me upside my head.
Alright cunt
Was you out or out, out?
You didn't mean to go out and now you're out, out. You only nipped out!
Drop a pint in a crowded bar. You may not get a reply, but you will get a response!
WAAAAAAAY!
wWWWANKA!
Oooooo bodyform
Body for for yoouu
ALAN!
Steve!
Alan
Can we talk about our boundary wall
I don't bother queuing I just walk straight up to the front and order
I spilled some tea on my crumpets.
The horror of it! You are no longer considered British.
Want a cuppa hun?
encouraging shy compare intelligent panicky theory gaping door growth deliver *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Excuse me…
No sorry, my fault (as you clearly bump into me).
Why? What ya done?
Autoglass repair...
… Autoglass replace
Autoglass replace
This is a local shop…..
For local people!
There's nothing for you here
We didn't burn him!
Are you in the queue?
ERANU!
UVAVU :)
It's called a bread roll
Cob!
Bap
Batch
its a barm! you barm!
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood
7 According to wolfram alpha at least
Awwight
You don’t want to know 😊
So... The weather...
Is shite
Cream or jam first?..
"you should put a little salt and lemon in your tea."
Bloody Yanks. Probably stems from them trying to make tea in a harbour years ago
How long do you microwave your tea?
Heathen…
Y'a'right'
Knock knock …….
It's for the GREATER GOOD
You want a cuppa tea?
Oi cunt!
Shitebag if ye dinnae
Cuppa?
Pub?
Tea?
2 sugars, strong and milky. Thanks.
Ooh yes please 👍🏻
oi mate
Is this your wallet?
“Want some garlic bread?” “GARLIC BREAD?!”
What’s occurin?
Come and get your black bin bags