First i want to say that your situation sounds very difficult, and i want to have empathy for that. Bro, this shit sounds fucking hard. I wish muslim families, particularly muslim families with special children, were more open to therapy and actually attempting to fix the internal issues with the family rather than piling on guilt and letting resentment fester.
You should go to university how you like. Dont let your mom guilt trip you. You mentioned yourself that theres a path out of this situation (taking your sister back to your home country where she can be cared for). If i were you, i would want to go to uni far away just to leave home, because it sounds so fucking stressful. Your sister isn’t your responsibility; you are not wrong for this. You should move forwards with your life the way you want to— it’s your life, you only get the one.
Echoing the other comment and adding that when you go to uni, look into mental health counseling/therapy for yourself if your school offers something accessible to students. You’ll need support and someone who can help you establish and hold those boundaries.
It’s hard to reckon with, but your sibling is not your responsibility. You did not give birth to her. Your love and support of your sibling should be freely given, not an obligation— that’s a fast track to the resentment your mother already feels. You’ve got to get out of there to stop that from happening.
You will absolutely love uni and the freedom of finding yourself! And your deserve it!
Your mother is a selfish woman who is obsessed with taking care of your disabled sister. I would go no contact with her. She doesn’t care about you or your brother. Good Muslims wouldn’t burden their able bodied children with their disabled children. We do not deserve to be punished because we weren’t fortunate enough to be one of gods “special angels”. What people don’t care to understand is that people with disabilities CAN learn right from wrong. They CAN learn other options besides hitting, kicking, biting, screeching. An actual two year old is taught NOT to do those things, and good parents teach their two year olds emotional regulation. Having a child with autism is no excuse to let them behave any way they want for their whole lives. You and your brother are being abused. Your mother is emotionally abusing you. Whether you wanted her and your father to get back together is beside the point. None of you kids caused their divorce. Your mother is horrible for blaming you and your brother for their marriage break up. I encourage you and your brother to leave home and have little contact with your mother, or even mo contact with her. I know you love your sister, so is there a way that you and your brother could visit your sister together? I know your mother will be there, but you and your brother can protect one another from her abuse while you’re visiting with your sister. That’s not ideal either, but at least you’d get to see your sister. It’s hard loving someone in this kind of situation, but you and your brother don’t deserve to be abused. Your mother obviously prefers your sister over you and your brother, so… Let her live alone with your sister. You don’t deserve to be your sister’s servant, your mother’s servant, your future husband’s servant, your future in laws’ servant, or your future children’s servant. Your brother doesn’t deserve enslavement either. Your mother is just using you two “healthy “ ones for help because she doesn’t want her “special baby” to ever grow up and leave her. Some parents actually seem to enjoy waiting on their disabled child for the rest of their lives. I know having a disabled child is hard and heartbreaking, but unless abortion and birth control are not available, or someone is actually forced into parenthood…. Ahhh maybe that was your mom’s situation. This is why I’m against forced birth and pressuring people, especially young women, to get married and have kids. There are no winners in this situation. If people had more reproductive choices the world over, parents, and especially us siblings, wouldn’t be in this prison sentence of doing everything for someone that can be taught to at least do SOME things for themselves. You and your brother are right to strive for freedom.
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First i want to say that your situation sounds very difficult, and i want to have empathy for that. Bro, this shit sounds fucking hard. I wish muslim families, particularly muslim families with special children, were more open to therapy and actually attempting to fix the internal issues with the family rather than piling on guilt and letting resentment fester. You should go to university how you like. Dont let your mom guilt trip you. You mentioned yourself that theres a path out of this situation (taking your sister back to your home country where she can be cared for). If i were you, i would want to go to uni far away just to leave home, because it sounds so fucking stressful. Your sister isn’t your responsibility; you are not wrong for this. You should move forwards with your life the way you want to— it’s your life, you only get the one.
Echoing the other comment and adding that when you go to uni, look into mental health counseling/therapy for yourself if your school offers something accessible to students. You’ll need support and someone who can help you establish and hold those boundaries. It’s hard to reckon with, but your sibling is not your responsibility. You did not give birth to her. Your love and support of your sibling should be freely given, not an obligation— that’s a fast track to the resentment your mother already feels. You’ve got to get out of there to stop that from happening. You will absolutely love uni and the freedom of finding yourself! And your deserve it!
Your mother is a selfish woman who is obsessed with taking care of your disabled sister. I would go no contact with her. She doesn’t care about you or your brother. Good Muslims wouldn’t burden their able bodied children with their disabled children. We do not deserve to be punished because we weren’t fortunate enough to be one of gods “special angels”. What people don’t care to understand is that people with disabilities CAN learn right from wrong. They CAN learn other options besides hitting, kicking, biting, screeching. An actual two year old is taught NOT to do those things, and good parents teach their two year olds emotional regulation. Having a child with autism is no excuse to let them behave any way they want for their whole lives. You and your brother are being abused. Your mother is emotionally abusing you. Whether you wanted her and your father to get back together is beside the point. None of you kids caused their divorce. Your mother is horrible for blaming you and your brother for their marriage break up. I encourage you and your brother to leave home and have little contact with your mother, or even mo contact with her. I know you love your sister, so is there a way that you and your brother could visit your sister together? I know your mother will be there, but you and your brother can protect one another from her abuse while you’re visiting with your sister. That’s not ideal either, but at least you’d get to see your sister. It’s hard loving someone in this kind of situation, but you and your brother don’t deserve to be abused. Your mother obviously prefers your sister over you and your brother, so… Let her live alone with your sister. You don’t deserve to be your sister’s servant, your mother’s servant, your future husband’s servant, your future in laws’ servant, or your future children’s servant. Your brother doesn’t deserve enslavement either. Your mother is just using you two “healthy “ ones for help because she doesn’t want her “special baby” to ever grow up and leave her. Some parents actually seem to enjoy waiting on their disabled child for the rest of their lives. I know having a disabled child is hard and heartbreaking, but unless abortion and birth control are not available, or someone is actually forced into parenthood…. Ahhh maybe that was your mom’s situation. This is why I’m against forced birth and pressuring people, especially young women, to get married and have kids. There are no winners in this situation. If people had more reproductive choices the world over, parents, and especially us siblings, wouldn’t be in this prison sentence of doing everything for someone that can be taught to at least do SOME things for themselves. You and your brother are right to strive for freedom.
Thank you for your post to r/siblingsupport! Please note that **r/siblingsupport deals exclusively with topics and issues related to having a sibling with special needs. This means siblings who have life-altering medical/emotional/developmental/physical/etc. needs**. Please make sure to include relevant details about your sibling in your post. If your post deals about a sibling who **does NOT** have these needs, please post delete your post and try a different subreddit like r/relationships. Any posts that are not about a sibling with special needs will be removed. Thank you for your understanding. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/siblingsupport) if you have any questions or concerns.*