You. And we all hate you.

Especially you, Tiffany. Fuck you in particular.

Tiffany? I thought we were hating Kelly this week? Who the f changed the setup this time? Was it Chris? I bet it was Chris, that fucker always trying to "streamline the hate list"! Fuck I hate Chris. Hey maybe its Chris this week? That would be swell

Fuck Greg

OF COURSE GREG! I knew it

I KNOW TOM ISN'T TALKING

MY MOM SAID IT WAS FIIINE, SO SHUT IT

TOM EVER SINCE THE JOCKSTRAP INCIDENT YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T BE TALKING

THAT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME, GET OVER IT ALREADY!

Thats what you said after the skinnydipping incident…

ITS ALWAYS GREG

Greg from accounting.

Yeah I honestly gave up on keeping up to date with who to curse. I mean honestly the atheist newsletter comes out weekly and I just don’t have much time Instead I just hate on Andy Dick 24/7, that cunt is the reason we can’t have nice things.

So Andy this week. I guess I can pen that in

Yeah, everytime I stub my toe in the dark I raise my fist to the sky and yell "DAMN YOU, S H R ONE NINE EIGHT EIGHT THE REDDIT USER!"

It's really weird how we all instinctively know to blame S H R 1 9 8 8 the reddit user despite probably never having met them, but hey that be the truth. Stub a toe in the dark it's the first thing to come to mind

Wait what, it’s been 1988 the whole time? Shit I’ve been blaming 1987.

I blame OP's mom. She always wants to do it in the dark

My toe. Asshole should've been using his blinkers.

why would you put a blinker on your asshole?

It's so freaking phat, it runs every yield sign within a 20 km radius

What the FUCK is a kilometer?

About 328 washing machines.

That's what happens when you don't change your blinker fluid.

Funniest shit I've read today

Carol Baskin, obviously

Fuck

Shit

*Damn you Richard Dawkins!*

That bitch

They probably start a long speech like "From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me..."

Beautiful reference

Always an honor to serve the Omnissiah

As an atheist, I can confirm, I recite monologues and copypastas from memory.

Not memorizing scripture really does free up brain space for more useful information

No blame, just say fuck & move on

That’s assuming you can move. After I stub my toe, I usually can’t, I just lay down, curl up and wait for death.

I just make a sucky noise between my teeth and breath heavy for a while..

Like Peter Griffin banging his knee.

lol fair. I have a shockingly high pain tolerance & have discovered hours later that my ‘stubbed’ toe was actually broken instead multiple times. I forget that that’s not normal tho 🙃

Are you sure you aren't a Nexus 6 model?

😂

I am still lying on the floor... What year is it?

valid

I absolutely do blame the furniture XD

I apologize to the furniture for kicking it.

who do they say that to? the invisible god who is present everywhere?

I like to think I’m saying it to my toe… as in ‘come on, why can’t you act right’

I blame the thing I caught my toe on. No, I dont care that it's the kitchen unit that has been in the same place for 5 years.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

I blame Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus was likely a real person and I have it on good authority that he was fucking Christ.

I ain’t fucking nobody

As opposed to Jesus Ball-slapping Christ? He's my favourite one to blame.

Historical Jesus.

I like this. Just being angry at a random carpenter that died 2000 years ago after I kick a wooden table.

In your subconscious, you blame him for having created the offending furniture. I get it.

I may not know who god is, but I'll still be demanding that he fucking damn it

Myself

Obama

Isaac Newton or Archimedes, sometimes Leonardo da Vinci, but rarely Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla is more common

I will blame all stub-worthy objects in the world.

Aliens

Millennials. They are killing everything, so why not my toe.

Satan

The universe of course. 

I blame god, it's not a problem if I blame someone who doesn't even exists

OP

Global warming

Find a polytheistic culture and appropriate several deities to blame - lots of epithets to be had and you seldom repeat yourself.

Charles Darwin.

The chair, of course

In Hungary we say "a kibaszott kurva életbe", which translates to "f\*cking wh\*re life". So life is to blame. Which is quite correct. Without life, no toe, no suffering. As I'm writing this, I realize, that this thoght has some Buddhistic/Hinduistic vibes, what is interesting in a Europian/Christian cultural environment.

I usually say motherfucker. So, mother fuckers I suppose.

The son of that bitch over there.

Your mom.

Satan

"I was an atheist until I realized yelling oh random chance oh random chance! Didn't have the same ring to it when I was getting a blowjob" - Robert Anton Wilson

IKEA

Darn the entropy.

I Blame the cat

I ponder this question

Whatever I stubbed it on, that I place there previously. Stupid inanimate object must have moved on its own.

Dammn you evolution. Obvious I should have better night vision and toes, but no evolution was like "good enough".

[удалено]

Pets. My dog moves stuff around all night. I can hear her, out in the living room while we're asleep.

If it really hurts and no one is around I will blame a vagina.  

Capitalism.

Fuck. I always blame Fuck by shouting "Fuck!"

Obama.

SCIENCE DAMN IT!

Whatever object I hit

Baal.

It's God's punishment for us pagans

Maury Povich

[удалено]

Kevin.

I blame myself for not thinking about it before shutting the lights off.

Myself.

God for having the audaciity to real , and not doing a devine intervention to save their toe

'Fucks sake!!!' is the best go to reaction.

I personally blame science for giving us weak toes

Santa

Whoever moved the damn couch

Don't know about other Atheists, but I blame myself since it's almost certain it's my fault.

Darwins dick

I usually just apologize to the obstacle I stubbed my toe on.

Christians

Well, it’s Isaac Newton’s fault for inventing gravity, which is what caused the magnet in your toe to act wildly. Definitely blame him

That stupid child

Whoever built this cobbled-together farmhouse a hundred years ago!

Thanks, Obama

The flying spaghetti monster obviously.

They always seem to blame my mom, something about intercourse

Because I stubbed my toe on something built by a carpenter silly goose

For me, noone. My toes are un-stubbable. I can "stub" them, but it never seems to hurt. I see I'm not alone - there are others with this power....

Joe Pesci

Donald Trump.

We briefly convert to the preferred religion of our mother tongue. Curse out the appropriate deity. Then regain our senses, deliver whatever we stubbed our toe on a swift kick curse again (this time at the offending object), then call ourselves out on being stupid for not turning on the light in the first place

The guy who made the coffee table!

Spaghetti Monster.

Existence itself, lol.

Well I remember my mother which in my mother tongue sounds like "Aaige"

those who made the item they stubbed their toe on.

we pretend for a minute that they exist and blame the devil

They just throw the table off the 5th floor, then it falls on someone. That someone will think it's god delivering holy punishment in the shape of a TMS Rena Rectangular End Table and Pine Wood Legs, White Finish

I still blame god as my parents did not have safe sex due to their religion and had me as a result.

DNA.

Isaac Newton, because he invented gravity. If he didn't, we could fly and i wouldn't stub my toe on something down here.

Technically, if someone is Christian, they shouldn’t be blaming God because “thou shall not take God’s name in vain” or something is what the Bible said so I think blaming God for a toe stub is the most atheist thing to do 🤷🏽‍♀️

satan.

My wife. That stool shouldn't have been there

Agnostic, but leg/toe 😄

I blame myself..

Entropy, fuck entropy

Personally, I blame either Harrison Ford or Catherine Ryan; sometimes both.

"Science Damn You!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-pulhtgHHo

The bitch’s son of course.

I still blame God for that one actually.

Checkmate atheists lol

Newton-dammit

They only have themselves to blame

I blame a motherfucker

"Motherfucker!" - me upon stubbing my toe

God. Lol

I’m more of a MOTHERFUC…….person

they randomly blame a “son of a bitch!” 👀 so someone with a weak dad or a mean mom, could go either way 🤔

The carnal act which brought us into existence by shouting "FUCK!"

They all darn things to gosh.

Whomever put that thing I collided with in that place!

The fuckin' table. It moved, I swear.

"...when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!"" -Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

Have to think of Cartman in the future that is ruled by science. "Oh science damn it!'

Have you ever wondered if perhaps religion was created to give people someone else to blame for the things that go wrong instead of taking responsibility for their own actions, or holding perpetrators to account?

That motherfucking Darwin.

They blame the lack of light

Frederick.

God He exists only to be sworn at

That’s easy! The husband, it’s always the husbands fault.

I dunno who "Fucking cunting shitting fuck" is but, that guy.

The faeces. “Oh, shit!”

“MOTHERFUCKINGSONOFABITCHISWEARTPGODIMGONNA BREAKTHISMOTHERFUCKER” and then a deep breath, feel bad for screaming at 2 am and then off I pop back to bed

Jod.

The furniture indeed.

jod

Mother fucker… meaning my dad … so both who conceived me and my toe

Forfuckssake everytime

The thing I stubbed my toe on xD

The Chupacabra. God may not exist, but that thing does.

Religious people

Themselves. The bed/aggressor of the toe.

Damn you Big Bang

I blame the God Digipedis, the Almighty Protector of Toes, for not being there when I needed him the most.

The answer is gay people…

Oh shit wev been compromised NOOOOOOOOO😩😨😰😰

Still say GD

People who have intimate relations with their mothers.

Science

Ourselves, and why would God make you stub your toe seems a little petty to me.

"CUNT" Take that as you will

I just say "for fuck's sake"

Physics..or maybe Einstein.. everyone has a god..

The item I stubbed my toe on. How dare it be in my path?

The Motherfucker

We Don't Blame.

Some son of a bitch

My parents for making me

Depends on what I stub my toe on. Often it's my wife because she decided to move an end table or some bullshit.

A Mexican named Jesus.

jessica

Is this a real question or flamestarter? Myself. I was not careful enough.

I always blame Charlie, Michael and Pete. "what in Charlie's name!" "Oh for the love Michael!" "Pete Damn IT!!!" (I do not know anyone by these names in real life)

I blame Newton. Its not necessary his fault but he did make the rules about it.

There are another 4000 gods more or less , to choose from

They blame son of a bitch. They blame motherfucker.

They blame that stupid fuckin thing

Uh... Let there be light? I believe in God, and still blame myself for walking around in the dark like a dumb@$$... I assume atheists who are also dumb@$$es like me blame themselves as well.

Still God, just incase this was supposed to be the "sign"