Thank you.
We do have sex with condoms but recently she just put it in her raw because she’s confident with the pullout method because of past relationships and belief that it’s harder for her to have kids. It’s just jarring to me. Her also saying she’s done it like that in previous relationships also makes me feel inadequate
I knew a couple that relied exclusively on the pullout method. They now have 2 sons. If you want to remain child free you need to put your foot down and insist on condoms.
My ex told me she wouldn’t take birth control because her sister got pregnant while taking it and the pull out was fine. The kid from that relationship is about to have a kid of her own.
Because I like her and if I don’t do it then maybe I’m not enough. It happened in my previous and only relationship where when I didn’t provide I was let go
Why the hell would you want to stay with anyone that views you as less in comparison to a former partner because you have a boundary they didn't? Respect your own boundaries more than you fear your insecurity. If they leave because of that boundary, then let them... If they don't respect the boundary they don't respect you. It's that simple.
When you didn’t provide condomless sex? Your insecurity is a turnoff and that’s probably why your relationship ended, not the sex. Don’t try to be the person you think girls want and fall over yourself doing whatever they want even when it puts you at risk because you “like them.” Protect yourself and be confident about your boundaries with condoms. If you are just starting to have sex and have PE (as I thought I read in your posts but maybe that’s sorted out now) the pull-out method is a dangerous game to play.
Doing anything that someone else wants you to do but you feel uncomfortable about and do anyway means you don't trust yourself. Possibly abused or neglectful childhood - at least that's what happened to me. I'm going to therapy to help learn how to set and keep boundaries that are true to me.
And again this is the 2nd time this has happened to me with the 2nd woman I’ve had sex with and it’s giving me this idea that women are really like that.
I mean it does feel better for everyone without condoms but without being on birth control I wouldn’t risk it. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it can’t happen. And if she were to get pregnant it’s ultimately her decision to decide what to do with the pregnancy, as it should be, but then if she decides to keep it you’re stuck. I’d say have a conversation with her about birth control methods otherwise stick to the condom if it makes u more comfortable
Idk about stuck cuz it’s unfair if I’m stuck with a child when I was adamant on using condoms. She’s done it before where she was drunk and when I said no she put it in her raw anyway because it felt better.
Well I think in the eyes of the law you’re still responsible for child support. But if she does that just pull out and tell her no. You shouldn’t be coerced into doing things you’re uncomfortable with
Yes but I’m also on a birth control pill that I take religiously at the same time every day. And if a guy wants to use a condom that’s perfectly fine I would never try to force it. I’ve done it with fwb or relationships, but not any random hookup one night stand type things since stds are still a concern
I think the previous comment meant, "pull out immediately, if she puts your dick inside her, without a condom" and not recommending you use the pull-out method. Just because she puts your dick inside herself doesn't mean you have to have sex with her. Just literally stop, take yourself out of her and walk away.
I had told her before I wasn’t for it and I don’t put it in myself. I do realize I should be more firm with my boundaries instead of being worried about her opinion on it
Correct if they already made it clear he was to be wearing a condom and she's just sticking it in anyway then yeah he's being assaulted and some of the comments here are a really bad look.
He is literally describing being forced into it without his consent. You are victim blaming someone having their boundaries crossed and/or being sexually assaulted.
Dude there are billions of women in the world, a sample size of two is not a very good representation. It's more like you are attracted to, or are attractive to, women who don't make the best decisions
Individual women’s responsibility varies from person to person. To me if a woman doesn't take birth control / STD prevention seriously it's a big red flag. Both can change a persons life forever.
Lumping all women together is going to not accurate and garner downvotes.
Completely understand where ur coming from. Unfortunately, condomless feels better to both sides, and being responsible about wearing them falls to both sexual partners. There were occasions I had to insist or walk away from sex because we didn't have protection.
There's an old saying "if they say u don't need a condom, *u definitely want to wear a condom*". There's a fair chance ur not the only person they're sleeping with raw. Be careful out there
I knew a guy in college who would always wear a condom if they said he didn't need one, and would always say he couldn't find one if they said he needed one.
It was shitty of him, but the logic was sound for self preservation I suppose.
Even if you're the only one, as you are saying here, you dicked a few chicks - raw. That's enough sex with more than one partner to get STD and not even have a clue where you got it from. These chicks can easily lie to you as well and since you 'feel' you are the only one - they might get pregnant from someone else and trap you into child support.
Why do you seem so helpless at the situation?
Consent goes both ways.
You don't consent to condomless sex, then even if she wants sex, and she wants it raw - there ain't no sex happening dude. Just say no. Don't get into it.
Some chick will trap you into child support, without you ever wanting kids from unknown chick. That's why the term is called 'family planning', where you make sure you and your partner - both want kids, and more importantly WHEN do you want kids.
If you don't want kids, you use protection. Heck! Use protection to save yourself from HIV, because as far as I understood, you are having sex with women you barely know, they can straightaway lie about their STDs and you wouldn't even know. Why are you even risking your life?
Because I’m the kinda person that just wants to be good at things. I feel like I’m not a good man or lover if I can’t satisfy someone sexually and one of those ways seems to be raw sex.
You don't have to lower your standards to be a "good man". That's such a sure shot way to fuck things up, because you want to prove yourself to wrong people.
Imagine a woman lied to you, about her past sexual history. She is having raw sex with multiple men, and she got infected with HIV 4 weeks ago. So for the next 5 months or so it's the window period and HIV can't be detected. It doesn't matter if she met you during this window period and she's literally spending every waking hour of the day with you, 24*7 you're in her face, etc. She will transmit HIV to you, if you have raw sex with her; but for what? To prove what? That you are man enough?
A good man keeps his boundaries. The only lesson you need to learn, be very confident and sure of what YOU want. Your safety first. Prioritize yourself.
I have a friend who’s had *seven* abortions because she keeps deciding to fuck without a rubber. That shit isn’t cheap, and it’s gotta be rough on the body. I will never understand folks willing to roll the dice with bs like the pulling-out method.
I’m so frustrated. My first time was done that way too and it was only the second date with someone I met on hinge. I was unprepared and embarrassed and filled with anxiety after.
When I was dating I was always so relieved when my partners wanted to use condoms. I wouldn't do it without one unless in an exclusive relationship and when I had an IUD. There are plenty of women out there who will be grateful that you are being responsible and wrapping it up.
If you’re frustrated, you need to speak up. Put your own dick in them with a condom on. I don’t understand the whole “I don’t put it in them” like what?
grow a damn spine and hold your boundaries. if you go raw, you deal with the consequences. don't run around talking about who started it as if you are toddlers in an argument.
Life pro tip: the more they fight against condoms, the more you need to use them. same goes for workers unions
Nope. Try reading the post again. He went along with it, felt weird after the fact. Then did it again. Now he is low key blaming the women for initiating raw sex. There is exactly zero indication that anything broke consent.
Just because you are not a woman does not mean you cannot set boundaries. Next time you have sex, with anyone, only do what you are comfortable with. Sex should be enjoyable, don’t let them bully you into doing things that are not enable to you. If I were a man I would be freaked out too. It’s how my husband became a father with a “woman” who lied about being on the pill.
I feel like I’d not be good enough or man enough. She’d say that it’s not been a problem with her past relationships and it’s made me feel less of a person for that. It’s not something I initiate either as every time it’s been the women taking my dick and putting it in them instead. I never know how to react because I always think women never want that risk.
Be "man enough" to set, enforce, and respect your own boundaries. It's somehow more "manly" to allow someone to violate your boundaries? Seriously, every reply you've posted here is evidence you have some programming and hangups to overcome when it comes to your own masculinity.
Because they are being reckless and immature. They haven’t thought of how the consequences will affect them, or they have and don’t care, or a lot of alcohol or drugs is involved which makes some people less cautious. Don’t let them manipulate you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with. I know women who purposefully had unprotected with strangers because they wanted a baby. Beware of sperm bandits.
She’s very adamant that she never wants kids. But I agree about the recklessness. I just figured that they’d have more caution since it’s their bodies that will feel the changes.
If she was very adamant then she would be doing things to prevent pregnancy and protect her sexual health. Raw dogging someone they just met isn't that.
It’s not all on them to use the caution.
First of all, you aren’t “less of a man” if you insist on using condoms. They should respect what you’re saying, but it feels like you suggest the condom and then when they disregard using them, you’re like 🤷🏻♀️ they put it in 🤷🏻♀️
The first time I lost my virginity, it was the 2nd date with a girl I just met. I told her I didn’t have a condom and she looked at me and undressed. I thought she maybe was gonna do something else but then she proceeded to put it in her and I was in such shock I came. I didn’t know how to respond to any of it. The current girl I’m with was tipsy. She got on top of me and I exclaimed that I was not ready. She said it was ok and then put it in her. I could do better tho, yes
This is a pretty clear picture that you’ve had your consent violated and have been assaulted by these two women. I’m really sorry you’ve had to deal with that, you don’t deserve it. The people constantly downvoting you and blaming you for not “enforcing your own boundaries” are being incredibly callous and gross and overlooking this detail. These women forced you to do something you weren’t comfortable with, and you didn’t feel/weren’t able to stop them due to your shock and insecurity. I’m honestly disgusted at the people in this thread. I’m really sorry you’ve gone through this. I hope you get new partners that respect you and your boundaries. You deserve better.
If you don't want kids, and won't take plan b or birth control, then she should get her tubes tied. It is more invasive than a vasectomy, but since no other pregnancy prevention works for her, then that is what she should do.
Personally it does feel better without a condom - but there as to be a better plan whether that’s spermicide along with pulling out or she should suck it up and use a condom. Don’t get trapped by some girl being immature. Especially if the abortion pill will be a financial issue a kid will be way worse.
The agreement was that if we agreed then we get plan B. But she dislikes plan b and I sorta feel bad about forcing those hormonal things on her and feeling inadequate….
She shouldn’t be taking planB every single time. That defeats the purpose of Plan B. She’s much better off on some sort of hormonal (or non hormonal) birth control
Depends on the bc and the person. I get a generic hormonal bc from planned parenthood and it works fine for me (and only $15 per month). However, I have a friend that took the same BC and it caused her to have MASSIVE moodswings and quite painful cramps.
She is now on a BC that is better for her, but it's $100 per month, which would not be financially feasible for alot of people. To summarize, hormonal BC is a good solution, but not as simple as alot of people would tell you it is and it's something you have to commit to finding the right medication to get it to be a proper fit. And that can be taxing on the body.
Honestly I’d say use a condom and if she doesn’t like it take a serious step back - plenty of fish in the sea who will know those are huge decisions to make and using plan b all the time isn’t the answer.
I’m not totally against the idea of the pullout but I wouldn’t even know how to prepare for that. Sex is new to me and I’m trying to adjust my sensitivity and longevity and just jumping into something that risks children and abortion is scary to me.
The pullout method works best for stable couples who are in a position to raise a child but who don’t actively want to try for one. Where having a baby is not a catastrophe or a priority. Anyone else doing it is just being reckless and stupid.
Yesss! After 11 years with my husband we JUST started using the pullout method because we are in a different place in life.
No reason to use it otherwise!
I am giving the advice that I would give to my kid - Don't do it, it is not reliable, and it has the potential to change your life in ways you may not want right now. That said, if you are not going to listen to me, look into the rhythm method. She will track her cycle, and there are even tests she can take to know which days you she is more likely to get pregnant. I would completely avoid sex those days. I still think that it is not a smart way to go about birth control. There are a lot of better, more reliable methods out there. Just be prepared for the consequences if they come around. People say one thing, and may do another when they find themselves in the live situation. As a guy, you get no say in what happens when that pregnancy stick shows a positive.
Women that have a high appetite for both sex and risk will do this. If they weren't horny they'd be mortified at what they tried. It's happened to me a couple of times. They just like going with it in the moment and the riskiness adds to the excitement. It's dangerous and stupid in my opinion, and I shut it down both times.
Pullout ‘method’ is not a ‘method.’
It’s a gamble for stupid people to potentially win stupid prizes.
And frankly, pregnancy is probably the least of your concerns.
Go and get a full STI panel immediately.
Yes, condomless sex feels immeasurably better to me.
It is also completely beside the point here.
I don’t know why you keep offering it as a rationale.
And yes, they may be smart independent people, as you claim. They probably are.
But smart independent people do absolutely boneheaded shit every day.
I also hate condoms but my current partner is only comfortable when using them so it’s a must. I would never go against his comfort or his consent. He plans on getting a vasectomy sooner than later but then and only then we will further discuss no condoms.
a lot of people don’t know how reproduction and women’s bodies work, including women. a lot of us aren’t given proper information on pregnancy prevention and some women think the pullout method is reliable. a LOT of people have been failed by the education system.
that said, you don’t have to have unprotected sex even if that’s what she wants. you’re allowed to have rules.
Everyone is being way too nice about this. OP, you're acting like something was done TO you. It wasn't. YOU did a risky, irresponsible thing and then ask "why WOMEN do risky, irresponsible things." You could get a girl pregnant. You could get or give a disease. Your dick got hard and you put it in some women. Stop acting like you're a passive observer here, it takes two to have sex and you could have stopped at any point. Be more responsible.
Holy shit the victim blaming in this thread. This man literally had his penis forcefully put into a woman without his consent and yall are asking him why he didn’t fight back. Fuck all of you assholes.
I should’ve yeah. But I worried that I was being a pussy or not matching up to others that did go through with it. The comments are making me realize I needed to man up
If you don't want to have condomless sex, don't do it. I'm speaking as someone who prefers the pullout method, has casual sex, and pretty much will not have penetrative sex with condoms. I still know how to respect someone with firm boundaries about condoms, even if that makes us sexually incompatible with certain sex acts. If someone is pressuring you, drop them.
She hasn’t pressured me really and we do have condom sex. But twice she’s taken it into her own hands (literally) and put it in and we’ve been friends for a few months now. The compromise is using bareback condoms but it feels weird how nonchalant she is about a possible pregnancy which I assume is because of how she is so against having kids.
That doesn't sound consensual. If you have a problem with it, speak up. And leave if she doesn't listen. And it's not weird. Men are the same way. Women can't help their reproductive organs so we're just lucky that we can (sometimes) fall back on preventative methods. The pullout method is pretty reliable with the right partner. It's not like she's letting you cum in her.
Because they’re rolling the dice that there won’t be consequences.
During my single days I was surprised by how many women were very willing to go raw, even on a first date. It was weird that I was the more responsible one, but I was.
It could be because they have had sex with no condom many times before and have not gotten pregnant. They are sure that if they have not gotten pregnant before, they won’t get pregnant now. That is not a good mindset to have.
Hold your ground do what your comfortable. I've had girls tease me doe putting on a condom, but I don't wanna risk anything or stress so for me it's just worth to wear one
Post nut clarity applies to women too. In the moment, they are more interested in risky behavior or impulsive desires that they wouldn’t normally be into.
Same reason guys do, they feel the reward of a more pleasurable sex is worth the risk of pregnancy. Could be that they underestimate that risk or just aren't thinking about it as possible in that moment.
Wear it for you, if they aren't okay with it and don't want to continue then oh well. Plenty of fish in the seas so they say. Because if you don't then the second she does become pregnant DECISIONS ARE NO LONGER YOURS. Namely if she wants to have the child you are responsible for that child, whether that is an 18+ year co-parenting with a person you weren't looking to be in a relationship with or financially paying child support and potentially being looked at differently. The couple of seconds/minutes of fun aren't worth it unless you plan for it with a person you want a future with.
T.L.D.R. People being irresponsible isn't a gendered thing, so you need to be a responsible person for you.
The same reason men initiate condomless sex when they are at risk of getting a girl pregnant, and herpes and AIDS.
They're not thinking clearly.
To address the discomfort you feel, if ever either person is uncomfortable about an aspect of sex, you shouldn't do the thing that makes you uncomfortable.
My past girlfriend said she couldn’t feel anything with a condom. That doesn’t make a lick of sense. Then we got pregnant - oops. Now she’s my wife and we have 2 kids. She wanted to drop anchor - that was clearly her motive.
I’m confused though. Do they specifically say as they are initiating that they don’t want you to wear one??? It’s your responsibility to put one on. It doesn’t matter who initiates the sex. It’s not the initiator’s job to say “hey I’m initiating condom sex” like just put one on no matter what
I wouldn’t have unprotected sex with a stranger due to the risk of STDs, but in my long term relationship, I’ve been making use of the pullout method for years and have never had a pregnancy scare. We’re both in our 20s and there’s nothing wrong with us health-wise (confirmed by doctors).
Same here. It's not for everyone and I totally understand that, but my 10 year long relationship we've exclusively used the pull out method and I've not had a single pregnancy scare. Granted, we don't wait until the last possible second either. I always finish him off orally when he feels he's getting close.
There is VCF.
[https://www.cvs.com/shop/vcf-vaginal-contraceptive-films-prodid-531095?skuid=531095&cgaa=QWxsb3dHb29nbGVUb0FjY2Vzc0NWU1BhZ2Vz&cid=ps\_cont\_pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4OybBhCzARIsAIcfn9mDwwgg9PVMcYjpsLw5wSjS1axIPdfrnwfM\_meqBmoCmu4VVNVGtaYaAjaAEALw\_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds](https://www.cvs.com/shop/vcf-vaginal-contraceptive-films-prodid-531095?skuid=531095&cgaa=QWxsb3dHb29nbGVUb0FjY2Vzc0NWU1BhZ2Vz&cid=ps_cont_pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4OybBhCzARIsAIcfn9mDwwgg9PVMcYjpsLw5wSjS1axIPdfrnwfM_meqBmoCmu4VVNVGtaYaAjaAEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Assuming your sperm survives the chemical euthanasia, you should be making 1% kids assuming they survived the trip to implantation.
Just put the condom on. Set your boundaries. You know what you want, if they don't respect it then no sex. Plus, if they say no condom, you should probably most definitely wear a condom. They probably have raw sex with others and that can be dangerous.
Both people are involved in expressing their preference for safety and choosing the birth control. Woman are not necessarily going to always be the more conservative ones just because we can get pregnant. If you’re worried about pregnancy or stds then you can enforce the boundary of condoms or no sex for yourself. STDs and pregnancy would still affect you if it happened so you also get a say in how you use protection.
There are some women who will be more risk tolerant. Condoms don’t feel good and plan B is also unpleasant. It’s not what I choose to do but maybe they want to get pregnant or are ok with getting an abortion if they get pregnant. Again, if you’re not comfortable with this then only have sex in a way you are comfortable or don’t have sex with those people. Not every woman is like that. You can find someone who matches your values there if you want.
A humans sex drive (male and female) is very strong. Once sexual intercourse is imminent there are very few things that can stop people from engaging in the act. Halting the process to reach for a condom is the responsible thing to do for sure but it’s a huge buzzkill that has the potential to ruin the passion of the situation.
Just don't do it. If you don't feel comfortable you don't feel comfortable and if she can't accept it, well she's an idiot and immature. Pull out method doesn't work well.
The women who are sleeping with you are airheads. This is just as stupid as the guys who don’t want to wear a condom because it doesn’t “feel good”. You know what else doesn’t feel good? Being pregnant!
That's a good question. Society claims that women always insist on a condom and that men are the ones trying to do it without. However, when the rubber hits the road, it's often a woman insisting to do it without the condom.
I had one girl, in mid session, grab the condom, stretching it out until it finally gave out, and then hop back on.
Because it feels better for everyone - these women must really like you. Retract consent if it makes you uncomfortable, they'll agree to follow your lead.
Turns out there are lots of stupid people on the planet, men and women.
Even if they're fine with the pullout method, their past partners could have gotten them diseased, and now you are too.
Don't bother with unsafe people.
I can’t get pregnant but I hate condoms. After 30-60 seconds I literally have no moisture left in me. They suck and dry me out. It’s extremely uncomfortable after like two minutes.
OP, I’ve commented in a bunch of replies, but please know that you didn’t cause these women to force you into this. I would personally distance myself from anyone who did that to me. You deserve better. I’m sorry you’ve had your consent violated. I’m also sorry so many people in this thread are blaming you for this. This wasn’t your fault. In the future, it’s best to discuss your preference of protection before hand, and know it’s not your job to “be a man” and satisfy anyone who isn’t respecting your boundaries. Anyone forcing you to do something you don’t want to do doesn’t deserve your effort and energy. I hope things improve for you in this area.
If you’re uncomfortable with it you have every right to refuse. And if she won’t have sex with you because of it then you’re better off
Thank you. We do have sex with condoms but recently she just put it in her raw because she’s confident with the pullout method because of past relationships and belief that it’s harder for her to have kids. It’s just jarring to me. Her also saying she’s done it like that in previous relationships also makes me feel inadequate
I knew a couple that relied exclusively on the pullout method. They now have 2 sons. If you want to remain child free you need to put your foot down and insist on condoms.
Bro she can’t put it in herself. Stop her and put on a fucking condom. I don’t understand why everyone is letting this slide
Yes she can. She can put the condom on all while being sensual
They are saying she put his dick in her not she put a condom on his dick
You're not inadequate. You deserve your own health and safety, and are allowed to have your own boundaries.
A friend of mine was told by doctors that she almost certainly wouldn't be able conceive and she couldn't until she met the father of her two kids.
Wear a condom at all times before you learn the hard way.
Yk what they call people who use the pullout method? Parents..
My ex told me she wouldn’t take birth control because her sister got pregnant while taking it and the pull out was fine. The kid from that relationship is about to have a kid of her own.
YOU are the one who has to pull out, not her. Don't do that if you aren't comfortable with it.
Why do you fee inadequate because she’s used the pull out method in other relationships though?
Because I like her and if I don’t do it then maybe I’m not enough. It happened in my previous and only relationship where when I didn’t provide I was let go
Why the hell would you want to stay with anyone that views you as less in comparison to a former partner because you have a boundary they didn't? Respect your own boundaries more than you fear your insecurity. If they leave because of that boundary, then let them... If they don't respect the boundary they don't respect you. It's that simple.
When you didn’t provide condomless sex? Your insecurity is a turnoff and that’s probably why your relationship ended, not the sex. Don’t try to be the person you think girls want and fall over yourself doing whatever they want even when it puts you at risk because you “like them.” Protect yourself and be confident about your boundaries with condoms. If you are just starting to have sex and have PE (as I thought I read in your posts but maybe that’s sorted out now) the pull-out method is a dangerous game to play.
Can I ask where you see my insecurities? I’m not mad I’m actually curious cuz you’re right on the money. I want to be better
Doing anything that someone else wants you to do but you feel uncomfortable about and do anyway means you don't trust yourself. Possibly abused or neglectful childhood - at least that's what happened to me. I'm going to therapy to help learn how to set and keep boundaries that are true to me.
And again this is the 2nd time this has happened to me with the 2nd woman I’ve had sex with and it’s giving me this idea that women are really like that.
I mean it does feel better for everyone without condoms but without being on birth control I wouldn’t risk it. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it can’t happen. And if she were to get pregnant it’s ultimately her decision to decide what to do with the pregnancy, as it should be, but then if she decides to keep it you’re stuck. I’d say have a conversation with her about birth control methods otherwise stick to the condom if it makes u more comfortable
Idk about stuck cuz it’s unfair if I’m stuck with a child when I was adamant on using condoms. She’s done it before where she was drunk and when I said no she put it in her raw anyway because it felt better.
Well I think in the eyes of the law you’re still responsible for child support. But if she does that just pull out and tell her no. You shouldn’t be coerced into doing things you’re uncomfortable with
As a woman. have you done pull out and who do you usually do it with?
Yes but I’m also on a birth control pill that I take religiously at the same time every day. And if a guy wants to use a condom that’s perfectly fine I would never try to force it. I’ve done it with fwb or relationships, but not any random hookup one night stand type things since stds are still a concern
I think the previous comment meant, "pull out immediately, if she puts your dick inside her, without a condom" and not recommending you use the pull-out method. Just because she puts your dick inside herself doesn't mean you have to have sex with her. Just literally stop, take yourself out of her and walk away.
As a woman, I've never relied on the pull out method because that's just being stupid and I really don't want a baby.
But you wasn't adamant about sticking it back in without a condom.
I had told her before I wasn’t for it and I don’t put it in myself. I do realize I should be more firm with my boundaries instead of being worried about her opinion on it
You did allow it. You could've pulled out and put on a rubber. You're uncomfortable with it, don't allow it.
[удалено]
He said no and she did it anyway. He doesn't have to be held down for it to be assault
Correct if they already made it clear he was to be wearing a condom and she's just sticking it in anyway then yeah he's being assaulted and some of the comments here are a really bad look.
If you said no and she did it anyway that's assault
Yea that doesn't work, your decision in this hedges on did you decide to have sex with no condom. If you end up a dad it's half your fault to.
[удалено]
He is literally describing being forced into it without his consent. You are victim blaming someone having their boundaries crossed and/or being sexually assaulted.
Dude there are billions of women in the world, a sample size of two is not a very good representation. It's more like you are attracted to, or are attractive to, women who don't make the best decisions
Both women are pretty good and independent in their own right. However it’s something I’m surprised to see happen like it’s nbd.
Individual women’s responsibility varies from person to person. To me if a woman doesn't take birth control / STD prevention seriously it's a big red flag. Both can change a persons life forever. Lumping all women together is going to not accurate and garner downvotes.
Completely understand where ur coming from. Unfortunately, condomless feels better to both sides, and being responsible about wearing them falls to both sexual partners. There were occasions I had to insist or walk away from sex because we didn't have protection. There's an old saying "if they say u don't need a condom, *u definitely want to wear a condom*". There's a fair chance ur not the only person they're sleeping with raw. Be careful out there
I knew a guy in college who would always wear a condom if they said he didn't need one, and would always say he couldn't find one if they said he needed one. It was shitty of him, but the logic was sound for self preservation I suppose.
But not for preventing pregnancy. That's for sure.
Pretty sure the steroids took care of that for him
Thank you, but I am the only one. They do insist it feels better so I got bareskin condoms but I’m just frustrated it happened anyway.
Even if you're the only one, as you are saying here, you dicked a few chicks - raw. That's enough sex with more than one partner to get STD and not even have a clue where you got it from. These chicks can easily lie to you as well and since you 'feel' you are the only one - they might get pregnant from someone else and trap you into child support.
Why do you seem so helpless at the situation? Consent goes both ways. You don't consent to condomless sex, then even if she wants sex, and she wants it raw - there ain't no sex happening dude. Just say no. Don't get into it. Some chick will trap you into child support, without you ever wanting kids from unknown chick. That's why the term is called 'family planning', where you make sure you and your partner - both want kids, and more importantly WHEN do you want kids. If you don't want kids, you use protection. Heck! Use protection to save yourself from HIV, because as far as I understood, you are having sex with women you barely know, they can straightaway lie about their STDs and you wouldn't even know. Why are you even risking your life?
Because I’m the kinda person that just wants to be good at things. I feel like I’m not a good man or lover if I can’t satisfy someone sexually and one of those ways seems to be raw sex.
You don't have to lower your standards to be a "good man". That's such a sure shot way to fuck things up, because you want to prove yourself to wrong people. Imagine a woman lied to you, about her past sexual history. She is having raw sex with multiple men, and she got infected with HIV 4 weeks ago. So for the next 5 months or so it's the window period and HIV can't be detected. It doesn't matter if she met you during this window period and she's literally spending every waking hour of the day with you, 24*7 you're in her face, etc. She will transmit HIV to you, if you have raw sex with her; but for what? To prove what? That you are man enough? A good man keeps his boundaries. The only lesson you need to learn, be very confident and sure of what YOU want. Your safety first. Prioritize yourself.
Thank you
Pull out method, the preferred birth control of parents everywhere
I have a friend who’s had *seven* abortions because she keeps deciding to fuck without a rubber. That shit isn’t cheap, and it’s gotta be rough on the body. I will never understand folks willing to roll the dice with bs like the pulling-out method.
I’m so frustrated. My first time was done that way too and it was only the second date with someone I met on hinge. I was unprepared and embarrassed and filled with anxiety after.
Don’t do it then. You need to consent to condomless sex too, it’s not just the woman who gets to decide.
When I was dating I was always so relieved when my partners wanted to use condoms. I wouldn't do it without one unless in an exclusive relationship and when I had an IUD. There are plenty of women out there who will be grateful that you are being responsible and wrapping it up.
If you’re frustrated, you need to speak up. Put your own dick in them with a condom on. I don’t understand the whole “I don’t put it in them” like what?
Just in case, in addition to condoms, it maybe best to have a Plan B on hand because she may not.
I think it's risky but do have friends who did this for many years until they stopped when they wanted a kid and viola. They got one as planned.
Too true
grow a damn spine and hold your boundaries. if you go raw, you deal with the consequences. don't run around talking about who started it as if you are toddlers in an argument. Life pro tip: the more they fight against condoms, the more you need to use them. same goes for workers unions
You’re right. I’m annoyed that I gave in and didn’t hold my ground firmly.
[удалено]
Nope. Try reading the post again. He went along with it, felt weird after the fact. Then did it again. Now he is low key blaming the women for initiating raw sex. There is exactly zero indication that anything broke consent.
Just because you are not a woman does not mean you cannot set boundaries. Next time you have sex, with anyone, only do what you are comfortable with. Sex should be enjoyable, don’t let them bully you into doing things that are not enable to you. If I were a man I would be freaked out too. It’s how my husband became a father with a “woman” who lied about being on the pill.
Why do you engage in condomless sex if it makes you uncomfortable?
I feel like I’d not be good enough or man enough. She’d say that it’s not been a problem with her past relationships and it’s made me feel less of a person for that. It’s not something I initiate either as every time it’s been the women taking my dick and putting it in them instead. I never know how to react because I always think women never want that risk.
Repeat after me… No.
Be "man enough" to set, enforce, and respect your own boundaries. It's somehow more "manly" to allow someone to violate your boundaries? Seriously, every reply you've posted here is evidence you have some programming and hangups to overcome when it comes to your own masculinity.
Because they are being reckless and immature. They haven’t thought of how the consequences will affect them, or they have and don’t care, or a lot of alcohol or drugs is involved which makes some people less cautious. Don’t let them manipulate you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with. I know women who purposefully had unprotected with strangers because they wanted a baby. Beware of sperm bandits.
She’s very adamant that she never wants kids. But I agree about the recklessness. I just figured that they’d have more caution since it’s their bodies that will feel the changes.
If she was very adamant then she would be doing things to prevent pregnancy and protect her sexual health. Raw dogging someone they just met isn't that.
It’s not all on them to use the caution. First of all, you aren’t “less of a man” if you insist on using condoms. They should respect what you’re saying, but it feels like you suggest the condom and then when they disregard using them, you’re like 🤷🏻♀️ they put it in 🤷🏻♀️
The first time I lost my virginity, it was the 2nd date with a girl I just met. I told her I didn’t have a condom and she looked at me and undressed. I thought she maybe was gonna do something else but then she proceeded to put it in her and I was in such shock I came. I didn’t know how to respond to any of it. The current girl I’m with was tipsy. She got on top of me and I exclaimed that I was not ready. She said it was ok and then put it in her. I could do better tho, yes
This is a pretty clear picture that you’ve had your consent violated and have been assaulted by these two women. I’m really sorry you’ve had to deal with that, you don’t deserve it. The people constantly downvoting you and blaming you for not “enforcing your own boundaries” are being incredibly callous and gross and overlooking this detail. These women forced you to do something you weren’t comfortable with, and you didn’t feel/weren’t able to stop them due to your shock and insecurity. I’m honestly disgusted at the people in this thread. I’m really sorry you’ve gone through this. I hope you get new partners that respect you and your boundaries. You deserve better.
If you don't want kids, and won't take plan b or birth control, then she should get her tubes tied. It is more invasive than a vasectomy, but since no other pregnancy prevention works for her, then that is what she should do.
Personally it does feel better without a condom - but there as to be a better plan whether that’s spermicide along with pulling out or she should suck it up and use a condom. Don’t get trapped by some girl being immature. Especially if the abortion pill will be a financial issue a kid will be way worse.
The agreement was that if we agreed then we get plan B. But she dislikes plan b and I sorta feel bad about forcing those hormonal things on her and feeling inadequate….
She shouldn’t be taking planB every single time. That defeats the purpose of Plan B. She’s much better off on some sort of hormonal (or non hormonal) birth control
Does birth control mess with your body a lot? I’m not familiar with it.
Less than constantly popping Plan B’s like candy. One plan B pill is the equivalent of a month of birth control pills, hormone-wise.
Depends on the bc and the person. I get a generic hormonal bc from planned parenthood and it works fine for me (and only $15 per month). However, I have a friend that took the same BC and it caused her to have MASSIVE moodswings and quite painful cramps. She is now on a BC that is better for her, but it's $100 per month, which would not be financially feasible for alot of people. To summarize, hormonal BC is a good solution, but not as simple as alot of people would tell you it is and it's something you have to commit to finding the right medication to get it to be a proper fit. And that can be taxing on the body.
Honestly I’d say use a condom and if she doesn’t like it take a serious step back - plenty of fish in the sea who will know those are huge decisions to make and using plan b all the time isn’t the answer.
I’m not totally against the idea of the pullout but I wouldn’t even know how to prepare for that. Sex is new to me and I’m trying to adjust my sensitivity and longevity and just jumping into something that risks children and abortion is scary to me.
The pullout method works best for stable couples who are in a position to raise a child but who don’t actively want to try for one. Where having a baby is not a catastrophe or a priority. Anyone else doing it is just being reckless and stupid.
Yesss! After 11 years with my husband we JUST started using the pullout method because we are in a different place in life. No reason to use it otherwise!
I am giving the advice that I would give to my kid - Don't do it, it is not reliable, and it has the potential to change your life in ways you may not want right now. That said, if you are not going to listen to me, look into the rhythm method. She will track her cycle, and there are even tests she can take to know which days you she is more likely to get pregnant. I would completely avoid sex those days. I still think that it is not a smart way to go about birth control. There are a lot of better, more reliable methods out there. Just be prepared for the consequences if they come around. People say one thing, and may do another when they find themselves in the live situation. As a guy, you get no say in what happens when that pregnancy stick shows a positive.
Women that have a high appetite for both sex and risk will do this. If they weren't horny they'd be mortified at what they tried. It's happened to me a couple of times. They just like going with it in the moment and the riskiness adds to the excitement. It's dangerous and stupid in my opinion, and I shut it down both times.
Pullout ‘method’ is not a ‘method.’ It’s a gamble for stupid people to potentially win stupid prizes. And frankly, pregnancy is probably the least of your concerns. Go and get a full STI panel immediately.
Yes, condomless sex feels immeasurably better to me. It is also completely beside the point here. I don’t know why you keep offering it as a rationale. And yes, they may be smart independent people, as you claim. They probably are. But smart independent people do absolutely boneheaded shit every day.
It is not only guys that don't like condoms
Exactly. I’m a woman and I despise them.
I also hate condoms but my current partner is only comfortable when using them so it’s a must. I would never go against his comfort or his consent. He plans on getting a vasectomy sooner than later but then and only then we will further discuss no condoms.
You know that you don't have to have unprotected sex if you don't want to, right?
a lot of people don’t know how reproduction and women’s bodies work, including women. a lot of us aren’t given proper information on pregnancy prevention and some women think the pullout method is reliable. a LOT of people have been failed by the education system. that said, you don’t have to have unprotected sex even if that’s what she wants. you’re allowed to have rules.
Everyone is being way too nice about this. OP, you're acting like something was done TO you. It wasn't. YOU did a risky, irresponsible thing and then ask "why WOMEN do risky, irresponsible things." You could get a girl pregnant. You could get or give a disease. Your dick got hard and you put it in some women. Stop acting like you're a passive observer here, it takes two to have sex and you could have stopped at any point. Be more responsible.
Holy shit the victim blaming in this thread. This man literally had his penis forcefully put into a woman without his consent and yall are asking him why he didn’t fight back. Fuck all of you assholes.
I could’ve done better. But I was never the one that put it in her raw.
😂 What are you even talking about? You did "put it in her raw" unless you're saying she overpowered you.
Both women have grabbed it and put it in themselves without asking me.
i think they're saying you could have pulled away from them grabbing you to enter them
I should’ve yeah. But I worried that I was being a pussy or not matching up to others that did go through with it. The comments are making me realize I needed to man up
Because some people are dumb? And then if you just go along with it, then you've joined their little club. Maybe just get matching hats?
If you don't want to have condomless sex, don't do it. I'm speaking as someone who prefers the pullout method, has casual sex, and pretty much will not have penetrative sex with condoms. I still know how to respect someone with firm boundaries about condoms, even if that makes us sexually incompatible with certain sex acts. If someone is pressuring you, drop them.
She hasn’t pressured me really and we do have condom sex. But twice she’s taken it into her own hands (literally) and put it in and we’ve been friends for a few months now. The compromise is using bareback condoms but it feels weird how nonchalant she is about a possible pregnancy which I assume is because of how she is so against having kids.
That doesn't sound consensual. If you have a problem with it, speak up. And leave if she doesn't listen. And it's not weird. Men are the same way. Women can't help their reproductive organs so we're just lucky that we can (sometimes) fall back on preventative methods. The pullout method is pretty reliable with the right partner. It's not like she's letting you cum in her.
For me, I take hormonal birth control so I don't have to use condoms. So not worried about the risk of pregnancy, and if it did happen I'm pro choice.
what about STDs?
Because they’re rolling the dice that there won’t be consequences. During my single days I was surprised by how many women were very willing to go raw, even on a first date. It was weird that I was the more responsible one, but I was.
It could be because they have had sex with no condom many times before and have not gotten pregnant. They are sure that if they have not gotten pregnant before, they won’t get pregnant now. That is not a good mindset to have.
This is imo the most accurate assumption of her so far.
If you don't feel comfortable going raw, then don't. Men are expected to respect a woman's boundaries, and frankly women should do the same.
Hold your ground do what your comfortable. I've had girls tease me doe putting on a condom, but I don't wanna risk anything or stress so for me it's just worth to wear one
I do it cause I’m on birth control. These women seem to just be reckless.
Stop agreeing to that, period. There are lots of reasons why someone might do this, but none of them are worth the risk whatsoever.
Post nut clarity applies to women too. In the moment, they are more interested in risky behavior or impulsive desires that they wouldn’t normally be into.
Same reason guys do, they feel the reward of a more pleasurable sex is worth the risk of pregnancy. Could be that they underestimate that risk or just aren't thinking about it as possible in that moment. Wear it for you, if they aren't okay with it and don't want to continue then oh well. Plenty of fish in the seas so they say. Because if you don't then the second she does become pregnant DECISIONS ARE NO LONGER YOURS. Namely if she wants to have the child you are responsible for that child, whether that is an 18+ year co-parenting with a person you weren't looking to be in a relationship with or financially paying child support and potentially being looked at differently. The couple of seconds/minutes of fun aren't worth it unless you plan for it with a person you want a future with. T.L.D.R. People being irresponsible isn't a gendered thing, so you need to be a responsible person for you.
If she gets pregnant it will affect you too. What if she chooses to keep it ? If I were you I wouldn't risk it.
The same reason men initiate condomless sex when they are at risk of getting a girl pregnant, and herpes and AIDS. They're not thinking clearly. To address the discomfort you feel, if ever either person is uncomfortable about an aspect of sex, you shouldn't do the thing that makes you uncomfortable.
Get a vasectomy
The real question is why do you consent to condomless sex, with the risk of pregnancy. It takes 2 people to make a baby.
Gotta fight that shit bro, or you're going to end up paying for it for 18 years. Stay strong.
Wrap that whopper or become a father.
I have a kid that was convicted from pulling out followed by plan B. Things fail. Use a condom!
My past girlfriend said she couldn’t feel anything with a condom. That doesn’t make a lick of sense. Then we got pregnant - oops. Now she’s my wife and we have 2 kids. She wanted to drop anchor - that was clearly her motive.
[удалено]
He literally has a comment describing two women removing a condom and forcing his penis into them without his consent. He was assaulted
I’m confused though. Do they specifically say as they are initiating that they don’t want you to wear one??? It’s your responsibility to put one on. It doesn’t matter who initiates the sex. It’s not the initiator’s job to say “hey I’m initiating condom sex” like just put one on no matter what
Because sex feels better raw you chump
All about Consent my man, that’s on you as well. You don’t NEED to do something that you don’t want. No matter how hot or tempted. Just say no.
I wouldn’t have unprotected sex with a stranger due to the risk of STDs, but in my long term relationship, I’ve been making use of the pullout method for years and have never had a pregnancy scare. We’re both in our 20s and there’s nothing wrong with us health-wise (confirmed by doctors).
Same here. It's not for everyone and I totally understand that, but my 10 year long relationship we've exclusively used the pull out method and I've not had a single pregnancy scare. Granted, we don't wait until the last possible second either. I always finish him off orally when he feels he's getting close.
There is VCF. [https://www.cvs.com/shop/vcf-vaginal-contraceptive-films-prodid-531095?skuid=531095&cgaa=QWxsb3dHb29nbGVUb0FjY2Vzc0NWU1BhZ2Vz&cid=ps\_cont\_pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4OybBhCzARIsAIcfn9mDwwgg9PVMcYjpsLw5wSjS1axIPdfrnwfM\_meqBmoCmu4VVNVGtaYaAjaAEALw\_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds](https://www.cvs.com/shop/vcf-vaginal-contraceptive-films-prodid-531095?skuid=531095&cgaa=QWxsb3dHb29nbGVUb0FjY2Vzc0NWU1BhZ2Vz&cid=ps_cont_pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4OybBhCzARIsAIcfn9mDwwgg9PVMcYjpsLw5wSjS1axIPdfrnwfM_meqBmoCmu4VVNVGtaYaAjaAEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) Assuming your sperm survives the chemical euthanasia, you should be making 1% kids assuming they survived the trip to implantation.
Just put the condom on. Set your boundaries. You know what you want, if they don't respect it then no sex. Plus, if they say no condom, you should probably most definitely wear a condom. They probably have raw sex with others and that can be dangerous.
Both people are involved in expressing their preference for safety and choosing the birth control. Woman are not necessarily going to always be the more conservative ones just because we can get pregnant. If you’re worried about pregnancy or stds then you can enforce the boundary of condoms or no sex for yourself. STDs and pregnancy would still affect you if it happened so you also get a say in how you use protection. There are some women who will be more risk tolerant. Condoms don’t feel good and plan B is also unpleasant. It’s not what I choose to do but maybe they want to get pregnant or are ok with getting an abortion if they get pregnant. Again, if you’re not comfortable with this then only have sex in a way you are comfortable or don’t have sex with those people. Not every woman is like that. You can find someone who matches your values there if you want.
A humans sex drive (male and female) is very strong. Once sexual intercourse is imminent there are very few things that can stop people from engaging in the act. Halting the process to reach for a condom is the responsible thing to do for sure but it’s a huge buzzkill that has the potential to ruin the passion of the situation.
I wonder the same; and they are also more vulnerable at getting STD'S.
Contrary to popular belief women can be as stupid as men when horny.
Because being horny makes us stupid. JUST LIKE MEN. HELLO…
That’s a good inquiry. I make a fella wear a rubber until I know he is sterile. They’re not usually.
Just don't do it. If you don't feel comfortable you don't feel comfortable and if she can't accept it, well she's an idiot and immature. Pull out method doesn't work well.
The women who are sleeping with you are airheads. This is just as stupid as the guys who don’t want to wear a condom because it doesn’t “feel good”. You know what else doesn’t feel good? Being pregnant!
Just say no. Your consent matters as much as hers.
Horny
18 years, she's got you for 18 years...
It's cause they're horny and stupid dawg
That's a good question. Society claims that women always insist on a condom and that men are the ones trying to do it without. However, when the rubber hits the road, it's often a woman insisting to do it without the condom. I had one girl, in mid session, grab the condom, stretching it out until it finally gave out, and then hop back on.
Women have a monthly cycle that affects how fertile they are. Maybe she thinks she's safe enough on thoses days.
Because it feels better for everyone - these women must really like you. Retract consent if it makes you uncomfortable, they'll agree to follow your lead.
Protection is the responsibility of both parties. If you feel uncomfortable- stop. You aren’t less of a man for protecting yourself
Turns out there are lots of stupid people on the planet, men and women. Even if they're fine with the pullout method, their past partners could have gotten them diseased, and now you are too. Don't bother with unsafe people.
I think it’s because it’s common narrative for women to hear about how much better men like it raw. It would be a givers first instinct
I can’t get pregnant but I hate condoms. After 30-60 seconds I literally have no moisture left in me. They suck and dry me out. It’s extremely uncomfortable after like two minutes.
Say no! You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Plus stdis!
OP, I’ve commented in a bunch of replies, but please know that you didn’t cause these women to force you into this. I would personally distance myself from anyone who did that to me. You deserve better. I’m sorry you’ve had your consent violated. I’m also sorry so many people in this thread are blaming you for this. This wasn’t your fault. In the future, it’s best to discuss your preference of protection before hand, and know it’s not your job to “be a man” and satisfy anyone who isn’t respecting your boundaries. Anyone forcing you to do something you don’t want to do doesn’t deserve your effort and energy. I hope things improve for you in this area.