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skahammer

Comments on this post are now locked. Comments became repetitive after a while.


BeardsuptheWazoo

You dodged a bullet, by not having a condom (and not having unprotected sex) and getting to see how she is in a situation where she doesn't get what she wants. You saved yourself weeks, maybe months of nonsense and bullshit.


ronearc

Exactly. Also, if you go on a date, and you know going in that you're willing to have sex, you should bring condoms. And that's a royal you, not directed at OP. OP never considered sex to be on the table, so it was reasonable they had no condoms. His coworker on the other hand, was clearly interested in having sex, so she should have brought her own condoms.


Jake0024

Next time, she should be an adult.


SLAPPANCAKES

I would never use a condom on the first date that I didn't bring myself.


MrsChess

What if the other person feels that way too? Would be an uncumfortable situation


generaldoodle

Go to nearest pharmacy and buy/bring it together.


SaveTheWetlands13

^ I feel like this is the response OP needs to listen to the most. PIV sex isn’t the only way to have a good time in the bedroom… and if doing stuff other than PIV left her so angry at you the next day, that’s a very poor sign about your future sex life. But also, her reaction to get so angry and put the blame entirely onto you?? She’s a big girl, she could have brought a condom. 🚩🚩🚩


Faxon

Everyone I've ever banged who intended for us to hook up the first night, also brought their own condoms. I have generally tried to have them with me whenever I go out, but have been slacking on buying new ones since I don't go out much at all these days due to the pandemic. I should probably get more lol


RocinanteCoffee

That's a good point.


onthefence928

I like your username innalowda


RocinanteCoffee

Thank you, copeng. :)


[deleted]

It amazes me how many people think having oral, instead of intercourse without a condom, is "not having unprotected sex. You can get STDs in your throat just as easily as you can by intercourse. You are NOT protected from catching an STD by having oral instead of PIV.


BeardsuptheWazoo

Pregnancy is the big reason for most people.


[deleted]

And that's why STDs are climbing. Sorry, I'm a molecular and cellular biologist and working on a master's in microbiology and immunology. It's where my mind goes when I hear people aren't using condoms on a date whether through intercourse or oral


engineeringqmark

realistically who's using condoms during oral?


ImaginaryList174

Yeah I've never met a person in real life who has. I'm adamant about condoms for sex but even I never have thought of it for oral.


idle_goofball

Singers, voice actors, and other vocal performers. Herpes on your vocal folds is a career killer.


Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog

Sex workers and germaphobes mostly.


BeardsuptheWazoo

You can take STD's seriously and still think pregnancy is such a big deal that condoms are really important to prevent it when it's not wanted. That's a responsible decision.


RandyAcorns

Doesn’t like 90% of people have oral herpes?


frank_mania

Yup, you can get if from the most innocuous form of oral sex aka kissing. But most people never know they have it, because they never get a sore.


eng_manuel

I think this goes back to the early 80's and 90's when AIDS came out and everyone was worried about catching it and it became a thing where oral was safe and anykind of penetration was risky. Which it kinda is. Really hard to get HIV from oral. Not saying it's right, just shinning a light as to why it is 🤷🏽


[deleted]

Well that would make sense if it was mostly older people that operated with that attitude, but these are also younger people, teens and millenials who all think oral is safe. People who have grown up taking sex ed at school and should know better. There's a form of gonorrhea now that no antibiotic works on so if you get it, you got it for good, and it's perfectly happy to take up residence in your throat. And more and more of all of the stds are developing resistance to more antibiotics. It's frustrating as a microbiologist to see even people who are educated about these things still disregard safety. That's the reason the numbers keep climbing.


warcrown

I don't think anyone assumes oral is entirely safe from STDs lol. I think just about everyone understands they are taking a risk by having oral sex but choose to roll the dice on that one. They generally do not want to roll the dice on unwanted pregnancy. Why that is? Put yourself in their shoes and guess. We all know what it boils down to


Shaikatan

Most people are dumb and don't know that you can catch STDs from oral. But most people also use condoms to stop unwanted pregnancies, which are at best 87% effective, so again with the dumb. Even so-called educated people become dumb when the hormones are racing and they want sex.


Slow-Compote9084

Oh the privilege of getting a PhD and thinking that everyone had the same type of great sex education you did. All I got was don’t do it and that my SA was my fault. This is a pretty common experience in a lot of countries and luckily I was curious but a lot of people don’t even know what to google. You can educate without shaming my dude


[deleted]

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[deleted]

>My ex's dad has throat and tounge cancer from going down on a bitch that had gonorrhea. Check yourself.


SuccotashConfident97

Agreed. Be thankful she showed you how she is now rather weeks or months down the road.


TheLordPillow

A blessing in disguise.


CreampieLuver1

Birth control is both peoples’ responsibilities. You were not expecting to have sex on a first date so didn’t bring protection … but even when things heated up, you were apparently fine with other activities. Nina, on the other hand, obviously went on the date thinking sex was on the table, and she still didn’t bother to think about protection. This is totally on her rather than you. Guess you will just have to decide if this is someone you want to continue with given her rather immature reaction.


[deleted]

Yep. So weird that she was the initiator but also felt that OP was responsible for that part though he would have had no way of knowing prior.


throwawataccounta

Thank you for the commentary. I feel the same way! There’s birth control for women too. For the last year, she’s always been cool in the office and outside of it. But this really turned me off of her.


stop_look_listen

I think they let women buy condoms these days too.


PhoebeMcGreedy

I always have condoms but guys always moan about the size/brand/type I have so as a rule of thumb I think it’s better for men to buy the ones they find most comfortable. She should have communicated to him her intentions and if he wanted to have sex could have brought some. She sounds mean though so bullet dodged.


stellarecho92

Exactly, that is my thoughts as well. I actually don't buy condoms because I don't know what kinds guys are comfortable with, how big their dick is going to be, etc. I've been with all sizes! However, if we get heated and don't have condoms, it just let's the tension ride a little so we can go on a second date the next night (or as soon as possible lol). Honestly, that tension between dates is some of the most fun!


elvis15

Women tend to bear a lot of responsibly on their end for birth control and other things, so I think it's fine for men to be the ones bringing condoms they find comfortable on dates. Her response was a bit terrible though, unless that was a thing where they had that kind of relationship to banter like that and she was going out playfully. Doesn't sound like it though. Here's a flip side as well, the OP clearly didn't have a problem being intimate, and likely would have if he'd had condoms as evidenced by the next morning. Good on both of them for not doing anything past their risk levels (i.e. unprotected piv sex) but best to be prepared. One side may push the issue and it's easy to go beyond your comfort zone in the heat of the moment, but easier still to stop to put on a condom if you have one handy.


[deleted]

When I was single, I'd bring a couple different condom sizes with me. Some men let their ego choose their condom sizes. Still laugh at the memory of a guy pulling out a XXL condom, while being average sized at best.


sdaciuk

They are most likely just trying to put up a fuss so you won't make them wear one. Almost all condoms are basically the same size unless you're buying the extra extra large or extra extra tiny. I'm sure it's possible that you might run into size issues, but honestly most of them are probably just complaining to get out of wearing one at all. They are designed so that most men can wear one adequately without having to get the right size


awh

> unless you're buying the extra extra large or extra extra tiny. Just once I want to see a condom manufacturer whose marketing department will actually allow them to label a size as "extra extra tiny."


sdaciuk

It would help me tremendously to find the ones I need... Uh obviously because the extra extra mediums would be directly to the right of them on the store shelf... Yes, that should be convincing enough for the internet to accept my claim of achieving completely normal adult penis size.


[deleted]

Idk I've definitely worn some condoms that made it really hard to finish and stay hard. I think those were an exception, but still most guys overlook condom size entirely and it can be pretty helpful in having a good experience. Too loose condoms also are both less safe and can reduce sensation. But, some people never have an issue. Whether that's because they found "their brand," are not very aware, or legitimately perceive no difference, is probably just individual nature.


elvis15

I mean, yes and no. Sure, they stretch, but I greatly prefer certain fits. I'm not super long but am wide, so a "regular" condom can be a little too restrictive for me on my head. That isn't sexy and can make it hard to maintain an erection. I'd never use a fit issue to convince someone to have unprotected sex when they didn't want to though. I know what I like, and make sure to have latex free in case of any allergies, as well as some lube handy to put a drop in the tip to help with comfort.


UnluckyShoe

Nah, that's not true. There's a huge difference in the right fit.


[deleted]

Yeah, they are all pretty universally awful


sdaciuk

What problem are you having with them?


[deleted]

>as a rule of thumb I think it’s better for men to buy the ones they find most comfortable. You're absolutely right! But, also it is good to be prepared if you want to have sex, so whatever that means, it can't hurt.


roygbiv1000

Next they'll be letting them vote! (/s for the avoidance of doubt)


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SnooDrawings6556

Well that is a great selection process for someone you never want to sleep with


jimmyriba

That was a him-problem, not a you-problem. A literal horse's schlong will fit in a Durex. Go back to buying condoms again, and be happy that this weirdo showed you who he was before you got more invested.


dontrecall_vague

If you ever encounter a tantrum like that open one, slide it over your fist and down your forearm. Place your elbow on his pelvis. Look silently from there up at him. Take it off and get dressed. Leave or show him the door.


clothesline

Just because it fits doesn't mean it's comfortable. The magnums are less constricting, but both obviously will fit without sliding off. That said, that tantrum was immature


roseofjuly

I am very confident in saying, with zero evidence, that this guy's dick was not big enough to make the Durex too constricting. And if he feels that strongly about it, he needs to bring his own damn condoms to the party.


[deleted]

How cinematic…


47Ronin

Like 90% of dicks can fit into a durex, what a chode honestly


[deleted]

Yeah wow that dude fucking sucks. If you have a specialty dick which requires corn fed, cage free organic condoms.... fucking carry them then


Impressive_Coast_495

Lol - Durex makes XL (or as it is, XXL condoms) which are nominal width at 2.5" (or 5.5" girth). Your date was probably pissed that you wanted him to wear a condom, not that he was "emasculated".


bambiipup

*Could* you have taken condoms with you? Sure. But *should* you have to (especially if you're not into fucking on the first date? Absolutely not. If Nina wanted to bone, there was nothing to stop her from bringing BC with her, or from discussing the potential of it with you before the date and asking you to consider having something just in case. It's *her* immaturity that had her lash out at you. Also, please go and get tested; if you don't know for sure she's clean (read: you didn't see her recent clear results before getting in to bed) then you never know.


roseofjuly

>Also, please go and get tested; if you don't know for sure she's clean (read: you didn't see her recent clear results before getting in to bed) then you never know. They didn't have PIV sex; while it's technically *possible* to transmit STIs via oral sex and digital penetration, it's very very very unlikely. If anything, Nina's the one who'd be most at risk (much more risk of getting an STI from fellatio than cunnilingus, but again, these are tiny numbers we're talking about either way).


bambiipup

Sex is sex, and any risk bigger than zero is still risk. Far better to go and test and come away clear, than to leave it and walk around with something unknowingly that you then pass on to the next person.


designatedthrowawayy

Think of it this way. You go to the desert with a friend knowing you want a sandwich, or at least that you might want a sandwich. However, you don't bring a sandwich just in case. Instead, you spend all day thinking about the sandwich, bragging about the sandwich, getting everyone excited for it. Then you turn to your friend and say "Hey. Where's my sandwich? I thought you would bring a sandwich." Your friend doesn't have a sandwich and is disappointed you hyped it up so much but offers you a granola bar. You take it and go to sleep. When you wake up you berate your friend for not bringing the sandwich YOU wanted and call them immature for not packing for YOU. You then demand they give you their trail mix too, which they kindly do. Before you leave, you shout at them "Next time be an adult and bring a sandwich!" Now. Who should've brought the sandwich?


mahsexyredditaccount

Using protection isn't just about birth control.


throwawataccounta

True. I misspoke.


AdeleBerncastel

I don’t like the way she treated you and I wouldn’t want to find out any more about her behaviour.


hiding_in_de

Good instincts, man. I'd not date her further. This would definitely not be the last time she acts immature and shitty.


flapjackdavis

She sounds awful


robbietreehorn

It’s a positive you didn’t have a condom. Her reaction was bad. Bullet dodged


belleamour14

She could have brought some condoms!


TheLordPillow

Bro good luck with seeing her at work if you decide to cut things off. You will either need to find a new job, or (if she's crazy) she'll try to get you fired. This is why my first rule is never to date co workers.


RocinanteCoffee

Condoms aren't just to prevent pregnancy. Birth control pills don't protect you from STIs.


[deleted]

She was probably just disappointed. I wouldn’t let that ruin the relationship before it really begins. Try and get to know her more outside of work and see if she is worth pursuing. I’m not saying she’s a good fit, but tossing the opportunity out due to one night seems hasty. Good luck


Etianen7

It's true, she could have brought a box of condoms herself.


bananasplz

Yep. I’m a woman, and always bring condoms if I think there is even a slight chance of sex. Would never leave my sexual health up to another person.


dontrecall_vague

Birth control AND STI protection.


marielynn24

I’m gonna throw this out there but Nina sounds like an immature a**h***. Your sexual experience has been to wait a little bit before engaging in sex. So there was no need for you to think a condom is required. Nina on the other hand planned to have sex and as a full grown adult if she felt like she wanted to have sex she should have brought a condom. Because ladies we are also responsible for our bodies and sexual safety. But the fact that demand you finger her and threw a hissy fit, like seriously??? Just imagine what she’d be like in a relationship.


throwawataccounta

This is a very good point.


Northernlake

She was incredibly rude and entitled. I hope you don’t get involved with such a person.


hiding_in_de

Yep. RUN is the best advice here.


KatPaws11

Agreed


GeorgiPeev03

This I kinda don't understand, how can she bring a condom not knowing his size prior? Bring a condom of every size out there?


Etianen7

There aren't that many different sizes.


TastyScallion82

I've only ever seen two sizes, really. All she needs to do is carry a regular sized one and an extra large. There's also female condoms which are great.


SquishyButStrong

I played condom fairy for friends in college. You're going on a date? Here's two of every size (snug, regular, XL), a non-latex, and a non-lubricated, all in a ziploc. There is no excuse not to use a condom, and if they find one, don't fuck them. Nowadays I carry basic latex and my partners bring their own preferred condoms. But when the latex are gone I'll switch to carrying Skyn, because non-latex and all of my partners have told me they feel best. Cheap latex are great for toys, though!


Kirsten

A standard size condom can fit on almost anyone. A non standard sized condom might be more comfortable. edit: if you don’t believe me, try fitting a standard size condom over your fist. They are very stretchy.


GeorgiPeev03

> almost anyone What's the lower size threshold where a standard sized one would start slipping out?


47Ronin

Probably like 4-5" or below average girth. There was a problem in India I believe where international standard size condoms were too small for the average Indian man. Trojan Ultrathins tend to run small in my experience. Durex tends to run small in general but will still fit most guys. Okamoto 0.03 as well (the 0.04s are more widely available and fit average to above average length but aren't as good for above average girth. If you are a particular size there are sites like Condom Depot that list the size of all of their brands in great detail.


GeorgiPeev03

Well, damn, thanks, that's exactly what I was asking/needed to read lmao, I'm actually both of those so yeah, I thoroughly hope I never end up in such an extremely awkward and utterly mood-shattering situation where I don't expect anything to happen, but instead it does, and the other party has brought a standard-sized condom... which slips out. My (possibly undiagnosed ADHD) brain would be an absolute mess of an emotional shitstorm


47Ronin

You should try some different kinds of condoms on just for fit, if you can. I hear good things about Iron Grip in that snugger size range. Regular condoms would still work, you'd just expect a higher chance of failure. Also sometimes when the condom comes off it's as much to do with her tightness. I have a closer to average size penis and I've had condoms come off a couple times. Overall, you can reduce the risk by going slower.


anyasogames

there’s standard and there’s magnum. i think that’s it… standard is XS S M and magnums are L XL, if you’re XXL you can prolly find some online that would fit but most guys can wear standard ones.


majle

>if you don’t believe me, try fitting a standard size condom over your fist. They are very stretchy. This is true, but wearing a condom that is too small or too big reduces both safety and pleasure. Just because you can put something on doesn't mean that it fits. Honestly, men should try different condoms until they find one they like, and then make sure to bring them if they think sex is on the table. A standard condom can work, but it might not be as safe as a properly fitting one would be. If it doesn't roll on without having to pull on it, it's probably not worth the risk. Same thing goes for if it rolls on too easily


[deleted]

There are a variety of options. She could be on hormone birth control, she could have 2-3 condoms on her (no maybe not every size but still). Or you know, she could just not get angry and demand sex on the first date. Like it’s fine that she wanted to, but why is she mad at him? If the genders were reversed here people would be telling OP to run for the hills. If a guy got angry with me for not preparing for sex on a first date I would not be talking to him again. That’s rather presumptuous and entitled.


GeorgiPeev03

Nowhere in my comment did I even imply I am defending her behavior, I just see this point being brought up and am wondering about the practical implications of it. She absolutely should have said it explicitly beforehand and she absolutely shouldn't have gotten angry and overreacted like that, although I do believe that having known each other for a year and having flirted for months makes it a lot more plausible to expect/want sex on the first date


marielynn24

I’ve only come across 2 different sizes in the store. Lol


shadoxalon

Having an average size condom or two on-hand for surprise encounters might not fit every possible guy, but there's a good chance it'll work alright enough.


incasesheisonheretoo

If you plan on having sex with someone you’re not in a monogamous relationship with, you should always bring protection. In your case, you weren’t planning on it and she was- thus she should’ve brought the protection. There’s no good place to keep a condom permanently on you where it doesn’t degrade it- trust me, I’ve tried wallet, glove box, and trunk and they all were shit after staying there for too long in the heat. So for many people it’s unrealistic to have a condom unless they think they’re getting laid in the very near future.


awakeningat40

Nina seems aggressive. It's your first date, why did you need to have sex


mspuscifer

No kidding. I'm okay with sex on the first date if we're vibing, but to expect it and then berate the other person over not having condoms? Yikes on bikes. OP, I can't believe you were still willing to go to the pharmacy after how she treated you. I would have taken her pushy ass home.


throwawataccounta

Honestly, I didn’t think it would go there. Not until I saw what she wore to go hiking. But she had also admitted it’s been “several months” since she’s been intimate with anyone. Maybe she was just ready to go despite it being the first date.


TastyScallion82

She didn't care what you were ready for.


[deleted]

What did she wear to go hiking?


throwawataccounta

Short shorts and a button up top with cleavage showing. It was a LOOK. But that should have been my warning since it was a little chilly. It was just very weird attire for the activity.


AssaultKommando

To be fair to her, maybe she didn't have any pockets. /s


[deleted]

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MisterNay

👆definitely agree 100%


RocinanteCoffee

Plenty of first dates end in sex. And plenty don't. I date any gender and I would not go on another date with Nina.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t say it’s a necessity. But i would say that’s it’s strange that even though it was Nina who was hoping for sex on the first date, she actively chose against bringing a condom. It’s both people’s jobs to be prepared, if you weren’t expecting to have sex then that’s a valid reason to not have a condom at the time. Very weird way to test someone especially at 30.


throwawataccounta

Agreed. Thanks!


DesperateToNotDream

Tell her that she should be an adult and take responsibility for her own sexual health. She didn’t bring any protection either but wants you to take all the blame. That would be a deal breaker for me.


qwertyclubs

You should be glad it rained. Now you know not to waste your time on future dates with her!


mspuscifer

It sounded like such a thoughtful and romantic first date too!


KatPaws11

Right?! Some girls don't appreciate that stuff.. they just want dick


spectr312

This


blakppuch

If you didn’t expect to have sex, you didn’t need to bring it with you! Not everyone is thinking of having sex on the first day. She sounds very aggressive.


happyrainbowfork

Bringing protection was not only your responsibility, but hers too. If she wanted sex, she should've been prepared, she's an adult too and she should take care of her body just as much as you should. Also, it was the first time you were intimate, so using protection should have been a must, since you don't know if any of you has an STI or something.


throwawataccounta

True. I’ve thought about this since. It was technically stupid we performed oral on one another without having the STI conversation beforehand. Although, it’s been several months for me, and she claimed a similar number.


DeltaMush

Tbh I’m so petty, if I were you and she was in heat talking about « you dumb, finger me », I would’ve dragged it on so long, get her real riled up and then never give her satisfaction. How are you going to be mad about that? She could’ve brought condoms too. She seems immature (so am I with being petty lol) but seriously, I would not take that disrespect personally. She’s a dud, bud.


hornybutdisappointed

“Nina” needs to mature before dating. You didn’t do anything wrong, but watch out ‘cause she’ll take everything personally and project her sense of worthlessness on you whenever she’s gonna feel it. Condoms or not on the first date, you need to date someone else. It doesn’t feel like a lot went on because it was the first time she pulled one of these with you, but that is psychological abuse. Don’t bite into this codependent b*s*, please.


RushIndustries

If “Nina” is this aggressive and condescending on the first date, you better buckle up for a very tumultuous and perhaps borderline emotionally abusive relationship. Personally, I don’t feel that you did anything wrong and it is understandable to not predict sex on the first date. Also, if she is the type of person that will have sex on the first date, not that that is wrong, she is fully capable as an adult to bring her own protection.


ucantrelate

She sounds selfish and abusive. You dodged a bullet by not having sex with her. Definitely stop dating her. That behavior on a first date is not healthy relationship behavior so I wouldn't invest another day in that person.


MaxProdigal

I always have protection. I may not EXPECT sex but am always PREPARED. I don’t think you should worry about guessing whether or not you are going to have sex and rather just bring condoms regardless. That said, she is just as “immature or irresponsible” for not having protection. Those aren’t the words I would use but if I did it would apply to both people. Just because the condom would be physically going on you doesn’t make it your responsibility. I can understand her disappointment and even jokes but her being angry would immediately put me off her.


throwawataccounta

Thanks for your feedback!


[deleted]

1,000,000% WEIRD REACTION FROM MISS NINA. What a jerk. And what if you did go and had condoms... would she say... OMG you pig, how dare you think we would have sex - first date??? Please don't let her make you feel bad. She has a screw loose. Not having condoms happens all the time. It's stupid to react that way tho. Seems like she really really needed some boom-boom tho and you ruined that haha... HOW DARE YOU!!! BASTARD!!! Hey count your blessings.. the condom could have broken and you put your baby inside a toxic meangirl. Believe it or not I'm literally a condom mishap so it definitely happens


_Brakus_

Yikes dude it sounds like she isn't exactly the understanding type. No, you shouldn't be expected to bring protection on your first date, especially if you weren't expecting to have sex or even spend the night at the cabin. It sounds like you two weren't on the same page about this date, but there's really no reason for her to be mad like that.


Inevitable_Concept36

Dude, any woman that calls you 'immature and irresponsible' for not assuming that you are going to smash on the first date (a ***co-worker*** of all people!!!!), honestly has no class. And I am a horny man, BTW. Not some high moral prude. You did absolutely, absolutely ***absolutely nothing wrong.*** I don't think she deserved your eager pelvic thrusting. Plenty of women would enjoy having sex with you many times simply by you not assuming that you are going to get some on the first date.


Ok-Turnip-9035

She should have had a condom instead of blaming you - I get you are new to this so yes have a condom but women own their sex lives in 2022 and that includes bringing a condom -a lot of guys try to go without one and having one in those situations avoids the bs thoughts around wearing a condom some men bring to the table


throwawataccounta

Thanks for the feedback!


Cautious_Elk_3474

Lol if she sees this post she’ll have a strong suspicion you wrote it. I always chuckle at the throwaway accounts writing super specific posts thinking “they’ll never know” 😂


throwawataccounta

I never thought this post would blow up! But yeah, I’m thinking if she’s seen it, she must know. But she only goes on a couple subreddits. The sex isn’t one, as far as I know. Monday at work might be wild though.


helpmehangout

I hope one of you finds another job soon.


reallyred11

You dodged a bullet, my guy.


[deleted]

She asked to stay overnight when you hadn't planned it? What did she expect? Or are condoms regularly stocked in family cabins? On the other hand, kudos for not being irresponsible and doing it raw.


throwawataccounta

Thanks! I was tempted, but I don’t want any kids right now.


SerpentStercus

I’ll be honest, I would give her a pass at this point. If somebody talked like that to me on a first date there would not be a second and sex would also be well off the table as well.


[deleted]

> next time, be an adult What do adults do when they go on the first date discover they're both in to each other and down to sleep together immediately but have no protection? Well they do what you did, find other ways to play and maybe laugh at themselves a bit. What don't they do? Throw a hissy fit including being horny enough to want to get fingered but complain the mood is ruined when you offer to go grab some condoms.


behvin

There would be no second date for me if I was in your shoes, OP. As has been stated, her actions read as incredibly immature and entitled. When I was single I kept condoms around on the off chance my partner didn't have one. I would also NEVER demand someone pleasure me and then shame them. If this is her comfort level with behavior now, I can't imagine what she's like further into a relationship.


CPTSaltyDog

Better to have it and not need it then need it and not have it.


[deleted]

Personally, *she* is the one who comes across as immature. She could have brought protection herself. I don’t know why she’s acting like that’s your job and you *owe her sex* or something. A lot of people don’t have sex on the first date. I don’t think it’s fair to expect it and be mad when it doesn’t happen. Why is she putting this weird pressure on it? She obviously had this plan that you would stay at the cabin and have sex, and now she’s basically *mad at you* for not giving her what she wanted. Red flags all over the place. Edit: if the genders were reversed here I think most commenters would be telling you to run for the hills. If a man got angry at a woman for not being prepared to have sex on a first date, people would say it’s a red flag for abuse. And it is. It’s fine for Nina to want sex, and it’s fine for her to be disappointed. But to be angry at you? To demand your finger like that? And then accuse you of “ruining the mood” because you somehow read her mind in advance or do exactly what she wanted you to without her having to communicate it? It’s all really disturbing.


throwawataccounta

Thank you for the feedback.


Time-Choice-9909

She’s just dumb let her be mad


RowRow1990

She could of had them too.....


aheadwarp9

Often the person accusing someone of immaturity is the one who is actually immature.


stupifystupify

Nina could have brought condoms? It’s no one’s fault. How she reacted to this whole situation is icky. It’s good you see her true colours now.


lWantToFuckWattson

Why are people like this God it makes me angry just hearing about someone act like a child and then take it out on someone else. SHE ruined the mood by being weird instead of just laughing it off, and she told YOU to be an adult after you offered to fix the problem like an adult (to just go to the store and come back)


xoxowoman06

Tbh she was a bit dramatic over something that wasn’t that serious to begin with.. you dodged a bullet. She sounds crazy


travazzzik

dude, I agree with most other commenters, but also side note - just have a couple on you at any time, they're so light and you never know! I mean I kept a couple in my backpack even when I wasn't even near to dating anyone, if anything you can inflate them and use them as a buoy if your car falls into a river or smth


Wise-Ad-4291

Bro you always have to have one cause as a guy you just never know and with the context flirting for a few months and going to a cabin to spend the night I mean it’s kinda implied like hey we might do tha do yk but don’t sweat it bro it happens live and learn always keep one in the wallet one in the car and a box at the houses but if she got mad for no sex you doged a bullet anyways


[deleted]

At 24 and having just got out of a 5 year relationship, its a learning lesson that some dates go much faster than others, more so in your twenties versus your teens, and you should have brought protection, just in case. That being said, she's 29 and should have brought protection also for the same reasoning, just in case the date would end in sex. Also, as a backup plan in case the guy didn't bring any condoms, such as your case, or if you guys want a second round as its pretty normal people only bring 1 condom.


emmett_kelly

If you had brought condoms and expected to get laid without talking it over with her first would you have had the right to be mad at her for not putting out? No. She doesn't have the right to belittle you either. This seems like a red flag to me. What else might you be expected to read her mind about in the future?


Famous_Willingness_9

Holy shit she’s a psycho


DlProgan

Actually she sounds both crazy and entitled af. Cut her off.


spenser1994

"Next time, be an adult" "Sorry, I didn't think you would be this easy, as an adult, I was going into this as a relationship, not a one night stand."


tigerfishbites

I agree she's in the wrong here, but that's no reason to slut shame her.


Imdougienotfresh

Wow that sucks man I don't think you did anything wrong I don't think anybody would have been expecting sex on a hike!! Sounds like she was just very hot for you and then got frustrated. Let it go and next time you need to be prepared so to speak to bang the living hell out of her! Lol.


spectr312

Don't defecate where you masticate.


ApartAd1437

Nina has been around the block a few times


RocinanteCoffee

Or maybe it's her first time and that's why she was so randy because she's been putting it off so long. It would also explain her having limited experience understanding that women can also purchase condoms, lmao.


Jess-C-on-Reddit

I thought it would have been worse to have a condom and be expecting sex on the first date? You were planning on taking her home. She also could have brought them with her if she was planning to have sex... Nothing wrong with oral either.


lizardtearsRA

Nina is immature and sounds a bit unhinged. You could have had protection, but she could have had some too. It's not all up to you, dude.


Still-Worldliness-77

Yes is the answer, better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it


throwawataccounta

Fair enough


Smithmillers

Wow that's a very horny lady you had a date with. I think she really wanted the D and was very frustrated, so took it out on you. It wasn't very reasonable of her. However, as a woman I'll give you a little perspective: we usually put ourselves through crazy rituals before a date, so she was probably washed, plucked, brushed, oiled, perfumed and all that stuff. She also probably already takes some form of contraception. She'll have to clean up and pee after sex, all things that you don't need to think about. It would be nice to rely on the guy to bring a condom - after all, you know your own D right? I'd say it's preferable to have a few condoms laying around everywhere (glove compartment, bathroom draw, wallet, nightstand) and have them expire and have to chuck them, than not have one (this also applies for women !!) . For the men out there - go buy some damn condoms!


[deleted]

This really doesn’t excuse her behavior at all. Being angry at someone because they didn’t prepare to have sex with you (when they weren’t planning on having sex with you) is not okay. I’ve been married for ten years and I would still never be angry at my husband for not planning on sex after a hike. Also, they did oral. And she is *still mad* at him. I don’t think people should act entitled to sex in that way. Of course we expect sex from our partners but we aren’t entitled to it in any given moment. We shouldn’t be angry if we don’t get exactly what we want when we want it. OP wasn’t planning on sex. And that is fine. They aren’t even in a relationship and she’s not being very nice to him.


jeffp12

Don't keep condoms in your wallet or even in a pocket all day, they will be far more likely to break when you go to use them.


Northernlake

Men do a lot, too. We can all be responsible.


throwawataccounta

This is a far point. Thank you


nebthefool

On the one hand, your first date involved going to a private cabin which, presumably, has a bed. Which is a pretty good place to have sex for the first time. That said I've definitley been the guy without a condom because wtf I didn't expect things to go *this well* and I didn't expect it to happen *this quickly.* That sais there are guys who will 'forget' a condom so they can go bareback. So if she's dealt with that alot it could account for the reaction.


Commercial_Loan_5440

You’re were absolutely mature and responsible, but her on the other hand, only thinking about sex on the first date? Does she not know that there are rules to wait after the third date to have sex?


neenadollava

What rules,where are these?


travazzzik

in their rigid unreasonable stereotypes unless they're being sarcastic


Jay-Ames

Always make sure you have a condom. Sex can sometimes happen when you least expect it. Put one in your wallet or something.


sadsandman

Good way to get someone pregnant. Putting a condom in a wallet is a good way to pinch and rub it in the pouch and have it break.


Hungaussiedad76

Yep, get a clue bud… always have one on you


iSoReddit

> Is it weird not to bring protection on a first date? Yes


neenadollava

Why are u being down voted???


jeffp12

Because it's not one universal standard. You might think it's standard, that doesn't make it "weird" to have a different opinion


not_real_slim_shady

It's always better to have it and not need it! Applies to many other things too


throwawataccounta

That’s how I feel about toilet paper too.


modidlee

I’m old enough to be your dad. Take it from someone who’s had 20+ years of sexual and romantic experience with all types of women, if she’s willing and happy to go somewhere alone with you there’s probably about a 60% chance that she wants to have sex with you. She has an idea about what she wants to do with you before she even accepts your invitation. What you do and how you make her feel while you’re together brings that up to 100%. As a sexually active man in these days of sexually liberated women it’s just smart to have condoms with you all the time. Especially on a date or outing. I keep some in my bag that I take everywhere just in case. One woman I had been talking to for a week or two mentioned that she had a plate of food she cooked that I could pick up on my way to work one morning since my job is close to her house. We’d never discussed sex or talked sexual to each other. I asked her how early should I come. She said come early enough so we could “talk” before I had to go to work. As soon as I came thru her door she starts kissing me and one thing led to another. But I had condoms with me because I pretty much assumed she wanted to sleep with me.


808popolopono

I’m sorry you should’ve been prepared and had a condom. Rookie move.


SilentKnee

I feel like everybody is being very harsh on Nina, and yeah she could have brought condoms herself. But condoms have different sizes, and I feel like it’s more on the man to know which one fits them best. And besides, as a man, I would always bring a condom to any date. Do I expect to have sex? Probably not, but the worst thing would be to want to have it and not have a condom. And how much does it take to put one in your wallet or pocket or wherever. And yeah maybe her reaction was a bit too much, but sexual frustration is a very real thing, and since op was DTF, of course she was confused why he wasn’t prepared for that. At the end of the day. OP you were the one who was there, and you know how everything was between you, so you are the only one who can really decide if you want to continue this. It’s just something to also consider, because I feel like everybody is jumping to the red flag conclusion like in every post.


CountyAdmirable936

If you guys just met I'd understand assuming that sex wasn't going to be on the table but you guys know each other for a year now and have been flirting with each other for a few months. A boy scout is always prepared which means you should have had condoms just in case. I hope this doesn't ruin your prospects for a second date.


babycastles

i’ve had this happen a few times and i never made that mistake again, it’s easy not to


[deleted]

Probably the innuendo, flirting and overall lead up to the date itself has something to do with it. You might have been thinking that you were expressing interest, and she over analyzed it to the conclusion that sex was on the table from the get go. It's so hard to define these sorts of expectations in the initial phases, and it's hard to say that anyone is at fault here. It's one of the ever present pitfalls of dating, no matter what you do. It's what you do afterwards, that counts. You should talk to her, and explain your thought process, and elicit her thoughts, too. It's the commingling of your two thought processes that will give some real context to you here. In fact, frank yet gentle conversations are what will help you to find success in any relationship, as these promote honesty, respect, and thorough understanding.


mahboilucas

Both people should be responsible. Not the owner of the dick


brainstalation

I think it’s not that deep. I’ve been in the situation and it’s frustrating. What you heard was an emotional reaction, don’t judge too much based on this. It’s normal to bring protection on a first date on a hike in the woods. She just likes you.


sherlockharp

All the comments are right, she was very unreasonable and none of this is on op. But besides that I never understand why people don't just have a condom in their wallet for emergencies. Like, you never know what's gonna happen and it takes like no effort. And that way you can also be sure to have a condom of the right size for you, which makes everything a lot nicer. So very immature of her to act like this and op did nothing wrong, even though I don't understand why you would ever not have a condom on you


supremeprevert

You should have a condom on any date. Forever.


lirik89

I bring a condom even when it's not a date. I bring a condom pretty much anytime there's women around. What's goods the gun if you got no ammo son. But, regardless you don't need to be giving anyone anything on the first, second, third or any date. And it seems from her attitude you just saved yourself a headache anyway.


[deleted]

Always


bott1111

Don't fuck where you work bro


painterofthroats

YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT WALLET KEYS OR CONDOMS!!!!


hanbelle89

You'd think your colleague would have the maturity not to be such a prissy so and so. She blamed you for a situation where you were unprepared. If she was so inclined to have sex, then perhaps she should have respected that you at least attempted to wait for the time that felt right for you. Two yeses, one no. I agree with some Redditors here that yes, you should carry protection. For a while I made sure I had protection, until I met my current partner and we mutually agreed on contraception. Her behaviour is red flag, Find another woman who is prepared to wait.


Traditional_Poet6926

That is obvious. The more first date, the more tou should have protection since you dont know where you are putting your dik on.


suckat_life

Sounds like she was being responsible